Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP37: Bottom Tickle Trauma

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... today we go through some of your incredible correspondence including weird phobias, sex in large indoor public places, insane school runs, and we might accidentally have started some low-key beef with the Swiss! Small business shout-outs: Katie's Classroom HERE Flomatic HERE If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx MAILING LIST: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of

course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with can you say Josh Whiddicker? Josh Whiddicker. Well done. That was me closing the window Rob, because it's so hot today. You have opened and shut your window for about four episodes in a row.

This summer, it's just too loud. This summer. Hi you sexy beasts. I am the basically light, look like sexy beast at the moment. Here is my 37 month old three. Edie, saying your names. Rob will never guess where they're from.

Oh, okay. North Korea. Chesterfield. Sure. Her dad is German and we live in the Netherlands. So she speaks three languages. I still speak just the one. Thanks.

Your podcast. Chesterfield. I'm from Chesterfield. Her dad is German. We live in the Netherlands. Thanks for your podcast. I listened from the start and still decided I wanted a baby. Chloe. No, it's good having kids. I love it.

It is a win. It is the best. Do you want to do some correspondence? We've got loads to get through here. Yes. We've got this, parenting hell noticeable general stuff. Here we go, Josh. Switzerland feedback chat. What was Switzerland feedback chat. What was Switzerland feedback? Chat? I was saying that I found it very difficult to enjoy because they're quite

strict, they make the Germans look like sort of like Brazilians playing football on a beach. Yeah, go for it. Go for it. Love you guys. Been with you since the start. Laughed out loud at your description and experiences of Switzerland. We have lived here 10 years and regularly despair at the lack of fun to be had.

Oh my God. So some of our experiences, lights turned off in the restaurant while still eating as everyone else had left. It was 9.15 on a Friday and we finished our pizza in the dark. That's unbelievable. They are mental. Let me ask you this. Do you feel a negative towards the Swiss football team, Rob?

No, I just never thought about them. I forgot they existed until you just said that. What about Martina Hingis? Not really. Don't, didn't really think of it. It doesn't really register on my radar. Old Hingo. Um, I've got more experiences of these.

Go on. So this is another one. We will move to a different table halfway through a mill because our then toddler touched the wall behind us. Oh my God. This isn't a euphemism. She literally touched a wall. That is mad.

Now my husband was thrown out of a bar for shouting, fuck off ref at the TV during the euros. That is mad. TV during the Euros. If you're here again, go straight to the ski results. You can lick vodka off the chest of a posh middle-aged man at 10 AM if you want. No thank you. Thanks. Well, even at the ski results, I didn't find that, but I think you're clinging to ... How much is their job paying them to stay in Switzerland for that long, if that's going on? Yeah.

There's more. Oh yeah, more Switzerland. Here we go, Switzerland and for that long if that's going on. Yeah. There's more. Oh yeah, more Switzerland. Here we go, Switzerland and for balance and pros. Here we go. Oh, here we go. Having just heard you get annoyed about how regimented and strict Switzerland is, which is definitely true, certainly in the tight-necked German speaking part of the country, as a Swiss person myself, I thought I'd let you know about the particularly loose-necked parenting

related aspect of Swiss life that you might more like the sound of. Um, I too like a Toblerone to be fair. I love a Toblerone. I love Milka. There is no such thing as a school run. What? Here we go. That's interesting.

From the age of four, when kids start mandatory school, they all have to walk, cycle or scoot to and from school on their own with their friends no matter the weather. What? If the school sees a parent dropping a kid off in the car, you quickly get a shittily worded email about how this is banned. What? I'm sorry, is this the pro list? Is that a pro?

That's a pro. Fucking hell. What if you live in the middle of nowhere? Here we go. All the local governments make sure there's a safe route for them to get there. And every morning you see hundreds of little kids on their own making their way to lessons. Needless to say, you can get a surprising amount done with your day when you just turf them out of the front door at 8am. Jesus, at 8am and they don't see them again until four or so. I like school drop off.

Yeah. I don't like the school driving, but I like being with them. Okay. That's one of the pros. I'll pop that down on a bit of paper. I'm going to immediately throw away. Equally loose next is the fact that anyone can just walk into through the school grounds.

Oh yeah, absolutely. Pedoville. Right. So anyone can walk into the school grounds and even into the building themselves, even when all the kids grounds and even into the building themselves, even when all the kids are outside playing, for the first time you walk through a playground of little kids to take a shortcut to the bus stop, it's hard not to feel a bit weird, but you get used to it pretty quickly.

Now this person has sent these in as pros and that's all of them. They've sat there and gone, Switzerland's getting a kick in here. I'm going to stick up for them. And I have all the pros. So how do they decide? Yeah. If you're cutting from your house through the school at drop off time, do you have to make sure you're not near enough?

Your kid in case it's considered that you're bringing your kid to school. So if you're a commute, you're allowed to walk through the school playground past your child, but you're not allowed to drop them off with you. Do you know what I mean about weird rules, Josh? This is Mark. I would say keep it sexy and relatable, but as discussed, I can't really relate to not just kicking your four-year-old out the door in the freezing rain and hoping they turn up again eight hours later. This cut, this Switzerland met right now. Look, again, I want to give everyone a fair shake.

If there's any other pros. Send in your pros. If there's any more pros, let us know. Because we've got none on the list so far. Yeah. Well, considering how world politics are going, a bit of neutrality wouldn't go amiss, so I might pop there for that. But Jesus Christ, I was like getting geared up to apologise. Do you know what? I've doubled down.

Like I'm not saying that we're like, because it's not like I'm saying schools need to be in deep lockdown. But I don't think you should be able to walk through a playground unannounced as a shortcut to a bus stop. But you get an email if you drop them off. Because the thing I think about with that is, all right, once your child's into the swing of it, but imagine if first day's like, I know you're nervous, but go on. Yeah, but you must be able to drop them off. I think four's too young. I think that's a good idea. I think kids should be able to walk to school and stuff from like nine or ten. Four's like from that year three, you know what I mean?

Yeah. But that was the pros. Yep. Send them in, send them in. Shall I do some, would you like our sex in public places? You're not in Switzerland. So these are large public spaces, not outside. What's the largest public space?

Not outside. You've had sex in. With regard to your sex in large places I like to confess to using the multiplex cinema that I was a manager as as my own personal shagging venue. Oh my god I don't like this guy. I hope this guy's giving me the creep. Or woman. Oh he's definitely a bloke isn't he? On a regular basis I would lock up at the end of the night, head over to the

nightclubs next door, then let myself back in disabling the alarm, choose an auditorium in which to have sex in. I presume that is not a euphemism. This usually took place on the carpet at the very front of the auditorium. That poor woman's sticky popcorn ass. Oh man. Oh my God. Although sometimes we'd use the seating.

Aren't there arm rests? At the time I still lived at home with my parents, as did the guy... It's a woman Rob, as did the guy I was seeing. Oh, that's a bit different. If it's just somewhere like... I'm thinking creepy old man's popped into the nightclub next door and gone, I'm the manager. Would you like to come in and watch Shrek 2 and have sex? Would you put a film on? No. And so I took advantage of having the entire building at my disposal. Once we were done I'd lock up again and had home. Absolutely shocking now I think about it but bloody good fun so no regrets here. There we go and it was a woman. Absolutely adore

the pod and have done since the dark days of lockdown don't ever change kind of regards, anonymous horny cinema manager. What a pseudonym. When we started this podcast, I never thought we'd get emails in from anonymous horny cinema manager. Oh my word. Michael, you're a cinephile. You love the cinema. Oh, he's a what?

Would you have sex in a cinema? I have had sex in the cinema. Whoa. Here we go. Would you have sex in a cinema? I have had sex in a cinema. Thank you. Here we go. But it was during a private, private rented. So I had the whole place. There was no members of the public. So you hide the whole cinema for a date?

It was for a Valentine's. Oh my word. The image I didn't want. When we were first dating and not living together, me and my now husband had sex in the V&A museum in London. Jesus Christ. From a nun husband had sex in the V&A museum in London. Jesus Christ. From a nun. So what is the V&A? Is it?

Vaginaus. Sorry. What a museum it is. It's got very lewd, hasn't it? It's got very lewd. Let's move on to other parents of wankers. Yes, there we go. Let's get off the road.

And though it was 15 years ago, I'll never forget the end of year pizza party at our preschool. One mother was so offended that they didn't host a full graduation ceremony, complete with caps and glows. What? That she sent her four year old son to the playground party in 35 degree heat, wearing a full tuxedo instead. Oh my god. Fucking hell, people are mental aren't they? It's a preschool interview. I hate people.

Oh but my top trophy goes to the mum whose annual Halloween tradition was to let her kids go trick or treating. After which, she'd immediately throw everything they collected in the bin because she only wanted her kids to enjoy the cultural experience of Halloween but not the sugar. That is mental. Oh those poor kids. Thanks as always for all the laughs. My kids are now 18

and 20 and I promise lots of it does get easier from Crystal. Crystal? Crystal. Crystal. That is mad. That is true though. I'm struggling more now with the kids in the regard of being present and there for them when their lives are getting busier because I'm also working. Then I am like, when they were younger, it was like surviving, not sleeping. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more the juggle. Life, social, work, juggle balance is the hard bit at the moment. Totally.

I've got an insane school run story, Josh, if you want to. Hit me up. Hello, Rob. Josh and Michael. I've listened, after listening to the episode where Josh raves about the school run and Rob Leso, I thought it was worth sharing my mum's story. She ended up having an almost eight year age gap between each of her three children. And so this is like that, that guy I mentioned before that had like an 18

year old and an eight year old and a one year old. Oh yeah. Um, so basically as a result of having three children with an eight year age gap, she started the school, she started the school run in 1994. Oh my God. When I started and finished it in 2023. I fucking got 29 years. Oh my God. Oh my God. Do you know what though? She started school runs before like Google Maps.

Yeah, of course. She's 1994. I'd love to see the different cars. I know nothing about cars, but imagine how much the car has come on in those 29 years. So finishing 2023, although she's still ferrying the youngest to and from university, the daily grind is over. So her school run straddled an incredible two centuries and four decades. Been listening to the pod since you started. As I'm a fan of both of you for years, it was great to catch you both at the Story House in Chester. Great venue that. Proud dad to a one year old. Thanks for the laughs. Ben, 418 for engine 18 months that is that is incredible that is a real commitment that in it yeah that's that's something else fair play can you beat that

no frills delivers get groceries delivered to your door from no frills with PC Express shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders shop now at no frills dot CA Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at Nofrills.ca. What do you want now? We've got playground shaggers, we've got boomer stories, weird phobias. Boomers? It's mad that boomers still, that's really our first topic. Let's have a boomer. Let's roll it back for a boomer. This is from Live in Essex.

Hiya. When my mom was younger, my nan used to take her and her brother on holidays to caravan parks in the summer. On said holidays, when it was time for my mom and uncle to go to bed, instead of putting them to bed and staying in the caravan for the rest of the night, they would put them to bed, then go out for the night. Blown away by this,

I asked how they could feel comfortable doing that. She replied, it was fine. There was a system. What everyone in the site would do is leave a sock tied to the door of the caravan if their kids were in the caravan without parents with them. Yeah. So if you, if you've got kids in there on their own, you're putting a sock tied to the door. Yeah.

But what would that do? What's that? I thought that was, isn't that do? What's that? I thought that was, isn't that like a swingers thing? Oh, I thought it was like a shared house and we're having sex. We're going to put a sock on the door so people know it. Well, I mean, don't go to this caravan part, mate. You'd be wandering through like a Swiss playground. So is that the end of what they did?

There's no reason as to why that helps. Yeah, I don't know. So what anyone in the site would do is leave a sock tied to the door of the caravan if their kids were in the caravan without their parents. So that's all they do. Oh, I think they'd tie it. They'd lock the caravan from the outside with the sock. What?

Stop them escaping. No. So they couldn't get out. But why is that? Why are they using a sock to lock it? Cause they could tie the handle to something else on the door so that the kids can open it from the outside if that made sense. Oh.

That's what I think it is. So that they couldn't escape or go lock, get lost. Is it not just to tell people there's kids in here? Watch out. Or can you not just get a couple of beers and a deck chair and sit at the front of the caravan like normal people? That's the point, isn't it? She also said that when she'd go to a friend's house, she would put my mom in her pram and take her with her, but leave her outside the house in

a pram while she had a coffee. They sort of do that in Copenhagen, but I don't think they'd do that in Essex. I don't think you can say it's Scandi vibes there. No. And the cold's good for them. That's just the pram is probably too big to get in the house. I imagine. That is. Cause you imagine me, imagine if I come in and went, Oh, what, Rob, what you've been up to? I went to a caravan park for the weekend.

It was great. Great system down there, Josh. Basically you leave your kids in their tire sock on the outside and off you go. Cause all the sock is doing is telling people this is where the unattended kids are. Yeah, yeah. So there's unattended kids in here that are locked in for you. That is surreal. That's ridiculous. I mean, what age did you start getting left in your house? Well, I've got an older brother who's six years older than me. So I think I probably would have been, I reckon about 10 or 11 I was left alone from.

Or 12, maybe 12. 10 might be too young, but I think I was definitely left with my brother when he was like 17 and I would have been 11. But I think I remember what I've got really vivid. This is, you'll love this Josh as well. I've got really vivid memory of my house was so busy, right? Always million people in it. And it was a fairly small house for how many people were in it.

And I had to share a bedroom and there's always people coming and going because my dad worked shift work. There was no older. It wasn't fun, but there was always someone coming and going. And I remember once I made a cheese and ham toastie on a little Breville toastie maker and I'd sit there and I'd have that on my lap in the front room and I'd put this VHS of 101 greatest goals and I'd sit there and watch that and eat in silence, watching that. And I loved it.

Oh, and it was like, um, no one could turn the telly off. No one would argue. Yeah. It was a green cover. I want to try and find it. Love that, that tape. It had to be, it was like goals, like Maradona kind of goals. Yeah.

You can get out these days. Well, you would, it'd just be YouTube. World's greatest goals. I think it was called, um. I have a real visceral memory of that. Oh, there it is. I've got it here. 141 World Cup goals. That's it. 1966 to 1986 featuring Chalton Hurst, Pele, Eusebio, Mulla, Kembez, Rossi, Maradona, Lidica. You've got to buy it Rob. I've got to buy that. Just to put it on your shelf. Yeah, I should, shouldn't I? Yeah. Pre-owned. They're not doing it new anymore. Right well do you want some weird phobias Josh? Yeah.

Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. Following Josh's phobia of being chased upstairs. I love this. I forget what we talk about. I also have a weird one. I have a phobia of sandpaper. Cannot touch it or be around it. This also includes emery boards and people filing their nails. Oh, that makes, my mum filing her nails makes me go all itchy. Oh, do you know what one I don't like

that makes me go is pruney fingers rubbing like that. Pruney fingers rubbing like that? Like what? Like on each other. Oh. Like pruney from, like that? Like what? Like on each other. Like pruney from water? Watching people do it or you doing it? Doing it myself.

I haven't had pruney fingers for ages. I haven't had pruney fingers in years. What's happened to pruney fingers? Do you know what's happened to pruney fingers is we don't get long enough to be in a bath alone without being distracted. What has happened? Well, nothing's happened to pruney fingers. You've not had them. It wasn't a 90s thing.

It was like mad count disease. It was, right? AI. AI, what's the AI thing about pruney fingers? It doesn't think they've stopped. I agree. Oh, I hate pruney fingers. Oh, it's just show me a picture of pruney fingers.

I hate pruney fingers. Oh, it's just show me a picture of pruney fingers. I hate it. Um, the, the, the, the, the, oh yeah. So I used to swap coursework with my mates at school for DT. I'd do the written stuff and they would do my practical. So I didn't have to sand. Wow. Um, at Cooper's actually, this is someone I went to school with apparently. Um, this all stems from a nightmare I had when I was really small, when it,

where a group of skeletons tied me down and sanded me to the bone. Oh my fucking god. Jesus Christ. Yes, I know some dark shit. Thanks for the pod. It got me through endless nights feeding my two under two. Keep being sexy and relatable. Jen from Swanscombe.

Surely you could say to your DT teacher, well you probably could now, but not then say I've got a phobia of sandpaper. Yeah, but then don't do DT then. Well, you probably could now, but not then say I've got a phobia of sand paper. Yeah, but then don't do DT then. I've got a phobia of knowledge. This is a weird one. Hi Robin Josh. I've never written into any show before, but felt compelled after hearing about Josh's bum tickle trauma. Not bum tickle, bum slap. This is Freya who's 323 months.

That's quite young in it. 28 something. Listen to this. My sister shoves her finger up my clothed anus every time we walk upstairs together and shouts shabar as she does it. I'd hate that. That is horrible. You'd hate that. I'm going to shabar you when I see you next. Would you, would you like to Shabar? Could you try just record it on your iPhone? Right? Yeah. Just do it to your tour manager, Nick. Just as you're walking up to the stage.

I can't do it to my tour manager. That is, I'd get arrested. That's sexual assault in the workplace. I was going to say, I could maybe. Did you just pick your finger up my clothe anus? So my sister shoved up my cled anus and shout Shabar! This has led to several awkward moments when I've been walking upstairs with other people and suddenly sprinted to the top clutching my asshole Only to turn around to see their confused face staring back. I have to explain my sister's antics as a reason

I've been conditioned to expect to poke to the anus. Or on the old escalator out of the tube. Shabar! I'm gonna Shabar Lou. Can I Shabar Lou? What old escalator out of the tube. Shabar! I'm going to shabar Lou. Can I shabar Lou? What do you think Lou would do if you shabarred her? If I shabarred Lou, and it depends, shoving her up the anus is mental. I wouldn't get that Lou, but I reckon I could prod her anus and whisper shabar. I don't want you to record that on your phone.

But if I shout, if I shoved my finger up, lose clothed anus and scream Shabbat, she would turn around, hit my hand and go, what the fuck are you doing? I'm a good reason. Absolutely. Sorry, I just had an email from a woman whose sister does it to us. I thought I'd try out on you. Yeah, Shabbat. I'm going to try out on you. Yeah, shabar. I'm going to shabar you.

Next charity gig we do, comedy store, up the stairs, shabar. I've had worst experiences at the comedy store. It'd be funnier than what I did on the stage. Shall I do one? Yeah, go on, mate. Sit with what we got. Got in the locker. Weird phobia.

There's loads of weird phobias. A lot of weird people here. We've got twoobia. There's loads of weird phobias. A lot of weird people here. We've got two people that have gone with spoons. Let's do both. So you finished on the playground shagger? Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. Love the podcast, despite I have no children of my own. Though I'm primary school teacher so I feel the 30 children I teach daily somewhat make up for it. Just listening to the opinion juice episode and related to Josh's fear of people walking up the stairs after you.

I have what my partner considers a very weird fear. Wooden spoons. I cannot touch or have wooden spoons at home. Wow. Over the past few years this has got slightly better as at one point I couldn't touch any wood that was untreated. Keep up the good work. That's all the details we've got. I don't like wooden utensils at all and I hate eating with them. Is it a fear of splinters? Absolutely not. It's the taste. I like the taste of wood. I never buy wooden spoons for cooking. I always buy the plastic ones. I hate, I'm not, I've got a phobia, but I'm like, I don't like that.

And I eat with wooden forks and stuff. I hate it. Oh, what, like if you're at an outdoor event and they give you a wooden fork with you. Yeah, or take a street market. You can't have plastic. Yeah. Oh God. Cause I know we're not allowed plastic straws.

I know. We're not allowed plastic cutting. I I know you're not allowed plastic. I do miss it. Would you use a wooden straw? No, I hate it. I hate the plastic straws. Is there a reason? The taste.

The taste. I like the fact that a plastic straw and a plastic one, they're stronger. So they've got better integrity when you're using them. Forgetting ethics. I know we're not allowed them. I'm not some sort of like, you know, I'm not going crazy. I'm not going to start being on GB news. I just don't like the taste.

Okay. And I find the taste of wood. I don't like the taste of wood. Okay. Um, um, so I'm plastic. I prefer the taste of plastic. And I think as well, it's, it's less scratchy in the pan. I think, I think, I think there's reasons that, you know, when they like, if this was

called baseless phobias, I don't think this would qualify because I think I can understand why someone like would, I think you could easily worry about a splinter as well. I think there's, how about this one then? Hello Rob. The thing is though, she would struggle in Wales because in Wales you sometimes get a wooden spoon when you get married. It's like a good luck charm.

Have you seen that? We've got, Lou's Welsh. She's half Welsh. Her mum's full Welsh. We've got a couple of little wooden spoons knocking around the house that we have to keep. There you go. Hello Rob, Josh and Michael. Just on a strange phobia list, I have a horrific phobia of teaspoons. Is this you? I just like fingering my tea bag. Oh, it's not me. I believe remember one direction also has a similar phobia. Who has which one? Well, I don't know. Let me Google that Rob.

One direction member. Spoons. Teaspoons. Teaspoons. Yeah. It's Louis Tomlinson. Oh, Louis. No, no, no, no. It's, it's, it's very,linson. Oh, Louis. No, no, no, no.

It's, it's, it's very, this is how you know, Rob, that people are asking for too much information on One Direction. Okay. One Direction member, Louis Tomlinson, which one's he then? Is he the Northern one? He's a Northern one from like Doncaster. Yeah, he supports Doncaster, doesn't he? Yeah.

Once he used a pen to stir his tea instead of a spoon. Not an anecdote. This unusual habit was noticed. We'd get him 10 minutes out of it. Was noticed by his bandmate, Niall Horan. He then tweeted about it. That's all you get when you do. Right.

So he doesn't got a favorite spoon. You just use the pen once. Yeah. Probably because there weren't a spoon. Louis like me travels with his own tea bags. Yorkshire tea, Louis travels with. Do you travel with your own tea bags? If I go abroad, I take my own tea bag. Yes. No, you don't. I do. Really? Yeah. What ones? I'm not specific between PG and Yorkshire, as long as it's straight down the line and not fancy. Yeah. My mom and dad take Yorkshire tea bags with them.

I take them with me also, Rob. I take them occasionally down to the pool. Yeah, I've seen you have a cup of tea by the pool and it really upsets me. Why? I just feel like you just, it's like going up a ski slope and whipping out a Solero. Have a lot of chocolate and enjoy the environment. I'm having fizzy water as well, I'm enjoying myself. A lot of ice in the fizzy water. Yeah yeah, too right. I drank so many beers on my last holiday. I've got over my tea thing Rob. What was your tea thing? Drinking too much tea. Hang on, off the back of you take them on holiday

with you and you haven't bought a pool. Well I haven't been on holiday since. You scaled back. Last week I thought I'm drinking too much tea. How much were you having? I was just drinking tea all the time. You know me. Instead of water. As well as, but I was just drinking so much tea that I thought, why am I drinking all this tea?

Because you like tea. But there was too much. Yeah, but you don't drink anymore. You're doing so well. Have a cup of tea, son. But now I'm down to four a day. Oh, well done. Congratulations. So I've had two now. I'll probably have another one when we finish this and then I'll have one late afternoon. And then that

will be you done. That'll be me done. What'd you have late at night watching telly? A bit of dark choc maybe. Dark chocolate? Yeah. I meant to drink. Oh, pint of water. Pint of water. But why is it dark chocolate embarrassing? Well, no, it's just a bit lame, isn't it? That's just, that's my treat to myself or a bowl of roast crispies. Well, it's like a little dessert after dinner.

Yeah, treat myself to a little bowl of roast crispies. What do you have? Well, when I'm being healthy, I'll have those. like a little dessert after dinner. Yeah. Treat myself to a little bowl of rice crisps. What do you have? Well, when I'm being healthy, I'll have those, um, I'll get protein yogurt and I mix that with like some, uh, strawberries cut up and then maybe a little handful of granola and honey. And that's nice. And then if I want something a bit more like, um, sweet, I have them little 10 calorie jellies.

Have you had them? No. They're like strawberry jelly and only 10 calories. So when you want that sweetness, I just bang a couple of them back. It's like 20 calories and you can have loads of them if you want them. Oh, here we go. Yeah, been doing that. Michael, what are you doing?

What are you doing? What's your little tree? You're curling up watching Netflix at 10 PM. What are you nibbling on? I'm not a nibbler. I will like free base a giant Mintero bar or like a packet of Haribo, like it's not even there. Just hammer it home.

Yeah, like just hoover it in almost one go. The other thing I do, if I'm not being healthy, that's my healthy option, if I'm not being healthy I'll get like some, if it's grand Christmas time and there's Luce Ferrero Rocher, I'll be nibbling on them with a, with a glass of milk. Yeah. Oh, and then the other thing I do, right? I've got like, I, uh, this is my little treat, treat. Yeah.

And it got well out of hand in lockdown. I'd have a bowl of cereal and the cereal can be like a mixture of different ones. I've got in there that I'm into where sometimes it's just like corn flaky stuff or granola or there's some protein cereal you can get now. Yeah, I see. Or whatever. And I put that in a bowl and then I'll sometimes chop up any chocolate I can find,

like leftovers the kids have had. Put it in the bowl. And this is what I used to do in lockdown. And that's when I got really fat. I will get a tablespoon. Yeah. Double cream. No, in the Nutella jar.

Oh my God. And that spoon is full of Nutella is in the cereal. Oh my word. And then I sort of slide that off the spoon and now I've just got this like iceberg of Nutella. Oh my God. That I'm scooping off and into with the milk and the crispy and the cereal. So I don't go that extreme, but we have got... So, oh, this happened, right?

My son had strawberries and cream at nursery. They did strawberries and cream. I, you can imagine it fucking blew his mind because strawberries and cream is incredible. Yeah. So he was like, can I have strawberries and cream? Yeah. Yeah, fine.

That's good. Strawberries, you know, and he's, you know, in season, et cetera. Let's enjoy. Let's enjoy our lives. Let's not. We could not match the cream. Oh, so he wasn't happy with the cream. Every cream was the wrong.

We had three or maybe four different creams. And he was saying no to the cream. And he was like, it's not that one. So it's more like yogurt. So I got creme fraiche. No. Did you have to ask the school? Yeah.

What was it? One of the got creme fraiche. No. Did you have to ask the school? Yeah. What was it? One of the mums had done it. And so they couldn't tell they could, they didn't know exactly. But they think. Who's this mum bowling in knocking up? I've got a text or actually an ask her what she did. They think she whipped normal cream.

They think she whipped double cream. Right. She's whipped double cream and put it on the sick. Cause we've had that before. My daughter would come back and go, I like lasagna now. Yeah. Or I like a certain sandwich and then you make it come back and go, I like lasagna now. Yeah. Or I like a certain sandwich and then you make it and she's like, nah. Yeah, that's exactly what happens.

I was like, nah, what's that? And then I bought every type of lasagna they make, the St. George's one, the Mars and Spencer's one, the Tesco one. And she's like, nah. I was like, hang on, I can't just completely copy the cook at the school's lasagna. Yeah. And you feel like, oh, they're into that.

And I'll get that loads of that now. So I will have double cream if we, so we've got double cream in Rob. You've got double cream in. And the other night I had a bowl of rice crispies with double cream on, with milk. And then a dribble of double cream on the way on the top. And really, have you ever thought about going full cream? What just, I think that'd be a bit dry, wouldn't it? What full cream and rice krispies?

Oh, sorry. I thought you meant no milk. Yeah. So I'm saying no milk. No, no, I'm not rice krispies swimming in cream. Why not? I think it would be too dry. I like the milk.

The milk is the bit of the rice krispies. I really enjoy the most. Okay. I tell you what. Do you ever have Coco Pops? I enjoy Coco Pops. I've got a view on shreddies recently. My son eats shreddies. Yeah. When they, so my daughter will leave her rice crispies. I can eat them an hour later. I love that.

Not for me, no. hour later. I love that. Well, not for me. No. Is shreddies. They're the worst food that they you taste so sugary when they've been left. So suddenly when they're soft, yet you can taste how sweet they are. And they are too sweet for you. It's too sweet for me. I can't handle shredding. I'm getting into Weetabix. You know, are you? I've been having a bit of Weetabix. The girls are into Weetabix. I've been having a bit of Weetabix. Yeah. But it's a bit underrated, the Weetabix. Do you know what's shit?

What? Is shredded wheat still going? That was fucking insane. I used to love shredded wheat. Did you? I might have a bang on that later. Have a bang on shredded wheat. Let me know how it goes.

I will do. Ask your tour manager to bring you a shredded wheat. No, I can't do that. It's embarrassing, isn't it? More questions than answers. What do you have in the car after a tour show? Rob? Um, nothing really.

Um, I've been getting those little mini squeezy Robinson squash things so that I'm not just drinking plain water. Right. Yeah. And, and then, okay. So here we go. If I'm being healthy, I'll have a protein yogurt, like one of those pouch ones. I can just squeeze in.

Yeah. If I'm not being healthy, you're staring down the barrel of a Capri Sun, McCoys and Scampi fries. Sometimes weak crunchies. Has the gig gone badly at that point? Or does it tally with the gig? I'd say three days into a five day run, I've got me mouth around McCoys. I have, I have a yogurt. Alli, Alli. What? Is this okay what we're talking about? It's pathetic isn't it? I love that everyone's got their healthy option

and the one they actually like. If I do, if I ask for something Ali will just think oh right he wants that. No that's the thing he wants I'll get it every time kind of thing. So I know, I get in and I have my yogurt and my apple if I'm feeling healthy. If not straight on the crisps and a flapjack. Crisps and a flapjack. Yes, please. I could eat, I reckon.

If say you could eat crisps, but it didn't make you fat or put on weight. I reckon I could eat 30 bags in a row. I think if I had to just keep eating, it would be white toast. I think I could eat that forever. I don't think I'd ever stop. No, you'd get bloated though from the bread. I mean, if it was like not healthy, in fact, if we were talking about this doesn't have an effect on you, I don't think I'd ever get bored. You just have white toast every meal. If I just sit here, if you said just keep eating white toast, I don't think I'd stop for ever. I could do like a comic relief

challenge. Yeah, I don't think that would be a bad taste though. Yeah, I don't think it would be ideal. Raising money for people starving. Josh is going to eat 18 loaves of bread. I tell you what, I did get him a Torchow and Swansea shirt. The arena bought me a shirt. Do you want to see it? Oh, that's nice. I'll grab it. It's a 2005 to 2006 Swansea City shirt. Oh, have you texted Ellis? No, I haven't actually. I mean, it's the one Lee Trundle would have worn. Oh, you could get... Oh, that's lovely. Macron. Lovely. Travelhouse.co.uk. Good to know they're still going. Wales' biggest travel agent.

There you go. And yeah, it's a nice kit. League one finished they finished sixth in League one. Lee Trundle scored 20 goals. You should just wear that to Comedians football one day when Ellis is going to be there. Oh, yeah, I should. Yeah. I felt like wearing it on the gig, but I felt a bit beggy. And I'll get loads of shit from Arsenal fans. Yeah, and there'd be a load of Cardiff fans.

Yeah, and it starts getting to just cheering and blah, blah, blah. It's best not to bring out football. Yeah, 100%. There's always load of Cardiff fans as well. Yeah, and it starts getting to just cheering and blah, blah, blah. It's best not to bring out football. Yeah, 100%. There's always terrible things to do. Any gig is mentioned football. Rob, this is huge. Go on.

We've got some more anti-Swiss email. Again? That came into the inbox three minutes ago, according to Michael. Oh, yes. Anti or pro? Anti. God, I feel like, I just feel a bit like we're starting an aggressive movement towards the nation. No, we've had the pro, we've had the pro. I said when I went to Switzerland, it was the other comedian.

What are they going to do, ban me from there? Bring it on. The other comedian from the UK, who was the problem? Oh yeah, when you went to Switzerland, you had a row with the comedian. I didn't have a row, he proved to me. He just ignored you and passively, aggressively bullied you. Yeah. Well, you know, look, I'm willing to allow the Swiss to report back and send more pros.

We can, let's make this fair. Should we have this and should we just have this ante to really get the pros coming in? Look, we can only read out what we're getting. This is from Astrid. I agree. The Swiss can be so rude. Oh God, I'm starting to get worried. I went on a date once with a Swiss German man.

During an hour we were together, he asked me why I'd chosen the clothes I was wearing, a smart suit as we worked in an investment bank, and even interrupted me mid-flow to ask if I planned to get my cracked teeth fixed. Fucking hell. Oh my God. I asked him what he meant by as my teeth were fine and he pointed out a slightly bent tooth to the bottom of my mouth, which I'd never worried about. Then my as my teeth were fine and he pointed out a slightly bent tooth to the bottom of my mouth Which I'd never worried about then when he was opening his wallet and the bill arrived I said well if you pay I will get it next time and he said What makes you think there'll be a next time we will have it Oh fucking out so randomly rude and insulting yet completely unaware of it

He was like a good-looking robot that was pre-programmed to insult Thanks for the laughs Astrid. But again that's one individual and that is not all of the Swiss. So please send him. And let's not forget you can walk through a playground. Exactly. And you are banned from being supportive to your children on school pick up and drop off. So there are some pros. We never came back to his teaspoons Rob. There are some common questions We never came back to his teaspoons, Rob. Common questions I get asked about my teaspoon things. How do I make a brew? And this isn't the wooden spoon person. This is another person. This is someone who's afraid of teaspoons. Teaspoons. How do I make a brew? That I wouldn't ask that. I think you can make that without a teaspoon.

They go big spoon all the way. I've got the measurements sussed out because I've been doing it all my life. Fine. What caused it? Nothing. No trauma, just a lifelong phobia. Someone shoved a spoon up my ass and scream Shabar. My reaction is similar to that of Josh's is that I get really uncomfortable. If one is on the table on a plate, or if it touches me, I go into a mini panic attack, shortness of breath upset, etc. And X1 thought it was hilarious to put one on me the first time I met his parents. Well, it's safe to say he's an ex for a reason. Bloody hell.

Look, I know she's upset, but if you put a spoon on someone's arm and they freak out, it is funny. Yeah, well have you ever done the hot spoon thing? Yeah, I did that on my face once to myself. Yeah, terrible decision. Get it out the teacup and then put it on someone. It's just really burning hot. Well, I held it over the steam of the kettle.

Oh my word. Tap my cheek and it burnt my face. Oh, I remember when we were in science. And you know, you had was it called the Bunsen burner? Yeah. And then you had the thing on top that was it called the, the Bunsen burner? And then you had the thing on top that was like called the gauze, which was like a kind of mesh that things would sit on. Well, the gauze. A gauze.

Yeah. And the guy I was sat next to had his biro on the gauze and he put the top of the biro on it, it was like melting the end, just absentmindedly almost, you know, and that you're just like, not like I'm being, you know, when you're just like, Yeah, just, yeah, poking around. Yeah. And the teacher came over and said, and you could see that it had a gauze pattern now

on the bar. Teacher said, have you just done that? And he said, no. And the teacher picked it up and burned himself. Anyway, anyway, I started listening to to Bob when I was trying to get pregnant and I'm still a twice weekly listener. Saw Rob in Manchester recently and seeing Josh with a group of nine mom mates. Bloody hell at the Lowry next year.

Thanks Alex. There is no teaspoons involved in my act. I'll whip one out. Oh, I'll have forgotten. Sadly by that point, I've got a good parenting fail here. Do you want this? Yeah, go on. Emma from Marlow. Hi, Robin Josh. My son Oscar was nine years old and had been diagnosed with an ear infection. The doctor prescribed ear drops. So I got him to lie on the sofa on his side and proceeded to dispense the ear drops into his ear. As I was doing

this, I realized I wasn't holding the prescribed bottle of ear drops. I was in fact dropping in custard flavored vape juice. Is that going to burn? Well I know it's not hot but like is it acidic or not? I suppose it's not is it? Well obviously I was mortified and flipped him over immediately. Unfortunately, there were no lasting effects. However, he is now prone to a custard tart or two. Love the show. Did she say that? Yeah, she said that.

That's good fun, isn't it? Good fun, isn't it? Good fun. Little custard canal. If that did work, if that made kids into the food, would you hold your kid down and pour broccoli? Yeah, I don't think I'd want to encourage my child to be obsessed with custard. It's not a great food to be into.

But if there was like, you know, some really good ones like... Broccoli. Broccoli. Superfoods. Spinach. Kale. Yeah, I think it's worth a little drop in the air, innit? Yeah, it's worth a drop in the air to change someone's personality.

It's worth a drop in the air. It sounds like an old saying there. Worth a drop in the air, innit? Shall we do one more and then end with the playground shaggers? Right, yeah. We've worth a drop in the ear. It sounds like an old saying there. Worth a drop in the ear. Shall we do one more and then end with the playground shaggers? Right yeah we've got a playground shagger. Do you want advice? Someone wants advice? Yeah let's have advice. Okay. Hi Robin Josh, huge fan of the pod. I've been listening since my first daughter was a newborn. We now have a two and a half year old and a nine month old. I'm writing to ask you guys to settle a debate between me and my husband. Before we had kids he was an avid gym goer and when we only had one child, we still managed

to negotiate time for our individual hobbies. However, as you know, the life of two young kids is infinitely more mental and we agreed our hobbies would take the back burner for a while. For a month or so, I've been suspicious. Every time I asked to borrow my husband's car, he immediately rushed out and took a yellow bag out of the car Then this yellow bag kept cropping up around the house and particularly around the washing machine Occasionally he would leave early for work sheepishly carrying the yellow bag. Then it clicked. This was his old gym bag

After denying it a couple of times. He eventually confessed He has been going to the gym before work a few times a month. He promises it's never been after work because to be honest, if he's been chilling on the treadmill whilst I've been fighting for my life with dinner, bath, bed, it would be grounds for divorce. I told him this massively breaches the code of parenting when you have to ask each other permission for such extravagances as going to the gym. He says, I'm being dramatic. What do you guys think? Much love, Lauren from Oxford.

Well, I think the fact he's keeping it a secret shows that he knows he's in the wrong. Yes. Well, in the wrong or not, I think if he can find time to go to the gym in the morning and it isn't impacting on the parenting too much, then surely if he's getting up early enough, is that okay? But it's a bit worrying that they can't actually chat about it and he's doing it secretly, but I think I get the feeling his hurry at her response may not be favorable. So he's just trying to get away with it.

Yeah, I think so. I was talking to a mum at drop off and she was getting up 5am to do the gym before the kids get up and I thought that sounds really tough but if that's what you need to do to do it, I wouldn't do it. No, but I think I think it's important though, I think you've got to do it. I think let each other have your hobbies. I think it's really important too. And I think if he's doing that anyway, then have a sit down and go, look, let's try and carve time out. It's less him not doing the gym and more you getting to do what you want to do a bit. Yeah. And I think if they basically they need, this isn't working because he's secretly going to the gym. So I think they

need to sit down and go, right. We obviously need time for our own hobbies, whether it be go to the gym or go to the cinema, whatever it is you want to do. And I think they just need to find out a way to split the time so they can both go. Cause you it's so important for people's mental health to do hobbies. You can't just be a parent to two kids every single day, 24 hours a day and enjoy every second of it and not go mental. So this maybe is a good opportunity to go, right, you obviously wanted to go to the gym. I want some of my own time. How can

we divide this and sort this out? Yeah. And then come to some sort of arrangement. So in the past, Lou, we went to the gym, Lou sat in the coffee shop with the two kids for 45 minutes as I did a run. Then I went in, sat in the coffee shop and then she went in and went swimming. Yeah. Stuff like that. Yeah. Let us know how you get on. Let us know how you get on.

What advice would, that's my advice Josh, what do you think? I think that's correct. I think he also, uh, he does need to apologize cause you shouldn't be keeping secrets. You shouldn't be keeping secrets, but um, but he's not having an affair affair. Yeah or he might be fucking someone at the gym after the workout who knows. Hi Rob, Josh and Sexy Michael. Please keep me anonymous this remains a family secret to this day. Is this program Shaggers? Yeah my auntie lived on a street which was full of parents and kids who are all similar ages and all went to school together in various year group. My aunt made a new best friend on the street

and together they hosted barbecues, parties, et cetera. It transpired after a number of years that she was having an affair with a postman who happened to be the husband of her best friend. Oh my God. Special delivery. I'll sign for it, all right? With jizz. Am I right?

There we go. There we go. My uncle walked in on them, caught in the act, then sent an anonymous letter via raw mail to the wife who was my auntie's best friend. The man having the affair because he was the postman hand-delivered the letter to his own address, sealing his own fate. That's good. Chaos ensued. It was wild. Thanks for the laughs. Anon. Oh my God.

Delivering your own truth note. Oh my God. Keep, keep sending in those playground shaggers. Keep sending everything in. Neighborhood shaggers that was. It is, we are really, we've got so many good topics. It really is a joy to do the correspondence. I love doing the correspondence.

Yeah. Please keep sending anything around those things and pros for the Swiss, please. I don't want to be anti-Swiss. Right, small business. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. I want to get in touch and hope you might be able to give our family-run business a little shout out. We could do with the boost at the moment and as a bonus, we're based in Northamptonshire, so not Bromley. We are called Flowmatic. We supply things like beer line cleaner and the EcoBurner, which is a game changer for anyone doing hot buffets,

hotels, caterers, weddings, you name it. It's a cleaner, safer, more sustainable than other old gel burners. Genuinely such a helpful product. After working here for over 30 years, my dad used his and mum's savings to buy the company last year. And now it's officially a family run business. We're a small but

hardworking team with a really tough start to 2025 and ongoing staff shortages. We are all rolling up our sleeves to keep things going. Any help or shout out from you guys would mean the world. Please find us online and our website is flowmatic.co.uk that's F L O M A T I is flomatic.co.uk. That's F-L-O-M-A-T-I-C.co.uk, Flomatic. Thanks so much for reading and for the last week in week out,

you've got two loyal fans here. Plus a family business that we'll be forever grateful for a mention, good luck Flomatic. Hi, Josh Robert Michael. I absolutely love listening to your podcast. I'm a mum of four and teacher until recently. Our son who is dyslexic and autistic has really struggled at school because he has to read everything which he finds really difficult. He's found school

really hard at times but he absolutely loves listening to things. He loves listening to audiobooks and podcasts. He seems to read with his ears. With this in mind to help him and to help other children like him we've created a huge bank of audio lessons for primary and secondary children. Everything our son learns at school, we have an audio lesson for him. Without sounding too dramatic, it has honestly changed his life. It's been game changing for him. He's now learning the curriculum in a way his brain wants to learn it. For example, he got 84% in his end of year biology exam. Please have a look at our audio lesson memberships here. So you can join this. This is a bit of a Pete Tong reading

out his email address moment, but here we go. HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash here we go. at i e s classroom dot my Kajabi m y k a j a b i m y k a j a b i.com. Our memberships are just six pound per month, which gives you instant access to all the subjects, topics and lessons. Thank you. Keep being sexually relatable and keep up the good podcast work. You're all legends, Katie. That is a great thing to do, Katie. Well done.

Good work. Cheers guys. Please keep sending in all the correspondent stuff and small business shout outs and we'll see you next time. See you later. Bye.