Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP36: Stop me if I've said this before...

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... **Trigger Warning** this episode contains some chat about those festive little Elves. Not for younger ears!! If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Get you and your crew to the big shows with GoTransit. Go connects to all the main concert venues like TD Coliseum in Hamilton and Scotia Bank Arena in Toronto. And Go makes it affordable with special e-ticket fairs. A one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel across the network on any weekend day or holiday for just $10. And a weekday group pass offers the same weekday travel flexibility from $30 for two people and up to $60 for five. Buy yours at go-transit.com slash tickets. Canada's Wonderland is bringing the holiday magic this season with Winterfest on select nights now through January 3rd. Step into a winter wonderland filled with millions of dazzling lights, festive shows, rides, and holiday treats.

Plus, Coca-Cola is back with Canada's kindest community, celebrating acts of kindness nationwide with a chance at 100,000 donation for the winning community and a 2026 holiday caravan stop. Learn more at canadaswunderland.com. Build, play, and display with the 3-1 Megablocks preschool sets. The Building Go race car revamps into a pickup truck and hot rod, and the build and enchant unicorn transforms into a puppy and Pegasus. Each easy-to-build set comes with rolling wheels, 26 blocks, and easy-to-read building steps, compatible with other Megablocks sets for endless big building fun.

Shop 3-1 Megablocks at Walmart for Ages 3 Plus. Trigger warning. If you're listening with kids, we're going to talk about the elf and its impact on our lives. There's your opportunity to decide what you want to do with that information. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener with your tips, advice and, of course, Tales of Parenting Woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Whittacom? Josh Wittickick. Well done.

There we go. There we go. That was important. Super quick. This is Isla, who will be five on the weekend. I'm joining the other parents who recorded and never sent in the clip. This was recorded when Isla was two and a half. It's lovely going back to listen to her sweet little voice.

I don't know if you've taken the crown for the longest to have not sent it. Feels good to have finally done it. Thank you for all the last. I've listened since the beginning and still one of my favourite podcasts. Georgie from the Isle of Wight. Ah, lovely stuff. Now, Josh, weird situation here. And I can see your reasoning and I think you're in the right here.

here, but we were due to start a 10. You messaged at 840, can anyone start earlier? I replied 30 minutes later. I didn't say, can anyone start earlier, did I? No, I can start earlier, if needs. Yeah, can start if need, and then I, 30 minutes later, because I was driving, said, oh, hello, Rose. Rose is bringing you tea, like Harry Judd.

Yeah, too right. Look at that. Did you say thank you to Rose? Yeah. Don't think you did. VAR, Michael? Can you just reply? I did beforehand when I asked for the tea.

Oh no no no no no you have to go again on the thank you well not if you're harry jarred well we don't know if he says thanks or not do we he just gets one no he presumes it'll happen anyway so you said can anyone start earlier i said can anyone start earlier implies i was trying to push for it i was just saying i could start earlier if people need to you know it definitely felt like you were pushing the start earlier which is fine can start earlier if needs yeah which basically means you would like to start earlier yeah i'm happy to yeah of course absolutely when that's fine i had no nothing back in half an hour. That's fine too. So I went back to bed. So I was like, well, I'll have a nap. That's fair enough. Yeah, that is fair enough. I didn't see the message, but it's like, I don't know, it just felt like a mad thing to go back to bed. Well, I wasn't going to send that message at 839 and then sit and wait desperately hoping that when no one replies to you for half an hour, I think you've got to go, oh, go on with my life. I'll have a little nap to make sure I'm in the best possible position for the podcast. Yeah, fine, but I just, I didn't know you're going back to bed. Well, that's fine. We're here now anyway.

How are you? I feel like you're a bit tired. Also, you replied at 910 saying 9.50. Then there was another half hour till Michael replied. Well, normally, if I message someone about doing something, I don't message and then just decide to go to sleep before they reply. Well, if they don't message half an hour. So if you messaged me, you think I'll put everything on hold until he gets. I don't think I'd go back to bed at 8.30, well, a quarter to 9 a.m. for 10 a.m.

Well, I got in at half one. Okay, where was your last night? Last late Christmas special. Oh, absolutely. Festive? Harry Hill and Alison Hammond and Rick Astley. You can't ask for more, can you? So did you get driven back after the filming then?

Yeah, long old day. Yeah, long old day, Rob. Long old day. How are you, Josh? I'm all right. I'm kind of... I'm still quite a lot of work away from Christmas. Yep.

You've got no more tour shows. No, but I've got two separate office run-throughs, Rob. So let's cut the, uh, industry talk for the sort of layman or woman that's listening, talk through an office run-through. It's an interesting concept that people don't really know exists. So there's two kinds of office run-throughs. And this is a run-through of a TV show. So there's one kind, which is what I'm not doing, which is an established TV show. Yeah. And we've both done these back in the day. We'll then do office run-throughs of new people that might get on the TV show.

Yeah, like eight or ten cats, we both did those office romters. Eight out of ten cats is kind of the classic for this, where you would go to an office in West London. Always west or north London. Always west or north London. And you would play through a TV show to 15 staff members, if you were lucky. Yeah, and that would be, there would normally be the producers from the production company, and then loads of young people that are working at that production company,

either junior producers. They were still excited about TV. Oh, absolutely. Fizzing interns, you've got 18-year-olds fresh out of uni. Yeah. You actually demand that, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're lucky, like the host would be hosting it, but sometimes just one of the producers will be hosting it.

And then the second type is new ideas of a TV show, new formats. Which I'd say, well, no, actually, it's less stressful in a way, because by the time you've reached our level, you've done enough of these to presume it won't happen. Yeah, also, they'll know what you can and can't do, so you can hide behind the format and blame that if it's not a good afternoon. You know, obviously, I'm Josh Wooddock and I'm great,

so maybe this format needs tweaking a bit. That's always how I started. No. And in those ones, it's fun if it's all the production company. I have to tell myself them with them. Like, with myself, you have to go, this isn't going to happen because the odds are still long against it.

Oh, yeah, you just can't care. You just go and do it. Even if there's commissioners in the room who are from the channel. Yeah. So I've got two with commissioners from channels. But then that's when it gets spiky, not spiky, but more stressful, because the production company really want to make a good impression on the commissioner.

So do you, because ultimately they pay for everything. Well, and ultimately, like, I've had ones where the show hasn't worked, but I've done well. And then they're like, it's a bit unfair. It's like shagging your girlfriends, mate. Then, like, the thing doesn't get picked up. But the channel comes back goes, we'd love to. do something with you though and you go fucking how this production

company's worked really hard and they basically just give me a a little boost which is unfair but sometimes it can work out the other way I suppose they can go... The commissioners here, the commissioners here the commissioner's here, the commissioner's here. But when they say commissioner also you expect some sort of corporal from the army. Yeah but they're actually

just really nice kind of people who've just are just like five or ten years older than the production. Yeah, just really nice middle class people were normally bright coloured socks, a big sort of gap and fold up jeans in a cap and a jacket. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool guys. Yeah, all girls.

All girls. Josh, work aside. How's life? How's kids? What's going on? We went to the Christmas fair on Saturday. Oh, nice. We buried the hamster.

Well done. Yeah, so that's dumb. What else do we do on Saturday? We had my daughter's friend from school in London, her mum and her friend and the two sisters. So three girls and the mum came down to visit us. Ah, that's nice. Which was very pleasant.

So do you get on with a mum? as well. Oh yeah, because this is a difference between us and I saw your picture of your ice skating. Yeah. You'll cross continents to avoid the other parents. We're fully aware of that. No, no, I don't mind them. Yeah, I've got no problem with the other parents. I'm not, I'm not as socially active as you are. I'm not hosting a quiz desperately wanting to be liked and loved and for everyone in the schools. We're going, oh, Josh, she's actually all right. Do you know what I mean? I will just walk that line of, I am who I am, take me or leave me. But please leave me.

I will put on 17 ice skates to avoid hanging out with you No, they all stayed to help with the ice skates going on and off And then they leave straight away Because I don't want to have to make conversation on the ice I had a nice chat of everyone I'm a great guy I like the school parents I was just asking though

There is sometimes a difference between people from school That you'd be happy to come down to visit you in Exeter and maybe stay for quite a few hours Or parents that just drop the kid and go Oh, yeah, which is your favourite? The drop and go? Yeah. Yeah.

No, for everyone involved. Look, if you're actually mate, fine. But let's be honest, I am not best friends with every parent. Any? Yeah, yeah. I'm not best friends of any parent there, right? Do I like them? Yeah.

Do I not like some of them? Yeah, that's the truth. That's life. Don't get me wrong, Rob. There's some I don't like. So basically, two your kids, about, on average, say there's 60 parents, like mom and dads or whatever, across the two years, right?

That's 60 people. I think you'd be friends with one of them, but no. It's 120 in it? This is bad. Yeah, yeah, 120, depending, presuming each kid's got two parents. Yeah, so it's 120 across two years. Yeah.

The simple maths is you're not going to get on with all of them, you're going to get on with some of them. You'd think the simple maths would be that you'd make close friends with at least one of those 120. Yeah, and you know what? Sometimes I'm an exception to the rule when it comes to mathematics. I like it. What I'm saying is, if you are doing a play date,

The person dropping off doesn't want to sit and have small talk for an hour and a half while their kid's upsets playing. I love it. I love it. You don't either do you. You're just trying to make me look like the bad guy. You don't love it either. Correct. Correct. I've seen your little screenshots from the WhatsApp group when you're bitching about the new ones. Don't you tell me you're not? We all bitching about the WhatsApp group. We all bitch around the WhatsApp group. You're booking a little exit of quiz now, so they all love you. No, there is an exit quiz. I'm not available.

Oh, really? I wasn't asked. Is there someone else doing it? there's someone else did the one in London as well that felt tough yeah but that was after you went you didn't get asked back so the difficulty here dynamic wise for you is in every group people pick a role the leader the funny one the sort of strict one this sort of relaxed parent there's tough parent you automatically in the old school were oh he's the funny one on the group we'll do the quiz because he's the he's a comedian he's a funny guy also likes i like community i like a sense of community. And he loves community. I mean, he will decide he doesn't like that community

more and for a bonfire on it and leave East London and call it a piece of shit. I didn't call it a piece of shit. But when he's into the community, he's into the community. I loved that community. He hates everything East London stands for. No, I don't. No, I don't. I like East London. So you can leave communities. I wasn't very fond of the people that were my house, but beyond that. Oh, I've got a question. Hugh Edwards, right, is trying to sell his house. Oh, yeah. And he's took it off the market. Now, it's in the paper. He's trying to sell his house. If you want to look to that house and you love the house, would it put you off? No. Hugh Edwards owned it. No, because like, I'm not completely across the case. Yeah. That house isn't part of the case.

Yeah, but he's been in it on his own. The Wi-Fi has been used. For me, it would freak me out. I'd go to stay agent. Look, I love the house. Can't fault it. It's not been sold for a year. I think we both know why. Yeah. Then if you watch the news. So also can I finish my negotiation with the estate agent? Yeah, yeah. You take 500 grand off this house or I'm not buying it. Why? Because he's had a wank in that room that you want me to sleep in every night. Yeah. Give me some love and I'll buy the house. Well, Rob, I was going to say there's another piece of negotiation as well. This is an awful thing to say. Yeah. When you're buying a house, I haven't done this, but I'm aware

that the best people to buy off are either kids who've been left the house that just won't fucking rid of it or couples that are breaking up and need to split the money ASAP. True. The only problem with that second one is the divorce thing can drag and there is a sense of sadness in the home.

There is a sense of sad. We once looked around a house. When we moved to Victoria Park, we looked around a house and Rose found it too sad. You can feel it. You feel it. We must have discussed this, though. Are you worried Dennis Nielsen? A politician?

No, that's Dennis Healy, or why, it might not be. Dennis Nielsen was the Scottish mass murderer in Crouch End. He lured men back to his house, kill them, and then kind of get rid of them through the plumbing. Yeah. And then the plumbing went wrong because it had bits of body. David Tenant was in the... David Tenant was in the... It was brilliant.

Yeah. That house is on that street, Cranley Gardens, is... is worth half as much as all of the other ones in the terraces. So it's exactly the same house. Yeah. But it's half price. You know what? Just the money you save, redo the plumbing.

What's happening in that house, Rob? Well, this is a good thing. Have you ever bought a house or nearly bought a house? And A, did you not tell me why you didn't buy it if you found out something about it. And two, tell me if you bought it anyway and it didn't bother you if there's something went on in there. Do you ask when you buy a house? of it's haunted.

Yeah, but haunted's a bit different to knowing someone's, you know, flushed a body down a toilet. I know, but you should ask. Imagine as well, you're trying to sell it and then the drama comes out. You're like, come on, Tennant, mate, I'm trying to shift this. Yeah.

Michael stopped me. I'm sure I've told it before. Dennis Lyon. Dennis Lyon. Sorry, Deslinum. Deslinum. My gran lived in a haunted house. Yeah, I think you've mentioned this before yet.

But it wasn't haunted because that doesn't exist. No, it does exist. I think we've literally had this same conversation. Yeah, we've had this own. conversation. Anyway, do you want to tell you about, I've got so much to talk about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to me about your ice skating party.

But I'll be honest, if you prefer Josh, I'd switch off now. Oh, God, I doubt, but let's not do that, Rob. Let's not make a statistical breakdown of it. It'd be terrible if the listeners shit went up. For the Josh fans. After the Josh fans. They should. Oh, thank God for that.

Skip straight to 15 minutes. On one of the Reddit forums. No, don't worry. Josh fans are going hard on Rob having no friends. Yeah, keep going in on me. Yeah. When you're flying Emirates business class, dining on a world-class menu at 40,000 feet, you'll see that your vacation isn't really over until your flight is over.

Fly Emirates, fly better. Right, so I should caveat that the ice skating was a bit more difficult for me because I had a bit of a nightmare in Bristol. Bristol on tour at the weekend. The beacon, lovely venue. The old flag shaggers still call it Colston Hall. Oh, no. I was chatting to local Bristol bloke and he went to, where are you playing?

I went, oh, the beacon. Famously, it used to be called Colston Hall, but due to his links to the slave trade, it basically got renamed, right, which I think's fair. I love the phrase links to the slave trade. I don't know the facts. So if I say that, it gets me out of jail. Yeah.

I think, well, I don't think he links. I think he had slaves. Yeah, that's what I mean. due to Dennis Nilsson's links to the murder trade He was a slave trader He literally traded them Not even have it, you buy and sell That's a strong link

Yeah, it's a massive link that is That's the biggest link, the missing link, the main link Anyway, they renamed it Which is obviously great decision I was trying to play from Bristol I was like, oh, will you play me? When you're playing? And they've got such a friendly accident in there

Will you play me? I was like, oh, Beacon? I thought it was a different fear I didn't know they'd rename it Oh you mean Colston Hall You're Colston Hall He went those lefties Have renamed it

I went look like I'm no big politics car but I think I don't think calling someone a lefty because they're against slaves I think that's a bit harsh on people I think that's just like a human

someone that actually feels humanity Oh you big old lefty Can't buy and sell a human Had to his credit He was drinking a pint can of Stella. He laughed. I went, yeah, fair enough, mate.

I think you've got a point. So that's one man's mind changed. I tell him it's lovely. Clifton. Beautiful. That was a big old gulp a tea there, wouldn't it? You were so excited about jumping on the Clifton. I wouldn't have thought you liked Clifton, Rob.

Very hilly. That's a problem. I'm not bringing that up with you. That'd be more of an Alex Brooker issue. You're saying that I've got not enough cardio to deal with the Clifton. No, I'm saying Alice Brooker would hate's Clifton. But you, I'd have thought you'd find out. a bit snooty.

Now, I really liked it, because I'm a bit bored of just, like, main cities. Industrial estate. Yeah, they're industrial estates. And also, like, main high streets where it is like, you could be in Newcastle, you could be in Manchester, you could be in Bristol, it's like, oh, there's lush, there's the prime mark. It's just like, okay, and it's busy in the Christmas market. John Lewis.

Manchester Christmas market, very nice, actually. I'd recommend going midweek. Oh, right. Okay, I was there on a Saturday. Can I just say on the city centre thing very quickly? I went in on Saturday to Exeter. Central Business District, yeah? Right in the CBD.

Right in the CBD, right in the CBD, right in the CBD oil. My daughter wanted a specific book, so we went in, I said, I'll get you that, and I'll get my son a Christmas book, we'll just nipped to Waterstones. Yep. Just nipped to Waterstones. I was thinking, this is so easy. Yeah, lovely.

And then I bumped into someone who I know, who's lived in Exeter all his life. And is it a walk? You don't have to drive? No, it's a five, ten minutes drive. Perfect. He was like, whew. city on a Saturday, eh?

And I was like, mate, you don't know. This is fucking unbelievable. I had one person in front of the queue for this book. You know, down south-west, mate, that's busy city. You only know what you know. Yeah, the metropolis of Exeter High Street. Exactly.

Oh, yeah, so Clifton's lovely. And they've got that crescent, Royal Crescent, where they've got those big houses and you can look through their windows. It's like Mary Popper. You can look through their windows and see what they're, and judge their front rooms. Oh, yeah. Nice. Nice. I was walking alone just with like a snood on and a hat looking through the windows, like a Home Alone burglar. Yeah, fair enough. Shut your curtains then, you're

pervert. Exactly. Get some frosted glass if you've got a problem with it. Exactly. Yes, Clifton's really nice. A little walk for, oh, low and slow barbecue food in Clifton, by the way. Little shout out. What does that mean? It's like barbecue. Oh, it's the name of a place. Yeah, low and slow. It's like a restaurant. I thought you were doing a cool way of praising it. I thought you were like, there is some low and slow barbecued food. Ah, that is peng or lengthing. I thought you'd spend so much time on TikTok that you'd picked up a phrase that I didn't even understand. No, no, it's literally called low and slow.

Right, okay, that makes sense. I was walking around and then I've had a weird thing on my foot, Josh. Oh, here we go. This is a bit of a Josh Whittaker story. Can I recommend feet for life on Harley Street, Roll? Well, can I recommend footworks in Bristol? wherever you are you are and do you know what

they've got a lot of business because they're so hilly there's a lot of fun problems well so I've had this weird lump on the bottom of my foot and I thought it's a varuca yeah but it hasn't looked like a varroca

bloody out welcome to my world if I could walk a mile in your shoes and I have in Clifton with a varroca it's been really playing up and it doesn't actually hurt

that much the varucca it's just a bit uncomfortable and I'm bare foot I can feel that there's a hard I thought might be a corn this is exactly where I was or a palace or something I was like this is

not to about anyway it looked like there was something in it right like a splinter so I tried to squeeze it and then obviously nothing came out but I really hurt my foot because I just squeezed my foot really hard and also you're in quite a difficult position there because I imagine by your age you're not that bendy like me it's quite difficult to get to the bomb you're foot no and I just got out to shower

and I was bent over and my bollick was hanging down and my foot was up you know and they told me to leave the lobby oh there we go that's fun old school comedy there anyway a few weeks ago something was not looked like something was on it. I flicked it and I heard like a little ting, tink, like something like hard was in my foot and fell out. Anyway, so I tried to squeeze it and I really inflamed it and it was big and then there was a tiny dot in it and I cued up at the chemist went there's a tiny dot

on my foot. I think it's Veruca. She went, if it's a tiny dot, it'll be a veruca. I went, great. Got myself some bazooka that varuca. Didn't bazooker it? Have you ever basookered? I've tried and it didn't do anything. I tried. I know, that's not to have a go at them. Don't have a go up bazooka that varuka. They're all right. They've got a fucking monopoly on that. they can deal with it. Oh, mate. How was you going to Varuca? I've never managed to get rid of Veruca personally. I've had to go laser.

That basically, what happens with Vruca is it either goes around its own or you have to go and get it frozen off. Don't bother with cream. I put some bazooker on it. The pain was almost immediate, right? Yeah. Which you think is good. Yeah.

And then I thought, oh, I've got it on the wrong bit. So I put some more on. Bad mistake. The pain is so bad. And then, where it was inflamed, I'm walking it. Before bed, I can't put any weight on my left foot, right? then I get into bed I wake up in the middle of the night

the pain I'm in Josh not even stood up is excruciate when I stand up it's like someone stabbing me in the foot every single time I'm like when I was landing bed you know now I don't moan about pain that much but it hurt when the duvei touched it

oh my God you know when you're like this is bad like when it like strokes past it and you know that you've got a walk on it the next day and yeah and do a show right and famously hilly Clifton famously hilly I wake up in the morning I haven't got anything planned that day apart from just watching the football

in my hotel room, right? I go to stand up, cannot even let it touch the ground or put a shoe on, right? I need crutches basically and I'm hobbling. The pain is awful. So what is it?

Like a burning sensation? The burning's gone now, right? But this is not a go of bazooka. When I end the story, you'll see what. I did not need a bazooka. It was not a varuka, okay? So bazooka, that varuga, I basically poured acid on a healthy foot.

Yeah, yeah, fine. That's why it hurt. If I'd put the acid stuff on a varuka, it would have hopefully killed a veruca. Yeah. Anyway, I'm ringing around, trying to find a podiatrist somewhere in Bristol on a Saturday morning. I put a thing on Instagram. I said, I've looked going to go.

And so I recommended me. The footworks in Bristol. So I ring them up. I said, hello, can you help me? I've got a terrible painful foot. I'm away from home. I've got a show tonight. I do shows and it hurts.

And she's like, I'm so sorry. We've got no appointments. We can't do anything. Come back next week. I went, please can you ask, this was a reception. Please can ask the podiatrist if they can squeeze me at any point. Honestly, the pain. I'm really desperate.

I'll do anything. I'm happy to pay. more. I'm happy to do PR. I can put it on my Instagram. Please take my number and let me know if they've got any gaps. My name's Rob Beckett. I'm performing at the Beacon. Yeah. No, yes, it did used to be, but I think it was better they changed it. Or Colston Hall, because at this point, I don't care about the pitiatorist political views. Whatever you feels best. Yeah, I will wear I heart Colston Hall if she'll get my foot better. So anyway, I do that. They ring me back. We can get you in at 145. Brilliant. I get my tour manager to drive me there,

I'm fucked, right, Josh, I put my foot on there. My foot now is gone black, the lump's gone black. Jesus fucking wet. There's white colour on it where the acid is just burning at the flesh. First thing she said was, you've squeezed this, haven't you? I was like, yeah, I've squeezed it, right. I mean, I think it's varuka, blah, blah, blah, whatever I just said to you. Now it's hurt and I've done this bazookly.

She goes, I don't think it's a varuka. Then I'm like, well, okay, cancer then. I've got skin cancer. How long have I got to live? Is it worth doing the show? My head's gone, right? One last payday for the kids. I'll just drag my leg along and do the gig.

And she goes, do you mind if I have a go at it? I went, what do you mean? She went, I can open it up and see what I can see. Why not? Exactly. The pain was so bad. So in there, she's like scraping my foot and then she basically cuts it open. I can see the blood on her gloves.

And she's like, look, normally I'd anesthetized a foot here to do this, but we can't because you've got to use it tonight to do the gig. And then you won't be able to drive. And I was like, yeah, also I've got to go ice skating tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Well, I'm knowing that, and, like, poor Lou has been...

You didn't need to drive, did you? No, but, like, I needed to drive the next day to get everyone to ice skate in. Lou could have, but, like, if I can't ice skate or drive and I can't walk, well, I mean, I'm no help. I'm actually hard to work for Lou. So I think, oh, God, I can't tell Lou about... Anyway, she goes, well, let me have a look. Let's see what we can do.

The pain, mate, she was literally just open my foot and just basically scraping my foot with a knife and having a go with it. And I'm like, she's like, well, got any plans for Bristol? I'm like, yeah, I'm just going to go for another walk. Oh, my God. And then she gets to a point, she goes, I can hear something in there. I can hear it scraping. And I think I've got it out because I can't hear the scrape anymore.

And she went, I can't go any deep without an aesthetic because it's probably quite painful already. I was like, yeah, yeah, let's not go deeper. What was it? So I've had that weird lump on my foot since July. And I think it was glass from holiday. I've trod on some glass when I've got out of a swimming pool. And because my foot was soft, it's just sort of taken it. And it's been rooted around in there.

And then a callus grew over it. My body rejected a bit of it, which was what that thing fell off last week. and then I think when I've squeezed it to try and get the other bit out I've basically just pushed it further in my foot and turned it so I'm just walking it on the glass I think the squeeze was a mistake if you've got a lump don't squeeze it

just go to a doctor so yeah anyway she was bleeding a bit but then she went you okay I went yeah why she went I'm putting direct pressure on that gap and I couldn't feel it so she'd got the glass at my foot Josh oh my god amazing and then she put like a cushioning on it and it was a bit sore for a couple of days after

because obviously I had a little cut in my foot but it just felt like a normal cut up. Yeah. And it was honestly like magic, like the hairs on the back of my neck were like stood up. So she managed to get it out. And then I went, that doesn't feel painful. She went, it won't because the thing's gone. It'll just be a bit sore. What time of day was this? This is 2pm. Shows at 8. Because that's the only time I could get in before they shut. And I was like, I've got ice skating tomorrow. Well, I'd be alright. She went, it'll be fine because I've removed what was in there. It might hurt, but it's not going to make it worse.

Well, ice skating's not going to be, if anything, it's not as bad as walking. Yeah, exactly. And it was, it was fine, to be fair. And it's basically back to normal now. Honestly, though, Josh, it was awful. You've like, overnight just, like, stabbing my foot, this bit of glass. So then you got to ice skating. Well, no, then you must have got home at about 1 a.m. Yeah, about 1 a.m.

Went to bed, woke up at 6 because the kids are up early. Was it the actual birthday? No, the actual birthday was today. That was yesterday. So, yeah, we went ice skating, 17 kids. Now, the problem with the ice skating was, Lou was sort of getting her skates on. Penguin and tractors were available to rent for the session.

Because we got there first, I rented five penguins and five tractors. What's a tractor, sorry? It's like a sit on. Yeah, and it's got a thing at the back you push. So that was quite handy, actually, because some of the girls and boys were pushing each other around on it. Oh, yeah, that's good. And some on penguin, someone on it. So it worked all right.

But the thing was, because it was like obviously open to the public, Lou went, stand at the front and then tell all the guests to come through. And I was like, yeah, absolutely. Now, I know what the kids in the class look like I don't know what the three new girls look like because I've not met them yet And I don't know what the new girls, new parents You're not interested

Mums and dads look like And I don't always know all of the other parents That have been there for a few years We're fully across your views But that's fine because I think they're aware of me They're aware that you don't want to be their friend Exactly So I was just waiting

I thought what I'll do is whoever smiles at me Yeah I'll assume that they're here for the party But the problem there the elephant in the room is you're Rob Beckett Yeah So people are just smiling at Rob Beckett

Smiling at them I don't know to talk about The third person But basically there's a bloke off the tell He stood at the front of an ice skating rink Yeah You might smile at him That does a parenting podcast

With loads of parents walking at him And I'm just smiling at them all And at one point I went to hear for the ice skating Of course they all were It was a bit of a lottery And trying to work out Who's Kid was who

But yeah Lou should have done the welcome in And I should have been Put in the Skates in I think Yes So how was it once you're on the ice All good First five minutes

were probably the most stressful moments of my life. Did you get everyone ready and then all on at once, or were people dribbling onto the ice when they'd got their skates done? I'd say about 10 went on straight away and then the rest sort of dribbled on because some people turned up later. But I'd tell the first five minutes,

as they were getting their bearings, it was chaos. My youngest of all was legs everywhere. Like, she's quite tall. It was like, this is actually dangerous. And they were all soaking wet. But then after a while, they got used to it. But that first five minutes was horrendous. Yeah.

But they're older now. They're 10. My daughter's 10. That is fucking mental. How do you feel about double figures? As much, obviously, it's my daughter's birthday. But for me and Lou as parents, like, this year has been insane anyway. Like, I came home, like, because I've not just not been at home, stuff I normally sort out is such a mess.

Like, there's still a paddling pool in my garden. Yeah. There's a thing that's blown over in a storm. There's just like crap everywhere that I've not sorted out. But it feels a bit like, because Lou's been doing it all on her own. like soldiers in a war losing absolutely up to her limit and exhausted because she's had the kids on her own

had to do all the school run sort all birthdays out and that and she's like in a war zone with her legs blown off and then I've come back from tour absolutely it's like my arms have been blown off and between us

and trying to sort it out but then she can't walk and I can't pick things out and you've got two birthdays and Christmas but yeah but 10 years as well I was like oh my God like this is a bit like you know obviously quite self-involved but it is a podcast about our lives

but I think self-involved has jumped the shark with this podcast. Yeah, fuck it. I'll just lean into it. We should have dropped that note on episode three. But I'm sure some of the listeners will appreciate it. It's been 10 years since every single moment of my life, the decisions have been skewed towards three, then four, as a family,

not just me and Lou or me. It's like... It's a decade. It's like a quarter of my life. Yeah. I've only been alive 40 years. Like a quarter of my life has been... It's mental to even think of it before and like how quick that's gone.

And I was looking at a photo. was with the girls last night of like the day before she was born like 10 years ago basically and what I was doing and I was dressed as a fucking pee on a fork on the embankment

trying to do some stupid TV show thing and like it's just yeah 10 years of like oh my God it's like that's a long time in it yeah and it feels I mean I'd say the time before

what is eight years for me feels completely disconnected yeah like I can't even imagine that time it feels like I was born 10 years ago. Yeah, exactly. And not this fucking wanky bullshit.

Like, me and you have children and you changed you as a person. That aside, but like, it totally changes what's expected of you and your responsibilities. Yeah. You will always have to be there forever with that child's best interest is your motivating drive in every decision you make. Yeah, totally. Which does change your life. And that will inevitably change you as a person because all your decision making has to change. But we had really good time actually.

We went to Petra Express. They love that. had some pizzas and we came home and we watched nativity together which was nice because I've not been at home for like two weeks and then this morning we did a presence and she's obsessed with cherries right of cherries so I had like cherries

decorations Lou done an amazing job we got balloons cherries oh so then also you got remember the elf you're trying to get the birthday presents and then the elf's up to something isn't he? We've gone elves this year you've gone elves what day did you all for come absolutely brilliant

when my daughter came back from school and said everyone else has got an elf See, the thing is, that is the problem now We were never anti-elph, it just wasn't a thing This fucking elf, you can't escape the elf now The elf is, it's amazing what he's done Within one generation Well, we've got two

They must be doing the same things every morning No, we've decided That's insane I know That's 50, that's 58 They don't do Christmas Day, do they? Yeah, I think they've gone back with Santa Yeah

Because you weren't even doing it, well You're at the start? No, so we've saved four By the first and the second Eight No, no, two days, four Is that how long it took until she found out? Well, no, she came back on the second.

It was the first to Sunday, whatever. No one really in London at a previous school for some reason, no one really did it. Yeah, because as you said before, they're all heartless career people that don't care about their kids. Exactly. They were too busy creating an AI that's going to kill us all. But no one before did that. And then she came back. So do you know what we did, Rob?

What? We just went into town. This is just going to town. I love the fact that you've discovered. be near stuff. It's mad. Yeah, but you used to be able to go and get a handmade cross-on, if you wanted, between nine and eleven. I can still do that, yeah. And now you can also go to a normal shop. Do you know what Rosa started to do, Rob? What's that? So after school, she walks to the coffee shop.

Yeah. She's now started to be one of those people that sits outside with the other local parents. And just has a little chat. Just has a coffee, like Tony Soprano. And it's not like let's meet like two or three of them. It's like whoever's their chat. Yeah. I like it, like outside Satriali's pork store. She's a made man. See, the only problem with that is, though, inevitably... She'll end up shagging one of them. I didn't think that.

That doesn't come into my mind either. Inevitably, you will find that you've got more in common with certain individuals. So there's always a slight lottery of that morning to go, well, I hope that person I'd get on with there rather than just being cornered by someone. I suppose you can always go. You've got to call it when you get that. If you're outside, because your coat's on, get a takeaway cup and you can go right. She takes her takeaway cup so she can call it.

Oh, that's, she's got it cracked. Because that means what she can do then is, if she's vibing, she stays. If not, I better go, I've got a call. She hasn't got a call, but she's got a coat on and she's got a disposable cup, so she's not trapped. Exactly. Exactly, right. She's your Rob Beckett. Exactly, although I can't imagine you meeting up with random parents for coffee.

No, I do. I'm just busy, actually. And because we drive, we don't walk in because it's too far. And I am very sociable, actually. I have to speak to all the guys and gals at the game. I went to a soft play party early ones and sat down and chatted to everyone about what they were doing for Christmas actually

and I got all involved and fucking out here he is old king of the school I'm a great guy actually and I'm very friendly to the other parents I don't like this rhetoric actually

if you listen I'm on Laura Coonsberg and you are a parent at one of our schools either of that I've been to review us let us know whether we're too standoffish or we come on too strong

yeah absolutely You can write in anonymously. Completely anonymity. To prove that you do, we won't publish this, but you need to give some fact that proves that you go to the school. Yeah, some sort of niche detail about the school. Like, as a verification. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Canada can be a global leader in reducing the harm caused by smoking, but it requires actionable steps. Now is the time to modernize Canadian laws so that adult smokers have information. and access to better alternatives. By doing so, we can create lasting change. If you don't smoke, don't start. If you smoke, quit.

If you don't quit, change. Visit unsmoke.ca. Oh, talking to the fucking school, I'll do it L for a minute. Lou's livid with this. One of my daughters has been invited to, they do a school disco in the term, they do a Christmas disco

where you can wear a Christmas accessory and they play some Christmas songs and have a bit of a dance. Guess what time of school disco? go is? Well, the ideal time would be four or five p.m. Yeah, like after school clubs, they go there for an hour, four to five, pick them up at five. Yeah, yeah. Now, at 7.45 a.m. start. What? Yeah. Coming down for registration. Yeah, and then it finishes at 20 past 8.

That is wild. 35 minutes of banging tunes. 35 minutes of banging tunes and they're allowed an accessory, 745 a.m. to 8.20m. God, that sounds fun. We've all been there, haven't we? Let's go out. Let's remember to bring an accessory so that, you know, we can really let go. Well, because normally it would be after school and you'll have to wear a dress or a jumper or some clothes. That's a really extreme version of, that's where this Annie McMannis thing's heading. What's Annie McManus?

You know, Annie McManus? Like, she started before midnight. Oh, DJing before midnight, yeah. DJing and it finishes at midnight. And now it's kind of, you know, quite a few people are doing it. And then people are doing it in the afternoon on Saturday. Before we know it, it's going to be before work DJ. Breakfast raveers.

Breakfast raveers. Oh, before we talk about the elf. I've got such a tragic story. You're going to love this about DJs. Right. In Bristol, I was walking along, Clifton. I was walking at this point, soon to be hobbling. Just have a look around the shops, really.

Clifton's lovely. Got a coffee, a little walkmeutron. And there was like a little arcade. And it had old vintage watch shops in it, like little bits, jewellery shops. And at the end of it, like, record store. And I like collecting old vinyl records. So I look at vinyl shops looking for comedy, stand-up albums.

Yeah. He said, Fat Boy Slim, I said, sign in his new book. Upstairs. I went, Fat Boy Slim, upstairs. And I love Fat Boy Slim. Obviously, as well, you know, I get I'm really well with Zoe and, you know, Norman of Fat Boy Slim's real name, Norman Cook. Obviously, got kids together and stuff like that. And I was like, do you know what?

Go up. I'm a friend of Zoe. I imagine you've met Woody, Rob. Yeah, I think I may have. And I thought, you know what? I feel a bit awkward, but I like Fat Boy Slim. And I definitely would have done it if I wasn't bloke off the telly. But I thought a bit weird being a bloke of tel.

Did you feel busy? It was busy. It was a bit more chilled, but like. No, I don't mean his signing. But, I mean, when you were downstairs, did it feel like it was real? Now, it felt odd because there was no one in the arcade, but it was like a little hidden cool shop. And I went, no, I don't go out because there will be loads of people up there.

It might be awkward. It might be a bit weird. I went, you know what? Life's about just saying yes and going for it. Okay. Anyway, so I went upstairs and there was like, oh, he's fat by similar. They went, yeah, yeah. Do you want to meet him and get signed?

Went, yeah. And so I bought his book and then queued out way. And everyone's really lovely. There was like record shop people. There was someone selling art. Then I bought his book, but there was a bloke next to him selling a print. like that was a collaboration with Fat Boy Slim and him

and then I felt really bad for not buying the prints they're not buying the print for 100 quid but I've got to know as much way his breasts but I'd fuck it out no but I've got print now

that says drop acid not bombs I don't want acid either I don't want to drop acid for now I've got boasts and drop out I think acid I don't think you should drop acid

I think it's too dangerous a drug Anyway I've bought the print I've bought the book and I'm queuing up to meet Fat Boy Slim I'd be nervous at this point I am nervous and I'm sort of thinking

this is awkward it's really hot and I've got my coat now got bags and then I'm trying to fold my coat over my bag and I'm chatting to people and they're a bit like what you're doing here and like I'm playing beacon colston whatever if they're keying up a fat boy slim they're part of the beacon crew there's no one curing up beacon boys beacon boys and eventually I'm waiting a bit and I go in and then there's other people there like fat voicing fans and he goes and it's just me on my own in the room with him

I'm like hello oh god that he's a bit like how's that comedian of like here I'm like oh hello nice to me and then I'm like too eager to be like oh no I'll just I wouldn't explain playing why I'm here, but I don't want to be like, it's insane that I would come. It's a laugh. You know, but I don't know, like, I love you. No. So I'm like, oh, no. His first thought is, that comedian, whatever his fucking name is, the one from what the week, has come to.

I don't think he's from Bristol. He's travelled to Bristol. So I'm like, well, I'm here on tour, you know, I've walking past, said you was that bit of stuff, I thought, oh, come in a, huh, eh, I should have a photo and I've been all awkward photos with Fat Boy Slim, but I do like Fat Boy Slim, but he's not, he's not my I like Fat Boy Slim. Can I be honest? I've never heard you mention Fat Boy Slim before. Praise you, a Rockefeller skank. I'm out. Yeah, yeah. The overweight kid on the album. The one with Christopher Walkin. If you put the whole album on, I'd love the whole album.

And I'm not a raver. I've never been to a rave in my life. I may be doing an indie disco, but I'd rather just go and watch comedy and sit in a pub, ideally, right? So now I'm getting my book signed and he goes, oh, Brett, we have a photo? We have a laugh? We've never really met, have we? We've seen one of his crazy shirts. They're just a normal shirt, actually. Quite a handsome tall guy actually normal good i don't have him down as tall six two i'd say oh wow he goes down to summer book and i'm like i don't think he knows oh no so i'm like to rob please just let's just make it easy yeah he signs it he's like what you doing blah blah blah and then he's with like two other people there's another guy there who's an artist doing signings but then i haven't bought the thing he does

to sign so then i felt awkward but it's hard yeah because i think if you're doing a book signing you need to go in it at the same level and this guy like yeah yeah yeah he's a successful artist but fat boy slimmy's like yeah yeah anyway so I didn't have anything to sign but I'm chatting to them and they're like everyone's being really friendly and welcoming what you're doing I'm doing Bristol blah blah but they're all from Bright and I went come to the Brighton show if you want but there's three of them I don't know if they're all together or not and I was like yeah so take my number so I gave one of them a number and then Norman was like I go oh I'm playing Bristol tonight if you want to come you said that or he did no he said that I said I'm doing Bristol and he said

I'm doing Bristol and he went you can come if you want if the gig's finished oh what time are you on and you went midnight. Oh, sorry, Norman. Well, I'm like, do you know what? Yeah, I finished a gig at 10. I'll go back to the hotel bar, have a drink. And then me and our tour manager, Nick, we'll just, we're going to go to a rave.

Yeah, even though I can't walk. At this point, I hadn't squeezed it. So what is this, a Friday night? This is Friday afternoon. Friday afternoon. And then I get it sorted Saturday morning. So I squeeze it. This is quite a key fact, actually.

I squeeze it between me in Fat Boy Slim and the rave. Right. And now this rave is. in a warehouse on the edge of town in Bristol. 5,000 people called like the Prospects. 5,000 people? Yeah, right. That's why he wants to do his fucking signing.

Not upstairs in a record shop. Sell a few fucking art prints to people off their chops. So they go, right, you're on the guest list. Rob Beckett plus one. Perfect. Thank you. Anyway, nice to meet you all. Bye.

The good thing there, Rob, is he's not going to know if you've gone. Well, now let me finish the story. Please don't tell me that he said, come meet me in the DJ booth. No, no, no, no. They're quite the opposite. Right. So I go home, back to the hotel, have a go out squeezing the old foot, Dr. Robert, as I go.

I thought you'd like that, Beatles reference. Yeah. So do the gig, finish the gig, great gig, jump in the car, back to the hotel. Me and Nick have a other cruise campo at the hotel bar. How's Nick feeling about this? Nick's quite excited, something different to do, but never been to a rave either.

Yeah. I'm in the era of, do you know what, Rob, stop being all anxious and worried, fucking go and live your life, yeah. Exactly. Take a couple of pills. Take a cup, though. I'm not going to do that.

I'm going to have two beers, I'm going to have a beer now, I'm thinking, hopefully just have a beer watching Fat Boy Slim, either like cider stage or around the back bit so that I can watch him doing it and watch the crowd. It would be an amazing event to see. He's a brilliant DJ. So your presumption is that you've got backstage?

Absolutely 100% presumption is backstage, cider stage access. So Nick's going to drive. We find out there's no parking at the event. He's going to drive. That's how much Nick's throwing himself into the rate. No, but just because it's 20 minutes from our hotel. Yeah, yeah, fine, fine, fine, fine. It's a bit further.

It's difficult to book an Uber outside of Bristol at 1am as well. So you did. Yeah, but we couldn't drive because there was no time. No, that's what I mean. Oh, you couldn't part. No, so I had to get an Uber. So we got a 20-quid Uber. We get dropped off in basically this deep, dark industrial state,

and we can hear like, doom, do-dum, I'm getting quite nervous. It sounds like Jurassic Park. You know, we can hear noise. Also, Bristol's quite a kind of home of because of massive attack and tricky. It's big on the kind of history of dance music is huge in Bristol. The vibe is huge. It's a Friday night, two weeks before Christmas, we're in Bristol. We get dropped off.

We walk around the corner. And then basically, I didn't realize it was. A rave is basically a giant warehouse with just like sound system in it. And then the bar is all outside on like the car park of the warehouse. And it's Port-A-Lose. And everyone's outside like a giant like festival, but outside in the dark and the rain. In December?

In December. And it's cold and it's wet and there's puddles. Everyone is on the way in. Everyone is loving life. Everyone's drunk. Spirits are through the roof. There's those is metal like barriers and people in high of ears. And it says, guess this.

Great. So anyway, I'm shuffing for there. I'm wearing a pair of, the only clothes I've got that isn't a track suit. Oh, no, not white trainers. It's white trainers, a pair of dress trousers, a T-shirt and a Stone Island jacket. What? What do you wear for gigs? That?

No, I've got my gig clothes, but I'm not wearing my gig clothes to the, because I need it for the gig. Have you not got spare gig clothes? Yeah, but I didn't, I just thought, I wear, anyway, I didn't know what I was thinking, but I'm too smart, I'm weirdly dressed. So I get there, and I go, oh, Rob Beckett Plus One, should have on the guest list, the guy looks at me blankly, right? go through probably about 15 pages of paper with just names on. No, you're not on here. And I'm like, okay.

I was added last minute. I might be in pencil. Anyway, he goes to the back. I'm on it. Bottom of the list. Rob Beckett plus one. Brilliant. Thank you, Norman.

Great guy. Anyway, he goes, all right, in you go. And I just ask a quick question. Was there part of you when you weren't on the list that was relieved? No, because I'm up for this. And I went, oh, he went, in you go. And then when he says in you go, basically, just turns his arm.

And behind him was just like 3,000 people in a car park battered. Like, and if you are famous, to tell you this is high stress I am at seconds away from being in a headlock here yeah yeah having photos I'm already getting heckled in the queue and we've seen most people are in there we get there at like quarter to 12 right he's not even on yet he's not even on yet and there's people like coming in like stragglers go like that shouting at me beck it and all that and I go so mate is it oh no I'm on the guesses is there why did you do this because I cannot go in there Josh it's too much I'll just it'll be impossible to navigate

right. So I'm trying to protect myself, right? He says, I guess this. Is there like a little guest area or is there a little side access to get around the side of station? He went, no, nothing. I was like, oh, okay, no, I just thought there might be like a little wristband or a stamp or something to get me to a bit where I'll be like, because I might get a lot of hard work in there. And it's difficult things. I don't want to look like, this is not who do you think I am. Maybe it is in stealth. No, but it is close. Very close, is it. Do you know what? I think it is. Do you know what I think it is?

No, it isn't who I think I am because I'm going, no. You don't need to know who I am. I'm going to let you know. know that this is very difficult for me. But if there's a way I can get to the side of stage, that'll be great. But if not, there might be trouble here. But he's leaving with an anecdote that Rob Beckett said that he couldn't be in a public place. Well, at this point, we're both leaving with an anecdote.

And I should act. This is where my foot starts to really hurt. So I'm now limping on my foot at the rave door. He's only about 17, very young, lovely guy. He was like, oh, I don't really know, to be honest. I'm not sure. I've just been told to let people in on this list. I was like, cool.

I went, well, don't worry. It's all right. We'll leave it. And I'm thinking, I just can't go in. I've got a gig tomorrow and I'm tired of my foot hurts. I thought I could just sit side of stage. Anyway, so I turned to go like that. And then he goes, don't worry, I'll find out.

I'll find out. So then he just goes and asks another person. He goes, I've got Rob Beckett here who wants backstage. I was like, no, no, no, no. I was just saying if there were, that would be great. And then the other ones go, ooh, I don't even know. Because they don't know what I'm all ravers. They're all asleep when I'm on television.

Oh, I don't even know who the fuck is. And I'm like, that's fine. You don't need to know I am. I'm going to go anyway, but I just thought if they're what. And then as I'm doing that, there's like 10 lads go, Becky! Oh, no. I'm having selfies with them as the bloke refuses to know who I am. Come on, look at this.

Why would these guys be having photos with me? I'm not in the pudding, mate. I'm not even in yet, and I can't get through, do you what I mean? And also, in a rave, you know they're going to be loose. Yeah, of course. So, and he's going, no, I don't even know the fuck he is. I don't know. And I'm like, all right, well, it doesn't matter.

It's all right. Anyway, so then as a walk away like that, I'm trying to rush away. And I'm going, don't worry about it. I don't know what I'll just leave it. It's fine. As I turn, I step in a puddle and slip on mud. Fuck it out. And then get up.

Did you go over? Yeah, right on my ass, right? Oh, God. I got my sniffy little Adidas shoes on, right? And I went, don't know how I'll leave it like that? And then I'd get up. And it was, you know, that Del Boy Rodney, where he goes, come and Trigg, we're leaving. You know, we're going.

Oh, my God. Within eight minutes, we're back in an Uber. Oh, my God. Back to the hotel. What was Nick's view on the whole thing? Poor Nick was just so confused. Because also, as well, like, I texted him at 4 o'clock going, do you want to go to a rave tonight at midnight?

And he's like, okay? But it's quite a weird lifestyle. That's just, yeah. By the way, can I just say, I'm not berating. I was very happy to be on the guest list. I'd say this is all on you. This is all on me. Did you offer him guest list to your show?

Yeah, of course. Oh, no, you're offered him in Brighton. You're offered him in Brighton. But I would say, though, that like, you can't really do guess this for a comedy. I'll get your tickets to go and sit. Oh, no, no, sorry. I don't mean, I mean guest list by getting to watch. Like, was there a chance that Fat Boy Slim was going to come to your show?

I said they can come to Brighton if you want. But this isn't a dig up Fat Boy Slim. No, I know, that's very clear. I'll be honest, he comes out of it smelling for roses. It was so lovely. I just was too sober, too tired and too overwhelmed and a bit panicky to deal with 5,000 people in a rave. Yeah.

Because at least at a comedy gig, once you got your seat, you stay still, it's just too much. I felt a bit vulnerable, and I didn't know what's going on. So I panicked, and I fell over and left. I don't think you'd have loved it even if you weren't vulnerable No, I was only ever going to stay for about an hour Anyway, and leave before it finished And just go for an hour and say I've been

I thought that'll be a fun experience But I got overwhelmed, I panicked I fell in a puddle, I left I don't know if you can say I've been to a rave I got near one Did you cross the kind of line Where the rave began? I set foot in the rave

But I would think I was at the entrance of the rave Was the puddle in or out of the rave? The puddles were everywhere But the specific one that you went into Did you fall over in the rave or out of the rave? I fell over in the queue to the rave Right, okay, yeah. As I left the precipice of the rave.

And what happened when you fell over? Did anyone go, re? No, I went re like that, and I got up pretty quick. But then what made you feel better? I was on the way back around. I did see another bloke slip on mud. Yeah, yeah. Because it was so dark because it's not lit for...

Weird time of year to have a rave. If I had about five or six pints, it would be fine, but I was close to having a panic attack. being overwhelmed. I thought it's best to leave. This is no good for me at the moment. But Norman, fat was him, I love you and that's nothing against you. That was me presuming what was happening and then panicking and just being, basically I was a ray virgin and I jizzed myself before anyone got undressed. Perfect. It's a lovely end to the story. Merry Christmas. Do you think you'll ever go again? I think I would go to a rave again,

but I think I'd have to be very clear on the instructions of what was going on. And I think, in retrospect, just saying yes to things and going with life. is sometimes not a great idea. Yes. We didn't speak about Elf. We'll have to do it another time. Right. Sorry, I went on for ages.

We'll talk about elves another time. So, we were talking previously about how everything in life just merges, Rob. Working, parenting, booking a dentist appointment, running a business from the downstairs loo. Oh, don't call my wife that. There we go, very nice. She's upstairs, Lou sometimes as well. Hello, hey. Which brings us, Josh, to this week's special segment proudly brought to you by Tesco Mobile for Business.

It's called a boss in it where we celebrate anyone trying to run a business while keeping small humans alive. Oh, yes, Rob, that is so difficult. We're talking, well, do you remember the guy on the news whose kid came in the back? That is the classic image that every parent remembers, isn't it, Rob? To give you an idea, genuinely,

I'm three minutes away of having to leave to do the school run. This is exactly the situation I find myself in. I am living what we are talking about at this moment. Well, yes, exactly. And I think sometimes you could do with some, you know, business help in introducing buffer zones into your day. Because you're just business, business, business, family, family, family. And you can't do that 24 saves. You know what I'm saying? You can't do that 24 saves, but it's very difficult to avoid at certain points in your life. Give me another example, Rob. Okay, Josh, at the moment, I've got to send my accountant information and receipts for things I've bought for my business, my life of comedian. And I'm finishing the podcast of you. I've got to.

load up the car because tomorrow I'm going on a tour show has got to make sure I've got the right stuff for the tour. Then my children are coming home in 20 minutes and they're getting dropped off by the childminder that picks them up from school and drops them back and I've got to cook them their dinner. And Josh, I'm going to let you through a secret. I'm going to do all of that badly. Oh, I thought you were going to say naked. No, no, no, no, no. I'll be fully dressed but I'm spreading myself too thin like I'm a bit of toast and we're running out of butter. But Rob, even though you're spreading yourself too thin, even by doing it, you can see through me. Even though I can see through you, I've been able to do for years.

Even by getting through that, Rob, you are bossing it, mate. I am. I'm bloody bossing it. I'm blossing business and life. I'm a working dad. I'm proud. And if anything in this sounds like your life, you're absolutely bossing it. It is amazing. You're basically doing two full-time jobs at once. And Tesco Mobile for Business is built for people like you. Tesco Mobile for Business gives you contracts up to 40% cheaper than the big guys and 50 quid welcome bonus. Plus access to the Help Hub, which is like the Swiss Army Knife of Business Support. Templates, guides, videos, even HR stuff if your toddler ever files a grievance. And the best part is it's really quick and easy to sign up.

So if you're running a small business through your kitchen, your car, head to Tesco Mobile for business. They'll help you boss it. Rob, should we do small business? Yeah, come on. Shall I start? Go for it. I run a small business called Photo Explorers. We run photography workshops, kids, photos, parties,

Photography camps and after school clothes for infant and junior school ages, helping them explore the world creatively through the camera rent. I love photography. Do you know what? I'm going to talk to you about getting into photography. Also, my favourite photographer on Earth died yesterday. Very sad. Martin Parth.

Oh, yeah, I saw that. I started photo explorers after having my two children and finding it hard to get back to work as a fashion photographer. It's growing in something really special and we've had such lovely feedback from both parents and kids. So if you think your kids would love to join one of our. camps or workshops, don't hesitate. Sign them up.

You can find us at We Are Photo Explorers and www.photoexplorers.com. Thanks to the Lowell's Harriet. Great business. I think photography is one of the great underrated art forms. Now, this one, I'm going to, they didn't ask for this,

but I've got to give a shout out to the Footworks Clinic in Bristol. Oh, mate. If you need your feet done in Bristol. If you're a little foot squeezer and a little pain maker, then Footworks Clinic. Footworks is an accredited

innovative shropody and podiatry surgery, offering the latest techniques in experience advice to the whole of Bristol and sometimes travelling comedians. Newcomers with glass in their feet that fucked it up. Glass in their feet and venom in their tongue. I don't know what I gave up on that halfway through.

Anyway, they're in Hotwell, so it's close to the city centre accessible from all parts of Bristol, full range of treatment. Basically, inquiries at footworksbristol.com or the website is footworksbristol.com. The lovely Dr. Roof sorted me out. Thank you very much.

They didn't ask for that. I paid for the service. Great guys. But yeah, if you need anything doing with your feet or nails or varucas or skin, get yourself to Footworks, Bristol. Rob. Lovely. Bye.