Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP49: I love the buffet

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with comedians Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠��� is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Arlo, can you say Josh Whittaker? Josh Piracom. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beggard. Why A man? Is that Joldy? If it's not, uh...

Well, we don't know, actually. We know. Oh no. Oh no. Yes. Doesn't say. Pardon? I thought I deleted the email. Oh, no, oh no.

But you know you can shake. We learned that. Oh, yeah, yeah, you can shake. Also, people have been commenting that we're on our phones too much when we do this podcast. And I just want to let everyone know. That we don't get on.

No, we do get on. We have our notes on there about things we want to talk about. We have small business showouts on there. And we also have the voice notes on there. Other podcasts. And Instagram. Other podcast slash TV shows,

name me no names. No. Have Romesh, G. G. Auto Q. Auto Q. We do not have all. AutoQ because we don't know what we're going to say.

Exactly. Anything can come out. Do you think he's out there writing my crude retorts for me and sticking them on all take you? I have only just discovered your podcast and I'm way behind in series three. Blimey, this person, Callie, is not going to find this out for years. What series we are on? Michael? Twelve.

Twelve. All the way there. That's not in it. That's Seinfeld. We're not in series 12. We're on series one. We've never stopped. No, we haven't, have we?

Yeah. Hope you still do these interesting. intro clips and look forward to seeing if we make it on when I eventually get there. I have a four-year-old Arlo and a one-year-old Ezra. Here is Arlo's alternative attempt at your names. Thanks for laughs, Callie. Thanks, Callie. Michael, when is the end of series finale?

Soon, actually, okay. Do we do, I don't, what was the cliffhanger last time? No, we sort of, I have two espressoes to pump up the energy. And I don't know what the cliffhanger could be. Yeah, well, we'll see. We'll work it out when we get there. Yeah, we'll work it out on. You're looking pretty relaxed, refreshed.

Got a bit of colour on the cheeks. Well, yeah, that's true. But been on holiday. I wouldn't describe it as relaxing or refreshing. Okay. Where did you go? We went to Greece. What's your problem with Greece?

No relaxing or refreshing. You're going to like this, Rob. Do we do... You know when I ask you to beep celebrities' names out, Michael? Yeah. Do we do that? Yeah. So that's an effective way to tell this story.

And then if anyone wants to know they are, if they see us in the street, just let us know and we'll tell them in person. So you'll like this, Rob. There was a celebrity there. Can you tell me what happened? I can guess who it was and see if I'm right or not. I'll just, I'll use the name, then we can beep it out. Right, okay. But your holiday at the same time as that guy.

Yeah, so. It's hard to get a book at Nekker Island. It is, isn't it? How is Rich? He's all right. He's okay. Have you been invited to go to Nekar Island? No, I haven't. No.

So you're not over a celeb? Well, not with. That celeb, I can say, recognised me as much as Rory Stewart recognised me when he saw me at Oxford Station. He just stared through you. Stair through me, like a charity smugger on a Saturday afternoon.

Like a lively, bombastic student trying to get you to donate to a charity. Yeah, yeah. Bombastic, bombastic. So, Shell, who used to be our nanny. Yeah. She's moving to Australia. Yeah.

She came out for a few days. days. Yeah. We had a lovely time. Rose's mom was there. So she came out? Yeah. Was a friend? Yeah. Did you make a look after the children? No, we didn't actually. No, but one night. So it was like a come out because she's your friend. Yeah. She went early. Did you pay for her to go out? Yeah. That's nice. So there's a leaving present. Well, yeah. That's nice. But we'll probably go next year. Do you think she was under the impression that she may be sort of being taken out to do sort of secret childcare, but you didn't do any of that anyway? Well, I'd say it was an expensive way to do child. childcare. And that you didn't even use. Well, she'd be with them for an hour at the pool. Right. Or whatever, but it wasn't like, do childcare. Yeah. It was like...

So you're there with... She's part of the family, Rob. She leaves early? She leaves early, right? To go to Australia? No, no, no. She's going to Australia. She's moving to Australia.

But she leaves the holiday early. Cool. Yeah. She goes to the airport. Yeah. Three hour delay. Yep. All the passengers just put in a room.

Yeah. There is the said celebrity. Yeah. She can hear him, but she can't see him What room they in? Changing rooms They're in The waiting room

But guess what's been set up for this celebrity? A different section Because of your phone I know we shouldn't look at our phones Have a look at your phone I'm looking at our phone No So they're in a random sort of side room

Of an airport All the waiting passengers All the waiting passengers And they've basically put red boards up Like someone's having a cardiac arrest And he's just sat around there with his family. With his family.

And they can hear him and his family behind it. And get this. There's another celeb. Yeah. Bleak this. Right. Complaining that he hasn't got as many boards around him as the other slab.

No, why. Yes, why. And you're just sat there, guys, I don't know. I wasn't there.

Shout. This was shot. Right. So if you were there, drinking, you'd have got bored. I don't know. Who's organized in these boards?

So do you, right, so how famous you have to get for people to see walking and then they go. I'm miles off boards. They need boards. I am miles off boards. Or do you request boards? Because I'm going to say it.

When we got on the plane, I was there. So was Adam Lelana, the footballer. Neither us have had a sniff of boards. No, I mean, you know, no offence to Adam, but he retired about five, six years ago. You know what he's up with athletes. No one cares. You drop.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, so no sniff of board. I cared. But, yeah. So, isn't that wild? We'll put that picture on our Instagram. Oh, yeah. You've got to put that picture on.

I'm going to say it. Yeah. Being behind those boards is worth. worse than being in front of the boards. I'm replying to text message. I can see you texting. There's the actual criticism. I was going to try and start that out.

You went to look at the boards and you got a text. I've got my agent. I've got a reply to quite. You've got agent. Yeah. What's it about? Is it about work? It's about work.

It's supposed to be a work phone and I'm at work. So this is about work? Yeah, because it's time sensitive because it relates to something that's happening tomorrow morning. So it's done now. Not as time sensitive as the podcast that's happening now. your conversation is more time sensitive. However, that does have a time sensitive

pressure. So he said, I need to know in the next 45 minutes whether you need a car for tomorrow. No, no, I've got some undiagnosed things going on in my brain that means I have to do it immediately or I'll never do it. Right, okay. So if I owe someone money, I will pay them

the second after like, it's, I've got to transfer it to you. Yeah. Literally within a minute I've transferred it or I never will. Right. That's interesting. And people will sometimes feel too I put it off because I feel like You want to keep the money for as long as possible No, just I don't want to I don't want to go through that horrible process

Transferring money I like I've got a tax bill this month My tax for this month Yeah I know I've got the email waiting there I just can't be bothered to Is that because you don't like to see the money leave Yeah

Yeah I'm like the Danish with Carlsberg I think you've got a bit of a problem with money haven't you No I think you're scared of it No You're scared of it going now that you had it Because you never had it Yeah that is true

So you panics you of it Yeah. That's normal. That's normal, yeah. It's worse in my head now than it was when I was on 14 grand outdoor The Explorer. Yes. When I didn't give a shit. But then that's a problem, isn't it?

That is... Because it's actually your life's got easier, but your mind's telling you is harder. Way easier. Yeah. Yeah. Where are my boards? I think any boards just at home? So would you sit behind the boards?

I would say no need for a board. I could... If someone said, come in. this way we've got a corner of... Speedy boarding. If it was a separate room that existed as a room already and they said would you like to wait in here? Absolutely. Line it up all over. Who wouldn't want a separate room?

If it was, will your family go in this meter square space so that no one can look at you but they can hear you? It's a kind of board you'd used to cover a dead body. Yeah. If someone had just died and they'd just put that in the corner until the paramedics came. So the holiday was a bit stressful. Why was it stressful? It was fun

but the beach there's a beach where a and then there's a swimming pool. Yeah. And the swimming pool is full depth. So last time, so my daughter can swim now. Yeah. My son can swim with armbands.

Yeah. But you can't just leave them to go in that pool. No, you've got to be in there with them, yeah. So. And you're allergic to chlorine? No, I'm fine now. Are you all right? My skin.

What's the cure? Aging. I just have my skin hardened up, I suppose, Rob. You know what? Are you allergic to things when your kids? Yeah. So you went on holiday? No.

I was at home the whole time. Was it boiling? It's so hot. Unbearable at points. Like 35 hot. To the point like, do you ever walk outside? You sort of just shout,

fuck off at the weather. Yeah, whenever I, when I lived in Hainley. We bought a, a springclothing from Costco. Yeah. That's like a frog with four legs

and its mouth, and then the water comes out of its mouth and the underneath it. Yeah. And you plug it into that. hose perfect sprinkler done we didn't have the electric inflator so I had to self inflate by

hand what do you mean so like we did have like an electric pump not heater inflator what inflates the frogs the frog legs inflates so it's like a big and on the picture it doesn't look like as much it looks like lilac loo so I think I could blop a lilo in my mouth right it's probably like 10

lilo's amount of air yeah so I've got this bike pump thing that connects to it and I'm pumping pumping pumping but it's 35 degrees and like it's like I've given it everything for five minutes and it's nowhere in there's like it's boiling hot, the kids, they're so pale and blonde

and they've got cream on but I can actually hear them like sizzling under the sun and they're going, is it ready yet, Dad, is it? And I'm like, and I'm pumping them up and it's like my glass, you know, and like, they slide off your nose from sweat. And then I'm like, you had to have someone hold it in the valve and then someone to pump.

So I'm saying to something. So you're just pumping into nothing? Well, no, I'm not. I'm saying to, can you hold the valve? And you know what the kids are like? They're just sort of like, hold it for a bit and give up. Yeah, of course. And then I look around and I'm just pumping into air as it deflates. I'm just like, I don't want to be that dad on a half term that just scream these kids.

But I was just so hot, so tired. And I was just like, and just keep it in the fucking fat. And to fair, they chipped in a bit as well. But that nearly killed me doing that. But that was, that was nice, so the heat. Really? No. No.

It was too much. 25's nice. Yeah. 35's insane. So what, yeah, so I was at home doing that. Then I had to go to Teneree film. I've been so busy. I had to go to Teneree to film.

Yeah. I've never left England and arrived in someone like Tenerife and it'd been colder in Tenerife than England. So I left England in like just shorts and a t-shirt, like didn't even take a jumper. Right, the person I was meeting out there, they were like, I literally picked up a jumper to bring, but it was so hot in England that I just thought,

I can't even hold this. Never mind to think about packing it. Got there, it's cold. Breezing cold. I was like, I'm in Tenerife and I'm colder than I was in England. Oh, Rob. term but you were working yeah I was working and in Lou was working she was at the hay literary literary festival yeah did she enjoy that yeah she's well far in it

I'm quite enjoying work and travel really far and be like it quite it's hard isn't it traveling to all these places just for the night and come back is it wouldn't know we'd have no idea hmm yeah it's a little bit isn't it yeah and that's a little bit isn't it yeah and that's one you did this week in the UK. Yeah. Imagine four of those a week for a year and a half. Just imagine it.

It's really hot in here, Josh, isn't it? Yeah, it's boiling in here because the heating's fucked up at Spotify. So did the, was the holiday good though? It was just you had to be in the pool the whole time. No, so you're kind of looking after the kids. You're in and out of the pool. Was it warm enough to be in the pool and out without being a bit cold? It was effing boiling.

Oh, was it? Yeah, yeah. For normal people or for you? No, for normal people. It was like it was, it was spent some time in your room in the middle of the day hot. Oh, was it? Yeah. Okay.

But then there was the beach which the grown-ups liked, but the kids didn't. And then there was the pool where the kids wanted to be in all the time, but you had to be in with them. Yeah. Then you had to get them out of it because they couldn't just be in that pool in the boiling heat the whole time. And then the pool isn't the nicest pool in the sense of it's too busy. Right. lots of kids in there. And lots of girls.

It's like there's, it's got beds in, in rows. You know where you're like, you've, you've overbedded to this pool. Right, okay. Do you know, it's a... Well, I don't know. My thing is, on a holiday, I think I'm actually, I think I might be an apartment or villa guy, the hotel guy now. The kids are getting older.

Well, Rose has been good, good, glas since we got back. Really? Yeah, she thinks that Europa League win was a huge moment for them. And I'm... Yeah. Here we go. Here we go. A bit of fun.

Some puns. She hopes they'll build on it. No, well, because I think the good hotels are good when the kids are little. There's loads of activities, loads of options of the poor weeks. But once they get older, but then do you like doing cooking and cleaning

and tidying up and making your beds? And I like going to the breakfast buffet. You like the buffet? I love the buffet. But here is the world's smallest violin or whatever the phrases. Yeah. By the end of that holiday,

I was like, I don't think I ever want to eat out again. with two children. Oh, going out at a dinner table with kids. Because you're doing lunch, breakfast and dinner. Yeah, well, that's why quite like a villa is because you just knock them out a few eggs

and it's chill and then go out for lunch or come back for lunch and have an easy lunch. Well, their breakfasts are fucking insane as well. What do you mean? At the breakfast buffet. Yeah, the kids love the breakfast buffet. Yeah, they love it.

They absolutely love it. Nutella and then a muffin. And they had, the kids didn't have this, but, you know, I don't believe, I had this one day, Rob. Yeah, go on. Because I was like, I'm going to save that. I'm going to have to have it one day.

They had white chocolate moose at the breakfast buffet. That's disgusting. And I... That's too much. I had it one day just to prove a point. What point you're proving? I was just like, I wonder if this is what I imagine is. Well, I'm a pretty chill guy.

I don't have to have two poachshed eggs on toast every day. It's a buffet. I don't have a white chocolate moose. You've got fruit and nuts. You've got fruit and nuts. Do you know what I like to do on holiday, Rob? Go on. This is my favourite breakfast.

Go ahead. Slice of bread. Yeah. Thin cheese. Are you toasting the bread? No. Okay. Like an open sandwich. An open sandwich. So butter? So butter. Thin cheese. What white bread? Butter. Thin cheese. What? Do you know like they have the thin cheese at breakfast buffet? No, you know like the... Thin cheese? It's all... Like, is it... It's not a... type of cheese that's a way of cutting it's just like gowder or emmental or one of those kind of dutch no flavour one you know the really thin ones with the holes in well yeah the holes is way more of a clue than the thin yeah so yeah gouda yeah okay so you're having gouda on bread yeah with bits tomato bits to bits bits of tomato bits of tomato because it's a cherry tomorrow cut up a cherry tomato yeah and maybe a few capers and that's your that's your treat breakfast That's my treat breakfast. That's some sort of Dutch evacuee.

I'm like, do you know what? This is living. So that's, you know what, Josh? You've done well for yourself here. So that's your treat. So you wouldn't have that every morning? Well, after about day three, I'm like, do you know what?

You're on holiday, Josh. Let rip, have it every morning. Why is that it feels so not letting rip so you don't having any warm, a hot breakfast? No. At all? I don't really like hot breakfast. You don't like porridge?

Yeah, but it's so boiling. You can't have porridge in grease. Right. May. But that's the only hot breakfast you should have. So you don't have any eggs? No. No, nothing.

No, beans, sausage. No, no. Omelet. No. Don't want a hot break. I mean, I can't be clear enough about this. Plain bread butter. Just name some more hot things.

I'm not having them. No, so the porridge is. But if it was colder, you'd add porridge. I'm not that. What are you doing for lunch? What are you doing for lunch? I'm not as into it as people say. So you're not drinking at all out there either.

No. You don't drink. What are you doing for lunch? just waiting to be served invariably with kids that don't want to sit there usually what I'm having for lunch pasta yeah just what part of pasta I don't know tomatoi pasta right okay no I'm finding this quite fascinating but I don't know if it's just me or if I'm

dinner what I have for dinner we go to a different restaurant each night and then I'll have what they're serving there and you have what they serve in there I don't go off menu yeah but what did you have talk to you have to you for one of your meals? Like a kind of load of Greek stuff. I feel like I'm doing a BBC news report right, talking to a nan

that's on a state pension that's not enough and she's talking to her through what she eats each week to try and make the money go further. So I don't want a full English breakfast every day when I'm overall. I'm not saying you have to Josh, but I'm just saying that the way you're talking about. I've told you I had a white chocolate

moose one day. I don't even feel like you have the capers on it either. I think you've just added that in to try and look different. No, no, I do. Okay, not every day. But this episode is brought to you by Tesco Clubcard. Josh, huge news for staycation fans. Well, I'm listening. Hit me. Tesco Clubcard members can make an additional saving on their next break with either cottages.com or host seasons.

And that's on top of getting twice their club card voucher value. Amazing. Amazing. I love a staycation. You know that about me, Rob. I just don't want to have a holiday that's more tiring than my actual life. It is great when you're abroad and you've got the weather. and you've got the weather and the pool and stuff like that.

But no airports, no train stations, no ferries, no car. You are all already there. Totally agree, Rob. Totally agree. Also, no worries that you're going to get caffeinated tea because the language barrier has caused a problem, Rob. Customers who want to take advantage of this amazing offer must exchange their club card vouchers and book with cottages.com or host seasons

before the 28th of June for stays in 2026 or 2027. change your vouchers in the app and book your staycation. T's and C's apply. For more information, see Tesco.com forward slash latest from Clubcard. So the day I had the white chocolate moose, Rob. Yeah. It was too much.

The sugar. I was fucking buzzing for hours. And then I had such a come down from that white chocolate moose. Because of the sugar. He was a... Am I Stephen Bartlett? I don't know, but I do feel... I don't know if you've replaced yourself with an AI version.

I wasn't podcasting optimally after that white chocolate moose. That how he was podcasting well? Well, you've not drunk in about a year, so what's your excuse for a shit podcast? Three years? Three years, sorry. What's from excuse for a shit podcast? Lack of preparation. There's always that, isn't it?

But you're not going there again, you want to move away from hotels. No, we might go there again. Yeah. But Rose has got thoughts about, because it just felt a bit disparate. Do you know what I mean? It felt like you were, the kids wanted to be in the pool. Do they make friends with the other kids when they're there? That pool's not good for making friends as well.

Because it's too deep. Because it's too deep. So you know, the way kids make friends is if they're splashing in and out of the pool. The shallow bit. Yeah. Okay. So we're probably going to go to a different bit of that resort or a villa or a different resort. Okay.

But then I will miss out on seeing my favourite celebrity every year. Well, and see if the balls have changed. Well, you know, next time you go, if you go next year, you'll have done Strictly. So maybe. Yeah. I don't know how popular strictly is at Fesson and a Nicky. Well, obviously not that popular. No.

Because actually, in the UK, this is the first time in my life, Rob. People have been coming up to me in the street to congratulate me. Really? But not in Thessaloniki. No, but in the UK. They've been congratulated me in Waitrose last night. What did they say?

Congratulations. It's mad, isn't it? How big that show is. It's mad. It's weird. What did you do with your kids then? Well, so Lou was in France for a friend's 40, if they went to South France for a few days. It's our solar parenting.

Yeah. someone called default parenting. Yeah, some would. I don't know when the seesaw swings, but it's starting to swing. Now I'm working less than she's working more. We went to Tom, we went to Tom Allen's.

Oh yeah. He had like a book celebration because his books come out. Yeah. Common decency. Yeah. Very funny book. That's the name of the book, not just your view on him holding an event for his...

It's just common decency. To have a book celebration. Anyway, so I was like, I text him, I said, what is this? It was four o'clock on a Saturday. Oh no, four o'clock on the bank on a Sunday Sunday. And so I text because Lou weren't coming back to the Monday But my Monday

I had big pounds for Monday Because what I like to do when Lou's away Is make sure that I do loads of the kids And dedicate an entire day to making the house Even cleaner and nicer and better than it was When Lou left So I could say look I've managed to do all this And it's better than you

I've done this better than you So you're not doing it for joy No no I want to tell the point You're doing it in a petty kind of year Make me look great and I feel bad about herself actually Yeah so that's what I want So when she gets back you can go Yeah?

Yeah. How'd you like them apples? Yeah, yeah. Which are all pyramided in the fruit bowl. Yeah, exactly. You're going on fire today, aren't you? I don't know. I don't know.

You're doing a lot of puns. You're getting ready for Shrikli? Anyway, so I text Tom and I said, is this going to be two hours, one glass of fizz, and then everyone's out at six, or should I get a taxi and have a drink and it's going to be a longer evening?

With the kids. It's just me and the kids. Yeah. Right. Anyway, so he went, no, Get a cab, so I'll get a cab, we get there. Cab turns up, it's about 35 degrees. No aircon, windows open.

Yeah, of course. I mean, it's absolutely horrendous. Yeah. Like, when it's moving, it's bearable, it stops. You feel like your head's about to explode, right? We get there, and then the kids are a little bit, like, Alan Car's there. Kids, obviously, are not really for, love him. And he's have good fun.

But, so I've got a 10-year-old now, though, so we took iPads. I took iPads, because I'm like, and... Was there any other kids there? Yeah, Tom's, partners, nephews. about the same age, three boys. Okay. So I've took iPads. I feel bad because my kids are on iPads within about five minutes.

I just don't care. Watching the football. Watching the football. What are the iPads was for you? What are the iPads? They're on Roblox. I'm on a Super Sunday. So I just, I was just like, look, I'm solo parenting here.

It's been a few dates. They've not had much iPad. It's an adult party, really. And no other kids are turned up at that point. Then the other kids turned up. And I see the parents look at the other parent going, I've got iPads. We haven't got iPod.

for our kids. Yeah. It's a bit like, taking iPads to a party is a bit like being on a stag doing someone bringing drugs without checking everyone else. Yeah, yeah.

It brings a different energy to the party, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. So, um, when they're there on them and then the eight-year-old's up, buzzing, but my 10-year-old's like, I don't want to do that.

I was like, okay, I don't want to play with the younger kids. I want to, and she wants to be in the party. Oh, the worm has turned. So the worm has turned. So I was like, all right, then do you want to be like my, I went, do you want to be like, I went, I said like my date, like, because in like, we're at the party together.

She went, no, not actually my date. We're not going out. It would be like my mate and we go and hang out together. She went, all right. So we went around and sort of like, work for the garden. Who talked to? Alan Carr? So Alan Carr's air, all Tom's friends and family.

Yeah. At 10 year, I was just like chatting. Yeah. We're just like hanging out, chatting and stuff like that. I'm like, she's holding her own in. And then we're chatting to like, she's chatting to Alan Carr and all that was fine. And then, um, Lee was like, because obviously. see, you know, my oldest

knows you and, you know, to the podcast, and we were talking about you getting Strictly and stuff like that. And they went, you went to, oh, you're excited, you're going to go up and watch Josh Drew Strictly? She went, yeah, sure. Like the most non-plussed. And I was like, I feel like you should be more excited

to go and see Josh Drew strictly, but it can't for him. To her, you're just that bloke. She's jaded. She's jaded. She's jaded. She's lived a life from. She's lived it. She's lived the life.

She's already been. strictly with you. Yeah. Anyway, so we were hanging out together. Then she got bored of watching me talk. Yeah, watching you. And then she went and played Roblox. And then we got a bit carried away.

Yeah. We left at midnight. Whoa. They were still up? They were still up. Absolutely high on iPad. Eyes, like staring at their end. And then got home at half-12.

I'd got really drunk. Yeah, I imagined. Really drunk. Had you watched any of the football? No, none. I was just following on the phone and Tottenham winning someone and so on. And then Monday was an absolute right off.

All right, Barlett. I was... Sorry. Thank God I wasn't podcasting Monday. I was in that absolute mess. So I was struggling, so I got no tidying up that. Did you tidying up time? No tidying up.

And I had to text. It's a bit up messier, then I thought it was going to be. And it was an absolute shitty. Oh, no. But then I had to... What time did they get up on the Monday? So they were still up early? Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it?

They'd never sleep in. That's why I don't get about kids. So they were up early, and then we, they were supposed to do something it was a bank holiday Monday we just stayed oh we just stayed in and chilled out a bit hung over I went around the neighbours for a little bit I was gonna go down to my mum and dads

but I was like I'm not driving to Margate on a bank holiday it'd be horrific so then we did that and then I had to the next day I had to go to Tenerife with work so then I had to take them on like I was flying at like 3 o'clock but I had to go and do like play date drops

and then because Lou was coming back at 5 so we had a babysitter come around for two hours so I dropped one at a play date came back then the babysitter come down and then she had them for two hours until Lou came back and took over. So there's a lot of logistics because then what happened was

when Lou had to go to the Hay Festival, she had to go to Hay Festival like the Thursday morning. I was still in Tenerife. I flew back that night. So the babysitter came around in the afternoon to look after the kids and then I came back from the airport to take over in the babysit. But then my flight back from Tenerife got cancelled.

Oh my word. And delayed and I got pushed. I got pushed. I was flying back from Tenerife right on a 6 o'clock flight jet two. four hours is it there's no boards being put around you on a jet two flight is there absolutely none

I was absolutely lamb to the slaughter tennarie for a half term sat in the middle that's my phone my watch beeping I don't know how to turn that off what time is it? Midday what do you do at midday nothing but I don't have to turn it off

oh okay so that'll happen every day until I stop wearing this watch yeah ideally at 1159 and that's this happened right so my flight got my cat so I was what doing this filming. Yeah. And when you film abroad, right, you have a thing called fixers. And this is when

the production team goes abroad. Like a local person. A local production team. No, the restaurants. It'd be impossible to film in Tenerife, just a bunch of English people. Yeah, because they're peat up in the airport. They'll drive it to the hotel. They've already got relationships. The restaurants are hotels. They're filming locations. All the local councils for permits. And they're basically, you're under their wing. You tell them what you need to do. They plan it for it. Almost like a tall guy for a holiday. Well, they're the people that Romesh put in front of camera on Misadventures. So when he did Misadventures, he'd have his fixer.

That was more of a local actual guide. These are much more behind the scene. This feels like this is the rest of the entertainment at this point. But it's like a local production team that assist the British crew. Anyway, so we're there. And then the flights, all the flights are delayed into Gatwick for some reason. We push back, push back, push back. Then the production, very kind of them said, we can get you an earlier flight if you want.

Brilliant. They managed to get me on an earlier flight. There's a 5.15 that's been delayed to 6. rather my current one that's delighted to 9 at night need to get back for the kids so they've done that so thank you very much

very kind anyway so we got right I got to get to the airport because I've got to check in let's go so the local fixer guy it's a pretty chilled out guy a bit of a local

we're driving to they go well we've got to go to one earlier flight can you get us to the airport and their job is to sort of facilitate what you need they're fixing they're fixing things for you

on the fly yeah we drive along I'm thinking I'm not sure if we're going the right way to the airport are we going to the airport now I'm just dropping him off

one are the other fixes so I'm trying to get a flight they're dropping a bloke off that lives on the island 10 minutes out the way I'm like okay right well we're cutting it fine anyway we drop you off turn around

another 10 minutes back so we've added 20 minutes on 20 minutes right easy yeah we get to the airport right I'm like a bit tight now because I've got to check it he doesn't go to like the drop you know the drop off of the airport goes to the car park I'm like, no, we need to go to drop.

No, no, I'm just parking up. It's a bit easier than dropping off there. Well, it's not. It is for you. Well, it's for you, but for me, it's much easier to be at the airport, not in the car park. And then he's like, I went, and then he starts getting further in the car. I went, I'll just get out now, and I'll run. So I just jump out, and I've got my bag, and I'm running to, run into the airport.

Get to the checking desk. Oh, finally made it, right? At this point, or it's like, 434. What terms of the flight? 515? But it's been delayed to half six. Oh, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. Goes again, no. Checking's closed. What? I go, what? I mean, it's been delayed. She went, no, but the checking still shuts 45 minutes before departure.

Ah, but you're just not departing. I mean, but it's not departing. I went, but you've just sold me the ticket? Yeah, I went, when did, when did check in shut? It went four minutes ago. Oh my God. Oh my God. What was that? I went, fuck sake, you know, like, I'm, I'm not. I'm not. I'm never get really angry but like at this point I was a hot tie night to get back for the baby's set I just went fuck sake you know it just came out like that and I immediately went I'm so sorry that wasn't aimed at you I was frustrated by the situation

surfaced out of fuck sake and then so then I basically just wandered into tenerife airport and I'm sat there for four or five at five hours oh god that was screen no screen I'd however there was a lounge you could pay to go in I thought you know what it's five hours yeah treat yourself go in the lounge I will in the lounge shop. You can build a production company for that, surely. What's that? You could build the production company for that. No, no, I think they pay. I think they might have paid for it anyways. Anyway, it was like 15, 20 quits.

I'm just going to the lounge because there'll be somewhere to sit, Robin Burger King for five hours. Walking, two geysers, necktows, back it! Oh, God, I'm in a lounge room. But, yeah, so there's a five-hour delay, which is a bit of a pain in the ass. Oh, my God. So what happened to the kids? What's that sound? Is that thunder? Or something going above us?

something above us. The kids were fine. The babysit put them to bed and I got back at 2.30 in the morning. Oh my gosh. I was supposed to go down to my mum and dad's next day but I had to cancel that because I was too tired. So I'm not saying...

How did you parent the next day? You must have been so tired. Yeah, and I was very tired. The next day I had... What did I do next day? I was supposed to go into my dad's but I just couldn't do it. Oh yeah, in the end I just took them to... I took them to Bromley

and just let them buy them. They're obsessed with... The Nidos and the Squishies. Yeah. I'll do a quick small business shout out now. Hunky Dory in the Glades. Okay. This geyser is having it off.

He's basically... He's doing that in the Glades. He's basically ordering Nidos, these squishies, and it's gone around the local schools. Oh, when they're at a half term, it was banged out, and he sat there the happiest man going. It's called Hunky Dory, sells those little gifts, and he gets Nidos in.

He gets the little dump place. Squishies. Have you seen them? No, I don't really know what these squishies are. Sorry. They're quite a big deal in London. You'll probably get me next to it in about four months once, you know, the culture's gone down to the South Devon area. What are you on at the moment? Furbies. Well, my son, right, he's obsessed with transport. Yeah. He's transport obsessed.

Yeah. Did I tell you about our transport party at the Digger World? I did, didn't know? Yeah, yeah. So now he's just obsessed with buying transport toys. Okay. He's got a D-HL van that he bought. He's been become obsessed with D-H-L. Is that the one that's the brown van?

The yellow with the red writing. Yellow with the red, okay. Do you know what I mean? Because I love the brown ones. You know, the brown ones with the door open. I think it's so exciting to see a van drive pass with a door open. I'm like, he's got his door open. And it's allowed.

So you're going to hop in and out. I want to jump in. Well, my son would love that. But he likes to DHL So he bought a DHL van And now he's like I want They can get a DHL plane

Which I don't think is a real thing But they're selling There must be a real thing You wouldn't just make it up But now This morning he was like Um He's

Because I'll He was like Can I watch videos of DHL vans on your phone He's become obsessed with DHL So what did you watch them do? I thought of all the things For children to be obsessed with I never thought he'd become

Into DHS Yeah, but he bought this DHS van. Have you tried him on other vans? He's not interested. Really? In the last 48 hours, he's become obsessed with the brand DHS. Right, and he's watching loads of videos about it. Yeah, there's loads on YouTube.

Yeah, is there? Well, just of like the new DHS van. You know, like you'd get an advert. And then like a walkthrough of it? Yeah. And he's just watching that? Yeah, it's why? I mean, have you thought about waving one down so he can have a look at it?

Well, he's currently saving up his pocket money to get a different DHS. DHL white van. I have thought well you don't really see them very often. It's more Yodal or you don't see DHS very much these days, do you? I don't know, but they'll be absolutely laced in a thing. I think so. They've got planes.

The yellow, he likes the yellow. You know what, that is their logo of the yellow. No, it's red the logo. No, no, that's, see those vans there. Yeah. That's what he's into. So like the old-looking ones? He's become obstinate.

Do she like squishies? No, so what's she into? So that her school went massive on those pens that you can rub out with the animal heads on the top. You can buy in all the shops, like at the desk, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know what they're called, like little panda ones, little giraffe ones. Yeah, and they were trading them, and then there was a rumor they were going to get banned because it was becoming too... Are you collecting the football stickers? No, because the football tournament's too big.

It's so expensive. It's £1.25. per packet for seven stickers. And there's like hundreds of them. It's just too big. That's not Panini's fault. That's FIFA's. Yeah, but Panini are charging £1.25 per packet.

Of course, but we all know that the sticky stuff on stickers, that comes down the straight of horrors, Ros. Ross. Straight of all mors, Ros. No, but like, but the tournament is too big. Mark's too big. It's doing a better option. It is. Company, man.

not a company man. I did actually do an advert for him. So does that make me sound like, I'm not an ambassador though? No, no. That's different level. That's not me. That's Tom Allen.

But you get free stickers when you buy it, spend money, and you put them in the book, and it's just England. Yeah, well, that's the one I, the collection I had when I was a kid is... The coins. S.O. Coins. S. My dad would drive fucking miles to do an S.O. rather than a BP.

Yeah. So that we'd get the S.O. We had quite a few of them, because my dad spent a lot because he was a cab driver. Of course, yeah. But there's too many teams and they're doing 64 teams in the next World Cup. Do they not? Is that true? I thought that was what was happening.

They can't keep doubling it. It's mental. It's that a Ponzi scheme. I know. It's so sad. I mean, there are teams in this World Cup that I didn't know that the countries existed. Caracow. Say that again. I'm looking forward to. It's some pointless answers. What's going to happen is

there's so many games on. You're going to need so many new less experienced commentators dealing with some absolutely wild names. Of course. Because there's Cape Verde. Cabo Verde? Is it Cabo Verde? Cape Verde.

Is it? Is it Cape Verde or Cabot? There's another one in there, Michael. They're both the same, but Cabo is the local pronunciation. Thank you. Have some respect, actually. I was right. Cabo Verde. Thank you. Because you pronounce all the teams in their local pronunciation,

don't you? Francais. Francie? Yeah. Italia. Italian. Deutsche land. Yeah.

Spania. And now for a special part of today's show, Now versus Then, where Rob and I will compare our carefree pre-kid spending with the more responsible realities of life after children. Brought you by Experian,

the UK's most trusted credit score. Now, Josh, I think it would be fair to say our spending habits have changed since having kids. Before kids, my spending was a lot more impulsive. Yes. And it was like stuff where I'd like buy memorabilia or I'd buy stuff that...

What? memorabilia did you buy? That football memorabilia that now I just wouldn't buy. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because now I think... A box of Plymouth programs. From 1964.

And is that because you've had kids or you've got more self-respect now? A little from column A, a little from column B. It didn't feel like there was any consequences if I spent money on records or something before I had kids. And now I'm like, I don't need records. Why would I be doing that? Do you need music? Rob. Yeah.

There's music in other ways. in more fiscally sensible ways. Do you know I don't spend money on anymore? What? Hung over food on delivery apps. Too right. I'm now having to transfer money to, you know, bank accounts to pay for summer camp. Exactly, right.

Musical theatre groups, which before kids, I wasn't doing. No, funnily enough. Do you know what? The amount of money that goes on experiences that I'm not going to have myself now. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was the last time you booked an experience for you? Yeah.

If I do something for myself, I feel guilty now. I find as well loads of little random two quidders. Yeah. You know what it's like, oh, two quid. My daughter would be like, I need spotty tights today for children you need, I need two quid. You're like, okay, right, that's two quid for that. Or the amount of three or four pounds on ice creams, stroke gift shops. Stuff toys.

Yeah. The amount of teddies I've bought since having kids. I just wasn't buying them. Yeah, exactly. And do you know what? The thing with it is, experiences for your kids, you think, this is priceless. Well, no, if they stop going, because this happened to me,

I paid for a term of taekwondo. Oh, yeah, I did that with gym. And a full taekwondo outfit. They went once, and then they don't give you your money back. I was like, what's this direct debit of a gym? Oh, no, it was that gymnastics lesson she left 15 months ago. Let's be honest, Rob. Despite our reputation since having kids,

we've become more sensible. You've become more sensible in your approach. It's important to be sensible. And one of the most important things you can do when being sensible in these situations is check your credit score. Yep, life insurance didn't know you needed that. You need that when you have kids.

You got to check your credit score. If you want to get a mortgage, do stuff like that, get a new car. Exactly, Rob. People got it adulting, but I feel like adulting sort of like the internship to then once you have kids, you're a fully qualified adult

doing responsible things, being sensible, less impulsive. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty, check my credit score. Let's go. Before I had kids, Rob, I didn't even know what my credit. score was let alone check it i'll be honest with you i don't think i'd check my credit score once between

the ages of 18 and 30 whatever direction your life is headed expirion can help you better your story and it's easy to check your credit score you could do it in the time it takes to tell your child not another ice cream today so check your free expirian credit score today experience is a credit broker not a lender um so rob go on i am now Go on. In the period that I've been waiting for for the last... Since we started this podcast. You're in the period you've been waiting for since we started this podcast six years ago.

Go on. I haven't got much on. Talk me through your week then? Talk me through a week. Doing this with you. You've got to be somewhere at six after this. What are you doing? Yeah.

I've got a skin appointment. A skin appointment? Yeah. Okay. What's up with your skin? So, do you want to know what's up with my skin? Yeah. I

I'm worried You sat really uncomfortably No I'm happy to say it You're coming onto that armrest Is that comfy I'm really Don't pretend to look comfortable I just

I didn't have a skin routine I want it So you're going to a point about your skin No no no yeah I was blushing too much I didn't like it You go you're okay Yep

I go quite red Yeah I thought I want to deal with this Go on So I'm dealing with it Right, okay, so is it dermatologist? Yeah, that's what it is. The skin, yeah.

But when you said, short your skin, I think you're going to go to like selfridges and go to the makeup counter and they give you your moisturiser. No, no, no, no. So the dermatologist is going to test your skin. I don't know, Rob, but... So you're going to go, I blush quite a lot.

Well, no, I've been. I'm having it, I'm having sorted. Right, so, so let's go. So say, I'm the dermatologist, you say to me, I want to sort the blush it out. and let's workshop this and see how it's going to go. So... Welcome to my dermatologist.

I don't... What's up? What's wrong with you? Well, for a start, I don't think... I don't think you're operating on yourself enough, mate. Okay, well, let's not worry about my skin. Okay? Let's sort your skin out. What's the problem? Blushing.

You're blushing too much. And general redness. Yeah. Have you thought about doing less stuff that's embarrassing? Well, I feel shame. 24-7. So, is... But the... blushing can't be the skin problem isn't that a mental problem of feel no no because i am so

it's not blushing so much as redness redness yeah and which only gets worse so you get older you don't want a big red ed don't want to be a classic gamma i look quite red no you don't you look like quite tan i've been in the sun quite a lot yeah um so how can they stop your face getting red just treatments so just like in that is that what that weird masks are that women wear well i haven't one of them yet. Lou's got one of them. As she? How does that go? It's quite shocking when you don't know she's got it on and you come in late.

Yeah, Rose's got one of them. And she's got a thing as well, she robs on her head. You what? She's got other things she's like rubs on her head. Yeah. She's got loads that look like dildos, but they're for her face. Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah. I've got, oh, hello?

Oh, another face thing. Yeah, yeah, of course it is. Rob, I'm going upstairs to sort my face out. Don't come in. So I've got some moles I want lobbing off because my, I've got one there. You've always had that, though. That's a bit of a trademark. Do you know the problem with that mole?

Go on. It's right on the hairline. It's a real tracker for whether you start to lose your hair. It's like someone's drawn a mark on their milk in the fridge so that they know when it goes down. Exactly.

It's right on the hairling. It's always been on the headline in the hidden. Well, thank God for that. Because if it wasn't, and you were like, is this mole moving forward? I hope so, because that are the other options. I don't think I'm bawled in. I've got loads of hair,

but I've got a bit of Widow's Peak and it will slowly go back. Everyone's done, especially if you're brushing it back. every day, like I am. Did you see my hair when my daughter brushed my hair? Yeah, you brushed it. It's not a great look.

Your hair straight, is it? No. So you've got to go then they're going to sort you're blushing out with treatment? Yeah. Okay. And then I'm getting the train home. But you're not going to go.

Why didn't it go to dermatologist in Exeter? Because it's like a swish one where I'm throwing loads of money at the situation. Right. I don't, I've never thought of your face is red. Well, that's... So you're just trying to get your face sore.

Do you know what the... Do you know what the, moment was. I'll be honest when I thought I've got to get this sorted. Dead dead dead dead dead. No, no it wasn't. No. We were doing the Recky of Hackney Empire for my special. Yeah. And the

director, lovely bloke. Or no, maybe it was the lighting guy. Either way. We were talking about the backdrop. And he went, someone suggested purple. And he looked at me and he went, no, not with that skin. And I thought,

he's right. He's right. And I've got to fix this now. I don't think he's right. He is right, Rob. No. I can't wear. If I wear purples, reds or browns. Well, is your skin feeling better?

Yeah. And I've got a routine now. I've got three things I do. What do you do? I have a wash and a moisturiser that has got stuff in it that de-reddens you. A go right. The wash is a given. That's not a new routine.

No, but it's a special wash. It's a special wash. Yeah, because it's three times the price of a normal wash. Oh, so face wash. Yeah, yeah. You've got it got you. Yeah, so there's a face wash. There's the de-reddening moisturiser.

Yeah. And then there's obviously the SPF 50, which I go on every day. What does Rose think about this? She's fully behind it. She thought I was too red. Fully behind it, so she instigated it. No, she didn't instigate it. No.

I actually said to her... You brought up the redness and she... Well, I hadn't brought it up, Rob. I'd been... I've been reading on AI about it. About your red face? And then I said, I've been reading on Google. Gemini, oh you fix this.

She said, oh yeah, you should go to this person. And she knew. So she's been how about that's kind. Yeah. Did she not go, your face is fine? No. No. She went, that's a good idea. I've never in my... Of all the things that I could suggest you need to sort out.

What do you mean like that? Nothing. Nothing? No. No. Fair enough. Wow, I didn't know. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying your skin journey. I am enjoying my skin journey. But yeah, I'm going to book a dermatologist. I've got loads of moulds. I should get them checked. getting older.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll check the redness of my face. Yeah, because that mole's been moving forward for the last six months. How dare you? Should you do small business? Yeah, go on. I'll do hunky dory properly. Small independent shop, Hunky Dory. Is that named because David Bowie's album's called

Hunky Dory and he's from Bromley? Yes, I think so. Oh, lovely. It's quite a cool guy in there. Nice family-run business. I'll get that. I find it's, uh, I think it's got an Instagram. Hi, Rob and Josh. Love the Pod. Been a listener from the start. Here we go. Before I's even a parent. And now, mum of two girls. age 3.5 and 6 months. Please can you give my sister's very new business a shout out for Binks

Banners making quirky material banners for weddings and all other occasions. She's only been doing this for a matter of weeks and has been putting her heart and soul into cutting, printing, sewing, coming up with designs and creating content to try and build custom banners. All banners are incredible. She has a selection of already made banners ready to sell. She can take custom orders on any colors, patterns, designs that you need for your desire. skin tone, strike colour scheme. You can find her at Binks Banners on Instagram, Facebook, Vinted and Etsy.

Thank you so much. Lovely. Also, I know we say this a lot. I'm going to say it again. Thank you to everyone that does use these businesses, like go to Binks Banners, because Emily, who we know who started the pottery firm, who used to work with us on smart TV. Yes.

She's had to take on staff now. Amazing. What I've done everyone. Yeah, so thank you. Not that that's us, but like everything helps. Everyone that's some... Yeah. Support your local businesses. Talking of that, here we go.

Everything hunky dory on TikTok. There you go. Funky little store offering cute, quirky and fun things you probably don't need but have to have. Aren't they the very best things to want? Look at that. He's got squishy banana. Bubble tea. Dumplings, massive dumplings.

There you go. Everything hunky dory on TikTok. Give it a look. Josh. It's been a joy. Well, I'll keep tabs on your red face. I might sort my red face. out and then before I know it'll just be sort of two men with normal faces.

But no one's to listen to that. What, normal face hair? Yeah. Josh, really come and Rob Beckett's face, how? I've never thought of your face being red. Well, you won't have to after this. You never will. Did you stop drinking because you thought that would help and it didn't change it? No, I stopped drinking because I had a problem.

We were talking about this other day, actually. Not your problem. Me and Ramesh were doing something. I was, I can't believe that. This is our life now. We're so lucky to do this. We're like, we started off doing like, Birmingham glee. in like we were sharing a hotel room and we spoke about the time we was doing birmingham glee and then you come to do bernam glee and i thought it would have been rummished through what we do you're the host of street we're being sick on ourselves in our dressing room jes whept what a life what a life oh dear right see you next time see next time Spotify it's jay shedy are you one of those media strategy people scrolling through

spreadsheets searching for an audience that pays twice as much attention to your than they do on social, let me introduce you to fans. And they're here with me on Spotify. Trust me, I know fans. They don't skip, they stay for hours. They don't move on, they manifest. They're not a demographic group, they're fans. Spotify Advertising.

You're among fans.