Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP17: Easter Lost Keys Chaos

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

This week it's an Easter weekend catch-up and both Stiff Neck and Loose Neck get themselve into a spot of car key bother! **TRIGGER WARNING** This episode features discussion of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Small business shout-out: Sticky Lips BBQ - HERE Little Nomads Japan - HERE Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be

honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to Reba, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Rain, can you say Josh Whiddicombe? Josh... Josh Whiddicombe. Good girls. Was that two kids? It was. It was Rain and Reba. Rain and Reba. Rain and Reba sound like two twin robot women

that are evil baddies in a Tom Cruise sci-fi film? Well, give them time, Rob. Give them time. They're four and two. And they are the these are my nieces, Rain and Reva, age four and two, say your names. I'm a longtime listener. I've been trying to get my sister Bronte, their mum, to listen for years.

These are these are big names for the North West of England. Yeah, I know. It doesn't feel like Paddy McGuinness, Sarah Cox, Peter Kay territory, does it? Ding dang do, Bronte, come here dickhead. Walking Ray and Reva, what you doing? What you doing? What you doing? That's my impression of someone from Bolton. Do you know what? You don't use your quite good impressions enough. Quite good, I love the little bit of stank on the compliment. You don't use your quite good impressions.

That was good. No. Hopefully if this is read out she'll finally be convinced. I do have two kids myself, Pippa and Ted, 11 and Ted. It's more like it, isn't it Rob? Yeah, Ted, come here Ted. What the fuck's going on with Ray and Reva, Pippa and Ted, 11 and Ted. It's more like it, isn't it, Rob? Yeah, Ted, come here, Ted. What the fuck's going on with Ray and Reva, Pippa, Bronte? That's more Yorkshire, isn't it? Yorkshire.

Oh, no, I think it's fine. It's all Norver, isn't it? It seems. It's all places me and you don't understand. 11 and nine, but obviously they're too old and cool to do anything, I ask. Thanks for the laughs. Brydie from Bolton.

K, no. Get out. Bridey. The names are getting more obscure as it goes on. Yeah, there was a bride at my school, but that boring thing. Don't blame me. Blame my parents XYZ and Chilucalo. Good, good. You know what? I told you. Come up with them off the top of your head. Oh, off the dome after a very busy weekend.

Have you had a busy weekend? Easter. This is Easter, isn't it? And just I've eaten so much chocolate. I don't want to have a go at Jesus, but Easter's shit. Right, OK, I'm happy to explore this with you. Can you hear my children in the background, by the way? No. OK, I'll tell them to shut up. Give me Christmas over Easter.

Oh, my God, eat Christmas shits on Easter like it's a rich man's chest in Dubai. Is that a good analogy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine, yeah. You think you want it, when it arrives you feel dirty afterwards. Dirty chocolate. The chocolate's disgusting and it's lovely. Sorry, what are you talking about? The shit on the chest is the metaphor for Christmas Easter eggs.

Yeah, the chocolate and the shit are separate things. Because you think you'll be into it. Oh, we'll just go mad. We've been good all year and good all week. You know, some people have done Lent. Let's just eat loads of chocolate. Some people have done Lent. Some people have done Lent, so we should just go for it. I've never met anyone that has. Easter, there's just too much chocolate everywhere, and I end up eating it because I'm quite stressed and tired.

Because I love having fun with my family, but I've worked out, actually, that socializing and having fun with your family sometimes is more tiring than actual work. I don't know. I think you've put the word sometimes in there. But I don't believe you meant the word sometimes. I believe you meant the sentence put the word sometimes in there, but I don't believe you meant the word sometimes. I believe you meant the sentence without the word sometimes, but you've put it in.

Just so I can call chilled modern day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fucking exhausted and up to my limit. I went to bed last night at 9 p.m. Exactly, couldn't read my book, I was too tired. I was asleep at 9pm. But I'm jealous of you because I ate so much chocolate watching the boxing. Cause I was getting all excited because of the boxing was on. Cause that last night,

Liam Cameron and Ben Whitaker and I really wanted Liam Cameron to win. He's almost like a rocky story and Ben, no, he lost, but Ben Whitaker, who was fighting a little bit flash and very hard to like is the best way to put it. And I was getting all antsy watching that because I love Liam Cameron so much. Then I ate loads of chocolate and there was a lint one that I knew the kids wouldn't eat. Oh no. What time, what time was the chocolate? Oh, bashing back a lint egg at fucking 11pm boy. Oh mate, you're not sleeping.

No, Joe, I did instead. I laid in bed for an hour creating AI images of me being an Italian footballer on AI. Yeah, I woke up to that. I woke up to that. Yeah, they're good. They are good. But he really sold to me. They're on our Instagram. How how little you look like an Italian. Oh, yeah. I mean, you can't you can't argue with genetics. I thought I looked like I look like the captains of the Icelandic women's team.

To be honest, you've also done me as the lead singer in Blur. Yes. Which shows how uncool I am. Yeah so this is basically on chat GPT. Just so you know chat GPT. The singer of Blur would never during a gig be wearing a Blur t-shirt. Yeah I did that was bad AI that was. Come on. And then Michael winning an Oscar. Yeah because I was trying to do people's dreams. So I did me as an Italian footballer, you as the leader in a bloke, and then Michael winning an Oscar for the best director.

Why has Michael turned up to the Oscars? I get you provided a picture of him in a t-shirt and hat. Yeah. But he would, he'd wear a suit if he was nominated in the Oscars. Well, maybe I should have said it. He certainly wouldn't be wearing a beanie hat. But I said they should.

But that's the AI should go. Right. There's a dress code at the Oscars. Yeah. Well, I said to AI, please create an image of this man winning Best Director Award at the Oscar Academy Awards with Steven Spielberg, the director and Steve Bruce, the footballer presenting him with the award. So what I should have done there is what you put into AI. I should have said of this man, but dress smartly because this man implies like this and it was a photo of Michael Bage jumper on a.

But I think AI should go little note for the guys and gals that chat GPT. If you're creating images for the Oscars, there is a dress code. Everyone has to wear a suit. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I agree. And Steve Bruce, it's incredible, by the way. He looks fucking brilliant. And then the other one now, this is, I got into a bit of trouble.

I thought I was going to get like my house raided by police. Oh no. I was doing other dreams and I've got a friend of mine who's like an amateur boxer and does boxing training, underdog fitness. Big shout out to my mate. I had a photo of him in his like blue vest, amateur outfit. And I said, please create an image of this man winning the WBC ring magazine, world title, lifting him in the air, wearing, and he's a Swansea fan, wearing Swansea City themed shorts, right? And they did that, but they kept the blue top, the blue vest on him.

Now this undermined the image because no one fights professionally with a vest on it. Exactly. This is the same problem, Rob. It's the same problem. So I said, please remove the blue vest from this man. And they said, that is, that goes against our privacy policy. Oh, come on. No, I felt like the biggest pervert ever.

Because it's basically like, here's an image of someone I like, make them naked. You can't do that. True. So talk to me about your mad weekend that was perhaps to more tiring than work. Well, no, the problem is it's like- Sometimes more tiring. Well, no, it's like, well, we had, so basically quick rundown of it. We, Thursday we had a day out in London, me, Lou and the girls. Friday we had a couple of people over.

And then Saturday we went to an Easter egg hunt at a friend's and then Sunday, we went and visited Lou's grandparents that are 92. And then today we're doing the podcast. We're going swimming and then hamster toy shopping and then cleaning up the hamster. But a lot of it was driving on the motorway to go and talk to people, which is essentially my job. I've found I've enjoyed it, but it's just quite, it's just quite tiring socializing.

What are your kids like with driving? How do you deal with it? Oh, they're good. They're good. They don't have iPads. They take a couple of snacks. We give them a pillow and a little blanket. And then they normally have a sleep on the way back.

They're quite good in the car. So that's not a problem. They always go, how long? How long? An hour? An hour? You just like, shut it up. Do we have to listen to? car. So that's not a problem. They always go how long, how long, an hour, an hour. You just like shut it up. Do we have to listen to Taylor Swift again? I like her. But let's have, anyway, so the weekend was lovely. But it is like, I just came

into it off the back of a lot of, I did seven shows in seven days, three in Cardiff, two in Cheltenham, day off, two in Ipswich. But you know, I'll tell you what, we had a brilliant day in London. Yeah. We went to see, let me get my notes. We went to see, my kids, we're going to Japan, aren't we, at the end of my tour. And they're into those Studio Ghibli films. If you watch these. Oh, you went to Totoro, didn't you? Yeah. So they like my neighbor Totoro. We also watched Spirited Away, on which was one of the most amazing cuddles and naps

I've ever had. I got in, I laid on my daughter's bed and I had both of them either side of me. And they were like, sometimes they don't want to snuggle in. Some kids are a bit more cuddly, some aren't. Some do it for it, but they both snuggled in. And we watched Spirited Away, which is a bit more grown up, great film.

And they, I had a bit more grown up, great film. And they had a little half an hour nap and it was outrageous as they was watching a film. And then we got a Chinese takeaway, just like absolute core memories peak Easter. Trip across Asia, lovely Japanese film. A little trip across Asia. Chinese food. Chinese food. Yeah, that's Asia, isn't it? That is Asia.

Yeah, that's fine. That's it? That is Asia. Yeah, that's fine. That's having tapas and watching a family. Exactly. That's what you did the following night. That's what we did in Asia. Yeah. And then you watched Big and had burritos. Yeah, or poutine.

What's poutine? North America, burritos more South America, isn't it? Oh, I say central. Fair enough. But yes, of course. But then Big is set in Chicago, which is or New York, which is North America. So I'd say you've got your Americas wrong there. And then and then you watched In the Name of the Father and had a pint of Guinness. And then you watched Crocodile Dundee and ate something that people from New Zealand eat. Exactly. Exactly. It's all a lot of fun. It's all a lot of fun.

A kiwi pizza. Do you like to eat the kiwis out there? That's the only animal I can think of. What do New Zealanders eat? What's their thing? What do New Zealanders eat? I don't know. Oh, there's a thing called pie float in Australia.

Isn't that the Pim of our Garfun? Okay, we watched a documentary about Jonah Lomu and ate pie float. Tim Tams. Tim Tams! Oh, yeah, there we go. That's what we did. Okay, we watched a documentary about Jonah Lomu and ate pie float. Tim Tams. Tim Tams! Oh, yeah, there we go. That's what we did. Yeah. It's equivalent of watching Life of Pi.

It was equivalent of watching Slumdog Mill in there. Whilst eating, now we're getting into dangerous territory. Whilst eating. Yeah, because people are going to... Whilst eating, what are those things they have in Sri Lanka? Those... hoppers. Hoppers. There we go. We are worldwide. Quick question. Have I told you how shit Australia is for a vegetarian? I love Australia. And the fact you don't like it sounds like that.

Do you know what? I'm TBC on possibly liking it again. The food in Australia is amazing. I might be liking it for two weeks next September, depending on. All of a sudden someone's well into avocado down in Oz. Yeah. Why did you ship the food's amazing out there? Because it's fine in the cities. Yeah, in the cities, Ross.

Where are you going? We traveled down through the middle for the last leg. The ill fated last leg down under documentary. It's too hot to grow veg out there it's too far away to get it in so it's just meat. I've never eaten so many toasties in my life. You must love it you love toast. What? Everyone loves toast. Not as much as you, you chose it for your off-menu meal. Did I? Didn't you have toast? I don't remember, Rob. Someone sent me on Saturday, like, a picture of an interview

I'd done in the Times. Like, you know, one of those things like, what was the last film you saw? You know, one of those kind of interviews. And they were like, why did you answer this? And I was like, I have no memory of ever doing this interview. I don't, I, how would I know what I answered to my favorite dinner party guests? I haven't thought about it. I've just said it. Well, I've beckoted it. And then I've deleted it from my memory. I don't know what I fucking

chosen off menu. I just turned, I was only there to promote my fucking talk. People that go on a venue will sit down and go, what do you have a starters? And they panic and go, oh, fuck. Yeah, it's this one, isn't it? Yeah. Soup. Oh, it's the equivalent of people going, on our show, I love this show, guys. Thank you so much for having me on. End of the episode, we say to them, so one thing about your partner that you like, one thing you don't, they're like, what? Sorry?

And you're like, I thought you loved this fucking show, right? In this industry, there's three ways that you're on a show. You're either paid, you're contractually forced to do promo, or you're guilted or a favor through either you or an agent manager friend or Gil. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay, Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it. The Ford It's a Big Deal event is on. How's that? A little bigger.

The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Nice. Now the offer Lisa 2025 escape active all wheel drive from 198 bi weekly at 1.99% APR for 36 months with 2755 down. Wow, that's like $99 a week. Yeah, it's a big deal. The Ford it's a big deal event. Visit your Toronto area Ford store for dot ca today. Anyway, no, so Japan to my neighbor Totoro, I would definitely recommend watching my neighbor Totoro on Netflix before going to, I think it's on Netflix, before going to DVD. I'm not forcing you there, but that's where we watched it. Go to a screening.

Go to a screening and watch it with the kids. And then honestly, at the theater, because there's like, it's a puppet, there's puppets of the characters, because the characters are these big, like, fairy bear spirits that live in the woods, and they're very friendly and cute. They are, when you first see Totoro or Totoro, I can't remember how you say it, everyone says it differently it seems, it's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen at the theatre. And what are the puppeteers doing? Are they there? Can you see them? In some spaces they are, in some they're not. The first time you see Totoro, I was just like,

I was looking at it, I felt like an old person that'd just been given an iPhone. I was looking, I was going, I think that's a puppet, but is that AI? Is that a projection? Is it a hologram? It looked so real and amazing. It's what happened when I went to ABBA, ABBA Voyage.

And for the first 20 minutes, I was like, there are people stood there. I'm sorry, but there are people stood there and they must be projecting their faces onto real people. That they've altered the faces of real people. It was totally real. It was happening. But they, but this, I knew, but I couldn't, it looked so real, but I knew it wasn't a

hologram. I just couldn't get, but it was mind-bending. My children were literally like, oh, open mouth. Also as well, I didn't get, I paid for these tickets. This isn't like a fucking freebie. I know we paid to go. But that open mouth, like, oh my God. Like that, like the wonder of it.

But yeah, so the kids actually said it was the best thing they've ever seen at the theater. I had to lean over to my seven year old and go and go, because my nine-year-old was getting, she hadn't watched it as much, my seven-year-old loves all this. I said to the seven-year-old, does the mum die? Does the mum die? Yeah, and she went, nah, it's all right. I know. Because then I could say to my nine-year-old, the mum don't die, don't panic.

It was weird leaning over to her. But the fun thing is that- So the seven-year-old had seen it had seen it but the 9 year old hadn't? The 9 year old doesn't like anything that's too like... She goes, oh gosh. When it gets to the dramatic bit of film. My daughter doesn't like peril. She goes, I do not handle stress well, I do not like drama, I just want everything to be perfect.

And she would walk out the room when it's a stressful bit. So that's... My daughter doesn't like daughter's exactly the same. Well, my daughter doesn't like films because of the peril. But my oldest is like that. And we'll like ones that are very, she knows she's safe, that is like, because she wanted to go to cinema.

She's like, Sylvainian's family film that's on for an hour and it's for like babies. She's like, let's go and see that. I'm like, you'll get bored. She'll be like, yeah, I know, but I know it'll be all right. You know, she doesn't like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That that. I'm like, you'll get bored. She'll be like, yeah, I know, but I know it'll be all right. She doesn't like that drama. Yes, exactly.

Exactly. But yeah, they said it was the best thing they've ever seen at the theatre. They were like, open my mouth. There were seven and nine and they'd seen the film and they watched Spirited Away. Spirited Away is a bit more grown up. I'd say sevens are absolute youngish who can goited away. Um Rob. Yeah, I lost my car keys Oh, no, I lost I lost a fob. I don't want to shit on your story, but it's I'll tell you about that after my no No, I think mine's pretty strong. So I'm I'm confident a headline

Absolutely. I love this at you. Look at you could tell you had a couple of days off or a fresh Walking around cock-a-hoop. I've got a rash on my face actually, I'm not that refreshed, anyway. I was getting out my car, right, and where I get out my car there's a bush, and as I turned, my little gate fob, right, I've got a little gate fob, flew off my keys. Oh my God.

And I heard it go, whoosh, you know when it just lands in long grass? Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, it's not clonk, ding, donk, you know, like, it's swallowed by the world. Like a ball, like you've hit a badge drive off the tee. Yeah. And it's like, you know, normally it bounces or you can hear it ding, donk. It went, it just went, it's almost like the world's gone, gone forever. Yeah. We'll take that.

And I looked and I was on my hands and knees on this long grass, Almost like the world's gone, gone forever. We'll take that. And I looked and I was on my hands and knees on this long grass, trying to go through it. I've cut all my hands, I've got all stings, I've had to put it high to a quarter zone. It's gone, completely gone. No, you've given up. Mate, I was there aiding. How much did you look? Loads.

And I was like, it's mental. And every time I walked past it, I'm like, I know it's in there. Oh my God. So, you've still lost your fob. But I can easily replace that flat 10 quid. I just need to speak to the key people. So I got to Cornwall Rob. Yeah. We went to Cornwall for the week. Lovely. We still trip. We stayed at home and I'm fucking pissed down for the

first three days. It was lovely up here. Yeah, I know. We literally drove from the sun to the rain. I'm so jealous of people on holiday Easter. And I know I normally always, we didn't go away this Easter. Yeah. And I know we always, I always go away, but it literally drives me mental.

I start to dislike people when I see their holiday clips on Instagram. Do you know what it makes, Rob? It makes Easter fucking flyby. If for a week, if you're away for a week. Yeah, it helps. It really doesn't feel. Anyway, so we get to Cornwall. Yeah. And when I get to Cornwall, I am there for a couple of hours. And then for some reason, I think, when did I last pass my MOT? And I've driven there without an MOT.

I think you could say that. That's a mistake. And if you get it booked in... Yeah, because it was a mistake, right? But it is totally illegal. I've done the same thing. This is what you have to sign up on the government website. If you go on the government website, you can check, put your number plate in and check and then press text message reminders. Oh really? Oh, this is great. Great news. So it's

good to talk about because I've done that a number of times. Because I didn't know whether like that's obviously, I don't want Daily Mail, Widicombe drove illegally. Oh mate, I think it puts a little bit of fucking edge. That's the kind of edge you need. People might think you're an absolute pussy, but they're like this guy's rolling around with no mo to some so absent minded. So then I get there and call the garage. Yeah. And I'm like, I need an MOT. They were like, we got there on Friday. Like we don't want to tease on Tuesday. Right. Okay. So I've

got no car for the first four days Oh, do you feel like saying fucking open up the books might earn some money do on a Monday? Well, the problem is Rob I only do I'm sorry. I only do um clothes. I only do headline sets on a Saturday I don't do first there Friday. Well, that is under a quid. Why don't you fucking go with it? Let's make the world go round Cornwall you sleepy bastards. No, they were so nice. So I drove my car around there. You're allowed to drive it to a test centre. To a test centre.

Yeah, but normally not from East London to Cornwall. Not from East London to Cornwall. They'd suggest one in East London. Certainly not with a stop off at a hotel halfway down. Absolutely not. Watching Doc Martin eating a pasty. So I drove it around there because luckily I thought, you know, someone hit into me when I was parked in London. I didn't know that. Yeah. So my light was working, but it smashed the plastic on it. Right. So I was like, I'm going to fail my MOT here. Yeah. So my light was working, but it smashed the plastic on it. Right.

So I was like, I'm going to fail my MOT here. Yeah. So I went around four days early and said, this is going to fail me. Could you get me a new one of these? Yeah. Fucking hell, Rob. So it was ordered in for when you went in? Yeah, it was ordered in.

That's good. That's very clever. For a man who hadn't realized that he was driving without an MOT, that was the opposite end of the spectrum. That, for you, this is, this is, this could be the end of the pod. Because the story would normally go, I took it there, you're never going to drop. Let's find the MOT. Because of the flashlight. So I couldn't drive back for a couple.

Well, I passed the MOT. Okay. The car did. I don't think you could take that. The car did. They patted me on the back. Lovely garage. Can I say just one thing about this garage? And they were lovely.

Oh, you're going to say how nice and relaxed it is that's a little bit on the nose. Police camera action on with a... Come on guys we get it you're a mechanics you don't need to listen to car... Can you do that on purpose or... I don't know whether they're listening to just car themed songs or whether it was just a co-ed on radio too or whatever when I walked in. Do you know what I listen to sometimes that makes me laugh? I'll go to like Spotify like top you know there was an album I think called Top Gear Easy, Real Cheens, and I play it just to imagine I'm like...

Since you've been gone, since you've been gone. A guy in his new clean Meriva just like... And you pretend you're doing it ironically, but you're fucking loving it. Yeah, now I am just a dad driving his kids around listening to soft rock. So then all good, Friday night we're coming back Saturday morning yeah. Friday night packing everything up we normally I'm like we'll get it all done so we can just leave first thing Saturday morning. I open the car clean out the rubbish I'm, I can't find my car keys. I've literally just opened my car. Yeah. And I can't find them anywhere. So you just got the boot open, no key.

Boot, I can open and close it because it's unlocked. Yeah. I think are they in the, I search the car. Does your car have an app? The car won't turn on. No, my car does. I would again, another, this is as well as signing your registration plate up, this is obviously for newer cars and quite a privileged position to be in. But if you do have a car that has access to an app, the app being able to open your car gets you out of so many holes.

But I can't drive it, Rob. Without the key, oh, you've got an old actual key in turn. No, but you need the key within the car to press the button. But no, but you don't if you've got the app. Oh in turn. No, but you need the key within the car. But then if you've got the app. Oh really? See on some, yeah. Oh, so I couldn't find it to the point where Rose's mum was looking for it.

Rose was looking for it, I was looking for it. In the end, I have to phone a local locksmith, local guy. Oh God. He's like, it'll be 375 quid. I need to do it on Tuesdays. I can do it tomorrow morning. £375! Because he's in a different bit of Cornwall. Oh, my, kill me.

It's pissing down with rain, £400 in the key. MOTL, I'd have to go to Cornwall and send me a mentor. It's perfect for you. I'd go mad there, mate. And it's too narrow. So then Rose's mum realises she's a member of the AA. She could do it as a passenger. Lovely. Go So then Rose's mum realised that she's a member of the AA. She could do it as a passenger. Oh, lovely. Go on, Rose's mum.

You should definitely be a member of that if you're driving to and from Cornwall a lot. I know. I need to be a member. I presumed I was. It's the kind of thing I am. I'm going to join now. Or RAC or whoever. Or whoever.

They're all great. Green flag. Remember when they sponsored England? Yeah, I loved it. Loved it. Great days. Teddy Sheringham in a green flag kind of training top. Why not? So anyway, their key things closed because it's nine till 7am. It's closed 9pm till 7am. I'm like, I fucking-

Oh, because you're trying to go early. We were so well, this was still the night before. And I'm like, I can't believe I've opened the car and lost the key in 10 minutes. How has this happened? I'm like, have I put it down and then someone's walked past and stolen the key? No. And then, but you know when you're mine is like, what could have happened? Anyway, right off, I've had a bit of a breakdown.

My daughter's had to say, you know, she's checked. I'm all right because you're so angry at yourself I love that your daughter does welfare checks on you. Yeah, I know Tell me through me often took me through your breakdown just angry at myself Just like I can't believe this not not swearing. No, cuz I hate to turn the air blue, but like no I can't believe I've done this. I can't believe how stupid and thick I am that kind of thing. Oh, yeah. Okay, right. So she doesn't want a dad. No, she doesn't want anyone saying that about a dad, especially your own dad. Yeah. So then I'm like, well, in the morning, I'm gonna have to get this guy or the AA depending on whether they can do it. And then I go to do the

recycling. All right. Yeah. In the the garage. And I'm like, Oh, wait a minute, that bag of beach stuff. I did move that around the time of opening the car. So there's a bag which is got a frisbee or that. I look through it. It's not in there. And then I look, there's a fishing net poking out of it. And I've put it in the fishing net. In my child's, in the net of a fishing rod. That's where I've stored- I really remember-

How have I not? I've got no memory of that. It's just sitting in a fishing net in the garage. Is your garage haunted? Not to my knowledge. No. Well, maybe now. But I don't know how I've done this, Rob.

Well, you're just busy, you're tired. The problem is, you're going, right, I've got to get the cast sorted, do the cast, because then tomorrow you're living so far ahead, which is totally understandable, like everyone is. Like the same way as I was trying, when I lost my key, it flew off, I wasn't noticing where it went. I was like, right, I've got to get it in, because I've got to do that. You're so busy thinking about the stuff. Life is too fast. Yeah, I know. Life is too fast. Life is too fast.

I don't like it. So you found the key to cancel the guy. Cancel the guy. Yeah. Cancel the AA. Dick Turpin. Which is lucky. Stand down Dick Turpin. Your 375 key you robbing bastard.

Very nice man. I bet he was very charming for 400 quid a fucking pop. You should see me when I'm getting over the pain or licking everyone's ass. Hello! No you're not. I've been on TV shows with you. And she turned out my mother-in-law had two AA accounts, one through NatWest. So they were like, which account?

So she saved, or she's lost loads of money over the years, but now at least she knows that. Oh, that's so, look at that, it's all worked out well. It's all worked out well, and now I'm gonna go on to the, what is it, the government MOT thing? So when you drive down, all five of you, is your mother-in-law in the middle of the two kids? No, she gets the train.

Oh, she gets the train to meet you there? And we had like, we had friends there, so that was the beauty of the two kids? No, she gets the train. Oh, she gets the train to meet you there. And we had like, we had friends there, so that was the beauty of it. Yeah. We have friends there with kids. So basically, it's so weird. You don't see your kids. Because they're playing with them.

Because they're playing. Do you have this when you have friends with kids? Yeah, a little bit, but then sometimes I get a bit jealous because I'm like, I've not spent any time with my kids. That's what I feel like. I'm like, are they making, they are making great memories because they're not like... Yeah, but I'd quite like to be in them as well. I'd like to, I'd like to make a memory.

They're part of that actually. Because currently my great memory is I'm having a cup of tea and reading a book, which I've said for three months is all I want to do. And actually now I worry that I'm wasting their childhood. It's a long way to go in it to read a book and have a cup of tea Cornwall. In the rain. Do you know what I mean? How, tell me before you drive there and back.

Cause it's idyllic. Wow. Go down to Cornwall for Easter. I bet that's lucky. Drive there. What time are you leaving? We picked them up from school because it was my son's still in nursery. They had nursery and my daughter was doing the play scheme thing.

Right. Picked them up at 4 PM. Drove for two hours to fleet services. What's the snack situation? Big bag of snacks? Bag right? Right. Pick them up at 4pm, drove for two hours, yeah, fleet services. What's the snack situation? Big bag of snacks? Bagels. Right. They like a, they like a toasted bagel like, like a bagel with cream cheese, POM bears, mini chairs. But you've got that on standby at pickup. We are snacked up to our eyeballs. Respect. Anyone going into that journey about snacks is- You're an idiot. You're mad. But we're breaking the... this was our first attempt at breaking the journey. Two hours. To please?

To Fleet Services. For a proper dinner? Or just... Yeah. Would they add Burger King? Yeah. And we had... Because this is at a Pizza Express there as well, wouldn't it? There is a Pizza Express there, but that would take too long.

They had Burger King. Can I... I think your next challenge... Yeah. Rose rings up Fleet Services Pizza Express, puts in an order that she can collect and bring back to the car. That's a game changer for a Dr. Cormoran. We need pisses. We need pisses. Oh, have a piss as well.

Have a piss as well. Or get out, have a piss and then get back in with a pizza back on the road. Yeah, we need an argument about whether they can go in that car just outside the toilets, you know, the net of course. Yeah. need an argument about whether they can go in that car just outside the toilets, you know, of course, yeah, yeah. Then an hour and then we stayed in a lovely country pub come hotel. Right. Okay, so you completely break up the journey. Yeah,

that was nice stayed over. Obviously, I slept in the same bed as my daughter, my wife, my wife, Rose slept in the same bed as my current wife, my current wife, slept in the same bed as my son. Yeah, breakfast, started talking to a bloke at breakfast, and didn't like him. I got I got stuck talking to him. He was quite he was quite nice to the kids. And then and then I don't like this conversation actually. I love to add to that. I don't I don't think this is going

anywhere this year, especially when it talks about football. I think soccer's world class actually. I could give a fuck. He started talking. He was like, where are you going? We're like Cornwall. He's like, I've got a place in Cornwall. And then he was like, I'll show you it and then you can stay in it next time. Didn't ask us whether we got, do you know? Anyway, so he's showing me pictures. I don't want to say you asked me. I'm like, what are you, so where do you, he lived in, what's that rock off Spain that we own, Gibraltar? We have. Up the empire. It's gone very empire. Get this. I was like, oh, so what do you do for a living? He was like, I'm a trader. And I was like, I'm looking for conversation. Oh, so what if this was mid all the tariffs in the news? Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, you're in.

Yeah. Oh, what do you think about the tariffs? I'm like, here we go. We can all have a bit of fun saying Donald Trump's mad. Yeah. Oh, no, he loves Trump and Musk. He loves them. And I'm like, oh, fuck it out. Does he love the tariffs? Musk. He loves them. And I'm like, oh, fucking hell. Does he love the tariffs? He was like, he was in favour of the tariffs. He said, the problem with the UK is the tax is too high. So that's why all the rich people move abroad. I was like, I really don't want to get caught in this. You live in Gibraltar to avoid tax. Anyway, you know, when someone doesn't get the message that you're done with, the three of them have gone back to the hotel room. I'm just stood with this guy talking about

how Elon Musk's a genius. Right, anyway, then we drive down. Get the hash time. How long's the drive from? Three and three, but they can do iPads or what? And my daughter will listen to a playlist. On the way back, we did two stop strategy. Okay.

Just seven hours. Including the stops? Including the stops. Oh, that's not bad. No, it's not bad. You know, you go to New York. We listened to, this is pathetic Rob. Do you wanna know how lame my life is?

I said to Rose, if we leave at 10, we can listen to Ramesh for the first three hours. Let's leave at eight. At least when he comes on we're nearer. By the time we've listened to all of Ramesh, we'll be beyond Exeter. Oh, the only, when I've covered on that shift, because I've got it a bit on Sunday afternoons on Radio 2, everyone's coming back from Cornwall, but on that Saturday morning,

everyone messages in, off to Cornwall, off to Cornwall. It's because there's no other stations down there. It's Ramesh or Pirate FM. Every... When I did the cover on it, 10 to 1, when I covered for Claudia Winkleman, every text is coming back from Cornwall because they're just trying to fill the time. And they're so happy as they get towards Devon, they get like phone signal. Let's make the most of it. I texted Ramesh, I said, we we're gonna listen to you on the way back from Cornwall. He said everyone is. Oh I was like fucking read it out mate I'm driving. Read out my fucking text. I'm gonna die in a line. I need something here. Something to keep me going. I need to break this arm.

Anyway, we're going to look for more of those fucking big Easter eggs this afternoon. We're off to Sloan Square for the big 20. Oh, is it 20 in Sloan Square for those egg come things? Save the elephant. I think we're going to overrun with Asian elephants at the end of this. What about the elephants you're going to save taking photos of these eggs? You love Asia, China and Japan in one night. You fucking love it.

Can I ask you a question Rob? Because I think my answer would be really bad. If you were given a world map with none of the countries labeled, how many could you confidently label? I don't think I could get above 10 without starting to panic. I'd easily get more than 10. I reckon 30. 30?

Name them. What, name 30 countries? You reckon you could confidently label. Okay, here we go. Northern Ireland, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, England, France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Croatia. Oh, come on. Definitely could, it's on that little sliver bit on the coast opposite of it.

I wouldn't have been able to do that. Yep, South Africa. Yeah. North America, or United States of America. Canada. Yeah. Australia. Yeah. What now? Australia.

Yeah. You're on 14. Fuck. Ha ha ha. Japan. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. New Zealand.

New Zealand, yeah. Fuck, give me a map. But I need a map that hasn't got it written on it. You can't have a map. Well, no, but I've got to be able to point it on the map from show. Russia. Yeah, Russia, I'll on the map from shape. Russia. Yeah, Russia. I'll give you that.

India. Yeah. Mexico. Mexico. Could you do Scandinavia? Yeah, I probably could actually. I think you'd have to look at a map. Yeah, I could do Iceland, Norway, Sweden. Do you know what? Actually, without it written down, Norway, Sweden and Finland, I think I'd struggle.

But I could do Germany and Denmark and Holland and Belgium. I wouldn't fancy Germany. I tell you what, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Russia, Hungary, I'm fucking potluck. I know they're there. Couldn't tell you which order. It's like the corps. I know there's three of them. I couldn't tell you which one's which.

There's four of them. Sorry. Poor old Gyncor. Gyncor don't count. Greece, I could do Greece. Yeah one's which. There's four of them. Sorry. Poor old Jim Core. Jim Core don't count. Greece, I could do Greece. Yeah, I could do Morocco. I could do a few. That'd be a fun app, that.

Yeah. I'd spend hours on that. Do you know Jim Core believes that 9-11 was an inside job. Anyway. How many countries have you been to, by the way? So few, it's embarrassing. I've done 30. I only went abroad once in my childhood. I've done 39.

Have you? And I'm gonna add a few more this year. Are you including British country? Like are you starting with five? Absolutely. All right well I've done those five. I'm including Monaco. I've done France. Are you including Monaco? Yeah it's. I've been to Monaco. It's pretty. Jerry Halliwell. That's about your private life mate. Imagine. Um You're right. Sorry I was just looking at the countries I've been to. I mean it's maybe because of Robin Rommish. Have you written them down? There's an app called Bean where you can type in where you've been. Oh yeah. What's your views? Spoiler, not spoiler warning, what's it called? Trigger warning. Okay. The Easter Bunny. I need to talk to you about this.

Actually, this is on my list. So trigger warning. I'm gonna discuss the Easter Bunny here. My daughter knows it's bullshit. And now she's at that stage where she's playing me to get the chocolate. And I respect that. I never knew that the Easter Bunny was ever

in the two fairies part of the Christmas realm. I've never, because when my daughter said to me, he's the Easter Bunny. He's very much the Jim Core of the situation. I said, she said, is the Easter Bunny real? And I was, I looked at it, I was like, what? I didn't even know it being real was an option. Sorry, are you fucking thick? Is the Easter Bunny real?

Sorry, is there something wrong with your brain? So and then, so we got, we got, I've got to be real. So it's just something wrong with your brain. So we got a we got a I gotta be quiet. Should I be quiet? She's not. So my nine year old's are basically like, is this money real? I'm like, well, I don't know. And but we left out a little, I think she basically knows it's not, but she doesn't really want to question it too much. We're not defending it too much. We go, I don't know, it's up to you. And then we left out like an egg and a little teddy thing from the bunny. But yeah, I'm just sort of letting it Peter out. Yeah. But I think they know

they just they don't want to, I basically get to the point where they know, but they just don't want to mention it in case if they go like, oh, you know, it's not really, you don't get one. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. I might issue these to bunny. I think we just need a big open out and then that's not a thing., we don't need it. I like enough is too much at Christmas. I think he is We've got the fucking bad because he's raising questions about Santa by his association. Yeah, he's bringing it down. He yeah totally agree He's like, let's keep you got you're spreading the magic too thin Exactly. So once they start questioning the Easter Bunny, he's a fucking gateway drug into guest and questioning Santa. He's weed or she. It's a bunny, a boy or a girl.

Who knows? Who gives a fuck? Gender fluid. So we did an Easter egg hunt. And then I went to a birthday party yesterday. A four year old's birthday party. This is East London. Two people had done outdoor Easter egg hunts. Left them out.

One had a lint bunny stolen by a squirrel. Caught it on their camera, you know, like your garden camera. A squirrel carrying a whole fucking lint bunny. Another had their Easter eggs all eaten by a fox. Oh, so I've got a plan for this. We did it at Lou's uncle's house. It was a really good idea. He basically, to make sure all the kids get, no, because what happens is the older kids nickle the good eggs, right?

And then it's a bit of an argument, go put some back on, you're quicker, and then the younger, slower ones can't do it. So what he did was he got like, whack them on the legs. Say you had 20 older ones on the kneecap. Say there were 20 eggs out, right, and there were like 10 kids, he would put 20 older ones on the kneecap. Say there were 20 eggs out right and there were like 10 kids he would put 20 envelopes out yeah 20 envelopes out but that with the names of the kids

on like two of them so you're searching for like two bits of envelope and you've got to find your own one and when you get it you're going to give it to him then he had a big box that covered with a sheet and you could put your hand in and it's potluck. Oh that's nice. So you hunt the ticket and then that way dogs don't eat them, squirrels don't nick them, foxes don't eat them. They don't melt because we did one, everything melted and these cream eggs were coming back looking like an L. Oh yeah.

They've just gone into itself. So actually keep them in a box in the house with a cover over and then they come back with the ticket and then they pick one. But I think there's too much at the moment, too much chocolate for kids. It's disgusting. Can I just say about cream eggs before I change my mind and we advertise them in six months? I think they're too much. They're fucking insane. The thought of eating a cream egg.

So I'm, yeah, opening that up and looking down the barrel of it, you're like, fucking, there's syrup in it, right? Yeah. But they do, have you had the mini ones? No. They do mini ones, exactly the same, but tiny, like sort of mini egg size. Pop that in. You know what I'll do.

I'll suck till it pops. Before you know it, chocolate, then syrup, swallow it down with a bit of milk. Yes, please. Could I just say, when you say, you know what I do, I suck till it pops. They didn't know what you do. You do. For a Rocher. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. I'm a ch what you do. You do? For a Rocher?

Oh yeah, yeah, right. I'm a chocky sucker. You're a chocky sucker. I'm a chocky sucker. I'm a sucker for the chocky sucker. I suck till it pops. Cold pint of milk and a chocky suck. Come on.

Essential for most women. Am I bothered? No way. I'm taken. Yeah, I would have a pint of cold. If Lou left me, I would be so, I would never be able to find someone because I'm so... Actually, it might be good, but I would just like... Yeah, I do have a pint of coal milk with Chocky and Suck it watching the telly. Don't like it? Fuck off. Do you know what? If Rose left me, and I mean this, I don't think I could be bothered to find someone.

I just the thought of fucking going on fucking the internet and going on and like if Rose leaves me and I've got three and a half nights a week to myself. Yeah. I don't want to spend it meeting up with someone and realizing that they don't like me. Oh, don't get me wrong. If Lou left me, I'd put it about. Would you? But I wouldn't have a relationship.

You just have no strings attached. I'll be the no strings guide. The no strings guide. Just hanging around the stage door. Oh, God. No, I think I'd get bored and lonely. But I don't think it's such a conversation. I'd rather be lonely. At this stage of my kids, I wouldn't have a long term relationship until my kids were

at like uni age and I'd just dedicate myself to them. I think it's easy to say because that's not the situation. But I do think sometimes bringing in a new partner at a teenage years of a daughter's age when there's a messy breakup, I just don't know how helpful that is. And I think and it's easy to say that to not having to do it. But I think I would just leave all that serious relation stuff alone. Still going dates and meet people but actual serious relation stuff until they were grown a bit more grown up, I think.

Sorry, ladies. I'm sorry, but this if that's why you're listening, this you've been listening for four years waiting for Rob to come available. I have bad news. Even if I come available this dick shop shut. Nothing's getting time 12 years time. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we ready. I'll be there renew my vows. Yeah, anyway, Josh, right. Let's do a small business shout out. Okay, small business shout out. Here we go. Oh, this is a good one, thought you just said, hello, Rob and Josh, just wanted to email

and say thank you to Rob for what he said recently after you did the small business shout out, you talked about how starting a small business and following your dreams was brave and how people doing it should be proud of themselves. Yeah, I agree. It was really what I needed to hear that day. It sounded so genuine and heartfelt.

I'm pretty sure it gave many other small businesses, owners like me a little boost. But I didn't know that was gonna say that when I said, let's do this one. I chose this one because the company's called Sticky Lips. And I thought it'd be quite funny to go for and suck it till it pops, but I just ran out of compliment.

My partner and I run a BBQ, a barbecue food business called Sticky Lips, based in Epsom, and we sell authentic smoked BBQ for specialising in 8-hour smoked pulled pork, or as Josh calls it, a little trip down to the coast. We also do smoked mac and cheese for the veggies, Josh. Oh! It's currently a side hustle. I work part-time as an accountant and he is a self-employed electrician. We also have two boys aged three and six and sometimes the stress of running the business.

Fair play. Managing work, homeschool clubs and giving our boys the time they deserve can be overwhelming. My partner Liam smokes all the meat himself, is a self-taught barbecue king and his food is absolutely amazing. Brilliant. Everyone who tastes it loves it. We just need to keep growing to get as many people to taste it as we can. Find us at Epsom Market Thursday lunchtime,

and the Wangas, Wandgas, W-A-N-D-G-A-S, the Wandgas Social Club on Friday nights. We also do lots of pop-up events and private catering, so follow us on Instagram at Sticky Lips. Take care, lots of love, Stevie. There you go, Sticky Lips. There we go. Rob.

Yeah? Let no one ever say this podcast is a load of shit thrown together with no through line. Okay? I think it, yeah, I agree that it's not that. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm Claire, long time listener of the podcast, both before and after kids.

Originally from Eastbourne, I've been living in Yokohama, Japan. Oh, there we go, Rob. Here we go. It all comes back. Yokohama, here we go, here we go. For the past seven years with my husband and my daughter Mia, I so appreciate a small business shout out

for my new venture, Little Nomads Japan. It's a service designed to make traveling to Japan with babies and young children easier. Helping parents avoid overpacking the stress of navigating language barriers to buy essentials like nappies, baby food and other items. Our baby's essential boxes are delivered directly to your accommodation before you arrive. So you can focus that

is good. Do you know what Rob, she should take over Japan and then this could go Oh, that's well clever. Yeah, so she said I've just got to think on exploring and making memories instead of hunting through supermarkets. Customers can choose from pre designed boxes or request custom ones tailored to their needs. As an added bonus, every box comes with a free WhatsApp support from me, whether it's answering questions, making restaurant reservations or offering tips during your trip. For more info, visit,

that's so good. You're basically getting a kind of fixer as well. Little Nomads. My kids are a bit too old for that, but I might get in contact about some advice. LittleNomadsJapan.com or find us at little nomads Japan on Instagram and Facebook. I'd also love to offer parenting hell listeners a 10% discount just enter parenting hell one word at checkout. Thanks so much and if either of you are ever in Japan I'd be more than happy to share any tips or recommendations on places to go or things to do. Your podcast is my lifeline here to UK life and British humour. Keep them coming. Thanks, Claire. I'm quite scared of going to Japan because I think, oh god, it'll be amazing all that stuff. I

imagine I'm just gonna get fucking stressed and end up in McDonald's. Well there you go, Rob. There you go. Trying to find plain rice for my kids. Josh, I'll see you next time. See you next time. Respect.