Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP31: Rob does some bad parenting

Episode Date: November 28, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... In this episode the team discuss international wedgie alternatives, customer service revenge stories and the perils of a potential ski holiday with young kids in tow. Enjoy! If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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IKEA, bring home to life. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whitakum. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and our children, And hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting.

Each week, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Emerson, can you say Rob Beckett? Jump bucket

Can you see Josh Whittaker? Jopachan. There you go, Emerson. I couldn't really hear that, but I don't know if that's... There's a real ruffle at the start, isn't there? Emerson. Emerson, can you say...

Where does she keep Emerson in her front pocket? Do you remember the football player at Emerson, Rob? Yes, I do. He was planning Middlesbrough. He had this sort of curly black sort of shiny hair. and used to do a celebration where he'd put one foot behind his calf and spin, and I used to think

that is so cool, and I tried to do it when I played football. That is cool. Didn't you go AWOL? Who's that? He went AWOL. He was one of those players that just ran off. Well, look, no offence to Middlesbrough, but if you're from Brazil and you're in Middlesbrough in January, it's a tough place.

I'm from South London and I struggle to gig in Middlesbrough in January. Imagine trying to play football and do your little celebration. Where's he getting his hair cut? Well, he's not Rob. It's like it's so curly and long. Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, I think I might win the price

for the longest gap between recording and sending an intro. As this recorded when my son, Emerson, was two years and eight months old and he is now, Drummole, five years and eight months. That's right. It's taken me three years. Wow.

I think at the time I had intended to do it again and tried to get a better performance that I remember, hey, I have three kids and a full-time job. So I never got round to it and this is the best. got. It was cute to listen back all those years later. Keep up the good work. Anna Marie in Cardiff, originally from Surrey and grew up in Amsterdam. So don't you'll guess the accent.

We did mollet. Emerson, so unless a partner has got some sort of like South American heritage, Emerson's a wild name. Emerson Fittipaldi, who's that? Who? Who's that? Emerson. You sounded like, you know, when they regenerate players on championship manager or FIFA when you've played it too long? Fittipaldi. They put stuff together like Cristiano Rooney. He was a racing driver from the 70s.

Why is that name in my house? He loved a bit of racing in South American, isn't they? Is he South American? Yeah. His nose is something else. If you brought up a racing car driver, now you're sort of giving him grief about the size of his nose. Rob, look at his nose.

How big is it? Should I put me head out the window? So I don't know what's happened to his nose. Brazilian guy. And now I'm worried he's had a crash. Okay, yeah. I can see what... now I feel bad

I can see what you're saying as a younger driver his nose looks completely different to it does now so I imagine maybe he's had some sort of accident but does your nose grow as you get older

well if he's lied no because ears grow don't they because his nose looks completely different as a young man to old we'll get on with the show

yeah Michael could you look into whether Emerson fit a Paldi what happened to his nose yeah because I think it's just grown I don't think there's been an accident

because He did have a crash in 1973 while he was lucky to not have been injured in that particular incident. He was involved in a high-speed crash in 96, resulting in a fractured vertebrae and partly collapsed lung. In his nose. Are you suggesting he's got a vertebrain, isn't that? This seems mean. Oh, no. Is he alive?

Oh, God. Poor old Emerson fitter-powdy. Oh, look, he was a friend of George Harrison. He was with him just before he died. No, he's still alive, I think. He's 78. According to Chat GBT, GPT, no. According to Wikipedia, now we do you believe.

He's got seven children, though, get him on. Absolutely. Including Emerson, Jr. Poor old Emerson Fittapald. He's woken up in Sal Pilo at 78. He's flicked on his favourite podcast, Parent in Hell, with Rob Beckett and Josh Whitakum. And all of a sudden, he's getting absolute pelters for his looks,

which is really, really, 9093 of you. Which is really bad. It's a bit old school, isn't it? It's not my kind of humour, usually. and we're not being funny about it. No, no, no, but in your defence, you didn't turn up with loads of jokes on Emerson Fittapaldi's looks.

No, no, I just Googled him. The difference between his nose as a young man and an old man is startling. And I think that's fine to say out loud and not comment any further. Look at those different pictures. But what's interesting, it's got longer and lower. I've never seen anything like it.

The difference, it's like it's not him. Yeah, it looks a bit like, I can spit an image puppet of him. I didn't know anyone whose nose is completely transformed without work. So I've done some digging on both sides. Yeah. I can't find any record. I can't find any record or history of any kind of accident or surgery.

But I've got some detail on what happens to the nose over time, which I think if you look at his face in no shape, it kind of explains what's happened. I'm not about to learn that people's nose is completely transformed. I've seen people grow old before. This hasn't happened. Michael's got medical evidence. We don't, you know, we're not sick as scientists on this pod. Go ahead.

He's our expert. The rest is science. We're coming for you. And a fry in the other one. Firstly, I am not saying this is medical evidence. I am just regurgitating an AI overview. Oh, okay. So a person's nose doesn't grow larger with age, but it can appear to because of changes

in the cartilage skin and supporting structures. So key factors, gravity, over time, gravity pulls the nose, soft tissues downwards, causing the tip. But where's he been living? Mercury. Causing the tip to droop and the nose to lengthen. Now, I'd argue if you look at the young pictures of him, he does have a sort of slightly more pronounced tip to his nose, even as a young man. Do you think?

Yeah. I think we're looking at a heavy tip that's been dragged down by gravity over the years. I'm sorry, but unless he spent the whole time on a roller coaster, huge G-forces. But he's been in a Formula One guy. to be bad. That is true. There is a lot of G-Force there. And has he been driving backwards

by any shots? Or upside down? The weakening cartilage, the cartilage that supports the nose loses strength and elasticity with age, leading to a wider, more bulbous tip. God, yeah. So I think he's just unfortunate combination

of his occupation, plus his natural nose size and cartilage. This freakish visage in later. Michael, we've really tiptoed around the edges of this fucking horrendous schnoz, because I'd say, as a younger man, he is a good-looking bloke. Oh, absolutely, yeah.

And then says... No, I'd say as an older man, he's not... A woman in Brazil going, this is not what I signed up for. It's just very different, isn't it, from when you look at it? Would you do a deal

on being incredibly good-looking from 15 to 35, but then it all descending badly? So what was that? Again, what's your question? I'm sorry, I'm just really fucking knee-deep in cartilage of nose and G-Force. Also, famously in the 70s, they did do a Hot Wheels loop-the-loop on a view of Formula One concert. Did he do that?

No, he did. I'm joking. What was the options? Of course they need to fucking loop-the-loop in real life. Surely you can do a loop-the-loop in real life, can you? Not in an F-1. Not in an F-1 car, no, but you can in a normal car, can you? Yes, you can, yeah. Would you do this deal? Go on.

At the start of your life, right? you are going to be incredibly good looking from 15 to 35, the key years. Yeah, okay. But then it's all going to go wrong and you're going to be, by the age of 60, you're going to be quite really ugly. I'm going to say no deal on that. Okay. I'm going to tell you why.

And also sort of pat myself on back for taking the deal of me just at 40, turning into a pure, sexy, hunky, funky chap. That wasn't the other offer. The other offer is five out of ten the whole way. I'm flipping that. I'm doing it the other way. I'm coming in heavy in my 60s. That's what I'm saying.

No, so the reason I wouldn't do that is because I've seen it happen in real life where people get that, the good-looking kid at school or girl at school, that then is super popular with the other sex growing up. And sometimes that leads to no personality being invented. Yes. Because you don't need to because everyone laughs at your jokes and everyone's on board. And then as you drop off, they become very insecure because no one's given them the attention or looking at them anymore.

Because I think being very attractive, it's almost like being slightly famous. Yeah. Everyone wants to be kind to you. Everyone wants to be polite to you. People can stop you in the street and say hello and try and chat you up or give you better service because they're attracted to you. But then it's almost like being cancelled when the old cartilage drops, you know, as we've spoken about. So I think their head goes later in life. With the good looking people at school, I'd say generally as a rule, those people don't hold up, do they?

I think if you peak at secondary school with sort of, also sometimes sort of like the popular kid at school, this is what my opinion of it, if you're super successful at school in like school or academia or popularity, sometimes I think what happens then is you're too scared to make any changes to who you are because you think, well, no, this is what everyone loves me for, but then as you become 30 and you're still doing things that were cool when you were 16, you've got to evolve and move with the times, but they're scared because they think this works for me. There's that episode of Friends, isn't there? There's an episode of friends

where Monica goes out with the guy that was the coolest at school and he's basically still exactly the same guy. Yeah, and that's what happens. You see him and they're like, no one's coming out anymore. When we go into this party, you know, no one's been to that pub for 12 years mate. Yeah. You know, you live with your mum and she gets you from

Bonbonnies. Exactly. Bobbony's was a club and I was right. And your nose is dropping like a fucking stage. You've got to move on from the nose. This poor guy. Anyway, thanks for listening for Fittipaldi, yeah. Fittipaldi. We would take you in.

You won two Formula One World Championships. I hate Formula One so much. Do you hate it? It's my least liked sport, possibly horse racing, I find dreary as well. I don't really hate anything unless people, like, I find Formula One fans sort of keep it themselves a bit. Yeah, I don't hate it in the way that I'm like. They're not like in your face with it.

That's the wrong thing to say. I'm not like annoyed. Like, it doesn't get in my grill. Cycling competitions annoy me when they shut roads. and there's no one watching. I always think I quite fancy being a fan of the Tour de France. Oh, God, no. I just think pound for pound,

you have to shut so many roads for no one to enjoy it. Yeah, but it's in France. It doesn't make any difference. The only people watching the bikes go past are people stuck in traffic that've got out of their car to work out what's happening. I love it. I love it.

Really? I love the romance of the King of the Mountains. The King of the Mountains a bloke on the motorbike filming it. I quite like Bradley Wiggins, I'd take him on. Anyway, sorry. I've done some bad parenting. Are we going to do some correspondence, but I've got some parenting?

It's really bad, actually. I'm laughing, but it's really horrendous. So I've got these World Life Photographer of the Year books, which I really like. Have you seen these books? You know, they have the exhibition every year. Well, and Ramesh had a go. Yeah, we actually did it for Robin Ramesh,

which is on Sky, on Demand now at the moment. Anyway, I've got a few of these books. My daughter loves animals. She's obsessed with animals. on her birthday or Christmas list she always put animal fax books or she always puts all animals in the world to be safe and cared for you know like that that's a big ask big ask in it you know anyway so she's well into animals and uh anyway so she loves these books she's been reading these look like look at these picture books at night

of all the photography anyway i heard her crying upstairs oh no she coming with a book i didn't know this and i've got beef with the wildlife photographer of the yearbook at the end they've got a whole section of photos of like the impact of humans on animals. There's horrendous photos of like animals trapped in nets. Well there's a few sort of easy ones which is like a seahorse that's got his tail wrapped around of cotton bud where it's like

that is bad, right? Great, good to see. And there's like a turtle trapped in a net and you're like, okay, that's not nice to see, but just an elephant being hacked with a machete as they hold up its bloody tusk. Oh my fucking God. the worst one.

That win the animal photograph of the year. I don't know. I think there might be a section for guilt. The ones to do with conservation. Yeah. And then the next one, which my daughter saw,

and basically couldn't sleep last night. I had to sleep with it all night, was the decapitated head of a gorilla in a bowl next to a banana. Jesus fucking Christ. And she's seven and seen this. Oh, my God. I didn't know it was in there.

So like, honestly, Josh, it was like watching a horrendous video. You know, on like X or Twitter, send you them like you'd like you flick through it's like horrendous because I feel like it needs to have a bit of a It's good to know that you've never got to the end of the book

though Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Well I think I had but I'm really realised that it was in there I'd forgot it was in there you know can I do read books including picture ones but yeah like I do think it needs to say if you are I know it's an educational book and it's not for kids but Jesus Christ mate I want to get kids into it like did she show you or were you like? Well, no, she was like the horrible pictures of the dead animals, a dead animal

and got all upset. She was basically burst into tears, but she looked like she'd seen a horror film and it was like, this picture's horrific. Oh my God. Did she mention it this morning? No, she didn't. And then I found her a Lego mini figures book that she looked at, which, to fair, I had quite a lot decapitated heads, but. Slightly different fun. Yeah, so that was awful. It's Canadian Tires Black Friday sale. the lowest prices of the year. Hello, can we go?

Limbo again. Shop the Black Friday sale at Canadian Tire and save up to 60%. November 27th to December 7th. Conditions apply, details online. Where do you sleep when you're sleep in our room? So when she's really upset, she's much better now, but I used to lay in bed with her.

But actually, landing bit of it, you're in the way, you're making noise, like, so what I do now is I go, look, if you're a bit upset in the room, I'll stay with, I'll say, my backer. a bit. So can I lay on the floor because it helps it on the hard floor with a pillow? She's like, yeah, okay. So like, she's not in the room alone. Yeah. And then when she falls asleep, I'd get up and leave the thing. So that's fine. But then in the night she came in, she had a bit of a nightmare. So at the moment, we're not

having to sleep with her all night. We're not having to lay in the bed with her. Well, before we was having to like cuddle her to sleep, which doesn't happen anymore. But in the night she'd come in and Lou had to be up early to do her audio book for a book. Lessons from a default parent. Pre-order now. Or it might be out, don't I? No, it's not February. So I got in bed with her. Then I'm laying. in bed of her and then it's really hard to like sleep probably so we both went to sleep and then I woke up and you're not sleeping probably so I'm not my back hurts I'm tired so I said to her this morning and went oh when we come in bed with you you know once we're both asleep if mommy or daddy

wake up before the morning do you want us to stay with you or go back to our room because when we both woke up this morning she's like dad can get out of the bed can get out of the bed because one doesn't want a dad in a bed really and too like it's uncomfortable so she was like yeah yeah If you, you know, once I'm asleep, if you wake up, go back in if you want. So it's sort of slow progress. But she's been absolutely fine since that book. Me and Lou are like, oh, no, we've done so well to get her like, not having nightmares. Oh, God.

And then I asked, this is weird. I asked the kids, or I asked the youngest where she wants to go on holiday. Because I was like, where do you want to go? Is there any countries you want to go to or anything you want to do or see, just to get an idea of what they're, you know, rather than me and Lou sort of leading the charge all the time. And she went, I want to go to Switzerland. I was like, all right, why do you want to go to Switzerland? She went, I want to see a lepracorn.

Tax reasons. She can't always see a lepricorn. Well, two problems there. One, they don't exist. And two, if they did exist, definitely Ireland. Yeah. So, yeah, so they want to go to Switzerland and see a lepracorn. But I don't know why.

I keep saying, why do you want to go Switzerland? She's like, yeah, I don't know what she's seen. Skiing? I don't know. Rob, can I be honest, we've booked a skiing holiday. This is exciting. I want to do it. We've just not had time because of Luz-Book.

launch and my tour and stuff like that. We're thinking about going, not this winter coming, next winter. Yeah. That's the problem with skiing, isn't it? You've got to go in the winter. Because Rose can ski, but all of us, the other three, are being shoved in ski school. Right. I think you're going to love it.

I think this is great. But where are you... I'm dreading ski school. What have you booked? Have you put like a... I don't know. Rob Rose is all. And like, holidays is where I just tap out because it's better.

Old school 70's dad. Rose loves searching for. holidays. That's her thing, yeah. And talking about holidays, and I'm absolutely, I hate it. You wouldn't go on holiday, I don't think, if it was up to you. I think you would just fine, chill stuff to do at your house. I like my life.

I don't need to, I know, I would go on holiday, but actually, I wouldn't get around to it. I don't think you'd go. I think you'd just go, whatever, I'll just, you know, crack on. So where are you going? The Dolomites? Is that a place? I've got no idea. They sound like a band from the 80s.

We're going to the dolomites, Rob. Where's the dolomites? That knows. But I am nervous about it. Because Rose used to always try and sell it to me. Oh my God, it looks incredible. Oh, yeah, it's supposed to be amazing. I mean, it looks great.

It does look amazing. The problem with skin is if you go somewhere fancy, you'll be surrounded by absolute punishers. Absolute. Pure twonks. I don't want to go to ski school or have to talk to other grown-ups about learning to ski. Well, I'm sure you could get private lessons.

I would suggest getting private lessons. One, because you're not going to have to talk to people about the last leg or what Jimmy Carr's like. Two, they can focus on you and you'll make better progress. Yeah. I would do it away from Rose. Well, she doesn't want to do that. She doesn't need to learn.

Yeah, so let her go off. So this is what I've been told. You want to go to somewhere that is a hotel or resort that's on the mountain because the worst part of it is, Josh, is getting on the... I think you're going to hate it, personally. The amount of admin of getting dressed And because your youngest is, what, four, five? He will still be four, basically five.

The issue there is, Josh, you're going to have to carry everyone's skis. Well, I'm all right with that. That's the least of my problems. No, I can't ski. That's my main issue. Look, the skiing actually isn't too bad. Because once you get up there and you get taught a bit, it's quite good fun, right? You just go down, up, down up, and it's quite good fun.

The issue is... I don't like the idea of a ski lift. They scare me. You're in trouble. What about gondolas? You're on gondolas, you know, the glass box ones? No, gondolas are the boats in Venice No, I think they're called gondolas as well

Who are they? I know that you're definitely right on that Has anyone been more less informed? I completely lost confidence in gondolas I think someone might have made it up and made me laugh Gondola lift A gondola lift is a type of cable transport I'll just get on the ski lift, it's fine

Didn't you almost die in a gondola? No, so there's different types basically when you're going up mountains They have them, you know, look, what are those things in English seasides, you'll know this, that go up and down. Yeah, like cliff, up and down the cliff. Yeah, so you have big ones like that, then you get other ones that get about six people in, and then you get these metal chairs that have a little lap bar. Yeah, yeah, they're the ones that scare me.

And they are high pressure because you have to ski off them with your skis on. What? So those ones... No. No, because people are holding their skis on them. No, no, no, not on the metal chairs that go up and down. Oh, fuck that sideways. And even people that ski struggle with it.

like stay in the lodge or whatever it's called. That's not really what the point of skiing is. No, but I could just enjoy the snow. Do they do sledging? You can do sledging and stuff like that. You look like a tosser if you're sledging, won't you? But you can't sledge on the ski, that'll be a separate place.

Right, that's quite embarrassing. So I can't believe you've never seen a ski lift before. I've seen a ski lift. I was trying a little video for you. Plymouth had a dry ski slope when I was a kid, Rob. Yeah. Have you ever been on a dry ski slope? It was basically bristles.

Yeah, I've seen them. So would there be a ski lift for that? No, because I never got to the point. We went for a couple of lessons. I never got to the slope where you'd ski lift. The way we'd have to go up the hill. Yeah. Fucking out.

You basically, it's all bristly, and you'd keep your skis on. Yeah. And you'd sidestep up the hill like this. Okay. Josh just stood up with his Blink 182 outfit on. Yep. That's sideways stepping. So you'd have to go all the way up like that.

Like that. You won't be doing that for the big slopes, because it will be a mountain. No, I wouldn't be doing that up the dolomites. I'm not going to be sidestepping up a dolomite. My advice would be just get as many lessons as you can and don't be dragged onto more difficult slopes until you're ready because that's when you won't enjoy it.

I'm not going on a black run. No, exactly. So just stay on blues or green, like the lowest one in the whole week. One worry I don't have is that I'll get overconfident and I'll go for it. That's not really in my DNA. You cut me and I bleed that.

You've done those skiing gigs. I've skied a few times. I'm okay skiing now. But my, yeah, I can get, if I went now and had one lesson, I could go down, fine. So our plan is to do it at the girls next year. There'll be 11 and 9,

whereas I've always wanted to go when the girls are older so I can say you've got to carry skis. You've really got a thing in your head about this ski carrying, haven't you? Josh, how much do kids moan when it's cold and you're walking through the park? Right, now stick it on top of a fucking mountain

I went to the park since I left London It's fucking brilliant And they go my goggles don't fit You know I see a lot of kids crying on mountains So sorry, how often are you on a mountain Well I've done the two ski gigs Yeah I was up in San Maritz filming with Ramesh

For the Winter Olympics one And I saw loads then I just think when they're really little It is hard graft basically Yeah But I think if you put them in the ski school They'll teach them and they'll have a good time But I think it'll be right up for

But we'll see what happens you might take to it like a duct of water. Do you like being cold? Are you right in the cold? I don't feel the cold. I just did an icy school drop in shorts. Respect. I will wear shorts every morning of the year. You're one of those guys. You should have been a postman. I think I'd have been quite a good post. You've been an excellent postman. You love a little routine.

I'd have loved it with my little trolley. I think I'd also quite enjoy being in the sorting office and just getting everything in the right piles. You've really lit up then? I think I'd love being a postman. Oh, thank you to the people that... So, you know, when I said my other job I'd love is to deliver the refreshments on a train. I did get offered by a train company to do that.

But I think the problem with that is I wouldn't love it now because people would recognise me. So they'd be chatting to you. So the whole point of being able to just enjoy it would be lost over people going, why are you doing this? Sorry, is this a TV show or something? Have you got a job now doing the refreshments on Great Western Rail?

way or whoever it was. I've got an idea for a show. Yeah. We should pitch this, okay? Yeah. You know that undercover boss? Yeah. Undercover celebrity, undercover famous person.

Right, yeah. And what you do is you put them in makeup. Yeah. So they go and do a normal job looking like a normal person and see what it's like and see what they're treated like and have to deal with rowdy people rather than this, you the bloke from? You've got a prosthetic on. So they're like, why is Emerson fit a Pouty delivering my, um, tea? Of course, he's still going strong. He just loves speed that.

guy he's got to keep moving forward whatever's happening no no there's no point in dressing up a celebrity's another celeb also i don't think i'm ever some fit of pouty's another celebrity there's not no one's very few people are going to hold it's not roman kemp no exactly you should do that some prosthetics a little voice and then what's the reveal at the end that you take your dress off and you're not a woman it was i josh rindicum yeah not maureen the dinner lady after all yeah I don't know, really. It's more of like a, what's it like not getting recognised and just being, you know, what you'd have to do is put them on like a rowdy shift.

So like you do like first class for the business one on a Monday. You got to get good bookings for that because the last thing you need is you're struggling for bookings. And then suddenly someone who's barely a celibist doing the sum up. Well, yeah, when they ripped the mask off, that's quite Joel Domit's under so much pressure on that show because he doesn't know who's the mask singer. so he has to win it they rip the mask off if he don't know has to be told in his ear really quick when I went Rob

so you do the whole thing you do the mask singer I took my kids to the mask singer Joel got me tickets it was great they got to meet Jonathan all this great stuff right it's a long old record obviously there's lots of set up and no outcome you don't get to see the outcome do you

yeah we did because we were in the kind of inner circle they were like do you want to hang out the anus of ITV so it was like an extra hour for a bunch of what would have them been like six-year-olds. Oh, right. I can't tell you how underwhelming it was for them

when Carol Decker from Tepaul was revealed. From what? Do you remember Carol Decker from Tepau? No. China in your hands? Oh. You'd know the song China in your hands. No, it sounds like a Donald Trump quote.

Oh, here we go. Back in our book, the week's back. They haven't got him on, have they? Carol Decker. Yeah, no, I don't know Carol. Decker. Well, welcome to my situation where we've waited an extra hour. Well, it's this different generation.

Obviously, she's huge to a certain demographic. Yeah, but the problem is your kids have waited and then there's like, is Carol Decker? You're like, also, without it being Mr. Tumble, what the fuck are we waiting for here? Do you know what I mean? Well, it's amazing how much my kids now love Alan Carr, Jonathan Ross and Cat Burns. Do you not know this song? Oh, yeah, I know that. Does she shout China in your hand in that as a chorus?

Yeah, it's like, China in your hands. I know that song, but I never knew she shouted China in your hands. Don't do-da-da-da-da-da-d-it's like China. What's the song about? It's not the country, it's the, it's fragile, love or whatever she's talking about. It's fragile like China in your hands. I thought she meant. China.

No, no, no, no. She doesn't mean China in your hands. She means like... It's like when you sneeze with COVID. What, what do you mean? China in your hands. I've got chike from COVID. Oh, I see.

Yeah, yeah. Actually, let's cancel the week again. That would have got the old snit on the studio floor, but you know me and I'll recall, Josh, I will keep going. You will keep going. And the fear is that you say something I'm funny and then someone says something funny off it

and then it's in the edit. I'm like a dog trying to fuck a rug. You are. You are break the rug or keep me to fuck. Exactly. But put it in the end. edit. We all want to watch a dog fucking a rug. Should we do some correspondence?

Oh. You've sent me a video of a chairlift. Oh, I don't like that. Yeah, no, the chairlift, you have to sort of ski onto it. It scoops your bum up. The lap bar goes down. And then it never stops, Josh. So you have to pull the lap bar off, slide off before it goes back down again. Right, yeah. And you'll be doing that with two children.

Oh, God. You'll have to break up and go kid each. Oh, God. Oh, God. I think you go with the oldest, then Rose can go with the youngest because the youngest don't need more help, and Rose's better skiing. Well, we don't know. I might be a natural. Maybe.

Do you think? Don't break your leg. See, that's the thing with skiing. It does feel like it's not worth it. Oh, yeah, it was a great holiday. I got fucking helicoptered off a mountain side. For free grad. Yeah.

Just make sure you get lessons and make sure the kids get lessons. But I think it'd be fun because I think even if the kids really hate the ski school, you all could go, all right, it's all right, I'll take them sledge in and go for a hot chocolate and do all the, because there's loads of fun stuff around it. It'll be fun. Right. We've got some more correspondence, Josh, to do. Oh, we're straight on in the wedgy stuff.

I've got this one about the hamster. Just listening to the hamster deaf podcast. Are you sure it's dead? I mistakenly buried one and threw another in the bin. One dug itself out and disappeared, and I spotted what I thought was a rat in my bin. It was actually the resurrection of hamster number two. They were both hibernating, not dead.

No, the vet was very clear that he was in his last day. Oh, you took it to a vet? Not once he was dead, but in the week before, we took him to the vet, and she was like... Right. Okay, it wasn't hibernating. This is end of life. Do you want to defrost it, just a check?

I think that would probably be the end, wouldn't it? Where's the hamster at the moment? Well, we're time sensitive here. I know we're time sensitive here, but... Okay, well... I'm asking you three days... I'm asking you... This one was recorded a while ago.

I'm asking you three days after I asked you where hamster was. Where is it still? Shall I answer that with a different fact? Go on. The different fact is my spade arrives from Amazon today. My case rest, Your Honour. But you can't dig a hole without a spade. You can't dig a hole without a spade.

Actually, I've tried this. We've got a fork, but not a spade. Yeah. Right. And we've got a tree that's a family heirloom from Rose's mum. Wow. Like a bush. So how many generations has it been?

Quite a lot. How posh is Rose? He's done, like, their clippings rebuild it. Fuck off. What is this some sort of aeronings? aristocratic stately home shit. Not quite. It's a little bush.

But anyway, I've never heard. I have to dig it in when we got here to save it. And I only had a fork and it's fucking impossible to dig a hole with a fork because it's just going between the holes. You think I can probably

do it with the fork. No, no, no, no one thinks they can dig a hole of a fork. No, everyone knows. You can't. Because it's just a bigger version. You wouldn't eat soup with it? No, exactly.

but I thought maybe the mud had stick together and you know. You're a dreamer. Yeah. Well, anyway, good luck with the burial. I've got a wedgy news after I talked about the atomic wedgie. What's the wedgy news?

On a recent episode of school wedgies came up, I wanted to share the Korean school version. Here we go. North or south. I live in Korea, originally from Wales, and have two kids, 10 and 7, who go to Korean school. How do you end up there?

Oh, my husband, in brackets, Korean. That's how you end up there. This follows it. I haven't read what it. is yet. But she says, my husband in back at Korean literally sees nothing wrong with this and is seen as an amusing national pastime for primary age kids.

Right. This is a thing with different cultures, in it? You've got to be respectful and go, this is just different. It's just what these guys do. Do you want to hear about the Dong Chim? The Dong Chim. Give me a Dong Chim. I'm going to give you the translation first and you can guess what the Dong Chim is. And then I'll tell you what it is.

Dong means shit and chim means needle. So it's the shit needle. Shit needle Yeah So is it You pull the wedgie up And then shove your finger up their ass

No so it's not a wedgie It's a similar You just pull their trousers down And shove your finger up their ass Not far off Here we don't do wedgies We do something called the Dong Chim Where you make a gun shape

With your hands By putting them together So you know like the double-barrelled handgun Yeah And then you Literally shove your finger gun Up someone's butt hole while yelling Dong Chim.

That is mental. That is arrestable, isn't it? Are you Dong Chim someone now? You'd be on the streets of Exeter, you'd be arrested. With good cause. And then you go, oh, don't you respect other cultures? I do. Yeah.

Maybe should be a little bit more open-minded police officer? Exactly. You eat kimchi, so what's the difference? From a Dom-Chi. Yeah. Hang on. So, Kim-C-C-E. Is it Dom-Chi?

No, but kimchi's from Korea. I'm saying, if we're going to embrace Korea. No, but I'm just trying to... Dong. Dong. Double D-O-N-G. like a penis, but with two D's. That's what mine's called.

And then chim, like the first four letters of chimpanzee. Right, not chi. Is kimchi something needle? No, it's not. Pickle needle. No, no, it's not pickled needle. So Dongchim. Gosh, you need to brush up on my career.

It's a shit needle. Have you been to Korea? No. Some of the food is just mental. When I did it for Robin Ramesh, but one of it is you get a squid that they cook in front of you, but it's so fresh that. like once they give it to it,

it's still moving on the plate because of all the... Yeah, I don't like this. What was rummish having? Nothing's just watching me and I ate loads of it and then they did an interview with me afterwards

and I'm basically going and I've been honest most of it was fucking disgusting. It's horrendous. It's awful. We're going, we'd be a bit more positive fun. No, it's disgusting.

It's horrendous and I can't believe people eat that. I do think sometimes there is space for a travel show where someone can just be be really honest about what they thought the food was like, as opposed to, I find sometimes it's Sue Perkins, like in India, going, wow, it's so magical, but I'd see someone go,

I've just shit myself again, and I don't know what to eat, and I'm scared. Rob, you're an idea's machine today. I'm an idea's machine today. Alison Hammond, dressed as Emerson Fitapaldi, talking about how she shat herself in Portugal. I want to ask you something, Rob, about Rob and Rommish in Korea. Yeah. If the producer had come up to you and said, Rob,

obviously, you know, we want to do stuff where it's like about being in Korea. You've done the food. I've got a little YouTube video. Could you just have a look at this and then do a dong chim on Ramesh? Well, to be honest, I don't know if you've seen the Korean episodes, but we go to a ginger bang. Rob, full disclosure. Yeah.

Do you think I've seen the Korean episodes? Well, in the Korean episode, Josh, we get stripped naked and sent in a spa where we massaged and have our asses slapped. I would have taken a Dom Chim over that. You weren't far off a Dong Chim at that. If anything, Dom Chim's PG compared to what happened to me in that room. Do let us know any other weird playground things along the lines of wedgies or donchims. I've got a customer service job revenge here.

Yeah. Hello, I used to work for a telecoms provider fixing and installing home broadband slash phone lines. If a customer was rude to me or just being a dick, I would take note of their details and add them to my shit list. I would collate this list all year round Then come Christmas Eve No, you didn't I would disconnect their broad brand In the green cabinet in the street

So they're left without any kind of internet Over Christmas and Boxing Day at the very least Incredible, absolutely incredible That is brilliant It was even more satisfying If the customer had kids and or was in an area No mobile signal Oh my God

What one Publicly I can't support that But just off the record Fucking fair play It depends how bad they've been treated if it's a bit like the dinner for me a cup of tea so I'm ruining their Christmas

not allowed but if they were actively really rude or if they were racist or something awful if it was Nigel Farage at school Customer Service Revenge listening to the podcast recently

and hearing the petty things that works do to get back at annoying customers has reminded me something I did 20 years ago which was absolutely awful I was working in a real ale pub you could end the story there

where the preontale were extremely particular about their beers and how they were poured, fuck off. One regular was incredibly rude. Nothing I ever did was right and he always wanted his pint topping up. Topping up. Yeah, but they do that sometimes.

I used to work in a pub. The regulars were like, sip a beer and go, when you weren't looking, go, oh, you didn't top that up properly so you get an extra like two inches of beer. It's so ridiculous. One fateful day I came in and was particularly dreadful. I went in the back to get his favourite glass

oh my god when i remembered i had ringworm oh what's ringworm i had a large circular patch on my arm covered by a long sleeve top i rolled my sleeve up and proceeded to rub the rim of the glass around the ringworm mark rimworm rimworm lovely really nice thank you get me back i'm up the week dara i'm ready then i served his pint with the biggest smile on my face hope you're all good please keep me anonymous for obvious reasons can you get ringworm like that Is that contagious like that? I don't really understand what ringworm is.

I think it's just a skin infection, isn't it? Why has it got worm in the tile? I'm going in. You do another one where I'll find out what ringworm is. Okay, well, it's good to know you won't be listening. Ringworm is a common fungal infection skin scalp and nails because of red and itchy, scaly rash, in a ring shape. I don't think it's got a worm, I think,

because it looks like sort of like circular, like a ring. It looks like a worm's gone through you, I think. Is it a ringworm, an actual worm? No ringworm It's not an actual worm It's a common fungal infection Yeah, it's just circular It comes from the appearance

Of the rationale It's cause So it's just a fungal infection You just need a little bit of cream for I've got two great simplest things You don't understand Rob Yeah Because we've talked about this before

Things we just don't understand This one They are right This is absolutely mental Hello listeners since lockdown Never Wanted kids And your podcast cements That belief every week

Thanks Things I don't understand How they work The obvious one is Magnets Rocks that pull No chance How does it work

Stay sexy and relatable I don't know why they put anonymous But was that the second one Rocks that pull Well that's their description of magnets Oh right It is mad Yeah

And then also they push away And they push away It's fucking mental Yeah Why does that happen Do we know Do we don't Yeah

Well just leave it Who cares Who cares What you're going to do With that information Should we just do Sometimes in life, if it works, just accept it. Exactly.

Don't think anymore. The rest is who cares. That's our new podcast. The rest is who cares, who knows? Because I do that. Sometimes when I'm doing a gig on a gig, I'll say something that doesn't make sense, they laugh. And I think, I don't fucking care. I've done my job, move on.

Exactly. No one's taking notes. In a recent episode, Josh mentioned simple things that we don't understand, e.g. how planes fly stock markets, etc. I have never and will never understand how a car is two seats wide. and seems to fill up most of the road while a bus has two seats either side of the aisle

and still takes up the same amount of space this will forever blow my mind no buses are bigger than cars I buy her thing they're not that much bigger true but I suppose the chair is right to the edge there's no like armrest or door it's just wall in it most of the time

but it's four seats and an aisle it's a lot more in there are there walls thinner than car doors as well i suppose yeah it's like windows around the edge of metal isn't it but they are still a bit bigger than a car yeah do you what i mean enough enough enough enough not big enough when i try of it i'm going to measure my car to have bus in a bit yeah that's a job for me this afternoon measure a car versus what is the width of a bus what is the width of a car well it will just be slightly bigger on it it definitely will be enough enough enough but is it enough Well, it will be that you get a bit more seat.

Yeah. You do get a middle seat in a car, so that's three. So it's three v five. But then some cars, you can get like minibushing, get like four in, can't you? Yeah. But then that seems really squashed. It does. Right, I've got a small business shout out here.

This is one for you, Josh. Oh, yeah. Dear Sex and Relatable Rob, Josh and Michael, thank you for being the voiceover to my recent six month around the world trip where I work my way through your entire parenting held back catalogue. I would love for you to give a small business shout out to my brother Lewis and his business Exeter Self-Defense Academy.

Oh, here we go. Hey-ya. Josh can now send his kids along and turn them into dangerous little ninjas. They offer a range of martial arts courses. Sometimes I think Self-Defense Academy is just for people that are like fucking people up and just giving themselves a reason.

But you know what? Fair enough. Fair enough. They offer a range of martial arts courses for children from age three to 18, supporting children and young adults to build confidence where they may be struggling and develop strong values and routines for happier and healthier lives.

My brother told me about some of the success stories and it's absolutely inspirational to see how these kids become happier and more confident in just a few classes. Their website is Exeter Self-Defense.com. They are on Instagram and Facebook at Exeter Self-Defense. They offer free introductory classes

and work all over Exeter and East Devon. He's put so much of himself into the business so any support would be appreciated. Thank you so much, gentlemen. I look forward to seeing you on your upcoming tours from Ed. Go on Ed, you little legend. There we go.

And good luck. with Exeter Self-Defense. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Long-time listener here from having my daughter in the first lockdown. Please, please, please, great song. Can I have a small business shout-out for my new business,

fresh as a daisy dog parlour, which has just opened from our converted garage between Ellesmere Port and Chester. Chester is brilliant, by the way. Great industrial estate at Ellsmear Port as well. Oh, there we go. Something for everyone.

My partner, Chris, has worked super, hard getting it ready anyone who has a dog that needs grooming hit me up instagram so it's called fresh as a daisy dog parlor the instagram is fresh underscore as underscore a underscore a underscore dog underscore parlor or fresh www www fresh hyphen as hyphen a hyphen daisy you get the gist fresh as ayes in between dot co dot uk 15% discount listener for listeners quote php we saw josh in chester recently and Robin Liverpool, they were both fantastic. I'm gutted, I was too shy to shout out, gobble, gobble, I'm not Kitty. Thanks for not shouting it out.

Yeah, it ruins the show. There's no way to make it funny and there's no explanation. You just sort of like, oh, someone for the podcast and everyone sits so awkwardly, then you have to try and get back into it. We're not funny enough to turn it around, so please don't. Well, there isn't it because it's a full stop, isn't it? It's sort of like shouting, come on England, an England game. But yeah, we're glad you like the podcast, though, but thanks for not shouting it.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Kitty. Good luck with Freshers, Daisy Dog Park. See you next time. Bye.