Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP23: The One Where Rob Poops The Bed

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... in this episode Rob has a bowel accident while filming abroad and gets mugged by a monkey. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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My lips are sealed. Marvel Television's Wonder Man. All eight episodes now streaming. Only on Disney Plus. This episode is presented by Adobe Acrobat Studio. Josh, as a new parent, you get loads of information just chuffed at you. Oh, mate, it never ends, does it? And it's so difficult to know what's helpful, what's important,

what I should be ignoring, what I should hold dear to my heart. It just goes on and on. Well, imagine that's your job dealing with tons of data and information. No, no, no, no, thank you. I would be appalling of that. Well, luckily, Acrobat Studio exists. With PDF spaces, you can turn your docs into knowledge. It lets you bring all your project files into an...

AI powered workspace to get insights and ideas. So people can cut through the waffle, work smarter and save time and get on with the stuff they really want to do. But the big question is, will it tell me how to get my children to eat vegetables? Do that with Acrobat. Learn more and try it out on Adobe.com. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Can Freddy say Rob?

Bob. Beckett. Beckett. Well, darn. Can you say Josh? Dad. Widicum. Dad. Oh, you're so clever.

Overencouraging in my views. Oh, wow. Wow. I like what Freddie did there. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. Binge listened to every episode. Sometimes laughing so hard, people have stopped me to ask what I'm listening to.

Wow. I've never done that. Mate, it must be like people she knows at that office. Yeah. Like, giggling. Not just in the street. Like, what are you laughing? I do get that sometimes.

Yes, my two-year-old Freddie saying your names. Thanks for the last. Chloe and Cambridge. P.S. We'll be buzzing if my timing has worked, and I get to hear this when listening next. She's gone 747. She's on 747.

A.m. Yesterday. On a Monday morning. So, full disclosure to the guys, we no longer just record on Monday mornings. Our guest episodes, which are the ones where we use, you know, maybe three in a day,

so you've got more chance. Yeah. You've just got to work out those days. Maybe if you see me on a train. Yeah. Or if you see Rob. on a train coming into London at 9 a.m.

You know there's some hot podcasting going down. Full disclosure, we've overrun slightly, we've eaten too much lunch, my belly's hurting, and Michael, should Michael just shout when we've done a... I've got fucking Leon chicken wrap halfway down with the throat.

Oh my word. I keep that you don't know the old dad's chicken. Oh dear. I don't know we're struggling because Michael's trying to do his cough while I'm doing my cough. So he can get a cough out and it don't run the edit. I don't really do it.

went for yeah I had a chicken wrap and some fries and an extra pot of chicken on the side why do you have so much chicken protein gains right okay are they kicking in not yet so Michael shout when we've done enough Josh Abe in very good oh got a message about Michael Michael Michael Marvin yeah the chicken coughing throat guy yeah yeah from Got a DM from someone who had seen Michael performing with his... What's his other pod? Oh yeah, I've heard about this. I didn't know he was so wrapped up in this little thing

because I did... Is that called What happened yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Very good pod with Max Rushden, David O Docherty. Seek it out. I appeared on that. Did you?

Enjoyed it. Michael asked me too. Little did I know, his filthy little paws were getting a kickback. He's their main guy. He's their main guy. He's doing what he does to us with them Well He's fucking two other men

This is what happened Rob He's audio fucking them According to this message we got Yeah They did a live show Yeah And they brought him out on stage And he got a standing O

He got a standing ovation Do you talk on their podcast Yeah but very infrequently I'm more of an exec now But I was there for the live show in Dublin Oh Are you more of an exact on ours Or are you still at a producer

level. Well, at the moment, is he'd be on a curtain eating chicken like some sort of fucking nut gate. How was the standard ovation? Good. I enjoyed it. Thank you to the lovely people of Dublin. I can see why it's addictive, though, getting an ovation. The day I get one of them, I'll get addicted.

When I did my London Palladium shows, I didn't get many standing evasions. I keep on evasion. Ovation. Ovation. Ovation. Ovation. Ovation. Ovation.

Ovation. That says a lot. Is it outstanding ovation? Yeah. Ovation. But I did, when I was finishing, so I put my microphone back in and they just cheered for ages.

Yeah. And didn't let me speak in a nice way. This is the problem. Well, this isn't the reason I don't get standing emotions. Go ahead. But also, where I to see someone starting to stand, I'd panic and leave the stage. Because you assume they're leaving the gig?

Well, no, because I just think this is awkward for all concerned. Let's end this now. Oh, no, I'll stand there and take it. Yeah. But anyway, well, how do you feel about Michael doing things of other men? Turned on. Yeah, I know, I like his foot spa, but I thought this is our little thing. And now he's over there going, oh, what did you do yesterday?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about I tell you what I did last fucking week? Just saying, whatever I do on that podcast, you both earn from it. I'm earning from that? Yeah. I can carry on, son. Happy to oblige, get me back on. Yeah.

Are we? Great, great news, eh? What are your favourite pods? Well, I'll tell you, make sure you listen to whatever happened on the day before. Give yourself a little listen to mine of 24 hours.

24 hours in podcast custody. Even if you don't want it, just set it going at the top and just leave your Spotify playing, I say. No, it is a good podcast and I enjoyed it. Do you want to love about that podcast? The money? No, I didn't even know.

I can't be much. I've not fucking noticed it. I noticed you've built a concern. I presume that was the what did you do yesterday? What did I do yesterday? That's fuck all thanks to you. All right. This is a very relatable.

Oh, I've got Aaron ringing me. Who's that from? I don't know. I just said that. You know, it's one of them things where your phone starts interviewing people that ring you. What? It's a thing on like iPhones. I don't know.

I've got an iPhone. There's a thing on phones now. If they get an unknown number call, your phone will go, oh, Rob's busy right now. What's your name and what are you ringing about? And then it tends you a text of what's going on. Oh, wow. This is Aaron ringing from it.

It's a cold call thing. So I'm sorry. I did a burp then. I'd hate to work as a cold caller. Would you? Yeah. Cold call me now. What are you selling?

Try and get me a new phone deal. Hello? Hello. Is that Rob Beckett? Yeah, yeah, it is. Who's calling? I was at your Palladium show. Yeah.

I gave you a standing evasion the other day, actually. Thank you. Yeah, I thought. So, have you got my number? Oh, because it's in direct, it's in direct, Inquiries. I'm sorry, where are you ringing

from 1988 7? Not with the phones I've got an offer. Oh, yes! I'm ringing from 2050. That's a warm call.

Yeah, maybe I'd be quite good at it. You would. I think you've got a cheeky charm and because you're... But the problem is they make you stick to script too much. I'd probably be sacked for that.

Do you know what I mean? Because for going off piece of a little bit of witty banter. Yeah, yeah, maybe. Well, yeah, I'm not sure what the director in quarries sack impology's, is. Well, it'd be like

you'd be whoever you're working for. Did we have a Leon or acid? I don't know what's happened to us. Oh, that's for a rap, if you know what I mean? SNLUK, I've been sharing a office with them. Oh, the studio, the last leg's been showing the studio with them. Yep. So Fridays, I'm in the heart of SNLUK. You're in the heart of youth comedy? In the heart of

youth comedy? Yeah. Saturday Night Live, UK, for those, the uninitiated. Oh, yeah. I'm not really a cross-American comedy, Rob? No. I'm just not. No. I'm just not... And that's fine. That's fine. Yeah. You know downstairs at the BBC? Yeah. Where the dressing rooms. And then there's like, at the end, there's like a glass little writer's room.

Yes. So my friend James Farmer's working on SNOUK. You're right, Michael. Michael, what are you rummaging for in there? Rennies. I was just trying to find some painkillers. Pain killers, fucking. Do you know what his order was? What? He ordered a chicken wrap. Yeah. Large portion of the home fries.

Yeah. And six chicken nuggets. What? And they're big old nugs in Leon. Yeah, they're way too big. There's a lot of chicken breast in there. Did you eat it all? I left one single nugget.

That's a guilt thing. That's a guilt thing. We've all done that. Throwing away the last piece of the cake. I haven't eaten that much because I didn't eat all six of the giant fucking nugs. See who's dressing rooms? Oh yeah, you know that glass writer's room. It's kind of frosted.

I could see those people in there. So I thought I'd go and say hi to James Farmer, my friend. Yeah. The door was ajar. Yeah, so you're popular-head in. Like Brent when he's been... Yeah, yeah. I'm right, I said, sorry, I was just going to say hello to James Farmer, so hello.

My friend. So you didn't know any other people in the room? I know it's Gronia McGuire, how I know as well. So I said, oh, hi, Gwanya. Look at my own. I didn't notice anyway. How many people in there? Ten?

Oh, that's a busy room to go into, say hello to one. It's small as well, yeah, yeah. Because also, as well, I wouldn't expect 10 people to be in that size room. No. You're looking at four to six tops. It was knee-touchingly small. Right, okay. I leave.

Anyway, it turns out one of those people was Tina Faye and I didn't recognize her. Oh, because she's in there because she's doing the first one. Oh, she's been in for ages then? James Farmer described it as the biggest power play of all time because I've essentially gone in there. Yeah. Stuck my head and gone. James Farmer? You're right.

And then I've looked at her, ignored her. Yeah. And left. Wow. So you've gone in there and ignored a woman. I've gone in there and ignored a woman who's... A Hollywood star. A Hollywood star.

Yeah, what's she been in? 30 Rock. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've actually met her before. I don't watch a lot of men. I watch American stand-ups. I don't watch much American TV.

No, when people talk to me about American comics, I'm often panicking that I don't know who they're talking about. And you sort of have to nod and pretend. They'll be like, oh, God. It's like John Mullaney, isn't it? And I think... John Mullaney is a comedian. I know.

Sorry? John Malaney, the American comedian. Isn't it? John Maloney? John Maloney's the British one who does the comedy store. Yeah, him, that's what I was thinking of. Who's John Malaney?

John Malaney is... How you kids? Incredibly famous American comedian. Right, I don't know. I've never heard his name before. Okay. I like Chevy Chaser. I actually do.

I'm going to say it. I couldn't pick Chevy Chaser out of a lineup. Yeah. Is it live? he is yeah he's apparently everyone he's really different it's a good documentary about him because he was absolute knob to people and people didn't like him which is quite good to watch anyway so Karen John Malo

John Malo John Mollon some more American comedians what are we doing you just saying them and I see if I know them well that seems to be where we've got to yeah go on then um Wippie Goldberg Mike Babiglia we interviewed him yeah we interviewed him

yeah I thought I'd get you then I'm panicked yeah I'm out Michael for the end of the show could you write a list of five American comics, some of which are real and some of which aren't. He's knee-deep in indigestion here. That's quite a fun quiz though. Yeah. If you can, mate, if not

just sit there and just trying to internalise those coughs and burps. Yeah, but you would for Max and David, I imagine. How was your trip to wherever you went? Panama. Malaysia. Malaysia. So I've got things I want to tell you

parenting-wise and we'll go back to Malaysia. I've got loads of parenting. It happened this morning. I went to my daughter's 7.000. Oh yeah, which was nice. So I had to move things around, but went to my daughter. Are the parents invited or did you just turn up? No, parents were invited and it was an assembly about, let me just double check this. So I don't want to say it wrong and get told off.

First thing I noticed, the head teacher is a fucking G. She, like a gangster. Thank God for that. Thought you're about to get cancelled for something I didn't understand. I know, like she's really, like, she walked in, right? All the kids sat on the floor, teachers on the side, parents are the back on chairs, right? just from the class that are doing the assembly. She walks in, they're all chatting away the kids,

which is fine. They've been filing in in. She puts her hand in the air. The head teacher. The head teacher just stands the front hand in the air. There's like all fingers out, high five in the air like that, right? The kids had noticed put the hand up like that.

Then she slowly puts one finger in to make it four fingers up. Yeah. Then down... I understand the other next. Okay. I'm just adding a bit of theatre to this. We've got a tight schedule on this. Yeah, no, yeah, but let's not let the schedule get in the way of great content.

Okay. I'm just sitting the same. seen her. We're going back to it, are we? Yeah, yeah. So she's got four fingers up. Then the other kids do that and they move a digit and then he goes down to, so what she's doing is counting down. Yeah, yeah. So she's teaching the maths at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so she's getting their attention, right that. And then as she's doing it, each kid notices and slowly gets quiet and quiet. It's a good move. Right, and then she gets down to one. Yeah. But she gets a finger, pulls it down and puts in front of her. A mouth. And goes, mouth, sorry,

and goes, shh. Oh. Complete silence. Complete, wow. Powerful. Powerful. Powerful. Anyway, did you put your arm up? No, no, no, I was just watching. Like, wow, what's going to happen here? And then I'm nudgy, Luke, I'm watching her hand up. But then you see the fingers come. I'm like, I think she's doing a countdown. And Lou's like, yeah, I know.

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Enjoy in-store prices without leaving your home. You'll find the same regular prices online as in store. Many promotions are available both in store and online, though some may vary. Anyway, so they do the assembly, and the assembly is all about strong women, inspirational women. Okay? So what they do is they talk about inspirational women, and then each child in a line goes through. They hold up a picture and say, this is the most inspiring woman in my life. Yeah.

Okay? So we've got... Lou's thinking, this better be fucking me. otherwise I'm yeah so it starts off though there's like Ariana Grande Billy Elish there's Chloe Kelly Karen Karen Carney you know and all that and I love that she inspires me because I love football and she's a brilliant footballer and all this then she went on Strictly and showed the world she's so brilliant on Straitly Karen Carney you can do two anyway so it's really sweet and really

and then there are some things of like a lady up this is my auntie she's been very kind to me and looked after me some people's parents have you were thinking bore off come on what about one of the gladiators but some of the father there's a lot of athletes and stuff and then some of the family members that haven't been maybe not

haven't been well but then they've got well and it's very inspiring and very heart-wrenching and lots of people talking about their mums and stuff like that right so I'm saying it gets to our daughter right she whips up you've got no idea

she's not mentioned anything the only thing she said is are you coming to assembly and went yes and she was very excited because I've been away I went what's it about she went I'm not telling you I'm not telling you or mummy

so I'm like oh maybe it's about Lou it's going to be yeah anyway she whips up the photo Josephine Baker who's that

you tell me mate Josephine Baker do you know who she is she was a well she's very dear to your daughter well she's a dancer

that was born in 1906 that was in the civil rights movement who used to dance and then refused to go to places that had segregation and, you know, aspiring woman. And my daughter's decided that's the most inspiring woman in her life. Yeah, and what about her story doesn't speak to a white eight-year-old from Kent in 2026?

That doesn't like dancing. That doesn't like dancing. And so, so, yeah, so we're sat there. What was Lou's reaction when Joseph, was Lou thinking this is going to be me? I've got a number two Sunday times are here. Well, yeah, I mean, at that problem, We were thinking, oh, maybe, what more do I need? Because of the timing, when this was being put together,

it was at the time when Lou was doing a lot of solo parenting. I was away a lot, and she'd written this book, and we'd had a dinner to celebrate it, and it was a big moment. So I was thinking, oh, God, she might do this for Lou. Anyway, we'd been separated slightly me and Lou, where, you know, as you come in, there weren't enough seats, so she was sat like a few down from me. Yeah.

Anyway, so I didn't really see a reaction like that, and then I would come over, and I said to my daughter, I went, to, um, Josephine Baker. She goes, yeah. I went, I've never heard you mention her ever. Ever. Yeah, no, yeah, I haven't really.

Why did you pick her then? They said just pick her, inspire a woman. So I just found her and did her. Literally couldn't give a shit about Josephine Baker. But to be fair. I don't know where she's found her, though. She's just... She's more inspiring than the other...

So has it not come up in class? I mean, to be fair, I had five minutes with her, and I had to stop Lou from directly questioning her why she didn't pick Lou. Because Lou didn't want to be that mum, but also did want to be that mum, but she wasn't that mum. She kept it to herself. But, you know, so, James Bing Baker was American-French dance to sing on actress. Her career was centred primarily in Europe, mostly in France.

She was the first black woman to star on a major motion picture, the 1927 French silent film, Siren of the Tropics. I mean, this is the most niche. reached out hard he would struggle with this kind of niche filmmaking but I think she's just

Googled it it's a Josephine Baker now I keep sending Lou photos of Josephine Baker but she's never mentioned and she's an inspiring woman yeah very important historically

fair enough but it was arguably she's done more than Ariana Grande I'd say she definitely has but yes but it was very weird because everyone was doing

like a family member or an athlete or a pop star or someone in popular culture or someone in popular culture or someone who placed them. Oh, they're like, oh, they're an amazing football or whatever. And it was just like, she stood up and whipped this photo off when Josephine Baker.

I'm in the parallel universe. Was she one of the lionesses? She paid a left back, didn't she? Is that one of the real names of the gladiators? Anyway, so, yeah, it just would crack me up today. Yeah, that's good. We had Rose's birthday, Rob. I left you with the cliffhanger.

Oh, balloons. Yeah. Yeah. This is a great thing about living in Exeter, Rob. Oh. You just can't do this in London You simply can't do this in London Okay

We just went into a shop Yeah Called streamers Shout out to streamers Yeah Just an independent run family party shop Yeah Just bought some balloons

Yeah So then Yeah Six quince each for a balloon How much did you pay in before Fucking loads I did say Yeah

Because you're getting them sent to you Because you're so used to living in East London Where there is no shops That sell you useful things things. An organic loaf. Yeah. But can you get a number four,

an inflatable 43? No, you fucking can. What I would say is so, Josh, this thing isn't like, sort of just like, if you lived a bit further

out of London or even in a bit of London, not full of hipsters, that you would, like, because I could do that in Bromley, which is technically London. Well,

well, well, no, but you could, you could do that. Don't, don't tell you, Les. You could,

if you lived in Soho, you could have done that. I'd rather die. Yeah. I don't think that would solve any... No, but what I'm saying is... If I lived in Soho, Rob, I would have a breakdown within 24 hours

because I'd try and go to get a pint of milk in the morning and there'd be people coming back from a night out... Jizzed off their face. No, but what I'm saying is there are bits of London where that is still a possibility you're in a bit more of a hipstery bit. Yeah. Actually, it's interesting you say that.

Thank you. Because we went back to London this weekend. Yeah. So it was... my daughter's friend's birthdays. Yeah. So we thought, why don't we spend a weekend in London?

It was Mother's Day. It's a nice thing to do. Yeah. East London makes me feel really, really stressed. This is great. See what this feels like? It feels like, when Big Ange went on the overlap

and just slacked off Tottenham. Yeah. I love this energy about you. For people that don't know, Big Ange, he's a football manager because it does feel like he's a character in EastEnd. Yeah, Big Ange used to,

basically hated Pat Butcher. Big Ange used to manage Tottenham He got sacked by Tottenham They've got worse since he's gone Then another manager got sacked And then the day that manager got sacked He was on the biggest, one of the biggest football podcast And he was basically

Not one of the biggest podcasts Going in on Tottenham The way you're going in on East London Yeah I like the people that live there Yeah But he's totally impractical as a way to live Yeah

And no So I feel like I'm interviewing myself On this podcast three years ago Yeah no amount of new restaurants that do small plates makes up for the lack of things you can do with your kids or the ease you can get stuff it's an amazing place to live if you haven't got kids I think

yeah I agree with kids it's hard it's wild how are your friends getting on them with kids there oh they're deep in the collate right so they're into that vibe they love small plates and they don't want party stream of butt balloons no they love small plates they want to start worrying about

secondary schools at the 8 of six because the options are so bad. Okay. Is that the vibe? That's the vibe. My child either gets education or they're in a gang. Yeah. They're the two options. But that barata,

do you know my problem I realized? Look, they've been carrying a zombie knife to school, but we don't want to lose a crockett. We love these crockets. I was walking, so I'm doing my, I'm filming my show at my, what you'd call it, special. That's such an Americanism.

I struggle with that. You're sorry. I'm just filming my tour show. It's not a special. There's nothing special about it. Everyone's fucking doing them. Well, no, not everyone. Like most of the public.

No, but most comedians are, it's not a special. Okay. It's a fine. You're filming you're fine. I'm filming my fine. When are you filming you fine? May. In Hackney.

Right, but when's the tour finish? It's the last night. But you're not doing it? You're not adding on the tour in this country? No. You're done in May, so you're finishing. Yeah. Lovely. I'm lovely.

So I'm filming my fine. Yeah. I was staying in a hotel in. We were staying in Shortwich. Yeah. Because everything we were doing was in East London. Yeah. And I thought I walked to Hackney Empire.

Yeah. The problem I had with East London. So why did you walk there to see the venue? I had 40 minutes to kill. I thought I'd rather walk. Oh, we had to go and do a wreck. Oh, for your special. We had to go and have a look at it.

Let's go and have a look at it. Meet the lighting guy. Got it. All that kind of stuff. Yeah, and, you know, offer opinions on things, which I, opinions, I'm just manufacturing off the cuff and will stay with me forever. Okay. You're making decisions in the immediate moment about stuff you don't really understand, but it will define how the special goes forever and ever. Exactly.

Yeah, perfect. The fine. The fine, sorry. Yeah. I can't got, I just want to. What are you wearing for your fine? Well, we had a discussion because I wear a feeler top on tour. as to whether I can clear the feeler logo.

Right. Where is it going to be on telly? Do you know you? That's the kind of discussion we were having. Yeah, so you're a little sticker. What was the saying? When's it out? God knows. How would I know that?

I'm not going to watch it. So you have... I love my tour show. I'm delighted with my tour show. I'm delighted it's being filmed. You're not going to sit down and put it on. But I'm not going to put it on. Which comedians do that?

Oh, I can tell you a few. Do you know the fact that they... No, no, no. feet up having a watch. Yeah. I think there's one thing watching it when it's been at. I can't, I struggle with it, but some people, if you're editing it, getting it ready,

you have to watch it. But do you think there's anyone that goes, oh, I've got a couple of hours spare, I might stick on my special from 2011. No. I think you'd have to be sectioned if you did that. Yeah. I've got a name.

Will you bleep it out, Michael? They definitely do this. I could imagine this person doing it. Oh, yeah. 100%. Could you also cover my mouth there, Michael, because there's been a new story about the royals being lip-rad. So we need to start doing that.

I'm like a football. Yeah. Okay. I'll tell you. I don't need to cover mine to ear anyway, do I? Anyway, so you walked over there 40 minutes to have a look. My problem with East London is there's no centre, there's no middle ground. So it's either a chicken box blowing along the street and hitting into a.

man sleeping under a sleeping bag. Yeah. Or it's a pottery studio. And there's just nothing in between. Yeah, it's like very twee and hipster or like quite, you know, rough and ready. And so suddenly you move out of London. Yeah.

Even to Bromley's a good example. And you go, oh, wait a minute. 90% of the country are living with these quite normal shops. Yeah. 90% of the country just go to Top Shop doesn't still exist

Our price Our price or Walworths And that's why the high street is thriving I'm still getting my head right But do you know what I mean But so you don't have a good time at the party And it was a nice thing you're friends She had a lovely time at the party

It was so nice to see our friends She had lovely time on Saturday with her friends Saturday evening I went to Aylesbury Yep Great example of the high street Yeah Lovely place Did my gig in Aylesbury

Came back you know It was all nice. Yeah. But my God, I was relieved to get, to see some grass. Yeah. Well, that's so you've made a good move. You've made a good move. I didn't even mean to talk about that.

I don't know why I got into that. I don't know. What was you talking about? But, you know, do watch my special when it's on TV. You're fine. Talk about TV. Yes. Tell me about Malaysia.

So you're away from your kids for two weeks. That was really hard. Did not like that. No. First week was fun, enjoyed the show. second week enjoyed the show but there was a problem yeah well one of the highlights of the trip though which i think you'll enjoy is i made friends with my driver oh yeah so we have a driver local guy so not like you called daffi duffy now daffy's english i'd probably say i'm better at malaysian

than he is at english no one do you make friends with him right but like he he had his english was okay but because of my accent so how far was he having to drive you you weren't in a hotel on set i was in a hotel and then we'd drive half an hour like into the jungle Right. So I was in a nice hotel, but every day was in the jungle or the different scene. We had to get boats to go to different locations. I've never gotten with someone so well for years, but we couldn't speak. You just kiss?

No, but like, we just used words and noises. So you know when Carlos Tevez, juicing Park and Patrice Evra were all best mates at Man United? I didn't know this, right? So Tevez only spoke Spanish. Yeah. Park only spoke Korean. Yeah, Korean. And Patrice Devere could speak French and Spanish.

Right. So he was a bit of a link because he could speak to Tevers, but no one could speak to Park. Park, yeah. And I was starting to think, well, this is, imagine, because I was like, well, how did that work? But I've sort of experienced it where, like, we'd say stuff like, because there was monkeys in Malaysian.

I'd say like, oh, like, would you go, ooh, ooh. No, but like monkey. And I point, and then he knew that there's that monkey. And then it was like, say, brown monkey, bad, black monkey, good and I was saying being like naughty monkey and he was just laughing at my voice and I was laughing his voice and we just sat there pissed ourselves laughing great it's got a great time of him and then he wore a top of him shirt so I bought him an arsenal shirt oh I got a photo of me and Daffi in the answer shirt so that was all good the problem was oh the monkeys are I hate monkeys

I used to think I like monkeys yeah that cheeky little monkeys yeah these brown ones are awful yeah the black ones are very calm the brown ones so what they do is they're not allowed to see you with food. So if you've got food on you, they'll just follow you and try and grab it and rip it off you. So you're in the car at this point or you're on set? So they're floating around everywhere but back at the hotel, some of them are in the hotel grounds, right? And then unfortunately for me, I was coming out and by this point, this is that something to talk to about. The second week of filming went a bit bad because I had a bad stomach. Oh yes, a horrendous illness. So my problem is I'll go to the country, I'll get well involved. I've got

the ice. I've got the ice. I'm eating in the local food. I'm drinking in the local river. I'm fucking in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then normally what happens is, because I've shipped myself in Indonesia now, India and Malaysia. Yeah. That's the top three.

Three eyes. I just think my body... Through the eyes of a needle. Yeah, all three needles. And I just think I'm too white, and I'm from too much peasant stock to travel this much. Yeah. I shouldn't be there.

I've got these... A box of Nature Valley cereal bars. The only things I can eat, right? Anyway, as we're driving home, Daffee knows I've got a bad belly, but you don't know the severe. Because we can't speak neither do we so you're gonna need to give us well I lost four kilos at one point and I I must have I shapped Brown water for

Nearly four days in a row and I shacked my bed Oh my and I've never shut my bed before. Oh my god, have you ever shot your bed? Not in my conscious memory. No, I shat my bed That it's a horrible horrible thing say I thought me through what happened when you shut your bed I just woke up in the morning. Oh, so it didn't wait you? I see it didn't wait you? No, I'm sorry No. It would just fallen out of your ass. Yeah.

Was it dry or was it wet? It was dry. It looked like a makeup smear or like a faked hand smear as opposed to a log. So here's the decision then. Yeah. Do you alert the hotel to what's happened? Do you ball up the, I think, can I say what I'd do? I'd be too gutless to tell them.

So I think I'd strip the bed myself. But also the language barrier. Yeah. I just, I'm not, you know, I mean, what can you say? because he did like he won't a log I tell you if it was a log I'd have if it was a log I'd have jumped for joy yeah

but I hadn't seen one for days yeah it was just a smear that's a weird thing if I woke up and there'll be a lot he'd just been a solitary I don't think anyone shit the dead

a solitary Mr Whippy next to you I would have Joe what I would have been disgusting you kissed it like the World Cup finally I'm back no one's done a proper lock in you'd wake up halfway through

you wouldn't know I don't mean anyone jits of the bed is a long. Did you strip the bed? No. So what I did was... Oh, you just left it? There weren't loads.

It was just like a little... It looked like if a lady had loads of makeup or a man on their forehead and just wipe the bed in on their forehead. Yeah. That's what it looked like. So you presume that's what they thought. Yeah.

He's wiped the middle of the bed on his forehead. And then what I did was... At anus level. Yeah. And then, but what I did... But he would have easy to be able to just scrumple it all up and not touch it. So what I did was just when I saw that gizzi...

the next day I gave him some ring it. Some what? Ring it. The currency. Oh right. I thought that was like a kind of cleaning. I think that's what was wrong with me at one point. Got a bad case he'll ring it.

So it just came on out of nowhere. Did that mean you could and you could only eat nature's bars? Yeah, only eat nature. But then what happened was I had a really bad day, then I thought I'm all right again. Then I started eating again and it came again. Would you be in the jungle and you'd get the shivers and you'd be like, I need to get on the toilet.

It was awful. I had a fever. I was shaking. But there's no toilet in the jungle. I had a modium to stop my shit in, but then all that happened when I got home, I can't believe we're talking about this for so long. It only just started. So, yeah, but I'm wearing, like, white linen on the beach being filmed.

Yeah, of course you are. At any point here, I'm going to. All right, George Michael. So, anyway, I've got a bad day. So I'm in the car, that fish drive me back. I've got my nature bars, and then it's Ramadan. Yeah. So he pull over and goes, do you want some food, some local food?

The sun just gone down. I think they do a thing where they give out this sort of porridge, this rice soup thing. It weren't what I was after. No. When you have got a bad belly, you don't want to be given Ramadan soup for a window from a stranger. Oh, sorry, this wasn't from Daffee. No, so he just said, do you want some? I was like, what do you mean?

And it basically what happens is, and it's lovely. It's a real, like, I think. They go out and they give all the people in the town, give it to people driving past. It's a big celebration. They make it. And it's something like a local restaurant makes it for the, Right. But I'm not,

but I'm not to say no. I mean, I would have tried it if I wouldn't. Is it a takeaway situation? It's in a little, yeah. So I've now got, I've got a soup and a clear bowl and my nature bars.

Yeah. He takes you to the hotel. I get out and I walk along. I get to my hotel. It's like, one flight of stairs up. I get to the stairs. Show yourself. No.

It's a massive monkey staring me out. I'm holding food. Yeah. All I will do is go to bed. He stands up. chases me. You've got to just give up on the food, Rob. You don't even want the food.

So I do. So I throw that on the floor, which feels like I'm being disrespectful. But at the moment, I'm like, well, he's give it to me. I'm going to give it to the monkey. Yeah. And then I hide the nature bars up my jump because I can't lose them.

Because it ain't a lot. I can't have like a rang dang with a fucking fish sauce again. You know what I mean? I've got little nazat, all the local. Just stop speaking, Rob. Stop trying to name local.

So I'm hiding that up me jumper because I don't want them. And then I'm like, And I'm like trying to be nice to the monkey. And then I find out. Trying to be nice to the monkey? Yeah, like, I like, you know, okay. How big is this monkey? Like, is it physically scary?

I'd say this, this, the big one, he's probably about, he's only little. So you're not physically worried he's going to rip your face off? No, but bite me in rabies. If you had to find a human for a fair fight, or Warwick Davis, that kind of build. So I'm, I've hit that on me jumper. And then I'm trying to be like, that placid and, like, nice and. Because he had the Ramadan soup? Well, yeah, one's on that, but there's loads of them, isn't there?

They move in a pack. So then, but then I have to get the bloke at the hotel to, I went, help me, it's monkey, bad brown monkey. Right? Not the brown, not the nice black one. Yeah. So then he's, he was, I was like, well, he works this hotel, he'll know what to do in monkeys. Yeah.

So I'm following up. No, no, because this happens a lot. Yeah, I know. So we walk up the steps. and then he's that shoe-shoo-shoe the monkey then the monkey starts having to go at him and in the end he's just sort of the monkey starts scrared up of him

so I just sort of like push past him and run to the room and just leave him up and fuck but I spoke to Daffy and he said to me no teeth no teeth what does that mean? If you show your teeth to a monkey it means let's have a fight oh my god I can't do no teeth no teeth

I'm like bowling about starting on monkeys accidentally. So all these monkeys are starting on me because I'm smiley, smiley, tiffy, and they think I'm going like aggression. You're very calling card. Well, it's just the first thing you see. Yeah. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds.

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that was right a terrible time with the old stomach but yeah and how we then so you were filming in the day and then in the evenings you're just going to bed

and feel yeah because the first week I was having that went to golf We had a couple of drinks, but I'm just in bed all day. How much filming are you doing? So some days, very little. Some days, like, you go a 40-minute boat ride to an island in the middle of nowhere,

and then you're there all day and then get the boat back. So it's very dependent. And you're doing that with the shits. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, it was fine. Everyone really looked after in as lovely, but I was like, this is a bad. You know when you're away from home? And what's the show called?

Tempting Fortune. Tempting Fortune. Tempting Fortune. So if we watched the second. half of the series of Tempting Fortune, you're going to lose four kilos over the second half, and you're going to basically be between

shits and every link. Yeah, you could watch it and try and pick the point where I've lost four kilos and shit myself. Because also it's chronological, so it will have... Yeah, it will definitely be in order. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't, yeah, though. And when's it on?

I don't know. We don't know. We don't know. Why don't I did that fucking ass? That's a question, beyond my pay grade. But then I did, oh my God. When I could eat, I went back to Lancawe Airport and had a Burger King. Oh, yeah.

You're back. I had. Were you like Michael and Leon? It was like my first. It was my first, like, proper meal. Yeah. Because you just can't get dry toast in the jungle. You can't.

It's just not about. How would I have been as a veggie? Oh, those are vegetables. It's very spicy and curry. And it's beautiful. It's amazing. But it's not what you cannot eat. it with a bad belly. So basically

presuming there's another series how you're going to approach it? Are you going to take some extra stuff in case? Well, first of all, I'm going to take my mouth shut. I'm going to wear a face mask walking past monkeys. But I know I'm just going to hope for the best and just try and be a bit more sensible with food because I will eat anything, which is my

downfall in these countries sometimes. You've got to enjoy it. You've got to enjoy the local cuisine. Yeah, but I think I might have a few more chicken wraps. Yeah, yeah. If available. Well, you certainly started that today. Um, but then I ate at the Burger King. Like, I had a long chicken.

You know, it's a chicken, long chicken burger? Right, yeah, yeah, fine. I don't even, I don't, never have Burger King. Honestly, it was one of the best bills ever had in my life. And then when I got to the other airport, I had another one. Oh, my God. And then I had, so I basically had two Burger Kings in the space of like four hours. Four kilos back on.

Four kilos back on. I was on the plane. I woke up, and I had so much salt. I woke up. I've never woken up like this before. I woke up because my tongue was fizzing. I was like You know

It felt like It was like Someone had turned my tongue on Oh my word And I'm like And I'm like And it took 14 hours Because I had to go around

Oh my God Which is you know Was part of you thinking Let's gamble Look mate I've had a terrible time This is fucking Sling it straight across

Tehran It's right the dice What's the worst thing could happen Well the good news Is you had that When you were out there Because if that had kicked in Oh my God

on the plane. And you were doing it on the plane. Yeah, so luckily, that's happened twice now of India. It was just, I had it before, but apologies for how much. Oh, it's good to know. And so, what was it like when you got home? So we got home and then I got home and we, I landed at 5.30 in the morning and then I took the kids. What do you want to do?

Because I was like, I haven't seen them. Weekend or? Weekend, yeah. We went, uh, we went to gravity trampoline park at Blue Water. And it was quite full on. But it kept me awake. And then, um, I, in the evening because I was like got to 8 o'clock and I was like,

I was so jet lagged and tired. I was like, I've got to try and stay awake, because if I got to sleep now, I'll just wake up at 2 a.m. for the whole day. And I was like, I went, I went, what I'm going to do is I'm going to stand on the stairs because it's dangerous. I won't fall asleep and I'll be awake.

Nearly fell down the stairs. Yeah, of course. Because I was afraid of sleep stood up on the stairs. What time is this? Eight o'clock. I'm standing on the stairs because I won't fall asleep from still on the stairs. Oh, it was horrible.

But yeah, well happy to be back now. Two weeks is a long time missing the kids. So it was difficult, especially when you're ill. But I think if I wasn't was ill, it would have been a bit easier. Is it nice to hear, like, get back and hear, like, your daughter talking about Josephine Baker and stuff around the house and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, I mean, that's what I missed when I was away. Yeah, yeah. I haven't had a chat with my daughter about Josephine Baker for ages.

We'll do that. But, yeah, we're back now, and I'm back for a little bit while. We've got a nice holiday plan, so spent plenty of time with the kids. But, yeah, we were basically ringing at 745. UK time when it just before school and then that was my like 345 in the afternoon

and that worked quite well and if anyone that is working away rather than doing it on Zoom we did it on just audio and it was done on the school run in the car so that then there was a definitive end point where they were going in for the day rather than getting a bit sad and down

because I wasn't there you know because it's hard for them and then when I come in my daughter like I gave a big hug and then like I could hear a crying in my ear I was like oh bless her anyway but yeah no all good but yeah happy to be back and you know rescuing lou from another two weeks from a solo parenting

oh my god yeah how was it for lou oh yeah well she got a skip which i think is a emotional support vehicle yeah and it just loaded it full of crap oh really yeah had a bit of a clear out she reorganized we've got this little like cupboard like the pantry we call it little cupboard where we keep her like the beans and stuff and it's an absolute fixed-time mess lou reordered it honestly i don't know if i'm middle-aged but i nearly got an erection It was so good And she's built like Do you think she's had that

Building up Through writing the book Through promoting the book Through selling the book And now she's like Now I can finally do the pantry Yeah she did It looked great

And she got little These little like levels So like Like it's like seating It's like rate seating For the baked beans Oh But we have got 25 cans of baked beans

Because Lou always puts it On the food order But we couldn't see what we had before Yeah of course We're new people You'll work through them On Maryquondo Mary Cuondo

She's the Marie Condo Mary Quant is the Queen of Shops And Marie Condo is the tidy woman That's hard isn't it It's very similar things Right see you later Oh that was timing

I love the way he screams out of chicken cough That was 50 minutes We both felt like we'd come to a natural end And Michael Did you feel that Michael? No he's a good at he Yeah Okay, Rob, now for a special part of the show.

I'm very excited to bring you. Go on. I've named it myself. Pocket money memories. There we go. A bit of nostalgia. Little bit of nostalgia. We're going to look back to our childhoods,

but specifically, little thing called pocket money. Up for that? And it's brought to you by Monzo, who have an award-winning kids account. They do. They do. And they are the experts when it comes to kids of money. Go on then, Rob.

What was your pocket money situation as a kid? Pocket money for me was a bit loose. It wasn't a defined amount. But obviously we get money at Christmas and birthdays and the odd money from granders. So I always felt like there was a little pot of money. It's bubbling along. I remember I always wanted money for holidays.

So I'd save... And then I would get pocket money for chores if I cut the grass and wash it to cars. But I would save money for the football shirts. I got pocket money for my grand rather than my parents. Yeah. Weekly, she'd give me 10p for every year of my age. 70p when I was 7, 80p when I was 8.

So I had my jar. Did you have a piggy bank? Why did you keep your money in? I used to keep it in my shoe. What? I used to put my money in a shoe, like my dad. Yeah. So I do think it's important to explain to children how to save money.

Because the interest in his shoe wasn't that good. No, of course it was. Well, a great interest rate. No, of course not. I'd say that money was stagnating in that shoe. He'd have been much bad doing the Monzo. Did you ever lose pocket money or waste it on something? Looking back was a bad decision?

I made some bad decisions, but I think you have to learn by them. Did you buy a boom box? No, I bought a Walkman that was rubbish that only had fast forward. No play? No, I'm sorry, I had play. No. But you couldn't rewind. Say I played a song.

Yeah. And then I wanted to hear it again. I'd have to turn the tape over and fast forward the other way. To get back. To get back. That's stressful. Seven quid that. So that's ten weeks pocket money if I was seven.

That's a cheap walkman, isn't it? He was a very cheap woman. And that's a lot of saving. You're on 70p a week. I know, it's 10 weeks. It's a fifth of a year. That's 100 weeks. No, 7 pounds.

That's 70p. 10 weeks. I might start storing my money in a shoe. Not sure if banking's right for me. But it is for my kids with Monzo. Exactly. And well, that's the interesting thing, Rob. That's the interesting thing.

I'm still trying to work that seven maths out. How does your experience of pocket money affect your experience? now as a parent with kids with pocket money. Well, I had an incredibly different upbringing to what my children are having. What about you? Well, I... Did they never sit you, mum or dad to sit you down and talk you through banks? No.

And I haven't really with my kids. But my daughter gets pocket money every week and she saves it up and she buys stuff. Now we've got the difficult thing where my son's a different age to her. He's not old enough yet to have a savings situation. So we're kind of just buying him stuff that's equal value. you to what she, do you know what I mean? Do we start him on her level? Or then he's on quite a lot of money for a five year old once he hits five. Do you know what I mean? It's like, what do you do? I think they should be earning pocket money, not receiving it for just existing. The thing is,

Rob, looking back, learning to manage your money, learning what to do with your pocket money, they are important life lessons you learn at that stage. But now with Monzo, it is easier for parents to keep an eye on it. You can do so you can track what they're spending. You can get notification when they've spent, you can talk about them reaching spending limits. It's a much simpler time thanks to our good pals

at Monzo. On three? Monzo. Didn't he three? That's how insane we are. And whether it was us back in the day of our pocket money or kids now,

you can't be, as a kid, having some money, having your independence, and now having the opportunity to earn interest on that money. And also, having a cool coloured card, mate. Look at that.

Look at that. I can't tell you. how much I would like a debit card that colour. Little pink one. Little pink one. So I've got for. Yeah. One more of them, you're off, mate.

Oh, that's nice. I've got a yellow card. Yeah, yeah, there we go. Monzo's award-winning kids account. Download your favourite bank. For children aged 6 to 15, interest paid monthly. You can have £10,000 maximum in savings per child. Parent or Guardian account needed first.

UK residents only, Tise and Cs apply. Do you do a small business show out? Yeah, I've got one actually. Yeah. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'd love a small business show. help please. My name is Emily. I used to be a TV producer and worked with both of you. Worked with both of you and it went so well that I moved out of London and completely changed

careers. I've been a potter for many years and recently took the leap to follow my passion by opening my own pottery studio in Oxton, OXT-O-N Village on the Whirl. Called Seize the Clay. We run relaxed friendly pottery classes where people can learn wheel throwing and hand-building. We offer one-off taste. sessions if you fancy having a go on the wheel as well as six-week courses where you learn the whole process from throwing and trimming to glazing your finished

pots. We also offer studio membership for people who want regular access to the space to practice and develop their pottery skills. This is very simply done, isn't it? This is a TV person who knows what to play. She knows what to do it. She's getting to the point. You can find us at Seasethclay.com.uk

Or Instagram at Seasthe clay underscore pottery studio. Thanks so much, Emily. There you go. Good luck, Emily. Good luck, Emily. Also, book in there. You might get some goss about what we were like. Oh, yeah.

She'll be throwing a pot and telling you, you know, what the realities of television are really like. Oh, Josh is lovely. Everyone loves Josh. He's so lovely. What was Rob like? Oh, he's quite directing, a bit distant. Yeah, but that's why they love him.

I'm easy, though. Could be more distant, ideally. I've moved to Liverpool. I'm not demanding, I'd say that. Yeah. Just all needed a fresh, fresh bed. sheets and I'm good to go. Exactly.

Did it ever come back on you? What the shit? I had a shower. It was clean the next day and it was never mentioned. Yeah, but I did, I'll give him a big old ringet. Yeah, yeah. I gave him probably about 40 quid in ring it. Yeah, yeah.

And that's a lot of money there. Yeah. But he did have to roll up a bed sheet full of my shit. Yeah, fair enough. But I'd do that for 40 ring it, well? Yeah, no, 40 pounds. For 40 pounds, if I said to you, go in that room and bag, just pick up a thing and put it in that bag.

Would you do that? I'd travel to Bromley to do it, Rob. Fair enough. I'll see you on Thursday. Yeah. Saves Lua job. Do you want to do a small business? Hello, getting in touch with a small business shout.

It's a huge thank you for an incredible podcast. I've listened since 24, 24, and I've a daughter, and thank goodness I had the back catalog to get me through the sleepless nights. I've teamed up with another set of parents who had their kids the same time as me. We are based in Chelmsford, Essex, and realized, whilst there are lots of events for mums and babies, lots that aimed at the babies or just cost a lot to meet other parents. That's where Bring Your Own Baby Drag was born. We host brunches in baby safe spaces with extra changing mat,

but with entertainment aimed at parents, not just mums. Even our host, Queen equals Jessica Blaze, is a parent to a little boy and twin girls and in the thick of potty training and sleepless nights. By parents for parents, our first event sold out to 72 hours and we are building from strength to strength. Follow us on social's B-Y-O-B-B-E. drag and our website, B-Y-O-B-Drag.com.

That's Anna from Chelmsford. So this is a drag queen event and you bring the kids to it. Oh, that's great fun. That's great. Because also when they're baby-babies, they can still be really rude and swear and it's not a problem. Superb. Love it.

B-Y-O-B-Drag. Yes, please. Right. There we go. Josh, it's been a pleasure. It's been absolute joy. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.

Bye. Tomorrow. Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognize that voice? Yes. It's Josh. Riddickham here. I have got a new podcast, Josh Whitickham's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it. I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident

if you're listening now, you don't hate me and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do and that is why I made this podcast I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics. See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realized Millie Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr. Blobby. When Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers, ghosts were real. When a band burned a million pounds for a laugh.

The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from you too, and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch, and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are, and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history. Stiffnecks will learn, lose next will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday.

Perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting, So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcast now. Museum of Pop Culture with me Josh Whitacom, available everywhere from the 1st of January.