Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S13 EP25: Josh locks himself out and has to sleep in the car...

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... This week Josh locks himself out of the house and has to sleep in the car. If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. And now Footballing Hell is also available every Monday. A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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at tui.com. UK. Atoll and Abta Protected. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Matilda. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.

Matilda? Can you say... Josh Widdickham. Jack, who's? And it's, I'm. Double Matildas? Are you near enough the mic, Josh? Double Matildas.

That felt like you're on me, now you feel like you're in me. There we go. This is Matilda, our 19-month-old daughter attempted to say both your names. We've been listening to your podcast since I was in early pregnancy. It's the same Matilda twice. Finally got caught up before she was born, so she's growing up listening to every week. sadly she now copies everything anyone says

so we've had to switch to the wheels on the bus in the car for fear of her repeating swear words. One day I'll reintroduce her. If Rob is questioning accents, I'm from North Yorkshire, my wife is from the Whirlall, but we now live in Leeds. Who knows what accent Matilda will have, well, northern.

100% on, no doubt in our mind. She's going to say, Tupt bathroom. To a bathroom. Thank you. Bath, bath, bath. Dance. Dance. keep dancing

thank you both for keeping me sane through the nursery run and work commute traffic Meg Kaylee and Matilda there we go I always say I feel like I sound really posh

when I say dance because on Strictly Emma says dancing because she's northern well not northern Bromie and you say dancing keep dancing yeah

keep dancing um family day on Saturday so the kids came to strictly for the rehearsal rob oh m g were they buzzing the youngest in care He said he wants to be a work on Strictly when he grows up after that.

Oh, okay. And my daughter described as the best day of her life. Did you say to him, well, unfortunately for you, I don't believe in nepotism. So now that cannot happen. You have to get into your mutual channels. I can't get you time as a runner. Not yet. You're five.

They did enjoy it, Rob. You've taken your kids to Strictly before, haven't you? Yeah, they came when it was the, I did the terms and conditions. and they came along and met the judges and met a lot of the dancers and they got to sat in the seats and stuff but I don't think they could sit in for the show so I think they watched

but they watched it in the like big marquee tent yeah the Starbar the Starbar yes the Starbar they watched it in there and they had a great time there we go so end of a long weekend of Strictly I'm tired Rob

you're tired boy get the car back to Devon late I actually, before the show, I do bring my suitcase up to the ground floor to the makeup room so that I can leave without even having to go downstairs. I do that on certain things when I do Catsos Can Do, because I'm having Manchester. And if I'm coming home, it's a long drive. Exactly. And I think, how much time I am I actually saying?

I know, how much time I say, but it feels like I'm really gaming the system, doesn't it? But the problem is, and they'll never change it because no one cares, because it only really impacts sort of lunatics or touring comedians. The diversion system on the motorways is an absolute wild west. People say Bitcoin is a wild west. Honestly, it feels like put a high vis on and a cone. You can shut any road you want. And they don't have to tell you when it's shutting, how long it's shutting for.

No guidance. And then before you know it, you're on a diversion that the person doing that diversion gave up on halfway through and you're fucked. But you can't moan about it because no one cares because you shouldn't be driving late at night. Exactly, exactly. And I think it would be worse if they did it in the day. If there are any lorry drivers or people that drive a lot through the night on motorways,

do you have any sort of social media account or app or map system that you follow that tells you about these diversions in advance or during? Yes, because I don't understand supposedly, you know, full-proof Google Maps or ways. They've got nothing. They've got nothing. They've got nothing. There is no point in your life when you are more helpless than when you get to a closed road that your Saturnav doesn't think is closed.

And then you can't, I don't know, you can't tell it it's closed. So then you're on your own and you start driving in other directions to get around it. And it's trying to desperately reroute you back to this road that it thinks is open. Yeah, and then you have to completely ignore it. You have to completely ignore it. Because sometimes I follow the diversions, but then I get caught up on the diversions of people going the other way up the moment. I don't think diversion signs that are... They must have south or north for it, at least next to them.

Oh my God. You're just on a roundabout thinking which diversion sign am I following? Honestly, that happens to us coming back from North Allerton. You know the work in progress for the Perrin and Hell Live Tour? I've mentioned him for Alan the window cleaner. He's all said that's driving. You've got so. It was like eight hours back and was on this diversion.

Fucking out of you. Anyway. Oh, God. Can I say something else? Between us, ADHD, headbutting each other. I mean, the issue is I have seen a lot of people self-to-well, neither of us have been diagnosed ADHD apart from all the listeners. Yeah.

Basically, people have said and said to me in person and in some of the comments, there are so many stories that we have never finished because we get distracted. So I want to introduce stories we have never finished section, but the listeners can email in. So, for example, you went to go and see Paddington, and I interrupted you so much you never told us about going to see Paddington. I don't really remember. It was good.

Yeah, exactly. Well, no, let's not ruin. You know, let's try and pretend that these are great stories. And then one was, you said, apparently, you'll never believe where my water meter is. And then we started talking about something else. I don't know where it is. Well, maybe this isn't a good section.

But if you've got the stories that are still annoying, that we never finished. I've been shown. You'll never believe where it is when you were moving house some point. Oh. Was it water meter or was it at the water? I don't know.

It's happening. You know, the stop cock thing for the whole. So you're driving back from work late at night. Yeah. Yeah. So I get back, gone midnight, fine. I live in Devon.

I live a long way. Yeah. I fall asleep in the car. I wake up. Yeah. At home. You step to the way. Yeah.

It's quite a little, kind of cozy little safe zone, is it, the car home? I haven't been very well. Oh, what's wrong? I've got a ginger shot here. Oh, what's the ginger shot going to do? Well, nothing, because I'm having them all the time. I'm still unwell.

Mate, have you thought it's that? You've overdosed on ginger? Do you know what I did overdone? He's overdosed on ginger. Maker Markle. It's good stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

That joke doesn't really work. I'd say it was quick and I giggled along that dragged it over the finish line. But ultimately, if you're stroking your chin, that's a shit joke. And I can't believe Beckett makes a career in this. Well, fucking better believe it because I do. But really, the truth of it is she's having ginger regularly and she likes it. Yeah, ultimately she's having ginger quite often and does not cause her any problems. Yeah.

Yeah, fair enough. Really, you could have said Billy Piper when she did divorce Chris Evans. Yeah. or who overdosed on Ginger, Rob Beckett, when he hosted all together now. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Which would be even more niche, but, you know, we like it. But hey, this is for us. If other people like it, there's a bonus. Exactly. Send in your overdosed on ginger punchline. Who's overdosed on ginger? This is it.

This is the heartbeat of the writer's room. Let's try to think, okay, so Chris Evans, it was 25 years ago. Yeah, that doesn't feel, if you said, I tell you who's overdosed on ginger, Billy Piper.

Well, that's a ginger. A famous ginger is dying out? I associate more with Lawrence Fox. Is Lawrence Fox Ginger? It's difficult to know. There's not been many recent famous ginger people. No. Oh, Ed Sheeran. Oh, yeah.

Tell you who's overdosed from Ginger. Macklemore. Yeah. I knew we'd get there. We got that. We'd get there. See, there's a good joke there somewhere. Just, you know, I open the door.

You come in and fucking tidy up. Six minutes later. Yeah, but then on Mock the Week, that would have done that before Mott the Week, then we go on and do it. I'll go to you, Josh, I'll do some stuff about ginger and overdosing. Bang, before you know it, you've had your ginger shot, Macrimore, done. That's comedy. There we go.

So get home, 1.30, middle of the night, obviously. Yeah. Still not that cold yet, is it? No. Well, I'm interested in say that, Rob. I forgot my house keys. Oh, oh, Josh. So I ring Rose.

She doesn't pick up. Of course she doesn't, no. I ring the doorbell. She doesn't wake up. Yeah. Because there's sitting in the spare room at the back of the house. Right. Okay.

She's quite far from the doorbell that is only working in the front and half of the house. Why is the doorbell that working? Because it's been in the house. You know. So I try the windows. I try the doors. From the window. 20 missed calls on.

on Rose's phone. Oh, at 18, surely you realize she's answered. I know, what'd you do? So how did you get in? I didn't. No. Do you know what I did? This shouldn't be a positive.

I tried the door on the car and the car was open. Right. Okay, so you're, you stepped to the car? I had a pillow in my suitcase. I've come directly from hosting the most iconic TV show there is. I mean, you were lucky there wasn't a paparazzi there. That's not a great look, is it? Ironically, you know, comfy than the floor.

Yeah. Best time I've seen around in ages. I had to take the kids' seats out. So you had to take the kids? You had to do an ice-fix at 2 a.m. Yeah. How much seat did you get in there? A couple of hours before Rose woke up,

saw her phone, had loads of miscalls, I think, called me. generally back of the car pillow yeah so where did you put the kids seats in the boot uh just chucked them in the front no because there are any boosters those there these days right was the kit these days

were the kids were the um so did you have car key in there or it was just open it was just open but obviously the car can't move without the car key so in a way yeah I know it can't move but I worry that the alarm's gonna go sometimes we're filming the car without the key

you know when you're at the picture station. Yeah. And someone goes in with a key, the alarm goes off, but I don't know why your alarm. It doesn't happen with us.

Right. So, again, pillow, hadn't taken a coat to London because it's still so mild. Yeah, yeah, of course. Also, you hadn't planned on sleeping in your car?

I hadn't planned on sleeping in my car. So I put on one jacket, like, you know, the kind of shacket kind of thing I wear. Yeah. And I used another one as a duvet. Yeah. Put my headphones in.

I actually fell asleep. I couldn't believe it. I thought there's no way I'm going to sleep here, but what else can I do? Yeah. If the car hadn't been open. Have I told what my mate did at uni once? What?

Because it was raining when this happened to him. Oh, God. So he got two wheelie bins. Yeah. Put one, laid him on the floor, put his legs in one. And then pulled the other one across and then had the lids as a roof. Oh my God. And slipped him in both of them.

Fucking hell. I don't know what I'd have done. I'd have probably just gone around the back to the garden. I don't think I'd have been able to sleep on the lawn. You're just sat on a chair staring. No, I would have laid down because I've got a pillow. Have you got a pillow like a sun lounger like thing in the garden kind of chair? We've got one that hasn't got a cushion on now because it's winter,

but like you could have laid on that. A car is your best option? Yeah, 100%. Honestly, when the car opened, I felt like I was. Finally. What a couple of weeks you had. I'm going to say that. That hasn't happened ever to Claudia Winkle and Autist Daily.

The funny thing is, though, now, the depress will love anything, so they'll be like host sleeps in car. I know, but I thought that, right? I thought, oh God, if I tell this story, there's going to be a new story of host, sleeps in car, because his wife won't let him in. I'm just strictly. But he's two-thulling not to tell.

Well, look, the way I think is, Josh, whatever you say, it'll get twisted, because that's just what the press took. So, like, well, I put a photo up of us going to Stockholm. Right. Sneaky, I said three sneaky saskatches slip off to Sweden for the Spotify conference in Stockholm. And then there was an article that involved me in you

that said, comedian flees country after Strickley. And it was like slips away in like bracket. But that's how I was doing alliteration because of the sneaky sneaky saskite. You've not even mentioned the sneaky saskwatches. And I don't know why going to a conference is fleeing a pre-booked conference that has been booked in for moms. Anyway, I think you're doing the right thing. Just tell the stories out as it is.

It's a funny story and let them do what I want to do and then crack on. God is funny though. Honestly. So what time did you get in the house? About five-ish or something? Yeah. And then it gets worse. So I'd gone to sleep with my headphones in.

I can't get worse going in the house. I've gone to sleep with the headphones in. Yeah. And then I, when I got upstairs to my bed, because actually I had a bed this night as well. The heartbreak, Rob, is I had a bed for the one night only. Why do you got a bed? My daughter had gone in with Rose and my son.

So I had a bed waiting for me. When I got to the bed, I only had one earphone. I thought, oh, I'll deal with that tomorrow. One of my headphones is falling out. In the car? In the car. And can I ask you a question? Do you still have?

Because when we went to Paris, which is what, how many months ago now? Two months? Three months? July. Paris. Sorry, I thought you meant Stockholm. We went to Paris. I was flee the country to Paris.

Yeah, when you flee the country, three months ago? Yeah. So July, August, September. France was ending. Yeah, so three months ago. And David, lovely producer on the show gave you his... I still got his headphone box. Yeah, he gave you his headphone box to charge your headphones.

It's his spare. It's his spare. It's his spare. You know it's not his spare. He's just said that to you, so make you feel less guilty about taking it. No, because he hasn't chased it up. Well, I think, well, look, in David's defence, you've got bigger fish to fry. So it needs to be fair.

Yes. So you've, so... But you still haven't sent him his charging box? No, I've got to do it. that. It's difficult. It's not. It's not. You put it in a letter. Not the post office. Do you know what?

They are so good because you can do any delivery from them. But so then the morning I couldn't find the headphone in the back of the car. Yeah. But I've got that thing on the headphones, find my headphones where you can get them to beep. Yeah. So I could hear it vaguely, but it wasn't in the car.

So it was in the garden near the car. We eventually found it and I'd had to go for a piss in the back of the flower bed, you know, the classic. And there was a headphone. It was like a, you know when they find something in the crime scene? There was just a headphone in the flower bed beeping away.

So that was how I came down to it. And then I had to get up and, you know, get on with my day the next day. Live your life. With Export Development Canada, Canadian businesses are competing, leading and winning in more international markets, like how agri-food businesses are strengthening global food supply, and critical minerals are powering industries of the future. Their ambition can't be contained. And with EDC behind them, neither can their growth.

Export Development Canada is the financial partner for Canadian businesses going global. Visit EDC.ca for more. Obviously you've been busy at work, how you've been seeing much of the kids? Of course. Well, obviously they came up strictly. So my son's still obsessed with Lego Rob. Yeah. And I don't really know how to manage it because he just wants more and more Lego. Well, there's two issues.

One, it's quite expensive to get a lot of it all the time. And then it's like if he wants it all the time, it's sort of not special for birthdays and Christmases. Exactly. Secondly, it's messy. And when it's built, where do you store it all? Well, he wants a big shelf where he can have his whole Lego city. Right. Okay.

His bedrooms ready. the problem is I like doing it with him. That's fine. That's the problem? Well, no, but yeah, but I'm like, oh, I'm really not, I really want to get the fucking Lego City roller coaster. I want to have a go at building that. Oh, and it's annoying because he'll want to build it?

No, it's annoying because I'm like, well, I shouldn't just keep buying stuff. Do you know what I mean? No, if you enjoy it, go for it. I don't know what I? Do you know what I should get the donkey car. I have some joy in your life. Some of it's,

got to be fun. If, you know, you're working very hard at the moment. You're doing well for yourself. Treat yourself to a bit of Lego for a bit of Lego. Treat myself to a bit of Lego. Why don't you make a Lego car and then build a little Josh Whitaker in the boat, in the boot? Sleeping. How was Rose when she woke up? Was she panicked? I was, because I looked the next morning. Go on. I was like, okay, where would I have slept? And I was like, okay, there's a piece. there's like a, you know, like a large piece of cardboard, like an opened out box that are builders have,

like opened out, stuck up against a wall there, like, propped up. Yeah. I would have used that as my mattress. Do you think you'll miss it when there's no builders in and around your life? A bit like, you know, when people come back from war, they need some sort of decompression. Do you think you'll just go to being Q every certain date? I actually like, because I like them.

So I like that. Yeah. I like... And you liked Adrian? I love Adrian. I like being in a bustling household. Yeah. So when it's all calm...

Another option is silence at 1am outside the house and I'm stuck in the car. Yeah, no, but I don't think it's necessarily there. The two options in life, is it? You have builders in your house or you sleep in your car alone at 1 a.m. after a very busy weekend. Oh, my word. What's going on? How is your week?

Good weekend. a couple of things. One, wired headphones are coming back in for younger people. Do you know what? I just saw... Yeah. We are the trailblaze. It's proof if you stick for something long enough.

This isn't footballing hell, but who's that midfielder man you signed that still hasn't played for them, Beloba or whatever he's called, right? Oh, yeah, from Brighton. Yeah. And he was wearing wired headphones. And I thought, that's weird.

literally 10 minutes ago I thought that's weird he's got a lot of money he can appalled some non-wired headphones so why are wired headphones coming back in? I don't know I think one is like

they always work and you never have to charge them which is annoying two I think children will just do whatever the opposite of what their parents are doing yeah that's just human nature so like we've actually

we've stuck with this long enough we're becoming cool again oh we that's good I don't know why young people wearing wired head headphones So you're a kid wearing wired headphones? Do you want kids to go in here? Yeah, so they've got wide headphones more just because it's cheaper.

Yeah. Than getting, you know, our young... I don't, some of you don't like the Bluetooth extra shit going on in your head. Oh. Come on. Swampi. It's fine. Swampi.

Greta. It's really great as to me. Young people are wearing a mix of a retro fashion statement, a rejection of constant digital connectivity and a practical choice to avoid charging a high. cost. Yeah, so I think it's a little bit of a FU, like, well, young people are quite anti-digital and AI and everything's been over-digitalising. Because we've got the memories of like Maddeny, so everything they do is

sort of computerised. I know, I know. Everything we do is computerised, Rob. I know, we're bloody, we're part of the bloody digital problem, right, guys? Exactly. Should we release this on vinyl? Well, yeah, let's stop. Yeah, Michael, should we stop putting it out on Spotify and just do a final drop and then we'll do posters around London with a WhatsApp number and they have to message if they want to buy it. Not a WhatsApp number a landline number. Yeah, sorry of course, yeah.

Michael? Yeah, I'm up for that. Or we could just like release it live in a, like in the new forest that you have to drive in a van to get to late at night. Like a listening party. Like an old rave, yeah. Yes. Yeah, that'll be good. That's a good way to increase the

logistics and lower the profit. Michael, without going into the stats, How many people could we get in that forest? Can you do some mass on how many vials we'd need to sell up free of each episode to make it better to do this on vinyl? I mean, that's quite difficult for Michael because he's got to work out the cost of mass producing vinyl two per week on a turnaround period of we record it Monday morning

and it needs to be pressed and sent to the new forest by the afternoon. Yeah, I mean, I won't lie, that's one of those requests I'm just going to hope you forget about over the course of this episode. I'm just not going to do it. He's not going to do that. Okay, fine. A couple other things. I don't know if I'm getting older and weaker or jar lids are getting harder to undo.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really struggling at the moment with gherkins and Marmite. What is your technique? Marmite, I always find all right, actually, because I... Me too, but I don't know what happens. Because Marmite is plastic and grippy. Exactly. It's the metal ones I don't like.

Well, that's what shocked me about the Marmite, because normally I'm fine with that. But the Gurkin might. I couldn't, we've had to give up on one jar. But the others, I'm just... Are you put in hot water? Is it supposed to put in hot water? Yeah, surely, Lou.

I don't expect you to know that, but I thought Lou would know that. Well, would I, would Lou know that? And I not know that. Because she's practical. Yeah, I'm not very... You put it in the hot water and then the lid will expand. The metal will expand the lid. It's so funny.

It was trying to sort out, talking about interior design and stuff like your building work. We're getting the office done. It's nearly done, actually. We're just sorting out, like, carpets and colours and paint and stuff like that. And then we need some cupboards in there and like, like, he's going through it or she's like, what about there? I'm like, yeah, sounds good. And sort of just a grin. She went, also, we can have like a finish on it. So rather than just being plain, it could have like a pattern on it, a shape. I was like, yeah, pattern. What about that one? And then Karen

talking, she's like, yeah, um, are you sure about that? Because I think that might look like this and might look like that. I just said to her, I'll be honest, Lou, I'm just looking like I'm engaged by picking one. And if you don't want to have that one, I'm absolutely fine with that. But I don't know what else to say, because I've got, no interest in it whatsoever, but I don't have looked dismissive or rude. So I'm inventing opinions. And what did she say? She went, fair enough.

Should we go with what I want? I went, yes, please. I just, I can't, you know what I mean? Do you have anything the other way where she doesn't have an opinion? Not really. I don't know, really. I'm not, yeah, like dinner, what do you want for dinner? She couldn't care less.

Just eat anything. I lude food, it's a bit more like fuel than it is. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to do this. You know what I mean? Like, if I just picked a dinner, she'd like, yeah, fine, whatever. But it's like, I don't want to be one of them like old men

that has no opinion or like... Oh, better than being an old man that has loads of opinions. No, but those people, like, Wayne Rooney's documentary, I'm still plugging away with that. I deserve a Pride of Britain award for that. It's fucking hard going. Nothing happens. Nothing.

Anyway, they're going on a day and a clean stand. Pull through some of the nothings that have happened. Oh, my God. Fucking ill. like Colleen's got to go to Holland and Barrack she's got a new range does she have a rope

that corners off the area or not because she wants to look like she's just in a shop but it's a meet and greet but some of the people are a bit oh wow I just don't like a lot of attention on me she says on her way

to her PR event during a Colleen Rooney documentary also it's your range yeah and it's just like oh they talk about what her air was like

in the jungle it was really nice air cut and I'm like I just don't know why I'm watching it anyway Colleen Rooney's dad lovely bloke they're all nice people by the way this is not and I think if they actually if they actually allowed them to film their real lives

I think it'd been incredible show because they're all quite fascinating but I feel like we're getting the PR work so it's like if I did a documentary about my life it'd be very interesting for just let them run a muck in the house but if I did it the Rooney way it would be like, oh my God, I've got to get the train to Manchester

because tonight I've got to do Catsers Countdown with John Richardson and I've got to do maths. Oh, you know, I'm not very good at maths. And then I was like, oh, fuck off. Do you know what I mean? I want to see you losing the plot in the kitchen. Yeah. Anyway, Colleen Rooney's dad has never packed a suitcase

in his life for a holiday. He sort of turns up and his wife's done it. I never want to be one of those people. I think that's insane. So when they go, did you pack this yourself? He'd say no. No, he has to go, no, Kalim Rooney's mom did, a.k.a. my wife.

They'd go. You've got to learn that first. He does that proper old school granddad, dad thing where he walks up to the Rooney boys, puts one hand on their heads and then slaps the top of it like that. Is it like it? You're right, mate. But not like, he's not eating in him.

He slaps his own hand, but on their head. Yeah. And that's a different, that's an old school. I've not seen that for years. How old is Colleen Rooney's dad? 60s? Well, she's only, like she's... Yeah, because they're younger than us, Wayne and Colleen Rooney.

Yes, I think they're like, I think he's full, I think Rooney's exactly my age and you're three years older about us and you? I mean, me and Rudy don't look like the same age, do we? No. Well, he does look, he looks a lot better now since he stopped, I think he stopped drinking and been in the gym. He looks great.

But during this documentary, he definitely looks like he likes a beer. I cannot believe how much I've talked about this Rooney documentary. I just, I've just committed, I'm this far in now. How many episodes is it? I just can't watch them drive around on quadisies. bikes on their massive guards anymore. Yeah, I get it. They have fun.

Have you done the Kylie one? I'm watching Kylie at the moment. No, I haven't seen the Kylie documentary. No, but we've tried to watch Hook with the kids, but they got bored. It's quite scary when Hook like sneaks in the house. It wasn't Hook quite shit when it came out? Hook's great. How dare you take that mouth?

No, it was great. Oh, okay, fine. Inspiring. inspiring. Great. No, we've banned this big, big parent

and hell chat, this is, and then we'll get to Christmas. The Beckett's have banned Roblox. Have they? Yeah. Gone.

How did that go down? Well, we try to explain to the girls why we don't feel comfortable with stuff. So the same way as I, we don't mind them watching YouTubers.

We don't like of having unfitted access to YouTube. Yeah. Because it's, everyone uploads everything. So you don't know, I can't trust it. I'm just going to be saying.

I'm just going to open this industry. shot Rob. Oh yeah, go on. I don't want to, you know. Still, still see. Show you that I can just open it like that. Oh, powerful hand. You sure you're ill?

You look strong. Get it down, you. Just watching just drink a ginger shot. Yeah. There you go. Awful, isn't it? Yeah, why didn't you have like a milkshake or a yop or something? Why, it wouldn't cure me like this, well?

Yeah, but that hasn't cured you. At least it'll be nice. That's a good cold yop. Carry on them. Yeah, so we said, look, with Roblox, we don't really know what you're playing because anyone can upload a game, you're floating around going on any game you want, potentially. And also, even if we okay a game, because the game can be updated, it could change next week.

So it's just a bit of a lottery. But so what I said was, I'd rather just pay for games. So if you wanted a new game for the Switch, I'll buy you a game. If you wanted a game for the, you'll have a game for the, you'll have a game. like an iPad thing I've robbery to pay it but actually we didn't realise we've got access I think Lou signed up to some sort of Apple thing

we have access to Apple Arcade that's what we do Apple Arcade and guess what they're on what oh yes you sneaky little saskatches yeah you're in for you're an influencer the kids are sneaking around a Sasquatch there we go there did you watch that on them

no I just said go on there and see what games you like And then it was the first one up. How about a bit of sneaky Sasquatch? Because it made me laugh. And I went, yeah, all right. So they just went on it. So what's good about it is there's loads of different games and they're closed.

So other people can't be. And the game don't change. Does it? It's just. So yeah, we're on that. So thank you for that, a bit of advice. Joshua. Rob.

Yeah. I know what I want for Christmas. Go on. So this is a bit of unrelatable content, Rob. Go on. But I wasn't feeling very well. and when I was in a hotel in London I got a vitamin C drip

Oh yes I've had one of them on tour When I was when you're ill It really sucks you out So you kind of Just vitamin C Like vitamin C Paracetamol drip Because it works better

From a drip In America they have them for hangovers in Vegas In places like in LA And just rehydration Yeah Saline solution or whatever that would be Right And so, but also, Rob, the woman who did it, yeah.

Yeah. She had these things called leg compression trousers. Oh. Maybe they weren't called trousers. And they, you put your legs in them. Yeah. Oh, man, it's so good. It just squeezes different bits of your legs to get your circulation going.

Yeah. It's the best. Really? Was that in Exeter or in London? In London. I don't think they've got to make sense. I said to rise. I had one in Bristol when I was...

Leg compression. No, not like... But I had... I was ill and exhausted. And obviously, it was taking my medicine, but if you do these drips, it basically puts all the vitamins your body needs. So it gives you that little bit...

Even if it is a little bit of a placebo, that night, when I went on stage, I gave everyone a really good show. So, you know, whatever works, you know? Because they're expensive, but not if you factor in, I've got 2,000 people waiting for a show tonight. It's worth rolling the dice on something that might help. Yeah.

And so I've asked roses from leg compression trousers for Christmas. No. So you own little leg compression trousers? Yeah. It's mad how you can go from a spa in London, get on a vitamin drip with leg compression trusses. And now, then you're sleeping in your boot. I know.

My life is kind of... Oh, I like, so that these ones are like, I'm getting between 150 and 300 pounds. Yeah, I mean, they go up in value depending on what you want them to do. So, yeah, state of the art, dynamic air compression technology, just squeezes your legs. So you know when, I just tell you what it feels like, you know when you have your pulse, not your, yeah, your blood pressure taken. Yeah, it just squeezes it.

It just, so it'll do your feet, and then it'll do your shin calf area, and then it'll go up. So you're going to get these little tracks. So when are you going to do it, do you reckon? When would you like, on a Sunday morning? That's a great idea. Just pop on the old leg compressors. just get the circulation going. Would you pack them for tour?

Would I pack them for tour? No, I wouldn't pack them for tour. You've got your pillow under one arm, your leg compression trousers and the other. Oh, it would be nice. It would be nice. Yeah, I'll definitely give that a go. I've never had a go on that.

Because we've got the, I bought Lou the mark, the, you know, like, not blindfolds, the sleep mask that does that and it's incredible, just sort of massages your head. Yeah. Oh, lovely. Look at you. great. Oh, it's so good. Rob, can't wait for Christmas now. Not long. That'd be a fun thing to

get out as well, Christmas Day. Oh, after dinner, get your legs compressed. Get my legs compressed. What else is going on? My daughter's in the netball team, but I keep missing the games because I'm working, which is annoying. Yeah. Um, I got, uh, went out Saturday night for dinner with some friends and I got hung up. I got, I, swirved a hangover with my new drinking technique. Yeah, what's that? Well, I couldn't find Mezcal, I suppose, but I could only find tequila. Just staying on that with ginger ale or sparkling water and lime and loads of ice, it's sort of like, I was fine. Yeah, tequila is about a hangover, isn't it?

Yeah, and then I went to bed, we got back late, I went to bed at 2 a.m. Guess what time I slept till? I don't know. 10.40 a.m. 1040? 1040. 1040 a.m. When were your children?

They were chilling downstairs, getting slightly angry because no one had done on breakfast. breakfast. Where was you? Lou was up? Lou got up early. She was with him, but she was really hung over. Right.

Because she mixed drinks. And then, but then I was hung over. That was... That was... Quite a lot of judgment there, Rob. No, no, not but judgment. Just sort of disappointment that she sort of didn't manage

to get a handle on, which, and she knows that. She hands up. She did red wine, rum punch and margarita. It's a mad mix. Fuck me. Fuck me. I stuck to one.

And then I still, the next day, I went, I took the dogs for a walk around the park for an hour and a half and the kids on a bike ride all in the new car and then came back and then I played football last night with the school dads. Did you? And my body, I feel like, you know when Del Boy gets beaten up

in Only Falls and Orses? Yeah. I'm a mess. Everything hurts. It's awful. Loved it. Loved it. Well, here's some things, Rob.

Go on. Because I've joined the dad's football WhatsApp group, you know that. But I haven't been available too. two Mondays, but I am available next Monday. So it's Monday. You can't do tonight, but you got that? What are you got tonight? So I've got a TV show tonight, then I'm coming back tomorrow.

So you come back Tuesday morning? I've got a meeting Tuesday morning, and then I'm coming back after that. Nice. Okay. Yeah. And then... When does last leg start? How are you feeling about your autumn and your workload?

Loving it. Loving it. Last leg starts back on the 16th of October. What else you've got going on? What else have I got going on, Rob? Yeah. Well, I'm trying to do that. So I've got a train journey coming up, Rob.

Okay. I'm going to try and do nothing on the train journey. What do you normally do on the train journey? Emails or work or something. Do you know what I mean? What are you going to do? Book? You like reading a book.

Read a book. Just read a book. Turn your phone off, read a book. Yeah. Turn my phone off, read a book. Yeah. What do you think about that? Yeah.

I think that's a good idea, yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't say it's a revolutionary idea. I wouldn't say you're dropping some sort of mad, like you're going to meditate for five hours before each show. I'm like, oh, okay, it seems quite long, you're right. You're going to read a book. I mean, really, it's like, you know,

maybe we should go to correspondence if we're that part of the episode. Be honest of ourselves. Maybe it's time to slip into some back and forth from the listeners. I think you're right. Ironically, I'm holding the key in this episode. Are you subconsciously clinging on to that? That's because I wouldn't discuss that I'm in a new office. Yeah, you're in a...

I've got the black curtain. People aren't enjoying this black curtain, by the way. It's too... Too boring. Well, yeah, it does open, though. It's just quite fun. So if we've ever had a guest, we could be like... Oh, yeah.

They could just like... He's Amor ration. Coming through the curtain. There's Amor Rajan! Yeah. Oh, by the way, I'm not talking about traitors, because we're recording this a little bit in advance. I don't want to give any spoilers away.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Of course. about being on traitors is if when people come and try and talk to you about traitors, I just go, no spoilers, and walk away. Oh, that's perfect. She can't do that for other people. You can't, someone can't go, I love Rob and Ramesh. No spoilers.

No spoilers. So it's great. Honestly, I'm really enjoying because I basically, as soon as I mentioned, I go, noise spoiler. And also, I think there's some people that don't really understand what traitors is because someone shouted me for a window, are you a traitor? and it's very clear from the start who is. Yeah. It's like,

that's not a question after episode one. What would be quite fun on traitors is if you could watch a different version where you don't get to see who the traitors are. I think they might have tried that. There was a secret one to the owner. Just like, so they put out two versions, so you can decide whether you want to know the traces or not. Right.

Correspondence? Yeah. Hi, as the owner of very narrow feet, I've suffered with massive long shoelaces ruining my life. But I've got wide feet. I've got broad feet. Replacing the laces on all shoes is annoying and sometimes it's hard to find the right match.

I invested in an egg lit kit. Egglet kit. A few years ago, which I solved the problem. Just cut when I under the shoelace off, apply the new cap and ag lit to the end of the laces. Stop fraying and crimp it on the, using the tool. Right. So, Josh, this is what you buy.

So you don't have to take the whole later off. How's he spelling it? A-I-G-L-E-T. So it's 40 quid, right? Fucking hell. Yeah, but it'll save you looking like a fucking moron all the time. So it's 40 quid. It's a quick to chop off a shoelace.

No, no, no, no, no. Listen, you chop the shoelace off just with scissors, and this is like a little machine that then puts a new end on. Right. So what you can do is... A-G-L-E-T? A-G-L-E-T. A-G-L-E-T. A-L-T. A-L-T-E-L-T-E-T-E-L-T-E-L-T-E-L-A-T-L-E-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-R-E-E-L-A-L-L-E-L-E-N-E-E-N-E-T-E-E-E-N-E-K-E-K-E-K-K-K-K-K, gosh.

Okay, Josh. I don't know why you're pleading some sort of fucking poverty that you can't do 40 quid on your shoes. Right? Yeah, you can't afford, yeah. So just, you sat there drinking ginger shots in your office, like fucking Stephen Bartlett, sure that you can get an aglit.

Fuck. I thought my money's gone on my leg, my leg compression trousers. Yeah, we've got you compressing your laces, your legs, you love Lego. We're obsessed with legs, mate. What's going on? You're going to go strictly too much.

That's quite fun. And then you can, and then they're always short enough. Yeah. I'm sure, Roe, even, I'm sure Rose would happily sort of volunteer to do that job. I don't know if she would. Ring her and find out? I'm not going to ring her and find out.

Next to you, right. Show Josh, what do you want? Temporary permanent. Show Josh the internet? Temporary permanent. Okay, there we go. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. He moved into our home seven years ago.

To get into the house, we have a front door that goes into a little porch area. Then from the porch, there is another front door that goes into our house. actual house. Classic. Yeah, we go. Classic porch. Excuse me to explain to porch. Yeah.

There's also some things that go up in height as little blocks that enable us to reach our second level. Stairs. Now, we didn't realize at the time that it, we didn't realize at the time that both doors will lock behind you as soon as they shut. Yeah. Now, after a miscommunication about who had the keys, that very first night in our new home, we went out to collect our food and the door.

and the door porch slammed behind us. So we were now stuck in this tiny little porch and no way of getting in or out of our new house. Oh, no, with or without the food. We thought about Conan Locksmith, but we were so skin off after the cost of buying the house. We didn't want to pay for it. And of course, it'd been our first night in the house,

none of our family had a spare key. After a bit of arguing back and forth about whose fault it was, we realized that our tall bag was in a box inside the porch with us. And inside that was a hammer. Next to the porch into the house door was a pane of glass. We did the only thing that wouldn't cost us as much money was to smash the pane of glass to allow us to reach round and open the door from the inside,

thinking that we would sort the problem tomorrow. We cleared up the glass. I covered the hole with smash with an Amazon box that I'd ripped up and we carried all of our lives for the next six and a half years. Yeah, classic. That's right. For the next six and a half years,

that paint of glass had a hole in it, which was covered by an Amazon box. Occasionally, we would discuss getting it fixed, but neither of us made any moves. It makes you feel so much better about all those niggling little jobs that yeah we've got done occasionally we discussed getting fixed

but neither us could be bothered luckily my uncle came around one day told us we were being ridiculous and made me order the pain of glass and then fixed it for us the very next week wouldn't recommend it it made our house bloody freezing in the winter lovely stuff

great stuff it's a great feature talking of great features Rob my chin my jaw small business show out now it's time for Small Business shoutouts brought to you by Vista Print, your expert print partner to help bring your ideas to life. Stickers are great for small businesses because if you make a good one,

people actually stick it on their laptop or water bottle, although with kids... That is a good call, Rob. That is a good call. But with kids, Josh, you may find your logo permanently attached to the toilet or car window. I've got stickers on my laptop. The toilet is a place where people are most open to their thoughts to reading things. Normally it's a travelling away day football team. Yeah, yeah, of course. Hi Josh, Rob and Michael.

I listened to parenting hell for years. So naturally when football in hell come along, I felt perfect. Somewhere else I can try and get a shameless plug-in for my husband's business. He owns a small business called Zapcam, supplying custom football kits and teamware to clubs across the country. He's worked incredibly hard since he was very young, so young in fact that the name Zapcam is actually a combination of two Pokemon names.

he Rick, oh, wow, look at this. He's named his business after Pokemon names. God, and he's got a girl, he's got a wife. He's recently opened a second office in Berkshire alongside the Gloucestershire base and shout out would mean the world to us. Have a look at zap cam.com or zap cam official on socials. Right, I'm on zap cam here.

I'm going to have a little look, Josh. Oh, so you can make, here we go, so full kids. Design your own kit. You can design your own kit on the website, Josh. There you go. Really nice, Rob. Oh, this is fun. I just do it and never even older one.

Josh and Michael, you sexy bastard, would love to give my friend a small business shoutout. She would never do it for herself. Like the great Hendrik Lamar once said, she is hashtag humble. The incredible mom of two, Harry, a corporate powerhouse by day

and a creative wizard by night. She's the mastermind behind the enchanting world of the glitter braid bar. Little girl, party packages of dreams. She offers so many party services such as glitter, bubble, braids and sparkle. She creates all her stock by hand from the comfort

of her home after finishing her 9 to 5. Based in Kempbuk covers a lot of the southeast. She transformed birthday parties and special events into unforgettable celebrations filled with magic and whimsy. Follow her at Glitter braid bar on Instagram and witness

the magic she creates for all the little beauties out there. Thanks. Lucy from Kent. Lovely. Vistaprint.co.uk. Print your possible. To get 15% off your first Vistaprint order, visit visterprint.com.

UK and use the code parenting hell 15.