Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP34: A Buffer Free Life

Episode Date: December 9, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Small Business Shout outs: - Arden Forest Honey - The Orienteering Company If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Widdickham. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.

Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting wo. Because let's be honest, There are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... What can I see? C's. Can you say Rob Beckett?

Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Whitaker? Josh Whitaker. Good job. Anything else? No. Nice. No. What did he say no to?

Anything else? I'd say the best names we've had for both of us in a long time, that. Yeah, I thought it was very strong, actually. 8 out of 10. And I also thought, pound for pound, I think the bath might be the most popular location for the intro. You're killing time, you're killing time, and they're stuck. And they can't get away from you.

They can't get away from you. They're trying to delay bedtime. They're trying to delay bedtime. They don't freak out that much in the bath compared to, say, the car, maybe. What do you mean? Well, like, they're often calm in the bath. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's kind of.

calm down time. Yeah. But then me and Lou are a bit over the top. So sometimes we're like, calm me down for bedtime. And me or Lou will do something mental one. And one of us will go, why are we doing that? We're making it worse. Well, that's life.

We're egging them on. We're egging them on. How are you, Josh? Well, shall I read the email? Oh, yeah. Shall I read the fucking email. Sorry. Sorry.

Hello, Rob. Josh, sexy Michael. This is my three-year-old Cecee, Cecie, Cecilia, saying your names. Cici's a good name. I think you need to be Cecilia and call her Ciciel. If you're just going for CC off the bat, you sound like an 80s pop star. Yeah, C.E. C.C. Penniston, you're thinking of is the pop star.

You can't put that in the passport, can you? What was the song that C.C. Penniston did? One for Michael and the team. Obviously, she's in the bath. Because it's basically the only time she sits still. What we were just saying, we should just read the fucking email. What a waste of all of our times? And Michael's just come back to you with the information. Oh, what was it? Isn't it finally?

Finally, yeah, it is finally. I don't know what this song is. I forget you guys are older than me. It has happened to me. Oh, yeah, of two, no, that. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Sorry, apologies. Retract. Retract.

I think it must be buried in your head. Finally. Yeah, definitely. You must have known the name C.C. Penniston was an 80s pop star. I was thinking Cici's Penniston. And then you said, C.C. sounds like an 80s pop star. Yes. That does feel like there's something going on.

Maybe. Maybe I'm a witch. Maybe I knew her in my head. I've never heard that name out loud before. You did it with the blood. What's, you know, Andy. Andy Goldstein as well, didn't you? Yes, I did do that.

What's going on? I don't know. What's happening? You've reached a level of timeness where you can communicate using your mind. I'm so tired of speaking. I'm trialing telecommunications. What's it called? Teleconetic.

I don't know. I don't know. But we know what you're talking about. I never know what I need to say if I have to think about it. If I don't think, I'll say the right thing. Exactly. I said C.C. When I think of Cici, I think of the blonde woman from

first dates, the hostess, waitress, I think she's called Sisi. I only know, the French bloke. And the woman with the red hair, oh, what's her name? That was on, I'm a celebrity once and she was like an 80s star, but I forget what she's called. She was like, Rocco, Rocco, something? Oh, who was worked with Kenny Everett. Yeah, what's her name? Cleo Rockers. Cleo Rockers! Yes, yeah, I thought of her, weirdly. That was in my head.

Anyway, so great to have all the 17, 18-year-olds listening to this show. I really enjoyed all these. Are we skewing younger, guys? Oh, you sick, fuck. Oh, that's a show. Skewing younger sounds perverted. They're obsessed with it in TV. Not as much they were in the 70s, am I right?

I've been listening to your podcast since she was born. It got me through numerous buggy walks in the dark and rain trying to get her to sleep. Those were the days. Thanks so much for all you do, listening to the constant panic from Josh Watt. Really makes me appreciate my constant need from buffer at all times. That seems a shame. You're becoming the buffer, the porridge butterboard. I buffered today.

I buffered. Again, you don't like buff. You tried to eat into your buffer. I tried to give myself some buffer on the other side. Right. Okay, so you were trying to pre-proof the buffer. Because otherwise we're getting dangerously close to school pickup time. Well, what time do you need to leave the house for school pickup time?

3.40. Are you aware? Now, this isn't a dig because I'm a quite relaxed guy. This session... Are you saying I'm quite a relaxed guy doesn't make you a relaxed guy? Yeah, yeah. but this session... Can I just finish his email?

No, no, no, no, because this is important. This is important. Otherwise... This is really important, Josh. You're trying to create buffer the other side. Yeah. This is booked in from 1pm to 4pm. I know, and I'm happy not to do school pickup, but now I've been given the opportunity.

Well, yeah, by creating that buffer. But I'm just saying, but then you haven't really, you've got to leave at 3.40. So the buffer now, this finishes officially at 3.45. We've never done the 3 hours. That's because you normally speak really fast and run away. Michael? No comment. Anyway, good.

Big love from St. Neots. It can't be pronounced Neathe. Cambershire. Yeah, is that how you pronounce it? Cambs, Cams, and you just write Cambs. But I was born just down the road in Blackheath. Oh. Becky and Toby and Cece.

She's 40 months. 40 months? No idea. Three. Four or three? And a half. Three in a bit. Yeah, no, we should be done in time to do school run.

Oh, it'd be fine. So you're crying a crate second buffer? Well, how would you? have played this, Rob. You're dealt my hand. Well, first of all, you wouldn't have moved to Exeter. No, no, no. No, no. Where did you wake up this? Where were you last night? Where did you wake up this night? I don't know how to

kiss and tell, Rob. You just like to wank and moan. Yeah, yeah. Last night, I did a gig in Liverpool. Oh, blimey. Where was you? The Philharmonic. It's nice there, isn't it? It is lovely. You go in there and you think this might not be a good room for comedy.

Yeah. Because it's so big. Yeah. like tall but then it is yes great good crowd in Liverpool great anecdote

um and and uh oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha yeah

yeah yeah don't worry about putting anything funny or interested in that anecdote just just leave it as ears just go fact based behind the cloak

behind the cloak oh listen to that rob and Josh podcast was a really good insights apparently the philomonic it's quite big and it's fine

to do comedy in that it's only been a comedy venue for 20 years. You know what? It's not like you doing a gig at Cheddar Gorge. Just a slightly bigger room. Yeah.

So you woke up in Liverpool. No, you didn't wake up in Liverpool. No, it's an 8pm, Rob, annoyingly. Yeah, 8pm's too late, isn't it? Well, they were doing a classical concert in the afternoon. They were doing them. They had no buffer. Oh, straight into Josh.

They'd had to move me half an hour late because they had no buffer. Yeah. I told them. Look, I live a buffer-free life here. You were an advocate for the buffer-free? Do you know what would be really fun? We should go on to promote this podcast. Go on Good Morning Britain and have a debate.

You know, when they do it when someone comes on and says like, oh, they love this, I hate Buffer, I love Buffer. I mean, to be fair, I'm not exactly swimming in Buffer. I'm way for Finn on Buffer. I'm trying to put in more Buffer. So if anything, we're kind of meeting in the middle. Do you know what? Quick handshake and they're just telling them about the podcast.

No debate needing. I always think that's so tired. It must be so tiring to hire two people to have opposing views on a breakfast TV show and then just listen. and most of the time they haven't got opposing views they just they just want them to be on telly yeah exactly they have to pretend i had quite a good thing on oh it doesn't matter right it does if it's coming to your head it matters okay allow yourself to express yourself i was reading a thing about american sport yes here you go you're on board yeah yeah definitely and it was

something that they'd done so you know like if a transfer fee if two people are negotiating on something right? Yeah, yeah. And then someone gets brought in and they have to go, it's this, that's the middle ground. Yeah?

Yeah. They used to do this thing in American sport. I don't know which one because I wasn't that interested where you'd go for the discussion, both teams, and then you'd both name your price,

right? But to stop people going for just a negotiating place, yeah. They wouldn't then pick one, a price in the middle. They would pick the person's price that they felt was most realistic.

Oh. It's clever that, isn't it? So it drags you to actually be towards the middle yourself because you need to be the closest to it while also in your own favour. Cut the crap, basically. Cut the crap. And what we agree on is enough buffer, not too much.

Enough buffer, not too much. If we both sat down on Good Morning Britain and we both go, life's difficult so you're not going to have loads of buffer. Because sometimes you want buffer, but you just can't create time. You can't create time. Plan for buffer, but except sometimes there won't be buffer.

So I went to the Radisson in Birmingham. So you drove from Liverpool last night to Birmingham? The Radisson is attached to the station, or not attached, but more or less next to the station. Yeah, respect. Absolute home game for me. I've been there two Sundays in a row. Well, this is so weird.

I've been at the Leicester Marriott on the M1 two nights in a row. Have you? Two weeks in a row. And I tell you, waking up at the Lester Marriott on the M1, two weeks in a row on a Monday morning, is fucking depressing. Yeah. It's really, really depressing.

No offense. Lovely hotel. It's great, but just being driven from the north to Leicester on a Sunday. Where were you? I was in Hull. Oh, my word. Lovely gig, lovely place, just four and a half hours from my house. Fine.

So then I did the 9-12 train, got in at 1144. And we were recording at 1 o'clock. Lovely buffer. Lovely buffer. What time did you leave your hotel? About 10 to 9. Oh, buffer, buffer, buffer. Buffer, buff.

I tell you when I do buffer. Rob, I give myself a lot of buffer for trains or anything. I don't want to get caught in A. If there's a problem, because I've left my toothbrush back in my room and I have to go and get it, then I'm not that guy. No, because Ivo Graham has zero buffer for trains. Yeah, I'm not that guy. I can't be that guy.

You'd love to be that guy. I want to be on the platform 10 minutes before the train. I think your lack of buffer's not like I'm a pretty cool guy and I'm like really relaxed and I'll just make it on time. No. Sorry to deliver this news. I feel like your lack of buffer. is that you're trying to do too much in a time period to please everyone else.

Sometimes not even yourself. You're a very unselfish guy. So then that can lead to the buffer problem. But you want to turn around in a week. Or is it my desperation to be like in itself desperately selfish? Yeah, I mean, if you look at it that way, it's really horrible. Because that's the worst of both. You're not even selfish getting your own way.

You're selfish in a horrible, shallow little rat of a person, but also bend it over to get rogered up the ass every second of every day. Come on, Josh. That's a buffer-free life for you. Stand up straight and pull your trousers up and buffer. Do you want some parenting news? I'd quite like to see my children at some point as well. Yeah, go on, give me some because I've not got much.

Hamster's still in the freezer? No, that's tipped. That's too long, isn't it? That's too long. So how long that's a week now? So it's a week. But, you know. You can have to start defrosting it for the party food.

I'm probably going to do it after this. I've got my spade You've got a school run as well though So you're going to do it after the school run In the dark Yeah, I can't do it without the kids What, dig the hole? Barry the hamster

Yeah, no, but I think you could dig the hole And prepare it Yeah, yeah, I'm not going to have time for that No, no, fair enough, just buffer for it That's too much, there's not enough buffer Michael, we might have to get rid of an episode this week Because Josh needs more buffer Yeah

Okay, well, yeah, so I think if you do it today, that's okay I can understand you've got busy Maybe we should just occasionally do one episode and then we'll put something out that says use this hour for buffer guys and it's just an hour of all but also please listen through it all as well so we get the download

yes we'll have to leave the ads in yes the buffer hour we'll just put out total silence but every 20 minutes it'll still go to the ads because contractually we've got to do that as much as we'd rather not but that's life like I say buffer's never perfect

What do you think of that idea, Michael? Would we get in legal trouble? It's quite avant-garde, isn't it? I think that could be quite cool. It might really make a stand in the industry. What do you think, Michael? I think technically we're probably okay from a legal standpoint. We could call it the rest is buffer.

Why don't we do that and just release an hour of silence every week and see what happened? Did you know that when he was, this would be in the 70s, between the Beatles and death, during John Lennon's solo career? Oh, God. A horrible way to call that period. He put out a record and it got mispressed with silence. Oh, right. And sent to the reviewers. A reviewer gave it an amazing review saying that what a statement this is.

No. Yeah. That could be us. That could be us. As long as we just don't get murdered. These guys are saying, isn't podcast nothing? Isn't there enough chat? It's time to buffer.

Exactly. Not all the time. Just a one-off. Exactly. A little quick buffer. Or when we're busy. I think it's a good time actually from an artistic point of view to get everyone to buffer because rob Mr. Train and there's no episode. Sorry, God, what's your parents are you got to bury the hamster?

Went to a birthday. Oh, nice. Okay. Is it a new school friend? It's my son's friend. Well, you know, classmate. Exeter friend? Exeter friend. We've been to quite a few now. Have you got adult friends yet?

Well, we've already got adult friends here. I just shared a taxi with one of them, actually. Oh, who's that? A man called Will. How do you know Will? We just do from before. He's comedian. Will Adamsdale, Edinburgh.

You wouldn't really have crossed over with him before our time. Oh, okay. A bit more alternative kind of guy. He works a lot with Tom Parry, who you know very well. Oh, I know. I've seen him. Yeah. Did he do a character?

I think so. So he shared a capsule. He's your friend, is he? Yeah. He was at the taxi. And then there's Mike Wozni. He's a 51 He is 51

You're hanging out of older men down there Do you know what? I don't think I've made friends With anyone younger than me yet Yeah Daff I? I don't know It's weird, isn't it?

How old are your friends? I've got a couple of 50s knocking around Have you got anyone in their 20s? A friend A friend Not really I've been chatting to online

I think Maisie Adam was in her 20s at one point I've not socialised at all this year because it's been so ridiculous. It depends what a friend is, doesn't it? Like, I'd say 98% of my friendships are done via WhatsApp. Do you know what? I've got a few pals in their 20s that I may message with, but actually meeting up with a friend,

but I'm not meeting up with many friends at the moment. But anyway, so you've got adult friends down there. Have you got any adult friends not from before? Not people that you know that move to Exeter, that they're your friends. We had a cup of tea with a couple who my daughter was playing with and I'd say we're friends with them. That's nice.

Okay. You've been messaging? Yep. About art classes and stuff. No spinoff. Because that's the key, the spinoff from the child. I don't want spin off even with my actual friends. You just don't want to talk to all your friends about your daughters?

No. No. I just don't want to like... Talk to anyone. I don't want to be invited to dinner. No? Okay. By people I like, let alone people I don't.

No, very well. Why not? Why don't you want to go for dinner? Because I'm out too much. When I'm not working, I want to be in. Yeah. Fair enough. Do you know what I mean?

Well, I think we're at very same stages of our jobs at the moment where it's feast or famine where you're away all the time or at home all the time. And I'm in the middle of like, I'm basically away for like 12 days in 14 days. I'm away overnight over the next two weeks. And it finishes I'm at home from next Saturday. Yeah. But it's so intense. So yeah, like I say, as soon as I get home, the last thing I want to do is go down the pub or go.

because I'm having to eat out in restaurants or eat out in cafes all the time when I'm just kicking around hole. So I've got no interest. You know when someone's going? We should go for a drink. At the moment, no. You're a great guy, but I'm not looking for someone at the moment. No.

You're happily single. Even the people I've got, I'm not looking for them. Fair enough. How's your friendship game going? Week, really weak, I'd say. Don't see them at all, really. Get quite lonely, actually. Lloyd's been coming on tour with me.

Lloyd Griffith. Yeah, so you come into the gigs. It's been great fun. Like Jimmy Five, Bally. with Gaza, just like a kind of hired friend. No, he's doing a slot, a support slot. Oh, that makes sense. But he's not doing the support.

I'll go out first, and he's basically, I'm still doing my whole show, but he's coming out and doing a little surprise guest slot. Yeah. Which is not much of a surprise now for the people of Bristol next week. When does this go out? But no, he's doing a Lester and a couple of gigs in Bristol.

He's not doing all the tour. It's just over these couple of weeks. Yeah, so I'm looking to basically get my friendship game up. You can't just pay Lloyd to be. your friend forever. I can't just answer someone. Oh, our kids get on at the school. You busy this week.

Do you want to fancy coming to Bristol for a couple of hundred quid maybe to, you don't even have to do the gig? No. If you could stay round and near me. But then when I get bored of you, go to your room. You'll be able to pick up the vibes. You get a vibe. Yeah, it's very clear.

Yeah, if I go and sit in a dressing room and lay down my coat on and shut my eyes, probably go. If I whip my laptop out and put the football on, kick back and chill. Yeah. That's the kind of guy. But if I whip my laptop out and put something else on, get out fast. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, we're on the road.

What goes on tour, stays on tour. I read an article by someone that said you don't have many proper friends when you're a man in his fore. I disagree. I agree. I disagree. You're either working or with the kids and your family, and then you like you say, you think, I can't be bothered. Because dads have no mates. I've got loads of mate.

They're dying embers. They're all WhatsApp. Give it another 10 years, you won't see anyone. This is a problem, so I need to engage your friends again. I think we are in an age when people stay in touch more than they ever did before. Yeah, but you're not actually with them. And it's sort of... I don't want to be with them.

This is perfect. No, you don't. Human connection with no human connection. Yeah, but we don't in this moment right now, because we're out every night with a thousand, two thousand people in front of us going, love me, love me, listen to me. Yeah, and I'm going, guys, chill out. strange heckle so when you're not working so much and especially in our job imagine if you did a job where you worked on your own all day right yeah and didn't see anyone yeah you'd be really lonely and I think there's a lot lonely people out there

Josh and I think men of a certain age should try to see their friends more okay I do when I was a kid like a dad had no mate no dads don't have mates do they not like mums I think I've got more mates than the generation of dads above me because I will definitely see a clip of Wayne Linneker, and I'll think of six different people to send it to. Oh, that's good. Is that friendship? Well, exactly. I mean, is that real friendship?

That's not a deep connection with someone where you're hanging out and chatting. It's a bit of fun. It's a bit, oh, love me. I'm Josh. I'm the funny one in this group. I hope you all like this video. You know, that's coming out again. You know.

Yeah, all right. Fine. When did being liked to become such a fucking crime? I'm the same, Josh. I'm the same. What do you think we're comedians? Desperate. I know.

I'm just instinct of it. Thirsty, sad little nutcases. Oh, did they like it? Did that joke go okay? Did they laugh enough? Or fucking losers. Anyway. Losers.

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with a chance at $100,000 donation for the winning community and a 2026 holiday caravan stop. Learn more at canadaswunderland.com. Get to know yourself and your roots better with ancestry DNA. Want to know where your family comes from in northern France? Maybe you'd like to see how your genes influence certain traits like diet, fitness and allergies. There's so much of you and your heritage to discover. Visit ancestry.ca and get started with an Ancestry DNA kit today. So I went to a birthday party.

That was a bit of a detail, isn't it? Yes, who turned up? Who turned up at the birthday party? Right, okay, let me guess. You're never going to guess. Are we playing the game or not? Okay. Elsa.

Not far off Spider-Man Moana Close Rapunzel No Maui Who?

You know the rock From Is it called Maori? He's not called Maori What's he called? Maui Oh come on That's gonna come

Maori is his race Oh least I got that right Didn't I? Yeah he did Thank God Fucking minefield That ain't it Anyway

There's a bloke in Exeter Rob Yeah Who just goes around I didn't know this Well, I'll show you He just goes around He's not like an entertainer

He just drives around like this What's the name of our group You're going to send it to me on WhatsApp Yeah, I will send it to you on WhatsApp Because I'm your friend The name of the group is called Lockdown Dad's Pod Still

It is Oh, this is depressing as well I'm getting driven from Manchester To a Leicester industrial estate For two Do you need to stop staying On these industrial estate In town

No, I'm not No one's fault But your own Listen, listen I'm coming from Manchester because I'm filming up there and then I've got a gig in Wednesday and Lester I've got to be out there until at 12

so the only thing to do is go to the industrial estate before the gig. No it's not it is what do I do? Book a hotel room the next night and just stay in the hotel I'm leaving Lester to go to Bristol straight after so there's no hotel How much are you going to spend on the industrial estate? What, Nando's in cinema

I can't go on them travel them spunk-covered salesman fucking wank pits I can't do it I can't do it anymore Josh I can't go in there at the own

it's mental I've been in so many hotels Why have you chosen industrial estate over the centre of Lester Easy parking Less people Easy parking

Rob your life is better than easy parking It's not It's not It's not It's not How is easy parking coming into this

I've got a suggestion. How nice is the car you get driven around in? It's quite a nice car. Is it one where the seats are facing each other? One of those? No, it's like a sort of saloon car, like, but nice way. Why don't you just go for a nice lunch? I'm not paying the man to sit there

where I sit behind him for four hours. What do you mean? Well, you suggested that we'd arrive in Leicester. We park an industrial estate, and he just sits in the car or I sit behind him. No, he can go and do what he wants. He's not going to have the problem with getting recognised like you. Oh, that's how I say, driving to industrial estate,

You go and watch a film and I'm sitting in your car. No, he doesn't need to drive him. We're obsessed with an industry. Where else we're going in Leicester? Lester itself. Fuck, Lester itself, no. Fence, Lester.

I don't want to walk around the centre of fucking Lester. No, you're sitting in the car. I'm not sitting in a multi-storey car park in someone else's car where he goes Christmas shopping. There'll be street parking somewhere. I'm not watching Wicked on my own. Best things to do in Lester. You're not watching Wicked, surely.

No, but there's don't. dominating the cinema screeners. Why don't you go on the Leicester Scavenger Hunt? What's that? I don't know. There's a ghost tour. Should we book you a ghost tour? I'll have a wheelie case in a supercarrier.

You can leave in your car. I can't leave in the car because he drops me off. What do you mean? Oh, sorry. It's not my tour manager. No, it's just a taxi car, too Leicester. Oh, the one that Zepetron have paid for. Yeah, production company.

Sorry, yeah, I've gone too specific. You've got really TV there. But the TV production company that work for, can you to get me home, but I'm not going home, I'm going to Leicester, so they're going to put on a car for me to Leicester. But I have to be at the hotel at 12. It's a two-hour journey. I'll get to Leicester at two, shows at eight. What am I doing for six hours on my own with a wheelie suitcase and a suit bag? Okay, I've got a better plan. I've got a better plan. Go on. What I would do? By the way, what great buffer I've got. You are swimming,

but sometimes there's too much. I'd rebrand that buffer to afternoon. Yeah, to a kind of... Whole afternoon. I'd describe that buffer as an eternal nothing Yeah, I'd say it's excessive Like floating through space Cut off from your craft Yeah Why don't you? I might go and chat to the geese with a wheelchair again

See if he's on the shift I'm fucking Alan Bartridge you I want to go for a drink Sorry mate I've got to finish my shift at the cinema No one, what time's it finished He's going to leave his eyes He's not going to believe his eyes I'll come back and watch a running man again

Just for the banter Just to feel something We had a bit of connection, didn't me, two weeks ago? I thought that Leicester's got me in a fucking show cold and I love Leicester. Why don't you, right? You've had enough time in Leicester. Oh yeah.

Yeah? Well, I've never actually been in it, to be honest. I've just been on the M1. No, because you're obsessed with this fucking industrial estate. I went to sleep and it was dark. I woke up when it was dark looking at the fucking bins out of my room. By the way, nice hotel. Nothing wrong with the hotel.

Good that it's using its bins. Good that's got enough bin storage. There's no rubbish. Yeah, so I like that hotel. Why don't you do this, Rob? Yeah. Stay in Manchester overnight. Yeah.

Enjoy Manchester. We haven't really been killing thousands of hours. There's a huge Christmas market. Manchester's notes. So leave my bags at the hotel and say, actually, rather than being picked up at 12, can I be picked up at 4 or whatever? And I go for walk around Manchester. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I could do that and go shopping maybe. Yeah. It wouldn't seem as bleak. And it'll be a Tuesday, so it'll be a bit like. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Yeah.

Should I do that? Do that. There is a... I go to the David Lloyd gym. There is a David Lloyd gym at the industrial. You should go to the gym. No, but I could go to... That's what I was going to go and do.

There'll be a gym in your hotel. Yeah, true. The other thing with hotels, Rob, is you can leave your bags after the checkout. So you've still got that time back free. Yeah, maybe I do that. And then just go straight to the venue and keep morale up. Exactly.

But then I think I'm just going to be wandering around in Manchester waiting for a taxi to Leicester. And I don't want to go shop. I don't want to go shop. No, I know. You don't want to do any of these things. I don't want to walk around Manchester alone. I've done nearly 219 hotels this years. All right, yeah. That's an affair for you.

That's mental, isn't it? Yeah, that is mad. That's insane. It can't happen again. No. Lying in the sand. As much as I love hotels. Anyway, well, maybe I think about that because at the moment, I've looked at the industrial estate in Leicester cinema listings.

There's not a lot on. It's Wicked or Zootropolis. And I think if I watch Zootropolis alone without my children, and I'm going to get into a very dark place. The other thing is you might have more cinema options in Manchester than are an industrial industrial estate. You're not wrong. There might be, I'm going to say it, a, why not, a matinee of Jason Manfred in Panto?

I don't mind it, you know. I don't mind that little single seat at the back. Oh, no, he's not. Yeah, the opera house. Maybe I could do that. I mean, yeah, again, going to a pantomime without my children lead up to Christmas. Would you tell Jason Manford, or is that weirder? Is it weirder to then go?

By the way, I saw you when you haven't been doing six months. I watched you in Panto when I was killing an afternoon in Manchester. I don't know. If I was in a Panto and Jason Manford was in town, I might pop in the seat. It's a bit mad, isn't it? It is a bit weird, isn't it? I don't think he would. I think you'd probably just sit in a hotel room quite calmly and enjoy his own mind,

is something I can't do at the moment. No, yeah, fine. Well, let me tell you, have a look at this photo of who turned up. Oh, yeah, sorry. Really went on a tangent there, didn't we? Oh, Batman.

Batman, right? But he does it for charity donation. Do you want to see his vehicle? Is this someone's birthday party? Yeah. Batman's just turned up. He's been asked. 50-pound charity donation.

Oh, so he turns up, dressed as Batman, in like, a sort of motorbike thing that he's turned into a Batmobile car. He's got a Batmobile, like the two wheels at the front and the one at the back. Yes, like a truck. He's road worthy.

Yeah, it looks amazing. So he just, for 50 quid charity donation, he just like pretends to be Batman for a bit. Apparently, he's like a local character. Here he is leaving, Rob. Yeah, he is a local character in Gotham. But he'll drive around. People will spot him driving around dressed as Batman in that.

Oh, wow. I mean, it's nice that he's doing that little charity donation, but yeah, if that's what he likes to do. Exactly. I'm not paying 50 quid to meet me in Leicester. Right. around in the Batmobile. I'll dress up as Robin.

Go for a spin. Rob Beckett's absolutely lost the plot. He's dressed as Robin. I'm just trying to kill some time. Where is he? Well, he's still on the Leicester Industrial Estate. Where else could he be? They need to rename that after me for that hours I've done there.

How many times you've been to that industrial estate in the last month? Well, at the moment, I'm doing Leicester once a week. Right. Either industrial estate or M1. Oh, so at least you're mixing it up. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Also, but I don't know. I want to stress, I'm a big fan of the Marriott M1 hotel.

It's excellent. Some of the ones right on the motorway are dodgy as F. This one's lovely, really clean rooms, comfy beds, comfy. So no grief there. It's just the location being far from home. And how much sleep are you getting? Got in at about midnight last night. Thankfully, it wasn't the same guy in reception

because I couldn't look him in the eye if he was checking him two weeks running. Got in about midnight. Fell asleep, about half one. Woke up at six. Oh, no. Never needed a piss, more or less. my life. Honestly.

How come? I don't know. I just needed a piss so bad. What do you have after the gig, Rob? What do you consume after the gig? Normally a bit of a drink of water, normally nothing, but sometimes if I'm a bit peckish, protein yogurt. Right, yeah.

It was one of them where this might be too much for the pod, but do you ever really need to win, you wake up and you have like a completely 100% full erection? Yeah. That's just totally natural. That's just normal, right? That complete, full, the hardest your dick's ever been. Well, I don't think there's gradations of that, really. No, but it's like, anyway, but then I find it, I don't know if we've discussed this,

I find it really hard to wee when I'm going to the toilet because you can't stand up because it's directly out. So you stand on the bed and shoot from there, right? No, no, but you sort of have to sit on the toilet and then poke it, aim it down, like push it down. You're not worried it will go into the water, or is that just me? I'm all right. The end of it.

Yeah, well, and the middle. A little bit of the bass If we're going to do the joke Let's do the fucking joke And a little bit of balls I'm a bum Anyway so yeah I don't know what's talking about

Yeah Well actually I might do that And see I want to see the Bruce Springsteen films I might see if that's on in Manchester And do it that way So how is prep for the two birthdays Well Lou's doing all of it Like Lou has been amazing

I've been away so much And it's ridiculous She's living her book isn't she at the moment. Yeah, if there was ever a time that she could... I think you could lose the word default. She's just a parent.

Yeah, she's basically doing all of it. I just feel a little bit out of control because I'm bouncing around from so many things. I just feel like I haven't really got a handle on anything. I'm sort of spinning plates. All the gigs are going well and all my work's going well.

I just feel like, am I actually doing any of it properly kind of thing, which I am, but it's like... The bits in between. I'm like, oh my God, we got their birthday. I've got to do. some presents for Lou and it was the first of December so it's the elf on the shelf is back are you doing that no we're doing advent calendars so no elfie shelfy no so that came back and then I feel bad because I'm missing out because I'm not like seeing the girl see it because I'm not there and

Lou's having to do it also and then I'm trying to sort of a Christmas present out Josh lose yeah we bleaked it right because I didn't want her the surprise to be ruined full disclosure I can't remember what it was it doesn't matter now you can leave this unbleached it's a therbody eye mask thing that basically heats up and it's a like a sleeping mask and it's full blackout and it massages your face. Yeah? So I bought it. Sounds great. Got it from Argos

and I'm a big fan of Argos actually. From nostalgia and also I think they're provide a really good service. Got a bit of beef. Got a bit of beef of them today and it's feedback that I think they should implement. Great service. Ordered it was the lowest price. Came when it said it was coming. Arrived not in a box.

What do you mean? It was just in the normal box, no brown carbaled box around it. Oh, so Lou saw it. Just the address stuck on it. So Lou got given a Christmas present by the postman. Oh no. And Lou was just like, is this my Christmas present? Should I just hide it and try and forget about it? Oh, no. You can't deliver anything about a box near Christmas. Very good point. Very good point. So Argos, stick your stuff in boxes, please. So she knows what she's got now. So that what you're going to change it? You've got to change it. You've got to have to. You've got to get something else.

I'm going to get something else. Maybe I'll just go shopping in Manchester. She'll be saying No, I don't have to, but you do have to. A million percent. She said, no, it would be fine. Don't worry about it. I'll just pretend, I know. You can't give someone something they know they've got. So I think I might do that and change my car and go shopping in Manchester.

Because they don't have shops in Leicester. Not on the industrial estate anyway. Well, they do a few, but it's not loads. Should I tell you what's there? You can tell me if it's worth going. Don't go to the industrial estate, Rob. Just go to Lester. They'll have a John Lewis.

I just quite like it. It's nice and quiet. It doesn't feel like you like it. I don't. There's a John Lewis in Leicester The Dascher's the state I go to is the Meridian Business Park It's a great, too fair It's a lovely parking

It's in a sort of hexagon shape There's a harvester, there's a David Lloyd There's a chiquito, a pizza hut A Frankie and Benis A Hollywood Bowl, a Nando's and a Bella Ossalia Rob, you can't live like this I am I know

Well maybe I should go shopping in Manchester For Lose Christmas present That's what I'm going to do I'm going to change it It'll feel festive in Manchester It will feel festive. I'll go shopping and then get something for Lou there. Because I've got nice shops, haven't they?

Yeah. And then get in the car later. They've got all the shops. They've got all the shops. That's what I'm doing. Okay, you've made me feel better about this, Josh. Good. Well, let's see how it plays out.

Oh, God, I don't know what to get out. Why not? What did you get a woman that's got everything, right, guys? So other things, Rob, parenting-wise. Got Barry the hamster. Yeah. Batman at the birthday. What I've done, it might not be best for you to do this, Rob.

Go on. But I've realised in the last bit of the tour, because my kids are like, when you hear, when you're not here, I've made a chart with green ticks and red crosses, morning and evening for each day. Oh, God. Yeah, I can't put pens of paper on that at the moment. It might be too depressing for you.

Yeah. If I'd done it in November, it would have been... It'd been sent off, big red card. Yeah, it would have been mad. But luckily, December's about 60-40 green to red. Well, you've finished your tour for the year, so you've still got to go up to London and do. bits but you're not to london tomorrow but i'm i finished my last one's 13th for

december and then after that that's i've got no more sort of like all the other tour dates in the new year are in london or near london so i can just drive there and back so it's the last push now so you're doing a no hotel year apart from robin romish yeah trying to when i can and but no tour shows none of that sort of going away far so i don't think this might be boring to people they'll tell me to shut up but this is what horse has bolted about three or four years oh fuck it yeah you're in you've come this far so i basically went up to newcastle on Thursday, and I did Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Newcastle. Industrial estate?

No industrial estate to be seen. Then Sunday, Leicester, stayed over night to this morning. So I'm at home now. I'll see the kids tonight when they're home from school, but then tomorrow morning I got up to Manchester, then I'm doing Manchester, then Leicester, then Bristol, Bristol, and then I'm home Sunday of next week. So I'll be at home one night in two weeks, basically. Why are you staying in Bristol?

I don't want to say on here in case I'll get... What a mental question? nutcases. But please tell me you're staying in town. But any hot cheekers, I'll be in the Radisson Blue. I'm not staying there.

Room 69. Yeah, room 69 for any hot chikas out there. Where am I hot chikas at? It's going to be some poor bloke in the Radisson Blue in room 69. Getting a string of knocks on the door from people saying gobble, gobble, oh.

Yeah, I feel better about that, actually. If I go to Manchester, then I've been productive because I'm getting something done for Lou. That'd be nice. Get a nice present. She deserves it. Oh, my daughter, I put it on Instagram. My daughter wrote a letter to Netflix.

All right, yeah. Have you seen it? No. She wrote this, Dear Netflix, Why are you taking away Happy Gilmore? It's so good, and it's one of my favourite films. Here's a few reasons why. It's why you should keep it.

It's great. It's my dad's favorite. I didn't know this new story, sorry. Happy Gilmore, basically. After a while, they go leaving, because they buy it for about a year, don't they? It tells you it's leaving. Yeah. So she said, it's good.

It's my dad's favourite. You can't get rid of the first one because no one will understand the second one. Clever. I don't know if you've seen Happy Gilmore, but you can get your head around the second. I hope I've convinced you to keep Happy Gilmore, yours sincerely, and then her name in age seven. Amazing. I've tagged Adam Sandler in nothing yet. Oh, for fuck sake.

Absolutely. He's living a different world, don't they? He's probably in an industrial estate outside of San Diego. San Diego. Yeah. Probably playing Bebel. Yeah. Shooting some hoops.

Yeah, exactly. Have you got much festive stuff plan, though, for the kids? So you know, elf on the shelf, just normal events? So we are going out for Christmas dinner. Oh, are you? Yeah. You don't have to say the place,

but is it like a restaurant type place or someone's house. Radisson Blue in Bristol for any. For any hot chikas, fancy some stuffing. Hot chikas for fancy. Yeah, so we're going out because we just thought it'd be nice. Yeah. Also, as well, you're not fully in-in, do you know what I mean? You're still getting our kitchen, Rob?

It's not our kitchen. Are you getting your kitchen done? Yeah. Oh, are you? Are you done? Yeah. Another new kitchen? Well, yeah.

Yeah, no, fine. Just absolutely. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Something for you to look forward to the new year. Well, 2027 by the time it's finished. I know how you do kitchen.

So you've got much work to do on it, then you've got to get a kitchen done. The rest is cosmetic. Yeah, apart from that. whole kitchen. No, everything's being done. Everything's being done? But cosmetic. But cosmetic.

You're not knocking any walls or building apart from the kitchen. Oh, that's good. Yeah. How does it feel, though, doing the last kitchen so soon after not moving? It feels like that was about 10 years ago. So it's all right, actually. You've added value. You've added value.

Yeah, exactly. So that'll be nice. Who you're having dinner with? Rose's parents. Oh, nice. Are they nearby? They're not nearby, are they? No.

So Rose's mum and her dad, they're not together. but they get on very well and his partner and our kids obviously Yeah, that's nice when they can do that because it makes you feel confident about you and Lou in 10 years No

well because I've got half-brothers haven't I? Yeah So we're a blended family I do material about this in my show I said we're blended where before it used to be broken home You're broken

But we're blended and stuff like that And that wasn't always The easiest transition Between Without me saying too much So I think that is nice when you can do that and it's all good.

Yes, so that's what we're doing, because that's our plans for Christmas Day. We've got quite a lot of Christmas stuff, the old Lapland UK. Oh, you're going to, we're doing that. Yeah. Always good, the old Lapland UK. Well, Lou's doing Panto, but I'm not going to that.

Well, you're catching the Jason Man for one next week. Yeah, obviously, I'll be watching it anyway in Mani. Well, no, right, so. Apparently the one in Newcastle is supposed to be amazing. Which one's Lou going to? She's going to one at Bromley. So she's not going to the Palladium one that's got that man. ad cast.

No, no, no. Let's have to see what, what's up, Bromley? Are you not going to exit or one? No, because we're really tight on nights and we're doing quite a lot of stuff, so Panto. You can't overbook yourself, can't you slightly? Well, you've got Samantha Womack and Sue Pollard.

Who's Samantha Womack? Samantha Janus. So she's married to something called Womack? She's changed her name, so that's what I'm guessing. It looks like someone's AI'd the poster. Oh, yeah, Samantha Janus. I used to love Samantha Janus in what was actually not going on. Game on.

Game on. Is that where he didn't leave his flat? Yeah. That was a great series, would it? Yeah, that was good. What happened to him? Because he was amazing in it, the main character, weren't he? Which one? The one that wouldn't go out?

It was a bit like an early peep show almost, wouldn't it? Yeah, it was good that. I thought it was brilliant. It was directed by John Stroud. Samantha for Janus. Yeah, we all know that. Matthew Cottle, Ben Chaplin, Neil Stute. He used to love Game On.

So yeah, we've got Samantha Wimack, Sue Pollard. It's a good line up. She'll be great. Sue Pollard's brilliant. She'll be great. I don't think there is a big, Exeter Panto. You haven't really got a big theatre, have you, as such, like a traditional one?

Well, no, because you do the uni what is the big venue. Did you do Western's Yoville? That's Yoville, though, isn't it? Yeah, don't talk to me about that one. Plymouth, Panto. That's the industrial estate venue. Of course, it's where you live and breathe. It's where you live and breathe.

So he's Robin Hood. Manford's Robin Hood. Plymouth, I've got Shane Ritchie. Oh, go to that. It'll be unbelievable. That might be quite good, actually. Brian Conno, he's the best one, I think. He's amazing.

When I see that, right, I think, what the fuck is Shane Richie's Christmas like? I feel like a date. But then if he lives nearby, it's, oh, we don't live by, doesn't it? Because Plymouth, that's what I mean. He might have grown up kids, though. Yeah, I think he probably does. But, Rob, he's doing 1pm and 5.30 on Christmas Eve and 1pm and 5.30 on Boxing Day. So is Manford.

He's got Christmas Day off. But he lives in Manchester. True. So it'll be 20. You could leave his house probably about midday, half 11, do the 1 o'clock. Yeah. I mean, you could work, if you lived, like, I could do the Bromley Churchill one, and it wouldn't really impact me too much. Cut too, Rob, you'd be going fucking mental.

Hang on, right, so what day is it today, Josh? It's the first. Fucking hell, I can't even go and see Manford. He's not on today. Oh, no. It would have been perfect. On the 10th, he's doing 2.30, and his tickets available. Would you have gone?

Yeah, defo, because he's me mate. And also, he's, Robin Hood. He's doing all of it. Oh, yeah, that would have been good. Where'd you sit, though? As a solo man at a panto, where'd you sit? That's a solo famous man. Yeah, yeah, let's just add.

But then I think you get away with it, Rob, because everyone's going to presume you're there as a friend of Jason Manford. Oh, you had to see Jason? I go, who? Who? No, no, no. Do you know what I'd be mental?

If I went to see it, and I didn't message Jason Manford or say, can I come and say hello to you backstage, if I just bought a ticket and watched it and didn't go and speak to him, that if I'm Manford, I'm worried about that. You know what I mean? So when are you messaging him before?

I would now go, Manford, Jason, I'm in Manchester on Wednesday. He's so Manchunian, even half his name's fucking Manchester, isn't it? I'd say, I'm in town, I've got a kill an afternoon. I might come and watch you do Panto at 2.30. Any chance to sort of me a ticket, no worries, if not. But if you fancy a drink before or after, let me know. Although not after, because I'm going. Yeah, but not after.

Unless you want to have a drink at the Chiquito, Leicester Meridian Business Park. I don't think you'd have time, Rob. You're not getting to Lester. from Manchester at 4.30. This is depressing. I just googled Lester Panto. Yeah, there we go. And it's in the room arming.

Oh, great line up here. Richie Anderson, Suzanne Shaw and Jared Christmas. Have you ever done a tour show on a Panto set? Yes. It's really weird. It's really weird. It's really difficult. Could you try and reference it?

What's weird is before you come on because you know they've come into the room. Yeah. And they've thought, fucking hell, this is a bit weird that he's decided to pay all this money for this huge set like a gingerbread house

just for one gig in Leicester what the fuck is this show going to be so I might be doing that tonight they'd have told you well this is what happened to me before though when I did it I thought oh it'll be great wouldn't it if I sort of like go up and start like doing the gig from like the tower it doesn't start till December the 12th

I thought it'd be great if I go up to the tower and do the gig out of the balcony where like the princess would sing anyway I've tried it once and I was doing the gig and I went up there and it took me ages to get up there Then when I got up there, I'm just like, oh, I'm just stood up here. And it's not funnier. And I had to space it has to go, oh, this wasn't a very good idea, what did it?

And then just, like, all you could hear was me walking down the stairs in silence. Oh, man, I once did one where it wasn't even a panto. It was, I don't know what the play was, but it was a full working kitchen. With different entrances. There's dinner there. You know when you have, you know when you have like different entries, like a kind of farce where they're going out in and then else. So there was like four different entrances to stage that...

Did you try and do banter going through the doors? Yeah, I was working the tap. I was pouring someone a glass of water. I knew what I was fucking doing. That's Sunday brunch. Yeah. Right, should we do some small business, Josh? I enjoyed catching up with you, actually.

I felt good. Yeah, do you feel a bit cleared of your Lester Groundhog Day? Do you know what? It's fine. Everything's fine. It's just I can see the finish line, but it's still quite far away. Yeah. I've got eight more tour shows.

I've got a few more TV bits. And it's just that, like, I can't, Sort of, you know, like, when you're like the end that it gets near Christmas when you work in an office, you're like the last couple of days, no one does any work. But when you're on stage on your own, you're like, I do still have to do this gig properly or otherwise it's going to be really angry, you know what I mean? But no, I feel excited about the last few. I've only got four more not. This week, when I get back home from Bristol, I don't have to stay overnight anywhere else until end of January. Nice. I need to be at home with the kids, really. Well, the good thing, Rob, is this small business shower will help you. Okay. Do you get hay fever? No, the industrialist. States pretty grey, actually, a lot of building. Because what you're going to do with hay fever is get local honey. Did you know that? Oh, right? Yeah, I didn't know that.

So is this a shoutout for local honey? Well, it's based in the Midlands where you spend a lot of your life, Rob. Do you know what? I'll get a big spoonful of that at the M1, Marriott. I would like to suggest my husband's honey business for a, oh, this is good. SBSO. We haven't called it. Oh, SBSO?

Yeah. SBSO on pH with R.B. and J.dubs. Yeah. Based in the Midlands. Something to help with Josh's porridge addiction. and to make that gobble-gobble all the more tasty. He is Arden Forest Honey, A-R-D-E-N, single-handly produces some of the...

Well, not single-handedly. Could have to give the B some credit here, haven't you? They've got six hands, aren't they? This is him single-handedly producing it. I'm not sure about it. He's rubbing his guts all over some pollen and taking it back to his hive. No, he is Arden-Forest honey

and single-handedly produces some of the most awarded honey in the county and some help from me. when I'm not being a paramedic and the in-laws doing the labelling and deliveries. His Instagram is Arden-Foresthoney and his website is Ardenforesthoney.com. We would love a shout out to bring a little joy and to try to make the fact he is none existent in our house from March to October more worthwhile, while we managed having a teenager with all the attitude, a four-year-old about to start primary school with all the emotions and a very free-spirited two-year-old at home.

Thank you so, so, so much. Thank you for genuinely being so relatable, making this parenting care seem a little more manageable, being able to see the funny side of things we have needed it. Esmey Browning. Lovely. Okay, good luck with your honey, mate. Here we go. Here's another one. Hello, I wanted to shout out my mum's small business.

Looking for a fun and educational way to get kids outdoors. Orienteering is the answer. Oh, yeah. My mum provides schools with orientering maps, permanent markers and teacher training. Orientering, not only boosts map reading skills, builds confidence, team. and get students moving, but also supports the curriculum with bespoke schemes of work linking in with PE, geography, maths, science and languages. For any teachers or PTA members listening, developing orienturing in schools is also a great

way to spend sports premium funding and the excellent resources my mum provides make the delivery of orientering in schools as convenient as possible for the teacher, reducing planning and preparation time to virtually nothing. I don't know if that's AI or LinkedIn that, but that was fucking well, corporate. I felt like I've got a real job saying that. My mum provides orientering packages for schools from KS1 to KS4, but can also provide maps and markers for almost any area such as parks, nature reserves or visitor attractions.

She is based in the northwest but travels across the UK. Website is theorientering company.com. Facebook, the orientering company. Love the podcast, as does my mum. Keep up the good work. Lily and Mum, Michelle. Good luck with the orientering. there we go Josh another episode

brilliant full of buffer full of fun great advice from you let's keep your own follow on see you next week bye or Friday

depends where this goes out yeah we won't know Michael can just edit in the right word Michael can just edit in the right word