Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP7: I'm going to sneeze...

Episode Date: January 27, 2026

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I'm going to sneeze. Go on. Start the show of that. Do you know what? I've never seen a delay that long. I thought he's not, you know. I thought I wasn't going to either. Stage fright.

Is it normally that long? No, I don't think so. I think I wasn't sure if I was going to sneeze. See, I'm always, if I say I'm going to sneeze, I'm in a rush to finish that sentence before I sneeze. It was like, knowing I'm going to sneeze, A sneeze comes within half a second. Well, that says everything about you.

I'd be like, I'm going to sneeze. But you were like, I'm going to sneeze. Yeah. Hold the tension. All eyes on me. Very different comics. Very different comics. Very different people.

Hello, you're listening to. This is how we started the show. I don't mind it. I don't hate it. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hill with. James, can you say Rob Beckett? We'll back it. Can you say Josh Whitacom?

There we go. Josh Willemann. I'm careful with this starting the show, Rob, because I've got into, oh, let me just do this. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. This is my four-year-old son, James, attempting to say your names. I especially like the attempt of Josh's surname,

Wigerman. Permission for Josh to use it for a new hair venture should the comedy thing go south. I've still got all my hair, thankfully. Thank you for making me laugh on a weekly basis. We are biweekly, though, so that's a slightly painful thing. Doesn't like the guest episodes, fair enough. Stay sexy and relatable.

Christina from Taunton, formerly of Yoville, home of the fantastic Westlands. Ha ha. Oh, the Westons. Have we slag that off in the show? No, I don't think we've slagged it off, but I think we've explained the set-up of the Westlands, and by explaining it,

it doesn't shine it in the greatest glory, because it's basically a social, club at the end of an airport runway that's at the end of a coldy sack of a residential street. And for me, that is not how the description of the great theatres starts. Yeah. You know, if you explain what's the London Palladium like, those bits, you know, the airport, the coldies, that's not really involved in it. So it was a great gig, great people, but I think the Westerns, it's quite a niche venue, isn't it? It's niche, Rob. That's a nice way of talking about.

It's, you know, it's unique and special. So the reason I worry about us Sorry Josh really quickly Can you just pull your mic in a bit closer for me? Yeah Thanks How's that? Yeah I think that's fine

Thanks So my worry about the sneeze Do you have a list? And it's one of my favourite podcasts Stick to Football The one where Roy Keen's really funny And everyone else is there Yeah

I sometimes watch clips of it on TikTok When Roy Keen's been funny But as soon as some of the others speak I switch off They put it out as a presumably as a video on YouTube or whatever, right? Yeah. Then they clearly just use the same sound for the podcast.

And they have 10 minutes at the start where they're all arriving. Yeah. And they're just, we've got no idea who's in the room or what's going on. And it's one of the most unlistenable things you've ever heard. It's just Gary Neville saying to a sound man, like, have you had your breakfast? And then the guy going, yeah, yeah. And then it's literally. Yeah.

And I don't want, because obviously people are going to be tuning into the video for the sneeze. They love the sneeze. No, no, I know. I don't think they'll be tuning in for the sneeze. They will be tuning in for the sneeze. No, but I think with a sneeze and you go on back to sneeze, radio silence and sneeze, I don't think people are going, oh God, why I'm only hearing this? Oh, they are, right.

There's nothing happening. The sneeze are out of all of the bodily noises, the sneeze is probably the best for audio. Do you think? No one wants to watch a sneeze. You can't even watch it yourself. I didn't even look at you when you sneezed. You have to close your eyes. I don't even look at you really when we're doing this.

I sort of just look. I just kind of look into a kind of middle distance. I wonder what it's all about. Right. So you delay before you sneeze. That was a boy that called you Wigger Man. You've got loads of hair, which was sort of a little humble brag,

which I quite liked. Michael told you to move the microphone slightly closer. Yeah, that was. Do you think that was hair-related? No, I don't think it was... Maybe it might have been a hair-related due to Michael is a man with male pattern baldness, which I don't, I think he's aware of that. I don't know if I've...

He's fine with it. I'm not telling you that for the first time, am I, Michael? No, I'm absolutely fine with it. If Michael came back from Turkey with a full head of hair, I think I'd laugh forever. Would you address... Can I ask, would you address it, or would you just go about your life as if it hadn't happened? Would you say, I'm going to Turkey to do this, or would you just do it? No, I wouldn't announce it.

I mean, I'm never going to do it just for the record. But were I to, I wouldn't announce it. I'd go and do it and make sure to make a result. I'm just filling that into the record. Let me catch up. Because if it went horribly wrong and I hated it, I could just shave it off again before I showed it. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, anyway, I don't know if that was the cause of it. It felt like there was some tension between you and Michael. No, there wasn't. Move the microphone close. I don't know. Do you know what I think happened? What's that? I couldn't move the microphone closer, so I said it.

You detected tension because you've got January blues. No, I haven't got January blues. I'm just a great at reading people. I don't know if you're as good as you think. I think you do know. Can I just say there wasn't tension? It was more the fact that Josh didn't move it as close as I would have liked, and I was just debating, do I ask him to move it again?

Well, exactly. So that's what I detected. No, no, you didn't detect it because you said, Michael said it's fine. But I, because I'm great at detecting people, had detected that he didn't think it was fine. He was just saying it was fine because he didn't. It couldn't be bothered to. Right.

The problem is ultimately, who's the best at all three of us. We're all in. And detection and life. All right. Okay. So every can hear us. Talk to me about January. Talk to me about January. I just said morale is quite low in the house. No one wants to get up in the morning. It's dark, it's cold, it's miserable. I just feel like January is a vibe killer. And you said you're absolutely fine and loving life.

I like January. There you go. I've said it. What do you like about it? I feel like it's a new start. I feel like I'm eating well. I'm working quite well. I'm enjoying like I'm enjoying Rob I'm really enjoying the podcast at the moment Yeah but can I suggest for some of that it's absolutely Feels like they're flying through life in January

Last week when we was in London Last week was about one Last week was in London You came up to London to stay at a hotel that you didn't sleep in Proceeded to arrive to do the podcast the next day After going to meet Scott Mills to do the radio and then we did loads of podcasts, but by the end of the day,

your head had completely gone. And when Sean Walsh came on, I'd say you wasn't your true self in the Sean Walsh episode. And I don't know what had happened. Oh, I was. That is that who you really are? But I would say,

I've got no issue with that. But that's, for me, wouldn't be the behaviour of a man that's in a month that he loves. Right. I don't think it was month related. I think it was overwork related. I'm still getting the balance, but I feel like I've got the balance now.

And I've made some big life decisions, Rob. Oh, okay. What are your life decisions? I'm just totally reassessing my relationship with work. Okay. And that's a great headline. Talk to her about the first paragraph. I love that.

I love it. I'm in. You're reassessing the way you approach work. But I want some meat. Give me some meat on the bone. Give you some meat on the bone. Okay. In real terms.

Yeah, in real terms. Yeah. Last week, I think I can say this. Can I say it from experience? Sorry to interrupt. But like, for a man that now is going into 2026 and wants to work less and be at home more, I've just spent two nights in Scotland and I'm going to Dubai for 48 hours this week. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm not really living. So you don't believe that I believe that what I'm saying will cut through. I feel like we're both good at talk. Yeah, yeah. But the man that's staring down 10 flights in January already. Great to hear about smash, Rob. Yeah, go on. I said no to QI.

I wish I'd a party, Papa. So, let me explain what happened. Right. I used to watch QI before I was a comedian. Yeah, absolutely. I remember having a book. When I first went on QI, that was a really big, you know, and then every time I get asked back, I feel like,

oh, it's a real kind of thing for me that I belong. It's like a Champions League appearance for a comedian. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then this time I was like, I live in Exeter. I'm really busy. I could do this. But do you know what? It's better that I don't for myself and for my family.

And that's good. That is real terms. That is some meat on the bone. It's some meat on the, like a rack of ribs you are. There's loads to get through. That's good. And I was like, do you know what? Is this coming off the back of all the PR stuff you did?

Yeah, and it was coming off the back of, it's too much. And I've got to go, I can't make this work now. Yeah, I'm living a different life. And it did feel a bit like, but I'm just now, you're not going to believe this, Rob. I think I might, go on. I bet you won't. All right, let's find out. I watched a video on Instagram.

Yeah, yeah. And I thought, do you know what? You're right. Guess who that video was by? What? Jake Humphrey. So, you watched a video of Jake Humphrey and agreed. I could.

I don't want to walk out of this podcast twice in a month. But I'm going to need some real details of what was said. It came up on my suggestion. Can I further record? I think Jake Humpherson. for his heart's in the right place. Yeah, so do I. I just think he's real.

He's a little bit too into self-improvement than I am. A little bit. That's fine. And that's great. But for me, I find it quite exhausting to constantly trying to perfect yourself. I think high performance is tiring and needless. I just want to be at home a bit more and not have wobbly tits.

And that is really all. I've done well enough in my life without chasing the 1%. Do you know what? I haven't got a drug problem. I haven't got a drink problem. and I don't gamble. Why am I not celebrated more? Why have I got me up at four doing kettlebells?

No. People should be saying, Rob, well done. You are not addicted to any three of those. Predicted your bones? Absolutely. Yeah, I am addicted to my phone actually, yeah. And I hate it. And my thumb hurts.

And the tough of my shoulder. And I know exactly why. Bubble Shooter and podcasts on trains. Um, so. So what did Humphrey say? He just got off an exercise bike and I didn't think of this is going to be a moment. So you're not watching him be interviewed. You're on his actual account.

He's doing a video. He's just got off an exercise bike. No offense. He's too tall for me to watch golf an exercise bike. I can't take it serious. Well, he did look like he was hunched in his in his house, actually. I noticed that. He's a big guy.

He's a big guy. He's in his cellar and he hasn't quite got the height. Anyway, he is a big guy. he said by the time your children are 12 you've already spent 75% of your time with them okay well where's he got that from he didn't show his workings right okay now I'm no sort of

university professor I'd quite like to see as a reference and so he said give me the fact first we could always look into details later like Michael could you have a Google of that fact okay you're not giving them the full fact that is the fact all you've said is 75% By the time of kids are 12, you spent 75% of the time you spend with them. Yeah.

So. Yeah, but a lot of that's bollocks. A lot of it's when they're living in the same house of sleeping, that's asleep for like 10 hours. Of course, of course. But I actually thought, yeah. Yeah. Cleaning sick up off the floor.

Yeah, all right. Yeah. But these are all right. Yeah. But these are all right. I need to stop going to do stuff that I don't need, don't need to do. Yeah, I think that's a good point Yeah

But did it really take Jake Humphrey stepping off a bike for you to know that? I'm as surprised as you are, Rob. I'll be honest. So is he old in his own camera? Do you want me to play it out for you, Rob? I don't know, I want to try and... Is anyone filming him?

No, no, no, it's like a video, he's got off the bike and he's literally like... He's dripping. Is he wet? He's dripping, and he's like, he says something like... Yeah, go on. This may just be the adrenaline talking,

but I've just got to say this to you because it matters. No, he doesn't, though, does he? He doesn't have to. He had to say it to me, Rob. Well, to be fair, look, it's having an impact on people like you. When the students ready, the teacher appears, and the teachers take... You're going to freeze.

Yeah, okay. Most people turn to sort of mindfulness or socialism or Buddhism. at this stage of our life this is the mid-life crisis era we're in our 40s right we've had a career we've got family what do we do

what's a meaning of life what's going to make me happy do I really want to do this people got stoicism Christianity whatever Islam Buddhism you've gone Humphrey

I've gone Humphreism yeah and he got off the bike he's dripping wet no no no because then actually truth be told but then it did go into a load of stuff which wasn't for me

because I do look can I say something about Jake Humphrey he gets a lot of stick online Jake Humphrey I do think though his heart's in the right place and he comes up with great points and great bits of information that are beneficial to your life if you implement

them. I just think sometimes that could have been done in 20 seconds and he'll do a minute. It went into a lot of high performance stuff that I'm not. Yes. Yeah. Middle performance, that's what I'm after. Well, I'm not sure if life is about achieving your goals. What do you think it is?

Well, it's about being around, the people you love and spending as much time in that situation as possible and doing something you love. But it's not about fucking just getting better and better at something otherwise you failed. Do you know what I mean? It's like, does that make sense? I think it would be unfair if I got any better at comedy. Exactly.

Do you know what I mean? I think actually. People would laugh themselves to death. I don't, I don't. Just corpses in the stalls. Oh God. Lost another 10% of my audience. I shouldn't have pushed it on 1% better.

Imagine what we could achieve, Rob, if we were high-performance people who weren't addicted to their bones. When I look at people like Christiana Ronaldo, who's like, in his 40s, completely ripped in Saudi Arabia, desperately chasing some sort of nonsense of thousand goals. I think I would like to introduce a low-performance podcast where I bring these individuals on and say to them, does it really matter the thousand goals, Chris?

That's exactly what I, that is exactly my kind of point that I'm coming around to. Do you know what? Maybe Messi is better than you and that's okay, Chris. Yeah, yeah. Ronnie, it's going to stop and there's going to be a gap and the money's not going to fill it and the goals aren't going to fill it

and you need to be ready for that. And also, Chris, at some point your son may not have a six-pack I may not be good at football and you're going to have to deal with that. You're going to have to... I do think that's a good point though. You spent 75% of your time with your kids before they're 12. I didn't change... I didn't lead directly to not doing QI.

No, no. It's all... It's all gone around the QI Elves office. Widdaker ain't doing QI. You only saw that bloody Jake Humphrey dripping wet video. Same app of McIntyre watched that last week. He's not on next week. They're dropping up to eyes.

I love QI and it's a shame, but I can't do it. I can't, do you know what it is? It's like when I leave the house, I want to be able to justify to myself and my children that this, that, not that they ask me to do, but I want to think this is worth doing. Yeah, 100%.

I think that's a, and you know, you and I are both in a very privileged and lucky position that we can pick and choose jobs a bit more. Totally. But you don't want your fear of got to keep going, can't keep saying yes, in case it all goes. You don't have fear to drive you.

because that's what it is, really, is that's the thing that gets people is to panic and worry as a freelancer that if I say no, I'll never be asked back and it'll go wrong. But it's good, I'm glad. So you've got a quiet week this week. What's on this? What's the on for the rest of January for you, Josh? Now your new approach to life and work balance. I'm coming up to see you on Wednesday for a day of a course. Yeah. I'm going to see my daughter play netball on Thursday. Okay. And I've got a corporate on Friday. Oh, nice. And then at weekend off? Yeah, it's a birthday party, yeah. Yeah. Look at you. Look at this. No wonder you're enjoying January.

I'm enjoying January, Rob. I'm loving podcasting, Rob. I guess what happened to me last night. What? Rob, the kittens get in the bed now. You're not even in there, are you? No, they get in my bed, my mattress on the floor. So they sleep on the floor with you?

Yeah. You go back and Alastair Carew. spin. The kittens get in the bed now. Which is sort of like, if you're into cats, sort of a cute little image, but no, the truth is, they lie next to you on the floor. I had one on my pillow last night, purring away next to my face. Oh, fuck off. What?

I hate it. That's awful. I couldn't sleep. It was quite annoying. We didn't let the cat in the bedroom now. He used to pour at you. Oh, I love it. I love cats, Rob. I'm a cat man. You love the smell of their piss and shit. Any advances on the sleeping situation? No? My son's having his bedroom ripped out so that...

There's no point of even trying. Well, no, because he hasn't got anywhere to sleep. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. There's no point trying. Yeah, so... I was on your side. Yeah. But Rose is away for three days last week. How was that?

So, oh, I've got big news, actually, Rob. Um, so firstly, I slept in the bed. So that was good. Oh, that's nice. That was nice. With your son and your daughter on the floor? Yeah. Did you sleep better? I'm sleeping quite weirdly at the moment. I keep waking up at 5 a.m. And this is a man that's excelling in January, by the way.

Guys, this is a man who's having the month of his life. Sleeping on the floor, wake up and 5. It's like you're squatting in your own house. So you'd be... Fuck my life. It's good that you're happy. That's good. Yeah.

This is happiness. That's what I thought last night when the cat was on my pillow. I thought I think this might be happiness at last. This episode is brought to by Fairy Non-Bio. Rob, you know those moments with your kids where they just make you want to melt? Like when you've got something fresh on and they won't stop hugging you again and again. Oh, yes, that is very rare. Cherish it, Josh.

that is laundry-based affection. I'm going to say it, Rob. It's the scent. I'm convinced it's the scent. It's Ferry, isn't it? It's Ferry Non-Bio. That's what's doing it. It is.

It's Ferry Nombio's new Cherry Blossom and Nordy Cotton Dream Team. Oh, gentle on the skin and it smells so good. It's fresh enough to keep the hugs coming. It's past the double hug test then. Oh, it has, Rob. That should be their slogan. It is now. If your laundry could use a bit more love, go and give Ferry's new pink dream team a try.

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Trigger warning. Me and my daughter were having a chat. She said I've got something to tell you. Yeah. The moment she said it, I thought, I can see in the smile she knows. Yeah. She knew. Yeah, I think from about eight, seven, eight, they know.

Well, she said she's known. She said she's known since she was six. And she walked in on Rose, wrapping some presents in the wrapping paper that he uses. Oh, what we know is six? And she's kept it to herself for two years. Because there's a difference between like, oh, we know, we know everyone says at school. but she's literally got like she's got evidence

and what's it, what's Rose said about this? Does she know she's ruined Christmas? No, because she's still, oh, yeah, yeah, no,

she's buzzing about it, my daughter. No, but Rose. Oh, Rose. Yes, she's fine with it. I mean,

I think it's, I'm just, I'm just keeping up the lie as a joke now, which is quite fun. You've got some misinformation here. I don't know what's going on here, which is quite fun.

Well, the kids found the box that the elf comes in. They don't believe the fucking elf on the shelf, do they? Well, no, well, we, we pretend that, oh yeah, you can't touch him, Father Chris, Christmas has brought them up, but that, that's true. I know, it's meant that I think, I think we've got some sort of problem.

He went to John Lewis and bought it. I think, if I was, I think we need to have a cobra meeting and we need to go, right, let's get rid of the fucking bunny, Easter Bunny, get rid of the two fairy. He's an absolute, he's dead, dead way. Bunny's an absolute joke. There's a two fairy I'm sort of 50-50 on. Elf needs to fuck. off and then we just keep all the big guns for five of Christmas.

Yeah. It's too much to keep up with. I thought we were playing the elf as a fun game. At no point did I believe that they believed these elves were elves. Yeah, and I don't know if they do either, but that's what we're delivering it like they do. Yeah. How's your week been, Rob? How's my week being?

I've got something quite controversial to say. Oh, no. I think I was in Scotland. as I put up at Aberdeen. I got an old Scotland shirt. I think Scottish bakeries are better than English bakeries. Okay. You could have

given me a thousand years and I wouldn't have got that that was the controversial thing you were going to say. I'm going to need some meat on the bones there. It's a good headline. It's a great headline. I think the Scotch mince they use is a great base level for a lot of the cakes.

Oh yeah. And not cakes, sorry, the pastry also they are not afraid to double up on carb. May I present to you the macaroni pie? Oh my God. Which is pasta in pastry. With cheese, right? Yeah. Macaroni cheese pie.

Yeah, yeah. It's called a macaroni pie. Yeah. And I had a fudge donut, which is basically like... It had a fudge donut. It's like caramel fudge stuff around the top of a donut. And inside it is just like the most amount of custard you've ever seen. So delicious.

Oh, my God. It's always hot. It's always flaky. Maybe it's because it's a little bit cold or up there and windier. It's haste better. I don't know. But I just think Scottish... I mean, feel free.

If people want to jump in on this debate, they can. Where are the best bakeries? I just think Scottish bakeries. Do you like a Welsh cake? You've got to have a lot of liquid nearby to get one of them down. I like a Welsh cake. Am I having that dry? No.

No way or no. I need a bucket of water or milk. Lou loves a Welsh cake. A Welsh cake can sit in your draw for three years and it tastes exactly the same as when it was made. Don't get angry Welshies. I like the Welsh cake, but it is dry. Do you like a potato cake, the Irish potato cakes?

Not particularly. I mean, the macaroni pie, I wouldn't even go for that. I had like a Scotch pie thing. But yeah, no, I prefer meat in my pie. And I prefer puff pastry. Just that. But yeah, that's my controversial. I'm talking about controversial.

I was at the basketball yesterday, right? We went to watch the Orlando Magic play, the Memphis Grizzlies with the kids. Visit Orlando, invited us. Thank you very much, visit Orlando. During the national anthem, American national anthem, someone shouted, leave Greenland alone. Oh, yeah.

And everyone cheered. And the Americans nearby me, because there's a lot of Americans that come over for it, were disgusted. because in America, the national anthem is always respected, never interrupted, and they were just stood there. And I think they were quite shocked really because UK love America traditionally, don't they?

But more recently... I'd say it's... Yeah, I'd say it's got a bit sticky recently, isn't it? Yeah, I know. But that was quite interesting to see the Americans' reaction to that. Because I... Yeah. When I've been in America, when the national anthem's on a...

So what was the makeup of the audience? How many... The crowd, sorry. How much was American and how much was... I'd say it was a very small percentage of Americans. It would have been friends and family or people that worked for the... It's really like 10%, and the rest are sort of British and Europeans because a lot of people come over from like Spain or Slovakia or Slovenia where it's popular.

And yeah, it was good fun though. Any problem is that we enjoyed the basketball. All my kids wanted was to catch a t-shirt. Yeah. The throwing t-shirts into the crowd situation... God to get one are very low. And it adds a level of tension and stress It's unbearable

Also If one of your kids had caught a t-shirt I know You're never catching two You are never catching two So it's just what they're And also they're shit t-shirts We just in the end I said

Why don't look Why don't I just get home I'll get some of your t-shirts Put a bit of elastic band around them You stand at the top of stairs And I throw them up So we can do that at the weekend But it's probably

Good fun though. We did that. What else did we do? I looked at next week when you're explaining why your daughter fell down the stairs. With an Orlando magic top covered in blood. Ditto. She just slipped, I imagine. No, it's been good actually. But yeah, I was away for a couple nights last week and then I'm away for a couple nights this week. But then I'm not going away overnight for like a whole month. So, yeah, I'll be nice to come home and chill. But it's been, it's been right. I'm still not lost any way. I don't know what to do. January.

I can't get going. I've been running. You need Steve Cram. You just had a fudge and custard donut. You mentioned that three minutes ago. And a macaroni pie. Yeah, you make a good point, actually. Just can't seem to shift it.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I've run five. I don't think when they have fitness people on with six packs on the high performance podcast, there you go, personal opinion. Scottish bakeries are better than...

I think burpees are better than sit-ups. That's what my conversation should be. I know. I can't help it. I love eating. Isn't it nice? Isn't it nice?

Do you know you eat 75% of your nice food before you're 12? So that message will not cut through unless you're dripping wet, getting off a bike, I'm afraid. Yeah, so going back to the January thing. Your kids are fine, getting up in the morning full of a bit.

I find my kids... They're not full of beans, but... Not as jolly as normal in the house, and I don't know what it is, because, you know... It's all right, no. I think maybe, not to bring it back to them, the kittens have put a real spring in everyone's step.

True, yeah, that is a... Because that's the Christmas present that keeps on giving. Yeah, and it's so cute. Will Scooter hasn't really had the same impact. No, yeah. Well, you're just pure mud and ice. But yeah, I suppose if you're just indoors with them,

applying and stuff. Yeah, that's really given a spring of the step. And then... Do very well for you on Instagram that. You was posting on Instagram, a little influencer. Yeah, I might... I mean, I should start a cat account, shouldn't I? But I'm not going to do that.

No, don't do that, please. No, I'd rather die. But you just keep posting the cats. 51,000 likes, your picture's gone. That's pretty much your best post you've ever put up? I did ask where's Beryl. People want to see Beryl. Oh yeah, Beryl.

So the situation with Beryl, don't give up hope. No one in the house cares about her anymore. No, she's absolutely back to her best. Yeah, no, but no one's giving her any love, are they? No, she's getting more than usual because we feel guilty. Oh, okay. So Beryl is absolutely loving it. They've been sniffing each other, sniffing each other's asses.

That is a good thing, yeah? Yeah, there's been a bit of, but that's gone away now. Yeah, they'll just establish a little bit of a pecking order. Yeah. Do they have like a pecking order like dogs? Oh my God, Rob, I lost the kittens for two hours. Okay. Where were they?

Well, I didn't know. I went around the whole house. Obviously, you didn't. I know. Yeah, but you did by the end. Yeah. They'd got in a crack behind a cupboard. Oh, is that one?

Oh, right. And they were just asleep in there. Oh, here is one. Hello? That's nice. Do you want to come on? Hello? Can you tell the different?

between them. Hi. Where are you? Boy. It's just trying to find his kitten. Oh, very cute. Oh, listen to this purr. Do it?

Kind of everything. No, she stopped purring. There we go. Since you picked her up. Can you hear that? Yep. She doesn't want to be here. This feels weird.

Sorry. I feel like... I think I might just... I said to Rose, I just want to live in a house of 50 kittens now. You do love... The way you were like saying listen to her purr, it was a bit like, you know, like when you meet a girlfriend's dad for the first time and he makes you listen to like he's sort of done up full escort. Yeah, yeah.

And you have to just sort of, yeah. But then that's cute, very cute. But yeah, that is going to increase morale in a house. That's really increased morale in the house. So Rose was away. Rose said I'm quite good with not getting not giving her too much info when she's away

what do you think? Oh not going like oh I can't find it yeah okay because sometimes people can just go oh where's this what's that and then the whole time they're away this is a fucking nightmare those texts I'm quite good at that's mental yeah do you used to do that no the cat's just there

yeah the cat is really scene stealing from you at the moment Yeah. It's looking at a bottle of water confused, basically. Yeah. The cat's been drinking from my water. Don't worry about that, Rob. That is really a problematic, Josh. Rob, when I had the cat under the duvet last night?

Oh my God. You sound like you fucking it. I'm just like... Yeah, it's making you feel uncomfortable. She's licking my hand with her rough tongue. I actually, it makes me really uncomfortable. Yep, carry on. And I liked it.

Michael, is this me? Or is this, like, I'm really struggling with this conversation? Don't go to Michael. Michael's absolutely never, Michael can be less an animal man if there was ever. No, but I'm just, I just need to speak to someone else. Because at the moment, I feel like being groomed by a cult leader, and I'm going to all of a sudden be under a cover with cats licking me. Michael, please consult anyone.

If not, I'm going to get the bloke from the office next door to come in and ask his opinion. Because I can't. This is too intense one. on one. I would say I'd split the difference. You'd split a difference. Okay. Yeah. Right. Sit on the fence higher. Why don't you love that?

So what do you like to take cats under duvays? I don't want a cat lick in my hand when I'm going to sleep. That is okay, in it? If I went around your house and your kitten jumped to my lap, I'd stroke it, I'd hug it, I'd get it purring, and I'd be happy having that kitten sat on my lap as we had a cup of tea and chatted. No problem whatsoever. If he went to drink out my drink, I'd go, fuck off.

And I would say that to him, because I do talk to animals like humans. And then it would know. And then Fluffball would go, Uncle Rob's round. We don't drink out of his water because he's normal. And it'll stroke me. But if I start licking his hand, he'll go, no, no, that's enough. It's about boundaries. So what happened that made you so uptight?

I'm not uptight. I love a cat. If your kitten was in, I'd love it sat on my lap stroking it, a little Bond villain. But I can't do the under-the-cover stuff of a cat. or sleeping his head next to my head or pouring at me and all that it's too much.

Oh, fuck it. It's like the it. I just find anyone that's too into their pets makes me feel uncomfortable. How into the pets is Lou? Really into. Loves the dogs. Sit on a lap, stroke them and cuddle them

and like, you know, I couldn't be with Lou if she let the dogs lick her mouth. Let the dog. Let the cat, let my mouth. Be drink at the same water. Oh, let me just close the door because the cat. Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation.

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Learn more at Adobe.com. slash do that with Acrobat. I opened it. What the hell? I did my runner's world show, Rob. Oh, yes. Go on. In Exeter, they brought down so many people.

So you shut the door because the cat opened the door and now you shut the door, now the cat's come back in. No, no, she'd opened it coming in. And then you said, now you've locked the cat in. I could hear a sound bleed from the house,

so I shut the door. Got you. Yeah. Got you. because the cat just come back in again. I was confused. Sorry. Sorry if you heard of...

I apologize. All right. Anyway. Runner's World. I did my Runners World cover, Rob. How was it? Well, I got some stuff sent to me to wear from Adidas. Okay.

When I hadn't seen it until the day. That's... That is... You've got to... That's a mental decision not to open the bag to your photo shoot. No, that is, no one does that. The first three things I took out were vests, Rob. But Josh, it is a running man.

That is what runners wear. If you are the front cover of runners' world, you've got to be comfortable in a vest. I'm not comfortable in a vest, Rob. I'm just not comfortable at the vest. So is it all vests? No. Then I took out a pair of shorts that were too short. Do you know what they're called?

Shorts. Running shorts. Running shorts, yeah. Because most people, well short running shorts to run in because they don't want their giant sunspill pantaloons poking out the bottom where they're swimming trunks when they run because that's how people run

did you tell them your personal best was seven in the interview that really makes you laugh at because I was with Ali you know your tour manager what this week yeah he did Scotland because by a tour manager he's a great man he's a great man he's a great guy and he can do a 5k in 17 minutes in he's 60 next year. Yeah, I know, he's mad.

Anyway, go on. Sorry, so you're a little pair of shorts. I cannot wait. I actually think Runners World magazine's going to... The people are going to buy this. Anyway, luckily I brought a t-shirts. So I had a couple of t-shirts. And there was one pair of normal length.

Well, I would consider normal-length shorts. Just over the knee. I was like a Victorian bather. I need my shorts to be longer than my boxer shorts. That's a bit of minimum. So you got your bald shorts on. You've got your rip curls. And there's still a little tiny

sort of millimeter of sunspill above the knee. You've rolled the waistband up three times, but you know, what can you do? I can't believe you run in sunspill pants. It's fucking a nightmare. If you told me to run in sunspill pants, I got, I'm sorry, I just can't.

I'd rather run naked. I think of it, the wind resistance. There seems to be a flag running along the park there. So I did the runner's world shoot. Yeah. It was quite fun, actually. I enjoyed myself. What did you chat about?

Running. Have you done the interview? Yeah, I did at the same time. Yeah. Shattered about running. What did you talk? What did he say? I talked about my running journey. Oh, can I talk to, can I talk to you about running?

Right. No, you know, I'm doing my five to couch to five Kro. No, you're going to be on the cover within months. Don't worry about that. So I'm basically, little tip. When you get the clothes sent, you check there's not just vests. I'll wear vests.

I'll run in vests. Do you? I run topless once. No. Yeah. In Spain, along the front when it was sunny. Oh, my gosh. I know what you've got body like this, why I wrap it up.

Exactly. And well, you've got a big fudge donut, buttery chocolate, scotch pie, macaroni pie, body, why I cover it up. So, right, so I've been doing this couch to 5K, which is basically, look, I can run a 5K in about 40 minutes on a treadmill, but it's life and death. I'm basically having a, I might as well be the last soldier at the Somme. Everything's on the line, right? And I thought, well, actually, that's quite a not good way to treat your body,

because I basically hurt after it and don't want to do it again for a month. So I'm doing the 5-capture 5K and I'm at the point now. I run for 5 minutes and it's a 90-second walk, five minutes. It's very slow, but it's a slow build, but I am getting better.

And when I'm running for these 5 minutes, I feel really chilled as I run. I'm not exhausted. And I'm slowly building. Yeah. So anyway, me and my friends, a couple of mates, are trying to go running once a week

and they do 5Ks all the time. So I met up with them and I tried to run with them, couldn't keep up. In the end, I could only do about 3,000, and a half k and my shins hurt too much. So I stopped running and started walking, right?

And then, weirdly, they hurt more walking than running. And I'm what the fuck's happened here? I got a shin speak from running. Yeah, so I was like, right, I shouldn't have done that. I should have stuck with my Steve Krav. But anyway, I meet, meet my mates to go running around this park. And some lady polk drives past me. A couple of people go, well, look, it's really busy.

It's a Sunday morning. And it's in Bromley. So everyone's sort of like saying hello. And it's like, oh, hello, like that. And then a lady went, oh, I look. hello, Rob. I went, oh, hello. And I'm trying to, like, get ready to go for a run. I've got, like, my running trainers on and all that. And then she goes, um, uh, I used to teach your daughter at preschool. I was, and I sort of half-recognised her. And I was like, oh, hello,

you're right. And she went, you're not a runner. What? I went, you're not a runner. I was like, you're not a runner. I thought, pardon. And then I sort of was like, well, not at the moment, but in about a minute, I will be, like, trying to sort of like, yeah, just trying to, like, you know, bridge out. And I was like, fucking out. I, like, I, I, I, I feel like, Sorry, has she taken control of my inner voice just before the run? Like, you're not a runner. Would you have you doing dressed up like that? Your little fancy dress outfit, where you're running shoe?

So then, oh my God. So anyway, I just go right, try and do the running and I'm struggling. And then I give up about three and a half K in because my legs are up. And then this other geezer comes alongside me, right? And so it's talking to me. Nice enough geese, but he's talking about running. He's got all the gear on and stuff like that. And then he started chatting about, he was like, well, I thought you were in Scotland.

And I was like, all right, he's like, I'm Instagram stalking you. And it was nice guy. It was quite like, quite intense questioning. And then he was like, he went, and I've, look at my running trainers. Of course, they look new.

I was like, fucking hell, you're having a go as well. And also, these trainers, I've worn about 10 times and they've got mud on, so they don't even look new. He was like, what are they? I was like, I don't know, like pumas.

Puma, what? I went, I don't know, like, bouncy ones. And he was like, and I was like, could everyone just let me? I don't want. I just want to go around with Steve Kramm. You're not a runner.

They look new. Leave me alone. Oh, Rob. I just want to, I just don't want to be fat. Just let me just, just let me suffer. And I couldn't run off. My legs aren't too much to run. Or better get back to my intervals or whatever, run off.

I tried, but I couldn't even walk quicker because my legs hurt. And he had such long legs and he was right beside me. Oh, wrong. He went, normally I come down to the park run on a sat in the morning, but there's too many bloody prams and dogs and kids. And I went, well, it is a park, not a fucking race calls. Also, park runs not a race. Well, that's what, yeah, I think it is, though, for the blokes at the front.

But, yeah, but I'm going to try and start going once a week, running once a week, my mates. And try and do that, a little coffee after. Oh, that's nice, that was good there. But so your runners, you're happy if your runner's world, shoot. Well, I didn't look at any of the photos. They said, do you want to look at them? I said, I just simply can't. I'm too embarrassed by the whole thing.

But just to let you know, my work-life balance is unreal at the moment. Between my appearance on Sunday brunch, Ramesh's show the way to St. Orban's and my Runners World Shoot. With my kids, my kids, you're at the moment's world shoot. And I'd have had to go to school. It was an exit, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

So that's good. Yeah. Oh, my God. I had a disaster with the kids on Saturday. Why? So they've really wanted to get the car cleaned. Because there's an episode of Bluey where you go through a, called the hairy monster thing or something.

Like the mechanical car at the garage, yeah. So I said, great, I found one on. You'll like this, Rob, an industrial estate. Yeah, now we're talking. Here we go. Someone's moved out of the city. Lovely bit of free parking. I love free parking.

So I go along, the interior is absolutely fucked as well, just really good. So, but I see their valeting. cars there. So I'm like, great. I'll go through the hairy monster. Yeah. And then I'll get the guy to valet the car. I say how much to valet the car? It was, it took my breath away, Rob.

Go on. But by that point, I was like, well, what is... How much for the hairy monster? That's like a tenor in it. A hairy monster was 12 quid. 12 quid, yeah. There was all... He's like, which different level do you want? It's got all these different...

So when he values it, is he doing the outside as well or just inside? It's the inside. So because Erie Monster's on outside for 12 quid. Now he's just going to hoover it and wipe the inside, basically. Over shampoo, wipe the full lot. Shampoo, the floor. Well, like, like, properly clean.

It was 40 quid, Rob. 40 pounds? Yeah. And I think that's a lot just for inside, because I can get outside and inside done for that. Yeah. But I was like, do you know what? How bad was you? I'm here.

We just enjoyed the furry. monster. That's not what it's called the hairy monster. Yeah. So there was a reason it was 40 pounds, Rob. How long did it take? An hour. Right.

For one hour. So he's done a proper, so 40 quid is quite a good price considering. Have you ever stood in the cold on a Saturday afternoon on an industrial estate with two children for an hour? Yeah, you're talking to a pro. Next door. For you know else to go for an hour, go to the shops or anything? there was a garage at one point when 20 minutes in I took them across the road to the garage they got a kick out and a twix next door was a trampoline park so you could see children having fun yeah no because where I go sometimes take the kids because they like it but basically two men do the outside and then you get out and it takes him like 15 minutes but it's not like a full ballet it's just a bit of a hoover because it was one guy yeah it was just like and you know when you're watching something someone you feel for him because he's a big old job for him.

But also, you're like, how can I, it was about 15 minutes in and I was like, oh, fuck, this is going to be. Yeah, this isn't, yeah. And by that point, you're like, if I'd known at the start, maybe we could have gone to the trampoline park. But do you know what I mean? And then you're like, you know for next time, though, you're just exploring your new world down there, John. I've never experienced a longer hour in my life. I'm trying to entertain children in the freezing cold. What did you do?

We balanced on some beams for quite a while. We went to the garage. We watched people use the furry monster. It was interminable. And you know what? And that is 75% at the time you'll have with them. And, you know, you just soak that up. You could be being paid to do a childhood dream on the teller with some of your comedy heroes.

I've made my choice. And the choice is the hairy monster. And just to the producer of QI, I will be back next year. I will put a hundred quid on you being on the next to the QI. Right, small business shout out. Yeah. Here we go, Josh. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael.

I've been a fan of the pod since having my daughter, Aller, in 2021. And it's got me through many sleepless nights and commutes. It's Allers' Uncle Dan's, sorry, it's all as Uncle Dan's 40th birthday. and we'll love to give his small business a shout-out. He runs Dan Scarlett Garden Design and offers anything from a full garden design, small planting plan or garden consultancy. He's based in Suffolk but covers the southeast,

including Essex, Norfolk and Sussex. You can check out his website at dan scarletgarden design.com and his Instagram is Dan Scarlet Garden Design. Happy 40th birthday to you two, Rob. Many thanks, Hannah and all in Suffolk. I just say I went to a lovely small business on Saturday and I'd like to just give them a very quick shout out.

Yep. Pompom stitch tassel in Bovey Tracy which is where my daughter Sorry, sorry, say all that again. It's where my daughter did a sewing machine lessons. And it's called the Pompom Stitch Tassel it's called. Pompom Stitch Tassel and Bovie Tracy.

Bovey Tracy. Oh yeah, I hadn't thought the book. I hadn't thought. Pompom stitch tassel in Bovey Tracy. Is that a riddle? Is that what's the riddle, aren't? answer. How do we like this out? The riddle answers if you want a lovely sewing lesson or if you want a party, sewing theme party, Emma who runs it was so nice and she didn't ask her business,

small business shout out, but I thought this is such a brilliant place. It's too embarrassing to sell those words together out loud. You know, she can't type them down. Pompom, pom-pom stitch tassel Bobby Tracy. Yeah, all right, mate. Stop winding me up. You're going to ask her a man down.

hug and kiss in a minute. Oh, that's nice, though. So that's a good place to go if you want a party or sewing. My daughter's getting a sewing machine lesson as well. So weird that. We didn't speak about it at all, but we both got sewing machines and they're getting little lesson. And it's a good skill to have. Do you know what I mean? Just put for her to learn so she can start taking my trousers up. Imagine you're in the same boat. Can you take my pants up, please? I need a 17 inch inner thigh. Hi, Robin Josh. I'm a mum of two and I found of a small self-funded business run almost entirely during naps, breastfeeding at 3am and answering customer emails one-handed. After leaving my job while pregnant, with my second, I opened

Fifi Fan Club, Fee Fee FAN Club in Islington, offering flexible short-term, drop-off childcare for London parents who need a breather, an hour or two to exercise, take a meeting, sit in silence or remember who they were before kids, no fancy memberships, no commitment, just hear whatever parents need us. That's a great idea. I have a three year old and a four month old. I opened up the business in April and haven't taken a day off since. A small business shoutout would mean the world. And I reckon we're offering something your listeners was absolutely love. I agree. Thanks for making parenting feel less lonely and more funny. Sasha, founder of Fifi Fan Club. Love it. If I know that was there, I'd be able to help my new Humphrey work-life balance.

Any small business people out there, good luck, because it is hard. You can't take days off. You're not allowed to be sick. No holiday pay, but it's worth it in the end if you stick with it in most cases. So good luck, anyone with their small business. Yeah, whether it's, you know. Before you know it, you could be Josh Willer could be in complete denial that he's not going to do QI again, managing his diary. Whether you would have snaffled that up at the start of your small business career?

Exactly. And I felt sad because it felt like a bit of a, oh, am I entering a new era of. life. And I thought that as I got the train to Sunday brunch. Oh, right. See you next week, Josh. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognize that voice?

Yes, it's Josh Widdickham here. I have got a new podcast, Josh Widdickham's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it. I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me, and possibly think I'm funny. Number two.

I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics. See above.

Basically, I wanted a podcast that realized Millie Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the fun. funniest takes on Mr. Blobby, when Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers ghosts were real, when a band burned a million pounds for a laugh, the Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from You Too, and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch, and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are, by the way. Either you know what these things are, and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't,

and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history. Stiff next will learn, lose next will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday. Perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcast now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whitacom, available everywhere from the 1st of January.