Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP11: Mothers Day Mania

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of

course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with Can you say Rob Beckett? Good girl. And can you say Josh Willicombe? Are you not going to go that one? Not that one yet. Good girl. Did she say Josh Willicombe?

No. Fake praise there from mother. Oh, we all do it, Rob. We all do it. We all do it. When does it stop, though? You want to be positive, but this gets to a point where that child's not said a name. So then how do they how do they know when they've done something? Well, exactly, Rob. That's the problem. How old

was the child, Josh? Four. This is my 17 month old Evie. Having a go at your names. I've been a go, fair enough. At a month away. She's a lovely funny girl and my world. We live in the West Midlands, but I'm originally from Tot Ness. Oh. I sure like it. Well, yeah, I love hearing about the Morrison's petrol

station that Josh used to work at as I used to walk past it to go to school. Wow, wait, I was singing the words to the kids this morning. Yeah, Rob. I've got a brand new coin weiner, Mr. and I'll give you the key. Yeah, Rob. You got a brand new coin weiner, it's turn I'll give you the key. Yeah, that's not like.

You line it. No, what does that mean? Down that way, farmer types, countryside, Cornish pasty, probably slightly racist views. I'd say the slightly racist, I'd say, I've met a lot of people down there, Rob, where slightly is being kind. At my school. B, I say, your Wurzels thing is slightly racist. Why is that racist?

Why are you throwing us all in together? Throwing you? I threw the South West all in together. Yeah. So the Wurzels, you're from Devon. They're from Nailsea. Where the fuck is that? See, if you don't know, then I shouldn't have thrown you in together.

Nailsea. Nailsea. Nailsea. Gosh, doesn't want to make you want to go for a dip does it? It's North Coast is by Bristol. It's actually near you. It's not near me. It is.

It's Totnesse Bristol. What's about an hour in it? No. No? No. Look. I'm looking mate. We're in Totnes, Bristol. What's about an hour in it? No. No? No. Look. I'm looking, mate. I'm not Totnes.

Where are you from? She's from Totnes. Yeah, I'm working in Totnes. So where are you from? It was Safeway in those days. So now see to where I'm from. I can still remember my parents code from my childhood. TQ13.

Don't put your... Do you remember my parents code? Don't live there anymore. Yeah, 9XR. Right. It's about an hour and a half. Hour and a half. and still remember my parents code from my childhood TQ13. Do you remember my parents code? They don't live there anymore, yeah, 9XR. Right, it's about an hour and a half. Hour and a half, that's not close. Mate, hour and a half from me to Essex should say your lot. Or down to Margate, hour and a half.

I wouldn't say your lot, I'm not that kind of... Your lot. Your lot have moved in, Big tractor in the drive. So much Charlie Baker. Where I live, there's people that have got tractors on their drive. Is there? Yeah. I'm in the countryside, aren't I? Oh, yeah. Thank you for the brilliant podcast. It gives me so much to look forward to when I work on a Tuesday. Have a lovely day, Vicky. I want to know what Vicky does. Wait, you're not going to, are you? Email address, any clues? Wait, you're not gonna, are you? Email address, any clues?

It's been sent by Michael, who has actually cut the top off it. Is that because he doesn't like us talking about the time it was sent? Yes, Michael, have you cropped this to avoid directed banter? No, I don't mind that. Because I couldn't log in. I'm in New York and I couldn't log in to the email. Oh, Clang, you want to pick that up? Simon Cowell, Jedwinder out, own grafting while he's on the fucking jet ski in Manhattan. It wouldn't let me forward it from the parenting account.

Oh, probably an American thing, is it? When you're in America. Yeah, because... Disgusting. The internet works differently in New York, Rob. How's this work? How's in New York? And last Sunday I was at Kendall leisure center. Yeah, but it's fucking 5am here.

I had to get up at 4. I'm sorry. You had to get up to listen. It was my birthday. Yesterday. It was my birthday. Yesterday. I had three hours sleep.

Happy birthday. Oh, happy birthday. Oh, happy birthday. Happy birthday. You are allowed a holiday, obviously. I never get away, do I? Well, happy birthday. Oh, happy, I genuinely, happy birthday. You aren't on a holiday, obviously. Absolutely.

I never get away, do I? What are you doing for your birthday, Rob? Did you go away? I'll be on a holiday, yeah, absolutely. It's my birthday next week. Do you know what I'm doing? What are you doing? Nothing.

No, nothing. Working hard, Rob. You got work that day? Probably. I don't know. Michael, what did you do? I realised this week that it's my birthday next week and I hadn't even thought about it.

See mine, I always know where mine is because it's 2nd of January, it's like in a time off period, but yours can creep up on you, can't it, April? It can, Rob. 42? We're in the fucking, yeah, we're in the fucking centre of... 42 is it? Yeah. How are you feeling about 50? Has it? Yeah. Oh, I think about 50. Um,

is it, is it entered your head yet? 50 or just them. Right. I don't, I think 42 is too early to think about 50, but I think 44 you like, I remember my dad being 44. I could tell you what I was about to say. I could tell you what year it was, but of course I can't because I know what year it was. I could tell you what I was about to say, I could tell you what year it was, but of course I can't because I know what year it was born. Because when the national lottery launched, Rob, we had our family six numbers and one of them was 44 because that was my dad's age.

Right. And he felt a million to me. I'm two years away from the year that my dad first played the national lottery. Right. And in that historic moment. Tell you what I'm getting you for your 44th birthday. card scratch card. Yeah, Michael. Happy birthday yesterday Michael. How old were you? And what did you do? I was 45. Are you thinking about it? You think about the big five? Yeah. Do you know what weirdly 30 and 40 didn't register

at all. I didn't doesn't freak me out. But because, I'm now closer to 50. Yeah, I suddenly, I wouldn't call it an existential crisis. That's not really my personality. But it definitely, it's sort of had a little bit of a shock to my system. Oh, fuck, I'm there's 100%. I'm now more than halfway through my life. Yeah, no, you might make it 50. Yeah, you do take a lot of takeaways. I'm not making it to 90. My heart is a ticking time bomb. You eat a lot of takeaways. I'm not making it to 90. My heart is a ticking time bomb. Because I don't feel like 50, like 30 and 40, you're getting older and that can mess

people up. But 50, I think is, is, is you are old at 50. Yeah. Would you take, would you take 80 if I offered it to you now? Oh no. 100%. I would cash out now at 80. Yeah.

Oh my God. Hands down. Would you cash out 80 Rob? No, I think I've got loads in the tank. I think I might. I think I've got good, good genes for longevity. Haven't you got asthma? Yeah, but it's fine. You're medicated for it. You're sensable. I can't see that. You stop the bifters.

If I can. Oh, well, yeah bifters if I can well yeah too right the old blowback on the old yeah bongs thank god for bloody mushroom chocolate am I right it's the kind of thing I was saying microdose I feel weird today I've had too much sleep because I had no sleep the night before I had three hours sleep Saturday night sorry Michael what did you do for your birthday and then we'll get back to why I'm being weird. You are really intense this morning, Rob. Yeah, you're quite energetic. Before we started, just for the listeners, Rob just intensely talked about last one laughing for about 10 minutes.

Yeah, that was quite intense, but it's gone really well. We were having a business meeting, weren't we? So I was explaining how well that's done. We were having a big business listening, yeah. me, it worked me. So I was explaining how well that's done. We're having a big business listening, yeah. I know, look, hands up, I apologize. I've had too much sleep. This is why my career and I work better with people after having children with my tiredness hit. But on full pelt I'm unbearable.

This is a real, I feel like it's 2012. It's wonderful. Oh my God, I know I'm doing five minutes and open mic kick. Michael, can you quickly tell what you did for your fucking birthday so I can carry on? I just want to look normal. Sorry, God. Every year I try and go to the cinema and watch at least, well, somewhere between three and five films on my birthday.

So I tried to do the same yesterday. I booked five films, dotted around New York with some nice food interspersed. But then I slept in on... Oh no. So I missed the first film. What was the first film? A film called Gloria from 1980, John Cassavetes kind of independent film. Oh my gosh, a film.

Starring Gina Rowland, who is then his wife. I'd never seen it in the cinema, obviously. I've never heard so many words I've not understood in a row, Rob. I know I'm tapped. I'm desperate to talk again. Tell me Rob. What was Richard Airwady really like Rob? A robot of a man. On and off screen. Is Harriet Kempsey as charming in real life sorry Michael sorry you so Gloria second film was a film called Black Narcissus which is a power of I got ready to go to that one with my girlfriend and then I booked it for the wrong day so I booked it for the day that I booked it rather than for my birthday. Which is fucking mental because if any day you should know the date of it's your birthday. I forgot what date my birthday was on so I managed to book it for the wrong day.

I went to rebook it for that day and that screening had sold out. So I had to take a punt on a new film that I had not heard of. And the reason I picked it was because Tim Key was in it. And I thought, oh yeah, Thingy's Island. It was wonderful. Can I just say to anyone that's thinking of seeing it, it's my favourite film I've seen this year. It made me cry three times.

Isn't it written by Tom Basden? Yes, yeah, yeah, and he's in it. Is it Working Man with Jason Statham? Is it that one? Well, it's called Something Island, isn't it? It's called The Ballad of Wallace Island. So if we can do a sort of small film, shout out. Small film shout out. Absolutely. It's absolutely delightful and it deserves to do.

It's out. I've seen a poster for it, I think. Well, then the listeners go and see it if you're thinking of watching a film. It's absolutely charming and joyful. I loved it. If you've got a fixie bike and some colorful socks and a cardigan, get yourself down there. You're going to love it. If you own anything, Stone Island, stay well away. Yeah. I wouldn't say it's for everyone. I'm not saying it's not a good film. What I'm saying is.

Is it marching powder? I do want to see a work in Malby Jace's day for looks quality. Rob, tell me about your week. Thank you, Michael. Merry birthday. Merry happy birthday, Michael. Apologies to listeners and you two. This is when I've had too much rest and I'm raring to go.

This is why I have to work a lot and I can do that two shows or three shows a day. It's because I came home from Birmingham on Saturday, but the clocks went forward. I was getting back in time to for Mother's Day. Tell me about Mother's Day, Rob. So I got in a so the morale got hit immediately. I got a home at 12 59 AM from Birmingham. 159. Immediately.

2 AM. And I was like, literally, I was hungry. So I made a bit of toast and I literally, as I put the toast in, it was midnight. And as it came out as 2 AM and I couldn't get to sleep, I was all wired and then I basically got three hours sleep because the kids coming early, I went to bed about three, they're coming about six in the morning. Anyway, so we had a really fun full on Mother's Day. So went downstairs and helped my youngest make breakfast for Lou. So we made breakfast and coffees. How was your mood at that point? Was it similar to the, um, the business meeting we just had?

No, I'd say if, if, if we'd recorded this episode yesterday, I would have sent a message around apologizing for my poor performance where I think today I'll be apologizing for my overzealous performance. This is I'm skinhead rune at this point. I'm two footed in. Do you know what you remind me of? Do you remember Paul Gascoigne in the 1991 FA Cup final? Yeah, on that today. So we had a fun day. Yeah. So we had a really nice day. But basically, I'll tell you about the day in a minute. But then I was so tired because I put on a bit of like, I was so knackered that I was like, right, okay, yeah, it's Mother's Day and I've been away for

four nights. So Lou's had the kids. So I was very much like, I've got to be on it here so Lou can have a rest. And I was doing everything and I did all the run, the score, there was a party that I had to drop a kid out and back from. Then I took my oldest out shopping and did some dinner and I was doing a lot of the leg work. And then when we put the kids up to the bed about seven, I laid on my bed and fell asleep and then woke up at seven a.m. this morning. Oh my God. I slept.

I literally was so tired. I sort of just passed out. You know when you guys sleep too early? Yeah. About nine you wake up. You're feeling a bit weird. Yeah. You're like what the hell?

I fucked it. I did it. Oh my God. I've ruined it. You stood for 12 hours. Yeah. I woke up a couple of times look round and then I went to get up a little through the little tuck him in. Lou. Yeah, just like that.

And then, um, I guess I basically had like 12 hours sleep. Well, I just went to bed at seven, woke up at seven and I'm like, honestly, I feel like I could fire a fucking moose. Or at least, or at least not let him get a word in edge race. Yeah. So apologies. This is dangerous for me to have this much sleep. I don't think I've ever known you have that much sleep or known anyone have that much sleep.

No, I'd say this is the best amount of sleep I've ever had in one night for 12 years. And you worried about sleeping tonight? I'm worried about sleeping this week. I'm gonna go to the gym later before parents evening. Oh my god, the teacher's not gonna get a fucking word in. I might tape my mouth shut, boy with tape on his face. No one will know what that means.

He's listening to this. Oh, he did a turn in Vegas, didn't he? Boy with tape on his face, didn't he? Britain's Got Talent. Did he do Britain's Got Talent? Did he do Britain's Got Talent? Yeah, I think he did that as well. Anyway, so yeah, but we had a nice Mother's Day garb and then I dropped my daughter at a party and then I felt sorry for the mum of the daughter that was taken.

So there was a birthday party on Mother's Day? Because it was, yeah, it was her daughter's birthday on Monday. So brutal. Mother's Day is intense. Because it, go on. Sorry, I've already immediately interrupted you. No, no, I think I know what you're gonna say. It might be what I want to say. Lou is not my mum. Thank God for that.

Right. So it's easier now that the girls are old, because I'm like, my girls should be doing Mother's Day. And they did to be fair. First year I said like it's Mother's Day. So and they did a PowerPoint presentation. So I'm going to go to bed at 7pm. Yeah, that was about. So I was like, so they did a PowerPoint presentation and wrote all the reasons why they loved her and put silly pictures up. So they did that. And then I said to them, tell me what you, I'll buy the stuff, but you tell me what you need me to buy and then you can give it to her. So that there was a bottle of wine, some perfume and some flowers and some Reese's pieces because Lou likes them. And so I got all

them and then I brought it home and then I organized a moon pig card. I did that. And then they gave it to Lou. But it was like, when they're like a baby, I think there's a lot of undue pressure. And quite rightly, because it is the mayor first mums and they've given birth. But I do feel sorry for some of the dads when they're just like, well, the baby's six weeks old. What are you talking about? I've gone for a bit of dinner, but there's like, anything that happens now, you know it's me. Because the child isn't old enough to have ideas.

So it's a bit, when they're older, it's better because you can help them do it. But when they're young, it is quite obvious. Well, what do I do? What do I get? I, this is a controversial view, Rob. Yeah, go on. If you said to me, will you trade getting rid of Mother's and Father's Day and having neither? Yep.

I'd take it. I'd bite your hand off. I'd bite your hand off. I'd bite your hand off. Absolutely. And you're on your belly elbow. I find not fucking up Mother's Day more stressful than the joy of relaxing on Father's Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not clear enough what it is. Especially when the kids are young young. Yeah, so you're like, I don't quite know. On Valentine's Day, I'm confident of how far I'm going to go. Do you know what I mean? Just missionary. Yeah. Quit at the end of bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah mean? Just missionary. Yeah. Quit the bed, the bed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Missionary 630, bed 7pm. Should we change the position? Absolutely not. Get on with it. Absolutely not. It's Valentine's Day. But Mother's Day, I don't know what we're expecting. No, but- Fully clothed, spooned in. Yeah, that is a lot fresher. Do you know what I mean? And also, go on.

Valentine's Day is on the 14th of February. Rose's birthday is March the 10th. Yeah. It's a bit like, it's the, I'm a bit like, not to go back on another football analogy. It's the business end of the season. Yeah. It's all coming at once and I'm competing

in too many competitions at once. You can't celebrate the Tarot Bo when the Champions League final's on the horizon. I know. So by the time we get to Mother's Day, there's been a lot of... And birthday's the big one. Yeah. And then it's your birthday the week after.

So Mother's Day ideally wouldn't be after the birthday. No, it's a shame for Rose. Yeah, exactly. You've already won the league and now you've got to... Not have a lower level celebration about you being a mother. And I'm walking into the shop around the corner sublime and they're going, I'm like, fucking hell, how many, how often am I buying a card in here? It feels like I'm. Well, for me, I would get rid of Father's Day because Father's Day is always the

same weekend as Lou's birthday. Oh, that's difficult. So it's over for me. It's not Father's Day. It doesn't exist. I get a card, but there's no, there's no event. It's what we do for Lou's birthday. Oh, that's difficult. So it's over for me. It's not father's day. It doesn't exist. I get a card, but there's no, there's no event. It's what we're doing for Lou's birthday. How do you feel about Valentine's day?

Don't like Valentine's day. I feel like out of all the emotions and out of all the things in life, love is one thing you can't really nail down or know when to feel it or how to feel it. Yeah. So I don't get why on that day it should be the day of like, I'm like, it's not a feeling that you can... I think Valentine's Day is a horrible day because it's the shittest day to go for a

meal. Yep. So you can't do that. So then it feels like you glaring thing that Valentine, not 12, but like, do you know, if you're like, if you're single and like, Yeah, as a teenage boy at school, it's not a comfortable day as a teenage boy at school. No, and if you're single or just broken up, it's like, yeah, it's all bollocks to sell cards.

It's not like I'm an old man, but I am an old man. We're nearly 50, are we? Well, you guys are. Exactly, Rob. I'm with the problem of my life at 39 and a half. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're looking good. You're going to get fit for 40.

I'm going to be, I'm on track. I've got to nail it. I've plateaued a bit though, Josh. I've got to go up to another level. I had a one-on-one training session. Well, I thought you did When you did last one laughing. So I've got a train at a higher intensity, Josh. Have you?

Yeah. Well, I'd say today's the day. Is Rob on the roids? I don't get it. When you hear people punch on a punch bag, they're like, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. I'm like, keep the air in, surely. So that was, it was a nice Mother's Day. I went to the garden centre and bought loads of bird feed and the bird feeders to put in the garden, which is nice. Oh, nice, yeah. I tidied the food cupboards, Rob.

Oh, did you? On Mother's Day, as a little present to Rose. Have you still got storage problems? No, we haven't got storage problems anymore. They're fucking incredible. Perfect, good to know. Because we've got more storage. So you're redoing the cupboards?

So I was redoing the cupboards. Nice. I love it. It looks so good in there. The space. Oh, do you pop in and have a little sit sometimes? Yeah, Paul Scholes could find space in that cupboard for a pass. Isn't that, but no, that should be busier, because if he's good at finding space...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know, yeah. So you could say someone who wasn't very good at football. No, what I could say is, in our last cupboards, even Paul Scholes couldn't have found space for a pass. Yeah, but now for the, but you said he could find space for a pass. I know, but I mean, literally he probably couldn't as well. So for people that aren't into football, Paul Scholes is really good at passing. Yeah, and finding space. He'd always be in space. Yeah, always have time on the ball. But you've got that, you've got time on the tins.

So you could be in there, you've got time on the tins as we can move. Have a vote people. What is our worst football analogy so far? Paul Gascoigne's FA Cup final, the run into the season or Paul Scoles finding space in my tin cupboard? I think Paul Scoles finding space in your tin cupboard is absolutely perfect but you just used it in the wrong way. If I'd said Tony Adams could find space in there it wouldn't have made any sense. Because Paul Scoles you associate with finding space.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But what you need is someone that you associate with not being able to find space. Because there's so much space. Well, really, what I shouldn't have done is an analogy for. Football, we shouldn't have been a different one. I should have said you could park your car in there. Something like that. There we go.

Absolutely perfect. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then you could always go, well, I couldn't, because you know what, I'm not in parking. Yeah, bit of fun. Oh, can I talk to you about the fucking red lights around here? Yes, I've never been more up for anything. There is a string of temporary traffic lights that aren't going green. And people are just

storming through them. Oh my gosh. At three separate junctions in the last few weeks, I've been in queues of people who've just lost their patience and just gone through the red lights. So are they green on the other side all the time? No, because you can see that everyone stopped. So it just becomes a free throw. Oh, so it's more like it's a three way traffic light thing, but they've probably set it up on the four way. Or something, I don't know. There's an invisible traffic light. Does it ever go green? Hackney Council, just to tell you, your temporary traffic lights are

absolutely not doing their job. But do you know what's interesting, Rob? Yeah, is that Gary Neville at Valencia, those traffic lights? Oh, here we bloody go. we bloody go. We're on form like Mitchu at Swansea in 2018-19. We just got 18 goals in one season and then sort of didn't do anything else. Well, we will hopefully do something else. Well, hopefully do something else. But that'll be Nichu. I've got to get this energy out. Let me tell you about traffic lights. Now, it feels like I'm about to pass you a spliff here. I was like,

I don't know if we need traffic lights, man. Wow. Yeah. I'm living in this post traffic light world where people are going through and they're just letting each other go, man. It's just flow. It's just flow. Everyone's fine with it. Everyone's found their flow.

Everyone's just letting it just organically go with all these red traffic lights. People are just going with the flow. Can I let you know something? There's a man that's just come back from Mumbai. Yeah. You definitely need traffic light again. Yeah. I say that after a a while that flow goes.

Okay, it's every man and woman for himself. So you need traffic lights and spare pants is what I learned from India. Okay, yeah. Well, I didn't you don't need spare pants. Occasionally, I do get a bit nervous going through the red lights. And I'm not I'm never the one that makes the decision. So you if you okay, so you're you're following because basically once one lot go, then they're, they're in charge of it, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. I can't hold up the rest of the line I've got to follow.

So you would never. I'd never, if I was first, I just couldn't be the guy that goes fuck, fuck the police. There are, there are two types of people in the world. People there that we all know, say everyone 100% accepts that these traffic lights are broken and you're going to have to go on a red, some people will, some people won't. It'd be a really good psychological study is to put up just some totally, maybe they're doing it hackney at the moment, I don't know, but just to put purely red temporary traffic lights and see what happens. Do you know what I

think they should do is when temporary traffic lights go up, they should only be put up by people that live near the traffic lights that will use them. Yeah. Because I, if for example, the person that implemented those traffic lights, say him and his wife did the school run on that route before they went to work, I'd imagine that gets sorted pretty quick. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Well sometimes stuff's left. Cause what I've learned in the countryside is... Oh, here we go. Here we go. Because at least in London, you can see the work being done.

But exactly. But also as well in London, there's our routes round normally. Well, not with the bloody traffic calming measures and acne, shall I tell you? No, it's Sadiq Khan's working pot plants on the... Oh, there we go. There we go, the one way system. That was the weird thing from COVID. There was QR codes and then for some reason,

the council just put massive pot plants in the middle of roads that you couldn't use them out of nowhere. I know. It's not enough of a consolation to enjoy the flowers when you can't go down a road. I don't want to say it's a traffic calming measure, it's more of a traffic stopping measure. Sorry, yeah, so what I've learned was,

in the countryside, there's two teams. There's a team that comes to block the road off and put the lights on. Right. And then a team come and do the works. Yeah, makes sense. Two separate guys. So some days, but sometimes you get there

and the road's absolutely fine, there's just like two little fences and sometimes I move the fences and drive through. Oh, here we go. Because there's no work happening yet. And sometimes when the work's finished and you can see it's got a new tarmac and it's all done, they're waiting for the guy.

They basically finish work and go, we need you to pick it up. They go, no, they just go home. And then it goes on the job list. So they don't, when they finished doing the road, they don't pack up the stuff. That's another team. This is the countryside for you, whereas in the city yeah you couldn't do that in the city

because the work is going on and still people don't give a fuck in the city yeah exactly but i wouldn't move defensive this people dig up of course of course sometimes there isn't and i'm like you know what it's either this or or or I reverse for three miles. Yeah. And I don't want to. Anyway, anyway, I'll tell you about blankety blank. Yes, sorry. It's 1972 and we 63. I'm blank. I tried to talk about a new TV show, Josh. I did blankly blank on Saturday.

Yeah. And I forgot to deodorise, Rob. Oh. And I only realised when it was too late. So, if I don't put deodorant on, I don't really massively notice it. I think there was a smell caught in my shirt, because I was like, I stink. Do you know when you're like... I think it was a shirt in my in my shirt because I was like I stink do you know when you're like I think it was a clean it was a shirt clean I think so I

did well I was confident it was until I was almost going on the show I'm gonna say something quite controversial here I don't think I smell no well it's difficult it's difficult because we're going right via zoom I don't get Bo like some people get Bo but I think those people that get Bo are people that aren't washing their clothes. Yeah. And put them back on a bit smelly or not washing them properly. No, who's doing that?

Smelly bastards. Yeah, well anyway, I didn't deodorize and then I was like, I think I stink and I was on blankety blank. And every time Bradley went past me, I thought, I wonder if he can smell it. Oh, smelly Widdicombs in. Yeah, and I thought, this is a disaster. The Tot. Oh, smelly Widdicombe's in. Yeah, and I thought this is a disaster. I'm not from Totnes, but yeah. But you are a grunger. Luckily, there's quite a distance on Blankety Blank.

It's still like, it feels like the set was built during COVID. It does feel like that, yeah. At the end, I thought I'm not going to... Normally, I'd hug some people goodbye, I'm just going to leave, because I'd rather them think I'm I'm rude. Yeah than smelly Well, that's what I struggle with in but now let's let's call it what it is. Josh showbiz showbiz We work as much we might want to miss we call show as much as we may try to deny it We work in showbiz. Okay

I've never been that comfortable with hugging people I don't really know that well goodbye just because I did blankety blank with them for a bit. But it happens. I never hugged anyone when I left work at Sainsbury's. No. I just went home. Me neither at Safeway.

I just went home and everyone was fine with that. Yeah. They didn't think you were rude. That smelly little words all got his arms around me. But what would you do? You can't shake hands. The shake hands with a woman is so weird. The shake hands with the woman.

The shake hands with a woman. He said the woman No, the shake hands with a woman feels like I swear you're saying the woman. No, no, the shake hands with a woman. Yeah. The the the of with is carrying on to Right. Okay. You're saying with a woman but it sounded like with the woman., of with is carrying on to... Right, okay, you're saying with a woman,

but you sound like with the woman. Yeah, with a woman. With a, yeah, sorry, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The shake hands with a woman is, it looks like you've got body issues. It looks like you're kind of... I agree.

It's the kind of thing, and I say this as a friend, John Richardson would do. Yes, yeah, and I think you've got shades of John Richardson, but then also shades of Damon Albarn, you're you're trapped between the two. I'm desperate. I'm desperate to hug a woman Rob to prove that I'm a real man. Oh, absolutely. Get the little pincers in. But I like the fist bump. I try to carry that on from COVID, but it doesn't happen

a lot. No. Bradley Walsh I'd probably give like a like a not a straight on handshake, but more of like a Oh, one of those up like handshakes. Up like handshakes. Oh, hands like that and then like a leaning little heart. Yeah, yeah, like a shoulder to shoulder. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, so I stank on blankety blank

when you watched that. You stank, you said, so when you watch that, you go, Josh stunk there. I do watch it and then you can see if Bradley walks past and, oh. Oh, what the fuck is that? Oh, the blank, oh. What the fuck is that? The blank. What the blank is that?

Josh forgot to put on deodorant and consequently he blanks. Did you have any stressful moments? Did you? Because sometimes on that show you can be the one that is the good or bad guy. No, it was fine. It was fine. It was fun.

It's such a fun show. Maidstone? Maidstone. What a studio. It's quick for you, I imagine. No, it got stuck at the stocks. God, we're old, got stuck at the Dartford tunnel. You went that way, I thought you would have gone down through Blackwall. This isn't good enough podcasting.

It's not good enough cat taxi driving either. What else was going on with the kids? Oh Rob, can I tell you, this sound, this is a bit about driving. Oh you just said don't do it. I know, but look. Come on. So I was going to the last leg. Yeah.

So showbiz story, they get you a car to go to the show. Yes. And I just realized till years later. Till years later I heard Richard Osmond say it. I didn't realize this isn't cause they want to buy you a car to go to the show. Not buy you a car because they want to buy you a car to go to the show, not buy your car, they want to rent you a car to go to the show. It's because then they can keep tabs on where you are. So they know when if you're going to be arriving on time, basically. Yeah, because

us guys in showbiz can be pretty unpredictable. Yeah, to listen to this show. Yeah. So just send a cab to the grout show when Friday night see you Sunday morning You know, that's what we're up to. Yeah Sleeps Rob. Yeah. Well, yeah, my long sleeves, you know what I mean? But in this case he does mean a long sleep. Yeah God it was so good. I actually felt like I've been drugged. Did you dream? God, it was so good. I actually felt like I'd been drugged. Did you dream?

God, nothing, no, nothing. Here's the parenting thing. My son is, he's going no nappies at night now. Have we discussed this? Yeah. No, no, you said you were just going to. How's it going? It's good, but every time he wakes up- Every time he shits himself. No, he doesn't. He wakes up at 4am and comes in and says he needs a wee. Oh, right. Well, that's good, but it will eventually grow out that and just go away.

Yeah, exactly. But currently, we're getting, we're back to one night, once a night, wake up. Yeah, but we still get that with our youngest. Our oldest just takes herself to the toilet, but our youngest used to get scared in the night. She's much better now, actually. Oh, we've got a new bedtime routine I can talk you through.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, please. And she will wake up sometimes at like 11 or midnight and go, Oh, don't get you to help me back. You know, and basically she needs a massive way. Yeah. But she doesn't know she's a week. She just feels like, Oh God, I feel I must be having a bad night.

So now we, rather than just putting straight into bed, we go, okay, go to toilet and then put it back into bed. She'll sleep through. But what we were finding was, was getting the kids to go to bed and then they'd go upstairs, whatever bath that bar, I still have a bath and play and mess about. Then they've gone play with their toys and be running around, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they want to watch telly downstairs, but keep coming back to us. So what we said to him was, we go up at seven, and

between seven and 8pm, you've got to have a bath, and you've got to brush your teeth. And then anytime left, once you're in your pajamas, you can lay in have a bath and you've got to brush your teeth and then anytime left, once you're in your pyjamas, you can lay in bed and watch a film. So they do that, so normally they have about 10-15 minutes in the bath, so then they get 45 minutes of a film and then- Black Narcissus? No, no. Gloria?

No, watching Tim Kue. I think we've both done well to remember two titles there. And the Gloria one fucking William Wallace on the boat or something, wasn't it? it was it called? Yeah. Wallace Island. Yeah. So with him, Wallace on a boat, freedom. You got fucking loads of it, mate. So we want yesterday's slaying bed watching a film. So my youngest, we watched an old calm like Snow White films and Cinderella. And actually she and then when it gets to eight o'clock, they're sort of bored and they've just sort of sat there and they go, I'm turning it off now and they've been going to sleep much better.

Even though it's a telly and you think, oh no screen timer. I wouldn't give them their iPad in their bed. That sends them doodah, but on a telly, actually they get a bit of sleep in time and she's going to bed much better. That's nice. So what time are you getting them down now, Rob?

I'd say between eight, I'd say about 8.30 they're asleep now. That's good. It's not too bad. You're getting an evening. Yeah fair, yeah so I reckon but then also we're getting an hour to sort ourselves out while they watch a film and calm down time between seven and eight so we can do stuff because we're not having to sit with them. So do they bath themselves now? Yeah so they can run a bath and get themselves and then brush their teeth do the thing and then they're on top of it because they go the quicker I get this done, the more time I get watching my film in bed. And then we've got an app we've got like, we will go up for the

bath. But then once I've had the bath and they're safe, we've got 45 minutes to go down and make food or tidy up or do what we need to do. And then we just go up and it's we're only at about 20 minutes going right lights off bedtime tuck you in up in my bedroom and then they're going to sleep a lot better. So it's a better routine, which is, you know, for the moment working, but it's going to be bright light until 10 PM now.

Really isn't it? It's three months. That's the problem with summer, isn't it? Yeah. We'll always find a problem. That's us. We'll always find a problem, Rob. That's why this podcast works. So that's our new bedtime routine. And so he's just, we're needing a wee at 4 a.m. every day. Yeah, that's fine.

Does he go back to sleep? He'll come and get in with us after that, which I quite like. That's quite cozy. Yeah. Because he's done the main slog of the night. He's done the most of the night, and then you just let him have a bit of...

So when he gets in the duvet, are you still head over duvet little mouth out? Well, it's not a little mouth out? Was not a little mouth. Well not a little mouth out. I'm, I try to be. Because that must overwhelm him. Well, he will know yeah, but he'll be in the middle towards Rose because he prefers Rose.

So are you right? Because do you go to bed head to head you and Rose on the pillow? Or are you having to go lower to get the duvet or higher? Because if you're pulling the duvet up... So the duvet is not a straight line, remember? So the duvet... Have you got a special duvet? No, but it is malleable because it's made of... Yeah, I know, of course it is, but it's going to be at an angle like that. So the duvet would go at my level head-wise and then it would come down and maybe Rose

would put her arm over it or something and you know. But your head's at the same level but the duvet's sort of on a... The duvet's in a kind of almost like a, not an S shape but like a kind of... Would it be better to get your own duvet? No. Well I've heard of people doing this. Is that you that does this? No but...

Who was it we talked to? Someone did it but I think it might... Especially if you're using it the way you're using it. I'd get too hot if there was two duvets kicking around. And we don't have a problem with it. So we're trying to solve a solution to a problem that doesn't exist. You don't have a problem with it. I'm just thinking about Rose. Yeah.

Well, if she had an issue with it, I can tell you, bearing in mind her personality type, I'd know about it. She's not been keeping that to herself for 12 years. Yeah, yeah, because you could get a specialist duvet that went up a bit for you. But yeah, how are you gonna change that? You've got to change the belt. Oh, God, too much effort. Yeah, fair enough. Oh, if she's got problems, fine. I'm trying to work out that annoying if you get yanked up over my head when

the other person is yanking it up. But I didn't know if you shuffle down. No, I haven't shuffled down. No. No, because I feel like you should be the if anyone had to move, you should be shuffling down. Of course. Yeah, I'm fully aware of that. But you're yanking up that doesn't affect her. That doesn't

affect her. No, no. It's all good. Sometimes the cats on the duvet. And that becomes a moveable. I think you need a bigger bed. Were you thinking of getting another cat? No, get a bigger bed. No, that's they're two separate issues. That wasn't a- You can do both. Yeah, yeah, they're not. They're not. Okay, we'll get another cat if we want to get another cat, but definitely get a bigger bed. No, because it's the right size. It's a king. Is it a king? Yeah. He looks smaller than the king on McIntyre.

Was that the old bed? No. Is that a king? Is it? I think so. I've got super king. That's the problem. Super king. If you've got special super king. Oh my god. Yeah, we haven't got special super king. We live in zone two. Oh my god. You could squeeze an avogadie in the middle yeah well we do every night yeah your little fella well a little less he isn't getting squeezed in at any time soon i'll tell you that no i met your son who gets in the middle i know i know i was not your wiener let's not americanize my penis Americanize my penis. Sorry, let's Saxonize your cock.

You're Albert. You're old, you're old boy. You're Plunker. You're Johnson. Yeah. You're old dribbling bishop. That's not one, is it? I just made it up. The dribbling bishop.

I think it is when you get old. Oh, God. I've got to... How do I get more tired? Um, just, just wait. It will happen. What's the opposite? What's the opposite of a coffee? That's what I need. It does the way way to do it Rob is Just wait

It will creep up on you. Yeah, I think the opposite of a coffee. I think have you had a coffee this morning had one 7 a.m. Which I shouldn't have had didn't need it at all. Now it's 11am. Yeah. Anything else you want to talk about? I've done the traffic lights. Have I told you about Mother's Day? No, what did you do Mother's Day? You told me that you hate it.

I did tell you about the cupboards. I did the cupboards. Yeah, you did the cupboards. And then we went and we met two other couples. Yeah. We, the mums went for a nice drink in the pub and we looked after the kids. Right, okay. Down the park.

Yeah. And then we went and we met two other couples. Yeah. We, the mums went for a nice drink in the pub and we looked after the kids. Right, okay. Down the park. Yeah. Classic.

That's good. That's good stuff. So she had a nice afternoon. Did you do breakfast in bed? Or coffee brought up? Yeah. What did she have? Although she wanted a croissant from the local coffee shop.

And then she was actually a bit stressed by how flaky that would be in bed. So we prefer not to eat in bed. Yeah, no, you don't have a croissant in bed. So you came down for a croissant? Yeah, it was all very nice. Well, she had a nice Mother's Day, did she? Yeah.

And it's my birthday next week, the big one, Rob. What are you doing? So what are you doing? Nothing. Nothing at all. Are you gigging on the day? What day is it? No, I'm literally doing nothing.

It's a Tuesday. What are you going to do? Nothing. You spoke to Rose about doing something? I it? No, I've literally doing nothing. It's a Tuesday. What can do? Nothing. You spoke to Rose about doing something? I don't know whether I want to do anything. I think I'm over birthdays. You sounded so sad when you said that. I like the bit in the morning. A few presents. Yeah. And then

you're just you're just reading. You're reading a WhatsApp message. Rose just sent me a text about drop pickup. What about her? Well, because my daughter's got... Your soul left your body then. She put, what's the deal with pickup? I forgot that she's got gymnastics.

Her mum was gonna do it because Rose is working this afternoon. Well, I'll just say, pick up at 5.30. I'll deal with it in a bit. It's just, I've got to go to fucking Manchester. Oh no. Katz just count down. Show a bit of showbiz. Couple of a couple of hugs. Couple of hugs. Don't hug Jimmy Carr. No I won't. Oh do you want me to prove what you're doing to each of them? Okay Jimmy Carr maybe nothing just a hi. Jimmy Carr, maybe nothing. Just a high. Just like a nice high.

Hi. Yep. And then Joe Wilkinson. Hug. Give him a hug. Yeah. Rod Gilbert. A handshake probably. Don't know Rod that well. Oh, I'm a hug stage with Rod. Oh yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. I'd say something like, glad you didn't die big guy. Something like that. Things like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you know. Yeah. Comed guy something like that things like that yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah comedians like that we're a bit buddy you know we say the things other people don't say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so you're hugging him tanya more i'd hug tanya i'd hug tanya yeah i'm hugging tanya more i'm hugging all of them actually yeah and then a guy i've not met before what about susie den andon and Rachel Riley? Hug, hug. Hug, hug. In that order? Ideally one big hug. For the theorists.

Happy Mother's Day. Oh, come on in, come on in, you two. Jimmy, Jimmy, come on in. I love it if Josh turned into the old Pearl out of nowhere, just started to become really lecherous. You're like, what's happened to Josh? He was one of the good guys. He was one of the good guys. He was one of the good guys,

but his hugging is out of control. He's got a bit of a huggy, isn't he? As he's approaching 50, he's getting a bit of a huggy. He's called Frankie Monroe. Frankie Monroe. So I don't know Frankie, I've never met him. So maybe a handshake. No, but I'm excited to meet him.

Yeah, so handshake. Handshake, perfect. Right, so we do some small business. I've got this one, Josh. This was sent to me on tour actually. Oh, because I could hear the movement of paper. Well, I will. Yeah, in secret, you will be given small business shout outs on tour, which sometimes... Oh, I've got a Cornish one.

Here. I know, mate. Is that what you call it? Oh. Is it crimps on the end, you dirty bitch? Hello, Rebecca. I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to share my story of you and thank you for being a huge part of my journey with Josh over the years started listening to the podcast in this lockdown. Is this from Rose? Thank you for being a huge part of my journey with Josh. It's from a lady called Kaz because I can't bear to be called Karen any longer. Oh, it's awkward, isn't it?

Anyway, so she is an email in here's an email in have you got a name? What have you got a name? I'm in the middle of a small business. Yeah. I'm just doing a quick shout out Have you just had a quick 12 hours sleep Fucking Rob partner Rob Beckett, have you? No, I wasn't going to start reading too much. If I just started reading a different email. Yeah, I was like, all right, fair enough. I have to halfway through the whole small business.

It is an email. I was going to say. It is a small business. Amazon Prime. Last one laughing. Sky TV. Rob Beckett Smart TV, get watching. Rob, have you got a name that was fine and then it became like a thing like Karen or I had a woman in the crowd the other day called Alexa and her life has become a nightmare? Yes. Or has your name, are you called Greg Wallace or whatever?

Have you got one of those names where it's become a nightmare during your life? And have you adjusted it? Yes. To deal with that kind of thing. Like obviously Chris Martin, the comedian, that's called himself Chris Martin, not that one because of Chris Martin.

Have you got a name that's become problematic and how do you deal with it? Josh, it's a great one. And I was sorry to shit on your toes then. You were right to jump in. Okay. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. I'd like to shout out my amazing- Are you serious? Is he fucking pulling my dick here Michael?

Is he pulling my Cornish Brass thing? Is he pulling my plonker? Anyway so, oh this actually gets quite dark this message. Oh no, Jesus Christ. Anyway so Kaz listened in 2020, from 2021, every day during lockdown. However, her world was turned upside down when my daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She was very young, her daughter at this stage, I think, because she sent some pictures. So she looks like she was maybe five or six. She's a terrible, terrible thing to happen.

She found it incredibly hard to listen to anything after that. She stopped tuning into the podcast as she couldn't focus on much else. In 2023, my daughter had to go for radiotherapy in Manchester, and I made the decision to move there with her, leaving my husband and eldest daughter behind to ensure she got the treatment she needed and my other daughter could have a bit of normality. During those tough months, I found myself running or walking every day

to keep my head straight, and I decided to come back to the podcast and ended up back there in every episode. It was during this time of the tour and the tour show was on in Manchester, the parenting home Manchester tour. I was lucky enough to get a last minute ticket to attend on my own. I can't even begin to explain how much it meant to be able to have a night of laughter in the middle of such a difficult period. I'm glad I didn't go on stage because I would have 100% fell asleep. Honestly, without listening to the boys every day during the

radiotherapy, I'm not sure I would have survived it. The podcast lifted me and made me laugh which offered a much needed escape and lifted my spirits when things were at their lowest. By the way, I read this three minutes before I went on stage in Stockton. And it was also the first five minutes I was all over the place. At least you didn't interrupt it two sentences in to say, has anyone called Alexa? Because he needs a fucking thing for next week in the Eid mocks.

Anyway, so listening to podcasts made her laugh is essentially what she says. Thank you very much, guys. A small take on my appreciation. I made you a gift and wanted to take this opportunity to also ask for a small favor. So she's made this. This is a blue hoodie with Arsenal kits on it that has been embroidered in. So all the JVC ones. Classic JVC Arsenal kits. So I've sent you this jumper with my little one still undergoing treatment. I'm working from home to be there for whenever she needs me. I've started my own embroidery business and it's doing well through word of mouth and on Facebook. Well, I'd love for my Etsy shop to take off. I've currently had one sale. It would mean the world.

We can change that now. We can change that. You can buy one. Yeah, I will. Get the green out. Get the green thread out. Yeah. What's the Etsy shop? Etsy shop is HTTPS double dot forward forward slash. I don't think you need to type that in. I don't.

So real embroidery, but spell S E W R W E L embroidery.etsy.com and as a thank you listeners get 10% discount with the code parent hell. If that doesn't work, try parenting hell but it's written here as parents hell in caps. Because of parents we all know what we go through is truly hell. Once again, thank you for keeping me going and offering laughter when they needed it most. Some more nice words I don't want to read out. It's too much. But thank you so much, Kaz. It's very kind of you and good luck with SoReal Embroidery. S-E-W-R-E-E-L. Josh, Robert Michael, I'd like to shout out my amazing mum's

small business near Falmouth in Cornwall, please. Having been a full time carer for my dad for five years, who is living with motor neurone disease, she has now taken a leap and set up Cornish Wreath Maker, using flowers and greenery from her garden to make beautiful living wreaths, tables, decorations and funeral arrangements that are different than normal, looking natural and just like a Cornish head or woodland. Hedge. Cornish hedge. That would be a tough one for the funeral that one, a reef for the... Just their head. Just their head. Could I have the head, please?

Cornish hedge. It's Instagram. Cornish. Yeah. Underscore reef. Yeah. Underscore... Oh, come on. Guys, you've just got to make it easier and cleaner together. Cornish reef. Rob. Yeah. Underscore. Oh, come on. Guys, you've just got to make it easier and cleaner to get the coolish wreath. Rob. Yeah.

It's someone's mom. She's called Angela. She's not going to be, she's going to be of an age where she- I found her to be fair. Coolish wreath maker. Underscore maker. Yes. There we go. UK delivery.

Oh, they are lovely. They are lovely. Lovely wreaths. Lovely wreaths. Oh, I like that one. Right, Josh. That is beautiful. Love the pod. Often re-listening to the most chaotic episode if I need cheering up. I don't even remember that one. I think that's the one where I was in the kitchen. Cheers and thanks, Justine. We'll see you on Friday. See you Friday. Bye bye.