Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP24: Normal For The Time

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... in this episode we catch up on your listener correspondence. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett, and I'm Josh Whitickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting wo. because let's be honest, there are plenty of times

where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with. Amal, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whittickham? Go Riddickum. Good girl. There's Amal.

First of all, one of the cutest ever. Second of all, thought it was a boy. Well, there you go. This is a 21-month-old Amal. I've been a long-time listener well before getting pregnant and loved every episode. I've been waiting for a male to speak somewhat clearly. That's there somewhat.

I've been a little dig at a male, are you? Poor little girl having a go. Another man trying to put her in her place? No, it's in the email. Somewhat is in brackets. Somewhat clearly to record her for the intro. We're from Leeds, but live in Dubai. Love the live episode.

Dubai Opera House, Farhat. How are you, Josh? You good? Yeah. I walk past my daughter this morning, right? Bear in mind, I'd spent the night in one of their beds because one of them woke up after a nightmare, right? Yeah.

I'd normally sleep naked, but obviously put clothes on if I'm in sleepy with them. I'm all hot and horrible. And then I get up at 6.30 a.m. to get them some breakfast and get them up. And I'm serving all the breakfast. And one of my daughter goes,

I can smell poo and I think it's you. And I was just like, fuck off. Do you know what I mean? And then I was like, well, I've not farted. I've not done a poo. It's not me. It might just be your breath. Oh, cool.

Great. Do you know what? She probably was right. yeah it probably was but I'd got up early been hot all night and now I'm just walking around with dog shipwreff trying to knock out some wheat a bit good to know

I thought I don't want to be here either doing this no of course not do you want to do some correspondence so we're going to do correspondence so we're going to do correspondence today yes I'd say this autumn's very busy for us we are going to be stretched a lot I'd say you're on tour

always good content I'm on tour some foreign ones some not foreign ones yeah three nights in Coventry nights in Coventry. Couldn't be more British. Well, actually the Warwick Arts Centre. Yeah. Because Coventry hasn't really got a big enough theatre. Yeah, yeah. That is Coventry.

Is it Coventry? It's Warwick Arts. Well, I always see. Warwick's University. It's a bit like Salford Lowry. Let's not get into whether that's Manchester or not. Right, let's do some correspondence before we get the whole country annoyed of us. Customer Service Job Revenge. You love these ones.

It's only a sentence this one. That's why I'm starting with it. Hi, I worked to Starbucks when I was in college and when Whenever we had an asshole customer, we would serve them decaf. Oh. That's a very mild. What if they ordered decaf and there was an asshole, give them caffeine? Because that's a bit dangerous. That's more dangerous.

You can't do that. It's like spiking. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's from a non. I like mild customer service revenge. It's quite really petty. Who was the one we had who would give them extra chocolate so that they might get fat and then have a heart attack? Oh, yeah, the milkshake person.

Milkshake person. Right. We've got weird phobias here, Josh. We've got boom up. parenting fails. Should I ever fail? Yeah. Or are babysitting stories.

This is exciting, Josh. Here we go. Here we go. Please keep me anonymous because I signed an N-D-A. Uh-oh. A non-disclosure agreement. Wow. This is exciting.

We have to sign them sometimes for TV things, don't we? Yeah, we do occasionally, don't we? It's pathetic. Because who gives a fuck if you're going on something, you know? Who cares if you're on celebrity, try us? Tele won't exist in 10 years, enjoy it while you can. He will. I know.

Strictly will still be going. Strictly will be going. Years ago, I did babysitting to get me through uni and through an acquaintance. I ended up babysitting the child of a very famous person. Here we go. I charged £8 an hour because I was used to babysitting normal people, and it didn't occur to me how incredibly cheaply I was working. This must have been a few years ago.

Yeah, it says years ago. Yeah. Initially, it was great, amazing hours, lovely kid, and I felt like I got on with the non-famous parent, but the famous parent was a bit aloof with me and never spoke to me. And it became clear quickly that these would be difficult jobs as I would start around 6pm and they would never tell me

what time to expect them back and they'd often roll in at 4 or 5am. Oh, exciting. I was young, so it didn't occur to me to ask them to give me a time and I needed the money. I just have to sit there awake, waiting because I never knew

if they'd be back. What's the rule? I don't mind the babysitter having a little bit of a nap on the sofa. I don't mind the babysitter being asleep on the sofa. I think asleep on the sofa watching telly, absolutely fine,

but completely tucked up in my bed. No. No, yeah, yeah. I didn't want them to think I was sleeping on the job. I'd bring my own food and watch terrible TV, no streaming back then. Oh, wow, it is a long time ago. I used to tidy up the kitchen, waiting for them to come home, but never once got a thank you or acknowledgement.

One night I babysat for the famous parent when the other was away. They still barely acknowledged me, and I felt exhausted from a tough week and dreading another long night alone. Feeling undervalued, I didn't wash up the child's plate that night. In the early hours, the famous parent came home and absolutely laid into me. Oh, my God. for not washing up the child's plate.

They were pretty nasty and told me I needed to understand who I needed to impress in life and that I'd never get anywhere if I didn't impress important people. They swore at me and made me feel so intimidated and humiliated. Oh my God.

I left in tears and said no to the PA the next time they asked me to babysit and was told they were a creative personality and they were just like that sometimes. Oh, that's disgusting. Oh my God, awful. It wasn't for me. I can't imagine you guys speaking

to your babysitting so aggressively. No, because I'm not. They clean up the fucking plates, anonymous. If you're being paid eight quid to do a job, fucking do the job or get out of my house. Understand you need to impress Rob Beckett. I am an artist. I need time to reflect, recharge, re-energize,

to go out and make the public happy, okay? I'd love to know who that was. Oh, please send it in. And then what we'll do is, in a few months, we'll just start talking about someone we think's a wanker, and it'll be them. and then you'll get your vengeance because it'll get out into the world. But no one knows it was from you.

Exactly. And I'm sure they've shouted at other people before. There'll be a long list of babysitters they'll try and sue. I'm not saying I'm as famous as this person because I'm sure I'm not, right? Oh, you're pretty famous, Josh. I would never get a babysitter to sign an NDA. Am I mad? Do you know why it is?

I don't think you would because I think you're a bit like me. We're very... Me and Lou really take time to get to know people before we let them look after our kids. Yes, exactly. And I think that's maybe because we were privileged to have people nearby that could look after them, but then when we needed babysitters,

there's a lovely lady that they met at a crush somewhere that they got on with and at nursery and you build relationships and bring them around. And then, because I already trust them, I wouldn't want them to sign like an NDA. And also, there's nothing going on. I mean, it's like, oh, going to go to the press. I also actually think,

judging by when this happened, yeah you don't get tabloid stories in the same way as you used to it used to be every Sunday there'd be like an expose or a kiss and tell or a yeah juicy one tabloids aren't they aren't the same as they used to be so maybe I think it's because now celebrities can defend themselves online can't they they can go on their Instagram and go no this isn't the case yeah me and my wife are still together but then I suppose if you are just randomly ringing up a babysitting agency yeah and just someone turns up then you do it because you don't know them but then I don't think I'd let someone I don't know look after

kid. I'd just rather not go out. No, exactly. Do write in if you've worked for a celebrity or as a a... Unless there's one of us. Well, we did have Salty Josh stories. We did. I loath to say, can have some Salty Rob stories? Because I think there's a couple out there. Oh, there's more than a couple. Nightmare names.

Send in Salty Rob. Send in Salty Rob. Salty Rob stories. We haven't got the time. Do you know what, though? I think, because I'm normally so, especially my early TV years, was so jolly and lively in Smiley, if I'm not like hyperventilating with excitement

when I meet people. Some people will be like, you're right. I'm like, yeah, I am all right. But I am just doing shopping at 10 a.m. I'm like, I'm not, I'm just quite normal at the moment. I'm not. Exactly. I'm not trying to get a joke over the line. I'm not the week desperately because I'm powered by a complete crippling fear that my life might fall apart

if this joke about Eric Pickles doesn't land, okay? I'm still like that, so that's good. Weird things only your town does. Mm-hmm. Listening to the episode where you ask what different cities celebrate that is unique to them, I'm from Hereford. Every Christmas, we have a tractor run. All the local farmers, and there's a lot, deck out their tractors with lights, Santa's, snow machines, the works, and do a parade around Hereford and the market towns. The route gets announced a couple of weeks before, and everyone lines the streets and cheers them on and waves.

The kids absolutely love it. Thanks for being so sexy and relatable, Robin from Hereford. Sorry, what is just telling you that happens? We did weird things only your town does. Wrong. Got you. Sorry, we've asked for it. I'm giving him shit.

I've asked for that. Absolute fucking keynote telling me that. You're all right, mate. Yeah, right. Well, well, well done. Fuck off. Congratulations. I've got no idea when or why we asked for these.

Michael? I mean, that was probably three months ago, that one. at least. We've got another one from Norfolk. They have plow days. Oh, really, mate. Keep it to your fucking self. No one asked.

Farmers will open the field or two for people to come with their hobby tractors and have a go at ploughing. What kind of serial killer virgins got a hobby plough? A hobby tractor. There's ploughing competitions usually with food, fans and drinkstools.

The surrounding villages come out to watch these people plough a field and comment how straight their furrows are and how pretty their tractors are. Kate from Norfolk What's a furrow? It's how pretty your furrow is It sounds like a Victorian term for vagina

Well it's not far off Euphemism I suppose Think about the phrase A furrowed brow, Rob You see when you do that Can you look at your camera You see this Grooves

It's the grooves So you know when you look at a field And it's got like grooves in it Josh you've got no lines in your head When you're doing it It seems to move I have right there Now you're in Exeter

I've been Incredible amount of Botox Not that I judge anyone that did You know, I'd absolutely love it If you just turned up on last leg one week And you'd have Botox and some sort of like Facelifting and Noah mentioned it You look like Simon Cow?

Do you've seen Simon Cowell walking down the corridor? We need to talk about this I mean, I don't know if it's too... No, it's not topical There's a Jennifer Hudson show Where what they do is when any guests Go on the Jennifer Hudson's soap Because I've seen loads of these

They get the guests to walk down a corridor That is lined by the production team And they all clap and be like Josh, we're there. It's mental. It's mental. It's mental. Josh, Whittaker.

And they clap and go, Joshy, Jachy, Jachy, Widdercom. Yeah, yeah. And it's so amazing. It makes me feel physically sick. The thought of going on, I would refuse to go on that show.

If you went on Graham Norton, and they did that, it would make me three times more nervous. I can't even sit with a cup of coffee and wave on this morning without feeling like a knobhead. Josh Widdick. So I feel a bit sorry for Simon Cowell

because he's walking down the middle and he's just like, but it's on A-G-T, isn't it? It's the Jennifer Hudson show, Isn't it? Oh, is it? Oh, sorry. It's her own chat show thing, and that's how they walk in. Oh, sorry. I watched it, and I thought it was his own production team on AGT. No, no, no. So that's what makes it more awkward. Guests aren't aware of it. There's loads of them. It's really good telly to watch, but I feel sorry for the people walking out. If you'd, for some reason, say, Lou had got a job that meant you two had had to move to America just as you were coming up, and you tried to become a comedian in America. Yeah. How do you think you'd have adapted to the American way of life? I'd struggle with all the driving. You'd have to live in like New York, L.A. You just drive everywhere.

You can't walk in it. I like walking. I just think you'd have an absolute shocker with the falseness of it all. Yeah, I can't do that. You can't do that. You are the most... No. The thought of you having some, like, L.A. execs saying...

Welcome to the show. We've got this great intro for you. Team come in. Team come in. They'll be singing this as you are. Bobby, Bobby Beckett, yeah. Bobby, Bobby Beckett, yeah. So we thought we've got some choreography for you.

a great team that's going to work with you. Oh, my God. I'm just vomiting on myself convulsive. Because you're lucky that in the UK, showbiz isn't very showbiz. I like Australia even more. It's so late back. Even less showbiz. They're so chill.

Could you move to Australia? No, but I could do a couple of months a year there. I'd miss seasons. And they think they've got seasons. I haven't. I told you about Canberra, didn't I? Yeah, yeah. I reckon they've got a winner.

They haven't got a fucking winter. Not a real one. I was getting frost off the car this morning It's September Oh yeah It's a cold walk to school And it is a walk for me these days How long's the walk?

Four minutes That is what has transformed your life Yeah Because you're always late to stuff You can't be late there No I know They'll be able to walk themselves soon I know

It's an interesting one Isn't it Because will my daughter Will my daughter be able to walk my son Or well Like how does that work She said to me yesterday Rob Why are parents so embarrassing

A drop off What do you do at drop off nothing I just get my dick out and a magnifying glass for the people around no so what do you do you give her a kiss shout the big daddy's come no I don't so what do you do is it just your body your presence we drop my son and then we drop my daughter

and then I leave do you give my hug or a kiss no because I can feel she doesn't want that do you say love you by yeah I'd say something like that but not bellowed across the playground Where is it coming from? Because you're not a very in-your-face character. It's not like you're going, see, later, bye, I love you. No, I know.

It's coming from. It's just all parents are embarrassments to their children by the end. And we've just hit that point. She's got new friends. Also, as well, it's for her going into school. She's not just going into school. She's going into, there's the daughter of that bloke off the telly and does podcasts that lots of parents listen to.

Yeah. So that might be extra pressure where it's like, if they're already asking her about that, It feels like she's not the kind of girl That he's going to love it She might be talking about her mom She's not the kind of girl That's going to walk in and go My dad's so I love the attention

She's going to be more of Yeah he is Can we talk about something else So you physically being There's like a reminder of that Yeah I'm a physical embarrassment Rob No no just your profile is

Just my profile I don't think you're doing anything I think she's probably embarrassed That you're known And they know who you are And they can Google Imagine me'd have to Google Someone's dad at school

I know In the bad that you'd get Oh I don't I've enjoyed that. See, your dad didn't get very good review in The Times, something like that. I had to sign up to the paywall to read it. Boomer parenting. Hi, Rob and Josh.

I have a boomer story that might shock you. I'll admit, I didn't know the full details of this story until the other day when I learned I was a lot younger than I previously thought. The year was 1990. The Italian 90 world. Cup, Margaret Thatcher left Downing Street. I'm adding these bits myself, but the year was 90-90. You love 90-90. Good year. One day, my mum

opened the door to two Eastern West Germany come back together as one. One day, my mum opened the door to two strangers holding their nine-month-old baby. The last she knew, my dad had taken me out in the car. She's probably enjoying a bit of rare

peace in the knowledge that I was safe with my dad. Little did she know. We'd been in a car crash. How old. A small bump, luckily nothing catastrophic, but as you'll learn, obviously temporarily rattled his brain. A couple of witnesses and rushed over to check everything was okay and to offer to take me home. Obviously, my dad, in a state of shock and blight panic, had obliged and handed his baby after a car crash over to a couple he'd never met before. but surely keep hold of the baby in the car seat until you go to hospital or whatever you don't just give it to the people there do you luckily they stuck to the word delivered me back and I didn't end up in some way that is a mad decision isn't it I mean 90s was a when they say it was more laid back but I just think I mean yeah that

most people are kind and good but I think I'd still keep the kid near me when you what happened to him what's wrong with him anyway I made up for it quite quickly because I wasn't much older when he dangle me over him and I vomited directly in his mouth. It doesn't say how bad he was. Right. He just panicked. He panicked and handed his child over to some strangers

and gave them his address to return the child. That's a mad decision from the strangers. So what was the top of this? She was younger than she thought she was. She had imagined this story had happened to her at three or something. Right, but she was nine months old. Yeah. Stolen little child boomers.

Right, here we go. Parenting Fails. Yeah. More sock on the door at Caravan Park. So this is... What was that? I think something to do with putting a son. Sock on the door, if you were having sexy time, at caravan park?

Oh, yeah. No. Sock on the door meant that kids were in there. We're asleep. Yeah. We're asleep in there. Sock on the door meant kids were asleep. That's what they did at caravan park.

Anyway, hello, you sexy bastards. Slightly different scenario to the sock on the caravan door on a recent podcast. I stayed in my family when I was around seven at a famous caravan park in the late 80s. A large number of families there would lock their kids in the shalays at the kids' bedtime and then go out on the piss in the bar. We're thinking pontons or butlins, right? Yeah, potentially. They're not really caravan parks, though, are they? Well, Potters.

Potters was one I used to go to. Oh, okay. They're from Liverpool anyway, so it might not be there. Inside the main room on site, there was a large electronic sign where chalet numbers would be displayed if a child was crying whilst locked inside. That is incredible. So I suppose if someone's walking around, and if they hear crying, they just notify that... Yeah, basically other parents who are heading to their own shirley

would notice someone's child was locked inside one of the shallets and was crying. Jesus fucking wept. Pass this on to reception who would light up the electronic sign to inform the parents in the park. That is so insane, isn't it? That's a very similar, you know, like, could the owner of RF 42,

LGD move their car because you're blocking? It's like that kind of... Yeah. And you're just hammered. And then how likely, if you're in a caravan park, how likely you to repeatedly check the dot matrix board that displays the chalet numbers.

We said you'd need the parents of the child to notice that it was their chalet number on display. Needless to say, any child crying for their parents would be waiting at least 30 minutes for anyone to shop if they were lucky. That is so insane. Also, not to turn this too bleak, it's more dangerous to lock them in than not lock them in

because of fire. You just do not leave a child alone. It's that simple. It's so simple. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. This is a boomer story. When I was young, my dad would often work events in the evening and my woman would frequently go with him rather than stay at home.

I can't tell you, just as an aside, Rob, how different that is from my household, where Rose would not frequently go. Do you know what? I'm going to come to Swindon Wyburn Theatre. I'd tell what, I might go up there early and spend the day there. Yeah, yeah. You know, it was lovely to watch the show for the fourth time.

Because Hayes was brilliant last night, wasn't it, Josh? It's really good to see you in two days in a row, just to see how the show's developing, how you approach different energies. Yeah, you are a master of your craft. It's just nice to see you do it. Have you got a guy doing the sound on your tour? Yes, I do, yeah. I'm already five in, and I do think, you poor fucker.

How poor must you be of hearing this? Do you change your show as it goes along, or is it always the same? The audience stuff's different. You won't try a new bit or introduce a new idea as you go, because that saves me from going mad. Bits will add bits, but I like to do it because I get a rhythm and I really like the rhythm

and I feel fine. I can relax into it. You're on the track. You've got route to home. I know when I'm coming off the track and then I know when I'm going back onto the track, if that makes sense. I have no track.

You have no track. So your sound person might have a more enjoyable experience that my sound person, but there's sound people who are having a much worse experience than my sound people who's so, because there is comedians out there who are literally word for word every night.

Yes, but there's potential that my sound man's having a better time than the crowd on certain kids. There is, yeah, there is. It's always a danger. So you've got a track. What I have is, you know, like a paintball arena. Yeah.

Where essentially there's sort of like, there's a blown up tank over there. There's a little like house there. There's a trench there. I'm sprinting to each of those and each of those represent a routine. Right. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Right, I'm there now, do that one. I think, right, where should I go next? And I'm zigzagging. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I think about it too much, it sends me mad. So I just have to turn up. So your sound man's like going, he's loving now, what in the name of God is going on in this mind?

Whereas my sound man's going, will he see my phone light up if I, if I read a book on my phone? Mike, my cell man the other day, went, did your pub story again? You've not done your pub story for weeks. I was like, did I? Yep. Just feel like it was right, actually. And that says a lot about the crowd that it felt like it was right to bring up. No, no, they were being a bit stuffy.

And sometimes if they're being a bit prudy and a bit like, oh, God, I'd just double down on it. And it sort of breaks the ice. I'll say, like, well, you didn't like that. You're definitely not going to like the bit about my pubes. And then they don't. But then that's quite funny. I did that routine once in a woman on the front way, went, disgusting. And I went, you're sat down there.

Like, you've not got pubes. made me laugh. Anyway, sorry. Anyway, back to boom apparently. The solution to having an eight-year-old with no childcare was that they would invite my best friend to come and stay. Also eight. What?

To keep me company. So what was this? I completely forgot what you was talking about. When I was young, my dad often had work events in the evening and my mum would frequently go with him rather than stay at home. Yeah, we started talking about Rose coming to watch. Yeah. The solution was having an eight-year-old with no,

childcare was that they would invite my best friend to come and stay also eight to keep me company as we lived several hours from london they would stay in the hotel room provided by his work and then return the next day while we looked after ourselves in the home alone so the mom went to the work so she didn't even her work she just thought i'd go with the husband yeah yeah yeah and an eight-year-old was a home alone so they just got another eight-year-old round so two eight-year-year-olds what do you say to the other parents well they must have been in on it but then shortly they look after both kids. Both parents must have thought, well, that's fair. Two eights, make 16, that's old enough. They used to do 16-1-year-olds. That was the weirdest night.

Just imagine your daughter being invited to a sleepover, right? I'm not backing it, Rob. I'm just saying this is what's happening. But imagine how men's with that be. You'll go, drop her off now, then. Right, you're going to have a good time and go, give me a call if she gets upset. Won't be able to. We're both going to be in London. We're just going to leave. I've raised this with my mum, as I now have two children of my own who are four. 14 and 11, and I still wouldn't leave them overnight, obviously. Yeah. Her response to this is you don't understand how mature you were.

Fuck off. Gaslight FM. Writing this down has made me realise more how neglectful it was, but she claims this was fine and normal for the time. Thankfully, I'm still unscarred. What do you think will be normal for the time that our kids will have a go at us for? Because that will happen.

Maybe screen stuff. You allowed me to have that much the iPad and you allowed me to have social media will be the thing and you'll be like yeah but you wanted to and everyone wanted it you don't understand

everyone had it you know this generation that are all depressed and can't have a moment in their own heads you all wanted it it might be travel and climate stuff where oh my God you like did that or you had a petrol

you know yes do you know what I need I'm a good guy Josh right yeah you are a good guy I've got a kind heart And I want to do the right thing. And I want everyone to feel appreciated and respected.

And I don't want anyone to be unhappy or anything to be harmed or hurt. But I don't really have the time to do all the reading and be informed. No, but you've got, I tell you what, you've got two children of seven and nine. Yeah. And in about three or four years, they're going to know all the right things and the wrong things and just go with them. And I'll just do whatever they say. Don't go against them, because then you'll become an old bastard. Just go.

I need a list. I need to sign up to an app. And they, daily, I can type into it. What's the opinion that's not going to get me beaten up or cancelled? And then I can just go out in the world and have that one. Do you know what, Rob, when you said, I didn't know this, and I was like, oh, God, I'm trying my best. When you said, Josh, you had some comments that you haven't got enough bedding in your hamster case, I'm like, I'm trying my best. I'm genuinely.

I didn't know you when an ad tubes. He seems to love. the tubes. How do I know? I'm trying. To make it like his habitat. Yeah, this tuby little habitat. I don't know anymore. I don't know why they're not allowed. I think tubes should be fine. Why is he going in it? Tell him.

You need thick bed in though so they can borrow the high. I know. I'm... The thing is as well, you're a good guy, Josh. You're not tight. You will buy that bed in. It's not like you just didn't know. And also, maybe the comments are helpful. And so then I'm like, why am I getting so defensive? just accept that someone's trying to help you and that you're not an awful person you're just not informed

but now someone's told you yeah and now I can't hold a hamster can I hold a hamster am I allowed a hamster you're not allowed to hold it even now Josh you shouldn't really are a hamster really when it boils down to it

shit is mental I think about it take it back the beddings at least of his fucking problems he's been kept in a cage I've looked into it I think it's best to be just kill both hamsters

I think that's the best one going forward I've got a couple of fish over there What's going on in their lives Hello you sexy and relatable beasts Weird phobias When you said shouldn't really have a hamster even just kill Where does it end Where does it begin and end

That's the problem Just heard the discussion on Josh's weird phobia What's my phobia Oh being touched on the assort going upstairs Yeah Do you know what I did that to my son the other day He was going upstairs ahead of me

and you can't help but slap them on the ass in a comedy manner. And then I thought, fuck, I might be creating the same phobia. Yeah, they've got to start somewhere. This person's got a phobia. My phobia is being wanked off by a gorilla.

Yeah, I know. But that obviously, it goes back to that one incident, doesn't it? Yeah. Back in the day when you were allowed to hold gorillas, it got a bit out of hand.

Yeah, exactly. This person, Jasmine from Winchester, he has a phobia of stickers. Oh. I hate them. They're disgusting, and they make me feel sick.

There's a hierarchy. Post-it notes are fine. But stickers inside shoes or barcode stickers on crockery are the absolute worst. I don't like them ones that are hard to get off. They make me feel a bit icky. She says, even writing it down makes me feel nauseous. Like most kids, my oldest, loves a sticker book, so it's a constant battle. youngest daughters inherited my dislike for stickers

so that's something. No, it's not you've given her. No, because there's nothing actually wrong with a sticker. It's the way her brain processes it. They're very practical. Get them on the speakmans, get a sticker rotten. So I love that speakmans is they'll get them on this morning and it'll be a lady like that.

Yeah, there's speakwins. She'll be crying as they unpill a sticker. And then by the end of the episode, they're sat there all spaced out like they've been hypnotised of a sticker on their forehead. And they're just pulling at her and go, look, these things are achievable. She looks like absolutely traumatised

She's been a sticker on her head Just with a lobotomy, it's fine She's totally disassociated from the entire world And now she can put a sticker on her head Another case solved Do you want another phobia, Rob? Yeah, go on, I've got a boomer here Okay, hi Rob and Josh

My wife has a phobia of clusters of small holes Oh yeah, I've heard about this, like on sponges Oh, so It's a real phobia and even has a name is called tripophobia. Google it and you'll have a phobia of it too. I don't want it. It's disgusting. I'm not going to go to Google it.

It's not just some little holes. So what do you think it stops her eating, Rob? Moose. Moose is a good one. Crompits. Oh. And crunchies. I'm sure she'll survive.

Yeah. I don't think that's going to hold a nutrition back. Ed says, but whenever I have one, I can't help but shove it in her face. Unbelievable. Josh, this is a peak Josh Whitakam question. How do you eat a crunchy? How do you, ah, that's interesting, isn't it? Do you get the chocolate off?

I respect both methods. I respect both methods. That was a real little sniper attack of tiredness there. Yeah, it was, wasn't it? I respect both methods. No, I don't take all the chocolate off. I bite the end. Yeah.

And then I stick my tongue in it. Oh, here we go. And try to like melt away the honeycomb until there's no innards and then the chocolate collapse around it. Oh, wow. So what I'd do, I didn't know there was that third method. Sometimes I will bite the side chocolate off. If you manage to do it right and you get the outer layer of the honeycomb

and it's all smooth, I do like that. I don't like the scrape on my teeth. You don't like the scrape on your teeth? I do that with a Kit Kat Chunky though, bite the chocolate off the edge. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. By the end, I'm just going for it. Like the cookie monster. I'm just fucking dobbling it off.

I'm like the fucking cookie monster all over the shop. beat throw in it. I don't really like the crunchy. Is it a miniature hero? I think it's a miniature hero. I think it's a bit shit because it's not a proper crunch. It's bits of crunchy in chocolate. Yeah, no, it's got me full crunch. I've not had a crunchy Friday feeling. What's an advert on the roller coaster? I literally, I ate a crunchy about 10 minutes ago. Did you? Did you? How did you eat at 942? That is crazy. You must be buzzing. It was a value pack one, so it wasn't a full-size crunchie. It was other ones you get from like Poundlandland. Fucking how many crunchies are? You're wholesaling crunchies here?

How often having a cruncher? I didn't have time to make some toast before I came up for this record. So you had a crunchy? And then about half an hour in, I was like, oh, I'm a bit peckish. And I just looked around the office. I've got a little, like, treat jar that's got chocolate and sweets. Talk me through your treat jar. Talk me through everything in your treat jar.

My partner fills it up for me because she knows, like, if I'm, like, stressed or if I'm working later, sometimes we'll crave a little something. So I don't know often what's in there. And there were some salted caramel lint balls that felt too difficult for breakfast. That's heavy duty. And also, it's quite warm in my office. I think they might be a lot. bit like gooey but there was some sort of selection pack or some small crunchy so i had a kind

of mini crunchy so you're going to come down do you think i come down off a crunchy quite hard i might double drop i don't think you're good with sugar josh all everything affects your body a lot doesn't it i get really affected by sugar i get really affected by everything you do don't you but whatever it is good or bad even the news I've felt more results Everything really affects me Hamster bedding criticism Hamster bedding criticism

I am thin-skinned Have you put more hamster bedding in We're doing it tonight Because we're changing the hamster tonight How often you change the hamster by the way? Not often enough But I think it's one of those things You know

Once every week or so in it Is you supposed to it? That's what we're aiming for You know what's better than the one big thing? two big things exactly the new iPhone 17 pro on tellus's five-year rate plan price lock yep it's the most powerful iPhone ever plus more peace of mind with your bill over five years this is big get the new iPhone 17 pro at tellus dot com slash iPhone 17 pro on select plans conditions and exclusions apply hi rob Josh and Michael you sexy shangers thought I'd share a boomer parent story from a

childhood. Growing up, my dad worked for the railway, which meant our family got free rail travel. Fucking get in. There's someone in my wife's extended family who used to work for the railway, and he's now retired, and him and his wife can just go wherever they want first class. Just can't imagine it. Do you know what job I'd like, Rob? Go on. I'd quite like to be the person with the refreshment trolley on the railway. Tickets is stressful. Yes, tickets. I don't think any ticket.

person has ever got down a train without having at least one argument. Yeah, you've got to be a bit aggy for that, but refreshments, like tea coffee? Refreshments, I'd love that. I'd love to get my little trolley ready with all the things in the right compartments and then, and it's all neat and tidy. Yes, I have got some mini-chedders. They're just here. Lots of small-talk little banners. Lots of small-talk little banners. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, don't worry. I get off at Swindon and go back from there. Now, I'm not going the whole way to London, Paddington. I'd love it. Make the tea, make the coffee. Yeah, never coffee.

yeah sugar are you sweet enough oh another coffee you'll be getting to london before the train at this train oh yes please oh what a great job I'd love it I'll give you a week on that before you're going mental if anyone can fix it for me to do that that'd be great it's a shame they can't bring that show back because it's too associated with the host Jim will fix it yeah

Josh will fix it Josh will fix it I don't you just ask the trolley person if you can do a carriage just say please can I do a carriage Should I text my agent and say, what do you, seriously, what do you think the chances are of bringing back Jim or Fixer with me? If he's not doing it, surely it's fine, it's the format. Well, yeah, or just say, is there any chance of you can organise me working on the railway as a trolley food person?

But you don't get 15% of that. I don't think it falls under your remit. Should I say, sorry, Romish has already signed up for 20 episode series of that. Trolley boy. Now, here we go, so they get free rail travel. So especially since my aunt lived in London, it made regular visits really easy and cheap. In true boomer fashion, my mum and dad thought it was perfectly okay to send my sister and I on trips to London on our own to visit our aunt. Oh, wow.

We'd be put on a train at Glasgow Central. Oh, that's a long old journey. That's a tough shift for you, in it, Josh. Oh, my God, I'm going to be wobbling all the way past Berwick upon Tweed. Sometimes our dad would come with us as far as Carlisle, then hop off the train. back to Glasgow, leaving us to continue the rest of the lengthy journey alone. Other times would be sent off with a picnic and strict instructions to stay together the whole time with the promise that our aunt or uncle would meet us at the platform.

At the time, I was eight and my sister was 12. Still a bit young for me. We didn't always get along, and to be honest, it's a small miracle. She didn't try and ditch me along the route. My dad would sometimes ask the conductor to keep an eye on us. You only mind how big these trains are, but otherwise it was very much see you at the other end. and of course this was all before mobile phones so my parents just had to cross their fingers

and wait for a call from the aunt on the landline once they got home. Oh my God. Growing up this felt normal but think about it now my eldest approach is seven. It is unthinkable that any parent would do this nowadays. Love the pod, Jen. That is incredible.

I love it. Different times, Josh. Different times. Different times. Right, small business. Hit me. I'm a long-time listener and mum to four-year-old Margot and one-year-old twins

Bill and Arthur, yet we had three kids in three years. It's been a shocker. We live in Bristol, but my in-laws are in Buckland in the Moor on Dartmoor. Do you know that? Yeah, they'd have probably gone to my secondary school. Oh, so she thinks of Josh every time she goes down there, she says. Oh, that's nice. I'd be so grateful if you could give a small shout out to Somerset Wood Recycling run by my partner, Tom. This might be a bit dark for your podcast, but they make environmentally friendly coffins. Oh, that's nice. That's not too dark. Now, most typical coffins are made in China or Eastern Europe from MDF, glue and plastic. You wouldn't put that in your log burner, so why cremated it or bury it in the ground?

Very good points. Tom's eco coffins are handmade from old pallet wood and aligned with used coffee beans sacks. They're rustic, yet beautiful to look at and a much more sustainable way to honour your loved ones. Oh, that's nice. Order from Somerset Wood Recycling in Western Supermare, and delivery can be arranged all over the UK. That's a mad delivery, that isn't it? You know what I mean? I know it's got to be delivered, but the old coffin delivery's here.

Are they look good as well? Somersetwoodrecycling.co.com.uk coffins. Are they all? They're lovely. Awful to say this. My dad would love that. But he's way off yet. Do they do one size fits all? That's a coffin world.

I've never been in the market for one. You only ever buy one once. You don't get many return customers. This one's a bit tight. Don't worry about it. You'll be all right. We'll get you in it. See, it turned out it wasn't too dark.

No, not dark enough. Not dark enough. Varnish it. Varnish that. coffin. Hi, all, would love a small business shout out for the fabulous small sensory and family farm in Eridge, near Tumbridge Wells. Is that Kent? Is Tumbridge Wells, Kent? It's a completely volunteer-run business who support people with all kinds of additional needs. My son is 16, has complex needs, including autism, being non-verbal and having type 1 diabetes, amongst other things,

exclamation mark. He has been out of education since October due to school saying they no longer meet his needs and he's been attending weekly one-to-one sessions at Smiles since January and he absolutely loves it. His confidence is growing every week. It's been the only constant he's had in all the madness he's experienced over the last year. All their animals and rescues and all have their own stories. Sometimes very sad. I would love to get some much needed publicity, let people know who they are. A shout-out would be fun. So they're called the Smiles, Sensory and Family Farm in Erich and Tumbridge Wells and the website is SF. Sfmensoryfarm.com.com.com.com.com.com. U.K. Go and support them and pay a visit. You can

volunteer there. You can book a visit. Lovely day out. Good stuff, Josh. I'll see you next time, Joshua. See you next time. Bye.