Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP1: A Whole New World...

Episode Date: January 6, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... we're back! It's a new dawn, a new day, a new year as Parenting Hell embraces 2026 with a new video feed. That's right, now you can finally watch the shambles as well as listen. Enjoy! Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Josh, it's our first day of us doing this on camera. I know. I'm excited to see what you look like at last. Yeah. Because I've just been looking at a still of the artwork where I had a French crop. Everyone hated. Josh, what do you do? Should we reveal our little...

Yeah, yeah. Should we do it at the same time? Yeah, okay. Okay, you ready? Three, two, one. Oh, look at that. Look at this. Look at that.

like what's going on there, but you said Rose's going to be there holding a prop. Yeah, Rose is going to hand me a prop now. Okay. Yeah. Ready? Ah! Like a dumb villain. You've got a kitten on your lap. Hello. Hello.

I'm going to say something controversial. Yeah. I think kittens are more fun than puppies. Yeah, that's not controversial. They're the greatest thing on earth. But then when they get old and see why people prefer dogs because there's more companionship, but as a as the baby, the kitten, he's superior to the puppy. Look at that.

Hello. Oh, my God. Do you want to know what his name? My son named him. What's he called? Fluffball. Not my choice, Rob. No, that's a tough name.

That's fun for about a minute. Yeah, you were in your taskmaster shirt? Well, yeah, I had a little reveal for you. I've got a taskmaster top. Oh, I like it. In my office that they sent me. But have a look at the detail on it. What does it say?

J.W. Yeah, this is yours. What have you got that? I've literally got the shirt off your back. Oh, they sent me too. She was looks lovely. I'm really happy with this. We look like proper podcasters. I'll be honest, Josh.

I've not even properly looked at it because Michael did this while I was away on holiday. You've got some of that. You've got some of those pieces of wood that people always talk about. The straight up basic bitch wood. I've got the straight up and down basic gitch wood. Apologies if you are just listening and not watching this. We're not going to spend the whole podcast. We're going to just say what's happened now.

As of 2026 are now available in full video form. You can watch all of this on Spotify, do I want to say? Don't know where. We don't know where. We're still an absolute fucking shambles. I think you can find this on YouTube and Spotify, probably on TikToks where younger people screen record and then talk over us, ripping us apart

and explaining why we're sad old boomers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Rob, big news. What's the big news? You're 40? Yes, I am 40, and it feels weird, though, that I've turned 40 now. I'm starting to record podcasts like at some sort of midlife crisis. I've got a pullback.

It's been, it's minus three. It's Monday 9 a.m. on the 5th of January. It's about minus four. I've turned the eating up too much. I'm sat in a new chair. I'm a bit overwhelmed, and I've come back off holiday. I'll be on. I'm going to level with you, Josh.

I don't want to be here. No. I look nice to see you as well. Why don't you want to be here? I've been looking forward to this all morning. Really? I just, I want to be, I can't be bothered to. I just want to be on holiday all the time, Josh.

I know this is an artwork. We're sitting chatting. Think of what other people have gone back to this morning. You've got an house chatting and you're complaining. No, I'm all right. I'm just, um, it's first day back at work. Oh, Rob, have you got the January live? Oh, yeah, I'm 40.

I feel a bit. I just think Christmas should be end of January and then push the new year into March. What does that achieve? I think it breaks up the winter a bit more. Hear me, hear me out. It breaks up the winter a bit more. Say January 25th is Christmas, yeah? So we're not all rushing leading up to Christmas because we've got a bit more time.

And then when Christmas is over. You're not going to have a bit more time. You're just going to leave it later. Yeah, no, no, you will have a bit more time. At least you'll break the winter up. Right. I see what you mean. You break the winter up, okay.

It comes too early. The headliner of winter is too early in winter. Yeah, and the new year comes too early because the new year's time for a new start and a fresh approach that should come spring. That's when the world is starting again. I want to do things, but it's too cold to go outside. Yeah. You can't do resolutions indoors, can you? You can't, right?

Well, do you know, no, I know what you mean. Anyway, yeah, so sorry, Josh. I feel like there's so much to catch up on. I feel like I thought you were going to come out, raring to go, refreshed, excited about life. The new decades, a new visualised podcast, a new, just everything, you know, the things you've achieved are just a basis for what you want to do. And you're just sad that it's... No, no, no, I'm not sad. I think, I thought I'd be like that after a light.

Because the holiday, I had a brilliant Christmas, brilliant holiday, the most relaxed. The first five days, I slept for 11 hours, five nights in a row, to the point where I googled. Am I sleeping too much? Am I ill? So what time? You're going to have to give me those 11 hours. What time is the 11 starting and finishing? So probably going to sleep at about half, 9, 10 in the evening.

Yeah. And then whatever 15 hours is after that. Get up at 9 in the morning. Five days in a row. You Googled what was wrong with you? Yeah, because I thought this is too much sleep. I've had the opposite, Rob. Go on.

I've been struggling to sleep because I've got restless legs. Are you pregnant? No, I'm not pregnant. Why are you struggling into sleep? Because I've got restless legs. What does that? How do you get that? Well, I, I, I, I've looked.

They say just take more magnesium or stretch your legs before bed. Sorry, so, more magnesium. How much you want at the moment? No, no, no, take some magnesium. You've got, you just got a double, double drop the magnesium, Josh. Josh, I've got to try and turn the temperature down in this building. I'm so hot. So cold, by the way.

Are you cold? There's no heater in this room. Oh, what if we're a fucking mess and we're out? How can we both get it wrong? So I've got to get an electric heat for this room. No, don't get an electric heater. Get an oil heater. All right.

Fucking hell now we've invaded Venezuela. There's oil everywhere. No. So it's like a, it's rather an electric fan, it's quiet, it's silent, and it warms up gradually, and it's a nicer heat that it's like having a mini radiator in the room as opposed to those electric ones or fan ones. Yeah, okay. So you're an oil one, and you plug it in the wall, you can set a timer so it comes on at like

eight in the morning. Yeah. You want an oil heat. I had one for my office when it was really cold. Okay, thank you very much. So just a little bit of feedback. Talk to me about your holiday, your 40th. How do you feel about hitting 40?

Because you've kind of been middle-aged for quite a few years. Yeah, I feel completely fine about it. Like I've said before, one, I mean, I feel very lucky. When you're going to be fit like Gary Barlow by now? Yeah, that adds an app. But I was too busy last year. That's got a start now. I mean, I'm fitter.

But I'm not as fit as Gary Bart. No. Yeah, I just think, though, that Gary Barlow probably set aside like three months to absolutely nail it before the X-Factor started. And I just don't feel like I'm creating the space to do that, Josh. And what you're saying is your career is so much more packed and successful than Gary Barlow's that it's almost impossible. At the moment, yeah.

Not in 1996. No, no, no, no. Am I big or more success than Gary Barlow? Absolutely not. Am I busier in the day than Gary Barlow. Do you know what? Neck on the line, yeah, I fucking am. Get Barlow on here and whip his part.

Oh, we've got to rehearse for the tour. The tour you already done five years ago, you're fucking lazy. Big respect to take that. She love those guys who ever's left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary and the other two. Gary and whoever needs it. Gary Mark and one of the other two, which I would want to bet on.

Harry and whoever's got a tax bill. Good luck to you, lads. Right. Well, let's, let's, I feel like we've gone, we've gone in too hard here. Basically, we've recorded lots. We didn't, we've not recorded for like three weeks because I know. Christmas was busy. Then I went away for Christmas. Yeah. We was away actually on Christmas Day with my family. Yeah, that's, that's a new thing. Yeah. So let's, let's go through the bullet points of what's happened. Then we can go backwards. So I went, I went away on the 21st of December, came back yesterday. on the 4th of January, went away for 12 nights to the Maldives for my 40th and Christmas. The reason we did it longer and over Christmas was, because of when my birthday was, and it's quite far away, we had to go before Christmas to make the most to get in there as opposed to rushing it. I don't mind you ever the long holiday, Rob. No, no, no, but I didn't really, I wasn't that sure on going away for Christmas and I enjoyed it, but I do feel like it missed a bit of magic and I wouldn't go away for actual Christmas day again with younger children if they were like teens or older, I would.

You talk to me about Christmas Day and whether it did, like, what was the present situation? How did trigger warning Santa? How did, and how did you do like stocking, stuff like that? Well, a few logistical problems. One, trying to get all of the presents in suitcases of our kids knowing to another country. Yeah, that's a problem. That's a problem. Yes, especially when you're going somewhere where you sometimes need.

Especially your daughter had asked for a kilo of heroin. Yeah, exactly. But the problem, like we were going to a resort in the Maldives that was a speedboat away, not a plane, which helped because if you go on the sea planes... In the UK? No, you're fucking lunatic. Maldives is well far away.

I've got such an headache. I'm so jet-lagged. Been up since four. Oh, no. Woke up at 4 a.m. and did a shit. Did you? Never, that's never happened to me in my life ever. I don't know.

My body don't know where it is. Are you looking at your full? phone or you're just staring ahead going, who am I? No, well, I got up on, oh, I need a wee. It's four o'clock, but hopefully I'll have a wee and go back to sleep. Anyway, I sat in the toilet and I thought, oh, I need a fart. Went to do a fart. A whole shit came out.

Oh, my God. Sorry, this is so crass. That's awful. The first visualised podcast. Chop that up for the bloody socials, Michael. Put a little picture of Rob having a shit, maybe floating across the screen. That's how it works these days, isn't it? Yeah, so, but I didn't expect.

I thought I was just doing a fart and it all. came out. Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. And then so I've been up since four. What did you do after that? Just went and lay in bed and thought, what, what's going on? Yeah.

Well, I thought by then I sort of knew because it's like, it was like 9, 9 a.m. Maldives time. I went about 8pm last night. Oh, that's nice. At least you got your kids to bed early. Yeah, they were knackered though. But yeah, so this is a problem. So basically, especially the Maldives, if you need to get a sea plane, sometimes have

weight limit. And also, obviously, you have a weight limit. to have your weight limit on the plane out there but between four of you it's sort of doable but it's less limit. So lucky it was on a speedboat so the problem is getting it all over there second problem was there was zero Christmas decorations in the room just

in the results that felt a bit bleak there was like then eventually I was speaking to a member of staff like, have got any Christmas decorations weekend up and there's like I know we haven't got any I'm like there's about three fucking trees in that shit bar no one goes in let's have one of them. Anyway they found a little tree so we had a tree

at least because like this is bleak here. The first person who's ever been in the Maldives using the word bleak? No, look, the actual Maldives in the hotel were incredible. It was a wonderful, beautiful, hot holiday, but it's not, doesn't feel Christmassy. So then what we had to do was Lou, blesser, was in charge all the logistics in the packing. So that was sending a slightly doolally. And then obviously we had to put their father Christmas came. So we set all the stuff up, you know, we put out like, we nick some carrots from the buffet for the, for the, for the

reindeer and stuff. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then we were all in the same room. How many carrots are they shifting normally on the buffet? Let's be honest. Christmas Eve, they're like, fucking hell. There's been a rust on carrots. Someone ordered some more carrots for Boxing Day because these Brits love it.

So I'll take my shoes off. I'm too hot. Yeah, why not? Then we're all in the same room. So we all had to wait for them to go to sleep to then do the presents. So normally all the presents are downstairs and then you just put them out downstairs. or you can get them from your room but we're all in the same room so then you're walking around trying to be quiet anyway they woke up did presents it was lovely

the night before though what we did was we went at dinner then we come home and put the air con on really low put on Christmas pyjamas and we'll watch Home Alone together so that felt pretty Christmasy we watched Home Alone yeah so that was great and then they got up and it was good though because they had presents and then they had stuff to play with and they were there but like I say I think we lost a little sparkle of magic

But what we did gain was one of the greatest holidays I've ever been on in my life. You know, you know, it's six or one, half a dozen the other really, is it? No, for anyone that's really feeling sorry for me at home, listening to this. It's a real, it's a really technical little tip. Don't clip that bit up for socials. No, but it was, I loved it. But I think when they're old, I think I'd wait to that older to be away for actual Christmas day, then go for Christmas. But, you know, it's great.

They had a great time. And how was turning 40? Turning 40 is good. I always struggle with my birthday a little bit because it's a bit of a crap time a year and not with me getting older I struggle a bit more with look how much do I want to go into this

it's probably a feeling of no one caring about me on the day they should all care so a protective measure is for me to oh don't celebrate birthdays what a load of bollocks birthdays of bollocks I can't imagine anyone cares about a birthday what a load of fucking losers

which is basically an egoic protection method to stop things from going wrong. So if I don't have a party, then there's no danger of no one coming to my party because your party doesn't exist. So I've said to Lou, I think going to the Maldives was an extreme way of avoiding that. Well, it was part of it. And when I was there, I was like, normally I'm like, I don't want a cake. I don't want anyone singing at me. I was like, I want people singing at me. I want everyone to know. Because the girls love having birthdays and celebrating. Lou loves birthdays and celebrating. I don't want to be this sort of gray cloud that my kids are like,

oh, we can't do that because dad doesn't like birthdays. So I was like, No, you've just got to go for it. So I fully embraced it, and it was great. So it's such amazing presence. Lou absolutely nailed it. So she's organized a trip for me to go to Argentina to watch Bokker Juniors play River Play. Oh, my word. The biggest derby in the world.

Absolute, absolute bucket list thing. That's amazing. Who are you going with Lloyd? Yeah, so Lloyd's going, and then a couple of other mates. We're going to die. No, we're doing it with this company. she's found this company called Home Fans where they basically

they have an itinerary and there's local guides that take you around right okay good good because I was worried about the future of this podcast after I just spent some money on a microphone and camera yeah I mean the 80 quid Michael spent on these straight wood and basic bitch walls

do you want to let you on a secret Rob yeah because obviously all my books have got spines that you can't clear yeah like oh right yeah so I had to buy some generic what you mean you can't clear well it's better not to have all these

same books behind you right because he looks like it's advertised so he's put some of my vinyl up here yeah but that is that okay isn't it spines are too thin so I've had to buy generic books off eBay what do you mean generic just random books you can just buy a meter of old books

but then isn't that just the same problem but you've just got new books no you can't really see them because they've got that old spine oh so yeah so sorry I feel like we're all over the place in. No, that's what we do, Rob. Oh, and also the kids got me, Lou got me a T-shirt.

What else does she get? She got me a new ring, a new ring with the kids, mine and Lou's little birthstones on. Oh, that's nice. Because my wedding, I always keep losing my wedding ring, but I've got to keep this one because it's a nice one.

Yeah. Yeah, so, yeah, so a brilliant time. Maldives is so amazing. And also, can I say, kids, I don't know about with this podcast. My kids are 10 and 8 now. Parenting at this age is a piece of piss. compared to toddlers and babies.

This is not what we're doing anymore. No, it is. We've got to be honest, because there was a bloke on the plane coming back, was waiting for luggage with this two-year-old that literally was just running at the air belt. And he was just like picking him up. Oh, it's so tough. It's so tough.

It's impossible. Massive respect out there. Now it does get easier. It does. Anyone that says it doesn't get easier is a fucking liar. Mentally it gets tougher because it's psychological. No, it doesn't, because you're not tired in the same way. No, but, yeah, but Tina, but it's still not as hard as the physical graft, but

mentally, imagine your worry that your teenage daughter's gone out and a phone battery has died, you don't know where she is, and she's 14. No, I get that, I get that. You'll start going, I wish I was just holding around, walking around Victoria Park again. No, I will never say that. I do feel bad about time passing. I feel awful, Rob. Yeah, you get really.

emotional and deeper about stuff. Oh, God. I looked at the kittens and I said, I just can't deal with them growing up. It's a fucking kitten. Talk was through. What have you been up to? You've been just at home? Or have you been away anywhere? We went, we were at home. We went away with friends for New Year to Cornwall. Nice. I mean, you know, you don't know the difference anyway. But what do you mean? Between Devon and Cornwall. Well, it's just smaller and more expensive. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's the only difference, in it? Yeah. Well, it's kind of, yeah. Oh, look at it. Big bottle of water. It is a big, but I've got a headache. I think I'm dehydrated, Josh.

That's because you've been on planes and stuff, isn't it? I thought I'd come back, refresh, where having to go, but I think I've just worked out. I think you're better when you're overly worked. Do you? What do you mean better? In a mental state, funnier? No, not funnier. I think you're more positive about the world because you've got a mania about you that's worrying, but at least it's positive.

I've got a ambition is all-time low. I know that's sort of like I've got that ambitious energy I'm ready to turn on the camera and you've gone into semi-retirement I think it's the chair maybe it's the chair it's too relaxed do you know what once when um me and when I lived with my friend Tom Crane and we had a uh oh by the way you're fucking doing another podcast anyway oh yeah I am yeah well need me you and Tom Crane talk about Mr Globy I'm gone deep do you know what Rob I'm fighting my way still in the top five but what the moment Trump invades Venezuela, all the fucking news podcasts go up the chart. I'm absolutely fucking living about that.

Wait a week, Donald. Yes, so it's your ambition at an all-time high? No, my ambition is not an all-time high. You've got this podcast twice a week and another podcast. Do listen to it, people. It's got incredible reviews. But your one's got research and it's like it's actual like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a proper podcast.

He was doing all the research? So, Rob, you might have... You might have noticed. Do you want me to talk you through the process? I'm going to talk you through it, right? Compare it to this podcast and I want you to react like you're doing it. So the process for this one is we turn up on a Monday, chat to each other, and now going forward, we're going to pop into London once a month to talk to guests and record them and put them out.

Right, that is a process, which zero prep. That does mean Monday is even shorter. So our Monday now will be 9 till 10.30 probably. Right, okay. Also, you've got to give me to 11. 1030 is. No, Michael. You're getting 55 minutes.

That's how long the show is. All right, sorry, go. So, tell me for your process to the... It's not all about Mr. Blobby. It's about pop culture, and that's the first episode. Pop culture. Download it now. That's the plug.

I'm doing loads of promo, Rob, because I'm a sucker for that. Your ambition's through the roof, mate. My fear about my TV career is through the roof. We both ended the year, absolutely on our ass, completely overworked, exhausted, kept banging on about being tired, overwhelmed. You've launched a new podcast over Christmas. Do you know what? The way to look at it, Rob, right?

It's really going to help this podcast because I'm going to be more fucked. Right. Good to know. Yep. Fair enough. The thing with you, Rob, is the mistake you've made, if you don't like people that take on too much is you've decided to hang out with me and Ramesh.

I just think, because I did nothing on holiday and I'm talking properly nothing, I was just like, maybe there's another way. Yeah, there is. I've just doing nothing. But Rob, just do nothing. Don't stop this, though. But just do nothing. Don't worry. I'm off to Scotland

and Dubai in the next two weeks, don't you worry about that? Oh, my word, the big too. Talk me through the process of your new podcast. We've found on here. about your Christmas. Yeah, okay. So very quickly. Yeah.

One of my friends is a TV researcher does the pack. Yeah. And then I take the pack and I edit it into a script for the four episodes, not like a word for word script,

like all the things I need to know. And then I record four episodes in one setting. Are you doing series of this show? Is it on every week forever? Yeah. It's on every week forever. Wow.

Oh. So how many have you got recorded so far? About three months worth. Oh, no wonder you were a fuck last year. little beaver. Turning up to me and tired because you're away blobbing off. Bloping off.

Anyway, well, I'd listen. And well done. It's a good podcast. It's a good idea. Very good idea. Thank you. People love all that. Yeah, people love all that. So you got Mr. Blopby, what other ones you got? We've got next one is Stock Aiken and Waterman. Who are they? Well, you're about to find out, Rob.

Perfect. Great sale. I wonder, you're definitely on the promo, Drame. Definitely on the promo. Songwriters. You know Pete Waterman. They're the most success. Kylie, Jason, Rick Astley, Banana Rama. They're the most success.

They dominated the 80s, Rob. Did David Hasselhoff bring down the Berlin Wall? That's the one after. Do you know what this reminds me of? I feel like a 10-year-old, right? Like, when I first met Tony Blackburn, he said loads of things I didn't know what he was talking about. That's what a 10-year-old thinks, listening to this.

Do you know what, Rob? Can I be honest? When I met Tony Blackburn, I thought, tell me everything you know because I want to know it, Tony. Just whisper it. Every experience you've had in your life, whisper it into my ear, Tony. Do you know what I missed the most about the radio two show is seeing what clothes Tony Blackburn was wearing

because then I knew what season we were entering. Because it was only spring when he came in in his short sleeve polo shirts. But when the heat is Yule was on, you knew it was a cold day. Right, let me tell you about my Christmas. Yeah, let's talk about Christmas. Sorry, it's a bit all over the place. It's just, it's like this, but we haven't seen each other. This is what it is.

So, we, we went, Rob, we've, this is going to blow your mind. Yeah. We've really got into the community spirit here. Not only did, yeah, not only did we have Christmas drinks. At our house. With whom? New friends. Who are the new friends?

Have you met these? Some parents from school. Yeah. And some people we knew before we moved here. Nice. Okay. And you had little Christmas drinkies, did you? Christmas drinks.

Yeah. That's nice. We went carol singing, door to door. Hello? Well, it's been a great. I can't believe we're going to end on the first visualised podcast, but that's me done. I can't do it. Do you know what?

I'm only 30% joking. So, how many of you? We got invited. Invited by who? One of our friends. I feel like a detective. yeah and then we went um we met up there's probably about 20 people so this with the people you're having drinks with well some of them there was some overlap so it was a separate event you had

drinks and then another day different day different day okay tried to ease you in with the drinks yeah come to mine for drinks where it was going right okay so your friend who is this friend is this a from we've got various friends yeah but was this a from before friend or was it a school friend yeah okay so you're under pressure there peer pressure to fit them with the new guys yeah we're not under pressure We want to, no, we want, we want, we want, I love, this is the equivalent of me being invited down the pub and then someone going, I'd say you what, about a football player, he's a wanker, isn't he? And I'd probably quite like him, but I go, yeah, he is.

Yeah, Decker, what a wanker, that kind of thing. Yeah, the least wanker of all the time, Declan. Yeah, lovely, man. Anyway, so you've been peer pressured into going caroling with these people. No, we haven't been peer freshered. Sorry, sorry. We got asked, and then actually we're coming back from somewhere, and we were late, and I made a, specific effort to go

because I was so desperate he sounded like you were dying you run out of breath I've herbs in the middle I'm trying to cover up I tried to cover up just burnt mate

I have done you've done it so how many houses do they near your house we only hit specific ones that people knew right they would be welcoming of it

yeah so you knocked the door yeah well I didn't the kids did the kids and then what are you singing there's a you're going to love this rob there's is not just singing there's a couple of people with like instruments like trumpets oh my fucking are you joined the salvation army no i wish i had to give it a year they don't drink i love it i love it they don't drink they're

all drinking they're all drinking and the salvation army drink no i don't know about the salvation army is harold bishop if you enjoyed that kind of reference i know just the podcast for you. Hey, don't call him Mr. Blobby. So we went Carol singing. Yeah, but you're singing songs with trumpets and is it for money? No, just for joy. Just for joy.

And what face are these people that you answered to after? What is their face? It's so awkward for the person at the door that opens the door. Well, the comedian, I'm sadly, it was too late because I, apparently when Mike Wozniak opened the door, he was half dressed. He was talkless. Right. Well, first of all, don't open the door top of us, Mike. That's his problem.

He's absolutely ripped. He's like, Ned Flanders. Yeah, with a moustache. You never expect someone with a moustache to have abs. Exactly. It's one or the other. So you did the caroling, door to door. That is weird.

That is odd to that. No, it's not. It's not. It's totally normal. No, it's not. In Love Actually, it's the kind of thing you see Love Actually, and go, what kind of pricks are going to go around there annoying people doing that? You're telling me, if Carol has came to your door, you wouldn't go, this is a magical moment in my life.

gate. No thank you through the intercom. I'm in the Maldives. Second year in a row? Yeah. Fuck off. I would go back, but I wouldn't go for Christmas Day.

Do you want to see a photo of it? The Carolyn, yes. I do think, for me, I think, because when you're from South East London and you've grown up in an area that's not sort of Tweed a middle class, The door knocking and it's strangers automatically, I feel like someone's going to try and rob my house or do me over. You feel like while we're caroling, someone's coming in the back?

Yes, 100%. And I don't like singing in public. But, you know, if you want to do that, go for it. Just never knock up my door, please. Never knock at your door. Oh, Rob. If anyone's got any ring doorbell footage of this, please send it to me or send it to the podcast at Hello at Parenting Locked.

Well, I don't know what the fuck it is. Do you want a video, Rob? Yeah. Yeah, have you got one? Yeah. See whether you can suck the joy out of that. Josh, I don't know if you want me to respond to this. This is beautiful.

I'm being taken back. I loved it. Everyone is so sad. Christmas is a maudlin time, Rob. I thought it'd be a bit jazzy. You all look like you're there by... Can I tell what's happening? Silent night's not Calypso song.

No one there wants to be there. They do. We all did. I have the time of my life. I can't wait for next year. They're not. I'll tell you now, if you're part of that group anonymously messaging, there is 100% dads in that group going, why the fuck do you have to do this? I was having the time of my life. I really want to do it either, but there's a few people doing it. I can't wait for next year, Rob. Not everyone's full of, not everyone's grinching their way across the world to avoid their own birthday. I'm not going to door singing like that. Sorry. Look, if you like that, you like it, Josh, but it's not a bit of me. absolutely not

wandering around of a trumpet caroling at people but why do they get you're not raising money for charity or nothing there's no collection just spreading joy

someone gave us some celebrations oh that's nice isn't it the kids like it the kids aren't doing anything this outside at night

I sent a photo of the very happy little kids just to really pull on your heartstrings yeah they look happy the kids are happy they just like being out

but they'll learn right so we also went to Lapland UK oh we went to there it was a mate I thought they've gone up a level of this shit I saw Paul Merson Paul Merson bumped into Paul Merson I bumped into him so I don't know him

but Philippio Pippo Inzagi the Italian striker and now football manager was on my flight Did you say anything? I didn't say anything no We were kept being in his way with loads of kids. So we were actually...

Well, he was always quite out of position back in the day, Rob. Oh, here we go. And then on the second flight, Chris Mawles was on it. Chris Moyles? I'm going on Molesy on Wednesday

to promote my podcast, Rob, because I never start working. Yeah, I ask him about it. I saw him on the flight. I will. Rob, can I tell you about Lappland, UK? Yeah. This is, once again,

trigger warning for fans of Santa. Okay? Parents trigger warning. We got a Santa that we knew. Oh, one of our friends, or comedian colleagues. One of our friends, comedian colleagues, is a Santa at Lapland, UK. And when we went in and it was him, we knew you were there.

It was the greatest moment of my life. Do you do it do it on purpose for you? Was it by accident? No, because I requested him and the guy said, we can't do that for you. And then we got him, whether the guy was playing with us. But it was incredible. I had the best time But wasn't it a danger that they might go

No they don't know that well Oh they're not made in that many times Fair enough You get a text So no I did get a text But I was also This is why you're straight on the camera now Some can I tell you so

Sometimes I don't even have the camera on When we used to do it Not in vision Yeah yeah no I know I can hear I can hear you tapping away No I had stuff to talk about Because there loads has happened

I had loads stuff to talk about But um Well that's good So while I was talking You decided to look at the list Of things you wanted to talk about I mean, I was going to try and weasel out of that it's going to try to think of a funny quip, maybe deny it, maybe

Maybe through your fucking list then. Give me your list. No, no, no, it's fine. It's totally for your list. No, no, it's fine. We've got your list. I want to hear about the kittens. That's more important.

Oh, yes. I gave them a photo of kittens on Christmas Day. Yeah. My daughter opened it. And she said, oh, that's a nice photo, thinking we got her photo of kittens. Because you're not. Then we went to get them on January the 3rd, drove up to. Oh, that's a fun New Year thing.

Now wonder you're full of beans. You've got new kittens in the house. Got new kittens in the house. I'm still buzzing from the caroling, to be honest, Rob. To be fair, I think I'll be alright. I'm just a bit jet lagged at the moment. And I've just got post-holiday blues, which is normal, isn't it? Would you like me to sing your little town of Bethlehem just to boost you up?

Yeah, I'll go and get a trumpet. Do it now. Oh, little town of Bethlehem. I mean, I actually think they could put a complaint in with you. Like, at least the other guns could sing. Do you know, I didn't do much singing because I know I'm a bad singer. So I kept doing stuff like... You was still seen with that, your voice, because you've got a funny voice anyway.

You're going to ruin it for everyone else because all they're going to talk about is you and there'll be people that can really sing in that group. That's why I kept my voice down. I kept doing stuff like when people were singing, I think. maybe I should go and take like a nice long lens shot down the street of this because then

you're not the one singing at the front door trying to get attention so on your time off from performing in front of people you decided to go door to door to perform no I didn't that's unfair that's unfair

when it's what happened I I know you're right I've just thought I'd sing at you just trying to enjoy my fucking night actually I've worked me bollocks off I've got to do this coming out of my ass I've got to get this veg

Medge prepared for tomorrow. Now, what day of the week did you do? Was it Christmas Eve? It's Christmas coming up. Have you got a podcast app? If you just click subscribe there. Like you're like a politician that's under pressure. Yeah.

So, yeah, the kittens, we went and got them from the breeder in Bournemouth. What have you got then? You got two. What breed are they? We're Siberians. And you've got a brown one called Fluffball. They're both the same color. They're both kind of tortoise Shelley.

Why did you do that just because it's cute or because it wouldn't be hard to tell them apart? Or they're all the same? They're all the same. They're all the same. They're sisters. Right. Okay. Yeah. So Fluffball and Tilly.

Each child got to name one. What are you actually going to call Fluff Ball? That's his name. Her name. Her name. Fluff Fuff Fuff. Fluffs? Fluffs.

It'll be fluff. Because it won't be Fluff Ball. No. It'll be Fluffs. Fluffs. It's going to be awful at the vet. Fluffball Widdickham, isn't it? That is going to be absolutely fucking shocker.

Sounds like your nut sack. Oh, my word. Here is, on Fluffball Widdickham. And how's Beryl? They're currently in a room. So Beryl knows something's going on, but she's not sure what. Beryl's not allowed in the room with the other kittens. Yeah.

So they are having a week in a room. And then when do you introduce them? I introduced them after a week. And how does that work? Five or six, I'd gather around, sing a few songs, play a bit of trumpet. Well, no, but is there a way to do it? I think you just open the door and let them come out. But what if Beryl attacks them?

Well, we'll have to play that one by ear. What's likely to happen? I mean, I've got no idea. I don't know what's going to happen, yeah. I don't know what's going to happen. So that'll be in... Ideally, Beryl will die soon. What?

No? This is an unbelievable thing to say. That's about, oh, okay, but that would be helpful, wouldn't it? I forgot that you hate animals and you hate your own dogs and you hate Eric or whatever, Alan, your cat. No, I don't hate animals. You're just totally dead inside to animals. I'm not totally dead inside, but I'm just saying from a point of view of Bridget Bardot who loved animals but hated humans. If Beryl works, but you know, Beryl's old.

No, she's not. She's only 10. She's only 10. How old was the other one that died? Oh, we have. had an absolute shocker as well. Eddie? She weren't dead.

No. No, he had a schnoffered with Beryl. Whereas dad came for Christmas with his dog, right? Yeah. Beryl basically hid under the bed for two days and pissed on the futon that I was sleeping on. And but as a dirty, if she were to pass it wouldn't have its benefits. No, I love Beryl with all my heart. Yeah, you stink of her a piss.

Your coat's got a piss on. Your bed's got a piss on. Your two new kittens are scared of a... I wish you could go into the kitten room and smell how bad it is. That's the next level of podcasting. But yeah, that's the next level. Because it's so... It's such an awful stench, but...

Why is it... Why is it so reassuring? Is it so reassuring? I feel at home in that. Never ever known anyone to say the smell of cat piss is reassuring. It's so... Cat piss and shit and the wet cat food all in one kind of hot box. So one, why is it?

Why aren't you cleaning the floor after they piss? No, no, no. They've got litter. So why aren't you changing the litter? We are, but it just has totally taken over the room. Oh, okay, fair enough. Why is it reassuring? Because it feels like you're at one with the kittens.

I'm just a deeply sensitive man, Rob. I go caroling. I love kittens. No, but I don't mind you loving caroling. Yeah, it's not for me, but it is for you. No, no, look. You said every person there was there under duress. I can, no, not everyone, but I'd say a strong majority. There'll be a lot of people that don't want to be there,

but they're being there to keep their kids and wife happy or husband happy. But if people like it, that's fine. I get that. Having kittens, Greg, you love cats. Go for it. Brilliant. The smell of cat piss shit and food is reassuring. blows my fucking mind

I got no idea what like I can't even begin caroling I'll understand why you like singing it's Christmasy it's a community thing go out and do it great not for me

I get it because I feel like I'm at one with the kittens in their little well why don't you get in there stripping shit and piss on the floor and have a bit of dinner

well I've got to do this but afterwards what does Rose think of the smell of the cat piss well it's awful yeah But you're reassured. I just feel like I'm in a little kidney cocoon when I'm in there.

Oh, you're sweet, yeah. I am something else. That's really, yeah. That's nice. It's nice to be. I kind of, yeah, I'm having manic highs and lows at the moment, so it's quite interesting. Really? In what ways?

I don't know. No, I, do you what, when I, sometimes, if I take too much, on. I had to do an interview on Radio X at 9 a.m. yesterday and I was so manic. On Sunday the 4th of January. I know. What are you doing? Full disclosure. I had forgotten I put it in. Right. Okay. You know the classic text of the Zoom links with you. Can you log on in two minutes? You're like, oh, fuck. Yeah. So are you logging on from your new little studio? No, because I built this last night at 10pm. Right. Okay. Yeah. So I'm like this happens with it on the holiday

Because when I arrived, I've got to show this picture, when I arrived at the mall deeds, right? Yeah. It's quite a long journey. The end of last year, like towards December, was the most exhausted I've ever been, like just too much work, overwhelmed and just knacker, just really struggled to get through, was ill as well and all sorts. And then when I got there, like, let me send, I'll send this photos.

This, I look so far. I look like I've been taken to rehab. I look exhausted. I look so mental. Right. Yeah. The first, and again, this is why I Googled, Am I OK? The first five days of holiday when I was sleeping for 11 hours, I was also, I kept bursting into tears, Josh.

Did you? But not, I weren't even sad. Yeah, I don't know. You were okay, Rob. No, I wasn't okay. I think it was complete exhaustion. I just couldn't talk about anything. Like, apparently it's like, if you're nervous system, like, you've been,

doing too much if you actually have time to wind down your body just can't take it so I just took the bursting into tears then that stopped after about four or five days and I the most relaxing brilliant time ever but I am... And what was Lou doing when you were

bursting into tears? Sort of well being supportive but also it's you know it's quite awkward when you're trying to have a normal conversation at dinner and someone just burst into tears and she she's going this holiday's cost us quite a lot of money Rob's I'm trying to enjoy it.

For 12 days. You've written off of them by cracking. I think I've enjoyed it. I think I'm enjoying it. I could be at home caroling for free. And then what I would do was, no, it was coming. And say we were riding bikes from the room to like dinner all around the island. I'd let them go ahead.

Or then you just ride slowly on a bike crying. Yeah. That's a solution. Yeah. But absolutely let go. You look like properly. Well, no, no, no, no, no. Still holding on.

I'm not one of those kids. Remember those kids that could ride no hands? I can't believe that. And though, why do kids, I don't want to sound like I'm 400 years old. Why do they ride along doing wheelies these days? Just constant wheelies. I think it's a way to show off. Yeah, I think it is.

Look how good I am at this. Yeah. Yeah, so what I'll do is I just go at the back of the sort of convoy and just burst into tears. And then once we got to the restaurant. It then just looks like you're a sad man who's crime because his family's rode off on a bike without him. yeah yeah that's what it looked like but it was um and what are you thinking when you're crying is there any reason are you thinking oh why am i crying or you just thinking i'm just crying it would be like a subtle thing of something nice happened or thinking of something sad but rather

and just going oh that's a sad fault fully like but i think it was i mean i went on chat gpte and asked and they just sort of said if you've been really busy and overwhelmed your nervous system has been in such a state of mania that it's just your body's rebalancing and then you burst into tears when you read that yeah

because then I thought why I asked chat GPT so much water wasted on that answer as well when you go somewhere really nice and holiday there's a lot of pressure to enjoy every moment because it's expensive and nice

I have this discussion with Rose because Rose she doesn't have it now because of the kids yeah but when we used to go on holidays the two of us it would take two days for her to acclimatize.

Yes. So she'd be in quite a weird mood for two days. And I would always think, this is a lot of money you're writing off. If we're paying for the first two days. Yeah, exactly. Well, I did five days of tears. Yeah, yeah.

Also, the worst part is if you are somewhere really nice, because if your day's shit and busy, right, it's raining or you've got a meeting you don't want to do and you've got the hump and you feel sad and emotional, At least you can go, because I'm doing this, and I don't really enjoy this part of my job or blah, blah, blah. But when you are, like, on holiday

and basically what is essentially paradise and earth, the Maldives, isn't it? It's like the place where it's like beautiful weather, beautiful sea, and you're still sad there? Yeah. Well, I'm the problem, aren't I? You can't go on holiday from yourself, Rob? I've done everything I've can.

I've saved all this money to spend all this money, but it's still this little old prick ruining my day. Me. But, no, I did have a good, but I did have a great time, though, but it was just like, yeah, you just riding on a bike on your own, slowly crying. I had the best holiday of my life. Could have done that in Brumby.

With a Christmas tree. And, uh, I'm sure there's people listening. Parents in paradise, panicking. Oh, panicking in paradise. Yeah. Panicking in paradise. When have you been on holiday? And it's supposed to be this amazing trip,

and you're all calm, but you got really upset or just could cope. a moment where you were crying or a time when you thought it would be right. I think there'll be more of that. Everyone asked them in the first few days to acclimatized. And then I was thought, oh, I was ruining Christmas for the kids because it was a Christmas year. Oh, God, yeah, that's bad.

Anyway. Oh, man. I'm Rob, can I ask you something? Yeah, go on. Can you read out your list of prompts and we'll do them in the next episode where it's the two of us? Okay, cool. What have you got?

You've got like, oh, Cat Burns, TikTok messages to people. Sorry, is Cat Burns the person or a thing that happens to you? Oh, we've got a Joel Domit intro to do. All right. Oh, I've got a catchphrase. The kids have told me, oh, my Instagram broadcast channel. You what? Have you got an Instagram broadcast channel?

Yeah, but I didn't even know. I had it. Belly dancer. Hey Jude. A bit of singing. I love that. That's it, really, I think. Oh, I'll look forward to it.

That'll be the next episode. How have you enjoy? I think we should talk about this, Rob, on camera. How have you enjoyed this experience? I think it's fine. It's a bit strange at the start. Yeah, I thought it took us. I thought it took us 10 to 15 minutes to feel comfortable.

Yes, and then I felt fine. Two things. One, I'm quite concerned about how I'm sitting, and I don't know if it's very flattering the angle. Yes, I feel like I'm a bit belly first. Can I go up like that? I'm belly first, am I? Is that what you're thinking?

You were looking at me saying that I'm belly first. Okay. Oh, no. No, no. You feel about when I get my legs up like that? I like it. I think you be you. Do I feel like Joe Wiley?

No, no, no. But now you said it, you do look a bit like... That is the kind of way a 45-year-old woman podcaster would sit holding a big coffee cup of a cardigan on. But if that's how you want to do it, do it. And the other thing is, and I think, can we say this? If we are going forward to this video podcasting thing, can I just say this? Going forward, though, with these video podcasts where there's comments on Spotify or YouTube's, Anyone that we bring on the show, please can be kind.

And it's okay to disagree with us or the people. But nothing personal about appearances or nothing personal. Let's try and create a very warm and friendly comments. Remember how Rob reacted to my carol singing and do the opposite. Oh, you know, I'm playing it up for the podcast. We want this to be. Because what it is is a lovely warm community. Yeah, but I wouldn't say that to a stranger I've never met on the internet.

No, fair enough. I just said someone I know. But, yeah, I think I'm excited. Should we do our first small business of the year, Rob? Yeah, let me get a small business up. There's a bit of a behind the curtain here. You just see, I've got to do it on the phone.

But I think, Michael, how has it felt for you? First five, ten minutes. Yeah, any notes? If you could both lose some weight, maybe. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, my God. I've got to tell you.

you, why I need to lose some weight, Rob. Why? I've got a cover shoot for a magazine. And I will tell you what magazine is. What magazine? I'll tell you what magazine it is next episode. Because it will make you laugh. All right, okay.

Small business. Here we go. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Thanks for the pod. We love it in our house and I've been listening since COVID when my wife was pregnant with our son, Rufus. My wife also loves a pod and would be so excited to hear a small business shout out for her small business.

London speech therapy. They provide invaluable support to children through working in schools and working privately with families across London. They also work with adults who have stammers, voice issues, speech, sound difficulties or language and communication differences due to their neurodivergence.

They see clients face-face and also online. If anyone isn't based in London, my wife, Emily and a friend slash business partner, May Reid, M-A-I-R-E-A-D, I've been working tirelessly to make this business a success. We'd really appreciate the shout-out. Thanks, Charlie, Emily, Rufus and Brianie. There we go. Hi, big small business shout-out to my wife's, I quite like that,

big small business shout out to my wife's business. Pause for Thought Cat Cafe, pause spelled P-A-W-S, based in Romsey, Hampshire. It's an amazing place home to eight rescue cats from Romania, a calm, relaxing cafe with delicious food and drinks surrounded by playful cats, beautiful decor and a reassuringly dreadful smell. Send Beryl there. Beryl is the centre of our household

Rob. I tell you what, if Beryl's pissing on me coat and bed. I find that smell reassuring. By the way, I added the bit about the cafe stinking. Owner Emma does an incredible job, that wasn't part of the original email. Oh, I can't imagine why. Owner Emma does an

incredible job creating a beautiful home to these rescue cats, great work, while supporting many other pet charities across the globe and UK cats in need of forever homes. Please give her a shout out and visit our website, pause for thought, catcafe.com on Instagram at pause for thought cat cafe. Thanks so much.

Aaron. There we go. Okay, Josh, I see you next time. We didn't do an intro. We'll do Josh's one tomorrow. Joel's one. Not tomorrow. Joel's one next week. I promise to be a bit more upbeat. I'm just a bit jet lag today, okay? I want to be more positive. Michael, was I too negative? Did I sound not a twat?

No. Um, no and yes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hello, parenting hell listeners, recognise that voice? Yes, it's Josh Whittickham here. I have got a new podcast, Josh Whitickham's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it, I'm about, about,

85% sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me, and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things,

let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for dry, topics see above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realised Millie Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr. Blobby, when Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers ghosts were real, when a band burned a million pounds for a laugh, the Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from

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Thank you.