Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP26: Top 3 Arguments

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Rob is back from his trip to Australia and Japan and tells of the worst parenting moments. Including one of the top 3 arguments he had with Lou. The Japanese tooth fairy has to pay a visit. And Lou has some voice messages for the guys as a right to reply on previous episodes. #sakisaki Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.

Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting wo. Because let's be honest, There are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell, Whiz. Philly, can you say Rob? La.

Beckett. Beckett. And Josh. Just. Widdickick. Jop. Well done. Very good.

What was that at the end? Very jolly. Very jolly. Very jolly. Do you know what I was doing then, Rob, I realised. Go on. I'm still never 100% confident where the sounds coming out my phone when I'm playing it out loud, whether it's coming out of the ear bit

or whether it's coming out the bottom bit. But you know what? You style it well. Yeah. It looks like you're all over it. Yeah, but I still don't quite, if I'm someone put a gun to my head and said, when you've got a phone call on loudspeaker, where's it coming out of? I don't feel confident.

No. It's the mouth, no, it's the ear bit, isn't it? Well, I think it might be the mouth bit. I don't know. Anyway, who was that? Who cares? No one. Literally, no.

Even I was involved in the conversation. I couldn't give a fuck. Yep. Michael? Are you asking if I care or if I know where it comes from? Well, both. Well, we're in. I believe it comes primarily from the bottom.

Oh. And no, I don't give a shit. I think don't give a shit today. Good to know. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. This is my two-year-old nephew. Philippo doing a

like you're thinking presumably the same as me Philippo Inzagi the former Oh is it P or is it Is it a P or a F? F Yeah, okay

Now I'm thinking like you But when you first said Philippa I thought I was thinking of Philippo Cotino Oh yes Just Philippe Cotinio With a pH

Yeah I think it was Yeah But yeah no Philip it's Because they had The other Simonia Inzagi He's now a manager Isn't he

The brother yeah but Philippe was a better strike or wasn't he? He was much better those who constantly caught offside I don't remember that? I remember do you remember that Michael? I remember Alex Ferguson saying that boy was born offside. Oh well there we go

there we go I'd say this last minute has not appealed to our core demographic. What is our core demographic? People that are interested in where the sound comes out of phones what's Felipe saying? I've been waiting for this moment since my sister was pregnant, as you can tell by my overly excited, high-pitched voice.

Felipe is Italian and I only speak English to him in the hope he can become bilingual. I'm also from Italy, really? But I've lived abroad for many years and my Italian accent has somehow faded. Yeah, too right. Words cannot express how grateful I am for this podcast. If the mood is low, listening to Parent and Hell is guaranteed to make me feel better, and I'm not even a parent, maybe it's because of that. Hope to see you live. I'm presuming that's live. Not, I hope to see you live one day. Um, come to Italy or Germany where I currently live on your next parent and hell tour. Stay sexy. Stefania. Let's just put one night on in Stuttgart. One night or one night in Stuttgart.

Sounds like a bottom episode. How are you, Rob? Um, how, we haven't spoken for ages. I went to Cologne for a night, didn't I? Have I talked about that? That was weird. Where did you go for a night? You have, yeah, with the taskmaster lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've discussed that. Yeah, sorry. Let's talk about some new stuff, yeah? Oh, my, I don't fucking medley

in the greatest hits, mate. Oh, all right. We'll do the traffic lights at your house. Do the phone. That phone stuff will be coming back. Oh, I don't want experts from your next tour. You ever want, you're going to open your phone. And you're going from the top and the bottom.

There's a bit of top, let's up at the bottom. Or, then you're doing innuendo. I would never lower myself to the innuendo. Have you ever done any rude? innuendos or rude bits because it's quite out of character for both of us yeah I've got one actually

in the current tour that I've dropped it's I hate can I can we go deep into stand up here just oh yeah come on I'm open up come on

what's your feeling on fake mistakes um the fake mistake is normally comes from a proper mistake at the start from a proper mistake yes and then you can never quite

recapture it and then you drop it I think if you make a mistake and it's funny on the night and then you I think don't I don't run the fake mistake but like I think if you make the mistake again feel free to double down on the thing you know works previously but yeah I'm not a big fan of a fake mistake I'm not a fan of fake mistake but it feels I caught myself doing a fake mistake the other night because it'd gone well the night before and then I was like I need to never do that again I aim myself so what was the original mistake so I've got a bit about going on strictly and realizing that I'm the the shit middle age bloke. Yeah. All right. Is that the mistake? I think it was a good decision career-wise.

Oh, sorry. It was good. Little boost. Didn't have to do the full series? No threat of an affair. I said, I'm not Dan Walker. Something like I'm Dan Walker.

But I, for some reason, maybe it was a tougher gig so I'd throwed in a fucking to really sell the joke without thinking. So you're Dan Walker. You're fucking Dan Walker.

I said I'm fucking Dan Walker. And then I was like, You're fucking Dan Walker. I was like, I'm not fucking Dan Walker. I'm not fucking Dan Walker. I'm not fucking Dan Walker. Everyone had a big laugh. And then the following night I did it, I was like, oh God, who am I?

I ate myself. I ate myself. He's going to fuck Dan Walker again. It's the, cause? Well, that's the problem with stand-up is. So I've got a rude, it's not a joke of a fake mistake one, but a rude joke that I did once and got a laugh. And every time I've done it since, it feels like too cheap and shit where I said, oh thanks to coming to the tour like you know it's horrible when no one comes and then i said

reminds me of my marriage yeah great and he's just like oh what am i who am i who am i the problem with stand-up is now this is my theory on it especially when you're doing a long tour that what stand-up is is that sort of weird live environment where you can say anything you want right and make it funny you can talk about what's just happened that day or like this thing that's happened this is interact and exchange between audience and performer but But then when you've done the tour at loads, you know the material so well that it can become an actor delivered a monologue. But then that's when comedy is not stand-up comedy anymore. You know, there's a line where it veers into a one-man play that just delivers a monologue and has gaps each night because you know how long it works.

So it's like I always then at that point, when it feels too comfortable, have to chuck something in to make it feel live and, you know, like a bit on the, like what could happen. Because otherwise, if you get bored of it, then the audience can feel that. So that's why I constantly try and change it as I go, or otherwise, it feels too, like, I'm just, I could be, I could just give these lines to an actor now. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But then trying to think of stuff really funny, it's hard. If you know, you've got a bit, you know, it's a standard, really hard. Anyway, what we talk about, right, we've not seen each other for ages.

What you've been up to? you've got voice you said me to me you've got voice notes from loo about me and my back so you open with the voice notes from me and i've got loads of stuff from being on holiday no let's finish the voice notes from lou okay fair enough um that ah this is something i wanted to speak to you about now on this holiday we went on with lou and the kids basically they come out to visit me and meet me in australia and then they we sort of hung around for a bit while i had a few more shows then we went off and did some australia stuff and they went to japan now it was more of an adventure travel holiday than a traditional sit by a pool at a hotel villa resort holiday right now it's more like every day felt like a theme park day where you're up fairly early you've got a backpack you're out for the day and then everyone comes going back yeah you're doing stuff whether it's rides or you know going to you know sightseeing or whatever now i have learned about myself i struggled to enjoy those days if i don't have one or

two pints at lunch. Right, okay. So I wanted to ask you how, never you're sober, when, you know, because sometimes when it's busy and a kid's, you want that. If I had one or two points at lunch, yeah, I would then be struggling to enjoy the rest of the day because I'd be thinking, I need 10 more points. No, because I'm not like, it's not that I'm not enjoying it. No, no, no, no.

That was, that was why I stopped drinking. So I can have one or two. So when I stopped drinking, people used to say to me, do you, do you, do you, you, not miss having a glass of wine with lunch if you're going out with friends and I'd go no because I don't know what that experience is I I don't understand what having a drink with lunch is that that to me doesn't make any sense right so is that because you'd open the floodgates because once I've had a drink that is all I'm thinking about right okay so for me I'll have like one beer at lunch the thought that you could have one beer at lunch yeah then carry on with

the day, I find, I didn't understand that other people could do that until I stopped drinking. And then, because I thought everyone that has a drink at lunch and then carries on with their day, was having the same experience of me, which was like, when can we get enough on, when can I need another drink? Oh, God, I shouldn't have had that drink. Right. I thought everyone felt like that. But there's actually these people that just go on with their day having had a drink. Because for me, it will get to point, like me and Lou will be like, the kids are arguing slightly and we know it's just because they're tired because they've done, like we were doing 20,

25,000 stettles a day with the kids. If you've had a beer at two beers at lunch, do you not then at 4pm think I, like, you slightly hung over and weird and like, no, I'm not really, I'm not, it would be like, I wouldn't have, like, in Australia, in Japan, we were having glasses of beer. So it's sort of like,

basically it would be two drinks, but a pint in, or maybe just over a pint of lager. And that, for me, like, when they're arguing a bit, and you know the kids just need food. Yeah, it just takes the edge off. It just takes the edge off. And then you sort of just, you know, like, and then the afternoon's a bit more chill. Because I was like, I don't, I need that at lunch just to sort of make the afternoon a bit calm. And I was thinking, well, do it. Is that a problem that I have to have that? I wouldn't do it every day. But the problem is if I'm like trying to try to try to. So can you give me an example, Josh? Tell me if I'm comfortable to talk about this. If you were doing that before you stop drinking, would you then be trying to sort of curtail the rest of the afternoon to get back into the part? No, no, I, so it wasn't problematic enough that it would affect my family. Yeah. It would be an inner battle, but if there was a sniff that then it could turn into a session.

Yeah. So if I was in Japan, I would, would have, well, I would expressly not drink a lunch because I'd know what it could do to me. So, but if it was at a theme park, right, and there's like you and another family and like, not everyone likes rides, you maybe would go, I'll tell you what, why don't you go on some rides? I'll look after the bags and maybe with another dad off the bag, you run around and do what you like and then you just have a few more beers.

No, what I would do then is I'd probably have two or three beers incredibly quickly. Yeah. And then realise I had to stop and then the next two hours would be like a a dark battle of wills

against myself to not drink again. So it wouldn't relax me. So yeah, I wouldn't call that taking the edge off. I'd say that adding edges. It wouldn't give me a chilled after day. No, rectangle to octagon, extra edge.

Get me on oblivion. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, but I would then, I would not drink. Yeah. Because I'd know I couldn't. Yeah. And then I'd say to myself, well, that proves I'm fine with a drink, because I don't need to drink in this situation.

Look at these people that are drinking, but of course they're drinking because it's not a thing. Yes. Yeah, because I can stop. Because I didn't drink for like six weeks leading up to go on holiday. But I find when I'm on holiday, it's nice to have that little, you know, rat at the end of the day or at lunch, it's like one or two beers and stuff. And what about what's Lou having the same?

So Lou might have one beer at lunch. And then when we have dinner, she'll have a glass of red wine. And then that's it. We wouldn't, you know, we're very, I did drink one of the days a bit more, but we went and watched sumo wrestling. Oh, how was that? And you could order on your app. So basically

Right so Talk about old and new Japan I went to sumo wrestling and ordered a beer on an app Well the sumo wrestling was more of a tourist like sort of like show about sumo But it's quite informative But they did a bit where they They basically come out with two suma wrestlers

And they talk you through how it all works They have a little wrestle show the different moves Their training techniques And they're playing with the crowd And do not crowd work and stuff And then they go Does anyone want to have a go You can have a go against the sumer

So it was like this big New Zealand, a rugby guy, put his hand up and lined up. Anyway, I look, I have my daughter, my seven-year-old just stood up. Amazing. And then so she ended up having a sumo wrestle with the summa wrestler. Did you video it? That's a classic. That's one for the 18th birthday. That's one for the 18th birthday.

That's a cool memory. I bought everything they did in this shop that had the sumo wrestling company written on it. Just because I'm like, of course, I've got a t-shirt. It's where my daughter did her first sumo wrestle. Exactly. This could be the start of a great. career. Before you know it, you're going home and she's going, I need to consume 10,000 calories today. Because I've got a big game coming up. Have some lunchtime pints with Daddy.

So how was age-wise, 8 and 10? Were they ready for all of those holidays? 100% ready for that holiday. We did so much and smashed it. And they, I'd tell you what, they, so Godfrey, we went to Australia. Sydney was great. The gold, coast is amazing for kids and it's got loads of theme parks it's got australia zoo where steva we went there with steve irwin and loads of fun activities and stuff to do like jet boats whale watching which is a bit of a disaster barely saw a whale my daughter was sick so that wasn't a highlight um and then we went up to the way they went up to like the great barrier reef to go on this pontoon where you can sleep on a pontoon overnight and the kids were snorkeling but definitely the right age

the kids like threw themselves into everything. They were snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef and stuff. It was amazing. I'd say Tokyo's great for kids. It's quite overwhelming Japan. Everything's in Japanese. And I'm talking everything. Wankers.

Absolutely wankers. Self-obsessed bastards. But then we went to Kyoto. Now, I wouldn't say, I wouldn't bother going to Kyoto with kids because it's mainly temples. Can I ask you another question? We went to look at some temples, Josh. How long do you spend in it before it's disrespectful?

full, you couldn't just leave. Well, it's really busy. That's the problem. So, like, they're like Buddhist temples where you think, oh, I'll go there and be Zen. But there's, like, thousands of tourists, thousands of school groups. And I, I just find it. The least Buddhist place on earth.

I find it so boring. I find temples and that kind of sightseeing. I, you know what, I like a church. Can I say it? I like. Not this isn't it in England, little England. Oh, here we go. Okay, here we go.

Flagshugger alert, flag shaggar alert. Anglican churches. We need more churches in the UK. No, I like going in to a building and I find it if it's quiet and you go in and you're like, I'll basically have the same conversation in my head every time when I go to say a cathedral is like, fucking out, how did they build this hundreds of years ago? This is mental. And it's quiet and quiet.

Yeah, and it's quiet. Soothing and reflective. I've got no interest in going in somewhere like that. if it's busy. How would you feel about waking up at 6.30am going up to a temple for 7 a.m. and then at 8.30 a.m. whilst you're at the temple that's still heaving, about 50 Japanese school kids come up pointing at you laugh and then make you have a photo with them. Yeah, I'd be, I wouldn't love it. So do they know who you are these guys?

No, I'm just a white guy blonder. Right. Okay. Yeah, fine. And they're into that there. Yeah, yeah, fine. They love that. Yeah. I really love pointing out my long hair and laughing. Did you do the photo? Yeah, yeah, of course.

I had a little photo. Did any of them say gobble, gobble? No, no one said gobble, absolutely not. You know, I'm disrespectful. But yeah, so do you like it? Because at the museum, I just find it so boring. Lou was well into it. I was like, this is quite boring.

I like if it's quiet. Yeah. I don't like too many people. If I'm in a situation with lots of people, I don't like those plays. places that I went to the science museum or one of those museums during half term like a year ago I was just like this is fucking stressful and difficult and overpacked and the aren't these things meant to be the opposite of that so yeah I know we mean we did find another temple on the

last day that was quiet which was really I'd have enjoyed that I'd have enjoyed that I took a photo and then saw the other science and you can't take photos so I hope you deleted it I should shouldn't I tell that's food's really soft really soft and I googled it and they don't like

roasting or crunch anything crunchier or roasting in like you they're doing all very soft sloppy slob moist let's call it

that's not call it sloppy but yeah sloppy they like a lot of fat on the meat and stuff like that where

if you have fat on meat in America or England and it's more crisping fat yeah yeah like crack where they'll go

for the wobbly fat yeah yeah But it's just different. Just different. And did your daughters love it? Yeah, they had the best time ever. Were you there the right amount of time? Yeah, we were really happy to come home by the time we come home.

It's a long way to go. But we got over the jet lag in two days. They did really well. But some of the lows were so low. And then they've started drinking fizzy drinks now, though. But we were like giving it to them to give them energy to get them around the rest of the afternoon. And then I was like just carrying kids. also I needed a couple of beers at lunch

to be able to carry a 10 year old on my shoulders for that half a mile You know Get a 10 year old on the shoulders Where if you fall over It'll be disastrous and have a couple of beers That's the perfect way to do it Yeah well actually I'll put like a dance play

I was more loose and relaxed Right yeah yeah yeah exactly You're like Mr Soft from the soft from inside Yeah exactly Yeah fine There was one of the highlights of the arguments I'll go through some of the low points Yeah that's what I hit for

Yeah so one of the low points was One of the high points so we went to Disney land, Tokyo, when they sit down for the parade and it's groundbreaking. Why don't you rest your legs and also everyone can see? The one time you'd have been tall enough to see. The one time old big lanky over here. And they are. Everyone is smaller.

Now, you know, I don't know. That's true. I don't think that's a, I think that is fair to say. Yeah. Japanese people are traditionally. shorter than European people. Yeah, I think that's fair. I feel tough to say out now, though.

It does feel difficult to say that around. Feel like... No, because it's a fact. Yeah. That's fine. Now, the other low points were, oh, the beds are smaller while we're still on size. Just, that's a heads up. So what size are the beds?

Well, they're not as a bit smaller. So, you know, normally, like the doubles feel like big singles. So, like, we get, that we got, we were getting like twin rooms. which are like normally in America yeah for some reason you get two queen beds in like the hotels in like Florida which was the queen like a

bigger than a I think either like bigger than a double I don't know as big as a king right yes I think it's yeah so it's a big bed yeah but you're that for some reason they're like that in America but the main problem about Japan is every all the English tourists in Japan are so smug they're in Japan of course they are yeah

that superiority that they're in Japan And actually, there was loads of like Stoke, Newington, hipster types. Yeah, of course there was, because it's that kind of holiday. And they're in Japan, and Japan's cool. And they saw me in Japan. Oh, they couldn't believe it. They didn't like it. No.

Because I shouldn't be in Japan. No. I'm not cool. You should be in Dubai. Dubai or Florida, as discussed. That's where I, that's my homeland. Yeah. You're not going to believe who I saw in a Buddhist temple in Japan.

I'll be. Yeah. There's a lot of that. They're sort of looking over and like, Asa Giza, I don't really know you, because they're not into my stuff, because they're cool. Has he had a breakdown? Is something going on? Now, they were all questioning themselves, well, why are we here if they're here?

Is Japan over? Is Japan over? I can see him. He's eating Dubai chocolate in the Harroducu. What is this guy chocolate thing that is everywhere now? Oh, it's just a, it's a viral chocolate that they had in Dubai that then other people have made versions of, but it's like a viral TikTok thing. Right.

Thank you. Now, oh, what was I going to talk about? Oh, there's some of the lows, right? So we were out for ages walking with the kids, walking through the shopping districts and stuff like that. Anyway, we go to a cafe. Well, they went to a cafe where I looked in a football shirt shop. Of course.

Trying to desperately find a size that fit me. Yeah, of course, yeah. Because I'm in Japan. You've been fine in America. I'm 3XL in Japan. Are you? In America, I'm slipping on mediums. Like a sexy little water.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so Lou was in a coffee shop with him. And out of nowhere, the youngest has just got mental and is livid, right? Because we queued, we queued for a pot mart for an hour and a half. Jesus, fucking Christ, I couldn't do that. But when we got in the queue, it looked like, it was going to be 20 minutes.

But after an hour, you're like, well, we're committed here. Anyway, it worked out because there's a new lot of Lububo's called the Why So Serious, which are like the circus clown ones. my daughter only opens up the super rare one so out of one of like you've got an 80 and one chance of getting it and how does that play with the other daughter she's fucking livid yeah i can imagine my heart as a parent at that point a parent of two would sink yeah because you can't it's something you can't do they're about you can't buy another one you can't get another one they're super secret super rare it's a blind box thing so they both bought a box and then they had the

in front of them and then they picked a box each. It's like a deal on no deal. She's peaked the super secret. Anyway, the other one's jealous as she would be. Anyway, that basically makes her hate her for a bit. Then we're in a coffee shop. One orders a hot chocolate, the one who's upset, who hasn't got the super secret rare one. The other one doesn't like hot chocolate, but she's on the wind up now. Can I have a taste of your hot chocolate? A tasteier? Can have a taste of? Oh, sorry. She says, no. And we go, no. No. come on be kind share but we know for a fact the older one dad doesn't even like hot chocolate it's just doing it to annoy the other one so he went no you can't it's too hot

I can't even get the upset one who owns the hot chocolate at this stage it's too hot you can't have it anyway and then and I don't want your lips on my cup and like here we go I went now we're in the middle of like shinguku or shibu across it the busiest like the busiest place of the world literally the busiest place in the world right and they're crying over hot chocolate. Anyway, so Lou says, no, I can just pour some hot chocolate in a glass for her. So she gives it to my eldest who drinks it and loves it.

Of course she does. Anyway, so now the one who's upset is going, my mind's too hot to drink. And then she's claiming that we can't leave yet because the hot chocolate's too hot to drink. But the other one's drunk it. Right, yeah. Because she's just doing it for some sort of power.

It's going to be cooler. I agree. But Josh, this stuff's fucking so cold. To the point it has to be untasty now. Yeah, yeah. Right. So anyway, eventually she drinks it and stuff like that. She's crying, going, but it's too hard.

Oh, gosh. So later on that night, she's fucking sumo arrested. Yeah, of course, yeah. So she's rallied and absolutely fine. Of course. The sugar's kicked in. That was one of the low points was the hour-long wait for the hot chocolate to cool down. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

in the busiest place on earth. I'm not sure I can handle this. This goes straight in top three of the best arguments me and Lou have ever had. All right, here we go. So, Lou wanted to go Disney in Tokyo, right? And trying to work out the website is almost impossible.

Lou did a bit of research. In the end, she had to book a vacation package, which means you get a hotel that's in Disney, which means you can get into Disney earlier, and then you get like a free toy and a popcorn. of that. Anyway, so she booksies for two, one in Disneyland, one in Disney C, two separate parks, okay? So we get, the first day, we arrive, it's supposed to open at 9 a.m. and we get 20 minutes

early access because of the vacation package we booked. We get there at half eight, they allow us in, we're never before anywhere else, because once you get in the park, that's when your app works and you can book some rides. Right, okay. If you want to buy fast passes, right? Because This sounds like my idea of living out. I would personally, maybe swerve Disney in Tokyo because it's so much ag. Rob, you don't. If you're saying that for the list,

it's fair enough. You don't need to say that to me. There was no point when I was like, I might go to Disney. It couldn't be lower on the list of things I will do before I die. Fair enough. Well, Disneyland was better than Disney C. The parade was great.

But Disney C is so popular, Josh. What is this? SEA, right, yeah. It's an amazing park. The rides are all quite for small kids and everything's in Japanese. You don't know what's going on in any... And all the songs are Japanese versions.

I'm stressed thinking about it. I'm stressed. Josh, there was a queue for ready-sorted popcorn an hour long. Fucking Nora. And they're all in it, didn't it? How can people live like that? The Rapunzel ride, mate. Three hour long queue.

It's a two and a half minute ride. Jesus fucking last. But part of the vacation package, we got a couple of fast-pass priority tickets so we could get to the, you know, anyway. You didn't use it from popcorn, I hope. No, I didn't use it. I got pop popcorn. I was like, oh, I want popcorn.

I was like, you can't have it. I went, I'm not waiting for an hour for popcorn. How's it taking an out? They're understaffed. Well, I think they're not. They are overselling the park. That isn't, that isn't fair on the consumer. No, it's not.

We can't be talking about that. Like, oh, it's an hour for popcorn. It's an hour for fucking popcorn. That is mental. Oh, Disney C was a bit of a nightmare for that because you couldn't get anything, basically. because everything was like an hour long minimum. What's happened?

They'd sell more popcorn if they just had two more vendors. Well, that's what I'm saying. I don't get why. It almost feels like it's... What's the advantage? I don't know. I don't know if it makes it exclusive so then people want it because then you're the only certain amount of people

that get it that day. I don't know, Josh, but it was compared to America, they just have like, right, we need 10 more vendors. Of course. Because you're missing out and selling... Anyway, so I don't know why. If I went to the shop to buy milk and it was an hour for milk, I'd think you've misjudged how many people are working.

You'd get a cow. I'd get a cow. I'd just suck a little cow's teeth. So anyway, that Disney Sea was a bit of a nightmare park. And also, they lie to you because the park's supposed to open at 9. If you're in the hotel, you're getting 20 minutes early. We got down at half past 8, like 20 past 8, they'd already open the park for general admission. So then we had to go in the back of the queue of this massive long queue.

Oh, my gosh. Anyway, so as we walk down, we're expecting to do what we did the day before and we're like straight in the park to book. rides, yeah. One of the right, there's a ride. Five and a half hour queue, Josh. That is meant, what is, what are you doing? In Japan, big fans are queuing. Yeah, they say it around the bricks. If someone knows culturally why, let me know. I think five and a half hours. That is the same that people queued, excluding Phillips Schofield to see the Queen's body. That was actually the ride. So this is where the argument comes in, right?

We think we can just go into this exit, but we find out, no, you can't go to that exit. You've got to go in that queue. And obviously, everyone should just point in and speaking in Japanese. So you're sort of like, okay. And we're showing them the past thing. We went, no, no, closed. Got into the old cross hands like DX, cross closed, go there. And they pointed at this massive, we was in it for a half an hour.

It's like basically a million people trying to get in a park. So we go to end of that queue. And until just looking at the queue, right? And I am thinking, fucking hell. this is massive also we have paid to stay in the hotel so you get here early access so we're feeling a little bit hard done by at this stage and i'm looking at the queue right and lou's dad was with us right as well he came on the trip now as i'm looking at the queue lou says don't look at me like that rob i'm not looking at her josh is there i'm looking

at the other i'm looking at the other and she told me off for looking at her like that and as i turned And Mick was, my father and was between me and Lou. As I turned, I went, Mick, mate, you saw that. I weren't even looking at her, was I? I wasn't even looking at her. Like a footballer going to the referee. We had that. I didn't touch him.

Fucking, get VAR on this. Get the fucking VAR on this. Mick was the VAR. And Mick pissed himself laughing, right? Yeah. And then as I did it, and then I went, Lou, I won't have been looking at you. And she went, I knew what you was thinking. And I was like, I can't be told off for thoughts.

That's not, we've got to draw a line somewhere. Yeah, it's not minority report. No, was that your doorbell? Yeah, it's what it rose is in there. Oh, right, fair enough. Yeah, so that was, that was a highlight for me. Oh, my God. Don't look at me right there.

How did that play out? Lou essentially accepted that I wasn't looking at it. But she had nothing, she didn't have a leg to stand on. Do you want to lose voice notes now? What about my body, my back hair? It's not all about that. There is one about Japan. Oh.

I'm just catching up on some of the podcast episodes because Rob asked me a bit sheepishly if I'd listened to any recently and I was like, oh no, I've had to chop. Because that was basically when we went on a food tasting tour in Kyoto. Yeah. The guy, we had sake tasting. Oh, there we go.

And I knew we'd spoken about sake. You were saying Lou Sucky Sucky Suckie Suck. No, I was. I wasn't saying that. It was you as a ringleader of the Sucky Sucky Sucky Suki Suki. I don't think it was. You were. You were the Sucky Sucky ringleader.

So as he went, as he was talking about the Saki, I was laughing. And Lou was like, why are you laughing? I was like, oh, have you listened to any of the podcast? You went, no. I went, oh, well, there's a thing that Josh, Josh was doing about the Sucky Sucky. Wow, that is, that is incredible. So that's why she then listened. Josh.

No, ringleader I had the kids And then obviously we've been in Australia and stuff And he went All right, okay I was like, why, what have you said I know, I know when he's done something Like a child that's eating sweets

That they're not allowed So yeah Thanks for the Tokyo stuff That was great Needless to say, didn't happen And also In terms of kind of little bed.

Shaving Robs Mac. I view a little bit like a necessary evil. He's, for a blonde man, he's very hairy. So it has to be done. I just would like it to me, not me who did it. But I don't know who else would do it. I did, Lizzie of back-lazared, but he's too blonde. So unless there's a laser company out there, in which case, please make yourself known.

I'm very grateful that can laser blonde hair. I think he's too, last time I checked, it was a while ago, he's too blonde. So I have, I have tried, I have tries to pass to say, she's as some instances, you see, the beauty laser therapist in the Romney area. But I can't find one at the moment, that to the move, someone as fair and angelic looking as Rob. So yes, now my thoughts, I had another thing that I wanted to say ages ago. That's enough. Before we came away and I can't remember what it was, but I wasn't.

wasn't happy about it. I mean, that could be any number of things, couldn't it? What was it? I was absolutely raging. Well, if it's not coming to her straight away? I don't know. If it comes back to me, or I think of something else to be cross about,

you know, in the next 30 seconds, I'll send that too. All right, thank you. That was it. It was the hair brushing. I'll number immediately. Immediately, it was the hair brushing that aren't too rough and that I like yank their hair.

I don't. I just brush their hair so that, The bristles go all the way to their scalp, not like in their scalp, not hard, but otherwise the underneath gets matted. And what I'd say is that Rob's attitude to hair washing, hair brushing is very much optional. It's like, they don't really need to have their hair wash? I'm like, yes, they've been swimming. They have to have their hair washed. You'll have to brush it.

So I'm not rough. I just brush it properly. She's like a fucking XL bully on there, Ed. A muzzle her hands. Can I say something? A couple of things. One about the hair brushing. My daughters have got the exact same hair as me. Very fine hair. Right. It's very Boris Johnson at a moment. Very fine hair, but there's loads of it. So it's actually quite delicate. Yeah. Loo's hair is different. So she's used to brushing her hair, whereas I'm used to brushing my hair. And the girl's hair is the same hair as mine. So I think she could be more gentle because she's dealing with a different product, which is our hair. They've, they've got different hair to the girls. She's got a different head to the girls. And the back shaving, I knew she didn't love it, but I didn't know it was a problem.

I thought it was a bit of, like, a little bit of a, you know, fun sort of in the trenches, blitz spirit. We both don't want to be here, but we're here. Let's make the most of it. Not let's actively find a way to end this. And doing a call out to blonde hair laser specialists. Talk about first world problems. Christmas is coming up, Rob.

you could get your back lasered for Lou wrap it up. I'd fucking love a chance to be able to do a 12-week course and be available once a week for 12 weeks at the same time. But it's not going to happen. I'm too busy. She's put me out to work. Sorry, what? Is it a 12-week course? Lasering hair? You could go back every week for weeks.

I'm sure they'll come to you. I'm not got enough time in the diary. I'm not, okay, sorry, a mobile, blonde hair, laser removal company. What kind of new shit is this? That's the shout out. Absolutely nailed what he's looking for. It's too niche. Email in.

Hello. Me and a boat from Pimicluppers getting mobily backlazered. So to sum up, Rob, the holiday. Any more? Amazing. What I would suggest, I know we keep threatening it, but me and Lou should do a deep dive on it for the listeners. For Disney.

I would say the adventure ones are very, very intense. and I would suggest booking like a like do if you're going to have two weeks off to do it do 10 days of like busy busy busy and then the last four days find somewhere to chill it's like a normal holiday did you do that no so that was when it's quite tiring and I don't think Gold Coast amazing for kids Tokyo amazing for kids Kyoto was a bit more grown up sort of kidless sort of vibe I think you need to be like two adults without kids to really get the most out of it but oh this is that was amazing we went to the great place called the reef sleep where you can you basically get a boat from hamilton island

or airy beach at the two locations the boat goes to this pontoon that's attached to the great barrier reef where you can sleep on it overnight on the top deck in tents looking at the stars so that was amazing a couple of things to know me about that we got on the boat and they said oh on the boat it's like a day trip boat so some people go for the day and then about 30 people stay overnight on it and then you go back with the ship when it comes with the next lot of day trip as the next day. We get there. This is your area.

We sit down and there's like basically the little area for the people because you have more luggage and stuff. So on the boat to the pontoon, you have a little area. We sat down and there's a lady sat on her own and she goes, oh, you might want to give me a bit of space.

I've got shingles. It's the first thing she said. This is my experience to the Great Barrier Reef. You might want to give me a bit of space. And I'm like, well, I'm sat next to her for three hours now then I'm getting on a pontoon with her overnight. And I was like, okay.

I'm just like, sure. If you don't have shingles, just like reschedule the boat trip. So, and then later on, in Australia, and especially, like, not as many people know who I am, obviously, in Japan, no one does. And in Australia, they sort of know I am, but not as like it is in the UK. Some Aussies on the boat, some UK people on the boat. Obviously, everyone gets chatting because we're sat around on a big table eating, we're on this pontoon together. So, like, you are trapped with these people for 24 hours. It was great. It was fine.

It's not for me. Do you like, would you go snorkeling? Well, um, no, I mean the other people. Yeah, I know. But then if, yeah, but if you don't like snooking, then it is bad because you're stuck on the pontoon with them. We was in the water most of the time. Oh, okay. No, I just meant the meal.

I just meant the meal. I don't want to, I don't want to have a big round table. It was, it was all right, too fair. There were five of us with the kids, so we sort of sat on one end and stuff. Anyway, the woman come up to me. It's like, oh, are you famous then? I was like, oh, well, yeah, people from the UK sort of know who I am. And she went, oh, oh, yeah, I thought you were Barry Gis.

I know my hair's got a bit longer, but I'm not 83. Isn't he dead? Well, okay, well, I'm not dead either, but... Oh no, he's still with us. How old is he? How old is he? 79. Seventy-nine.

Not a bad guess, was it, 83? Yeah. Oh, my word. And I don't think she thought I was Barry Gibb, but... No, no, no, she's a bit of a Barry Gim, but she's absolutely nailed you there. Oh, so, because we were in separate beds, the way we booked it. Me and Lou didn't sleep in the same bed for about 10. nights, right? The best sleep I've ever

had in my life. Yeah, fine. I think it's a problem for the relationship not in the same bed. Are you going to become one of those couples that have separate bedrooms? I think Lou would quite like to be the kind of couple that have separate houses. So we were on separate beds, right? Lou was snoring. Just meet in the middle to

shave your back and then go back into your house. Yeah, in the middle of the garden. So Lou was in a bed next to me, right? She was snoring. normally I just sort of gently like move her onto a different position to stop her snoring or shake her

but because I was in a separate bed and quite far away I was too tired to get up so I thought I was like in my head was like give her a little tap with a pillow right to like acknowledge that like you're snoring

like move or shut up right but it was quite far right your doorbell is going to be a problem I think going forward what she made well it's quite loud well that's because it's the doorbell yeah I know but we are trying to record a podcast

people love the size of life well Michael thoughts I mean I don't love it but so what would you do about your doorbell Rob if I was recording the podcast I'd maybe like move the bell to another part of the house or this isn't the room I'm going to record the podcast in

but you are recording it now you don't have to be so defensive all I'm saying is we're recording a podcast and the doorbell keeps going off which is an ideal. People love the size of life, Rob. Anyway, we're laying in separate beds. I think I'll just give her a little nudge with a pillow.

But the bed's quite far away. So I've got, it's that delicate balance of giving it enough momentum to get there. But not too much that it takes their head off. Well, so you're hitting her with a pillow? Yeah. No, give her a tap. Why do you need a pillow if you're giving her a knife? That's the nearest thing to me, and I didn't want to get out of bed.

Why don't you just use your arm? Couldn't reach a separate bed too far. So you're just going to, what, plonk a pillow on and kind of... Just a little tap on the arm with a pillow. That's not moving our position. It's waking up. Yeah. Yeah.

It is. I misjudge it. Yeah. And let's say... I've misjudged your decision. Friendly off. Let's say, I've misjudged it, but I've not under... I've not underpowered it.

No, no. I can see where this is going. So you've swung over a pillow to whack her. Yeah. And it's one of them, like, soft pillows that sort of it all falls to one end. So I, it feels like really... light, but then I'm like, cool, I need to give it something, because it's like, obviously, all the weights at the bottom end.

Because it's also got momentum, yeah, because it's kind of kind of slingshot situation. I, fucking wallop her in the head. That is like a bean bag being launched her head. What was that? I was like, you were snoring. What times this? Three in the morning.

Middle of the night, though. Oh, my God. Middle of the night. And also, as well, Lou's agreed that 18 kids at the, I, We need a plan. So we're going to ask... Thank you for taking that on board. We're going to ask the parents to stay

to get their boots on. Yeah. And then that'll be it. Good luck with that. Good luck with boots off. I don't think we're fuck about boots off. They're safe. You know, because if they fall off

and the boots loose. Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah. It's quite difficult for kids to undo those boots. Yeah, but then they can sit and fucking wait, can't they? Yeah. You know how to make a party fun.

Happy birthday. You think this is a long way. You should go to fucking Disney and Japan, mate. Five and a half hours for some popcorn or whatever it is. That's a mad flavour as well. It was like black pepper and garlic shrimp.

How are you doing the ice skating bit? Just you and Lou and 18 kids? Yeah. And are they all good skaters? Is that my problem? No, it won't be. We get on the ring and they can go to town. They'll just sort of shuffle around the edge.

Yeah, fine. Yeah. They're old, they're 10. They've got to learn at some point. Yeah, fine. Yeah, looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to it. If anyone's got any questions about it, I can't remember what we did.

I think we've covered it, Rob. Tooth came out. Japanese tooth fairy made it, is it? Do they believe in the tooth fairy? They believe you just fucking throw the tooth on the frorily hard. What do you mean? That's what you do with it. No, no, there's no Japanese...

In Japan? Yeah. What do you mean? Let me have a look. So there's a different tooth fairy thing Yeah, but Rob, it's just your family So don't you just operate the normal tooth fairy Well, no, we were like saying they were kids going

What happens in Japan? I was like, well, let's look it up Oh, I see, that's clever In Japan, the tradition is not a tooth fairy But a practice where children throw lost teeth To encourage new ones to grow straight A lower tooth is thrown onto the roof Well, the roof Is thrown onto the ground

Are you fucking? No, no, they've got, they're not teeth on their roofs, mate. No, no. That's got, you know, this custom is rooted in belief that mice have strong, continuously growing teeth, and that throwing the tooth in the correct direction will guide. The new tooth to grow strong and straight, much like a mouse's. It's actually more logical than our traditions, that you hide it under a pillow and get a quid for it from a fairy. Yeah, I think it's, yeah, it's right.

It's a bit like, salt over the shoulder. Exactly, Rob. Salt over the shoulder. Salt over the shoulder. Yeah, so that was, yeah, that's what, well, you bet, I've, sorry, I've just spoke at it. you for an hour. It's all right. We'll just do mine next week.

That's fine. Yeah. Do you want me to trail it? Tell us what you got. We'll talk about. I got trapped in a school that wasn't the one my daughter went to. Lovely. Here we go.

Are these sitcom plot ideas? I'm not yet across the mental load of the new school because I've basically been on tour since the start. of the new school and then I was left in charge with hilarious consequences lovely and Rose loved it I imagine that you were having to do it it was I well we'll come to it but I was incredibly good at the last school

with a mental load but then literally the moment they joined this school you went on tour I went on tour so I'm like a kind of Victorian dad who hasn't do you know what I mean like that's what I've because I was pretty good when I was off tour Lou was still before Luke sent your fucking voice note Lou was still the main driver of that.

Obviously, default parent by the book. Lessons from a default parent and buy it on Amazon, pre-order it. But I've got worse as the busier I've been this year. Well, I was good at the last school, but I just haven't had time to adapt to this one. Evolve or die, Josh. Evolve or die. Well, there we go. We'll cover that next week.

Small business? Well, no, it's quite a big business. Actually, they're on. Oh, we've got one here. This one, hello, I called Bald, Blonde Basters Limited. Hi, I would like to give a small business shout out to my best friend Kay,

who started her own sleep consultancy this year. She's a trained sleep consultant who specializes in working in the Kent-based families to get their children into a routine and ultimately better sleep. She also has downloadable sleep guides on her website to purchase. She has helped so many people get their babies in a routine,

which in turn leads to parents feeling refreshed and achieving what can sometimes feel like the unachievable. I had my twins in 2024 and followed her advice and guidance. I can happily say that my babies have slept very well and my husband and I couldn't be more grateful for her knowledge. That's sleepingbabieskent.com.com.com or Instagram at sleeping babies Kent. And that's B-A-B-I-E-S. Never stop this podcast because it makes by a week. Thank you, Emma. Cheers at Emma. A good luck Okay. Rob. Yeah.

I'm going to have to do a amnesty on theatre delivered small businesses. I'm going to do the ones I've got. Yeah. But I'm receiving more than one a week. I can't keep up with them at this stage. And then I always pop in my bag and they get lost. Yes. So any that I've still got, I'll do those in time.

But otherwise, I'm never going to get to do ones that have been sent in by people who aren't coming to the tour. I feel that's unfair. Yeah, but then the people that are coming to still have paid. Okay, they're back in the game. And they've made effort to bring it to you. Okay, well, I'll keep doing them then. But, but please don't. He's changed your two.

Yeah, well, I like that. How'd you turn Whitacom? Hi, Josh and Rob. My name is Jensen and I'm 11 years old. Ooh. So he came to your dressing room to give you that in person? No, he didn't come to a dressing room to give me that in person. Oh.

I go to school here in Truro. I'm sorry I'm not old enough to watch the show tonight. Oh, you got effort to. And Jeffers in your show. Oh, you've heard about my damn Walker joke. I am, but, um... Are you 40 plus as well? Yeah, and I don't know why.

Jensen, I don't care if you do come. Do come, this is... You can come to a different... I know you're in Truro, so it's a mile from the others. But you could come, and I'd happily have you come, and you can just play this clip. Well, no, no, you can't. You're 14 plus.

You can't start changing that now. How would Jensen like it, if you started talking about pussy? One of your routines about how much you love pussy. And he's there going, So mum and dad and their friend Rich are watching you tonight But I will keep listening to your podcast in the car with mum The deal is I can listen and laugh But not repeat some of the words I hear

I know he's just been preceded He's going to he knows pressing I know you live near Sorry, I hope you're happy there I know from listening to you Know from listening that you do a thing called Small Business shoutout I was wondering if you could do one for my

Mummers and Dadas business They are financial advisors here in Truro but cover all over the UK. They really care about their clients and are always working so hard for them. They make boring subjects seem more fun so people can understand it all easier and make their dreams happen.

Can I stop you there? This is when the mum's a dad had started writing the letter. I can pinpoint the exact moment Jensen's relinquished the pen. I know what you're doing. The keyboard. Their emails are Daniel.

Gamble at You can't be a financial advisor Your surname Gamble Well he said Yes our surname is funny For what they do Lowell no we aren't related to Ed But Ed doesn't set age limits

On his show so I did go to see him He needs all the help he can get And put some sweets in here for you For your journey back to Exeter He included some Percy Pigs So is Ed Gamble Got children at his gigs I don't know

I ask him about the age of it Because I'm like I've got a 12 round could definitely come. Maybe 11 plus. Yeah, maybe 11 plus. Secretary Scott. Anyway, Daniel.

Dot Gamble at Dutchie I-F-A. Dutch E-U-C-H-Y-A-I-F-A-C-O-D-E-F-A-O-K and Emma. dot-Gamble at Dutchie-I-FA.com. Jensen Gamble, 136 months. Josh, anything else? I'll need to hear about you next week. Sorry for talking at you for so much.

No, don't worry. I enjoyed it. You've been in fucking Japan. All I've done has been locked in a school. That's fair enough. if you want yeah maybe if you send in questions about taking or holidays with families in Australia and Japan we will get we will we are we have got plans next year when we're not working so much to do some more episodes potentially about more specific things and you know

these questions will be logged and used when the time comes and if you've got if you want anything about how to get out of a school you've been locked in I will be telling you about that next Tuesday see you then Or is it Monday? There's Tuesday. Who knows? They go out on Tuesday. You must know that.