Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP4: I should apologise to Rose

Episode Date: March 7, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... On this episode we discuss the new Bridget Jones film (WARNING - SPOILER ALERT!!) Rob comes up with a revolutionary new stand-up tour model, and we get A.I. to write some jokes for us. It's safe to say we don't need to worry about it taking over any time soon... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you get into an Escape Plug-in Hybrid, you get the perfect mix. You can chill in electric mode, turn it up in gas mode, or get the best of both in hybrid mode. Choose how you move in the all-in-one Escape. And right now, get a $3,000 rebate on the Escape Plug-in Hybrid and all 2025 Escape models. For details, visit your Toronto area Ford store or ford.ca. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.

And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hill, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.

Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell. Wait, wait, I'm not recording.

What's going on, Josh? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What's going on? It's four minutes past ten. Yeah, I know, but you both know what we were just talking about, Rob, for the last four minutes. No, I said, are you ready to go? Yeah. And then, yeah, I've actually got to do the builder's number plates because they're working on the kitchen today.

And I was like, well, the kitchen that you got done before Christmas, so you could move in on time. It's not the kitchen, Robert. It's the other side of the room. What do you mean it's the other side of the room? It's all the joinery on the other side of the room. But part of the kitchen, the room, if you said what room are they in at the moment,

what room are they in? Yeah, yeah, the kitchen. So the kitchen's still being done. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. No, I just wanted to confirm. That's all. Just wanted to confirm.

I put the fucking wrong number plate in on Friday. Or maybe it was the date and they can't be logging that again. The builder's left in December. Ha ha ha. That was such a great fake slightly angry laugh. No, sorry. It wasn't so much angry. It was trying to remember a number plate while laughing.

Oh dear Josh. Dump. Great. Should we do the start again then and you can play the clip? You ready? Oh fucking hell. What's going on with the iPhone emails with the new iOS update? Oh this is AI.

It's doing my fucking head in. It's mixed them all into different piles and I don't want, I just want all my emails together. You don't know how my mind works. I've got primary, I just want all of them. I don't want that. I just want my fucking emails. It's changed again. It used to be all mail, didn't it? So because Michael's forwarded on the voice one, it's gone into a different fucking pile. Do you know what I'm going to do now? This is my, this is my new approach.

Rather than be angry with it, right? I don't know. Rather than be angry with AI and the future of communication. This is what I'm going to do. Yeah. I'm not gonna, I'm just going to trust the process. And if I miss an email, I miss an email. And if I miss an email, I miss an email. Is that important to me? I don't think this is AI Rob. Why is it?

I'm not that fussed about AI either way. As in, I'm not losing sleep over it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But this is just a new fucking email system, which is a bit like your Gmail, where it splits it into things. But it does it on your phone. And it means I've got two emails from Michael this morning and they've gone into different

inboxes. So I've got Michael's emails right in my primary, straight in the primary. Yeah, I've got that in my primary. And then because he's forwarded on the voicemail from the Parenting Hell account, it's gone in as some kind of like spam or whatever. Oh, God. Have you said that to me, Michael? No, no, I get that sent. I also think AI is getting a lot of fucking credit for stuff that used to just be called computers.

Well, do you know what I found interesting about AI? Basically AI can make songs, can't it? It just copies all the songs on the internet and then makes up new songs. And it's allowed the copyright. Yeah. If it's allowed the copyright and my bands are campaigning, they're going, I don't want you sticking my song into your computer system without my say so and then just churning out new songs. But I'm just like, well, if what the amount of grief comedy got for not being art, but that seems to be one that the computers can't do. They can't churn out stand up or routines or that kind of

stuff. But a riff. Should we do an AI Rob Beckett joke? Have you got AI up there then? I think you can just do it can't you? Michael, do you know what? This is a good one for Michael. Les, at the end of the episode, could you have AI'd a Josh Whiddicombe joke and a Rob Beckett joke? Yeah. Okay, cool. You know what, that was quite sexy there, Michael. That I imagine is, you

know, like stereotypically women like a man that's handy. I thought you were going to say I was quite sexy there Michael that I imagine is you know like stereotypically women like a man that's handy I thought you were gonna say I was quite sexy no not you Michael I thought you were like do you know what I liked about that Josh what I found sexy is you took control of the situation and yeah because what you did sexy no no you lent near the camera your hair went in the camera you put down you tippy tappy tapped away could have worked it out, then asked for a bigger boy to do it. Yeah, all right, yeah, fine. Then Michael went, yeah, baby. Right, let's just fucking do this.

Welcome to the show with... Harry, what can you say? Um, gosh, where you come? And? I want to take it. Ron. Is that Ron? Yeah. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael.

I hope you are well. And I timed this email perfectly with Michael's Monday morning top of the par selection. She's done it. Oh, smashed it. 6.27 AM. She's given Michael more respect than she thinks. Wow.

What time are you up this morning, Michael? Quarter to 10, when he sent us this email. No, I was off a bit earlier than that. 9.47 to do this. And my alarm went off at 8.59 this morning. So fucking hell. I don't think I will ever in my life again make it to 8.59. I would say though, in my defence, last night. Oh, it was the Oscars? I stayed up to watch the Oscars. You're one of those nerds. I wasn't in bed till gone 4am. Can I give you the top three things I don't give a fuck about?

The Oscars. Yep, agreed. I expect it's got worse as well. None of the films nominated, anyone knows or gives a fuck about. I just don't care about the Oscars. The Brut brutalist. Ugh! Fuck off, Brody.

He's up next week, Rob. You fucking wish. He's in the worst episode of Succession, in my opinion, but that's neither here nor there. He was very good at it. My point is, Saturday Night Live, I couldn't give a flying fuck about Saturday. People, have you seen the new sketch on Saturday Night Live?

Yeah, it's 15 minutes and it's shit. I couldn't give a flying fuck about Saturday. People, have you seen the new sketch on Saturday Night Live? Yeah, it's 15 minutes and it's shit. I find it quite smug and American. Like, and a bit like, you know what I mean? It feels a bit like- Have you seen those hosting Saturday Night Live? I don't care! I like them all individually.

I like that all the performers on there most of the time. It reminds me, it reminds me of, it's like those people that performed, like at the end of assembly, there'll be these little fucking popular kids that go, oh, now they're gonna do a little skit. Oh, fuck off. Fuck off. And who's gonna be the next James Bond? Couldn't give a flying fuck. Let's talk more about that woman called Barbara Broccoli. I mean, first of all,

you know what my dad's called Rob. What? Cubby Broccoli. Shut up. I know what Cubby's over there name. Cubby Broccoli's the man behind James Bond as a movie. Cubby Broccoli's the man behind James Bond. Like, obviously, Ian Fleming wrote it, but Cubby Broccoli's the guy that brought it to screen. So he took it to screen.

Ian Fleming wrote it, Cubby Broccoli, and then he called his daughter Barbara Broccoli. Are there any other Broccolis? There must be more broccolis. Tender stem, the younger sibling. Oh, here we go. Oh, we're fine. Someone's got another Cubby. Someone's typed in James Bond jokes into chat GPT.

Someone's trying to spell Cubby. C-U-B-B-Y. C-U-B-B-Y. Michael will be able to tell us more about it. No, his name's Albert Broccoli, but his nickname was Cubby. Oh, sorry, sorry. So Albert Broccoli, but his nickname was Cubby. Oh, sorry, sorry. So Albert Broccoli's fine, isn't it? So shall we do this?

Michael, is Cubby Broccoli? That's the name. Is there any other Broccolis? What are we talking about? Fuck me. You're your kids. Broccoli? Did you say Broccoli?

Broccoli? I can give you the context, but there's no way it's making the edit, so let's just move on. All right, okay. This is my three-year-old Harry giving his best introduction to our favorite podcast. Harry has a condition called dravet syndrome, which is a lifelong severe epilepsy. The podcast has got me and my husband through some long nights and sleep deprived hospital stays. The laughs have helped brighten some pretty dark crappy days. Keep doing what you're

doing and being the sexy and relatable hunk hunks. Oh, hunks. I'll take that. You are love always Beth aged 406 months from Solihull. Solihull. I've got so much has gone on this week, Josh. I feel emotionally vulnerable. It was a very busy and stressful week. That to be fair, makes me excited for the episode. Well, you know what it was a very busy and stressful week with not enough sleep and a lot of stressful events. Not not not like bad events, but just like, you know, busy with work. Graham

Norton. It's always quite stressful going on. Graham Norton. Do you find Graham Norton stressful? Yeah, I find it stressful. You have to dress up like it's the end of year prom. I noticed you weren't you didn't go full suit. You went like I describe your look as Dermot O'Leary. I'll take that I'll take that a Dermot O'Leary on this morning. Dermot O'Leary on this morning but your trousers weren't as tight as his are on this morning. No that's because um I do leg day. Yeah yeah yeah no I don't know. No I've got really big legs because there's been zero core in my belly for my entire life

and my haunches take all the weight. What's a haunch? My sort of back, back of my legs and top of my legs. So I've got no ass, no core, massive, massive thighs and massive calves because that's basically held the weight of what medically would be called an obese man. I think we can all agree. Poor Lou. That looming over as his weak top just flops. But that's what I've been trying to work on at the gym.

No, I did. It's just stressful because you're all dressed up and then basically Chris Pratt without me being rude. Chris Pratt, Jurassic World, Guardians of the Galaxy, Arnold Schwarzenegger Sonny Moore, semi questionable views. Oh really? If you want to do a deep dive. And who else?

Searsher from Derry Girls. She's got the double, the Robinson and Morton something double barrett Searsher. It's not Searsher, because I met Searsher Ronan, but she's Searsher. Right. Which I got wrong, but then I apologize and got right because it's spelt the same, but it's even though Irish names are quite hard to just have a very hard to just have a go at. Yeah, you shouldn't take a punt. No, I think with an Irish name, you've always got a double check

before you say it, but I got cocky because I've met Searsha. I wanted to show off my Irish name game. No, absolutely not. And she went, oh, actually, it's Seershire. Sorry. I was like, Oh, is it spelt? I thought it would be Seershire. She went, No, it's Seershire. But it's spelt the same. Yeah, fine. What I've learned about Ireland is once you get told, just accept it. Exactly. Don't question it. No, don't say, well, why is it a different pronunciation if it's spelt exactly the same? Stay well out. And as far as I'm concerned, she was being seared like a steak

Sirisha Sirisha yeah Toby Jones oh yeah what's he like I've never met him a lovely lovely guy super chilled I'd say he's Josh Widdicombe stamp is he yeah maybe slightly slightly smaller you've got a bigger head than him is he one of my lot and one of the shorties yeah, he's quite in proportion when you're a bit more micro style footballer. What do you mean about that? Sorry. You know, my own style is a little footballer figure. You've got a big head. I don't know if I have got Oh yeah. Whenever I put, I can't get a hat. And your hair's big. You've got a dominant skull. I'd say. Yeah. I've got a dominant skull. I'd say Toby's probably normal size head, but he's a Toby. Fair enough.

If you love him so much pronunciation is Tobias. It was nice. And then, um, Rachel Chinnery, re see I like her album. That's great. She's really sweet. She's very sort of like on stage. She's so like sort of confident and then actually she's quite like almost like very young, if you know what I mean? And quite like giggly. Who does that remind you of? Me. What? Quite sexy, not sexy and confident and powerful and then off stage and then off stage. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say so. When I was watching Rachel Chinariri, I thought that's, you know, she reminds me of When I was watching Rachel Chinariri, I thought that's you know, she reminds me of J.W. The big J.W.

The big J.W. I was trying to run right off without thinking about you. Then I looked to my left. Chinariri was there. There he is. Toby Jones is bringing the hype. Chris Pratt has got similar views to me. I don't know what questionable views he's got.

He was a, it was quite difficult. It is quite difficult though on that show because you want to chip in and be funny as a comedian. But then sometimes they talk about serious stuff. So like when you've got to promote Rob Beckett Smart TV, which I think is a great show. You're brilliant on it. It starts on Wednesday.

Starts on Wednesday this week. Alison Hammond's on it. Brilliant guest, Richard Osborne, Richie Awadie, Danny Dyer, also M.H.J. Scanlon from Kin. Who else was really good? Kerry Godlam was on it. Charles Brandreth was the funniest person in the series. I think Charles Brandreth is a comedy genius. Yeah, he was amazing. And so an amazing Nitro Mozi Mabusi.

Nitro, yeah, Mozi. Fun. What was your highlight of that show? When Nitro and Mozi had a little dance, it was great. However, it's very hard to sell that straight after there's been seven to 11 applause blakes after Toby Jones spoke about Alan Bates in the post office. Oh, yeah. A lot of serious nodding, a lot of applause. And I agree. Great show. Great calls. I love Smart TV.

Sorry, go again. Sorry. I like Smart TV. I love Rob Beckett's Smart TV. Sorry, I like Smart TV. Robert Beckett Smart TV. Thank you. A little bit of respect on my name. And I like the podcast, Alison Hammond Smart TV. The podcast hasn't got my name on it, even though it's about the show. Yeah, fine. It's good that I've been included on both of my name, not cropping up once. I'm looking forward to the radio show, which I will be hosting at 11pm on TalkSport. But I think, I don't think it's going to have the same impact as Mr Bates versus the post

office. No, no, no. And it's like globally, even internationally and or even just locally. No, you just sat there. And as a comedian, your brains, I'm just sat there. My face is so I take I find it very hard to be serious. So when talking about Alan Bates, Toby Jones not just going for fucks sake. No, because they still haven't been paid. Right. The postmasters. So he's very happy to talk about it because they've probably, I think the government... He wasn't on for that, was he? No, it was on for Richard Burton, a film about Richard Burton.

Oh. But I'm just thinking of jokes. And then Toby Jones went to an acting school called The Cock and I'm just sat there. Oh yeah, come on. Come on. Throw me a bone here. Then I tried to... Throw me a bone, I'm all like...

Throw me a bone. Throw me a fucking French dick, mate. Anyway, so, you know, it's good, but it's a bit like, it's hard, but it's a bit like going around your mother-in-law's or father-in-law's where you've got what you need to be yourself, but also the sort of polite, yeah, well turned out version of yourself. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. The equivalent is if you went around your mother-in-law's and she's cooked dinner and the potatoes are burnt, you go, fucking hell, what have you done to these potatoes?

Which is what I'd say to you or Tom Allen if I went round, but you can't really do that. But no, it was always a pleasure to be invited on, but I find it quite stressful. And then Chris Pratt was late, so I was all ready, but like, if you get ready too early, you can look really creased because you can be ready for... So I was like, oh God. So I took my clothes off. She was wearing cream chinos as well. I didn't want to keep putting my clothes on and off and wiping the makeup off.

So there was always going to be an hour, Chris late, perhaps late. And then I said to one of the floor manager guys, I was like, Oh, and there were sometimes I have dressing gowns. I went, have you got a dressing gown I could put on? So I don't have to keep putting clothes on and off. It was like, Oh, you've changed. And normally if you feel threatened by that and go, Oh no. And I went, shall I I have yeah. Please go. I have changed. That's why I need a dressing gown. Oh, that would have been nice. But in a way I was like, yes, I have changed. I would like a dressing gown, please. Because I've got all dressed up nice and I want to stay nice.

I'm starting to panic about Sabrina Carpenter on Sunday. Why? Did you see her Brits performance? You know what, I think she, Sabrina Carpenter, I think because she looks so young and I think she's worried about being like sort of labeled as like, oh, like a Disney person. I don't think she needs to worry about that anymore. That ship sailed. I felt like I saw more of Sabrina Carpenter than I've seen of some of my ex girlfriends. Not at all, seen all of that.

Oh, I think so. 15, well, 15 years. Yeah, you know. Yeah, so I'm slightly worried about that. I'd like to rephrase that all of her rather than all of that. On reflection, it wasn't a nice set of phrase, apologies. All of her. She's seen all of you. That's life, isn't it?

Yeah. So Sabrina Cubs are quite raunchy. What are you worried about her seeing? You worried your daughter wants to wear the same clothes? Well, Rose texted me on Saturday and said, we've just watched the opening of the Brits. Well, I don't think you can call it that. Bit of fun. Bit of fun. And then she sucked off a beef eater. Pardon? I haven't seen that bit. There's a bit where she pretends to give a blowjob to a beef eater.

That's mental. Why would you do that? What sort of espresso? Bed chem. Bed chem? What's bed chem? It's a song about her having chemistry in bed with a guy. A beef eater?

Or is that just because it was London? Just because it was the British themed. She did a British themed performance. She's sucking off different people. If she does the Canadian Brits, is there a Mountie on stage? She's pretending to not show up. More like Mounting. Mounting the Mountie. That's all good fun, isn't it? I don't know. I don't know, Rob. I'm a huge fan of her. I think her album is genuinely one of the best albums I've ever heard.

So are you worried it's going to be raunchy? Well, I just think it's lost on my daughter. What did you mean lost? You wanna tell her that that's raunchy? No, she- It's a good thing if it's lost, innit? Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I'm hoping.

Oh, okay. By the way, when they come up with a fake award so that someone gets an award, I think it's fucking pathetic. What did she win? Like international sales or something. Oh, absolutely. Just because she turned Oh, just because she turned up. Could you turn up?

We'll give you an award. Fucking pathetic. Like Keir Starmer with his fucking King's letter. You're only here because Chapel Rome couldn't be arsed and you're doing London on Sunday. Yeah, you're in the country. Brits is basically who's passing through. Exactly. I didn't get an invite.

I wonder why. I gave that, I gave it loads of press attention. That fucking guy, Teddy Swim, he's dressed in all those Teddys. And then suddenly, suddenly he's being, you know, saluted as this fucking anarchic great guy. And everyone's calling you a wanker for dressing as a giraffe. Exactly. I was there, I was on the front line, mate, dressed as a giraffe. Too right. You started this.

Teddy Swims. Fuck off, Teddy Swims. Fuck off, Teddy Swims. And you Sabrina Carpenter. Anyway, enjoy the gig. Let's see how it goes. Yeah, I will. Do you want me to tell you about me getting emotional? I've had a lovely weekend, by the way. Right, loads to talk about, Josh. So much is going on. So what's been going on? Leak? Do you want to start with a leak? Oh, yeah. So last time we left it, it had come back despite being fixed about seven times.

Exactly. Yep. So we've had to cut another hole in a wall. And we found a sort of water trail. All right. Okay. And I had to climb into my roof. What? Why did you have to do that? Why the builder was in there. And then he went, do you want to have a look? And then I got in. And at what point does he go, I don't know what this is. We've never got to that point. He knows what it is. He knows what it is. Oh yeah. So you can see that little wall. My base is coming through the side.

It's coming through the side of the house, not the roof tiles, I think. Oh my God. I'm not sure, but the side of the house has got tiles. Oh, that's sexy. Is this sexy? What you in a roof with my curtains? That's me in a room. It's me in a roof Coming in the sidewall. Yeah, I think so But he said what we've got to do is wait till it rains and then he'll come back come in there and see how it's Coming in when it rains so they know exactly where it's coming in. What a fucking nightmare. Are you enjoying the weather at the moment? Yeah, I am. Yeah. I am too. Yeah. And do I wish you to rain? No. It's not. 10 day forecast, zero rain. So every day I wake up and I look at that, I'm like, oh, I love this sun.

And have you put the sofa back? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, so they're gonna Yeah, so in that now, now we're playing the gamble of will my builder remember it's got he's got a check in 10 days time it rains because I'd say I'd forget I've got a leak there. That's just how much front room looks now. Yeah, so we've got to wait for it to rain. It's weird how you get used to not having a front room for a bit. Yeah, just sit on that one. Just sit in the kitchen for a bit. Yeah, exactly. We can still sit on the sofa But it's not nice the rugs all put up. It's all push for it's fine It's a little but that's where we're at with it. So hopefully we'll have a bit more of a resolution And is that why you got emotional? No, no, no, no, no. So that's not like saying very tired wasn't sleeping that much and I've been tired. I've been very tired. But my whoops all like my boobs Just I think my watch is just going to put a white flag up on the app and go, don't bother me. I'm really difficult back on tour.

It's fucking tough. This is what I'm struggling with massively, Josh. I'm just getting my body ready. Yes. Because you get, what we're doing is we've got to be a hundred miles an hour from eight to 10 and not just be awake eight to 10. Be like, control a room of hundreds of thousands of people and then come off stage then have the adrenaline of doing the gig and then driving for two hours getting in at midnight and then everyone just wakes up at six. It's fucking mental and like it feels I was in such a bad mood yesterday.

I just should apologize to Rose or was it Saturday for one of the days. Like I had for last like Friday then I had Chipping nought on Saturday. Yeah. And I felt like I used to feel when I had a baby. Do you know what I mean? Just fucked and just like, Oh, I've just got to get through the day and then you eat badly and then you feel shit and then you Oh, so I feel like you tired and a bit exhausted. And then we'll sort of be in the way. Oh, we're in. Let's put something on the telly. Right. So I want to watch I want to a bit exhausted. And then, me and Louis, oh, we're in, let's put something on the telly, right? So I wanted to watch A Thousand Blows,

you know, the Stephen Graham, East South East London bare knuckle boxing in London. Classic bit of Rob Beckett. Oh my God, it couldn't be more in your wheelhouse. Louis, why don't we watch Paradise, which is a- What's that, the fucking Chris Marshall? No, Paradise, no, not Death in Paradise. Paradise is a new thing on, I don't know what it's on Disney or

something. I'm not sure. Where it's about a president's been assassinated. And there's those twists and turns, right? I was like, well, I'd rather watch 1000 blows. Well, I'd rather watch paradise. I was like, we'll watch paradise then. Because if I say no, what happens is we go in separate rooms. I go on TikTok and she watches below deck or Real Housewives. Yeah. And so we watch Paradise. It's not really a spoiler, but it's more of a warning. There's a bit in it where a child basically gets an illness and passes away.

And he's laying in hospital bed just before he dies, talking to his mum about what happens when he dies. Now, after PC week at 11 PM, I can't deal with that. Give me the bare knuckleball. Exactly. Please. So I've burst into tears and I walk upstairs. I can't watch that. Lucy. See you later. Go lie in bed. Have a terrible night's sleep. Just thinking that I just couldn't process it. It was just too much. It's too much. And also the kid gets ill. I don't know what's going on. He buys, she buys him an ice

cream and he's on this bench and then he just eats the ice cream and starts to pass out. Then she sees specialists and goes, there's nothing we can do for him. He's had the best trip. Sorry. Anyway, bleak. And I was signing up for a president assassination. And then we were supposed to have a date night this week. And then my daughter, we can talk, we might have to talk about this another day. She went on her first ever two night school trip away from home. Oh my word. Big one. Okay. So she's gone on that trip and we were trying to book a babysitter for the, well, the Friday she got home, we didn't really remember. We just knew that she was away, but we were going through dates to book a babysitter. It was like, why don't we

do that? And then my daughter was like, on Friday the 28th, you're going to go on a date night, but that'll be my first night home after two nights away. And then me and Lou were like, oh, yep. Sorry, we forgot. Yeah, fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. We didn't even text the babysitter at this point, right? My daughter burst into tears. How dare you? You're going away. We're not, we're not even asked. It was, it was a mid conversation. If you'd let us finish the conversation, I would have looked in the diary and said, comes home that day. So let's not do that.

Yeah. But you go, we've not done it. You are reacting like it's happened, but it hasn't happened, okay? I get it. If you come home and we weren't here and you got picked up by a babysitter, and then we come home for a night out pissed and walking. This is the level of upset you would be allowed to be, but it's not happened yet.

So let's bring it back. So we booked to go on the Sunday, went to cinema. Right. I want to watch Marching Powder. Danny Dyer is a coke addict trying to pull his life back together and a football hooligan. Sign me up. Just a quick question. It's not a biopic. Has he done that film before? It feels like, it feels like that's...

He's done it. I say this as the world's biggest Danny Dyer fan and a man who's a much underrated actor, but it feels like that he's done that, hasn't he? No, but what this is, it's more like the drugs... Is it Nick Love? Yep, but the drugs in the... Is it Nick Love?

Yep, but the drugs in the football hooliganism is a bit like, not the main drive of it. That's a bit like Bridget Jones being a TV producer and like a glass of wine. That sums the character up. It's more of a rom-com about him and his kid and his wife. Oh, surrounded in all that. I've not seen it, but that's what I'm getting from it. Classic bit of me. Anyway, Lou, no. Well, I don't think it was on or Lou wanted to watch Bridget Jones. I thought, you know what? Bit of fun. I like Bridget Jones. I think it's funny. We like Hugh Grant.

We like Renée Zellweger. I like Bridget Jones. I quite like watching that posh middle class kind of, actually when I was watching it, I was like, oh, oh, kitchens, Josh's kitchen. And what? It's not done either? Well, no, but that's sort of like works in media, lives in London kind of vibe. Like sort of Terrace Townhouse kind of, it reminded me of like your house.

Anyway, so watching that. What does Bridget Jones do? She's a TV producer. She's a TV producer. I think she was a journalist and she's a TV. I think she's a TV producer. But in this one, now I had to get Lou to run me through the Bridget Jones universe. And this is episode four of the saga. Is it? Fucking hell.

So the first one she's single and it's between Colin Firth and Hugh Grant. Yeah. And the second one she ends up in a Thai prison or something, I think. What? And then the third one she gets divorced from Mark Darcy. This one, Mark Colin Firth dead. And isn't it about a boy? And is he quite young or something?

So yeah, I mean, I don't give a shit. There's a love interest in it who's a bit younger than her. She's married. Well, she's a widow with two kids. Now, I thought Bridget Jones is a widow. Coming at me is probably about 90 second scene where she gets a bit upset that Colin first dead. Oh, does he die in the film?

No, he's dead from the from the off. He's dead from the off. He's dead from the off. I'd say it is sad. There are sad moments throughout coming at you every 10 to 15 minutes, right? Oh my God. Like, awful. Children with the kids. Yeah, with the kids, right in the old gut punch of Bobby Beard that I'm already reeling from the one on Life Support on the Assassination show.

Less than 48 hours, I'm watching this with Leroy. So I'm bursting into tears the whole way through this. But what's really upset that I actually, and it's a really good film, I thought, but it's like comedy-fast. All the Bridget Jones stuff. But it feels like they've gone, let's, this is the last one, let's just fucking go for it.

And it's brilliant. Hugh Grant is like the most mental womanizer kind of caricature version. And she's like the most caricature, not coping mom, neurotic, and her face is all twitchy. But it's like, it's like Benny ill into Angela's ashes on repeat. I just couldn't cope with it because I'm like laughing and then the kids go and daddy used to sing me that song and I'm like, Oh my god. Oh, God.

Yeah. So then I cried. I cried all the way. And you know, I just don't want to be crying at the Bromley View. Do you know what I mean? And then I come out and then Lou went to the toilet. I'm stood there with all red puffy eyes and so I said, can I have a photo? And all right. It was just a fact. I was awake. So I've been away.

It was a newspaper column, wasn't it? I've got no idea. I enjoyed it, though. Do you want a bit of trivia? Yeah, go on. It was a newspaper column and the Mark Darcy. Originally, yeah, it was called Diary of Bridget Jones. That's what it was called, wasn't it? And it was like a series of diaries of like this character. Almost like the secret footballer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not secret because you know what her name is. And the Mark Darcy character was based on Keir Starmer, who she knew. Really? Because he was quite good looking when he was a kid, not a kid. Do you know what? I think Keir Starmer's not a bad looking guy. No, he's not a bad looking guy.

Obviously though, he does play football once a week, but he's a very busy guy on the move. His body's not his temple at the moment in your prime minister. And no one wants a completely ripped prime minister because there's too much time in the gym, not enough time in the old cabinet office. Wherever they do stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So yeah, that's difficult with emotional things. So do you get next choice? Because Lou's had two in a row or? Yeah, and she did say, I'm good, I think, because I just cannot cope with it. Especially if it's something to do with like kids. Yeah. And it was more the kid, like Renee,

when she was getting upset because her husband was dead, I'm like, whatever. Yeah, can't even fuck. But the kids, I'm like, this is killing me. I just couldn't, I just, and especially as a father that does spend quite a lot of time away from his children. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like I'm going to India. Yeah, yeah, I know. Fully aware of that, right? Yeah. Why are you aware of that? Because my life is currently adapting to the diary of you and Ramesh. I was like, could you cover as well? Could you cover radio too? No, now

we can get an earlier flight, but I'm parenting hell still moved. But maybe the week after Romesh won't be back in time, but Rob will be back in time for the Monday. I feel like I've lived your fucking trip to India. I didn't realize until I mentioned it on here where when you were on, I was driving to the gym and I'd radioed to on and you were chatting to Rom about replacing him next week. And it was at that point where you went, I'm covering you next week Rom when you're away filming. I went, fuck, I'm filming next week and I've not told Josh and Michael I can't do Monday. So there you go, I'm fully across the filming schedule.

I was like, well I'm not being that difficult, We just moved today. I was like, Oh, no, because you may or may not be doing Saturday mornings covering wrong. Anyway, God showbiz a lot. Fucking Bowen Bowie. I bumped into him at radio to bowl. Bowley. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. Yeah. Anyway, I'm struggling with parenting with I'm just doing the warm up tour. Yes, you're not doing away. So I'm

doing three, three nights last week, plus the last night. And it is fucking difficult because the whole thing I have with tour is come back. Like some people might stay in Hereford, but I'm like, I want to come back because I want to be there for the school run the next day. Also, no offences Hereford, even the people in Hereford don't always want to be there. But I certainly didn't want to be at the gig, I'll tell you that for free, right? And Oh, that's the one you messaged me on. It was a tough gig.

Yeah, that was a tough, tough first half. Anyway, Monday night though, Monday night. Monday night in Hereford. Anyway, yeah, but you're just constantly tired then you're just constantly trying to play catch up. Yeah. And then you feel a bit guilty that you're not with the kids. But then when you're trying to do stuff with them, it's, Oh God, what did you do with me this weekend? Such a bad mood all week. Yeah. Rose was not happy with me for being in a bad mood. What did you do? No, I have apologized to Rose. I had to apologize to me in the week. It felt great. But you tell me what you had to apologize for, and then I'll tell you. Just for being really touchy and annoyed with the world all week because I was so tired.

Yes, yeah. And it's all our doing for booking it in. Well, it's difficult, isn't it? Because it's like, it's the impossible thing of our job. You can't control it all because it all is not connected. It's not like you can go, well, I'm going to go 9 to 5. It's like, I don't decide when certain things come in, you have to do them. Yeah, yeah. If you get offered to do Ground Norton, you just have to do it that week and then...

Yeah, exactly. So you're like, I have to do that, and I have to do this, and I have to do the other. And another week, I might have much less. But I can't go, excuse me, the people of Harrahford have bought tickets. Actually, it'd be easier for me to come in two weeks when I'm a bit quieter. I am tempted to do a matinee tour next tour. Oh my gosh. Can you imagine it? I don't know if there's a market for it though, just banging out one at two o'clock and six o'clock,

see you later, boom in the car by eight, come on. I'm doing a couple of matinees, Rob. I love it. Yeah, but obviously then you do the later one because you're doing the matinee because the later one's sold out. But like- Yeah, I'm gonna tell you my plan. And if anyone nicks nicks it they nick it but you'll know that it was my idea

first and I'm gonna do it I don't think doing matinees no no no listen to this there's a concept this is my next tour yeah the bobby b 258 tour yeah 258 258 I think it's two o'clock five o'clock eight o'clock yeah one city one day and then'm out. What do you mean one city one day? I just do Manchester two, five and eight on one day. And that's it. I don't go back. There's not another day ever. Yeah. But Netflix until the next tour. Two, five, eight. But then what happened is they'll end up booking me in Manchester two, five, eight, Liverpool two, five, eight, new goblin. We fucking are nine shows on a weekend.

Which would you prefer to go to? The Friday, this is it. You can't do 258 on a Friday. Yeah, I only do Friday. Who's coming at two? Book the day off. No one's working on Fridays. Do you know how many people fucking work from home and do fuck all on a Friday?

It's insane. No one does much on a Friday. Let's not start naming and shaming people who work from home and do nothing. Josh, what are you just doing at this moment? Listen to me. listen to me. I used to work in an office, right? And I did fuck all on a Friday and I was in the office. Yeah.

No one, just slip out. Put the afternoon off. Work till one, bit of lunch, quick drink, boom, two o'clock. You're back in the pub by four, weekend started. Yeah. Also, people that don't like leaving the kids with babysitters in the evening because they can't get them to sleep, get the babysitter for the afternoon.

You could come to the theater with your mom, right? And then your partner, you and your partner come in and see the show, your mom just does two hours of walking outside the theater in the afternoon. Bosh, get the baby back home. Bedtime boss sits, done. Quick question.

Go on. How shit is the 8pm gonna be? That'd be great. I'm buzzing. Are you? Triple bubble. Triple bubble in a day. You'll be fucked. I won't. I'll be talking anyway. It's only talking Adam.

It's not like I'm fucking juggling. Are you doing Friday and Saturday? Just Friday. Then I have the weekend off. So you're just doing one day a week? One day a week. I do three shows on the Friday and that's it. And then if I don't sell the two o'clock, I can only sell the other ones, then I just do that. Call it the 5.8 tour?

No, 2.5.8 sounds better. Also, 2.5.8 feels like I work 25 hours a day, eight days a week, yeah? 2.5.8. But actually work six hours a day, one day a week. Hardly anything, yeah. That's the old, if I can nail that, because the buzz I'd get, because I'd get about eight, jump in the car.

No one's gonna steal it off you, Rob, by the way. Just so you know, no one's stealing it off you. Just so you know. I think it's, why wouldn't you want to do that? Well, I think it'd be too tiring. For looks, what, it's, mate, people go to actual work all day. I know.

I've got to do three slots, three lots of full, three lots of 40 minutes. No, you haven't. You've got to do six lots of 40 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. So three lots of 40 minutes twice. Either, either you've got to do three lots of 40 minutes. And let's be honest, people aren't getting their money's worth with you showing them. Six lots of 40 minutes. That's fine. Four little sessions. Four little sessions. Six little sessions. What do you mean four little sessions?

Some people. Where does four come from? Six. Six sessions of 40 minutes. Yeah. So if you are, if you do spin classes, how many people, if you do spin classes, yes, your job, yeah? How many classes you do in a day? Four, five? No. But Rob, quick question. Go on. We've occasionally done three podcasts and at the end of three podcasts, we go, fuck, you know, I can't do any more of that. Yeah, and I won't. I'll have the weekend off. Yeah, I know, but the podcast is only-

It's the same as working Thursday, Friday, Saturday, but I can do it in Friday. I don't hate it. Mate, three might be a lot. I could piss two. I can do piss. You could piss two. Yeah, you could piss two.

Because I wake up in Norwich. No offense to Norwich. I'd rather- Are you gonna stay over the night before? No, no, but this. Because I wake up in Norwich. No offence to Norwich. I'd rather. Are you going to stay over the night before? No, no, but this is what I'm saying. When I was in Norwich, I did an afternoon show and an evening show, then I stayed over and did an evening show.

Do you know what I did in Norwich all day? Fuck all. Do you know what I'd rather been doing? Couple more shows. That's what they would have done back in the vaudeville days, banging out shows. We're too lazy as comics. Here he is, the vaudeville days. We're too lazy as comics. Here he is, the Vauderville Days.

We're too lazy as comics. You tell him that I can't have a fucking stiff old coffee. The only problem is when it gets late in the evening. 2 o'clock, 5 o'clock, 8 o'clock. Bring it to me. The buzzard Phil walking off stage at 10 o'clock after doing that and heading home for the weekend. Yeah.

Then I've only missed the kids from Friday evening. Yeah, it's a good idea. I thought you were going to stop touring for a bit, but now you've come up with a 258. Now I've come up with a 258, it's back on the table. Do you know what I'm saying? Is it? So I'm doing a load of double ones, this tour,

and then I'm gonna put in, I'm gonna do, I might do Bromley, I might do a 258, I'm gonna do a 258er in Bromley and practice. If you're doing 258 in Manchester, are you going up the night before, or are you also traveling up and back on the day to make it? Good point.

I'm training up in the morning. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. New Castle? I need to be there at midday. How long's the train to Manchester? You don't really need to be there at midday, do you? Let's be honest.

Once the tour's in motion, one o'clock. To sound check, one o'clock, yeah. But adding together 12, 12, honest. Once the tours in motion, one o'clock to soundcheck one o'clock. Yeah. But I am together 12 to 13. Yeah. Got two hours, 10 o'clock train. Leave me out at half eight. But oh, done at 10. Back in the car. Home. Two, five, eight. Back for the weekend. Five, eight. Wake up six a.m. Saturday morning in the worst mood of your life. Absolutely furious of the world. Absolutely exhausted. Absolutely fucked. hung over for the whole weekend without drinking basically. Probably won't be able to talk to him till Monday. Absolutely resent every show he goes to because it's too much and not enjoyable anymore.

He's managed to turn one of his true loves and passions into a horrendous Victorian workshop. I told you what I did at the last bit of uni Rob. My last semester I picked my modules so they were all on the same day. Please say term not semester. Sorry, last term. So I did all my modules. I just chose all the ones that were on a Tuesday. So I had eight hours on a Tuesday and then I'd had six days off.

I did two. I was the original two, five, eight. But then if I'm doing that, then I'll be alright. I can recharge in the week. I used to be in a fucking foul on a Tuesday. Occasionally, Rob, I'd take Tuesday off. And then I'd have 13 days. Anyway, that's my plan. I'm going to do, at the end of this tour,

I'm going to do a little 258er just to see how it works. When would the 258 tour begin? Do you think? Probably 2028. This one don't finish till 2026. Yeah, 2028. Yeah, so a little way off. So the idea is not tour again? I probably have AI that could do it for me by then. Oh, talking of that, Michael, that was a good link, Rob.

It was a great link actually. Okay, I've got some options for you. You can pick or choose as many as you like. Initially, I typed in, write a joke in the style of Rob Beckett and write a joke in the style of Josh Whittekam. I'd say these weren't great. Do you think we're safe for a few years yet? I think you're fine. And then I made it slightly more episode specific.

So I asked it to write a joke in Josh Whittekam style about James Bond. And then Josh Whitacombe style about Sabrina Carpenter. And then for Rob, I asked it to write a joke. You got safe search on for Sabrina Carpenter joke. In the style of Rob Beckett about disliking the brutalist. And in Rob Beckett style about having a leak in his house. So you can cherry pick any or all of those. I'll have all of them, please. Okay, so I do my style of Josh Ridicam? You know you're getting old when you start getting excited by things like new pillowcases.

You know what mate, this is not far off brand. I bought some last week and now I've got 12 different ways of positioning my head. Not true. It's like a luxury hotel for my neck, except there's no room service, just a constant fear of twinging something. No, there's no, what's the punchline? Well, I could argue, what's yours? Isn't it just observing things? Yeah, but they haven't observed something. I just don't think. No, it's not working Josh. No. You're better than that.

Have you ever noticed Rob, our James Bond is the least convincing secret agent ever. He's like, my name's Bond, James Bond. And I'm just sat there thinking, yeah, I know, mate. You've told me that six times the last five minutes. You're not exactly blending in, are you? Not a bad observation. Not a bad observation. That's not bad, actually.

That's good. I wouldn't say it like that. If you were really giving it a go. Oh, James Bond, I'm a spy. You know, is that fancy? If I was a spy, try a bit out of me, go with something, hello, I'm Tim, Tim with an I. I'm definitely not a secret agent,

you might not even notice me. Not bad. Okay, right, let me, oh, you've got Sabrina Carpenter. This is fucking weak. This is fucking weak. You know Sabrina Carpenter, she's this pop star, right? I saw her name and thought, is she a carpenter? That's not good enough. If someone said that in a comedy club,

we're in the green room, we'd stop speaking immediately to go and watch the punchline. Does she just build things out of wood? I'm expecting a song called Hammers and Nails, but no, instead she's singing about heartbreak. Maybe next time she can release an album about DIY projects. Sabrina the flat back queen. What the fuck is that? There's no reference to any of her songs. Why would you can't just go, Oh, that's weak. That's weak. Sabrina, the teenage carpenter. Even that would be better. Yeah. Don't mind it. Do you want the...

That is fucking weak. I know it's made me angry. Why are we worried about AI? It's shit. I've got Rob Becky here, known for his observational humour, might approach a joke about the film Brutalist like this. I watched a film called The Brutalist the other day, yeah? I know it sounds like a movie about a guy who's really into architecture, but nope, it's about a guy who's so tough, even the walls are scared of him. The film's got all the emotional depth of a concrete slab, which ironically is what it's about. Will Barron You would never. Fucking hell. What is it about? I don't know what the, sorry, what is The Brutalist about? Jason Vale The Brutalist is about an architect,

who built all the brutalist stuff, an agent who plays him and it's up four hours long. And it's a fucking stroke your beard. Aren't I intelligent by actually hate my life. Get yourself down to the view recline on the chair and watch Bridget Jones have a laugh. Cry your bloody eyes out. I had a really good sleep last night though after crying. Maybe it was what I needed. Yeah, that's good for you. Yeah. My stress was really low. When I had really bad anxiety,

when I was at my absolute lowest, sometimes just having a good old cry would really help. Good, yeah. So is that the AI joke again? Yeah, that's the AI. Right, last one is about this one, is a joke about a leak in my house. So I got a leak here, I got a leak in my house,

right, absolute nightmare. Something in my house is trying to drown me. But at least it's water, not my bank account, which is usually what happens when I get a problem in the house. So I got a leak here. I got a leak in my house. Right? Absolute nightmare. Something else is trying to drown me. But at least it's water not my bank account, which is usually what happens when I get a problem in the flat. I ring up the plumber and he's like, yeah, I can come around fix a bit. It's gonna cost you. I said, great. So you're telling me I'm about to get wet and skin. Sounds like I'm flirting now. I'm gonna get wet and skin. And the best bit, I've had to leak for two weeks now. Still not fixed at this point. I reckon

the only thing I'm gonna be flooded with is with that. Classic in it. Rob Shakespeare's head. Fucking hell. See what it's getting at. Fucking weak. Michael, which of those if you had to keep if we have said that, I don't think any of them make the edit. Just us reading them out. Which of those if you had to keep one of them in the edit, Michael, which

would you go for? I think the only one that makes any kind of structural sense in the joke is James Bond because it's the only one set up punchline everything else just doesn't work. If you totally rewrote it, that is a good observation the James Bond thing but it's quite badly written but fine. It's just cheap. But fucking hell. Small business share. Also I'll tell you about Lou apologizing to me on Friday and all the other stuff to chat through. Hamsters and stuff. I've got one here. Oh! when you buy, I was thinking the other day, how long do you reckon it is gonna be

till you buy that horse? Not a horse, but hamsters been, well, we've put a deposit down for a hamster, I'll fill you in on Friday. They're two pounds 50. Oh, not the ones we're getting. Oh, here it is. Premium breed.

Fucking hell. These boys. Even with the leak that's costing you so much money, because the polymer said it would cost you. Well, no, the leak actually hasn't cost me any money whatsoever that I'm still under guarantee and warranty and they're really good builders and they keep coming around and they're trying their best but with water with walls without rain. It's always hard

to find the leak but control the elements. I Robin Josh got to john and Kenny. john and Kenny we'd love a steward McKenney that worked off the map. We'd love a small business shower. Here. Do you remember him? He was a lovely bloke. Yeah. Well, even if I did, I remember Kenny, I don't think I had much to do with Kenny. Yeah. We'd love a small business shout out here at Glow World.

I have two old men in a calf. People are listening to this. I know. Shout out to Kenny that used to work at Oscar. No, don't shout out to him. Here at Glow World, we offer interactive glow in the dark t-shirts. Yeah, kids will love that. That let kids draw their own designs again and again using an included UV torch. My kids love this.

It's endless fun and they make a brilliant, unique gift for kids. Let's make clothing for children fun. I mean, my kids the way they dress themselves, they're not holding back. We would also like to offer 10% off to all your listeners following code. ParentingHail10, all caps if that makes any difference. Order online. www.glowinthedarkworlds.co.uk. Thanks so much and keep up the last. Oh, for fuck's sake, Maidstone in Kent. Celia. This one's from Rob Rouse. You know Rob Rouse, comedian who he did a live, did he do Barnard

Castle? We had him on the show. He's great, Rob Rouse. And we need to have him on the show, but he did the live show. Did he do the Barnard Castle one? No, Scott Bennett at Barnard Castle, I think. Yeah, I don't remember. All I remember is how badly we died at Barnard Castle. That was horrible, wasn't it? The other thing I took away from that was how fast Michael's metabolism is.

Mental. Never put some weight. Never seen a man eat so many burgers and chips in one weekend. I know. So jealous. Anyway, this is Rob Rouse's message he's seen his wife have written a book. Thanks for this. I'll send a copy over for the kids. I hope they like it. Here's a bit of the blurb about the book. Ready to make some big decisions. The Boy with the Big Decisions by Helen Rutter is an interactive story where you get to decide what happens next. Perfect for eight to 10 year olds. This book lets readers step into Fred's shoes and shape his

journey with every choice, full of laughs, surprises and tough decisions. It's a fun way to get the kids off screens and put them in the driver's seat of a story. You can pre-order the book now from anywhere you buy your books. Check it out at Helen Rutter. That's H-E-L-E-N-R-U-T-T-E-R dot com. Or go to Helen Rutter UK on Instagram. The book is out on April 10th. So you can pre-order now. There you go. Get the book. That's great. Lovely stuff. It's called the boy with big decisions by Helen Rutter. Lovely. It's been a joy roll.

Yeah loads to talk about. I'll talk to you about it in the next one. I know we've done a fun little job. It's been fun. We've done an hour one minute. Have a look at your timings. That's got 48 minutes written all over it. Have a look, it's always a lovely game to play and we'll see you on Friday. And also remember the adverts been added to that. Yeah, it's always a lovely game to play. And we'll see you on Friday.

And also remember that advert's been added to that. Yeah, exactly. We didn't record them now. They've been pre-recorded. That's not part of the hour two minutes. We've been here an hour two. Goodbye. Bye.