Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP35: Knowing you, you'll need some buffer...

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be

honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to You want to do it again? Okay. Josh? Can you say Josh? Josh. Whiddicombe. Whiddicombe. And Rob? Yep. Beckett. I'm Beckett.

Rob Beckett. Good girl. There we go. What did you think of that Rob? Well she switched up the order. Yeah. Yeah. I liked it.

Freestyling. Like when Paul McCartney tried to swap the names on yesterday. Hello, Rob and Josh. I just noticed you pulling out a tea bag with your fingers again. No, it wasn't. There was string. The phone was making a noise. There was string.

Yeah, you had your little mitts on the bag. I didn't touch the bag. The phone's making it make. I'm holding the phone like a Nazi salute away from play mode yeah holding the phone like a Nazi salute hi Robin Josh signal poor old Elon Musk just wanted a signal on his phone long time listener Ruth here with my daughter Nia NYAH 18Y-A-H, 18 months, giving her best effort at your names. We've loved having your podcast get us through those early days since my eldest

Ovi, O-V-I-E, that's a cool name, was born now nearly four, unbelievably. You've also helped me finally get back into some running as I also listened to your podcast while on some longer runs. So thank you. Lots of love Ruth from Brighton, but now Finsbury Park. Most people move the other direction, don't they? Now Rob, what's your, how's your week been? Do you know what I actually did some running at the weekend? Oh yeah. But I didn't really want to, but I actually quite enjoyed it. It was quite good fun where I, my daughter went to go on a bike, but because she's so fast on a bike now, we went to the

park, she's just gone and it's not fun for her. So I said, I'll do a run and I'll run around and you can just cycle next to me. Oh, nice. So I did two laps of the park while she was on a bike and it was quite very, felt very pure. Oh, lovely. Really nice. So how far from her were you?

So she was obviously faster than me when she was cycling. So I was plodding around, but then I said, you can go past me and go like right up to the end and then come back and forth and just follow me around. And then by the end she was sort of following me around at a slow speed. But we did two laps, got an ice cream, came home. Oh, very nice. What's the lap of the park? So this is just over two kilometers. So I did like 4k. Oh, that's great. Lovely. And she wanted to stop riding a bike and I was like, Oh God, if I have to then I was

like, thank God for that. I was aiming for 5k but then I could just blame her. Yeah, yeah. Love it when stuff like that happens. When I'm doing exercise, I'm constantly making deals with myself as to how I can stop, how I can feel like... Oh no, it's just, also your legs can do it, it's just your brain getting involved. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

That felt quite good. What have I been up to? I've not seen the kids much. I've got to talk to you about my cab driver this morning. So far. Go on. Right. So I have difficulty getting picked up where I live in the countryside because sometimes

the postcode don't really work. But once you know it, you know it, but it's a bit confusing. So I'll put descriptions on it, but it can be a bit confusing. Anyway, the guy came to the... I've used this company before and they're really good, but the guy came to the wrong place. I rang him. Yeah, I'm outside the other side of the hedge and there's like a hedge outside my house. But I got out there and I was like, there's literally a thousand hedges.

The countryside is basically a hedge. Do you know what I mean? Everywhere's a hedge. And he weren't there. And I looked around and then I rung him again and he pulled in like one up or something. And I was like, oh, sorry about it, mate. It's actually that one. And we got in the car and he was like, oh, on the description, it says it's up. Like,

he was already, he was a little bit- Oh, oh yeah. Chippy already. A bit defensive that he had gone to the wrong place and he felt hard done by that he maybe had not given the best instructions. So he was very sort of defensive. And I was like, it's okay, mate. Don't worry. It's fine. I bet you went, you could say, go up there and do that, blah, blah, blah. I was like, okay, no worries. And you know,, it's okay, mate, don't worry, it's fun. I thought he went, you can say, he said go up there and do that, blah, blah, blah. I was like, okay, no worries. And you know, and he's about, he's sort of like mid six, about 60 listening to LBC at 7.30 AM,

which is fucking rocket fuel. It's not out, man. It's rocket fuel to a 70 or 60. Yeah. Mick Ferrari's pumping through the ear holes in a slightly passive aggressive environment already. I was quite chilled. I was in a really

happy mood this morning. I'd been on tour last week and I'm off for a few days. And I was chatting and then he was, I went, oh, don't worry about it. Like, cause he was still trying to almost defend himself. Don't worry mate, like it doesn't matter. We're on, you know, we're only a little bit late. We'll be fine for the train. And I said, yeah, it's a bit of a nightmare around here with postcodes anyway, cause the post code gets you to the start of the village, but not actually the road. Right. So I was like, yeah, I get it. You know, it's a sat navs, aren't that right? He went, I don't use sat nav. It's your own fault then.

I was like, okay. And he was like, I know all the roads around here. I know all the roads around here. I was like, okay, that's fine. I went, um, I tell you what's quite useful though, cause it is rubbish to sat nav around here cause of the signal. I use what, what three words? Have you heard of what three words? Yeah I know about what three words. Yeah basically what three words. What does that even mean? If you pinpoint where you are it gives you three words and if you go give those people the link they click on the link and it can take them straight to it rather than using a postcode. So I explain this to the guy like just out of just sort of trying to go yeah sat navs and postcodes a bit crap around here, but I use this.

Yeah, yeah. Aubergine door. Flat. You know, timid type. Aubergine door flat. Sounds rude. Anyway, so I was like, just literally just talking to try and like calm everyone down, right?

Like, I'm not angry, mate. I get it. It's difficult. And he said, I've got three words for you. Fucking. Fuck it in one cup. Right? I get it. It's difficult. And he said, I've got three words for you. Fucking. Fuck it in one cup. Right.

And I said, so that's quite a good app to use. And he went, he goes, I don't use apps. I like to use a little thing I call my brain. Oh, fucking hell. Fucking hell. You were in the wrong place. I was so close to go, well, so far,

your brain's gone to the wrong place. And we're late. Thanks to your brain. I didn't. I was just like, but well so far your brains gone to the wrong place and we're late. Thanks to your brain I didn't I was just like but he was like reared up a little thing called my brain Because if you don't use your brain you lose your brain. Is that what he said? And I'm just like oh my god this guy's a fucking killer I was like, okay then that's okay. And then anyway as we're driving along, right? There's a route to the train station that is like five minutes quicker than the other route.

And I went, oh, if you do it right here and go that way, there's not much traffic this time in the morning. And it gets you to the station quicker. And he goes, and he's literally accelerated went, I don't go that way. And just went the other way. Oh, for fuck's sake. Fucking hell. And then I went, if you don't go that way, it looks like I don't go that way anymore

now. Like that. Nothing bad. And I said, oh, if you don't go that way, it looks like I don't go that way anymore now, like that. And he's nothing back, right? And I said, oh, are you going down? And then there's another route that cuts through. Are you going down that way? He went, no, no, no, because there's a bus route that way. If the bus comes, we'll get stuck. I went, okay, well, but if we go the other way, there's a bus route as well.

But the way I said earlier, there's no bus, there's no buses on that route. He went, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, it's fine this way. Guess what happens? Yeah. And even though you're going to miss your train, there must have been a bit of you that was placed. When I turned the corner and saw an Ocado delivery truck and a bus having a little stand off, I rubbed my little paws together. Did you say anything or did you just let it speak for itself? Didn't say a word.

We sat in palpable silence for the whole journey. But the guy was, I was just like, also I didn't even come in going, where you been? I was trying to defuse it, but every turn. How often are your trains? Is it, when you're going to the station, is it perilous or is it? No, I always leave a little bit early because sometimes you can't find the cab driver or you know, there's sometimes if you get caught behind a bus or whatever. So I always leave it so I've got 10 minutes waiting.

My train, if I, so my train was a 20 pass way. If you missed it, how long till the next one? What's that? If you missed it, when's the next one? Yeah, so about a 20 minute wait. Oh, so it's not the end of the world. So it's not the end of the world. So there's a 10 minute wait for one that takes 40 minutes, but if I've got the 20 past one, it takes 15 minutes to London Bridge. Anyway, I don't know what it is about, but men in their 60s, and I feel it's difficult

for them because the technology that they've experienced, for those people that like 40 years ago, the change from being 20 to 60, they're just so angry. The world's against them. I think there is that thing with six-year-old men and I feel like we are at 40, we are part of the next generation. If we nail this, we can really make a difference because I think we just need to accept if you're 40 and listening to this we're gonna get uglier, fatter, slower, weaker and diet. Just accept that and it's not because the world's after us everyone's gonna get weaker, slower, fatter, more pathetic, shorter. You'll get shorter and your ears will get bigger. I know, you think that about me, it's unbelievable.

And that isn't the sat nav's fault. No, it's not the fault of the sat nav. Was it a black cab driver? So it's not even someone that's done the knowledge and then is annoyed that that knowledge is... No, because I get that slightly. Yeah. But yeah, so he was just all like ramped up. I just think, Oh, my word. It's just no like, anyway, but then I thought I was like, well, what I wanted to do was go like when he said I use my brain, I want to go well, your brain's got us late. And I thought, no, no, no, because then you're my ego is trying to kick off then to win. I'm trying to make this a competition. Exactly. So I just sat there and signed. Let the Accardo truck do that for you. Anyway, it was so fun. But you know when you're like, I'm getting dragged into a row here.

I've started off the day well here, but I felt a bit sorry for him in the end because he must be quite stressed because that's his day all day. Listening to, I've been on LBC listening to that from 7.30am. But that is his own problem. That is his own fault. Yeah. I think this about the people that work on James O'Brien, who I've met, he was a nice bloke. I just I've seen clips of him. And I think I don't think this is good for you. Do you know what I love when I get a cab? whether and I'm not saying you're like often I agree with him but I don't think this is good for you to be turning these things over in your head for three

hours every day and then getting people on who disagree with you to argue with them I don't think your blood pressure must be out of this world oh well Jeremy Vine does it on Channel 5, then cycles across to Radio 2 to do the same thing. They're glad I'm for punishments. Get out of it, lads. Chill out. Just chill. But yeah, that was carnage.

Do you know what I love? When I get in a cab and he's just got like, he's got like magic chilled. Classic. I got him on the other day there. Classic. I lost my headphones. I've realized how important my headphones are to me. My kind of well being. Yeah, I had

a week. I lost my headphones on Saturday. I've had a very stressful week Rob. Tell me about your week Josh. I'll take you through it day by day. So Saturday, I went to Saturday night. When did I start doing too much? Friday, we got back from holiday. Yeah, but we've not last Friday, the Friday before. Friday before yeah. So then Saturday, but I didn't realise when I last spoke to you I was in the middle of a very stressful period.

I hadn't realised that. Right yeah because quite busy, he was doing a lot of tour shows. Yeah so I did straight into Ramesh's way for two weeks. You were in the best hotel in Shrewsbury weren't you? Yeah I was yeah. After being in the best hotel in Shrewsbury, weren't you? Yeah, I was, yeah, yeah. After being in the best hotel in Lincoln? Yeah, yeah. Well, you know. Hey, look, let's not be humble about this. When we're in Lincoln, we stay in the best hotels.

We stay in the best hotels. Rob, I've got a view on touring, which is, it's really tiring and difficult. Treat yourself to the best hotel in Shrewsbury. Absolutely, and I'll shake your hand and I agree. So Saturday, I did Radio 2, because Ramesh was away away the week before. And then I did Harry Hill in the evening. Went to see Harry Hill. Went to see his show. He's actually got a big bit on what three words.

And he's got a brain. He's got a brain. He uses his brain. He's 60, Harry Hill. He looks fucking good for it, doesn't he? If you let an app use its sat nav from satellite, then it frees your brain up to do other things? Exactly, it's like Steve Jobs wearing the same thing every day. I don't have to think about- I don't go, right, I'm going to do the kids dinner. Do you know what I'm going to do? Build a fire because I've got a brain.

Yeah, exactly. A little thing I call the brain. And I'm going to build a fire and cook something on there because I've got a brain. Oh my God, I'm halfway through that liver King documentary. That is fucking weird. That's a good documentary though. Sunday I told you about was very stressful. Not stressful. It was all good, but it was intense. It was the birthday party followed by London Transport Museum. Monday went up

to crew to do. So we had a lot of stuff we needed to do because it was holiday. Yeah. So it's life was catch up. Do you know what I mean? What was you doing in Crew? Crew, a tour show. Oh, so you had to do, you're sorting yourself out and then had to go to Crew that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've got loads of tasks in. Tuesday is the podcast with you in the hotel in Shrewsbury. Then I had to go to the Shrewsbury venue early because I was filming an interview for a documentary and then I

My Ali pumped up my now. I've got an inflatable mattress for the tour. I saw that No, you know what the inflatable mattress in the bed? I think is really sad and just accept you're not gonna get any sleep So it's so sad. Ali initially had put it on one of the trestle tables. I was like, I'm not getting up on the floors. Disgusting. You look like, you're just escaping from a massive storm in like Louisiana or something. It was so bleak from a podcast on get on my single inflatable mattress. I finished the interview at four and then I was like, I'm going to have them now. If there's not a sofa as well

and you're just in a sort of straight back chair. Yeah, there's no, so I, because when I did Hartford, which is a lovely theater, but they didn't have a, you know normally, they've been refurbed. So normally a theater has a shit old sofa. But because they've been refurbed and haven't got shit old sofas,

so I had to sleep in the back of the car. But this time I had an inflatable mattress. Sean Lock used to have an inflatable that he'd have every night of his tour, apparently. I didn't know that. So yeah, then I did the gig. And then it's the drive back from Shrewsbury. Which so I got in at about 1.30. Yeah. Worked the next day. And then Thursday was brutal. Thursday, 8am, take the cat to the vet to have her kidneys flush brutal. Thursday, 8am, take the cat to the vet to have her kidneys flushed.

Is this after Shrewsbury? No, Wednesday was work in the day. What did you do? Oh, just boring. Just general catch up. Thursday is when it gets brutal. 8am, cat having her kidneys flushed. Absolutely flush them. Good old barrel. Yeah, so I had to get up early, drive her to the vet, drive back, pick up the kids, take them to school, drive back to our house, sit down, start to do some

tasks. One of the tasks. Tasks? You said tasks. How many tasks have you got? I know. Because it's like, so this was the big task. We're getting rid of our storage so I had to go meet this guy at storage. Do you know what a weird thought today? Has he sorted his storage out yet? Yeah, so on Thursday I had to go meet the guy at storage. I tried to save some money by going for one man in a van and said I'll help rather than getting two because it was an extra 200 quid. What, to get another person to help you out because you've got to pay them a day's rate basically? Yeah, it was an extra 200 quid so I was like I can do it.

He was fucking livid. I wasn't strong enough to help with the Welsh dresser. Oh, that's a horrible afternoon. She wasn't strong enough to help with the dresser. Right, I'd had to name every single- Didn't Rose go? She's stronger than you. She's stronger than me, but she was doing something. I just thought it meant that I was doing this. I was helping this Welsh dresser, which is- Is he Welsh?

And I'd- The guy's come from Wales? No, the Welsh dresser's helping this Welsh dresser, which is into Is he Welsh? He's come from Wales. No, the Welsh dress is the type of dresser. Oh, I thought he said the Welsh. Sorry. No, no, no. Welsh dresser. It's just like a dresser. Right. But it's a Welsh dresser. It's a Welsh cape. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It was being driven to Exeter. It's

fucking big. It was in two parts. So this is these all this shit, it's his stuff your house or is it Rose's like company? So that is all this shit, is this stuff your house or is it Rosie's like company? So that is something that... Feels like there's a bit of a fine line between what's her work stuff and what's your house stuff because I'd be willing to go, is your fucking Welsh, Tresher? You get it moved. I know Rob, but I'm a better husband than you.

Or weaker. Exactly. We've had this discussion actually, me and Rose. Am I too weak? Well, physically, yes. With the kids, with the kids, physically, yes. Because like on holiday, if they wanted to do anything, I'd be like, well, let's go to the pool then.

You want to go to the pool? Rose would be like, no, we're sitting on the beach. See, what it is, is you are lovely. And people-pleaser. And also you've got a good heart and you want everyone to be happy. No, we're sitting on the beach. See, what it is, is you are lovely. And people-pleaser. And also you've got a good heart and you want everyone to be happy, but sometimes it will be at the sacrifice of your own enjoyment and calmness and happiness. Before you know it, in the one morning you've got off, you've already flushed a cat's kidneys

and now you're carrying a well-stresser out of a storage yard. Yeah, with a man that's furious. And you're probably thinking, why the fuck hasn't Rose done her driving test yet so she could have got the kidneys flushed as you're getting down the stairs? I was sending her a lot of texts that didn't have kisses on the end. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Saying, we're never doing storage again. So is storage over now? Yeah. Go on. So, I hadn't named all of the items in the storage.

There was like a few lamps. And for this company, you had to name every item that was going into the van. So where was the van going? Exeter. What's in Exeter? You're selling it all? No, it's going down to a job that Rose's, some of the stuff,

there's like a kitchen table and stuff that she's using for a job. Right, okay, but you didn't name it all. I didn't name it all, so they rejected some of the items. Who did? The driver was like. Oh, because he can't. I was like, could you take these two extra rugs?

It was an extra 60 quid. I was like, for fuck's sake, you've got me over a barrel here. And then the other. This sounds so horrible. It was horrific. Luckily, get this. I remembered that Michael has got storage in the same big yellow storage. So how he's been dragged into this? Well, I

found a mirror in there that we'd sold to Michael that I hadn't found before. Right when I was clearing out because it was it was tied to the wall behind the dresser. Right. So Michael owns it but hasn't taken it yet. Yeah. So he's buying Michael and Michael you're buying stuff for your storage unit. It's a long story. You two need to move out of London. Your lives are falling apart. I know. It's so difficult. It's next to this big yellow storage. They are really nice, but fuck me. It's right next to a motorway. I've had some bleak times there.

So did you have to ring Michael to come and open up his... No, no, no. He just gave me the code to his padlock. And you popped a couple of rugs in there? Yeah. No, I popped a table and a trunk that they wouldn't take. I paid the 60 quid for the fucking rugs to go to Exeter. Right, okay. So you haven't got storage anymore but you're using Michael's? Yeah. Well, oh don't rob I turned against hide to the location you've still got no I haven't I've said to

Rose I'm never going back but the Michael she can deal with it right okay fair enough that makes them so I said what's your rates by the way Michael what you charging him I'm recording from? I'm recording from there. I'm recording from there this morning. You'd think it's a bit echoey. I'm sat on the trunk. He's got the mic on the world's dresser. Yeah. No, that's gone down to Devon.

That's a horrible day that is. It was awful. So then I finished that and then I come home. And then I've got to sort out. You know when you've just got stuff like life insurance? Yeah, I know what you mean just got stuff like life insurance? Yeah, yeah, I know you mean. And all these things that are just like that's... Updating your driver's license and the car to a different house. It was just all this kind of crap, right?

Absolutely horrific shit. I've still got two life insurance. I've got a better one that was more suitable and I've still got to cancel the Aviva one and I don't know how to contact him. That's what it was. My accountant said, just a flag, I don't know why you've got two life insurance going out. So I had to get, I had to find out which the real one was, then I had to cancel the other one. How do I cancel it? I need to cancel one.

They told me, they said, just, this is what the life insurance said to me. He said, just cancel the direct debit and we can't do anything about it. Brilliant. That's on the to do list. Fucking thank you, Josh. Yeah. So there you go. Just cancel the direct event and that's game over. They're fucked. We won't pay out. Don't need you. Got one anyway. Shove it up your arse. No, exactly. soccer clubs from across the world are coming together to decide who the undisputed champions of the world are in the FIFA Club World Cup. The world's best players, Messi, Holland, Kane and more are all taking part. And you can watch every match for free on DAZN starting on June 14th and running until

July 13th. Sign up now at dazon.com slash FIFA. That's D-A-Z-n dot com slash FIFA. So then, by the way, I've lost my headphones throughout this and so every time. I'm just going to put that on the to-do list, okay? Is that alright? Okay, yeah, that's fine. I'm going to just cancel, cancel direct debit.

Sorry, there, it's in, done. Yeah, right. And so then on Thursday, I've got to go, then I've got to go and get barrel. And then I've got to come back. Yeah. Cause she goes in normally after getting the evening. I've said, I need, I've need to go to Salisbury tonight. So can you get her done as quickly as possible? Oh my God, this is a horrible day.

Yeah. And then I, my phone's dying at this point as well. Um, because I'm sleeping on my daughter's floor. Let's not get into that. Well, the, my son's not got curtains at the moment. So they go in today. So for last week, I was sleeping on my daughter's floor. So he's been in his rows and you've gone in on the floor. And then I go to the vet, come back, and that's running on. Then I've only just got time for a

shower before I get in the car to Salisbury. I've got to have a quick briefing call with Radio 2 about the show on Saturday, which I've moved to the car. Yeah. I can't. My phone is on 2%. So I have to stick. I have to charge it in the car, which means I can't use headphones because my replacement headphones go in the same jack as the charger. So I'm having a loud call in the back of this taxi the whole way about Radio 2. Then I get to the train, go to Salisbury, do the gig in Salisbury, final preview, get back in the car from Salisbury.

How was it just great to express yourself out on stage? It was actually quite... Oh no, no, no, I forgot this. There was a drunk man that approached the stage with a poster from the gig, ten minutes in and asked me to sign it during the show. And then I did because I thought, well, that'll put an end to it. And then he repeatedly, he was well-meaning but clearly an old drunk man. And about every 15 minutes, he just say something out of nowhere. And then the audience turned on him. And I'd say no, no, no, no. Like, people like, shut up. He tried one person said at one point because it was like, and I, and it's like that.

And then a security guy walked down. I was like, no, let's not get thrown out because then it will just, you know, make the hole even, you know, when it's like, what is the best way of managing this situation? So what did you do? I just, he remained in the venue. Um, there would have been more tension if he'd been taken out, chucked out. So that was quite a tiring show. It wasn't a free-throwing expression of a raconteur on the road connecting with the people of Salisbury, it was people management. And basically you worked as a doorman for a bit.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Then got back Friday, dentists 10am. Oh, fucking hell. And then I had an hour and a half to kill. So I thought I'll go to the Westfield. Because they said my dentist is still in West London, I need to move a dentist. When am I gonna fucking when am I gonna fucking move dentists? When am I gonna get around to that?

That's a good old, that's a long old journey. I know but it's fine when the last leg's going because I tie it in with being at the BBC. That's like me having my dentist in Margate. I know it's fucking annoying. And then I'm walking and I've still got, I've had such a problem charging my phone this week because I'm sleeping on my daughter's floor. So then my phone's almost dying again and I'm walking around the Westfield and I'm getting a car from Westfield to go to do the legal and general awards at lunchtime on Friday.

And then the car... What time? 2.30? Oh, there we go. 2.30? Yeah, yeah, nice stuff. It was actually wasn't far off. So that was just at lunchtime like corporate awards after the dentist and Salisbury. So you drove back from Salisbury? Yeah, yeah. Where is Salisbury? Like two and a half, three hours. Is that Novichok? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't touch on that.

I should have, but I just thought it was probably a a bit raw isn't it? Yeah. You're most famous for Novichok. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And then the guy said there's a place in the car park where the guy, I had a bit of a you situation. I was like, I'll get my car from the Westfield please. It's so difficult to meet someone in the Westfield car park. Oh, so you got picked up in a taxi to go to the awards? Yeah. Yes hard place to get picked up from Yeah, he was like, I'm in the car park. I was like, what can you say? It's like it's a car park. Basically He was it I was walking around then my phone died as well. I know I'm now in the Westfield car park I can't find this guy. I Don't know what to do. Oh

I'm sorry. It feels like a horrible week. I'm so tired at this point. It brings me so much joy. Yeah, of course it does. I'm sorry. It's just, I feel bad. I was in such a bad mood by this point.

I'm going to find him. Are you in your little suit for the corporate as well? No, I've got it on my shoulder. I've got my suit in one shoulder, bag on the other. I'm just fucked. I've gone to the Westfield for no reason. I've just been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the Westfield for a week.

I've been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the Westfield for a week. I've been in the West suit for the corporate? No, I've got it on my shoulder. I've got my suit in one shoulder, bag on the other. I'm just fucked. I've gone to the Westfield for no reason. I've just walked around the Westfield, 3% on my phone, not able to listen to it because

I don't want to get in the car. So you find him? Yeah, find him. Go to the corporate. The corporate is actually quite nice. Then I went and into the photo shoot good photos some poor fuckers are set for a week miserable what for what the photos for save the children's Christmas jumper campaign they should rename it Save the Comedian. Get in the car, go home.

I can't wait to see that photo. I can send you some photos. We'll just look in your eyes and go, that man's doing a good deed but he's not in the right place to do it. What was your documentary filming anyway earlier in the week? Oh wait, let me just send you one of the photos Rob. Oh Joshy. So for the listener you've got a cracker jumper on that says you crack me up. Yeah there's the Christmas jumper. And the cracker's got eyes. You're also wearing an elf hat with a little bobble thing on and elf ears and a pair of

glasses that have got reindeer antlers on and a little red Rudolph nose. In for a penny and for a pound Rob. And you're saving the children. I'm saving the children. Good on you. Then I go home and we've got to sort the cellar out. Hang on, are your days longer than everyone else's at this point? They feel like they never end.

So this is Friday afternoon. What's happening in the cellar that needs sorting? So we've got a new cleaner Rob. And there's just no room in the cellar that needs to be solved? So we've got a new cleaner, Rob. Yeah. All right. And there's just no room in the cellar. It's a nightmare. And she was like, do you think I can't even get to the cleaning stuff in the cellar?

Right. So you've got the storage stuff down there, but it's just such a mess. You can't even get to it. Yeah. So I'm like, I get home and I'll be honest, Rose made the observation. I had come home quite manic and then just started cleaning the cellar and it was, Rose described it as quite 2022, my behaviour. Right, so this isn't like you're getting shouted at by anyone else like your management or Rose to go, you've got to go this, you've got to do the cellar now, but in your own internal head.

This is my only chance to do the cellar because we're busy all weekend, so I start cleaning out the cell seller at 5pm on Friday. Hey. Now, this for me is a red flag for when I'm really stressed, I make myself busier so I don't deal with it and just keep the momentum going. So that's what you're after. A part of me was like, I'm so tired.

If I don't do something, I'll be exhausted. So if I do the seller, it will keep me going. Right. And how did that go? I did quite a good job on the seller. But the problem is a good motivator, this sort of mental illness that we have. Yeah. It gets stuff done in the short term. Are you happy? No. Long term, is it good? No. Yeah. Is it you know, are you productive? Yes. Yeah. Yeah it good? No. Are you productive? Yes. Yeah. Then kids bedtime. And then we watched a documentary. I think we watched the first half of the Liverman documentary.

Liver King. Liver King. You've already dethroned him. Yeah, exactly. And then I couldn't sleep. You all right? But don't worry. You got the chance to broadcast to 4 million people. So any morning. I know, I know. I was like panicking because I couldn't get to sleep.

And then I was like, maybe I need a Valium. So I went to, then Rose's mom's bedside table in the spare room. She's sleeping at this point. No, no, she's not there. But I knew she'd have some Valium in there because she needs it at times. But the moment I had that next to my bed, I futon on my daughter's floor. Yeah, I passed out because the fear of not sleeping had gone because I knew I

had that second backup option. So you didn't you didn't even take the valium didn't take it. But the knowledge that it was there. Yeah. woke up to radio to Woke up, did radio too, came home, straight... Cleaned out the gutters, jet washed the roof. Straight home. My daughter's got to go to her friends to go to a punk cafe. And then my son's going to a fourth birthday party. Rose is at home because, guess who's around? Adrian. Of course he is. He's back from the dead because he're having a last few pictures hung,

stuff like that. Lovely. Getting the house all ready for the estate agent photos before you move? Adding value. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! And then, right. So who goes to which party? Do you take them to both? I went to both. So it was only a drop off for my daughter. I was just drop her off at a friend's house, then go to a four year old's birthday party, then come back. And then we were going out in the evening.

By this time I'm a shell of a man. Yeah, but you're great company. I am great company. So where did you go? Ivo's play. All right with Michael. Yeah and Crosby. Michael can I ask Michael to interject here? Michael. Yeah hello. How was when you saw Josh did he come across like he'd had a busy week and as a friend were you like you okay mate or did he mask it? No he seemed

very very calm. Yeah I thought I felt alright actually I was quite annoyed that I was so tired and I was running on adrenaline, I was quite annoyed that I was so tired and I was running on adrenaline I was quite annoyed that despite having tea making facility. So her theater wouldn't give me a cup of tea at 630 p.m Now that that feels like if you kick off about that that is the mark of a frustrated boomer Yep, but I didn't kick off. I didn't kick off. Yeah, you looked it I was just I had to have a diet coke because I had needed some caffeine. Yeah. The next day we're going to Whitstable to get out of London.

You've been out of London. You've done Crewe and Salisbury and Strewsbury. By the way, on the way home, we got stuck in the worst traffic that is possible to be stuck in the worst traffic that it's possible to be stuck in because our taxi driver didn't use his satnav and the road was closed for Jamie XX playing Victoria Park. Oh yes of course. So I had to direct him all the way around. Oh that's annoying. At a cost of extra 15 quid because I could see that this has cost me so there wasn't I'm not giving you a fucking tip there mate.

You've done quite a lot there. Yeah. You've just not gone to Whitsdale. Yeah, but it's life's much easier if you get out of London at the weekend, Rob. Is it at the point now that we're on a Sunday, there's nowhere to go to chill, it's all quite hectic? No, there is, but we wanted to just get out on the Sunday.

Because you know, apart from Crewe, Salisbury, and Trusbury, you've been locked in London all week. Exactly Rob, exactly. So then we go to Whitstable, then we come back, then clean out the hamster cage. But I know how you feel though, because it's like when I've been busy loads and you just want to stay in the house, Lou and the kids are like, well no, we've been in the house a week. Let's do stuff. Also, the thing with the house is the kids, it's more parenting effort in the house, I think, often than it, when you're out and about, they're doing stuff, they're at the beach, they're collecting shells, they're collecting stones, they're,

do you know what I mean? Whereas when you're in the house, you're like, right, we've got to fill the day. Do you know what I mean? Next Sunday, next Sunday, you want to get out, come and visit. You've not been to my new house yet. Come to visit my new house. Maybe the sixth, maybe the sixth, maybe the sixth. Maybe the sixth. I've got the school fair where I'm adding the cake stall on the Saturday. Oh, that's the Saturday, is it? Yeah. Um, let's take this off. Let's say, let's take this off pod.

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We'll take this offline later, but no, do it. Just pop in and I can take you to the little petting zoo farm thing. Oh, yes, please. So there we go. Today, I've, as we've discussed, got up a bit late for this, then record this, go straight to my mother-in-law's 80th birthday lunch, which will be very nice, and then get in the car to the wheel. You are working like a man that's been diagnosed with some sort of illness and he's got a year

left. It's like breaking bad. Yeah. And then 7.30 tomorrow, get in the car to Ubet. I don't know what's happening. I've got like a week off after that. Right. Okay.

I've got Ubet Tuesday off after that. Right. Okay. I've got you bet Monday. I've got you bet Tuesday Wednesday, obviously Yeah, and then Thursday off and then Friday. I'm recording an advert It's quite intense Rob. It is isn't it and it feels like brought about yourself I don't know because I don't know what I wouldn't have done of these things Clean the cellar? Yeah that's one. You've got to have your pleasures. You've got to have a bit of me time. You've got to have a bit of me time to be honest. At least you're aware that you were getting stressed and that's why I did the cellar. Yeah but I did enjoy the cellar. I do think if you moved out of London slightly, not even you would have, your life would be a

bit more chilled. I think when you talk to me about the school run you have to do, that fills me with dread and you do it every day. Yes. That to and from driving in central London in a car is hard and especially because if Rose does it, she has to get a cab, then that's stressful because you can't rely on cabs. That is difficult. I'll be September I'll have done 20 years in London. Yeah, it's a long old it's long old innings. The dream the East London dreams over if you can't go now you've

just done a kitchen. Well, we're not going to go till the end of my tour. When's that? Well, my tour start when does my tour start September? Yeah, I think we'll probably end up doing more as well. So probably the end of 2026. But I think maybe then for them to make a logical step for secondary school, they've got to change schools normally anyway. Rob, everything's to play for. It's all up in the air. It's all up in the air. So have you had a stressful time as me, Rob? I've had a busy, do you know what? Not as stressful as yours, I've had a very busy week, been very stretched, where this week I was doing a lot of voiceover at the beginning of the week.

We did the podcast and I did York two nights in a row, then Stockport, then I was in Reading for two shows and then Reading again last night. So it's been, last night was horrible as well because I come back from a Reading and I've been away for three or four nights and then I had the whole Sunday which was so lovely we are putting some we've been playing cricket in the garden they love bat and ball games the girls and cricket and we playing cricket in the garden bat and ball and then like when I go to reading again for the gig my youngest was like cold off and she went I just don't want you to go again, Dad. Oh God, oh God, oh God, the people need me. Yeah, it was awful.

But I've just bought a new Nintendo Switch, the new one. Oh yeah, the new one that came out on Friday. Yeah, well, that's really lucky actually. Well, basically, the Nintendo Switch is quite hard to get hold of, but the new one, number two, but I was in my bed and trying to go to sleep. And I've not been sleeping well this week. There was an advert on my thing, you know like an algorithm advert pops up, and it was like Nintendo Switch 2, out now.

I was like, is it? And I realized it'd come out, like it's been out for 10 minutes. Oh yeah. So then I was like, well let me have a look. So then I went onto like Smith's website, Yeah. And I could order one.

Wow. I'll get one of them then, and press order. The toy shop or the WH? Yeah, Smith's website. And then I was like, I'll get one of them. So I order. The toy shop or the... Yeah, Smith's website. WH. And then I was like, I'll get one of them. So I just ordered it.

And then I was like, oh, that'll be good. Cause it will come in like two days. And then cause it was sold out in all the stores. And the next morning I woke up about eight in the morning, I double checked it. Cause I did it so late, I thought I dreamt it. Do you ever do that when you buy stuff in bed? And then I was like, that'll be a good thing to have on tour. But like I've got four days away at the moment.

It'd be nice to have it now. I looked and there was one in stock in York. Oh my God. So I went and bought, so I reserved it. And then went and bought that one. And then I sold the other one to my brother who wanted one. Yes, nice work. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. So you turned up in York and went, you've got a Nintendo Switch for me. Yeah. Oh my God, with Mario Kart with the new Mario Kart is fucking great so like but so I had that so she was missing me I went tell you what I've got the new Mario Kart do you want to play that for an hour before bedtime while I go to work yeah so they that sort of softened the blow

slightly I don't know I'm not gonna name the hotel but I had a nightmare with a hotel right where were you? away no? Sorry. I don't want to say because they had a nightmare and I don't want to throw them under the bus. I was away at a hotel, it doesn't matter where I was. Anyway, I checked in and there's a really nice room that I stay in there normally, right? It's the same room. Check-in, really big room, really nice. I know the internet works so I can do all my calls. Anyway, so in there and then I'll stay the first night, wake up in the morning and I go for breakfast, go back to my room, won't let me in. So I go to the reception, car's not working, can you redo that? And they went, you're checking out, aren't you? I was like, oh no, oh no, oh the disaster. I'm here for two nights. She went, oh, okay, don't worry about it, bye.

And I went upstairs and I messaged my tour manager in the office, I was like, they reckon I'm checking out. And they went, no you're not, it's all fine. Anyway, what happens is they've had a mess up, right? And they've booked my room to a bride and groom because it's the nice big one in there, right? It's like the suite or whatever. So it's a big one. I was like, okay. And they booked it for the bride and groom for like the next four nights, like leading up to the wedding and then the wedding. And I was like, okay. And then I text someone else and they went, don't worry, you're not moving. They've got a mess up. You are in that room. I was like okay and then I text someone else and they went don't worry you're not moving they've got to mess up you are in that room. I was like okay but I'd been told by reception that I needed to leave the room by two o'clock so I basically said look I'm on a call now between I've got I had a call my accountant from half one till half two so I said look I don't mind moving

because I don't want to ruin a bride and groom if I need to I don't want to ruin a bride and groom if you can put me in another nice room I'll move but give me till half two so that I can do my call. Anyway, someone on the call. I'm chatting like about my accounts and numbers, door opens, a man comes in with two massive suitcases. I'm still in there. I'm sort of looking at him talking through numbers, he's like, hello, and then goes out and like, what the hell's going on?

Anyway, so eventually I grab all my stuff and they go, they've got to have the room for the, I'm not, I can't walk through reception, have a bride crying. So I was like, fine, I'll move. Right? Anyway, so they put me in another room and it was a room further down, but it was next to where they have conferences. Okay. So I'm going to fool you, fool you this video and listen, this is where, this is where I

was, where they put me, right? Listen to how loud this is, right? Play it on full volume. This is me opening my door to my room. Fucking hell, you can see it! Oh my god. Yeah, you can hear it. It's literally 200 people chatting business.

Anyway, and then they moved me somewhere else, And then that was just a fucking pull up. And then that other room didn't have air cons. Dying in the night. So that was a bit stressful anyway. Oh God. Yeah. It was fine. But I kept getting moved about and it was just, anyway, I got it sorted. But like, if they'd just said when I checked in, Oh, we've made a mess up and just put me in another room. But yeah, that conference is hardcore man. Cause I was in there trying to do like podcasts and stuff. Oh god, end of year. You just don't, you just like when you're checking

toe-to-toe you don't want to be in a conference that's why I always say no no exactly exactly it's been a stressful week for both of us it's been a busy it's been a busy week this is the busy time leading up to summer for comedians because we don't really do much in summer well no one buys tickets yeah I suppose it is yes it is if summer for comedians because we don't really do much in summer. Is that how it works? Well, no one buys tickets. Yeah, I suppose it is. Yes, it is. You don't buy tickets.

Everyone's on holiday, so you don't do tour shows, you don't do much filming. My next two weeks, so it's just this week, it's just, and then I'll be fine, and then I'll be fine. How stressful is Ubet? Is there a lot of downtime? A lot of downtime in Ubet and really good, so it's loads of down times hanging about, really nice crew and production and everyone. Stephen's lovely, the other guests are lovely. And then when they're doing the U-bet thing,

it's really good to watch because it's U-bet. Right, right. So it is going to be relaxing two days. Yeah, it can be. If you haven't got to get off for anything, whereas one I had to get back on it and it was a bit like running a bit, so it might run over a little bit. Did you go back in the middle? No, no, no, no. So I stayed overnight. I was at Goodwood. So I stayed overnight. But then at the end of the second day, I had to get back. But knowing you, you will need some buffer. Yeah. Well, I've got clean the cellar at 9pm that night. So got to refill it.

Yeah, exactly. But yeah, hopefully there'll be more calm time so I can actually see my kids and do stuff with them rather than just running around a park on a bike. That's the new game. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Right, shall we do small business? Yes, do a small business. This one was given to me in York, Josh. Oh yeah, nice.

Now brace yourself. This is the most on brand small business shout out of all time. Yeah. Miss Rachel Tribute Act. Right, what? You know Miss Rachel? Yeah. It's a tribute know, Miss Rachel. Yeah. It's a tribute act to Miss Rachel.

And how is this given to you? By Miss Rachel. Oh, wow. Birthday parties, private play dates. It's quite intense, isn't it? Yeah, that's intense. But if you're into it, you're into it. If you've got three kids, you can get a group little one.

Play venues. On the subject of trying a new career, I've started this after 16 years of working for a supermarket. Here we go. Hello Rob, small business shout out. It was given to me on a flyer at a gig. I'm a huge fan of the pod and so excited to see you in York tomorrow. Please do another Parenting Hell Tour as I missed the last one. I have my own small business and would love a shout out please. I'm a Miss Rachel inspired children's entertainer bringing magic, laughter and memories to all the little ones. My Instagram is at singalongstorytimeuk.

Keep being sexy and relatable as Pascos always makes me laugh after a hectic day of parenting sending love to Lou and the girls. That's nice of her. Yeah, so she's a Miss Rachel tribute act and you can access her at Singalong Storytime UK. I imagine she's York based but she will travel. So yeah, big up to, I don't even know her name though, she didn't put a name. I'm UK. Lovely. Okay. Let's go. Say when.

Stop. Now. Go. It's a long one. Do you know what? Hi there. I've been listening to Parenting Hell podcast since lockdown. I wanted to drop your message to say how much I appreciate the work you do.

I don't have kids myself, but I'm a proud uncle to four nieces and one nephew. One of my sisters is a single mom with three kids and the two youngest twins age seven. She's doing an absolutely incredible job and I regularly share the things I've learned from your podcast with her to see if I can help in any way. Presumably that's from the guests not from us. During lockdown, I started a furniture company with my friend Pat. We were frustrated with the fast fashion element of flat pack furniture. You know the ones that come with a million pieces and fall apart if

you have to disassemble them. I've got to do that actually when I get home. So stick on the list. Stick on the list. So we decided to create a business that makes solid hardwood furniture built to last with strengthened aluminium frames. All our production is done here in the UK. We've made seven sales so far and every customer absolutely loves our product. Our goal is for people to buy from us just once because we're committed to making pieces that are durable and built to stand the test of time. If we take off, I'd love to take both my sister's kids and my mum all on holiday together. I think they all deserve it.

Here's our website, modifiedfurnituregroup.co.uk, our Instagram, at modifiedfurniture. That's modifiedfurnituregroup.co.uk or Instagram at ModifiedFurniture. That's ModifiedFurnitureGroup.co.uk at ModifiedFurniture. Thanks again for all the laughs and helpful advice on the podcast. Keep up the great work. Best regards, Elliot. What a nice one that is. Nice guy.

Yeah. Well, Rob, it's been a pleasure. I hope you have a more calm week, mate. Oh, I will. We're just in a busy period. I'm 23 minutes from this meal, and then I'm off to the wheel. It's the touring completely ruins you because you get home late, you're too buzzed up, you can't sleep and then you've got to get up and do other stuff. So it's just trying, you

know, say no to a few things. Yeah, it's just you're very tired the next day, aren't you? You're very tired the next day. But that's just the balance of life in it, I suppose. Right, Josh, see you next week, mate. See you next week. Bye.