Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S12 EP8: John Bishop

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - John Bishop. 'Is This Thing On?' is out in cinemas Friday 30th January. Parenting Hell is available to watch on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  (Copyright 2026) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell, Whitt. I wonder who can say Rob Beckett. What, Rob Beckett? I wonder who can say Josh Whittaker. Josh Whittaker. Great, guys, well done. Do you know what, we've had a couple of stinkers recently. That was absolutely superb.

Here we go, yes. I hope you're both well. Sarah and Jessica. Ronnie and Lily, saying the intro. Ronnie and Lily? Yeah. Is that a boy Ronnie? or Ronnie with an eye of no e.

Ronnie like Ronnie O'Sullivan. Oh, so born a girl? Yeah. Ronnie's a good name. I've been meaning, and both, I quite like it on a girl as well. Yeah, like Ronnie and Cona.

Like Ronnie and Conner. Sorry. You are so gifted that that sounded like a punchline. And I don't know why or how. Ronnie and Conner. That's funny enough. Isn't it?

And you didn't even know effortless? Been meaning to record them for quite some time. time. You know what life admin is like? Finally got around to it. We're from Sheffield. We're from Sheffield. We're from Sheffield. Please do another live tour, Pounder, Pounder, thanks. Lucy.

She wrote that, like she's on a phone call to radio station and we're faded a mic down. Yeah, she did. I'm from her own self-door. Do you want to do another live-a-live tour? Oh, I'm too tired. Well, the thing is, I think we've really shut ourselves with the foot by going high production levels. Yeah, I know. I'd quite like to do, like, a sit-down version when we just chat. A residency, as in what way? Well, you did like the Royal Albert Hall for a few nights or something, rather than going...

We need Perrin'Hillfest. But then what would you do every night? I'm talking. I don't know. You sort of need the break so we can chat about what's going on. Oh, no, no. What I meant is I'd quite like to do. All you want to do is a run at the Royal Albert Hall. No, I don't. I don't want to do a run at the Royal Albert Hall. I think actually acoustically it's quite bad.

Unless you've got a fucking harp. Yeah. It's not made for comedy. You can't just stand in the... middle of that room and shout Ronnie Ancona. Ronnie Ancola. The echoy sound.

No, what I meant was lower production values in like big nice theatres rather than... Doing a big arena because we did, we upscaled the production for an arena.

I don't think we do arenas again. 10am, 2pm, 5pm, 8pm. Now you're talking my... Now you're talking my language. Do you want me to ring up the Churchill? Yeah, yeah. So we'll do at 8 a.m. for the early risers. Yeah, yeah.

11 a.m. 2 o'clock. Five o'clock and then don't bother with the 80 people. No, no, no. None of the parents want that one. We'd be the only tour where that would be the last one to sell out. Imagine if we did a quad show. Oh, my word.

Parenting Hellfest. John Bishop's in a film, but he's not in it. It's about him. Oh, my God, it's about his life. Like, he's fucking, like... Forest Gump. I was trying to think of one that, like, all I could think was Eddie the Eagle. Yeah, Mohammed Ali.

Mohammed Ali? Oh, that feels bad, saying that. JFK, that's not about JFK. No, but it's a film based on his life and the way that he broke up with his wife apart for two years, then they got back together when she saw him at a comedy gig, and the only problem is

massive spoiler alert. Yeah, he's John Bishop. But it's called, is this thing on, and it's brilliant. Yes, it's really good. You'll find out at the start of the episode that there was a mix-up, because we've wanted John Bishop for years,

and we thought... He didn't want to come on. And he's been quite mid- that we've never asked him on. Yes, and that is resolved. Let's see. It's a really good chat. He's brilliant.

Should we say out play that? I just was listening to it. I was most quiet I've ever been. Then I felt like I should chip in at points so it didn't look like I was coasting, but then I felt like, oh, you shouldn't have said that. I regret one joke when he said about the recycling awards. I mean, was that another liver transplant.

He liked that. I didn't know if he was just being generous or if it was a bit tenuous. I don't know. But I'll tell you what, I'll have a listen and keep your opinions to your fucking self. Here's John Bishop. John Bishop, hello. Hey, lads, how are you? How, this is quite exciting for us because we've seen you in another world now.

You're the John Bishop from comedy that we know and love, but now you've got your foot in the right-hand lane of Hollywood, and you're doing press for like a big Hollywood movie where normally it would be your stand-up. Who have we got today? Have we got the Hollywood John Bishop, or have we got Comedy John Bishop? Comedy John Bishop wouldn't be here.

Let's be honest. Yes. You were there. We have done 600 shows I've never been on. We've been on. I've never asked me. Oh, yeah, I've got the text.

Wait, when you send me a text? I bet you haven't. I bet you haven't got a text. I bet you have definitely. Because we had a lot of requests as well. After your documentary someone out, a lot of requests we were asked before then and after, but let's face it, you don't need any help selling tickets.

Oh, you wouldn't believe this. You wouldn't believe this. Have you been lying? No, look, this isn't even a lie. This is mad. What's it saying? Look at the bottom thing. I've sent it. When?

Hey, mate. I hope you're well. Would you fancy coming on the podcast I do with Beckett about parenting it? It's an easy 45 minute chat. Complain about being a parent. And of course, you'd be a perfect guest who've had to Michael Sheen, Robbie Williams,

Jonathan Ross, etc. So it isn't shit. And you can promote or anything you want. It hasn't sent. No. It hasn't sent, sir! Oh, Josh! Is it?

I had never got de living. Oh, I'm so. fucking happy from the 2nd of June 2023 and you never tried twice I thought really rude 21 or 23 23 still 21 21

2021 so it was only a year in yeah only a year in only a year in and now you're graced us with your I imagine contractual obligations I went listen them too active, never asked me. They don't want me on.

They don't want me on. Bishop's ghosted me. Bishop's absolutely goes, didn't reply to tag you. That is so funny, isn't you? Oh, that's really pursed on the back foot now. You know what? Because it is funny because obviously we might stand up. I've spoke as you have

about having kids and all that stuff. And I've listened to this a few times. And I've thought, they've obviously just not bothered. Oh, well, at least we could put that in the middle. That's the best thing that could have happened. We don't look bad. You don't look bad.

I don't look bad. I feel great now. The thing is me and him bumped into each other at Glastonbury. I was going, alright, Josh, that's you, what I'm out. I was going to twat. So we thought you'd ghosted us, but we'd actually not go, well, not ghosted. Yeah, yeah. You'd just not invaded.

Yeah, sorry. We did. We wanted you. We thought we'd have had a five-year-of-beef, but now, let us be fun. This feels. Yeah, this feels like we're set or something. Yeah, yeah. How many kids you got, John?

Let's get that out of the way first. Three. Three, ages. Joe's 31. 31? Luke's 29 and Daniel's 28. I don't have that right in your ass now. We know that we don't all hate each other, but you look good.

What's your skincare regime, John? My skincare regime? I got asked that on another podcast, what my skincare regime was. One that actually invited you. Joe, Johnny and Ben, yeah. Yeah, they're all over it. This is true of this. I haven't washed my face for years.

I don't use soap. And I found I was allergic to soap when I was younger. Most days, if I wash my face at all, it's just with water. And then, but I've always moisturised. Right, okay. Always moisturised, but I don't you? All of these scrubs and all that, I don't really get into all of that. What moisturise are you using?

What am I using at the moment? Whatever's there? Like a Kiel's thing. But I did that. No, hang on, let me think of a brand who might send some shit. Kills is a fuck of a brand. I used some of my wife's moisturiser, but you've got to be careful

because some of it has like the tanning in. Oh, yeah. The tinting. And you started going, I look well, and then it escalates into your foot, ump-pulumpur. Yeah. Okay, so water and a moisturiser. Yeah, yeah, that's it, to be honest.

But also, the other thing is, I've never smoked. And I don't eat meat. I haven't eaten meat for 40 years. Does mate your face go? I don't know. Some people have said that eating meat can atrophy your skin. I don't know why.

Do you drink? Yep. We actually, you know what I mean? I'm not got that everything. We had an interview with Ray Bradshaw. I'm not sure it's gone out yet. He did your tour support. Yeah, yeah.

And he said he supported Frankie Ball for weeks and he sort of just took him to the gig, brought him back. and then went, bye Frankie. And then the first gig, you went, do you want to go pub? It didn't you want to drink him with you? And he said how generous you are, and you looked after him and all his mates

and took him out till five in the morning. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Ray's a great lad. A great lad. And his mum and dad is so funny. Ray's dad is so funny. Because I went to his deaf club. So for people who don't know,

Ray's mom and dad are deaf. And so Ray's first language, a sign language. and he took me to his dad's death club in Glasgow thinking I'd know enough sign language to be able to get by Jesus Christ because their generation raised dad's generation they don't sign they spell

they spell really fast and the problem is I can't spell in me because that's my form of dislection I can't spell so when I do sign language any time someone's I can't spell it You'll have to write that bit down. I can't fucking, I can't spell in my head. But, but you go, he took me to his death club, his dad,

and it's, and it's so funny being in a room full of older deaf people. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like being in a room with your granddad's, but the sign and no one's waiting. And then they go, ooh, mm. And I don't know what I'm going, I don't want, no one. he's so funny, but his dad's got a really dry sense of human. He did this incredible documentary, which I did text you about.

Did that go through? Yeah, they did go through. About your son, which was just one of the best documentaries I've seen in years. Oh, thank you. I loved it. So your son is going deaf, or he's losing... My son, Joe lost his hearing when he was about 15, 16, and he... it fluctuated so he didn't go deaf

it fluctuated over a period of time which was difficult because he was a teenager and so you know you think your teenagers aren't listening to you anyway and he wasn't because he couldn't name me but also when he was speaking he'd speak loud because he couldn't hear his own voice so it sounded like he was showing that was all the time

and we went through this awful awful period and it was an awful period of as a parents, I did what men do. I thought, we'll fix this. Yeah. And really, if I look back on it, if I could have any period with my life again,

it would be that period, where I think I would be a better dad because I didn't just put my arms around them. I didn't really, I thought it did, but I don't think I always, always asked him how he was I just thought

alright well that's not working let's fix that so we went through the process of trying to find the reason for it etc and and he ended up being diagnosed with the rare autoimmune condition and whether that diagnosis was

completely right or what you'd never know but in the end his hearing is stabilised to about 75% loss so with hearing aids he can hear conversations and he's brilliant at lip reading and if an alarm went off he wouldn't hear

so he's within the band of conversation how he's got but it meant for a period of time as a family it was difficult because you don't know anyone of that world you don't know and because if he was deaf

you say okay well she was a deaf person but he wasn't deaf he could hear but he couldn't but he couldn't go to Glasgow he wouldn't go to Glasgow he wouldn't go to a nightclub

so you're in this thing that took us a long time I think to resolve but one of the things that I thought might be a way of I don't know communicating better would be and also because of his

his hearing loss may become clip complete because we don't really know why it started and that's again that's an anxiety that I've perhaps not always understood that he's lived thinking that

one day he might wake up and be completely deaf yeah yeah that's that's tough for anyone to take and that's at times like he's he's always he's a brilliant mimic and he'd be a brilliant actor but he's always held off

because he's thought, whatever I can't hear what's being said. And thankfully he's now embracing that. He's going to start going forward and doing stuff like that. He's just sort of gained his confidence over time. But it took time. But we did this documentary. And the documentary, the premise of the documentary

would be that I would learn enough sign language to do a gig to a deaf audience. Yeah. And when we were making it, he said, well, you need to explain why you've got this interest. because I was trying to do it to, I suppose, learn about that community and maybe show him that there was a community out there.

So we got involved in it and it became a thing where we both were learning sign language at the same time. It was tough. It was an odd documentary because, you know, as a father and son, we've not always been able to talk

and then doing it via the documentary. That's why we're such a good documentary. as well. It felt real, you know. It felt so. Like, I was really impressed

by how much you exposed of your relationship and yourself. And, like, you know, I thought you both came across so brilliantly in it

because you're showing that kind of regret or fallibility or dealing with that situation. It's tough. Lately, being a appearance is so hard because you want to be so good at

something you don't know how to do. Yeah. You know what I mean? It took us five years to get that. That's exactly. If only that text had got through five years ago. Exactly. Just thinking the lessons you could be.

You could have had the older parenting gone five years. No, you are. And also, we're all parenting in a world we didn't live in. Yeah. You know what I mean? Social media and algorithms. Social media algorithms, noise, expectation, body image, all of these things. And, you know, I'm thinking, you know,

I'm thinking, you know, I've got leukemia, you've got a weird alienate. And for him, like, as a teenage boy, all of a sudden, he fucking stands out, and he's massively different. And I just, I just, and I'm also older. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, how old are you? I'm 40 now. And how old are your kids?

8 and 10. 42 and 8 and 4. Yeah, yeah. So, no, I was 27 when Joe was born. You know what I mean? I was 31 by the time. had three. God.

You know, I'm 59 now. And so, and when you're 59, you'll be a better version of yourself. Because, you just know more. Yeah. And you're soft there. And I think, it's not that you love more. You can't love more. But you understand a little bit what the language of it is.

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What age in real life did you start stand up then? What age were your kids when you started stand up? Uh, five, three and one. Jesus. Wow. Well, five, three and one when we split up, so probably about six months older than that, yeah. God.

I was a month off turning 34. What's that like when you've got young kids like that? Does it, because I, and I think you had the same thing, we had nothing in our lives. Yeah, yeah. So. I was 23 when I started just working in London. Yeah, I was 24.

No kids, no responsibility. In a job that you could quit and then get again a week later, you had a proper career. and a good job. And you've got kids that you're financially supporting and all that kind of stuff. Very honestly. Yeah, what the fuck was it doing?

Do you look at that? Is that a different person, you see, almost? I know it's still you, but you've grown so much and done so much. Sometimes I talk to Melanie a bullshit, you know, my wife or love. lot and the people that we are and obviously this this film that's come out that's inspired by us you're watching a version of view on the screen and it really has led to to some sort of re-examination of how we got here and just so bleeding lucky i was serious when we when we first got married. I was serious

so, you know, I, you know, it's not Angela's ashes, but we didn't grow up with a lot of money and I had this motivation to get off the estate and then I had this motivation to get on and do something and I got

I always had this drive and ambition that I would never never fall back to where it came. Not where it came from, but financially never be poor. I didn't ever. I I always was driven.

By 31, you'd almost completed that goal of having a really well-paid job. You were a mad success story when you decided to have your middle-life crisis. I know, that's what I mean. You achieved it all. But also that's why when we got together, me and Melanie, we laughed more now than we did then, and we were kids because I was just so serious.

I used to play semi-pro football because that was a good stream of income when I first stars are going out with Melanie. That's what got me through uni. How close were you to go in pro? No. I was the stopper. I was that one. I was the person who wouldn't get picked now.

But in those days, I could run a lot and I could tackle a lot. But my skill level, I don't think would have took me there. But I, so I had this drive in me for some level of success. And then I married up Because Melanie is an only child Don't marry one of them I mean she's great

But they've never had to compromise An only child They've never had a dead leg for no reason And you can't start giving them one When you married to say This is what my brother did to me So they've never had something just taken off them So anyway, so man, he's an only child

And a dad was also a little bit like me He was driven from a very modest background But he was a dentist and very successful So I married up And then I married this girl from a middle class background And you know, we're 27 And you're kind of this rush to have kids And I had this job in the pharmaceutical industry

And then we split up And at the time I was a sales and marketing director. I was a sales and marketing director of a drug called Tachrolomus. And sacralemus is an immunosuppressant. So it's a drug that stops you rejecting your organs after transplantation. And it was a new drug at the time. I've been part of the process of bringing it to the market and the trials that went on. And it's not a drug that you sell.

It's an education process because transplantation was grown at the time. And so, you know, like mad things. you know, I took the top six liver transplant professors from the UK over to Japan to watch one of the only centres in the world that was doing live liver transplantation. Because in Japan, you can't do, or at that time, I don't know whether it's changed, you can't do cadaverick transplantation, so you can't take an organ from a dead person. You can only take organs from live people.

So live liver transplantation was a very, very, very, very, very rare thing at the time. And your liver is in lobes. It's in like six pieces. So you can take one of those lobes off, one of those pieces off, and it will regenerate. It's the only organ that regenerates.

So, but obviously, that's not a common thing to do. So I'm taking people over to watch this, you know, so that they could bring it over to the UK. And, you know, that's the level of what I was working in. I'm in I don't know if you've ever watched the live liver

No, no I'm gonna be honest Not in Japan I'm not getting to the dead ones Poor you And you're in a room And the sage is operating And it's mad

Because you're in the actual room You're not even at a window I'm gowned up with everybody else because everyone assumes I know what's going on Because what I did What I did And it was because

at the end of the day I lied on my CV Right And I said I had some science But I did a degree in politics But I said I had a bit of science But then and then what happens You get so much training

So much trains get you there And if you were to put it like There's a you know A transplant surgeon knows this much About medicine and transplantation And pharmaceuticals And this level there That little bit of a line there

That's all about the immunosuppression that the patient's on. And I learned everything that they knew about that little bit of their knowledge. So I knew 100% of the 1% that they needed to know. So I could have that conversation. But once it's drifted out of that.

You know what I mean? Well, what the drinks like after the transplant patient at the path? Was there anything? No, it was, because, well, this particular live... The particular one, you've seen more than one? Yeah, well, this one, I think this one was 14 hours. the operation.

And because they got to prepare the donor who was a mother of this child and then they got to put it into the child who's different surgeons doing it. Anyway, I'm just using that as an example of how bonkers my life was and how difference it was to this. Yeah.

And so I had this really good job but we split up and then as you see in this story I started comedy and then we managed to get back together and that's a whole other story but when we got back together I said to Matt I can't stop doing

stand-up I can't stop doing it I found this thing and I don't know why but it helps it's a pressure release it's just and also because we've been apart for two years

I didn't realize it was that long so it was two years sure it was a proper breakup proper severed not like let's trial it it was no it wasn't like we had the rest of it was out for two weeks. We sold the house. We had two houses. We had separate lives.

And that's why, in many respects, it's such a testament, really, to whatever love that you find, that it was still here. Because we separated for two years. And then when we managed to find our way back together, the kids had been passed from pillar to post. And I said, look, I'm doing this stand-up comedy

and maybe, you know, and I've got a really good job. So maybe you give up your work for a bit and then it will, and I can supplement it by doing a weekend a month or something. I was doing the odd sports, we was doing. So that's what we did for the family. So the kids could be dropped off by Mel and picked up by Mel and not be a childminder and all that stuff and have friends around.

And so, but that then allowed me to accept more gigs. Then allowed me to do more. They don't allow me to put more into the comedy. And then I just, you know, there's a whole series of other events that just led to me going, I've got to do this. It's incredible, isn't it? And did watching the film, which is excellent, and do you know what is good about it?

You know when you see football in a film and you go, that doesn't look like football? And that's your fear as a stand-up. Do you know what I mean? Is this doesn't look like comedy. Yeah. But it genuinely, that must have been a thing that really must have been quite, weird for you, right?

Because you're, it's a really good depiction of what stand-up is, right? And presumably, obviously New York versus the northwest of England, that's a difference. But presumably, like,

there's a lot there which you're seeing yourself in, right? Because you're in it, not in it, but your soul is in it. And so did it, was it difficult to watch all that

and like, go back and watch all that? There's a lot. other things about it that were that have been in education. Because at times it wasn't like watching a film, it was like watching a memory. Yeah. You know, there's things in there

and I'm talking like there's a scene. In fact, I remember when me and Melanie, the first edit that me and Melanie saw. And that's what, she's in a film. She's not even like, she's just someone who like was married to you. This is not a case in Japan doing liver

Livertrans. Now he's gone to the geeks. That's just been depicting a fucking film. That's the sequel. The transplant years. The prequel. Now we...

Oh God. So what happened? The first version that we saw was in August and we went to a little viewing room. And what had happened? This has been a long process.

How did it come about? Well, I first... I met, say, Chris Trichier, who, I don't know if you know, is a film, and he said how did you get into comedy and I told him he said

that should be a film I said I know what should I said I actually was trying to write it because I've done a radio four play called Happy Families and I thought there's something in there but it's just so hard you know exactly

when you're trying to write something that's about you for other people to see you almost can't find because you start going that didn't happen and they'll be pissed off if a saying that

yeah yeah yeah and you kind of double thing too much so anyway he said well look you need someone else to work with and then he introduced me to Will Arnett eight years ago and Will said look I told him the story he said I'd love to have a

go with my writing partner Mark Chapel and I thought well Will's you know he's Canadian but he's based in America he's LA based but Mark's from London so at least it'll have an English flavour to it so um they said I said yeah but I'll contribute to

you know I want to write it as well so he said okay so we started off with the three of us doing it and so they'd send me a script and then I'd chip in and then the script would go back and then I'd get another version and all the bits I'd chipped in waiting in so I'd go all right

they might have missed it so I'll chip in again and I'd send it back and then it'd come back and I'm thinking no one's like a might chip in bit so I so I said listen lads and he said well it's just that you you're sometimes overthinking and I said all right I said

use run with it and we'll see how we go and then and then COVID slowed it all down and you know what I should have done then it starts a podcast but I didn't

No COVID slowed it down and then it starts coming back again and then I get this message Will's been on a plane with Bradley Cooper Bradley says what are you working and he said I'm working on this thing

so Bradley goes well can I have a look at it and Will sent it to him as a mate to say look I'm struggling with this script to see if you give him some ideas. And Bradley said, well, I'll give you some ideas if I can write with it, but also I want to direct it. Oh, wow.

So then I get this message saying, Bradley Cooper's making a film called Maestro, and if we're prepared to wait, he'll do this next. And I'm an all right, then. And I said, we'll give him some time. So we waited and then what happened, I got this message that Laura Dane

is going to be the female character I mean Laura Dane And are you going into Melanie and going to fucking believe this Well one of Melanie's favourite films Is it Wilder Heart

Favorite films that Laura Dane's in And I said You're not going to believe this Yeah I said Laura Dane She went Lord of Dane Oh that's fantastic

Then she gets a message saying I am Melanie This is Laura Dane Can we meet her So Melanie comes into London and meets Laura Day and spends an afternoon with her And like they've become like that now And really? Yeah and so and Laura said tell me your side of the story because the script is very much written from the man's side

Yeah, so Laura said tell me your side so Melanie told her everything that went on and there's there's bits in this that come from that there's one scene So her chipping in's got in oh she goes she should they got a credit Only child, they know, to get that way. But the, you know, the, the, the headlights scene, which every parent knows, that scene. That happened. Yeah. We got a message off to school saying there's headlines, you've got to check the parents and the kids.

So we had to, we had to check each other's. And in that intimacy, when we were apart. And so she told that Laura then goes back to New York and Bradley Kuiper said, tell me everything that Melanie said, and then took it and put it into the script. Oh, it's incredible. So Melanie feels a great affinity to Laura. And also, Laura's movements, everything in there, I can just see. And what do your kids make about?

It's really odd because, as I say, as a family, we've gone through all kinds of stages. And I think this is the right time for this film. Because as a family, we're able to watch it for what it is. where it is, you know, like you, the benefit that you've got is you're you while your kids are little. Yeah. So they'll only ever know you is this.

They'll only ever know you, someone who's famous, someone who stops with pictures, someone who's, that's all they'll ever know. My kids were becoming teenagers as I was becoming famous. So in my head,

getting at school when your dad was appearing on stuff. Yeah. So from the outside, like, I don't think this happens anymore, but if someone said to me, name someone who's had that, that gig, that overnight thing that happened, I'd say that the people I'd reach for are the comedy road shows of you and Kevin Bridges. And Flanagan as well, I think, I've been that back. And there was, in my head, and I think this is probably totally, you know, much more two-dimensional to living it.

You were, I think, in Manchester, and you got heckled, and you dealt with it brilliantly, and then you smashed it. And it was like a life-changing moment. I mean, talk about sequel. But is that... I feel like you went to put that straight onto that arenas. In my head, that was like... You don't really get that anymore. It's much more slow growing for people, I think.

Yeah. Because TV's not as monoculture as well. Is that what happened? I'd tell you what happened in a way that yous will understand because I'd done the Edinburgh Festival. Yeah. And I'd done, I think, three festivals. festivals, the first two of them, I was still working.

So I would take two weeks leave and then I would base myself in Edinburgh for the month and I would see all the Scottish transplant units and I would which was only Glasgow and Edinburgh but I would wait with the rep up there.

Not there were transplants in Glasgow? No, no. They do them in Edinburgh. But the and I would literally I do, the first time I was up there I was doing the the cellar in the

courtyard. The courtyard. It was a 50 seater, oh, tiny, tiny. And I was on a some stupid satin quarter past 10 or something like that, half 11 at night, whatever it was, it was a shite time, no one came. And I remember my mates coming to me, and they'd never been the Edinburgh Festival. And they come, and you know they hadn't been

because they all got dressed up for an ice out. And they come and I've got like nine people in the room and three of my mates at the back and two people are from Norway and you're struggling to do it. And then one of my mates is going, hey, tell them about our stag doing Amsterdam. That's not open.

None of this is open. But I just had this love it. I'm sort of getting somewhere and then what happened? We made the decision that I should give it a go and go full time. I was given the option to give it a goal, go full time. time. And at the time, the agent

that I was with asked me if I would go support somebody. And I said, yeah, I'll go and do support if I can put flyers on their seat to the venues. And I'll come back and do a smaller venue in the same town six months later. And they said, let's be honest, that's not really going to work, is it?

And I went, you're my agents? I've just left my job. Yeah. And you don't think I can say, so I left them. So I left my job and left my agent within two... What's the military saying about, because at this point, obviously, you're only money still, doing the job and you've got back together. What I said to Melanie, I sat down and I said, look,

I said, if I don't, I'm at a point. All right, I'll tell you the biggest story, right? So the biggest story is Liverpool get into the Champions League final. And we can rarely date this now. 2005. Istanbul. Yeah, Istanbul.

Of course it is. It's a John Bishop story. Of course. And I've got a ticket for the final. I've got a ticket for the final. But there's also the international immunology Congress of transplantation. happening. You don't need to tell us that.

And when is that happening? Seattle. Seattle, yeah. Why do you need to ask that, right? It's a tough double. He said bi-annually, isn't it? So I'm there, and I've said to me, boss, obviously I can't do the conference. I've got a ticket.

And he went, for what? I said, for the final. He said, well, you've got to go, he said, because not only is the medical conference going on, he said, but there's a marketing meet, you've got to go and present our marketing plan to our company who's Japanese. to the Japanese

because they're coming over but it's the final event but it's your mortgage what are you going to do he said it's your job he said you've got no one else can do it you've got to do it

so I thought all right then so I gave up my ticket nah I go to Seattle and I'm in Seattle and the meeting the big pivotal marketing meeting

got moved today for so all of a sudden I'm like the reason I'm here is gone but there's physically impossible to get to Istanbul but what I can do is if I walk out the meeting straight away

again it's actually get to the airport I can possibly get to England on time because I'm in Seattle to be in Liverpool for it yeah there's no way I'm going to get to see this in Seattle like three o'clock in the morning or whatever so I've thought that's what I do please tell me a Japanese liverman gets you on a private jet

so I then go fly get back I walk into my house I literally have been traveling about 22 hours or something I'm walking to my house all my mates have gone so they've sent all of their kids to our house and their wives. So they're at our house.

I'm the only one interested in the football. There's little girls doing car wheels in front of the telly. I'm jet-lacked. I'm trying to watch the match. Half time, we're getting beat 3-0. I think, obviously, this is the right decision.

This is what I need to do. Because you're happy, I've avoided a spanking in his temple. I've done what I was meant to do and I am the pace. I've always thought. do the responsible thing.

At the end, honest to God, I was so pissed off. I was so pissed off. My mates. For those who don't know, Liverpool win. Yeah, we win. Liverpool,

pull it back to the Euro. The most glorious night in the history of the club. The greatest game of football of all time. Of all time. Of all time. So they win on penalties.

And so, and I'm watching this and I'm like, oh my God. And then my mates who are at the match, for anyone who's at Istanbul knows they couldn't get out couldn't get out so they were all at the airports

loads of delays so they're up all hours I've got jetlikes so I'm literally walking the streets at 4 o'clock in the morning and I was so depressed like honestly Melanie if you never talked to Melanie about it

I was honestly I went into like a clinical depression and he's like I was so pissed off for months and she just went she went what's wrong I said I should have been

and she said we she said but that's That's the life that you've picked in it. I'm like, you're right, you're right. So two, three months later, I handed me notice. And I said, I'm going to go and be a comedian. I never ever want to be told I can't do this again. Now, obviously I've been doing stand-up for about six years then,

so I knew I had a chance. But I wasn't sure it'd bring to him. And we had kids, we had the mortgage, we got back together. It was a big step, and it's not a step I couldn't have done without here. And I just said to me, listen, I promise you, I will make enough money and she could have said out because I was getting 250 quid

for a weekend at the Frog and Buckey you know there's no comparison but she just believed in me So you actually needed to get So if you'd been doing the clubs Would you have gone back to If you'd have got to a point where you'd gone

I'm not going to get out of the clubs here No so what happened Yeah yeah yeah So I started doing these sportsmen's dinners Midweek so you'd get like 500 or something, 700 quid that would be Andy. And then you're doing the clubs at the weekend

and I thought, you know, like everyone, I'm going to write the sitcom, I'm going to write this, I'm going to write that. And I was trying and trying and trying. And then I'd left my agents where I had no agents. So for the first 18 months I had no agent, I put my own tour on. So I was going around.

I remember this is honestly God true. I fucked a tour. I can't even remember the venue now. But it was in Oldham. There was a pub in Oldham that used to stand up. and I managed them to get them to give me like a night on a Wednesday or something, room above a pub, about 40 people. And I said to Melny, look, this is the only thing,

I'll build up a tour, I'll build up a bit of a following. And I was doing all right in Liverpool. I was doing the small room at the Laudy, 550 or something in Manchester. And that was selling out. But everywhere else was hard to make. And I remember leaving our house and getting in the car and my phone ringing, and he was the fella from the pub, this venue.

and he said, lad, don't come tonight. We've not sold any tickets. And I went, I said, well, I'd left.

I said, maybe someone will turn up. I said, I'll come because maybe soon will tear up. He said, no, no, we're going to use the room

for Pilates. Very progressive. Yeah, exactly. So, so I literally, I remember sitting in the car thing and I can't walk back in the house.

Because that's like, like, the biggest of failure. How old is Pilates? Yeah, it did me back along the world. So anyway, so I had all of that going on. And then one thing leads to another. And again, I've got to tell you this story

because it is a lovely story. And again, it fits into the world, the stand-up and the twist and change. The agent that I left was yours. Oh, yeah, yeah. Off the cave. So I was with off the cave. Danny was looking after me.

He was brilliant. But it was Joe who said, me look I'm not sure that you can put flies on a seat the act that you're supposed support won't be happy with that so I kind of left because I didn't think they had faith in me but the truth of the matter is they tried to get me going

so when I was working Addison you will know and people will not know but he was like the godfather of comedy yeah he really he was the executive producer of Jonathan Ross he did live at the Apollo he Lee Evans

Michael Alan He was the God father But you know You know what it's like You sign with an agency You never get to see him And when I was with them And I was still working

I got asked to do the warm-up for Jonathan Ross Bigger show on telly at the time And it was a Thursday And I'd go Yeah, of course I'll do the warm-up And Danny's going This would be great Because all the execs on telly

He'll come and watch you We've got my daughter on this week And all that stuff But every now and again I had the boss who said say, look, I need a presentation for Friday or I'd need this and he'd tell me on the Wednesday so I was phone up going on like, I can't do that

and he's going, this is the Jonathan Rush, you can't pull out of it. And I was going, yeah, but these graphs aren't going to draw themselves, aren't he? And he's going to, look, Addison wants to speak to you. I went, so that's like Kaiser Sosa to speak to you.

So this mystical man who heads comedy in the UK apparently wants to speak to me and I'm like, oh my God, okay, fine. I said, I said, I said, I said, I'm in London anyway next week, he said, he couldn't meet him in the office. So, coming to the office. And I'm in my suit because I'm working anyway.

So I'm there, I'm with Danny. And the door opens, and this fella comes in in a plump-colored suit, this, like purple suit, this geyser. And he just comes right up to me. And he says, oh, it's scarce. Then he says, you've got a job. Give up your fucking job, and I'll get you the money. And I said, mate, it's not as easy as that.

He said, why would you earn? 25 grand? I said, no. He said, 35 grand. I said, no. He said, 45 grand. I said, no. He said, 55 grand.

I said, no. He said, keep your fucking job and walk out. I'm not honest to God what happened. Oh, amazing. Keep your fucking job and walked out. The acrobatte studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docs, your permits, your moves.

AI levels up your pitch. Get it. Choose a template with your timeless cool Draft design deliver Make it sing AI builds the deck so you can build that thing Learn more at adobe dot com Slash Do That with Acrobat

And so that was it So then what happened What happened then You move on a couple of years I've started this little tour That was going nowhere But I had sold I sold out the small room at the Lowry

And Jason Manford said Look my agent wants to come and meet you and I went, I just don't want to do what I can do with an agent. So anyway, she phoned me on and said, I can I come and see her. She comes to the Lowry and I've sold out this show, I go and do two hours, and I get the standard ovation, all that stuff.

She's going, how come no one knows who you're at? Like, how are you selling 550 tickets? So she said, can I represent you? And in the end, that all developed into something. So she ends up representing me, and then she says, look, I've got this Michael McIntyre Comedy Roadshow. They're going to do this show. It's in Manchester.

and I said, yeah, but Addison makes it. Yeah, you're old age. She said, no, it's fine. Addison still loves you. It'd be fine, you'll be on it. So I get booked on it. So I'm stood, and this is a really testament to him as a man. I'm stood at the catering truck.

We were the first recording. We were the first show in Manchester. And so no one knew it was going to be a success. Obviously, Michael's a brilliant comedian, and he had the big follow of him. But it was basically all the people who couldn't get booked on live at the day. Apollo.

But they were put on the road show and every now and again they'd have like an Apollo act that's the headline but the rest of us were the people that they were testing out and the show that I did

Sarah Milligan was the headline act Jason Manfred was on it I was on it and McFerry was on it so I'm stuck by the catering truck and he comes bouncing over Edison

and he goes oh that's scarce fucking told you I'll get you on telly I said you haven't got me on telly I said you got me on the show that you don't know if anyone's going to watch. I said, this could be crap this. I said, you've put me on telly when you booked me on live at the Apollo.

He went, all right, if you're any good, I'll put you on it. I said, all right. So I'm on backstage. What was I? 42, something like that. And I'm taking a breath, and I suddenly thought, this is it. Like, this is BBC 1 Saturday night. And if this goes well, I've got a chance.

But if it doesn't go well, there won't be another chance. I just know there won't be, because I'd already been told. Lisa had already done the phone call round to say why does no one book them on the panel shows on anything? And she sat me down. This is all.

She sat me down. And she said, I've spoke to all the people who do the booking. She said, there's three reasons that they've told me that they're not booking on the shows. One is you're too old to come across as a young act,

as a new actor. You're in your 40s. Number two, your accent makes you sound. He said your accent makes you sound aggressive on panel shows. I don't. Have you seen Frankie?

I said number three. They said you don't look funny. So I can't do anything about any of them. So I'm stood there thinking well this is it in it. So I'll go out and I literally I had you know you're thinking of jokes I've done all this and I've done all that

and I'd literally done the recycling awards about two weeks before and I told the story in the recycling awards about this about having a water transport about this about having a

you get in a new fridge and all that stuff and I go on and I want to tell a little bit of this story because it's decent gang and then I get heckled because I'm in Manchester

and I'm in Manchester and I respond to the heckle and the gig goes well and the gig goes well halfway through the gig halfway through it Addison phone

Lisa and my agent and booked me on live at the Apollo which was brilliant. Now, the time of the things, when you talk about the overnight success, I've been doing stand up for six years, I've been full time then for about,

well, six years when I left my job and I've been full time then for probably two years. So it was eight years in from my first gig. He books me on Michael's show. We record that in the May. I think that went out in the July. The live of the Apollo was recorded about the October.

That went out in November. And what I did is I did different material in both. And then he, bought me on the Jonathan Ross show. So he put me on the three biggest shows and I did the Jonathan Ross show in the February. And as you say, I don't think this really

happens anymore now. I was on tour doing art centres about 400 and 500 and then we put them bigger and bigger venues on and then we thought we'd push it a little bit because I was going on Jonathan Ross. The weekend before I've been selling around about

700 tickets a week. I did Jonathan Ross, I saw 20,000, 22,000 tickets. Wow. And you go, fuck, things are different now. Yeah, and because you know you've got it.

So once you get in front of them, they'll come again, and they'll build and build. Yeah, yeah. But what I will always say, he could have said no. Yeah. You know, he was the executive producer.

Yeah. Your old agent, you've left him. He could have just gone. What's he to me? And he was brilliant. God bless him. And so what was that like for your family? like when you

that you kind of said like they're teenagers and suddenly you're a superstar it's hard to be like within a year really I know and I also I remember you know we did things like you go through an airport

and I remember telling me my youngest lad off Daniel and it was so wrong because people would say can have a picture and Daniel go yeah I'll take it for you I'm going don't don't do that

you know don't, and then people say, can I take a picture of the kids? I'm going, no, no, you can't do that. So in the end, we would go separate with Melanie, we would walk with the kids, and I'd meet them at the plane. And just sort of shuffle through your head down.

And that's fine, it's a very, very small price to pay. But that was one of the family changes. Yeah. And also, my kids were going into teenage years, and I think that, I don't think it was always easy. I think if we're being honest for them, Daniel was the youngest and he's the more exuberant like me so he bounced with it

but for Joe and Luke they were going into teenage years different personalities and also my kids grew up in Manchester so he don't even sound like me they sound like they've been adopted so so it's... Well when you're a teenager you're just going to be left alone

you don't need your dad to be one of the most famous people of the country that year people looking at you and all that stuff and again these were things that perhaps I was trying to say look at the good side without realizing that for them as a family it wasn't as easy

I think to be so successful like you've been and deal with all that stuff you've got to be so focused and so like switched on and just like this is what we're doing and plow on but then the negatives that it can spill over into when you need to be more gentle in family and you know as well yourselves

I mean you know having something like this is great you can control your own destiny but most most of the things that you do in show business, you have no control over. No. You know, you put a tour. You're just waiting the whole time for approval

either from the audience or the channels and waiting for the offer of this show or that. Exactly. You're always waiting for someone to give you the job. You're always thinking if I don't take it now, it won't happen again. You're always thinking, all right, that's always good, but will you come back to the next one? There's always this apprehension that it's going to go. So make the most of it while you can.

And whilst you're trying to, was you trying to do that? I think there's times I should have been at home when I wasn't. When would that have been? Just work commitments. I think when Joe was sort of adjusting and stuff like that, I think around that, I just think there's times where I just thought,

well, I'm going to go from one tour to the next tour and I just think I could have been a bit more presence. I was there. That old phrase, you know, you're there, and they're always present. Yeah. But also you've got that fear of, well, if I don't do this,

if I don't do this, like we're talking, and again, because I took such a big gamble. And then, and so I know that if this ends, you know, and I'm not coming to it

as a 23-year-old lad with my mates having a laugh. I'm looking at this, thinking, Jesus, I've got to do that gig because that'll pay the mortgage. I've got to do this, I've got to do that. One question.

Did you get to go and watch Liverpool win the Champions League when they beat Tompom. And was you there? Completely different. I was there with my wife, full corporate. Of course I was. How did you feel? Because there must have been a moment for you?

Because that was that the first time they won after? Did they win again? That was the first time they won, wasn't it? So did you go to the final you lost? Yeah. They lost three finals. Yeah, yeah. But going there and being at the first one after Istanbul

and you got there, before you knew what the result was going to be, you must have been a moment in your life to go, this was what it was all for to have total autonomy in my life to go, I can do it all. I've been to the others.

I went to Athens afterwards. I went to Kiev, you know what I mean? I've been there. Went to Basel. If that was funny, went to Basel. Rented a plane. I thought, I've made it.

I'm going to take me brother. I'm going to take my son. I'm going to take me cousin. I'm going to take his lad. I've got to take my nephew. And there's enough for us. And they were charging loads of money because Liverpool were playing

we're playing And no No not possible Seville? No Yeah Seville Seville, Seville So we're playing Seville

In the final But it was in Basel But you couldn't get to bars You had to get to some little French Fucking place And go over there So I read This is so funny

You know what you think You're Johnny Big Bullocks I said listen We're not going to mess about I'm going to get a plate My fucking get nothing So so You know

We're going to this final So I rent this plane and so on the look you can get a jet but it's mad money you don't have to it's only barzal we've got these turbo prop planes but the great wider body more

comfortable right so we get at the we're at the sort of bit in Liverpool where everyone's flying off and we're waiting for our car to take us to the plane I'm coming towards this plane I'm fucking looking out there it doesn't look like I'm looking at the pitch of then it's not the same colour I thought it must have painted

I got on this plane and I swear to God sat down in the plane that's not as plushes I don't know he had ashtrays in the scenes that's how old the playing was

it was you only playing in the world with ashme he was like he got there he managed to get to Basel conced out

we couldn't get back so he's days to get back his old Johnny honest honest with his only Johnny big bollocks

thing was so funny but they're but they're they're the bits where you think I'm I'm going to keep that now.

You know what I mean? I'm going to enjoy these moments because success is a very, you can look at success in monetary terms, but it's not the money that you get, it's the time that you can have back. Yes, it enables you to be there more. And so now, with your kids growing up,

what's it like, like, do you see much of, like, how much are they in your lives? Because they are grown-ups. Right. Well, at the moment, one thing I'll say to her, I said this on tour, but it is true that when your kids leave home, it's a big change, and you have this empty nesting syndrome. And that, you know, you won't even be able to conceive that.

But when that happens and your kids leave home, move. Really? Yeah, move, just move, just move, and don't tell them, because if you don't, they come back. And I've literally got two at home now who's combined... Two children living our home who's combined age is 59. And I keep going to see, man, what are they doing here? Why are he still here?

But on another side of things, it's lovely. Yeah. Because we're closer than we ever way before. We sort of manoeuvre up this world. in a different way because we're all more used to it and there's a little bit now where you go,

okay, this is, the pressure's off. You know what I mean? Because when someone's a man, that's who they're going to be. When someone's a child, you keep on look, you probably look at your kids

and think, maybe the Olympics. What's this one going to do? What's you going to be? Like, I mean, astronauts, is that asking too much where is when the 32 and they've got to be

and they're in your kids, and you think, no, that's not a bloke. No, no, but also you know who they are and they know you are and I'm not going to go to all that. Naf, you know, you become friends. You're still, they're not your friends.

Because, honestly God, I'll go out with my mates and we'll go on the piss and I'm not bothered how to get home. You know, right? You go out with your kids and you know, and they say, I'm going to go out somewhere else with your mates and you're going, well, text me. Melny's going, text me, you go, oh, I'm going, like, he's older than

the taxi driving who's taking it home. But it's not something that leaves you. That never leaves you. John, the film is so good. But you know what? This thing about the film, and I know we spoke about so many other things, I just want people to go to see the film

because it sounds a little bit mad. But I think if we'd have seen this film when we were at that stage in our relationship, we probably would never have split up. Oh, that. But there'd have been no film? And then I wouldn't be a comedian. You know what I mean?

I'd still be doing grass. So what you're doing is trying to stop new comedians. I'm trying to cut the market out. John, the final question, we ask everyone this. What's the one thing Melanie does as a parent that you look at her and go, oh my God, I'm so lucky we've got kids together. You're incredible. And that's the one thing she does as a parent,

it annoys you still slightly, but you've never mentioned it. But if she was listening, she'd go, he's got a point. first of all does not make she'll say he's got a point one thing as a parent she has sort of

she talks to them in a way that I can't you know what I mean she has little pet names for them and she can hold them she can put her arms around them and I see her do it

and I do it and it feel like what I do with me dad it's like you know what I mean and I know that and I know we're getting better at her but she has this real

softness and their children always will be yeah oh that's too sweet to sort of do the bad bit yeah no the bad bit is she lets the focus come home I saw you at the Royal House ago it's probably about 15 years ago

I think it was a poster it was orange. I don't know what tour that was. It was big orange pose. Sunshine, yeah. And, like, you've got a sound innovation. It was amazing. But what was so lovely was,

Melanie was in, like, a few seats away, and she just laughed and loved every moment of it. Yeah. It wasn't that roll your eyes, obviously, it was just like, oh, and just absolutely, like, adored you on stage. She may not have shown it to you. I know, but, you know, what?

I'll be honest with you, Rob, and this came to me on the last tour, because the last tour I did was celebrating 25 years, and it was the first time I'd ever really spoke on tour about because it's almost the film was coming out and I thought I'll get my side of the story before the film would come up

but I also planned the tour not knowing the film would be out this year and I just wanted to put the record straight and celebrate the 25 years and it was when I was talking about and I was talking about when we started to stitch things back together

and we started going to release and started having some counselling and what have you and and I And I said, I said something she laughed. And it was her laughter. And it's like, it'll be the same we used as one person. You can be in a room with 10,000.

Yeah. But if there's one person's laughter is equal to 10,000. And making her laugh is still the best thing I can do. Because you know when you've done it properly as well. Yeah. Because sometimes it will bend. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. It depends. What I like is how annoyed Lewis that I've managed to achieve it after. Oh, you fucker! I don't let him get that one. Yeah, yeah. No, but it is. It's such, I think we're very, very lucky to do the jobs that we do.

Oh, it's an amazing story, an amazing film. John, thank you so much. It's been amazing. Thanks for that. You know, why I'm glad that message isn't to send? Because this felt like the more time to happen. Imagine. Imagine, I'd have come on that message you said, what's going on?

I'll go, no, I can't tell you. That was John Bishop. Love John Bishop. Loved him. He's so charismatic. He's sexy. He's so sexy. Do you know what?

I actually think he's one of those people that's getting sexier as he gets older. If a guy can have sweat back hair and look good at that age and you're, you know. Well, fingers crossed, I can continue this sweat back vibe. Then they look good. Do you know what I mean? I think the thing with hair as you get older, John Bishop's got, oh, he's got nice longer hair. Any longer and he's got long hair, then that's why I'm. written.

No. So you look like a nun that's just had a blow dry and I'm not against it. I think an old lady should feel good about herself. An old nan having a blowjob. I thought that's a weird

analogy. Go and see John Bishop's film. Is this thing on? Is this thing on? See you later. That's what I say when I get a blowdye. I don't say anything because I don't get blowjob.

Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes, it's Josh Whitickam here. I have got a new podcast. Josh Whitickam's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it.

Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me, and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts, do for drier topics. See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realized Millie Vanilli

were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr. Blobby. When Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers, ghosts were real, when a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from You Too, and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch, and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are and to learn far more about them than you ever realized you wanted to or you don't and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history. Stiff next will learn lose next will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday. Perfect to fill those gaps

between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on you might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcast now. Museum of Pop Culture with me Josh Whitacom available everywhere from the 1st of January.