Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP23: Lou and Rose clap back

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... In this episode Lou and Rose get in touch to object to a couple of things Rob and Josh have said on the podcast. Elsewhere Josh's son has his birthday, and Josh hosts the school quiz... Small business shout-out: -  www.cornwallgeologist.co.uk - Family Inclusive Fitness (F.I.T.) Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: ⁠⁠⁠⁠parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecue's lit but there's nothing to

grill. When the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes plus enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart groceries that over deliver. fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over deliver. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with Sarah. Can you say Rob Beckett? And can you say Josh Whiddicam?

Josh Whiddicam? No. I don't think that kid said anything. No? No. Still going. I think that's the first time we've not actually been introduced. I think she said something with Rob. Let's hear it again. Can you say

Rob Beckett? Racket! Can you say Racket! Racket! This is my two year old daughter Lyra. This is my fifteen year old son. It's Lyra. We're excitedly waiting for her to be old enough to try this.

Well you should have waited fucking longer. Because without this podcast, she might not have existed. Are we getting horny? Yeah. I've started listening in the early days as research in quotation marks to help me decide if I want kids and somehow your tales of parenting woe convinced me that I did. I can't thank you enough. Stay sexual and relatable. Jasmine from Illinois. Hastings East Sussex but living in San Fran. Frisco as I call it Rob.

Yeah. Actually America. I just guessed Chicago, Illinois. Oh, that's nice, isn't it? Do you know what? I do think people go onto like the internet, especially podcast or Spotify and type in, like they're having a kid and like, they're probably a bit hung over

because they're coping with the fact they're gonna have a kid and just type in parenting. Yeah, if you're here for that reason, leave now. Yeah, but I don't think they're getting tips, but they're getting what they need, which is people are as bad as them at it. Yeah, the ultimate tip. The ultimate tip is you are not alone. The ultimate tip's absolutely the nickname for my penis.

Fucking drilling started. What's going on? Can you hear that? Yeah, mate, you've got to get out of the bloody slums of East London. Right, can we clear something up here? Go on. We just, time-wise, I don't know when this will go out, but we've just interviewed quite a big name.

Charlie Brooker, you can say his name. Charlie Brooker, yeah, okay, well I didn't want to ruin it. I'm sorry. And he had, someone had ruined the drop. Sorry. And he had a drill throughout. And you didn't pick- I'd say sporadic drill. You didn't pick him up on where he lived.

Yeah, but he's a guest, Josh. And it wasn't his house doing the drilling. You are a full time member of the Parent in Hell crew. You know that we do it every week. You've never soundproofed that window. The light is dreadful. Oh, for your face. Yeah, on one side of your face. The light is great. If you looked out the window for the whole episode

and spoke off mic, the lighting would be perfect. So it's quite a sad image that or like I can't work out is a sad image or a beautiful image of you just looking out of your window just like contemplating like you're thinking that we'll put that on our Instagram and people can do what they do. Do what they do with a meme or something. Yeah, tell me how you Josh. You know, you said I just sat down just before with an official document, Rob. Yeah, what is that brown paper you got there? Um, I my print. I know this.

I don't want to be hack Rob. Go on. But you see, you got, you cannot choose the life. The universe gives you. You can't choose your own mind. You're a hack comic. You can't choose your own mind. No.

It's got to be easier to make your printer work at home. Here we go. Right. We're in the dojo. Let's get to work on his next routine. No, I'm not going let's work. I'm the audience, you're the guy. Off you go. No, I know it's old hand and I'm not going to also talk about how expensive the ink is. Don't worry about that, right? I don't need yellow or blue. I need black. He's printing yellow or blue! Do you know what that is quite good actually. A show of support for Ukraine. All right, call that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Simpsons picture. Cyan? No, that's not even a colour, cyan! Cyan! Since you get through the judges' houses, our next factor is cyan. You know what, this is good stuff. You know what, it's really good stuff.

But I spent an hour on Friday trying to print something and failed. Right. What were you trying to print? Was it important? Or was it like? It was some sticker. Rose is sending something back, and they send you that thing, you know, like the QR code.

Stick on the thing, yeah. Yeah. So I've had to get our agents to print it out and then get it biked across. Oh, Josh. My cost, the copyright to be clear. and then get it biked across. Oh, Josh. At my cost, the copyright to be clear. They didn't charge me for printing. Let's just be very clear.

They didn't charge you for printing. They charged you for the courier. Well, they didn't say, I'll have to charge you. I said, I'll pay. I don't feel it's my place to. Absolutely. I'm not having, I'm at the same management. I think we should be getting the same treatment.

I'm going to ask for something to be couriered to me now. I paid for it. Well, I'll pay for it as well. Yeah, we're all getting treated the same. Yeah, fine. Our management's straight printers. Yeah, well, no, it's only down the road from you, isn't it? But yeah, I feel you're paying the printer because there's still no easy solution. Why is it so difficult? Like literally everything else has moved forwards in my lifetime except printing. The printing. Yeah. I did. Yeah. Cause that you do still need that for parcels don't you? They need to be on a shit screen on it. Well, cause a lot of printing now a lot of you can fill in documents, if you get emailed a document, you can fill in it in on your phone and just save that and send it back. You don't have to print it and fill it in anymore. But returns are, I have got to the point now where it needs to be a very

expensive item for me not to just pretend it fits. If I order something, and it doesn't fit, I'm more likely to wear a jumper that's too big or too small than Bob has sent it back. This is the thing. A lot of people do the online clothes shopping. Rose does this, but you've got to be more on it than I am with returning stuff. It's a lifestyle for those guys. Lou and Rose, I think are very similar. I don't order much off the internet, mainly classic football shirts. I don't wear them anyway. old magazines for me. That sounds like pornography. We've got a bit of clap back from Lou on something we should play about something I mentioned on the what group is it on? It's

a group between us and our wives, but I can't remember what it's called to find it. So I'll go to Rose and I'll go to her profile and then I'll go to groups. Shared groups. Oh, it's called the Chelsea Flower Show because you're going Chelsea Flower Show next week, aren't you? Yeah, can't wait. This is what Lou said. Just have a slight rebuttal to something in the podcast this week.

Wait a minute, let me just get the timestamp. No, it's 44 something. Let me just get the timestamp. And around the 44 minute, 10 second just get the time stamp. No, it's 44 something. Let me just get the time stamp. And around the 44 minute 10 second mark, where Rob's talking about trying to write his rap for Robin Ramesh, and he says that I go like, what are you doing down there?

And the way that he says it, it's like gritted teeth. Why does she say that like a rapper? What are you doing down there? Well, she's doing an impression of me. Go like, what are you doing down there? And the way that he says it, it's like gritted teeth, jaw clenched, like what are you doing down there? So aggressive. And what I'd just like to say is that that didn't happen. I messaged him and I'm like, what

do you whisper into your phone with two and a halfy faces? Not aggressive, not accusatory, interested, amused wife. Not, just would like to clarify that I'm not some kind of like raging bitch at home shouting and gritting my teeth at everybody. Thank you so much. And to be fair to Lou, she wasn't a raging bitch in that moment. She wasn't. No, but it doesn't mean she isn't sometimes. She wasn't. No. But it doesn't mean she isn't sometimes.

But no, it is. Apologies. When was she? Am I right in saying that you were sat opposite her when she recorded that? Yeah, she recorded that whilst we was in a cafe after going to Pilates. Together? Yeah, we've been started going to Pilates. I'll talk to her about Pilates, but before that, I apologize to Luke.

She didn't shout, what are you doing down there? I just sort of said that as I was telling a story, as I was a bit j janked and tired but she asked me what I was doing and I felt vulnerable. Okay, in good content creating fun but it did, she did ask what I was doing. It is fair that she's for it I think, you were just telling a story well. I was just telling a bloody story well, sue me. Yeah, and if she's part of the collateral damage of her reputation is destroyed because you want to appear more amusing than that, that's life. And if I have to tweak the text message into a verbal exchange in order to create a system where me and her can both fit Pilates on a Monday at 10am, then sue me. There you go. There you go.

But yeah, we have got, have you ever done Pilates? No. So I've done yoga. So Pilates is sort of like yoga, but it's on a, I do reformer Pilates where it's like stretching and using your body weight. Yeah. So it's like a bed that's got like stirrups in. It feels a bit like you're the gynaecologist at some point. Because the instructor pulled my trousers down and swiped my up. Swabbed me. No. So you there's like little handles, you basically sit on it and pull yourself up with your legs or your arms, then you stand up on it and do

all different moves. But you basically is to engage and work your core, which I don't really work. I've just got massive, massive thighs from running around playing football and I'm heavy. None of my, yeah. None of my big middle's working. So I'm trying to make my middle work and it is lose an absolute machine on it. I'm a mess. Some of the stuff I can do, some of it, I'm like an absolute wet paper bag.

I need to do more of that because I run or I do, you know, I need to do more of that world. I'd say at the end of Pilates, I've got a few extra inches. Ooh. In height. No, in height. No, it makes me feel a lot taller and stretched out and less back pain and stuff like that. So I'm enjoying it. So yeah, I'm a pilates, just a pilates guy. You know, why not? And then you go to a cafe together and then what Lou listens to podcasts and checks it for fact checks. I sometimes

say, have you listened, because I don't listen back to the podcast. No, of course not. And I say, how was the podcast? Cause I want to check one, was I being a prick too? Is it still funny? And she will go, you was a bit of a prick and it was funny. Don't worry about it. But you weren't that much of a prick. And she never said it's lost its edge. She might go, yeah, well, yeah.

You didn't talk about parody much or, no, she always says it's quite, she'll either go, yeah, it was good and interesting. Or yeah, it was really funny. Love the printer stuff. Oh, God, she absolutely loves a bit of Epson. She's all over HP references. Josh, I've got something to share with you before we talk about your children.

Oh, now I saw a TikTok. Okay. Um, and it was a view. What? Okay. Um, it was basically a guy that does like gets autographs when he waits outside television centers. And obviously you're a huge TV star. It goes without saying. So he's got some videos of you and a couple of other people Tom Allen's in there and stuff like that. Of course. Coming out of I think Katz Does Countdown signing autographs. Now I'm going to watch the video. I remember doing

this. Yep. And see if you notice anything about the way you sign autographs. Just have a little watch and tell me what you notice. I noticed this. I put my heart and soul into it. You put something into it, but maybe not heart and soul. So this is the music to the tic-toe. I just stick my tongue out. Yeah.

Immediately for the duration of these. Oh, I've got a double chin. Right, so you stick your tongue out for the duration of your autograph and pop it back in when you finish writing. Did you know you did that? And there's two or three clips of you because he's got you a couple of times. He's set this.

Bob Mortimer's ignored it. Oh no he hasn't. Oh my gosh. Oh my god. He looks like Bob's going to ignore him. Bob Mortimer keeps moving. Tom Allen really goes for it. Oh there I go again. Yeah, tongue out. Oh no, that's, do you know what that is, Rob? What is it? It's the first clip from a different angle. No.

Yeah, he's got two cameras. He's got two cameras, he's got more coverage than Robin Robich. He's got two, that's the first clip, so I'm wearing the same and I'm holding the same car. You sure, I thought he got you like arriving and then going. No, that's the same. Wow, cause I was like, he's done it.

Double papped, double papped. It was the first one, I was like, oh, his tongue's coming out, is that a coincidence? And I saw the second one, I was like, oh my God, is that a thing he does? I've never noticed that. No, that is a thing I do. Let me just write something down now

and see if my tongue comes out. No, you won't because you're thinking about it. Yeah, I'm thinking about it. But say what was I to write? Just sign two. Oh, here it pops out. No, you're holding it in there. It's impossible when you're thinking about it, isn't it?

Yeah, because you're just constantly thinking, leave my tongue. So do you always tongue out when you write? I used to as a kid. I remember as a kid that was a concentration thing. Well, I think as well when you are meeting people, you are a little bit taken on that because you're in your own little world and then someone goes, oh, can I have an autograph? I find I get a little rush of not panic, but like, oh God, I'm not in control of the situation. Robbie Williams.

No, no, no, but do you know what I mean? You're taken out of your own little world and your own little bubble. And then I think you almost go, I go back to little child like, okay, yeah, no, like, so I think you're going to- I would say my inner monologue is don't- Pop my tongue out, go to work. Is pop my tongue out, and I'm just thinking, don't be a c***, don't be a c***, don't be a c***.

If the tongue's out, I can't say anything. Yeah. I'm a good man. I'm a good man. Show them you're a good man. Show them you're a good man. I am tired, and I'm not, just because I'm not giving them loads of time

doesn't mean I'm bad. Yeah, this does not in any way make me feel a deep level of shame that this means something to them and that I feel a deep guilt for that. Anyway, I'm just gonna pop in and pretend to pay countdown for three hours. Thank God they moved it to Manchester. I've just been on a train with 15 people from London getting up there. Yeah, no, it is. The second record is running late. That's the first time, isn't it? That never happens. Anyway, yeah, so that makes sense then. But yeah, like the tongue out, that is a little...

There's a little... Just things people do, tongue out. I don't know if there's anything I do. I click my neck and stretch when I'm nervous. Do you? Yeah, but I don't tongue out. But Michael Jordan used to play basketball with his tongue out when he was concentrating. You ever seen that? Yeah, exactly.

And I'm the Michael Jordan of giving signatures. I love that he set it to the final countdown. It's great, isn't it? But you'd think they'd set it to the actual countdown music, not the final countdown. Oh, I hadn't twigged that that was the reference. Yeah, so he's put the countdown. Yeah, I do stick my tongue out when I...

Anyone else who's ever got a signature from me, did I stick my tongue out? Oh yeah, please. Oh, the greatest phone we've ever done on this show. Did anything weird happen when you met me or Josh? Yeah. Oh, yes, please. Yeah. Cause he used to do salty, not salty, don't we? But not sort of anything that weird or a strange situation.

Yeah. I got asked for a selfie the other day by a man in a car. Yeah. And I was trying to cross the road. It was in the road and went, can I have a selfie? And I went, all right. And I sort of like kneeled down and he had his phone up like, and he was, he was trying to get a selfie of him, the passenger and me in it.

And I was like, I don't know how you're going to do this, mate. We went, oh, come around here then. So now we stood in the road. Oh my gosh. And I went, mate, I'm going to have to go. Oh, come on, mate. Don't be like that. I went, I'm going to get run over. I've got to get run over. Jesus fucking Christ. Anyway. Anyway. How are the kids? How are the kids? Well, let me just say Rose has got back also, didn't she, with a view on our point of view? She's been misrepresented. Yeah.

Do you want it here? Yep, let's go. Okay, while we're at it, there was one episode where you were talking about the pedalo and how I apparently wasn't, I wasn't taking my weight or something. There was a point on that pedalo where Josh completely stopped using his legs

and I just did it. And it was fine. So I was taking my weight. Maybe I'm just stronger. Okay, bye. I think she is stronger. I don't deny that. No, I think that's great.

I think it's great. I think it's actually, you know, that's pretty cool. Your wife being stronger than you. No, it is. It's like, how more masculine is there than a man's like, yeah, she's stronger than me. And what? I don't care. I'm so comfortable. I'm comfortable with it. I'm comfortable with it.

So she wasn't pedaling at all? So you stopped because you were tired? No, no, no. She wasn't not pedaling at all. She was, her legs were going around, but I got the feeling. She was following. Yeah. And I, I think when she was pedaling on her own, the current was with her. Or do you think that Rose's legs are much stronger than yours?

And when she was pedaling comfortably, you couldn't keep up, which led to your tiredness? No, I don't think that. I think that's a really, really good theory. No, I don't think that. think that's a really really good theory I think that is an absolute, I'd say that's one of the best theories since Hawking not that Stephen Hawking was a theory, he did theories, I would say, shagging doing a pedalo with Rose was similar to going on a pedalo with Stephen Hawking

with Rose was similar to going on a pedal with Stephen Hawking. It is a problem with having a wife who's stronger than you. How much stronger is she than you? Not that much. I know, so it's close. It's not like, you know. She can deadlift a hundred kg. That's a lot. What can you deadlift? I don't know your youngest No, not yet Not since he hit four I've got his birthday to talk about anyway

Um is that sometimes like a man will turn up with you know, a wardrobe or whatever Yeah, and it defaults to me to be the guy that helps carry it in. Right, but you... And I don't think you should... I think that's sexist. Yeah, she's stronger than me. She's stronger than me. She should be at that point stepping in.

And going, I'm stronger than him, which I'd say Rose might not want to, because she might think it might emasculate you. But if you're happy with that she should- I'm happy to be emasculated because sometimes I'm thinking, why am I fucking carrying this? I can barely do this. So next time stuff's delivered, you want Rose to sort of push, you won't feel threatened, just let her go for it.

No, I'll just go straight back upstairs. Does Rose want to, do you think? We've not discussed it. Right. okay. And I think the perfect place to bring that up is on a podcast that she'll listen to along with another 500,000 people. Exactly, exactly.

So it was my son's fourth birthday, Rob. Let me tell you about that. Yes, absolutely, yep. We had a joint party. But they did a lot more of the organizing, was it right? No, no, that was your words. Another theory.

Another theory. Another one of your, there was another one of your bloody theories. So talk me through the birthday, Josh. So we had a birthday weekend. It was his birthday on the Sunday. Oh, do you want to hear what the Swedes do? Rob? Swedish? The mum of the other kids is Swedish. I know what they do. They have saunas and f**k. Right. So that they don't do that? Text her and ask her. No I'm not. So just a theory, just one of my theories. Just a theory Rob. I'm gonna say it Rob. Yeah.

I've been in a sauna in my life. I bet you hate them. After those, after those, no I do enjoy them. I like hot. Why you hate being hot? You can't wear a big headphones because you're in the gut. It's purging hot isn't it? Right. So I've seen the thing. Have you ever worn a sauna hat? No, what's a sauna hat? So basically it's a little bit of a sauna. So basically saunas are really good for your blood vessels and your body. However, it can fry your head. It's not good for your head to be that hot,

but it's good for your body to be that hot. So you wear that and you can stay in the sauna for longer. So that's what they're used word. So you wear that and you can stay in the sauna for longer. Oh. So that's what they're used for. Have you ever done that? I wouldn't love to see you in one. No, I might buy one. There you go, little sauna hat.

Little bell, looks like a little bell. You can actually get one with sauna captain written on it. Can you? Oh, yeah. Sorry, Karen. You can buy this guy here on Amazon, 159.99. He's got like a tent that's a hot sauna.

This Viking one as well, but it looks a bit like a sexy. This is exactly what Lou says we shouldn't be doing on the podcast. What jumping around onto stuff that isn't parenting. The sauna hats are quite funny. Yeah, yeah. But I would not have the confidence to pop into my David Lloyd without on. No, no, exactly. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Swedish people. They, the way they did the party bags, I'm going to implement. This is great. Was it a big blue one at the end? Oh, here we go. This is great. For the 30, 30 p.op dog in that kind of thing.

Yeah. You have to walk a certain route around the party. Yes. Oh, here we go. Keep going. There's more of that. Yeah. There's meatballs or something with meatballs. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you have a sheet up, right? A sheet like a kind of, I don't know, like a bed sheet. And then they throw, you've got a fishing line with a fishing rod and you throw it over and then you attach the party bag. So the kids are like fishing for the party bags.

Someone on the other side attaches the thing. Oh, that's clever. And then they pull it out and the kids go mad for it and queued up. It was brilliant. That's fun. Yeah, so I'd say this is gonna go big over there in the UK, get in early.

So a sheet up, that's great. So basically hide them behind a barrier or like a kitchen side. Yeah, like, you know, what you know, that, that dressing that that would be perfect. That thing you've got in your house which you use. Oh, yes, the dress that has to high. Surely that's too high. Yeah, maybe a gate like a baby gate stairgate sheet over that

hiding behind. Yeah, great fun. Great fun, really fun. So that was good. The party was good, went off well. Yep, just in a park, wasn't it? Was it? It was like in a municipal building in a park, yeah. You know, with all the, what a lovely way of describing it.

You know what that means. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's sort of a community hall. Community hall. Entertainer. So they have kids parties, alcoholics, anonymous, midweek. Yeah. And then they have like, like kind of, you know, fringe terrorist groups that are making out.

It covers all bases. It covers all bases. Whatever you need it for, it's there. Is that? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Elyssa Fares in the bleakest place ever. Just ran out of Village Hall. In the middle of the floor. that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm elicit affairs in the bleakest place ever. Just ran out of village hall in the middle of the floor. That's too big a room. What's the biggest area you've had sex? Right in? What's

the biggest indoor area you've had sex in? Have you had sex in a sports hall? What's the biggest indoor? Squeaking away on the floor of a sports hall? Getting all night of burnt ass cheeks. Have you do you work in an absolute status? Do you work in a warehouse? An overnight you and your girlfriend got the keys to the warehouse. No, but a warehouse doesn't count if there's loads of shelves in there because it needs

to be the biggest open area we're like the furthest away from an actual wall yeah yeah that's a great fun let us know the biggest indoor area you've had sex in thank you mine's probably just a big hotel room and when we say the biggest open area you've had sex in we don't mean the size of the vagina or anus or anus yeah or mouth but do send those in. Anyway, your son's birthday. Has Mick Jagger sucked your dick? And if he did it in Wembley Arena, well, everyone else is arena counts. Yes. Okay. So back to this four year old birthday party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, lovely, really lovely. And went off without a hitch. Yeah. They enjoy it that you've got to say it. I've said it from the start. The party entertainers are unheralded heroes, really, aren't they?

It's a thankless job. Yeah, and it's tough as well when you're booking one because it really there's such a fine line between like brilliant entertainer and paedophile. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As radio on phone do they cost again and again in the 70s. Yeah, absolutely. So it's difficult getting somebody who's really good. Also that not that grubby bloke who's just

got a load of balloons in his van. You think I don't know if this is okay with the kids are going mental. Why not? They're doing it. No, but this it's often like somewhat so she was in her 20s and she I don't know what her background was, whether she was, you know, trained in this or whether she'd come from an her background was whether she was you know trained in this or whether she'd come from an acting background but she absolutely had them good on her great work perfect lovely stuff and then Sunday we had the actual birthday oh what did you do actual birthday presents in the morning lovely got him a bike Rob oh okay so down the park for you. Yeah, don't don't.

Gonna be ganna lot on you. So I went shopping for the bike, right? You got so expensive. And I hate to support the big man here. Rob. I hate to support the big. Well, that's interesting. Cause I actually go to a local bike shop in Bromley. Well, I found a nice local bike shop and they don't have any bikes normally. The bikes they had were 300 quid and quite serious bikes for kids for kids that wanted to learn how to ride a bike properly and then Halfords for a hundred quid they had one that looked like a fireman's truck, color wise, and had a fire

siren on the front, and a fireman on. And he just loved... A fire fighter. Fire fighter, sorry. Thank you. Yeah, sorry. And he loved being a fireman. A fire fighter. Fire fighter. He loved being a fire fighter. Fire boy.

He loved being a fire fighter, fireboy. He loved being a fire child. And do you know what? But then you could support the little guy next bike. Yeah, I will. I will. But I didn't want to spend 300 quid on a bike where I said, have you got a basket or a horn? And they were like, no. I need a horn or a basket, mate. That's what he's in it for at this stage in the game. He doesn't give a shit about learning to ride a bike.

He just wants to do a horn and go along. Do you know what I mean? He's not Lance Armstrong. He doesn't want to be Lance Armstrong. Yeah, I need a blood transfusion, a little firefighter bike and a park. Exactly, he just wants to be, pretend to be a fireman. That's all I do Sorry, he's quite old-school

No, it's him. He's quite old-school Keep correcting him, but he's he keeps telling you no telling you. Oh, that's good then. So you just down the park with him all day Well, I then took both them them to the park, which was- She thought we got a bike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not that, she can ride a bike, but I'd say she's not fussed about it, if you know what I mean.

See, my daughter- Which is fine, because she's learned to ride a bike and now she doesn't want to do it that much, so it's fine. My daughter's love riding bikes, right? But we're in the countryside, so there's nowhere really to ride it, because it's just like country lanes where it's like a bit too dangerous for a child. Of course.

So there's a really cool park that's got a big area you can cycle around, but it's like it's quite hard to get two bikes in the car, so I might have to get a bike rack thing, and that's all they... Oh, Lord. So I don't really know what to do, but they love riding a bike, but the problem is, they're really fast on it, but I don't really feel comfortable them being almost like a cologne. Cause the place to take them to is a quite big loop that they'd love. But I won't be able to keep up on them.

Keep up with them. Now I can't get three bikes in a car. Oh yeah, of course. And I don't want to ride a bike. So then I thought like, or maybe I could start jogging, but I'm not going to be quick enough, so I just don't know how to keep up with them or what to do. Oh God. Yeah, that is tough.

I don't want to be like, all right, should we go out? Oh out oh no no I'm getting three adult sized bikes really on the back of a car to drive to. Yeah. Well maybe how far away is the place? At 10 minute 10-15 minute drive. So why doesn't Lou drive them with their bikes you just set off a couple of a couple of hours earlier Rob on your bike meet them there. No yeah because I might be able to get their bikes in the boot, but I don't know. I've got scooters. I might have got scooters. Why don't you hold on to the back of the car while you're on your bike and then

their two bikes can go in the boot. And you can do a kind of Marty McFly style. I've got a little skateboard. They've got a little skateboard. So maybe I could just go on the skateboard. That would be a good idea. This is thing, right? Where this is fucking obsession with kids being able to ride bikes,

that it feels like this and it is, it's like that. I get swimming. Yep. And I do get that you've got to learn to ride a bike, but it's not as important. No. And you can wait till they're nine or 10 and then they're doing straight away. It really isn't as important As everyone's claiming. And you can wait until they're nine or ten and then they'll do it straight away. It really isn't as important in everyone's lives. It's not going to be as important to your life as you think. Josh, can I ask you a question? Do you know how to ride a bike?

Yeah. Okay. I just thought you might not. I know I can ride a bike. Yeah, yeah. I don't think why men need to have a big dick. I think little dicks are fine. And this obsession with thick cock is sending me loco. Have you got a small dick in a big room?

Smallest dick in the biggest room. Smallest dick in the biggest room. Hi, I'm Stephen. I've got a four inch penis and I was once in the natural history museum. Dicks are funny though, aren't they? Tell me about it. Tell me about it. Tell me about your kids. I've done six gigs in five days.

Don't know what they look like. Let me tell you about my kids. So on dicks, on the subject of dicks. We went for dinner at our friend's house and I made a couple of course jokes about dicks. And are your friends open to those kind of jokes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh they're into it. It's a bit of fun, it's a bit of fun.

What was your jokes about dicks? I can't remember, it was about blowjobs and I can't remember what the joke was. But it was in context, it was good fun. It was enough to keep the ball in the air. Do you know what I mean? Oh, very much the way you're doing. Anyway, we don't know, but their son was maybe sat on the stairs. Can I say something? I thought then that that was the end of your anecdote. And I was like, we're going to have to end this podcast. If the red flag, if Josh thinks that I made a couple of jokes, something to upload just because I remember them,

and it just looks at me to comment. I was like, come on, Rob. I'm giving you something to work with. I was like, that can't be it. But now we know there's the added inclusion of this new character. The child that was sat on the stairs throughout. Oh, how old was it?

Seven. And you're doing blowjob jokes. Yeah. What kind of things are the blowjob jokes? How coarse were you talking? Can't remember. Like, coarse enough that part of the joke was it being, you know when you make a joke, and part of the joke is it being, you know, when you make a joke

and part of the joke is that it's such a course thing, it's a surprise you've said it. Do you know what I mean? Right, a bit of a like a drink squirt, like that when someone's drinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And did the kid mention it? No, but you know, has he? Give it a few days. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I've got another update for you. Oh, go on. Give it a few days. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Um, I've got another update for you. Oh, go on. This is a low moment. So, oh, this is a quite a, it's a, this is a very, very me thing to do. I had to double up going to see Pulp with the parents quiz. This is a school parents quiz. So I was booked to host the school parents quiz. Right and it was the Radio 2 show wasn't it? Of the Pulp. Yeah. Which I got a ticket for.

That's amazing. Who did you go to Pulp with? On my own. They could only get me one ticket. Really? Understandably. Really? It's an in demand event.

And then I put it on my Instagram and everyone's like, oh I see you you get a ticket. You don't bet you didn't go in the ballot. Did you go in the ballot though? No, they're not wrong. No, they're not wrong. You've worked hard to not go in that ballot. I've, I've done work for radio too. That's okay. You do cover for Ramesh on radio too. Surely one of the perks is that you get to go and watch. That's okay. If it's not, I'm going to say it. I know the BBC is publicly funded. It's not a public event where- It's a public event.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. My employer has put on an event and I've said, can I have a ticket for it? And then next time you're on the radio, you can go well, when I was with the guys at the guys at the blowjob stuff, you had to be wasted the LBJ stuff on a Saturday morning. Marjorie just got just pulled off the M five on the way to Tornado. I tell you what pulled off the M5 she should give me a blowjob. Let us know if you've had sex on the M5 with Boat. No, no, no, that's outside.

That doesn't count. That's indoor arenas. So, so what did it clash? Yeah. So I had to hand the first round. I didn't realise it clashed. I thought it finished at 7. Obviously, I then checked the email on the day. It starts at 7.15. It finishes at 8.15. Is that pulp? Yeah. So they're on for an hour, yeah? And then what time's the school quiz?

Eight. Distance between the two? 25 minutes in a cab. Okay. So yeah, you're getting there at nine? Yeah, yeah. And then actually, they're on stage 740. Oh, okay, you're struggling here. Yeah. What time they finished? 845. Right. So you caught past nine, do you get the quiz? Yeah. Just in time to do answers. That's kind of... No, I handed over the first round. Yeah. The first, not the first round, the first half to a different

dad who still wants to play the quiz. So I've only given him the questions. I haven't given him the answers. So then I... Oh, but that's a very political tricky thing for him to deal with at the start. I haven't been given the answers. I only know the questions because Josh is a pulp. I didn't, I said I was, I was doing a radio to work thing. You're not wrong. I'm not wrong. How did he feel taking over the reins from TV Star?

No, I think they preferred him. What's his background? What's his vibe? He works in town planning. Okay, okay. He's worked with Andy Burnham because we've discussed that before. So you have a mansion. Some such conversations with school dads and I do.

Oh no. My ones are, fucking hell, what's wrong with him or a what? They just got to tell him or a no. That's a lot of what I do at the school. Just say no for once. I mean, they've got to learn it. So, oh, hello, mate. You're good. Yeah. I guess she's full of characters.

Isn't she? Isn't it? Oh, God, he's really full of character. So I did that double up. Yeah. Isn't he? Oh God, isn't he full of character? So I did that double up. Yep. The quiz must have walked in like the fucking like absolute big man. Oh, well, I tried. I thought maybe I should leave Pulp early. And then I thought I won't. And then they did Common People.

I was like, right, I'll start going now. And then they were like, we're going to play one more song. And I was like, oh, it's a new one's a new one I thought maybe leave for the new one and I've you been in the radio theatre where there's it's like there's a floor and then there's a tiered bit upstairs where is this place I never got invited to this when I was at Radio 2. Broadcasting house. Oh what can you see it from the like it's all they do meetings beat in stand there sometimes as well. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so there's so I stood at the back of the balcony. I was

thinking I should just fuck off here because you know, start talking to the woman turns out the woman next to me who's engaged in conversation is the wife of the drummer. I can't I can't leave at that point. Now you've engaged in conversation you can't go now. And you have to you so you listen to the, do you remember the first time? Did they do that? Yeah, they did. Yeah, they were brilliant. They were great. It was really fun. And then I left and then I did the school quiz. And people took it quite seriously, the school quiz. There was a dispute over scores. People are idiots. Well, I don't know, you can't say it

because you might have to it at school Gates, and I'm not saying everyone in your school's an idiot. No, I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, when you have a cross-section society, just because their kids are in the same class as yours, does not mean we will occasionally bump shoulders with wankers. Everyone's very lovely. I know you're not saying that.

Everyone is very lovely. Everyone's,'re not saying that. Everyone is very lovely. Absolutely everyone there is great and there's not one part of any of their personalities that greats you in any way at all. Correct. Thank you. Just want to make sure. Yeah. And so the head, she was there on a team. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. And I did a round which is quite fun round. I do Rob Yeah, you love it's over because it's quite lazy round

It's I say you've just got to come up with a subject and I'll come up with a question straight away So you made it about you? Well, I Managed to do a good deed and turn it into the Josh O'neill come show. I haven't no you have Your brain power not about the good question. The first time I did it, I'd forgotten to do a round, so I had to add that round at the end. Right, okay. And anyway, she asked her a question on bagpipes. And I thought she's had buttplugs.

No, you didn't. I did. You just wanted a laugh. No, I swear on my life... You wanted her to have said that. No, I didn't. I thought on my life she's had buttplugs. Subconsciously, whether I. I didn't I didn't subconsciously headmaster a school quiz run by the parents has said do me a question on butt plugs like she's shitfaced and a hendu. Yes. Yes. Okay, I was I'm not saying I wasn't surprised from right. But that's what you thought she'd said. I didn't do the question. No, no. I said, did you say butt plucks?

Get a laugh. Yeah, I genuinely meant it. Right. Okay. And she said no bagpipes. Yeah. Okay. Um, and what's your question about bagpipes something to do with Alistair Campbell? Yeah, that was the answer. Yes. It's all I've got. Please name a celebrity ex political advisor and podcast host that is famous for playing the bagpipes. That is the exact question. Yeah, of course.

It's the only thing I know about bagpipes. And then what was the other question? What have I got shoved up my ass right now? I want love honey turbo 3000. Exactly. Exactly. I want love honey turbo 3000. Exactly. Exactly. Um, I've got another thing to tell you Rob. Yeah. This happened when I was killing time before pulp. So you I didn't go with anyone. Yeah. I didn't. I walked into a room of 200 people that were there for

the gig. Yeah. I didn't know anyone and it was awful. Really? Yeah because you're just in a room, in a waiting room, in the bar. You've walked into a bar, you don't know anyone. And you can't even have a drink anymore to settle the nerves. I ordered a soda water for something to do. It's the only bar I've ever been in where people were queuing rather than stood in a bar formation. Right, just in a long line. That's because they're respectful at the BBC. So what about the other raid, any other DJs, any other famous people that you don't know that you couldn't connect with because of fame? That's what happens sometimes.

I bumped into Sean Keevney. See, this happened to me at Centre Parks, I bumped into Claire from Steps in Leon and there was a little mutual oh hello and it's a very weird thing that happens. Yeah it is weird that. If you see someone that's got a public persona you sort of acknowledge each other and have a terribly awkward chat. Yes, yes exactly. And Keevney's a great guy, you've got loads in common with Keevney. He's covered for me on radio too before. He loves all the same music as you. We've interviewed him. He's our guy. Has he done this? Yeah. Yeah. Remember it well. He used to take his glasses off and rub his nose loads. Oh yeah. He did. Yeah. When he was thinking. That's how he does what he thinks. I got the feeling of Keevney. I like Sean Keevney a lot.

And then strangely, I hadn't seen him for five years. Strangely, I got on feeling of Keveney. I liked Sean Keveney a lot. And then strangely, I hadn't seen him for five years. Strangely, I got on the tube train the next day and he was sat there, which was bizarre. Double Keveney. Yeah, so you've got loads to chat to Keveney about. Did you just call him? Well, I couldn't talk about that in advance. No, but the podcast, me covering a mutual friend. I forgot he'd been on this podcast. Right, that's not ideal. That's why it's gone frosty.

It hasn't gone frosty. Do you know what I do? I just say to people, I've not seen you since you've done the podcast. And that's why I said that to Jack Skipper. And he said he hadn't done the podcast. And you go, haven't you? I can't believe we've not had you on. That's exactly what I said.

That's good stuff. That's the way to do it. I don't know who, if maybe Michael, next episode, that's just me and Rob, could you do a quiz of 10 people whether they have or haven't been on the podcast and I'm not confident. See I've got good memory for this kind of stuff. All right. Okay. Well, I couldn't remember whether Keven had been on the podcast. Anyway, that'll be a good quiz. Afterwards I saw a demo earlier, but I was on the way to the pub quiz. And he hasn't been on the podcast. He hasn't been on

the podcast. Loved everyone. I'd love to know. No, he hasn't. I've got his number to come on, but he's not come on. Oh, there we go. There we go. Anyway. Anyway, someone came up to me in that bar and said, and this is a sign that we've been doing this a lot, Rob. Yeah.

He said, oh, you're right, Josh, you're from Bromley like me. I've now become an adopted Bromleyan. Well, that, yeah, I did say there is a disproportionate amount of people that listen to this from Bromley. Yeah. And so now I am seen as someone who's from Bromley. Which is no bad thing. Do you know who's from Bromley? David Bowie. David Bowie, yeah. Brixton tried to take him fuck off. We had him on? I can't remember.

No, because he's dead. He's dead. Yeah, he's dead. I can't remember. We had him on? I can't remember. No, because he's dead. He's dead? Yeah, he's dead. No Bowie. Small business shout out? What, for David Bowie? The David Bowie Estate! Here we go. Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, please can you give a shout out for my new small business?

Cornwall Geologist. Oh, that's more like it. Here it is. It's a bit more you, Wittekam. I'm a geology educator and science communicator with a passion for promoting, conserving, and educating people about Cornwall's fascinating natural history. Yes, it is. I offered guided walks around Cornwall

to explore and learn about the region's amazing geology and landscapes. They're designed for anyone with a love of nature who wants to discover more about Cornwall's geology, natural natural history and culture. No prior knowledge is needed and people are encouraged to ask as many questions as they can. This would be good for you next time we're down there, Josh. Walks can be booked through the website or people can contact me direct to organise a personal private group walk. I also run geology and earth science. I never said geology so much in my life. I also run geology and earth science workshops and field trips to educational

groups at all levels. I am DBS checked. Yes, please fully ensure to provide classroom and field sessions and bring over 15 years experience in geology teaching and research. This is really one for the stiff next year. You can find me on social media at Cornwall geologist or visit Cornwall geologist.co.uk. Thank you so much. I've I'm a devoted listener to the pod and with my wife Jenna expecting our first child. You've genuinely helped me feel more confident about having been a dad. Oh, good luck, mate. Thank you for normalizing the cows. We're about to dive. Keep up the amazing work you sexy and relatable beast.

Sam Hughes, St. Ives Cormoran. Hi, Rob and Josh. Firstly, firstly, my husband and I absolutely love the podcast. Just wanted to thank you for providing daily laughs that helped us navigate in the madness that is two under two. As well as the podcast, another thing that helped me massively this time around, both physically and mentally, is the small business I'd like to shout out family inclusive training. Fit is that's the letters. I know is a gym specializing in helping moms regain their strength and confident with postnatal fitness classes. This is a good idea and the added bonus your kids are welcome to the class are a perfect way to get back into fitness after having a

baby and also a great opportunity to meet other moms. Alice who set up fit is fantastic, has been so supportive in helping me get active again after two pregnancies so close together. Her classes are based in Tottington, which is Barry, which is the northwest of England. Alice puts so much time and effort into running a business day to day. She doesn't often get time to promote it. Thanks so much guys. I love a small business shout out where someone is shouting out someone else.

That is Charlotte Davis shouting out Alice in Tottington Berry. Go to fit there. Lovely. Well, Josh, I'll see you on Friday. Have a good one, mate. It's going to be a good one then. I'll try and see my children at some point this week, so I've got more stories. If you could, Rob. Yeah, I'll try my best, but. I know that the thing with Lou is going through the courts at the moment.

No, we're good. We've been doing palates and having omelets. Oh, yeah. Trying to save your marriage with palates. And don't forget to send in the biggest open area indoors you've had sex. Bye. Do you ever feel like topical comedy only ever tends to come from one angle? Well I'm Geoff Norcott, host of What Most People Think, and my show jokes about all

sides, jokes about Tories, jokes about Labour, jokes about everyone. If there's any Lib Dems listening, there is. We're returning guests from across the political spectrum, including Ramesh Ranganathan, Simon Evans, Catherine Ryan, Constantine Kissing, David Baddiel, Andrew Doyle, Al Murray and more. Sometimes we'll make good points, sometimes we'll make cheap jokes. But whatever we do, we'll be trying our best to get to the heart of what most people think.