Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP14: My Life is Chaos

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Perhaps the most chaotic series of podcast records to get something barely resembling an episode of a podcast... Including failed laptop chargers, sudden power cuts, Rob having to record some of it in his car, and file errors and failed uploads!! Please excuse the delayed upload - listening back you'll understand why... You can pre order Lou's amazing new book ⁠'Lessons From a Default Parent' ⁠wherever you get your books now. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett, and I'm Josh Whitickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times

when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Oh, out. Felix, you can't say, Rob Beckett. Billard Beckett. Very, yeah. And you can't say to say, Josh Whittickham. Josh Dunn.

Oh, great. Do that, yeah. Oh. Antiglitticlade Welsh Yeah I know that But is that mean Can you say

Antiglitticlade I must do I don't know No what's the mad thing about Welshes Most languages If you hear a phrase You can have a go

At like phonetically pumping it out Like Spanish It's quite easy To you just go All right I think I know What letters are needed

For that But Welsh I'll send it to Alice Now I'm sure I'll go back to me And see what is she saying I imagine she's saying Can you say

Yeah They are South Wales I'm going to say mumbles. I think, right, I might be wrong that Welsh is more spoken. In the north. In the north.

But from that pronunciation, I think she's just learning. Hello, we, you fucking hell, Rob, she's from Swansea. That's exactly right. I was going to say Swansea, but Mumbles and Swansea is like next door.

It's basically the same thing, isn't it? I've got a couple of mates from Swansea. I don't write in if it's not basically the same thing. Big up Luke, big up Denny. Well, that might think they're Swansea. We thought we'd send you a little Welsh introduction it sounds like he says tossed for josh uh which means toast in welsh uh i thought that was quite appropriate though shame it didn't come out sounding more like porridge someone shouted gobble

gobbled during my it's my first tour show of the tour last night rob uh oh how did it golly i had a lovely time thank you to the people of canterbury it was great it was brilliant someone shouted gobble gobble during the show so the start of the second half someone shouted gobble gobble gobbles as i walked on can i ask you now not not wishing to Should I have not brought this up? No, no, no, no, no. Not wishing to be mean to our listeners who we greatly appreciate. But when you're trying to do stand-up,

someone shouting gobble, gobble while you're on stage, makes it much harder. Well, I would say, to his respect. To his absolutely, to his face, weird phrase. Absolutely, all the best, yes. So he went through the whole first half without doing it. I don't think that should be. No, no, no, no.

But then he did it as I. was walking on so it's actually fine it wasn't mid set like if you're going to do a gobble gobble during the show and that is not an encouragement to do so absolutely no it's really off-putting because most people in there don't know what the fuck I was I was quite disappointed with the the lack of podcast listeners judging by the response to gobble gobble I was thinking do you know what there is a huge position for growth in the podcast here because 80% of the people in canterbury the like josh whitticum don't know what gobble gobble gobble means exactly that So that is quite tricky because everyone in the room is going,

why did someone shout gobble, gobble, why did Rob just carry on or sort of acknowledge it's awkward? It's very hard. I had drunk people in the front row at Liverpool, and I think they meant, well, fuck me, they wouldn't shut up. And then at the end, he basically, everything I ever said, he was just sort of commentating on and then going like a, I did a joke for the podcast listeners where I talked about having a healthy cat

and I say, don't worry, kids. Beryl's had her kidneys flushed as an Easter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I see. Then what's been out is people go, Josh's cat's called Beryl. Oh, God, yeah, that's, well. And then what happens is you have to try and explain that. And it, because the art of stand-up

is trying to make stuff look natural and real. Yeah. But it isn't, there's a lot going on, but you need to look quite relaxed. But yeah, the gobble, gobbled is quite hard, good in the street, toughiness, in the shoes. I've listened from the beginning and looking forward to a couple of dates next

year seeing you both in Brighton. Love from Felix to next month and... I've just done Swansea. Oh, you've just done Swansea? No, she lives in West Sussex now. Oh. She's originally from Brighton.

Got you. Do you luck? What does that mean? Do you look? Good luck. Your shit. How are you? How am I?

I am really over-excite and energized because I have had, well, shall I admit this? I'd had no sleep last week, which we can go into, one of the most mental weeks ever, and I had a little bit of a headache and maybe a little bit of a block nose, but not really enough to take severe night nurse medication I've got from America. Right, yeah, yeah. I took it because I knew that. Can you hear that, I can't believe it, can you hear that drilling? No. Or is it, there's like a kind of... Do you mean actual builders or is there someone having sex next door?

I think it's someone like, it actually sounds more like someone chain sawing a hedge or something. Absolutely. Yeah, where are you? I can hear it at a tiny bit. In Canterbury, in a hotel in Canterbury. If you've acknowledged it, that's fine. Yeah.

I mean, I like to stay in a country hotel, Rob. That's my choice. But this is a town centre one because the country one Yeah. Had a hard 10 a.m. checkout. Brutal. And I'm doing another night in Canterbury. So I'd have been doing it.

I'd have basically been thrown into Canterbury for the full day? That is mental 10 a.m. I love Can I ask something, Michael, about producing this show? Whenever there's like a weird thing happening and Josh says, it's not only Josh, no offence, this is going on. Michael always says, as long as you acknowledge it, it's fine. Where does that end? Josh, there's a man behind you on your bed masturbating.

Don't know, you guys. We've acknowledged it. Any noises. is the audience will know what's happening. I'd probably draw the line there. Because that's happened five times now and I've never mentioned it. Would you want me to acknowledge it or not, Michael,

if there's a man masturbate. Should I acknowledge it or not? Show him his respect. Is that what you're doing? What I would say is if we can't hear him, we're currently audio only, so it's fine. Yeah. Once we go video, I'd say probably deal with it rather than acknowledge it.

Yeah, yeah. Gobble, gobble. Oh, Rob, can I tell you a really embarrassing thing that happened to me? Go on. So we've moved. Yeah. Yeah.

So I met my neighbour, right? Oh, yeah. And they were really nice. That's good. If they weren't, you wouldn't mention it. No, I wouldn't mention it, but they were. So anyway, I've been having a bit of a problem. I used to have two black wheelie bins in Hackney.

We applied for a second one because we had a child, a young child, and you've got a second black wheelie bin. We're now down to one black wheelie bins. bin and it's fortnightly connection and I'm thinking that's tough you're going to have to purchase one so I was putting out the second I'm putting out my one wheelie bin on Friday especially after looting there's so much rubbish yeah exactly because understandably the previous people had filled the bin because you're leaving so you've got loads of rubbish you don't empty the bin so we started with a full wheelie bin rob god what of so I then had to do the bin plus three bin

bags next to the wheelie bin. Oh, you don't want to be the news people. You're getting rats. Ratsy bins out. Well, I'd kept them in the garage, the bin bags, and then I brought them out. Lovely. Oh, well, you've got so much more space now. You're in Exeter.

I bet you've loved it. I can't tell you. I can't fucking rich. It's meditial. You just, you're a friend door used to open onto the street. I was thinking about London. Don't get me started about London, but it's fucking mental. Yeah.

Yeah. It's fucking mental. Because I've got friends who've got a house and this is not like... So they're slacking off everyone that's still there. Will you make? Yeah. So they're all idiots, are they? Yeah. Fair enough.

I've had this new Josh. I've got a friend and their house is a million pounds and they don't have a garden. That is mental, isn't it? How have we worked ourselves into a society where you can pay a million pounds for a house that doesn't have a garden? I mean it's a very first world problem but if your house is worth a million pounds I'm not saying so they're yeah like that's what I'm saying it's the ultimate

it's just an illustration of the absurdity of the lack of space in London the absurdity of the lack of space in London what's like it's full of the kind of people that will spend a million pound on a house about a garden that's what's right exactly nutcases nutcases

fruit bats not for a lot I think yeah I think yeah I think that is yeah so so then we did this Rob I looked up them straight and I saw my new neighbours had got two black bins

and I thought interesting it is possible yes then next morning I'm stood by the coffee shop and she comes past I don't know great here we go and she says oh good morning

I said morning actually great have you said actually like introduced yet or not at all yeah yeah we've met before at this point She goes morning As she walks past and I go Ah great to see you Have you got two bins?

I said Have you got two bins? Anyway Rob Yeah It was just someone that looked like her Oh my God You posted something up the other day Josh

It really some trouble He was like no matter how hard I try My life is chaos Yeah You are you are It's just like you're a moth to a flame Of all condensed It's like

your life's a sitcom? I couldn't believe it had happened. She was like, sorry? It wasn't her. She said, I don't really, she, it was a mum from the school. Right. So I'd obviously slightly recognised her.

Did she live in here? No, she said, I don't really live around it. I don't live around it. Yeah, because you could style it out as the street, couldn't you? Yeah. And I was like, oh, I thought you lived around here. And she said, I haven't got your two bins. Can I, my impression of you now is you stood there.

And as she says, excuse me, and you realize it's not the right one, you'll think your hand secretly started that little clap. Yeah, yeah. And you clack your, you've given your tips to your palm. You've got your hands by your side. Your sleeve's slightly longer than it should be. You're gripping a tea in one hand and you're clapping. Yeah.

A little clipper clapper. Yeah. It's awful. And so how did it, how did you end it? Well, she told me she hadn't got two bins. and she doesn't really live near me. And then left. And then left.

So did you knock and ask the guys next door? No. Did you slip it in? No, I'll bump into them. So you didn't slip it in their bin. You just put it in it. Well, I'm going to see how the next two weeks go, starting from a fresh bin. Get a new bin.

You've got the space in the garage for a bin. Can you just buy another bin? We just bought bin. So basically, when we moved to where we moved to, basically, long sort of short, that the council didn't register the house existed. because it was like a re we read it was a redevelopment of a balm it wasn't a residential dwelling yeah yeah so we had to apply for it and then we try to apply for it and they refused to send us bins because our house didn't exist but they'd taken the fucking three months worth of council tax for it we go here we go yeah yeah

so in the end lou just bought three weadie bins brown a green and a black off like the internet so you're just on one black bin so this is what hear me out we have this i mean i cannot believe this is a podcast Can I just stop a sec, and I'm having a bit of a problem with my laptop here. Because even though it's plugged in, it's slowly going down. My battery, my battery's going down, and when you're in the bottom 10%. I'm going to have to phone alley and see if he's got a better charger or a laptop or something. So what, you want a USBC charger? Yeah.

You're trying to charge your laptop or your phone charger, aren't you? Yeah. You fucking moron. Because I think this is going to die soon. Yeah, he's going to die. What was he talking about anyway? Oh, my bins. Hello.

You're all right, Allie. Have you got a charger for a laptop? Yes. Is it a USBC? Yeah, I mean. Oh, you couldn't drop it round, could you? Because my laptop's about to die. You're absolutely a legend.

Cheers, Allie. Thank you. Bye. Why have you not got a laptop charger? Because I lost it in the move. My life is chaos. Just last night. For the listeners, you message, we're supposed to be starting at 10.

You said, can we start at 9? And I went, okay, that should be fine. Not a problem because you need to be out in the room at 12.30. And then when we all agreed 9, you went, oh, actually, can we do 930? Oh, no, I was trying to do that for you. Oh, I was trying to give you an extra half hour. Oh, now I feel bad. Sorry.

Sorry, I'm just adding to. Is that he with a charger? Michael, how's he not got a fucking lead? Thanks, Alan. Three hours a week we need. All you need is a lot. but this couldn't be easier. Five, five years, we've been doing this, five years.

The only thing that would, this is, it doesn't get easier. The only way easier than this is just not having a podcast. It couldn't possibly be easier. Josh, what is going on with you, man? How have you not got a charger? Because they just disappear. I know, but you can buy them. I'm going to order one now.

Yeah, do it while we're recording. I'll talk to one. I'll do it afterwards. Tell me about your bins. If you don't do it now, you won't do it, will you? No. But buy a good one, because if you buy a cheap one, it won't charge it properly. How do you find a good one?

Can I talk about at the moment? Go on. About the amount of shit at the top of an Amazon search is getting worse and worse. The amount of sponsored shit from companies I've never heard of. Or subscription. Do you want to buy a little bit? That might work for you. Apple laptop charger.

Yeah. But then you don't get the Apple one. You get like... I go to Apple and buy the Apple one then. Okay. I'll go to Apple. Okay. Sorry.

I felt like I kicked a puppy then. What's Apple's website? Guess? Apple.com? Yeah. It is actually. That it is, yeah. Accessories?

Is it an accessory? Nice. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's that, yeah, or, I mean, right, I've got three bins. Yeah, okay. And did you get another one? Right, have you ordered it? No, I can't find it.

Right, do it after. Yeah, yeah. Or buy that one off Alley. Well, we might be forced to go to Alley's laptop in a minute. Is it still coming down? No, it's currently stationary. So we don't know whether it's going to. The next, it's on.

5% 5% How do you think slowly going down but the next move's key whether it goes up or down I suppose

I think it's the same yeah I will do my bins I've got three bins I've got a black a brown what is it's well it barely is

at the moment it's a pre-production meeting I've got three bins that they're collected I get the paper and the main waste gets collected once a week

twice a week so one week is paper and general one week it's recycling i use the green and the black for black bin liners if i go over my allocated one lot of black bin yeah if i fill up the black bin i used a green as backup and then i fill the paper with paper and then i've got a little bin storage that i put the plastic in and then i put the plastic back into the green how's it going to charging it's still on five that's fine we're stationed along the no news is good news no news is good news

I've got a bit of a problem with it. You know how every area has different recycling rules? Fine. Yeah. Exeter's is wild. Talk me through him. There's no, so you shove everything in the green bins. Yeah?

In black bin liners? In no bin liners. What the fuck's going on there? All the plastic. That's all recycling. All recycling. Paper and glass and paper plastic. Except glass, which you take to the bottle bank yourself.

paper. Hello? Hello? You seem to have lost Rob. Michael, I'm on 3%. I'm going to have to ask Allie if I can have his laptop. TD Bank knows that running a small business is a journey, from startup to growing and managing your business. That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website

to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs. No matter the stage of business you're in, visit td.com slash small business advice to find out more or to match with a TD small business banking account manager Jesus fucking kill me hello so what's happened rob in the middle of you having a go at me for my tech situation basically all the internet like you just disappeared and froze and I went for fuck sake and I actually think I said the words can we replace him Michael this is a joke like like joking. But then it turned out it was my internet. I'm completely gone. Absolutely nothing. So what I've done is in a panic, I've grabbed my microphone. You can see my microphone

here, Josh, is on my middle section of my car. And I thought this would be great because I've got a power plug thing. I can plug my, but it's not charging for some reason in my Honda E. But I've got my laptop in the car. I pulled over in the village, which is a five-minute drive-away. And now I'm broadcasting sat opposite a building site. So the internet's completely gone down. So you've driven. somewhere where there's 3G. Yeah, so I'm now broadcasting with 4G. I'm opposite a house that's being rebuilt by my old builders

that are going to see me in a minute and give me absolute pelters sat here in my real British top. Trying to do a podcast. I slacked you right off, and I've had the... This week's been the fucking week from hell, basically. Oh, my God. So talk to me about your week. This is mental.

This is... I feel like this is a breakdown episode. Should we turn the screens off? there's 10 screens off You can't Okay We just don't want to look at me in this I'm not looking at I'm not talking into the mic am I

Anyway screens are off okay Michael My my percentage was up to Up to 8 and now it's gone down to three But we'll see where it moves next Do you know what I'm doing to get closer to the mic Pulling my car seat forward

Hear that? Right Can I tell you about my week Josh Josh? Where are you gone? Don't tell me you turn the mic's off To go and get I was cramping alley slap

You've got another laptop? No, I was grabbing Ali's laptop Just to set it up in case this one goes wrong Right, okay I'll tell about my week I have to download Google Crime This is a fucking disaster So basically I was in Liverpool last week

I did Liverpool Friday, Liverpool Saturday Went to Sheffield, did Sheffield matinee, Sheffield evening, got home at 1am Woke up on the Monday morning And then I did the podcast with you Then on the Tuesday, I dropped the kids at school, then I had to go up to Manchester to do two episodes of Catsdust Countdown, got driven back, got in at 4.30 a.m. Then on Wednesday, I did Southend. On Thursday,

I did Southend. On Friday, I did Southend. On Saturday, I did Southend. In the meantime, Lou's gone down with some horrendous flu, and now's got a throat infection, and she's bedbound and on antibiotics. So we've had a combination of me, and then the babysitter coming in to do different shifts of the kids. So I've been relieving the babysitter about 11. Have I gone? Hello? I'm here. Are you not here? I think there's quite a big delay. Oh, no. Not surprised. This village is trapped in 1982. I'll keep going and then we'll try and work out the delay.

So basically, I got home late Friday night and then Saturday morning. I was at home with the kids. Lou was unwell. I had to gig Saturday night and self-end. I took them to their new Saturday morning clubs, which spans three hours but at no point am I alone. I'm with one of them. I have to keep moving them around. We did that for three hours. was then I had to take one to a party and drop her off at a party at two o'clock. I dropped her off and then I took my other daughter to another party at 250. There was 40 minutes from my house. She wasn't feeling very well, so I had to stay with her at the party. I was getting picked up at 4.30 to go to South End. Anyway, I'm still at the party at quarter to four. She's really

unwell. The babysit was supposed to be picking up my eldest daughter from her other party, then driving to this party to pick her up to then drive them home because Lou's not well. My daughter's not well either so that I end up saying to that really awkwardly going like oh I'm sorry I've got she's not feeling of where so we're going to have to leave and I felt really bad because it was a new girl that's joined the school and there wasn't many kids from the new school at the party I've had to take her home not well I take her home drop her home I have five minutes before I get picked up and get taken to South End I go to South End do another show get home at 11 o'clock from South End lose really unwell in bed relieved the babysitter and this was my night Saturday night

okay i um was trying to watch the boxing and the football my eldest daughter was upset couldn't sleep i had to sit with her for 45 minutes she goes to sleep then i'm down there downstairs again watching telly my other daughter comes in and goes i'm i've had a nightmare i'm scared i went well wait a minute i'll come and tuck you in i tucked her in she got up again in the end she went yeah get in with mom i'll sleep in your bed fine she gets in with mom anyway i get in bed her bed at about half one in the morning then i get woken up at three in the morning by the youngest who's saying that mommy's making too much noise because she's coughing and not well can i get back in with you but yeah not a problem she got back in with me at 3 am

at 6.30 my youngest wakes up rob i've got some good news what i've gone up to 4% brilliant i've gone down to 2 internally so she wakes up at 3 and gets in with me and then at 6 30 she wakes me up and says can you get out of my bed i want to watch the telly so then i get back into i get back into my bed at 6 a.m Lou wakes me up at 8am, right? And I'm not, wakes me up at 8 a.m. And goes, my throat's really bad. I'm going to have to go to the doctors to get more medicine. So then her dad picks her up to give her more medicine and take her somewhere.

Lou can't speak and the throat's so bad. She goes off and does that. Then I wake up and then I've got to get the kids ready to go to a party in Ascot, which is an hour and a half drive away. Do that. Oh, my fucking God. I had a great time. I was at a disco that had the loudest music ever.

At one point, I had to judge. judge a dance off between two nine-year-olds, which they both wanted to win, and it was terrible having to pick one. But to be fair to the little girl, the break dancing she did was top quality. She won. Sure, the other kids got upset. Anyway, drove him home, watched 10 minutes of the Manchester Derby, smack some night nurse when I sleep at nine. Now, I speak to you a Monday morning lunchtime in the village, on a mic, trapped in my car, and my battery's going down. Fucking how. But apart from that, it's going to right.

Oh, my God, Rob. Fucking how. Josh. This is unbelievable. We're back. There's a couple of days. This episode's been recorded over three days. Is it four days?

It's like apocalypse now. It's unbelievable. We recorded a kind of constant production. Well, talk me through what happened. Well, what happened? Well, I know. Talk the list. I know what fucking happened.

I didn't. You had laptop. lead problems. Look at this little... Look at that. That's a proper laptop charger. And do you know what? I shouted out Apple the other day

for trying to make me buying your iPad. Yeah. I bought that on the Apple website. It was in my house the next day. Yeah. And what did you pay? £219 or something? No, it was 40 quid.

Not too bad, actually. Not too bad. You don't want... Plug safe. This isn't a big up to Apple, but be careful getting buying those cheap chargers on the internet because they do...

The art virus, guys. They're the ultimate false economy. Right. So basically, my internet went off. I was slagging you off for having bad technology. And as we did that, do you know what happened? My leg moved forward, right? And as it moved forward, the internet went off. So I spent about 10 minutes trying to re-plug in my sort of Ethernet cable.

Because I thought it was you had gone. Then I had to pack my stuff up. But that was Monday. It is now Thursday. It said it's going to take two days to fix. There's still no internet in our house. My children, it is barbaric, Josh. we've had no internet and not when I'm talking about no internet

I'm not talking old just using 4G I'm talking you cannot ring us we can't message we can't drive out have you got a landline no I'm not what do you think I am a landline who's got a landline if someone's gave me their landline I'd be so suspicious of them well it's like businesses only a business I am a business

you are a bloody business yeah but anyway so we've got nothing to it's the other way you know when a business has got a mobile phone and I think this is a fucking tin pot situation here. No. Yeah. We can run a business from WhatsApp. Easy.

No, we can't. No, do you know what I mean? Like, if you go, if it's like a, um... HSBC. Yeah. If they haven't got a landlord. I hate ringing the bank. That's my worst phone call ringing the bank.

Is it? I can't remember my passwords. Well, tell me your password now and we'll remember it for you. I'll tell you what, I did funts from a password. I said, um, I kept on ringing some, I'm not going to tell who it was, I kept to ringing up. And I went, they went, what should have password?

Oh, I can't remember. So I changed it to. Yeah. I can't remember. Yeah, right. And I'm in. The ones, the ones where they're like, because obviously you've changed it so many times,

you can't have the same one. I can tell you now, every time I need my Apple password, I just have to change my Apple password. Sometimes when I try to log into like my Google or whatever, it goes, we can send you a code to your Android device, I'm like, I didn't even know how I'd have fucking Android.

There's something that I've got somewhere and a code goes to. Anyway, so we are, I'm in a hotel room now in the Midlands. I mean, I'm in Sutton Coldfield, waiting to go. Okay. You are in Kings Lynn after being in Bedford. Welcome to the Travelling Salesman podcast. Exactly.

Too right. Two, right. Out earning a bloody crust for their wives and children. Well, wait, that's fine, though. I've got, guess, get. Guess what my internet's been? I know this is probably impractical, but I think it might be best if you record from Sutton-Coldfield every week.

I'd get more sleep. It was. Even if that included driving here from five at night. Driving in late at night. Getting in at 2 a.m. I'd still get more sleep. But, yeah, no, so, I mean, Sutton-Coldfield, I did a gig last night for an electrical wholesalers

where I went on after Alan Brazil, Jamie O'Hara and Dean Saunders, who were talking about... Classic. Nice event. and now I'm here I'm going to play golf before I go up to do my gig

How are you, Josh? I can't remember what we were talking It was a very strange episode How's your parenting been? So I had I started the tour, Rob I did Canterbury Canterbury Yes

And then I managed to worm away Day, I was meant to be going away Suddenly you're like Where was you going away? No, I was meant to be on tour From Sunday to Friday morning Because now you can't Canterbury

You would have come home maybe probably yeah hour and a half whatever but now you're in it yeah well I did Canterbury Canterbury then I came home on Tuesday morning did they have to change all the hotel

bookings when you moved house no we hadn't done them all right fair enough also last minute did you know you was moving before but you was too scared to tell me because I told you you would move

no and how do you feel about that that I was right all along I think you're one of the wisest people I know. Okay, so that's backfired. I was trying to mug you off and then you'd get me nice compliment, so. Oh, I'm on the bad guy. Happy with yourself, why are you, Josh?

After that, I've, because I've got a new sense of calm since I've left London, Rob. I don't mind. Now you're in Kingslilene. Now I'm in a hotel in Kingsland. I've booked a, I've booked a massage for this afternoon, Rob. In Kings Lynn? you can't have you said the extra digits Oh, that's a shame

That's a shame You're not doing a corporate with Alan Brazil now, Rob, come on I tell you what You do that Kingston, all right You go, I love Kingston I had a massage earlier Much better at East Angley With the extra digit, that'll work

I'm not saying you do the whole show of that But you can do the give me six To send it into booing What's that? Oh, last night, Rob In Bedford In Bedford In Bedford

So A it was 400 degrees in the Bedford Corn Exchange. It was so hot. A man had to leave in the first section because he was too hot. And then there was a woman fanning herself on the front row. So this is a bit in with comedy, but I suppose people might be interested. You know when you get comps for like your friends or family or people you know, they're generally 10 rows back. Yeah, they're sort of in really good seats but you can't see them because it's disruptive to see your friends and family. Yeah. So my good friend, Karen Hower, who, who I danced with on Strictly

and her boyfriend, Simon, oh yes, Karen and Simon. Yeah. And they put them from Roe Centre. That's absolutely wild. It was so intimidating. And they were just slightly to the left. So I ended up being stood on the right

for most of the show because you're just like, I was like moving, you know, like when a football is constantly moving out of position because they're being played in the wrong position. You've been pushed to the right by Strickley. I was being pushed to the right, but I strictly. It was so weird.

They did that once before to me when my mother-in-law and father-in-law came, a lesser square theatre, and they were right in the middle. But yeah, normally it's about 10 rows back, so it's too off-putting. Yeah, God, it was weird. Also, because they're people who've never seen me before, you don't want them to think you're shit, so there's a lot on it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

So if it was like family or rows or something, you'd be like, oh, well, you know, they've seen me a lot of times. This isn't all or nothing on tonight I think with that I used to feel like that a lot When people come to watch I'm like oh my god they're in tonight I've got to do this got to do that

But I don't know if it's because I'm I'm so established in the tour now I'm just like it is what it is And I'm not it works But when you're at the start It's horrible when anyone comes to see The start of the tour Because that's when you get your confidence up and stuff

Yeah exactly And also I'd done live at the Apollo In the afternoon So I was fucking like You've been really busy But I did live at the Apollo Because it got me Tuesday off I could have done Tuesday evening or Wednesday afternoon.

I was like, I'd rather a day off at home on Tuesday than work every night. I've announced my Bromley show on the night for January, 1 o'clock show, 4.30 show, 8 o'clock show. Oh, he's doing it. I'd rather do one day busy than spread it on three days. Exactly. You've got your hair. Sorry, my husband. You look like, do you remember Mike Flowers pops?

Yeah, I look at it. Or Brian Jones from Rollins. Yeah, Brian Jones from the Robbins. Exactly what it is, isn't it? Yeah. Little mod haircut. It's quite off putting. It looks like I'm a different person.

Yeah, so I did some parenting. So I went home for Tuesday, did the pick-up. My daughter's adapting really well to school. Oh, Michael. We've lost Michael. Oh, don't tell me he's coming into problems. No, no, no, no. No, this is unbelievable.

This is what. If we've lost Michael, because he's living in fucking London, we all need to move to fucking hotels in the middle of nowhere. I don't we just rent a studio in Sutton Coldfield altogether Every day He's back he's back Michael Michael you went Michael what the fuck's going on mate

Honestly if you should have heard the hell loud the fuck I was just going to stop this So I did the school run Went home to do the school run I'm really struggling with being away from the kids Yeah, that is the hardest bit of the whole tour. The last tour I did, which was sandwiched COVID, I don't think...

They're a bit too young to give a shit. I don't think my son was even born. Or he was born like literally the week it ended. And my daughter was three. But now my daughter is seven. And she really... You can see she's gutted when I'm going. And my son...

He doesn't get a fuck. But my daughter, that's tough. Yeah, that's the hard. I definitely think that's harder than, I was saying this every day, the truth is, when you're away, it's easier to do the tour when you're away. So if you wait for three nights and you can just focus on the tour and it's hard to be away from the kids, but you can do it.

But I think not just being a comedian, but whatever your job is, you're a comedian, you're a doctor, you're a nurse, you're a business person. You can't be a really, really good parent and a really, really good comedian mechanic. Whatever it is, one of them has to give. So it's a constant balance of that

and it's impossible to go, no, I'm going to be everything. You can't. It's actually impossible. And then that's what sends people mad. Well, that's the thing they had. A lot of people said was quite dangerous. Was it that thing, the women who can have everything kind of attitude? And it was really, this is actually quite difficult and dangerous because it pushes people to think,

Everyone else is smashing it and nailing it and you're the one that's letting the side down, basically. Because life's compromises, right? 100%. Yeah, but so I am finding that a lot more difficult on this tour, I'd say. But there we go. I mean, you've done two days. I know.

You've been to Canterbury for two days. I tell you what, though, it's like the other things I've put in in the, you know when you're like, why have I, you basically when you're on tour, you have. to go, say no to everything else. I can't do anything else in this time. Yeah. And that includes, like, social things.

Like, I, you'd, I'd see bands I want to go and see, announce a tour. And I'd go, oh, I have got that night off. No, I can't do that. Do you know what I mean? I can't. So, Romish offered me a ticket to go and watch Arsenal play Man City. I thought you're going to watch him. I've not seen Romish for ages.

I'd love going to watch the football. It was a good match. Yeah. And then it was, like, a good one as well, like, a hospitality one. That'd be amazing. but I'm like, and it's a huge match. It's massive Arsenal-man City. If Arsenal lose this, it has a massive impact.

If Arsenal win it, it has a huge impact. Exactly. I can't wait. I'm not much going to have the day of our lives. Yeah, you love it. But that falls out, I mean, that's this Sunday, and this week I'm already been in the Midlands, and then I go to Buxton, then Oxford and Oxford, and I've got one day off with the kids on the Sunday before they go back to school, and then I go touring again.

And I'm like, I can't spend that for, you know, going to other things, but, and this is funny. My daughter, you know, one of my daughters, my youngest daughter's, sleep's been a bit disrupted with, like, getting in the night. Basically, she always used to sleep really well, but he's a bit more now. She'd go to sleep in her room, but wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes and tries to get in with us or one of us gets in with her. If Lou or me need to sleep for whatever, we're doing the next day.

And then she was going to bed at so forth. She went, she went, I went, night night. She went, night, night. She went, night, night. And I went, what? The night night room, mates. And then she went, we all know what's going to happen. Well, we're full roommates at the moment, Rob, because my son had a built-in bed in the house,

so he hasn't got, so his bed's been delivered. Oh, my God, I feel like we're just repeat in the same conversation. I know, it's mental. I was thinking this earlier. It's probably been a year since me and Rose consistently slept in a bed together without without the kids in the room isn't that mental a year of your life like there's been nights would you say so in a seven day week how often would it just be you currently at seven so i was currently zero because my son hasn't got a bed because when it was at the old house and the bed was finished and you got into a bit more

that was fine um but then it got no because towards the end so we've got a problem at the moment i'd be interested in people's help on this actually um is that oh because we've you know when you're like oh we've googled it so come on make you love AI

AI I'm fucking love AI even Google do I Google it anymore gives you the little little Gemini what's your problem with AI I started chatting to chat GPT because I was bored the other day oh was a mate yeah

what was you saying I'm just saying I'm a feeling a bit sad and away and lonely. Oh, really? Oh, jeal text me next time. When you're often busy, chat GPT's always there. I won't not reply instantly. What did chat GPT say? Just gave me some coping strategies.

Yeah, and these coping strategies, okay, but if you sign up to the premium account, we can give you really good coping strategy. No, I have got the pre-tafters. Of course, I've paid for the fucking premiums. him. It's a business expense. He's £30 a month. You can't put a price on a big shiny metal robot arm around a shoulder. Exactly. It said something. And I was like, all right, don't take the piss. Where it was like, it said something that implied it was human. I was like,

come on now. Like a kind of where you're like, you're really good. You're really good, chat with GBT 5. But don't say. Let's pretend this is real. Don't say I felt like that before or something like that. So I did that with chat, GBT, actually. It was more. I asked it something. One, I asked it, why do I keep buying football shirts? Yeah. And it basically goes in a deep, it asks you more questions like a therapist would.

Yeah. And it extrapolates the normal generic reason why kind of thing. And also there was a thing where a kid in a shop and his mom was like, going, stop being annoying like that. And then you like wandered off. And he looked so sad. And I was like, oh my God, I think I'm actually watching a slow build of emotional trauma live here.

There's this, ain't your boy that the mum. He was going, you're being annoying, you're being annoying. And I was like, if she says that once, that's fun, but if that's a regular thing that she says to her child whenever he's trying to get her attention. Yeah, so you gave him a 996 Palmer shirt and said, that's how you feel bad, this works. No, but I just Googled what impact will it have on a child

if you keep telling them that they're annoying, just out of interest. And it broke down the psychological impact of that where what it will do then is that they'll have no self-worth and no confidence, and they'll feel like they're always putting people out, so they'll become a people-pleaser because they automatically assume they're annoying everyone. so then they'll try and change their personality to please people

so they're not being annoying to bring value whereas they should just have inherent value anyway so it's quite interesting like that as a tool because a lot of the time it's ignorance, and bliss any sort of behaviour patterns from yeah totally psychology of it so this is the problem I've got and I'm interested in people's take on this because I've chat GPTed it obviously and Rose has googled it

because she's a fucking ludite right got the yellow pages out yeah Thompson local my dad could rip up yellow pages with his bare hands remember that good he was your dad jeff capes i don't know but that was a thing that you know blokes would do in the 90s now a piece of piss it's four pieces of paper

little pamphlet little pamphlet so go on what did you um what did you help with uh so my son he on the surface is enjoying school like enough not like loving it like my daughter's just like straight in she's made loads of mates because obviously they're a completely new school now but your daughter was already at school and your youngest started first reception year my daughter's pretty teflon with these things like she's i get the impression she loves tasks a bit like you

loves a bit of academia loves a task she loves academia with a job and i wear this i do that and you like likes the structure every day and and she likes she's really into friendship right so there's lots of people to chat to so she's like i've made this friend i've made like she made like she made a friend and then first night she was making her friend a friendship bracelet and uh like crafting something and i was thinking just chill it out here a bit right chill it out but my son he's in reception right he i feel much more protective over because he's very soft and he's um like he have i told you he's got girls shoes No, why does it get those shoes?

Because what's it called when it's shiny, that black shininess? Yeah, so my daughter got patent. Patent. Yeah, patent shoes. It's like a copy, yeah, is it patent? Yeah, it's patent. Like, I'm like copyright. So my daughter got patent shoes when we went to shoe.

And he was desperate for patent shoes because he's, his favorite colors pink. He loves sparkles, all this. And I'm really worried school's going to knock that out of him. Do you know what I mean? Because you're like, I don't want him to. Yes. but anyway so we managed to get the least

girly girls patent shoes they're just like black patent shoes with the Velcro but you're like these are red pink but all shoes should be black at school shouldn't they're all black they are black but he's definitely wear a girl's shoes but he's like

he's so sweet and soft and like innocent if that makes sense he's younger in the year and like he's not really interested in making friends because boys aren't as much Not, sorry, well, I mean, he's not as interested in the, I've got this friend, I've got this friend, if that makes sense. He just plays with people. But then the other day he came home and he was like, he was like, I've got something to tell you.

During break, the head teacher, I was his assistant and we, and he called me Mr. Whitacom. And we were in charge of the playground. And then he was like, I've got to tell Mummy and they told Rose as well. And I was thinking, that means you didn't have anyone to play with. where my mind was going. I don't know my mind's going. Yeah, but the teachers will acknowledge that. Oh, yeah, no.

It'll be fine. And he'll be totally fine. If he's got a fun thing to go and do at lunch, who cares? Yeah, I know, no. I was like, I was pleased, but there's, but he's going to be fine. But the problem is, this is what I was going to ask. So he's not reluctant with school or he's not like crying or anything. But he started wetting the bed since going to school.

Oh, nearly. Every night. Aw. And the advice. is you've basically just got to kind of keep your nerve. But he's literally wetting the bed every night. And we're not, and it's like we're not blaming him. We're just dealing, you know, we're doing all.

And he doesn't seem to give a fuck. He's the person who gives least him a fuck about it. I've got to have a bath in the morning. I'd be interested if that's happened to other people and how long it lasted. Oh, yeah. That is very, very common, I think. And for me, I think a lot Well, we've never had to deal with it personally

But I think, you know, you're probably doing it already But like lowering the water intake before bed And that's going from pissed before bed And all that kind of stuff We're just giving five pints of water before bed Like no more, yeah, yeah, of course And then we squeeze his stomach really hard Because we love him so much when he gets in

And he's asleep Are we also to help him relax We put his fingers in water? I don't know whether that's a year The old running water feature in the bedroom running water and helps Rose sleep yeah like I say

if he's enjoying it during the day that's the main thing and that's probably just a little bit of low level anxiety there is a lot change he's moved house he's moved school he'll just sort of get into the groove

I imagine but yeah if anyone's got any advice on that that would be very welcome so I imagine there's lots of parents with that going on yeah and you just don't want him to be embarrassed by it

do you know what I mean I know of course yeah so bring it up in a podcast I'm joking that was one of the things I was worried about of course yeah Rob, as if this episode isn't carnage enough,

we're now putting another bit, right? Yeah. Which is... It's multi-layered. It feels like one of like five weeks later albums. You're joined by someone. I'm joined here by my lovely wife, Soulmate, Louise Beckett. Hi, Lou.

Hello. Solmate. Do you know what I got told recently about having a wife? by my agent Right She said You don't know how lucky you are Yeah she said

If you've got If you're in the public eye And you get interviewed A piece of advice people Give people in the public eye With a partner Is if you're worried about divorce Never say the phrase

I owe them everything And I couldn't have done it without them because it can be used in court against you. Yeah. I remember that. Yeah, well, soulmate doesn't imply that. Well, yeah, I was thinking that soulmate was a well-chosen word. Yeah, soulmate, she's always been there,

and that doesn't mean she contributed. You've got an announcement, haven't you? Because we've sort of referenced you having a new project and being at work. What are you doing? I do have an announcement, and I'm excited and, terrified to say, I've written a book. Amazing.

Congratulations. Congratulations. You haven't read it yet. I have. Yeah, true. You have actually. Yeah, and Rob doesn't read. You're the first guest we've had on here.

I've read the book. It's a very good book. I'm a ringing endorsement. If I can read it, anyone can. Tell us about the book, Lou. Because I know that you are a brilliant writer, and this will be brilliant. but I also know that you consider self-promotion to be an uncomfortable experience. My whole body is crawling right now.

Yeah, I know. I've really enjoyed writing it. I've enjoyed all the bit up until they went, you have to go and tell people now, and people have to be able to see it and touch it and read it and tell you what they think about it. And then at which point I kind of go, yeah, I'm actually feeling uncomfortable with being sat next to you, Lou,

you'll give it off so much stress energy. I had this for text conversation with you, actually, Lou, about it. about how neither of us, we like to make stuff, but we don't like that stuff to ever be seen by other people. No, it starts to fall down a bit when you've got a contract with the company, and they do expect at some point to sell it. So you need to sell it now then? Yes, so.

Rob, you've read it. Rob, you're a salesman. Well, it's called Lessons from a Default Pair, and it's out next year in February. But pre-orders are, I think, when this goes out, is going to be live. Yes, live. Link in my bio, as the hashtag influencers say.

Yeah, we'll put a link. All right. So you can, you can pre-order it now. You can pre-order it right now. If you go on Amazon or somewhere else. And tell us about, I feel like I'm stepping in to do your promo for you, but you've got to do it. I don't want to start being the cues of Mansport. If you said that, I'll interview, I'll interview, I'll interview.

Okay, I'll sit back. Yeah, this is, um, so tell us about, um, being a default. parent. Why did the, why did you decide to do this book? Well, I wrote a blog a little while ago, um, which was basically what I felt was a really long winch, but it was very cathartic and made me feel better. Yeah, and it was great and it was brilliantly written and people loved it. Um, and then I got so many messages from people who kind of read it and identified with it and had seen bits of maybe their own experience in it and it kind of became this thing of its own. And, um, yeah, Publisher approached. Ask if I'd like to make it into a really, really, really long winch.

And thus the book, the book was born. And have you enjoyed writing it? I've really enjoyed writing it. It's not very serious. It's a bit's a serious, but it's not a parenting how to. It's not a manual. It's not a self-help. It's, I don't really know what it is. It's something that people can find companionship through or see themselves in or learn about what it's like to be a default parent. Yeah, I've kind of, that's exactly it, actually. I've gone through kind of stage by stage my experiences of parenting so far. And then bits of what I've done bits of research for, because when you're too tired,

sometimes you just need a bit of science to win an argument. Yeah. Bit of data to break you up. I don't think Rob's going to bow to data. I don't think he's the kind of person that would accept data would win an argument. I don't believe the scientists. I go on instinct. As someone who's read the book, it's incredibly funny as well,

and it's written in, you can tell what's you writing it, and it's your personality comes through. Yes, I have written it. There is no ghost writers here. Exactly. It is. Unless you think it's shit when you read it, in which case. In which case, blame the guy the wrote Prince Harry's.

Exactly. And I'll get a bit of a hammering in it, if you like that. Yeah, a little bit. But, hey, that's, you know, default parent. But it's a really good book. And how are you feeling about it coming out, Lou? Um. I want to be sick in my own mouth

Yeah but that's good Because do you know what that means You care We've interviewed people here And I don't think they Give a fuck about their books This is genuinely something you've wanted to do And you've loved doing

And that will come across To people who read it Yeah I love I love writing I love reading books I love writing I was about to say I love reading books I love writing books This is the first book of written

But I've really really loved it And because this this was a big part of what I spoke about in the blog. It was so nice to have something that, though this sounds, it kind of goes against every instinct because it feels really selfish to go, it was mine. Yeah.

It was kind of a real step back into, oh, this is something I'm doing for me. Yeah. That's not necessary. It is obviously massively about the girls because I'm talking about being a parent, but it's, it was something that was mine. Yeah.

I think women especially lose a lot of identity once I have kids because you become mum and then, you know, after a while they don't need you as much, as they do when they're baby babies and then you sort of lose that and then you lose a bit. So I thought I'd slag them off for a book instead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

I'm grateful of girls. No, I don't say that. No, that's difficult, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, well done. Actual book promo is going to be awful. February 12th is when it's... I'm going to have to pick you up.

This is actual book promo. This is actual book promo. I've got to get a little bit slicker. This is the biggest audience for the book. Please, please all prove. order it. Yeah, go on. Because I'd really like to write another one.

And if I only sell three copies, they won't let me. Exactly. The lessons from a default parent, Lou Beckett, on Amazon now, pre-order. Is it, is it Lou or is it Louise? I'm down as Lou. Nice. Because I don't like it when people go, I'm writing a book now, so I'm going to. I'm going to be Louise and Lee Beckett.

Oh, it is there. It's on Amazon already. Is it on the front cover now? Oh, it is, yeah. Yep. So it is, there will be a link in my bio, it's on Amazon. I mean, all good book shops I assume. Oh my word.

It's a real book. If Rob wants to stay married, it'll be on his bio as well. Yeah. And there's going to be an audio. Oh my God, it's on the, it's on Hive, the ethical book retailer that I used to buy my books. I'm going to pre-order it now. All good book shops, all good places. Go to Hive.com.com.

Buy that. And there will be an audio book as well. There you go. Lessons from a default pair. Right, thanks, see. Now, go and look after the kids. Right, Josh, let's talk. I'm sorry.

I pulled the headphone out of year. I got over-excited and yanked my headphone out of year. I was only joking about the kids. Thanks. Go and have a coffee. Thanks, everybody. It will be brilliant. You'll be back on in February to do a proper interview.

I will, yes. Yes, please. Yeah, definitely. And, yeah, thanks very much in advance for anyone who is it. I appreciate it. Please, thank you. Well, let's remember this moment, Rob. By February, it'll be the 100th bit of promo she does

and she'll walk in and she'll reel out the same four anecdotes. She has for every other fucking for Simon Rimmer and Lorraine. Betts on how many times I vomit in my own mouth. I know. You've done well there, Luke. I know that's been filling you a dread, just telling people that it's out. And it's a new you too. There you go.

Well, well done, Lou. He's a brilliant book. She should be proud. Thank you. I'm going to order it even though I expect a free copy. Right, should you go back to the breakdown episode? Yeah. Right, I'll let you guys crack on with your important days.

And I'll see you later. See you later. Love you, Lou. Right, bye, bye. Bye. Right, should we do some business and then we'll go? I've got one here. Someone gave me one in Canterbury's.

Let me just find it. I should warn you when I walk away, I'm in my pants and t-shirt. So it's, yeah. I tell you, I'll do this one where you're getting it, Josh, if you want. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. please please please can ask for a small business shout out for my sister and brother-in-law's company that my husband also works for they are based in suffolk and i have a colour in kid's clothing company called selfie craft co you can get personalized PJs and t-shirts etc great for christmas

eve boxes or present sizes age 3 to 12 website is selfieclothing dot co at uk and i've asked them for a special parenting held code you can get 20% off wow that's a good one using parent The Insta handle is Selfie Craft Co, S-S-E-L-F-I-E-C-R-A-F-T-O. I really hope they get a shout-out. They work really hard and deserve all the success they are due, but this would really help boost sales. I'm sure you might get Joe, my husband, a little bonus for me to spend. Love the pod.

Love you guys. Thanks for the laughs, Anna. I've got a lovely card, Rob, that was given to me in Canterbury by someone whose name. You'll give you some, a tip. If someone gives you any letters or cards, don't read until after the gig because sometimes people can be really confessional and emotional and tell you quite a heartbreaking story,

and then you've got to go on and do 25 minutes about neighbours and, you know, soda streams, whatever you're up to. I've got those things, but the next tour's going to be good. As a huge parenting health fan, this is a cheeky request for a small business shout-out after having my own babies now aged 13 and 10. I've realised why feeding support is so important and I've retrained in an international board certificate lactation consultant.

I passed the exam just before my little boy went to school and I've had my private practice for nearly seven years. So this is in Canterbury. She helps with breastfeeding, formula feeding, combination feeding, starting solids, right? And this week I've supported families in England, Scotland, Japan, USA. I help families with feeding their babies, whether that's breastfeeding, formula feeding

or a mix of both. they offer support by home visits to local families or online and weekly feeding support groups in Canterbury, Whitstable and Favisham. Feeding babies can be really challenging and I'd love families to know. Skilled and experienced support is available. I do my best to help families as soon as I can after they get in touch, usually within 48 hours. I also have breast pumps available for hire. So this is Hannah Croft. There's a, okay, so it's Hannah Croft. Hyphen or dash? What's the one where it's like a like a horizontal dash? Yeah.

LC, so that's the International Board of something, dot co.uk.ukh, Hanacroft-I-B-C-L-C-L-C. And she'll get back to you in 48 hours and she can help you with everything with breastfeeding to formula feeding, combination, feeding, starting solid. And this is in the Canterbury, Witsdwell, or Favisham area, but she can do online. I'll see you next time. Hopefully you're better internet. Yeah. Right. Bye.