Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP43: Instagram vs. Reality

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... The guys accidentally bump into each other at Wimbledon, and also discuss Rob's upcoming holiday where he'll be staying in the same resort as Romesh! If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx MAILING LIST: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka, soda, natural flavours. So, what should we talk about? No sugar added? Neutral. Refreshingly simple. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hill, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting

each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing There are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett!

And can you say Josh Whiddicombe? Rob Whiddicombe! Good job Teddy. Good job Teddy. Here is our three year old Teddy giving your names a good go. We finally gave the show a listen last year. Fucking hell. Finally.

Finally gave the show a bloody listen after searching for proof that having two toddlers under three is mentally and physically exhausting for everyone and it wasn't just us. Thanks for the last proof parenting isn't all Instagrammable and hope that it gets easier. The teen years are way off so let's forget about that for a while. Keep it sexy and relatable. Lauren, 397 months. David, 414 months. Teddy, 37 months.

TV, 14 months. That's too many months. It's too many bloody months. I switched off. We started this because of the Instagram versus reality of lockdown, of everyone having these amazing lockdowns, teaching their kids Spanish and doing yoga. And the whole point of it was to go,

actually, no, it's really hard and stressful. But I actually think the Instagram versus reality stuff is getting even worse. Do you? I think it's gone up a notch where it's just fucking everyone's become so good at making stuff look good. Yeah. That places I beat it. Like sometimes I look at a place and I go like, bloody hell, that was good.

And I'm like, what the fuck is that Bromley I street? I was like, have you made Bromley Eye? Like, people are romanticizing just shitholes. And you're like, what the fuck? Like a close up of a coffee shop. We're like, wow. And it says like, Pretty Village in South London. You wouldn't know that was there.

And I go, that's fucking shit, that place. You know what I mean? It's so good, isn't it? It is, it is. Oh my God. Rob. This isn't the first time I've spoken to you this week. Can I apologize for how miserable I was last week? I was so jet lagged. It wasn't as

bad as you thought. I felt so awful and tired. You sent me a text apology. I know. I felt like I was being miserable and aggy and negative. Either I am desensitized to it. I was just so unhappy, is not the word. I was just so depleted because I'd worked really hard and then because the kids kept waking me up at one in the morning, and then my body clock kicked in and being awake all day, I was going mad. Yeah, I actually had no sleep or rest whatsoever to the point where I felt like I felt

like I was watching the body of Rob Beckett live in the world. Yeah, I do do that. And then I had a couple of good nights sleep and I was absolutely fine again. But those three days I was, I was in a bad place. But yeah, that's what happens though. If you push yourself to last few weeks, I've been working at capacity. What happens is if anything that comes in isn't perfect, it upsets the apple cart and you've got no reserves to recover. So totally a bit more chill time coming up in the next few weeks. So some holidays, that's always stress free. Yeah, I've got to perform Shakespeare at the Globe next week, but I'm trying to disassociate

and block that out. Is that for you and Ramesh? Yeah, of course it is. I've not just decided to. No, I thought it was a weird move. I don't think I'd add that to my plate out of pure choice as a new career path. I don't think it would suit you as a career. Shakespeare?

I think come night four of the two month run, when you saw I'm stuck to a script. Yeah. Hey, me and Robert are exploring the word of Shakespeare and I don't want to ruin the episode, but I do think so. But Matt, yeah, I'm still half off for the episode. So maybe I'll be proved otherwise once I get up on those hallowed boards to tread and hear the creek under my feet and the plane soaring above one may fall in love with the bard.

Oh my word. Anyway, so yeah, sorry about that. Um, I'm feeling a bit more positive this week and we had a bit of time off and we bumped into each other, rubbing shoulders and hobnobbing at Wimbledon with no kids. Exactly. Very relatable content. The worst thing about that. Yeah. Let's put our hands up. This is unreliable content, but it is worth discussing. Go on.

We went to Wimbledon with our good partners, our wives, our wives, Rose and Lou, our better halves, the old balls and chair, the old are indoors, the old witch of the window in the old witch of the window. The old witches. Yeah, yeah. So send them in. Send in old school misogyny. refer to your husband or why? Yeah, why not? God. So let's just say what it is.

I turned up, I went to pick up my tickets, I saw Louis Theroux. Yes. And then I didn't know you were going, and then he saw you. He said, are you not here with Josh? And I went, Josh who? No, no, I didn't say that.

I went, no, no, I always only went because I thought you would be together because Josh is here. And I was like, no, I didn't know that. I went, no, no, it always only went because I thought you would be together because Josh is here. And I was like, no, I didn't know Josh was coming. And he must have thought these two have not got a friendship. There's nothing here. And then I text you and you text me and then... You said E.L. Wimbledon question mark.

Yeah. And then I said, yes, are you? And then you didn't reply for an hour. And I thought he must be. No, so what happened there was, how unrelated was his parenting podcast, we got invited by Emirates right, the airline. I was with Emirates, I was just with Wimbledon. So basically this is why they get loads of famous people at Wimbledon, you get invited by sponsors and sponsor goes would you like to come and then you go. Of course I fucking would because what a great day out.

Yeah absolutely, I'll bite your fucking hand off mate. Yeah, absolutely Yeah, you've changed Rob you taking those tickets. Yeah, I have changed and I am taking those tickets Yes, what's the other option cue from 5am which fair enough if that but if you are offered free ones, you will take them I don't think that means you've changed. I think that's just I'm making the most of the opportunities in front of me So I'm very grateful very much appreciate it at a wonderful day, but I'd sat down for a meal grateful, very much appreciate it and a wonderful day. But I'd sat down for a meal. Yeah. And there was a speech. Oh, no. By Ivan Lendl. The president of Emirates, Sir Tim. Sir Tim. Come and meet Sir Tim. I thought when they said come and meet Sir Tim, Sir Tim, I thought his name was Sir Tim. I thought it might be like a Turkish guy. Because that's Sir Tim. Get there and name him Sir Tim. I would have I thought certain was Tim Hedman. I said Wimbledon. Do you want to meet

said Tim? I think a knighthood is pretty strong. He didn't even fucking win it. Tim Hedman works at Emirates. Anyway, lovely guy. Lovely. Thank you very much for hospitality. Anyway, he did a little speech and then we were chatting. So I didn't want to start getting my phone out. So apologies for texting late. That wasn't me trying to lose you. Anyway, then we all met up and had a drink. Rose and Lou are wearing exactly the same outfit near enough, matching clothes. And so are we.

And so are we. Dark trousers, light top. And this is quite funny and relatable where, I don't know if it's relatable, it's funny for the podcast where we were all chatting and every time Rose went to talk about anything that happened to her, you shut down and went, don't say that, we've got to talk about it on the podcast.

And then one of the things she said was, Oh my god, do your kids like squish mellows? Anyway, don't say that. Rose went, I can't even talk about squish mellows. Quite a funny but bleak moment where we were like old school misogynistic men telling our wives what they were and what not allowed to talk about. Not idea. So well, I might as well talk about Squishmallows for now. Can I just thank Wimbledon for the tickets?

And it was a lovely time. You got to see possibly Novak Djokovic's last ever game. The people who weren't in the shade. Oh my god, it's so hot. It was so hot. Three people collapsed and had to be taken out during the first match. And then little soldier man turns up with a big umbrella and just stands there to attention with an umbrella

over a sort of an OAP that's fainted. Oh my word. Anyway, back to the relatable content, Squishmallows. Squishmallows, yeah, what's the Squishmallows vibe? Do your kids collect Squishmallows, have Squishmallows? They had a bit of a Squishmallows phase, but they're on the LeBouBou and Crying Molly hype at the moment. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what they want. So my daughter's desperate to collect something. So she goes, I'm going to start collecting squishmallows. That's a terrible one to collect. They're too big. I know. So she buys a squishmallow with her pocket money. Pocket money is built right up, right? Yeah. Because really, the truth of the matter is, she does get pocket money. But in most situations, you know what we're going, you're going to pay for that magazine yourself? Yeah, normally you end up just paying so the pocket money builds. Yeah, the pocket money builds. And fair enough. It's a good lesson that

she's building up a pocket money. She buys a squish mellow, it arrives. Then my son wants a squish mellow. How big are we talking? Because they do do different size ones. So I'd say the one that arrives would be a medium which is as big as your head. Bigger than your head probably. Slightly bigger than your head. Around head size if you're a big man. Or woman. Big woman. Big old woman. A big, huge woman. Yeah and then the next one, so my son's like I want one. I was just thinking if someone walked in with a head the size of a Squishmallow medium, that is bigger than your head, isn't it? It is bigger than your head. You'd be like a cartoon character.

Yeah, yeah, it's too much. Yeah, so bigger than your head is medium, yeah. But small's much smaller than your head. Well, you say that. We then order him a Squishmallow, and my daughter wants another Squishmallow. So we order them the same Squishmallow. Right, so she's got the original Squishmallow

bigger than her head. Yeah. And then you same squishmallow. Right. So she's got the original squishmallow bigger than a head. Yeah. And then you've ordered two more. Yeah, from Amazon. Yeah. They turn up. They're not there when they get home. Fucking hell. So my son is going mental desperate for this squishmallow to arrive. As awesome as to busy getting married.

Yeah, exactly. It's quite a small package. Oh, it's a small package. They've been shrink wrapped. And the reason They've been shrink-wrapped. And the reason they've been shrink-wrapped, Rob, is I've reached the age, or Rose has reached the age, where we are the kind of parents that by mistake have bought the knock-off.

Oh, so you've bought fake squishmallows? We've bought fake squishmallows. One of which has a hole in. What size? Medium? No, head size. Head size. Bigger than head size? My son is absolutely despairing. He's waited two days for his progression. So they can tell that they're not the right ones. They're not the right ones. He's just got a hole in. He then wants the official

version of the one he's got. There is no official version of the one he's got. Because it's a knock off. Because it's a knock off. So we order official ones from John Lewis. How much is the knockoff that you bought by accident? Tenner. My daughter's livid because she spent her pocket money on an unofficial squish ballo. But then you can't really complain at the point of purchase because if you'd read it properly, it probably would say-

It's difficult to say that to a seven year old. So I'm like- Absolutely. I'm not saying you should, but I'm just saying it's you, you yourself have bought what has advertised. It was a fucking sponsored link. They've put the sponsored, you know, the fuck you write Squishmallow and then the first thing that comes up isn't a Squishmallow. What kind of business fucking system is that? That is unacceptable. You can't sponsor a link that is not the thing. So that the top search is not the thing you search for. I'm scared of technology.

So my dad, I've got him in a bird feeder with a camera for Father's Day. So I had to set it up for him, but I haven't been down there. So I went, I saw him at lunch on Saturday. I went, well, I'll tell you what, I'll download the app for you here. And in that way, all you've got to do is scan the back of the camera and then the app's half set up. He went, all right, I got his phone, went to the app store, typed in the name of the bird feeder app, pressed install,

and it said, what's your password? I went, what's your password, dad? He went, I ain't got one. Oh, you have, you have got, you have got a part. But I couldn't even install the app. So you're getting done by sponsored links at 42. What's gonna happen at 80? Oh my God, oh my God, I got done by install the app. So you're getting Dunbar sponsored links at 42. What's gonna happen at 80? Oh my God, oh my God.

I got Dunbar sponsored link. Anyway, we then order it from John Lewis. You know what? You fucking know where you are with John Lewis. John Lewis, Marks and Spencer's as well. Big up over, I felt sorry, a bit sorry for Marks and Spencer's with the old cyber attack, did you? Yeah, I wasn't really across it, but yeah.

Honestly, they couldn't sell anything online for ages. Oh. Felt bad for them. Oh, they'll be all right. I'm sure they'll be all right. Yeah, we're right. We come home. I've got a UPS cut piece of card through the door saying it's gone to the

newsagent. So pick up my kids from school. Yeah, first thing they ask is the squishmallow there. I'm like, don't worry. I've got a piece of card. We're going to call in at the news agent on the way back. Wasn't you tempted to just take them to the shop and let them pick?

And then it's a fun day out. That's what I used to do with the Squishmallows. Yes, but it's midweek. Yeah. The Westfield is just really, really stressful. Yeah. It was like six p.m. on the Wednesday. Yeah. It all gone wrong. You're like, let's just order something. Could you not have gone, well, how about daddy will take you

at the weekend and then you can pick one and I'll buy you one and you buy one with your pocket money. And then it's a couple of days of excitement. I can't tell you how busy we are at the moment, Rob. Right, okay. It's two days from the end of school. It was the final weekend. Wimbledon.

Wimbledon. There was a birthday party we were going to on the Sunday. The Saturday, I can't remember what we were doing, but it was very important. We were going somewhere. It wasn't a gap. Fair enough. I was just saying as a suggestion,

because sometimes when you build the excitement, you drag it out. Well, we have built the excitement and dragged it out, because then we get to the news agent with an UPS thing. We drive past it. There's no parking spaces. Obviously not. So I go, I'll drive you home. Then I'll go to the news agent. It's walkable. Oh God, that's awful for them. Yeah. So I go to the news agent on the UPS thing. It says it will be in there after 4pm.

It's 5.30pm. They obviously haven't got it. You're just stood at the newsagent now like the kids are gonna... Yeah, this is gonna go fucking mental. I'm gonna fucking advertise the squishmallow again, it's disgusting. So annoyed, and they've basically ruined our week. Now I'm gonna have to pull you up on there. I'm not a massive fan of squishmallows, I think they're too big and they're annoying and you end up just getting rid of them. But they've ruined your week.

If they didn't exist it wouldn't have been such a stressful week. Absolutely, but I would say if I'm the legal team of Squishmallow, I'd say the person that's ruined the week, if anyone's to blame, would be the adult that ordered the knocked off ones and then arranged the delivery of the new ones at a time when there wasn't indoors. No, no, it didn't arrange delivery at a time. Now you're starting to rattle UPS. Well, the news agent. An independent small business. Okay. I can say how you were.

UPS hadn't dropped off at the small business at the time they said they would. So squish them and they'll get a pass. It turns out the next day, John Lewis delivered a package. It wasn't the UPS one at all. That was something else. That was something else. And UPS redelivered it the next day. They never dropped it. So who delivered John Lewis? Just John Lewis deliver a package. It wasn't the UPS one at all. That was something else. That was something else and UPS redelivered it the next day. They never dropped it. So who delivered John Lewis? Just John Lewis.

So no one's at fault. Well, you all just have a John Lewis that arrived when they delivered it. The day after it shut off, but yes. Right, so a day late, okay. So your problems with John Lewis? I should say, I stand by it. And then we just have a big up to.

Big up John Lewis, I do like them as a company. But they will deliver a day late, sometimes. Sometimes, at least they didn't have a sponsored link. At least UPS redelivered. I would say. You might have ordered from James Lewis. You read the sponsored link on Google. I should say also. I was weird. It was all orange and said Timo on it. Full respect to John Lewis for UPS for redelivering.

I'd say if you are planning on redelivering it the next day, don't put a card through my door saying you've dropped it at the news agent and then keep hold of it and redeliver it yourself the next day. Can I say something about Tmoo? I've never heard anything of Tmoo. Have you heard of Tmoo? Have you looked at Tmoo? No, I know the name. Right, Lou's had a go on Tmoo. What's Tmoo? Tmoo. Basically, if you search for anything on the internet, we wanted, right, I've bought

it now from Costco, big up Costco, a Tommyama's ice cooler on wheels. Are you okay? I'm more than okay, mate. I'm hitting my dad uncle era and I'm fucking loving it. I've got Birkenstock sliders on with socks and I'm blood red, sat in my garden, drinking beer, loving life, watching me robot lawnmower. We can talk about that later. Yeah. Anyway, I ordered that, but if you type anything instead of Google, say you want ice cooler on wheels for the about that later. Yeah. Anyway, I ordered that, but if you type anything in Google, say you want ice cooler on wheels for the garden, yeah. Yeah. A product like that, you normally end up seeing about four or five of

the main ones repeated, don't you? You might get a sponsored link that doesn't take ice. Exactly. Or a plug-in one, but it's normally, and this was between like, you can get one for a hundred quid, a small one, or the big ones up to like 300 pound, right? Right. And there were 300 pound ones that looked like really fancy, all like metal.

What are you getting for your extra 200 quid there? Well, basically it's big and it's metal and it's on wheels and it's got proper insulated cooling rather than just being a box, you know? Right. And it's got a bottle opener thing on the side and all that. But then what Temu does basically, it just basically shows you a shitter version of that

for about eight quid. Right. You know, how the fuck are you doing that? It can't be possible. Are you accepting that it's just really bad when it arrives? Well, that's the thing. I almost got caught the other day on Instagram. I almost did a dad purchase.

Go on. Did I say this on it? I got advertised. It looked like a Game Boy. Do you know what I love about you? You're like me when you get carried away online. I order stuff late at night. I caught myself luckily, but it had every game from every console from the nineties.

For about £4. Yeah, for about 80 quid for every game that ever existed when I was a kid on a Game Boy. And I was like, this looks good. Every game I've ever wanted. Yeah. I always think there must be one of these products that actually works. And then the other cheeky bastards nicked the idea

and pumped it out. It can't. Basically, the general consensus in the chat rooms was too good to be true. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just. Yeah. I don't know.

You influenced me the other day, Josh, which is, tell the audience what you bought. Is this our least relatable episode ever? I think it might be. No, it's just a nerdy purchase. You've not gone out and bought fucking three Rolexes. I love the way you think this might be unrelatable. It's such a relatable, nerdy little buy. I love it. I've got it here in my hand, actually,

because it was on the shelf above me. It's a fully boxed Loris, Italian 90 watch, £70 on eBay, seven zero. It'll hold its worth. It'll hold its worth. It's a nice watch. It's a collectible. 35 years old, classic watch. I've opened the box. Oh, God, it's fell out. And then I saw that and I was jealous.

I won't be wearing it at night. Don't worry about that. But then I can't buy the same. I didn't know they did official World Cup watches. I ordered World Cup 1998 France Snickers watch. It's got the Snickers logo on it. How lovely. Well Rob, I haven't told you this. So I then got a taste for Italian 90 merch. So I wrote Italian 90 merchandise into eBay and I was searching around. I think this is reliable.

Everyone's got like a guilty little shame purchase. What do you buy on eBay? Not like drunk purchase, but like what have you started collecting? What are you looking at a lot trying to build the courage to get, but you've got to try and get the OK from your partner or wife. You know what I mean? Because if I, you know, I don't need a World Cup 98 Snickers watch. No, no.

But I want it and I've got it coming tomorrow. Exactly. I bet you can't fucking wait. Hopefully I'll be in and Lou doesn't see it. So I've ordered, I paid £10 plus £2.90 postage and packing for this. Yeah, Josh, I don't know what you think's unrelatable about spending £12 on yourself one week. No, no, no, no, no, exactly.

We need to delve into that. Yeah, it's quite weird that you're like, £12, is that okay? I don't want to be unrelatable. It's a Gino Janelli. Do you remember Gino Janelli? It's quite comfortable talking about being invited to Wimbledon, but you spent 12 quid. Do you remember Gino Janelli, Rob? Gino Janelli?

No, is he a disgraced Italian chef? No, it's an ice cream brand. I've ordered a Gino Janelli and Iceland World Cup wall chart from Italian 90, unfilled in. Oh my God, are you gonna frame it? Of course I fucking am, Rob. Oh, I like that. Gino Janelli wall chart, this is good stuff.

It's called a Gino Janelli World Cup action poster. And it's Iceland as well. Yeah, it's a cross promotion. Oh my God, it's amazing. Yeah. Shit. So World Cup 98 is my one that gives me the most joy. A point, I got ahead of myself, Rob.

I thought maybe I'll start an Italian 90 museum in about 30 years when I've got everything. That's genuinely one of my retirement bucket lists. So you and I are gonna end up in an Italian 90 eBay bidding war. Oh no. in about 30 years when I've got everything. That's genuinely one of my retirement bucket lists. So you and I are going to end up in an Italian 90 eBay bidding war. Oh no. I think you need to join forces. Yeah, exactly. I think we do. He's got the wall chart on the watch. What have you got, Michael? I've got so much stuff. I've got about a hundred of those Italian 90 like drinking glasses that you would get from like the petrol stations. You could save the tokens and get them. I've got every piece of sort of original chow, Italian 90 mascot including the dancing

one. How do you feel about the chenelle? I'm immediately going to Google that. God, what three sad pricks. Great name for a podcast. We haven't got to the end of the fucking, so then the fucking squishmallow shows up. The watermelon squishmallow. It's so fucking big. It's insane, Rob.

I want the John Lewis one so it didn't go medium. No. Look at the size of this. I don't know what you're going to show me. It's a photo of my son with a squishmallow. There it is. Jesus Christ. It's so big. What is that? squish model. There it is. Jesus Christ. He's so big.

What is that? That is the size of... And he's taking it to school. I'd say that's the size of Dwayne the Rock Johnson's stomach and chest. Yeah, it's like a bean bag basically, but it's squishy. That is bigger than your son. Yeah. And you got two of them?

No, just for him I think. My daughter wants one. I think she's going to buy one. Is that because he had a hole in his one? Yeah, also Rose, when the John Lewis thing happened, Rose was out and about. Yeah. And she said, I've just walked past a shop that sells squishmallows and I'll be honest, I've just bought them two squishmallows because I love them.

Oh, so she bought another two? It's mental. Guess what? What? They were unofficial again. Oh, she got done in person! She got done in person. Oh, she got done in person! She got done in person. Oh, Rose! They were Thai, T.Y.

So they're not unofficial, they're the Thai version. Thai version of the... Not Thai as in Thailand. No, as in... T.Y. Yeah, T.Y. Fucking hell. So a house full of squishmallows, but it does feel like... It's almost like the moment's passed a bit, I think, already. Yeah, well, my kids had a little squishmallow phase we had a few t-wires knocking about

and now they love jelly cats that's the one right if they were to pick a teddy but they're pricey they are but um jelly cats is the one they go for yeah what they save their money for or if I'm feeling weak I'll use us parking in tour at weekend. I don't mind feeling weak. So my kids you've seen that little cut on my nose I'm'm going to send you some photos of what happened to me. I've not seen, to my friends for ages, we had a little barbecue, and it weren't a barbecue, we just had some drinks in the garden.

I tell you what's good, if you're ever having drinks in the garden and people around, if you've got a local ice cream person, when they come to your house, get their number, and then if there's like 20 of you in a garden, you just say to them, look, there's 20 of us in a garden,

we all want an ice cream, and you drive around, they'll just come to you. That is good Rob. Such a great tip. When I was at Manchester University, the rumour was that the ice cream van that used to come to the halls was selling drugs. Oh yeah, I think they do. Do write in if that's true.

Rob, is this unprofessional? The second, the third test match is so evenly poised and it's just the third morning, can I just check the score? Yeah, that is really unprofessional. Oh my God, we've taken two more fucking wickets. Unbelievable. Oh my God, I wish I was watching it. I fucking wish I was watching that.

Anyway, carry on. No worries. Let's carry on having a laugh, even though I know you want to be somewhere else. Oh my God, Rob. What the fuck happened to you? So we had this slide thing. Rob.

Yeah. These photos of you, they look like evidence in a trial. Well, that's me with my robot lawnmower. We can talk about that later. Look at that photo. I think that's the best shot of me of all time. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Sorry. Yeah. This is a slideshow. What's the one in the middle of all time. Oh, wow. Sorry. This is a slideshow. What's the one in the middle where you're flying down an inflatable? What the fuck is going on with it? We hide an inflatable for the garden.

I've got questions about the robot lawnmower as well. Right, we'll talk about that afterwards, OK? Also, I found out me with gadgets gives Lou the ick. Yeah, yeah. Because I've got a bird feeder with a camera on it now. I've got a robot lawnmower, and I tell people about it. When I tell people about it, I tell people about it lose vagina literally seals shut. Robot vagina man.

It's actually waterproof absolutely sealed up to the max. I had something interesting about driverless cars but we'll come back to that. So we got an inflatable for the kids to play on right because my friends come around they've got loads of kids. Basically I went down it on my bum and it's got quite a steep slide thing on it. Yeah. And I went on it on my bum and barefoot. Wicked! Josh, no one cares about cricket at all.

What is it? The third day of a test match. Do do do do do do do do. Who's playing? England and India. Who gives a fuck? It's such a shit sport. There's about three teams that play. Exactly. So if we beat these, we're the best. That's how life works, Josh. Anyway, so I've got this slide. I went down at barefoot on my bum and I've sort of got a bit of

a friction burn on my heels. So we gave the kids these blankets to go on, right? So I'm in the garden, my daughter goes, I'll come down the side of me. You've got to go first and put your hands in here. I was like, oh, okay. Because they'd been going down head first, but basically I put my hands in it and went down head first. But I should have had my hands out to break my fall and I didn't. So I just basically went down and my face and nose got dragged along the slide. So my glasses come down and cut my nose. My nose is all red at the end, like an alcoholic. You know, alcoholics get big red noses from a friction burn.

And then I tried to style it out and everyone's like, oh god Your face is bleeding Rob your face is bleeding and it's so I don't think it's an adult when you hurt yourself It's more embarrassing explaining it. Oh my god. It is a red old nose. Oh god that hurts Yes, there's a video of it. Oh my god. It's a couple of those and face video. I've sent them to you as well Oh is the video Oh Fucking hell you really face plant And then your daughter follows down while you're lying there my face my face my whole face Was horrible, then I go bitch and I bleed never let a plaster on my nose Have you had any gigs or anything since or no?

It's actually yesterday happens a lot of it's calm down a little bit loop at some have a plaster on my nose. Have you had any gigs or anything since or? No, it's actually yesterday happened. So luckily it's calmed down a little bit. Lou put some Elizabeth Arden on my nose. Oh, yeah. Eight hour cream. Sort of right out. Big up Elizabeth. Can I ask you about your robot lawnmower? Lou turn off now if you want to have sex again. I've got a face got a robot lawnmower mate. So the picture of you with your robot lawnmower.

Yeah. Which says, not city boy, but certainly man from town moves to country. I think the title for this photo should be the death of British farming. Stale boy, literally stale boy trying to serve. What I presumed, right, is that your robot lawn mower was being used for the lawn, right? But from what I can tell, you just shoved it in a field and you're the other side of a fence.

I know you've got a field, but shouldn't you be grazing the field? No, no, I'm a robot lawn mower in the field, mate. Or shouldn't you be making it into hay? Like isn't the point of a field? I'm going to go in there and fuck you later. What do you mean grazing the field? I ain't got any animals. I can't graze a field with I'm gonna go in there and fuck you later. What do you mean graze in the field? I ain't got any animals.

I can't graze a field with no animals. Oh, fields for animals. So you've just got a lawn. You're treating a field like a lawn. No, I'm just keeping it down to get rid of all the... Yeah. I am. Well, we want it to be usable.

What for? Have a party in there. Have a party in there? Be going around us. No, basically it was full of nettles and stuff like that. Right. So we basically cut it all out. So we're using it just to keep it down and grass in there, but we're going to plant wild flower and all that.

At the moment we just had to do that to get, it was thick full of brambles and nettles and it was unusable. So we've basically had that taken out and we haven't put loads of grass seed in there. So we're growing grass in there, but we're just getting it level to kill off the nettles and stuff. The other options are ride on lawnmower. I don't have the time or energy to do that. And they're well expensive. How do you program a low robot lawnmower?

There's no ideas. The guys from Moa Magic came down to do it. And does it get in all the corners? I've paid for this, by the way. I've not got a free lawnmower. No, if anyone interested, it's a MoMotion lawnmower. I've paid for it. Is that a stutter or is that? It's called MoMotion. Yeah, I think it's Chinese. And then the guys from Moa Magic. They've got all your bloody info now haven't they? They've mapped my garden. The Chinese government currently knows what the Rob Becker's failing to

make good use of his field. Moa Magic, I got it from, they went, can we have a small business shout out? I went, yeah mate, give me a fucking week to see if it still works. And I will. I'm not going to start bigging you up. Let it run for a month I'm obsessed if it's got a little camera on it and I can go I sent it in the other day cause it was too hot. Right, Lou is right. And I go in there at night and turn it over and get the grass out of its blades. Fuck it. Do you feel a bit invasive like flipping it on its back and look at his undercarriage without asking? Do you know what I mean?

And then coming on its rotor blades. So he's out and about at the moment actually. I can check on him on my app. How much work does it have to do? Doesn't it just do once a week? I send it out Monday, Wednesday, Fridays at 10am. It gets the weekend off. Yeah, basically because what it does is it cuts.

Do you have to make it leave? It cuts a tiny amount off so you don't have to like change like change it just cuts it and it lands back on the grass. So, but if you send it out often, it keeps the grass healthy by cutting it. This is what Lou, this is what turns Lou off. Lou speed up this bit. Basically cuts a tiny bit off every time it goes out. So it stays on top of it. So the grass has never got that awkward thing like when you go into school after a haircut.

It's like a footballer. They're getting their haircut quite regularly. Yeah, exactly. So he's out and about at the moment though. He's been struggling to get back into his little charging dock of late. So I've got to keep an eye on that. Where does he live? I'm bringing the old Moa Magic boys up and they've been really good actually installing it all. So they are really nice guys. When he finishes for the day, do you have to put him in his little house?

No, he goes back himself. How does he find it? It's all bloody navigation, mate. But isn't he in a field? Where does he live? He's got a little docking station in the corner of the field. What about your garden? Why is he not doing your garden?

What's that? Why is he mowing a field? I've never heard of anyone mowing a field. Oh no, it's just because it's a paddock. All right, I've never heard of anyone mowing a paddock. No, we just want to keep it down rather than it comes too big and it's not usable for anything. You could put anything in it. We might want to get some chickens or some animals and stuff.

We'll have to pen it off, but the rest of it was just, and I couldn't keep on top of it. And obviously, daughters are going to get horses. We're both fully aware of it. Not getting horses. I don't want some fucking local farmer's goat in there for a week. Do you know what I mean? I've got this all marked and then once it's down and we've sorted out what we're doing, then I can put that into the gardening bit. I'm a farmer now, with my little robot. It's the future.

I know. It's coming. You can leave it to grab it longer. Fair enough. Fair enough. How are you feeling about the start of the summer holidays, Rob? I can't wait to be honest. I'm not working as much. I'm calming down a little bit. I'll be honest with you. I'm half tapped out already. Yeah, I'm ready for not having to get up and do the school run Obviously, I'll be driven mad by it by the end of the summer But yeah, I'm looking forward some time with the kids and then being off to be honest Unfortunately because of my job I can take the time off in the summer

But I've worked non-stop the first part this year. You told me something when we saw you. Mm-hmm I think it is a relatable concern for people who have work colleagues, that you've mistakenly overlapped your holiday in the same location as Ramesh for three days. Yeah. That's a real pickle because it's- Well, so yeah, me and Ramesh

have probably spent, oh, this first six months of this year, and I've been with him probably for 10 days a month, nonstop, 24-7. We've booked a holiday and I did recommend this place to him originally, so I should take first dibs. We have found out that they're going away for a week, we're going away for 10 days, but our holidays overlap by three days. Because theirs is the tight week and yours is the tight week but with three days at the front, presumably. Yeah, so they're there first and then we arrive and there's a three-day lap crossover.

Now, Ramesh went to me like, this isn't Ramesh, he plays hardball. This is such a difficult situation. It is, isn't it? Because someone you work with and he was like, we're not having any meals together. I was like, no, we're not. I don't want any.

So we've agreed, no dinners or breakfast together, separate, but we may have a lunch together. So he did negotiate, you negotiated him up to a lunch. Thing is, this is how it's going to work, Josh. How close are you? No, I don't mean as people, I mean... Because I said to him, well what are we doing around the pool? There's no point in doing it like an arbitrary gap.

Also, what is going on? You're turning up at Wimbledon when I'm there. I'm the crossover guy. But this is what's going to happen, Josh. I can predict this now, yeah? He gives it all the big... Also, our kids won't play with each other because there's such a massive age gap, right? Because of the race thing. Oh, sorry, no. Because my children are racist. Yeah. That's why. Yeah.

There's massive gap. There's teenage boys and young girls. Yeah, there's no crossover whatsoever. But this is how it's gonna work. I know. He's gonna be all relaxed because he's been at like a nice relaxed resort for a bit. And also his holiday is very different to yours because he's got teenage boys. What the fuck's he doing with his time? He's fully relaxed. He's gonna be, by that point,

and I know him better than he knows himself, he's gonna be bored. Yeah. And he's gonna be well rested and he's gonna be full of energy. Then I'm gonna turn up. And do you know what I am, Josh? I'm a fucking laugh. Do you think he's gonna wanna go on the mega-lash? He's gonna be full of energy and then I'm gonna turn up and you know what I am Josh I'm a fucking laugh. Do you think he's gonna want to go on the

mega-lash? He's gonna be all over me like a rash but he's gonna be playing all night he's gonna be right up my pipe wanting a drink should we go for a walk should we do this should we do that? I know what he's like. I reckon we'll be in the gym together we'll be getting drunk together and he won't be able to keep his hands off. What's Lou's view? I respect Lou so much on a day she will not fucking move off that sun lounger whoever turns up right. Yeah. Sometimes we go away on holiday with people and they're like I was thinking about going out for a day trip to the local whatever Lou will go no thank you. Rose would rather go home than go on a day trip. Yes, save it. When we were last on holiday,

and the kids wanted to go on the pedalo, in the sea, the four of us, Rose had a face like thunder for the whole experience. And this is quite, and me and Lou talk about this a lot, and Lou has made a conscious effort to not be like this. Sometimes dads are seen as more fun on holidays, right? And there's that great bluey episode where- Not just on holiday.

Yeah, but that bluey episode where like, oh yeah, dads have been fun in the pool, but the mom traditionally may have facilitated the fun by making sure everyone's got sun cream, toys. But to become the fun guy, you've got to take a shift in the pool. And I do see from the pool edge, dads take more of the hit with the more heavy

duty horseplay in the pool than mums and I think if you're fine with the tag of not as much fun by the pool that's fine but you can't then complain about the tag of not much fun by the pool by not being fun in the pool or the tag of not as much fun on the sun lounge on the beach while I take the kids up to the pool. Oh, so not even around the pool is Rose? She doesn't like that pool. She prefers the beach. But the kids don't like the beach?

At the moment, the kids are pool kids. So my kids are pool kids, but they're getting into beach. Right, yeah, yeah. They'll be beach kids, I think. But so she's not even at the pool to watch the fun. But then if Rose is happy with you being the fun one and her not being the fun one, then that's fine. Yeah. But then you can't go like, oh, why is it always Dad seen as the fun. But then if Rose is happy with you being the fun one and her not being the fun one then that's fine. Yeah. But then you can't go like oh why is it always dad seen as the fun one? Well she doesn't do that to be fair she goes I

just want to stare at the sea. Fair enough. She just sits there all day, she can just lie there. No book or music. With no stimulus. Wow. I know. Lou pretends to read books on holiday. Yeah. I'd say a week's holiday will read five books, allegedly. I think it's bollocks. She's not fully reading. She has a right to reply on this. I'm sure she'll come on, slag me off about something. Long Bendy Twizzlers candy keeps the fun going. Keep the fun going. Twizzlers, keep the fun going. India scored a few more runs. Couldn't give less of a fuck.

Do you not love your country? What's that? Do I not love my country? I don't know if I do actually. I don't really. I'm a man of the world. Yeah. Mainly based in Bromley. Do I not love my country? I don't know if I do actually. I'm a man of the world, mainly based in Bromley.

A citizen of Earth and Bromley. I'm a citizen of the universe, but basically everything's done through Bromley and the local train stations. And so do you think Ramesh will come on strong? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'll come on strong. I think what'll happen is, I reckon, Llew will just lay by the sun lounger, Lisa will lie on the sun lounger, just chilling. And would they be adjacent sun lounger, at least you'll lie on the sun lounger, just chilling. And would they be adjacent sun loungers?

How close are your rooms? I don't know, I don't know these guys. Presuming it's a resort, if you're going to the same place, are you in the same bit of the resort? I don't know that, to be honest. I don't know where our rooms are, I don't know if there's different pools that they'll go to.

What I may do is to enable a bit of distance, but not in an awkward way is go, we might stay down the more shallower end because our kids are younger. Yeah. But actually they could deal with it deep, but it just takes the steam out of the situation. It'd be quite weird if you are a different guest there. In the same way, Louis Theroux found it quite odd that he bumped into both of us and neither of us knew we were there.

Yes. It would be quite odd. But there must be loads of people listening that have got holiday, especially with school parents. Well, I remember when we went to Cornwall when I was a kid, just for like a few days. Yeah. To like, it's actually the place now,

which is like the poshest bit of Cornwall where David Cameron goes, but it wasn't then. It's like this surf beach called Olseth. Yeah. And I remember finding out that my friends from the village, their family happened to be going at the same time. Yeah. And I remember being delighted and I remember my dad being fucking gutted. And I didn't understand it. So if anyone's had any good stories or bad stories, because actually we went on holiday

and there was a girl from my eldest daughter's school year and the parents are lovely and they all got on well and it was quite nice, but sometimes it can be problematic. But I've had it with cities. We went to New York and he listens to this actually, Tom Pacman. Oh, Tom Pacman. Yeah. He used to work at our comedy agency and he does comedy promoting over there, I think. He's now moved to New York,

but at that time we both lived in London and then we were both in New York on a holiday at the same time and we met up and I was thinking, this is a bit odd, isn't it? Because we don't meet up in London. That's so stupid. Why did you meet up? Why are we using our holiday? I mean, it's a bit like you and Ramesh. Why did you meet up? Why are we using our holiday? I mean it's a bit like you and Ramesh. Why are you meeting up?

You've got to meet up at a resort. It's weird not to but in New York you could definitely swerve each other. Well I'm interested to see how it plays out with you and Ramesh. Well I'm sure it'll be fine. It'll be great. He'll be all over me like a rash. Do you know what we'll do for next week's? I'll get him to record a little voice note as what his views are and what his plans are for it. Yeah. Do you know what's quite interesting though, is because like whenever I do go away, the people sometimes talk about the podcast,

but they will go, where's Ramesh? Because obviously we're normally in places and they see us in vision together, where me and you are more audio. And they'll say to me, where's Ramesh? And now I can go, he's on the beach. Yeah, he's over there. He's a hundred yards away.

And that's really gonna confuse them. They'll think I'm joking. Do you know what I'll record this to him now Rob? To send? You're right, Ron. We're just recording the podcast and we're discussing about the fact that your holidays overlapping with Rob's and he says while you say that you don't want to see him, he thinks that you'll be absolutely thirsty for his company because you'll be bored of your holiday and excited to see him and you want to go for walks and drinks with him. Do you believe that to

be true? That's a great question. Anyway Rob, on the driverless lawnmowers. Yes go on. Do you want one? I watched an interview. For your AstroTurf. On Instagram. Your depressing London Victorian slum AstroTurf.. It's not astroturf anymore, it's stoned, it's cobbled. Is it? Yeah. I thought you had Astro. No, that's gone. OK.

Yeah. Apologies. It's all right. It's all right. I watched a thing about driverless cars, Rob. OK, go on, talk to me. Video came up on my Instagram of, you know, Malcolm Gladwell. Yes, the writer, who I love but once said,

it's harder to make someone cry than it is to make them laugh which is bollocks. So he doesn't like comedy. Just watch comic relief and tally up how many laughs to cry as you get. Yeah, he's not impressed with comedy because anyone can make someone laugh whereas making them cry is more difficult. Oh shut up. Fuck off. I bet you're a fucking laugh. You fucking do it then. You chop the podcast charts with basically blathering on about fuck all. Rachel Reeves just sat down at work and was crying. No one laughs in the chamber. Anyway. By the way, that was topical at the time of recording.

Yeah. So don't come for me if this goes out in three weeks. Exactly. Exactly. We don't know. I can only be topical at the time I'm being topical, right? What about bloody Theresa May's dancing? What about...

God, drecking that cabbage about last little lettuce, whatever it is. Trusty. He said, driverless cars aren't going to work, Rob. And the reason is, yeah, you know, those ones in L.A. what they can way moves or whatever they're called, what are they called? Don't know. Don't know. If you walk near one, it'll stop. Right. Yeah. He said the reason people say they won't work, they're not good enough. They're too good. Because they stop if anyone goes near them. Yeah. So you can't be

killed by one. Right? Yeah. So the problem is once all cars are driverless, no one's got any fear crossing the road. People are just gonna walk out in front of things knowing they're not going to get hit. Do you suggest that they put on a bit of a thing where the robot can make a decision and go, well, it's not technically my fault because they've jumped out so I'm just going to get it. Do you suggest that they put on a bit of a thing where the robot can make a decision and go, well, it's not technically my fault because they've jumped out, so I'm going to have to carry on. Exactly. Yeah, the highway folks. And then that's when Terminator starts.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. No, I'm not suggesting that. That's what you're suggesting. Before you know it, you're on the back of a motorbike with Sarah Connor. That's what we say. Yeah, that's exactly right. And it's a driverless motorbike. I think it depends.

They'll work in places that are new, but imagine sending a driverless car down the Cornwall in those lanes. It's too much. There'd be too many branches coming out. It would think a branch was just a tall person. Just stop still. Yeah, just stop, because there'd be a branch in the road or whatever. Anyway, shall we do a couple of emails, Rob, before we go? Let's do some emails. I think that's a good idea. Give me some emails.

Switzerland, Rob. Switzerland. We're back on the Switzerland hype again, aren't again are we? Yeah well it's very topical the euros is going on at the time recording. Yes of course the women's euros in Switzerland. Hello Josh and Rob we've been living in Zurich in Switzerland for five years. Okay. And listening to both since then. I bet they didn't expect us to start talking about Switzerland. What a full circle. Here are my top five positives about living in Switzerland. They probably went why don't you put Rob and Josh on it, remind us of the UK and why we're moving to Switzerland.

Little did they know, Farvee's like, it'll be moaning about Switzerland. Exactly. Okay. Because we want to be positive. There's a lot of negatives backing up my negative experience. This is a positive. If you want a doctor's appointment, I can email, yes, email in the morning and I'll be seeing in the afternoon.

Yeah, that is incredible. Unbelievable. Well done. That's great. Yeah. Repeat prescription similarly can just be emailed to me the same day. I like it. Yeah.

I have a farm shop that sells Wagyu beef steaks near me and it operates on an honesty basis. The Swiss are trustworthy and they put their trust in you rather than assume the worst. That's a problem with change. I don't want to get involved in an honesty box. I want to be able to just pay, not go fucking hell. I've got a 20, are they Euro? They're Swiss francs, they're Swiss francs, aren't they? Yeah.

So I'd say that's a medium. Also, we've got farm shops in the UK. I don't think that's a different- There's honesty boxes for egg boxes and farms, yeah. That's a neutral. I'd say yeah, classic Swiss are neutral. If you want to light a fire in the woods, which happens all the time. Yeah, I'm always doing that. In a park on the... If you pull that there, I'm just going to go and put my fire out in the woods. I feel like I've left it on. In a park on the beach, then

you are free to do so. You're trusted to be safe and put it out. And if you don't, then of course you will be fined. But with kids going for walks, creating a fire and cooking a sausage on a stick is a fantastic experience. So you can build a fire in the woods, Rob. Is that one of your problems with the UK? I wouldn't say that's cropping up a lot that I'm walking through the woods going fucking hell, wish I could build a fire and have enough sausage right now. Being at a doctor's appointment for potential burns that you've got from

creating a fire in the woods Yeah, number four quality of food is probably the best in the world. I'm gonna beg to differ on what I ate I've never heard that it is expensive, but then farmers get a fair price for their produce We're eating much healthier food with less preservatives fillers and hormones. I'd say the best food I've ever had country Australia Pound for pound veggies and meat is the freshest and the best it was bad for vegetarians when I went through the middle of Australia I'm gonna talk about the middle until about the edge. Right middle of Australia's is a little onto itself I'm not I'm not going there for a fucking steak and chips Get yourself on a beach and money the minimum wage in Zurich is 22 pounds per hour

Which is 48 thousand pounds per annum and if you lose your job job seekers allowance will pay 70 to 80 percent of your salary this is capped however but capped at 136,000 pounds a year that's good if you'd like my top 25 negatives then let me know Ben I've been scratching around for them, haven't I? Yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough.

Every country is different. We have got more in Switzerland, but we'll drip them out. So let's have the longest time in years doing a school run. Oh, yes please. This is parents who've done a school run for the most amount of consecutive years because of the spacing of their children. I think my dad might win the award for the longest school run service. I'm the second of four children, our current ages are 51, 40, 17 and 12. Oh my God.

So my parents had my brother in 1973 then when they were in their 20s. Yeah. That's an 11 year gap between my brother and me. And because I went to primary school in South London in the 90s, I was known for having old parents in their 40s. Yeah. My mom sadly died when I was a teenager. My dad remarried my lovely stepmother when I was 22.

They had two younger sisters. Right. The youngest will finish school in 2033 when my dad is 83. By which time he will have done school runs Spanning seven different decades from the 1970s to the 2030s Wow He's also a brilliant grandpa to my seven-year-old daughter and to add insult of injury to injury I often rope him into doing the school run to

My sister at 315 then drives to get my daughter at 3.30. So the auntie and the niece are in the car? Yeah, that is mad. I've been listening to that since lockdown. I've got tickets to see Rob on Valentine's Day next year, which gives me eight months to find a date. Oh. To take to the gig.

Wish me luck. Martha from Lewisham. Lewisham. I knew it was South East London when there's an auntie and a niece in the car. The auntie's younger than the niece. Rob, it's been a lovely day. Lovely. Should we do a small business shout out?

Yeah. India are 112 for 8. Could not give a fuck. Violets, a coffee and flower shop. Do you want to tell me the score of the cricket? No, it was not topical anyway. They're 112 for 8. It's lunch.

India are? Yeah, they need... That's shit, innit? Yeah, they need 185 to win. It's on. India are. Yeah, they need That's shit, innit? Yeah, they need 185 to win. It's on an ifed. On an ifed. Now, Violet, coffee and flower shop that sells cakes and paninis.

It has live music and a bar pending in the next few weeks. Please come and visit us. It is violetct11.com, Instagram, violetct11.com, Instagram, VioletCT11, Facebook, VioletCT11. Now, I'll be honest with you, this has been sent by my mum, her friend Mel's coffee shop,

and that's all she's been given. I'm gonna have to Google it myself, it's in Ramsgate. Oh, lovely Ramsgate. Coffee and flower shop in Ramsgate called Violets Poppin. You might see my mum in there. Yeah, little treat. Violets in Ramsgate, get yourself down there for a coffee and a flower shop in Ramsgate called Violets Poppin. You might see my mum in there. Yeah, little treat. Violets in Ramsgate. Get yourself down there for a coffee and a flower shop.

Hi, Rob and Josh. Love the podcast. I've listened for a few years despite having no children. Your voices keep me company when I'm running. I'd like to shout out my partner's window cleaning business, Window Cleaner Near Me. He services homes across North Wales and you can see an instant free quote online

by visiting www.windowcleanernearme.co.uk. I can't believe that was still available. He's an early adopter. He's recently expanded and taken on his first employee. So this shout out will be hugely appreciated. Keep being great. Thank you, Georgia from Lanifid. Lanifid? I just don't go for anymore. It's too hard, just spell it out loud. In North Wales. Please try and pronounce this, I just did. How do you spell it? Double L. Yeah, always.

A-N. Yeah. E-F-F. Yeah. Y-D-D. Landefid. Landefid. Yeah, that'll do the end, right? Landefid.

Goodbye. Bye.