Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP15: Josh the Birthday Boy

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... In this episode Josh discusses his birthday, Rob reads a letter left for him at a tour show, and there's some duvet discussions... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because

let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Okay Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it. The Ford It's a Big Deal event is on. How's that? A little bigger. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Nice. Now the offer? Lease a 2025 Escape Active all-wheel drive from 198 bi-weekly at 1.99% APR for 36 months with $27.55 down. Wow, that's like $99 a week. Yeah, it's a big deal. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Visit your Toronto area Ford store or for dot ca today. Hello, you're listening to parenting hell with Margo Can you say Rob Beckett? Can you say Josh Whittaker? Close enough. Good girl. There we go.

That's a nice one. It's very cute. It is. Hey Rob, Josh, Producer Michael. This is our youngest daughter Margot who's just turned two attempting your names. The first time we tried to get her to say Josh, she flat out said no. So at least that's something. We're waiting on third. Have I got a sore throat? I feel like I'm a husky. I didn't know if you've got a sore throat or I'm just gay now because I am ready for you. Did you think Michael was talking? You sound sexy. Yeah, I thought, Jesus, if these two are in each year, I'm going to jizz everywhere.

I've got to cancel the record. I've got a bit of a sore throat. What have you been doing? Just nothing. I lost my voice once. What would it be? Shouting? I once did a thing where me and my mates shouted as loud as we could in a car. For a laugh.

And then we did it so loud and so long that I lost my voice and had to cancel a gig. Oh my God. That was when I was younger. I was only like a 10 minute open mic. We were crazy. We were living in Lewisham and driving around in my VW screaming. We were pretty wacky guys. People have this on in Edinburgh, they'll lose their voice.

Do you know what he did? Because they're talking for an hour a day. I can never quite understand what their shows must be. No, they would go out on the piss after. That's what happened in the fringe. They'd go, oh yeah, it's just show every day. Cause I'd be talking anyway. Cause you know, I want to do three, three shows a day.

I did, I did, I did three nights. Yeah. The Christmas calls. I did three nights in a row in Cardiff. Then I went to Cheltenham and did two shows, right? Five shows in four days, two shows a day. I absolutely pissed it. Bring on three. I reckon I could do four. It's in my wheelhouse. I'd be speaking anyway. I went

to Cardiff Stoke on Saturday, right? To kill some time. No, with Matt Bragg who was in Cardiff doing a comedy club. Excellent comedian Matt Bragg. I'd say that was more tiring and more exhausting than doing a show. How did you get tickets to the championship six-pointer relegation decider, Rob? Well, I was following that game so intently, not realizing that little did I know, I could have had updates from the very man

who I text most days. You had eyes on the ground. I'd say I was expecting a ferocious, because for people that don't know, I was in Cardiff, when I always watched the local team. They're in the relegation zone and if they beat Stoke, they got out of the relegation zone and Stoke went in the relegation zone.

Stoke were in my hotel, so I felt like I was in amongst it. Stoke in the hotel. They were very serious, they were very concentrated. I've stayed in that hotel. We had, get this, whales. That was exciting. No offence to Stoke, that is better than Stoke, whales. They had a little cordoned off breakfast area, which I found a little distressing. But what I liked was when I was watching them play football,

I was watching these Stokey boys kick the ball and I was thinking, I've had the same yoga as him. I fueled the same way. Were they eating a different sporty breakfast? No, they were in a decordant area, but I imagine they're not going to whip out a new sausage for the Stoke team. I imagine it would be the same food. No, no, no. But I mean, did it look like,

could you see whether they were having a particularly healthy breakfast? Well, I think when, before you play, they're allowed to have what they want to sort of fuel up as it were, Josh. I don't think footballers worry too much about that stuff on a match day. My tour manager, Ali, when he does, I asked him what he thought about the Jamie Lang Ironmans. Yeah. I know Ironmans, what are they about the Jamie Lang Ironmans. Yeah. I know Ironmans. Um, what are they called?

Yeah. Running things. Comic relief. Run, cry, do a TikTok. Urk your feet, raise money, bosh, finish in Salford. Exactly. Exactly. Um, and he was very, he couldn't believe that people were impressed

because Ali runs that distance in one go. He runs for 40 hours. Yeah, you're talking about Ali's, like, I'd say one of the most complete athletes I've ever met. It's insane. But he said he would stop in the middle of the run to refuel and just have a pizza. And run again. And run again, because he just needed the calories. So yeah, he's like the top 10 in the world because he's older in like, I think it's a name for it,

sort of like, I don't want to say mature, sounds like a porn search, mature runner. But he's in like the vintage, I don't know, what would it be called? Veterans, veterans. Veterans, veterans running, he's like really, really good at that. Oh, by the way, he said that something

to that you're actually using his mother in laws do that at the moment in the car. Yeah, well, you're aware of this the do your special do that you've got it comes with the mother in law. So what's going on? Do you do veloff? Do you lost a do veloff or something? What happened to your special do veloff? No, we had a duvet. We? You? Is that a we? Me and Ali. No, you can't share that. Dragging it across the front seat into the back. No.

He's got it over one of his left knee for a bit and you're... Do you know what? Shout out to Luca from Off the Curve, who's our management agency, who came to watch the tour show recently, the warm up, wherever I was, can't even remember. And she got a lift back. And do you know what? I said, try this duvet. She was a convert. Josh, you sound so me too. No, no, no, no. She was sitting in a different bit of the car. The young female employee at the office came with me and I showed my duvet and I said,

come in here, come in here and get under that. I wasn't under the duvet. She asked me about the duvet. I'm victim blaming, victim blaming. Interesting. Interesting. From a position of power and privilege, I just think no matter how soft a duvet is, you just can't ask someone to feel it. I didn't ask someone to feel it. I said have a go. In addition to power and privilege, I just think no matter how soft a duvet is,

you just can't ask someone to feel it. I didn't ask someone to feel it. I said, have a go. Okay. Fair enough. She was out like a light. So did she drive all the way back with you? Yeah. Luca lives near me and we were like... Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So you said you wanted to get back. So was she under the duvet and you're not under the duvet? I wasn't using the duvet because she wasn't,

I wasn't like, I've got, I was only, it's only an hour's drive. Can you say the optics of this is mental? Where you've got a younger woman in the back of your van. You've got a younger woman that works for your management agency in the back of your van and you're going have a go me do they. She asked Rob. I'm just saying I know that you know. Ali was there. Okay. Eyes firmly on the road. Yeah the man you're paying to drive you around, eyes on the road. Yeah he's an incredible witness. The man you're paying to drive you around, eyes on the road. Yeah, he's an incredible witness isn't he?

Eating his pizza to refuel. Get out of the car and run home, I'll drive. You like a little run, don't you? The reason there's a second duvet is we had the original duvet, which was the tour duvet, which had been built is the tour tour duvet, which was had been built to the tour. Yeah. But then we covered this just before Christmas, I had a warm up gig or no, I must have been

a corporate because I wasn't doing warm up gigs by that point. And Ali drove me back from this corporate at like 2am and then it was when we were in an Airbnb for one night that didn't have, I had to sleep on the sofa and I didn't have a duvet so I took that duvet. Oh your Airbnb when you were out because of the kitchen right yeah so you took the duvet in to sleep on the sofa. So now you've stolen that duvet. Well, I need to give it back. But the problem is Rob, I need to is I never get a lift to the gigs. I always train to the gigs. Right. So you gotta take a duvet on the train. I can't take the duvet on the train. And you've got to try and remember at 1am to go in and get the duvet that's been put on the tour expenses is now a personal duvet. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying HMRC might be listed and that's a conflict of duvet.

But I'm going to give it back to the tour ASAP. Right, okay, cool. Good to know. Yeah, yeah. Imagine. By the way, you shouldn't have been jealous of me at Stoke and Cardiff and it was an awful game of football. It was really bad. Do you feel like they might be going down instead of Plymouth? Yeah. I mean, morale was low and then someone was taken ill halfway through the game and the crowd, so it stopped for 10 minutes. They were fine. They left conscious, but that really does take the edge off of a relegation battle. Everything goes into perspective when someone's like, yeah, been taken by an ambulance out the crowd.

Yeah, so yeah, it was a and then they conceded a like last minute own goal. I was delighted and I left and I was in like the the lift of this Cardiff fan and I was like, you're right. No, no. Was that bad result? And he went, it's not even the result. It's just, just the way we play. I was just like, my God, this man's broken. Ha ha ha ha. And you said, come to Cardiff New Theatre at 7.30 tonight.

Cheer you up. Yeah, I'll tell you what you could have done with an old two, five, and eight, three performance day of Rob Beckett in the Cardiff New Theatre. Ha ha ha ha. Are you doing the Cardiff New Theatre? I don't know. If you do it, this is a great little joke you could do at the top, it's about 125 years old but it was new when it was built so I'll go welcome to the new theatre, bit modern for me.

Anyway, I might not do Cardiff, I must be doing Cardiff. Yeah I'm doing the new theatre in Cardiff. What happens here? It's a great venue. It's a brilliant venue. Massively recommended. Anyway, let's stop talking about that. Well, my train's got cancelled on the way to Cardiff, by the way. Yeah, I want to hear about this. Well, I got to Paddington and all the trains got cancelled. So I had to just get a cheeky little £550 taxi. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, you must have been. And then also on top of that, when I got there, obviously because I was being late, I don't normally have a tour support, but I couldn't get there on time. So Matt Bragg, who came

to the football with me on a Saturday, he was in Wales that weekend. Excellent comedian Matt Bragg. Check him out. He's done Ricky Gervais' tour support, Lloyd Griffith's tour support. I've done Ricky Gervais and just did Lloyd as his own name. Not the full name. Ricky Gervais for Lloyd Griffith. And he's brilliant. But then obviously paid him, obviously, he's doing a job. So that extra cost. I paid him what, five duvets? But which was unfair because you should have paid him in cash. They'd all be vacuum packed. Look, there you go Matt, here's your Devoys. There you go.

Remember to give one of those Devoys to your agent, that's their cut. I'll text Ricky and tell him to get your pillows next time you do his support. Rob, can I tell you about my birthday? your pillows next time you do his support. Rob, can I tell you about my birthday? Yes, happy birthday for last week. You weren't really looking forward to it. But then you got excited because you was going out for a day with Rose for a bit of lunch and chill. The kids are at some sort of Easter school, weren't they? So did you have a lovely time? No, no, they weren't at Easter school. We had shell covering.

Perfect. But we'd got the wrong week because we had been away No, no, they weren't at Easter school. We had Shell covering. Perfect, childcare, perfect. Yeah, but we'd got the wrong week because we had been away, planning to go away the week of my birthday, then that got moved, and then Shell didn't realize we then needed her. Oh no. Oh no, so suddenly.

Oh, so no childcare. No childcare. Can I say something about Easter before we start? When the fuck is Easter? My kids have been off school for about three months when I'm when's happening It's the end of the it's the end. It's it's the climax of the headliner They've been off school for fucking I've not seen an egg yet. I know that was give me an egg Don't understand why Easter moves why does Cuz it do you know why what was particularly know why this was particularly clear to me?

Is the movement of Easter was perilous for my birthday being in or out of the holidays every year. Because I'm April the 8th, depending on when Easter is, my birthday is in the school holidays or not in school holidays. So sometimes you'd have the fuss of being at school, being the birthday boy, sometimes not. Sometimes not. Obviously it's better in the holidays. Why don't we just start a movement? Let's pick a week.

Just pick a day. Pick a day. Oh no, because it's Sunday. It's got to be Sunday. It's got to be Sunday. I'll give you that. Why isn't it just the first Sunday of April? Fine. Probably so it's due with religion. Yeah, well I think think Ramadham moves, doesn't it? But I don't mind that because that constantly moves. It doesn't just float around March. Yeah. Because last year,

Ramadham fell in the same time as Easter and then all the right wing press were like, there's Ramadham things at Easter. And everyone's like, that happens once every 20 years because it all moves and it sometimes overlaps. Does it matter? No, it's like, it's like, it's quite nice when you have a World Cup and an Olympics in the same year, isn't it Rob? I personally find it a bit overwhelming, especially with time zones. I'd like a break. Let me just get that right now. It's the European Championships and the Olympics before anyone picks me up on it.

How was your birthday? What'd you get? Presents? Talk me through your birthday. So got a gap. When do you find out you've got no childcare? Because if you've got an adult activities brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like sex. No, no, it's not. Well, like sex, but not like. So the kids, Shell was, Shell arrives at 8.30 generally. So normally, yeah, so yeah, she didn't arrive and then leave. She arrives normally. Just to let you know I'm not working today. Bye. Happy birthday. I didn't think it was working but I thought I'd tell her, turn up and tell you. So she'll arrives at 8.30 and she's good at texting if she's late so by 8.40 you're like it's game over here. She would have texted. Right and you're like oh you're suspicious. You're doubting yourself. She would have texted. Right. And you're like, oh, you're suspicious. You doubt yourself.

I'd given up. I'd given up the moment she wasn't there or had texted 840. Okay. And so then it's a game of just readjusting your expectations. So it's really just. You've got a three year old. So like, cause your girl's older, you can sort of, she could come along to like a nice restaurant, but the three year old is just going to run around. Well, we did go to a nice restaurant, which was a mistake.

So you tried to do your adult activity. No, no, no, we didn't go to that restaurant because we were going to go to the River Cafe. That was at Right Off. Right, yeah, that's very fancy, the River Cafe, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. It's in Hammersmith, which is- That's quite trendy, isn't it? That's the one they were talking about, Top Jaw. I don't know. Have you seen that Top Jaw thing? Yeah, exactly. It's in Hammersmith, which is... That's quite trendy, isn't it? That's the one they will talk about.

I don't know. Top Jaw. Have you seen that Top Jaw thing? No, what's Top Jaw? That TikTok trend where it's that sort of posh bloke with a quiff and he goes, best coffee in Soho. And then someone who's trying to flog a book will go, oh, you've got to go to Cafe Sandwich. Oh, right. It's great. Can I hear children in the background, by the way?

Yeah, yeah, you can. It's great. Can I hear children in the background by the way? Yeah, yeah you can. It's on brand Rob. But River Cafe is too fancy and expensive as well. Kids won't eat there. So then, so my daughter's wanted to do this Easter egg hunt thing that's going on around London. Are you aware of this? No. So there's 120 big sculptures, different sculptures of Easter eggs, and they're on a map. And so you kind of go around London and you find them and then you put the code into the app and you've collected it. Oh, that's fun.

Yeah. Pokemon for Jesus. Pokemon for Jesus, exactly. Gotta catch them all. So then you look on the map, Rob, and we wanted to find as many eggs as possible in one go because you're like what are the egg hotspots? That's quite a fun thing to do with them nice weather as well wouldn't it

that last week? Yeah but the hotspots were Sloan Square which is miles away yeah and Canary Wharf so we went to Canary Wharf of all places. Oh I love Canary Wharf. Do you? Yeah I think it's great I feel like we're in Gotham City. Yeah that's why I hate it. Oh you hate it? I mean it's fun. I feel like I'm in Gotham City. Yeah, that's why I hate it. Oh, you hate it? I mean, it's fun. I didn't like it. I didn't like it, Rob. Why? Because it was a, it was quite a difficult place to find eggs because... As criticisms of a place go, that's fucking harsh.

It's just... What do you think of New York? Well, it's quite difficult to Well, it won't be difficult to find eggs in New York as well. Because the problem was, well, because they're marked on a map and a lot of the times inside, but you can't tell what floor they're on. And there's so many floors in Canary Wharf. Yes, you're right. It is a tough place to find an egg. It's a tough place to find an egg.

So we did that. I got quite annoyed at one point because we couldn't find an egg. We'd had lunch at a restaurant there where my son didn't sit down for the whole thing. Right, okay, that's not ideal. So you make your peace with it, but you're just like, this is mad. Does it just turn into a normal day now of parenting or is Rose doing a bit of... Now you stay there Josh, because it's your birthday or is it just like we've drawn a line under it let's just get on with it well i don't know what that you stay there is that good because you're like just sit on your own in a restaurant happy birthday you sit there

alone in silence so you're like there's not like a really great option and then a really bad option. It's not like you're on holiday. You sit on the chair and look at your asparagus. All right. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So that was the lunch. Then we struggled to find eggs. And we found eight eggs in the end. But we've got, we've got, we're going to do Sloan square because there looks like an app. It looks like a fucking hotspot. Right? Like they're all down the street. It looked I don't think the squares too tall. It looks like you'll just be picking them off willy nilly. Well, yeah, there's lots of open areas in Canary Wolf in between buildings with

Sloan Square is basically it'll be in the square when it will know that all down the street. I'll show you the map of London Rob. I don't need to actually. It's boring. No, no, no, no. I'm interested. Yeah? Absolutely. You send it to your WhatsApp? Yeah, I send it to your WhatsApp, yeah. See, if you look here, you can see that there's a hot spot there.

There's actually another hot spot as well, Rob. Okay. God, what has become of my life. I don't know. I thought you were going to moan about this. It feels like you're more intimate than the kids. It feels like you manage. Oh God, that's a lot of eggs in it. So do you see the one that's a big long line coming out of Hyde Park?

Oh my God, that's where you want to go. That's where you want to go. That fucking Harry Wolf, right? Look at that. You'll be tripping over him. And then there's fucking loads in Battersea Power Station, but I don't really know what that means. How are you on 80% of battery already at 9am? Because I didn't charge my phone overnight.

You bloody rebel. How do I live, eh? You're on the edge you are. Yeah, that's where you want to get to. And if you start at the bottom, come out of that tube station, head north to Hyde Park, you can finish at Hyde Park. Exactly, exactly. Mad, there's none in the park.

I don't know how they've decided where they think I don't know what how they've decided where they are. Can I tell you how they've decided? This is funded for by shops I imagine so they want you to go to retail areas to spend money. So Sloan Square would have gone oh we'll donate X amount of thousands of pounds to the egg hunt whoever's putting it together and then they'll go well I've one there one there one there one there this right down the shop. It's good work for Sloan Square. It's good work for Sloan Square. Who's in charge of this big head gun? I don't know.

I can tell you that there's been 442,504 eggs collected in all. Wow. And eight of them were by me. The elephant family protecting Asian wildlife and its habitat. Good on it. Did not, tell you what, come to me, I wouldn't have guessed that.

No, exactly. It's a good little event. I'm enjoying it. I'm a little worried it's gonna, it does feel seasonal. It'd be great if it was there all year, cause then you could actually- They must do a Christmas one.

Yeah. These elephant, Asian elephants, need saving all year. I'm sure they're not going to stop at Easter. You can't expect people to do 120 eggs just in the Easter period. Oh, do you not care about Asian elephants? No, I only care about African elephants. How can you? How can you say? How do you save the elephant by finding the egg?

How do they earn money out of this then? If you get all the eggs, I don't understand it. No, I don't think the money's coming from me. I'm just getting, I'm just enjoying the fun. The egg? I don't know, Rob. Okay. Is it just a good bit of publicity?

Who sculpted the eggs? 120 different artists. So they're all different. This is what's quite fun about it. So you get, so they all, they're all really different and different colors and different artists, so they're all different. This is what's quite fun about it. So you get... So they're all really different and different colors and different, like, not shapes, but sometimes they've got stuff built off it and stuff. So it's quite fun.

We're going to the theater this week. We're going to see Totoro. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've heard that's good. So we're going to watch that. So we might do a bit of an egg hunt after. Do a bit of an egg hunt, Rob. I'm just gonna smash it down, slow and square, and tell them they've got to find 10.

Yeah, exactly. There's only 10 to find. Now ignore that. Ignore that 11th one. Ignore it. There's one over there, Daddy. Charing Cross says, it's an Asian elephant crime. Forget about that.

We've got all 10. It says scan here for the government to donate £10. Forget it. We've got all 10. Get on the train. I don't, you know, it's a scan here for the government to donate 10 pounds. Arguably. Gift aid.

I still don't understand what gift aid is. I die fucking out. Of course I'm with gift aid. It seems that it makes it look like I've donated more. Of course I'm fucking doing gift aid. Now I've donated 62 quid rather than 50. Well sometimes they go, do you do gift aid? And I go, yeah. They go, thanks. I go, what would happen if I said no? I don't even know if I am. Anyway. Oh, do you know what, Rob? I had a bit of a situation with donation this week. I just

turned up with a pot and they didn't want it. I was livid. Just trying to give back. I don't see how gift aid affects this guys. It's sperm. I'm a healthy young guy with a jug full of spunk. Do you want to take some or not? Got our episode title. But we, I had some boxes of stuff and the local Oxfam, they only take certain stuff. Right. Like what? What don't they take?

They take clothes and books. They don't take a Gino De Campo saucepan or anything like that for free. What? Oh, because it's cook it? What, because of Gino or because they don't cook it? No, no, no, no. Got a great one. He's dropping. No, fuck it.

Fuck it. I didn't realize you're so woke. Do you want my bookie work? No, you're not accepting that either. So then I just had to put, I put it all out on the street, Rob. And I, I'm just, I just put it all out on the street. And I thought, you know what, it's rare you hear these words. Fuck you Oxfam. I'll do this myself. I'll cut out the middle man. So you put them on your outside your house. Put it outside my house. Everyone took it. I thought that's

lots of money. That's community. That's community. Yeah, but I think they're worried about it. I know, I know, I know. I get it. I get it. I get it. So what else did you do on your birthday, Josh? Went on the pedalo. What? The pedalo? The pedalo in the boating lake in Victoria Park.

Oh nice! Have you ever done that before? No. No? But my daughter and son, so basically both things we did were the things my children wanted to do. Yeah, well you didn't want to go on a neck hunt and do a pedlo on your birthday, 41st? 42nd. 42nd.

Oh, brutal. Yeah, I didn't want to go on a pedalt. Well, no, I didn't not want to, but I wouldn't have done it with Rose. No, no, no. Yeah, no, I quite like going to the petting zoo, but me and Lou wouldn't go for a date just to feed a cow by hand. Do you know, I was thinking this. I was doing something. I was like, this is really good fun, but I just don't think

an adult could do it, but I can't fucking remember what it is, Rob, doesn't matter now. What an awful anecdote. I'd quite like to go laser quest with some lads, if kids were there, it'd ruin it for me. Yeah, do you think it would? Yeah, I think if a load of your mates all did laser quests, it'd be fun,

but as soon as there's a seven year old, you're like, oh God, I feel stupid now. And I've got like, let them shoot me. Yeah, yeah. I feel when I go to the museums with my son, he'll go to like the Transport Museum he loves. I am like, he's not giving me time to read the bloody plaques here. And he could have to, if I want to learn about London Transport, I'm gonna have to come back on my own. Yeah, I mean, because that is a classic thing that children get annoyed by by their parents. And they go, Oh, God, right. You go, Yeah, but I'm 42. And I've seen a fucking old bus. I used to get on that bus looks like I know I'm boring. I want to know why it was

decommissioned. I enjoyed the bendy bus. Now they sold it to Malta. Is that what they did? Um, I think so. They sold it to another country. Malta have got really old buses. Sorry. Oh, terrible tree pollen this week. Oh no. I woke up in the night.

I thought I was dying. I always moved to the country. I saw that tree pollen is the only one I struggle with, but we were outside all day and in the middle of the night I woke up and I went downstairs and I was like, Ooh, ooh. I had to have, I double dropped Pyrotin and Pyrotease. And I knew it was bad because Lou came down to see if I was dead. Oh no. And it takes a lot for her to get out of bed if I'm like up and about, you know.

What other thing is if you're dead, you're dead. Well, I think she thought she may be able to call an ambulance. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. I was so itchy. I had to get Lou to itch me, like I was an itchy powder on my back. I said, scratch me. She went, why did you scratch my back? Sorry, what? I got all itchy from the pollen.

Can't you reach her own back? Not the middle bit. She's got longer nails. I can do the middle bit, you know. Yeah, no, but not as effectively. Not as effectively as Lou. As a woman with long nails, or a man with long nails. Just long nails. It was weird when, you know when Luca was in the car back and I said can you itch my back

that was a step too far. But she did say do you mind poor Luca. Poor Luca. I do sponsor her she's running the marathon. Gift Aid. Gift Aid yep. How do you can you sponsor Luca to run the marathon this would be nice considering you we've been talking about in the pod.

Yeah, because do you know what I don't know how you do that. But because I got sent one which was all the people from off the curb are running it. Okay, let's give that shout out now that can be a small business shout out. I think they're running it they're running for Teenage Cancer Trust. They're running it for Teenage Cancer Trust. Oh, no, there you go. If you go on to just give in, it says off the curb, run them and they're now management. There's four of them.

Yeah. And one of them has got a lot more than the rest. So donate to the other three. Well, hang on. So no, but this is just for everyone. You can donate to... No, because when you have to give, you have to give specifically. Oh yeah, look, one of them is steaming ahead. Yeah. So yeah, so Rick, Angie, Luca and Holly all running it so you can donate. I think donate to Luca after what she went through in that LeBan home. She had a great time. We both discussed

that we weren't gonna have a conversation and it was fine and then we both put our headphones in. You're just sat in the corner with your duvet over your head. No, I didn't have my duvet on. It's like she's sort of escorting a dead body back. I didn't have my duvet. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's like I've died in a country, a different country. And I'm a member of the royal family.

Bring me off as Josh has died on stage again. Has he not been doing? Oh, no, literally. Okay. Send Luca. She'll bring the body back. Do we charge the body back to the tour or is it a personal incident? Um, so, uh, what was I saying? No, I was like, you get in. No, so she, I was like, you get in. I just went, no, no, no. I can't believe how much you spoke about

giving Luca a lift home. I know, it's mad. I didn't even think it was an interview. That's why I like this podcast. I sit down and I have absolutely no idea what I'll end up talking about. So, are we still talking about Luca? Well, we don't have to. You asked me a question. You asked when we discussed not talking. Oh yes, sorry.

We're ironic considering how much we talked about it. When she was like, I know that you want to have some time to yourself after the gig, so I won't get a lift. I was like, it's fine. It's fine. And she was like, well, we can always just put our headphones on. So it was like, it was. Ah, yeah, perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah, fine. So the thing with the pedalo, Rob, either, and I don't know what the answer is here, either I've got much weaker legs than Rose, quite possibly.

Yeah. Or I was doing more of the, you know, like when you're both carrying something and you, you know, when you're carrying something with someone else and you think I'm not taking much of this here. Right. So you were taking, you were taking a lot of the pedaling strain. Or I'm just weak and I can't pedal though. Because I felt like I was fucking Lance Armstrong on day 14 of the tour. Well I'd say with pedals...

Well not even Lance Armstrong, someone who hasn't been bloody boosting, am I right? No? If you're pedaling, if someone who's with you is really good at pedaling, you don't have to pedal, you just follow it round? I don't think, I don't know if Rose was doing that, or if I'm just weak. Well no, but if she was really strong, you would find it easier, is what I'm saying.

You wouldn't be tired keeping up, because it's the same pedal. Yeah I know but I don't know whether it was just all more difficult than I expected, do you know what I mean? Or whether I was taking the full strain because Rose was finding it easy. Yeah so from that information I'm suggesting Rose maybe wasn't putting in as much effort and was following it around. I'm happy to be, I'm happy for Rose to avoid snow and be corrected. But that's, with my experience of a pedalo, it's that if you're not feeling it, you're not doing it. So you must have been doing it.

Yeah, I was fucking doing it. And your rock hard calves and thighs going to work. I was fucking driving the family around Victoria Park, pond on my birthday. I hate the pedlo. It's a lot of effort for very little gain. Well the thing is, it looks so relaxing. I don't think it does. But when you see people gliding across the pond and you think, oh, what a lovely day

in the sunshine, but you're on a fucking bike going uphill, basically. But I only like a pedlo on holiday when you can jump in the water. Right, yeah, yeah. I think the point of a pedlo for me- You can't do that in Victoria Park. No, a pedlo with a slide on, on a beach in the summer, I'm all over it, get me out there, let's slide off, get in.

But yeah, just round it. But then I suppose you've got to do something with them, and if the kids want to do it, happy birthday. Yeah, and do you know what it was? We've been meaning to do it for years because they always go, let's do that. And then, well, they want to go again. So it didn't scratch the itch.

Didn't scratch the itch. And then I had a pizza and I didn't really enjoy it. Oh, what's wrong with the pizza? Didn't love it. I'd had a big lunch. And I thought it's my birthday, I should have something that's, you know, and then I was like, why have I done this? Well, I don't even want to.

Yeah. Do you get any presents? Yeah. What did you get? Just nice stuff from Rose clothes. A nice suitcase for the tour. Oh, that's nice. That's nice clothes.

Are you still trying to go smarter or is that a bit of, was that a fad? I do, I asked for socks because I've got, I've, I seem to have swung too far towards sport socks. Right. So you needed some smarter socks. Some normal socks. Normal socks. And t-shirts. Black socks.

For summer. No, I like a pattern on the socks. Stripy socks? Stripy t-shirt? You love a stripy t-shirt. You love a stripy t-shirt. I love a stripy t-shirt. I actually got a t-shirt that wasn't stripy from Rose. Okay.

Which obviously I said, you don't know me. No, it was all lovely. A lovely day, really. But you know, sometimes you don't get what you want, you get what you need, Rob. I don't think you got what you needed. No, but no, I wasn't talking about this, it was just a general point.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't look at you and go, Joe what he needs is a full day of hunting for an Easter egg and pedlo. I had a lovely day, but it wasn't. No one needs pedlo, no one's ever gone. Do you know what you need? Yeah. The pedlo.

Josh, I've got this thing, someone give me this letter before my tour show in Cheltenham, do you want me to read it to you? Oh, yes, please. I'd say it's, I don't want to name in shame. I'm just going to shame with no name, but I think it's an ins... I just can't believe what some people are like, right? So this was given to my tour manager to give to me before the show. You know, I'm a fairly confident, you know, relaxed performer. I always have that little bit of self doubt before you go and God, is this going to be funny? Will it work? Blah, blah, blah. Anyway. Of course, that's what makes anyone good. Yeah, exactly. You've got to care. Otherwise, you're just going out there and just barking

into the abyss and leaving. Yeah, for over two hours, some people. So this is for the attention of Rob Beckett, right? The letter starts RB. Okay, just RB. I'm hoping you would like some material to take the piss out of an Essex lad called... Blank the name. When he went to Parenting Hell Live, he thought the content was weak and walked out at the interval. Oh, my word. Now, what an opening paragraph that is to someone you're about to go and say. Do you know what? He's not wrong.

Do you know what? I think he is wrong. No, I'm joking. He is wrong. It was a great show. It was a great show. I was very proud of. No, I'm joking. He is wrong. It was a great show. It was a great show. I was very proud of that show. I was very proud of that show. But if people don't like it, they don't like it.

That's fine. But he's a glutton for punishment. Why has he come back? He's come back. Well, he thinks I'm the problem, Rob. No, don't let that get in your head. I think I don't know what is expected. Anyway, so he's got, he left interval and then he's putting brackets, tear him apart.

Tear him apart. Is that the end of the, is that the end of the line? He would never believe anyone would dare set him up. He is a practical joker. His wife is best friends with my wife. And the first time we met was at a hotel at Alton towers. He thought it would be a good idea in front of the kids to swap all the fire extinguishers around. What does that mean? Are they the same?

Well, no, I mean, it's incredibly dangerous. Of course it is incredibly dangerous. Because they will have certain ones by like, you know, electrical, electrical fires. So like they're all in certain places for certain reasons. So A, it's not entertaining for a start. Or funny. It's very, it's sort of very inconvenient to that hotel and sort of borderline dangerous.

I'd never watch that and go, cool, fucking hell, he's funny, isn't he? No, exactly. If something that dangerous has to be so funny, if you went, that is life threatening, what he's done, but the humor was so high that I'm willing to accept it. Yeah, exactly. I bet there's not enough juice for the squeeze. No.

So I'm like reading this going, is that funny? Is that a good thing to do in front of kids? Anyway, the next hotel we went to, he moved a double bed from one floor to another using the lift. What? It seems like a fucking effort. He's had a chimpanzee from PG Tips. What did he do it? I know.

So sorry. What from his own room so he's no longer got a bed? I mean, there's no more information. But if I was with someone and they, you know, if Alan Carr is probably one of the funniest people I've ever met in person, he's insanely funny. I've been to hotels with him. If I saw him moving a double bed out of his room into a lift, I wouldn't be like, cool, what is he like?

He's such a bloody... You're right, Alan. Yeah. What's going on? Yeah. So I'm like, so let it go on. It goes on. He moves a double bed from one floor to another. My wife thinks his quick humor is hilarious.

Quick. Have you tried moving a double bed? I want to see one of his longer jokes. What are you doing? Moving house? Oh, it was quality. He got a removal van, filled it out with furniture and fucking drove 30 miles to a new house in Solial. What a legend. I don't understand.

Honestly, I'm reading this about two minutes before going on. I said to my tour manager, should I read it before the gig? He went, no. And I read it anyway, so I'm glad for punishment. He also thinks he could have one last one to laugh, you know, the last one. He's got the title wrong. He's got it wrong. He's even made that longer. The old L-O-T-L. Guys, you know this new show we're doing, L-O-T-L, do you reckon we should shorten it so it makes LOL? LOL? Laugh out loud? No, no, no, no. Keep the two in there. Keep the two in there. Anyway, he thinks he would win

last one to laugh with ease. Maybe set him up on, maybe get him up on stage with you and test him throughout the show. Fucking Nora. I mean, I love this guy's like belief that he thinks I'm going to read this and go, do you know what? I've got to get this guy on stage. Just the thought also you're going to a comedy show. Obviously he'd win last one to laugh. Rob, when he, the moment he moved the sofa around the kitchen, Bob Moore would be gone. Richard Awadie would be in fucking pieces. His sides would be slit wide open, split to pieces. Howardie's died, actually, from laughing. Why?

This place from Cheltenham's moved to bed? He goes, yeah, so get him up on stage. If you pull this off, I'll treat you to dinner between shows. And then he's put his name and the phone number. I'd say that, my friend, would be a fate worse than death. Can you imagine? He wouldn't be able to eat. Where's his table gone? Oh, what's he done? He's only moved tables. What's he like? He's swapped the salt and the pepper positions. That's got me.

What's that? Four people have died in the kitchen? What? The fire blanket's got moved? Oh no. Quick humor, my friend. Quick humor. Oh no. Quick humor, my friend, quick humor. Oh, that's how I was in disbelief for that. And he got the cheek to call our show weak, weak content. Do you know what, Rob? Yeah. You think he'd like it?

We brought a bed on stage. We fucking did. He fucking left in the interval. We missed it. That's his absolutely his humor. We moved a bed on stage. We moved a fucking bed on stage. To put tired parents in and we gave them a prize if they stayed awake.

Anyway, but yeah, that was mental. That is unbelievable. It's just mad. Anyway. Imagine getting him up on stage just to sit there. So what was the plan? He'd get up on stage and not laugh for the whole show? Yeah, which seems a mad way to go.

Why go to a comedy show? In which case you'd get lunch, which to be fair, you need to make back some of that taxi money. So it's not. No, it could've saved me a dinner. What's the point of going to a comedy show to not laugh? You might as well be going to a brothel and not get an erection. I will not get hard.

To be fair, he had already seen you and not laughed. So he's got form. I think the content of your bra is weak, actually. I'm not going to get an erection. I'm going to leave before the climax and that is going to show. And that will show you the butt. Yeah. Anyway, it's not making me laugh, but.

It's incredible. Absolutely incredible. I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Doherty. And we'd like to invite you to our new podcast. What did you do yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday?

That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday?

I'm really downplaying it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like I'm just, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time, I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? That's too much, isn't it? That is. That's over the top.

What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday? I'm sure I've said this on this before, but you know, when you're at a supermarket and you get a thing saying, do you want to round up your money to the pound, give us 37p extra to charity. That comes off their tax. That counts as a supermarket donating to charity. Bringing down the cheaky bastards. Right, I'm donating 50 quid to Luca because we spoke about so much.

Have you donated yet? Yeah, I have, yeah. She's got 12 duvets. The monetary value of 12 duvets. The monetary value of 12 duvets. The monetary value of 12 duvets. I'm just going to put sorry about Josh and his duvet. You know, normally at the end of a marathon, they'll put like a silver foil around you. I'm going to be there for Luca with a big duvet to put it around.

I'm sorry about Josh and his duvet, but she'll see that before she listens to this. No, but she'll still think, oh, I know what he's talking about. She'll know we talk. I've just tried to give 50 quid, right? I don't want to dig out just giving too much, but they want me to give, they said give Justin giving a 12 pound 50 tip.

It's a bit much isn't it? That's more than 12.5%. Well, exactly, but if you drag it down, it goes to 12.5%, but then you can click custom and then put zero if you drag it down, it goes to 12.5%. But then you can click custom and input zero if you want or give them a tip. I've got a problem with my local coffee shop, Rob. Oh, go on.

We're tipping. So great coffee shop. I know all the people behind the bar, you know. Baristas. Baristas. The bar-risters, yeah. The bar-risters. So when you're getting takeaway, if you do the chip and pin, which you do, because everyone does, it defaults to, do you want to give a tip? So every time, it's a no tip situation, isn't it? Yeah, unless someone goes really out of their way,

I think takeaway, or if you're doing, like sometimes I do- If you're getting coffee there every day to walk out with, it's not- So do you click no tip? I do, and I feel awful every time Rob, because I didn't realise it was a tipping situation. Well yeah, I feel a bit like,

when I, what annoys me sometimes is when you do like the QR code in a pub and you order it to your table and no one, you've not seen anyone and it says give a tip. I'm like, what for? I've ordered it on my phone, who am I tipping? I tip very well at restaurants when I'm served by a person. If I'm doing a QR or takeaway, I do feel like that's not really a tipping seat. I don't think this sounds awful. I tip well for good service.

But if there's lots of human that I've met yet, I feel a bit aggrieved giving 20% to a fucking ghost. Do you know what I mean? I tip well, mate. Our tip well over. Don't you worry about that. Especially if they recognize me. I go well in. I just want them to say he tips well. Gotta be known as a tight bastard. All right. Small business shout out. Aren't we doing the just giving? Or should we do one anyway? I tell you what, we do the just giving. We've just done that one. Froth the Curb Teenage Cancer Trust.

Yeah, you do one. Here we go. Hi, Rob, listen to Perrin Hill. And I've heard that you mentioned that you hate maths and thought this may be useful for you and your girls. Myself and four other teachers wrote this and now have two others too. And it was a real labor of love. For background, two of the team have worked at schools

have gone to get the title of most improved in England. And we also won maths team of the year. So know a little bit about maths. I genuinely love to help you and your girls in any way I can. Mel, 52 year old career change teacher. I had a midlife crisis in my 30s and became a teacher and it's mel at just maths dot code at UK. Can you have a small piece of shout out? This is a book it's called Ready, Set, Go,

written by the teams at Kangaroo Maths and Just Maths. And you can order this book and it's sort of like a, sort of a workbook where you can give it to your kids and help and it's a, explains maths and how to do it, which is quite helpful for the parents and the kids. It's called Ready, Set, Go, written by Kangaroo Maths and Just Maths. Essential support for key stage two mathematics

there you go Fizz, Matt, Mel, Seega and Steve put this together and yeah so Google ready set go and if you want to get to know more mail at just maths dot co.uk there we go that is lovely will I use it probably not but I love the thought Mel got to be honest some people will though I just can't do maths I've just drawn a line under it just bury it out bury the pain down deep inside and it'll all go away it'll be fine yeah so I can't tip don't do maths that's a good excuse that is good right I'll see you on Friday for the big one yeah what's the big one no I just thought I'd say it and get people excited. Oh, that's a good idea. Well done. Bye. Yeah, bye. Hey there, I'm Keema Bopp and I have a new podcast.

It's called Icebergs and it's about the endless journey to find ourselves and find out what it really means to have self acceptance and self love. I'll be exploring the inner landscapes of some of my favorite people. Oh, I don't like being self-aware. Ah! And asking them about who they are, how they got that way, and how they feel about it. That's subjective, what I do on stage. I am objectively not funny off stage.

A bit of their present. I didn't know that I was ugly until I was like 16 and record executives told me it. A bit of their past. I need more time being alone than I thought. And how they navigate all that stuff. That's definitely something I think my therapist would have to bring it on.

The thing about icebergs is only 10% of them is above the surface. 90% we can't even fathom. And I think people are a lot like that. And if they're not, then that's a really dumb name for a podcast.