Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP17: Chris McCausland (The Return)

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant actor and comedian - Chris McCausland. Chris first appeared on the show back in August 2021 and it's fair to say a LOT has happened with Chris since then, including winning the last series of Strictly Come Dancing! You can listen to his his first appearance HERE (Series 3 Episode 12) His new autobiography book 'Keep Laughing' is out now. Already one of the country's best loved comedians, Chris McCausland's participation on Strictly was a phenomenon. But how did the boy from Liverpool end up winning the hearts of the nation?This is his remarkable story, of a twenty-five-year journey through sight loss to blindness. Of the highs, the lows and the downright hilarious along the way.From being a lowlife conker dealer, and running his very own bootlegging empire (kind of) . . . to almost becoming a spy for MI5 (really) . . .And of how he dared himself to try stand-up comedy, and ended up being brilliant on all your favourite TV shows.Before, of course, he surprised himself, as well as everybody else, when he tried dancing on live TV in front of millions.Warm, honest, insightful and laugh-out-loud funny, this is the most likeable, cheering and uplifting book of the year! And find all the info on stand-up tour dates and more at: ⁠Chrismccausland.com Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How would it more time with the time with the life to have? With the Reve Appel Service get that. Bestel your

online and hold him bequeem and ready-gaped in market up, naturally without mindest bestel-wirt.

So, you'll get more time for the next podcast follow or your Leblings Tracks. Now

try out of Reve-D.E slash shop or in the Reveewe app. Your Reve Appal Service. Online bestel, in market

appalling. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whitickham. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you,

feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting wo.

Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with. Helie, can you say Rob? Rob. Can you say Beckett? Bessie. Can you say Josh? Josh.

Can you say Whitacom? Wittaker. Oh, good job. Thank you. Thank you. What I loved was the mum said good job. And then the dad, the mum, who we didn't know was there, that was a twist. And then the dad said thank you as if he was accepting the compliment.

Yeah, as in like you did a brilliant job encouraging our child to speak there. Yeah. Gobble, gobble. Oh, gabble, gabble. And hello, Josh Rob and producer Michael. This is our then 20-month-old Ellie, who we recorded back in December 2024. Finally, getting around to emailing this in September 2025, because as a parent, there is never enough time in the day. My husband found the podcast and I started listening during the long nights of breastfeeding, rocking her to sleep.

There were many times I was silently laughing so hard I was afraid I might wake her. Both of you, please, please announce tour dates in America soon. Bad news, Jess, Jess, never happened him. Stay sex and relatable. I might do some. Rob might do some. Next year. Rob might do some.

Rob might do some. Rob might do some. That is a commitment. is doing new york next year probably will be weirdness to not do new york i'm going to go to kansas minnesota utah yeah yeah and that's it those three yeah so how many states have you been to rob you must have into quite a lot with romash haven't you i've been to um california Yeah New York

Yeah Or Florida Yeah I've been to Arizona Yeah I think that's maybe I think that might be all of them

I can absolutely thrash you on this No I've been to Boston Massachusetts I've been to Connecticut You must have been to Nevada for Vegas Oh yeah and Vegas Arizona is in Nevada In it

Phoenix Arizona No Nevada's different No Nevada's in Is that a state Nevada? Yeah, I think the state of Nevada. Yeah, I've been there as well. Yeah. I don't know where I've been.

Oh, wow. Sometimes, Josh, this is very unrelatable. Sometimes I Google, I Google my name next to famous people to see if I've met them. Oh, wow. Because I forgot. Give me an example. It'll be like actors and actresses. You know the ones that I've been on Graham Norton with or something?

Yeah. Chris Pratt Someone said to me Oh I loved it And I saw you with Chris Pratt The other day And I was like First of all

Who's Chris Pratt Then I was like Oh yeah Dinosaurs Jurassic Park man And then I googled it And I was like Yes correct I was on the show

Because you're with them And they take photos But you're only there For like about 90 minutes Of course And you're not really with them No Mary J Blige

That was in Avon I did I did Norton with Who's the guy That had the accident Jeremy Renner And I was like Like, I've met this bloke.

I was just reading about him. Now I've just realised I've met him. I know, because it's so, it doesn't feel like real life. It's so unrelatable, but I stand by it. It's your truth. I'd totally forgotten I'd met Eve. I'm the singer, the rapper. Yeah.

Right, I've got a good dickhead dad parent in, I think this is from babysitting stories. Dickhead dad in brackets here, Josh, do you want it? Before we bring our guest on. Yeah, always. Hi, Rob and Josh, a long-time listener, first-time emailer, a babysitting story for you. When I was 17 in the 90s, I babysat for a wealthy family with two children. One was a baby.

This was before mobile phones. I heard the landline ringing and thinking it was maybe the mum, I answered it. It was the dad calling to say he was on his way home from the train station and didn't want to get a taxi. Bearing mind, he'd been to New York via Concord. Money was not the issue. He asked me to collect him. What? I said, the kids are in bed and I have no car seats.

Plus, I had literally just just passed my driving test. Despite the fact this asshole had never met me, he insisted I get his sleeping children out of bed and use his sports car. Oh my God. I was absolutely terrified and didn't even know how to use a kid's car seat. He didn't thank feeding for my efforts. No thanks, no extra money. I never went back again.

Thanks to the podcast. Unfortunately, I didn't discover it until after lockdown, which I was surviving with a three-year-old twins and three stepchildren under nine. Fucking hell. Fucking hell. No need to keep it on us. I'm Nanette from Derbyshire.

What a twat. What a twat? What a twat? What is that then? Is that just like he's just a bit of a sport brat and a power play and just wants anyone to do what he wants? Or even just is so self-obsessed it doesn't even come into his mind

the difficulties of other people. whatever's easiest for him. I'd rather walk home than risk waking the kids. Yeah, of course. I once had to walk home two miles through country lanes with a suitcase coming back from Dubai because they'd shut loads of roads. Oh, my word.

I was so depressed. It was such a... What was the weather? The rain in. And it was like... It wasn't wheeled quickly. Oh, my God. And was there no way Luke could come and meet you?

No, because of the road... I had to walk up it to get past what was shut. Oh, my God's like the ghost. shape with like builder men. Excuse me. They were digging up the road. Oh my God. And then I had to like move barriers and have to lift my...

Oh, fucking hell. And I've been to Dubai with you to do Parenting Hell for like one night. Oh yeah. That was a bit degrading. But yeah, I didn't wait the kids up or force a babysit to drive my sports car. I've actually been doing a live podcast. I've been in Dubai for 24 hours doing a live podcast. I don't know how I feel about adult men,

well, sorry, it's all adult men with children, but like men with a sports car, all women, with a sports car and young kids. I just don't know how I feel about that. Do you know what, Josh, I know how I feel about it. I think they're wankers. Yeah. I think they're idiots.

I think they're complete wankers. So I go back, I do know how I think they're complete wankers. Yeah, I totally agree. Totally agree I'm not trying to feel like that It's such a get-out jail free card It's the same as when people say each to their own Yeah, yeah

All you're saying is I fundamentally disagree Of everything you've ever done And I think you're a prick And it's a terrible decision But each to the room You make your own fucking mistakes I'm a pretty chilled guy each to their own You won't get an opinion out of me

Well, talking of people that aren't chilled out of Rob Yeah I guess No, that's unfair Because we don't know who it is yet We don't know it is yet we've bit a bit of list bit for the listeners this uh we don't know who this is sometimes the order of the guests change and we have to record these introses blind so if you ever think

and it might be Chris McCorsland we've got him coming up that would be helpful that would be great little link there wouldn't it that be a great little lick sure we throw to ourselves introing the guest rob with a blinding the blind it's a question rob people know the fucking guest is It's written on their phone. Oh, of course. Why don't even fucking bother? Here they are. Here they are.

Google their TV credits. Chris McCorsland, live from a hotel room. Live from a hotel room in the back end of nowhere, mate. Where are you? Where are you? I mean, I'm not entirely sure how you pronounce it, but I'm in, I know how to say Scotland. I'm in Scotland. You've changed.

You're not that, Scouse. is it Scudlandi Kikoldi I think you pronounce it maybe Kikoldi So this is how I do it these days I'm on tour in Scotland for about eight days I pick a hotel

I just pick a place And stay there for eight days Call it home Spider out and do the gigs Oh Yeah And oh God I tell you what the difference it makes

Rather than packing your stuff And checking out and check it in and... Obviously, it's easy to get used to the room as well, I suppose. Do you what I mean? And where you are, then can change in the whole time, you get into a rhythm with it. Yeah, I mean, like, I'm yet to encounter a hotel room

that's different enough to cause me problems. But yeah, it's... Yeah, but it's the packing, and that... Especially when you're, you know, you're on tour and you're going somewhere that's maybe two hours away and you have to check out at 11, you can't check into three. You're like, what do we see for?

Two hours. Yeah, so pick a place, call you home, and you don't feel like a hobo. So, Chris, the last time you came on was years ago, and your child's obviously got older. You were nothing, Chris, just so you know, you were, you were just a kind of, you know, a guy we were getting on who no one had ever heard of. We barely knew you were a comedian, and now, look at you. Now look what we've done for you. Do you know what, though, like that, okay. And it had nothing to do with strictly.

Okay, so that was in lockdown, yeah? And like, okay, you've got a point, right? But I was on countdown. I did countdown with Colin Murray going back a couple of months. And he said the same thing. And I was like, I was only with you eight months ago. You were nothing, Chris, nothing. I was like, I was literally with you last summer.

So how old your thought now, Chris? 12. She's 12. and you are in the middle of one of the biggest tours in the country. You are smashing it everywhere, a trail blaze up with the three shows a day. I'd say outside of people doing arenas, you two are going head to head for the biggest tour.

And I've got a feeling, Chris, because you're the one who's mad enough to do three a day, whereas Rob's not man enough to do that. You're ashamed of him on that. Go on talk to me about three a day, Chris. Rob's obsessed with this. I've got one booked in in January. So I'm learning how to do them

Like there was a period where I was thinking This is a mistake Because the people who get the people who get the worst version of you The people who bought the tickets first Because you're just done in by 8 o'clock Aren't you But what I've learned Is that the early shows don't need

You to go You kind of think oh this is lunchtime I need to really Give them my all to get the energy out of them and you don't you you like they're so up for it i've noticed that in matanized i've had a coffee so are you saying chris are you are you saying that what you do is you like you conserve energy so you're like a kind of um an 800 meter run on their first lap just staying in the pack during the first show what i've learned is i don't need to blow me load straight away

at this time right i can i don't need to put him more than a I normally would, which is what I was doing. I was really trying to go, oh, come on, it's lunchtime. And people love being out. I mean, listen, like, this is a 48-year-old man talking here. But, like, I think the future of, the future of live comedy, if you're on tour, is put the four o'clock on first and see where it goes from there. A million percent.

I mean, the four o'clock audience are so happy that they get a night in. Yes. Oh, honestly. yeah honestly i mean i say to them i say to them at the beginning of the show i say this is how you have a night out and then you get to go and have a night in on the same day and they cheer like they've won the lottery yeah i totally agree because that's such a dead three three hours of a day nothing happens on a set a day of it so are you doing it during the week as well chris or just a week else no i'm just so i'm not i'm not as mental as um as jimmy car

he's doing he's doing doubles on a week day no one is no one is Do you know what, like, so hope this is, this is mad. Me and Jimmy were doing a thing in somewhere in East London. I can't remember where East London to me, he's like, it might as well be like Afghanistan. I just don't know the places, right? Just so you know, Chris, the Daily Mail are going to run with a headline. East London is now like Afghanistan.

Purely from a geographical place name perspective. Yeah. I just don't know where I am in relation to anywhere and after places I've never heard of before. And, um, he's a shit old, Josh had just left it. I just left, I just moved. It's too much like Afghanistan for my taste. Josh has just moved down, but funny enough, I've heard it's improved a lot.

So I was there with Jimmy, and, um, and I, I had to be away. We were recording this thing, and I had to be away at 4 o'clock. And Jimmy, Jimmy said, yeah, I'm on tour as well tonight. And I was in Guildford, right? And I was on stage at 8 o'clock. And I was like, I need to be done by 3, so I can drive to Guilford, have some dinner, do the sound check, blah, blah, blah, blah. Jimmy, Jimmy said, oh, yeah, I need to be on a train of four because I'm on stage at seven in Bristol.

I'd have a heart attack, mate. You are literally one kind of sheep or wrong type of leaf away from. But like, honestly, I said to him, it kill me, mate. I'm stressed now about getting to Guildford. I've got five hours. Check out the big stuff. Stars, big series, and blockbuster movies. Streaming on Paramount Plus.

Cue the music. Like NCIS, Tony and Ziva. We'd like to make up her own rules. Tulsa King. We want to take out the competition. The substance. This balance is not working. And the naked gun.

That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment. Paramount Worth. What's it been like for your daughter? to see you were like a dad who was, you know, like a successful comedian making good money, but then, let's be honest, you went on parenting hell, everything blew up, right? And now suddenly you're doing three a week, three a d'clock. But the strictly thing that happened to you, which I don't think happens very often to comedians these days.

I think the last time, you know that kind of thing, have you seen Rocket Man where he does a gig in L, and his whole life changed. That doesn't really happen, right? It happened to Kevin Bridges and John Bishop on Comedy Road show, but since then it doesn't really happen in the same way, but it's happened to you in over three or four months in that it's changed your life.

What's that been like for your family life? And am I being, am I wrong about that, or is that how it felt to you? I don't want to put the narrative on you. So I'd say it's a little bit different in the Kevin John, nobody knew them. Right. And they exploded from one episode, a little bit like Michael did, you know, McIntyre. Yeah. He did one Apollo and suddenly he could do a tour and then finish at the O2.

Yeah. Yeah. It was that stratospheric for him. Yeah. Because eight, nine, ten million people were watching live at the Apollo on BBC One. And that is the effect that, you know, it could have for Michael and then obviously his roadshow for the other two. we made i mean i was on i i think a big enough you're doing more yeah yeah you're doing like all the panel shows and the yeah so presumably done live at the apollo by that point as well hadn't yeah three three times you know and so and so like a good chunk of strictly or of the strictly audience knew or was already yeah but even if you're doing what i lied to you and if i got news

for you i've done them a ton of times but there's like you know maybe what i don't know how many people watch them three and a half million something like that and that's a lot in this day and age whereas you suddenly then go well there's another five six million people out there who were going oh wow like i don't watch comedy shows and then yeah they're getting to see you be funny and stuff so the the exposure was huge but it's also it's not like one of these moments where you get your one kind of big hit and you explode out of it it's it's it's a four month exposure where people feel like they are on a the there's a journey I can't there's no other word guys there's a journey right oh no you've become one of that

They're trying to give another word. There's no other word. Honestly, you get the little bits of mouth sick out your mouth. Yeah, there isn't another word. There's no other word. You get to it. You got on an expedition. A passage of self-discovery.

Yeah, I mean, that's a journey, mate. But, like, right, so before I did strictly, and this is how it changed with the audience as well, is my demographic was 35 to 65, give or take, right? I'm a grumpy, miserable northern comedian. And then suddenly, it's people want, you know, seven-year-olds want their photo taking with you, and great-grannies, and the demographic is just stretched.

Now, seven-year-olds aren't coming to my tour show, but suddenly, 20-year-old girls are, you know, and with their boyfriends and families and things, and it's hugely stretched the demographic that are aware of me. But also when I meet people in the street, I used to meet people, people who would come up and they go, oh, I really liked you, and have I got news for you, or would they lie to you or whatever?

And it's, you know, as you guys know, it'll be like an appreciation of something that you've done, yeah? Oh, I liked that. Whereas now people come up to me, and it's almost like they come up to me like, oh, God, remember that thing we went through together? Like, oh, my God, every week. Oh, God.

I was voting for you I was crying I was emotion oh it was and it's it's it's it's like there's a you forged this connection with people and it might sound a little bit mad

to kind of say that out loud but it's true it's it's it's it's it was such an intense thing that they and I didn't expect it to be emotional right I really didn't expect dancing to be emotional yeah and from the first episode I had to hold on to Diane at the end of the dances

so like a talk the telly you know it was it was you've got this combination of the release of the fear and the nerves and the noise of the audience which is only 500 but they're on both sides and like like you know you've been on the receiving end of some warm lovely you know responses from audiences at the end of shows which are appreciative but some of these responses by these 500 people in the studio were almost like winning goals have been scored at wembley like like fuck it how the fuck Like, where did that come from? And that hits you from both sides.

And then you've got the knowledge as well that everybody's watching this right now. Your daughter, your wife, your family, your friends, like a big chunk of the nation are watching it in that moment. And honestly, like, your throat closes up, your eyes warm. I just, I just held on it. I was like, just stay here for a minute, will you? because you're not you're not like kind of lovey-dovey sort of theatre per you're very a normal bloke that went in to stand up and I you know I'd have you at the very unemotional end of like when you do gigs you just sort of get on with it and stuff like that so like

for you to feel that emotion it must be so overwhelming so it was mate and it was it was it was it was a lot every week I tried to keep a lid on it in the in in in in one sense which was to not kind of a you know breakdown on the Kelly. But I also realized very quickly something that I've always kind of shunned away from, which was the value in people seeing you'd be vulnerable, you know? And like, so all the way through, from the very first episode, we were getting messages from people. And, you know, people would say, oh, what did it mean to the blind community? I was like, I don't know. I don't think they watch it.

But we were getting messages. from so many people every week whether it was schools learning about blindness or disability to people who had agoraphobia and hadn't been out for months or people who had experienced grief or had eaten disorders and saying that watching us

tackle this huge kind of thing that I was evident like obviously terrified of was making them go I need to go and do something and I need to get out and do something and they we were getting these messages because I was

I was kind of honest about how terrifying it was. And you could see it in my face and you could see the fear and you could see the... And so you learned to... I think I learned to kind of share a lot more of that throughout the thing. And then we got to the semi-final

and we did this V&E waltz to Metallica. Nothing else matters. Which, I mean, I don't want to say how little I knew about dancing before we started, but you have to send in a list of stongs that you like. And I sent in a list of songs.

Nothing else matters by Metallica was on it. And underneath it, because I, you know, you're a comic. They just ask for a list of songs. So you write jokes along the way, don't you? Because you think, well, I make the production team laugh. And underneath them, nothing else matters. I put, I don't know anything about dancing, but I reckon this would suit one of them twirly-whirley ones, right?

And I did. And it just so happened, it was a Vienese waltz because not every song's every dance, if you know what I mean. Yeah. So I was kind of on the nose with that. But we did it. And Diane's choreography, like, you know, we'd done dances where she ended up upside down on top of me and where, you know, I ended up holder in the air and just all these kinds of mad things.

And on this one, she choreographed it. It was the last dance we did before the, you know, to make it into the final. And the very last beat of the song, we just hugged each other. And it was so small and so little. And I just fell apart. So it was, yeah, it was a lot. It was, yeah, I just, and I couldn't put myself back together for that whole last week. Literally someone that touched me on the elbow and go, oh, I think you've done well.

And I just start crying in front of them. Oh, crap. Do you think, you know, because you've, you've opened up vulnerability where, you know, you always sort of like, sort of glaze over it kind of thing and just move on. But like, you know, the way you approach your blindness and your career in comedy, when I used to gig with you like you wouldn't talk about it that much on stage odd comment but you'd just be doing material like any other comedy yeah yeah yeah and whenever it come up you are very dismissive to go no I can get on with it and I think that's helped you get on with life and get on and stuff having that

sort of approach of it's not going to hold me back I'm going to go and do this but I think you had a bit distance to look back and it is incredibly inspiring for someone to deal with it like that and you're very much you know you know there's not many people like you approaching anything that's troubling them like that and it's very inspiring and I don't and I think you've not really processed or appreciated how incredible it is what you do? I, when I started in comedy, I got into comedy

because I wanted to see if I could be funny in the way that all of the comedians were funny that I loved from the 90s. And I wanted to do, I didn't get into because I thought I had something like a milk. But also I had nothing... No, you're not Adam Hills or Alex Brooker.

But I also had nothing original to say if you know what I mean. At that young age. and the older you get the more original things you have to say the more life experience you have the more comfortable you're getting your own skin and so on but also you're right if I hadn't have gone in with that attitude I would not have ended up headlining clubs

like I wouldn't have ended like I don't think back 20 years 15 20 years if I hadn't have gone in with the attitude of being a quote normal that's how I saw it at the time stand up yeah I wouldn't have had the same kind of connection with the same appreciation from audiences and therefore the same appreciation from promoters and being able to headline the store

and the glee clubs and all this kind of stuff it's playing the game normally as I saw it was the reason that I was able to kind of make those gains in comedy and I think on the telly as well I was offered so many things early on in my career on the telly

that I said no to because they were crass and they were so far too disability focused and so on the nose. But you know what? I took the job, Chris. It's worth out for 14 years. No, but listen, listen. So the last leg was set up for a purpose,

and it has evolved into our juggernaut. And I think it's a fantastic, you know, presence on the tell you, and I love doing it. It's actually one of the most terrifying shows you can do. People say, like, what's it like trying to be funny on live TV before the watershed?

It's easy because there's just things you don't do. What's hard? It's trying to be funny. at 10 p.m. when you've got to be contentious and not ruin your career at the same time on live TV. That's that that's the difficult one. But I was offered like things like I was

offered sketch shows which was just disabled performers. One was, this is genuinely the truth. One was meant to be for the BBC, never made to the broadcast. They wanted it to be called Raspberry Ripple. No. Fucking how. Which is cocky Riemannstein.

Jesus. Cucley Rhymenstein for Cripple. That is mental. And I said no to them I said no to a disability big brother I said no to these disability we're going to get a gang of disabled people and go on a travel kind of show journey

and the producer said to me I said well why would we all be hanging out together what's the point? Like if there's people filming us there's obviously people there to help so what's the point in filming us struggle and he said I think it would be really good for the British public to see how you get on enough trains oh god

so none of these are produced by disabled people They're just sort of throwing together about people without disabilities. They are. So I said no to all these things in the pursuit of normal. And so I don't think that I would have kind of got where I've got if I hadn't stuck to that. But my attitude was always with the disability stuff.

I was a huge Eddie Isard fan, right? And I remember the first time I came across Eddie in Woolworth's on this video, definite article. And I'd never heard of him before. And it was out for Christmas this video. and I could see a little bit by then and it was this box where you could feel his clothes on the front

it had like texture and I was like and it was in a cardboard clamshell case and everything else is in his plastic I was like what is this strange video and I thought when I looked at it well this is going to be like

he's gay it's going to be camp comedy it's going to be like Julian Clary and I love Julian Clary I bought it thinking it was like that right and it blew me mind and he talked about wearing women's clothes

for like five minutes, six minutes. It was funny, it was interesting, it left you wanting to know more, and he moved on and talked about everything else that was nonsense and I thought, that is how you do comedy. You take the thing that everybody thinks is the one thing that will define you,

and you invite people in on your own terms, and you also, you know, you talk about everything else that's going on in your head as well. So can I ask what, like, if I'd gone on strict, I did the Christmas special, because my daughter was seven. It was a shot to nothing, fun bit of Christmas stuff.

Yeah. If your daughter's 12 and your dad says, I'm going to dance on TV every Saturday night for on the most popular show on TV for three months, is your daughter gut knock? Was there any point where she went, please don't do that? This is mortifying or was she excited

or what was the conversation you had to there about it? She didn't watch the show, and I said no to strictly quite a few times because I didn't think, not only did I not think it was something I could do but I didn't know what it was they were asking me to do because you can't describe it right you can't put it into words

it's dancing but you can't like but how good what are they doing like can I I had no idea whether I could do the things I was they were asking me to do and and if I'm rubbish at it you've never seen it you've never seen it you just heard it and no idea mate and and and if I'm rubbish at it it does nobody any good it doesn't do blind people disabled people me any good

if I have a disaster on live TV in front of millions and I'm not like not goofy dance goofy dad dancing but like you know we go off the dance floor we get the angles wrong whatever people feel sorry for me and it does nobody wants to go see a comedian they feel sorry for right so there's a lot of risk involved Josh sells well

so I said no a few times and then when I was genuinely considering it I showed it to my daughter on YouTube and I said do you think I should do this and she said no I said, why not? She said, because you'll fall off the stage and break your leg, Daddy. And she was kind of like, you know, a little bit of gallows humor.

She was joking a little bit. But, you know, she didn't think I could do it. She said, you can't do it. You're blinded. It's way too complicated. So I obviously, I mean, I think the world of her, but I decided to do it. Do you think there was any part of her that was worried about how it would come back on her, if you know what I mean?

Or was she concerned about you? No, she was concerned. No, I don't think she was really aware. of what the show was in terms of that social presence. Right, yeah, yeah. And so I... Was it a bit of you wanting to, like, I know you was like, oh, I'm a bit worried about it sort of

if it went wrong and that. But when your daughter said, I don't think you can do it and other people will be thinking, or you won't be able to do it, does that light a fire in your belly to go, I'm going to prove you wrong? Or is that, so... Do you not have that anymore, that sort of drive?

It didn't light a fire from that point of view. My contract with myself, when I decided to do it, was that if I'm going to do this, I have to put every last ounce of myself into it anyway. And because I can't be failing on this because of lack of effort. Yes. And lack of commitment. This has to be a failure because of just an inability of talent.

You know, it can't be because of effort. So me and Diane, we had to have literally 100%. I mean, I'll get to that in a second. But the first time, that first dance, my daughter was so nervous at home. Was she there? No. No. She was at home.

She watched her home. She was so nervous. She was pacing around the living room. She was so nervous. My wife didn't realize how nervous she was. Me and I started behind this microphone and pretending we were in the cavern club because you have to have a little intro to all the songs.

And as I kind of wandered over and met Diane and we kind of char, char, char, charred down the center of the floor. My daughter burst out crying. And she was inconsolable. And she missed the whole thing. because, and I think it was just this release of, he's, shit, he's doing it. And she burst out crying.

And my wife had to rewind it and play it for it. It took like four or five goals before she could get through it. And it was just this release of... Your wife sounds like she was pretty unmoved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's, oh, God, do we have to do this again? Come on. Have another goal.

Man up, will you? Man up. I want to watch win. I want to go. So she, yeah, but she was so nervous. I tell you what, though, like, just on that, my dad couldn't watch him. For the first seven or eight weeks,

my dad would have to go in the kitchen while it was on. Oh, my God. He couldn't watch it live, and then my mum would have to shout him when I'd finished and let him know that it hadn't been a disaster. And he'd come in, and he'd rewind the telly and watch it. And so my mum never got to watch it. It was after me, because my dad would be watching me,

and then they put it back on the life. Yeah. This episode is brought to by Tron Aries. For the first time the captivating world of Tron breaks out of the grid. Aries, a highly advanced program, journeys into our world on a dangerous mission, marking humankind's first encounter with AI beings. Featuring an electrifying original soundtrack by 9-inch nails.

Tron Aries is a must-see movie event, filmed for IMAX and made for the big set. screen. Experience it only in theaters Friday. Get tickets now. And so since this, how has it been for like, um, you're like, we're joking about you doing three gigs a day, but you're in Scotland for eight days. This tour is a combo of, A, it's been moved and then it's been added to, added to, added to. And you also got TV stuff because you don't want to just disappear straight after that. And so how have you been fitting? Like, has your family life changed?

Because you have to, you know, you have to do this tour. You have to take advantage of this change in life. How do you then, are you, like, seeing much of your family? How does it work? So, I mean, the last two years have been mental anyway. I mean, so last year before, you know, before strictly I did, I did 60 tour dates. And I wrote, I wrote and made a film with Lee for Sky. Yeah, of Christmas film.

We did that. was more weird because we made this film for Sky and you're away for five weeks and filming something that's quite abstract to a child oh you were making a Christmas film but it's but it's April yeah but we're just away working yeah and yeah but you'll be able to see it when it's on where it's strictly was in the moment and you could go I'm going away for three days but I'm going to make the show you're going to watch yeah and they could see you when you were away which was quite magical in a way you know compared to regular work you know

So I did all that, and then I hosted this ITV show over the summer. So it was all quite hectic, and then strictly was the most consuming thing ever. The start of this year, I already had my tour booked in, but we got to move four months of dates on top. I did 144 tour dates in 160 days. Fucking hell. And on top of that, I wrote a book. Which you told me yesterday, but you've written 130,000 words.

in six months. 130,000 words, yeah. And it honestly nearly killed me. And I bought a beanbag tray and I'd write in the car on the way to the tour shows and the way back in between the matinees in the hotel rooms.

And do you know, I mean, the reason I, so we edited it down to about 122 and the reason that's still a big book. Are you going to split it? No, because, and I could have done. But like, people would be disappointed. You'd be lying if you said

a lot, like, at least half the people aren't going to buy it because they saw me strictly. And if I don't, and if I get to like, and then I turn 28. Ended book. Yeah. Be only 80,000 words. And then I noticed my eyesight wasn't as good as it was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've done those strictly stuff yet. So I saw I saw, I just, this book needs to get to strictly. And I did, and I'll be honest with you, when you when you start writing a book, and they go, minimum 65,000 words 80 would be lovely

100 is bang on for a real good autobiography and you're writing it you're going I don't know if I've got 65,000 words and so you're kind of stretching premises out at the beginning you're like well and

on a Tuesday we'd have we'd have fish fingers on a Tuesday but Wednesday so you end up and having to go back and editing down quite a lot of the beginning that you were writing

thinking I don't think I've got enough life to fill this strictly come dancing three words so you've done well there yes so um so yeah so i wrote that but but in terms of the balance with home life it has been hectic

but the lovely thing about touring is i'm away for a block now but in this country you get to be on more than people think yeah totally people think oh you're on tour for four months you must be away for four months and i'm not you get to return home a lot there's a lot of shows you can do there and back and wake up in your own bed um but it's not about and i always i always um you know i mean you've got december off it looks like or are you doing panto what's happening there hopefully we've got a game show we've piloted for the bbc and we should be

hearing this week so we'll we'll see if we get to do that but i when i i i hate doing social media videos i've been trying my best to put things out on social media like little tour diaries and stuff but i always film extra ones for my daughter and send to them and like little videos of the venue and things like that. And so I drop videos into her iPad of, you know, just stuff on tour. And it kind of makes her feel like she's kind of seeing where I'm playing. If I'm honest, I don't think she gives a shit, but it makes me feel good. Yeah.

At least she knows you're trying. I think she's at, oh, I'm going, God, I've got to reply to another video of some seats. Yeah, it looks great, Dad. Have a good one. Oh, wow, Daddy, that's amazing. Two balconies, yeah. But does she come to the tour? No, no, no, she doesn't, she doesn't come.

She hasn't been, no, I don't, I don't really think it's, I like to keep separation, you know. Yeah, I, um, she, I mean, the first time, the first time she ever saw any of my stand-up was the, you know, I might have mentioned it last time, actually, but it was the, it was the Apollo when I talked about her doing the poo in the bath. Yeah. And I think she thought that's all I did for a living was tell everybody did she shit in the

I thought that's how I earned a living. Oh, God, thank God I did that shit in the battle. We'd have nothing. So have you got some time booked off for when the tour ends, like your big family holiday or stuff like that? Or you just plowing on and see what comes in? No, well, so we might, you know, we, I mean, I've got a lot of time off over December and January.

And if we get to do this game show for the BBC, the lovely thing about a game show is like, if it's 10 episodes, it's 5 days, I mean, I don't really want to put the message out there That hosting game shows is easy work But it's easy as gig and telly It's five days For a two and a half month presence on the telly

So So, but we've done all the All the hard work And so the book, when does the book come out, Chris? So the book is out on October the 9th. There you go. Are you also fitting into your megator that you're going to be having to do the one show you're going to have to do the rain. You're going to have to do, well, not have to do, but because that's great thing to do.

But like Sunday brunch, you're going to be doing all the kind of promo for this book as well. You're such a little teacher's pet, aren't you? I know. Well, listen, I mean, this is, I think this is why we're lucky as comedians, right? Is that most authors have to go door to door and sell their books. Yeah. You know, they've got to go to every book shop in the country and every town and really kind of make their book known as a,

we get the opportunity to go on the one show. Yeah. And to get to go on this morning and even maybe Graham Norton and Chris Evans' breakfast show and things like that. So I'm on tour and I get to, you know, as long as you can make it funny, I get to talk about writing a book at the end of my show, which, you know, I've made it funny. So therefore it's kind of like free material at the end of the show.

And my show overruns, which is, you know, so I don't feel like I'm going... How are you overrunning when you've got three a day? Oh, mate. Do you know what? It's mad. It's unreal. There's a hundred and twenty-two thousand words, Rob, and a show that's too long three times a day. You know what?

Like, this is, this is the insane thing, is that my show started off. I had a support act so I could keep it down to an hour of 15. And then it just started growing and I ended up cutting bits out. And then my support act, John Long, who's brilliantly funny. He had a kid. He needed to be closer to home and he couldn't do this next leg. So I thought, well, I'll just throw all the things in. I've been cutting out and I'll do two 40s.

And I've been back out in the road two weeks. And all of a sudden, I'm cutting things out. And it's coming in it. Like, I mean, yesterday came in at 51 and 53. Jesus, fucking. How do you know how long you've done that? Because I've got a little clock on the stage. But do you have like an alarm on your wristwatch or something?

Because you can't see a light. Do I have an arm on my wristwatch? no no like one little wristwatch that like vibrates alarm alarm not an arm that's an alarm do you have an arm on your wrist watch on my arm yeah so i just have an apple watch and what i what i do is i have an app on my phone which allows me to set a stack like a staggered timer so it gives me one a little alert for 25 minutes one for 40 and one for 50 something like that and I just kind of it just lets me know where I'm up to

and how I'm pacing it and I go oh yeah I'm kind of I ignore it yeah but like but it lets me know like oh god I'm ahead of I'm ahead of where I usually am here

or this is you know what I mean it just lets me know where I'm up to really but how do what the practicalities how do you write like so obviously you the right

once you're in the word document that's fine but like how do you go back and edit the book like without being able to see the page so um basically i mean the way the way that a computer talks or a phone it's called a screen reader yeah yeah that's the name of the the type of um it used to be you can get software that does it but usually you know you get it built into operating systems now the max is called voice over and the way it works is um it reads out as you're typing but as you

move the cursor around it just lets you know what you know it reads the lines and you can go to word by word. It's really quick. I mean, it's really quick. I mean, you can, I can, I can edit and write as quick as you can just from using this. Well, quicker, judging by the amount of words you're knocking out. Yeah, yeah, but like, it is really, really fast. Well, technology must have changed so much since when you started comedy. Like, even, you know, me and Josh were talking about the other day where you should have to print out a map to find a gig. But now we've satin have, and then also the accessibility functions on iPhones and Saturn has an AI. I'll tell you what. You'd say, how busy I've been,

and I've also been to American film documentary about tech. Yeah, now, what tech you got? Time travel, they teleporting. So now we, do you know what? I pitched this show in 2019, and it got turned down, and it was about the future of technology.

Basically, if you go back, as you're saying, if you go back in time, like to, like, the 90s, technology for me or other blind people would have been bespoke niche technology that cost a fortune, right? And since the iPhone, technology has changed in that mainstream technology is for everybody, right? And so the iPhone is the biggest game changer in accessibility in my life, really,

and subsequently other smartphones. But the iPhone was the one that said the precedent. So it's really, what is the future of technology for everybody? And what am I getting out of it? So it's all underpinned by AI. So we went to San Francisco and went to Waymo, the depot, did self-driving cars, meta invited us in to talk about the wearables and the, the future of smart glasses and stuff

and we went to Open AI and went to MIT to see what the far future of tech is. And what do you think it will change for you then in terms of like how do you think the next 10 years technology wise will affect kind of your experience being blind?

Well AI is I said the iPhone is the biggest game changer in my life in terms of accessibility because it enables so much like the first of all the iPhone, it's a glass phone you would think How can a blind person use that? And Apple made it accessible in a way that no one really expected or saw possible.

And it changed how people viewed accessibility, how companies viewed it. And it became much more of an obligation. And the next biggest game changer is AI. And it gets a lot of bad press for, you know, quite right reasons in a lot of ways. But for me, AI, its ability to interpret visuals. is staggering and I can I can take photographs of things I can feed photographs in it will describe them to me in a way that no human can ever be bothered to do it's it's it has way more patience for me like I like just on a like I can take a

photograph like I can go through photographs with my daughter it describes their expression on the face I can ask her questions what's her hair like in that photo she can draw pictures and I can take photographs and I can take photographs and it'll describe the pictures to me and it's it's bang on with this kind of stuff and i like if i'm shopping online and i'm after a pair of trainers i can you know i can i can i can ask it oh like how big is the soul on these trainers what color are the laces and it's like having a conversation with a person and unlike my wife it never says i'm watching c s i can you come back an half an hour so i at the minute is phenomenal and that's this is the beginning of it and the future of it

is really that it's moving now towards not just interpreting photos, but interpreting live video. So it's like having a person seeing what you can see. And when you're usually through something like a pair of glasses with a camera on, like you can get with the meta raybans, it's almost like

you've got somebody seeing what you can't who's able to tell you. If you had the glasses on it and you walk around it'll be able to tell you what's coming around you, what's happening and sort of guide you. Yeah, so it's commentary. I mean, it's, it's, it's not. not a navigation tool.

You wouldn't want to trust it to cross the road. No, but like it's getting towards the point where at the minute it's not a point where it can describe in a live setting of there's a car coming down the road

and on a minute. But if you have it on running in the background, you can query it and say, I'm looking for the barbers, where's that? Or you can ask it like, are there any burgers on this menu?

And it'll say, yeah, there are three burgers, you know there's a cheese So it's not like in the old days You'd have to do even if you wanted to use your phone You'd have to do OCR And it'd read the menu from top to bottom

It's like having a human That you can kind of just ask the questions to And how does that look on you Is it a pair of glasses that has an earpiece or something No it's just meta ray bands mate Yeah So at the minute Meta have got a range of sunglasses haven't they

And they're the first I suppose mainstream company To bring this hardware out that is for everybody, it started as a social media tool to record videos, but then they put the AI on them. And, you know, and the beautiful thing about the companies nowadays is even though the accessibility benefits of AI are a byproduct of AI, companies are aware of this when they implement it onto their hardware. And so, you know, meta are implementing AI that is, so in a way that's useful for everybody,

but also settings and features for people who use it who can't see because they know that it's a game changer. So, you know, Apple and Google have got glasses on the way. It's kind of wearables is the future of tech, but having a hands-free camera. And having this thing that everybody can have, that is, oh, he's got that on.

He's a blind person with his silly little headset. You know what I mean? But also as well, like, if you're like, you know, I've been saying that a lot about you, actually. Silly things, though, like, Chris, with, like, photos and stuff like that, what I find is, like, when we do photos, TV shows and stuff, and they'll go, jump in a quick photo, and then it's normally like a runner who's quite nervous taking the photo, they'll never say, like, I help guide you where to look for the photo, because they're too polite, where AI will be like, left a bit, right bit, there you go, and we'll get you lined up for a photo and all just little things like that, that if they're on, it sort of jumps in and assists, you know. It's the future, mate. It's mind-boggling. I mean, the chat GPT was the first iteration of, like, AI that was a consumer product.

And it was like, it's three and a half years ago. And it is already insane. And it, you know, and it lies and it hallucinates. And it's, you can't trust it. But like, you can find it. So it's my wife. Yeah, precisely. So it's, um, but the thing is, is it's the shittest it will ever be.

And, um, this is, this is, this is, the start of it. And I think the benefits are so big that you have to, from an accessibility point of view, you have to ride out the inconsistencies to get to the, there's where you want to be with it, because the potential is so huge. That's incredible. It's so exciting. But the, but in, in answer to your question, yeah, I just write them, I just, people say, like, people are like, oh, if you're blind, how do you type? Like, and they completely forget the fact that people, no one looks, no one looks, no one looks, people touch type, it's a normal thing. But, um, what about the audio book? How was that going to work so yeah so this is the thing is we didn't know if this was going to be possible

because it was important that i read the audio book myself yeah um and it was um i mean it's 1202 000 words so when i when i your own worst enemy there chris yeah but when i when i whenever i have things that are if i'm on the radio like when i do me me radio show um oh by the way i'm i'm recording a new series of me radio panel show at the end of november and You two have both said no in the past. I know, I'm on tour. I'm away. So, end another.

Oh, fuck. I'm back. I'm back. No, what is it? Anyway, he's got me by the nuts in live. I am not doing anything else during the tour because I... Last week and November is a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Whatever the last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday are you November.

Oh, fuck, I think you might have me here. Have a look at your diaries, guys. Come on. Yeah. You bastard. I'm in Northampton and they've got last lag. It looks like I'm on it. Rob, you're doing it twice.

but when I have the script on my computer I have one ear like a little earphone in connected to my computer I use I just curse it through the script and I can listen in my ear while I'm performing or reading it out loud and you can't tell on the radio that that's what I'm doing

it's quite natural and it takes a while to kind of train your brain to separate from your ears from your mouth but I'd always done it for small chunks of text and so we did this we tried this for the book and I mean I think

the Michael who was me producer I think he's going to be in therapy for quite some time Chris it's so nice to speak to you and I'm going to say it I look forward to when you have a breakdown from the workload so final question

Chris we asked you before I can't remember what your answer was but what is the one thing your partner does as a parent I've existed at that point what is the one thing your partner does as a parent that you're in awe of and you couldn't live or survive without her doing that you think she's amazing the way she parents and what's the one thing she does that annoys you slightly and if she was to listen she would maybe agree with you um the the one thing she i mean listen like

when you're on tour like this and when you're doing especially strictly and stuff um literally just facilitates everything and and keeps everything running because what we do is often not compatible with a family life, is it? Do you know what I mean? And especially literally, you know, allows me to do all of this and facilitates everything and is incredible in that regard.

The annoying thing is, I suppose, I find it quite hypocritical, to be honest. She moans that I often don't listen, that I'm often, my mind wanders, and she is no different when she stares at that screen watching CSI or whatever she's watching some kind of, honestly, she watches so many murder

shows. You've got to be terrified for your own safety haven't you she's got so many ways of disposing a body in their head but like she'll talk to her when she's watching something and she'll go yeah

yeah and then you go what did I just say and she got oh so I don't know I was just thinking if that was the other way around this would be I'd be in the bad books

for three days yeah I have the good grace and the decency to at least go oh is it a good episode if you join yourself yeah

don't worry I'll come back later. I'll go and tell AI it cares more. Chris, thanks so much, mate. It's good off the rest of the tour. If you'll see Chris. Out 8th of October. 9th of October. 9th of October.

In hardback, Kindle and other ebook formats are available. An audiobook. Here we go. And the tour yonks. Tickets on sale till the end of May. Look at him. You're flying, Chris. Good on you, mate. Yay, nice one guys.

Cheers, Chris. Cheers, Chris, mate. Chris McCorsland He makes Romash look lazy Oh my God, the work ethics I'm real, what a legend Um, right, Rob, I'll see you on Tuesday Yeah, see you late, bye

Right