Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP39: Hold it... Touch it... Pop it...

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... today we go through some of your incredible correspondence including weird phobias, nightmare names, and most years as a parent to an under 18. Shout out to Robert De Niro... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx MAILING LIST: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of

course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with what you want to listen to? Rob Becker and Josh Willicombe! Are you sure? Yeah, I want I, I, Rob Becker and Josh Willicombe is my best. It's your best? All right, fair enough. I'm doing daddy's today. Oh, thank you. You let me listen to what I want to. Good girl. Thank you, Pippa.

Welcome. That was a great one. That sounded from the south west. Rob Becker. Yes, it's Cornwall. Got it. That sounded from the South West. Rob Becker. Yes, it's Cornwall. Got it. Look at that. Got it.

I've got an ear for a tongue. You've got an ear for a tone? I didn't get that. This is our four-year-old daughter Pippa, who's gone from occasionally hearing you in the background to literally demanding we put your pod on every time we get in the car before we've even got our seatbelts on. That's got to be problematic, isn't it? It's not okay what we say, is it, for kids?

No, shout out to Pipa. We're not sure who's the bigger fan, her or her mum or dad. We talked about someone getting fucked in St. Paul's Cathedral. She's not gonna know what St. Paul's Cathedral is. Now she would have heard that because she's obviously been allowed

to listen to the one she's on. Sorry. Either way, we're grateful for the amount of time we spend in random car parks or on our own driveway because we can't stop listening to, straight laughing at an episode. Please stay sexually relatable at least twice a week. Our sanity and our daughter's demands depend upon it.

Thomas, 512 months, Rachel, 460 months, super fan, Pippa. Do you think we're gonna be like lodged in a generation subconscious where I always remember the name and diamond. Of course, Rob, because mom used to watch and diamond on the telly in the morning and my mom used to hate her because she used to look so beautiful. And my mom felt so crap. Do you remember and diamond? I do. And a Nick, of course, and Nick, who's Nick? He was our co-host. He was the Richard to her Judy. I was a big fan of Eamonn Holmes and Fiona Phillips back in the day. That was a great pairing.

Yeah, GMTV. Before he went rogue. Yeah, before he went rogue. I think, yes, I suppose in a way we will become the kind of kitch names from the past. Yeah. You know, we're guessing on on You Bet Rob. If you think about the people that did that role when we were kids. Yes, of course. If you were to now say the words, you know, Bobby D'Avro, Ralph Harris. Which one's gonna be which? I've got the beard. Anyway. Oh gosh, Josh, we've got one hell of a big correspondence bag, word document that we need to get through because you guys keep pumping us with anecdotes and stories and

we just aren't getting them out. We've got this one we need to address. Oh, he's straight in. The runners bum one because you said that you ran and needed a poo and you said that's the thing that happens with running. I didn't need a pill. I almost shot myself. You're very polite.

Right. So we've got a lot. We've had a lot of emails about this. The Michael's inbox is full of streaming down the legs, the metaphorical legs. All over the Gmail spot. The afternoon fellow sweaty messes, just on a 27 degree run and listening to the episode where Rob doesn't believe in runners diarrhea. As a long distance runner myself, I can say it's 100% a thing. Here we go. A runner's worst nightmare is not having a pre run poop poop on hot days runners take on supplements for electrolytes

salts a mix of heat running electrolytes means a shit in a bush if you're lucky is Inevitable well just to be clear. I hadn't taken electrolytes stroke salts. You just live in your life and you need one Why do you think runners carry Vaseline? It says bumhole chafing. No, I thought it was for Sex on halfway through. For a quick, you know, quick boost. No, I thought that Vaseline was for the... Nipples. For the nipple chafing.

Yeah, but he's putting it on his anus. Oh no, she is. She is. Sorry. What a sport that is though, that you will have to shit at some point during it. Well, presumably. Why is it any different to any other sport in the sun?

You know, when you see like a cricketer, to shit at some point during it. Well presumably. Why is it any different to any other sport in the sun? You know when you see like a cricketer, if you've got, if you're a pace bowler and you're in white and you're wearing whites and you're in India, like, oh my God, good luck. Surely like you're like, I'd have thought consistently sprinting in and then stopping is worse than consistently jogging. If you know what I mean. The issue is you can pop back to the dressing room in most sports when running. There is no dressing room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The streets are your dressing room. The streets are your dressing room. Sex in public places. Yes. Keep me anonymous, but there's no way any listener can top this. Oh. Okay.

In my previous job, I did some work for a multinational industrial developer that builds but there's no way any listener can top this. Ooh. Okay. In my previous job, I did some work for a multinational industrial developer that builds mega sheds. Far up in the house. That sounds like a scam straight away, is it real? Mega sheds. Pop that into Google.

Surely a mega shed's a barn. Yeah. You want a little warehouse? Yeah. Surely it's shed, barn, shed, garage, barn, warehouse. That's all the levels, isn't it a warehouse? Surely it's shed, barn, shed, garage, barn, warehouse. That's all the levels in it. Do you know what mega shed? Oh, I've put, oh, I've put mate.

Oh wait. Mega sheds. Oh yeah, it does come up. They're just normal sheds. No, that's just, that's a North Wailian shed company called mega sheds. Oh, I bet they're getting some very disappointed customers when it turns up Oh, yeah, there's a store. Oh fucking hell. Here we go There's a story on BBC Northampton

Okay, that's that's where I go for my news. And about you written by man brilliantly called John iron Munger superb name Called why are people living in the shadow of mega sheds? And this is picture of this is a warehouse. It looks like you know when you go past like an Amazon warehouse inside of motorway. So why is that mega shed? Bang in the middle of England Northamptonshire has more storage and distribution centers than anywhere else in the country.

Yes. All right, come on, John, let's cut to the fucking chase. Yeah, come on, stop hitting your word count for a bit of extra money. Corby, for example, don't put for example in your second. Yeah, we know it's an example. You tell us about the sheds. Keep talking. It's the home of dozens of towering mega sheds, including Europe's worldwide HQ and Nike's forthcoming logistics campus. Oh, so maybe it's used for things, but it hasn't got any windows. The bed does need, I'd say a shed needs to be wood

and have a window. It's basically a fucking warehouse and people have to live near it, is the gist of this. Anyway, the largest space I shagged in with my then boyfriend was a new build, 300,000 square foot building. Wow. That went on to become a data center. If you want to see how big

300,000 square feet is just Google it. Oh, okay. I thought she was gonna give us Alright Nan It's like the size of like the football stadium. Yeah, well I'll have to Google it You could you could ask you could do that with anything if you want to know this You can do that in an email. What Corby's like for example, Google it. Just Google it 300 square foot how big in football? pitches Do you have a guess Rob? What am I guessing? How many football pitches 300,000 square feet is oh?

Ten yeah, that's the problem. It's not as big as we think it's all four four How many football pitches 300,000 square feet is? Oh, 10? Yeah, that's the problem. It's not as big as we think. It's four. Four. Okay, still decent. It is big. It is big. I mean, it's big for a fuck, isn't it? It's big for a fuck.

And I think that's winning so far. That is winning. She says a circus girl can stuff that up a big top. Thanks and on. Blimey. Blimey, right. I've got an AI overview here. A mega shed and a warehouse both functions storage facilities, but a warehouse is typically a larger, more sophisticated structure designed for intensive

storage and logistical operations, often with features like load in docs and specialized equipment. Mega sheds, on the other hand, are large, but often simpler structures, sometimes used for more basic storage. So a mega sheded would be used so it's just a big shed that you just chuck data service in because you don't need to be working and operating in there. I tell you what this is informative isn't it? It is. And then a barn is basically a Megashed for the for the countryside. Exactly. Hi Josh, Rob and Michael. Love your podcast or as my kids call it, the Swery podcast. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. By the way, so we listened to music on the way

to school Rob. Yeah. We're currently on Carly Rae Jepsen's biggest hits. Absolutely. She liked, what's the main one? Call Me Maybe. Yeah. But with the previous biggies, Dua Lipa, Sabrina, Taylor, I like Carly Rae Jepsen's hits, but they don't age as well if you're listening to them every morning and every afternoon. Yeah. There's not as much depth to them. No, I do. I do feel like Taylor Swift's country roots means that she's quite musically into it. Like it feels a bit like she there's a bit more going into that. Yeah. I want to show a recent moment that felt like a pure wanker parent moment. One morning at school drop off, I was chatting to another mum when I noticed a small

plastic zip bag in her hand containing what looked suspiciously like a medical device. Turns out it was a snot sucker. Oh yeah. She explained that a six year old, six year old, has a patchily runny nose wasn't managing to blow it properly. Her solution, oh yeah this isn't on, hand the snot sucker to the teaching assistant so she could keep an eye on it and use it when necessary. That is absolutely insane. I must have had a look of complete horror because she quickly asked, that's okay, isn't it? No, no it's not.

As a secondary school teacher, I've thankfully never been expected to remove nasal mucus from my students, but I knew my sister, a primary school teacher, would be just as horrified as I was. Then the mum added, do you think she'll be too busy? Yes, that's it, I said, nodding politely while internally screening. How do you even she'll be too busy? Yes, that's it. I said nodding politely while internally screening. How do

you even begin to explain how totally grossed and wildly unfair that request is? Well, they're just not gonna do it, are they? Just wipe it. It's just runny anyway. Just wipe it. All kids come out of school runny nose. It's basically par for the course. And it's life, isn't it? It's life. And if also that kid is six now, if he don't like it, or she don't like it, learn to blow your nose.

Exactly. Or the teacher learn to blow your nose. Exactly. Or the teacher could just wipe their nose. Do you know what I mean? Or the kid can just fucking learn. Yeah. It's just that is mental, but the parents are a bit too overprotective, aren't they? Let me do a couple. Let me do a couple. Let's enjoy our lives. Sorry. If you can hear banging upstairs, it's the kids. No, no, walking around. Not. He's got the builder over. So, Lou and Adrian upstairs, absolutely. Working things out for the refurb of the bedroom.

Longest time in years with a child 18 and under. Oh, this was, yeah, this was when we were talking about people that had loads of kids with big gaps. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Just listening to the Jack Skipper episode whilst putting the endless amounts of washing away. Rob was telling the story about guy at his gig that had a big age gap with his kids. I think I can beat it. My husband has a son age 25, who's actually getting married next year, a 14 year old son, a two year old son and a four month old son. Yep, all boys I I'm completely outnumbered for clarity. The two older boys are my lovely step sons.

Youngest terrors are mine. So for assuming we stopped parenting at 18, which doesn't look likely, then my husband would have been parenting for 43 years by the time getting gets to 18.. That's is awful. Yeah. That is mental. That is wild. I love being a parent, but I don't want to do it for 43 years. Right. Yeah. As a side note, he's absolutely smashing being a dad again for the full time and does all the early mornings like a true part. Yeah. Old people are getting up early.

Those care homes are all up at five. Love the pod keep it up Holly 427 months. So the record at the moment is 43 years. Anyone can beat that. Because this isn't like stopping, this is the continuous where there's always a kid under 18. Not like an Al Pacino with like a 30 year old. So what age did he start? Well, we haven't actually got his age. Well, we don't know whether Al Pacino has gone through because like someone like, could someone do the research on celebs? Because I, I didn't say. Someone, it's only me, you and Mark Lear. I'm not doing it.

I meant someone who listens. Because I. You said that like as a gall gallant as a team. Michael trying to edit another episode going fuck off. I'm not a bit of a deep diver. Someone like Mick Jagger might have gone the whole way through since he was 20 to 80. Do you know what I mean? I think he's still got under 18s.

Really? Okay. So do let us know. One of the you know one of the team one of the mega team so I think he's got four children 41 to 27 I don't think Al Pacino's got young I thought Mick Jagger had a younger I think he's got loads of kids Jesus Christ Jagger how many kids does Elon Musk is another one, but he's not all right. He's had kids from Chris.

Jack. He's got eight kids. Right now. So the kid in 1970 and the kid in 1971 one in 1984. Yeah, he's still going. So he's still going to 8592. Yeah, seven such five year gap and then 99 and then 99 and then yet to 2016. So that's five year gap and then 99 and then 99 and then yeah to 2016. So that's 17 years. Yeah. So technically, what is so add 18 years to 2016. What's that?

One of the team on it. 2034 2034. So what's the age gap between 1970 and 2034? 64 years. Fuckin' hell. And so how old was Mick Jagger when he had his first kid? So he's 1943, so he was 27. God, he didn't even start early.

No, you'd have thought he'd have one at 21 or something because he's dragging around. What are you doing then? So for him, he's touring the world. I don't think he's got childcare. He's got to have nanny. He's got to be a system. Of course he's got nannies. No, but he's got to be a system where it's not just a nanny or a bit of childcare, where

it's like you employ two people full time to literally be the first port of call. Do you know what I mean? Do you think he's taking his kids with him? Where does he live? I think it's a bit like buying a big country estate. You know there's people that buy like 50 acre estate. You buy the house and then immediately hire gardeners. Yeah, of course.

And then the rich person that owns the house will occasionally go out and snip a couple of rose bushes. But they hate the gardeners. Yeah, of course. And then the rich person owns a house will occasionally go out and snip a couple of rose bushes. But I am the gardener. So I think that's the way I was parent. It's really good. Have you seen the documentary on Netflix about Martha Stewart? No, I mean, I watched one about a son of Bin Laden, but I've not seen the Martha Stewart. Oh, it's brilliant. She went to prison. Oh, I keep thinking of Moira Stewart. She just did the news for a bit. Martha Stewart's that rich woman and then she was the first female billionaire and then she got she went to prison. But it shows her what she's into gardening,

but it shows her with her gardeners and like her staff. And it's about the first black woman to host the news. In the morning with Stuart doc, it talks about how difficult it is. Cause she sometimes do six o'clock and sometimes she do nine o'clock. So childcare was a nightmare. And you'd have to shift the tone of that sometimes you don't want to scare people too much before bed. So Mick Jagger has had kids. Yeah, sorry.

Yeah, it's difficult. I mean, obviously we'd love him as a guest. It's you speculate that how much is he doing with this one he's currently got? Well, she's well so 2016. So she's nine, eight, nine. I don't think he's doing the same things that we're doing with our nine year old Al Pacino. Um, he's got three kids, one in 1989, one in 2001, and then one in 2023. So. 2001 and 20. He had a little bit of a break before the 2023 one.

I think it's De Niro you were thinking of who's got recently had a kid. I did the maths on De Niro while you were speaking. So. Oh, Mike, Michael. In our team? Hang on. Sorry. Let's hear from the team. So Michael and the team, just say that. It sounds like a bit of that. Sounds like Stephen Bartlett. One second. Guys, can you be quiet, please? Everyone in the team, just say that. It sounds like a bit of a one second. Guys, can you be quiet, please? Can you be quiet? I'm trying to speak to my cause.

Michael's been working on the thumbnails. But I think we put out. So De Niro's got seven kids. I had his first kid at 24 years old. He was now now 57 years old. De Niro is currently 81 years old. Yeah, 24 years old. He had his first kid who 24 years old, who is now 57 years old. De Niro is currently 81 years old. At 24 years old, he had his first kid who's now 57. He's got a kid who's 48 next. He's got twins who are 29. He's got another kid who's 27, another kid who's 13, and recently, so he's got a two-year-old.

So if that two-year-old in 16 years time, he would have been a parent for 73 years. Oh my God. And you know what? I don't think he's done. Also, I don't want to be mean, but I don't think he's going to hit 73 years of being a parent. I reckon we'd have got about 68. Don't want to get dark, but if you are having a kid at, you know, 80. Do you know what? Fair play to Robert De Niro. He's only been married twice. Yeah. Do you know what? Fair play. Mick Jagger spread that over quite,

the first woman he married was called Diane Abbott, but I can't imagine it's the same Diane Abbott that I'm thinking of. No, it's not that Diane Abbott. Oh, a different Diane Abbott. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Um, right. So he's winning at the moment. So if he's if he lives to see I don't know if he is because

it wasn't there a 20 year gap there in the middle. Do you know what he's done off menu? We'll probably ask him in about three years time. There was one very brief period where his youngest turned over 18. And then he thought I really

missed this. So we're gonna have another one. So he had the had so he did have a year off. So he had probably less than a year off and then the universe gave him twins as a reward. Wow. So De Niro is winning. This episode is brought to you by Adidas. When the frustration grows and the doubts start to creep in, we all need someone who has our back to tell us we'll be okay, to remind us of our ability to believe. Because their belief in us transfers to self-belief and reminds us of all that we're capable of.

We all need someone to make us believe. Hashtag you got this. Right. Do you want some weird phobias, parenting fails, babysitting stories, nightmare names? Nightmare names I like. I've forgotten about we did that. And we've got loads of playground shaggers we can do a couple of or save it for a special. Should we save it for a special? Yeah, let's save it for a special. We'll do one playground shagger at the end

as a little taster and then it will inspire people to send more in for a playground shagger special, yeah? But in the meantime, here's nightmare names. I've just been catching up on the last few parts and had to write in with some famous names. I used to go to school with someone called Michael Jackson Yeah, and my mom wants to a man called James Bond But Michael Jackson James Bond. Yeah would have been famous. I know that it's the mom isn't it?

Michael Jackson Has was famous from the 70s wasn't he? Well Bond's been famous before the 60s. It depends how old the mum is. My mum wants to do a man called James Bond, which yeah, so potentially that might. Yeah, if you're naming your kid Michael Jackson or James Bond after they're famous, that's insane. Yeah, it was ridiculous. But yes, we've got Michael Jackson, James Bond. No kids, but I still love the pod. I'm a Brit living in New Jersey, 10 minutes from Manhattan and can confirm after your convo a few weeks back that you always want to listen such what short British home comforts. We really do have the best sense of humor

at say sexy and relatable. Oh, Alice, 404 months, because we have a lot of people ex-pats listening around the world. Because I think obviously, they're missing a little bit of British little bits of British podcasting banter. Exactly. They miss the culture of you know I love Ireland Moira Stewart this is culture this is what we give in the world this is what we want go on them so tell me tell me another one tell you know that's telling out their names I'll get you some weird phobias out oh yeah I do

weird phobias then a baby sick story hi I heard get you some weird phobias out. Yeah, I do weird phobias than a baby sick story. Hi, I heard you asking for strange phobias. I have a debilitating phobia of balloons. Oh, that's so weird. Why? Or is that the end of the sentence? Or is you gonna? No, no, no, no, it's so weird. I didn't know if he was going into something. I went to a 40th birthday party.

Yeah. And so it was our friend who we know from school. Yeah. And another pair of parents were there. Yeah. And one of the parents that we knew had got there and it was in a bar that had a load of balloons up and she had a debilitating fear of balloons.

And she'd had to go outside, have a cigarette because she'd had a panic attack because of all the balloons. Because it's a fear of them popping. And then, here's the kicker. I suddenly realized why it was the dad that always comes to the children's parties. Because she can't do balloons.

Because she can't do balloons. Because she can't do balloons. Oh my, look, I'm all, I'm, you know, we're very pro being on top of your mental health and understanding people have anxieties and worries, but I do feel like the balloon phobia is solvable. You've just got to, you've just got to hold it, touch it and pop it. And then just kind of hold it, touch it and pop it. You've got to hold it, touch it and pop it baby. I don hold it, touch and pop it, touch it and pop it baby. Rose doesn't like a balloon popping. Rose likes one popping less than me. Like Rose will react when a balloon has popped.

Like we've been stormed in an embassy. Cause they do, they do this a lot on this morning called like this, you know, the speakman's have you heard of the speakman's? Now I have but why have I heard of the speakman's? Are they a couple that are like, um, counselors? Yes. You know what I mean? They literally this is their thing or what they'll do is they'll take some of

this because we're laughing but people do have proper phobias but they literally their body is not there's no choice their body reacts and they go and it's an anxiety attack and and they get and it's an anxiety attack and and they take these people normally in within a few hours can get them holding and popping a balloon and they do it on this morning a lot because they get someone on like this, let's get a balloon and then the speakman's coming and go don't worry we'll talk about this. They take them off to a room and they film them chatting to them and then chop up the highlights of it then later on that day they get a balloon out and before you know it you hold it, you touch it, you pop it. Oh wow. We should get them on. Well I'll play have the Speakmans on, will we? Don't know. I'll have the Speakmans on. I'll have the

Speakmans on and Jade from North West Cumbria, the actual North, that can discuss this. She's also said, does Josh know he laughs like the laugh from the Michael Jackson song thriller? I don't know. Should I play the laugh from the Michael Jackson song thriller now? If you can, or just laugh. Oh, there we go. First of all, how the fuck did you get that back?

That's our team. No, that's not me. That's Michael. Oh, Michael. You're lying to me. That's the team, isn't it, Rob? That's the bloody team. It's too slick for me, having's the team in there Rob To slip for me having this new team that we've how many people in that office Michael get in that for you just me Just yeah, oh, yeah, whatever play along this 25 people

Operation I wanna How many people work for goalalhanger? It must be fucking loads. Can I hear that again, Michael? You're so fast it's shocking. I'd say there's a little croakiness in that, that you have when you're really laughing. Yeah, yeah. You know, you slip into a little croco. I wish it was me because presumably that guy, I wonder whether the, what a boring thing to say.

I wonder whether he's on a buyout or whether he's- Oh, it's gotta be a buyout. And if you're Michael Jackson, you're not messing about with numbers. He's famously on a buyout. Oh, is he? He was offered royalties of 30,000 cash when he took the 30,000.

Oh no. I think it would have been worth over 100 million. Oh no. Oh no. Who is it? Who's laughing now? It's Vincent Price. Oh right, so like a famous horror guy. Yeah, the bit of the start, you know, the way he reads the sort of start of thriller, that story element. I love to name your price. I love to name your price. And he took 30 grand and not 100 mil... Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Oh my word. There we go. How often does he think about that? Is he dead? Yeah, he's dead. Oh, no. Often do his family think about that. Is that love? Give a little bit of the wake. Fucking we could have been on shampers if he took the room. We're an eggnog. Oh, man Right, babysitting stories. Here we go. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. Ten years ago I was working as an au pair while on a working holiday visa in Australia.

One night I came home at 2am very drunk. My stumbling around must have woken a 3 year old who came wandering out of his room. I figured he probably needed a wee and drunkenly slung him over my shoulder. The mum came out of her room and asked why I was stacking around in the middle of the night with her kid over my shoulder. I can't really remember what I said, but she took him off me and I went to bed. I woke up the next day mortified. Thankfully, she saw the funny side and we're still really good friends to this day. Bloody hell. Yeah, I think that is an au pair. It's sort of a nanny that lives with you, isn't it?

So you pay them less, but they get free accommodation. Yeah, that often like a kind of like a, so why was I gonna say Swedish? Let's say Swedish student or something. Stop thinking about your fantasies. And they're like a young kind of Swedish girl in like short skirt or something after that. Yeah, only when they've read the dress code requirements you put in the contract. No, they're often a foreign like person who wants to experience London or whatever. Yeah, and obviously there will be some cleaning involved as well. So we've got the maid outfit for you. You want to pull that out? Keep things spick and span.

Right. What do you want? We've got what I'll tell you what, I've got a parenting foul, Josh, and then you can do a playground shaggers for us. Here we go. Hi, this still makes me die a little bit inside every time I think about what I did. My Jack, sorry, this, what a mental start to a message. What's the topic, Rob? An April Fool's parenting fail.

Oh no. Hi, this still makes me die a little bit inside every time I think about what I did. My Jack Russell dog had three legs. I imagine she had four but at some point but no. My Jack Russell dog had three legs. She had one amputated, sorry I feel bad now, she had one amputated due to cancer. It's alright because the dog survived. That's good. I know but, so I just sort of forget dogs get cancer. I know, it's weird isn't it? Yeah, anyway.

Do you find with animals, they never just get ill? Like when Beryl gets ill, she's probably like, oh right, they're never just a bit under the weather. They don't get cold do they? No. But I suppose they're not meeting, I suppose they're not meeting, they've got their nose up other dogs arseholes, but not getting any. Like you never like, oh fuck, the animals just. Oh, my dog once, when it came back from the kennel. Barrel's got a cough or whatever.

Dogs can get kennel cough. Oh, can they? Yeah, they can catch it. It always feels they're either great or they're terrible. That doesn't seem to be a medium. Well, the medium I got was kennel cough, but it sounded horrific. He was barking. Oh, my god, he's dying. It sounded like he's been sick all the time. Anyway, I thought it was dying, but then it was just kennel cough. They just give it a finger sign of what it looks. You just keep

them away from other dogs. Anyway, one April 4th, this is we're back to the three legged Jack Russell that survived cancer. Welcome to Parenting Health. One April Fools Day, I woke up my eight year old daughter and do you remember when we interviewed the ex prime minister of New Zealand? Yeah, it was only about three weeks ago, but it does feel like a long time, doesn't it? It feels like it's gone three years since the start of this email I've read out. One April Fools Day,

I woke up my eight year old daughter and told her Tigger's leg had grown back. Oh my God. He's told the daughter that the cancer dog's leg had grown back. Oh my god. He's told the daughter that the cancer dog's legs are growing back. I thought she'd know it was April Fools. She did not. Her little face was both horrified but happy that our beloved Tigger was back to four limbs. When I told her it was a joke, she looked at me with a look I've never seen since. She looked so confused. Yeah, understandably. Sad and upset. Why would our mum joke about something so inappropriate? To this day, I don't know why I did it. It's never been mentioned since. Oh no. Oh no.

I'm to Bobby now 12 and Molly age nine. Oh my god. I just think April falls on children are never a good idea. I know parents, you want to be a laugh. There's other times just it doesn't, it's never, I don't think it's not a good thing to do. Is it? No, you're basically the, the, the, the, it's a prank and the, and the, the, for a fun joke for children, the junk joke should always be on something else other

than them. Yes. But within April falls, the joke is always on the child. And that feels scary and vulnerable for the child. Yeah, I just don't think April Fools, they never work. Generally, they're not great, are they? Oh, the amount of times I go on

and there's like a stupid boxing promotion company going, introducing our new five sided ring. Fucking bore off. It's just people that aren't funny for the rest of the year. Oh, it's just, but I feel so, to go introducing our new five sided ring. Fucking. It's just people that aren't funny for the rest of the year. Oh, I feel sorry. It's these poor social media managers that have to churn out some shit content or otherwise I get told off and they don't even love it or like it, but they just have to do it because everyone else is doing it and it's just bullshit. Anyway, hope the dogs are alright.

Do you want to do a playground shaggers? Yeah, go on. Hi, Rob and Josh. Long time listener, first time emailer, and boy do I have a playground shaggers that are almost too ridiculous to be true. Please keep me anonymous. Yes, please. They have left their initials, but I won't do them. No. Also, they have named their

exact school that this happened at and the era. I mean, they're terrible at being anonymous. Back in the mid 90s, I was a student at Oakwood Park Grammar School in Maidstone Kent. Why have they put that in? You didn't need that. A few of us were working on a video project and asked to borrow a camcorder and tapes from the media cupboard. This was the golden age of VHS. I remember doing almost exactly the same myself. While rifling through the tapes, oh no, this can't be true. They are right, too ridiculous to be true. I haven't even got there, but I'm presuming what's going to happen.

We popped one into the player, expecting to find a school trip or a Shakespeare play. What we got instead was two teachers in the gym going at it full on. One teacher tied to the gym bars covered in whipped cream. Piss off. So it's a VHS recording of two teachers from that school, one of them tied to a gym bar covered in cream. Yeah, fucking. Who's tied? The man or the woman, do you reckon?

It's got to be the man and she's got something else. It's got to be the man, yeah. Otherwise it's too dark if he's just tied the female teacher up and... And he's videoed it. On a VHS and left it in the cupboard. Turns out the tape had been recorded years earlier and accidentally left in school.

How? Look, this is nonsense. It's not a USB. This is a VHS is a massive. You know where one is. Absolute chaos followed. No shit. Watered spread like wildfire.

Half the year group had seen it before a teacher finally shut it down. The incident ended up in the local press and the sun. No. What's the name of the school again? Well, if it's been in the press already, we can say it, can't we? Oakland Park Grammar School. Get the team on it, Michael, because I don't want that in my Google search history.

I'm on it. Both teachers were suspended, Rob, but both kept their jobs. If they're single... Oh, well, to be fair, a former grammar school teacher had sex with a pupil from that school as well. What's going on at that school? There you go. So this was, she was a 30 year old geography teacher and she had sex with a six former

happened at my school. Genuinely. They both got fired. Well, they didn't both get fired. Six former Kenya. No, but they left. And I thought that someone told me they were still together. All around terrible double standards to this day. It's still the most bizarre and unexpected bit of sex education I've ever received. Thanks for the laughs. That is fucking wild.

Well, alert. Now that it's been in the press, is there anyone else with stories from that score about that that can corroborate? Or could you send us the story? Yeah, if anyone can find it. You might have to go to the... Tell you what, Michael, get the team down at the British Museum. Rifle through some sacks.

I'm thinking that was pre-digital. Yeah. That'll be one of those things like, you know, when you're in a big scroll, like a horror movie. We've got one stationed at the Rich Museum full-time just for this kind of thing. They've just sent it through to me now, actually, if you check. Oh, brilliant. That's great. Yeah, cool. Well, we'll run through it in the next step, yeah? That is incredible. Keep coming in.

Thanks guys. guys yeah loads more playground sugar stories. It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka, soda, natural flavors. So what should we talk about? So, what should we talk about? No sugar added? Neutral. Refreshingly simple. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue?

A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over deliver. Right, let me do a small business shout out. Here we go. Hello, Josh and Rob. Long time listening here. Really love what you do and keeps me laughing at my commutes. I like to shout out my wife's business. She started during COVID. Coventry Rocks. Coventry Rocks is a searchable what's on guide of things to do in Coventry and Warwickshire for families,

giving users a chance to browse fun activities, events and attractions all in one place. Coventry Rocks.co.uk Oh, Michael sent it through! Oh, has he actually found it? Yeah, teachers axed for sex in June video. This guy's on fucking smoke! They weren't axed. Michael, how have you found that, genuinely?

Have we actually got a team? We put paying for people? I don't want that. Two teachers have been suspended from a top grammar school after pupils saw a video of them having kinky sex in the gym. Oh my god, this is actually true. I tell you what, they don't look like you'd imagine, do they? No, they don't. He looks like he's... I was imagining they were kind of young shaggers. No, he looks so straight. It's unbelievable. But little did you know, he's got whipped cream on the end of his knob tied to some apparatus. Oh my God. That's insane. Michael, how did you find that? But

what's happening today? What's going on? You've took that limitless pill that Bradley Coop read. What did you do for that that quick? I just googled the name of the school, sex, VHS and scandal. And then the third or fourth option. Do you know what's funny is when you've said it on the WhatsApp group, the last thing that got sent was a photo of Joshua Pamela Anderson. So it looks like it's about them. Anyway, back to Coventry rocks. Now the site works works like an app and has a handy reviews of things we've done as a family and honest feedback on highlights and recommendations. Jeff, my wife, has put her heart and soul into business, starting it.

And unfortunately, during COVID, with the world shut down, it had a stuttering start as events and businesses closed. Thankfully, the business has begun to grow and excel and even receive some rewards. I'm amazingly proud of what she's achieved with this business. Look forward to seeing it continue to be a success and passion. It honestly has become like our third child. Please check out the discount reward scheme, stay sector relatable. That is from Kevin McLeish.

There you go. Kevin McLeish. And he said he's looking forward to seeing Josh with a beard. But that's, I think we mentioned you having a beard and you should grow it out. Commentary rocks.co.uk. There we go. Can you please give a small business shout out to my sister who's just opened her own pottery studio earlier this year called Haim, H-A-M-E Pottery, based in Brighton, Beaverdene.

Beavendene, is that a place in Brighton, Beaverdeen, Beavendeen. Is that a place in Brighton? She runs pottery classes, offers studio space, and sells her lovely ceramics there too. She's been working towards this goal for 10 years, and she's so brilliant at teaching, and really passionate about running affordable and relaxed sessions that everyone can attend. Her sessions are child-friendly too.

Get involved, the studio space is gorgeous. She has converted it herself from a rundown takeaway that hadn't been open for years. It's all good news. Find out more and book in a session at haimpottery.co.uk or email her, haimpotterystudio.gmail.com for any specific requests. Thanks so much.

Absolutely love the podcast, Mari. There we go. I'll see you next week Josh but in the meantime Michael can we just quick round of applause for Michael here. This is unbelievable producing there you and the guys just I tell you what yeah it's Friday coming up so get pizza for the guys in the office yeah? Yeah. Right see you later. Bye.