Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP10: Ray Bradshaw

Episode Date: February 6, 2026

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Ray Bradshaw. You can find all the info on tickets and dates for his new tour 'CODA' at: www.raybradshaw.com Parenting Hell is available to watch on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  (Copyright 2026) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It'll keep you feeling fresh for up to 72 hours. And when you smell good, you feel good. Visit dove.com to learn more. This episode is presented by Vauxhall. So Josh, News UK have voted the new Vauxhall Frontera as the value car of the year 2025. Rightly so. And do you know why I can say that, Rob?

Why? And you know this, I've test driven one. Oh yeah, and I've been test passenger. I got to drive the frontera. Faults? A. the tech was so good, right, that it was just simple. I felt like it was my car the moment we were moving.

Yeah? We had loads of boot room, you saw that. Oh, I had a little peek in the back. I was thinking this is perfect for a family. It was spacious, it was easy to use. And do you know what as well? No offence. I wasn't too near you.

No, exactly. There's so much space in the front. I didn't feel like I was touching you. I couldn't smell you. It was great. It's available in electric. It's available in petrol hybrid. The electric is cheaper.

It is available from 23,995 pounds. Ah, that sounds like value to me, Josh. That's great value. Great value, top value. Do what I did, Rob. Test drive the new Vauxhall Frontera today. Discover more by searching Vauxhall Frontera online. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with...

Roman, can you say Rob Beckett? And can you say Josh Whittickham? Good effort. Good effort. Oh, even she knows it's not. I mean, that is a baby just snuffling, though, in her defence and the baby's defence. Gobble, gobble, Rob, Josh and Michael, this is my four-month-old. Four months?

Come on. Roman, attempting to say your names. The tiger mum in me, what does that mean? No idea. Should I Google it? Thought it was never too early to start. It's going to be like a really pushy mum, I think. Is that like sort of Project Mbapé, where you're just...

A for effort, but D for achievement, I suppose. Some improvement required. I've been listening from the start, BC. Do you want to hear what it is? What? A tiger mum or tiger mother refers to a strict disciplinarian parenting style, popularised by Amy Tewer's book, battle him of the tiger mother,

characterised by extremely high expectations, intense focus on academic and extracurricular excellence, like music or sport, and pushing children to succeed through vigorous, rigorous, practice and discipline, often in expense of social life or emotional expression, aiming for top achievements. David Beckham's dad on that documentary.

Well, to be fair, I think most high achievers do have parents like that. I've been listening from the start. This is good. We should use this. I've been listening from the start, BC, before children. That's nice. Yeah, that's not been used before. We could call in that.

And thank you very much. And now we have Roman, who also seems to love listening to you to go to sleep. Not sure what that says about the content, but we enjoy it nonetheless. Keep being sexually relatable. Thanks for keeping me entertained during lockdown. And now into motherhood. just said like Justine And I suppose

And I suppose Romans dad Mike Just But she's name's Justine I think so yeah I think me and Justine would clash I think she was joking about Tiger Mum Many of true words said in Jess Oh

Here he is But the Justin Just say your name's Justine Might not be Justin I couldn't call someone Jess No It's not a full name It's almost my name

No I'm all right with Josh Josh I can say Josh. Just. Just. Just.

Just. So we've got to do a shorter intro here. Don't have to. No, we don't have to. But there's a man the other side of that curtain that fucking wants us to. That little pervert twitching his way behind the curtain. So we've got Ray Bradshaw on. Yeah.

Very good interview. We've done it. We loved it. There was a lot of back and forth between me and you at the end. He's got deaf parents. He talks about sign language. Talks about IVF. Talks about Scotland.

Talks about gigging. I enjoyed the chat. I did. And I was a lot. I'm going to say. I'm buzzing. You're buzzing because we did something different today. We got the train up this morning and you are full of beans.

Fuller beans because I didn't stay in a hotel. I feel great. This is the new me. Deborah Meaden got on my train at Taunton. Oh, really? I'd love to see you on Dragons Den. Maybe you're too tight to invest in anything. Do you know what?

You've already told me you got your train fare back because you got switched trains. Yeah, why not? Delay repay? Absolutely. Claim it. But you shouldn't be so happy about it. it in your face. There's a difference.

There's a difference between going, oh, that's handy. I'll be able to reclaim the back and like, oh yeah, I got it. Got it back. So this is the question. Do you think Meaden does delay repay or is she too rich,

but she's a business woman, so she's not going to like that way. Medan will do delay repay, but she'll keep it low key. Okay. She wouldn't bounce into the room to tell someone like you did. So excited.

I nearly had to change my pants. And now it's a callback. Oh, that's a callback from the future. From the future. You enjoy that. Yeah, let's know about what you think about the pants change. You'll hear about it at the end of this episode. I enjoy this.

I had a real laugh. It was good fun. He's brilliant. Go and see him on tour? Yes. All over the place. Coda? Yeah.

I'll go and see him at Glasgow. Amadillo. Make a weekend of it. Yeah. Why not? Enjoy yourselves. And you never know. The train might be delayed before you know it.

You can't see that. Can you hear it? Josh is rubbing his little fingers together like Bunsen Burn, a nice little learner. Yeah. It's a horrible image. I don't know if video is going to help us or make people go, do you know what?

I don't like it. They're vile. I don't like watching them. They're disgusting. It's very bradshaw. It's like having sex with catching a reflection in a mirror. Got them enjoying this, but now I've seen it, I hate it.

It's very gradual. So you've come to them today. Yeah. What time is your train? Yeah, I've got the half-five train. Have you started the show? Yeah, I like to talk my way in. Yeah, so I got there.

No, but you've started the show, like you're a lonely pensioner on the train next to a very busy man that is now I wouldn't say he's very busy he's travelled down from Glasgow to do a fucking podcast I've got

he doesn't go one other thing we know what it is you're not busy it's weird it's weird it's weird at it he's got he's gonna sell out

the armadillo in Scotland yeah 3,000 tickets is it yes 3,000 tickets it's mad like I'm mainly doing it because my mate's daughter was slagging me

yeah because of money of course yeah why do you think I'm here my mate's daughter was slagging me because she did her dancing display there and I'd never done a gig there. Amazing. So I was like, I think I could do the armaddle.

So you're going to finish with the dance? Do you know? Get her out? I thought about it, but I've got... Do you know how, see me you do a tour show? You need a big ending. Yeah. I'm struggling for that just now.

Yeah, I've struggled for that for five tours. I'm going to leave a cigarette. I've just accepted. I don't have a big ending. Yeah. What do you do? Oh, I just... Can I, scurry off ashamed.

Do you bet every tour? I don't bow. I don't bow. I tried a bit and I thought I was such a prick. No, I do a kind of a substitute that's maybe coming up. You know, like a guy coming off. Cross yourself, please you go on. Maybe a player that's come back from injury,

but he's been brought off after 60 minutes. So you're applauded in the crowd? Are we with? Do you know what? That's deignify. You know the cop? All the football managers do that now. They run up and they go,

duh, duh. Imagine doing that after you've died at Cambridge Corrine. I'm trying to do the three. Imagine. That's two months ago. Anyway. Have you got kids? Yes. I've got one boy who is six and my wife is pregnant just out. So I've got another one on the way.

Congratulations. When's the baby due? This is horrific timing. For someone who works extensively in Scottish football, the baby is due in the first day of Scotland play Haiti in the World Cup. Oh, wow. And were you planning on going out there? Yeah.

Are you going out there? My wife is very sound, but I don't know how much I can get. Can I, basically, one, I'm going to break it now, you can't go to the World Cup. Yeah, go. I'm not accepting that yet. So this is the bar. Maybe if you got to the latter stages. Yeah, come on, Josh.

We'll have to laugh here. That you're going to have to deal with when the time comes. If the baby comes early, you can maybe get to that stages. But I think the baby coming sooner may be more likely than Scotland to get into the later stages, do you think? Yeah, well, if you want an idea of how soon my wife is on her due date with her son, Alex. I was supporting Frankie Boyle in Aberdeen. and I phoned her and I was like

do you think the baby's coming she's like no I think I've got another couple of days so you can stay tonight and do the gig the next night and then I drove home and then she went into labour

no coincidentally but Aaliyah yeah yeah is like sound so I may be able to but you're not going to America no I don't think so but

I'll say I'm abstaining on human rights reasons that's what we'll do yeah yeah take the moral that point to that and is that with America or Haiti both of both of them

can I ask on that but you'll be had to watch the World Cup you can tell you can take shifts of the baby late at night. This is what I suggest. Say, why don't you know, why don't you, I go to bed now

and get a couple of hours in it, like, and then you hand the baby to me at about 11pm when the second game kicks off. I think it'll be very obvious. And then you do the night. It's going to be the greatest period of night feeds of your life. But it's going to look suspicious when I've got William Wallace face paint

trying to be a baby for him. Get the baby on formula straight away. Breast his best, but not if there's an opportunity to bottle feed a baby during a World Cup. My wee voice guide because he's a huge. because he is a huge football fan. But were you going to take him?

He was asking, yeah. He's been in a few Scotland games. Can I ask when you... I don't want to get too graphic. Did you think about it when you were having sex? No, we did IVF, so we did five rounds of IVF. So this was like a Hail Mary throughout the world. The pregnancy is a lot more important than the football, Josh.

Sorry about him, right. How did you feel now, actually? It's been through round five rounds of IVF, actually. I feel like that's something he could have timed even better. they delayed it they delayed it my two months so eventually it was going to be in the middle of my tour and mentally I was like that's great

I can pull some shows like I don't need to them whereas now no one can complain you've pulled a show when you've sorry my IVF baby's being born you want me to still come to Cambridge Corn Exchange it's always Cambridge Corn Exchange it's always Cambridge Corn Exchange

but yeah my wee boy so how old is he now sorry sex so he's sex oh that'll be an amazing trip if you could do it I think you're not doing it if the baby comes early No. So I was talking to my dad about this.

I would push a elective cesarian. Is that too much? Sorry. You're not on the have-a-word pod, Rob. What's going on? Should I do the public apology now? That was getting clapped. That was a joke, actually.

That was definitely a joke. It would be handed, and you could take the six-year-old away for a week and let her time to bomb with a baby. Rob, have you? You've not experienced the aftermath of a cesarian. Me? No. No. No. So actually that's worse. It's so bad. It's so bad. So basically, what you were suggesting there is someone

undergoes a major operation and then you leave them with a baby even though they can't stand up. Well, I'll tell you what? Well, well done, one, one after the obvious. You just club of fans as you walk off. No, that'll be too much. So I was born. Squirmerman. I was born, so my mum went to Glasgow Garden Festival.

It was a big cultural thing. and there was a fireworks accident and a guy got his leg blown off. So this is how you were born? Yeah, so my mum saw it and went into labour. Oh my God. I was born 26 minutes later. So my dad was like,

why don't you buy some fireworks? Let's see what you can do. I was like, no, let's read it in a little bit. So have you ever met the guy? No, so I've actually never talked about it on stage. I'm talking about it in this tour. And I was like trying to Google to find him. I don't know.

So that was in 1980. No, he's lost, well, he housed the last leg. Yeah. Oh, God. So you were born in trolls. yeah at least we know about Glasgow am I right well yeah like come on no come on come on come on I'm not taking that from the south-west and the man that's travelled up from Exeter at 6am 754 thank you very much luxury no I had tons I was speaking to my mom and dad about so my

mum and dad both deaf so I got learning sign language so I was speaking to mom and dad about my childhood because the weirdest thing is I don't remember any of it because it's so normal whereas like now my son is going to my mum and my dad's house and he's learning sign language. Yeah, yeah. So you're both your parents' deaf? Yes, my dad's born deaf, he only signs. And then your mum's hearing went with the fireworks as well. Yeah, yeah.

That's right. Is that okay? Thank you. I would have been born quicker if she could have heard them. That's the rumor. So she, no, she lost her hearing when she was 40 months old through measles. So my mum, lip reads and speak. So I would get that. So how did they end up together? Mad story.

My mom was at the deaf club, like deaf social club. My dad's an identical twin. my this is I swear to God we're not here for like some Ross Noble

things I don't think he was a fucking whimsy my uncle was chatting her up and went for a piss and my dad took over

wow so which where's your uncle both are deaf both both born deaf the only way you can tell apart

this is what my dad always said so you can throw me shit on it they're identical twins monco lives in Essex

my he's got half a thumb he fell off a roof and he lost the top of his thumb Can you have these stories? It's like 999. But my dad always says my uncle's got a speech impediment

because of his husband. Oh, that's lovely. That's really nice. Because of the sign land. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for explaining it. Some listeners wouldn't. I just basically squirt that across the line.

Yeah, yeah, nice. Thank you. Across the line, I booed in the net. So your mom and dad, was there any thought that you might be deaf? No, because mom doesn't have deaf DNA. But your dad? My dad does, yeah, so you kind of need, this is a generalisation, you need both them to be a bit.

They thought I was, so I'm the middle kid, I've got a brother and a sister, they thought I was deaf for like the first few days. Yeah, but I just wasn't just lazy. Yeah, yeah. My mum went home and smashed plates next to my head and I would cry. Oh my God, like a great question. And she was like, he's not deaf and they took me back in. And then that's why.

So how did you learn to speak? So I was actually talking to my mom about this. My mom told me a story the other day that is the funniest thing she's ever said to me. So I generally, when I was a kid My grand and grandpa's, my mum said the family, they're all hearing So I spent a lot of time there And then I went to speech therapy Annoyingly, my brother and my sister didn't

It was just me. And then my mum was saying, I was like, was there anything else she did To help me develop? And my mum was like, oh, the speech therapist recommended that we put a radio in your bedroom each night So you could hear language, skills, all that kind of stuff

And I was like, oh, did you notice a difference? And my mum went, oh, we couldn't tell if it was on a station Like, she was like, we would just put it in each night. So it was like, the original my homie, just white noise or something. Wow. So that was, yeah, so... Because it must be hard for them as parents to go, like, double-checking the kind of stuff you're watching or listening to if it's

appropriate or not. Yeah, I never... I remember being able to listen to tons of rap and stuff like that when I was like 19. It must be funny, having that full blast, all the swear words, your mum and dad just potting around doing the dishes. Doing the hoover and cutting out, not knowing who knows it. And I've pulled the plug out in the hoover so they can hear it so I can hear the music. And so with the sign language, because when you... A kid's brought up bilingual.

if they've got, they'll just pick both up straight away. Did you just? Yeah, I don't remember learning signing. I remember being about seven or eight and going into school and signing to someone and they didn't sign back and I remember thinking that's weird.

Whereas now watching Alex, my son. So he was born end of 2019 so all the way through lockdown he couldn't really see my mom and dad. So when lockdown stopped, he would go to my mom and dad's one day a week just so he could spend time in the house and pick up sign language.

And it was amazing watching it. He picked it up like that. You just didn't quite a lot. Yeah, yeah. You're not signing. You look like a sort of an Italian defender. So many similarities to put more. The whole time.

Well, you're not signing, obviously, but you just, so your hands being involved in the conversation. I've started using a headset mic on stage. Okay. Oh, yeah, all, Macinty. I know, I know. Because you finished with a dance, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, my reverendats. I've got to keep the hands out, obviously. It's because I just moved hands. One show I did, I signed my whole show, and that was really difficult, like signing and speaking at the same time. So how did that work then? It didn't really. It was like...

Is the timing different? Yeah. So like I would be... The first 20 minutes was like a voiceover and I would sign along to it and then... So if I got heckled, I was fucked.

Right. And then the second 20 minutes I filmed myself interpreting myself so I had to stick to like a script and then the last 20, 30 minutes I could sign this week. It's that when Phil Collins

used to play the drums and sing. Just pick one bag. Did you read my Chorto review? This is... Is that a word? Imagine. You performed in a full gorilla scene from a couple of music.

And so that, and so your son's just picked it up? Yeah, yeah, so he will go down and, like, he could sign pretty much before he could speak. So he would sign a lot of them. Because kids do sign language before speaking. You can do that thing where the kids will pick up sign language before they go. Tumble's all over, in it? Oh, I hate Tumble, man. You hate Tumble?

Yeah, imagine. Stepping on your fucking territory. Yeah, imagine watching a guy signing who's more successful than you every day. It's brutal. Don't watch TV late at night. There's loads of them. You taught John Mason. He can do it as well, Cardi. Yeah, so John was learning when we were on tour together,

and it was fascinating watching him, because he made it look harder than anyone ever. So his son is deaf? His son is losing his hearing, yeah. There was a documentary that he did on ITV. And yeah, so he was learning, saying, we did a gig. So it was me having four deaf stand-ups,

and we did a gig on ITV. It was really good fun. I saw that, yeah. It was a brilliant documentary. It was mad to do. And what's the sound like in that? Because, like, when we have Rose Ealing Ellis on Last Leg a lot, and that, and when she, that's clapping, isn't it, part than...

Well, so you're waving your hands for the listeners. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, sorry, yeah. Are the people still listening to them? What is it? No, everyone's stopped listening. We just do this to keep the other house. Rose is paying me and Bray directly.

Spotify just does a favor? Snagued said it? Yeah, it comes under their charity work. Local news is in decline across Canada, and this is back. news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors, and misinformation fill the void. And it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more journalists in more places across Canada, reporting on the ground from where you live,

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Insurance is underwritten by Cooperators Life Insurance Company. So is there, do you get laughs in the same way? Yeah, there's time delays as well. So now I've got an interpreter every show I do. So they will get laughs maybe slightly heady, slightly before, because they know the show. The weirdestest one I ever had was in Bedford where, I don't know how. What was that?

The quarry theatre, somewhat. So all the deaf people sat on one side and all the hearing people sat on one side. Oh, what? Coincidentally, because they were all chatting, it was unreserved seating so they could just go inside, whatever. And it was like, you know, when your headphones will make a noise on one side and that way,

so you were getting laughs at different points. It was that was... In stereo? Yeah. that's the word I was looking for it was so hard to do so hard yeah so I had

something doing sign at my Bristol gig is it called doing sign yeah yeah yeah was it vulgar

yeah yeah the guy Ramesh yeah and I used to Ramesh used to teach I think yeah

so funny people come up to go Ramesh used to teach me and it is like an old man yeah and I'm like fucking how old

I was Romano or how old's or how young was his signature and yeah so you can see different pockets in the crowd

there was a slight different energy because when you're doing it Some are watching the sign language and some are listening to you and stuff like that. So it's hard to sort of gauge. And I imagine a direct spit down the middle is...

The worst for me is because I know sign language, sometimes a deaf person will heckle me. How does that work then? They'll just sign at me. And you... So do you have the lights up? Relatively, not as pitch black as I usual would, but maybe a bit more.

And the worst one is, it happens. That's so hard because no one else knows they're doing it. So I repeat back to the hearing audience what they've done and they deny it. And it looks like I'm bullying a deaf person. It's so. It's happening quite a few times. Do you know what I saw once, which was like one of the strangest situations.

There was this, I was in Butlins and a stag do. And there was a great start that story. A classic Beckett story. And there was a group of deaf lads, right? Which I don't know if they were like a social club or whatever. Or if it was coincidence. Or a small team. Or just they all just got on at the barred inside.

Anyway, there's about eight of them. And they're all like getting on. And then one of them started having a row with the other one. And obviously, basically, there's no volume. So in a pub normally a row is louder, you on all that. And stuff. So they were signing quicker. I saw that.

That was because of... Faster and bigger. Faster and bigger. And I was like, oh, hang on. This feels like it's kicking off, but it doesn't... In the traditional sense. And then they started having a fight. And then they got thrown outside.

And then I was outside at that point when they were all like just for fighting, like just lads drunk. And watching a fight in silence. Because there was no... Out of screaming and shepherds of... It was quite... It was quite sinister. Yeah, it's almost more visceral and raw, isn't it?

You know when Batman beats people up in silence down an alley? It was like that. And it was like, wow. I remember playing, so my cousin is deaf, and I played for his football team a couple of times, and the dressing room is silent apart from farting. That's all you hear. All you hear.

And they're all in the way with it? Yeah. It's mad doing it. But my dad, see if my mum and dad are arguing. So I thought my mum and dad were like happily married and then I had my son. You find out those wee passive aggressive things. Like if my mum and dad are arguing,

my dad feels he's losing. He just shuts his eyes. It's like, I really can't see the signing. It's genius. Oh, brilliant. So do they have a totally different social life? Yeah. They kind of exist in almost a different social circle.

Mum and dad are different. So my mum is like a social butterfly. She teaches people who've lost their hearing how to lip bridge. She teaches sign line. She's done all that kind of stuff. So she's lots of hearing of deaf friends. My dad mainly has deaf friends. So he'll every Thursday, he goes to the Def OAP Club.

And he goes and hangs out with like six of his pals. Bingo's big. Bingo is huge. Is it? Yeah. What with your dad doing on the day? or in the deaf community. Not just my dad, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's the foxy bingo guy. But it just does the voiceover in sign language. But yeah, so there's that. And then I love watching my son interacts. So like, my wee boy is frighteningly clever. Like he's got a, we think we're teachers and we think he's got a photographic memory. So he is really confident.

So what does that mean? So he's got a photographic memory. From the age of four, if you show him any country just a shape, he'll name it. Wow. So like, I've ever. And did part of you go, what the fuck is going on it?

Kind of, yeah. And like, he remembers everything. I don't think I could do any except for it. So he was slagging me off the other day because I didn't know how to spell Kurdistan. We do worldal. So it's like, um. Wordal? No, worldo.

So it's a country shape every day. Right. So you get six guesses to go. Yeah. So like, it comes up. So the first one we ever did, I put it on a story online because it came up and he was like, Gabon. I was like, he's four, right? And I go, how'd you know that?

He was like, oh, because that's the gap for Equatorial Guinea. And I was like, what the fuck? You used to eat coal out the fireplace, what is happening? And, yeah, so he remembers things all the time. So tell me what's going on there, then? So I think he watches a lot of YouTube. I love that question. Yeah, such a loaded question.

No, but like, I just like, what does that mean? So he, like, he was reading a poem for school, because it's coming up when we recorded this, it's coming up for Brunsday. And if he reads it a couple of times, he just remembers it. He's got it. Yeah, yeah.

And, like, he's, he's got it. He's really into football now, so he's memorising old footballers. Yeah. So we do world. The weirdest one we did, right? And has he got other things that he's really good at? Or is it literally like he's just got this one thing? It's stuff he's seen. He can read really well.

It's stuff he's seen. And like we were, so it was been 1st of April last year. So my brother lives in America. He was back with his wife and their son. And we were doing world old. Alex likes to show off. He's like, look what I can do because he realized. He's got your DNA. Yeah, yeah.

He's a showman. We're in a pub, and the guy next to his, our local pub, the guy was like, oh, I'm really good to jog for he as well because we were playing like a card jogfi game.

And Alex went, okay. And the guy went, oh, we'll have a flag competition. And the first flag came up and my wee boy went, Eswatine. And then the guy was like,

yeah, we'll leave it there. That's what's done. But yeah, so it's the first way he was like, Worldo came up. And he's like, that's the Roman Empire. And I was like, no, no, it's countries. Yeah.

And he was like, no, that's the Roman Empire. And then we clicked it in. It was like April Phil's you got us, that was the Roman Empire. And all of us in the room were like, we need to monetise this. Yeah, that is incredible, yeah. He's taking place. And so what do his teachers say about stuff like that?

Like, does it make it so easy for them? He's pretty quick at reading and maths and stuff like that just now, yeah. Well, you're good at school. That was all right. Your family, they either missing something or they've got something extra. Every story you tell, someone's got a different. Everyone's like. Maybe it's like, what's that?

Smallville, when everyone's got like a super people who don't know it yet and others just kind of again, you don't realize how weird your family are until you speak it out loud. And so is he,

does that help him with sign language then? A little bit. It's a sign language is kind of similar with anything that the less you do it the harder it gets. So if he doesn't see my mom and dad for a bit,

I see, because you know what kids are like, he's got football, he's got all that kind of stuff. So swimming, so he needs to kind of go see them and do it. And he would always come back

like when he was younger from mom and dads with maybe three or four a saint's from that day and he would remember them all. It must be frustrating for them if he can't remember certain words to sign at them and he knows the shape of the Roman Empire. Are you putting your art into this?

Yeah. He's not picked his battles there, has he? But yeah, he's here. Very much like the Roman Empire. There we go. We don't really know what that meant. No. It didn't mean since, though. Yeah. Yeah, rhythmically we like. Well, I think it's a different world now. I do that.

I thought you were about to explain it. No, no. I do it that way on podcast, but on not the week. have gone, a bit like the Roman Empire. And then stare in silence and wait for applause. And would it come? Would the applause come? Yeah, one time you pass and you would say something. And you plant the seed.

Nice, nice. Yeah, but I'm like heavily, so I gag a lot and then the rest of the time. So like, because I've listened to other episodes of the podcast, people talk about their family life. I coach my son's football team. Oh, I do. It is.

It will, like, occasionally, so it's like 10 or 11 of us and I'm away. So, like, it's on tonight, so I'm not there. Right. I'm not there on Saturday. day because, oh no, it's not on because it's still winter. Have you got an assistant manager? No, one of the other coaches.

A kind of Michael Carrick figure. I'm not the top one. I'm there for like aura. Putting the camera. I'm there to kind of big the kids up. One of the coaches, his dad was a very famous manager. So he's good for that. Who's the manager?

I don't think it would want me to say. I would say hand on heart. It's the worst hour and a half of my week. Oh, really? Yeah. Twainting kids. Just running. What's your son's level of ability within the squad?

because that's difficult I'd say there's 29 players He's too big a squad Pep Guardiola talks about stuff like that Yeah we just put a bid in for Mark Gway So hopefully we're gonna go He's um I'd say he's between 10 and 20 in them So he's not the best

He's not the way He's okay yeah yeah Yeah loves a celebration Love celebrate Remember all the other players names Does that when he scored Yeah remembers he's actually He's pretty good at that

And then Knows all the kits I was in Rome 90 corner flags At the weekend and he was like, you need to get me a debala Roma top. And he was like, if you can't get that, you can get totty. And I was like,

okay, fucking go. Well, as soon as I get home, I'll go on a Chinese website and you'll have it in a week to 10 days. I did buy my fake one because the Roma shop was 95 euros, so that's not happening. You have an 8-power one that gives you a bit of a raff. And is it, are the parents as awful as you imagine? Sometimes, yeah, there was one of the first few games

I was at with Alex, and one of the dads for the other teams was shouting behind the goal, just shouting constantly. And it was relatively constructive to his kid, but also his kid is five. Like, chill the fuck out. And then in my head, I was like, this guy's a dick, this guy's a dick. And then the minute of full time finished he came up and went,

I've seen you on tour, I'm a really big fan. I was like, this guy's class. Like, so quick how I changed. Can I ask? Because you've got two daughters who aren't like, one of your daughters is into football? Yeah, so she's 10. She's tem and she plays at school and for the school.

And she's, we know. I've been a couple of times, yeah. It's very hard not to... Because I can't imagine you keeping your counsel on a touch line. Oh, really? No, do you know what? I have to work really hard because... I've been on a panel show with him.

Yeah, no, but I've... I'm only of encouraging, but even that's too much. Did you take fleers? So I'm like, well done, well done, but... So you'd never say push up. No, but I might go... I want to go, there's a bit of space. If I see space, I'll find it so...

I'll never be critical and stuff, but it's quite toxic to show. out their space. Just let her get on with it. But I find it really difficult. I do find it as well, I don't know if you get this when you're at the sport,

right, where people will say stuff to try and make you laugh because I know you're a comedian. So it'll be like, if a kid scuffs it, and it goes wide and they're 10, I'm like, well done,

don't worry about it. But then I'm like, oh yeah, that was close. And I'm not, no, you're mugging off a kid here. A comedian laugh. And I don't, I give them nothing.

Like a fucking statue. And if they are, oh, I've said, I was like, I don't if he should say that. And it gets really, I'm happy to sit in the awkwardness. The phrase your mugging off a kid just wins every time. Like, you can't be it. Yeah, you're mucking off a, yeah, anyway.

So have you had to confront anyone? Yeah, two, two times. One was like just a football argument and one, another team was shouting, we've got a very good player who'd tackled someone quite firmly, and they were shouting, do him. Do him, no. And I was like, he's five or six. I was like, what the fuck are you doing?

So, yeah, that was. How did you deal with? I went and I argued with him straight after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was parents at the side argued with them. And then they were, I was standing in an ice cream van queue after the game and they were raging behind us. And it's really hard, like that awkward this afterwards.

And also, I wonder, like, you can't have a row with someone old in a flike. 99 on your notes. So, yeah. If you were to stab some with an ice cream, which would you choose? Maybe the bottom end of a carnetto straight at the freezer? Yeah, that's true. Absolutely spot on

I don't think I've ever felt motorised weed in my life that came from somewhere and saved me What about What about getting a Calipo I'm using that to slash someone Like a javelin

I think you could batter someone To death of a frozen Calipo And then eat the evidence But you'd have to Yeah You have to do the rapper That's what he does No, that's what he does

Do you not eat the wrapper? No, no It's like the Apple Corps Some people are A Clipo's gonna grow out you I'll tell you the thing about a clippo I don't like the skin

Josh licks he outside Until it disappears And then he gets to the fruit It's worth it Once he gets in Treat yourself It's good Do you

How much do you Put winning As a thing No None I don't A lot of time When we leave

I don't know the scores I'll know how many Alex has scored Probably If he scores one or two Because he'll talk about it The whole way home He was like

Do you see my goal But no I could not I will Rotate fairly They're five or so young As well I used to run

an amateur team for years playing football and I've played football in my life and people some people take it seriously that's never been because we're not. That's what ruins it. I love playing football. You paid to play. But it's just so that's what I always do. Some people just take, that's what's put me off Sunday League and when I got about 17, 18. It's just like, geez, like just booting you're trying to have a fight and just frustrate.

I played in this Marks and Spencer's father side tournament we played other Marks and Spencer's team. There was a geezer playing and he was playing football off his face, drinking a rumour, and Coke, but it was too hard for anyone to say anything. You weren't for him, it is? Yeah. Probably the warehouse. Tell us about your tour.

Can I ask about Scotland quickly? Yeah, yeah. I've said the other week, I think that Scottish bakeries... This is a warring. Scottish bakeries are ten times better than English bakery. Yeah. And I don't know why, but I think it is... Macquarie pies?

What he said? Yeah. And then what did you say? Macaroni pies, what was the other one? I think Scotch pie. Scotch pie. Yeah, it's such a good meat for a pie. Donut thing.

A yum yum. It was like a fudge donut. Oh yeah, fudge donut, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so there was St Andrews. And then what did you say 10 minutes later? I don't know why I'm not really fit and healthy. I don't know why I'm not losing weight.

I'm going on ruff. I did a scotch pie with beans and mash on top. Yeah. And then had a fudge donut. But I think the scotch. That seems class, though. Yeah, of course. He's happy.

Because actually, that scotch pie mince meat is a bit like pie mash mince meat, where it's just loads of sort of mince rather. Yeah, yeah. I don't like. That's where you get the football. That's the go-to one. So I don't like in a paste, a pie or anything, the big chunks of the meat.

So like a steak pie kind of thing is not for you. I think the big chunks, sometimes the meat's a bit dodged. Where if it's mined, you know what you're getting. And it's smooth, it's hot, it's tasted. This podcast is so versatile. Like it really is. I love it for the mince meat of a pie. Or we just don't have enough to talk about.

Do you know why? So I have a lesson to episodes. How do you manage to do it by the way? I love that you call it versatile. You've made our biggest weakness of strength. Well, I just, I think this. This couch is incredibly neurospicey. We know what it is, but we don't want to diagnosis

because it will be too lovely. Don't lose the magic. So why do you think this podcast is, what was the word? Versa the tail, yeah, yeah. It's the motor, like, I listened to one in the way down, and it was essentially you're having a breakdown for 40 minutes. Yeah, yeah. It's difficult to narrow that down.

Pick any from the last five years. Well, the thing is, most of the time, Josh is having an existential crisis. and I'd be talking anyway. They just put a microphone. I'm no different from here than I would be just sat in here and someone on a trade. We're both a bit much when we're not on mic. Yeah, it works, it works. So, as a parent, how are you feeling about the one to two?

Oh, worried. Worried. Worried. Because, like, we've done like five rounds of IVFs over the last like four or a half. Which is your first ball, not yet. No, no, no. So it was like second day. So how does that?

We did all the tests, they don't know. So we did four rounds up in Glasgow and then we were so lucky we got this amazing doctor who was in Spain who was Spanish but in Glasgow because he'd married a Scottish lady and they were having a kid

she'd move to Scotland for a bit How she won that to buy? He was from was it like Valencia or something like that kid's accent Yeah would be amazing That'd be a little of tits up

from his one year in Glasgow so he essentially took us on as like a project because scientifically it didn't make sense why we couldn't. So he took his incest. Is this NHS or private? Well, because we had a baby.

We had to pay for NHS. So we did. Oh, so it's how it works. We've already had a baby. Yeah, yes. We had four paid rounds in Scotland. Then we did one fancy privately down here with a big thing. And it was down to the thing where when they put everything back in,

he was like, no, go with this female doctor over the male doctor because she's a 92% success rate compared to 80. It was like, we got so lucky. So what percentage were you like? looking at. Like, did you know? What's your XJ? We didn't know.

So like over the first few, we were like not getting eggs to kind of go in. So we're kind of just giving up and not really working. So this was our balls to the wall through money at the problem. Final Hail Mary class. And it worked. And even like, so when we're recording this in five days time, it's 20 weeks.

We're going to find it if it's a boy or a girl. And even then doesn't feel real because we've been kind of way. It's so stressful. Yeah, it's weird. Because we're so versatile. Because we're so versatile. Do you want to cry? No, maybe.

I'd be great for the clip. We'll do all the deaf stuff. We'll do all the deaf stuff. I talked to all my friends about it because Haley, my wife is a bit more private about it, but that's her choice. Whereas now we're, because it's... Yeah. And what I've realised is the more I've spoke to my mates about it,

the more they're saying... Because some of them were like, oh, we did that, or some of them were like, we did a couple of miscarriages and stuff like, but no one wants... No one was wanting to... Has it made this pregnancy feel more perilous? Yeah, do you know what?

We just don't think about it that much because it still doesn't feel that real. We were away for the last couple of nights in Rome, so we did, so Alex, my wee boy, Haley's mum took him for a couple nights, so we did like just the two of us away. We tried that once a year because otherwise you lose your fucking mind.

So we're in Rome, an awful choice to go to because it's April spits and wine everywhere. Oh, God, she's pregnancy. Yeah, so she was a good. But she started to show a little bit. And that's when it's starting to feel a bit more real. Yeah. But the rest of the time, because also I was a young dad.

I was 30. It's mad that's a young dad these days. I was the first one of my mates to have a kid. And now they're all, most of them have it somewhere kind of getting there. And they're all from Glasgow as well. Yeah. And you're still the, just so. Life is wait to.

Life is right to say we're going. So the versatility of this podcast is unbelievable. That's unbelievable. Yeah, it's because of her. food. You've heard it. So yeah, so I just I think with two, our lives are very nice just now.

Alex has grown up, he's really fun. It's cool to hang about with. Is your wife working? Yeah, so she does like sports marketing. So how do you split up the child care then? Because you're the moment, you're the moment, you're super busy. You've got these commitments. You're down here and then you're off touring. Just

ad hoc. Just kidding to see how it goes. So this seems like a similar set up to me and Lou. She took time off work when you had the two kids and actually sort of going back to work. It's a bit like we have to have like planning meetings like on a Sunday, like right, what's happening next week and then we have to bring in child care or grandparents where we've moved as a 10 minutes.

We're like that but without the planning meetings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We urge us very much a Thursday into the Friday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Haley's mom and dad are like a 10 minute walk and my mom and dad are a 10 minute drive. So there's lots of stuff like if I get a last minute thing. You can chuck them.

Can you go pick them up? Because you walk to the school in like five, 10 minutes. So we got all that. Oh, that's great. And then back in the, when Alex was at nursery, I did a fundraiser for his nursery. They needed a new garden. So I did a fundraiser.

So sometimes I was on tour with John Bishop for seven months and sometimes it would be like, I can't get back. But as nursery days are set, we can't get my nursery. I would email the nursing and go, hey, remember that garden I paid for? How does this frigide look? Any chance he can stay in the garden

that's money for an extra hour, actually. Do that. So yeah, the one to two thing is going to be the biggest bit. So Haley's going to take about a year off. When she was on her mat leave, the last time I went and did Adelaide French, so we all went out and it was great. So this time, it's more restricted.

You fly with the kid? Yeah, so we took him to Spain, who's three months old, and then Australia when he's five months old. How was that? Fine. If they can't walk. Yeah.

Yeah. Between that period, they cry, I suppose, in your arms. The worst, I think, on the flight, is when they're toddlers and they can't sit, that 18 months,

up till four, is killer. So my brother lives in America, because we went out there when Alex was three. And instead of, he's like next to Detroit, Ann Arbor, so we should have gone like Glasgow, Amsterdam, but we're not doing a change. We'll fly to Toronto, stay a couple of days

and then drive four hours because... And time around naps and stuff like that. So lucky when you live near London, everything goes from London. So like, you know, when you're... It's like a night, everything's a connection flight. Apart from Exeter International's directing it to America. Direct to America.

Don't want to go because of what Donald Trump's after, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Scotland, when the Euros, I missed my wedding anniversary. So in Germany, I missed my wedding anniversary, Haley's birthday, and Alex's nursery graduation to watch Scotland lose 5-1 to Germany. Well, I've got good news. Nursery graduation's not a real thing.

No. But the best thing was, you should see their garden, it is. Three acres of woodland. For the gig I put it on, not a chance. Do you know, up until the day before, Frankie Boyle was meant to be doing that gig. How did he? Can you imagine Frankie doing a nursery fund? No, it was never signed up.

Because I toured with Frankie a few times, so. it was very much I was someone who pulled out I can't remember and I was backstage with him and I was like

I need to get somebody he was like I'll do it if I can make stuff and I'm like you don't want because he's a really sweet guy but he's got quite a presence so if he's in a

he can look when he's got his resting face he's quite intimidating but he's quite sweet he's so soft isn't he's a lovely man and he's so clever and he's so

just fun to be around because like we would do the Edinburgh stand work in progress me and him so I would he doesn't

drive so I would pick him up and we'd drive through it. And I would just say one day, because it's an hour drive, I'd be like, tell me about the roots of anti-semitism in the Labour Party and all these rumours. And then an hour later you're there and he's still talking because he knows everything. Yeah, remind me not to do his tour support. Don't got to have an hour of that for the fucking irony.

Whereas a lot of time, a lot of time it's just a shite sell to get. You would, because I don't have a support right, because I have a sign language interpreter. So do you hang out with your sign language interpreter? Yeah, sometimes, yeah. And do you speak in sign? Sometimes. times. They will alternate. So I remember

last time I did London, we did Leicester Square and they went is our pub and soul called the Coaching Horses? Yeah. So we stand outside there and then my mate Paul was like, why the fuck is your side lives in terms to keep talking and moving his hands? It's because he was pissed. They were still naturally signing because he was so used to it. So yeah, I would tag it with them and sometimes like, so I would use regional one so when I'm in the south west, the one Adrian who you use I'd use him, different ones in different areas.

Because signing's different regionally. Yeah, like you'll get colloquialisms. So I had a joke that shafted me. That same gang in Bedford that was horrible when they sat either side I had a joke that generally true when I was a kid I thought my dad was a spy

because everyone else could hear and he couldn't so I was like, so I used to set traps for him and I would shout like help. So you thought he was a spy because because I was like six years old so everyone else can hear so I thought my dad was just pretending, right? Right, and because he was a spy.

Yeah. So, I would go behind him and shout like, help, help, help when he was washing the dishes and nothing would happen. I told that joke in Bedford, and I lost every deaf audience member. And the worst thing is, right, see... Oh, well, because they go like,

that's not funny, actually. You can see them signing. So if you're a hearing audience member, you whisper to the person next year, I don't know what you're saying. If you're deaf, you sign, and I can see deaf people saying, that's horrible, that's disgusting,

what's his problem? And I was like, what fuck is happening? So I stopped the show up, and what's happened. There was one Scottish guy, and he went, the sign you're doing for spy is different here. So I was doing like a round circle around my eye, which my dad had taught me with spy,

but that's the English sign for pervert. So every deaf audience member had seen me sign. When I was six, I thought my dad was a pervert. And I used to hide behind him shouting, help, help, help. And I'm like, fuck, that is a different job? Wow. So why isn't so different? Just reading that, it's a lot to do with kind of...

I suppose you get that with words, generally, don't it? Yeah, and deaf schools. So per... So spy is like you're looking for a... No. Looking for a paper. Yeah, we're spied in England's and we magnifying glass,

which is much better. Right, and then that's how I'm looking for an owl. And like Monday, days of the week in England they do two M's for Monday, two T's for Tuesday, two Ws Wednesday, T.H for Thursday.

In Scotland we just use one hand and just do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Much easier. Let's go through your tour dates. Do you know I'm off of a heart, right? Nope. I know I start in Inverness and then I go to Sky,

which I've never been to. Do you do loads in Scotland? Yes and no. So more this time, A couple of tours ago, I did tons and tons and tons and tons of small. These are all kind of bigger ones. So it's called Coda.

Coda, Child of Death adults. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. That's your government name. Yeah, pretty much, yeah, yeah. But it was also the film that I hated Coda, which won the best picture of the Oscars. I hated the film, so I talk about that in the show.

Is it about that? No, that's a part of it, but it's all about... No, no, no, no. Is the film about... Yeah, yeah, the film's about a girl who's played by Allie Jonesy's daughter. What? Yep.

Who... Fuck off. Her family, her mom, dad and her brother of death. she, it's a thing you'll notice this now, I've said this, see anytime you watch CSI or NCIS those kind of things, anytime there's a hearing person in it and their parents are deaf,

they always want to be a musician. It always happens because it's like, oh, the thing my parents can't hear that's what I want to do. So she wants to be a singer in this and there's a scene in it where she starts singing and the dad comes over and feels her vocal vocal cords. It's all Oh, fucking pervert.

Fucking one of them, mate. Get your fucking hands off of that I'll sing. Accept it. You're not involved in this because you can't hear, right? I'm going to be doing this, you crack on it bingo. Just accept what's going on. Right, I'm going to. Porthy. That's Sky.

Yep. That's Sky. Stockton, Barnard Castle. Oh, yes. Don't do any Dominic Cummings. That went down very badly when we were there. New Castle, Dundee, Aberdeen, St Andrews. He can imagine because he's a professional.

We couldn't imagine. Liverpool, Coventry, Salford, Chester, Cambridge Junction. Birmingham Glee. Maidenhead, Southend, Chelmsford, Luton, Guilford, Winchester, Chippin'Nornton, Glasgow. Norwich. Oh, that's going to be a come down, and it going to Norwich after the Armadillo?

Yep. Oh, Norwich is a good one, though. Norwich is a great. There's a couple we had to rearrange. So after that, there's Norwich, something, something, Made Stone, Melrose. There's three Soho Theaters. There's a Leeds.

Yeah, there's still much. Belfast, Dublin, Chorley, Leeds, Maidstone Melrose. Nothing in the Southwest. What's your problem? So, I, I've done Bristol, the last couple of times. That's not count that.

That's the most requested when I get all the time. It doesn't seem like you listen to the people. It's fucking miles away. I don't book my on tour. I know. But yeah, it's always there because I did when I was sporting John, I think we did three nights in Plymouth.

Quite possibly. That's far enough down, isn't it? You've got a meet in the middle. You fucked off to the bottom bit. Have you done all your Scottish dates in this tour? Yeah, I didn't do that many, actually. I did, I've got Glasgow to come, and then I did Aberdeen and Edinburgh.

That's all I did. I've done Inverness on the last tour. I'm doing Inverness. Eden court. They all argue about bridges. You'll do His Majesty's maybe in the theatre or the arena? Aberdeen I did. Now Aberdeen you'd do the music hall. Oh, music hall, yeah, yeah.

That's nice. I once, when I was supporting John there, I watched the old firm on a screen at the front while I was doing a gig. While you were on stage? He was down there, yeah, in the thing, in the timer. Did anything, was there a goal or anything? No, I was down. And then John went on and then there was deaf people signing to him.

so he called me back out, but I'd already get changed. So I was wearing like joggies, and I came on watching the football, and I looked like a slob. I just remember thinking that's not. And then I actually... How quickly do you get changed when you come off stage? Fuck, yeah. Do you not?

No. I was thinking... It's a mental question, but... Yeah, I take it off and put on clean clothes. Straight away? Well, maybe it was like... Well, normally you're leaving. Yeah.

Yeah, so yeah, I'd say within five minutes of getting back to the dressing room, I'll take off all my dirty clothes and put clean clothes. How dirty are your clothes? You are... Just a grubby bathroom. No, I'm not. I'm just. In an hour and a half.

Right. After a run, right, if he's gone for running, he wakes up in the morning as a shower goes out for the day. Then he'll have a run in the afternoon. Come home, take off his clothes and just go to bed. No. Not naked. No, put your pants on and go to bed.

That's wild. Yeah, I am wild. That is mental. I am wild. That's grubby. I am wild. So, when do you take your clothes off after a gig? So, um...

Do you drive home in your clothes? I say yes. Yes. No, not the t-shirt. Not the t-shirt. But the dirty, sweaty pants. Yeah. What are you doing on stage?

And your dovo. I'm not changing pants every time, but you change your pants. You're the weird guy. What's happening to you downstairs during a gig? I'm selling a lot of tickets and trip myself to pants. I know you said... So what does your dick do for an hour and a half that means you need a new... No, I get a sweaty ass.

I'm giving it some up there. I'm not just sat there like a fucking flassy dick wanting to be tickled. No, my list is going in. Keep that out. Like a flaccid dick. No, look, I will change, I'll put a fresh pair of pants on when I come off stage. That's weird.

I'm sorry. I think that odd. That's odd. No, no, no. Hear me out. You got to tell me out. If I'm just going to the hotel and I'm staying up there, I'd maybe just wear the clothes straight back to hotel

and get changed at the room if I'm going off quickly. If I am going on a three-hour drive, I will put a fresh pants on. change your pants? What's a weird thing to do? I don't think that's weird. I think that's... We'll ask every comedian we interview

if they change their pants after the gig. For a three hour drive home, you're going to wear the same pants you've had on all day and during the gig when you can have a nice little fresh bag. Why aren't you changing your pants

for the gig? You've still got the sweaty horse. Yeah. Your arse is still sweet. I'll give you a wipe with a bit of tissue in the toilet. You're wiping your ass with... How sweaty is your arse?

When you're giving it some up there, mate. It gets hot in my rooms. I don't think it is that you're giving it some. Well, you're the one wearing all your clothes. No, don't try and turn it back on me, Mr. Mr. Skid Marks. Well, I'm quite frankly, not Mr. Skidmonds.

I'll change. Yeah. Oh, but if I've got clean, like, so, oh, my clothes have been worn during the day. Get changed into my tall clothes, and I'll probably wear the same pants. Then when I get off stage, I'll put a fresh pair of pants on, and the clothes are before.

The other one's just going in an incinerator. They just go. They're going in my bag. The pan bag. And then we drive home. Right. That is a weird. So what is weird.

I tell you what, take a little. Take a spare pair of pants off to your geese. I'm on, I'm going to try it. Slip them on and tell me you don't feel renewed. I don't want to feel renewed. I know you don't. You're dirty. Why not?

Because it's 10pm. Can I read something someone message me on Instagram? Yeah, if you want to defend yourself because you're feeling raw because of your weird pant thing. I put a video up of my going through what's in my tour bag, yeah, and it's got lots of pants in there for... For skid marks. No, someone said, this is someone messaged it. I really enjoy how clean you are. Yeah, fine.

Josh doesn't shower at the end of a sweaty day, wears a smelly watching bed, and has the audacity to say shaving your back is gross. It's not, by the way. Okay. I have to shave my back, Ray? Yeah, he doesn't shave his back. He goes into the garden and gets his wife to shave his back.

And the garden. Yes, because I haven't got three elbows. I can't get to it. How big is the garden? Well, big enough to find it. He's smashing it around the twirl. But I'm seeing how close our neighbours. Come on.

No, neighbours. Have you seen the size of Roomsies play? He's got a huge garden. I'm in the countryside. I'm tucked around the corner and no one can see. Okay. And why do you feel about this, right? No, no, no, no.

Let's stay on. Josh wears his watch and he's got like a dress watch, like a smart watch. Yeah. What's his watch at night? Has it on all day and night? I don't think that's a bad thing. Oh dear. Oh dear.

You wear your watch to bed, dear? I've started, I've only recently got a smart watch. So you wear a smart watch? Yeah, but that watch. No, but Rob. And then he takes it off to go running. He doesn't think it's that weird. Why did you take off to go running them?

Thank you. Because it's... You've got to go. I'm back in. Really? I think you need to go all or nothing. No, because this watch is worth too much money to go running in.

I don't want to get the strap sweaty. But you're sweet. Yeah, you're slight... Do you wait on stage? Yeah, because I need to check the time. But you're not sweaty on stage? No.

Because I'm cool as a cucumber because I'm in control. I'm not panicking. All the listeners will agree with that. It's cool. Josh Minnaker, first words that comes to mind, cool as a cucumber. Once I'm on stage,

where I feel like me, I'm as cool as a cucumber. When do you feel like you? Never when I'm on stage. Quite happily, never go on stage again. That always being real. I'll be honest. I enjoy this more.

Do you actually? I certainly don't need it as much as Rob. Oh, back to me then This has been the weirdest time, Reynolds. Us both going to raid and try and get him to tell the other one. It's not a lot of them. Because I remember we conched you at the stage as well. I was just talking to you.

But he's been to they completely thurud us and turned the table. He's interviewing us. How did we get on this? Oh, because of your pants. We can rename it podcast in hell. Oh, no. I'm a shout out. Do you know what?

When I asked, how quickly you get stage and after coming off stage, you thought that's a bad question. Little did I know. Right, like the gold. Great question. So, wait,

how quickly do you get changed off stage? I would say, within five minutes, I'll be changed. What's your stage wear? Very. So when I was doing, when I was signing it all myself,

I had to wear black because if you wear like pattern, and flat, it's hard to see the hands. So it all would black, so it was always like a black Levi's t-shirt.

And then now it just kind of varies. As I go, a t-shirt and shirt probably. Just M-N-S. Yeah. So I have. I get a lot of free M-N-S and I wear a lot of that.

I have, just three. Three jackets are all exactly the same and about six white t-shirts are the same. You're wearing a jacket? No one year a half. And two pairs of, three pairs of trousers are all exactly the same.

You got lucky pants? No lucky pants, just clean ones. No, they're not lucky after he takes them off after every show. I don't know if he's got the same ones. He hasn't got time to launder them before the next gig. They're all exactly the same so that I can, I take them with me and I wear one and I get the,

it laundered while I wear the other one. You did three gigs in a day in Bromley the other day? Yes. Did you go through three pairs of pants? I went through three pairs of pants. And I also... That is weird. That's insane.

But I wore the same... I went three pen to pants, three T-shirts and wore the same jacket and trousers. That's so weird. I feel fresh and renewed. What's going on in your underwear? I'm moving about and I'm sweating and getting hot. Nor showers in between.

What's that? A shout at the end. Arseholes smell. Yes. Let's agree. Are you agreeing with that? Arsoles smell. Versatile.

Yeah. Arsoles stink. Yeah. And also, that little guy... that we've done over an hour, by the way. We've done over an hour. That little gap. I can see how annoyed Michael is through that little gap.

Let's not cut it. Our soul stink and it seeps into your pants. Sorry, I'm onto something here. Arso's stink. That's your ventigoury. Yeah, yeah. So, if I'm going to, I want to, also. Let's smell each other's arseholes.

You get a rashy smelly up. You get skin infection sat there if you're sweating at last. Well, why haven't I got a skin infection? I don't know what's going on with you, mentally and bodily. What? Because I, because I don't know. Because I don't change my pants after a gig. No, I'm not, I think I get that people think that's too much.

I like doing it because it makes you feel clean and fresh and new. Going to sleep after going for a run is fucking serial killer mentality. Ray, it's been great to have you on. Rob. I know you get, I know you get asked me when you're on the ropes. Thank you very much. Good luck at the tour. Oh, let's do the final question?

Do we need to? Michael, have you fun. I think that's a funny end. Final question. Ray. Yes. What is the one thing? Are you married or partner?

Married, married. Have you got kids? I can't remember. Is it right? I tell what is it all game. We want to sit a finger up the ass, smell it now, and tell me you don't want a new pair of pants at the end of this. Why, bring Michael out,

blindfold him. Three of us pull our trousers down. He's got, he's got to do a blind, basically a blind smell. Sniff all our asses and tell us which one smells better. But we've both got long train journeys. Yeah, and check to bungling presents. He's come from Glasgow. Yeah.

Well, you need a pair of pants. I'll teach you. I'll do it. Also, I'm doing more on stage. I'm doing more on stage in you anyway. You're only doing one half. I don't have a support. I do two halves.

Yeah, but you're not doing the form of time. Do you not have a support ever? No. I do the same length of you, but with plus support. No wonder you're stressed. Not stressed. It's creeping into ten.

How long do you do you do 90 minutes? Yeah. You do in two four face. And the support? Yeah. It's too long a show. What's that? Put it on the ropes to change the rules.

I would agree with that. Yeah, I'm not doing 90 minutes. There's no way to do 90 minutes. When you were trying to me, I was nine and her off. I'm not doing 90 minutes. Right, your wife. Yes. Can't wait till I go out of there.

By the way, bad news. I don't know. You're not selling any extra tour tickets off this. Make it a pan. Do you? Your wife? Yes. What's the one thing she does as a parent that makes she go,

oh my God, she's amazing, I'm so lucky. And what's the one thing she does that frustrates us slightly? And if she heard this episode, she might go, he's got a point there. Do you don't want to bring it up to her? she's just class she's really good at everything and also like if I go

listen I've been offered this I need to be away like we got home from Rome last night like six o'clock went and picked Alex up she's working today she's got to take him to football I was like oh I might need to go to London

do this to this she's like yeah that's cool it's just great yeah she's so sound what annoys me parenting wise not much she moans at me a lot for like leaving like jumpers downstairs I'm bad for that.

Yeah. And I always overestimate that. I think I'm cold. And about time I've put it on, I'll get down and say it's a motel again. Before you know, Rob's left some pants on the sofa because he's got changes to another bar. So I walk out to school,

come back and it's, I've put like a t-shirt, a jump in a jacket on, so I'm too hot and I'll leave the jump by there. But that'll make it's way upstairs eventually. Some things with me, it could be a few days. It could, and she'll get pissed off of that.

Yeah, lose wading through pants in my arm. I'm laying on the kitchen side. Why is there a pair of pants in the fridge? It makes me feel good to put on a cold pair. Pants in the fridge as I shoot, by the way. He'd love that. You get a fridge in every regional theatre. Put my clean pants in the fridge.

Could I have an ice bucket for my pants, please? Straight to bed after running. That's all I'm saying. You could put your pants in a, like a waterproof bag and then put them in the bucket of ice. Right. And they would be so... Just no, it's fine, Rob. One final question.

You're all wife's laying in bed. You've been out for a run. You come out, take all your clothes off. Sometimes, Rob. Sometimes you just have to... Oh, she would see... Get in the bed, you're smearly bastards.

That's what she would see. Yeah, but you've got to remember, Rob. I'm currently not in the bed. Oh, to be fair to Josh, he does sleep on the floor every night. And that's not banter. What? Situation with our kids.

Oh. Yeah. So he sleeps on a mattress on the floor next to the cats. It's lovely. No, not next to the cats. Oh, one got in with me last night. It was so good. Perhaps they could smell me.

I'd had a shower though because I went out for dinner last night So you had a shower after dinner? No, before. Okay, just checking. And then kept my watch on, which Ray thought was completely normal and then you moved on

because you were worried, he was sad. It's not completely normal. Watch for sleep, but I don't mind that. Yeah. But if you're taking off of running, there's no consistency. Okay.

You've got a garment? Yeah. You don't have big garment energy. No. I think you wish looks too small for it. Have a look at the cover of Runner's world in March and come back to me. That is the best mate drop of it.

I'm very adamantly. Right, thank you very much. Thanks, guys. Ray Bradshaw. Ray, Bradley Bradshaw. That was good, wouldn't it? I loved it. He done well to switch it back on us at the end.

Yeah, yeah. He really got us in position. There we go. I know what's coming. Well, you've moved seats because that's how we do the intros and outtros. After discussion about being a bit dirty and you think I'm too cleanly.

I've got some mud on my jeans. It's mud. How do you know? because I know where it's come from. Where has it come from? I took my daughter to horse riding last night. And you were in the same dirty clothes from last night? Well, I put on a pair of wellies over them,

so I don't know how the mud's got there. So that you got it from the horse riding? I don't know if I could, could I? It's too low. It's below a whelly level, because I'm a wherry-wowerer now. Oh, hello? You gave me shit for being a wherry-werellower. I love wearing a whirley.

It's fun, isn't it? I think the feeling that you can just walk through a puddle is incredible. It does make you feel powerful. It does. You're like, fuck it, that puddle's there, and I'm taking it. Do you know what I hate about shoes is putting my little finger at the back bit to get my healing? Yeah. Don't need to.

Don't need to. Do you consider a shoe horn? No, but I have thought about waders. Because if you like wellies, you're going to love waders. You don't have to just pull them over your shoulders. Oh my God. Slipping over the shoulder. I've always wanted to go in a lake up to my waist and get something out.

Yeah, I bet that's nice. I bet the feeling of it. But I haven't got it. a lake or waders, so I'm really at crossroads. Give it time. Give it time. We'll probably film that. I'll still tell them on TikTok. And at some point we'll freeze our pants and try them on and see how

that goes. Pop my pants in the fridge and see how we go. Let's know what you think about the pantsing. I do think maybe you might think that's excessive, but I like it and I feel fresh and clean. Josh, I'll see you next week. See you next week. Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes, it's Josh Rulikam here.

I have got a new podcast, Josh Whiticom's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it, I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me, and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do. why I made this podcast I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture

in the way other podcasts do for drier topics. See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realized Millie Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr. Blobby. When Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers, ghosts were real, when a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from You Two and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the

maddest things in modern or ancient history. Stiffnecks will learn, lose next will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday. Perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on. You might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcast now. me Josh Whitacom available everywhere from the 1st of January.