Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP29: A Dove in my office!!

Episode Date: June 2, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... with a load of your listener correspondence and emails in this ep, including our new favourite feature 'other parent wan*ers'. If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx MAILING LIST: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Let's start the recording now. Yeah. Is it recording?

So why cut, Rob? Hello? No, no, don't do the hello. Just tell me what the situation is. Right. Okay. I don't know if you can hear this, but we'll see. He's going to do it again. Right. I'm turning the mic to my window. See if it comes. I've got two doves trying to fly into my office. Open the window. My wellness suite. If I open the

window, the fucking gonna be a dove in my room. They're the bird of peace. Just put my little blanket. The bird of office, my wellness suite. If I open the window, there's a fucking gonna be a dove in my room. They're the bird of peace. Just put my little blanket. The bird of peace. Not the moment. I think I don't know if they can see reflection or what's going on. So my neighbor's got a dove box. What does that mean? It's like a big birdhouse that loads of doves live in. It's got loads of doves. Or have the doves just moved in?

That well, I don't know if he bought the doves and put them in, or he built it and then they came filled a drip. Listen, hear that? I've got to film this. These little bastards keep flying out the window. I'll try and keep it on there to see if they do it again. So I don't know if he bought the doves and then he put them in or he built it and then they came like filled of dreams. But there's like six white doves but now I've got some we put bird mate. I've done the bird feed Yeah, the birds I'm getting in my garden of this governmental. I've had I've got woodpecker

Yeah, I've got a pair of colored doves that gray doves that are mating right? I was trying to get up there now He's gone up a level And then I've got blue tits great tits Robbins green finch He's gone up a level. And then I've got Blue Tits, Great Tits, Robbins, Green Finch, Starling. Exciting, isn't it? It is very exciting, Rob. Now I'm filming two birds.

All right. They're just staring me out. Yeah, well, you shouldn't be doing that, Rob. What's the difference between a dove and a pigeon? One's bigger, isn't it? Colour, certainly. But I think they're just different birds. Fair enough.

So what's the difference between a dog and a cat? Right, he you stopped doing it now, so I don't know what's happening, but bit this disconcerting. Yeah Yeah, well, it's just I'm talking to you and there's a bird looking at me about to take off and fly my window again I listen now. He did he stopped. He's bought it. This is a good podcasting Why one second slide pull my blinds up and open windows and see if they fly in? Yeah. That's fun, innit? That's a bit of fun. All right. It's gonna be freezing in here now. If a dove flies in here, this is gonna be content.

This is gonna be great. It's much better lighting as well without it, isn't it? Oh, I love it. Yeah, look, I always change back. Oh. I'm gonna have to shut these windows because it's freezing cold and the doves have gone. Okay, okay, fine. Sorry, sorry to disrupt. It's all right. We're gonna do some correspondence.

I thought I was onto something that was gonna be really fucking crazy and we were gonna go viral and everyone's like, oh my god have you seen the guy with the doves? And everyone's like, yeah he has had 200 billion views but the guy with the doves is actually a podcaster. Listen to his podcast with Josh Whitacombe. Should we do the correspondence? Let's start working our way through some good correspondence here, Rob And now anything else going on in your life. You want to share Josh? No, no Cool, and that's good podcasting. That's good podcasting. I really enjoyed the last correspondent set Sometimes we don't give the listeners enough love for how good these are. I know I'm fucking livid at the first one

Why cuz I've just opened the I'll just read it out give the listeners enough love for how good these are. I know I'm fucking livid at the first one. Why? Because I've just opened the book. I'll just read it out. Go on. Josh, I have to say sitting with your shoes on. And this is not true. That's you know what, Josh, I know what she's gonna say. And I agree with her. Carry on. No. Yep.

She's put shoes. Yep. With your shoes on the one show couch isn't good, especially considering you're talking about being grown up. I thought that was disrespectful and scruffy. Who to? I think to the audience members, to the other people on the couch, it's not your couch.

You sit with one leg, your left leg down, your right leg tucked under, or the other way around. Yeah, I find it relaxing. Yeah, but it looks mad, and you've got a foot under your ass, and so the sole of the foot's all on your trousers and on the sofa. It's not on the sofa.

This is the kind of behavior that leads my mum to call you that Joshua would come with the grubby little shoes. It's not on the sofa. It is on the sofa. The shoes on the sofa. No, if you look, I'm sitting like that now actually. I can know Josh. I saw it yesterday. Yeah, but it's the top of the shoe. It's the top of the shoe. It's not the sole. It's still a shoe. Your shoe is on the sofa.

You've got to, when you go on the one show Rob, you've got to have a USP. You've got to get people talking. What's a USP? You mean a dirty bastard? Yeah. No, I, look Josh, I love you to pieces. You shouldn't have your leg all curled up on the side. You look panicked. You look like a scared dog and it's dirty. Like a scared dog. No, I don't think you should sit on your foot on a sofa. You wouldn't do that at someone's house, would you? If someone come around your house, Josh,

and sat with their shoes. But it's a shoes off household. Well, okay, yeah, fair enough then. And I think, to be honest, Alex Jones and Clara Amfo are more than welcome to tell us all to take our shoes off. Well, if it was a shoes off television studio, I'd say that's fine. But I think putting a shoe on someone's sofa is rude.

And that's fair. You've got to admit that. Rose would hate it if you'd done that on your sofa with your shoe on. Rose would go, get that shoe off now. Yeah. Well, the shoe wouldn't be on. But I get it. It's live TV. And if it makes you feel comfortable, and you've been doing it for years on last leg, and that is your sofa, that's your show. Hey, rub your shoe all over it. Well, you've got defensive. You cross your arms.

Next time I go on the one show, I'm going to go, I'm going to get cross-legged on the sofa. I think you should do a screenshot of it and put it out and make it a thing on social media and see who agrees or disagrees. And you should get all the, you could collect loads of different pictures of you with feet on sofas on your TV. I bet you've done it on Sunday brunch. That shoes behind a desk on Sunday brunch. Not when you sit down for your chat on the sofa. You can rub that converse all over the fucking that weird little chat on

the sofa where everyone else is sat. Yeah, your little special chat. I get why you do you, you feel comfy like that, but I think it does. I didn't even realise I was doing it. Exactly, but that's good, then why you're comfy. But take your shoes off next time. Go on barefoot. What, like Diana Vikas? Wasn't it Joss Stone? Both. And Laura Lex.

Laura Lex. She used to go, I don't know if she still goes barefoot, but she used to go barefoot. Zola Budd, the runner. She used to run barefoot. Yeah, fuck off. Yeah on a track. Yeah Here he goes googling. Sorry can see the ice guy Zola Bade. Oh No, get show me her feet. They look like a bit. Oh my god Zola Bade. That is Absolute did she do well? She was the best in the world atola Budd. That is absolute. Did she do well? She was one of the best in the world at one point. That's mental. Why didn't I know about that before?

I don't know. Other famous shoes off people? That's going in. If you were doing family fortunes, who are your shoes off people? Oh, great question. Okay. I think you would, Joss Stone's a good one. Sandy Shaw. Famous shoes off people, let us know. Yeah. But I don't think you should worry about it too much though,

but I did notice it when I saw it. I'm not. Okay, okay. He's not, he's not bothered. That's a big FU to the one show, Sofa. That's kicking back at the BBC, am I right? Look, I love the one show. Me too.

I was back to promote my tour six months after I lasted. Who dropped out? Who knows? Was it a last minute one? Well, I don't know, Rob. All I'm saying is I thought, I'm sure I've promoted my tour on The One Show before. And you're back again. Back again. Here we go. Double bubble. Loved it. How long's your tour going on for and how are you feeling about it?

Oh, I'm feeling incredibly chilled about it. Good. It starts in September. Nice. And then it's currently finishing in the following May but it's probably gonna not. You add extra ones in. Should we do the correspondence? Subscription fails Rob. Subscription fails? What? Is that? Did we ask for that? Things that you've been subscribed to? Oh, yes. Here we go. Yeah on a recent episode You asked for examples of subscription failures I've been paying pet insurance for a cat who has been dead for more than two years. Thanks, Sarah resurrections aren't cheap Great one

Also, you can claim Various costs like their funeral on the insurance. Can you? Yeah. Well yeah, but our expenses are funeral. No, it's not the funeral, it's like the cremation. Right, we need, right, let's get the dreamies out on the buffet. Come on, get everyone round. You can't wear that, they're in mourning. They're in meowing. Only black cats there. Only black cats and little white chests. So that's good. Well, this is good actually because it reminds people. I've got two life insurance. So I've got the life insurance, right? Yeah.

And then I've got a new life insurance because it was more suited to our current situation, but I can't find any documents to cancel the old one. Yeah. So I don't know if, can I just ring the bank and say cancel that direct debit? I do you know what I've done that before with ones where I've gone. This is too difficult to cancel I'm just gonna delete the direct debit. Yeah, and then they're gonna tell they're gonna have to contact me Yeah, and tell me I've defaulted and then I'm gonna go now you're talking to add a subscription to GoPro now you're talking to me. Because I had a subscription to GoPro, the little camera thing, and it was like,

if you don't apply, your account will be cancelled and all your files will be deleted. So I got that email and I went onto the GoPro thing, just downloaded all the photos and videos I had, because I've not been using the GoPro. And then I've got them all on my phone now. And they kept on contacting me. And I just said, I just probably went, I don't want it. And they just kept on emailing. So I'm like, so you reckon that's quicker than trying to find? Yeah. I

don't care. Because also they will just go you haven't got live insurance for which is what I want. Yeah, exactly. That's what I did. I did it Rob. With. So the first one I had, I had a subscription to the Times Rob. Yeah, it's an error. You have to phone up to cancel absolute fucking and throughout that they're trying to talk you into staying you're like this is insane. I want I've read

it. I thought it was an article in the Times talking about there's too many podcasters and they slagged us off. Right. Okay, whatever. I didn't know you're in touch. Good way to learn good way to wait. Oh, does Rob Doerr want to do an interview with the Sunday Times about podcasting? Absolutely not. No. Shove you little up you fuck. You just give me shit for doing one. As if like I got chosen to do it. We've done it off our own fucking back. Yeah, anyway, let's not get dragged into that. Um, I know I shouldn't really be doing this now just trying to

search for direct debits. Why's that even come out? Where is my direct debits? Have I got them here? Can I have a look? I'll read them out for you. We are just looking at our direct debits now. Yeah, yeah, this isn't good. I see we've jumped the shark here guys. Finally. I'm stepping in. Sorry everyone. So I think we should keep that in though, just to show how bad it got. Right. Hi, lads. My husband is called Andrew Tate. There we go. That's what we're... T-A-I-T as part of your nightmare names, despite it being spelled differently, he has to spend

an inordinate amount of time telling people that he's not that Andrew Tate and isn't a very questionable character. That's a really bad one. inordinate amount of time telling people that he's not that Andrew Tate and isn't a very questionable character. That's a really bad one. From Amy, 410 months from Beckenham willing to argue it is better than Bromley. Guys, I prefer Beckenham to Bromley. However, Bromley is better if you want cinema, restaurants, shops, but Beckenham's cooler neighborhood vibe.

That's my advice. Do send in your nightmare names. Boomer Parenting. I've been listening to the podcast since my little girl was born in November 2023, 18 months, and have even listened back to all the previous episodes. You've been a welcome distraction to sleepless nights and pram walks. Thank you so much. I grew up in a farming community in South Wales, mucking out, feeding and taking care

of sheep, chickens, and horses was all part of the norm. What was also part of the norm was guns. Shotguns and air rifles mostly. Guns in the countryside. I didn't realise. I feel like I'm in Texas sometimes. Well, it's like kind of hunting stuff, isn't it? Yeah, well, Chef Guy's walking around with a shotgun under his arm boxing day. I know, it's fucking weird.

From a young age I remember my dad teaching me how to shoot out of the bedroom window into the forest opposite our house, that is fucking mental. That's dangerous isn't it? You've got to shoot in an area where you can see what you're shooting at. What if someone's in the forest? One day my parents went out and had their friends

babysit me. Their friends were also from the same background and had a plethora, nice word, of guns in their house. We were all playing hide and seek. When it was my turn to hide I went and hid under the master bed. I was there for a while and I could hear them jokingly say, I wonder where she could be. The next thing I knew the barrel of the shotgun slipped under the bed next to my face. What? How old was she?

It doesn't matter, does it? You could be growing up and instead of shotgun... I shit myself with my family friends out in Gotya. Needless to say, I screamed and ran out of the room as fast as I could, crying. All I can remember after this was them telling my parents what had happened and everyone just laughing. It wasn't until I told the story at university that I realized that this was mental. I would say that despite this, my parents were amazing. Oh, come on. But there's a reason I'm an only child. But keep being sexually relatable, Jenny. Caveat, caveat, caveat. To be fair, it wasn't the mum and dad that did it. It was the friends. No, exactly. But the mum and dad did laugh. Other parents are wanker stories. Do you want this? Yeah, because we want to do a special on this. And it's our new favourite.

Here we go. Hello, Michael, Rob and Josh. About three years ago, I attended my daughter's primary school concert. This was an after school showcase where the children who play instruments get to perform a one to two minute piece of music. A low key event with 60 odd parents, kids and teachers all stuffed into a hot PE hall on a warm summer's evening. Parents diligently attended, rushing back from our respective jobs in work gear or shorts and flip flops to listen to two hours of poorly played

violins, recorded ukuleles and piano pieces. The level of musicianship by all kids was very much beginner level aka bad. Yeah, fine. Which is fine. But that's what's to be expected. Kids trying to get confident. You've got to be bad. Everyone's bad before they're good. And some people Rob, who we work with, they're still bad. Absolutely. Good at their jobs, but bad people. My daughter at the time was 10 years old. Would you prefer to be booked on a show with? A good comedian who's a prick or a nice person who you think's shit?

Depends how much I need money that month and I need a new series. Carry on. Okay, my daughter. My daughter at the time was 10 years old and had been playing piano for approximately a year and this was her first public concert. She was understandably nervous. The music teacher had kindly gone to the effort of creating a program with children's names, instruments and pieces to be played, so far as expected until a very glamorous mum and her eight-year-old son stepped up to the front. The mum introduced herself and son Leo and stated that they would be playing a duet on the piano No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, long black coat and black heels, considering we were all in work clothes and shorts for flip-notes.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When she sat at the piano stall, she elegantly swiped the coat towels behind her. Yes. The mum proceeded to... This can't be wrong. The mum proceeded to play a full 15 minutes of highly advanced classical music at a virtuoso level that would not have sounded out of place in a concert hall with a full orchestra behind her. What's Leo doing at this point?

Well, highly unlikely this was composed by her son Leo unless he was Mozart reincarnated. Poor Leo sat next to his mum quietly, not once touched her. Can I withdraw my abuse for Leo? Yeah, Leo. It's not Leo's fault, it's touched by poor Leo. Can I withdraw my abuse for Leo? Yeah, Leo. It's not Leo's fault, it's all on the mum. Oh, it always is, Josh, it always is. But then, you know, the mum's parents must have been fucking dragons to produce this. Exactly, Rob, we're all just passing on problems.

You've got to try and break the generational curse. They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They don't mean to, but they do. Poor Leo was sat next to mum quietly not once touching the piano until the very end when he was given a few short chords. Once finished she stood, made Leo take a bow, then took a slow deep bow for herself. Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off. She had achieved her goal and quite literally stolen the show. Parents were quietly flabbergasted giving each other side eyes and smirking at the blatant parent wanker narcissism.

If that had happened, I would love that. Like if I was at that, I would be fucking love- I wouldn't be angry. I'd be thinking, this is incredible. I'd be straight on the WhatsApps to every other parent. Yeah, exactly. Sadly, oh this this is sad. Sadly, my daughter gave up piano after this concert stage. She'd never be as good as Leo. Oh.

Fucking hell. I'm actually happy she did. OK. If this is the pressure that some parent wankers put on their kids to perform, love the pod, guys. Keep being sexually relatable from Sarah in Swanage. Oh, my. That is absolutely unhinged.

Yeah. But what that almost feels like bullshit, but it can't be like these people exist. They do exist. Now, let's break. Let's look at this from the parents point of view without judgment. Is that possible? No. But is she frustrated in her job and was maybe always wanted to be piano player and then do the job she didn't like and that's his

her big moment and she wants to do it and she's frustrated. But even so it's just not okay, is it? I think and this is to give a lot of people including ourselves to cut them some slack. I think most people aren't trying to like pull them all over people's eyes or lying and stuff like that. I think most people, sadly, believe what they're saying more than they do. I think she probably does believe Leo's written in some weird way.

Yes, that they've done it together and she needs to do that to help him. Yeah, I think when you're looking at people from the outside, and I think you see this so much in like public, most people who you disagree with, they're not like someone like, this is a good example, whether you agree with it or not. I don't think Liz trust is like a grifter or a liar or something. I think she genuinely believes that she was taken down by a kind of

in a state and and you know what I mean? And that she was trying to do something revolutionary. Yeah, because that's what you have to do to function. Otherwise, if she didn't believe that, she'd actually be like, I've just totally fucked up. Like, it's the only way she can deal with it, right? But that's not a conscious thing almost.

You're just this woman. I think she probably believes most of this. She's not going, I'm gonna fucking turn this into the me show. No, or she's going, look, Leo, if you want to, I love the way the woman's just given the kids name as well, porky. Like, look, like we're gonna go there and like, yeah, it is a school hall. However, we need to manifest and we're not playing a school hall. We've got to approach this up. Exactly. We'll have a hall because if that's where you want to be, that's how you have to act.

And who cares if people look at you and judge and think you're being stupid? We're doing a real show. She thinks she's doing a good thing for her son. She doesn't think she's totally wrong. Oh yeah, absolutely. It's the worst thing she could have done. Yeah, but she does think I think most people, everyone is the hero in their own story Rob. Everyone thinks that their reality is true. Not in mine if I'm on a downward spiral. I wouldn't say you hero

worship yourself in your brain Josh. I'd say you're very idiot, you'd lose her. Bad example. I like that example. Hi, Rob and Josh. I heard a call out for stories about dickhead parents and this is my chance to get this off my chest. Okay, she's got a name there. I'm not going to use it because I don't know whether she's changed it and I just don't think we should.

She was a new mom to the area and joined our toddler group. She would regularly say things that irritated me because she genuinely seemed to think she was better than the rest of us. And what it does all to know, it's classic Rob. Yeah. And we're opening with the absolute classic, oh, we don't let our children watch TV.

Oh, that, how is that still going on? We're thinking of homeschooling because you see, we just really want our children to be free thinkers. I've never given my children cow poll,oll. I don't agree with it. I would genuinely just roll my eyes and ignore it. See, these people that want their kids to be free thinkers want their children to think like them. And if anything, that's even more controlled

than the rest of the world telling them how to think. Do you know what, Rob? Preach. I didn't really like her, but so what? Our kids played together, so I sucked it up Cut to my son's fourth birthday It was your typical bouncy castle pass the parcel and cake party We gave out books instead of party bags and had chosen a very nice poor patrol so

Matching pairs board game as a pass the parcel prize no plastic crap inside, okay? as a pass the parcel price no plastic crap inside okay this week's of chocolate either I don't know what okay cuz shit this part of me okay yeah this woman brought her two kids she did not bring a present because apparently she does not believe in spoiling kids with presents on their birthdays what all this soulless sap of shit have some fun fun. But I know actually that... You jacked potato prick. What's the jacked potato got to do with this? Don't know. I was just free thinking. Oh right, yeah, free thinking. I'm not gonna be dragged into normal insults by society by these fucking lizards. Her child won past the parcel. I was too... Oh no. I was too busy to think

much about it at the time party. It was great. The kids all had fun. It comes to home time. She took out the game box and in front of everyone with a smug smile said my kids don't know who poor patrol are so this game is wasted on us so here you can have it back oh fucking not so that's what handed it to my husband first time he'd ever met her it annoyed me because it felt so performative just take the fucking game and give it to a charity shop If you don't want it Yeah My husband could not believe the gall of it had a long rant after the kids were in bed that night about what a complete Dickhead she was and I could only agree

Thanks for the content guys. Don't know if you ever been told this before but you're just so relatable You definitely make me feel less like a shit mom. So thanks from cause a cause a car out She's got a guy. She's got a fucking guy. And when the kids go, can we play with her? The kids go no, she doesn't have a TV. Also, just because you don't watch it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy what it is. Yeah, totally. It's a set. It's a total game. You don't need to you don't need a backstory of Paw Patrol. And we don't need to know who fucking cleverer is. If your kids are fucking clever and free thinkers,

they can work out it's a dog with jobs. Exactly. It's dogs with jobs, it's a ball game. That one's got a red hat, that one's got a red hat, that's a pair, fucking pair them up, put it back in the box, job done. Fucking hate it. I hate most people, Josh.

I'm getting angry. I'm getting aggy. Why don't I calm you down with a playground shagger? Go on. Calm me down. Let's get it sexy. Long time listener, first time contributor. I've been listening since the first episode and love the podcast. I'm not a parent, but a proud auntie who has recommended the pod to all my parent friends. I grew up in rural Essex and went to a secondary school in the 90s. The school sent out a warning to all students. Some strange men have been seen lurking in cars outside the school trying to entice students to talk to them. We were told to be vigilant and avoid them because we assumed they

were perverts. Turns out they were reporters and a photographer from the Daily Star. Our head of RE had been having an affair with a local vicar. Whoa, okay. It's a bit on the nose, that, isn't it? Get your coat found out. When we saw her photo in the papers shortly after. So she's a teacher and a vicar.

Can a woman be a vicar? Yep, there's the lady from Gogglebox. Oh, Reverend Kate Botley. Reverend Kate Botley. Reverend Kate Bottley. Because when you used to do Breakfast Show, I don't know if she still does it. If you do Radio 2. I don't know if she's still on it. It's got meals where they do a pause for thought.

I think they probably do. That's mental. It's like everyone's going mental. Like, oh, it's Friday. We've got Liam Gelliger, Kate Bowles in. No, I've got to remember about G. You're like, whoa, what's going on? No one told me about pause for thought. Anyway, I've got to remember about G. No one told me that before. Anyway, she's

a reverend. Yeah. This is the head of our re and the local vicar. We don't know which way round they were. That's the wrong phrase. Missionary. Yeah, probably. We found out when we saw her photo in the papers shortly after. Do you have to do a missionary if you're a Christian? Is that a thing? No, you don't have to do a missionary if you're a Christian? Is that a thing? No, you don't have to do a missionary if you're a Christian.

I presume. It's spread through the school like wildfire. Looking forward to seeing you both on your tours over the next year. Nicola in Essex. Right, so the school trying to stop people speaking to the press. The Daily Star! That's old school, that, innit? Yeah, fucking hell.

What a great story. It's a good one, isn't it? Right, here we go. Baby sitting stories. We asked's a good one, isn't it? Right, here we go. Babysitting stories. We asked for some of these, didn't we? Hi, Robert Josh. I have a story about babysitting and the couple coming home drunk.

I used to babysit often for my next door neighbors. They would usually pay me before they go out, but on the odd occasion would come home so pissed they forgot they paid me and paid me again before I left. Obviously this was great for me, but my neighbors have since decided to go sober. Please keep me anonymous as I prefer they didn't come back knocking for cash. Amazing. Is that amazing or is that a little bit exploitative?

What taking their money twice? Yeah. Oh I think the babysitter deserves it Rob. There was I read a story about a guy. It was his obituary, right? And he was like a big character in the TV industry, right? And he had to fire 25 people one day. And he wanted to, he was like, I'm gonna do it face to face, because it's only fair. And at the end of the day, he realized he'd fired 26.

And he'd fired the same person twice. He'd called someone because he got so lost in it that he'd called someone in. Why are they still there? I don't know, clearing up their desk or whatever. He brings them back in. I've got to go, I've already done this. Anyway, carry on. Weird places listen to the podcast. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Did we ask for that? Yeah, the weird places people listen. Hi, guys, in answer to the request from series 10

episode one, please keep this anonymous, but I'm listening whilst waxing my private lady parts. Oh, there we go. What self wax? Self wax. I'll do this two more of these. If you've got any other weird places, let us know. Yeah. By the way, that's weird places you've got any other weird places, let us know. By the way, that's weird places you're listening, not weird places you're waxing.

Yeah, not your anus. Yeah. I'm bleaching my anus. Well, no, I don't know if I should. I've not seen it. I can't work the mirrors out to find out if I need to. Also, I don't feel like it gets enough air in to work. Hello, Josh, Robert.

I don't get my hair cut if I'm not on telly. No. I sort of leave it. If I'm going me airco. If I'm not on telly. No, I sort of leave it before going somewhere on telly. I'll get it trimmed up. But anus I've sort of left to its own devices. Hello, Josh, Robert. Because I sort of think the effort you go to I've never I've never said I've ever seen a nice one. Anus. Well, yeah, they are what they are. You can't really polish a turd quite literally. No, it's what it is. Hello, Josh, Robert Michael. Please keep this anonymous as I'd quite like to keep my job and not end up in prison. You asked for the-

Fuck it now. You asked for the weirdest places that people listen to the podcast. I work in criminal law and often when sitting in courts- No. There can be boring parts of a trial or hearing. If I wear my hair down, I'm able to hide my earbuds in my head. That is fucking incredible. So I often pop in an earbud and listen to you guys while sitting in a room with a Crown Court Judge Durian defendant. Oh my god.

There have been times where I've had to turn it off as I've been able to hide my laugh from those around me. Oh no. Laughing due to Rob explaining how his tour toaster works, when a witness is explaining how they were run over by a 14 old gang member probably is my drink. Fucking gnor! How's that a boring bit? I love the fact, it's about the- How desensitized are you to court that that bit's not interesting?

If we were in a courtroom Josh and we were listening to that and I said, Josh I need to tell you about my tour toaster, you would go, let's wait for the break mate. Thanks for the laugh and helping us realize that none of us actually know what we're doing. No we do not know what we're doing. No we do not know. No we do not. It's all an absolute fucking, I was about to say car crash but it's a bit too on the nose. Hi both, I thought I'd let you know I listen to you at work every week. Josh you're so tired. I'm so, I was having any breakfast. Oh not enough sleep? No, I think I slept all right. What time did you go to sleep?

11. Up at seven? 7.30. That's loads of sleep. Yeah, that's fine. Maybe it's not good sleep. Get yourself a whoop, mate. Hi, both. I thought I'd let you know I listen to you work every week making sausages. What's a whoop?

That is basically a health monitor that you keep on your wrist all night, but you might not want to do that. I'd have to put it next to my watch. Put it on your other arm? Or next to your watch. But what do I do? If I'm told I've got bad sleep, what the fuck can I do about it? It shows you you're strained during the day. So if you go for a run, it shows you're strained, but also it shows your stress levels and stuff. And so you can start to go, oh, doing that makes me quite stressed before bed. And food and

drinking, you can log what you've eaten and what you've drunk. And if you watch telly or screens, and then it can it sort of you can see a relation actually, if I go and do that, and go straight to bed, it's not very good for me. And yeah, yeah, yeah. Making sausages this one. I thought I let you know I listen to at work every week making sausages. I work at butchers. So just a few things I'm up to this one. I thought I'd let you know, I listen to it at work every week, making sausages. I work at a butcher's. So just a few things I'm up to while listening to you guys

includes making sausages, beef wellingtons, and chicken Kievs. That's Georgia. There we go. What a mix that is. What a mix. Do send them in. Do send them in.

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Do you want one more bit of correspondence before we do? Yeah, why not? This is good. Parenting tasks listeners won't miss. We had a lot of messages about this, but one listener basically summed everything up that everyone sent in a single email. Now, Hi, Robin Josh, thanks for the wonderful podcast. And the last parenting tasks. I don't tasks. I don't miss now my youngest is 18. I'll rule on them as you read them out.

Okay, parenting tasks. I don't miss now my youngest is 18 and at university. This is the this is the email of hope guys Yeah Being a taxi service in the middle of the night to drunk teens who are pretending to be sober Yeah doing a school run. I like the school run even not more than not doing it. Well No, but there's something wholesome about it. I will miss the school run Sorry, I told I will miss the school run. Sorry? I told you I'll miss the school run. You're gonna miss the school run and getting them ready and out of the house bit as well not just to drive in there and back. Yeah I like my mornings.

Okay. Constantly having kid-friendly snacks in the house, the mental load, being a support person during exams, having difficult conversations in a non-judgmental yet not too laid back way about all those teenage choices and adventures. A lot of teenage ones there. Empathizing with broken hearts, having birthday parties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you could, yeah, I suppose you might. I think you could probably, you might still need to do that as they grow older as well. Yeah, yeah. I don't think the drawbridge is up on empathy.

Yeah, unlucky. You're 18 and no- Unlucky with your divorce. I've done my empathy actually, when you went to uni. I thought it wasn't going to last when you my empathy actually, when you went to uni. I thought it wasn't gonna last when you got married actually, so I was quite annoyed I had to pay for the wedding. I've never liked her.

Yeah. After your fourth glass of wine. Having birthday parties, agree with that. Having other kids over for play dates, agree with that. Hearing about friendship dramas, watching kids sport on a cold weekend morning, getting home from school and having to immediately help with homework while also cooking dinner. I would say, Josh, you've only been doing the school run for about two or three years.

This lady's been doing it for 18. Probably not, because once you're at secondary school, you're not doing the school run, are they? I don't know. Are you going to let your teenage daughter get on the buses in central London? I am, I think. Yeah, just past all the police car traces and the gangs. I think she will insist. I think it would be very difficult for me to say when she's 16, I'm going to drive you up to the gates of secondary school. No, but I think you're probably, yeah, but 16 would be different. But I think the first

few years, you're not going to let go of your seven eye on the bus. Run that way. You really didn't take it well that I liked the school run, did you? Um, no, I think, I don't think you'll miss it when it goes. Oh, I will. You're always incredibly stressed after the school run. Yeah. Whenever you come back in on here after doing the school run, I'll go, Oh, have you just had a wholesome morning?

Do you know why that is Rob? Because I'm sad the school runs over. Because you're sad the school, you like the school run because you're not looking after your kids anymore, that's what you like. You like the feeling of them going in. I love the school run, Rob. That's not...

You're always stressed about the school run. I'm sad it's over. You're talking shit, mate. No, I love the school run. You love the feeling of your kids being talking shit, mate. I'm not. I love the school run. You love the feeling of your kids being taken off your hands. I don't. That's what you feel. I like the pick-up as well, when they're given back to me.

Yeah, but that's not, yeah, the pick-up's not. But the actual, seeing your, someone looking after your children and then you seeing them again is a lovely feeling. You would ever miss that. The actual school run. Get, wear your shoes. Eat your breakfast. Get in here.

Come here. What is it? Is it, eat your breakfast, get in here, come it right. What is it? Is it, you got homework, food tech, but, but. You don't have that ball. Don't hate it. Shit. We'll miss it. Getting the kids ready for school in the morning,

she won't miss. Yeah, agree. Getting home from work and having to immediately help with homework whilst also cooking dinner. Yeah, agree. Being woken in the middle of the night because they can't sleep. Agree.

Cooking for people who won't like what I make. Agree. Keeping calm when the kids are pushing my buttons. Is this woman OK? I don't know. She's called Marianne, and she's from Australia. Feeding my kids dinner in the car while driving because they're exhausted and hungry at the end of a huge day.

Middle of the night feeds, not being able to ask a baby why it's crying or stop it crying. Yeah. That's my vibrant one. Yeah. Not why are you crying? Tell me just tell me having my whole life revolving around my kids. Not taking jobs because it will negatively impact on my family. Yeah, changing nappies. Yeah, I miss about having children at home. See everything about from Marianna. I agree with all of them. Apart from the school run.

Which I love. You love. What about getting kids, well she's broken up the school run into two factions. Getting the kids ready in the morning. Yeah, I don't love that. I don't love that. I like making them breakfast.

I don't love getting them to brush their teeth. Big shout out. But you like being in the car with them. I like being in the car with them. I like seeing the other parents. Oh really? Yeah. Okay. I don't wanna see anyone with them. I like seeing the other parents. Oh really? Yeah. Okay. I don't see anyone, especially when I'm dressed.

Um, Josh, we do some business business business. Oh yeah, yeah, small business. Small business. Time's flown. Hi legends, we'd love a shout out. We are Jesse and Mark and we run Mini Mothers, an outdoor stay and play group for kids aged six months to five years, based at the stunning Kiffskate Court Gardens in Chippencampden, Cotswolds. Kiffskate Court Gardens in Chippencampden,

is Camden with a P in the middle, Camden, Cotswolds. Picture this, children running wild, rolling in mud and being beautifully feral, a place where parents don't have to say no every 12 seconds. Great coffee for adults whose day started at 4.47am. And no mess in your house. It's on, it's all on our turf. We've got themed Playstations, messy fun, forest vibes and fresh air therapy. Basically a wild and muddy dream for the little ones and a minor miracle for grownups. Parenting Hell crew, this one's for you. Use code LOOSENECK in capitals at checkout

for a cheaper discount. Because if you're currently negotiating with a toddler about why they can't eat mud, you've earned it. Follow our adventures and meltdowns on Instagram at Mini Mudders. Jesse and Mark, AKA two caffeine-fueled humans raising two tiny hurricanes. There you go.

If you're in the Kiff's Gate Court Gardens, Chippincampden, Cotswolds area, get some fresh air therapy. Hello Rob, Josh and Michael. I am Adam, a long time listener with two young boys. Is fresh air therapy going outside? Uh, yeah, I suppose. I don't, I don't. Well, not where I live. Fair play for them to monetize that. Leo9 and Jesse7. I would love it if you give my wife's small business a shout out. Spirit and wild photography. Portrait sessions with a difference.

Sophie, my wife, graduated from the University of Brighton with first class Bachelor of Arts during lockdown whilst raising two young boys back in 2021. She then did an MA in photography at the University of Brighton. She has specialized in underwater photography to combine a love of water with childlike flair for creativity through her photographic practice. She's a fully qualified level two swim England teacher. It never stops specializing in baby swimming and fin to fit monofin instructor. I'm Alma Depth, no pun intended. She holds an RLSS, okay, we get it.

She's great. Water safety, lifeguard qualification and an enhanced DBS using these rare and unique skills. No, Sophie is able to coach both adults and children to freely express themselves underwater while she captures the moment, producing beautiful and magical imagery to treasure. We're talking the cover of Nevermind by Nirvana. That's my image. He's not put that. You can find her contact her at the website www.spiritandwildphotography.com, Instagram, Spirit and Wild Photography. Hello at Spirit and Wild Photography is the email. Check

out some images of her work. Thank you for all the laughs and making me feel reassured that we're all in the same boat. Lovely pun at the end, Adam. All the best, Adam Aboul. Joshua, I'll see you next week, or Friday, Will, Friday. Friday, it's the big one.