Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP22: Back to Parenting

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Rob's family have joined him in Australia and Josh gets into an altercation on the train from London to Exeter! Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett, and I'm Josh Whitickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting wo. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times

where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Bobby, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett? We can draw them. Can you say Josh Whittaker? We can draw them. You can draw them, but say Josh Whittaker.

But... Gus Wittaker. There we go. He was all over the place. I loved him. I loved his energy. It's a galo, I think. Okay, sorry. Bowie. For a girl? Yeah. I'm sort of going off from now.

Sorry. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's her niece. Let me just listen to the end again. I'm sure she says, good girl. You can draw them, but could you say Josh Whittaghan. But, gosh, Wittaker. Good girl. Good girl. A girl called Bowie. From Beckenham. Oh, that's all good. Might's here at the Glades. Mois is from Bromley, though. Bowie's from Bromley.

He is from Bonley, of course. Do you know what? I'm a chill guy. Call you a kid, whatever you want, man. Hey, I've been in Australia a few weeks. I'm pretty fucking chilled. We need to just put a picture up. I'm just going to take a picture for our Instagram,

our kind of moribunded Instagram. It's long in my hair, in it? Just like the whole thing. It's just like a kind of... I'm sat on the floor of a hotel room. You're so Richard Branson on Neckle Island. I am on the Gold Coast, so I'm in this apartment that's by the coast. And it's all the coast, didn't it?

It's basically one strip of coast. I don't know anything about it. My hair, though, has gone quite blonde, but it's also got really long because I can't risk having my hair cut hair because they're all like, just give me a footy player mullet. I know, I know. I don't like, do you know these people that will just go into a hairdresser that they don't know?

I find that fucking wild. I've been into a barbers and they gave me a beard trim at Koogee Beach. And then he was like, oh, your hair's, you know, what about your hair? And I was like, look, I don't really want to get it cut by someone. I don't know, no offense. But if you don't mind thinning it out, he went, yeah, I can do that. thinned it out, which helped. Stop it going so biffy. I love those thinning scissors. They're so exciting. You just feel like broken scissors that don't cut properly. It's so amazing. Because he's so

scared. The first time you're doing. What are you doing? He's cutting my hair off at the root. You serial killer. Do you want to make the rest of that Bowie thing? I've done it. Big up, Bowie. What's her name then? What's the surname for Bowie? That's the thing, in it. He's got fit in it. Bury David. The surname David. Don't know. We love the pod, especially her G. G. Her Gigi Great ground Oh no Lots of love

Sophie Florence So is it Barry Florence That's a nice name Yeah Big up Beckoning Yeah Good old David Bowie The working man's dullidge

Good on you Is there a lot made of him In the Bromley area I don't resent that If so Because obviously he's a big deal Nowhere near enough As it should

Brickston tried to nick him Because he basically grew up in Bromley He didn't usually Born in Brickson or something It was born in Bromley Bromley brought up in Beckon Moved him Moved to Brickston

He was like 1718 Because it was a bit more The Hipper place Where Bromby's always been suburbia. Bob Monkhouse is from Beckenham. Anyway, there is one, I think I mentioned this before, one mural of David Bowie in Bromley

and that's opposite the toilets in the Glades Shopping Centre. That is mental. When you consider... He's a genius. He's not just like Bob Monkhouse is a legend, but he's not a genius. No. When you consider, if you went to Liverpool

and there was one mention of Paul McCartney. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's in the realm of the Beatles, Queen. Do you know what? I feel like South East London, doesn't celebrate the I think it's a bit like oh it's a bit much mate

with all the fucking outfit and the air I think maybe that I think if like Bobby Moore was from Bromley the people of Bromley would be more I think they're a bit scared the narrative of Bromley

No the only anecdote I've ever heard of Bowie which I've heard from that three separate people from my area which is my dad met him once on a night out and punched him

and that's what made his eye go the funny colour and I've heard three separate people with that story Yeah he was his best mate that punched him Well, according to my sources, he gets punched three times a day. Yep under fucking change.

It just kept changing each day. Yeah. Anyway, how are you, Josh? What's going on? Should I tell you quite a big parenting story, Rob? Look, let's face facts. We've not done much parenting in chat the last couple of weeks. If you've got parenting stuff.

I think we should call this parenting special. We're back to parenting. My children arrived about four or five days ago, so I've been parenting. I think we should start. No, you go first because you've had a confrontation, which is always exciting. Yeah. I have at the confrontation. I was quite proud of myself, Rob.

Come on. There was a fucking, I'm going to call it. On the street. Really, that is, so not a bit, can I give you an example of a bit of a plonker we had earlier today? And you tell me if this is the right level. We basically, so that's my father-in-law's tumble-drying.

Can you hear that? No. There's a tumble-dry and he's doing some washing. Oh, fair one. Anyway, we were, came out of an airport, went over crossing, and we was on the bit where everyone gets picked up, but there was another bit of crossing,

so we were trying to work out which way to go and we had lingered there or loitered there for probably eight seconds as a family of five looked either way where to go and a woman went excuse me this is actually a crosswalk and I went well I'm sorry but we were trying to work out which way to go

I hate it like that and she went plonker a bit of a knob this woman started as a plonker and became the world's worst you see next Tuesday yeah in the train from London to Exeter

your old friend you know wherever I know I've got a feeling this train Jenny he's going to become a reoccurring character in this podcast

I hope I see her again I wouldn't give her another piece of my mind if I see her again I'm going to carry on the conversation In the sitcom she's your sort of commute buddy every day for last leg

she goes up to do something in London every Thursday well I hope so so she we get on we have reserved four you know a reserved four round a tape

Round the table. You rose in the kids, yeah? Yeah. There's two people sat there. What do they look like? What do they look like? This makes a difference. They were very nice. They were just like, oh, sorry. Just older couple? Yeah, just an older couple. Yep. So we're stood, we're waiting for them to get up. She gets on.

Yeah. And she's like, can I get through, please? Oh, wow. Is this at Exeter? We're going London to Exeter. Oh, London, London, okay. She's... Puffed up on the big smoke? I think she's livid that there's a family.

Are you in first class? We're in first class. We can't end up, quadrum. Yeah, and you know what? Those children, you've paid for those seats. Those children have those seats. We haven't paid for his seat. His seat's free.

Oh, now I'm annoyed. I'm on her side. Well, that's how it works. That's how it works. He's four. I know, I'm not joking. The couple, how do we move? This is our seat.

She sit down. Did you have to get out of her way for her to get past? Yeah, yeah. We all shuffled out the way because she wouldn't wait for people. If that hadn't been kid, she was going in her head. Fucking kid. I've got you, right. But the truth is, we've all been on a train

when someone's moving out of a seat and someone else is trying to get in. It takes a minute. And you just have to wait. And the train is stationary. Because you can't, there's not even space to get around. You basically have to go, I need to stand in our while. Those two get out and those four get in.

And there's going to be a little bit of longer because there's children with stuff and these get out of bags. And then you do a little tuck, roll your eyes and go, oh, sorry about this. Yeah, yeah. What are they like? And they go, don't worry, we've all been there. She sits down.

She is the opposite side. I can see her, she's like, say we've got a four, she's like one seat there on her own. What, the solo seat? The solo seat. The horse rider seat. She's one on their own, behind another one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The human caterpillar of commuters. Yeah, yeah. She's reading her, what are those stupid things that people have that don't like books? They don't like books? Magazines. No, no. The computer version of a book. Kindles?

Yeah, she's reading a Kindle. I think it's hard to judge her for having a Kindle. No, I'm not. I'm just painting his picture. Right, she's got a Kindle and she's facing the same, who she's facing the way. of travel a week. She's facing us the way of travel. She's staring at you and you're going backwards. I always go backwards. We've discussed this.

Yes, and I always go forward. This is why this works. That's why it works. You love reversing. You love the past. You love going backwards. Life is backwards for me. So we are, I would say, as a family, not that bad at all. But if it was four adults, we'd be loud.

But there's no crying. There's not really much arguing. No. There's one bit where we play a card game, and Cassius repeatedly laughs very loudly, which I don't think you can... No, can I say so about you as a family? When we went out before, your children are really, really well behaved, and your daughter especially is a very sort of, like, sort of zen, chilled, calm presence. In public. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying, but in public in the train, when we went on that bus thing, she's super chilled and, you know, relaxed, yeah. And then we get up at the end, at Exeter, she's getting off at the same start.

I bet she's annoyed We're getting our stuff from above She does the same move I can I get past please Oh my God You're like you're mental Yeah Then she's stood by the door

Right How old is this woman I think she's late 30s Early 40s She's probably about 40s Is she married Did you go check the wedding ring finger No I didn't have a chance

She's not happy with her life No but I would have built a picture And tried to work out why At this point I hadn't really Thought about her that much Right she's just been a bit annoying at the beginning then she stood by the door I'm quite pleased that we get

I'm like oh this is going to be quite funny because we're going to go and stand by the door and she's going to stick you know when someone pushes past you and then they're just waiting in the queue and then you just stand next to them yeah so you're getting off the door at the same time yeah so we go to stand by the door

with her we pull into XA my son leans across to press the button to open the door you know that you have to wait for it to go BBB before it opens he's four he likes to press the phone

of course she goes oh get it away from me you're so annoying oh my god no yeah what the fuck she said that's a four year old to a four year old oh my god I didn't hear I didn't hear

he didn't hear luckily or didn't get it yeah she walks off really fast the guard the ticket guy or whatever it would be hello I'm just doing hello how are you hello I'm just like coming I am still in the house. I am still in the house. I'm just doing the podcast.

I didn't shut the door here. No, I didn't. No, could you shut it? Josh, I'm actually, I'm back on her side now. I'm joking. That's what I'm going. Could you go and go out? I'm just going to shut this door. not the best tiring for the story not great for his PR is it that was like a Prince Andrew I don't sweat moment so

the guard goes that is unacceptable that was awful and I was like what happened so the guard was shocked I'd be so upset and angry but shocked first of all so she's gone

she's decided I'm just going to say that and leave and that'll prove my point Yeah, me one, yeah. So I'm like, I'm going to chase her down. You chased her? Yes, Josh. I love it.

You've become this fucking Maverick gung slinger down into, because also it's safer in Exeter. I've got two big suitcases as well. Oh, yeah, big strong. I love this, Josh. So I'm... I love this, Josh. I don't know what you do yet, though, so...

It's one of those stations where... Yeah. You know, you get the stair up the middle of the platform. Yeah. So she's quite ahead of me, but she's on a busier site. So I go the other side of the stair. Yeah, oh, here he goes, yeah.

And as I get to the stairs in the middle, she's about three stairs up and I'm at the side. And I go, excuse me? Excuse me? Love the tone. She can hear me, but she ignores me. So I think, I'm not giving up. So I get in the stairs. Yeah. I'm about three behind her.

She's made a huge mistake, Rob. She's going up the stairs to the lift. Oh, and she's got to come to your stairs. No, no. She's going to get to the top and she's going to have to wait for the lift. And at that point. Oh. I cut through the crowd.

This is like Crocodile Dundee. Yeah, it was like Crocodile. Also, pathetic to get the lift. She hasn't got big luggage. No, well, she's got a lot of baggage. Yeah. So I come up right behind her, excuse me. I love your excuse me.

I feel scared. She doesn't turn around because she's obviously gone. This has got out of hand. This is not how I thought it was going to work out. Yeah. And I tap on the shore and I go, excuse me. I'm really loudly. It's over going to hear.

I said, Why are you rude to my four-year-old son? Great question. Great question. She said, he barged into me. He leaned across to press the button. Is that what you said back to her? He leaned across.

No, I said, he leaned across to rest the button. Also, he's four. It's not like a big rugby player that's going to knock you off your feet. She said, something like I said, the guard said you were the rudest person he's ever read on his train.

Oh, wow, you're giving her reviews. Everyone was looking at us at this point I was loving it She said the classic Please if you were there Yeah if you were there Right in or if you heard of anyone that's there And saw it

Or if you know who she is Maybe don't know that Let's get her address Let's see how annoying we can be Yeah If you were there and witnessed it I'd love her news report I'd love a witness statement

She pulled out the classic You need to learn to control your kids Oh And I thought mate we've just played a card game where he laughed too much yeah and he's pressed a button to get off a train and also you huffed and puffed and puffed when he got on because because an old couple were getting out of our seats and we were stood in the aisle your sad little life jane i up the ante you slapped her she was horrible at her i said you spat in a face the lift came and i said you are a vile woman and then what you should have done is lent across and press the button

of them. Every stuff. You said you're a vile woman. You can't say that to a four-year-old. That is vile thing to say. She was nasty. She was unpleasant. And then did you just walk off then or did you get in the lift with her? I should have got in the lift with her. No, I think you made a good decision not to. I think getting in the lift's quite aggressive. Brilliant. Well done, Josh. I know how much you don't like confrontation. What I love is though, when it comes to your family, you're willing to stick up for yourself and your son. There must be a podcast listener there. Were you there? What was it busy on that? You were in a busy tariffo waiting for the lift.

No disrespect to the other people waiting for the lift. I wasn't having to go to you for waiting for the lift. You're not criticising the busyness of the lift, aren't you? Absolutely not. You'd think by law of averages, there might be a podcast listener or someone who'd go, wait a minute. That's the bloke off. This is going to end up on their podcast. I'm not a regular listener, but...

How many people are there? I reckon there's 20 watching us. So out of those 20 people, right, I'd say probably at least five would know who you are, maybe more. maybe at say at least half. That's 10 people that know that you're at some sort of celebrity whether they know all about you or just half recognise your face, right?

So it's 10 people there. All of those 10 people would go when they got home. Oh, you know that bloke off that thing. Oh, Google him. The one of the glasses and he's not disabled but he's on the disabled show that one.

Josh, he had an argument with a woman. He called a woman, a vile woman. If I saw, let's sing Anthony Warl Thompson. It's a fair comparison. If I saw Ben Shepard arguing with someone on a train platform, you'd say. That's absolutely. That's great. What I describe as box office.

Yeah, that is what great anecdote, especially because it's boring. Commutes become boring after a while, you know, same train, same place. I wonder where she was going. I'd love to know. I'm more interested about where she's been, mate. Yeah, if she's a listener, I'd be very surprised because she despises children. Yeah, but maybe that's why she listens. Yeah.

So she can say life's better. Tell me about Australia, Rock. I've just seen you apologising for being three minutes late. Got to feed Beryl. And they arrived on Friday morning at 7 a.m. I went to meet them at the airport. I didn't realise how much I missed them in two weeks until I got to the airport

and I bought like, Welcome to Australia balloons. Yeah. Just before they come out, I was like basically bursting into tears with sort of like relief, happiness, like actual upset that I hadn't really processed because I was just travelling around Australia. So they arrived.

and I let them have a two-hour nap in the afternoon of the Friday and then woke up and we've been keeping them awake but basically they're like absolutely love me and then for two hours in the afternoon it's been better today for two hours in the afternoon they absolutely hate me Lou looks like a piece of shit the girls hate me they go out Friday so it's Monday they're fine now but Saturday Sunday was hard graph um

be the only one that's not jet lagged is do you know what I started to feel jet lag by the end I was like catching it and then Lou gets so like no Rob I just need to go to sleep and then she's like falling asleep on the sofa and I'm trying to wake her up. They got over it pretty quick to be fair, but like everyone hates everyone. How was their flight? Flight was fine. Her dad come with her.

Oh, yeah, yeah. What's funny about him, though? I love him to pieces, her dad. He's a lovely bloke. The most chilled out man of, he has no idea what we're doing any day. Honestly, it's like we've kidnapped him. Why does he need to? He's on free jolly.

He's loving it. He met up with his sister who came out years ago, lives out here. So we met up for them for lunch and stuff and he went off with Earth the afternoon. But then his phone signal is GIF Gaff pay as you go that runs out of credit and you can't even buy an Australian ad on. So when he goes out, you cannot contact him.

Oh, my God. So he left his sister and then went to Cockatoo Island and then we didn't see him for five hours. Then he just bowled in at about 8 o'clock and he was like, oh, I've got some signal on the 333 bus. I'm like, it's just fucking bowling around on a bus with those phone, like some sort of big ghost from the past. Oh, man, that sounds like a great existence.

Yeah, he's great, though, but he doesn't really know what's happening every day, but he's loving life, so that's all good. But the girls love bin-chik, do you want, you know, bin-chikins from Bluey? These are ibis birds. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like pigeons over here. They've seen them in real life, haven't there? I saw that on Luz.

Yeah, yeah, so they've seen them now, but they're obsessed to them. So when we go to, like, they want to buy like stuff, and they're spending money, they're like, they don't care about koalas, don't care about kangaroos. They want, like, a bin chicken teddy? There isn't bin chicken merch. It's not trying to buy a fucking pigeon teddy in London, do you know what I'm well into that? What are you doing with your days?

Are you very active or are you? We just arrived in the Gold Coast. I'm gigging this week of the Gold Coast. But the first day we just went to the beach and chilled out at the hotel. We were staying in Bondi. Next day went on a powerboat thing, which was amazing. And then we climbed the bridge, which was incredible. Nice.

But, mate, we get on there. And it's for like ages eight plus, right? We got on there. And me and I remember doing it. like quite an easy walk but actually when you first get on there you're basically walking over great so you can just see the water below you and then you have to climb these ladders that are like quite hard to climb like next to the road and as we was doing it they give you this little cap and then like my youngest her hat blew off because of the wind and look like the headphones blew off and she's

sort of all panicking so then I'm like then I'm trying to like help her meditate on the bridge and she's like I want to come off I want to come off but you can't come off it's like go ape you know when you're like tied in you have to continue the whole course which is a two hour walk upper bridge back down again. Oh my God. And then we felt really bad because we sort of forgot. And then like she was like, and then anyway, she calmed her breathing and did it. But I thought it was actually a good thing though to be scared by something,

but then come back from the brink and not look totally lose her head and give up. Good lesson to learn. Because she could do it. She just panicked. That was good. So we've been doing that. And me and Lou, we forgot our anniversary, both of us.

That was nice. They arrived at the 17th of October. No, must be able to 12 is. 11. 11. They came on 17th. And on the 18th.

we went on this boat thing and we went shopping for Labube. We're basically on an international pop-mart shopping trip, trying to find the booboos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you get any, bring them back, Rob, you could fucking clean up. I'll get you some Lubbos, man. There's not many in Exeter. No, pop-mart shops. No, there is, there's like, well, no, there's not, I don't think.

Mate, I can tell you there's not. No, but there's like, you know, the shops that sell that kind of thing, but we're liboos. Yeah, but you have to get them from potmart, I'm afraid. It's fucking nightmare. Did they want Labibos then? Oh, I don't know. Rose is in charge of this shit. What you have to do is sign up to the raffle.

At one point, I was in raffles for Laboobos. There's one we've got, Rob, there's been in the post for about six weeks, and you're like, this isn't in the fucking post. Well, it'll be a fake one, I imagine. I don't know. Well, you bought it from a reseller. I don't know, Rob. I don't know what's going on with this stuff.

I'm 400 years old. I mean, I would suggest it's quite handy to be a cross-it for the pod. Yeah. Why do you text Rose? What is that thing that we've been waiting for in the place? She's just texted me, actually. What she said? How's Rob?

Can you hear the kids that are doing the portions right outside your door? Are they not at school? No, it's half-term, in it? You forget when you're over here, don't you? Bloody Australia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to move here, Josh, but Lou don't want to. Well, I don't want to move here, but I want to do a year here.

First question, obviously I'm interested. How does that affect me? Okay, not much, really. I'd probably record... I just mean timings-wise. Okay, okay. Yeah, let's work back from that. I imagine what we'd have to do is I'd have to record the podcast on a Monday.

afternoon into evening. So probably like what we're doing now. Oh, fine. Yeah, yeah. I do. What, Rob, I think it's a good idea and I fully support it. 8 a.m. start for you in the UK, potentially. Do you know what, Rob? Do the move? I fully go in there. I think if you said you're moving to America, that would be more problematic for me. Because you'd have to get up even earlier. Yeah, I think, yeah. Let's not get bogged down on that. I'm talking about you a year in Australia.

Well, look, how's it going to affect celebrity interviews from on podcast? Well, no, that's the thing. I couldn't really live here because of my job, I need to be in the UK or Europe and what'll happen is. If you do a kind of oil rigged stuff, but then you didn't even... I don't know being away for more than two weeks from the kids. And if I moved to here, basically, Lou doesn't want to, and I'd force her to move here, then I'd go back to the UK. If Lou doesn't want to, I'd say that's more problematic than the fact it'd be difficult

to do the one show. Yeah, but I'm a good salesman. You are, yeah. Genuinely, I couldn't live here, but what I would like to do is come out here more in January and February when the kids are older than at uni. But I was intrigued in, why don't we just come out for a year and just do, next year of schooling, my eldest would be in year six, youngest in year four, do a year out here, come back for secondary school.

Because the other thing you know about that is Bosch. Here we go, he's a good salesman. It's just living in Bondi for a year. What an amazing life. This is something else. They're both, sorry. I'm trying to get comfy. Are you taking a fur?

Yeah, I'm taking a fur of that. So. Can I tell you why I like it here? Yeah, no, I get it. You look, Rob. Yeah. Like you're on holiday. I look great, don't I?

You don't need to tell me why you like it here. I can see the. behind you. The food's good, the weather's good, the people are more relaxed. So could you do, if you did a year, let's talk about the practicalities of this. I think kids-wise, it would be fine because they know they're coming back to their same friends. Yeah. So I don't know how different the educational system is over there, but quite frankly, at that age...

From after speaking to a few of them, quite far behind. I've met Adam Eels, don't worry. No, but like, I think in primary school, age... Exactly. That's why I think it's a last chance. You need the experiences rather than go, they haven't learned what an adverb is. Do you know what? I haven't yet. No, exactly. He hasn't held me back.

Do you know what? I don't think I'm going to. I think if you were to waste time on that now, it would be pointless. Yeah, not for me. No, I think it's a pipe dream. How would you do your life? So talk me through what your year's life would be. Would you be gigging? You do this? Next year, I won't be touring. Yeah. For example, say we come out here next August, right?

Could I just ask if this is the first, this recording now, which is going out, is the first your agent's heard of this? Yes. All right. That's just a bit of fun. Okay, just didn't trust. One, I couldn't live at it. The main reason I couldn't live out here is because, don't laugh, but I really would miss the Premier League. Oh.

Because when I woke up the other morning, I went to bed at midnight, woke up at 7 a.m. And I'd miss Tottenham lose and Liverpool lose. Yeah. And I'm like, this is unfair. I've been cheated from a great weekend of sport for an Arsenal. fan and there's nothing I can do about that. Yeah, do you know Max Rushton? Yes. Yeah, we've interviewed him. The talk sport

yeah, yeah, guy lives in Melbourne. Yeah, so what does he do? He does he just stay up all night? Well, he narrowed an Australian, so he's sort of out there through guilt, I imagine. What does he do for the Premier League? That's his job. I don't know, Charlie Baker would know better, but I think he does different, like, he'll do shifts like this, it'll be getting up early or going to be

late. So what would you do for a year? I could do this. Oh, you do Robin Romish and then all of them would be like, Singapore. What would happen is, I'd have a meeting with producers, and then with Romash, we'll go, look, there's some great ideas for, like, Robin Romish versus Australia. Oh, yeah, that's it. But then I don't know if Romish wants to come out for that long.

I don't think it's doable, but it's a bit of a pipe dream, but I just love the lifestyle of it. And I just think if anyone's like, if you're listening to this and you're like 25, and you've got a job that you can do over it that's neat, like a teacher or electrician, plumber, just move. Don't worry about your friends. You'll make more friends.

You know, after people that came to our wedding, I don't even talk to her anymore. Tell you something about it. Fuck your friends. Become a plumber, Rob. I don't want to say I've disappeared too far down an AI hole, but that is the job to get now. Yeah, 100%.

Anything that you need a live person in a space to do is like, you know, stand-up comedy, plumbing. Stand-up comedy, plumbing. No, porn will go, wouldn't it? Porn's gone, Rob. Porn's gone. That's my dream over. That's your dream over. So, do you think the kids would like it? Well, they're bang up for it.

I said, do you want to come and live here for a year? But also, they would, I think. I think they'd like it. I think a year. I don't think they'd want to move full-time. I don't know if you can. It'll just be you and the kids lose dad. What life.

It's me lose dad and the kids. I'm just wandering around. No, but I don't think living is a possible really. I think of all the people I know, you're the one that you've had this before, you're desperate to live in a hot country. I think you want, you love it, you need it. You've thought about Spain before. You've thought about Florida.

You're now thinking about Australia. I don't think it's possible for you to go on holiday without thinking about moving there. Look, I play football like an Italian number 10, yeah? Yeah. I drink and eat outside like an Aussie. Right, yeah, yeah. And I fuck like a hot dog.

The thing I think about Australia, right? The thing I think about moving to Australia is in a way, I didn't know what you said. I said I fuck like a hot dog and I don't know what that meant. Yeah, yeah, no, but I like it. I put a bun or either side of my dick. Glad I got my headphones thing because the kids are in the next room. Lou's not a Desaqi thing from Tokyo yet.

I'm still a bit worried. Well, don't play it to her in the two hours in the afternoon when she hates her. Sorry, go on. So a lot of people move there because the culture's quite similar in a way, but it's hot and relaxed. But it is so far. Yeah. It's that thought of like, I know this sounds weird, if something goes wrong in the UK, my brother's got ill or my dad's got ill or my whatever.

it's so far to get home. It's quite a good, you know, how much do you care about that person compared to a two grand file? It's really sad what you're going through, but I don't think we're close enough for me to put me under my pocket, so all the best.

I'll send some flowers. The time difference is mad. It's not possible, really, for the job I've got in the age of the kids, but I really do like it over here, but I could be tempted, but Lou doesn't really want it, which is fair enough.

Yeah. It is too far away. It'd be weird also to try and build a life for a year, because how much are you integrating? I don't know if I'm more shallow or I'm more relaxed in meeting new people. I think I could answer that, yeah. We'll lose a bit more like, I don't know, like, also as well, I will just make friends and talk to everyone I meet really quickly.

We'll lose a bit like, oh God, I don't have to talk to someone new. Yeah, yeah, I'm a bit like... That's her personality, do you know what I mean? This weekend we went back to London, Rob, for my daughter's birthday, to see our old friends. And it is quite weird to go. Oh, yeah, there was a place we lived where we were quite close to lots of people, emotionally. I just sort of think you'll be fired, doesn't you get used to it?

Yeah. I'm a bit more like that with things. I still was relieved from me. I was in London and I was thinking, this is nice because we're around people we feel totally at home with it comfortable with. Yeah. But then I was relieved when we got back. Once I had to call that woman a vile woman. He was happy to be back.

I was happy to be back in Exeter. Was you annoyed that she lives in Exeter? Can I be honest with it? and we came out the front of the station. Then Rose was like, where did you go? I was like, I went to her go at that woman. It's a shame she didn't see. I reckon she would like that.

Yeah, well, I had to go quite a long distance to reach this woman because I had to go all the way down the platform, up a set of stairs and then across the bridge to get to her. I'd love to hear this. If the woman's listening, please send in your side of the story because it could read a lot different. These awful children were show. This snobby celeb walked in with,

do you know who I am energy and let his kids kills havoc in the first class carriage and then his horrible little child booted me, spat at me and pressed the button then he chased me up the stairs I like to press the button

that's my treat to myself after a stressful train journey that's my little treat actually I've got to tell you something in the night so my daughter woke up in the night right and they're a bit jet-lagged and I've been tired because I've been travelling a lot right not as tired as them but then my daughter

came in and she wanted me to put her back into bed and then I was like okay and I sleep naked so I tried to put on my short I've a pair of like pyjama shorts by the bed right and I tried to put them on I put one leg in and then quite loose and baggy put the other one in and I pulled them up couldn't get them over my knees and I was also like tired and like oh discombobbly actually woke me up I saw all that fell over like my ass in the air I was just like on the floor and I couldn't get I was so tired I couldn't work out the shorts anyway I just gave up on the shorts and just grabbed this towel and then put that around me and put to bed went back the next morning I remembered the night before Luke couldn't find

any shorts so put my shorts on but tied them up really tight and then slip them off without untying them so i'm trying to get like a fucking 20 whatever six waist a pair of shorts on in the middle of the night and falling over it's so degrading so what is the rules around around nudity and children i don't hide my body no also lose dad is in the other room we had like a part a three-bed apartment thing and going at 4m as well didn't he that was awful yeah yeah yeah we're shared the shorts. But yeah, so I didn't want him to come out and go and finally naked. So that's why I was doing that. Of course. Oh, this is funny. I was doing the bridge walk thing. Everyone had to, everyone had to go around in a

circle and introduce themselves. Oh, God. Fuck. I know. It was a bit awkward. Do you know what? That's worse than the bridge. You'd leave. I'm not, you scared of heights. No, just can't do this social interaction. No, she's pathetic. I was like, oh, I'm Rob. I've climbed the bridge before, but the girls wanted to do it, so I'm doing it again. I'm Rob from London. Blah, blah, blah, it went around. And Lou was like, yeah, Lou from London. And same as Rob once before but want to do it

the kids then my eldest went I'm and said a name she said I'm and says the name and I like

bacon oh dear I had a big I had a big party to organise yesterday Rob oh yeah 18 kids

in an ice skating ring oh my god that's exactly what we're doing is it my eldest wants to go ice skating

with her friends and she's got 18 Oh man It's so many What do you want me To take you through my tips Yeah please

I think Lou's done it Anyway You have to have You have to have parents coming Only me and Lou are on the ice With all 18 That's mental

I think it might be Yeah That is going to be untenable Yeah That's what I think's gonna happen Yeah How good are these skaters

Well look We're gonna get some penguins They'll shuffle Around the edge And I'll be with them And I'm pretty good On the ice Rob

Rob, be very careful On the penguins Why Because there's rules on the penguins. Actually, I'm just panicking now because like what, if a kid comes and like bangs their head or something and I'm in charge. Oh, just so you know. They're nine though. They're nine and ten. Check your ice rink rules, Rob. Why? Because ours was a maximum of one meter two wearing skates to qualify for a penguin. Oh. So basically that's about a

five or a six year old. Oh, fuck that. If I can't skate, I'm penguin in it, mate. Rob, good luck. What are you going to do? Rip a penguin off my hands. No, they have to give you. you the penguin. I'll get the penguin. Yeah, good luck. Arguing your way to 16 penguins. I've argued for more since it's in Exeter? No, this was in London. How'd you Google Penguin policy? It's on the website. I read it on the website. When is yours then? Soon. No, we just did it yesterday. Oh, indoor ice skating. Yeah. Ours will be outdoor. Okay. So I think it might be a bit more looser. It'll be more like temporary staff for Christmas. Oh, okay, fine. And I'll give a little wink and a smile. Don't mind if I love a couple of these penguins here. If I was you, if I was you, if I

you, I know you're not, I'd get a few extra parents that you like just to help you, because that is going to be... Well, am I going to fucking get Torval and Dean? Like, there's just going to be like some bloke in accounts that can't ice skate either. Yeah, but at least you're spreading. Otherwise, you're going to be going from one kid to another.

Oh, God, you're right. They've got a policy. Shit. The ice shrink offers... I can't believe they've all got a penguin policy. They've all got a penguin policy. The ice shrink offers penguin skate aids for children to use, which can be hired for a small fee.

These aids are designed. to help skaters with balance and available for children who are 1.4 tall or under. In skates or out of skates? Oh, he does not say. I think you might be all right there. A height check is available at the event. I bet it is little back. Do you know what they do in Australia?

Right. When I checked into this flight today, yeah, you have to weigh your hand luggage. Have you ever had this? No. Hand luggage can't be more than seven kilograms, right? Right. I had a wheelie suitcase. We were backpacking it and a laptop.

And it was like 10 kilograms. they were like too heavy I mean what if I take the backpack out and have two pieces she said yeah that's all right so I'd take the backpack out then I weighed the backpack five kilograms

yeah wait the wheelie case five kilograms yeah you're all good put it back in yeah as soon as shit I left the thing put it back in of course

what is the point and also I think it's unfair because it could be like there was a little nan checking in it's like six stone nan then a fucking six foot free geese are behind

Big John being deported yeah big John getting deported what happened did he not have a visa for work he had a tourist fee exactly and he's going there to her money of course to Paul

that was annoyed me a bit he's been slagging off the don't come for my homeland there he is it really is are you angry that you angry that Ange Poster Cogli got sacrificed by Forest as well give him a fucking chance

no that was quite funny would it though poor old Ange he's quite more respected at here well he was good luck with your party it was bedlam but we had parents there so it was fine is basically there's just very different levels of kids. I think a lot of them are going to go around the edge screaming.

18, the two adults is fucking, and how good are you and Lou? I mean, I'm good, but not good enough to keep 16 kids up. Are your kids good? I don't know. You're going to be in a situation where you have to choose which kid to save. I think there's going to be some that are going to be more in trouble than the others. Yeah. I think what we've got is we've got a couple of mates coming that can be off the ice

that can sort of help them on and off. and like if they want to go off for a bit. Can't they just go on the ice? My mates are even worse than... Well, that's the thing. If I went on the ice, I'm of no help to a child. You didn't go on the ice? Because my son didn't want to go on the ice with him.

Oh, you lucky bastard. I know. I was going to go on the ice with him because he obviously qualifies for a penguin. So that's an indoor ice rink. He qualifies for a penguin. I think indoor ice rinks are the saddest places. I know I'm not shitting on your kid's birthday.

No, they loved it. They loved it. Indoor ice rink. I don't even like an outdoor one. Never mind inside. No, I tell you what the bleakest place. I was at one recently, and I thought, this is fucking bleak. I can't remember what it was.

Oh, fuck. Oh, you know we used to do salty Josh? Remember we used to do salty Josh? Yeah, well, the woman's got a really good story about that. Oh, yeah, fucking sea salt. Seasol and vinegar, huh? Yeah. I was a bit sordid to bloke at the airport,

because this stupid hand luggage thing was going on. So I was having to, she was making us weigh all the handoffice for the kids. There's four of us trying to do it, and we've all got wheelie cases that are like a kilogram over, but they've all got our little backpacks in a little hand. so I'm removing all of them moving stuff so it sort of feels equal so that it goes under seven kilograms

and then was I do it over there I was like oh okay I can't picture seven kilograms is that a heavy bag it's not that heavy it's you would definitely if you're going on an easy jet or a flight to Spain you have seven kilograms easy

probably eight or nine right so I'm trying to do that to one side right and I've literally I've got my wife and two kids I've got bags everywhere I'm pulling stuff out putting stuff in and this bloke goes where's rummish right I just ignore him because I'm like

you've not said my name I just can pretend I'm not an urge her and then my daughter like tacked me and oh dad he's asked where Ramesh is because she doesn't know that's how he's not thinking he's a wanker I basically made a real thing of moving like the bags a bit monger

and I stood up because I was on my knees at this point and said sorry what was that then he went a bit quite went where's Ramesh I went pardon and he went where's Ramesh I went at home and just looked sitting for ages

because I'm like there's a time and a place mate his response to that should have been surely he's at work. Yeah, but I think at that point, I'd say, the time for fun had ended. It was like a gambling advert. When the fun stops,

I had stopped his fun. Because he was having fun. I wasn't. And he was trying to get me involved in the fun, and I didn't want to be. And not only did I not get involved in the fun down, I shut all fun down. I shut the phone phone phone.

And then I see him again, there's like a little cafe in the airport, and I'm like, I'm getting it all through, still with all the kids, trying to get them around. And I sit him down. He's like, oh, you can de-stress now. I was like, pardon?

What? You can de-stress? I was like, and I went, oh, right, yeah. I was like, fuck off. Like, it's hard enough. Trying to get the kids through an airpool, especially when you're not doing the old 10-kilogram shuffle without some sort of fucking director's commentary just popping up.

It was like the fucking paper clip. Remember the paper clip? And word dog, need a help. Fuck off, mate. You can tell I'm under pressure it. I don't need it. Which are Australian or, Grish. British.

I'm way less famous over it. So I think a little bit of why I enjoy it is I'm left alone a bit more. I'm hardly doing any selfie. You should try America, Rob. I try Huddersfield. They don't buy a ticket. Move there. Alex Brookers is in my new house, mate.

I just want to go more into your, when is your skating party? Because I'm so excited. Oh, fuck. You two and 18 kids on the ice. It is mental. And then what's going to happen, sorry? You're going to get them all off the ice at the same time. and then what's the party?

First and foremost, they're 10 years of age. Yeah, of course. These kids have already gone on overnight trips, so they will be doing the shoes themselves. Fine, yeah, yeah. And then we will go along to hell. Ice skates that are famously easy to do up tight enough that the kids not going to break their ankle.

What did you do then? What did you do? Were all the parents still there? Yeah, we paid for the parents five quid ahead. So 36 parents? No, there was probably about 12 or 13 parents, so about 60 quid. to save yourself the stress. So I've got to do my ice skates

and get on my knees and do another 18. There's no way a 10-year-olds able to do it. Oh, they've all got two feet as well, are they? Yeah, there's no way a 10-year-olds going to be able to do up their ice skates to the correct level. No, you're absolutely right.

Yeah. Oh, shit. I might do it on a, what's that thing that we used? Were you hire people for stuff? Task rabbit? Yeah. Just need a couple of guys.

Imagine the fucking weirdos you'd get applying for that job. And foot per Pado alone. Look, here he comes. I'm Nigel, and I have worked at Clarks for 47 years. And then you've got to get them all off the ice. Oh, my God. And then so what if one goes down on the ice and gets hurt?

Are you going off the ice with them, and then it's just Lewin 17? How's that going to work? I don't know what to do. I just get some more parents in Rob. I might say, do you mind staying to help them get their boots on? Rob, just let the parents come on the ice. They're not going to want to stay. Oh, they're not going to want to.

to. Please stay for a bit. Please help. Who likes ice skating? Who wants to join us? Yeah, someone might like it. I'll tell you. I'll speak to and come back to you. Okay. Because at the moment, I don't know what the fucking plan is, but the problem is there is no plan. Yeah. I've got that 18 kids ice skating. It's so weird, isn't it? It's going to be fun, Rob. Oh, dear. Oh, so what are you doing with the rest of your day today? So we're going to go for dinner at 8 o'clock. So it's 6 o'clock now. They're down by the pool. They're going to come back in

in a bit to get showered and ready. And then we're going to go out for a bit of dinner. And then we've got loads of fun stuff planned. No wonder you want to move that. Where would you move the Gold Coast? I don't know. We've only just got here. I do really like Bondi.

I love Bondi, but I think it gets a bit too busy. Is that Sydney? Sydney, yeah. I'd probably go to Sydney and stay at Bondi or one of them other sort of beach places. I couldn't stay in proper Sydney. The lifestyle's incredible. It's so chilled and like relaxed and no traffic.

every airport's like 20 minutes to get to from the city centre. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I will definitely spend more time abroad. There's no doubt about that. It's just where you're going to go. It's just where you're going to go. Maybe Spain, maybe Australia, but I see where the kids end up, see where we end up going.

But I think I could do a year out here, but I don't think Lou would want to. No, fair enough. Do a year of we own. But I just, because all happened is, I left up just coming back for work. You know what it's like, get a big work off. I can't not work for a whole year. Like, just living bot. Could I just do the podcast for you and not work for you?

could, of course, do that. Really relatable. The old relatable podcast. It's just normal of relatable guy that's just gone to Australia for a year on a fucking win in that goes. I think people would respect that. I think they'd love it hearing how much of a fucking disaster it is when I realise it rains in Australia.

Because, of course, the other thing is it wouldn't be feel like a holiday for a year. Do you imagine how angry I'd be after Christmas with it being up? Desperate to get back. I think loads of people at a level can go a year just kind of pottering. Yeah, maybe I could have potter, podcast pottering, maybe. What would you come back? Lou would hate me. What would you come back?

Yeah. How would that work? You'd end up gigging very quickly. Do kids need to go to school? They're really holding back my life. If kids didn't need to go to school, we'd be doing loads of fucking cool shit, because then we could just do a load of gigs.

Lou would have to look after them all day, though, which is not ideal, but great for a second book. Oh, thanks for all that's pre-orders, guys. Please keep order it. parent, then you might get the Australian wish if that sells well. There you go, there you go. Send me to ours. Right, should do a small business shout out?

Let's do a small business show out. I could open a comedy cup in Bondi Beach, Josh. Don't do that. Okay. It would be so stressful. You dealing with people who are pulling out on the day. That I think are worse than me at comedy. Yeah.

Hi, Rob and Josh. I've been listening. I can't imagine how you'd even book a line up. Oh, let me just do it again. Yeah. Let me do an hour and a. I'll just do an hour and half. Hi, Rob and Josh.

I've been listening to your podcast for a while now after searching for something less serious than all the well-being podcasts. How dare you? Yeah. Our children are 22 and 25, in brackets, off our hands. We're in our third year of Eriott Wood Pumpkin Patch, a family-friendly...

Do they fancy come into ice skating to it with some shoes? Ah. If they're that free and easy. Eriot Wood Pumpkin Patch, a family-friendly, pick-your-own pumpkin patch based in... Oh, for God's like Kent again. Linstead Kent

You wait till I move to Bondi, man We'd love to be featured on the Parenthood podcast For a small business shout out This autumn, our patch offers Picker and Pumpkins grown on the farm quirky characters made from upcycled farm materials which my husband creates himself over the winter

Lots of photos opportunities around the farm Seasonal treats including pizzas, speciality coffees and ice cream It's fun, creative and outdoor experience for families We'd love to share it with your listeners Thank you so much for considering us can I just say when you say considering us, we're not weighing them up. They're being polite though, aren't they? They are.

No, no, thank you. But just so you know, if you haven't been chosen, you haven't failed in a kind of... Oh, yeah, it's not because we don't believe in what you've written. It's a complete inadequacy of admin. Yeah. We can be found on Instagram, Facebook and via the website, Ariot, E-R-R-R-I-O-T-Pumpkins.com. Love it. Right.

Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Hope you're both well and gearing up for the summer. holidays. Fuck knows when this was sent in. Who hell. I'm a long-time listener of the pod, childless but very well prepared for future chaos, thanks to you both.

I work at a small grassroots music venue in Birkenhead, Merseyside, and hoping for a small business shout-out for a brilliant live music experience for our little ones, age 0 to 8, and their grown-ups. Mosh tots! Think poe going about in

ear defenders to a mix of pop-bangers, Disney classics and rock anthems with an interstellar light show to boot. We're all about rocking out and having fun, but there's learning too about different genres, about musical participation and with a chance for little ones to join in with the music making. We'll have to spread the word to fellow knackard but fun-loving moms and dads who still missed the indie nights of their youth. You can find us at futureyard.org forward slash mosh little hyphen tots or on Instagram, Facebook. Mosh tots, that sounds amazing. Good luck with mosh tots in Burk, Ed.

Oh, there we go. What are we? looking woolly. Josh, I'll see you next time, mate. See next time. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, I invite you to the moving in party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My new apartment on Bondi High Street.

If you could get away from the UK in time to avoid the ice skating party, I'd advise it. We'll see. Right, see that, mate. Right.