Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP5: Siân Welby

Episode Date: March 11, 2025

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant presenter and radio host - Siân Welby. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: @parentinghell  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, it's DJ First Dibs. I notice you've been listening to a lot of summer vibes lately. I get it. You're dreaming about vacations. Ooh, baby, that's my jam. With Sunwing's first dibs on summer savings, let us curate something stronger than what you've been listening to. Because while your playlist screams, I need a vacation, my algorithm suggests book before

March 30th. Remember, Sunwing, save more, do more. Book with your local travel advisor or at sunwing.ca. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course,

tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Charlie, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whiddicombe? Josh Whiddicombe.

That's brilliant, thank you Charlie. There we go. There we go, well done Charlie. That is Becca from Burgess Hill. She's been mentioned on the show before, Rob. Has she? She's Jim Jefferies' mother-in-law and a huge parenting hell fan.

Do you remember that? Yes. So is that one of Jefferies' kids? I've been waiting years to be able to send you an intro, but Charlie was a late talker. And when I last saw him in July, he lives in LA, he only said a few words. Now he's talking has come on amazingly. So it was a great joy to send you from Charlie age three regards Becca in Burgess Hill.

Lovely. There we go. Right and why Burgess Hill Multigenerational. Yeah, I think it's East Sussex is it? Josh, I promised you an apology story from Lou and a hamster update. What do you want first? Which do you think we can fit in eight minutes? Let's do hamster update next Tuesday. Okay. And then we'll do Lou today.

So I was going to do some filming with, so basically we were dropping the kids off at school together and then at eight 30 I was getting picked up to go to filming day with Ramesh for Robin Ramesh versus, and then I was going to the Graham Norton show to film Graham Norton. And always a bit stressed and a bit for those kind of days because there's a lot going on. And ideally, if you're doing Graham Norton, you'd quite like a lie in and just a chill day, rather than taken anyway, but that's how life works. So we got the kids ready, took them there to school. And then we'd finish the school drop off at 10 past 8am. And we just said goodbye to our eldest who was on a little residential for two nights. And I said to Lou, it was cold and a bit rainy. And I said, do you mind if I sit in the car with you for 20 minutes until I get picked up? The taxi's coming at half eight. She was like, oh, but I'm going to meet my friend for coffee.

And I was like, okay, right, but you're gonna take the car, so I'm just gonna be stood here. For 20 minutes. Talk to me about the cover situation. How much cover is there? Zero. And you're just, I would just be like on a street with zero cover and just different parents

walking past saying hello and chatting and probably going, why you just stood there with a suitcase? And you couldn't go, is there a cafe? No, absolutely nothing. The way you drop off is like, there's just not a thing there. It's not like nothing. Or I could present you walk for 20 minutes through a light. Change your pickup and then walk for 20 minutes through a light change your pickup and then walk for 20. I'd have to change my pickup and walk to a cafe, which is the nearest one is probably 10 to 15 minute walk.

Yeah. Sit there for three minutes and then get in the car. Yes, exactly. Which I didn't want to do because I had a lot of luggage. Yeah. So I said, well, what are you doing? She went, Oh, I'm going to meet my friend for coffee. I was like, Oh, where's your friend? She went, she's in the coffee shop. I was like, well, can't she wait for 20 minutes in the coffee shop and I get sort of cover and shelter and warmth for 20 minutes. And she went, yeah, but I know it. Well, yeah, but I've agreed to meet. I was like, yeah, okay, cool. But, um,

what are you doing after the coffee? I went, I'm going to a Pilates with her. I was like, okay, well, what are you doing after that? She went, oh, and then we're going for lunch together. I was like, yeah, yeah, they do. They do get on. I thought, well, I went,, okay, well, what are you doing after actually, and then we're going for lunch together. I was like, yeah, they do. They do get on. I went, I think, and I said, I think you'll get enough time with her. Yeah, that's quite, that's quite an Aggie thing to say, Rob. Yeah, I was feeling quite Aggie. I was like, well, I think you'll get enough time to, you know, I don't think this 20 minutes is going to impact your time with her. And, you know, I'd like shelter and warmth, like a, you know, a dog would be given, you know, you just leave a dog out here for 20 minutes on his own.

No, I mean, it's an interesting comparison, isn't it? Yeah. Because you'd never let a dog go into town or do the Graham Norton show. No, absolutely. Well, I've seen some of the people at the Graham Norton show. And I'd say a dog would get an instant round of applause. I'd argue there would be great anecdotes for an edit point, but that initial five minutes that dog's ripping, that's over.

If the dog's done a shit, start the show. And then she was like, okay, then we'll wait in the car. But a bit put out, and I was like, oh, fair enough. And in lose defense, she'd been unwell, so hadn't really eaten properly for a couple of days, hasn't slept properly, very tired, very hangry, because this was out of character. So we sat there and we're chatting, and we're talking about something, Donald Trump or something that's been on news. We were just chatting about that. Which, you know, you're in the middle of a conversation and neither of us care about it. It does feel like it's getting

a little bit heated, but neither of us are actually on either side here, or have a side, or even care about what we're talking about. And then we're chatting, chatting, chatting. And she's sort of not really responding. And I'm just sort of chatting away. And then she starts speaking about it and we're talking. And then taxi drives past and at that point she immediately stops talking and presses the unlock bar. And I'm like, Oh, we're done are we? We're done now. That's us done. She's got anything to apologize for. Then I got out the car and then she later on sent me a meme of a cat saying,

I'm sorry. Do you know what it was? It was the initial, can I sit in the car with you? Do you mind if I sit in the car with you? She was like, what? And looked at me like actual shit. That was, that's what the apology was for. Right. Not for the unlocking of the car at the exact right time. No, but that was, there was a real energy of, here's your car, get the fuck out and let me get on with my day so I can start to enjoy myself. Yeah. Yeah. That was, that was the energy I got. But she did say sorry. And

yeah, hey, we're all we're all human. Rob, today's guest. Yes. Got invited to the Brits this year unlike you. Yeah, no invite. I mean, to be fair, she is the host of Capital Breakfast. But a big fan of Sean Welby. I think she's great. She also had a big fan of us. She came to one of our live shows at Hackney Empire. Good on her. And now she's got a baby. She used to listen before she had children.

She's a good egg, very funny. Enjoy. Sean Welby, welcome to Parenting Hell. We've, you've been top of the list for a little while, but we were letting you ferment as it were. Where you've just had a baby and sometimes in our experience you get a new parent on. They're full of excitement. They're loving it, they're buzzing, the beautiful little baby. Shit episodes. Shit episodes. Shit episodes.

That's sort of initial honeymoon stage. How old's your child, Sian? Where are you at in the new parent stage, would you say? Yeah, I'm in the trenches, guys. I am in full parenting hell. You know, like, literally your podcast is speaking to me now because I'm like, oh, this is parenting hell. I thought, like you say, if you'd have got me on in three months in, I'd have been bragging about sleeping all night and I'm smashing life. And now I'm broken mentally, physically. Help. How old is your child? Right. So it's Ruby. She's a little girl. She's seven and a half months. Seven and a half months. Seven and a half months.

Yeah. Yeah. That is tough. So sleep regressions, is that a thing? Yeah. Where does that come from? Why do they regress? I don't know.

That's mad, isn't it? Why do things go backwards when you start cracking it and then it starts? I described it the day like the enigma code. Every day you think you've got it, it changes again. And I don't know why. You know what's really pure about this is Sean, it feels like you're here to actually try and get some answers. You're not going to get any answers.

This isn't actually a consultation. We don't know either. We've heard this before where we got put on like, we'd be doing some PR for this and they go, Josh and Rob are now parenting experts. You're like, no, we're the opposite of parenting experts. We've got nothing for you. Oh, honestly, guys, I thought by now that you'd have like, I don't know, the oracle of knowledge. We're still kind of regressing ourselves. I have kind of minor comedy regressions quite regularly where I think I suddenly I've lost it. I can't do this anymore.

Josh can't even look after himself at the moment. Can we tell him what we've just been discussing and see if Sean thinks it's weird? Go on. I wear a watch to bed. What? Why is that? I don't understand. It's so formal. It's like you wear shoes in bed. No, no. Yeah, but just to be clear, yeah. We'll cover that next week. But I don't put a watch on to go to bed. Like I'm not dressing for bed. I just don't bother to take my watch off. Why would I?

I've saved 20 seconds, which I can check on my watch. It is weird, isn't it, Sian? Well, that's feeding her an opinion, right? OK, it's really normal, isn't it? It's just uncomfortable, surely's something... Well, that's feeding her an opinion, right? Okay, no, it's really normal, isn't it? It's just uncomfortable, surely. Like, that's a big clunky thing. But then again, I saw you on Michael McIntyre and I've always heard you say about sleeping under the duvet and now I saw it in real time.

Yeah, yeah. So you're under the duvet, you got your watch on. You're always ready. You're always ready. I'm always ready. In Hain are ready to go. Thank you, Sian, for coming on. We're both big fans. Oh, I'm massive fans of you guys.

You came to a show once, didn't you? We saw you in Hackley. Yeah, but that's why I'm such a weirdo. I came before I had kids. I was one of those creeps in the audience. It's like, what the hell are you doing here? You were doing prep though. You were sort of with your partner. It'll sort of build up to wanting kids, wasn't it? Yeah, I suppose it was like a bit of a recce. So what are the main problems you're faced with as a seven month old? You were saying the voice note you sent me was quite unhinged about the snot out the nose, your partner having a perforated eardrum.

Are you sucking it out? Yeah, did you guys ever have to do that? No one told me I was going to be sucking snot at like one in the morning. No, I wouldn't do that. Did you do it with the funnel and the tube thing or did you go rogue? No, no, I used the funnel and the tube, but I have seen parents mid coffee, lean down, suck snot out of a child's nose with their mouth and sort of spit it into a tissue then have a sip of flat white. And I'm like, I can't carry on with it.

Do they keep their watch on or do they take it off for that one? Watch off for that. Yeah, I mean, this is what I mean. Do you use the thing though, that little sucker thing? The snot sucker, I mean, it's disgusting. And they're the things that no one tell you about. They tell you all about changing nappies and all they might throw up. And then you realize there's worse, more gross things to come

that no one's warned you about. And yeah, my other half ended up having to go, I don't want to say raw dog, because that's disgusting, but like, he was having to go straight to nose because we forgot the snot sucker. Oh, so it was going, getting in there. Yeah, and we were gagging at the thought. We were gagging at the thought of it. And he was like, I'm going to have to do it.

Well, it worked and it was revolting. But then he got so ill from doing it. I bet he's eating illness. It's like a venom, anti-venom. He was literally eating disease. But he ended up with some weird wartime disease. The kids pick up the strangest illnesses and he ended up with the plague or something. He was so ill.

So he got ill with it? So or something. He was so ill. So he got ill with it? So yeah, he ended up so ill. Yeah, and then he ended up with an ear infection. Didn't realize, blew his nose too hard, we think, perforated his eardrum. I was living with like my other half who couldn't hear. He had tinnitus in his ears. My daughter's crying and can't breathe and doesn't want to eat anything because she's

teething at the same time. And it was pure parenting hell. I don't think I slept for two months. She's so on brand. This is the beauty of Sharn Welby. She doesn't just not offend the brands, Rob. She knows which brand to bring in. She knows what she's presenting.

This is genuine. We could learn so much. I know. But I just feel like it's just two ships passing where Charles is off to the top level everywhere and we'll still be sat here moaning about our kids. So, how much maternity leave did you take? So, is your partner working full-time as well as you? Yeah, so we did a bit of a, you can do that kind of split parental leave, which is quite a modern thing. And a lot of people don't know about it, but it does exist, I think

everywhere. I don't fully know, but you can ask whether you can split that time. And it made more sense just with our situation for me to go back, and then he's taken the rest of it. But I took three months off, which doesn't seem very long. And, you know, I know that sounds a bit mad, but at the same time, for me, three months felt like ages. I'd never really had any time off work since I was like a pot washer at 14. Of course. And you also, because you work, I mean, so the other day I was in A&E with

my son all night and I got in the car home. You guys came on the radio at 6am and I thought, fuck that. But I suppose it worked. It means you, has that prepared you for the lack of sleeper parenthood? You've basically been jet lagged throughout being an adult. Yeah, in some sadistic way, I actually think it has helped because I'm almost, I love sleep and I used to be a proper like sleep hog Like if I could do 10 12 hours I would and so in some ways not being just getting used to earlier nights and and having to get up I don't I still value sleep, but sleep isn't like I don't know

I'm talking nonsense because I'm trying to justify the fact that I'm waking up No, you have to accept that you don't have enough even though you need it. Yes, and so you're right, I've just almost accepted it. I've just let it go. I'm trying to release the fact that I'm so angry that I don't get enough sleep and I just roll with it. And yeah, maybe it does help that I've got to get up for work anyway. It's just when she's been ill in the night and I've woke up all night every two hours and that was, I've been delirious, definitely on air, like I could have just cried for no reason.

So what time do you leave the house? Five. Oh, what time do you get up? Get up about quarter past four. Lovely. Get ready, get to work, because I have to do all my makeup and everything because it's all, you know, you can feel these cameras, it's all bloody film. You're basically making a TV show these days.

Yeah, yeah, so it's a bit relentless in that way. So about a five to six, do you ever sit there with the other guys and all just go, fuck this? But you've got, someone's got to step up and go, right, come on guys, they're going to film us in a minute and we've got a play or so, let's have this. Because you are naturally bubbly, but not everyone can do that every day, guaranteed. No, look at Rob. Look at me. Yeah, I think I'm lucky that my default is quite up anyway.

But I do reckon, I mean, don't get me wrong, there's been days when I've honestly couldn't think of anything worse. But then because you've got the other two, at least out of the three, there'll be somebody that can bring you back from the depths of despair. So between us, we probably take it in turns. If one of us is ill or one of us is a bit sleep deprived or just not feeling it, the other two bring you back up. And then actually, by the time you're in these bright lights,

you know, like at school, they had the strip lights to keep you all wired. It's like a casino. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I might as well be in a casino. There's no windows. I've no idea what time it is, what day it is. Just great tunes and banter. When I was a kid at Capitol, they used to have a studio in the middle of a restaurant, and there's a restaurant called the Capitol Cafe. And you'd go in and eat like a

Rainforest Cafe or Hard Rock Cafe kind of like show busy type restaurant. And then there'd be a presenter in the middle, all like boxed off. It'd be like a zoo animal in there doing a radio show as you're having like bolognese. Yeah that is weird. What time are you going to bed with a, is your child sleeping through? Your daughter? Is your daughter sleeping through? No and this is the other thing, no she's not, no don't laugh Rob, it's horrible, this is killing me, this is literally killing me because she's not, no. Because you know when your kid's not sleeping through and you're thinking, okay, so it's

3am, they're going to wake up at 7am, so I've got four hours if they go down now. But you're thinking it's 3am, I'm up in an hour and 15 minutes. Yeah, I've had a lot of those dark moments, Josh, where I'm constantly doing maths where I'm working out how little time I've got to sleep. And it ruins everything I do. If I'm doing anything in the evening, I'm like, oh, I'm in bed and I'm getting up in three hours, getting up in four hours. And it starts making you like so weird about sleep and you start prioritizing over everything. And because I'm supposed to go into some awards thing tonight and all I can think of is what

time am I going to leave? Oh my God. So what's your day today then? Like obviously you've got upper court bars four. You've done your show. Done the show. Is it 11 ish, half 11? Yeah, on a mad day, and these days have happened a few times, right?

I'll have done capital six till 10. At 10, I have ran onto the tube, jumped onto the central line to this morning, gone on there, done a quick movie chat or something like that until half 12, then been ferried off to a junket back in central London, done an interview with Harrison Ford or something, the whole thing's like a fever dream, and then I've come home to a baby that's got a blocked up nose, doesn't want a feeding,

won't take medicine. That's the other thing, guys. Why did no one tell me they don't like medicine? They just spit it out at that age. Do you know what? I was complaining about this the other thing guys. Why did no one tell me they don't like medicine? They just spit it out at that age. Don't they? Do you know what? I was complaining about this the other day Cowpol when I was a kid was like one of the best things on earth and now it's fucking no sugar What have they done to it? Is that what it is? Why?

Part of it was sugar. Let's deal with this issue. The issue is my child won't take I don't care at this stage about how much sugar they're having. They're fucking ill. You're not giving it a Monster Energy drinker's water. Exactly. Like, give them a bit of sugar and it means they'll take the cow pole. They're not having cow pole six times a day forever. I agree.

I like the way they still give you the plastic squeezer though. Because they've not gone like, you know, super like climate change in a paper. Imagine I don't care about the planet. This floppy fucking syringe. There was no syringe when I was a kid. Just a spoon. I swear we lapped it up. We're all similar at a similar age. We bloody loved it. It's so good. It was the best thing about being ill. Like I used to dream of like in Willy Wonka, you know, like the other chocolate river, it would have been like a cow pole

river. That's the allure of the cow pole back in the day. Yeah. And so now, like you say, it's just, they don't like it. They don't want it. She's just tossing her head back. Half of it's on the floor. And so it was those days were like utter hell and then And then bed from, she's actually okay at going to sleep. It's the waking up in the night thing. But she now goes to bed about seven. I get one hour of telly and I cherish that hour so much to watch any sort of series I'm trying to watch or whatever. And then I look at eight o'clock and go,

you know, sometimes it gets to quarter past eight and I think, oh, it's a bit late actually. I've really treated myself. I've really let go. Oh my god. What time is she going down at the moment then? Like, would you put her into bed? I know she wakes up, has it? Yeah. So now, bedtime is about seven and she's pretty good. I can put her down. I've got a few little like tricks I'm putting on a little lullaby. There's this star projector that's going around the room.

I mean, it is like a rave, a really lame one, but there's a lot going off in there, but it seems to work. But Sean, I don't want to worry, but as they get older, they obviously go to bed later. And my seven-year-old couldn't settle like that. I think I think it was a half-night, which for me is a bit annoying, but for you, that is game over. Because you're like, it's a ticking clock. You'll be sat next to me stroking their arm and the car's at the front to take you to Capitol.

I'm not like, I obviously am not getting up at half four. But often, if my daughter goes beyond nine o'clock, we'll go, should we just go straight to bed? And we'll go straight to bed at like half nine and just be like, I can't, I'm too tired. I can't be bothered. I'm just gonna write off this evening. We're just not gonna have an evening. That's how I feel. I write off most days.

Quite often you just go, who is this person that goes, oh, sleep when they sleep and nap when they nap. You're like, that doesn't exist. Because also, like when she sleeps, she's like this. So I'm a goblin in the spare bedroom. Is she, have you moved her out of the room? Yeah. She's sort of, we've got the way we've got our bedroom.

She's almost like in an extra little bit of it. So it's almost like an extension we've had on the bedroom. An en suite. Yeah. She's almost in the on suite. Yeah. A bit like when you are on holiday and you come to this and you realize the only way for them to sleep in the hotel room is for you to basically put them in the bathroom and shut the door because you want the hotel room to yourself. And so you put the cot,

you find yourself trying to force the travel cot into a bathroom. Rob's looking at me like he's never done that in his life. No, no, I remember sitting on the floor outside of a bed hotel room once with a bottle of wine with Lou while they slept in there. Oh no, don't. It was the only space there was to talk. Guys, this is so bleak and I thought things were going to get better. Do you worry that your, I mean, I suppose Chris Stark, who you present with has got

two kids, three kids, two kids. Two, yeah. And presumably Jordan's you present with, has got two kids, three kids, two kids. And presumably Jordan's not got kids, has he? No. He doesn't strike me as at that stage of his life. No. Are you finding it harder to relate to the cool young capital audience in the last seven months?

Well, in a weird way, I actually think more of our listeners probably are parents. Like it's surprising, isn't it? Like we're in a bit of a London bubble, but a lot of our listeners probably are parents. Like it's surprising in it. Like we're in a bit of a London bubble, but a lot of the people that are listening have either got kids or they've got, at least they've got like nieces, nephews, and we do a lot of school run. So in some ways it's actually just made the chat even more relatable because it, whether it's talking about the thing the kids are watching and like Chris's kids are I think like four and nine or so you know that's a bit older and then I've got like the baby carnage and then you've got Jordan who hasn't got any of it so between the three of us yeah it's not too bad.

Yeah but if you're talking about like the big capitol summertime ball though it's like wow it's coming out that part of you's going you're fucking 11 o'clock late getting back from Wembley. Just play two songs Ed for god's sake. You've been up guy, you're fucking 11 o'clock late. Getting back from Wembley. Just play two songs, Ed, for God's sake. You've been up since 40, getting popped out of a stage in front of 80,000 people. Yeah, there's definitely moments like that where I've got a very cool life that I should be very grateful of, and I am, but there's a deep inside. I'm already fantasizing about getting in the cab.

I'm strategizing how to get out of the O2 before the rush. I don't think I've ever seen the last act of any Jingle Bell Ball or Summertime Ball because I'm like, get me out quick. I can go to bed. And when you, because you say you've got an award tonight, I, you know, even if we've been nominated for awards, I will avoid those things at all costs. The thought of going to that when I'm up at 4.30 is gross. It's disgusting. I don't think this is helping, Sharn. It is bad. And don't get me wrong, honestly, Josh, in general, I don't do any of the evening stuff, but you get to the point where it's borderline reclusive behavior. And I'm in

this presenting job where I'm supposed to be doing these cool things. And I do say no to so many that I think, I almost go, oh, I probably should do that one. Because this is like the fourth in the row that I've said no to. You've got to have some life. I want to give you something to chat about on the show. Because you're like, oh, last night I went to this, I went to that. And you go, what happened last night?

Well, I got home, I was exhausted, tried to get a child to sleep, did an ad-ready meal, and then watched half an hour tried to get a child to sleep, did an, had a ready meal, and then watched half an hour of telling him to go to sleep. What'd you do? Went to bed during the one show. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Honestly, sometimes the one show comes on, I do think, oh, I've got an hour now.

What about weekends? When you're off at weekends, what are you up to? What's your normal weekend look like? I think, well, this is the problem, Rob. I'm probably the most boring person because the job takes so much of my energy because the job takes so much of my energy. The child takes so much of my energy. At the weekend, I'm happy just pottering around a TK Maxx.

I don't do anything cool at the weekend. No one can pot around TK. That's full-length, bearing your head in, that is. It's like mining for gold. That's the thing, though. You get all these amazing opportunities. But at this stage, it will get easier as they get older, Sian. It's just you're just at a point now where it's like, the novelty's worn off slightly.

Once he starts speaking and running around and being cute, but it's just the graph stage now of just this thing that you have. And how long has he got left of his paternity leave? Have you got plans afoot for that? Because if they go into nursery or childminder and stuff, it frees up a bit more time for you to rest. We're sort of in that mode now of doing looking into childminders and nurseries. And I realized that I had to change my WhatsApp picture because for ages, it's just been me like peace sign, tongue out, a little mental.

And I've been trying to send really serious messages to these people, like teachers, because eventually a lot of it ends up on a WhatsApp, like some like some of its email and then when with the childminders and stuff it's a bit more informal and I was like oh my god I need to change this picture because I just I probably haven't changed it since I started on WhatsApp so yeah I'm having to quite grown up things now where you're looking at nurseries and put their name down for schools yeah why is that so far in advance as well and you need to, do I want to live here and send them to school there?

Or do I need to move up to a bigger house? Am I going to have more kids? Do I need more rooms? But then if I move further out, I'll be further away from work and I have to get up earlier. You two are honestly like my, when I look at the options of life,

I'm currently in the Josh situation where I'm quite central London. And then I constantly hear you talking about like, get out of London and get more room. Yeah, but he doesn't believe it. I do. I love it. Imagine what time you'd be waking up if you lived where Rob lives. Well, if I was doing your job, though, I probably would stay.

I'd live in Marlborough. I'd sleep in Trafalgar Square. But yeah, I think if you are going into central London every day, I couldn't live this far out if I was going into London every day. No. No. And I think that's what plays on my mind, that at least my journey ends about 25 minutes in the morning.

And so it's so doable. You know, I can just get out of bed, get to work, and it is pretty easy. But that does mean that I'm living in the smallest, it's like a Maisonette flat. And I didn't realize how much tat and stuff just a tiny baby brings because they can't, they can't do anything. It's like raising a squid at the beginning. They can't, they've got no bones. Like can't keep the neck up. Support the neck, support the neck, support the neck. Yeah, you're supporting the neck and then they, you know, even just like I say earlier

to talk about the snot sucker, they can't blow their nose. If they're on their back, they can't breathe. You know, everything contradicts the other thing. You sure you haven't been given a squint? I'm not sure. They've got eight legs. Yeah. They all do that. It looks nothing like either of us. They're all slimy, right?

Yeah. But yeah, you suddenly realize that everything contradicts the other thing and you need high chairs and seats for them to sit in and then you need bouncers and then you need walkers and you need a push chair. I've got no room for a pram. I genuinely have to like leap over. It is like the crystal maze in my house because I have to like leap over the pram because it can only live in the hallway.

Yeah. Do you know what? By the time you're doing afternoons on Classic FM, they'll be teenagers. Do you know what I mean? And you'll be living a much better life. Yeah, it's true. It's so true. I think this is it. I think that you're trying to, because that's also the debate, isn't it? Could I possibly go again? Most people think I'd love them to have a brother or sister. Could I possibly?

Could I possibly go again? I don't think that's the debate. Would we love to is the debate. Could we possibly do this again? Yeah, but there is obviously, yeah, in an ideal world. Yeah, of course I'd love more. But like, I don't know, reality is I don't know how. We don't even have room for one.

I would have to move. I literally need a new house before I can have another. Yes. Yeah. And then that's you've got, you'll be getting up earlier I literally need a new house before I can have another. Yes. Yeah. And then that's you've got, you'll be getting up earlier in a newer house at Cosmo Money to look after two children. Yeah.

Yeah. And you'll have to get a job in the evenings and it'll be absolutely. You need a nice little mid morning slot, don't you? I do. So you need the other, Sean, we'll be 11am till 2 slot. I do. Do you know the big show? I always think one till four. What a glorious

slot that is. Get in at what 11.30? Leave at 4.30? No, 11 till one I think because then you could do both school runs. 11 till one would be beautiful wouldn't it? That would be lovely. Get up, nice and chilled, drop the kids off, have a coffee, wandering about what, 9.30-ish, 10? Call it 11 if it's me, if I'm honest. And four minutes past 11 if it's a long song. Now, I mean, I am in the grind of like Monday to Friday, it's an early start. And also like, I suppose I'm still having to operate

in normal human hours. So I'm still getting emails at like five o'clock when I'm almost dead. Yeah. And you're making decisions at that point. But like, Sharn, would you like to go and do this? And you go, oh, all right then. And then that event comes around. And before you know it, you're at the TV choice hall on a Monday night.

That couldn't be more accurate. I said yes to that when I was in a different headspace. You're giving out an award, Charlotte. It's a great opportunity. You'll be up there. It's harder, I think, than it seems. I think it is like any job, if you're doing it at the point where it's your full-time job in media, it's just relentless. Getting to hear the new Charli XCX song a day early. That wears off after it as much as we love it. Do you say you don't like Harrison Ford or whatever you can write as an example. How often have you had situations where you're like dealing with a text from your husband, partner, husband?

Yeah, partner. Yeah. My soulmate and lifetime. If you're living in sin, you're living in sin. We take all sorts. A sad piece. It always sounds weird saying boyfriend, doesn't it? But fiance sounds ridiculous. I never know what to say. Are you engaged? Yeah, we're engaged. So, but I just say, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Other half. Him. How's the wedding planning going with the baby and the job and the work? I never know what to say. Are you engaged? Yeah, we're engaged. So, but I just say, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Other half. Him. How's the wedding planning going with the baby and the job and the work? It's totally non-existent. Genuinely. If I, like I'm getting myself to work and remembering to put a bra on at the minute,

and that is about as much as my brain can handle. The thought of trying to plan a wedding on top of everything else. It fills me with dread. You're getting married in three years. Once you've bought a new house and got another baby. Yeah, I think that I do think it's going to be one of those where, and I never wanted to be that person that was like, oh, we've been engaged for years. But do you know what reality is? That's probably going to be what's going to happen. And I get now, I totally understand so many things now that I'm in it.

We need a car and a spare bedroom. Yeah. But you want to spend that on a to happen. And I get now, I totally understand so many things now that I'm in it. Wait, because you're like, we need a car and a spare bedroom. Yeah. But you want to spend that on a big party, okay? Exactly. Suddenly that money feels utterly ridiculous to spend on one day and I can't bear the thought of it. And do you know what? That sounds awful. That's a phoner for capital, wouldn't it?

It sounds so bad. No, I don't mean it in that way. But yeah. No, it's true though, is it? You've got to prioritize stuff and kids are expensive. Sorry, Josh, you're talking about Harrison Ford. Oh, yeah. Have you had situations where you're knowing you're walking into a room with Harrison Ford, but you're also at that point dealing with a text about how much, what time you gave Calpol to a baby and all that kind of thing. Are those two things coexisting right next to each other? Absolutely. Like honestly, you're so accurate. Like I was walking to the Harrison Ford interview

and I was getting a message from my other half Jake saying, Oh my God, this shit everywhere. And she'd done some sort of poonami had gone up the back and he was like, where's it coming from? And as he was changing it, he was like, where's more of it was coming out mid change. And so it was like lava. And I was getting that message and I was like, Oh, I can't, I send so many half messages or I read so many WhatsApps that I never replied to. And I feel so bad. But it is because of that. Exactly. You do think who are these people? Before you have kids, you're like, I can see you've blue ticked this. Why don't you just reply straight away?

And then you remember now you're like, because I picked up my phone, I've seen a WhatsApp and I've got, oh God, I've got to go and do this. And then it just gets lost. I genuinely, Josh, I want an out of office for WhatsApp because like you say, I've read it, but I wasn't in the right mental capacity to reply to it. I should have never opened it. I shouldn't have looked at it, but it's too late I have and now I can't reply. Yeah. This will be one coming up for you, Sean, if you do nursery, which is Rob used

to say that it was problematic that I would say, hey mate, to nursery staff and I'll do it when I'm emailing a teacher now as well. Yeah, because that feels illegal, doesn't it? You can't call a teacher mate, can you? No. Can you? I don't know. I think you can, because I am their mate. I think just hello first name if they're on first name terms or hello

mister or missus, whatever their surname is. Give the teachers the respect they deserve. I'm giving them more respect by calling them mate. I think you could only do that with like PE teachers or drama teachers. Because that's not the proper subject? No! Because they're not actual teachers? They were always the casual ones. We called our drama teacher Kevin.

Because they're not fucking teachers, are they? I could have a chat, have a run. Fuck off. Yeah, of all the teachers, they're the casual ones, I'd say. Yeah, you could home-mate them. I don't think you could home-mate the chemistry teacher. No, you can't. No, no. Have you ventured off for any sort of holidays or mini breaks with the baby, or have you

just kept it local? I really don't know. I'm in two minds because some people go abroad and they say it was amazing. I just have done staycations, like I've done little seaside trips and we packed the car like we were literally Emigrating to Australia. I've never taken so much stuff with me and I needed all of it The milk machine and I needed the bounce So the way she couldn't have sat still and then I needed that Bath thing because she couldn't prop herself up in the bath I took so much stuff the car was full to the brim And I honestly thought I cannot even imagine trying to do this on a plane. Like how would I?

It's just not worth it. When did you take your kids on holiday? What age? Just stick to the TV choice awards for four or five years. That'd be my take. I'd say, will your baby sit in a pram and look around if you keep walking? Yeah. At this stage. So I'd say at the age your child's at at the moment, you could go to like Copenhagen, but something like that that's sort of child friendly, like in Scandinavian countries they are, and it's an easy flight.

You can walk around, sit outside, eat and drink and see the city and have a laugh and go into restaurants and they're all quite welcoming. But as soon as that child starts walking and wants to run about, just completely ban holidays until they're four. You're kidding, until they're four? Well, it depends. The key thing is until the youngest is four. So if you go again, it might be six years. But if you want to adventure and put them on backpacks and carry them, take them young. But if you want to lay down and relax, they've got to be full. If you want to chill out and relax, they've got to be full. Or otherwise, you're just following a tiny little human

walking into danger for two weeks in the sun with a bent over back. Think of it this way, if people are saying Donald Trump's in power for four years, how long is that going to feel? Just think when he leaves, you can go on holiday again. It's not that long. I've got to basically wait for Donald Trump. What a year that'll be. Wow. And then I get to go on holiday. What a treat. I mean, this is mad, but I do kind of, I am with you because I can't, I genuinely can't imagine, I don't know how you pack for

that. And I don't know what you do before they can, because at least now she can sit up. I don't know what people do when they take babies that are three months old. They can't even prop themselves up. They wouldn't be able to be in the sun. You couldn't put them in the pool. I don't know what they do. You can put them in the sun with their seven bumps, like lady up tannin. No, maybe not.

Put the factor 50 on. It's got ambrocellare on it. It'll be alright. Ambrocellare. Ambrocellare. What I would recommend is if you can, twice a year, or even once a year, if you can just get away for a weekend without the child, it might remind you that you're in a relationship.

Yeah. I tell you what could be quite good advice. We helped us massively. If there's a gym near you that's got like a creche and a swimming pool, they were good because you could put the baby in the creche and then you could go to the gym if you wanted, or you could just go and have a shower, have a swim, sit in the steam room or sit and have a coffee. Treat yourself to a public shower. Treat yourself to a public shower.

Go and have a shower and just relax. Is that the only joy I have? By the way joy I have? By the way, your life just for the next four years is shit from what I can hear. Hear me out, hear me out. Because if they get a good relationship with the guys that work in the creche, yeah, they're all CRB checked, registered. And they like them.

Sometimes you can say to them, do you do any extra babysitting on the side? And they'll say yes or no. And if they do, then you've got someone that you know has been officially all checked out. There's already been a relationship built with the baby and child at the creche, where you can introduce them slowly to it, where it's like 10 minutes, 20 minutes, and you're only in the cafe if it goes wrong. Because what happens is if you don't have that person, when they get to like two or whatever and you want to go out, you're eventually just like going on the internet to find a stranger to come to your house with your baby and you end up just going, nope,

I'll leave it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yes. So if there is something, that's quite a good way to find someone. Because obviously if it's your local gym and they work at that gym, they're probably living local. Yeah, that's really good. And then you can build up a little bit of rapport. And also, as a child gets older, they like one more than the others, you can say, would you like so and so to come and look around and play at our house? And then you can go out for a bit of dinner or whatever.

And it's sort of quite a good way. That's how we found a really, really good babysitter for our kids. That is good. One of the best things, our nursery allowed the staff to do babysitting for you. And some nurseries don't allow that, which is totally fine. But I would say that was a total game changer because the kids, you know, my daughter would have

a key carer and she'd have people that, you know, she was seeing every day. And so it's, you're like, she's excited about them coming around, it was brilliant. That's nice. Because if you ever got a family nearby, because your family up in. Yeah, Nottingham. Yeah, Midlands.

And Jake my other half, his mum's fairly local, but she works full time. So we are a bit screwed. There's something I know all our listeners will want me to ask. Oh no. Which is when you did Saturday mashup in October the 9th, 2021. Yes. And you got a record 79% of the viewer vote.

For to get gunged. You got gunged with 20 buckets of multicoloured gun according to Wikipedia. What was Saturday Mashup? I don't know. It was like a BBC Saturday morning kids show. Yeah. What was 20 buckets of multicoloured gun like? Horrendous.

And the worst thing about it was it was sort of in that weird hangover of Covid. Oh God! So they literally shoved me in a bin liner and sent me off. Oh my God. So was you just a guest on it then? You weren't hosted? No, I was a guest. I got gunged. Shal, you got... I've never seen anyone be gunged like this before. It's fucking insane. It's like a stag do got wrong. There was so much.

20 buckets of guns. Yeah, it was freezing cold and I was covered in it. This is so awful. It was so bad and there was no hair and makeup artist or anything because of it being Covid. So I'm not joking when I say they shoved me in a bin liner and just sent me back to the dressing room and I was soaked. So Sian, why did you do it? I'm asking myself that. I made a weekend of it, went out in Manchester, so it was kind of alright. How times have changed. Imagine now as a mother of a seven month old, Cheryl, we've got this opportunity, you're just gonna go up to Manchester for the whole weekend,

get gunned to make a weekend of it, pardon? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Two days of my life, yeah, then you're on a nine o'clock train back Sunday night, back on the show Monday morning, that's that, Cheryl. Oh, mate, it's just mental, oh dear. How was Christmas? Well, it was carnage,

because it messed up all the routine. As much as I enjoyed Christmas, it was her first Christmas, I also hated it as well because it just brought a lot of illness. It brought routine out the window, sleep times were off, she started teething. I don't know what, it was hell. Cool, glad we asked. Annoyingly, I do think... Have I been the most depressing guest you've ever had?

I'm so sorry. It's been a lot worse. No, you've got me depressed. You're just being honest. It is hard, Sean, but it will so sorry. No, no, it's been a lot worse. You're just being honest. Oh, yeah. It is hard, Sean, but it will get easier. Well, I appreciate it, guys. But it's so much, Sean, I love it. So it's like tiring, but it's the most fun and rewarding thing ever. And especially now that older and they're like my little mates

and they've got their personalities, we hang out. It's incredible and it is well worth it. But you're in the trenches. I'm in the trenches, but genuinely I've got no regrets. Like I am loving it. It's just a new, different level of hard in it. We didn't imply that you had regrets. So it's interesting that you brought it up. I'd be wild for you to suggest you may have come on here

to go and completely regret it. It's like blink twice if you need help. Please guys. Well, I don't know if this is a good time or the perfect time to, we normally finish every episode by asking what it is your partner does as a parent and you think, oh wow, he's amazing. What a man. I'm so lucky to have a child with him. And then the one thing he does that really annoys you. And if he's listening, you might go, she's got a point there. I might stop doing that.

Yeah. I mean, my laugh, Jake, he is. Like, I couldn't be surviving and doing this without him because he's just, he's hands-on, he gets involved. And at the beginning, he was like quite nervous to do stuff. And now, I mean, he's sucking snot and he's changing nappies. And he's, you know, in fact, when she was born, he changed, she did 11 poos when she was born, and he changed all 11 nappies. And they were like the black poo, so that was disgusting. So yeah, he's put in a lot of hours, so I feel like there's not much I can really say that annoys me.

Let me just think, but don't get me wrong, along the way we've fallen out over every technique because you both think you've got the better technique with giving medicine, bedtime routine. Oh, I think I'm going to get pushed out of here because I think Smooth needs to come in. But I think I might have to get out of this room. But yeah, nothing in particular. I feel like I just need to sing his praises because he's done an amazing job. Oh, there we go. Do you know what?

The best way of avoiding slagging someone off is to pretend that Smooth need the room. Absolutely superb. Thank you so much for having me on, guys. A big fan of the podcast. Shard, thank you very much and good luck with it. And we'll get you back on. Once you get a bit more of a smoother point where, Yeah, where things are finally out of the trenches,

things are going well. The problem is, cause when she got ill, everyone that's got kids just go, yeah, that's it. They just stay ill. Yeah, you are ill for like five years. But the problem is, we're getting out of the trenches is, you end up in no man's land. Oh just stay ill. Yeah. You are ill for like five years. But the problem is, we're getting out the trenches is you end up in no man's land. Oh, here we go. So sometimes just bunker down.

Enjoy that trench. Pop your head up to have a look out. No, and then still get off. Come back. Cheers, Sean. Thanks, guys. Thanks so much. Yeah, appreciate that. Thanks, guys. Bye. Thanks, guys. Thanks so much. Yeah, appreciate that. Thanks, guys. Bye. Sean Welby on the show. I felt a bit bad about that one. I don't know if we helped, Josh.

Well, we didn't know. No. I don't think that's our job, Rob. Just true serpents. Do you know what? Actually, I think we did help because let me paint a picture for you, Rob. My eyes are shut. Bob Ross unleashed. Okay. You are Rob Beckett. He's just a new comedian who's a newly professional comedian. You're in, you're doing the clubs, you're doing the Glee clubs. Yeah. You turn up,

you've missed the first act. You're on in the middle section. Okay. Perfect. And you say to the guy who was in the first section, how is it? And he says, yeah, they're really nice. Yeah, and you go on and you find them tough and you struggle. Really? So it's quite hard to imagine. Yeah, and then you come off and you go fuck I found them tough and the guy in the first section says, yeah, I did as well, but I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to worry you. And you think I'd have preferred to know so that I knew what I was going into. Being lied to is no use in this situation.

True. But I feel like what we've done there is, Sian's on stage doing the gig and we've walked on stage and she's gone, this isn't going well, is it? And we go, yeah, it's not going well. And I don't know if that's helpful. And to be honest, we've overstepped our mark by walking on stage while you're struggling. Absolutely. And can I open my eyes yet? Yeah, you can open your eyes. Sorry, you're just playing with the pitch, I was waiting for the autograph at the bottom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh, I'll see you next time. We'll get Sian back on, I think, once she's found her groove. Right, see you next time.