Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP26: Ivo Graham (The Return)

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian, writer and friend - Ivo Graham. Ivo's fantastic new book 'Yardsticks for Failure' is available to buy now HERE And you can find the info and tickets for any live stand-up tour dates, as well as his fantastic theatre show 'Carousel' HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: @parentinghell  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: ⁠⁠⁠parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. What's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected

by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... I'm surprised. Okay, Clemmie, I'm gonna give you this chocolate, but in the meantime, can you say,

can you say Josh Widicombe? Josh Widicombe. Josh Widicombe. Josh Widicombe. Josh Widicombe. Can you say, can you say Rob Beckett? She wants chocolate. Can you say Josh Widicombe? Josh Widicombe. That's not so bad. Okay. And can you say Rob Beckett?

Rob Beckett. That's alright. Pretty good. Well done. Pretty good. Do you want to try it? I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it.

I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. Okay. And can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. That's alright.

Pretty good. Well done. Pretty good. Absolutely perfect. Because did you hear the start as well, Rob? Listen to what he says at the start. I missed the start. Okay, Clemmie, I'm going to give you this chocolate, but in the meantime, can you say... I'm going to give you this chocolate, but in the meantime, can you say? The bribery. How old?

Please find a touch. Oh, it's not even their daughter, Rob. They just found her. This is my two-year-old goddaughter, Clemmie, being bribed by her dad. Alright, with chocolate to say your names. There was a bit in the preamble to this where she tried to choose what color chocolate eggs she wanted. I don't have kids myself, but love listening to all the shenanigans you get up to while I'm on a run or on my commute. Sounds exhausting. Keep it safety related. Do you know what? You're not wrong. No, it is.

We're going to talk to someone now who doesn't have a kid, but has had a very stressful week. Yes, we are. We've got Ivo Graham coming on in a bit but before then Michael, producer Michael, where have you been producer Michael? I mean it's we say stressful and then I'm gonna talk about my week gallivanting around Europe at various places. I'm currently in the Spanish city of Bilbao. And where did you start the week? Cannes in the south of France. At the Cannes Film Festival? At the Cannes Film Festival, yes. Get you!

You special boy! And what happened to you at the Cannes Film Festival? Well, lots of things. I think the most eventful of them and the most impactful is I was playing in an 11-a-side football game on Sunday and played in midfield, scored the equalizer and then very shortly afterwards felt like a pop in my calf, like someone had thrown a rock at me. And I turned around because I thought someone had thrown something at me.

And then what happened is my calf muscle had popped and I basically couldn't walk and still currently can barely walk. And then the next day I had to get to the airport and on my own get a flight to Madrid with a layover and then a flight from Madrid to Bilbao to be there for the Europa League final of Manchester United versus Tottenham Hotspur, which happened last night. And you're a Manchester United fan? I am a Manchester United fan.

I've sent you a picture on the WhatsApp group. They lost 1-0, didn't they? What I'm going to call one of the worst games of football I've ever seen and I watched Morecambe play Bradford this year. Oh my God. Oh Michael, that is bad. I thought it was your calf but that's the front. Well it is, it's the calf where the muscle injury is. Why is

your ankle fat as well? Well this is what I'm slightly worried about because that wasn't there, that's only appeared this morning, that bruising and that swelling. Oh my god. Do you reckon it's embarrassment from watching your team? So did you have to, how difficult was it to go to a football match on crutches? In the end, I binned off the crutches on the advice of people I spoke to who said the Spanish police will consider them a projectile. So you will not be allowed in the ground. So I walked to the stadium, which was on Google Maps seven minutes.

It took me about 45 minutes through a sea of Manchester United and Spurs fans, both sides of which constantly were shouting things like, hey Quasimodo, give us a wave as I hobbled down the Spanish street, semi hunched over on my own, occasionally sort of wincing in pain as I extended my leg too much. Got to the ground and I had a sort of, there was color coded entrances. Please tell me you weren't in the top tier. No, I had gone the wrong way to start with. So I had to do an entire loop of the stadium. But against, against the flow of natural traffic.

So I was just getting knocked and bumped everywhere. And then I got there and basically the first year that I spoke to had sent me flow of natural traffic. So I was just getting knocked and bumped everywhere. And then I got there and basically the first year that I spoke to had sent me the wrong way because although I'd done a full loop, there was a fence and a security cordon that cut the ground off at the top. So although I was in the right place, I was 20 yards away from my entrance. I had to walk all the way background anti-clockwise around the stadium to the other side. So I'd left, it was a seven minute walk to the stadium and around anti-clockwise around the stadium to the other side. So I'd left, it was a seven minute walk to the stadium and I'd left two hours before

kickoff to get there and I got there with five minutes before kickoff. No. Oh my God. Were you in the mania end or you're in a kind of one of those mix kind of? It's supposed to be neutral mix. It's 95% Spurs. Oh no. They're all just singing their songs, most of which I can't or wouldn't repeat.

I wouldn't repeat them as a Spurs fan, but certainly not as one from their background. I can feel, obviously, yeah, their songs aren't great, but I feel like there's a little extra bit of spike there because you walk around the stadium four times as well. I don't feel like these Tottenham fans and these songs are anything new, but once you sat down they got a bit more annoying for you. Ah, Michael sat down, oh that's a real shame. You're ruining the final for everyone boys. She wouldn't take it up there. Come on guys, come on.

Beer decorum. That's not what the army's called. This is the first time you've had a worse week than us, Michael. Sorry. How was leaving? It was fine because at the moment the final whistle went, I was one of two people. He nearly got brought on towards the end there, so shit. Obviously the Spurs fans stay around and then the Man United fans clear out because I was

in a predominantly Spurs section. I was one of two people leaving from that entire section. So it was absolutely fine. I've only been in the wrong end a couple of times. Let's see a private life for talking football. Yeah, birthday and anniversary, right? High five to you there, Michael, if we were one side. And well, you can carry on your riff, because I'm going to say it. I didn't know whether I was allowed to cheer or not. I think silently thankful.

Lots of lube. Don't let on you enjoyed it too much. Make her resentful. That's what I find. But when Spurs scored, did you just sit or did you feel like a need to like, do you know what I was standing and applaud? Was it like intimidatingly Spursy or was it all right? No, it was thankfully this was sort of more like a family stand.

There were lots of Bill Bowell fans and the people next to me said, oh, are you United? And I sort of smiled, but it was two, a shout out to these very lovely women from Tottenham who were experiencing their first final with Spurs. And actually by the end of the game, their kind of enthusiasm and their excitement and then their sort of stress and tension as the last five minutes came out really won me over. I was really pleased for them at the end of the game. Oh, that's nice. Because there was such like joy. Such a good liar.

It's lovely. But it was, yeah, and then it took me about an hour and a half to walk home from the ground afterwards. Oh, mate. And then where are you now? It's in that hotel room still. I'm still currently in Bobau and then tomorrow I fly fly to Milan for the last fixtures of Syria our season so I'm gonna go and watch Como Oh, you're fucking look you're gonna get an amputation. You'll be on last leg soon Problem is the problem is and I considered pulling all of this the flights back They're either non-existent or they're so expensive, it's cheaper for me to just continue and go and do like three days in Italy than it is to spend £2,000 on an easy jet.

What a gilded cage. What a lot. This is the most extravagant breakdown I've ever heard of. Can't build Balmalan alone with a broken foot? Talking of extravagant breakdowns, I guess today. Ivo Graham. So this is recorded in two parts. You're going to hear the first part and then you're going to hear the second part that was recorded two weeks later. But we stopped halfway through because Ivo was getting a bit emotional and found talking about his situation a bit overwhelming So he gave him a break and then we checked in with him two weeks later. It's a brilliant episode though

He's a brilliant man. He's a funny guy. Good guy. Yeah, here you go Ivo Gray, welcome to Parents in Hell. Is this your second or third time? What do you think Rob? I don't know. Third? Sorry, that was quite passive aggressive. I was just interested to see whether you're an authority on your own back catalogue. But I suppose it is confusing. No, it's not. Because he doesn't give the impression of a man who's combing through every minute of his own podcasts.

No, I'm not across my current catalogue. Remember my back? Yeah, listen, Rob, and I don't mean that disrespectfully. You're living in the moment and I think most people would agree you're doing an absolutely fantastic job. Whereas I'm living in the past and it is destroying me from the inside. Well, Rob, it is a little bit ambiguous because I've done it once before, but then we did have a bit of a live adventure at Glastonbury two years ago. So I suppose that's one and a half. So when did we speak to you before on this? It was a, was it locked down? It was, it was, I listened to it a couple of days ago and it was a bit of a time capsule. I can tell you it was, I thought it would be quite helpful listening back to the first podcast to get my head in the zone.

But actually as someone who's trying to sort of seek closure with various sort of narratives in my life, being like, here's a little sort of weirdly idyllic glimpse of post lockdown life. I didn't, I mean, listen, we had a lovely chat and there were lots of laughs and I definitely steer people towards that episode if this one's not funny enough. Give me another chance five years ago. So for the listener though, what's your, Sam, you've got one daughter. Yeah, my daughter Edie is six and she's six years old and everything else is, is, is, you know, that, um, uh, Jose Mourinho meme. If I speak, I'm in big trouble. I've got kind of all that going on actually.

So this is, I've got kind of all that going on actually. So this is a bit of a tightrope. I suppose it is a bit of a tightrope, but I'm not just saying that because I'm using a new microphone for the first time. So I'm a co-parent. And in 2020, I was a relatively new co parent. And I was full of, well, to be honest, I was full of the joys of my daughter being sort of starting to walk and talk, which was a very and now I'm a stress that, you know, the evolution has continued. She's now walking and talking extremely confidently. And at the same time, yeah, yeah, it's really impressive stuff. Although I think sometimes the talking is a bit too, it's got a bit too grown up the questions that are being asked now and the sort of general kind of questions you're getting over.

Well, for example, my mother has MS. And so that's that's a big part of my family's sort of, you know, the stuff we're working around and adapting around on quite a regular basis. And my daughter is just fantastically just honest about it all. But there have been a couple of times when I have said to her that she doesn't need to sort of introduce herself to people with one of the key facts about her being Omar's legs don't work. Which often isn't even relevant. Is Omar there? No, not, not always. Edie's just sort of a bit like a sort of an ad is Omar there? No, not not always. He's just sort of like a sort of an ambassador. For

example, the other day we were talking about my grandma. So he's middle name is my grandma's name. And I'm very, very sort of proud of that. I've just been telling you a bit more about that recently. And Jen, she was telling her friend about a tennis. And I said, well, he'd he's grandma isn't with us anymore. And he said, she's dead. Don't say she isn't with us anymore. That means she might come back. Yeah, you're right. Actually, I've spent my life burying myself in overly euphemistic language to delude myself about the potential return of clearly deceased grandparents. Do you think she may be more prepared for the world than you are? Yeah, yeah.

Which means you're doing a good job. Yeah, I suppose so. If she's growing up as fast as I'm sort of regressing, then we can sort of meet in the middle. Quite pleasing actually. I think every new chapter has brought this sort of, you know, a new adventure and a new delight and her being like six and being like a friend, you can like have

these great chats too. That's been incredible. But I think I was so aware, and this was when the podcast was called Lockdown Parenting Hell, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The glory days. Yeah, well, you know, I'm delighted to be part of the original batch. When when the introduction said, just goes to show none of us know what we're doing. And then it got rebranded post lockdown. And Rob now says this goes to show that sometimes or not, not all of us it's basically you've watered down. The introduction. Yeah, you've gone away, I'm afraid. Can I let you into

a little secret either? I've never heard the introduction. I think I've thought of this before. You told me off about this. I don't even know what you're talking about. Well, I also asked your permission to reference a panel show that you'd hosted in my book. And you did need clarification on what the panel show was called. That's so aspirational to me. But yeah, after the lockdown, it was just... Unbreakable, wasn't it? Undeniable. Oh, that's close though. That is close.

I did do a show called Unbreakable, I think. Yeah, well, there's a show called, I think, Unforgivable as well. Yeah, that's not me. I've only got two unns under my belt. Okay, well, that sounds very restrained of you. And there's an argument to say there was a time when there were too many panel shows. You did do a show called Unbreakable as well, Rob. You've done two Un shows. Yeah.

So that was five years ago. That was feeling actually quite relieved and quite proud that we'd had lots of challenges, some of them very self-inflicted, but also, you know, I am very self-deprecating and perhaps overly critical of myself. But I don't think I'm being sort of modest to say that I wouldn't describe the pandemic as self-inflicted. That was, you know, I've got some friends in high places, but that was out of my control. And you'd stop fucking bats by then. That was very much a 2010 hologram. Although your family does have financial interests in 5G, don't they? So... Oh, it's a broad portfolio.

It doesn't matter if they don't all work out. But the lockdown wasn't your fault. And I think actually a reflection, I was very, I admired you very much about the way both you and Edie's mum worked out lockdown. It sounds like a very positive experience for everyone involved, which could have been very negative. We lived together in the lockdown, and we made the best of it. And it was a very, it was a time when there was just so much to sort of delight in about our daughter growing up on a day to day basis. But you'd separated at that point, but you would just

We had separated, we had separated at that point. And that remains an ongoing project. And I think there's still lots to be proud of within it, about our doing. And I think our daughter is is doing fantastic. He was so proud of her. But I would say that it is, I think I think I would have loved to be a bit further along with the process by my my sort of five year anniversary appearance on parenting health. by my sort of five year anniversary appearance on Parenting Hell. Have you set high standards? Yeah, yeah. And then of course, I think if I just appeared on Lockdown Parenting Hell, and you said you'll be on the podcast again in five years time, it won't be locked down anymore.

But other aspects of the podcast title will still be occasionally relevant to your situation. But you will have a book to promote. That's something. And the book, what's the book called? It's called Lack of Progress. On a five year basis. Well, it's not called that. It's called Yardsticks for Failure. So it is quite a critical, a self critical title. We will come to the books. I've got some, I've got some excerpts from it I want to read. Fantastic.

That you sent me. One about, I've got the one about Rob Beckett, which is very nice actually I think it references Rob Beckett's unbreakable. It does record undeniable And so talk to me about having a six-year-old Ivo Mm-hmm. You're the proudest father I know like there's a lot of proud fathers, but you're incredibly proud father. Well, that's, that's very nice of you to say Josh. I'd like to say, to be clear, me and Rob are both proud fathers, just to just be very clear on that. Proud as punch. Proud as punch.

Well, well, that's lovely. And obviously, you know, speaking to someone who is a proud father, but also does drink a lot of punch, I can go into bat for every bit of that. And typically that's, that's not really historically sort of pride is not really associated with this sort of emotionally repressed worlds that I've been raised in. You know, that's one of the sort of feelings. Yeah, yeah. You sort of pride is meant to, one of those sort of emotions are meant to save for the obituary. I suppose looking back on it, I suppose I was proud of him. Obviously too late to tell him now. But I think there's just a lot to delight in really. I mean, I think the other thing is as well as wanting to hit the right balance as a parent between

sort of visibly delighting in and encouraging lots of things, but also being emotionally cold occasionally to create aspiration. And I think also pride in any sort of public forum is quite delicate as well. And so working out how much to talk about,, I was about to say, it's obviously difficult to work out how much to talk about one's child in a public forum. But obviously, you've made your decision there, Chaps. And it's... The horse was bolted. Rob, let me read you the bit about Undeniable, because it's very nice, actually.

How have I been nice about it. Well, I'm a big fan of Ivo as a man, as a father, as a comedian, and as a footballer, which we can get on to. Yes. He actually, this is a footnote on about, so what happened, and this was very nice of Ivo, is he asked me for a quote for his book.

Yeah, but it's turned into a bit of a saga, to be fair. Oh, did it? Well, if you say it didn't, then I'm not going to correct you, but in my perspective, it was a saga. I said I'd love to see some of your book, and on my birthday, the pages of his book that I mentioned in arrived, printed out on orange paper, which was a lovely read. I have got one factually accuracy I'm going to bring you up on, I've over-complicated. Oh no. Oh no.

Anyway, he says about parenting hell, not only have I loved and learned from a great many episodes of parenting hell as a listener, but I was approached about appearing on an early episode in September, 2020 as a delicately positive outlet for some of my own domestic challenges at the time. Josh's lent is here to my more private overshares

on many occasions and I can almost always count on his kindness and discretion, even if he did want to tell a story about me smoking a bifta on Mel Gidroy's Unforgivable. Another unreference. I know Rob Beckett Leswell, but he too once gave me an extremely supportive dressing room pep talk. Do you remember this Rob? About some of my co-parenting woes before I appeared on his not dissimilarly titled Pannister, undeniable.

At the end of the day, it's just more people to love her, right? He said patting me encouragingly on the back before we went down the studio. And I dried my eyes in time to do a needlessly long monologue about The Apprentice series one to six. Yeah, I've got absolutely no idea what place that had in the show. That was funny. It was very funny. Do you remember that Rob? I do now actually. I remember that. I think it was on with Joe Swash was it? Was it on with you Joe Swash? Yeah, but that doesn't narrow down hugely for your catalogue does it Rob?

No, Swash is never far away. Yeah, chill in the water, Aiman Holmes on what? Pre-Bowther scandals, I think that was. Well, yeah, that was in summer 2021, where one of the particular challenges that summer was adapting to a new potential parental figure in my daughter's life, which I guess that's the challenge for anyone navigating a sort of potentially blended family situation. This should all have been in my mind as we made these big life decisions back in 2019, but some bits of it I anticipated better than others. And navigating a sort of a fog of sort of insecurity and jealousy

whilst preparing my apprentice monologue for Rob Lockett's undeniable what was not a high point in the summer of 2021. But actually, Rob, you- Stop sniveling, mate. My neck's on the line here. Yeah, yeah. That's what I should have said. Just do a tight two-minute monologue about the Badger and move on. should have said just do a tight two minute monologue about the badger and move on. At one point you say in your book, this is about Taskmaster and this is about me. When his daughter was born, the Taskmaster team sent him a letter, wax sealed obviously, saying, dear Anthea, have

the best time ever. Your life starts now. And you've put, to respect Josh's privacy, I've not used his daughter's actual name, but the name of celebrity he fancies. Right. I thought it was a lovely touch. I think it is a lovely touch, but I didn't know that Anthea Turner was... Well, it might presumably that's who that's a reference to. It could be any Anthea, but yeah, I thought it was a pretty clear trail of breadcrumbs to 90s icon Anthea Turner. And they wax sealed it with a flake. So the book's called Yardsticks of Failure, and so

it's a comedy book about what's been going on in your life professionally and personally and stuff because you do beat yourself I don't think I think you beat yourself up too much sometimes either. I don't think there's any denial. That is undeniable. I forgot you had a catch, Rose. It's unforgettable, mate. Once you get it, you're in. There's only hope. You can't undo it. I would say the book is, yeah, I think it's... If you find self-deprecation a bit heavy going, I would say it's probably not the book.

It's not this summer's must-have beach read. Yeah. So, Ivo Graham, basically for the listener, we stopped, we chatted to you, but we stopped because you was finding it difficult. And now we are back together again after two weeks to finish the episode. And we asked you a question about your childhood compared to your daughter's childhood and schooling and that sort of prompted it. But we're back now.

You're feeling refreshed and in a sort of better space to do this chat. He did use it just when we were just talking about how we were going to do this. Ivo did refer to the last podcast as pre breakdown and the breakdown. Yeah, what you've heard is pre breakdown. Yeah, which you know, if you think I've acquitted myself, okay, then that that is the bits that were left in. But nonetheless, well done, because I also think that I was on quite poor form, even pre breakdown. So basically, and I'm certain, unfortunately, I'm not in the very privileged position of being able to address a part of my life and a part of my mental state as if it is a previous chapter, which is finished. I think what we are doing at the moment is we're alternating between chapters

based on sort of recent events and sort of amount of sleep and coffee. So I, it's, it's, I think, in fact, what you might have kept in from the last episode was me saying that I think I quoted Josie Marino and saying that if I speak, I'm in big trouble. My, my, my parenting is, I would say mostly good and joyful, but it is, I suppose it is hell adjacent. If I may sort of use the podcast title. You might know and joyful. But it is, I suppose it is hell adjacent. If I may sort of use the podcast title. You may, no one does. Yeah, so what happened last time then? Because I was really enjoying the chat and it felt fine from our side, but you felt like you carry on and wanted a little break from it, which was totally fine. It's just a bit too, sometimes a little bit too painful to chat

about in a loose terms because there's a lot of stuff going on. What was funny, Rob, is I think the question that you asked was, what's the differences between my daughter's childhood of my own? And the suggestion that like, it was like, I must have looked like, I was thinking about boarding school again. He's thinking about the boarding school trauma. He can't handle that. No. And of course, Rob, it was an honor to be interviewed by you for your book, A Class Act, which explores these differences in our background. But the truth is, Robert, it was an honor to be interviewed by you for your book, A Class Act, which explores these differences in our background. But the truth is actually, I am looking back on boarding school as actually quite an innocent time of emotional repression. Whereas my adult life, I would say, has been quite made up a lost time emotion-wise.

So there's almost no emotion to all emotion, basically. Yeah, well, that's the thing. So also another tricky thing about it. So it was we were recording, I was in Mahuntlath. It was a Monday morning after the Mahuntlath Festival, the wonderful comedy festival in Wales. And I'd done the final night of it after the end of a big weekend of driving around the country.

And I was just I was running on fumes a bit. But I was staying at usually Mahuntlath Festival. I've never camped, but I do stay often in some pretty basic Airbnbs. On this occasion, I was staying in the very large home of a family friend. I thought it was a hotel. Yeah. Well, that's because I worked so hard with my camera angle to keep the snooker table out of shot. I just knew, I thought if Beckett gets a glimpse of baize, if Beckett sees the baize, I'm done for.

I thought it was a family home, but I did want to say, because you seem too vulnerable already, and Baldwin School sent you into a tailspin. So like when you're like, and yes, I had woken up, I hadn't had enough time for the coffee to get into my system. What time did you go to bed, Ivor? Oh, probably 11 PM, 1130 latest. Oh, come on.

But I'm such a responsible parent that even when I'm not with my daughter, I wake up in the night anyway, I do a sort of system of habit. So I had, you know, um, and my dreams about her were too vivid. Uh, so, but, but, but, you know, I prepared with an 11 PM bedtime, but then I woke up at nine 30 AM, 15 minutes before we do to start and just setting up the laptop and the new microphone and trying to get the camera angle. So you couldn't see the garden or the snooker table. It was so hard. It was so,. Also, there were seven other people in the house. So I was trying to avoid

sort of noise bleed from their loud and proud breakfast. You could have just gone to the other wing, couldn't you, of the house? That was literally the expression I used, I'm afraid. I said, what's the bit most like a wing? But so anyway, it was all a bit stressful. And then I think we had some opening chat about the book. Plug the book. I think I think we had some opening chat about, about a plug the book, I think mentioned my mother's disability, you know, this is safe ground. Oh, come on. Some of these realities, I'm better acclimatized to than others. But then I think I was just, I didn't, I did not have, and I should have just prepared more for the

podcast, for example, not just in terms of, you know, attitude, but thinking about what I might, you know, your lovely friends and hosts, and you asked me whether there was anything I wanted to talk about. But I was just in the kind of mood where I just suddenly thought about lots of aspects of parenting and how challenging co-parenting in particular can be. But also, let's make it very clear, I'd be letting down the side as a parent in any domestic setup. Don't get me wrong, I am not, you know, I'm a shambles. But it's, but I suppose the shambles is under a slightly sort of hotter microscope. Yes. I would say. But I would say we have a lot of people on who do co parent and stuff like that. And obviously, we totally understand there's certain

things that can and cannot be discussed in public just for everyone's best interests. So yes, only ever speak about whatever you're comfortable about, we can take it out. So no, there's no stress. I think I hope that maybe what we might keep in is a bit where I thank you as I thank you in a footnote to the book for both at different times being so supportive through various sort of minor breakdowns backstage at Rob Beckett's Undeniable, etc. But I do. And Judy love backstage with Katherine Ryan, but we had to go backstage backstage with Katherine Ryan because the backstage was being filmed. So she had to give me a hug in the toilet. It was absolutely insane. The backstage of Katherine 1 was a show where you was filmed backstage before you went out

to perform but you and Judy had to find a separate extra backstage. Yeah they were like well let's see what comedians really talk about backstage and I was like no what I do is I'll absolutely I'll tell a story about a bad gig backstage during the filming bit then I'm going to talk to Judy Love about co-parenting and jealousy in the toilet. Backstage, I'm either asleep or having a breakdown. No one wants that on Amazon. Thank you. And I don't eat my Nando's with a great degree of dignity.

Thank you very much, Catherine. But no, that's not my priority was never having backstage filmed really. I think I'd argue all comedians are trying to avoid backstage and be on stage the whole time. So it's easier. Yeah. And podcasts are sort of making that possible. Well done again, chaps. So let's talk about your daughter. Yes. So have you prepared some amusing anecdotes that aren't going to make you feel sad? Well, what I've done is I've brought it's a format point. I'm sure I heard you asking Pete Docker to that. It's like code red for the co parent. Get some things out that are just non offensive.

Can I make it so clear? I'm so aware I'm very much in the sort of privilege checking business, privilege checking, virtually signaling, going to bed at 11. But so many people on this podcast have told stories of such greater hardship than I've experienced for all sorts of races. It's not a competition, but I think I'm just, I'm doing sort of medium level difficulty, but I was only raised to play life on easy level difficulty. But everyone's allowed to find life difficult. I vote whether you come from or whatever you've done. It doesn't, it doesn't, you know, when life's tough, it is tough for everyone. So I know there's people in more difficult situations, but that's totally normal.

And you should beat yourself up for feeling like it's tough. Think about it this way, Ivo. If you'd had a thousand pounds in 2008, if you'd put that on either you or Pete Doherty to have a mid interview breakdown on a podcast. Well, that's what I find so insensitive. When everyone's on parenting health and they're actually quite content with it all, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And to be fair, I do respect that Pete Doherty has been through the trenches.

And we've made some lovely music in it, Josh and I have listened to that on many a road trip. I loved that episode. But yes, he's I think Pete Doherty is winning 2025. Don't get me wrong, I had a much better 2004 than him. No distinction in my exams, no prison. I know you'd have loved to have kissed Kate Moss in 2004. Oh, they wouldn't have believed me back at school. And they'd have been right not to. They'd have said, your first kiss, Kate Moss, you went to kiss one of us first. Anyway, sorry, I mustn't think about that. I'm getting too sad. Yeah. Look at the snooker table.

Can I ask you a question? Let's get back to the music anecdotes you prepared that doesn't enrage anyone. Yeah, okay. I brought what I've done for confidence. I brought loads of my daughter's drawings because they're in the book. They're one of my favorite expressions of her. I'm just going to say brilliant mind. I just love her drawing. And obviously, as a parent, if your child is into drawing, you are grateful because if they want to do a drawing, they don't want to go on a screen. So it's like, well done. That's great. And it's perfect for an audio format. Let's see them.

I'm joking. What I'm very slyly doing here, Rob, is I'm advertising the audiobook and the physical book of my book because I do think I've read the audiobook with some real panache, but my daughter's drawings are in the physical. So it's not for me to say get both, but I think get both. So what's her style then? What's she doing a lot of? Well, listen, she's much, may I say... Can I just say for the audio format, that was a lovely sound of a piece of paper. It was really good.

Well, it has some blue tack on it. So I had to separate it from the rest of the papers because it's got stuck to it because this has been recently blue tacked from my parents bathroom. So we're in live here. My daughter is doing some very complex work. And it's saying stuff perhaps about her subconscious mind that I can't claim to understand. This one is route one. And I love it. She did two drawings the other day. She's six. So even though she's got all sorts of interests, there's a lot of poos,

there's a lot of farts, words of songs are being replaced with poo. I'm being referred to as poo head at the school gate because I've laughed at it a lot. And I've sort of almost encouraged some of her friends to sit as well at the school gate. I've been like, stop calling me that. Now it's happening every time. And sometimes I've got myself in that position where you're trapped in a nickname and some of the other parents are like what you've got like how have you let this happen? I didn't mean to but you could you if you could have a word to your daughter to stop calling me poo head. Fantastic!

What do they call you Josh? Well it's Hansy Dad. Too much? Insane that that was the man. Touchy Man much better, there we go, he walks free again. No, it's only infernal, you're for a bit of a high-end fun that you're a pedo. Of course. I think there is coming a reckoning in comedy where people are going to have to be divided into different categories and some are going to be Touchy Man and some are going to be handsy mans and it'll be good if Rob you're applying the final decision. Yeah I can work out that. I'm a very straight talker. I'll take that job.

Now what do they call you at school Gates Josh? So um there's one kid I'm I'm good fun but he will shout poo head. Oh poo head as well? Yeah it is poo Mr. Poo or you know, that kind of stuff. And it is fun, though. It's interesting, isn't it? Because you're like, what's the score here? Because you're still on school property. So should a teacher be stepping in? Shut this down. But it feels quite pathetic to report them to the teacher while you're scoring your own shot. You deal with this situation. Sometimes they go, Rob, I'll go Mr. Beckett. Lovely. A little flesh of authority. You deal with the situation. Sometimes they go, Rob, Mr. Beckett. It's Mr. Beckett.

Lovely. A little bit of electricity. Yeah. And they don't know how to take it because I'm the silly fun guy. I'm the big one. I thought he was cheeky all the time. It's Mr. Beckett on school property, actually. Wow.

Yeah, I suppose I could try that. The problem is, I think, and this goes to parenthood in general, I think I can be a responsible authoritative, but not that much. I think I am, I think I don't want to be defined and limited by being fun, but I do think that I'm fun. And I think I'm good at it with with my daughter and occasion she has play dates. I'm you know, I'll dress up, we'll have a nice time. But I think sometimes it's like an it's like an uncle who comes around and revs up the kids and then leaves and leaves the parents to do bedtime and they're all revved up. And sometimes parents will say, you've really tired them out, which is great.

That's a sort of compliment. But sometimes it's just like you've either literally or metrically given them sugar just before bed. When you say dress up for your daughter, can we dig down into that a bit more? Yes. Her sixth birthday party was themed around Trolls, the movie. So I was King Peppy, who was one of the trolls. So I was a huge sort of, I mean,

it wasn't my finest work costuming wise. What did you wear? I had a wig. Paint your face? No, I brought face paint just in case, but actually we didn't have time and that was a relief. Green face is okay though, isn't it? Yeah, oh, no, I wasn't worried about it from a cultural perspective.

Right. I was okay. I wasn't like, could no one put these photos on social media, please? Don't let the woman from Wicked get the... Oh, no, I absolutely can't. I can't burn my bridges with Cynthia, please. I wore a wig and we got lots of wigs. The big issue actually, because it was a joint party with my best friend's daughter and we were so excited to organize it all the parents together. But Trolls, one thing had not come up on the risk assessment was that Trolls would be a scary film and that some of the younger kids and of course you've got to think about that too. My daughter is

one of the oldest of the group and my godson Jamie who is an absolutely wonderful young man and already really taking to his AFC Wimbledon fandom but he is he didn't love Trolls and it was difficult to recover the party from that because obviously we were all dressed as trolls and we were going to record some scenes. I was like as trolls. I thought we'd just be singing the Justin Timberlake and a Kendrick's song. It's got such a great sound. So they all sat and watched it together? Well, because that was not actually one of the centerpiece. The centerpieces were meant to be like costumes, games, going outside. But it was rubbish. You know how it is. It was February,

the weather was terrible. The kids were sort of all being a bit of a nightmare within about sort of half an hour of the party starting. So we like, should we just sort of, in many ways, go to the sort of central nervous system of this party and just put trolls on and just watch trolls. It's still trolls themed. And then we can all, you know, have those tiny catch ups that you have in these tiny where you sort of don't really get any news over the line. But you sort of change change like Josh and I went to a playground in acne with our children who had me in the poo head because I'm sometimes who had I'm also

dude a lot and his friend Annalise calls me dude and I'm you know I'm wearing a big Lebowski t-shirt right now the dude is one of the great characters but she says dude so like mockingly and I'm like but without without the fear of setting you off again Ivo and having to learn third recording down the axis please look at the drawings I would say I get myself into the situation of being poo head because I am someone that is desperate to be liked. Yeah. Oh, God. You've got it on the nail.

You've got enough, haven't you? Is that your horn head? It's out today. I'm doing the fringe. Thanks very much, Harry. Jax, I'm coming through for breakfast. I'm going to sit on the podcast. Thanks very much. Do you think that's similar for you? Yeah, definitely. Across the board with adults and children.

Absolutely defined by it. Really struggling with long-term relationships, because that requires a greater degree of full-time commitment. But in terms of getting some good laughs in the short term, and making a few quick memories, oh, absolutely. Sign me up. Fantastic. I'd say pound for pound, you've been introduced to someone

for the first time for 10 minutes. There's no one that can touch you. Yeah. Oh, that's very well. You're all over it. That's very generous of you, Rob. I think I would say maybe that's true. But also, your wife was quite appalled by something I did at Josh's birthday party last

year. It was the first time I'd met Lou. So this is actually Can I say I don't know? I think this is I think this is this. I don't mind this actually. So Josh had had a birthday was April 2023. It was a lovely kids. It was a classic kids all day and then we go to the pub. Not your 40th was it? It was the one before that wasn't it? 2023. No, that is 40th.

I was in the park and then it went to pizza place. The pub was like the pizza place. Yes, sorry. I've been sober for four days. Incredible time for a 40th. I think I offered you a Moretti eight times. It's a wide decision. Oh my goodness. Yes. Um, well, you know, it's not the time really to say

congratulations. No, no, no, no, I'm not turning around on that. So what did you do to Lou? I certainly didn't say congratulations after four days. I said, accept one of Beckett's bloody Moretti's. He's like, oh, well, I'll start tomorrow. I think I probably called you a stiff neck. I'm on that team.

Anyway, I'll join with any bully if they've got enough Moretti's in their hand. So anyway, we'd had, and my daughter has been there as well. It's one of the best things is when you have a party, you know, a lot of you got kids now. So some very wholesome times and in your home in East London, which is lovely, daughter loves it. And then, as I recall, and I may be confusing this with a New Year's Eve party, which something similar happened, I think I was and of course, I'm also here to say that in some ways co-parents, they have some advantage which is, I think my daughter's mum took her home at about 5pm. And then a

lot of the kids came to the pizza place. And the pizza place, which is underneath the pub, I think where certain people, the childless, temporarily or permanently childless, were expecting to have some pizza and kick on. And there was a there was a bit of a feeling of a lot of the kids and of course, I'm a complete hypocrite because if my daughter had come, I would have been singing Let It Go with her because she loves Frozen so much and I love singing Frozen songs for my daughter. But she wasn't here anymore. So I was now like, right, Josh's

daughter and some other friends of hers are singing Frozen and that's dominating the pizza place. But this is meant to be the second location is meant to be adults Josh's 40th but there's children dominating with Frozen. So I said they loved the slideshow there's a slideshow of photos of watching that scene frozen. It was so sweet yeah but and of course I'm not actually complaining about it was brilliant for the kids these are memories for them more than for us. But I said I I think to our friend, Will Briggs. It feels like it's a memory for you. Quite a deep memory. Yeah, it's a memory of regret. It all comes back to regret. I'm not here to complain that

your daughter came to the second location at your 40th. I'm here to express my regret that I thought it would be funny. And I think I was authorized by our friend, Will Briggs, to switch the music to a song called My Neck, My Back by Keir. Oh, yes. I remember this. I wanted to harsh the vibe and I wanted, I didn't actually want to listen to that song. And I also didn't think it would be actually, you know, these children weren't sort of 11 saying what's this, what does this song mean? I just wanted the adults to have an adverse reaction and then it to break the spell of Frozen. And what actually happened was Rob's wife Lou,

quite rightly, got quite cross with me and said, please, would you turn this off immediately? I was so ashamed. I didn't see. She wanted to teach him. My neck, my back, in brackets, lick it. Lick my, oh, that goes my neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack.

Oh, ladies pop your pussy like this. I think it was Miss No-This. Don't shake it, man, it don't stop, don't miss. Oh, you ladies pop your pussy like this. Yeah, yeah, I just thought I'd play it because I didn't think the kids were meant to be coming to this bit. So I would quite like to have some pizza. Hi, I'm Ivo, by the way. Lou, yeah, I like the podcast. So tell us Ivo about your daughter's drawings. Yeah, so this one is so this is fart This one's a massive pussy in a crack No it's how dare you, how dare you

Please my daughter. Thank you. This is fart And what it is is a picture of someone farting and it says fart Oh she is good, she's It's like Quentin, who's a geezer at that? Quentin Blake She's very good. Oh, thank you. Well, there's more complex stuff than this, but we can focus on fart for a bit What I really like when you go to your book Farts not in the book, but some great stuffs in the book. Yeah, what's the legal? What's what the legal ramifications?

I've oh Josh You know in some ways yeah, I've already got all the relevant email addresses, but I don't think we want to be opening Chapter Three intellectual property. So what else have you got? You've got fart, which is great. Well, here's my issue. And I like fart because it's a picture of someone farting and then little sort of steam is coming out. And she's written fart in big letters and then she's written fart in small letters with an arrow pointing then little sort of steam is coming out. And she's written fart in big letters and then she's written small letters with an arrow pointing to the sort of the wavy steam lines. So here's the thing.

So she did a companion piece, poo, which is someone doing a poo and it says poo on it and they're lovely companion pieces. And I put one in my bathroom, a poo in my bathroom. So I, so I see it if I'm having a poo and Edie as well, which she really likes. And I put fart in my, in my parents bathroom, it's blue-tacted to the back of the door so they'd see it. And you know, my father is, he's got many skills, but you know, holding his wind and he's not one of them. So I thought they'll like that. And my parents said very recently, they said, we've, I hope you don't mind, we love Edie's choice, but we have taken fart down actually. They didn't like fart in the bathroom,

actually, it was too real. So, you know, fair enough. Is she excited there in the book? She's been showing the book to people and she's been so proud of it. And of course, in some ways, am I creating a monster? You should, you know, I think any comedy I've ever done has been pretty much based on not having really sort of laughed until I was 18. Not that exactly, but what I mean is... He's about to go again, Rob. He's about to go again.

I'm going to lull you through, meh. What was your first laugh? I was quite quiet at school and I didn't have an identity. You're making up for it now, though, aren't you? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Game recognises game, Ivo. Oh my goodness. But you start a sentence, it's like someone when they rip a hole in a paddling pool. And the water just goes... Oh no. All the tears. All the tears. All the tears. Just a halation. It's got to come out the eyes or the mouth.

My very moving theatre show is in London next week. And people have cried. Thank you very much. Your theatre show, people are going mad for this show. Obviously the book's out, but what's this show and where can people see it? What's it called? And it's like a one man play. I'm being occasionally funny but mostly sad at the Soho theatre for 10 days from May the 28th. Never mind that. I've barely talked about my daughter. Can I tell you about going to see that show? So I went to see it with Susie what time is it on 7 p.m.

it's a nice time you'll be back for half eight thank you um and so important for parents actually so you walk out all right and you start your opening monologue of the play can I be honest for the first minute, five minutes, I thought, Oh, no, he's talking like it's a play. He's talking in that way people do in plays. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm afraid so. Yeah. It's a play though, isn't it? I know. And then I was like, Oh, it's a brilliant play. But because I know you and then suddenly you're in a play, I'm like, Oh,

no, I've come to a fucking play and then once Once you through that and I get that in every play The desperation that I've realized I'm in a play. It's very good Very funny incredibly touching. What's the parent heavy sad? Just sad just yeah Just went to the sides for a few a few from across the shelf really on the Sads and then a few bit of more relaxing bits. What would you say is your MVP of the Sads? What would be your LeBron James, you know, your Tiger Woods? Dead Friend. Dead Friend, okay. That's leading the charge. Yeah,

I'm afraid that's LeBron in the book and that's LeBron in the show. But there's also, you know, there's a bit of Dead Grandma, if that's more your speed. And there's a bit of, you know, my child's growing up too fast, if that's more your speed. And there's even a bit of disabled mum, if that's more your speed. But there's some solid Tiger Who Came to Tea stuff as well. I love the Tiger Who Came to Tea bit. There's funnier around those. Tell me about the Tiger Who Came to Tea, because that does film. I put the Tiger costume on in the show.

I mean, I balance it on my head because to climb into the Tiger suit is too onerous mid show. But my daughter loves the Tiger came to tea. So it was one of the first things we sort of started reenacting on the reg. And so we're reenacting and I get a Tiger costume and it's just because you can then commit to the tea and we like have a tea in the flat at a special table and the main bit in the tiger came to use when you go to a cafe. So we have to turn a different bit of the flat into the cafe because that's when you and like when the tiger comes in, he rampages around and he drinks like he drinks like all the water from the tap. So I have to do quite a lot of like glugging from the tap. But I'm like, it has to stop I can can't it won't run out. And I'm taking on a lot of water here. But basically, it's like the tiger is a bit of a rampage. And then I leave. She plays sort of Sophie and for various reasons,

she also plays Sophie's mom. And then I come back into Sophie's dad who gets home from work. And he can't believe that obviously all his beers been drunk and all the waters. So we've got to go for we've got to go for tea at a cafe. And so we go to a different part of the flat, which is where the table is set up to be the cafe. And then we'll, you know, ideally you build that into actual tea times,

you have your fish fingers there. But that's very much my daughter calls the shots on that reenactment. We absolutely love that. So we've got some- That's lovely. And so we return to the question of, how much do you want to be liked, Ivo? But it's not a bad target audience for one's own child. It's like, come on, that's alright.

Yes, I'm in a sort of position where I think I have to play my bad cop cards quite carefully. So I think we can absolutely lay down the good cops. It's been a joy. Ivan, this has been brilliant, I think. Thank you so much for coming back on. And I think it's very well done and brave of you to come back on when it was difficult last time and also be so open about it being bad last time. That's very sweet of you, Chet. And difficult for you. So it was super funny, but we could see that you weren't fully happy.

So it was good to stop it. Well done for coming back and being so open and honest. And know, we all love you Ivo and you're a brilliant dad. Get out your own head and relax because you're doing a brilliant job. And the fact that you care so much about your daughter is so obvious and evident. And if you didn't care about your daughter, this would be a lot easier. You love her to pieces, which is why it's harder and you're doing a great job. So continue. I'm very grateful to both and it's not just meant to be a plug for the book, but I am a bit disappointed. I did one drawing and it was fart. That was literally just on top of the pile. But like if you do even just flick through the book in a bookshop.

Name of the book, name of the tour. Give us all those things, Ivo. Um, the book's called Yardsticks for Failure. Um, bit of Taskmaster, bit of death, lots of my daughter's wonderful drawings. The sad show's called Carousel, it's at Soho, we might film that hopefully. Then in Edinburgh, I'm doing a show called Orange Crush, where I wear orange clothes and I talk about trying to find an American owner for Swindon Town. And I'm very intent that that'll be funnier than it sounds, even if you don't care about the ownership of lower league football clubs.

I think it's going to be great actually. And then I'll just keep being alternately happy and sad in public and in private indefinitely. And I'm on social media. Thanks for having me. Ivo Graham, I'm glad he come back. Yes, it's a I think that's really a good episode and important episode to be honest about because totally with parenting, it's always complicated, whatever your situation is, co-parenting, or whatever's going on, or you're a single parent,

or even if you, no, whatever your situation is, it's always tricky at times, and it's good to go. At the moment, I can't talk about this, and have a little break and come back, and he did, and he's super funny, and the book's amazing, and his play's really good, isn't it? But he's brilliant, Ivo, lovely guy. Lovely man.

We will see you on Tuesday.