Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S11 EP9: Back to school!!!

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... the end of the summer holidays are finally here! There's jet ski mishaps, Stone Henge visits, Josh loses his keys (again!) and Rob poses as a secret olive tree lover to get out of trouble... Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

One, and sip, and two, and sip, and three, and sip. Oh, hey, I'm just sipping Tim's all-new protein ice latte. Starting at 17 grams per medium latte, Tim's new protein lattes, protein without all the work, at participating restaurants in Canada. Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days, delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered.

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Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hope we're not, Hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting. Each week, you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing.

Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Florence, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdickham? Josh Wittickham. That's it. Nora, can you say Rob Beckett? What, Jacket.

Can you say Josh Wittickham? Rob Jacob. Josh Widdickham. Right. Josh Sakeb. There we go. It's my 4-year-old Florence and 2-year-old Nora saying your name. Florence was a lockdown baby, so I've enjoyed your podcast since the early days.

I need to eat your episodes have me chuckling down the M6. Which one's the M6? During my commute to the office. It's up to Manchester. Oh, yeah. Just to add that I hadn't noticed before Nora was born, but good Lordy, does Josh react to things with fucking Nora a lot. Yeah, that is true.

I do so fucking Nora. Yeah, you do. Abbey 44 months from Northwich. Chesh. Cheers, guys. How are you, Josh? Nackard. Very busy, period.

Very busy period. Summer holidays over, though. Kids back to school. Talk to me. Good summer. Yeah. You talk to me. I'll talk to you. You want to talk to me? I'll talk to you. You went to big feast of all. My daughter's first festival.

Oh, because your son was recovering from tonsillitis, tonsil removal. Have I talked about this? I have, haven't I? Yeah, but you said that he wasn't going, but how was he feeling now? He's totally fine now. He had a period where it was hurting, but we kind of cow pollen, neurofend it through it. He had very bad breath for a bit. But it wasn't out of the house for a bit in case he got infections. Is that right? No, it wasn't so much that, actually. They don't really do that anymore.

It was more... I thought you said he had to stay? He couldn't be with other kids or something. No, that's what we'd read beforehand, but actually when we went to the appointment, they were like, it's not like a keep him in thing, but he will want to stay in because he'll be fucked.

Yeah, going to some of that big festivals, yeah, too much, too much. We had a great time. We had a great time. We had a brilliant time, actually. Genuinely, loved it. Proper family festival. Yeah.

We did a lot of rides. Well, like fun fair one. The Helter Skelter? Yep. Did the Dodgeums? Did the big wheel? Has she been to an actual theme park yet? Yeah, she didn't love it.

She doesn't love rides, but her friend we were with loves rights. Right. So we had a good time. We saw the music's a bit lost on her. Do you know what I mean? A seven-year-old doesn't want to stand and watch a band. No, I don't even really want to stand and watch band ever.

Unless it's like a band she fucking loves. Even then I don't want to stand. She doesn't want to watch Faithless. I think I'd go to festivals more if they did seating. Yeah. Which theme part did you take her to? Legoland. Legoland.

And she didn't like the rides. We did the fucking... Do you remember a few years ago when I threw up after going on a waltzer? Yeah, but we believe the guy was waltzing you too hard. This time was even harder. It was mental. Oh, really? But do you think you're getting an extra kick because you're Josh Wittaker?

I don't know. Because if I was a waltzer man and I saw Adam Hills... I genuinely felt myself like whiplash back when he spun us. And I was shouting. I was doing that sign you do on your neck. Oh, well, like, cut it off. Cut it off. Because my daughter was going, I'm not enjoying this.

And it went on forever. And I was like, stop it. You're asking for faster. I know. On the law of the walter, that speed it up. I spoke to someone else who had a small kid. I was like, fucking hell, don't go on the walters. She said, oh, yeah, we went on.

We just said to them, we've got small kids, don't spin us. And they didn't. Oh, see, I actually think, and I'm scared of rides deep down, mainly. Yeah. I prefer going on a big, fast, smooth roller coaster, a newer one. Yeah. Than a waltzer any day of the week.

I'd rather be safely taken around at G-Forces by a machine. I'd rather go upside down. A bloke who's kind of walking around just randomly spinning you as fast as he can. Because it must spin off. Yeah. There's got to be a way if you do it too far, it just spins off. It can't. And I fucking hated the dodgums.

I hate dodgums. I hate dodgums. In my head, maybe this says a lot about me. Why don't we all just drive around clockwise? There's one prick who's going the opposite direct. It's not about hitting into other people. And it hurts so much. It's so horrible.

When your steering goes and you're just like going backwards and spinning up, it's so awful. And then you know what's like, Daddy, it's like bang, bang, bang. Yeah, it's awful. Anyway, we've got a lovely time. We've watched some children's entertainment. We watch Oti Mabusi, do a dance. lesson thing, you know, all of that kind of stuff. We'd go on again next year. We loved it so much. She loved it.

You weren't completely on your own. You went with other friends, did you? Two grown-ups, two kids. Right, okay. Oh, that's nice. Your little gang. Yeah, it was great. Really enjoyed it. I lost my keys again in Cornwall. When did you lose them last time? Do you remember when I found them in the fishing net? Yeah. You need a place to put your keys?

Well, this time, I completely lost my car keys. Right. And I think there must have been binned or something. They never showed up. We had to get our neighbour to send our spare car key down through the post so that we could drive home. Oh, really? I've now bought an air tag for my keys. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. So I can do find my car keys whenever. On my tour car, which is a new car that I've leased for the tour, the very fancy new one, I've got an app that I can drive my car with. I've got the BMW app, which means so I left my wallet and car keys. at a golf clubhouse the other day. Fucking hell, there we go. This is the most unrelatable story in history.

You left your BMW. I'm not a member of this fucking Chelseafield Lakes. It's just a normal driving range with track man. I'm not a fucking wedworth. All right, I left it in a fucking bar, yeah? But I didn't realize because then I got in my car. And when I got my car, I'm pretty good. I never forget stuff.

I was like, I'm missing something. And then as I had that feeling, I saw this geyser come up to me. And I recognised it. him. It was my mate Grant who used to live down my street when I was a kid. And I started chatting to him. He's a firefighter now. He's based at snow. He says it's quality. He used to be cravered now, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, that was nice. He drove off. And I was like, I still feel like I forgot something. And then when I parked up 20 minutes away, I was like,

I fucked here. I've got nothing. What did you mean? Because I drove 20 minutes because I can drive the car my phone. All that was my phone. Then I realized I left it there, but I rang up and they left it. They'd left it behind the bar for me. Well, that's the problem with Apple Pay or whatever the equivalents are on Samsung's and Google Pay, Google Pay, is that it means I never know where my debit card is when I actually do need it because I never need my debit card. The moment, I actually have to get cash out of a cash point. I take my wallet with me, but having my wallet with me now feels a bit like when your mum used to take, you know, like print off the balding card from. Yeah, if I saw some of the wallet now, I think, fucking hell old timer, come on, mate. But there are moments when you need it.

They're all. They're all. trying to buy football shirts at 3 a.m. because you can't sleep and they need the little security code. I've got an update for you, Rob. Go on. On Melbourne. Oh, the band Milburn that I like, yeah. Yeah, I got a message. I still do like. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, well, I've got good news. Yeah. One of our listeners messaged me. Yeah. Joe Carnell from Melbourne is my daughter's history teacher. What? Yeah. The old school, new school. No, no, this isn't me. Sorry. Sorry, someone's messaging and said Joe Carnet from Melbourne

is my daughter's history teacher She asked him to sign her book At the end of term, last term In case he gets famous Joe Carnow. Joe Carnow's a history teacher Because there was two brothers There was Joe Connell and Louis Carnell

Carnal, Carnell Look at that And now he's an history teacher Now he's a history teacher That's mad, isn't it? They've got to have a job, Rob, You're not, Melbourne's not... Well, they did a reunion tour recently

Well, during the summer holidays Oh, they reunited in 2016? Oh my God, recently. That's 10 years ago. Double check those with the school holidays, Rob. They will be during the school holidays. April, 2016, yeah? There you go, Easter holidays.

They did the O2 Academy Sheffers to celebrate 10 years since the release of Well, well, well, well, and they announced an autumn tour. There's a singles record, yeah? Band release their third album in 2017. There you go. Well, if they're back, they'll do another reunion show. Do Well, well, well, in full. I'll be there.

I just need to finish telling you about my keys. Oh, yeah, go on. I then got my air tag. And then the next day. So we had people around on. Sunday on Monday during the whole move nightmare, which is covered in upcoming episodes. We've got a special Josh Whittakerham House move episode coming out soon. During that, I couldn't find my car keys again.

I was like, this is awful. I can't find my car keys. I can't really this. And there were nowhere to be seen. And I thought, it's all right. They're attached to an air tag. I can't play the sound. Yeah.

Couldn't connect. I was like, this is fucking mental. You can get really cheap air tags that do the same job that aren't. Apple ones if you need? Yeah, that's what I've got, yeah. But that's not the point, yeah. Oh, is that why it didn't work? Rose put it on the WhatsApp group

with the people who'd been there the day before when I was fitting my air tags. Yeah. Said, oh, Josh has managed to lose the keys and the air tags aren't working. And John had been here. I was like, oh, have you not had them since we left? I was like, no.

And he was like, oh, I put them in the bread bin to test your air tags to see whether you'd find them. You'd put my keys in the bread bin. So in Cornwall. No, in London, because they'd come around on Friday Sunday when the attacks had arrived. And you were still in your house in London. I was fitting them into the keys as they were there. And then he thought, oh, it'd be a bit of fun to put them in the bread bins.

So you can find them, yeah. So you can find them. But why didn't they connect? Because the fucking bread bins is metal. So it's, you know where it's good for that? microwave. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly.

You've been there. If we hadn't texted him, we'd have never found those keys. And I'd be going absolutely metal. Oh, no. You'd had a bit of bread and then found them. No, because we were moving. So we wouldn't have, I haven't been in that breadbin since. And they were right down the bottom.

You wouldn't have found them until you moved. Yeah, exactly. We'd have found them in Exeter when we were unpacking the bread bin. Or when they were packing the movers, might go. We found some your car keys, really. I know, Rob. Tell me about some summer holidays. We had quite a lot of time at home.

And then we went away for like the last week of August, which was lovely, because it's sort of by that time. You're getting a bit. Oh, did you see Ramesh? Yes, I saw Rommish. How much did you see Ramesh? So we saw Ramesh. We arrived on the first.

Thursday. Then we had lunch with them on the Friday. Kids, we're just growing up. And kids. But the only thing is, the kids, they are very much teenage boys and our girls are very much seven and nine girls. Yeah, yeah. There's not a huge crossover. So we had lunch with them. That was nice. And then they went back to their, well, Ramesh had a slightly, slightly more impressive accommodation than us. Oh, yeah, yeah. It featured its own pool. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So we didn't. see them as much around the pool, the communal poor. He still hasn't found out they've cancelled league of their own, is he? You're aware that they've cancelled league their own?

You've got the private pool? Okay, fair enough. Each to their own. Each of their own. One last private pool. But in his defence, though, because he's got three kids. There's no defence needed. No, no, I'm just saying, though, you don't realise how much more difficult hotel accommodation

it is when there's three. And especially when they're like, because their eldest is like 16. He's up bigger and Ramesh. Just that massive bloke. That's a security guard there. So we had lunch with them, then they went back to their pool, and then we saw them Saturday, then we met up with them on Saturday to watch the Arsenal game.

I'm not sure whether, with the private pool, whether you'd feel like you're on holiday enough. I'd want it to be separate enough from the hotel room, if that makes sense. Yeah, well, there was other people with younger children that said they'd paid for a private pool, but the kids wanted to play in the big pool of all the other kids. Yeah. So that they were absolutely livid that they'd spent money on that pool

and the kids didn't want to play in it. So, and yeah, we saw them on the Saturday, saw them for a bit because we went on jet skis and they went on jet skis after us. Oh, my God. How was the jet skis? Absolutely fucking horrendous. Have you ever been to a jet ski?

No, of course not. Fucking nora. Are you driving it? I'm driving it, mate. The seven-year-old on me back, or nine-year-old in my back. I was like, oh, dude, do you lose done jet skis before? Now, lose a little bit, I would say, not a confident driver. Like, doesn't like driving a big car.

We'll always drive her little car. Doesn't like the lanes near where we live, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was like, I'll do a jet ski. I used to have a motorbike, like little Vesper things. I'm like, yeah, that's sort of the same thing in it, going straight in the line. It must be so bumpy, right? I just forgot about waves. Yeah, yeah.

I've got my own little ship on the waves. And then the wind comes, the current changes, the waves, then wankers in big boats come past. And you've got to jump over that and start police academy. Remember that? When they're all over. I literally, honestly, it was so embarrassing, Josh. We did an hour of it, right?

I literally couldn't go in a straight line, right? I'm doing it and I'm in and out I'm wiggling back the basis. It's an hour! Yeah! That's too long.

Way too long, right? But actually it was good because after 25 minutes of hell I sort of got it. And how confident were you with your speed? Josh, this thing went up to 60 miles an hour. What?

Yeah. Lou was hammering it. Oh, no, I'm going in and out, in and out, I can't really do it. Bless my daughter, she's like, this is so much fun. I was like, all right. I'm like, well, I'm not doing it right.

And then anyway, so I'm doing it. And then, but Lou, was hammering it. At one point, Lou and the instructor were so far away I couldn't see them. Oh, like Del Boy,

you know, and he went, eventually I got it and I was like, I came off right, and I've got a wooping thing that tracks my fitness. When you said

Lou and the instructor was so far away you couldn't see them, you're suspecting something like that. No, I mean, fair play. If anyone could get off of each other on a jet ski,

good luck, I could barely sit on it straight. Then I'll go forward. Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Roger Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit,

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Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers. Goldfish have short memories. Be like goldfish. So on my wump thing, right, sometimes I'll go and do weights, and it may not be like a heavy session at a gym, but I've lifted weights for 40 minutes, and it will say burn under calories, right? Yeah.

I was gripping on so tight to this jet skiing, tense in every muscle in my body. It said I'd done a 450 calorie functional fitness workout. Maybe that's your thing. I was on the jet ski diet. Every day, you go and do an hour on a jet ski. Oh, it was so difficult. Anyway, but then after half an hour, we sort of got it.

And then it was really nice. And at the end, I could go to the full speed. And my daughter was so sweet, though. She was going, I'm having the time of my life. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I can't really do it properly. I can't go as fast as mommy. I was occasionally getting it right. But then the wave would come.

So did you go 60 miles an hour? So at one point I got my confidence up and I went, should I just go as fast as it goes? To my daughter, she went, yeah, I did it. Honestly, I thought I was going to the moon. I fucking went over this wave, launched. And then I landed up, bang, landed down. And I was like, oh, I slowed down.

She went, I can't lose. It's funny because you're rubbish and it's wibbly or it's fun because you're fast. You can move both. But I was so funny, though, because I was so trying to be calm. My heart rate was getting so anxious and stress. at the start.

I wouldn't be able to do that. It was so difficult. I just really underestimate how hard it was, but basically you've got to like keep the bit that you turn 51 position to counteract the wave and the wind. Oh, is it trying to knock you off? Yeah, and don't oversteer it, basically. These tips were no use to me, Rob, so I'm never doing it.

Oh, it's hard, man. And there was jellyfish everywhere. At the end, though, we saw dolphins and it was amazing. So it was an amazing. I'm glad we did it. Then Ramesh took over. Denny had to go afterwards just by chance that they booked the session after us. Yeah, no, so we met up, so that was really nice.

That must have been weird for the people. I suppose they don't know who either of you are, do they? No, they didn't, couldn't care. I mean, honestly, dream job, dream body. The six foot two Spanish guy that runs jet skis on a result, what's her life. They're just, oh my God. It wasn't the instructor who was interested in. It's just a jet ski.

She just loves jet skiing. She just loves jet skiing. She kept wanting to go down. What's the rules on doing a number two in the hotel room, in your family? I don't think we've ever had rules on it. Just sort of an unspoken. of silent grunters that are just pop in and out when they need to do it. Well, the kids don't give a shit.

Obviously. If the kids do, you're not like, oh, come on. No, but I've been given a lifetime ban from shitting in hotel rooms while my children. Have you? I'm having to walk to the lobby. What, and shit in the lobby? Oh, the lobby toilet. Like a kind of dirty protest.

No. Oh, so Ramesk gets a swimming pool, doesn't this is what I think of, yeah. Curling one out next to the reception desk. I just don't know if this was a thing that, like, dads, it feels like, are getting sent. They were awful, though. They were proper... Do you know what? My son has a couple of times

walked into the toilet after I've been for number two and gone, it stinks in here. He's four, he's not going to go. I'm going to have to put a ban on hotel or on shit. No, but my daughter's nine and she's like, walked in and honestly, the smell of it.

I thought she was going to get knocked over. How do you feel about if they're in there, the sounds? Mate, I'll shit anywhere, any place, any time, no problem. Okay. I'm just got no qualms. You wouldn't put music on?

No. No. I'm having a shit. Yeah. You know, that's it. You know what I mean? I've had a shit in a nightclub. Yeah, I've had a shit in a nightclub. I think, though, because I grew up, I've got four brothers.

We lived in a three-bedroom house. My eldest two brothers had sort of moved out by the time I was a little bit older. But I remember, like, being in the shower, and my dad would just come in and have a shit in the toilet because we only had one toilet and one bathroom. And it was just absolute shit. Everyone was shitting everywhere. Yeah.

I think once I was doing a poo and someone pissed through with the gap in my legs. Have you ever done that? No. No, no, I can picture it. Do you know, I certainly thought that it's possible? Yeah, just use a sink. You don't want to be using a sink.

Oh, God, the sink. I know, it's horrible, but it's one toilet of seven people. Oh, gosh. Sorry, it's horrible if you're having your breakfast or whatever we do. So does that mean that you're forever banned? And what about in, like, the family home? Just go down to the lobby. Normally, I'll try and time it so that I have a coffee, have some breakfast and do it on the way back from breakfast.

It's lovely to know. My daughter, my nine-year-old, eight chicken nugget and cheese. for lunch and dinner seven nights in a row. Now, is that bad parenting? Do I need to take them to the speakman? And it was the exact same meal and she just hammered it and then had an ice cream, went to bed and just like the way a dog eats. Good luck to her.

And then one night, because of my younger, they're quite like steak, but I'm trying to get them to try different things. And I want them to eat protein, right? So they quite like a rotisserie. Oh my God, Marks and Spencer's in Alpinton, the new one. It is the greatest supermarket I've ever been to my life. Is this new? Brand new.

Tom Allen opened it last week. Rottissory chickens. Oh my. I've got a rotissary chicken from there. If they're opening a Marks and Spenters in Orpington, I don't think there's even 0.5 of a second where they have a discussion over who's doing the ground over. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. Do you know what, though? Obviously, Tom is the perfect Marks and Spencer's ambassador. I'm happy to throw me a hat in the ring for the menswear department. I'd wear those clothes. I don't think the Marks and Spencer's brand. What's their phrase? Taste the difference.

Is that Marks and Spencers? That's Sanjpriz. No. Every little helps is Tesco. It's something about being expensive and good, isn't it? I'm saying I'm not expensive or good. I'm saying that your brand isn't, we're posh and we're kind of high quality and kind of. Your brand is like, re-e!

Fair enough. Do you what? Fair enough. I wouldn't put you with Marks and Spencers, but... No. What brand would be good for you? Well, maybe I should have a rebrand and I should go posh to try and get some more advertising deals. I think you'd do well for like hula hoops.

Fucking hula hoops. I think you'd be good for hula hoops. Do you know what I think I'll get into? Fast food. If I got slightly in better shape, they'd book me to do more like McDonald's and fast food adverts. You're in good shape.

No, but what they want is someone to be eating McDonald's that looks in shape but also looks like they're a fat, greedy bastard. Right, yeah, yeah, fine. And I think I can do that. Yeah, yeah. Just a few more jet ski sessions and I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Ripped by 40. Time's ticking. Time's ticking for my top. birthday photo. Is it January the 2nd? January the 2nd, 40th birthday. I'm just, whatever the body's in, I'm just going to do a top-off photo. Okay. But I've got to try and get sick. I'm never going to get a six back.

Nine days after Christmas. Take the photo on December the 15th and keep hold of it. What, do you have for Christmas, nor a virus, please? Just get the last bits out of it. Oh, so, you know, when we come back, we was away when all the old, you know, the flags being painted on stuff, right? People using the flags to sort of intimidate a bit, you know, flags going up on Lampost, Union Jacks, St. George's Crosses.

I saw one, so it really made me laugh. It was a couple of weeks ago before the flags went up. Someone had put an A4 bit of paper up, but in pencil, but like rubbed in a few times, had written Stama a traitor, so Stama top line, a middle line, traitor bottom line. And it was all, it had been written in pencil. And look, if you hate Stama, if you hate conservatives, you hate liberal, I think everyone's allowed to complain about politicians, right? If you've got to put a poster up, fine.

But the way they did the poster, it blew my mind. Because they'd sketched out with pencil, columns. A bit like, you know, how will they talk graphic design in, like, 1972? They'd put it all in columns so that it could be centred. Yeah. So that you could find the centre of the paper, right? Yeah. And I was like, fuck it, this person must really hate.

They're not just printed off 20 bits. This is, they, probably he, has sketched this out. I'm like, okay, fair enough. And I'm like, right, well, if you're going to go to all that effort. So, sorry, is the middle section just one letter? Exactly. If you're going to go to that much effort, surely is a traitor. Is it spelling something downwards as well?

No, so it's just literally Stama and then underneath it in the middle, all centered because they've used the pencil-shaped columns. Yeah, yeah. A, bottom line, traitor. Stomer a traitor. So it's not spelling something M-A-T. No, I don't even know what that would spell. No.

Even if they were doing that, it wouldn't, it didn't stand out enough. No, no, no, exactly. It was more the graphic design from 1982. So then I was like, surely it should be is a traitor. Not starting a traitor. Anyway, I was like, what commitment? That person must. So where did they put this?

Like bollards, when you're driving down a road. How big was it? A-4. A-4? A-4. In like a little insert. you'd have for your big file at school. Oh yeah, like the plastic.

But not laminated, one you'd slide in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that gets wet and all bagging. I don't want to help this guy, but you just feel like someone needs to go, look, whatever your message is. You need help sending it, right? Fuck, those poor bastards

been like sketching it. Right. Anyway, three days go past. I drive past the same route. They've replaced them all with Starmer is a traitor done in the same way. No, no way. So I was like this guy.

That's weirder. Has he forgotten? They? They? I don't know, but I was just like, I just really made me laugh because I was like, he's probably driven past it and gone, I just really wish I put the ears, but I can't do it now because I've centred it all with my cotton.

Oh my gosh. That is good. Rob. Go on. I've got a big update. Did I tell it about my iPad situation? I did, didn't I? Oh, yes.

You got stuck in the hole, the headphone jack. So I ordered the thing. You was ordering like a special thing that you slide in and then clean out or something? Here we go. Do you want to see the video of me trying it? This is your kid's headphone, Jack, got stuck in an iPad. And I went to Apple and they said you are going to need a new iPad. Because it's impossible to extract. Yeah.

I've got the video here. I've got stuff. I've got the thing stuck in the iPad, snap. Love this. And I've ordered these. Stick your son, Instagram, Josh. I'm going to. Don't worry about that. But I didn't want you to see it before I played it to. Bring it out.

You've got to get the right size. In it goes. You can look at your desktop you got on, the little sports stuff. It doesn't work, does it? It didn't go in first time. In it goes, then you hammer it in. I love hammering it in. Hammering it in is turning the iPad upside down

and banging the new little instrument into it using the laminate floor. You want to get a hammer? It's in. And then just pull it out. It comes out. It works. What a video.

I'm not in full. Oh, buy a new iPad. Fuck you. Oh, it's so rock and roll, Josh. I love it. I'm so pleased with it. It's just so much joy. Nine quid.

Nine quid. Amazing. Buy a new iPad, they said. I love that. Yeah. How much does that cost you that little instrument? Nine quid. Well, it's a bit price in it.

They've got you over a barrel. They've got you over an iPad barrel. You're going to charge you 150. It'll be cheaper. Yeah, exactly. A little win that is. a bit of joy that is. That really brought you a lot of joy. So I love it. I've got an end of summer holiday question. How much your children needing a break from each other? They're not too bad actually.

They do get them really well, but what they need is routine. Yeah. We came back off holiday on Sunday. Today is Tuesday. So normally sometimes with school pickups, we've got a lady called Lisa that helps us and picks her up from school, comes out and gives them food. So we booked her for a couple of days before term started, even though they're not a school, just so that I could do my podcast, who's got some work to do in the afternoons. And they were like, can we do school when she comes?

Can she make, and she was like making them do like a bit of maths and some lessons and stuff like that? Yeah, they're ready. But my daughter's got to read. She's in year nine. Her homework was to read. She's nine year nine. She's nine.

This book, right? Have you heard of heard of the book called Street Child? No, but that sounds bleak as far. In the next year, they're doing, I think they're doing the Victorians, right? Right.

So this book called Street Child. She's got to read it, right? And we forgot about it all time holiday. That's it. It's a look for it, Burley Doherty, right? You've got to read this book for school for whatever, street child, as a kid running down the street, read it.

She's really struggling to read it, right? My daughter's a bit like me, not a massive fan of reading books. Now, I was tempted. Lou was like, she's got to read it because when she gets to school, they've got to answer questions on it and discuss it. I went, just chat GPT, look. Get the bullet points, she'll know what's getting on, right? Lou's up, we can't do that.

I mean, it's the future, though. No one's ever going to fucking read books. You just find out, well, basically, what do you want for me? I need to know about this book. GBT, find out about the book, then I just tell you this information. Whether I read it or not

means nothing is my approach to life. Well, I am obsessed with AI. Well, I was using it the other day to try and find my daughter's lost house on Minecraft and the chat GBT was shit.

If you ever tried to find out, do your kids play Minecraft? No. Oh my God. I built an house, right? Can you help me find it and I'm trying to find it and I'm trying to do cheats,

putting coordinates in and all that and it's impossible. And then one of the kids off I through an hour of me searching for it went, Oh yeah, the thing of Minecraft is, every map's different and it keeps regenerating. What fucking needling are they stack, is it? At Grey Goose, we believe that pleasure is a necessity.

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your cold brew is ready at Starbucks Anyway I was outside oh yeah street chart In the end what we did was we just got to read it with the audio So if your kids struggling Have it with the audio book and also as well chunks it off in chapters and it says how long's left and you can speed the audio bookups up to like 1.3 so i did that and she's been doing 1.4 on audiobooks rob and it feels slightly too yeah but my daughter's nine no no no i'm not i'm not making a competition but what i'm saying

well done you're better at my daughter at audiobooks congratulations josh but just imagine how good ai is oh my god they've got to read all of it well i know something they think about a i go on if it goes in one direction not the band so if it works out nanotechnology where you can just move atoms around basically don't know what I do that means carry on no neither do I didn't a week ago but I fucking do now this is the idea that nanotechnology means you can just move the smallest things around in the world just to create whatever you want to create so diamonds will just be everywhere they'll be worth the same as a piece of plastic right because you could just make diamonds

make diamonds what you can't I can't make natural resources how can it make Not yet. But you can't get your head around it, Rob, because you're not, you haven't got... All right, then, then it just won't be diamonds. Yeah. They won't be as expensive. But...

And everyone and I have one, great world. There is one guy who's quite well respected, who thinks that AI will make people immortal, and I don't want that. No. I don't want to be sat here doing this fucking podcast in 2,000 years. No, I don't want to listen to you forever.

Fucking hell. He's on AI now. He's on a super, super, super, super AI. There's a new launch of AI every week. No, anyway, Street Child, if you read it, the bleakest fucking book you've ever heard. Is it? So my daughter's reading it.

She's got an audiobook, a spoiler alert, the mum's dying, he's in a workhouse, he's getting beaten up. I thought it was crying, going to bed. They don't need to be reading that on the summer holidays, do they? Rob, so many of these books have the parents die, and you're like, why are we doing this?

Not another fucking dead parent. Why are all the kids authors so obsessed with orphans? Good question. I don't know. Ask AI. The last two. books I've read with my daughter, have had dead mums. And you're like, what's going on? I know. It's just to add drama, isn't it? And it adds a bit of bleakness.

Oh, God. Everything's positive after that, though, isn't it really? Any sort of glint of light. But my daughter's 80% fruit. So hopefully it gets better because she keeps going, it's just so sad. Oh, my God. It's just so depressing. And I've got to read it on my own. How long is it? I don't know. How long's a book? How long's a piece of string? About that long? Yeah. Are that thick. I'm holding up about an inch with my fingers thickness. Yeah. Oh, this. This is funny, right? When was on holiday, I went for a walk and you could see our like balcony, because the hotel was like on a bay. I was eight miles away, but I could

see the balcony and Lewis land on the balcony, sunbathing. And I've got an iPhone 16 that's got quite a good zoom on it, right? So I zoomed in on a, to take a photo like a paparazzi shot to then send her and saying like Snoopy Snoopy. And as I'm doing it like that, a member of the staff from the hotel goes, excuse me, sir. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. I look like a Even told her look like a nonce, right? Well, not a nonce. That's kids, in it? No, not a nonce.

She's a woman. Just a normal pervert. Just a sex test. Not as bad. Not as bad. Yeah, I'm a pervert, but, you know, adults. She's in her late 30s, thank you very much. She's actually, yeah, 39.

Yeah. Anyway, so I'm doing it. Excuse me, sir. I was like, oh, my God, I've got trying to explain it. But even if I do explain it, it's still not okay, even if it is your wife. It's having it's having a bit of a laugh. Yeah, but how do you prove that? Like, I have to ring her or something or show other photos of her.

Anyway, I'm doing it. And then he went, excuse me, sir. He went, if you're a fan of olive trees, like, what? I didn't realize that just to my left was a massive olive tree. He thought I was doing a zoomed-up shot of an olive tree. And he went, if you're a fan of olive tree,

he went, oh, yeah, absolutely, yeah. Absolutely, bloody, literally. He went, there's one round there that's 600 years old. Oh, wow. I was like, oh, wow, and whereabouts? Went, between there, between. I'll go and have a look later, like that. And he rides off and I'm like, oh, my God,

got away from that. Anyway, he was on a golf buggy and he drove past me and then I just carried on walking the other way. What a fucking job's worth. Next time I see him. Did you look at the tree? The whole holiday,

every time we're a golf buggy, to get to places, because it's like, he's taking me to a little tree, like, I'm his olive tree guy. Oh, he held an olive branch, right?

Don't get me like olive trees. Oh, so funny. But I was just scare. So did you go through with a photo or had you got too shaken by it? I've got the photo. Do you want to send you the photo? Not really, no, that.

I don't want that on my phone. It's not like that. It's not like Kate Middleton in France. What I mean is, had you already taken it? Yeah, I'd already taken it. Oh, right. And then did you send it to Lou?

Yeah, she just laughed. I'll tell you what, another thing AI is really good for, even like chat GPT, like one of those ones, the free ones. If your kids do drawings, if you upload the drawing, like a scribbled normal drawing and say, please can you turn this into an illustration,

the chat GPT will do it, which a lot of illustrators hate because it does illustrators out of a job, but I'm not being funny. I'm not sending you my kids scribbles and charging me 500 quid just for 10 minutes. I'm not going to use it to do a book, but let me off this hour.

I'm trying to keep them busy. Do you know, always go to a human illustrator. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to find you a photo of my wife that I took from the olive tree photo. It feels weird, though, to try and look for it now. Yeah, that's it. She's in her costume, don't panic.

Oh, my God, you're so far away. I know, a little paparazzi snooper. Oh, wow. God, you really were far. So where's she? She's on that bed, laying down on that bed thing. Yeah, and where are you? Across the bay, wherever it is.

Across the bay. Good tip, right? If you've bought new holiday clothes for your kids, right? Yeah. And swimming costumes. Don't know about your kids. My kids hate labels. So pack a tiny little pair of scissors or get some from,

I sat down and chopped all the labels off. Not in your hand luggage. aren't your hand luggage in your suitcase, a little pack of scissors in your hand luggage, in your suitcase, sorry, and then you can get all the labels off because it stops them winging, rather you're trying to chew them off

with your own mouth, which is what I was doing. Couldn't you just ask a reception for a tiny pair of scissors? I did in the end. Yeah. Yeah. The one more thing,

I know I said my kid ate chicken nuggets, right? Trying to get them to eat some sort of protein. Sometimes they just have plain pasta, they just have chips. And if they don't like the chicken, I'm doing the recissory chicken from Marks and Spencer, they like that.

I cook my own chickens as well when I've got a bit more time but I had steak and I had a bit of my steak they like steak right yeah so obviously it's very expensive but on holiday was an all inclusive yeah

and you could order and obviously get it up from the buffet as well and they had steak so one of the restaurants was a sit down restaurant you go to the buffet but also sometimes you go to a sit down

restaurant where in that I've ordered the pasta and the chicken nuts for the kids and I say to my daughter would you like to try some steak because I had beef entricot on the menu right ordered the steak

they like it medium got the medium steak steak come with like rock salt on it right and they love salt they love the salt and the steak always put a bit I don't mind them having salt on steak that's what everyone does they're older now anyway

anyway the pasta had been boiled in salted water to give it taste and flavour I tasted a bit the pasta fucking beautiful plain pasta but perfectly cooked perfectly seasoned right what I thought is kind of that is too salty right well the pasta yeah no

okay even though she's chewing on steak with salt on I'm like, but she's not had anything else to it. I can't just have to give a steak. She's not bulking out. It's not bulksies, and she needs to have some, like, oh. So I try and say to Spanish wages, I'm like, excuse me, can we have the pasta plane? She's like, it is plain.

I'm like, yeah, it is, but can it just be boiled without salt, just water? And the look, she just looked down to see my daughter with her iPad out, eating steak with rock salt on. And I was just like, Lou, this is my lowest there, but as a parent with food. I just, I had to walk away after. I was like, what the fuck am I raising here? Do you know what? I've really struggling at the food thing recently.

We had a lovely time of Stonehenge. We went to Stonehenge. We were driving back from Cornwall to London. Lovely stop off at Stonehenge. Absolutely. You basically stopped anyway with the traffic. Might as well get out. Exactly.

So popular. These people trying to get a fucking free look. I think they should put up a fucking... A big fence. I have a big fence. Like Glass and free. Yeah. Cheaky pass.

It would speed up the traffic as well. Anyway, we just couldn't find anything in the cafe that my kids would eat. And I was just like, you're just not going to have any lunch. Yeah, I think you just have to just go, yeah, that's it. They had a cheese and onion pie and it was fine. A cheese and onion pie? Yeah, because they would basically, they would never have had it, but they were boxed into a corner. And actually, they had ours and tried it and then they liked it. But the pie minister cheese and onion pie was one of the greatest things I've ever had. A pie minister, cheese and onion pie was one of the greatest things you ever had. I couldn't believe how good it was.

I'd love to have another one now. Do you know what? You're the whitest man I've ever met, and that's coming from me. Captain Stella and an England shirt over it. Yeah. Who, right? Starma Retrator, that's what I say.

Sketching out Starmer a traitor on his notepad. Right, Josh, we do a small business showout. Yep. I've got one here. Oh, Rob, I've just got the live of the Apollo email. What about more music? Yeah, I can't be bothered. What are you going for?

I don't care at this stage in the game. No, you've got a bit. pick a song you like song too blur not mid podcast come on what's your instincts then

I might go with Sabrina that's a bit new and funky yeah yeah why not go for it do you know

what I'm looking forward to now Rob what writing Sabrina Carpenter espresso and then

in three days time getting an email saying we can't clear it could you choose a British band that we can clear someone cheap

right here we go small business shout out big shout out to Bromley Sports Injury Clinic. Jeff runs it, a professional, family-friendly and focused on keeping people moving. They help with joint pain and sports injuries offering advanced joint assessments that include ultrasound scans, the same type of scan you'd have for a baby. But here, it's for your shoulder, knee, hip or ankle.

The best bit is it's a mobile service. So they'll come to your house and give you the same day answers, treatment, a rehab plan, and even family health packages. They're flexible to day, night or weekends to suit you. On top of that, they also provide. heart checks and blood tests. Check them out at Bromley Sports Injury Clinic.com. And if you quote,

parents in hell, why wouldn't you? You'll get 20% off your first appointment. Oh, that's good. 20%. I've actually had this service. A guy called Jeff, and I had a bad back.

Alison Hammond recommended me to him because he travels. He goes all over the place. We had him, and he was brilliant. He's very good at like, if you've got any injuries, he'll give you like a sports massage, do some physio.

and because Lou's had some health concerns. They also did, he did a blood test for us so you can get blood tests and do your heart monitor and things like that. So if you want a bit of an overall health check and if you've got any aches and pains, this Jeff guy's amazing. And also, he is fucking massive with massive hands. Sometimes I feel like if you've got a bad shoulder or something like that,

you need someone with massive hands to click it into play. So yeah, we've used Jeff before and this has been sent in by, I don't know he sent him. I think it was his mate or something. But yeah, that's jeff Bromleysportsinjuries.com. There you go. This is a great idea, Rob. I can't believe this idea didn't exist before.

Hi, yeah, just listening to a recent episode and the chat about Lego, my 11-year-old loves it, and we just can't have any more in the house. Plus, it's really fucking expensive. Yes. I love Lego, and it's brilliant. I'm not a massive fan of it once it's built either. Well, Rob.

Go on. I don't want some spaceship from Star Wars on display. So for his birthday, I got him a pass from Brickborough. www.brickborrow.com a variety of annual plans. He can pick what he wants, completes it. I dismantle it. Obviously he's 11 and doesn't do tiding. We send it back and he picks another.

That's a great idea. I've listened to you guys from the beginning and I'm coming to see Rob in Nottingham. Thanks, Amy. Don't know why she's not going to see me and fucking Nottingham. Am I going to you, Nottingham? I'm doing nothing. I've got a bit obsessed with Lego in lockdown because there's nothing else to do. And I've got quite a lot of it.

So I was thinking about, for my TikTok, doing a little series where I hide sets that have built for people to have. Yeah. And that little bit of a treasure hunt where I'll just give you a clue where it is. And you zoom in on them when they're picking up. Yeah. I know what you're thinking. So this are competitions open to 39-year-old women from the Bromley area.

I've hidden it in another really hot, sunny place. So don't wear too much. You might need to bend over and pick it up. Anyway, except. I'll read that email address. That Bromley Sportinjuryclinic.com. You get 20% off if you quote parenting now. I'll definitely do that if you've got any sports injuries

or aches of pains or health worries. Jeff's the top man. Josh Whitacom, I will see you on Monday. Friday. We will talk on Monday. We will talk on Monday, but we will talk again on Friday. Yeah. Depends whether you live in the real world or the...

In podcast world, I don't know what world's what world. That's AI for you, right, I say I. Anyway, we'll be back Friday. I'll see you Monday. Okay. Bye. Bye.