Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP27: The Dog's Got Diarrhea

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... In this episode Rob discusses his Lilo & Stitch hosting experience, scary helicopter rides and a dog diarrhea disaster... and we got through some of your emails and if you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx MAILING LIST: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad

isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecue's lit but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer, so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over deliver. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Alfie, can you say Josh Weddecombe?

Josh Weddecombe. And can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Well done. Barth or a piss. That was the most, I'd say, that was almost like stereotypically German efficiency that. Yeah. Just say the names. All right, Rob Beckett judge. We can cheers This is Alfie angels attempt to your name Alfie angels She's two and a half and currently doesn't live up to his surname. What a great name. Alfie angels

He sounds like a new character in East Enders like kind of cameo by someone you forgot was... Alfie Angels is coming. And he's either a bit of a gangster. Would you do EastEnders? Have we discussed this? I think... I probably... I think I'd go a bit mad doing the same thing every day. I don't think... Some people love that structure. It's sort of like the showbiz army, isn't it? Yeah, I sat next to a man who was in EastEnders the other day. Oh, yeah.

He's in his 50s, 60s. Why can't you say who it is? Because I don't know. Do you mean you sat next to a man that was in EastEnders? Um, how do you know that it was in EastEnders if you don't know who it was? He talked to me about being in EastEnders. Where was you sat? I was watching Pulp.

Oh, at the BBC? Yeah, I was at the BBC. Oh, right. Yeah. You've got to put context in for that. I was sat next to a man who told me he was in EastEnders. He was coming to the end of a lovely long career where he's done lots of parts and he was enjoying just being in EastEnders. Right, okay. But you don't know who that was.

I mean, I could Google him. What am I Googling? Man in EastEnders? Yeah, EastEnders cast. What did he look like? Was it a Mitchell? Oh god. No, no, it wasn't. Was he a white man? He was a white man, yeah. In his 50s, bald hair. He wasn't in it in my day. It's this guy, Ross Boatman, who plays Harvey Monroe. Harvey Monroe? Here we go, let's have a look at old Rossy Boatman. There he is. Ross Boatman. Do you recognise him? English actor and professional poker player apparently. Oh wow. There he goes, yeah. He was in London's Burning for seven years. I used to play poker with him. You used to play with what?

What? This is weird. He's part of a group called the Hendon Mob. He is part of the group called the Hendon Mob, yeah. Which is led by Alfie Angels. Yeah, he's been in loads of different stuff and now he's in Extenders. He was in Paddington, Hooligans at War, North versus South. He was in Paddington, yeah, so he's a successful actor but he's just enjoying being in Extenders. Yeah, he likes the regularity of it in between poker games. That's exciting, look at that, small world, eh? Yeah, there you go. So I'm the only one who's not sat next to Ross Boatman. That's exciting. Look at that. Small world, eh? Yeah, there you go.

So I'm the only one who's not sat next to Ross Boatman? You might have. You wouldn't know if you'd sat next to Ross Boatman, would you? Well, I've only seen Paddington a couple of times. Unless he's a bear, I wouldn't recognise him. Who is he in Paddington? I don't know. Let's not get bogged down by Ross Boatman's acting credits at this point. How are we still talking about Ross Boatman? I do not know. I'm a bit out of the boatman. Yeah. How are you, Josh?

I'm tired. I'm really fucking tired. I am a bit giddy because this is my last little thing before I got up. I've took a week off for half term for work. Because I've done... Last time I spoke to you, I was in a hotel in Birmingham. I've worked every day since. Oh, I'm so tired. 12 tour shows in 13 days, Josh. Oh my God. That's

lots, innit? And then I did You Bet, which was great. I'll tell me about You Bet because I've got that in a couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to doing it. I loved it. It's outside and on tour. We had a great time, but you are vulnerable to weather. Yeah, I'm always vulnerable to weather. But the guys that make it a lovely and really car after it was a brilliant, brilliant show. Steven's brilliant. What do you do? You just, you were a good one. Yeah, it was a good one. So you basically sit on like director's chairs and Steven Mulhern goes right now and brings out a contestant. They tell you what they're

going to do and then they do it. But they're all big action sort of things. Oh, amazing. Like stuff that involves where you are. So obviously we were incorporating the racetrack and stuff like that. Oh, wow. And is there an audience? Yeah, there's an audience there. So it's really well done and good fun. A lot of waiting around, but it's been a costume.

It's fun. You've got dressing rooms. I can't wait. I mean, I can't wait rather than, oh, I can't wait. I'm going to... I can't wait around. I'm coming. How dare you?

I'm pulling out. I can't wait. You have to deal with a bit of TV stuff where they go, it's just a passing shower. Don't worry, guys. I can't wait around. I'm camera. How dare you? I'm pulling out. I can't wait. You have to deal with a bit of TV stuff where they go, it's just a passing shower. Don't worry guys. We'll be back on set soon. You look at your phone like thunderstorms for an hour. Like you cheery lying bastard.

But yeah, that was good. It was really good. So I've done that and I've got a bit time off now. And then you've got a week off. I tell you what I did do. I hosted the Lilo and Stitch screening at the cinema. Oh yeah, talk to me about that. So they have a special screening of Lilo and Stitch.

Were they there? So Stitch was there and Hannah Waddingham, who plays the Grand Councilwoman. And it's obviously cartoon characters, but also real life action proper actors, as well as the cartoons. But it was really, it was really, really good, actually. I really, it reminded me of, you know, like Disney, you know, when we were kids,

there was Disney films like Beethoven, when there was a sort of kind of a cartoon, but like a character or like Space Jam or Jessica Rabbit, where there's like the. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah. So cut cartoons interact with the actors. I feel like it all went to cartoons. It was Pixar, didn't it? But it was good because it was like proper. So how's Lila and Stitch work? Talk to me about Stitch is like an alien that's been created by accident that gets exiled to earth and can only be bad. And then he basically gets adopted by accident by this

girl who's also having a bit of trouble. But what I would say is though, it's a good film, but it does touch on some like quite difficult things because like Lilo's mum and dad aren't around anymore. I think they've passed away. So our older sister's trying to look after but finding it difficult. And they're dealing with like social services are saying she might have to be rehomed. And then Stitch comes on, there's a really, there's a bit where people look like they're dying in like drowning and stuff, spoiler alert, but like, and it, my daughter was bursting into tears,

watch this. Oh my word. Go on. Are you getting to sit with her or are you on? Yeah, so I basically was in, I did, I was in Wolverhampton, Owlsbury and in Stoke and Canterbury. And then I was in Stoke. I finished gigging in Stoke and got driven to London to check into a hotel that they were in.

Then woke up at like six in the morning with the girls got us all ready and had breakfast. Then we went to watch the show. So I'm doing like this production. Were you wishing that you'd been put in a different hotel room? Well, there was two bedrooms in beds in there. Obviously Lou ended up sitting with one kid and then I'll go with another one. Yeah, they're classic. I know, I'd say what though, it was the best wake up ever.

Even though it was 6am and I got in at 1, 2am, my daughter jumped on my back and hugged me. And it was like, you know, like a monkey junkie on your back to wake me up. So that was really sweet. I've never had that, but yeah. But it was a nice, it was really nice actually. I meant never had that. But yeah, it was a nice it was really nice. I'm a monkey. I'd love to hug a big champ. If I could hug a big champ at chimpanzee that had its teeth taken out wasn't dangerous I would. Yeah, well you know I don't think it's worth d-toothing a chimp for that. But yeah.

Do you know what else I really want to do? I saw a Spitfire taking off a goodwood and it was coming to Maul's with his big propeller and I thought I'd love to chuck a watermelon in that. I don't want to hurt anyone or break the Spitfire but I'd love to see what that did to just launch a watermelon in it. Yeah that would be fun. Have you ever got in a helicopter? Yes I have, I went over a volcano in Iceland in a helicopter and hated him. Yeah. Because I'm in a helicopter? Yes I have. I went over a volcano in Iceland in a helicopter and hated it. Yeah. Because I'm in a helicopter that could crash because you can't not glide down like a plane. And I'm going to land in a volcano.

Yeah you don't want to. You know what I mean? It's like really high stakes. Yeah. Don't worry we'll crash land, we're in there. In the old lava pit. Ha ha ha ha ha. But it feels really good so that was fun and then we got... Don't worry, we'll crash land, we're in there, in the old lava pit. But the film was really good, so that was fun. And what did you have to do? What does hosting mean?

So you go onto the stage, you go, hello, welcome to the screening, and then you give them all the ground rules of no film in the film, giving away spoilers, what they have to hashtag, all that kind of stuff. Because those influencers are in the, there's like a thousand people in there, in the film, giving away spoilers, what they have to hashtag all that kind of stuff. Because those influencers are in the 1000 people in there in the massive screen. And then I introduced Hannah Waddington and we chatted about the film for a little bit. Then I introduced a video of the thing and then sort of got off stage and there was some hula girls dancing hula dancers and then Stitch came out and got a bit of a cheer and

Stitch stole my microphone cheeky and Stitch. Classic naughty Stitch. Yeah, classic stitch. And that was really good fun. And then you have to do a couple of photos and they've got loads of like, cool things to have photos with a stitch and all that kind of stuff. That's fun. So that was good. And they're really good at it. It was all like, obviously, the girls were going to come but I was like, I don't really want the girls to be on that red carpet thing and have the photos

taken. So that you know, you can say no and then it's such a difficult balance because I don't want my kids to come to work with me and get involved and do see what I do and enjoy the thing. But then also as I like, I'm still unsure about having them in a newspaper stuff. So you can't we said, like, I will take your own photos to the photographers. And then I jumped in and had photos. And then we did. So that was nice. Because is that is that balance? Isn't

it? Well, it's a difficult one. Obviously, it's a it's not one many people have to deal with, obviously, but it is a weird one where you're like, because there's so many good things you can take your kids to, as well. And you're like, you don't have to push them away. It's an incredibly lucky thing that we can, yeah, that we get to do with our kids is that they get to go to things our kids that we would never have got to go to as kids. Yeah. Anyway, it was right out really well. So that was good. So that was lovely actually. Because I've already missed them.

What have we been doing? Have you been parenting? Oh, the dog's got diarrhea. The dog. Oh, here we go. This is what we're here for. This is what we're bloody here for. Honestly, it was, it was fucking hot. You know, like, you're like, just was like, the last thing you need is dog having a, having diarrhea.

So what does that mean? Well, it's just fucking, no, no, no. Is it ill? Is it like, what do you do? Well, you just basically, um, make sure a door's open. But if you're not in, you just know that you're going to clean up shit when you get back. I mean, that's it. And you hope it doesn't hit any carpet and they find a kitchen floor. Oh, God.

Yeah, but that was bad, that. But I tell you what, it feels like a little hack, like if, because it was a bit of solid in there, but the rest of it is there. I just picked up some and put it down the normal toilet and flushed it. Yeah, why not? It just fell off. It just seems like the most obvious place. Yeah, of course.

Oh, thank God. So yeah, that's not been ideal. that's the saddest hack I've ever heard. That's not winning at life. I do. This is a good hack, right? So I've been like, really busy, absolutely knackered. But like, getting through my shows, really enjoying the shows. It's just a traveling and being away. But I had a week off, right? And I keep on so this is a danger. Sometimes you got a week off, you go, once I get this done, I've got a week off

and I'll enjoy the week off. You're just rushing through everything and go, well, once I've done that, I'll have a week off, then I can just relax and sit in the garden when I've got a week off. But then you're not actually enjoying anything. And then what I've been trying to do is go, well, what happens on the week off that I like? Well, sometimes you just lay down and do nothing or there's nowhere to be kind of thing. You know, that's the best thing of like a week off. There's nowhere to be. Where am I? I'm on holiday at home. There's no school runs.

It's just like, I can just sit here all day if I want. But then what I was trying to do was, because actually when you are working in your head, you're writing a narrative, going, I'm working on, I'm busy, I'm busy. But even in a busy day, there are moments where you are doing nothing and nothing's needed. Yeah, where you can just sit for half an hour. And normally, I've on doom scrolls, including me. But what I was trying to do was when I sat there, I was like, well, don't keep thinking, it'll be a time off next week. Because actually, in this moment right

now, yeah, I'm doing what I'd be doing on my week off. Obviously, not for the whole day. But let's not worry about that now. Just enjoy this hour. Exactly. Let's forget about how busy I am. Whether you're working or not, you'd be wanking away at you, but I'm wanking away on holiday.

Exactly. I am fucking knackered, and this is my last day. So you're in Lincoln at the moment. I'm in Lincoln, last night was Peterborough. So your warmup tour finishes tonight? No, I seem to have two warmups when I get back from my week off. Right. And then you've got summer off and then you start in September? Yeah.

Okay, that's good. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Do you love being back on the road? I feel like I am really enjoying it, but feel like I you know when you see like a runner that might not it's got to the last hundred meters of a marathon and they're kind of running side to side down the tracks and I'm just I'm dipping as soon as this finishes I'm going there's a bed behind me and I'm getting in it. I'll read it before the show tonight. Yeah and then I'm done. You've got some time you've got got time off over half term. Yeah. That's exactly.

You can rest. I can rest. Cause that's the thing. Isn't it? With having a four and a seven year old, it's pure rest. When they're off school and you're at home, it's just pure rest. It's just pure indulgence. Rest. Yeah. You're up at six AM every day, but nowhere to drop them. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But you know, you will have... No, it's good.

It's the balancing the night times and the early starts is my biggest. If I'm doing days, I can manage that. But when I'm doing up at six, around all day, then still got to be funny at 10 at night, just at the end of the show. That's the tricky part. And I slept in a hotel room last night I'm shit at sleeping in hotel rooms I hate it it's bad did you get a hotel get better hotel does that make a difference this is the best one in Lincoln this is the best hotel in Lincoln I don't want to brag I'm

in the best hotel in Lincoln it It's called the Lincoln Hotel Rob. Have you got your own special pillow? No, I forgot it. Oh, that's the problem. But they've actually got quite good pillows because it's the best hotel in Lincoln. Absolutely. They're the best pillows in Lincoln. And then I went for a run with- Do you think they're the best pillows in Lincoln?

Do I think they're the best pillows in Lincoln? I think they're the best pillows in Lincoln. Yeah. I went for a run with Ali this morning. That was a mistake. He's a machine. Oh my god we did 10k that's miles why are you doing that you must be nuts. Six miles we did. How long did that take? 50 minutes. That's good. I know no 55 it was under a real one. That's really fast. Well I'm keeping up with Ali and I was fucked. I was so tired. I don't think you should be running 10 K in the morning of a gig when you've got a

three hour podcast record and a torture. I was back by 10 to nine. Absolutely drained. But I'd woken up at six because I was just, you know, when you wake up in a hotel room and I was like, oh well, I'll just go go but you know what happened after you went into your hotel room Ali did another 10k in about 40 minutes. I know I know it must be so frustrating for him. I Couldn't I I think we're the same my brain Rights checks that my body can't cash. Yeah, so I went to a form Pilates of Lou today. This week I've had I was just like, I

shouldn't be doing this. This I like everything that you do not need to get on what is a torture bed and stretch yourself to the point where your limbs are shaking and you're nearly passing out and falling over and at points feel like you're not just gonna fart you're gonna shit on the wall. That's how I felt I had to do this one move where I was like, I am tenting so hard here that not only this might be an explosive wall shit, maybe that's what the dogs are doing when I'm out. Bit of

pilates because I know I was in a bad I was in a bad and I you know, when you ever find this your mood can bring down the mood of others. Not in a pilates class. I did feel like it was I was doing it so badly, but trying really hard and noises like that. And they're like, Okay, Rob, you're doing really well. And Lou's like having to slow down for me. Noises. Oh my god. And this is the worst part, right? Josh, Lou

went, Can I record it? For me funny for Instagram? Yeah, I know. And as I'm doing it, and Lou was like, should I stop the video? Yeah, yeah, or just keep recording. But you don't have to put it anywhere. I just couldn't my body just couldn't do it. And I know what was frustrating was I know I can do it. So I did it a week ago. But it's just, I need rest. My body needs, not just rest, to breathe and calm down. My brain's so, also as well, Josh,

at you bet, in between the filming, I- What did you do in your downtime? Do you know what I did? I continued to be on and crack jokes for the entire day and it was disgusting. I continued to be on and crack jokes for the entire day. And it was disgusting. It was like I had a disease, a comedy disease. So who were you with? Eddie Caddy, really funny guy, lovely bloke. Zoe bought National Treasure.

You were hanging out in the downtime as well. You're not just like, shall we all just chill out on our own? The couple of guys from our agency were there on the day, just looking after us. And then Zoe's sort of like, and Eddie's like makeup and hair people but it was it was sort of funny and I was being funny-ish but it also was like I can always hard work and I felt deep inside I'm not like this. And there was no point where you could go I've got an hour we've got an hour's break here guys should we just go back to our individual dressing rooms well no no there was that but then I was doing it to rich and rich for one point said you can tell someone's on tour and that broke that cup that cut through me like

Louie Theroux being silent I fell open and I said him you know what yeah I've got the comedy disease and I'm too switched on. And I need a little break. Okay, because this is at the moment it feels terminal. I don't feel like I can ever talk normally again. I am listening to just you know, I didn't feel like I had the comedy disease in Peterborough last night. What did you add to Peterborough? There was very few symptoms in the first half. Absolutely symptom free. They were going to start dying out to help out in the interval.

Let's get back out. So yeah, I'm looking forward to, I've loved the tour by the way. Thanks to everyone that's come. They've been amazing, but I just need a little bit of a mental break from it now and then I'm back on it in June. So yeah, I've got a nice two week break from the tour. So I need to, I need to breathe, be more centered and calm because at the moment I feel wild. And I need to be taken away from performing. Not do more. He says on his podcast.

Yeah. Having travelled back from Stoke to do the Lilo and Stitch premiere. Absolutely. Yeah. In between also doing U-Bet. Yeah, so I'm pretty, you know, chilled out at the moment. Yeah, that's good to know. That's good to know. Yeah, yeah. I'm so tired. By the way, I did Lee Lovenstitch in the morning,

did Canterbury in the evening. An animal for it. Fucking Nora, Rob. Oh, I saw Lou this week at Chelsea Flower Show. Oh, yes, she was at Chelsea Flower. I wasn't there because I was working. No. Yeah.

I don't think it's for you. Did she say whether she thinks you would have liked it? I think, no, I think, yeah, she said I think you would have liked it because there was loads going on and everyone was milling around, everyone was quite relaxed and there wasn't like loads of people there. But I think I think I need to, I wouldn't have liked it on Monday because I had to get to Canterbury in the evening, it would have been too rushed. But I'm up for going next time.

I was surprised when I bumped into Richard Ashcroft from the Verve at Chelsea Flower Show. Yeah, because he was dressed in a leather jacket. You go very smart to Chelsea. You don't need to go smart, do you? You do need to go quite smart, yeah. Mate, from the photos I saw, it was a lot of middle-aged women in flowery dresses and white trainers. Yeah, but the men wear suits. Oh, do they?

What was Monty Don wearing? I didn't see Monty Don. He's almost like God, isn't he, in the wearing? I didn't see Monte Don. He's almost like God, isn't he, in the garden? He's more of a presence, he's spiritual. Well, if he's God, then Tom Allen's Jesus. He's the next guy, next in line. You can feel an excitement. He wasn't there, but he had come early to film something at 7am. There's a ripple of excitement when he enters the gardens. He wasn't there, but he had come early to film something at 7 a.m. There's a ripple of excitement when he enters the gardens. There is there is

Where's when I go into the garden? So it's a bit of a who's this guy? Should we get should we get a photo with him? I can't remember why Adam Brooker, yeah, the lost leg, is it? I don't know. I'm so tired, Rob. So fucking tired. Let's do some correspondence because we're shells of men. We are fucking broken. Let's lean in on our hilarious listeners.

Here we go, let's do this. I'm gonna fucking liven up for this, but here we go. Here we go, correspondence, Josh. Tips on boys learning to use a toilet to stand up wee. Oh yeah. Hi lads, the way to get your boys to stand up wee is to put a ping pong ball into the loo that you can draw a face on it

and tell them to hit the face with his wee. The ping pong doesn't flush away. It worked for my lads. But then what about us? So suddenly I'm having a shit on a ping pong ball. Ha ha ha. That's the episode title sorted. Or similarly you can use a cork for a wine bottle. Thanks Matt.

That is a good tip. Yeah, I think you'd have to take out the ping pong. I'd be so stressed the first time I tried to flush. I don't want to have to take a ping pong ball that's been pissed on out of a toilet. Or put it in a potty, but then I think it'll just splash out, wouldn't it? I suppose you could. Oh no, they want to use the main loo though not the yeah it is a good tip it is a good tip we need to be they need to have their own private toilet if your child had non

suite that would be fine yeah but I don't think we should just limit these tips to the middle and upper classes I don't I agree with you I agree with you Shetland Isles info we spoke about people in the Shetlands didn't we about yous yeah about Norway or was it part Norway, part Scotland? And I've got Hedge. I don't know if that's a typo, if that's how they speak. H-E-J. Hedge, Rob, Josh and Michael. On a recent episode, you were asking if any listeners from Shetland... I was born in Shetland. My dad's from there.

But was raised in the Netherlands. My grandma still works in the Museum on Fair Isle, one of the Shetland Islands. And I know she would be hella pissed if I didn't write in to explain the bit of Shetland history. Till the 15th century, Shetland was indeed part of Norway, which if I'm being pedantic was then part of the Kingdom of Denmark. However, when the Norwegian prince got engaged to a Scottish princess, he couldn't pay Scotland the dowry. What's a dowry? You'd have to pay the dad. If you were so you'd have had to go to lose dad and give

him some money. Well, I'll let you into secret. It was very much the finances were coming in the other direction when I first met their parents. But do you know what? Yeah. The long games played out alright for them. Yeah, Louie's had a good return on investment on this little plucky upstart. This poor fucker doing Lilo and Stitch, Canterbury and then you bet. She was working on a fucking doll. Trying to pay off his fucking dowry.

So this was back when Norway wasn't so wealthy. So the king of Norway decided to give Shetland away to Scotland instead as an express thing. That's interesting. That is a good bit of interest. It was like, QI. Better than us, Mono, and about being fucking sired. Now, to be reclaimed. Oh, so it was given to Scotland and to be reclaimed when Norway had enough money to pay the dowry. Oh, so it was like putting it in a... Like a bail. Yeah. Like a trust.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bail conditions. To this day, they haven't paid it back. And in our post-Brexit world, I'm still hoping Norway will adopt us once again. But fat chance. Hope you get a chance to visit Shetland yourself. It's fucking gorgeous. Kiss.

Marin Sinclair, 26, writing from The Hague. Oh, The Hague and Oh Hey, you can the Netherlands That is interesting that is interesting I get the feeling Norway didn't want Shetland I more does not start before Shetland apparently is gorgeous But I think it's gorgeous all I'm saying is Norway gave it away Said we'll get this back when we want it. And then never came back. Yeah. But I imagine Scotland are a bit like, look, come on, that's basically ours. Look, it's nearest. Why don't you? Yeah. Well, I don't know if it is nearest.

Close enough to the, do you know, some Scottish lads put their Tinder profile and it can catch a bit of North Norway. So there's been a lot of Norwegian and Scottish people getting off of each other. That's a good little tip. Yeah. Yeah. Meeting up on an oil rig to fuck. Talking of that, we've got sex in public places. Remember we asked for... Ah, the biggest place you've ever had sex in. Yeah.

So this was in response to where's the biggest indoor space you've ever had sex. This is great. Here we go. In response to this, 30 years ago, I had a bonk in a newly assembled circus tent one summer's afternoon in Edinburgh. That's what we're looking for. Other than you nobody but myself and the boyfriend at the time and the man who walked in halfway through knows about this. Oh no. This is great. Keep staying sexy and relatable and thanks for making it every week brighter.

So can you be a circus tent? Have you had sex in a bigger room than a circus tent? I still want to hear about big sex. I want to hear about sex in big spaces though, do you know what I mean? And details, but we need to find the winner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So even if it's smaller than the circus tent, we'd like to hear about it.

But we should have a sort of leaderboard. Yeah, and also photos, all right, didn't happen, am I right, Rob? No, come that's meant 30 years ago, it'd be terrible. Have to be developed in boots. And I've got two more here. I imagine if they're fucking in a circus tent, these are grubby, carny guys, you know, the sort of, you know, like they've all got like, they're probably shagging anywhere.

Or they were the kind of people that can do like they bend their bodies around. I just spit my tongue. You know what they called? Like, um, you know, those like women that will put their legs like in the air and stuff. Contortionist. Contortionist. Thank you. Pervert Michael. Did you hear that as well? Oh, please keep this anonymous. I still work with people who work in these venues. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha venue teams will always win this one keep sexy relatable so they'll be in the so if you're going

to have sex in the 02 yeah when and where are you doing it encore on stage no well that'll be is what it was just about that though rob yeah it's usually at the 02 when someone's the the crowd starts to about far when they realize it's getting towards the end. I don't have sex while people are leaving. Well, no, my my my yeah, but the thing is the 02 having sex in like a cupboard or one of the dressing rooms around the back does not count. That itself is a big room. If you have sex in the middle of the 02 that counts, but not a side room. I mean, that doesn't count because then you're on the floor. Yes. I want you in block A.

I'm gonna say I don't even know if the tiers count because it's quite hemmed if you're high up. Yeah it's got to be the floor of an arena. Sexy Big Spaces. Hi Robin Josh. My ex-girlfriend said she had sex in St Paul's Cathedral's whispering gallery. What the fuck is that? What is that? Well, I don't know. Whispering. Yeah.

It's a famous feature where whispers against the walls can be heard clearly. No. No, that's bollocks. On the opposite side, you'd think unique acoustics in the dome. Oh, so it's got one of those weird acoustics things. No, that's bollocks. You the opposite side, you'd think unique acoustics in the dome. I would say it's got one of those weird acoustics things. No, that's bollocks. You don't want to have sex in the dome. You can't have sex in the dome.

With a builder, definitely not with... So my ex-girlfriend, she had sex in the Pools Cathedral's Whispy Gallery. How old is she? That was built about 500 years ago. With a builder, definitely not with a priest or anything. It was close to the public at the time. That's all I got. Maybe if there's builders in there, like overnight or at the weekend, you know, sometimes these

public buildings, they send builders in at odd hours. I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not time. That's all I got. Maybe if there's builders in there like overnight or at the weekend, you know, sometimes these public buildings, they send builders in odd hours and he's gone to a girlfriend, he's saying, oh, come in here. We can have sex at the

top of St Paul's Cathedral. Oh my word. That's got to be the winner. It's echoing around. That counts. Unless we've got proof that they did it in the middle of the 02. Yeah. That is a good one. That is a good one. Keep sending them in. God this is live and be right up. Right Josh what do you want next or do you want to do one? No you lead. You lead. Okay we've got school drop-off time windows, Josh tablet advice. That sounds so boring. Oh I've sorted the tablet thing. Oh God and what did you do? We've got some stuff called chicken creamy that the cat loves so much that we can put the tablets in, but I'll take the advice. Okay, so you had to put a... I had to hold my cat down and put

tablets down her and then stroke her chin so that she's tall of it. But now you're covering it in creamy chicken juice and shoving it in a gob. Well, not even shoving it, she's shoving it herself. Oh what, so you're just putting it in the bowl and she's gobbling it up? Yeah. Respect. Hi Josh and Rob, I sympathise listening to Josh dreading having to give tablets to his cat. Our cat, who's normally very placid, turns into a vicious tiger when we try to stuff tablets down his throat.

Of course she does. It's horrible. It's force feeding. This is the kind of thing that would be against... It's far-clawed. ... would be considered torture if's considered every considered torture yeah if you did this to someone in a prison but what is fast on his feet for growing here they force feed him to get fat luckily help is a hand you can buy cat

putty which you know around the tablet our cat loves it and gobs it up including the medication while our job does good that is good I'll look that up I'll look Carol and Oliver mango who are coming to see me in Portsmouth. Sorry, Carol and Oliver Mango? Yeah, don't ask. I don't know what that means. It's a cat called Oliver and her name's Carol Mango. You can't be called Carol Mango, can you? Do you know what I don't like is a shop that has mango for sale.

I'm not going to say the name of it. I've had a tough month. Um, mango madness. I think it's a weird name for what is just chopped up mango. Yeah. It's nothing mad. You don't need, you don't need that second word. No, it's not like I'm going to order a fancy mango. I'm a bit bloody mad. Do you know when I worked in, um, Safeway for a summer, Do you know when I worked in Safeway for a summer, I vividly remember the guy that was the head of fruit and veg who I hate. Have I told you about my job at Safeway?

I had to get the stuff from the supermarket and take it out to the Fedros. You've told me about it eight times, I remember that. He was one of the people that really hated me taking his stuff. Yeah, you've told us this before and you get annoyed that annoyed that you'd take it off that shelf to save it for the feds. But I remember he... Personally, I feel like you should have taken it out the back. You should be taking it off the delivery room. You were telling me we'd gone through this too many times.

Anyway, I remember him telling me, I was like, how are you? And there was an offer on Bananas that day. And he said, we're going an offer on bananas that day. I said, we're going loco on bananas today. Wow. And I thought, you take this job too seriously. Well, I did find when I worked there, and it's not even the full timers, because I get it, if you're full time there,

unless you're job, you've got to get into it, or you wouldn't do it, you must enjoy it. Yeah. But then like, there'd be people that work like four hours on a Saturday, they're like, yeah, let's get you. I'm like, why do you care? Why is it? Do you know what?

This was a thing I always had. This is my own like personality issue. When I worked, I find it really difficult to work for other people because when I work for other people and I think if I do six out of ten or ten out of ten it makes no difference. The way those are waterstones, I just couldn't motivate myself to stack those books. Well, I felt the same at the supermarket. I was like, however many yogurts I put on this shelf, I'm still going to get my three pounds.

Exactly how I felt. And I was like, well, why put what there's no motivation. In a way, my, what I enjoyed more, which was actually harder than actually putting the yoghurts out was how little can I do. And actually, I used to get so bored that sometimes I come up with a couple of yoghurts out there, there's nothing else to do. Then I didn't know what I worked bringing the wood into the woodshed from the woods. Remember that? And I used to just sit in the woodshed and

stare into the distance because I didn't have enough work. That does happen sometimes you just do a job where you go, they don't need me. Yeah, I just sit in the woodshed, just staring. I could have gone in and gone, I've done the wood. Do you need any help with anything else? And it would have probably been more entertaining than sitting staring in the woodshed. But for some reason, you feel I did at that age. Like I was, I couldn't, the less I did, the more I won. Do you know what I mean?

Which is a terrible, terrible way to approach life. Now let's drill into that. What, cause what did that, do you know what that is? Deep down, we're better than this. That's what it is. It's a disrespect for the job. It's a feeling that... A frustrated ego. Yeah, it is a frustrated ego that sadly,

cause this, the moral of the story shouldn't be, and it paid off. The moral of the story is bad. The bad moral of the story is we both then... No, no, we didn't pay off because you're not... No, we both weren't fucked by it in the way that we should have been. Do you know what I mean? Well, no, because I think you're not a successful comedian because you didn't, you did wood bad and I'm not a successful comedian because I did

yogurt bad. What we did is cause now I get paid the same amount of money for every show I do, but I don't sit there going, I'm going to say the least amount of jokes. I love it. So I don't care about them. I want to be as funny as possible. So what it is, it's a lesson. And if that's how you feel about the job you're in, switch it up. Yes. If we were still doing that now in this job, that would be mental.

Yeah. You know, when I'm doing a tour show, I don't think, right, I've been paid this much. I'm going to see how long I he leaves the pauses between each joke. And I've won if I've said nothing at all. Yeah, that's not fun. It's fun being funny and doing a good job. So the lesson is if you feel like that about your job, it's fine if it's a part time job.

If it's your main job, you might need a different job. Yeah, if you can find it, obviously it's not as easy as that sometimes. But if you have the opportunity to do something that you want to do. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not even about that. Just find something else and find out if you like it or not. Yeah. Because wherever you find it, if you've got a job you hate at the moment, find another job. That may not be the perfect job, but at least you've ticked another one off the list that I do not want to sit in this woodshed anymore. If you're sat in a woodshed

looking out the window, just go pre pre smartphone, pre smartphone, what was you doing in there? Just looking. Just no, that's the thing, though. I don't think I probably would have been a comedian if I had a smartphone. I could just sit on a sofa watching TikTok till I died. I think it's 15. Yeah, well, I basically did that with TV to be fair. Okay, what's the next? On the other side of it, Rob, just a conversation I was having with Ali as I was trying to keep up with him this morning.

Where's me ask for pump? Where's me ask for pump? Is that the reason I wouldn't want to do something like it was the Hackney half last weekend. Yeah, because all the other people from Hackney there. It's not the run, is it? No, no. But what I mean is the line by I don't want to have to fucking train for something. I don't want a deadline. It's that thing we've talked about before.

One of the things I do like about running is this, it's good to do a hobby that you're shit at. Yeah. Because you can't turn it into anything. Well, I think that I like running. I can do a 5K and I reckon if I really trained, I could probably get to 10K, but I'd never want to do any more than that.

And I think this training for a personal best running time is a false errand. It's all nonsense. It's just shapes on an iPhone screen that you post to sort of show off in a way. And it's great to have goals and achieve them. But ultimately, whatever, whatever speed you run your race today in is your personal best because that personal best is gone. Because in 10 years time, what's your PB? Well, at the moment, not that. Yeah, because that was then. So I think it's not I think it's a bit destructive.

So also what what a way of watching your body deteriorate. Yeah, no, it brings no because remember when we was on we had a list of as the Campbell Yeah, I listened to him on a podcast and so on around the marathon. I was doing what's your time? Yeah, and someone said it and he was like, I'll beat that. I'm like, Oh, dear. Yeah. Oh, dear. Right. Do you want other parents to wankers? Yeah. Okay. Because it's only running you do that I never come back from

father's heart for that right to log that down, scored nine goals today. That's my PB at goals. Some people, I spoke to someone and they do dad's football and everyone has a spreadsheet as to the, they've got a spreadsheet as to who's on which teams and what the scores were. And then a breakdown of who's been on the winning team most. And at the end-

What's wrong with most people? This isn't me. Who has the time? Who has the time? Who gives a fuck? I don't even remember. I don't even know what the score is when we're playing. It's bollocks anyway. We're all 40. We're all fat. It's about 28, 26. Who's won? No one. Or the other day, I was playing with comedians football, I don't know if I mentioned it on here, it's three o'clock in the afternoon, right? None of us have got proper jobs. We go out and do jokes for 20 minutes a night, right? Sometimes more, sometimes less. So Tuesday afternoon in

the sun at three o'clock, right? And then who's winning. Who's winning when all of us were here? We're not, we're not at a proper job. So just forget the score and just pass me the ball and let me cook. I cannot believe there's football people out there that log this shit. This is what happens Rob. Why? Am I weird or something? No. What do I log? What do I remember?

No, but literally nothing. I don't know anything. I don't know anything that's happened. Where were you this? You know exactly where you were this week, Canterbury, Stoke. Yeah, but I'm not logging the laughs. You remember. I don't know. Can I talk about this for a bit, Josh?

This isn't normal, right? Yeah. When I finished my, I love doing standup and I'll tell you this tour is the most fun I've ever had because I'm in a really good place mentally. So yeah, this like being away from the kids, obviously and Lou and the travels hard, but the actual on stage I love and the shows have been brilliant. I feel like I'm being really honest in this show and just saying whatever I want, the show's really well written and I'm good at delivering it

and I'm having a great time. Who wrote it? So I'm really enjoying it. And then I do the show, but when I come up and I go, thanks, good night, I can't bring myself, I don't really do a bow. I just go cheers and I wave and just walk off. I don't do it on call. I just find it very uncomfortable. Do you know what Rob, I was thinking about this last night. I hear, because I do this kind of weird half bow where I feel, let's say I'll show you. So I'll go, thank you very much. Good night. Like I'm kind of getting into a car or like, Yeah. You look like the police have pulled a gun on you.

Yeah. Just like arms up. And then I'll pick up my glass and I'll kind of hold it up. Like, you know, you know, like when a snooker player scores a big break and then they kind of go, can I get a bit more water in the, you know, when a snooker player, like, oh, I just don't know. I can't, I just can't bring myself to sort of like walk to the edge and bow. No, because you're not West End, are you? No, I just sort of basically do my last joke, go cheers, thanks for coming, bye. I wonder what other people do? Milk it, I think. But then I don't know, am I, am I, the semifinal prize is one, am I like enjoying it?

I've done the thing I enjoy, Thank you very much, because I enjoy the process of it, not the, Oh, aren't you brilliant? Where I think I've got quite a toxic memory of that feeling. Because when I was more, my self worth was wrapped up in my stage performance. I needed that at the end to go, I am good. Because if they didn't enjoy it, I would be bad and it would affect my whole week. Because the other thing is, I think I used to do it yet to convince myself, but also,

so I used to do an encore Rob on the last tour. Yeah. But I would never had the confidence to tell them that I did not tell them I was going to do an encore. This was insane. So I'd say I'm going to go off and come back on. So you tell them you were going to do an encore? Yeah, because I was so afraid. That's quite confident, I'd say. No.

Just you know, I'm doing an encore. What do you like it or not? Because I was terrified that there'd be some people leaving when I came back on. I just find an encore to be actual for me. Why was I doing it? What a stupid waste of everybody's time. I'm like, you've had 90 minutes. I've done 90 minutes.

I think that's enough for the show. We've had a nice interval. I've loved it. You've loved it. Thank you very much. See you later. Yeah. I don't, but- It doesn't happen in any other job. You don't get a fucking like Tyler, tile your bathroom and then you cheer him.

He comes back on and just gives a tile one last little wipe. That's a bit... When you're in a band do you want them to do an encore? It's different with a band because you know that there's a song from the past album. I think a song is standalone so it works better in music because you come back on and you go straight into like, if it's Oasis, Super Sonic or something, whereas in comedy, I feel like it's all rhythm, you've got to build it up, there's a connection. There's an element of when a band goes off, they still haven't played, but then not going with you, he still hasn't done his bit about what's it's or whatever it would be. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, but I'm yeah, but I don't know, because I'm not like leaving the stage panicked or anything. I'm just a bit like, oh, thanks. I think that's fine though.

And I can do that. I can walk off our one anyway. I only know it's it'll be bad as if it's not gone well. Well, I got there was a now this sounds like I'm blowing my own trumpet thing, but there was a review of my show in Canterbury. And I said, cheers, bye. I walked off and then the review and a standard ovation followed. I didn't even know because I'd gone.

Sorry, that feels so clangy, but humble anyway. If that sounds disgusting, cut it out, Michael. Right. Here we go. Other parents are wanker stories. Hi, Rob and Josh, please keep me anonymous. Like most parents were in a school WhatsApp group. Keeping in mind my wife works at the school. Okay. This is a lot more jeopardy.

Here we go. For Mother's Day, she made the effort of hand making personalized gifts only for all the parents to take to WhatsApp to complain about what they received. Not knowing that my wife had made them. Oh my fucking God. So she'd help make them with the kids. That is horrible. Oh no, oh no.

Did she say anything? I wouldn't have. If I'm her there, I don't think I've got the self-confidence to say anything. Not because if it was me. You want to defend your partner, but then you're like, what if they were a bit shit? You've got to say something, but what do you say? Yeah I think

you just have to swallow it and ignore it. Excuse me my wife made them actually she took a lot of time and effort and yes they are a bit shit but she was stressed that way. But and also crucially it doesn't fucking matter so she's put a lot of effort in to 30 of them stop complaining about it on a fucking WhatsApp group. Yeah you fucking rat. Yeah. Right, should we do school business? But also maybe those people are just being funny because you might make you know people will make jokes on our parents WhatsApp group that are like that kind of self-effacing joke about oh god did you do we have to go to the bloody play or whatever. I'm not on any WhatsApp, I'm not on any school WhatsApp group.

No, you can't be trusted. No, well, the classes changed and then I didn't really get invited to the new ones and I'm not really reached out. Don't chase it down. No. Here we go. Let's do small business.

Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael, Lottie here. I've been listening since the beginning and I'm a huge fan of the show. I want to shout out an amazing social enterprise I work for in Glasgow. It's called Apparel Exchange. And they sell pre-love school uniforms, casual clothing, and footwear for kids and teens at their shop and online.

They also run a referral program where they give out free clothing and school uniform packages to families in the city who need a bit of extra support during difficult times. It was initially started to tackle the never-ending problem of clothing waste created by kids' fashion, but due to the huge issue of child poverty in Glasgow, they're also now very much focused on helping families in the city with free or very cheap access to clothing too.

We all know how fast our kids grow and how expensive school uniforms can be for parents so if you could give them a shout out I would be totally over the moon. They're a brilliant organization who are doing some incredible things for our community. Us is amazing. You can find their website at apparel that's apparel exchange but just lose the E at the start it's xxchange.couk. And their Instagram is apparel exchange, but with no E, starts with an X. Thank you for all your hilarious parenting stories. They make my week.

Cheers, Lottie. Hello, thank you for the continued service you provide to all us parents. I'm currently awaiting the arrival of my third Pray to the Podcast God so that you don't decide to stop recording the next year to 18 months. Don't worry about that. I wanted to do a small business shout out for my brother, Neil Taylor, who has recently

set up what I think is a truly special business. Me and my old man. We lost our father to dementia coming up to four years ago now, and this has been something that he's been mulling over ever since. Perhaps it's becoming a parent or maybe it's an aging, but I think there comes a time when we see our parents as people who had lives before us, lives which we never truly knew about unless we ask. He has created a bespoke service which helps give you and your parents,

it's for moms too, the time and space to focus on what you want to hear about most. It's all about capturing and celebrating their life, laughs, reflections and insights. Basically like an audio book biography or mini podcast of their lives, where you set the questions. Something he always planned to do with our dad,

but well, life and dementia stole his chance. This business allows him to craft, interview, edit, produce and snaz things up using music and transitions to give you something truly special to keep, not only for you, but for generations to come. Do not worry, it's not therapy. You can choose the questions and work closely with Neil to get the most out of your experience,

both for you and your parents. Having lost someone, I can promise you that one day you won't quite remember the sound of their voice or their cheeky laugh. There'll be questions you always wish you had the chance to ask. Don't let it be an idea that stays on your to-do list until it's too late.

For further information, check out our website, meandmyoldman.co.uk and Instagram, meandmyoldman.stories. Thank you so much for reading this. I'm very proud of my brother and hope this shout out helps his lovely business. Best wishes, Emma Fletcher. Yeah, that's a nice one.

Lovely one. Do you know what, Rob? Good work, team. I saw it was a long one, but I thought sometimes it's worth it. It's an important one. Thanks guys. Yeah. I'm going to bed. I'm so tired. I'm sorry. A joint apology. Sorry if there's been a bit low energy last couple of weeks guys. Yeah, fucking hell. But we've got a bit of time off to get our heads together and we'll be back full throttle soon. It's just like I say, a bit of a tricky juggle sometimes doing parenting and your life, but we are, we're back, we're going to have a nice rest.

Bye. I can't wait to go to bed.