Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP32: Tom Basden

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant actor, writer and comedian - Tom Basden. Tom is known for co-creating and starring in Plebs, which won the Royal Television Society award for Best Scripted Comedy in 2014. He was nominated for Best Newcomer at the 2007 Edinburgh Comedy Awards and is a member of the sketch group Cowards. He's also appeared in hit comedy 'Afterlife', 'Derek', 'Star Stories' and more! Tom's new film 'The Ballad of Wallis Island' is in cinemas now - it's a fantastic, funny, moving and brilliant film so please check it out at your local cinema. FILM SYNOPSIS: Eccentric lottery winner Charles dreams of getting his favorite musicians, McGwyer Mortimer,back together. The fantasy becomes real when the bandmates and former lovers agree to play a private show at his home on Wallis Island. Old tensions resurface as Charles tries desperately to salvage his dream gig. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. At Desjardins Insurance, we put the care in taking care of business. Your business to be exact. Our agents take the time to understand

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She only started really trying to talk a couple of months ago so Widdicombe was a bit of a push. Thanks for all your laughs. Courtney aged 369 months. What's that about? 33. From Colchester! That was some very nonchalant maths there, I liked it. Yeah, not bad is it? You went, what's that? 33? It's just a bit less thanant math. So I liked it. Yeah, not bad. Is it? What's that? 33 it's just a bit less than what it is, isn't it?

Josh talk about you need intervention. I'm gonna start it now for timekeeping and scheduling I think you're making your life more hard work than it needs to be. Well, you've only just noticed Yeah, I know, but I thought it got better. But today we hit a peak where can I explain to the listener? I was on time. I was on time. Right. So we were meeting today at 10.15am to do the podcast. We normally start at 10. Yeah, or sometimes nine. But a week ago, I said, is everyone OK with starting at quarter past 10?

Yeah, it's an exaggeration. We like to get a vaccination. We'll give it a... Well, no, I can go back to find out when I actually asked. Um, that was on Friday. Yeah. So last week, yeah. It's Monday.

Last week, one, no to you carry on. Josh took an unexpected early lead in this. I said, caught past 10. So that's because I had to go and get a rabies vaccination at 9.30 AM in central London in case I'll bite someone. So we get a message from you at 9.09 AM. Traffic in Hackney is dreadful. And I'm coming into town to record this, but confident of 10.15 still would 10.30 be a disaster. I'm done with Hackney is dreadful and I'm coming into town to record this but confident of 10 15 still would 10 30 be a disaster I'm done with Hackney I hate

it yeah so stand by all those okay so question one yeah so at this point in time you've got an hour and 10 minutes to get to central London yeah and you apparently live in London and you're not making it so where do you live? I don't know what's your issue with Hackney at the moment? Oh, where do I fucking start? Bad travel? The traffic is doing my head in. Correct.

Yeah, correct. They're closing roads left, right and center, quite literally left, right and center. So you can't really get into town easily. That's not a problem. They get into the school is even difficult at the moment. And you have to drive them there? Yeah. But today I got a taxi because I was dropping them on the way in. So you have to get a taxi to the school and then from the school in

the taxi to London? To Highbury and Islington and then bomb down the Victoria line. Right. And that takes an hour and 15 minutes from London to London. Well it didn't. I was actually quicker and I went to work. Oh okay an hour. But I was just allowing time just in case. I was just planting the seed in case it went wrong. I wasn't saying it would go wrong. Okay. Well, so anyway, we push back the interviewee. I've got some more things I've got issues with. Oh yeah, go on, keep going with Hackney if you want. Where I live has become the most popular place in East London.

In what regard? People to live or visit or? Weekends is like living in Disneyland. So who's going there? Just people visiting from their... People to have their photo taken outside my local coffee shop. Why? Is it viral? It's one of those things that people put on Instagram. It's got a queue before it opens Rob. Josh, where you live is a **** magnet.

Well that's unfair. Well it's not, you just hate all these people turning up. Also there's a festival in Victoria Park now. Every weekend for the summer. There was massive attack and on Saturday was Jamie XCX, no XX and then next Saturday is Charlie XCX. Right, so it's busy. And you know that festival ends at the end of f***ing August. So your summer summers ruined basically because you can't access the whole park and there's loads of people turn up And also there's a fucking these are all things a place for young people not parents. It is a place me and Rose So what have you discussed with Rose The both of us aren't we're not sure the benefits

of London outweigh the negatives. Especially as you've got kids that are older and you need to do more stuff. Yeah. When you're younger without kids, great. You could be at home and go, hey Rose, fancy going to watch Jamie XX? Yeah, we don't want to go to a food market on a Sunday. Our kids don't give a f... The Victoria Park food market is so popular it's unbelievable. Really? They're adding a Saturday market. Tower Hamlet's council are fucking cleaning up, I'll tell you that for free. Do you know Victoria Park's not in Hackney? It's on the border so it's across the border so I'm north of Victoria Park. Right. So it's not even my bloody council that's making the money out of this. Right. OK.

That's neither in or there. What's the plan? There's no plan. So you don't like where you live? No, I don't dislike where I live. It sounds like you do. What do you like about it? The more property it gets, my house of value is flying. OK, that is a positive. OK, fair enough.

The value of the property is going up. The value of my property is going up. Robert, just living in an area. Morales at an all time low. Morales at an all time low. Standing room only in the street outside my house. Well what else is good about it, you know? The transport links? No. Scrab that. We love the school.

Yeah, because you don't move closer to the school though, but the other side of it. You're still in London, Rob. Scrab that. We love the school. Yeah, because you don't move closer to the school though, but the other side of it. You're still in London, Rob. So you want to move out of London fully? I don't know where I want to move, Rob. Does Rose want to move? Yeah. Oh, properly. She's into moving. I think I'm going to finish this tour. Hmm. I think finish the tour.

Do you don't need to go far? But you just go a bit like zone five or six. We call that the idea of going far. Really far? How far's really far? Scotland. No. No, I don't know, no, no, no, no. I don't know, Rob.

So at the moment you're assessing options? We're assessing options. Right. And also holding on tight because... So at the moment the only thing you enjoy about where you live is the value of the property increasing. Well, honestly, Rob, it feels like I'm living in, genuinely, the most... It's mad how much Victoria Park has changed since I moved there. I'm not taking credit for that. No, but it's become almost how people go to Notting Hill, they're going to Victoria Park. It's become a destination, which is fine if you don't live...

You know, like... People take photos in front of Tommy Walsh's house like not in the older films. It's just people queuing up for this coffee shop It's mental. So what to get a coffee or just have a photo at it. They do these really good pastries Like they've got a sign outside. Yeah, because the people are complaining that they can't get down the street past it. So it's like, please don't queue on the pavement because we're having complaints. So you can't go in for a coffee now? Is that where Rose used to go? No, we do during the week.

And then at the weekend, it's like... Chaos. It's like a half hour journey. And then obviously now all the traffic's getting busier because all the people are coming and trying to park. And there's no roads. There's no roads. Wow.

And the shops are like, there's this pizza place that's opening that looks really good, but you're like, that's going to do really well. This is the last fucking thing we need. So what else is it you like about where you live? Victoria Park is lovely during the week. Right. The weekends are wild. Yeah. Well, you got started on during the week, didn't you, by that bloke at Victoria Park?

The weights thing. That wasn't Victoria Park. That was a Wall Street common. But yes. Anyway, so let's go back to your, the tardiness. You were going to be late, so we had to move our guests back to half past. And then you said, after we moved, yeah, you said, yeah, we can move Jack. Um, I could, and Mark said, I I'm asked move Jack to 10.30.

And then you went, the reason I'm coming into town is my mum-in-law's 80th lunch at 1pm. Chances? So in one WhatsApp exchange, you've told us you're going to be late and now you need to finish early. Wow. I think we're going to manage it as well. Well, yeah, we might do, but the slot is 10-15 to 1-15. That slot's 10-1, Rob. Yeah, but last week... Last week? Last week.

48 hours ago? Last week I moved it. Even if the slot is 10-1, I can see that then, it is 10-1. Yeah. Where is the mill? Because you've got zero buffer. I know. Well, that's why Michael has done a lovely thing and booked this. I'm three minutes from where the meal is. Right. The studio that Michael's booked to a hotel room next to the dinner. Yeah. Jesus. Fuck it. Who are you Beyonce?

What's this Michael? Are we funding this room? Yeah yeah we are. I'm paying for that room for you to sit in. It's cheaper than a studio! So you can just go straight to the mill from here? Yeah, yeah. Michael, you're a good Michael. Michael, how do you feel about all this? He's a good man. When did Michael find out about the need for the hotel by the dinner?

Saturday. Saturday, so not last week, this week. A day after your fucking last week. Warning. Saturday morning. Working week's finished. Saturday evening. Saturday evening. When, let's be honest, I was taking Michael to see Ivo Graham, a ticket that, you know, we both enjoyed, so that was a nice thing. Are you trying to suggest that you got him a ticket to Ivo Graham? No, I didn't. You were in the other one. Yeah.

Thanks to Off The Curve for sorting them. So Michael, how do you feel about all this? You're happy that we're all on track? I'm happy to facilitate either of your needs. Oh, Michael, you're a great guy. It's just that both of us don't have the same needs. I've done, how many times have I done this? Quite a few when I was living in an Airbnb, to be fair. Quite a few within the last year, yeah. Wait till I live in Glasgow.

I'm excited to hear about your journey, your house hunting journey. We'll talk about that next week. Well, we're not on a house hunting journey, but we're also, what's good Rob, is without us having another kid, I'm giving us a narrative for the next two to three years. You are 100% moving. What was the nail in the coffin? Rose said she wants to go.

And let's face it, do you have a choice now? I want to go, genuinely, I think. You know when you're in a relationship, this is what Rose said yesterday, and it really hit home. I don't think she was talking about us. But you know, when you've got to the point in a relationship where you you notice things that annoy you about the other person, and it's too late, like, you've made your decision and now all you can see is the negatives rather than the positives.

And that's what how you feel about where you live. But that's an actual progression. I get annoyed in the traffic every morning. Yeah, and that's not a good way to wake up and live. And there is, and I can't be clear enough about this, a wall down one side of Victoria Park that's like the fucking Berlin Wall but to stop people going to see Charlie XCX rather than going to capitalist West Germany. Welcome to Zone 6. I'll be, Zone 6 will be a dream, Rob.

Really? You're gonna go Zone 6? Pump it out that far. No, I'm gonna go. I'm at Zone 24, mate. Milton Keynes. Welcome to Milton Keynes. Welcome to Milton Keynes. Right, time for our guest. It's the brilliant Tom Basden, who has written and starred in an amazing movie.

The old, what's it called, Wallace Island? Ballad of Wallace Island.? Ballad of Wallace Island. The Ballad of Wallace Island. Go and watch it, listen to this first though. And what are these ones? Are these like, they look like an old man's glasses chain. You know, they're my running ones. They're my old man's running ones.

Lovely. We don't normally start, how old are you, Tom? What is this? That's not, I've listened to this podcast before and you've never asked that. No, I don't. Do you know what it is? Can I say why he's done that? He thinks that you might be old but look unbelievable for your age, but now he's set up quite a big bit of tension. Because I was thinking that, Josh was like, he runs and he looks

good. He doesn't want you to be older than him. Well, what I don't do, Rob, is I don't put football shirts directly behind me to give the impression of athleticism. This is what I said, your backdrop's amazing. Is it an office or a house? It's my house, but thanks for making it sound very corporate where I live. The other option's this, because I've got to sort this office out, but I haven't and it looks quite bleak. So all I've got here is football shirts. OK, hang on. What's that then? Like a towel? This is... Oh, I see. Insulation. Insulation.

Soundproofing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That I've done here. You're a musician, Tom. You must be aware of soundproofing. You know, you ain't round a fucking head cup, don't you? This is it. But I've been in a few recording studios and I've never seen the replica football kits draped over the sound insulation before. You've never recorded audio like I do? No, clearly not. Are you a football fan, Tom?

Yeah. Do you know what? Tim Key's been talking about your football skills, Rob. What does he say? Good or bad? He says good. Well, you know, they'll take that. Is Tim good?

He's better than you think. He's better than you think he'll be. Tim is very good. I imagine when he was young, he was unbelievable because even now he's very fast. He's got a great engine on him. Tim Key's problem is he's too shy to pull the trigger. Oh, wow. Do you think he always passes it and lays it off?

I feel like if he doesn't get his gun off, his head goes. And I can get into his head, because comedians football, why don't you come and play, Tom? Because it's in Crystal Palace, Rob. Where do you live? I live in North London. Oh, you're one of those comics. And so does Tim, but he makes the pilgrimage every week.

I mean, it's the best part of the day. Yeah, but what are you doing? What are you doing, Tom? Getting some work done, aren't I? If you can't go to Crystal Palace, what are you doing on fucking one o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon? None of us actually work. But one o'clock, Rob, is such a...

That's your day gone if you live in North London. That's your day gone, thank you. I agree, and I have been campaigning to get it at like half 10 or 11 a.m. so that people can then do the school run and do other stuff. But Daniel Kitson always goes, people need to work in the morning. I'm like, I don't know what these comedians are doing on a Tuesday morning. But then they just need to move it later, don't they?

But I mean, Kitson's probably doing gigs. I mean, he does Edinburgh shows that start at 10 a.m. sometimes and stuff like that. He's probably got like a tour where he's doing his breakfast tour around the country. I know, but I just feel like I go there every Tuesday. I'm a pretty busy guy. No one's getting any work done between 10am and 1am.

I'm not doing nothing. You say you're a busy guy, and yet you're also lambasting anyone who's working between 10am and 2pm. Tom, tell me what you're doing on a Tuesday. What are you doing? Talk me through your Tuesday. Well, right now, I'm talking to you guys. I'm a writer

One of these fucking right afterwards said well alright. I get to decide when I do it, you know Just a table for me How do you tell I'll find out in the internet if you go back to that I'm 44 What did you think I was 45? I was gonna say and I will come to how amazing the film is because the film is brilliant. You look great as well. That's what it is, isn't it? You look, you're playing a rock star, is the rock star the right word, a musician, but like,

and you look, you're in excellent shape, Tom. Oh, bless you. You could get away with 36. Yeah. Do you think? He could still run rings around the younger kids at football. I haven't updated my spotlight photos for probably about 13 years. Oh, well. So I'm confusing a lot of casting directors when I go in for castings, I think. So are you a writer or an

actor? What's your main thing, Tom? If I had to now something to your gravestone, what we doing? Both? I think I'm giving you a free rein there. If you're engraving the headstone, I think just knock yourself out. Weird post comedy job for me. I always love to engrave. I don't mind whatever people want to, want to, you know, want to go with. But you're a dad. That's what we'll come to. Well, I am a dad.

That's what we want on the headstone, isn't it? Yeah. I've got two kids. Yeah, that'd be four actor and writer. Dad, actor, writer, dad. Husband. Husband, well done. Son, brother, yeah.

Tim Key told us you didn't have any children. What, why is he saying that? Well, when did you speak to him? I spoke to him at football and I said, well, I was talking about him coming on the podcast because Tim's, you know, super funny, great. And I said, we can do the promo of the film. And he was, I haven't got any kids.

I went, yeah, but you're a god, he's a godfather. And he and I, we've had people on before that haven't had kids. We've got Tom coming on Tom Basden. He went, but Tom ain't got kids. I went, oh, well he's coming on. I had to text Alex Horne and check you had kids. Tim's the godfather of my daughter. He should know that I've got kids.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was at the christening. I think you were just doing it to sort of be funny and like maybe I'd go, oh, we need to double check Tom Batson's got kids. Well, I did double check. Can I ask you about having Tim Key as the godfather? Because Alex Horne had him as the godfather to his child as well. What do you mean had? Still has.

Still has. He hasn't removed him. Yeah. He can remove. Can you remove him? Deep hole. has. He hasn't removed him. Yeah. He can remove, can you remove him? Depot. You can swap him. But I think this is a fair question with Godfather.

Although obviously the bleak point of Godfather is if you both pop it, Tim Key gets the kids. That's well- And is that a good choice? It's not a legal- No, it's not. No, I mean, I think that even if it was, like an ombudsman would step in and go, okay, well not illegal. No, it's not. No. I mean, I think that even if it was, like an ombudsman would step in and go,

OK, well, not him. I tell you what, I'm commissioning that sitcom. Tim Key gets your kids, the godfather. Is that what it's called, Tim Key gets your kids? It's more of a reality show. Well, he's in The Will, isn't it? The Will is superseded. Yeah, it is.

And I don't think we've done it yet. I don't think we've actually named the change. Have you guys done it? Have you named who is getting it? Well, I'm not going to say it, but I think we changed who it was between wheels. Between wheels? Will Carlin or Will Briggs? Neither ideal. We just want someone called Will.

We thought Will Smith would bring him up well. He's done well with Jaden. Oh, but the tempo, the tempo though. Oh yeah, the tempo. We changed them between Will's and we haven't told the person that we dropped because we just thought it was too difficult. Don't tell them that. Yeah, exactly.

Well, we won't be there. What happened between Will 1 and Will 2? We just thought we'd made a mistake on Will 1. Okay. It wasn't like an incident. If there's not like a fallout or something. Okay. Okay.

Or just like dropping the baby or something like that. No, no, it was more like, oh, they'd be happier. And I should just say we didn't go back to the Will, as Presley to do this. We had to redo our will for some reason. And then we were like, Oh, while we're here, actually, is this the right choice? Do you have to approach the people to double check? You should, shouldn't you? It's polite.

Because you could add like just find whoever your richest mate is and write them down. I don't think you're forced to take a kid. Like if I was to put you two in my will and say you get, you're now looking after my kids in the event that I die. I don't think you're like, oh god, well that's a damn deal now, we can't get out of this. I do think, I think most people would respect the will of the dead and think these kids have been through enough already without me rejecting them. Yeah, but I think the kids are going to be a bit like, why am I going to Josh Whitacombs house? Yeah, but massively, it'll massively be like that, as opposed to like my grandparents, he would be like that.

Yeah. But also it's just a huge thing to ask, isn't it? It is, yeah. It's not like you go, oh, okay, I guess I'd better respect the dead. It's like, they're just giving me a child. Yeah, it's like, oh for fuck's sake. But like, imagine being given a dog, that's like, oh my God, the admin, the stress of that. Yeah. It's more, it's a kid.

The stress of your mate's dead and now you've got to have his kids. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's a lot to take on, isn't it? But I'm sure we'll respect it. So you've got kids. How old are your kids, Tom? So the kids are seven and three. The little one turned three about two days ago. More or less the same as me. So-

Is it? We're seven and four. Do you feel like you're coming through that period of the early madness? No, I feel like I'm still knee-deep in it to be honest. The little one, the little one's really intense. That's not going anywhere. That energy still. So you've got an older girl and a younger boy? No, older boy, younger girl. So you've got an older girl and a younger boy? No, older boy, younger girl. Oh, normally the boy can be more intense than the girls we've had from people,

but you've had it the other way. This is what I was, you know, possibly, you know, from a slightly sexist position, this is what I was expecting. I was like, I haven't, we found out we're having a little girl. I was like, oh, this is great. She's going to be the chill one. And then you go, oh, weirdly, my son's now the chill one.

Oh, that's right So how is she intense? How is that manifest physically running around all the time? Oh, yeah I mean, you know what? I thought I don't want to say anything that's gonna that in the if when she's older She listens to this but she's bitten. She's a biter sometimes That'll pass so that'll pass you've got a. That's what they said to Luis Suarez's mum. Fair topical. You name another biter that works. Oh, come on, mate.

I'm doing two of these a week. Vanda Holyfield, Mike Tyson. He wouldn't make the script for a film. Fucking... OK, well, let's workshop this famous biters. Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson. Lector. Lector, Lector. Of course. Oh, Armie Hammer.

Isn't Armie Hammer a famous biter? Oh, well, I listened to him being interviewed by Louis Theroux. It was quite a weird bit. I didn't know about him. And so I was trying to piece together the story through the interview. And there's a bit where Louis Theroux has to ask if he's into eating human flesh. He says he has to ask he has to ask. We are going to come to that by the way, Tom. We start with how old you are.

How does Kamau say no? How do you say no to that? Do you just go? No. Like, is it like what weird question? Is it like, no. It swallows first. Just swallow some flesh. Swallow some flesh. No, because obviously, well, not obviously, I think there's some texts where he says he likes eating human flesh or something that have been published. Yeah.

Michael the producer's having a nightmare here with the lawyers, aka him on Google. Okay. Let's go back to your daughter. Does she like eating human flesh? No. What she does, what's happened in the past? Have either of your kids bitten? Have they been biten? No. Once or twice, but it wasn't like a theme. It was a bit like they'd been bitten or they would bite, but for a very small period when they were young. But it happens a lot around

the age of three. I think it does. I mean, to be fair, she's getting better. How many has she done? happens a lot around the age of three. I think it does. I mean, she, to be fair, she's getting better, but like, she's done. She's done a few, but also what she's she's done somewhere. She's gone to do it and you intervene because you sort of see, you see it. You become familiar with the kind of the signs that it's going to happen. Yeah. Yeah.

That's quite strips off. She gets to catch up. But what's happened with other parents, if your kid isn't a biter when my son wasn't still isn't then the other parents are just so like appalled and they're kind of, they sort of go, why haven't you told her not to do that? And they're like, no, I have. They don't understand that like, you are constantly telling your child not to do that. It's just not

going in that Nothing's changing. And they think that you just haven't, you haven't discouraged it for some reason. That judgment from other parents is sickening and it only gets worse in North London. I find. Yeah. No, maybe you should move to Crystal Palace. It's a lot more calm. South London's full of bite.

It's just more kind of affirmation of biting down there. Yeah. Yeah. Rob, are you low on numbers for football or something? You seem really intent on that. I just you know what? It's just such a to be a fully grown adult. Yeah. That's got a life and a job responsibility to be playing five aside football at two o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon. It's so liberating. Yeah, it's nice. Fuck everything else off. I get to do this. And they always

argue about the score. Who's winning? Who's winning? We all are mate. It's quarter past two. None of us are doing anything proper. I'll tell you when I when I get frustrated is when like, so me and Tim have got to do some kind of meeting or something or something's being scheduled. Yeah. And it's being scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. He'll go, no, sorry, I can't do that. And I'm like, well, I know why you can't do that.

And that's ridiculous because I'm just at work and I'm making myself available to like, I don't know, talk to our distributor that afternoon about the film. I respect it. I'd do the same. But you won't do it. It's cordoned off unless I'm away on tour, but it's, yeah.

Are you doing it today, Rob? Yeah, after this. Will Tim Key be there? Hence why I've got a hard out at 11.45. Is that why you've got the hard out at 11.45? Are you fucking kidding? That's why you've got the hard on now. No I've got something else to do before then. No I think that's good, but Tim Key is in the film, one of the funniest people to ever live. So surely take a leaf out of his book. If he's being that funny and not working Tuesday afternoons, you can too. I don't think that's why he's funny though. I don't think him playing five-star football on Tuesdays.

But he's not holding him back. No, I agree. It's not holding him back. But some of us have to work harder because we're not Tim Key. That's the way up. He does as well. Football. He's got, um, Why didn't you just marry him if you love him so much? He's got a black and white football shirt, right? He's got him in two sizes for when he's been down the gym and he's a bit lighter.

He wears the smaller one. And then if he's had a holiday and not been down the gym, he's got one that's bigger. That is, I didn't know that. That's quite mad, isn't it? That's the sort of thing that like Einstein would have done with his uniforms. Einstein had the same clothes every day. Steve Jobs as well.

Yeah. Did he? Anyway, so back to your kids. Here's a biotech of your kids. Yeah. How's school going for the seven year old? I should say she's a lot of fun. The seven year old, I think he's doing alright.

I think he's happy, you know. He never looks back. That's the thing about him. He's just, like we're aware that he's fiercely independent. He did a camping trip thing recently. What? A seven? Yeah, and without us. Fab, right. With like a bunch of kids and a couple of counselors. It was three nights.

Whoa! Wow. And we dropped him off on the Friday, picked him up on the bank holiday Monday, and he was getting really emotional and upset in the car home that he had to come home. Oh my word. He was just like, I just miss it so much. Oh wow. So who was he with?

Just a bunch of strangers. My son's the kind of kid that you could just parachute him into any country and he would just start making friends with people straight away. He's so sociable. He's like Tim Keefe. Do you love Tim Keefe? He is. He is like that. Not suspiciously like that. I should have. I wasn't implying it a bit. But strangely, his sizes of clothing and changing as well aren't they? That's right, that's right.

Yeah, that's quite normal with kids, isn't it? To just change your shirts all the time. Yeah, yeah, whatever, if you want to tell yourself that. Oh, oh. Who was that? That's, oh God. Oh no. Take it.

Okay, I'll tell you what that is. Fuck. This is quite illuminating that this has happened while I'm talking to you guys at the school that is the my daughter's childminder calling me to ask why I haven't booked her into soft play 20 minutes ago oh no oh no I'm doing it now oh this is terrible This is terrible. I'm sorry for you. All the podcasts, it's perfect for it. The question is, do I claim there's been an admin error?

Because I've done that before and I feel like she's gonna smell a rat if I keep doing that. Just own it and say, I'm sorry. Can she not do it? Can you just say, oh, I can't reimbursate? Can I reimburse it? Oh God. I'm gonna text my wife, reimbursate. Oh, God.

I'm gonna text my wife. I'm so sorry. This is absolute. What's your wife up to? She's working upstairs. I mean, you could take five minutes to book the soft play. No, don't worry. One, firstly, this is podcast gold.

Oh, absolutely, yeah. My wife's just upstairs. She'll be able to do it. She's working. Yeah. Oh, geez Louise. Has she got a proper job? No, neither of us have got a proper job. She's a freelance writer. Oh, so she can book the Sobel.

She mainly covers China stuff. Oh yeah, you lived in China, didn't you? She's been writing about China. Yeah, she's been writing about China. Did you live in China with kids? No, we didn't. And we knew a couple of people who did live in China with kids. And it was tough for them because the air is so bad. Like when we were in Beijing, this is like over 10 years ago, the

air is just terrible. There are times you can't see more than like six feet in front of you. Bloody hell. It was so stressful for them. They were just like, we can't really go outside. We've just got to have air purifiers on all like 24 seven in the flat. Oh my God. When it's not like that, it's fantastic.

But in the city like Beijing, when it is like that, you know, you don't feel great being an adult there, but I think having little kids there. Yeah. Did you come home to have kids? Like, was there a kind of discussion of, do you know what we did? We, we actually, after we got married, we were sort of, we were trying to have kids and it just took us quite a long time.

And in that period, we decided that we try and use it in a sort of, we were trying to have kids. And it just took us quite a long time. And in that period, we decided that we try and use it in a sort of fairly positive way. After we got married, we were going to just like immediately move and sort of buy a slightly bigger place where we could house a child. Yeah, then instead of doing that, we decided to, to like go to China and then Taiwan. And then like, I was making a show out in Malaysia. And it just meant that we weren't like rattling around waiting for it to happen. Which it

felt like a sort of slightly positive way of doing it because it's this sort of trying and failing to have kids thing. It's quite a challenging time and you can feel quite sad and also like being in a different place where you're not around your contemporaries who are all having kids can be quite helpful because that can make it worse I think. Is that why you hung out with Tim Key so much? Very much so. Very much so. Yeah, he's a safe port. What was it for her work, the China trip? Yeah, kind of. We were thinking about going to Rwanda. We just wanted to go somewhere

and China, I don't, I mean, yeah, Megan had been before, I'd been before. There was a point where me and Tim were trying to write a film set out there and we did a little research trip and loved it. And it just, I think we just wanted to try something really different that we felt we definitely couldn't do or would be a lot harder to do when we had kids, just as a sort of last, last hurrah hurrah something and also when you're both freelance You just take your laptop anyway, you can work anywhere Yeah, of course. Yeah, and also it really gets you out of the question of whether you can play football on Tuesday afternoon If you're in does well, do you know what the genuinely the best thing about it is?

You don't get an email until five o'clock in the afternoon Because of the time difference, so you but you So you wake up and no one bothers you. You sit on the emails? Yeah, I'm on the emails. For football? Oh no, not those. I'm talking about more than just Fiverside football and Crystal Palace.

Sorry, sorry. Fucking hell, Robbie. You're on an email list and you get emailed on a Tuesday. Oh God, I'm so bored of this fucking football. No, the way you said it. Tom, I understood what you're talking about because I'm not already mind on football. You get the email on a Monday about the Tuesday game.

Because I've got hard out in an hour and 17 minutes because you've got to put on the shirt that's behind you. Are you like Wallace from Wallace and Gromit? You just lean back, go straight into the... I'm wearing a Mexico shirt today. Tom, can I tell you how much I loved the film? I mean, please. I feel like we need to segue off Fiveside Football quite urgently. Absolutely. Can I tell you something I didn't like, which is downloading the film, which was a fucking nightmare. But you're one of the few people in the world who's had the opportunity to download the film. Everyone else has got to go to the cinema. You wouldn't like

that. Opportunity is a big fucking word, mate. It asked me to scan a QR code that was on my phone with my phone, Tom. Sorry. I mean, I don't think Tom's in charge of the distribution of the email links. No, I'm not, but I'm pleased that it was that difficult for you.

You've got to download various security software. Also, it took me ages to burn it onto a thousand DVDs and sell it at the market on Sunday. That's the issue. Yeah, you've got to work hard to get to that point. Yeah, we put you through it. It's such a brilliant film. The Ballad of Wallace Island. You look fit as fuck. Tim's in it as well. I think that's all the makeup team there. Fran, who is in charge of makeup, just really, she helped me out a lot.

For people that haven't struggled to download the link, can you take us, just give us the elevator pitch? So the idea of the film is that Tim is an eccentric lottery winner who lives alone on an island, and he hires his favorite musicians to come and play a private gig. But he doesn't tell them it's just to him. And he also doesn't tell my character

that he's hired the other half of the double act who I also used to be in a relationship with and haven't seen for about 10 years. So that's quite a sort of heady cocktail. By the time that Carey Mulligan's character arrives with her husband, I'm all over the place. And then it's hilarious and sad, I guess. And then on.

Bit like Mamma Mia. Very like Mamma Mia. In a way. On an island. Very like Mamma Mia. People you've not seen for 10 years. Bit of a love story. Yeah.

Bit of fun. Some music. It's very melancholic in a lovely way. Was Carey Mulligan, was that intimidating? Because you've got, you and Tim, who are like, you know, from a comedy kind of, you know, one of them won't even take meetings on a Tuesday afternoon, because he's playing football. And then an Oscar winner or certainly multiple nominee.

Triple nominee, triple nominee, only double when we work with her. So that helped a little bit soon to be quadruple if there's any justice, any justice in the world. Is there buzz? Is there Wallace Allen buzz? justice in the world yeah buzz is there one asylum buzz is it starting the bus you can't move for the bus the buzz other bus starting the buzz you're getting on the bus bandwagon the bus I'm getting the buzz you're tailgating the bus I'm gonna offer you this Tim Key there's one Oscar you win an Oscar but

it's for Tim Key as best actor and the ceremony's Tuesday afternoon but there's one Oscar, you win an Oscar, but it's for Tim Key as best actor. And the ceremony is Tuesday afternoon. But there's no other nominees for the film. It's just Tim Key for best actor. Yeah. How are you feeling about that? Or wretched. I'm not even running.

You're not in the running. I think that's when I get my Daniel Day-Lewis on and become a cobbler in Italy for three years. Back to China maybe. What about if Tim Key and Carey Mulligan win the Oscars? But you're not mentioned. Maybe I win a Razzie. Of course, what are you talking about?

I'd be absolutely fine with it. Okay, good. Imagine a situation where there's the award for best podcast host and Rob gets it and you're not even mentioned. I'd be fucking livid. I'd be fucking livid. I'd accept it. Yeah, you'd accept it. I wouldn't tell you not to accept it. I wouldn't tell you not to accept it. I thank all the people that helped me on the show.

The listeners, Michael, John. For my platform. I'd be nothing without you. So what was it like with Carrie Mulligan? What are you, like you? The interesting thing about Carrie is that she's obviously incredibly good, but she's also so down to earth. And the way she sort of like prepares for the scenes

is actually very similar to me and Tim, or it was in this film, where we'll just, you know, we just chat and make each other laugh, keep you up is for sure. And then just like, you know, action and you do it. It wasn't like suddenly we had to sort of, you know, method actor or something. We didn't have the chat from succession coming in and until we were using to use his real name or whatever. In many ways, it was very kind of relaxing and sort of great and not into,

she's not intimidating at all, but then she's so good. And obviously she's so kind of decorated, if that's the word. Yeah. She's been so revered over the years. They're like, when you start acting with her and my scenes are much more dramatic

than Tim's scenes with her. Yeah. I did spend a lot of time just watching her going, oh, you're good, aren't you? That's really good. What you're doing is really good. And then you're like, I've got to do my line now. And then you're like, well, I hope that's sort of all right.

I think, to be honest, I think I was probably quite needy. And I was sort of set at the end of the take. So that felt good, didn't it? Hoping that she'd go, oh, you were fantastic. You were fantastic. Because I sort of felt a bit exposed. Can I watch that back just to see Tom again? Is that right? go, oh, you are fantastic. You are fantastic. Because I sort of felt a bit exposed. Can I watch that back just to see Tom again? Is that right?

Yeah, basically. But we shot it so fast that the truth is we didn't really have any time to reflect on anything. We just had to. How long did you shoot it in? Like 18 days, six, seven pages a day. It's more like a TV schedule. And bearing in mind, a lot of the stuff's really hard.

A lot of it's outside, it's against the sea, you've got tides, you've got rain and wind. It was hard to do more than like three takes for me. You wrote the songs, right? Was that intimate dating? Because obviously she's married to one of the most popular songwriters in the UK, Marcus Mumford. Otherworld, probably. Yeah, I mean, that's it. Theyriters in the UK, Marcus Mumford. Yeah. Of the world, probably.

Yeah, I mean, that's it. They're very good songs, by the way. Oh, thank you. I think that had they been in any way starry, I probably couldn't have handled it. Yeah. But like they were both just so supportive and like trusting.

I mean, that's, when I look back at it, the weird thing is that Carrie in particular, just trusted me and Tim from the she was just like, you guys know what you're doing. And obviously, we're thinking, No, we don't. We really don't. We've never done this before. Like, you know what you're doing. You've been on hundreds of these film sets before we haven't. We're not used to this. But she just trusted us. And she trusted Rupert, the producer

who comes from live comedy gigs, you know. She's just trusting these, quote unquote, idiots, sort of like a bunch of have-a-go heroes, really. She just comes in with this trust that we know what we're doing and we're going to make a good film. And thank God she did because like the goodwill might have seeped away quite quickly if she's going, sorry, hang on a minute. Let me just, let me just look you guys up on IMDB. Just check that you're not completely charlatans. This is a genuine question. It's not me like taking the piss.

You're really good at everything. Like you can like write the songs to the thing. You play instruments, you can do stand up. You could write the stuff. You can act in it. Is it overwhelming having that much option? Well, for me, if I'm trying to come up with an idea or something, I know I can't write a song, I can't play an instrument, so it sort of gets me more single trackings or I'm going to do stand up

or that kind of thing. But for you, you are so talented in a number of things. Is that quite overwhelming when you're trying to work out what to do? Oh, God, I don't know how to answer that. I mean, obviously there are things that like... Put like humility out the window because I'm saying that you're, you know... No, well look, I appreciate that but I feel like that's symptomatic of the fact we don't know each other that well, Rob. Like if you knew me better you'd be like, no, you shouldn't be doing that. No bollocks. Because I don't know you that well, when I was coming up through comedy I saw some of your shows and everyone spoke about you in such glowing terms about about five or six different ways where most people, when

you come out and go, oh, they're brilliant stand up or that guy's a really good musician or but like actually has got no jokes, but you know, but you were respected on about four or five different things. And then you go off and do your acting and your writing and all different stuff. So I find sometimes my lack of options quite liberating. Because I know what I am and I go, this is what I do. Bang, unleash me. I'm a gray and then I can just run. You're like a penknife with one blade. It's fucking sharp and ready to go. Absolutely. You can't unscrew anything with it. Couldn't cut a loaf. But, you need an apple on the move?

Come to me. I've not really had to worry about that. I've not really had to worry about like, you know, turning many things down. I sort of feel like in my career, such as it is, I've just sort of tended to do what's been in front of me. It might be that I'm writing something, it might be that I get cast to act in something.

There was definitely a point where, I think before Afterlife, there was a point where it felt like the acting might sort of dry up a bit, and it felt like I probably, I might be in a situation where I'm just casting myself and stuff that I've written, and that's not a great look after that. You know what I mean? Which writers want to work with me? Oh, I do. I'm the only one who wants to work with me. and that's not a great look after that. You know what I mean?

Which writers want to work with me? Oh, I do. I'm the only one who wants to work with me. Got a great idea for me again. Yeah. Do you know who would do well in this? Me. Yeah, exactly. So I think, like, I don't know, I've been fairly sort of fatalistic about it

and I think, you know, it sort of accepted that writing, writing was a kind of safe ish port in that I could always sort of come up with the work myself. Yeah, even if it was writing a stand up show or writing a, you know, a stage show where there's just less, there are fewer gatekeepers, you know what I mean? But with acting, you're just you're waiting for jobs. I mean, you're waiting for someone to employ you. When I had kids, I certainly felt like the pressure on work, self-made pressure on work became much more about finance than before. I don't think I ever really thought about money. I just thought, oh, great, I'm making good money doing something I like. And then it became, I need to earn this money for my family. Did you have that?

I think I did a bit. I remember, I remember when I was in my twenties, like, you know, towards the end of my twenties feeling like, Oh, I want to get a show commissioned before having kids. And I had that idea in my head and I don't really know why I had that idea. I guess I would set myself fairly arbitrary targets about things that I wanted, but I guess that's what life is, isn't it? It's a series of arbitrary targets that ultimately don't matter. You really appreciate that until you have kids or meet a couple of the

targets and go, yeah, that means nothing now. Oh, yeah, that target was in that way. When you have kids and the target is just get them into bed and get an hour without them today. That's my target every day is just have an hour when I'm not with them. You do reflect on the sort of slightly more, you know, grandiose or absurd things you sort of want for yourself when you're, when you're younger. Yeah. I think I probably started working a bit harder once I had kids because I was aware that time was a much more precious commodity. And you're just sort of frazzled,

aren't you? Just because you're so tired. And so like, I think it does make you more single minded when you're working. Like I think you can really focus in a kind of weird way. Yeah. I think it's easier to do what Rob and I tend to do, which is like stand up or a podcast or something where you can push yourself through an adrenaline, then sitting down to write Tired is fucking tough. Yeah. Because you can't go, right, I've just got a blast through this.

Well, you can, but it's a different type of tired, isn't it? Yeah, I think that's right. I think when you're writing, writing a script, which, you know, at times it is like doing a massive jigsaw and just sort of like figuring out where it all fits together. That's really hard to do when you haven't quite got the energy or you haven't even got like a full day ahead of you when you're trying to fit it in. It's really hard. But like I did the last stand-up show I did was, was in 2020. And at that point, I just wrote that like when I was hanging out with my

son basically just in playgrounds I just sort of have ideas and I found that that period where having a young kid I found it very fertile for like just coming up with little ideas and just sort of just jotting things down on my phone yeah not ever having to sit down and actually actively try to write it just kind of come to me So I think it depends on the kind of writing it is. If it's sort of like about yourself or real life, your child will drag you into so many different social situations that you would never go to if you were just a guy without kids sat in a coffee shop.

You know what I mean? Like the amount of people you meet and the stuff you end up doing or, you know, waiting in an industrial estate from to finish aerobic gymnastics, chatting to the parents, you're like, what the f- how the f- am I here doing this, you know? Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise through Muscogee or down Toronto's bustling streets.

From now until June 30th, lease the 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Conditions apply. Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. How did you find being away for like 18 days away from the kids? Did you find it hard? Oh, the kids were there. Oh, they came. Not on set, but like,

it was part of what was really lovely about the shoot is that Carrie had a young baby, her third child who was like eight weeks at the time. Oh, wow. So was Marcus there as well? Marcus there a bit. When she signed up to do the film, Tim was like, oh yeah, she's by the way,

she's gonna be giving birth like about six weeks before we shoot. And I was like, oh, well, she's by the way, she's gonna be giving birth, like, about six weeks before we shoot. And I was like, Oh, well, well, she won't do it then. And he's like, No, she said she will. I'm like, well, with respect. My kids, she's not doing it. Yeah. And also no offense to you. If it's Kerry Mulligan, Wallace Island's getting kicked right into fucking touch if she can't be aftersed after giving birth.

She's not playing the fucking Avengers. I know but by sort of complete fluke really her third child was just the most easygoing relaxed baby I've ever met and the baby was on like in the house where we were shooting upstairs with Carrie's mum. Oh wow. And the baby's not basically not making a peep. Fuck, I can't tell you how good this baby was. Mike, you weren't on an island where you you were on the coast of Wales, right? Exactly. So Pembrokeshire Coast near 10b around there. There's a few little, there's two or three little beaches that are owned by farmers that it's about the only place in that area that isn't that trust. Right. And our director sort of met one of these farmers in a cafe

and who basically said like, yeah, yeah, I've got a private beach. Cause they've been looking for a private beach for months, about three months, anywhere in Wales. And they finally met some guy by chance who sounded for all the world, like he was definitely lying. Just claimed to have a private beach.

And they were like, okay. And then they took him down. He didn't have a road, but he had this beach. And that meant that we could do it there without it being covered in tourists, you know. But yeah, my kids were there the whole time, yeah. Was it out of school holidays? No, no, no, we did it during school holidays.

That was kind of all part of the sale really was like making sure that Kerry and her family would have a holiday in Wales. It's a perfect job really, I suppose. Like, when you've just had a baby, something a bit more low-key with three of you, and you can bring the kids. Oh, completely, but it was that funny thing of going,

well, bureaucratically, this is perfect. Everyone's shooting it at exactly the right time. Like, I was in prep for Here We Go 2, but I'd done all the writing, so that was all in. And I basically had four clear weeks, and Kerry was there with her kids who were on holiday. My kids were on holiday. And everyone's like, oh, this all lines up perfectly. And, and it's going to be like a summer camp. And then you sort of think to yourself, oh yeah, but the film's gotta be good, isn't it? We've actually

got to make a film as well. We're not. You feel like you're organizing a holiday and you go, oh, this, this holiday is going to be great. Yeah, but as I'm getting older, the end products, what I'll need from it's diminishing. Yeah. I'm going, oh, my lovely four weeks, the film's all right. Then hate it, and the film's amazing. No, completely. You want a nice journey, you don't really care about the destination. Remember you're on promo here, Tom. Oh, yeah. But the film is amazing.

The film is amazing. And you're all getting divorced, but the film's great. Can I ask one question about your relationship with Tim Key? I know we shouldn't bring him up again. Because I've heard this from his side, but I've never heard it from your side or someone. He pretended to be in foot at Cambridge University. Yeah.

This is how you met him, to get into footlights. Yeah. And so did you believe he was at Cambridge University? I think, because I am, as we've slightly touched upon, quite a bit younger than Tim. Maybe three, four years younger than Tim. I wasn't really across the great lie. I wasn't really around for that.

So you weren't in the footlights with him at that time? Not at that point, no. I think that was like, I remember that show, the first show that he did, and I think I was a fresher at that point. I remember seeing that show, and he was so brilliant. Who's that old man? Who's that old man?

Why is there a member of the public that just made his way into the foot, is this like a Make-A-Wish foundation thing? What a pathetic wish. I know, I know, very easy to do. But, so I only got to know him really, I guess a year or so after that. So I wasn't I wasn't even aware of the sort of unbridged that a couple of people took.

Oh, I didn't know there was unbridged. There was a bit, but only from the people who'd auditioned and didn't get in. Yeah. And they were like, well, that's not fair, is it? And the director's like, but you're not as funny as him. So shut up. Yeah. He won't even do Tuesdays. Exactly. And so were you going home to put your kids to bed after four days filming or you? I mean, do you know what I remember on the place with Stan we had a hot tub. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And my son is, among other things, very, very into hot tubs. We'd wrap up about six or seven or something. And I'd come home every night. He'd like Hugh Hefner.

He'd just be in the hot tub waiting for me. But he just be slowly boiling while my wife is putting our daughter to bed. So I just get in the hot tub with him and I'd sort of convinced myself that this counted as childcare that I just come home and like, wish, you know, we're sharing the burden here. This is great. It was a pretty sweet deal for me. But also are my wife's parents came for a bit. My parents came for a bit.

Yeah, it's nice because they can do stuff in the day. Yeah, it would have been a lovely summer altogether had it been just more reliable weather. I think being Wales, I sort of pitched it to my wife as like, this would be a dreamy beach holiday. And yeah, a bit of work, but it'll be dreamy. And then you get there and it's just miserable and cold as well. It's not even like it's just raining. So it's summer, August. It was August and it was cold. It was just really, really cold. It does look cold actually. Yeah. I thought you'd done it in winter. Well we didn't we did it in August and it suits the film. It's quite good for the scenes but it wasn't great for my family's enjoyment. And you

don't want that you come home and they've been like indoors all day and you've gone, that was great for the scenes. How's your day been? Jigsaws was it? Was it Jigsaws and Bob Bingo all day? Yeah sorry for forgetting to book the soft play again. But actually this is better than Greaser, isn't it? Did you let them come down to set at all? Did they want to? Yeah, they did come down to set. I mean, the set wasn't that close. It was like a pretty half hour drive and the little one was, she was only just one then. There wasn't a huge amount of incentive to bring them down, but they did come to set a couple of times and my son just got really excited to hear Tim swearing. There was a scene that he watched where Tim was saying shit

and my son was just kind of bouncing off the walls with delirium that was happening. So when you're not filming, how much do you take on more of the childcare stuff at home then to sort of, cause obviously your wife has to deal with a lot of it when you're away doing different acting jobs. I feel like I should get her down for this question, because I

suspect she have a different answer to me. But I do. She definitely does more than me. But I do try when I'm when I'm not when I haven't got a like an actual ongoing production, which is most of the time, I haven't. I'm around for bed time, I'm around for pick up, I'm around for drop off. Yeah. And you know, I'll try and do the odd full day with the little one when she's not with the childminder. Let me tell you what, we're getting to the age now

where the little one's about to start full-time nursery. And I think that's gonna be quite game-changing. Have you got the gum shield? Yeah, the muzzle. We'll stick a muzzle on her. I'll put her in a sack barrel at Hannibal Lecter with her in those masks, and just wheel her around the nursery.

Nice, and when they're full-time nursery, that's when they learn fully about all that stuff, it's just being around other kids. I hope so. Do you, because this has gone well, this film has gone down very well, it's got... Buzz. It's got buzz. We've all heard the Oscar buzz, right?

I'm gonna Google Oscar buzz. It's deafening. It's a deafening Oscar buzz. It's got a fucking hornet's nest. Exactly. I don't think it's your internet, I think it's the Oscar buzz that's causing the problems. Yeah, that's right. If they said, you've got to come out to Hollywood. You've got to move your family out to Hollywood. It's all on a plate for you here. Would you do it?

What's on a plate for me? They're going, we've got a five picture, I don't know how it works. Brett Goldstein's a good example. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After Ted Lasso, you're doing arenas with your standup show and you're getting put into all the big new movies with smaller parts.

But we need you out there. We need you to relocate. Yeah. Are you doing it? I mean, definitely not. Really? What are you hoping for there, that you end up sort of being like a Batman

and then people are like, well, it wasn't as good as one of the other Batman. Or you end up like, or you want to be in a Marvel movie and then people are like, well, that was't as good as one of the other Batman. Or you end up like, oh, you want to be in a Marvel movie and then be like, well, that was a bad film. You know what I mean? I just, if it was a case of move to Hollywood, you can do literally anything you want. You can, you know, you can, you can pitch any idea.

The ideas that I want to do would still be pretty small and about people and probably quite niche that they go actually, leave Hollywood again. This is far too whimsier. Vin Diesel can't go on Wallace Island and invite friends. Exactly. So I don't have any desire to like, you know, be in a movie that's an adaptation of a theme park ride or something like that. Fair enough.

Fair enough. Is there a world of a theme park ride or something like that. Fair enough, fair enough. Is there a world of a Wallace Island 2? Well it could work actually, couldn't it? The Tim Key character invites other people. We've talked about it. Have you? Well, Cary sort of mentioned it. Return to Wallace Island.

I think, what did we discuss? The idea that maybe Tim is getting married to Sian's character and he invites us back for the wedding. Oh nice, that's nice. That's what we talked about, something like that. That could be nice. Yeah, the wedding party. Yeah, but I think, you know, it's such a... Or a festival. Well, festival, interestingly, the festival idea was sort of our original version of the movie. Too expensive.

But I think too expensive. Mumford, Marcus Mumford, get him in. That's one done, one band. We didn't have him in our locker before. But we could get him... Of course. We could probably get him and our locker before, but we could get him. We could probably get him in the lads to do a film festival now. Tom, I'm going to a wedding. It's not a celebrity wedding, but the groom knows all the Mumford's. So they're going to be OK.

Do you think if I go up to carry Mulligan and go, I'm a compadre of Baston and Key, do you think that's a good in? Are you asking, are you going to get spat out in the face? Or with a who? I mean, a who would be fantastic. If she's saying who, I feel like this whole podcast has got to be viewed in a very different way. I'm at the same wedding as well. I want to go, does Marcus fancy five a side?

I don't know what you do on a Tuesday, but I think he would, you know, I think he would. He's a handy little footballer, Marcus. Is he? Listen, my hope is that she would be delighted to meet you and have very fond memories of her time filming with us. Yeah, but obviously you don't know. Yeah.

She might hate you from the last leg. She might hate the Paralympics. She might hate the Paralympics. She might hate the Paralympics. We've had a husband on the last leg. We've had Marcus on. I don't think Keri Mulligan hates the Paralympics. Weird. But don't start that rumour.

She might not be there if the Mumford's are going, maybe just the Mumford's go. No. Because sometimes, you know, for Keri, if she doesn't know the bride or groom that well, she can just say, I'm looking after the kids. And then she doesn't have to talk to twats that are going up to a random link. All these Boston Key adjacent twats. Yeah, all these Boston Key best mates giving her a like.

And to be fair, a lot of our, you know, friends and peers are complete twats. So it's a risk to Kerry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'd say I could list a hundred people that would be a link that would be terrible for them to go up to someone and work with at a wedding. I booked Tom Baston for Funny Knee Ha Ha in 2006 in Bournemouth or whatever. Yeah, that is a problem she's got now. She's linked eternally to the comedy industry by you two.

Yeah, sure. And a lot of those people are absolutely dreadful as we know. We're amongst them. Well, I tell you what they are. They're chatty. A lot of them don't really respect boundaries. They're just quite chatty and just sort of get mucked in. They'll just immediately open an interview with how old are you? Yeah, don't do that. No. Tom, it's been a joy to speak to you. The film is so good. Have you enjoyed it coming out or has it been stressful? No, I've loved it coming out.

I think, particularly before Sundance, which is where it premiered in the States, I think Tim and I, we were just thrilled that we'd made it. And we thought, well, if a few people see it, that'd be great. If we get to do maybe like one screening somewhere, that'd be good. If it's on a plane at some point, that'd be amazing.

That's exciting, isn't it? Yeah, that's what we were thinking about. Like we'd have a running joke that the premiere would be on a plane. Yeah. And we'd have to like get along all the flight to watch it. Is Sundance where they all clap at the end? Yeah, and to be fair,

they did a standing ovation for us. A standing o? For an awkwardly long time. And were you sat in the room? Yeah, we were sat there. And did you sit or did you stand up as well? We got onto the stage and just kind of, I guess we sort of stood there, sort of lapping it up,

sort of just very English and awkward, not really knowing what to do. So everything about the release and reception of the film has been such a kind of unexpected treat for us. And the fact that it's got a proper cinema run here and people can see it, people in towns you've never even been to can go and see it, it's kind of crazy. So everything about that has been just wonderful and far exceeded our expectations.

Well, I tell everyone to go and see it. Certainly don't download the link. It's an absolute nightmare. No, don't do that. And don't buy those hooky DVDs that are for sale in the Palo Super. No, for God's sake. We always end with the same question, Tom, which is the one thing that your partner does as a parent that is incredible, that blows your mind.

And the one thing that you find incredibly irritating and haven't brought up, but this would be a chance to get that message across. The thing that I find irritating is getting overruled. Oh, right. And to be fair, I feel like it's because my, my boundaries with the kids are really arbitrary and they change quite a lot. I think I'm quite a bad parent is the technical term. So like there are times when I'm saying to my son,

absolutely no way can you have bubble gum. And other times where I'm like, yeah, okay, and I sort of forget what my own rules are. And so there are times when my wife basically just got to overrule me, and then sort of step in. I do find that quite annoying. But at the same time, I completely get what happens. And I think she's absolutely right. Yes. But it doesn't stop it being irritating, does it?

No, it doesn't stop it being irritating. It's just, you sort of feel like a third child in the, in the family. Like there are times when my son is trying to be like a third parent to our daughter, because he's the older one, you know, and I sort of feel a bit like me and him have a similar role sometimes. We're both, we're both trying to be the parent. And actually neither of us are particularly capable of it. I don't really know what we're doing, but the thing that she's sort of amazing at

is she's just very, very good at talking to them about what's going on in a way that I feel like I'm quite impatient. I expect them to understand and expect them to just get with the program. And actually, you know, she's just very, very good at like helping them, like just taking the time, just being patient and kind. That's in a nutshell, that's what I lack is patience and kindness, but I'm, you know, I do, do my best. Yeah. You're an asshole in a hurry.

I think that's a pretty fair, like, if you are engraving my headstone, I think an asshole in a hurry isn't wildly an accurate summary of my life. Tom, thanks. He's been amazing. Thanks so much. Good luck with the film. Good luck with the football as well, Rob. Yeah, we better rush this finish

because Rob's got to go to the football. No, for sure. Don't pull a hamstring. Yeah, if we can wrap this up, you nerds. Tom Bastian. What a lovely bloke. Lovely guy. Looked good. You were panicking as I was at, he looks younger than us, but I think he's older. What's his secret?

What's his secret? What's his bloody secret? Running and genetics. I'm gonna go for a run after this. You play football. Are you with Ali? I am, yeah. Oh, so you, we got to finish because of you.

All right then, we'll disrupt this up. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, all this right. No, no, no, no, no, no, you want to get out there pound that pavement with your pavement around him. I will be running through the woods. You and Ali. So just you and only going for a run. Well, he hasn't replied to me. Oh, he's probably running already. I'm professional really. He'll could do a quick 20 miles and then meet you out the front and do another 10.

Tom Batson, they're going and see the film. I've seen bits of it and I can't tell you the whole thing, but it is really funny. And Sim Kee and Tom are absolutely hilarious. And then to have someone amazing as Kerry Mulligan is incredible. So enjoy the film. Great. Bye. Hello, Max Rushdon here.

You might remember me from series nine 9 episode 2 of Parenting Hell. I'm here to tell you about Dog by the Bakery Door, the debut children's book by author Jamie Bruce. Dog by the Bakery Door is a charming story of the magical things a little boy sees on a normal trip to get a coffee with his mum. Perfect for newborns, 3 year olds, 6 year olds, all children. Just google Dog by the Bakery Door. Here's a review from my 3 year old son. Dog by the Bakery Door. Here's a review from my three-year-old son. Dog by the Bakery Door. I love this book. Full disclosure, the author might be his mother and my wife, but even more reason to buy it.

She used to live with our son, a baby 24-7, and sacrificed her career for mine while also being an amazing mum to two boys. Thank you, goodbye.