Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP18: A Sneeze is Normal

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs, with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.

And I'm Josh Whittickham. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting wo. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Right, Miley, let's try again. Can you say Rob? Rob. Beckett.

Bacett. Well done. And can you say Josh? Yes. Whitacom. Close enough. Well done. There we go. I quite like that it started with, shall we try again? Should we try again? Are you sure you're happy with that?

We've got that take. That's in the back. How did you think that went? How did you feel it went? It's the worst thing anyone can say to a comedian after a show. How did you think that went? How did you think it went? Oh, God.

I've had a stinker. Oh, man. Hi, Rob, Joshua Weichael. I think this episode's going to be a lot more about how our tours are going as opposed to children. I've listened to the show for years and have impatiently been waiting for the day that our daughter, Miley, could come even slightly close to say your names. We'll get an idea of where my staff. standards are at, but we think she's doing a great job for 18 months, although she's now just turned two, old recording.

People do do a lot of these old recordings, don't they? They record it. And then they forget to send it in? Yeah. Yeah, but we're not very good at letting people know how to get in touch. Yeah, when the show's on. We need a jingle, Rob. We need a fucking jingle.

Get in touch. Two old fucking granddads. We don't even do anything on Instagram. Never mind, tics up. Keep up the great work. Gobble, Gobble. Andy in Lancashire, aged 40. Well, don't worry.

We are going to, from 2026, Rob, I don't think this is... You're going to do some Instagram. We're going to be dominating the podcast, Instagram and TikTok world. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's our New Year's Resolution. That's our New Year's Resolution. I'll believe it when I see it, Josh. I've pushed it back to 2026.

What are you having? You seem to be having a weird purple drink. I am. I'm in Melbourne, and I'm having a beetroot and apple and ginger juice. It was the only thing near me. You've changed. Can you hear my throat? Yeah.

I'm not well. I've been really unwell. I've basically caught something on the plane. Oh, no. I've been on steroids and antibiotics. Oh, my God. Like me. Nearly lost my voice, and it's still a little bit croaky, but I've got a night off tonight, and then I've got a gig tomorrow.

So this is, I'd say, exactly what you need to be doing. Well, yeah, two hours are talking to you. But I'll let you take the lead. I'll say that. I'll probably interrupt you all the way for it. Okay, I'll quiz you. Then talk to me about, so you've gone to Australia. Your family are joining you?

They're joining me later on. How long are you in Australia? I don't know where the fuck I am or what I'm doing. You've gone through this fucking diary so often. I still don't know how long you're there. I was in Ireland, right? Wednesday to Saturday. And then I had to get on a flight at 6am from Ireland on Sunday back to London

because I wanted to see Lou and the girls. But I was so anxious about missing. Yesterday or the week before. No, no, that was the week before. I was so anxious about missing the flight. I didn't go to sleep. Oh, gosh. I just did it.

You know, normally you go, you go to sleep in a minute, won't you? I just didn't go to sleep. So I've done a normal nighter, then get home and say, spend Sunday with Lou and the girls had a really nice day. And then they get really upset before bedtime, because I'm basically going to be away for two weeks until they see me again. Yeah. Two and a half weeks, really.

They were getting really upset and crying. And I was so tired, Josh, instead of like reassuring them, I just burst into tears as well. Oh, God. Oh, gosh. And Lou came in. It was like, what's going on here? Oh, God. I don't want you to go. And I was like, I don't want to go. And I don't think that was the right response,

but I was so tired. Oh, it shows you care. Chose you care. And then I left. I got picked up at five in the morning on Monday. Oh my God, you must have been so tired. For my flight.

It was fine because I just slept on the flight, but I was exhausted, which probably got me more ill. As I was leaving, the girls wanted me to give them a kiss before I went. I say the girls, the children, not Lou. She wasn't that one. Yeah, Lou, it was like,

don't make me a fun. Kiss me before you go, my prince. So I did, I woke them up. But then when I woke them up, they all start crying again and now they're all crying again I'm crying again and then Lou crying

Luke can't cry she's having to there's got me someone not crying yeah yeah yeah they'll be fine once I'm gone they'll be fine

and it's just because you know I've been busy and they're not seeing me as much and then they had the window open in their bedroom and as I was getting

in the cab I could hear both girls like crying and whimpering out the window I thought this is bleak just off to follow my dreams

in Australia but it will be fine in that moment it was sad but very lucky and privileged to be able to be able to turn it into a family holiday as well. So it's going to be amazing. They'll have an amazing time,

but they are seven and nine and they want their dad. How long till they get there? I've got another about a week and a week and a couple of days. But right, right, Josh, apologies to you and Michael for trying to record this. I sent about 100 different times. Can I explain to you the time zones of Australia? No, I don't think you can. Well, I got to Melbourne, yeah? And it's a time. Okay, whatever that may be, it is a time. Yeah. Then I flew to Canberra and that's the same time, right? Then I flew to Adelaide, which is half an hour behind Melbourne and Canberra. Half an hour, okay?

Then I'm doing Adelaide, and then in the next morning, I need to fly to Perth that is three hours behind. Three hours? Yeah. But then, on Saturday night, the night of the gig, the clocks go forward an hour. In Australia? In Adelaide. What? Not the whole of Australia.

Jeez, fucking Christ. So then the clocks went forward an hour, and then I went to Perth. but now Perth doesn't go forward an hour. I think, and I've always thought this about America. Countries with more than one time zone, they just need to split. I agree, but I think in the current climate, let's try and keep countries where they are. Yeah, okay, fine.

Let's not add to Trump's to do this. But, well, you know, when you're in America, and it's like, you see an advert for a TV show, and it's like, 8.30 Eastern Time or 6.30, and you're like, oh, Jesus, fucking. But they don't all. Do daylight save it? It isn't a way to live, guys. No.

So then I was coming back to say, but now I've got a thing on my phone where it has, I have the London time, a bit like Trot as independent traders. Yeah, yeah. I've got London time. But yes, we've managed to make it, but it's an absolute nightmare. What time is it now? It's 9.18 a.m. UK time. So for the next two weeks, it's going to be a 10-hour difference.

So it's 7pm here. But in two weeks, England. Clock's change. Oh, do they? Yeah. So there'll be another change. I've been Zooming the kids at 7am. It's working well, actually.

1.m. your time or their time? Their time before school. When they're having breakfast. So that's about 7pm your time? No, about 4 or 5 o'clock, depending on where I am and what's going on. So that's how I've been interacting with the children. Yeah.

This is funny. When I was getting the, I went to the doctor for the steroids and I've been gurgling, Difflam, I've been on, all sorts, load of honey and the doctor was like going through, he was like, do you smoke? Do you drink? All the questions the doctor aren't.

You do bad accents. That's the fucking killer accent, mate. That is actually quite bad at the moment. Do you drink? And I was like, well, since I've been in, I've had like three beers over five days. It went, oh, well, fuck all then. It's a doctor.

I was so funny. I was in a bad, bad way a couple of days ago, but I'm feeling better. And how long for your body to change to Australia time? I was fine with a jet lag. I was on it. The first two nights. Is that, do you think?

you were so fucked. I was so tired that basically I just collapsed on the plane and slept. And then I woke up, I woke up sort of around 9 a.m. Australia time when I was on the plane. So I just stayed awake for the last seven hours of the flight. Yeah. So then when I landed, I was tired. I went to bed at midnight, woke up at 6 a.m.

Second night, went to bed at midnight, woke up at 6 a.m. Third day, got ill, completely fucked myself. And now I've been on about five planes different times. Last night I went about 4 a.m. in Perth. I don't know what time that was here. And have you got a gig tonight? No, no, you haven't got a gig tonight, gig tomorrow. So I feel all good, Josh.

Now, Josh, how have you been? What's going on? Oh, I've got something else to tell you, though. I don't know if you know about this yet, before we talk about what you've been up to. Do you want to do it now or later? Tell me now. I can't wait for news like that.

Did you, there's a viral clip on TikTok. No. Of live at the Apollo. Right. Christmas special recording. That's me. Yeah. And it's gone viral because two of the people in the audience had taken pills

and gone to it. What? What? No. No. And there stood there, it says like, when you take pills and go to live at Apollo Christmas

and they're just like, can't, you hear me? No, I think they're just clapping someone at the end. I can't, let me try and find it. But it's so funny. And I was like,

imagine Josh up there doing these little jokes. Before I was going to bed. That's not gone that well. Maybe it's the jokes. No, maybe it's because the audience are on pills. Yeah,

should have gone better if they're on pills. They seem to be enjoying it. Oh yeah, I described that gig as a pure 7.5 out of 10 experience for me. No, it's always difficult. Oh, it was totally as expected. Good job, well done. So I'm trying to find the video.

Good job, well done. It'll look fine in the edit, etc., etc. So two people on pills? Yeah, but it's quite a funny video. It's gone sort of viral, but I was like it made me laugh because... Rob, that was a 2pm recording. I know. They dropped pills at 2 p.m.

Well, they would have had it before, wouldn't they? Before 1 p.m. When do you take it as they say your name? If you're going to take pills and watch your own act, Josh, when... Well, the show Live at the Apollo is about an hour and a half. No, it's a bit less because the two acts do 20 and I do 25. So it's about 70 minutes. So I don't know when they're dropping their pills.

I can't find the video because all I keep getting is just videos of normal Live of the Apollo. Yeah, that's the last thing you need. Oh yeah, but it's on there, somewhere on TikTok. I try and find it and post it. Yeah. I'm just getting distracted now looking for it. Yeah, yeah. Stop.

Stop looking TikTok. How are you, though, Josh? good how the kids how's uh i'm so tired rob i mean not as tired as you well to be fair i'm only tired because of illness i'm going to say this looking after children is harder yeah yeah than tour in australia easily even with all the time zones in the jet lag and the gigs i will lay down for three hours most days just doing doom scrolling yeah what a life well i'll tell you what i'm up to what's going on with you your hair you're when you're tired your hair looks different could you touch it a lot. No, I tell you what it is, to get my hair curly, Rob. Yeah. A little tip is I put

conditioner in it. You'd wash it. Yeah. And then when it's still wet, just put conditioner in it and leave it and curl it up and then it goes curly, right? Do you have naturally curly hair then, or is it shot? Yeah, I do, I do. But not as curly as it was when you were young. No, straight when I was young. Straight when you were young. Curly is older. It got curly in my kind of late teens, maybe. That's not a thing. It is a thing, Rob. I've lived it. I didn't. I didn't No, it could curl. No, no, no, I never had long hair, did I? What's that meant?

I grew my hair out when I was at uni or whatever. Right, so it was always curly, but you never got let it to get to that length to find it. If I had short hair, it wouldn't be curly. I think one of us is really wrong here. What do you mean? I think one of us has been really stupid. It's wayy, isn't it? It's way of us being really stupid.

And I don't know who I'm saying is, if I had short hair. But you'd know if it was curly or not, it would just be short curly hair. No, because it's not like, you know, who's got tight look. Like, Lord should. guy. It isn't like that. Respect for such a quick, great tiny curled-haired man, by the way. In what is quite a sensitive area to grab a curly head man.

Oh yeah, yeah, there was a few names that went through my head. How do you want to get the curl? There's a few names I avoided. Mick Hucknell. Mick Hucknell. I've never seen him with short hair. He's got quite a loose curl. Anyway, sorry, go on. Yeah, so who's got tight little curly hair? I think you nailed it, it was Lord Sugar.

Lord Sugar. So it's not like Lord Sugar. It's like, if it's longer, it's curlier and wavy. Like, I presume the guy from Nickelback if he cut his hair short. Chad Kroger. Chad Kroger, I reckon. Chad Kroger's short hair. Carry on.

I'll try and find a picture and see if it looks curly. Yeah, I bet that doesn't look curly. I don't think he's had short hair. He's a bit of a rocker dude. Anyway. Yeah, sorry. I was in a hotel yesterday. Oh, he's got a straight hair short.

See? But also, like, the straightest hair I've ever seen. Really? Look at that. Oh, there you go. So me and him are separated at birth. Yeah. So the hair of Chad Kroger.

Anyway, it's so boring. But the reason that my hair is straight today is yesterday. I washed my hair at the hotel. Yeah. Yeah. And then I went, obviously, always they've got conditioner in the hotel. Yeah. And then I looked and they didn't have conditioner.

They only had conditioning shampoo. Right. And you wouldn't leave that in. I was like, I can't leave that in. So now I've got washed hair. with... You are a little bit grubby, isn't you?

What do you mean? That's not grubby. No, but like not washing your conditioner at your air and going for a run and just getting into bed if it's in the afternoon. That's totally normal. I was recommended that by a hairdresser.

Right, okay. It's just a different type of hair product. Right, okay, I let you off it. It's not like I've gone, you know, orange juice in my hair or something like, I just crack an egg on my head. Lemon in your hair makes it goes blonde. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

So what you've been up to? You're just gig in a lot. It's so tired. It's so tired. No. That's not even back yet and you're this tired. Oh, let me tell you what I did in the last 72 hours. I've made a video, Rob.

What video? You said I'd need to do more Instagram. I was like, this 48 hours is so mental. Oh, so you just filmed what you were doing? I'm going to do one of those day in a lives. Lovely. So let me take you through Wednesday. So I've been away for four days, right?

It's Monday we're recording this, Monday morning UK time. So Thursday, I got the 1 a.m., no, the 1 a.m. I got the train to Hull, Rob, on Thursday. From Exeter. Yeah, it took so long How does that even work? I'm such a sort of, I've always been near London So you have to go to Birmingham normally and change from Exeter?

Yeah, I went Sheffield, change. So you basically go to somewhere to change from Exeter? Yeah, I went Exeter to Sheffield to change. There's nowhere direct apart from London, is there? Yeah, there is, loads of places. Not real places, no offence. Glasgow? You could go direct to Glasgow.

Oh, can you also? You'd be fucking insane. That's a real place, but yeah. But when I said real place, you meant like you go direct to like Biggles Hamptid or whatever it's called near you, you know what I mean? No, no, no. There's main lines going to exit a Rob. There's the London line. There's the Birmingham. I went direct to Sheffield. That's a real place. Yeah, that is a real place. Fair enough. Just asking. Just asking. Well, you weren't asking. There was no question. You were just saying it. Carry on.

You look, Matt Letitia. I'm just asking questions. So I got the train to Hull, the 1027. I prefer to have questions to question authority as opposed to be a little sheep and listen to this Exeter boy and tell me you're the trains there. So I'm about to support your view on how hellish the journeys are.

You're going to have to face facts. Live it in Exeter's going to make touring harder. No, I refuse to accept it. This is the first problem. You have to accept that. It was really simple. I got the 1027 and I got in of three minutes past four.

Just a simple five and a half hour journey. It's five and a half hours on the train. 50 minutes of that was sitting waiting at Sheffield. Oh, lovely. Oh, yeah. So there was some fun parts of the journey. Yeah, yeah. Then I did Hull City Hall.

Lovely. Then I stayed in Hull. Can I guess a hotel? Yep. Double tree? The Hilton. Yeah. Bang on.

The next day, Scarborough. How was Scarborough? In October. In a storm. In Storm Amy. Oh, Storm Amy. Scarborough was the most astonishing place I've ever seen a theatre because you literally opened up the back doors of the theatre

and the sea is there. Yeah, it's right on the beach, isn't it? I nearly missed Scarborough because the trains were late and I just got in. I got like five to eight and wrench straight on. And he's like on the ocean. Yeah, and then Scarborough. And then this is where I get's mental.

Car down to London. After Scarborough. After Scarborough. Yeah. Get to London. London, quarter to two in the morning. Right. Get up, Radio 2.

Oh, God, that was Friday night, and then you hosted radio. Why are you doing Radio 2? Well, Womish is in somewhere. Oh, God, so, oh, that is hard. Yeah. And then I went to South London and threw a bowling ball at 200 bowling pins for Channel 5's American football coverage

that I'm doing next week. Why are you working so much? Well, who was the gig that night? Doncaster. No. I thought he was on your way down, you nutcase. I thought he was out Bullmuff or something. I was about to defend you.

I was about to go, well, fair enough. If you've got to go to Bullmuff, you might as well do that on the way down and earn some money in the day. So then on the train back up to Doncaster. After Radio 2 and some bowling balls for the NFL coverage on Channel 5. Yep.

Dermot O'Leary's NFL. coverage. If you've not thrown some bowling ballpins for Sam Quack and Dermot O'Leary on Channel 5, there's no point to put the show out. Let me be very clear. I didn't even score very well. So that was disappointing. Back up to Doncaster.

Back up to Doncaster. Do the gig. How are the gigs going, by the way? You enjoying it, actually. Well, I don't know if you want to say this to the pod, but you did send me quite a different message. I found the first half of Scarborough tricky. Can I tell you what happened, Rob? Because, yeah, you message me saying that you're like, almost like looking out for an arm around the shoulder of like, it's hard, isn't it, touring kind of thing.

Yeah. And then what happened? Hull, lovely, Scarborough. The first two audience members I talked to sent the room very cold, Rob. What was there for, was it? No, no, it wasn't. But, well, I said to a couple, how did you meet? He said, oh, I was going out with her best friend and then we got together.

Oh. Yeah, that makes the room feel awkward. the room did feel awkward it wasn't their fault it was just being honest and then there was a couple and they said they had been together 20 years or whatever I'm like bloody hell how old are you because they looked quite young

I shouldn't have asked how old they were when they met oh god 17 and 15 it wasn't ideal Rob no because that is paedophilia but they made very clear nothing happened until she was 16 on the dot tick to tick to

you shouldn't be having to make those kind of caveats in the first five minutes of being on stage. No, you don't want to have to try and defend the corner of a man and say, just for the record, this guy's not a pedo. You don't want to be doing that. He was not a pedo by seconds on the eve of her birthday. You don't want to be doing those kind of conversations. But then that sometimes gets a laugh from the room that is a bit awkward.

I know. But it felt too abusing. You need the momentum to be with you for that to happen. Yeah, that needs to be the second or third person you speak to. I tell you, if that had happened in Dartford last night, it would have gone off. You did Doncaster and then Dartford? Did Doncaster? Then we drove down to Cambridge, stayed in Cambridge.

Oh, on the way to Dartford. On the way to Dartford. Then we went to Dartford. Still in the tent? Yeah. No one had told me it was in a tent. Because the main theatre's roof's broken, so they've built the tent next to it. Windy still.

Was it still windy? Yeah. Yeah, you could hear that. You could hear every siren. Can I be honest? That tent is better than the theatre. I agree. I agree.

It should not be rebuilding that theatre. It's better as a tent. It is, isn't it? It's one of my favorite tour venues I've ever been to. It was brilliant. You could buy it, put it up in your garden, get everyone to come to you. It was so good. Why don't you buy the tent and put it in Exeter and then just have your own venue?

It's so big. Like, the stage, this is such a, the biggest laugh I've ever got, I'd say the opposite of the 15-year-old, because I like to talk to the audience at the start, yeah? Yeah, you don't want to talk to, you know, paedophiles. No, no, what I mean is I like to talk my way in. I told you what happened in Swindon. No? I must have told you this.

What happened in Swindon? About a man leaving after eight minutes. Oh, yes, because you didn't have any proper jokes. I don't know if you told me on the podcast or we should mess up. He stood up and I thought he was just going to the toilet. Eight minutes in. And I was like, oh, he's off, a bit of fun, think he's not off. Yeah.

And he's like, yeah. Oh. You're not doing any proper jokes. You're just talking to the audience. Do some jokes like Jimmy Carr. And then he stormed out of the whole building. Jimmy Carr talks the audience loads. I know.

That's the whole second half. I know, Rob. Someone else said that to me. I was at a gig. And he went, when's Jimmy Carr coming out? So, strangely, someone at the Swindon gig

had been at that gig as well. My gig? Yeah, they said, I saw that happen to Rob. Yeah. Someone at both gigs. But I haven't done Swindon. What gig were they at?

I don't know where it would have been Bristol or something. He went, when's Jimmy Car coming out? I went, well, he's not. And then the bloke in the owners went, I don't really want you to be here. And I went,

I don't want you to be here either. so someone at the Swindon gig had been at that gig as well so they'd seen us both be told Yeah, he called back Jimmy Car Also, it's not like Jimmy Car don't gig Go and fucking see him He's on every week

He's played that tent twice Because I could see where everyone had signed the wall Oh, a good one happened also in Malvern this week Well This is meant there's so many places I used to do a little clicker of a map Of all the destinations, sorry, go on 9pm

Yeah An alarm went off in the audience It's like a phone alarm You know when it's like the alarm that wakes you up? Yeah. So the whole room just goes, what the fuck's that? Stop. And then a woman goes, sorry.

And I was like, what's that? And she's like, it's my alarm to take my magnesium tablet. I thought, Mulvern's very middle class. I was like talking about how middle class. I said, I bet you don't get out of Rob Beckett gig. And she said, I've actually been to see Rob Beckett. I said, did your alarm go off to take your magnesium tablet? And she said, no, I

went to see him before the menopause. She's got off me since. I love that when women hit the menopause, they go from you to me. At a gig though, if an alarm goes off around that time, it is people's tablets normally. Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. So what did you say at the dark for a gig? No,

it wasn't it what I said. The stage is so deep, Rob. Yeah. That I just walked to the back at the stage. And because I was just walking for so long, people are just losing their shit. Because I was basically disappearing into the distance. That Willy Wonka. Yeah. It's like the stage just goes on so far back.

They have the full panto in there in the tent. They've got Linda Robson. This year, if you're interested in watching Linda Robson do panto in a tent, she's doing Aladdin into Hartford. They've had some fucking good ones. They had Bradley Walsh one, yeah? Yeah, well, it's a good location, isn't it? It is a good location, good tent.

Straight on the M25 to get home. Exactly, Rob, straight through the tunnel. I don't know where Bradley Walsh lives. Portugal most of the time, isn't it? Portugal and Essex, I imagine. Yeah, yeah, so it's not actually ideal for him, Dartford. I've got a big an ill for a private airplane, Farmer Airport. So, yeah, I'm very tired.

I've been on tour, but I've been FaceTiming, but you feel bad. Just disrupt the flow, don't you? If you don't have a specific time, apart from that morning one, like, if you just ring and they're coming out of school, They're just kicking off. It's my daughter's birthday on Friday. We're doing Temping Bowling. Yep.

So I've booked that. With Dermot O'Leary and Sam Quack? Yeah, with Dermotia in Sam Quack and Osi. Oh, is this the Exeter one or the London one? Yeah, this is the exit one. They've got making friends and stuff. She's made some very close friendships. That's all going well.

Yeah, I know. She went two different play dates, if you want a better word, on Saturday and Sunday this week. She's cooking on gas, friends. How about you? Have you made neighbours? Have you got friends? Have I got any friends? Talking to people like bins? I haven't spoke to anyone more about the bins. Have you ordered bins? No. We just had to put extra recycling out in a box next to our bins yesterday on Friday. But they did take it. So that's the main thing. I normally use a cardboard box and fill it with other carbald.

Oh, that's what I do. You feel so clever. I think that's acceptable. Why not? You can't have a go at me for this. How can you refuse recycling that? I can't be doing too much recycling. That's what I meant be doing. You're literally recycling, repurposing a box. This makes me better than the people that aren't doing this. All the three bin wankers. Exactly. Yeah. So I am settling in. It's good. We've hit the point where the house is livable, but there's still loads of boxes. Progress is stopped. And that's the problem. Progress is stopped. Because you always go, shall we do that? Or would it not just be nice to like, I've still got a box in my garage from the move? Have you? When did you move? What year? And it's called admin.

Oh no. It sits there. Oh, God. But we moved two and a half years ago. Admin's never being opened. They had a good correspondence thing here, Josh, if you want to do that. Yeah, why not? You know I was talking about flying when you're own as a kid.

Oh, yeah. This is from a friend of mine messaged in. Hi, lads, listening to the recent Anna Davis Epp, you asked for people to emailing about traveling on their own as a kid. In 1987, I was packed off to see my dad who lived in America. I flew Heathrow to New York and got a connection to Charlotte, North Carolina. That's my answer to the connection.

I was six. That is mental. That is mental. Back then, kids flying on their own was pretty common. You would get taken to a special waiting room with all the other children of divorce. And escorted on and off the plane with a lolly. That was quite nice.

Flight was obviously awful, hours in darkness and all of us kids too terrified to speak to each other to bond over the shared trauma. Intimately, you'd get a colouring book or a can of coat from the flight attendants who, in fairness, did an excellent job in being pseudo-parents. About halfway, you would get taken to the cockpit

to make the pilots, which was always weird as it's just a gang of lonely scared kids interrupting two blokes at work. Anyway, see if anyone can beat six. Keep up the laughs, Kishaw. Can you beat six? That's incredible. Because people will have tried,

like a little three-year-old. I wonder what the rule is. What age can you fly in your own? Well, that's the youngest a child can fly on their own. Five to 11 can use an unaccompanied minor service. Five. Under five is too young. Five, though, absolutely fine.

Absolutely fine. At five, no problem at all. It's like your front row in Scarborough. Oh, God. Can you imagine how fucking pissed off you'd be if, like, you're a flight attendant and you get a five-year-old? He just feels sorry for the kid, wouldn't you? It's easier now, right, because they're in-flight entertainment so much better.

I've seen people have to drop kids off, like, down the road because they can't go to the front door, because that's like the terms of the separation. It's so bleak, isn't it? It's so sad that you can get to that where it's like the divorce is so bitter that, like, even when the kids are involved, it's like, they drop them off, but they're not allowed to come to the front door or come down the road and all that, but then you don't know what's going on, but Jesus. Yeah, we don't know how this podcast is going to end for us, Rob. Oh, God. Hopefully not like that.

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So this week I'm at home today and tomorrow I'm so tired Rob I am so tired I got home from Dartford at quarter past one last night And then what did you do Sunday That was Sunday

Yeah I was in Dartford So last night you got in a quarter past one Yeah Josh I'm a bit worried But your schedule is getting Busier and busier the next No I haven't put anything else in I've refused to put anything else in

No but I'm just saying You're still going to be very stretched With last leg in the tour I think you think that I put more effort into last leg than I do. No, but you're still, you're physically in London every week. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard. So this week I've got Guildford, High Wycombe, bowling on Friday, matinee,

and then evening in Cambridge on Saturday. Sunday off? And then I'm doing the NFL on Sunday. I've got three days at home this week. Monday, Tuesday, Friday. That's good. Yeah, it's good. That's good. Yeah, I'm so tired, though. I might go back to bed after this. That's bad, though, isn't it? You just feel lazy. Not if you're tired. You're not, you'll not be lazy.

No, that's the one thing. I'm not, actually. You need to get enough sleep. Yeah, that is quite bored. That is a thing, actually, sleep, isn't it? Right, do you want some correspondence, Josh? Yeah, yeah. Hit me with some correspondence. I've got a boomer parent injury here. Hello, Rob and Josh, you slags. I have a boomer parenting story from when I was about nine or ten. We were camping with my family and around Ireland for two weeks. Jesus.

Me and my two older brothers were taking it in turns to go to the campsite washing up area to wash dishes after dinner and I always complained and I didn't want to do it. One night it was my turn again so I made my way but tripped over a rock en route. I came back a minute later and said my leg hurt and I couldn't do the dishes. My parents were furious at me thinking I just made it up to get out of my chores. The rest of the holiday commenced and every day when we were hiking or seeing the sites I complained my leg hurt. My parents never believed me

and thought I was a whining kid. The peak of the pain was when they dragged me up hundreds of steps of Blaney Castle and I was dangled over the edge by my legs to kiss the infamous Blarney Stone. That's that weird thing. You have to kiss upside down. Not weird, just a different thing,

different culture. It's always fun when you catch yourself, I don't think it's... It's weird to land your back, lean over it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine for you to say. Despite crying, my leg was hurting, and they still didn't believe me.

After a week or so of my ammonia, my parents gave in and bought me some crutches at a local chemist. Surely you'd go doctors first. You'd go to the doctors before. I didn't even know chemists sell crutches. But immediately my two older brothers stole them from me to play swords and it was hilarious to see me hobbled around on my sore foot. Back home, two weeks later,

my mum was doing some consultancy at a hospital and in passing she just said, what do you do if your daughter has been complaining of a sore leg for a few weeks and the leg has turned completely black? Oh my fucking God After the horrified response to nurses to hospital I was immediately collected from school

by my mum and taken to hospital to find out I'd broken the leg in multiple places Jesus fucking Christ And it would take months to set again Sorry This isn't being a pair of fucking thick idiots Like I get the initial

Stop moaning about your leg I think the moment it goes black I think the moment it goes black And also doing some consultancy at a hospital What kind of fucking mess Is this hospital to get this fucking moron in to do the consultancy.

She doesn't know what it's two of them. The leg's gone black. I still love them, but I never let them forget what they did to me. That is insane. Love it. How are they getting away with that? Fair play. Fair play. I love the podcast. Start from the beginning about three months ago. I think it toughens you up. And now I'm coming towards the end as I listen all day. Thank you. Kathleen,

396 months, Bedford. What's that in years, Josh? 35. Yeah, so not that long ago. It's not like the 70s. No, less long ago than... I get it. End of the holiday. they took me to hospital because I'm still moaning. Not it's gone black. I just found an incense stick, Rob. All right, okay. You're going to like that, are you? It's going to sort you out.

Can you see that smoke? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Is that working? You're feeling chill? I'm still so tired. Honestly, I'm tired in that way where I don't feel like I want to sleep. Do you know what I mean? That tired in a way? Last week, really, you should not have done Radio 2 or bowling and just slept in your hotel room in Doncaster. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. I thought that was this week.

But it's too late now that's happened, but have you got time in the daytime this week? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're on tour, just sleep and rest when you're on tour. Because you've got all day, when you've got a job that evening, you don't want to put in two extra jobs in the day. I know, Rob. A bit of 200 miles away. Do you know what, Rob, it feels quite sensible now.

Right. Some more correspondents? Yeah, hit me. Newspapers. Hey, Josh and Rob. I thought I'd write in to share my older sister's phobia, who for as long as I can remember, has been absolutely terrified of newspapers. Completely irrational and bizarre.

Depending what there's in them. Completely irrational and bizarre, but as an outsider, it's very amusing. You might think, well, at least newspapers are relatively avoidable. Think again!

She is a Virgin Atlantic Air Hostess, and so if, and when anyone requests a newspaper, she has to lock herself with a bar from while the other stewards quickly dish it out. That is mad. That is meant. Also, imagine getting on the train.

It's much easier than it was 20 years ago. Yeah, back in the day, there was all over the free newspapers. Oh, the metros. Were all over the tube. Yeah, that must have been awful. There was a metro and London, evening standing. London Light. London Light and the London paper head to head.

The glory is. The glory is. I don't like the feeling of the... Yeah, do you think it's the feeling she doesn't like? I love the feeling of a newspaper. I knew you would. It's real. It's a very you thing, in it?

The death of print makes me sad, Rob. The death of print makes you sad. Why? Because is nothing sacred? No, I don't believe it's wrong. I don't believe that people should be reading newspapers. Things change, doesn't that? Because I like news.

I know, I know. But you're allowed to feel sad and nostalgic, even if you know that change has to happen. Do you buy newspapers? No. But you just like knowing that exist? I used to enjoy a newspaper, but I've gone off the news. Right, okay.

Also, it's old news, though. Yeah. In it now? it on Twitter so far, well, I can't go, I've gone off to, right, can we talk about Twitter for a minute? I haven't been on Twitter for about three years. I've come off it now, like about a couple of months ago. I go on there trying to find out of football news, right, because it's quite good for immediate news. I search like Arsenal transfers, for example, and then the next thing, like Elon Musk, saying so mental, it's like stoking loads of hate. And the next thing,

it's like someone's arm being blown off at a car crash. Yeah. Why are you giving me that? Are they signing for Arsenal? Is this person there? No, no, no, no, no, nothing to do with Arsenal. It's just a horrendous video of an arm in an accident or something. It's a bad place, Rob. It's a bad place. Yeah, Twitter's horrendous. What would you do for being really tired? It's a genuine question.

Like, would you just sleep all day? What have you got to do today? I've got, like, buy my daughter's birthday presents. Because you come back and then you've got lots of admin. What's Rose doing today? I've got 46 emails. Or they all proper ones, are they like? No, I've just deleted Tony's telling me they're updated terms of service.

I'm down to 45. Tony's, the chocolate bar? No, the musical box. Stop doing your emails. I'm so tired. I can see you doing your emails trying to get ahead. I'm not.

You are. I'm looking at you. And then she saw you're looking at it and clicking. Watch this, watch this. You're holding your phone. Yeah, I'm taking a photo now. Yeah, I know you stop now,

but you were doing your emails. Yeah, I just deleted the Tony's email. Yeah, that's what I said. I said, don't worry about. I don't think I've ever been as tired as this. I do feel like you're powering down. You know when your phone gets to 1%. You're like, there's nothing in the tank, is there?

My legs are going up and down. You know, like... Oh, your legs going up and down? You know, when you're tired and you're just like, my legs are jiggling. Yeah, legs are jiggly legs. You're going back to that, who's more tired than Josh Darkplace, but you haven't even got young kids anymore as an excuse. You're just too busy at work.

I'm just fucked. I'll be fine. I just need an hour's sleep. Yeah. Well, we can't do that right now. No, no, that's fine. That's fine. Should I read out an email?

I think that's a good idea. Okay. Do you need me to do it? No, no, I think that's the easiest bit. I'm finding it difficult to focus. Right, okay, right. Let's do this, then, Josh, right? We're two all comfortable together.

Imagine now you work, you used to work in a shop, didn't you? Imagine you're now. Oh, my God. In the shop, we used to work, right? Or the pub, whether you work in the bosses here. Yeah, I wasn't very good at it. And you've got to look like you're engaged and giving great customer service. So approach this email, like, you're at a proper job where you have to give energy or you get sacked.

that's basically the tour isn't it hi rob and josh but no no you're doing the email like your that is me that's not enough it's a long email i don't i'm it's like running the 800 meters you can't sprint the whole thing i know that but i think you were so tired and slow that you've really i think you're robin josh that's quite good that's good yeah about 20 years ago when i was about 1920 i would occasionally babysit for my mom's boss, who had two kids of about eight and eleven at the time. On the night in question, the mum and dad went out for the evening and things went as normal with the kids. The kids had been no problem and were tucked up in bed when the parents returned. I was always quite unsure about the whole payment bit of the evening, hadn't even had a conversation about hourly rate. I'd always

just accept what the parents gave me. On previous nights, they'd paid me 20 to 30 pounds for similar hours. So I was like, oh my phone's ringing. Redding, fuck that. Just answer it. No. Do you want me to answer it? No, he's ringing. I don't know. It's a number in Reading. Why would Redding be riddened? It would be a scam. Yeah, fuck them. That's shown them. Instead, they returned, so normally they

paid 20 to 30 pounds, right? They returned pissed as far as. If this was a phone call, I'd go, Josh, just don't worry about it. People will be listening to this, John. Not still. That's a phone call. Normally 20 to 30. It's sleeping in the car.

It's not good sleep. It's such bad sleep. I slept from 11 to 1 under a duvet with a pillow in the car. Having a bowl of cereal? I'd had a bowl of cereal. Can I recommend something? Yeah. This helped me.

A whoop band thing. Yeah. and it tracks your sleep, and it doesn't need loads of charging. I don't need that pressure. It's not pressure, because what it will be is you're quite negative. I know I'm tired. No, but you get into a negative spiral, don't you? If I'm this tired?

Yes, of course. But with this, it's actual like data and numbers. So if you actually get some good sleep, even if you don't feel like you have, it is in you, but this will tell you... I'm normally full of bags of energy. I know you are, Josh. Don't take this out on me. I've not booked your schedule.

what I'm saying is sometimes when I feel like this I look at the app and it says you're at 60 70% you've had enough sleep where I when I wake up feel like oh my God I'm so much because you can tell yourself a narrative of how exhausted you are when actually you're not that tired I thought I was all right this morning I was fine I would say you've had a real

the last five to 10 you've really fallen off a cliff I'm in a real hole I'm in a huge hole luckily we've not got an interview after this oh my God if we had like One of the interviews with the people where we're like, yeah, that'll be all right. Yeah. But we're going to have to really put in the hard yards. But we, you know, if we were interviewing, bleep this out, Michael.

If we were interviewing now, I think I'd just. I think it's your straight air. I think you lose your powers. I'll have a shower after I've gone to bed. Go back to bed and have a shower. Anyway, so let's go back to his baby, sir. 20 to 30 hours. A sneeze is normal.

I know it's normal, but the timing was good. I didn't say it wasn't normal. I think if people could see what you look like at the moment. Michael, what's your thoughts at the moment of Josh? Josh, I feel like he was great at the start in the Philippines. I was so good. I've hit a wall. He's hit a wall, wouldn't he, Michael?

Yeah, I've never seen you go off a cliff that quickly. No. I looked down, I was writing notes for the edit, and then I looked up, and it was almost like, you've been switched out. Oh, it's so tired. I'm so tired. I'll tell you what, I won't be editing that video today.

Right, so back to the babysitter. Sneeze is normal. 20 to 30 pounds they normally got, right? Yeah. Instead, they returned pissed as farts and being uncomfortably randy in front of me. Oh. snogging like teenagers.

After debriefing them about the kids' evenings, the dad shoved a wadge of money in my hand as I felt awkwardly counting it in front of them. I waited until I was in my car and counted it up. He had given me £250. Oh, yes, please. What'd you do in that situation, Josh? Well...

I would... Sorry, I'm going to apologise there because I've asked you a question and I've gone to answer it myself. Ideally, if you could do that for the rest of the shy of that, I'd be... My instincts told me that was probably the right decision. Yeah.

What would you do, Josh? Or should I tell you what I'd do first and then you can have a thing? I would. Stop reading emails. I was just checking how long the recording had gone on. Oh, my. Focus on me.

There's a suspiciously long recording. Oh, no, it's because we recorded that bit at the start, isn't it? Don't worry about that. We'll know when it's ready. Michael Lettellis, just folks. What would you do if someone overpaid you, Josh? I'd like to think I remember getting long changed once. Long change?

Is that what you get? Is it called? Well, you know, the opposite of short change. Yeah, of course. I didn't, is that a thing? No, I don't think so. I think I've just... I think you've invented a phrase.

What's the most you've ever been long changed, right in? That's tipped, isn't it? That's what it's called? Well, no, no, no, no, because tipped is like... So I remember buying a jacket potato. Here he is. He's back... Michael, he's back in, pressure of cold.

Oh, it's insane. It's useless lit up, then. I'm thinking about a jack and potato. That would knock me right out. Can you imagine the sleep I'd have if I went and had a cheese and beans about Jack Potato now. Right, so gone. You were getting a jack of potato.

I got long chains. It was probably about a pound, but it meant a lot to me at that time. Do you know what I mean? And then I walked down the street and I was like, this day's really kicked on. This was when I was working Waterstones, actually. And then a charity person came up to me. And they were like collecting for muscular dystrophy or whatever it was.

Right, we don't need the chariot. To give you an idea. He's gone again. He's gone back down again. One you'd feel you should donate to, not one of the, them, not one of the shit ones. Yeah, that cats. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Generic cats. We're putting on a performance of cats, would you be willing to, um... Using actual rescue cats. We're using actual rescue cats. We've misjudged it. Can't get the costumes. They don't need a costume, but...

They won't wear the costumes, so it's difficult. Mr. Tumnus or whatever he's called. That's not the cats. What's he called the main one in cats? Mr. Something. Mr. Sofflees. Mr. Soffleys, yeah.

Who's Mr. Tandas? Narnia? That's half goat, isn't it? Anyway, sorry. Anyway, yeah. It is. So I had my extra pound and then I was asked to donate whether I'd donate to charity and I remember thinking I've got to donate the extra pound here.

Yeah. Because this is like a test from God or something. So I think I would go back because I don't think I could ever enjoy that money until I cleared it with them. Yeah, I would message and go, oh, hi, you paid me. oh thanks last night you paid me a little bit more than normal did you mean to but i wouldn't be specific i'd say you paid me a little bit more than normal did you mean to hope you enjoyed your shag yeah you dutty boy yeah i hope you enjoyed banging away

i went back to their door that's a gamble isn't it when they were as randy as they uh and said i thought he'd given me too much he said that he hadn't and that that was the right amount oh that's nice of him the next day my mom told me that the parents had announced that they were divorcing. Whoa. And that night out was the make or break evening of their marriage. What? So why did you pay him so much?

To this day, I'm still confused about what must have happened between them, getting handsy like teenagers on 1 a.m. And then the next day, when they announced their split, that is fucking incredible. One last shag. One last shag. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. this fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip.

Make the most of it at BestWestern. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. Right, should I do one more correspondence, Michael? Yeah. I might lead this one if that's okay, guys. I thought I did a good job on that last one. I'd say you hit form towards the end. Shake your start to the season, but you really found your legs in the middle.

I've got my energy back, but that's the thing with tiredness, right? It comes and goes, doesn't it? When it hits you, you think I'll never get over there. and then you're flying you're all good now i'm like do you know what let's buy those birthday presents let's order that sewing machine let's do more things let's book some more stuff in yeah any baseball shows i can do as well any other radio shows i bloody love the baseball right we've got loads of playground shaggers we're saving all them aren't me for a big special we could do one as a little precursor to that as a taster i think i tell you what if you've

listened through all this episode you deserve one so we're going to do a playground special at some point send some more in so we can include them but we'll give you a little taster i'll do want it from the bottom let's go back here we go hi all thanks for all the laughs i've had my son drink covid and you've been my relief when my ADHD brain is super itchy after josh's story about teacher gossip in the playground shaggers episode i want to share the scandal that hit my school back in 2009 or one day the economics teacher was using the projector to teach his a level class i think all schools have projectors now don't they no no i meant economics teacher oh right yeah it makes more sense so what kind of fucking backwood

chalk and blackboard shit did Josh go to overhead projector and I think this is a proper computer projector not an overhead project they are old school Does schools still have OHPs

I don't think so that's mental isn't it OHPs anyway so he was using the projector he set them quiet work and got on with working on his laptop what he didn't realise was his laptop was still projecting

on the screen behind him classic the absolute classic the students kept quiet and watched as this teacher started sexting the biology teacher. Oh, the sexiest of all the... Yeah, she knows where everything is or he.

Yeah. By all accounts, it got pretty graphic. Just after that class, it was lunchtime. And never before have I seen gossip physically move through a room like this, literally going up and down every row in the dining hall. What made it worse was the biology teacher had recently announced her engagement. Oh, no. To a prominent military man.

Who what? Who's a prominent military man? Andy McNabb. She's married McNabb. Oh, he was announcing all the society magazines. Told you it was a posh school. It was a posh one. Safe to say, it was one of the best things ever happened at school from Anon.

Oh, did the wedding, could Anon get back in touch and tell us whether the wedding went ahead? Anon, let us know. We should do workplace shaggers as well. Oh, yeah. I think we should have an extra. It's like people that have got a bit fruity at work. Because most people meet at work. I've got a story about when I was 16 and worked at a supermarket.

But I don't feel like to say it. Well, my friend told me, I think I can say this. He worked in a department store and to save money, they had their Christmas party in the department store. Yeah. In the staff room bit, you know, like the... Yes, please. And the next morning, two of the staff were found in one of the beds in the bed department. Oh, yes.

That is powerful. That's got you going. That's got really your tini. There's jack of potatoes and shagging. You're in. I've been good for the last 10 minutes. I know. You've been great.

It was just that little middle section. I just had a real dip where I basically thought, I think I might die. Well, let's do a bit of small business shoutouts. And then you can go and die. No, I think I'm fine now. I know. I'm thinking it would probably power three to bedtime. You started and ended really strong.

Yeah. You started and ended so well that Michael could actually nip that. bit out. But now we've referenced it. He's going to have to leave it. I think it's too ingrained in all the chat, isn't it, sadly? It was a slow power down, though. Oh, God, I was in trouble. Right. Let me do one of these first before I power down again. Okay, go on. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'd love it. If you could give my little business a shout out, please. I'm a primary school, Senco, and created my new what, Senco? Special Educational Needs Coordinator. I don't know. I think so on that. Yeah. And I've created a new card game. Fonics Fiesta for children learning phonics, so it'll be perfect for lots

of listeners. This is absolute bull's eye. It's based on the traditional card game, Crazy 8s, which Uno is also based on, very similar to Uno. But instead of matching numbers, though, you're matching the sounds in words, and it's great fun, great idea. At the moment, there are four different sets, starting with CVC words, and moving through to different phonics sounds with increasing difficulty. But the more I sell, the more sets I can create. It's great for children age 4 plus learning phonics or to reinforce their reading skills for those with dyslexia and literacy difficulties.

Here we go. Well done, Josh. You can find phonics fiesta at Instagram.com, phonics.feester. Or on my website, phonicsfester.com. com.com. I'd be really happy to send in some sets for your children as I really believe it's a great way of supporting children learning

to read and would love for you to try it yourselves. If you could let me blah, blah, blah, blah. Thank you very much. Stay sexy and relatable. Sally. Yes. I used to live in Mottingham. Oh, my end. I live in Essex now. I still work in a school in New Eltham.

I know you love a little bit of South East London shout out. Where's New Elton? Rob, is that near you? Yes, near me. I used to work in the Marks and Spencer's in Elton. Well, it looks lovely Fonix Fiesta. I thought it's going to say Elton does. That would be incorrect. No, no, no, no. But Fonix Fiesta looks absolutely great. That is a brilliant thing. Do go out and buy it. Phonics, Fiesta.com.com.

Here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh, big fan of the pod and I've been extra appreciative of it keeping me company on some late nights with the arrival of our second child this time last year. I wanted to give a shout

to a business that my friend Andrew has spent a lot of time and years developing. It's called Spy Readers, SPY Readers, and it's a free website that's purpose is to help children develop a lifelong love of reading. Andrew is a primary school teacher and along with

the help of a colleague, has read thousands of children's books and used all of the data they've collected to build a book suggestor tool. Oh, this will be good to give parents personalized book recommendations in seconds. That's good. Recommendations focus on a child's interest and takes their age into account. So it hopefully could be very helpful to a lot of people who enjoy the pod. How he's been able to build this alongside being a very present dad and full-time teacher is beyond me.

It can be found with a simple Google search, spite readers. That's good because my kids sometimes don't know what to get next. Do you know what I mean, rather than just keep by on the same author. So get on spy readers and get a recommendation. That's clever. That's great. Good work. Josh, sleep. Well, I've got to do, can we be full, let's do a trail and tell you this. We've got to do the 10 minutes for the start of Friday now.

How the fuck am I going to get through that? Well, no, don't let them know that because... I'd say that makes me excited to tune in. How bad is the opening of the Friday episode going to be? We'll find out. See you next week. Bye. Can I make a tea?

Yeah. Thank you.