Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP37: A Room With No Window

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... it's been a busy weekend over at PH Towers. Find out why inside this episode... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Pizza Express. Now serving up after-school club, a selection of Pizza Express favourites for just £5 each. Available three to five Monday to Friday. It's a tasty way to reclaim those family moments that's kind on the wallet too. Oh, Rob, also, you get the after-school meltdowns, don't you? They do.

They're hungry, they're tired, one wants to sit in the front, one wants to choose the music. Or, oh, you've brought the wrong snack, or you get home and they want to watch different things on TV. Josh, when the kids come out of school, and like they just throw their bags at you, say I'm hungry, arguing of each other about who sits wearing the car. Oh my word.

It's full of. Couldn't agree more, Rob. And you know what? When you find yourself in that situation, in my experience, there's no 330 meltdown that can't be calmed with a five pound serving adobles. For more info about what's included and how to redeem, visit pizzerexpress.com terms apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... George.

What? Can you say Rob Beckett? Why? Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whittaker? Josh Whittaker? Well done.

What's that for? Who's that deep-voiced guy that's just done our child intro, Josh? That's George. He's 17-year-old reacting exactly as you or I would expect, according to his mum, Emma. Thanks for all the last. My kids are probably too old for me to still be listening. not at all, Emma, but I'm not going anywhere. I love you both.

Emma from Eltham. Eltham. That's near me, Eltham. Of course it is, Rob. Was I going to say, oh, Josh, I'm in the middle of some serious dad and husband guilt at the moment. Is it Nits? Nits. There was a NIT email that came around from your school.

How do you know about the knit email from the school? Because I'm just on top of these things. What? How do you know about that? Lou texted me and said, I did not need this today. Just after the podcast. right okay yeah they're at the end i mean that the the the the the lice knit problem is so down the level of what i'll give us what we who care there's still fucking holes around our house where they've

not come back to fill it in oh yeah someone so they dig a hole took all to because we had no electric then someone they left i went oh someone will be around to fill it in someone came around to check it and went yeah yeah i'll find the right person to fill it in i was like that's literally your job to look at a hole so what was he doing going checking that there was a hole. Well, I don't know, or what type of hole to what type of person comes. I can't believe there's different departments

of hole filling. Because it's either grass or concrete, yeah, yeah, well, exactly, yeah. Anyway, so I've missed an email at some point. Now, we're recording today between half eight and half ten in the morning. Oh, God, it's so stressful. But you're busy, I'm busy,

and, you know, we need to, we needed some episodes and stuff. I've missed an email where this morning, at like quarter past eight my daughter's in a performance where she sings a song in front of the school. Oh no. And it's open morning for secondary school for my other daughter.

Oh my word. You could have cancelled this, Rob. Well, I genuinely don't think I could have. No. We've got no time this week due to certain things that are going on. I literally this morning, we got to school at 10 past 8.

Yeah. We'd forgotten my son's swimming kit. Who's we? You and your son? Are you dragging him into this? No, me and Rose. Right, okay. We took them both in because it's like my last day here for a week.

Right. Because literally I got back at 8.15 last night. Basically, I could have stayed in London while I came back to do the school run because I wanted to see it. Because otherwise I'd have been away for like 10 days in a row. And then do this and go straight back to London again. And do this and then go to Leeds. Leeds.

Oh, no, so Darby first, isn't it? No, Darby was on the way to Grimsby. I'm going direct to Leeds. Stop showing off. Also, Luat to Cameron. saw a meeting because she obviously one of us has to be there. And then what happened was, the school round, show round things at 915, but the singing thing may overlap.

So then Lou said to the youngest, I'll be there for your performance, but I may not be there at the end to say, well done, because I've got to go straight off to the eldest daughter's show round of a school and go and do that. And then she's crying and upset. And then she's like, you're not even coming.

I'm like, no, I'm not coming. Lou's at a work meeting. and then so this sport I felt really guilty leaving this morning. It was very much a Gabrielle out of reach, a couple of tears in the car to commute. But here now, ready to talk about not parenting again. Oh, Rob, I'm sorry. It's so mental.

And then you're like, presumably your daughter is going to that secondary school anyway. Yeah, I know, but you want to be, I know, but I just completely, I've completely missed the email. and there's no way to sort of reschedule. And the problem is I'm quite busy and overwhelmed at the moment with work. So it's like my neutral is you're a piece of shit and you've done it all wrong, Rob. Okay?

So I'm very working. That's my nil-nil. Is Rob your piece of, yeah, before I've done anything wrong, is Rob you're a piece of shit, you've done it all wrong. Did you watch the football last night? 5-4. Oh my God, it's unbelievable, wasn't it? The Premier League is shit compared to that.

bring on, I know this is an unpopular view, and most of our listeners aren't even interested, the faster they just bring in a fucking European Super League so these teams play each other every week. I thought that. I was like, this is, I can't, and I'm an Arsenal fan. It's not like the Premier League isn't hugely financially rubbish. Like, the shark has been jumped or whatever the fucking point is.

It's always going to be unbalanced. So let's just put all the fucking best teams in a league together and they can play each other every week. Let's just admit what this is, rather than pretending that it's like, what's the point in Bayern Munich winning their league every year? For all the teams who are good in the same league, and promotion and relegation from the domestic leagues into that league,

it'll be much better. I agree. Welcome to Talk Sport. Coming up after the break, we're joined by Pat Nevin, who will be discussing the problems at Chelsea. Yeah, and we will be jumping between the pros and cons of the European Super League and Rob's complete lack of self-worth and self-loving.

We'll dnip in and out of that and keep it all above board. And occasionally you come back around to the cats getting the snip. We've got that to discuss. And a few other bits of bobs. But European Super League, that was amazing. Was it 5'4? 5.4. 5.4.

How good is Harry Kane, by the way? I think he's the best English player of my lifetime. It's so obvious. He's way better than Wayne Rooney was. He's a better professional as well. Yeah, and he's just so exciting. And he just does mad things where suddenly he's in midfield pinging a 50-yard past.

He's incredible. And we are not appreciating, welcome to talk sport. Harry Kane, we are going to, he's going to retire and we're going to go, we do not realize that was the best player ever who's been English. I've told you my theory. We only really love sports stars that smile. Harry Kane isn't very good at smiling. No.

He doesn't know what to do with his lips. He goes for it. He wants to smile. Lovely guy. I've met him. I've met his wife. Lovely family, lovely couple. His mouth won't let it do it for him.

No. I mean, he just can't, I can't frown. Well, this is a thing. We love a sports star, and it goes in with what I said about Ronnie O'Sullivan, who's sadly lost. We like a flawed sports star, and Carrie Kane isn't flawed. No. He's the opposite of flawed. He's the perfect professional.

Yeah. He's like a kind of just very happy dad. He's got a very sensible kind of haircut that you'd normally see on a 40-year-old professional. kind of. He wears sketches already. Exactly. He is middle-aged mediocrity personified as a human being, but he's also the best footballer we've ever produced. Yeah, I'd say so, but, you know, I think he's all right. I don't think he's going to lose any sleep over that. I think that's a fair description. I think that's a fair description. The greatest footballer we've ever produced.

Come on, Harry. Admit it, your hair is the hair of a man who is 10 years older than you. That's fine. Yeah. And he's worked really hard because he was a bit, you know, you know, written off at the start. Yeah. Anyway. So basically I hate myself. So if anything goes wrong, I sort of double down on that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but we know that. I'm going over all ground here. So I've been battling those demons today because I've done it wrong and I pride myself for not doing it wrong. But hey-ho, that's life. We're here now, back into work.

How's the cat's fannies? Well, it's not their fannies. What is it? Do they sew it shut? They go in through the stomach. Okay. So don't you have to let them have a period first? What?

Don't you have to let them have a, with dogs, you have to let them have a couple of periods first before you do the SNIP. Is that real? The bollocks can be whipped off earlier. You don't have to like won't come off a couple of times, you know. Just so they know what it's like. Exactly. Just so they know what they're missing. But you had to let them go through the cycle a few times.

I don't know. Well, we didn't have to. The vet didn't tell us that. And you've got to trust the vet. He's the expert. The vet was very snip happy. He was very happy to SNIP-O, was he? So they're in little jumpers now.

Right, because they've got scars. And they've got to be in those jumpers for two weeks. I had to take a photo of the scar to send to the vet, which obviously I've forgotten to do. Also, Fluffball's got to go back in in 10 days because she had some liquid on her lung. Oh, my God. So he's got liquid on the lung? No, I don't think so. It's just she cuffed up a fur ball or something.

They were like, well, let's bring her back into Cheka. It's all fine. They can go out in 12 days. It's unfair to say I'm wishing the next two weeks of my life away. but they're incredibly stressful. Yeah, no, but you'll get through them. It's just a busy period and we've got much calmer the rest of the year. Oh, exactly, exactly.

I can't wait for the calm. Obviously, I feel a deep calm when I'm on stage. Oh, absolutely. You're sort of in flow state. Yeah, yeah. You are like plankton in water. Exactly. Where does the plankton begin?

Where does the water end? Exactly. Often begins in Leeds and ends in Venice this week. What a week. Actually, it doesn't end. in Inverness. He goes, Leeds, via Scotland, Inverness, and then Birmingham and Milton Keynes. Yeah, and then you're nearly done, aren't you? Tours nearly done. The tour is brutal. I've got five left. After that period. I've got two in Wales, then Cheltenham, and then London.

Have you got any sort of fun days out planned with the kids? After that? Yeah, we're going, I mean, it's not long till half term, Rob. Yes. Are you doing anything? We're going on holiday. Oh, nice. So, tell me more about your... I'm not on holiday and half-term. Lose away for something and I'm at home with the kids. Nice. That'll be nice. Nice.

I'm looking forward to that. I want a bit of normality. No, what I want to talk about is my 10-year-old is an incredible negotiator. Oh, yeah. And like... Do you think we should send her into Iran? No, not yet.

Do you think she could reopen the straight of almost? Did you see King Charles at the Congress doing jokes? No. He smashed it. Did he? He was like over 250 years ago, or as we like to call in the United Kingdom, just the other day.

Oh, nice. And the Americans were fucking loving it. I love all that. They love old stuff. Has he written that? Yeah, no, he's got it. Someone's writing for him. Who's writing for Prince Charles?

Because it was funny. It was funny. It's a good way to disarm what is quite a tense situation. at the moment. Well, we could do with disarming the situation. But Trump's going mad. So you just basically, he needs to go in there. Do you know what?

Up until now, he's been my kind of guy. It's just the last couple of weeks is too much for Bobby B. You know, it was that an opinion? And in my opinion, he's been absolutely fine until about a week and a half ago. And it was just a bit too much. But no, I think it's a good way to disarm it because you go in and be all charming.

in may stand up for things you don't like you because he like said about Afghanistan where Trump before said, we never helped it, all that stuff. So he sort of hit back at all that, but then chuts in a few jokes. And the Americans love it, didn't they? Yeah.

I'd love to know who's writing for the king. Because the odds are, if they have got a proper writer in. There will definitely be a script writer for the royals. We would probably know who that is if they've got a comedy writer in. It's a good joke as well. Yeah, that's not written by like a royal.

Unless they send it off to punch it up. Yeah, who's getting the email? I'd love to know if anyone knows that. We won't name you, but if you've got any information on how that works, I'd love to know. But that's like the hardest corporate of all time doing Congress in front of Trump. My friend did a punch up on a script. So I'm going to change some details here.

Yeah. There was a musical of a film. Yeah, there's many of them. And then he got brought in. Sorry, my phone's going mental. No, before I was talking about. Oh, no. my thought would negotiate it, right?

So, like, you know, like, I'm basically too tired to argue with her and stuff. So, like, the other morning, I said, I said, like, I was doing some boiled eggs. I went, does anyone want any boiled eggs? I went, can you have dippy eggs? I went, well, no, we haven't really got time for that. I'll just some boiled ones. And if you want a hardboard edge, you can have that. I went, she was like, well, why would it take so much longer?

And I was like, well, because I have to do the toast and the butter. And she went, I've already got bred out to do my own toast. So all you've got to do is cook the eggs for less, actually, because they'll be dipping, not hard. If anything, it'll be quicker. And I'm just going, fuck out, fuck off. Because it is like, oh my God, she's actually spun me around with a good argument there. This isn't a child anymore. This is a young woman that's learning how to navigate the world.

And she's right. So I just have got, okay, yeah, she's right. I have dippy eggs. But she's 10. You should go, make your own fucking dipy eggs. You're 10. Yeah, I think I might be a bit strong. That's the next stage, Rob.

Yeah. Will you fucking do it then? And drive yourself to school. Yeah. And get a load of injections and go and work with Ramesh. For the record, the injections of the country, not the man. Okay, right. Okay, just checking.

Yeah, I've got my anti-siphilis injection, Ramesh, because I know what you're like. The country of Sri Lanka, do you mean, Rob? No. Oh, God. This episode is brought to you by HubSpot. Now, you know that moment when a kid casually dropped in, they've got a massive project due tomorrow. No warning, no context, just a hope, a prayer

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All it takes is a BMO Visa credit card to enter. Sign up and enter at BMO.com. contest. Contest rules apply. It's so wild at the moment and it's just so racked and stacked. It's mental. How's your fitness going? So I had a bit of an injury. I had a bit of a hip injury. Oh yeah. I told you about my park run, didn't I yesterday, yeah. Yeah, you dropped the phone yet. Yeah, yeah. I'm going again in Aberdeen. That's going to be hilly, isn't it? Is it? Yeah. All Scotland's hilly. They love it.

I loved it, Rob. Joe Wilkinson loved Park Run. Did, or has he done it again? He does it all the time, yeah. I love it. The sense of community, the sense of overtaking, the sense of old people. The sense of overtaken. I love the way you went, the sense of community.

You're next thing was being better than the community. Being better than the community. And that is the spirit of the community. That's the spirit. No, it was really fun. I really enjoyed it. Ali lapped me. I should say that.

Lapped me. Lapped you can't lap some. or not a part run, can you? Yeah, it was a two and a half. So it was a double lap of a two and a half. Fucking hell, he's quick. This is your tour manager. I know.

How quick did he do it? 18 minutes. I mean, what's the fucking point of going there if you're going to do it that quick? Also, he'd already run a couple of miles to warm up. I'm just not built for it. I'm just like, I'm like Bowser. She's a big fucking lump shuffling about.

So, Rob, because of my hip, I've booked in a training session. Yeah. with someone to teach me to run properly. Oh, okay. Do you think that's a good idea? Yeah, I think if you really enjoy running, yeah, you might be injuring yourself.

I really enjoy running. I want my technique to be good. I'm not going to become a, like, I don't want him to go, hit these times, I just want him to tell me, don't run like that, because that's what's damaging it. Form and technique. Yeah, yeah.

When this is all over, I'm doing a running lesson. Right, okay. So what is your ultimate goal in, not to be injured? Not to be injured. that's my ultimate goal. Josh, can I tell you an absolute fuck up I had when I was in America?

Go on. You know that Adidas have released the World Cup footballs but mini-wap versions? I didn't know that. So they've released every World Cup ball from like 1970 or something.

Right, yeah, from the tango onwards. Tang go onwards, I can't remember how many they are, but they've also released a full-size version which is like a two and a half grand collection,

it's mental, right? But they've released mini versions and it was like 180 quid or something, okay? And you get this big box, presentation box and it's limited edition and it's $100 when you get all the footballs

and I thought I'd be a nice little thing to have. They saw you coming. Well, I thought I'm going to get that as a little present to me for the end of the tour, right? And I've got these footballs for the World Cup. That's a perfect bit of Bobby B little present to himself. Anyway, sells out on Adidas straight away.

All gone. Straight up on eBay, they're going for like 800 quid a thousand pounds. Fucking hell. People are, people are absolute wankers. Yeah. And the same thing happened with that.

You know that Adidas trainer that was really fast for the marathon. That's done that as well. They was on sale for like 400 quid and they've all been bought now. They're going for a thousand. Anyway, I thought, oh, you bastards, but I'm not doing that. If they've gone, they've gone. Anyway, so they've all sold out. Anyway, I'm in America, yeah, when after, I went to, took on watch the golf when you watch the Masters. Four, you were Ramesh? No, we were in Florida, basically, on holiday. And then my friend was going to the Masters on a 40th and a ticket became available so I could do a quick hour internal fly. to go and watch it on the way.

I just moved my flight home back. So I managed to do that. It was really lucky. Great experience. It's brilliant. Left Lou to do the flight home. Left Lou to fly alone with the kids. Let's not get bogged down.

I've got enough dad Gil going on at the moment. Let's leave it, leave it. Other days I'd have really gone for that. Yeah. I cried listening to Gabrielle driving to here today. Just so you know what you're dealing with, okay? Right? Slightly emotional guy on the edge.

I feel a bit overwhelmed. So I didn't have a big bag. went to the masters, bought some shirts and jumpers and hats and stuff like that so merch. So I didn't have enough stuff. So Lou told me about a thing called Instacart. So in America, Instacart is all the shops that are near you, it's like Uber or Deliveroo, but if you need a product, someone will get the product for you and drop it off to you.

So you just pave it. So I went on this, Dick's sporting goods, yeah, because I needed a duffel bag to bring home my stuff because I didn't have a big enough bag to bring everything back. So rather I'm getting Uber out to the shop and back again, It's a good idea and I'm surprised it isn't here. Yeah, I think it's easier to do in America because I've got massive car parks and big shots. But Lou is all over Insta car.

I thought, this is brilliant. Anyway, as I'm scrolling through Dick Sporting Goods, what pops up for $200? Oh, the footballs. The footballs. Okay? Yeah. And I'm like, oh my God.

I'll get four. I'll get four and I'll quadruple my money on eBay. I did think, oh my God, they're going for like nearly a grand, and they're $200. is here. I went, I'll get them and I'll get a suit. I'll get in a suitcase anyway, so I'll just put them in the suit because I've got loads of stuff. How big are they? Well, I order it. And at this point, I'm with all the other lads, I'm not, this is a, we should all get one because like, if you want one, and if you don't even want it, you can sell it if you want to be a

scalper. Anyway, so I order it, turns up it is fucking massive. Now in America, we're sat there, we're all. Also, I've been in a pub already for five hours, a pub called Twin Peaks, which is basically Hooters, just short of barmaids with, like, low-cut tops on serving beer. So we've been in there all day watching, like, the football, all sorts, right? Let me send you a photo of how big this thing is, okay? Right.

I'll explain why there's two in a minute. Right. Have you got that photo, Josh? Yeah. Whoa. They are, yeah, they're big, actually, the dimensions are bigger than the biggest suitcase you can buy. So there's two there.

Right, so there's two. Let me hear it. So we've seen them. It mine turns up at the pub because of Instacart. So you imagine you're like eight pints deep and a load of footballs turn up at a pub, right? So I've got it. We're all pissing herself laughing because this is massive, right? So I'm thinking, oh, well, what I can try and do is ship it home or something.

Yeah, that's what I think. Or bubble wrap it and put it in oversized luggage. Right. I'm thinking that. Anyway, another bloke in the group sees it and knows he's wanted them before, knows how expensive they are if you resale. I'm getting some as well. So he drunk and he orders it as well from Instacart.

Okay? Yeah. His turn up, no balls in it. What? We're in a pub. He opens it. It goes to look at it and it goes, there's no balls. That is meant.

So either someone stole in the balls or they've been put out on display, but he's basically ordered this thing that's turned up with no balls in. What do you do in that situation? That's a nightmare. Because you've got it on Instacart. Are you really going to go to Dick's sporting goods? Yeah. Did he? Because he rung Dick Sporting Goods and they went, I'll bring it back and we'll refund you.

Yeah. So anyway, what we do is, and then at this moment, while we're trying to work out what to do, I'm like, well, I've got mine, I'll just bobble up it. We find out that the balls are now available in the UK on normal Adidas for the same price. Oh my God. Take them both back. Exactly. So we try to take them both back to get our money back. We get in there. E's on one till. I'm on the other.

I can't get my money back. because it's Instaccar, only store credit. So now I'm in Dick Sporting Goods, 5 o'clock on a Saturday, shit-faced, with $200 of store credit, right? So I'm going around, and I end up getting the bag I need, because I need a bag, right? I always have a stuff. So you haven't bought that yet?

No, hadn't bought that yet, because I thought I want to see how the balls are so I can get, yeah. So I'm now trying to get a bag. Then I see him trying to buy stuff. Anyway, so he's buying stuff because I'm like, oh, he's probably having to spend his store credit. Anyway, so I buy some gift for the kids. get some actual clothes I need for sport stuff.

I'll just do that now. Yeah, fine. As we're leaving, I was like, oh, did they make you do store credit? He went, no, they gave me a full refund. Well, why the fuck were you buying stuff? He went, oh, I just wanted the top. I was like, well, I could have got into the top, and you could have given me the money. So we go back to the pub and we all go.

Have you got these balls? Let me finish the story. We get back to the pub. Between going to Dick Sporting Goods and coming back and giving back and give them back and me haven't spent the store credit they're sold out on the UK website oh my god why didn't you buy them on the way I don't know I didn't think I just thought they were back in stock but they're so popular oh my god are they back now well in the end I had to buy them from Spain what they're available on a Spanish website and I just paid 40 pounds delivery to get them

Adidas World Cup ball set oh they are small aren't they yeah the little ones Oh my God, Rob. And have they arrived? Yeah, I've got them. Do you want to see them or not? What do you record? Yeah, of course. Sorry, I was just looking at whether I could buy some.

Give me it. It's like a disease. Everyone's addicted to buy them. Hang on. See my balls? Oh, my God. What are you going to do with it? KPRPs, put it up on a presentation box.

I don't know, but look. So are you going to keep them in the box? I don't know, mate. I've only just got them. I've just first time I've looked at them. I've never even checked if they're all there. I don't know whether you're going to get £200 worth of joy out of this. Oh, fuck.

Oh, God, you've caught your... I've got the head, hang on. Let me just put them away. I don't have to ruin it. I've got the balls. I've been wanting these for ages. All right. But yeah, that knows what I'm going to do with them,

but I don't know how I'm just pathetic, aren't I? Just got some sort of problem when it comes to football shirts and football stuff. What's going on with the plant behind you? The plant behind me is dead. Because I've not been here. Cliffs, that's it. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Oh my God, Rob. Fucking disgrace. Look at that. That is right in the bin. Do you reckon that's rescuable? A couple of green bits on it. I don't know. For the people that are on audio,

Rob's got a dead plant behind it. I got a dead plant, guys. At the moment, it looks like some sort of fucking weird bunker for some weird YouTube. Well, basically, why I am. weird bunk of some mad podcast wanker we haven't got a kitchen at the moment rob are you still sleeping on the floor well i'm never here so it didn't really matter but when you are what's the sit i got to hotel yeah in london on monday yeah and i thought this i don't think you can do this to people

yeah they were like your room it's uh zero one zero i was like all right what floor's that then they're like It's in the basement. No. I went down there, opened the door. I thought it'd be like, you know, in a London house, when you have the cut out, so the basement has got light. Yes, yeah. It had a square pretend window with electric light

and making it look like light was coming in. No, that's insane. I was like, I instantly started to feel, I was like, I can't be in here. This is making me really, I feel like, I'm fucking locked up. I can't just go to bed not knowing when the light's coming

in the window. Do you know what I mean? Like, is it mad? Is the light set on a timer then? The fake, have you got a photo? I don't. Oh, I didn't stay. Yeah, I can show you the light. You just left the room. Did they change?

I can't, I said I can't sleep in there because there's no natural light. Which I think, surely that's not the first time that's happened. Well, I thought you can't, if you like, renter, you can't say something It's a bedroom unless it's got a window because that's a cupboard, isn't it?

Yeah, it's just so weird. Right? So I'll show you the light. Send me your window. Send me your windowless room. I'll send you the window. Oh, sorry. Oh my God, Josh.

That's like something from a horror film. So that's like a fake sort of light in a window, like a window box on a wall with a curtain. Imagine being that fucking fitter, putting a curtain up over a fake window. I know. That's not, that's gaslighting you into things. in a cupboard to bedroom.

I know. And so I was like, have you got another room, please? And they were like, well, we've only got a twin room. I was like, yeah, fine. Of course I'll take that. Because I'll be able to see and hear the street. Was this London? Like a human being.

Yeah, it was in London. Did you book it yourself for something? Was it a tall one? It was paid for by the thing I was doing there. Right. And so there was three options. I said, can I get a hotel in this area with a gym? I got sent three options.

Obviously, I didn't check whether one of them was going to try and give me a basement hotel room. So I was just like, oh, that one looks good, fine. It looked good. And then I was in the basement. I mean, it was fine once it was in the twin room, although you're sleeping on a single bed is quite a weird experience. I told you that at that time when I tried to book a hotel room, and I got to the booking, through booking.com, there was like, there's no room here.

So I just walked around the streets of Soho trying to find a hotel room. I must have told you that. It was ages ago. Horrendous. But, absolutely outrageous. Anyway, so why did I say that? You said, what you still? Oh, we haven't got a kitchen.

Yes, what, no kitchen? And you're still sleeping on the floor? Well, one night out of seven at the moment. Yeah. But yeah. Have they got bedrooms yet, the kids? Or are they out of? No, no.

So we're in a real state of flats. You, I swear, I have not spoken to you, and you've been in a constant situation of sleeping a house for what feels like three years. I think that's true. Because you had all this just before you did the kitchen at your old house. Yeah. My son now refers to my bed as his bed.

Do you think that once you're done here with the house and it's all done, will, because Rose's love and passion is interior design. No, no, no, no, because she's doing it for a job, so it's fine. We literally wanted to leave London. No, no, no, no. But I'm saying once it, because you've got to get it. Oh, we'll change this. No.

change this again because in a way it's the equivalent it's hard for interior designers because they are in a house all the time right their own one as well as going to work so it'll be the equivalent of you sat in a comedy club for the rest of your life but never getting on stage just for five minutes if you told me to sit in a comedy club for an hour I go please don't I don't think I'll ever go to watch a comedy club again I don't think you like comedy well no I used to love it do love, but I don't watch it. I don't, I never watch comedy. Do you watch comedy? Not when I'm doing my tour, because I'm worried I'll get to influenced and like those ideas will seep in, but in between tours I watch a lot of comedy, yeah.

See, I've just, I just don't find it relaxing anymore. So I don't watch comedy. I enjoy doing it and I enjoy all the other things I do. But then there's other things I do where I would, so I do listen to podcasts. Yeah. And I do listen to the radio, but I don't really watch comedy on TV. You watch entertainment TV and documentaries and stuff, don't you? Yeah, yeah. Strictly.

I watch Strictly or traitors or all those things. What? No, but what I'm saying is, though, maybe that's not a great analogy for you, but it's like, if you are in a room, your brain will always go, if I did this, I did that, I'll improve that and I can do that. That is just how you're programmed as your passion, isn't it? I can see a point, but I don't think it'll happen. Because we've also got various things,

which, so we've still got the garage to do. We're not doing that at the moment. Yeah, but the danger is by the time you've done that, you'll start again on the thing you did first. No. I just think it must be so hard if that is your job to be in a house and not con, Lou does it because she's like, oh, I wish I did this or do that. And, you know, it must be so difficult not to.

Yeah, well, yeah. Should we go back to how you let Lou fly home from America on her own? She's a good woman. Real good woman. And now for a special part of today's show, what's the big idea where Josh and I will pitch each other our new business ideas?

And it's brought to you by Tesco Mobile, happy to be your second favourite network. Right, Josh, we love a small business, hence our small business shout-out section. But who's got the best business idea? Okay, I've got an idea for you, Rob. I've always thought this. People always go out for coffee or hot drinks.

Yeah. What do you drink more than anything at home? Water. Yes. It's a water bar. A water bar? Primarily, it does the best waters. Do you know what it'll be good, though, if you did water tasting?

So you could try the different ones. Try the different waters. What's that? Tap. What's that? Tap. What's that? Bottled.

I think you might need a bit more like of different, like, this is one from like a different country. Exactly. And you'd have a water menu and you'd have all the different types of water. And then you could have flavored ice. But you're flavouring the ice, but not the water. They're subtle flavours. Could I get water with a cucumber ice cube in it, please? Okay, yeah, that's fun.

How much are you charging for your water? 10 pounds of drink class. 10 pounds of drink, 10 pounds. That's why it's such a good business. But I think it's a lot of the water. Here's the cat. Yeah. I'm just pouring out the tap out back.

Well, I think if you put it that high, people go, there must be good water. Exactly. Do you know there is a business thing I saw where this is with wine. Yeah. If you increase the price of wine, it sells more because people think it's better. So that's what I'm doing with my water. 10 pound of glass.

10 pound of glass. So if there's a 10 cup tasting menu, it's 100 pounds ahead. Yeah, and it's called hydrate is my place. Can you? Hydrate is my place? It wasn't called that, but it is now. Hydrate is my place? Yeah, hydrate palace.

Hydrate Palace. Hydrate Palace. Do you know what my invention is for a new business idea? What? A car that the wheels completely turn so you just slide into spaces. That's a really good idea. Rather, you'll never have the reverse sort of park in a game. You just goes and just sort of slide in and out.

I've got a good business idea. Go on. It's a pill that you take when your hair is exactly the length you like it. And it stays the same forever. It stays the same. I love it. But you take it one a day. Then when you stop the pills, it can grow out.

So you're not stuck with it forever. But every day you take it, your hair never drop. Your hair remains the same. Yeah, that's great. I've got an idea for a business. Yeah. hamsters, but they're like free-foot-eye. So they're not all good ideas.

That's what we learned from this. Or like a tiny giraffe. You don't invest in everything. Imagine if you could have a pet and a giraffe and it's as high as your knee. Yeah, I would like that. You would like that. Imagine if I'd just knock it around. Yeah, that would be a good business idea. What kind of businessmen do you think he'd be?

Well, I think really, to be a good businessman, you need to take no nonsense, you know. I'm too desperate to be likes to be a good businessman. Yeah, I'm the same. I'm a bit like, I'd rather just be nice. Yeah. I don't want to go home having had an argument with someone because they wouldn't meet me at 17%. Look out for those great business ideas coming to you soon. Or maybe not.

It takes a long time to research and development to get these things off. Exactly. But, you know, I think there's legs in that car. Everyone knows Tesco Mobile can give you a great business contract, but we also know that when it comes to running your business, it's your friends and family that matter most. And that's why they're happy to be your second-futable. favourite network. For business deals and terms, visit

TescoMobile.com slash business. Anyway, should we do a bit of correspondence? Or is it got anything else? Why not? Yeah, yeah. What have I got on my notes? Oh, so one of the blokes I went on the golf trip with is he got a tattoo at 12. He got a tattoo at 12. Of a bulldog holding a union jack. On holiday with his dad.

What? What kind of people are you holiday with, Rob? a cross-section of society. Exactly the kind of people imagine you holiday with. Oh, God. I quite like the idea of tats. You've already got Greg Davis tattooed, don't you? Yeah, I've already got that on my foot.

Well, I've got that tattoo, isn't I? With that, like, stoic sort of principle. But, like, the problem is it just becomes your arm. So it was really helpful for the first six months and very inspiring. I was like, yeah, that's, yeah, I've got to remember that. But now it's just like looking at a thumb. Well, that's the same with interior design, isn't it, Rob? I remember, like, it was like when you're a kid and you'd change your bedroom round.

Yeah, I'll move to the sofas in the front room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was so exciting. And then you just get used to it. And actually, the weird thing is, nice things in your house are completely wasted on you because you are the one person that doesn't notice them. You need to bring people around. Those little mini footballs, Rob.

Yeah. The moment you put them on display, within a month, you won't even be able to see them anymore. Yeah, it'll just be the thing on the wall It'd just be the thing on the wall And balls I never kick What a sad life for a ball Yeah, you need to be constantly changing stuff To see it

It's getting really philosophical It's like, go on, it's like Jake Humphrey Go on, give it to me When you look in the mirror Yeah, yeah, yeah All you see it's changed So you'd see a spot Or you'd see, you know

Oh, my hair's too long or whatever But you don't, you can't even see your face anymore, if that makes sense. No, it doesn't. I'm still trying to work out why my tattoos are interior design. Because you can't see it anymore. Because you've got used to it. Do you know what I mean?

It's part of your body. So you're saying that Rose can't see how good the house is. She only sees the floors. That's why she constantly can't change it. No, no, I'm not saying floors. Well, literally the floors aren't. There's no flaws in the floors. Well, they won't be.

You changed the floors? Oh, yeah. We haven't got any floor in the kitchen at the moment. No. What floor are you going for? Um, tiles. Probably, isn't it? Can't go carpet.

Have you ever seen carpet in the kitchen? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Carpet in a bathroom's mental. It must be full of piss. Oh my God. A little carpet around the toilet. What the fuck are you doing?

I don't mind that if it's loose because then you can wash it. Oh, but it's a piss carpet. It's a piss carpet. It's only there to gather up piss. What do you see when you look in the mirror, Josh? Well, just, just nothing. Nothing? Nothing.

Because nothing's changed. Well, I go, oh, there's some lines there, or I go, you know, oh, God, you missed a bit shaving, that kind of thing. What do you see? What do I see? What do I see? I, well, it depends. It changes on how I am, but I can tell how I feel from my eyes. If you look back at photos, I don't know if you ever do that.

You can see in my eyes if I'm in a good place or not in that photo. Oh, wow. And the eyes, the giveaway. Yeah. Okay, small business shout out. Yeah. Hello, Bobby Beckett, Joshi, Whitty and Michael. Please, can you give a small business shout out to my brother-in-law,

who has just opened an independent record shop in Hitching, Hertfordshire, J.P.E's vinyl. He quit his job as a bar manager just before Christmas to pursue his dreams in opening a record shop. He stocks a variety of different genres from brand new to second-hand vinals, as well as vintage T-shirts and tote bags. The shop is open Wednesday to Saturday, and is located on Walsworth Road underneath Ronan's coffee shop hitching.

Me and my fiancé are huge fans of you both. No, that's not. This is, I don't like this kind of attitude here. What's this? What? In brackets, Rob a bit more, which I don't agree with that. I'm happy with that. I don't think you keep that to yourself, Rachel, trying to be edgy.

Well, also, interestingly, you'd think someone that opened a vinyl shop would be more as a team with us. Yeah, exactly. We listen to the pod religiously, despite being childless, say sex and relatable, always loves love Rachel. I think they should have

for a bit of bans, I don't think. I don't mind it, Rob. I don't mind it. I think everyone's got to have a favourite. Yeah, no one's 50, 50 down the line. It swings. I always preferred Paul chuckle, and I just, that's fine.

To me or to you, who's your favourite? To me? To me, it was Barry. To you? To me, it was Barry. To me, Barry. Right. Hi, former Petswood resident here, now relocated to Liverpool.

My colleague, sister, Charlotte and her husband, Dan, run Tommy Tumble Town, a children's role play centre in backup, which is in the Rosendale Borough in Lancashire, which opened in April this year. The centre was created in memory of their son Tommy, who passed away at age four after battling leukemia. Tommy had Down syndrome and loved Mr. Tumble. The centre is their way of keeping his memory alive and creating a place he would have loved. What makes it special?

11 mini role play areas, supermarket, vet, fire station, hospital and more. Oh, wicked. Inclusive environment using Macatron sign language, classes including messy play, toddler football, baby massage, monthly SEM sessions. Despite amazing feedback, football has been slow and they're struggling. Many people simply don't know they exist. It would really help if you could spread the word on the pod. It would mean the world to the family if you could support this beautiful legacy for Tommy. Amazing.

more info www. Tommy-tumble.com. Go to Tommy-hifenttumble.com. dot UK. Support that amazing thing. Where is it? Lancashire or Petswood? Back up. It's in Lancashire.

Everyone go to that. That is a brilliant idea and a brilliant thing in their child's memory. Tommy Tumble sounds like an old-school comic. Did he? He does, doesn't he? I used to prefer him to Clive Tumble.

Brilliant on the cruise ships. He struggled at the mainstream clubs, but on the cruise ship, you couldn't touch him, Tommy Tumble. Yeah. Enjoyed this, Josh. Thank you very much for listening, everyone. We'll see you next time. Thank you very much.

Bye.