Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP35: Faithful... or Traitor?

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... You may have seen the news over the weekend that Rob will be in the next series of Celebrity Traitors. Please note: we don't discuss it at all in this episode. But we will happily click-bait the episode title to harvest listeners... enjoy! ⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Pizza Express. Now serving up after-school club, a selection of Pizza Express favourites for just £5 each. Available three to five Monday to Friday. It's a tasty way to reclaim those family moments. That's kind on the wallet too. Oh, Rob, also, you get the after-school meltdowns, don't you? They do.

They're hungry, they're tired, one wants to sit in the front, one wants to choose the music. Or, oh, you've brought the wrong snack, or you get home and they want to watch different things on TV. Josh, when the kids come out of school, and like they just throw their bags at you, say I'm hungry, arguing of each other about who sits wearing the car. Oh my word.

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Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Imogen. Can you say Josh Wendickon? I'm not saying this. Can you say... Get out my room. Rob Beckett. No.

Stop. Just sign. Rob Beckett. And Josh Whitakon. Josh Wittaker. Brilliant. I'll come to us one day. She got your name wrong at the start, but I think she was stressed because she was obviously asking a teenager.

So, this is my 16-year-old daughter, OG listeners, and originally from Kent. I also qualify for your long-time schoolrunners, Kent, Dubai, Singapore and currently Johannesburg, or as I call it, Joburg, with daughters, age 16, 23 and 30, and a grandchild on the way. She's nowhere near the longest school run. No, I know, I know.

I mean, it's a long stint, but can I, this is what's awful about that. That is a horrendously long school run, but what we've discovered is it's quite, it's unremarkable. It is remarkable. But it is insane and it's dominated a life for 20 years, but the sad thing is there's people out there doing it for 40.

Well, I was at the school sports day. Well, not school sports day, school, cross-country. Was you there as the sort of, you know, the patron of the cross-country duty? I was just offering tips. Right. What was your tip? Do you keep going? Just keep going.

Okay, cool. Keep going. Feel the burn and love it. Stop if you want. Not judging by your lifestyle, Rob. No. It's back to back to back. I have.

You need to listen to your own advice, mate. The king of the hypocrite. Oh my God. Hypocritical buffer man. No buffer for me today. Never give up. I absolutely love listening to your podcast. I want to say it gets easier, but it doesn't.

Every stage brings a new challenge, more expense, but amazing memories. Lovely. Rob. Yeah. I was at School Sports Day and one of my friends. Cross country. Cross country, sorry.

Her daughter's. in my daughter's year, but her sister was also running in a higher year. What? Not the daughter's sister, the mum's sister. The mum's sister was also running in the kids cross country. What age? I must be a few years above. Let me get straight. Your daughter's class, she's got a friend, and that friend's mum was talking to you, and she said that her daughter's running in your daughter's class, but also her sister was running in the school as well. Yeah. That is a long one. older brothers in his 60s. So that's a 20-year-old.

There you go. There you go. There's a classic re-married older dad second time round. Exactly. Exactly. Now, we haven't spoken in a while and we are both in the middle of something mental. Yeah, we both get up in the diary. Yeah. Let's just go head to head on who's living the least buffer lifestyle.

From while, no, my week wasn't that no buffer, but I was in China for the whole week. Okay, yeah, yeah, fine. But no, today's been no buffer. I went to China for a week of Ramesh, Hong Kong, then China. So, Lou's been at home with the kids, obviously, and she's had... She's not had a... So, she's had a very busy week with work.

So my diary calms down a lot from July-A-A-A-A-old to point where I've got nothing in. So, like, if only think, too much buffer. It's all buffer. It's basically just buffer. Honestly, well, I'm buffering for months. My second half of the year is very different for my first. but my first is insane. Yeah, and so it'll calm down again

and we'll do more parenting and stuff like that. But Lou's obviously gone back to work. Her book's been a big success. So she's doing lots more other work. She's been invited to be a judge for the book awards. So she was doing that this week. So that was quite big and a lot of her to do. She had to read all these books.

So it's a lot of quite time consuming. Then she had to go in and do all the stuff, which is fine. Obviously, it's just part of her job. But obviously she was solo parenting. And then also within this week, the um our lights kept flickering electric's kept flickering in the house so i'm in china

not being able to sleep at like 3 a.m um and then she said i don't know what's going on so she was going to be stressed and worried and then so i messaged the electrician big up ryan ryan i said can you speak to lou do you know he said um it should be fine blah blah blah you know it's not going to be dangerous because the way it's been wired i can come tomorrow if they're still flickering so he came around the next day and then he said

all of your stuff's fine. It's from the main power station or whatever. So there's a problem on the cable that comes from the power. I don't understand these words, but I'm saying. Someone said substation. I don't know if that's what they're talking about, but I've clung onto that.

In my head, the cable from the substation to the house is damaged needs replacing. They've come around to replace it. They don't know where it is. No one, apparently, again, look, I'm not allegedly, this is what I've heard through Lou on WhatsApp.

Apparently, no one filed where they, put the cable in the office. Right. So they've just been digging holes trying to find a cable that's not working whilst we've got a poltergeist in the house. So that's been going on. So at the moment, the entire house is covered by holes. And they're having to dig into like the neighbours' gardens.

What? I know it's not our fault, but you know you feel a bit like, oh God. What? Just for one wire? Yeah, I don't know. But anyway, so they found that I think they found it now. How can't they just follow the wire? Josh, I don't.

I mean, obviously they've thought of that. I'm fully aware I can't come up with the ideas that they're going to go, wait a minute, that's a better idea than we've come up with. Josh, this has been happening with me in China and I landed at 6 a.m. this morning. I was going home, but then there was a drama at home because we can't open a certain door because it's full of builders digging holes. Lou let the dogs out of another door. One of the dogs jumped about three fences and ended up in a field full of horses. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Country living. Say Lou's been trying to get a dog out, trying to get the dog out of the horse field. I'm a messenger, I mean, the messages she sent me this morning. I mean, you can't do anything, but it wasn't cracking me up. She sent me a load of photos of holes going, it doesn't look too bad, actually, and it looks horrendous. It looks like she, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like trenches for an invasion. That's what it looks like. Right, okay, yeah. And then she said, anyway, I said, I should be back at 7.50. And then she said, Georgia's got into the horsefield. I can't get him back for fuck sake. Kill me, kill me. Do you know what I always think about text like that?

We've all sent them, we've all received them. Yeah? When you receive one, I often think, I don't know whether this text, this is the, I don't, I didn't focus on the job with the dog there. I don't think you need to be sending this text. I mean, I didn't know what to say. I never reply that. I never reply that.

I always reply. I'm so sorry. Yeah, like what the fuck? Do you want me to do about it? I'm just so sorry. I said, oh no. How? Like, sort of.

And then I said, I'm so sorry, Lou. What else can you do? What else can you do except I'm so sorry? So I'm so sorry. And then anyway, so then I go, yeah, so then basically I say, oh, I'll be back in time to do the school run. Let me do the school run. So then I got back and then I got caught in Stancil traffic so I was late. So then I got them, done the school run, dropped them off, come here, got it 10 minutes ago, now recording now.

So it's nine, we started to record 9.30. am i landed at six i feel okay at the moment because i slept to be it what's the time in china hong k that sounds that one them a phrase isn't it like more tea vicar new shoes wick what's the time in t-the time in hong kong kong kama china because it's not actually china is like three in the afternoon so i feel all right i'll just be a bit of a bit of a um i plan on having a shower like nine p m when was the last time you washed? I've been in these clothes for 36 hours

and I'd say just 37 hours ago I washed. Including sleeping in them. Yeah, on the plane, yeah. I've been in on the plane. But actually, I've changed this top there. My top's new. I've grabbed a new top from the office. I'm wearing a football shirt. Ronadino from the World Cup. He loved semen.

Oh, come on. No, he did actually love semen in that. World Cup. 2002. Oh, that 2002? No, Ronaldino probably loves him to see him in 2006 as well. Hey, here we go. He can't resist.

He can't resist the joke. Can't resist it. It's a curse. So, yeah, that's, um, yeah, he's quite far, China. Yeah. It's really far. Do you want to feel better about yourself, Rob? Go on.

I'm going to take you through the last week of my life and the next two weeks of my life. Okay. These, I am finishing my tour. I've got 12 left, Rob, at the time of recording. Can I also, before you start. this. Can I say to listeners, very much aware that we haven't done that much parenting at the moment, but that's just how our diaries have fallen. The plan is to do a lot more parenting as they go on. When we're moaning as well, we are also very aware how lucky and privilege we are to do these jobs.

I was so lucky because we love all of these jobs. We love these jobs and, you know, so we are moaning in a fun way, but deep down we're very much aware of how lucky we are to get to do this and the sort of nice things it brings to our life. So, you know, take it all of a pinch of a short. I take you through, Rob. Yeah. from the last time I saw you, okay? Which is the 17th of April. This is the last time I recorded. What days are now in 2017?

This is the last 10 days of my life, okay? Yep. Record parenting hell 8 a.m. till 10 a.m. No, to 9 a.m. Then I had a meeting on Zoom from 9.30 to 10.30, which overranch to 11. You can't do this for the next four weeks every day, hour by hour. No, this is going to blow your mind.

I'm just going to fly you for you. it. No, don't worry. Then train to Derby to get the car to Grimsby. Go to Grimsby. Train to Darby to get the car to Grimsby. Because it was quicker than getting the train from, yeah. Because otherwise it would have been a six and a half hour train across the country. Do the gig in Grimsby, drive to the Lowry Hotel in Manchester, which is incredibly busy

because it's marathon weekend and Man City versus Arsenal. Do the park run in the morning. overtake someone on my phone comes out my pocket, smash my phone, have to go to the Arndale Centre to get a new screen on my phone, go for a walk around Manchester, get caught in a far right versus anti-fascist riot-stroke rally thing,

and I have to get away from that. And you went to Stoke? Went to Stoke. Did you jump on the coach back from the rally? Went to Stoke, came back. And then I went, This was quite fun. The guy I'd met, there was a guy in the audience who worked on Match of the Day.

So on the Sunday, Rob, he asked me whether I wanted to come in and sit and watch Everton versus Liverpool with the pundits. Oh, that's fun. So I watched Everton versus Liverpool with Wayne Rooney and Danny Murphy. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, that was cool. What are they like? They were nice. I mean, they were quite serious and taking the game seriously, so I felt like actually.

They're making notes. Yeah. Solford. Drive back from Solford to Bristol. Record some voiceover in Bristol. Come back. Take the cats to their vaccinations. A parent in the evening.

Parent in the evening. The next day, Torchow Plymouth. Then straight on the train, 7.52 the next day. Straight up to London to have a meeting. Then into a corporate. Then stay in a hotel in London. Then fly to Belfast doing a Radio 2 briefing chat in the departure lounge. Do you only Belfast?

tour show. Right. Then I've got another meeting on the Friday, which means I have to fly back from Belfast early for this meeting, have the meeting, then get the train to Brighton, do the tour show in Brighton, get the car back to London, because I've got Radio 2 covering for Rommish in the morning,

then get the train to Oxford, go into my room, try and sleep, but I'm too manic to get to sleep, so just lie and listen to the second half of the football, sweating on a sofa, do the gig in Oxford, come home, Dave of the family.

Lovely. Parent. Parent. Parent. Went to a lovely Great and Perry exhibition at the Civic Museum in Exeter.

Was that part of the parenting or solo? That was part of the parenting. Or poor kids. With my daughter. Yeah. She liked. She enjoyed the tapestries.

She's in, so, no, it's fair enough. Then we went for lunch on a boat, which was fun. Yeah. Watched Ronnie O'Sullivan in the evening, enjoyed that. What do you mean,

watching? Today. on the, we watched, me and Rose watched the snooker in the evening. Or should I say, I put the snooker on and Rose Rose quite enjoys the snooker. What does do when you watch the snooker? She likes Ronnie. She does like Ronnie.

So she'll watch Ronnie perform? She loves, she actually, she said, she said to me, she thinks snooker's her second sport after tennis. Right, okay. Is she actually watching it or has she got a phone out or a book? She's not purely eyes on the snooker. No, she was watching it, yeah. We were watching the snooker together. And you're chatting about snooker or just,

life and love? Life and love. I'd never have rose down as a, like, actually watching snooker. We were just, we were discussing if anyone on earth doesn't like Ronnie O'Sullivan and what would have to be wrong with them to not like Ronnie O'Sullivan? I don't agree with that. I think he's, I can imagine people find him quite abrasive and arrogant. I love him for it.

Yeah, but I love him for it. But I was, we were kind of saying, I don't think somebody didn't like Ronnie O'Sullivan is our kind of person. Oh, like not, you couldn't understand why they wouldn't. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. It's more like everyone I like will like Ronny O'Sullivan. Romeo Sullivan. Okay, cool.

That's good. Yeah, you like, Ronnie O'Sullivan. I love him. Can't get enough of it. Yeah. But I could see why someone wouldn't. Two hour record here, Rob.

Then on the 1215 to London where I'm doing a photo shoot. We did a photo shoot for today. I'm doing a photo shoot with the photographer of Rankin today, Rob. With Ian Rankin? No, Ian Rankin's the author. Rankin's a top level. What's ranking?

What's photo? He's done the Queen. He's done. Yeah, but he's taking photos of her as well. Kate Moss? Oh, that's a shame. What are you doing a photo shoot with him? What's it for?

It's just something you'd be able to tell me, isn't it? What is it? I do know whether I can, but we'll leave it in. It's for McCain oven chips, Rob. Then tomorrow, Rob, I've got an office run through for a show. I can't believe how much busy your life's been, even though I've been to China to do Kung Fu. I know.

It's a lot of relaxing week. I then got parenting hell 830 to 10.30 the next day. At home, yeah. Yeah, on Zoom. Get the train to Leeds for the tour. Yeah. Then I'm coming down to London to do parenting hell all day. Then I've got a birthday party in the evening.

And then I'm flying to Aberdeen. You're like a... You're more of a sort of like... You're more of like a form of transport than a human. So mental. Like a lorry being sent out. Because it's like, oh, I could just stay in London on Tuesday. But then I'm away to the following window.

I just wanted... Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Fly to Aberdeen. Stay in Aberdeen, then drive to Edinburgh, gig, drive to Glasgow, gig, drive back up to fucking Inverness gig,

which is in the wrong direction. Oh, so you're doing In Inverness, always arguing over who's got bridges and who haven't got bridges, and in that area. Kevin Bridges? No, because there's loads of different isolated villages all around the area, and some people have to drive well out their way

to go around and use a bridge to get over all the different water and lakes and stuff. locks so that if a bridge is shut it really fucks them up and they're always arguing, we need to and if someone's, if it's announced that somewhere gets a bridge they'll kick up going, we need the bridge. Right. So if you want to have an argument about bridges. I will. Where would you

go after Inverness, Rob? Oh, okay, maybe you could do the little islands of Scotland or maybe Birmingham. Birmingham, that's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, nice little drive. To Birmingham. Next night? Yep, the 939 from Glasgow Central to Birmingham. Flight or train?

Train. So you're driving back from Inveness back to Glasgow. That's a good couple of hours, isn't it? Yep. Yep. Okay. Then Milton Queens. I'm so long at this point.

You've waited for ages. So long. And then I go home. I've not seen my kids. We shouldn't be doing it. We need to rename this podcast at the moment. Rob, it's so bad. Like, I'm getting message.

Like, this is the first time I felt like my kids are genuinely gutted when I go away. because previously it's been bits and bobs, do you know what I mean? And they're too young to really know, but now they're like, what do you mean you're not going to be here? And I should underline also that it's like much worse for Rose. Because it's fucking rubbish for Rose at the moment. She's basically solo parenting the whole time

while I'm on the phone telling her that I'm stressed because I've got to sleep on a sofa in Oxford. Do you know what I mean? It's exactly the same for Lou. I said to Lou said to me, I should do the podcast this week. I went, you should. I went, send me a voice note like, you know, we can play of what's happened. And then she didn't come out of it.

She said, she just sent a six minute voice note. It's a mini pod. It's a mini pod. I've sent it to Michael to have a listen over. He's even going to edit it up and put it on the show or Lou might need some sort of intervention. Yeah. Right. Michael, for the visualised pod, could you like use technology to have loose face so it looks like she's talking?

so it's not just me and Rob listening to the... Could you AI it? So, Looz in the room, Michael. I think that's going to be a straight no. So I've listened to Lou's voice note and apologies to Lou, but it's quite intense. This episode is brought to you by Speck Savers. Now, Rob, one of the amazing things about having kids

is getting to enjoy how they see the world, isn't it? Oh, yeah. It's a strange world they live in, Rob, where everything's kind of infinite. Anything can exist. but also is tiny in the people they know are the only people they know. And do you know what they love? A muddy puddle.

Oh, they love a muddy puddle. You're like, no, dirty shoes. But they put on, let's put wellies on and get dirty and then just have a shower. It's fun getting dirty and jumping in mud. I know, there's so many things they like doing. Do you know what? If someone said to me, do you want to roll down that grassy hill, I think no. No.

But they love it. They do love it. They do love it. They absolutely love it, Rob. The thing is, though, Rob, around one in five children have undiagnosed sight conditions. And that can get in the way of seeing all that wonder. One in five, really? Genuinely, one in five, Robin. Being able to see clearly is key to their development, helping them explore the world around them and connect with others. Got you. So if catching

those issues early can make a huge difference, it's good news that Spex Savers experts can help. Exactly, Rob. They've pulled out the stops to make children's eye test as enjoyable and kid-friendly as possible. Plus, you can stay with your child the whole time for peace of mind. make their first appointment a good experience. Book your child and NHS funded itest at specksavers.co.uk. At Desjardin Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected.

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And the second half of my year is going to be so different. This tour is the first. first time it's got properly gruelling. Well, I did do some parenting stuff that we can go into. Go on. Before I went to China, I went on a school trip. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. To the Chisselhurst Caves.

Oh, do you know what? That's the first time I've heard of them. You've never heard of them? Well, the Chislehurst Caves? No, I haven't, no. So what happened in the Chislehurst Caves? Well, they're doing geology. It's like, so they're looking at different types of rocks and all that kind of stuff.

And geology stuff. I don't know what, I don't know what geology is, but I was on the trip. No, it's just stones, isn't there? Well, because basically the caves was like, I think, like a chalk and flint mine, but also was built in like the middle aged by druids. The Romans were down there. And then in the first World War, it was used for, like, ammunitions. And Second World War, they used it as bunkers for, like, the Blitz and stuff.

Because that area got bombed a little bit, because it was sort of South London into Kent, and there was an airport, big in Hill Airport nearby. So they'd hide under there. Interesting. And then it all. also in the 70s had gigs down there. Rolling Stones and David Bowie and Jimmy Hendricks played gigs in these caves. Wow. Yeah. It's amazing, isn't it? So it's brilliant because

I went in there and saw all the rocks, but also there's always some of cool stuff and they've got like mannequins and figures set up to be like, this is where the beds would have been. This was the hospital part during the war and stuff like that. And the guy that was running it was very passionate about his job. But he was very particular about how he did it. Very confident, quite a good performer, but he sort of very much did his own little one-man play. Yeah. Within the caves and stuff.

We've got a fucking cheek ever and go at people for doing a one-man play. 18 years of that, mate. I know, but like it was so, but he went in there and the kids were all like, it was going. And oh, by the way, the teacher's got this like these little techniques where she goes, attention, and the kids just do a little like salute. And then they listen. And a clap, there's teacher clap.

It's like, and then they go, and they clap back. And they'd just sit in silence. Oh, wow. So I was watching this goes unbelievable. These kids are so well-behaved. My daughter's there. And then the teacher goes off. They couldn't, the lack of respect for me was in a disgrace.

I bet, I bet. They just couldn't give a fuck. And at one point, I was, did you do? Did you do attention? I tried. They sort of just laughed at me. And then I was like, I went, oh, come on. Everyone, sit down.

I went, sit down and shut up like that, trying to be funny. And they went, did you just tell us to shut up? I was like, oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, oh, God. Anyway, but the teacher said to the, because he was quite flamboyant, this guy,

and he was quite creative of it. The teacher said, oh, look, the kids might be a bit scared of the dark. They're only like six and seven. Oh, God, sorry, I hate saying that out loud. Six, seven. They're at the six and seven age. And they were a bit scared of the mannequins. He went, okay, no, he went,

so if you can show them the mannequins, it'll be fine. And he was like, the guys, and he used to speak like, in the caves, are mannequins. And I'm like, I'm shitting my pants now. What are you doing? And this bit, because it's that one bit, it was like the church, he goes,

look at the mannequins. He's got like a torture. I want all the kids of shit in the pants. And he climbs over the fence and just like yanks on the ear of this mannequin. And I'm like, oh my God, what's going on? He was like, now, I don't know if you've met a vicar before. You might think he would react if I pulled on his ear. I'm like, mate, all you've got to do is telling their plastic

and they're the ones from ours and spancers. What the fuck we do in it? So what's your role in this day? How many other parents are there? Don't lose one. All I cared about was don't lose one when they were like... Are you bantering? No, I'm just sort of following along watching what's going on,

trying to make sure that they're like following the guy and that because we've got like these lanterns and stuff. How many other parents are there? No, it's just me, one parent, and then there was a teacher, a teacher assistant, and then the school... The coach driver came as well. So why did you get the call?

They just said who wants to do it, and I hadn't done one for my youngest daughter, so I went and did it and stuff like that. But, yeah, no, it was quite good fun, but the, oh, I've told you this about Nidos. I don't know what that means. You know Nidos? I've got notes here from things I've not mentioned there,

because I'm to see, you know the Nido? The things I, if you're watching on the video, it's like that square plasticy thing that I'm fidget squeezing. Yeah, fidget squeezing, right. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, it feels like you stretch Armstrong stuff, but in a little cube. They're called Nidos. The kids quite like them.

Anyway, we went on over Easter, we went away, went to, guys, I've not spoken to for ages ever. We went to, went to, Disney for holiday, went to Orlando again. I don't know, I can't remember. I can't remember what I've spoken about or not. Surely you've spoken about that. I don't even know anymore. We had, they had some needos in the bag and they had an iPad.

The bags went through the security. So this is a big tip. We got stopped to security, right? Yeah. To check our bags. You know, normally it pulls to one side and then they go, open it for me and have a look. Heartbreak.

The heartbreak when it goes to one side. Yeah, yeah, but did you know there's another level? No. There's another security level. It went off, went to one side, I went, sorry, we need to wait for a supervisor. Oh, my God. And then I went, well, there's four of you here.

Can't one of you do it? No, no, no, we need the supervisor. Oh, my God. What I went, I don't understand what's going on. They went, it's been flagged as serious. It's like, what? And it was just kids bags. I was like, okay, what's going on?

And I was like, and in the end they were like, Did you worry the way you'd reacted to that, to me it feels like that was quite a guilty reaction? Yeah, but the way they reacted was so odd. They were so serious and we cannot touch that bag. And they can't even talk to you about why they can't touch a bag. And I'm like, what's going on? And anyway, I was chatting like that. So if it comes out in a bomb disposal outfit?

Yeah. What? Not in an outfit, but like, yeah, they think it's a bomb. Amazing. Because he went, Nidos will set off the sky. security every single time because basically looks like Semtex. So if you have a Nido in your bag, do not let your kids pack a Nido in the hand luggage because it will get flagged and that's an immediate stop and search, yeah?

And if they have their Nido, which feels like a little, like a cube of Semtex, next to their iPad in the bag. Oh my word. To the machine looks like a Semtex bomb. Facking war. So they thought I was traveling with two Semtex bombs in a... Why do you need two? In case one doesn't work.

Why don't you take the gamble? So do not take me those on holiday. Okay. Please. And are definitely not next to... We discussed your holiday, Rob. I'm so mad my life that I don't even know. I just, I haven't, not really know.

No, we haven't. I kind of remember it. My head is all over the shop. But, yeah, no, I went to, I went, we went to Orlando for holiday over Easter. That's what we did. Because Luz is addicted to it. And at this stage, the amount of parenting I'm making her do, I will just say yes to anything she wants forever.

We went to Cornwall. Have I even spoken about my birthday? I don't even know. Like, how long since we've done it? Talk to you about your birthday. Not much happened, really. No? We were in Cornwall.

We had a lovely morning. I had tea in bed. And then we went to the beach. I just wish I was at home with my kids more. But that will happen. I've just got to get through the next three weeks. Well, I missed one of their plays. Oh, that's a shame.

They had a play. I missed another play. The problem is you can't. I don't want to be that guy. Well, I had that week booked before they announced that that was when the play was going to be. I have, though, booked off their sports day because I was staring down the barrel of missing three years in a row. I'm like, I can't be that bad. Yeah.

So I've booked that off and I've said nothing can get in the way of that, that is. Yeah. When it rains, they move it. I'll be fucking living. Oh, dear. Are we all good? I've got lovely summer planned. Oh, we booked.

I think we're going to go skiing next year. We're going to book skiing. Oh, here we go. Here we go. We're not going to the place you're going to. Thank God for that. Well, no. One of the main reasons was we were going to go away the same time as you're going away,

so I didn't want a gate crash. She's too much. Are you going away together again this year? No, and I've told him all of my holiday dates and where I'm going, and he's promised not to come on them. That's good. That's good. Yeah, because he stole my holiday last year.

Anyway, what else is going? And if anything else is happening in you? Yeah, what's going on? No, what anything else? Have you seen my fucking diary? What else could be going on? It's absolutely insane. We are so terrible managing our life.

But it's because... We talk such a talk. We're stupid fucking idiots. Oh, my God. But at least it isn't it affecting my health? Ask me what I'm doing tomorrow. What are you? What are you?

Sleps go dating. Fucking hell. How long is that series? You're always doing so. the lens go dating. It's never over. That is mental. Oh, I feel mad. All right, let's do small business. So I've got this. Where's this, where was this delivered to me? A small business shout out. Somewhere I was. Belfast. Welcome to Belfast. I hope the show goes brilliantly tonight. My husband and I have tickets. My name's Victoria. And I'm the owner of Victoria May designs a small handcrafted tea business

based here in Belfast. Because I know how much you like tea, I thought I'd send you some to take home with you. I'm a huge fan of parenting hell and went to see Rob when he was in Belfast last year. I'd love it if you'd give my small business a shout out on the podcast. I have two little people and work around them when I can. I'm obsessed with tea, started making these gift sets.

I've got one here. That's lovely. For baby showers and wedding favors, I now have over 100 ranges and sell them on Etsy, not on the high street. and my own website. I had a hard time deciding which ranges to send you. There's a running set I thought you'd have a laugh at, a football one, a cat one, a train one.

But in the end, I'd decide to send you the book lovers set and a joys of motherhood tea set. That one's not for you, it's for Rose. I've great sets with Godbothers, baby dedications, new moms and grandparents, plus lots more. Each tea bag envelope is designed and individually sewn.

It's sewn beautifully by myself. As a small business, any PR would be amazing. The listeners can find us at Victoria, May, which is M-A-E-Disines.com. If they use the discount code parenting hell, they'll get 20% off any order. The business is also on Facebook and Instagram, and if any listeners would like to follow me, that would be amazing.

Facebook, Victoria May Designs, Instagram, Victoria May Designs. Thank you so much for coming to Belfast. Enjoy the show tonight. I'm sure we will. Gobble, gobble, thanks very much. Victoria, they're absolutely beautiful, these things, these gift sets, and thank you very much. They're really well done. There we go.

Get involved. Okay, I've got one here. Hey, Rob and Josh and Michael. I'm a huge fan of your pod. I recently saw Josh in Bedford, aka the hottest gig of all time. Oh, it was boiling. It was boiling hot, Rob.

And it was our first night out after having our second baby and it was pure joy. It's not that recent. That was the second gig of the tour. I'd love a shout out for a little project I've started while I'm on maternity leave. A new mum singing group called Sling and Sing.

I recently read an article about how singing can seriously support mum's men. mental health, reducing stress and anxiety. I might tell losers did the karaoke machine on. Calm her down. And it's great a building community. She sat on her own on Diet Cokes and Whispers. I will survive.

Yeah, yeah. Dance out. I'm going deeper underground. No, I was thinking that would be a third choice. I know, but I did it because of the holes. Oh. I did callbacks in song. So what was the dogs?

Oh, who let the dogs out? The dog escaped. Oh, I just thought it was a good... And then there was holes in the ground. Yeah. I'm not appreciating my time. Oh, that would have been a good one. Anyway, there was nothing like it in my local area,

so I decided to set one up myself. The aim is to help to connect mums, sing together, then finish with some cake and chat. I'm running a special festive season. This must be old. My God. Where we'll sing some carols and Christmas songs. I think moms and babies,

round a piano, some mints pies, a lot of happy smiles. It's on Tuesday the 2nd of December in Potter's Bar. We also got one to celebrate the Queen. We also plan to have one

to commemorate the death of Diana. I know it's only been a few weeks but we're still getting over it together. It's on the 2nd December in Potter's Bar for anyone in North London Harbache. I'm sure there's other ones. Class is usually free

but for that one it's 10 pounds. Okay, right. Anyway, just search Sling and Sing on Event Bright and you should find the event. I'm sorry, Becky. I think if you want to shout out, you've got to go, you can't go date specific.

If we've learned anything, I hope it went well. I think we've done this one before. I genuinely believe it. I do as well. Let me do another one. No, keep it in. It's so funny.

You've got to keep that in my voice. It's so old and we've already done it. it's so old. Please could you mention the Lily and Fox Bakery in Earlsden? Their most lovely people running it, so nice and working so hard, and their bakery is gorgeous.

It would be amazing to get them a mention, please. Thank you lots of fresh bread and bagels, as well as delicious pastries and cakes. Thank you and take care. Thanks for the podcast from Anna. That's Lily and Fox Bakery in Earlsden. Oh, well done to them. They're doing special bagels

to commemorate the moon landing, which is... They've got those Berlin Wall turnovers. I feel mental. I promise, guys, I am in the process of reorganising my life, so I'm at home. Yeah, yeah. It's going to happen.

You listen, and I'm predicting this now. Yeah? Right. Just see, no. Michael, could you check if we've done that? I think we've done that one before as well. Fucking hell. Right.

See you later. Bye. Bye. I'm just going to do a quick voice note for the podcast, because I said as a joke this morning, when I was like, I'm going to go and record the podcast with Josh. And I was like, I should be doing it, not you. I'm going to try and keep this as succinct as possible

because I feel like I will either A, cry or be, do a 40-minute diatribe of my weekend. I have had a weekend. Right, Friday. Okay, so girls are in a show Sunday. Youngest managed to fuck up her costume. Not really her fault. She's playing slinky dog all the spring. got caught up so it was like one big ball of spring. So I had to make her a new costume.

That's fine. No big deal. I had more springs. I love a glue gun. No problem. So made another costume. Friday, intermittent power in the house. Nothing's working. I throw away my hair dryer because I think it's the hair dryer. And then the lights are surging up and down. Like we've got a malevolent poltergeist. I have an argument with the eldest about what she wants for tea because I'm halfway through cooking, steak and vegetables. And she was saying, I just want toast. I'm like, no, you must have protein and vegetables. And then the hob won't stay on long enough for me to cook, said steak and vegetables. I've just cooked it just enough that it's ruined because I can't cook it fully, but not,

I've cooked it too much that I can't put it back in the fridge. So I have to throw that away and then give her toast. The toast isn't working so that I've kind of pissed all over my own argument I was having with the 10-year-old about her need for protein and vegetables because I just gave a toast for tea. In the end, because that was all I could get to work. Even though I had to use the toaster four times, I was like, there's just no power going to it. The lights are surging up and down. I'm like, we've got a baltergeist.

Find the electrician. He comes Saturday morning. He's like, there's nothing wrong with the electrics in your house. It's coming from the road. You need to call UK Power Network. I do that. They come out a couple of hours later. Very quick service, I will say, from UK Power Network.

But that was kind of, I will say, everyone I met from UK Power, all the guys that actually came, brilliant. The person I have an issue with is whoever connected our house originally hadn't done any service logs. They didn't know where the cable was. So he spent all of Saturday till about half 11 attempting to locate. to cable to fix it to my house so I could have, you know, power. That doesn't happen on Saturday.

So they come back Sunday. The girls have got rehearsals all day, Saturday. So Saturday afternoon for their show on Sunday. Saturday afternoon, I'm gathering candles and torches and the one rechargeable lamp that has got battery because it's going to get dark later when I have no power because they're digging holes and connecting things and unconnecting things and all sorts.

That doesn't happen Saturday. So Sunday they come back. They start digging holes in the neighbours field because they think the cable goes up there. This happens all of Sunday. Girls have their show Sunday night. That's fine. They're brilliant.

Chef's Kiss. It was amazing. They were amazing. I will say there was about 30 numbers. They were in two. So it was a lot of watching other people's children, but that's fine. It was great.

It genuinely was great, actually. I sound like I'm being sarcastic. But it was considering that I watched 28 odd numbers with not my children in. I really enjoyed it, and that is testament to do the drama place. Anyway, I digress. Get up this morning. So power is restored properly about half-11 Sunday night.

There's a massive trench dug out the back of the house, and they've taken the fence down where it goes into the hole in the neighbour's field. So I can't let the dogs out the back, which is where I normally let them out to do their way. I'm like, no problem. I'll let them out the front. We've put a fence in, so they can't get out. And there's a horse field for context next to our... garden. Georgie at 6 a.m. this morning, 6 a.m. decided to fuck off over a five-foot

electrified fence, which is behind our hedge, into the horse field, and he's doing massive zoomies, just like zooming up to them barking and running away. And now, if they'd kicked him or trod on him, absolutely his own fault, wouldn't have been the horse's fault at all, wouldn't have been the owner of the horse's fault at all. My dog should not be in her field. I completely, completely understand that. I accept that. He should, I just didn't know he could get over a five-foot electric fence. She arrives to feed her horses. She's understandably a bit fucked off that there's a whip it in her field acting like a dickhead. So I have to get in my car because even though it's next to our garden, it's like you have to go round the road,

round the road to climb out of my car in my pyjamas in her field, apologize profusely, grab my dickhead dog, which is behaving like a dickhead. I left the house without a lead because why would I take a lead when I'm going to collect a dog? Grab my stupid dog. Grab my stupid dog, he's trying to bite me because he doesn't want to walk back past the horses because I think they've scared him, but I'm like, you have to get out of this twatting field. I'll get him out the field, putting him in the car, drive back around to our house, get the girls ready for school. They're knackered because I didn't get to sleep until like 10.45 last night because they were in their show, which was brilliant, aforementioned brilliant show, had to get them home. They'd like

geled their hair into a French plat, which my eldest was like, I'll just work at school. It looks nice. And my youngest was like, no, it must come out now. So she had to wash her hair when she got home. I'm just, I'm very overstimulated and I'm very overwhelmed. And what I would say is that I don't mind doing all of these things. These things happen, not the dog in the field, he can twat off. But like, it's no one's fault when the electric goes. It's just one of these things that happen. And I am a big feminist and I can cope perfectly well by myself.

However, that is a blue job. Dealing with that is a blue job. I should have been able to take the kids and go to my mum's and I couldn't because Rob was playing silly dicks with Ramesh in China. I don't know if this has helped this morning, but what I've had for breakfast is a whisper bar and a can of Coke zero. And I can't calm down and I've got work to do. And this is almost six minutes. So apologies for this.

Put this on times too. I was going to try and do this succinctly and I couldn't. There was other things that happened. What else happened? Yeah, just a lot. Anyway, hope everyone's well.