Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP30: Michelle Wolf

Episode Date: April 17, 2026

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) it's the brilliant comedian, writer, producer and presenter - Michelle Wolf Go to punchup.live/michellewolf to find dates and tickets for Michelle's new stand-up show tour 'Best Job in The World' Parenting Hell is available to watch on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  (Copyright 2026) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How old is you, baby? I have a five-month-old and a three-year-old. Ah, right. They're both in London, but the one is just downstairs. Right. Because I'm still breastfeeding, so he has to just come along. So is there a chance we're going to get interrupted? No, he should be okay.

I don't have a problem with that. That wasn't me getting angry. Yeah. No, no, no. No. He's done to be mid-adicto when a child needs his mother. Pause everything. Who's in charge of the baby at the moment then?

Nanny I have. Her name is Joani and she's the best. She might burst in at any point. Yeah, yeah. She has permission to burst. Yeah, but if any point she needs to come in, she can come in. So you're based in Barcelona and London. Is that right?

Yes, yeah. Does that feel cool to say out loud? It sounds fake. Like I feel like I'm like, yeah, I'm between Barcelona and London and you're like, who are you? I'm from the middle of Pennsylvania, you know? Like, I'm not, like, I'm... So how did it happen?

Yeah, I met a guy, another American, but he's in Barcelona. And then so I started kind of spending time in Barcelona. And then we, you know, now we have a family there and... And so is he 100% Barcelona? He's 100% Barcelona. And then, you know, things in the States aren't great. No, I'm across the news. Yeah, yeah.

Where was that in the States? At the time of recording. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could turn around. Yeah, yeah, of course. Or it might not exist by the time this is done. Exactly. Either one could be fun.

Yeah, so I had just, I've kind of been going back to the States less and less because it's, it's nice to be here. Yeah. It really is. Europe's nice, and I love comedy in the UK. Yeah, so you come over, work and then go back. Do you ever do comedy in? I do. There's a great little comedy club in Barcelona. It's called the Comedy Clubhouse. I should say I'm a very small percentage owner of a clubhouse. I think it's one or two percent. I'm really breaking it in. I mean, it's a great little spot. If you ever need to do a English language, yep. I'm in the middle of a little 90-seat small room. It's perfect to work stuff out. So I go up like once or twice. a week there.

Oh, wow. So, you know, work on the hour and then I come over here and... And you bring the kids over? Yeah. Yeah. I have a place here in London as well because it's just... Between hotels, like, once you get, like, you know, I have the kids and the people who help me with the kids and then also sometimes my mom because she helps with the kids.

Yeah. And so then you have like three or four hotel rooms and by the time you're doing that For any period of time, you're like, I might as well just rent a place and not have to take a large suitcase. So are you touring in America or is it more UK you're touring? Right now it's more UK. Yeah. Potentially we'll go back to America this year. You don't want to do it.

I don't really want to do it. If I'm being honest, I don't really want to do it. Also, I have, okay, maybe this is too much, but I have both of my nannies are, they have Spanish passports and they're, you know, they speak Spanish. And there's part of me that's worried if I go over to America, they'll be with my kids outside speak in Spanish, and they'll like, ISIL surround them. It could happen. And then there's like, and then first of all,

I don't want them to get taken away somewhere. Because technically they are working. They're working in America. And I don't think ICE is asking too many questions before they, they don't seem to be asking. From the videos I've said, they don't seem to be asking a lot of questions. It's a hard thing for them to describe in. Spanish that they are the two nannies for an American comedian that lives between the UK and

Barcelona but she's currently in America gigging. And then if they say who I am, you know, I'm not a, I don't think anyone in the government is quite a fan of me. No. No, because you did the Donald Trump dinner and you ripped him apart which went worldwide viral so that you're sort of, are you a bit hated by that right side of? Yeah, the right side doesn't. Can't be a big fan of yours.

Not really. Sometimes there'll be people that come in sometimes. It really makes me laugh is that they'll say, I didn't think I liked you, you know, because of all the Trump stuff. And they're like, but you're actually funny. And I'm like, you don't have to say it. Like, you could just say I like you. You could just say you liked the joke. Like you didn't have to say like.

So are your kids Spanish? Well, they're born in Spain, but they have an American passport. And what's the first language, English? Well, the one, she's kind of in between, she's learning both. So she's not, she's a... That's cool, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, if she also learns Catalan, which is like the Barcelona language, then it'll be, it'll really, I think, I don't want her to learn it because I don't want her to speak a language that I can't understand at all. It's, it's, it's kind of.

Because then I feel like she'll be like, you know, like a whole nail salon situation. and she'll be talking about me in front of me in a language I don't understand. And you speak Spanish? Not really. I am a poca. I'm such a... I was just smiling along that.

And that was your nickname. I can understand some of it and I can speak some of it. But a very classic American. So do you have two nannies when you're talking? Or is that a day-to-day thing as well with like the workloads for you and your partner? Yeah, I have two nannies. Definitely when I'm touring and I, yeah, just normally one during the day. But so but they take like shift work kind of thing.

Yeah, well like for right for right now one of the nannies is at home with the three-year-old and the other nanny is downstairs with the five-month-old. Right. Oh gosh. Because you're basically a single parent over here. Yeah, yeah. And my husband travels a lot for work too. so what does he do?

He's a little bit of everything. Transponder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shipping. Shipping. So he's the way a lot of working as well. Yeah, so I am with the kids a lot by myself. But I mean, the nannies are really helpful.

And I would argue, and I, you know, I know you're both dads. But sometimes a nanny a bit more helpful than a dad. Than a dad. Depends on the dad. So does it work with When you're over here Of an evening And the kids are asleep

Are all three of you chilling out together? Well, the problem is And this is 100% my fault Is that the kids just, they sleep with me And so they don't really sleep Until you sleep Until I sleep Yeah, right

So I do like I mean they will, if I'm out At a later function They will sleep Exhaustedly collapsed Yeah, yeah But then, like, you know, for the most part, I kind of just like go in right away when I get home because... So you're all in the same bed, all three of you?

We're all in the same bed. And one of the kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They sleep with me there. We have a large bed and we use a very small part of it, which annoys me to know it. You know, like I'll be kind of. of like breastfeeding on this side and then my toddler will be like wrapped around me on the other side. She's an obsession with my belly button.

Like she'll just like play with my belly button. Oh, how's that? It's terrible. It's a nightmare. It feels at first you're like, that's not bad. And then after a while you're like, that is you. It's like it makes my skin crawl. Are you trying to stop her?

I literally sit in the calmest way possible like sometimes I'll be like get off and then other times and like the really trying to like teacher be like I don't like when you do that that feels bad when you touch my belly button I do not like it you cannot if people if you touch people and they say I don't like that you have to stop and if someone touches you and you don't like that you can tell them to stop too and she's just like any if my shirt shirt lifts up at all. She's in. She's got like a beeline laser focus for my belly button. Yeah, I can't bet the thought of it makes me want to heave. Yeah. Anyone touch my belly. What are you like with your belly button?

You got an out of it? I was just touching my belly button then thinking it isn't pleasant. You're right in there though, wouldn't you? Why not? No, but even me doing it to me, I'm like, ooh. Yeah. Are you into it then? No.

No? I don't like it. But that's the first time. That's the first time in my life. engaged with the thought of it. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's not a thing that a lot of people have to deal with.

No, and I bet. I mean, I'm sure there's a community out there that has a belly button thing. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a community for everything. Yeah. But did she just find it funny that she's just making you feel uncomfortable because they do like that. I think it's a comfort thing. Right.

My friend had... So if you left it to it, would you just... That's what she came from? Yeah. She was attached to that. She'll just, she kind of just... It's not... But she knows that that's what led to her belly button led to you to feed. Yeah. And now she sees that as a place of comfort.

Yeah. You sound like an absolute serial killer. She's trying to get into the depths of what the psychological impact is. Is she movement in there? Is it just hanging out in there? If it was just hanging out in there, I don't think it would be as bad. It's the movement. It's the kind of.

She's using it as a fidget toy. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. You know how, well, I have a friend who her son used to have a session with elbows and to like fall asleep at night. He used to just rub her elbow. I've heard of that.

Yeah. And it's like that except my belly button. It's like that except much more intrusive. I would love it to be my elbow. I would. What you'd give for that. Sometimes I put my up like, hmm, this is nice. You know, it felt that bit as soon as weird.

I always just squeezed my dad. you know like on the knuckles of the finger yeah squeeze out and it just stays there like that I used to do that to my dad's knuckle quite a lot see I just find that quite fun no elasticity yeah it doesn't go back does it it feels weird after a while yeah it does yeah how late in life did you do that

when did I do that to my that I've never stopped still going to go around for a quick visit in the knuckle squeeze but no I think when I was a little you know you set these up because he had big out you know when you're little your parents hands are all so massive aren't they You're out of these big hands. But I've stopped doing that now.

Yeah. You must have done some sort of weird things as a kid like that, I can imagine. I think, no, I was very, I don't think I've got a piece for my parents I squeezed regularly as a child. Have you? I don't think so. Not that I remember. No. This episode is brought to you by Tesco Mobile.

Now, we've all heard it takes a village to raise a child. Yes. These days, a lot of that village is found. on your phone, isn't it, Rob? Absolutely. Some people say having your phone is so imperative because you can connect with your children, you can message them, you can track where they are. For me, you're out with your mates, it's been a long meal, your kids are bored, give them your phone, let them go on roadblocks. All I'm saying is they're going to have a good hour, you're going have a good hour. Do you know what I like, Rob? From ground down by the tiredness of maybe an ill child

or something, I just need to talk to someone who has been through it and understands what I've gone through. And while I'm lying there with my child, going to sleep on the bed, I can't just phone my mate, but I can text them. I can put it in a WhatsApp group of dads and mums, and suddenly you feel less alone. Or you can listen to a podcast on your phone. Exactly. And maybe tune into something like Parents in Hell with Rob Becker-Dresley-R-Wil-Ker.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Do you know what? Yeah. Or maybe you want tips, right? Yeah. We've all got friends whose children have been through the same stuff as us. I've been constantly texting them to say, oh, this is happening. Give us some advice.

Give me some advice. because that is how a lot of our communication is done these days and it's incredibly useful to have that at the touch of a thumb. Whether you need a quick chat, advice or just back up every parent out of their nose, having a network of family and friends just to call or text away is a lifesaver. That's why Tesco Mobile is happy to be your second most important network. Tesco Mobile, it pays to be connected. Search why Tesco Mobile to find out more.

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At the moment, it was going wrong. Well, with my three-year-old, when she was an infant, she nursed all the time. Like, she, even when I was sleeping, she, like, I was just a pacifier. Right. So this baby is like, he's such a boy. Like, he, like, he eats and then he, like, rolls over and farts and falls asleep. He's an old man already. Yeah.

And that was lovely because I was like, great. He's asleep and I'm not attached to him. And now that he's getting a bit. he's a bit older, he, I feel like he needs to, he wants to eat more at night. So he kind of, he wakes up a little bit more than he was, he was before. And how did you breastfeed the youngest, sorry, the oldest? Two years in a couple months. Yes, that's a long time and then going into another, it's like a lot of your body being used by someone else.

I've been pregnant or breastfeeding. Before we get to the belly button. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I've been pregnant or breastfeeding since 2022. Wow. Because by the time I stopped breastfeeding, my, my, my, my, three-year-old I was already pregnant and when did was that the your two-year-old just didn't want it anymore or did you have to sort of because she was using

breastfeeding as a pacified did you have to break that was it difficult by the time we stopped it was she wasn't doing as much anymore she was kind of weaning herself yeah and then the worst part it was flights because it was always something that kind of like on take off and landing or oh it was making it Fussy, yeah, it would just like make her pass out. And then when they get to two, though, because they're like bowling around like a little person, they'll just literally garps you and grab your top and just like a whip a boobie. You're like no stop.

Well, she had, oh, this was worse. I forgot about this. She did a thing before the belly button. She used to do a thing just with my nipple. She would use it as like a, I swear it was like she was tuning a radius. It was like. And it's semi-skimmed. Yeah.

Not quite the flavor I like. You did strawberry. Yeah. And that was awful. I really hated that. It's so hard. If they're doing something that they enjoy and you want to go like, I mean, obviously, there's a man, they've experienced it,

but you don't want to be like, get the fuck off me, but that's how you feel, but you want to have a connection. Yeah, you have to be nice about it. Like, you kind of, because you don't want to, you also don't want to shame them, you know, and make them feel, so don't listen to this. I guess. Never listen to this episode.

Yeah, and you don't want to yell at them. You don't because they don't understand that it's torture. But yeah, yeah, it's a lot of your body. It's a lot of your body being, like I woke myself up because I was dreaming that I was like there was birds on me. Yeah, okay. And I woke up going, stop. And I was hitting my body. and it was just because my daughter was trying to belly button.

Oh, really? And I was like, oh my God. I'm having like stress dreams. Well, it must be so overwhelming having your body being used and touched all the time by. It's difficult because it's not like you go, well, there's lots of books out how you end breastfeeding, but there's not many books about how you end having your belly button touched. Right. It's not a weaning situation.

You know, you can't be like, here, have some milk in a glass and a cup instead of my belly. belly button. The addiction is to the action rather than the, it's just a, yeah, oh. I don't think we have to throw addicts around. Oh, I think, I think you've got a problem, man. I think the Betty Ford Clinic might be. I think she needs to go cold turkey on belly buttons completely. You know, I've thought about wearing like a one-piece bedding suit. Yeah, yeah, like a kind of 80s aerobics instructor.

Yeah, just something she can't. Like in the summer it was great because, I was wearing a swimsuit a lot. So she couldn't get to my belly button as much. Oh my God, what a sentence. We're parenting, most people, like routines key and king. For you, you're constantly moving around. And I'd say, if your husband's flying around working a lot,

and you're with the nannies, so do you just sort of roll with it and see what happens? Do you have a routine with the kids, or is it each day is a different day when you're touring? We have a semblance of a routine. You know, like it's, I try to keep it as routine as possible with it being also as flexible as I needed to be. So, like, you know, mornings, I would say are like our kind of always are quiet. Like, this is my time with the kids.

And like, we get up, we have breakfast. We, you know, I try to get them outside for a little bit. And then, you know, I try to, meal times, I try to keep as normal as possible. But it's really hard to be strict about anything, you know? Like it's just like, oh, we're traveling today or so you can't nap or we got to eat you know, whenever we can at the airport and... And you get them with the nannies in it? So they speak English as well?

Yeah, yeah. I've never once spoken to them. I know. I know. Pass their boarding classes to them. I assume they're all right I just nodded a lot in the interview no they're great

but you're like a little gang now that it's almost like a band touring like with the you and the kids you get all get on and the stuff because it's quite an intense relationship we have a great time I mean they're you know

especially because you know here in London we all stay together so yeah I mean I think I hope they like me and when you're doing tour shows are they coming to the how so say you're

in, let's go through your tour dates. Say you're in. Because now you can come in if you need to breastfeed or whatever, but if you're doing a gig and a show really, you can't, or will, can you, or do you interrupt the show for that? I haven't, so I will, once I start touring, the new one will be over six months. So he'll be able to have kind of like some water and food and stuff. So it won't be as super necessary to keep him as close by. never had to interrupt a gig for it.

No. They have been in the green room before. So say June the 11th when you're in Swindon. Yes. The Wyvern? The Wyvern. Old faithful. Doing the tour.

Best job in the world? Tell us about the show. Best job in the world is a show about how maybe motherhood is not the best job in the world. Oh, here we go. But also just about society and, you know, I think my a little bit of the thesis statement I have is the society's not made for women

and we've kind of contoured ourselves to fit in but also I don't think society's made for men either and you guys are having a hard time so genuinely premises on stand-up shows very rarely interest me I buy into that yeah normally you're like

you're like what I didn't think I'd like you no I just said I didn't think I like stand-up premises but you've broken the malt. Oh, thank you. Thank you. So you'll be doing that at the Swindon Wiver. June 11th. Talk me through the kids on that day. So this is how we've planned this section of the tour.

And for everyone who's mentioned, why am I not going further north? Because this first whole section. Well, let me go. Swindon, Northampton, Chelmsford, Epsom, Paul. You really are keeping it south. I'm here on Keynes. Watford, Coventry, quite northerly. Farnham, London, back to your old stomping ground, London again, Brighton, Newbury, Bath, Norwich, Norwich, Bristol, Cheltenham.

Yeah, that is incredibly south. Yeah, so this whole first leg of the tour is just everything I can get from London to the show and back in one night. Oh, here we go. So I am... The radius tour. Yes. Everything within a two to three hour travel time. And that way I can leave the baby and the one nanny will come with me just for feeding purposes.

The toddler and the other nanny will stay back at the flat. Can I ask a question? Do the nannies, are they on a man-to-man marking constantly or do they switch? No, right now they're a man-to-man. They're man-to-man. So one's toddler, one's baby, and they never switch. Yeah, they don't switch. And they realized recently that the top, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

babies also have an affinity for the nannies. And we've realized recently that their signs are the same. My nanny and my toddler are both Capricorn. Oh, we go. And the new baby and my other nanny are both, can't remember the sign because I don't really buy into that too much. When is it?

When is it? October, early October? Pise, sedentaries? Libre. Libre. Don't know. Tourists. Just one of them.

One of them. So you'll go in a car With your With the nanny A tour manager driving you Yes Nanny Infant me

Yeah We go to the gig Feed the baby Before I go on stage Do you need a lot of Because I I don't necessarily Need to be on my own

But I need to almost Be doing mindless stuff Like looking at my phone Or looking at my phone really Yeah He needs to sit on his own in a room looking at his phone before he goes on. No, but do you know what I mean?

In that hour before, it's not like I'm prepping for the show or anything. Yeah, no, I would love that. A little bit of space. I would absolutely love that time. I imagine you've never gone, finally, I can breastfeed just before it go on. Yes. I think that someday in the future, I will have it again. but I love those moments

I love the because I do the mindless kind of I've always thought there's a hard thing to explain about stand up where it doesn't look like you're doing anything and you aren't doing anything but you are doing something

yes you're getting your mind yeah yeah yeah yeah ready I almost power down in that hour before yeah I think people imagine you pacing listening to no I find I have to get as quiet and empty headed as possible so that then

I can go out and my but that's because your stuff is quite empty head of yeah yeah you have to get in character information out of here

yeah I'm getting it all out there so I can engage with the good comedy and so have you got an interval yes

and would you like is there a chance you'll be breastfeeding in the interval there is a very good chance I'll breastfeed during the interval oh wow

and I do think like the first like 20 or so minutes because I find myself when I get on now, it's like the first time I'm talking to people that are, and I'm

unattached from a child, you know? So it's really like the first like a little bit of my show, I'm like I'm frazzled and kind of like, wait, okay. Let's calm down. Like even the beginning of this podcast, I feel the same way where I'm just like, this is a conversation with two people. It's two other comics. You can do

this. You've done this. So, yeah, I think that, you know, I feel a bit, yeah, that's where I'm kind of doing it now. And then is the baby going to be, sorry, I'm just, because we. No, please. You finish the show, Swind and Wyvern, 2.45 minutes. Mm-hmm. So it's about 9.30.

Mm-hmm. Babies asleep? Hopefully, yeah. And then you all drive back to London? Yes. Oh, I said. And I'll probably, I would, like, I'll assume that the baby will. sleep in the car, hopefully sleep in the car.

And then do that awkward carry to the bed? Yeah, but I'll probably have to nurse before or as I'm getting into bed. The real key I find is that after a show, and sometimes it doesn't happen and I feel really gross, is that I want to be able to wash my hands and change my clothes. Oh, here we go. I think it's a basic human right. Yeah, right. Because you know when you're like touching a microphone and you just like.

Do you have that? I like to get clean after gigging. Me and Josh, you're preaching to Robber. We've had a lot of discussions about this because can I tell Michelle what you do when you go running? Then we're not talking about running. I'd love to talk about running. Well, this guy.

Are you a runner? Are you a runner? Yes, yeah. Josh was actually on the front cover of Runner's World. I saw that. Oh, thank you very much. Josh strikes to have a shower in the morning. doesn't really believe in showering before bed, your showers in the morning.

So if he did run in the afternoon, he may come back from that run, and the sweat will dry on him and in the clothes. And then that night he'd just take them clothes off and go to bed without having a shower after exercising. Now, see, normally I would, I feel like I should feel that's weird, but my brothers do the same thing. Do they? They're so great. So there's other people with this problem.

Yeah, yeah. And it is a problem. But Rob will shower after show. You don't share after show. He will change his pants. After a gig, I'll get changed into like... Completely. So would you strip totally naked after the gig?

Well, how else you're going to change your pants? So there's a point when you just... He puts pants on over his pants. I may still have a t-shirt on and do... But yeah, I would... You do half at a time. You just walk off the stage and strip totally naked. There were moments when I am totally naked in that dressing room.

But sometimes I might... I'm not rushing to be completely naked, but I might have my top of them and do my trousers and pants and then put new pants on and then. But I want to get out of the sweaty clothes. I don't need to do it after. I need to do it when I get to the house. Yes.

Not after, right after the gig. But yeah. But if I can, if I can like kind of wash up and I don't need to shower either, but just wash up, change my clothes before I have to get the baby into bed. The baby, there's like a sweet amount of time where it's like, okay, we get home, the baby's still asleep. I can wash your hands. Wash my hands.

Change my pants. Are you lucky? Yeah, yeah. Just sometimes check your privilege, yeah. Change my pants and trousers. Sorry, I keep, in America we call pants, these pants. Underpants. Underpants.

Yeah, yeah. So, because I hate getting into bed with clothes I've worn outside. Do you know, I think it's mad that. America gets a little grief for that. You call, oh, you call trousers pants. But we call underpants, underpants. But we have got no pants over if we call them trousers. So why are we giving Americans grief for underpants?

Right, they're under your pants. Exactly. They should be called under trousers. Yeah, well, that's one thing America got right. Exactly. I'm standing up for America. Let's put it on the board. And so taking the current political situation out of it,

which is a big thing to take out of it. But say you imagine that a lot of politics is cyclical, they might change. Do you imagine taking your kids back to America and bring them up American? Yeah, well, I don't know if we'd ever live there again, like live there full time. My brothers live in Phoenix, Arizona, and so... The smelly boys?

The what? The smelly boys. The smelly boys, yeah. You don't be running in Phoenix, Arizona, they must fucking stink. Running, never showering. Sounds great. Yeah.

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No one can prevent all cybercrime or identity theft. Conditions apply. There's a version of a tour in America where I can base myself in Phoenix and, you know, with my brother and his family, you know, kind of do spokes out from Phoenix. But the problem with touring in America is that it's all flights. It's very little driving. So it's, you can't go up. and back unless you're in a private jet situation.

And that's expensive and tiring and brutal. Presumably there's going to come a point soon where you're going to have to make a school decision. That's true. Yeah. And so we're really trying to make the Europe and UK thing work because it's a much easier commuting situation. Is there a second part of the tour where you're suddenly going to be based in like Leeds and then you're going to be doing all that? What we're hoping is that by the time that say I would do leads is that I'm... We just need to know about leads. Yeah, just leads. And that I'll be able to be away from the babies for longer.

Oh, so you just leave them in London. It'd be a longer journey or stay overnight. Exactly, yeah. I mean, the day I can stay overnight. I just, I will... I mean, it sounds like a full-on vacation. So how to, you know, your partner, he travels as well with work and stuff like that. But like how do you feel when you see him sort of traveling for work staying in hotels overnight without the kids?

There must be like a bit of jealousy there. And have you ever thought of like the two nannies going with him and the kids? I mean, obviously the moment is to breastfeeding things that's holding that back. But so how do you how do you manage that sort of jealousy almost? Or split them. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe someday.

I think I think I have realized that it is an unfair workload. But there's not really anything you can do about it. You know, like, because biologically at this moment, I am the primary caregiver. And that's just what it is. Yeah. And it's not his fault. Yeah. That's the big thing.

That's the thing I, you got to remember. He can't physically do it. It's not his fault. And that's the thing I have to remind myself of all the time where it's like he's, it's just. It's not like he's got a secret tit around the back full of milk. Right. No. Yeah.

I mean, he has a belly. because he does have a good one. But yeah, it's, and I think I have to remind myself of that all the time. And, you know, male friends of mine who have kids, I know I've had conversation with my one friend who he's been like, yeah, my wife, she gets really mad when I get to go out and work, but she has to stay home with the kids and she's jealous. And he's like, I just hate that she gets jealous. And I was like, well, it's, it's, I'm jealous. Like, it's very, like, I'm jealous of how men and dads can. can work.

But again, for the most part, it's just not, it's biologically the issue. Have you ever toyed with like bottle feeding where if you move them to the bottle, then it gives you more

opportunities to share the load? I thought neither of mine are interested in bottles. I was never able to get my, my toddler on a bottle. And, yeah, and this one hasn't ever been interested either. but I also haven't tried super hard.

And part of the reason is that I'm a very big fan of breastfeeding. It's very, very cool. And I will say this with a large caveat because I know there's a lot of people that can't breastfeed, don't have the time to breastfeed. You know, I just don't want to get. Oh, no. It's everyone's different. Exactly.

But I love it. And there's a lot of cool things about breastfeeding where the major benefits you get is when the baby actually, like even if you pump not all that essentially what happens when you breastfeed is that there's like all these ducks in your nipple and they absorb the baby's saliva and then that

tells your body what to put in the milk oh wow so like if your baby's getting sick it'll put in antibodies if your babies needs water if it's dehydrated it'll put in more water in your breast milk more fat more minerals and vitamins from your

from your own body If you're happy to do it, then you're happy to do it. Yeah. So that's, so there's, yeah, so I, I'm essentially making things harder for myself because I just want to. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what most of our lives are, to be honest. We didn't need to start a podcast. Have you ever been in a situation where you've been breastfeeding too close to the show and you've gone, I'm just going to have to go on here?

No, I've, I've, I'm pretty good at, like, they breastfeed enough that it's, it's, you can just go. I can just go, yeah, get off. Yeah, get off now, you've had to go. Is that cluster feeding? Cluster feeding. Well, no, that's, um, cluster feeding is, yeah. That's when you start out and they just won't leave you alone. Yeah, it's when they're trying to get more milk.

Trying to get your body to make more milk as their cluster feed. I do, what's it called, on-demand feeding. On-demand. Yeah, I'm like a, like a stream. Television, yeah. Breastflit. Yeah, HBO Max. Yeah, and so it's just whenever.

And that also helps with the scheduling, where it's not like, okay, we eat every two hours. It's like, no, he eats when he's hungry. Yeah. And that's whenever. Yeah, well, that's the sort of the amazing thing with, like, stand up and being self-employed. You've got movement for that where you can design it around that.

It's great you've done that tour in the South. And then you can go. Well, in a lot of the show, I talk about how, lucky I am to breastfeed because like it is like there's particularly in America there's no room for it. You need time and space and like not even just to not work

like to have people around the house to help you because like when you're on demand breastfeeding it's like you spend a lot of your day breastfeeding yeah and so you either learn how to do things with one hand which we do but like it's just

it's really like overwhelming. I have a woman she helps me around the house when I'm at home and that's how I'm able to do as much breastfeeding as I do. It's really God, your husband does

fuck old, isn't he? He's got the train life here and they've got no key part of it. He works all the time. He works all the time. So he's like always doing stuff too. And when I don't want him to paint him in a bad picture. I love that, I'm only joking. He holds the baby, you know? He's seen it. He knows.

He knows which one's itch. The babies fall asleep on him, you know, like, but it's, you know. It's just harder if he's got a job where he travels a lot. Yeah. There's not much you can do it. It's part of the job, you know. Do you do four in the bed then? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. What's the formation? It's a diamond formation. New baby, me. And then we make a V so that we're better to attack from the midfield. I'm trying to make a football reference No, it's me

Baby, me, me, toddler, husband. Right, yeah, classic. Classic 4-42, that is there. So I wonder what happens when you get the third If they're all in the bed again, it's like, there's not going to be another baby. You're done.

I can't. It's too logistically, it's too complicated. I can't. This is our most logistics-based episode we've ever done. It's not normally logistic. Like, I can't, like the, The stand-up part of my life will, the traveling will have to end if I get one more. Because it's too many people.

I will not make, I will lose money on gigs, you know, based on like. Was it ever a thought about being mainly based in London then? Yeah. You know, because then that really, because if your husband's there as well, then it's sort of like, it makes it a bit easier. You're not going to another place from Barcelona. Oh, yeah. I think ideally we could split our time. And, you know, I mean, that would be the dream.

But then also you make all these plans when the kids are this age and then they get like as few years older. You're like, hang on, why are we here? We don't need, what they need is completely changed now. Exactly. It's like they're going to need to be in school. Yeah. So then, you know.

That's a decision, isn't it? It's quite cool the thought of having like kids in school in Barcelona, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of. um there i don't know barcelona's a very like let's also be in nature and like so there's a lot of schools that are like very like outside focused and there's the weather for it there too but like it's like you know education but also like oh cool you know the beach is there a different like is there a different ways of parenting in spain like i'd say britain and america it feels like the parenting's

pretty much same. Does it feel different the way the Spanish parents parent? I think so. They're very, I mean, it's a very family-oriented culture. And a lot of times, like, you know,

if you're out to dinner at 9 or 10, the kids are there. And there's like kids are running around at restaurants. There's the playgrounds that are right next to the restaurants, you know, it's like a very the kids are part of it. That does happen in America. In America, it's like very like, what are you doing? Get out of here.

What are you? Don't bring people here, but also keep all the people. Don't get an abortion. Don't get an abortion, but don't bring your babies anywhere. Keep your babies at home. You stay at home. Have them, but don't let them be seen. Yes. Yeah. Keep them in a box. And yeah, so in Spain, it's very like, I don't know, it feels like everyone's happy to see babies. You got to watch out for your baby in Spain, though, too, because they will touch your baby's face. Really? I mean, everyone's always like, look at that baby, you know?

It's just, they'll fingers, before you can even stop it. Yeah, they would be like. And they love, when I was with Spain as a kid, we want blonde hair, they're like so like, like, rub the head and stuff like that. They love a blonde baby. They love, I've got curls, my baby has curls. They will go in for her hair right away. And she's just like, who the,

Fuck. So yeah, it's, I think it would be nice. I also, I haven't really thought, I haven't made plans for their school because I don't know. I don't know what career wise exactly I'll be doing in two years, you know? So it's one of those things where it's like, I'll get her into a nursery and then. Go from there. We'll see. We'll see what it is.

I'm not, I can't plan that far in advance. So have you always been that. They're just sort of, you know, a big planner. Is it all just whatever? gone on. Did you ever see yourself being... Where did you meet your partner then? Like, with the, in the UK or was it in Spain? No, we met in, we met in America.

Yeah. And through mutual friends. And then, but he was, he was living in Spain at the time. He was just working in America. And, yeah, and it's just, you know, I'm not a big planner. Like, I'm not a, okay, I've got to do this and this, you know, I'm just kind of like, I mean, you've got the most planned geographical tour of anything. anyone I've ever imagined.

But not long term. Yeah, I got the next couple months. Yeah, yeah. And then after that, no idea. Leads, maybe, hopefully leads. Leads is my big, my big plans in the future. Yeah, I don't, I'm not, I'm, I don't even like making, like, plans with people. Like, that's how anti-plan I am.

So, do you have a network of sort of, like, friends with young kids in Spain that you hang out with and things like that? Or is it more just you as a family? Just as a family, I have a couple, once I get her in nursery, I feel like that'll expand. It's hard to make friends. The main sort of other parent friends we had was like once they went to nursery and school. Before that, you can't be like just in the shop going, you've got a kid about the same age. You want to be friends. Yeah, it's very, I also feel it's a bit weird because sometimes I get recognized on the playground.

I'm sure that happens to you guys. And then you're like, well, now I don't know. I don't want to be friends with you. maybe you know like is it weird you know like I don't like your taste yeah I do feel like it can lopside lopside a relationship from the start yeah whereas like if I'm on holiday if someone it comes up to go oh I could get a photo I go yeah right and have a photo of them but then then I feel like any normal chat after that has been sort of slightly compromised right actually I sometimes see someone do that and go oh do you know what like if we just started chatting at the

at dinner then it would have been a much more relaxed normal conversation. Don't have some mistake I made with David Byrne last night at the gig. David, but you went up and got a photo with him and our friendship hasn't really kicked on since then. Well, exactly, but then you might have got closer if you hadn't asked for the photo. I know if I hadn't said, you mean everything to me. Did you say that to him? I said, I laid it on too thick. Because in the photo, he doesn't look like he's well excited to have the photo.

You're craning your neck out. Can you show Michelle the photos? He met one of his, he's like, top life idols in the bracket of Johnny Marr, Paul McCartney, and our David Byrne. Yeah, I mean. Have you got the photo? Yeah, there. But he's Josh is craning in. You look so happy.

I was. What's David looked like? But you've got to remember that's kind of David Burns thing, isn't it? He's quite kind of, he's not that animated. I would. I would say he has a little smile. Yeah. He looks like more of a smile than I would.

He looks like a fucking waxwork. He's 70. He's got a purse little lip there. Yeah, I feel like that's... I feel like that's a David Byrd smile. He's 72. He looks incredible. He looks like me if all my teeth got taken out.

But you should tell people that you love them because I had the chance to meet Carol Burnett and say like... Because I love her. Who's Carole Burnett? She had the Carol Burnett show in America. When you said that, I thought of Carol Baskin. That's the first thing that went in my head.

I don't fucking, what? Tell me what you think. I think you're a murderer. Wait, that's the Tiger King League. I know. That's what I was like, God, what a weird one. I love someone who gets away with a murder. I mean, it was locked down or it was an emotion or it's loved it.

Sorry, just careful for her. She's, yeah, I love her. She did the sketch show in the 70s and I had a chance to meet her when I was working at late and I was Seth Myers and I was, I didn't because I was like, I'm going to make a fool of myself. Like I'm going to go, I love you so much. And then ever since then I've been like, I should have just told her, I love you so much. And that would have been.

That's a lovely thing to say. That's a lovely thing to say. It's a lovely thing to hear. And I just didn't. Next time. Maybe burns. Yeah, hopefully. There's a next thing.

I really meant a lot to that guy. He had a person. I'll take it back. I think he's into you. Yeah. It was kind of a cute smile. Brian Eno as well. Who's Brian Eno?

Brian Eno was in Roxy Music but then he went on to produce all the Talking Heads and David Bowie albums. Okay. I was going to pretend like I knew. He's a big deal. But I kind of just wanted Burn really. Oh, you got one with him as well?

I didn't get one with Eno. I got one with the guy from Hot Chip as well because he was there. I was a bit pathetic. He was really on, I weren't you? What was this gig you were doing? David Byrne. I went to watch him.

I went to watch David Palat. So how did you meet him? I got after show. Access. Access. Who else was there then? But you didn't get a photo with? Cumberbatch.

Benedict Cumberbatch? Yeah. You didn't want a photo of him? No, I didn't really do photos. Was he doctor Rue for a bit? No, that's... Sherlock Holmes. She was Sherlock Holmes.

He was a Marvel guy. Alan Turing. He was in the Marvel movies. Alan Turing was in Marvel. He was Alan Turing. He was Alan Turing and he was in Marvel. Yeah. No, was he Alan Turing?

That's an Avenger. No, he was Dr. Um, he was... Dr. Strange. Yes. Yeah. Which is just the name of the doctor. Like, that's his last name.

It's not... It's not his like... Thing. Yeah, he's like Tom Strange or something. Yeah. It's not like Batman. No. Dr. Stratt?

Yeah, it's terrible name, isn't it? Yeah. And he's got a weird little mustache. I've never watched a Marvel movie. If his name was like, I don't know, like, Cranston, he would be, the whole series would be called called Dr. Cranston. You know, like it's not... But it is a fictional character

The help show. They did have. Who else? Anyone else? Who else was that? Stella McCartney. Yeah. She's your route to Paul.

I know, but he wasn't there. Aowardi and Buxton were there together. But they didn't make the after party. No. What was it like working on those Late Light American show? You just worked on Seth Myers. Yeah, worked on Seth Myers and The Daily Show.

and writing or producing. Writing and it was great. It was, I mean, it's a it's a very, because it's every day. Yeah. It's, you know, everything seems important during the day. He did like office job in a weird way.

Yeah, we all, all the writers for Seth, we'd all sit in like one room and we had like kind of cubicles almost. And then a daily show, we had more offices that you would share with one or two other people. But it was, during the day, feels like everything's very important and then at like 5.30 you tape the show and all of it's gone. Yeah. So it's like, you know, like it's very important and then it's just now tomorrow.

Is it fun or you just sat like, I'm fucking out. I got into this to do 20 minutes of work at night and I'm graft in it. Some of it's, sometimes it's very fun and then other times it is work. But that's where I learned to write jokes no matter what. Like if you're in a good mood, a bad mood, you know, it's like, no, you just got to write. You have a deadline. I don't know if you feel like on the last leg where it's if, you know, by Friday you're, you know. But we've got a longer time, I think. Do you know what I mean? Like, that must be grueling to go.

And so we go again at 9 a.m. tomorrow. Yeah. And when I was on, Seth, I was also doing stand-up at night, too. So I would do, we'd get into the office at 9. We'd work all day, tape the show at 5.30. Do you have to be at the tape? Or can you just go? Yeah, I had, I was like a, I was a writer and producer.

so I had to like, you know, oversee some of the stuff on the show and then go to the edit. But then I would do gigs at the comedy seller at night. And it was when I was new to the comedy seller, so I was getting booked at like the later shows. So the spots would be like 1130, 1145. And yeah, so I was, I mean, I would get home at one or two and then. Back in again. So a bit of breastfeeding in Swindon. It feels like a walk in the park.

Yeah. I mean, there's... Piece of pisses. You've been on the fucking six-day stretch of mine. I got... I'm getting touched a lot more than I was back then, but... You should write to British TV at the time. You know, belly bar one a bit left alive.

All the gyms in there. When you see the people working on SNL, UK, does it bring it back? Have you been following that? Well, I, um, when I was at Lesley... Last week, we went into the studio. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we went into the studio to see. And, yeah.

Did you do anything to do with SNL? I didn't, but Seth's studio is 8G and SNL is 8H. And so it shares like a hallway, and we shared the same hair and makeup people. And so we're in, we're kind of, we're, was all in the kind of same production space. Yeah. And I love SNL. And so I always thought it was really cool. to see how all that got made while we were also making our show and then I was really I was

really excited to see the SNL studio here and it looks the same it really yeah it's weird because over in the UK we it didn't really be it wasn't really on our telly in our consciousness the same way not many people know it exists in the UK in the same way right that's what I didn't realize that I mean as I feel like that's a Quite an American trait. No, because there's loads of American influence over here. So there's loads of huge, massive shows that everyone's across and into. But that one never really made the trip over, did it, that one?

No. Sketch is hard, too. Sketch is not a... The Farr show and Harry Enfield, very... They were amazing and very, very British. Yeah. So the SNL was so American that... So it'll be interesting to see it of a British spin.

Yeah. I hope it does well. I think it's great. I don't know. I just think more comedy's always... good for comedy. Yeah. Final question is, what's one thing your partner does parenting-wise? Where you go, oh, my God, he's amazing. I'm so lucky to have him as to father my kids.

And what's one thing he does, if he was listening, that annoys you slightly about his parenting, that if he was listening, he'd go, yeah, she's probably got a point. The thing he does that he's so calm. He is so incredibly calm, like, that no matter what the kids are doing, he doesn't raise his voice. He doesn't. He's just like very like, no, let's... I'm like that. Yeah, I'm like that is all the time. Just very gently.

Please, no more belly button. And it's just really lovely. He's like, he treats them like, like, so nice. He's very nice to them. And one thing that annoys me, Oh, like sometimes, like we have one of those little toddler potty's. Oh, yeah. And that's what I use, but also my toddler.

And no, he'll take it to empty it. And then he'll forget to bring it back. Yeah, that's the kind of minor annoyance we're looking for. Yeah, and that's, it's, I don't notice it sometimes until she has to go again. And then I'm rushing normally. holding another baby to find it. And then that's when I'm like, just put the potty back.

Oh, Michelle, thank you so much. It's been brilliant. Good luck with the tour. Best job in the world. Thank you. Starting in Swindon, finishing in her. It covers all of the south. Yeah.

All of the south. But if you're in the north and you're not fancying that she'll do another leg for the north, Coventry's your one. Yeah. That's the Nordic. I think you will put in more, won't you? Yeah, I'll do more.

I mean, I'm really, as soon as I can get away from the kids. Why aren't you coming to Wales? Very rarely it's hit, why aren't you coming north of Birmingham? Yeah. But we've got a very good reason more. Thanks, Michelle. Cheers.

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