Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S13 EP6: You can't be enjoying life

Episode Date: August 7, 2026

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠���⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is presented by Monzo. Josh, I love the summer holiday, aside from being asked for an ice cream every 32 seconds. Well, Rob, that is why it's an ideal time to get them a free Monzo Kids account. Help build confidence and independence with their money. You can instantly send money or set up regular pocket money and parents still have full visibility and control from their own Monzo app. Unlike the requests for ice creams from the kids. Monzo's award-winning kids account.

Search Monzo. For children aged 6 to 15, parent or guardian account. account needed first. UK residents only, T's and C's apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Casey, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Whittickham? Not all we did you.

Well done. There we go. I like that one. I like the ladies, the tone of her voice. Yeah. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. This is my son Casey. He's 35 months old. It's finally learned to save your name, sort of. I've been listening to podcasts for the past three years and yet to switch off halfway through an episode. I'm eight months pregnant, but another little boy on the way.

So we're about to dive back into the beautiful chaos all over again. Once I've recovered, I'll be straight into training for the London Marathon. No. Assuming I can make it more than a few kilometres without waiting myself or questioning my life choices. I really, don't do it. I'm also running for Everlina, London's charity.

London Children's Charity. Lovely. I'm originally from West Mawling, I've called Wimbledon home for the last five years where I live with my husband, Gary and our son, Casey, and soon our newest little edition. Thanks to helping keep me saying through all the madness, Georgia, 361 months.

Now, I'm going to ask a question about charity fundraising. When your friends are doing something, Josh, we're not two minutes in, we're a minute in. Yeah, I know. I'm hungry. It just doesn't give me, you know, you know. I can't eat because my yoghut is my tripod. My heaven is my half-five

My yoghut is my tripod Sorry, my yoghut is my tripod, my yoghut is a tripod My yoghut is a tripod I don't know why that's just really stuck in my head Second yore There it is, you've tried to mask Josh, look, a podcast is an intimate relationship between two minds and mouths

that are connecting, yeah? And like, would you want a lover to yawn in your face? Take what I can get. What's I talking about? Chari, there's a question, right? So, this is a bit of a... I might have to work this out live, but I've just thought of something that I think, I believe.

Now, stop yawning, that's three. Tired. So, when you get a message from a friend that says, can you donate, I'm doing something for charity? Yeah. And they go, oh, hi, me or my wife's doing this for charity. Can you donate? Right.

Yeah. So basically what you think is, I don't give a fuck what they're doing. I've not even read it. I've just got a pace of money, so I'm not the one that hasn't. Yeah. And I don't need the guilt of being the only one in the French group that hasn't paid. Yeah. So I think do our half marathon, I don't think it's going to impact the money for the cherry.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point. If that's what you're doing it for, I just think if you're trying to raise money for cherry, the thing that drives money for cherry, the thing that drives. the money is not how impressive it is. It's the guilt you can put upon a friendship group. Yeah, I agree.

So I think if you want to run a marathon, because you want to run a marathon, fair enough. If you're trying to raise money for charity, you don't really need to do anything that is that intense. Just make sure that in public forums, so maybe if you're in a pub with all your mates, you go, have you donated yet? Have you donated yet?

Then it will sort of publicly shame and guilt them into donating. Exactly. How do you pitch your donation, Rob? Do you go, a few questions. Yeah. Do you go name public? So if it's one that's part of a friendship group like I discussed, I'm named public. Yeah.

And I'm going. Full name? Rob Beckett or the Beckett, if it's for me and Lou. If we know both people or just, you know. So what I would do is someone I know that's doing something charity, if most people are putting in 20 quid, I'll put 50 in because I'm of the bloke of the telly. And that'll be with my name.

You want to appear Billy Big Bulls. Exactly. And if I do want to donate more for any particular reason, or it's something that's either close to my heart or something that I've seen that I feel, oh, that deserves money, I will donate more but anonymously. So does it look like I'm showing off? Yeah. Yeah.

What I do find this happened once. I heard of a story. If someone needed some money for something because there'd been some sort of crime and they were trying to replace it and there's someone wasn't well. and they wanted something, right? A child's unwell and wants a thing, and say the thing costs £800, whatever that thing would be, right? They're up to about 400.

Yeah. And I thought, you know what? And it hadn't gone up at all for ages. You sure. I looked at it last. Let's complete this. They've done their friendship group sort of thing. It's quite a small thing about just helping a person get through something.

Yeah. I think, you know what? I've had a good week. Bang. Yeah. 400. Anonymous. you need to get to get the thing.

Great. Isn't that a great thing that a group of people can do and I can contribute to? Yeah. Get an email after that. You get the thank you for donating. Get an email back. They've increased the donation limit.

You know the budget, the target amount? Oh, man. And I just thought you robbing. I just thought you robin bastards. You've played the art strings, violins out. oh fucking Bobby Big Bologics is coming to save the day and you've bumped it up and have a couple hundred quid.

Disgusting. Oh my God. So then since then I've sort of taps out of it. Anyway, what you've been up to? Should we do some emails? Let's do some emails. Let's do some emails. We've got loads of it.

Do you and go one each? I'm going to start with getting Alford by an in-law. Getting Alford by an in-law. Okay. So this is when you meet your in-laws and they sort of intimidate you. Al for you, embarrass you. Hello, sexy beasts.

When my husband and I first met, he came to an Easter party at my parents' friends' house. There was a sack race. No, there was not a child on site. We were just the youngest at 24 and 26. Okay. So adult games, this is. My husband, it's a very weird time as well in law to bees' lives here

because when you're 24 and 26, it's probably your first proper serious, serious boyfriend that may lead to marriage and kids around that age eventually. And I think the parents are struggling a little bit with the empty nest part of that. And that's the control. You know what I mean? Okay.

So my husband... You've gone deep on a surprise. I've gone deep on this, but that's something I noticed. I was the first proper boyfriend to go out with my in-laws, one of their daughters, like the bottom that was the most serious early doors. And it was a learning process for everyone involved, I think.

Yeah. Because it's a big change in the life. What did they learn? What do you think Lou's parents learned that they didn't have in their locker when you turned up? Well, I don't think it's, I think it's accepting that your baby daughter is become a woman. It's banging Rob Beckett. Yeah, pretty much. I wasn't, I was a different Rob Beckett back then, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To the one you see before you today. You were a horny little bastard, but. Ah, no, no, no, I was, I was, absolutely to a point disillusionally confident in how my life was going to go when every single fact proved otherwise. But you've actually, well, I don't know what you believed. You thought you were going to be a footballer?

No, no. Well, no, I was just absolutely rabidly ambitious and confident, even if deep down I was a bit of a wreck, but presented that way and say, I'm doing to do this. want to do that and do that because I had to convince myself that was all going to happen. And they were like, who's his fucking chance. And I was skinned and Lou paid for everything. And I was just in there.

I was telling him what I was going to do. He's got together with this guy who thinks he's going to be a big stand-up comedian. Yeah. And he doesn't even wear socks. And he's like, and she's paying for everything. Yeah. And he's just on the piss every night. He gives us a list of all the people he looks like because that's how he starts every conversation.

And he's in the lunchtime club. What the fuck's the lunchtime club? It's actually a big deal lunchtime club. It's a way for. the best up-and-coming talent to be showcased at the biggest arts festival in the world. So I'm going to go out there for a month on your daughters per money. Yeah. No, he's not been on what the week.

No, he hasn't been an agent. He earned £118 last week whilst your daughter went to school as a teacher five days a week. Yeah. So thank you, actually. But don't you worry? Yes, I didn't earn anything in the month of December in 2011 because there was a big snowstorm and cancelled a weeks of gigs in South. Houton, but don't you worry about me?

January is looking pretty full. Anyway, oh God. My husband and dad lined up next to each other on the start line. Okay, so this was, yeah, when she first met her husband, I was already dreading the result. When the whistle went, my dad yanked my husband back by the shirt so hard, all his buttons popped off. Oh, my God.

My dad, it's like rivals. My dad went hopping off in his sack very pleasing himself, not realizing that my husband, a PE teacher and shirtless, was in hot pursuit. Oh my God. As he gained on my dad about to take victory, he was then tripped up by my dad's friend at the finish line. My dad still boasts about it today,

how he beat a 26-year-old PE teacher in a sack race. Love the podcast, Justin. I'm going to say none of the three of them come out smelling of roses. I think the P.E teacher smells of some roses because he's been attacked and then he's gone, Joe, I'm going to try and give it my all in this race and then he gets tricked up. I don't think you do. Just, you know this means so much to your father-in-law. Why are you chasing him down? Do you know what I mean? What would you have done? What was the best way to deal with that so that the P.E. teacher comes out smelling a roses.

Just go, we're obviously. you're paying for my shirt, first thing first. You immediately say that. Obviously, I'm not going. No, I just... Do you know what I'd have done? Do you want to know what I've done? I would have just gone, okay, I'd have got out the sack,

put it over my shoulder, make sure my ripped pee body was sort of showing. And I just sort of walk up to him and go, congratulations on the win, and thanks for riffing my shirt off, saves a job for your daughter later tonight. And then silence. complete silence. I'd reckon that one. Yeah, I think that'd have done well.

I think I'd punch someone if they said that to me about my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay, let's put you in these scenarios, Rob. Yeah. Your daughter, who's 25, brings back her P.E. teacher boyfriend. Yep. And it's a classic Beckett's somersack race scenario.

Absolutely. Yeah, we're ready to go. Lou gets out the sacks. One thing leads to the other. How would you play it as the dad? I think I wouldn't have a one-on-one race. I think the sack race needs to be like everyone lined up and like 10 of you go from like Nan down to chart.

The head to head is the problem here, isn't it? Yeah. So. Yeah. Would you, when you've done the joke about with him, it saves a job for your daughter later. Yeah. Would you then go?

I'm surprised you didn't let her let your daughter do this race because she's absolute dynamite in the sack. That's nice. A bit creepier though, isn't it? Do you think? I think you were hunching down, wiggling your glasses. Well, that's sexy. Oh, so you've been, sorry, I forgot you were being sexy.

Yeah. And then you could say I'll be emptying my sack later. Okay. That's another one. And you just keep doing them at him all night. I just keep doing it. Yeah. You just made me spit coffee on my keyboard.

I don't get that one, Michael. Michael, that doesn't work as a pun. Get back to editing, mate. We'll do the puns, Randy. You could say, your daughter really spat on my keyboard after that set, brace. You can also say,

you're like your daughter, quick to finish. Oh, yeah. You're like your daughter in the sack. You need another man to come in to finish. finish her off. Yeah, why? Really? Because she got trips up.

He got trips up, remember? Oh, okay, yeah. He tripped up by his mate. Yeah. Is this nice for women to listen to? Not really. Oh, man. Right.

Next one. I had a black cab driver the other day that only just downloaded Google Maps a day before. It was only such a luddite. And I was like, all right. What do you do then? Do you listen to podcasts when you're driving about or music or like, If you got Spotify, no, no, no, no, no. Just got these four presets.

I was like, what? He basically got presets on his radio. Yeah. And it was smooth, jazz, something like forces, or I didn't even heard of it, and then GB News. And I was like, I went, mate, you can't, I went, you can't be enjoying life. I mean, what?

I mean, that's all you're listening to all day every day. And you know, what's podcast then? I went, he went, because he was going, yeah, because I listened to it, it gets annoying because sometimes you're listening to it and you feel a bit like they're just like telling you what they're told to say. Like, you know, because he's like different...

How's GB News working out for you? Well, that's what I said. No, that's what I said, if you listen to a podcast, people can say whatever they want. He went, what's a podcast? Oh, sorry, I thought he was saying that about podcasts. No, he was saying that about, like, mainstream radio channels. Sorry, someone at the door.

One second. I'll be back. Oh, so real, a lot of thigh then. that might be the last time we see him again this episode is brought to you by shoe what is it about school shoes just the words probably send shivers down parents' spines of course rob it's nightmare fuel right so you've got a you got to find the right ones in the shops that please you

that please the kid yeah and please the school there's three people that need to be pleased in that situation and please your wallet of course rob please your wallet what size do you get do you get too big so they can grow into them and then where are they? I can't find them and it's five minutes until we need to go to school. It's constant nightmare of. But then the kids want a pair that they like or like sort of like, oh these are me but then if they're not really suitable because some aren't fully suitable for school. Thankfully there's shoe kids, the place for school shoes that let kids express who they are,

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What was it? I have to get on this chair like I'm getting on a horse. Yeah, what is the chair? It's just a normal chair, but it's so close with this screen behind me. The old marble cake. Oh, yeah. What was the delivery? Lego, do you want to see it?

For yourself? What's that? For yourself? Yeah, I've coached myself. I love it. I can't remember what. I bought it on the way to work one day because I was sad. And I thought this week cheer me up.

I'll get back. Do you want to guess what it is? It's going to be like... I'm opening this up by that. It's going to be like, I don't know, the born identity or one of those kind of weird grown-up ones. Weird grown-up ones? Yeah.

Oh, I know, it's in another box. I hate this. Will they send it a box in a box? It's not ideal, is it? Let's leave it. I think it's E-T. All right, there we go. All my identity wasn't far off.

E-T in a pinball machine. Next question. Here's a question about Lego. Go on. Because I were doing some Lego with my son, right? We're making a helicopter to instructions, right? As the art of building your own Lego kind of died a bit, and now it is just following instructions.

When I was a kid, it used to be that you'd have a huge, draw where all your Lego sets have kind of gone together. And then you'd build it like we would build a train set. But you don't really do that with Lego much anymore, do you? So my kids now, they build little scene sets and then they use that and then rebuild it and break it down and create stuff. But I don't. I just like the process of slowing my brain down and, I mean, something.

So when are you going to build ET in your buffer lifestyle? So, well, September is looking. September, October and November are looking sweet as an absolute nut for me. That's my, like, what the equivalent of, like, David Bowie going to, like, Mauritius for four months to sort of just, like, reconnect with himself and nature. That's going to be me, but I'll be at home doing the school run and building Lego. So, what do you reckon? Gig start mid-September? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, just note that down, Michael. Note that down. No, I might do a couple of gig, but not, I'm not going to write a tour, but I'll do the odd gig. If I like doing the gig, I'll go. Here we go. Here we go. He's back. I'm back on the books. Tour announced before Christmas. You can't, you know, you can't deny what you are. And I'm a freewheeling recontur.

Now, I'm just trying to have more freedom in what I do as opposed to being signed up for loads of work that I have to deliver years of months. I basically, well, probably for the last six years, I've had every year mapped out two or three years. in advance. Yeah. And it's too much. Knowing that I'd have like that four weeks blocked off, that four weeks blocked off, but this is a bit more trying to be a bit more loose of it and enjoy it more rather feel like an obligation.

Yeah. Because it's too too much. I can't live like and work like this. I've been working like for the last few years forever. It's just madness. Yeah. I'm going to float about playing golf like Jimmy Tarbuck. Yeah.

Although you are trying to monetise that golf. Yeah. but I'm enjoying that and it's no, I can do it whenever I want. It's no pressure. I can just stop it. Live at the Apollo's ended, Rob. It has, hasn't it? Or there's doing one more series.

I mean, it's done. 23 years? Would you put yourself in? If they said, Rob, final series? Well, I haven't got any material. So not at the moment, no. No, so it's hard, you know, it takes a lot. You just hope they finished with Jack D, wouldn't you?

Yeah, they've got to. He's the one who started ill. Yeah. But I look forward to seeing Live at the Apollo on TLC. about a year and a half. Of course. It's an inevitability. Yeah, it's revived Mott the Week.

Better than ever. Actually, I think it is better than ever, Mott the Week now. I think Mott the Week... More Freedom. I think Mott the Week on TLC has been brilliant. Yeah. Should we do more emails?

Playground Shaggers, Josh. This is a little sample one. We're going to save them all up for a big episode. So any playground shaggaras stories, let us know. Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, I don't have any kids, but love listening to the pod on my commute. I especially enjoy. the playground shagger stories.

Please keep me anonymous, as this is too specific. This took place in the 90s at my primary school, located in a small village. It's a type of place where everyone knows everyone's business and gossip fuels locals. Lovely description, gossip fuels locals. Gossip fuels. A lovely three-word description of a town.

Gossip fuels the locals. It just creates a vivid image of where this is taking place. My yogurt is my tripod. My yogurt is my tripod. The headmaster will call Mr. H was removed from the school due to fraudulent activity. Oh. This led to outrage from a number of school mums

who thought Mr. H was innocent and should be reinstated. What do they know? I don't know. But these mums tied yellow ribbons on a tree around the village and wore ribbons in solidarity of Mr. H. Isn't that what people put up for missing children or something? Yeah, that's. It's quite like, anyway.

It became an uncomfortable and sometimes hostile, drop-off for many parents who were harassed by the yellow ribbon mums for not showing support for Mr H. Oh my God. It turns out the main yellow ribbon mum... By the way, they're not wrong about this. It can be identified as a story. There's no way...

I mean, this has never happened anywhere else. You've got to be anonymous for this. Well, it turns out the main yellow ribbon mum was having an affair with Mr. H. Of course. I'm not sure how the news got out, but she left her husband and then had a short-lived relationship with Mr. H after the news leaked. The primary school then hired an interim head teacher from a nearby school. We'll call him Mr. Jay.

Well, there must be something in the water because Mr. Jay then had an affair with a parent from the PTA. Oh my God. He didn't stick around long after the news broke, but no ribbons this time. Good thing this took place in the 90s as today it will be all over social media. Do we know if Mr. H did, what was it? Fraudulent activity. Fraudulent activity. Wow.

Yellow ribbons. I bet that the, the, problem is if Mr. H was innocent of fraudulent activity, the moment you sleep with the head of the yellow ribbon crew, your campaign is over. Should you do flying solo as a child, Rob? Yeah. Hello, after hearing Josh's story about being put on a plane to South Africa at the age of 10, I thought I'd share my own. I forgot that happened. It was 1982 year before I was born. I was 12 years old, traveling around Europe with my mum and dad one summer. They weren't your average parents. Before leaving Dublin, they rented three bikes, rolled them onto a ferry to France and simply kept going.

The plan worked fine until my bike was stolen in the south of France. From that point on, we began zigzagging across Europe on train instead. At the end of our trip, we boarded the magic bus from Athens to London. Oh my God. Fuck that. Absolutely, F that up the A-hole. People do that travel across the world, race across the world. And they're like, oh, it's just a 22-hour coach from Thailand to Laos. That is a show I would struggle to do. You don't like travelling. So I've rung your agent the other day to talk about something.

And normally, she way thinks it's bad news when I ring. Yeah, I bet she does. Because I'll be like going, oh, you need to look out for Rom or Tom or Josh, you know. And I went, no, everyone's absolutely fine. Don't worry, no panic. because obviously I work with a lot of a client. So if I know one of you is having a bit of a tough time, I'll always like check in on you guys with her.

So she always dreads my calls. Anyway, she said that you said after the Romeroomish thing, you loved it, but you couldn't do a travel log. You find the travelling too much as a series. I think I do. Do you know what it is? It isn't when you're there. It's when you get back.

Yeah. I was just fucked. I was just fucked and I had to get myself. And then you're just into your life. And I love it when I'm there because you're in a bubble. Yeah. But whenever I've gone away to film, when I get back, I'm like, oh, man. It's hard to get back in.

Me and Lou really clash because she gets in her own little, like, a rhythm. Then I come back and I'm trying to be helpful, but actually I'm just in the way. So it's like, that's the hardest bit about the travel. One missing the kids, but also when you come back, you're just in a suitcase out of a suitcase. And especially when you do it loads, you're like, you've gone again. You know what I mean? But this will come back on me when I do it. travel log. But... No, but you'll be fine. The thing is, the worrying thing is,

Josh, if you travel a lot, you get dangerously used to it, and then that becomes your life and identity, and then that's what drags people away from their families. It's not people that don't like their family or don't like their kids or don't like being at home, but you just get so used to it, that becomes your lifestyle. And a lot of these people that work away from home a lot, it's difficult. Yeah. So on the final morning, my dad casually told me that he and my mum were getting off in northern France since they've sent their bikes ahead. That meant I'd have to finish the journey on my own, including the border crossing into Dover.

So they left her on the coach, so it went from France to Dover, and they were going to meet her in Dover. So that's a long way from probably where you, there's quite a lot of France to do as well. Yeah, France is big, as the bus pulled away, leaving me to continue towards Camden Town alone.

What? I've been given my uncle's phone number with instructions to call him when I arrived so he could guide me to his flat. How old was this kid? 12? This is, this is a league. They should go to prison.

This is 1982, Rob. Yeah, but that's not allowed. That's 1982. It's not allowed. I'm sorry. That was terrible parenting to the point of should be criminally prosecuted. Well, it's 1980.

You've abandoned a 12-year-old child in a foreign country. I'd been given my uncle's phone number. Oh, thank God. By the time we reached... Actually, take that back. She's got her uncle's phone number. She's got her uncle's landline. By the time we'd reached London, it was already dark.

I stepped off the bus into a city I didn't know, found a phone box, and made a call. Two trillions later, I emerged from an escalator to see my uncle waiting on the other side of the turnstile. The relief I felt at that moment was overwhelming. As it turned out, my parents had decided to spend an extra few days in France. Fuck it out. So I remained in London. Over the next several days, I explored the city on my own. It was an ironing experience that gave me a healthy dose of independence and some much-needed street smarts.

Cheers, Steve. Yeah, you process a trauma however you want. First week of university fails. Hello, when my husband Rich arrived on his first day at the University of York, he was unpacking all his new kitchen stuff using a knife. Oh, no. As he cut through some packaging, he slipped and stabbed himself deep in the thigh. thigh. At this exact moment,

his first new flatmate walked into the kitchen to introduce herself. Rich surreptitiously pulled the knife out of his thigh the worst thing you can do and greeted the flatmate cheerily. He pretended he wasn't in terrible pain

until his flatmate pointed out horribly bloodstained jeans and said, I think you're bleeding. Completely embarrassed, Rich admitted what had happened and two of his brand new flatmates had to help him hobble across campus to the doctor.

to surgery. It earned him the longstanding nickname Stabby McGee and became hilarious and embarrassing story recounted throughout the year of the flat. Love the show, Sophie from York. Stabby McGee. Stabby McGee. Right, do you want a parenting fails? It's a long end, but I reckon we've got it in us. We deserve it. Hello, you sexy, relatable pair. It was day four of our family holiday, and by this point, this is parenting fails. By this point, I'd reach that specific level of parental exhaustion where your standards begin to quietly dissolve in the heat. We were sitting by the pool. Prime sun lounger territory secured at an ungodly hour that morning. And for the first time all day, I actually managed to sit down. Sunshine and cocktail within reach,

my two boys, five and six at the time, temporarily entertained. It was suspiciously peaceful. Then my youngest son appeared. Mummy, I need the toilet. Now ordinarily, this would be a completely reasonable request. However, this child had already asked to go to the toilet. five times that day. Each trip involved me drying him off, wresting him out of his UV all in one suit, marching across what felt like several postcodes of resort grounds to the nearest bathroom,

only for him to either to decide he didn't actually need a wee, get distracted by the ice cream stand, or produce roughly three drops of urine after a 15-minute expedition. I'd reach my limit, so in what I can only describe as one of the worst parenting decisions of my life, I leaned in and whispered, just go in the pool, everyone does.

Great, great. Now, important note, when I said this, I assumed he understood the unspoken societal agreement. This would happily happen, discreetly underwall to like every other feral child on holiday. Guys, he did not. Before I could process what was happening, he marched with absolute confidence to the edge of the very crowded pool.

Families everywhere, couples relaxing people on inflatables. Then, in horrifying slow motion, he stood tall like he was about to make an announcement. He unzipped his full bodies, some protection suit, pulled it down, reached in, and extracted his willy with a confidence of a man who had trained his whole life for this moment. For approximately two full seconds, the entire pool seemed frozen in confusion. Then a spectacular fountain of wee arched directly into the pool, not a subtle trickle, not a discreet little accent, a full pressure ornamental water feature.

I've never moved so fast in my life. I launched myself off the lounger like I was being fired from the cannon springing barefoot across scorching tiles while shouted, no, no, no, no, not like that. Oh, no. But it was too late, the damage was done. He looked at me midstream, utterly confused as if I was the unreasonable, and said in front of everyone in the pool, you said everyone does it.

Which was difficult to argue with while he was actively urinated in front of half the hotel. Oh, God. By the time I reached in, the pool had died. emptied at record speed. I spent the rest of the holiday avoiding eye contact with everyone at the result and decided to have more beach days after that incident at the pool. Oh my God. Thanks to the pod guys. That's a great parenting fail. I've listened to this lockdown, Jess Carter. Do you think they then need to change all the water in the pool? How does that work? Well, because we have a ship, they scoop it out and no one's allowed in it for half hour.

They couldn't call in it off, don't they? I think if they've seen the wee happen, they'd have to corner it off and put some more chemicals in. Do you know, because it is, you know, we know that people do that, but if you've seen it happen and you're all the lifeguard dude. The lifeguard dude. Josh, the pet, I want to go back to like those boomers in France. Yeah.

These boomers we get of like mad things people did, and they left their kid up in Camden for extra few days. In the 80s and 70s, did parents love their children less? or was everyone doing it so it just felt like the norm? What is leading to this? They didn't love them less. Because are there people that had children in the 80s

listening to that thinking that these people are horrendous as well and we're only getting the minority or was everyone doing it? Well, I don't think you're thinking that people are horrendous and I don't think I think the people are horrendous. I know you do. I think those people are horrendous. So I don't because I think that's the culture. In the same way, probably.

that were you to play me something from the 90s that would now be considered absolutely appalling, a television show that would now be considered appalling. That we used to like. That we used to like.

I don't think, oh, you know, that person... I used to drink from my shoe in nightclubs and do a shuny when I was like 18. Yeah.

So it's just the culture and the church... And so I don't think it is really like... I mean, I don't know because I wasn't. there. So maybe that was outlandish and wrong and bad.

And I wonder, you know, in 30 years whether people will be like, you know, they used to fucking let their kids go on their phone and do this. Or in iPads, yeah. Yeah. I do think phones and iPads and the addiction of these, I'm so addicted. I've deleted TikTok. I'm so addicted to Instagram as well and it's horrible

because I still have to have it for work stuff. because I have to post certain things, especially if you're, you know, promoting what you're doing, trying to sell tickets, or you're doing like a collaboration and stuff. And there is some really cool stuff on there as well, but then I get just trapped in that algorithm.

It's the algorithm. It's the problem. It's so addictive. And I think we'll look back on that, the way people are on phones, the way people used to smoke on trains. Like, it's so hard not to. Yeah, exactly.

And so I think, yeah, it's a cultural thing. It's an era and cultural thing. A long May, we, you know, gain traction by reading out emails from people that in the past were probably completely normal, but now we can judge. Do you want another boomer while we're on it? Yeah.

Hi, Robin Josh. This happened in the mid-80s when I was about two years old. We were travelling back to the UK from Peru. He's Paddens and Bears emailed in. Yeah. Where we live because of my dad's job, we had a stopover for a few hours in Bogota, Colombia. Bogota. Bogota.

Sorry. Now, when I think of Bogotar, I think drug cartels, guerrilla movement and political violence. My parents apparently thought, perfect place for a bit of sightseeing. So they took a taxi from the airport to a nearby museum. On the journey, I fell asleep, leaving them with every parent's nightmare, waking a toddler from a nap. For most parents, there is only one option. You wait the child and deal with the inevitable meltdown. But apparently, there was another option available in 1980s, Colombia.

they left me in the taxi. What? Yep, a two-year-old child asleep in a taxi in Bogota with a driver they had never met before. And because this story wasn't quite insane enough, the driver also kindly offered to look after all their luggage. That is wild. So off went my parents with my older brother

for a leisurely wander around a museum while I remained parked outside with a complete stranger. That is mental. To this day, my mum insists it was fine, because nothing happened. The thing is, nobody actually knows that. The thing, nobody has a faintest clue what happened during that half hour. For all anyone knows, I spent 30 minutes helping to run an international cartel before

being returned to the same exact parking space. The 80s were absolutely wild and despite a series like this, part of me still thinks I'd rather be bringing my kids. up then the now. I mean, because really, someone could have put stuff in the, not that everyone in Columbia is involved in drugs, but in the 80s, I think they might have been. But they could have put, like, drugs in the suitcases as well.

Obviously, Columbia has a reputation, and that's a tiny part of it. But anywhere, to leave someone with a, like, I think the luggage is a bad enough decision. But there we go. So as well. I get, though, say that you're paying the cab driver to wait anyway, maybe so go look we'll pay you to wait and take us back to airport if it's only a stopover but

I think I'd sit in the car with the baby and let the other two go to the museum yes I'm not that fussed about a museum no do you know what I mean I to be honest any excuse not to go to the museum would be ideal for me yeah is it aircon probably no aircon in the 80s no just a little Todd driving a nap in a car anyway I'll enjoy it do another one yeah one very early morning we were leaving in the car there's always cars in it to go on a family holiday and came across a deer they'd been hit but were still alive

oh no okay my sister and I seven and eight were already upset at the situation before my mum whipped a knife at the glove box and jumped out of the car she's gonna have to kill the deer my Scottish daddy's squeamish and cut from a very different cloth

to my Danish barbarian mum not wanting to watch the execution he reversed the car about 100 metres but it was dark and my mum needed the headlights to see what she was doing. She sprinted back through the dark towards us, wielding the knife like Freddie Kruger and demanded he drive back to the poor deer on the road. She's doing a good thing.

In a brief pit stop before our holiday started, we watched as a family as she executed the deer with a bare hands. Oh, fucking God. She returned to a seat as if nothing had happened, we set off on our wholesome holiday. Keep it sexy relatable, Fergus. Oh, my God. The Scandies are like that, though.

they killed and like did a thing on a giraffe at a zoo did you hear about that? No. They did a live, and what's it called when they open up an animal and go through it? Autopsy. Autopsy. And it got bad attack.

Yeah, in 2014, they euthanized an 18-month-old healthy giraffe called Marius. And then they did like, the carcass was dissected publicly at the zoo in front of visitors including children. Oh my God. The meat was fed to the zoo carnivores. Well, that's the grimmest thing I've ever heard. Well, they said that the reason they did it,

his genes were too common in the European breeding program and they're keeping him wrist in breeding. I don't deny that. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'd be quite interested to see what incesting drafts look like. Yeah, what would come out, because they're a bit nutty already. Imagine a incestor. A draft already looks like it's a product of incest.

Doesn't it? It is. Rob, would you like to judge a solidarity or solid is Karen? My fiancée and I just got back from our holiday in Corfu and loved to hear your opinions on the situation I encountered while watching England. Our hotel had a big TV in the lobby and was full of English fans waiting to watch England versus Norway.

We had to get a seat out on the terrace and view the TV through the window. it was packed. Vives were vibing, big guineas were, baby guineas were flowing. From the back of the terrace, there was a family with a dad with the deepest Yorkshire accent I've ever heard. It travelled far. They're watching the game on their iPad, absolutely fine, but they were 45 seconds ahead. Who were the Yorkshire family? Yeah, who watching it on the iPad. When Norway scored, you heard, oh, for fuck's sake, annoying, but brushed off. When England scored, he celebrated and ruined it for 70 plus English fans watching on the lobby TV.

Chance filled the room. Turn it off, turn it off, fucking turn it off, etc. He was so vocal and winding everyone up, shouting about fouls, corners, yellow cards, 45 seconds before everyone else. Game ended and it was left at that. Three nights later, we play Argentina. Oh, God.

I guess who's primed waiting with his iPad at the back of the terrace. No. The lobby TV was lagging. So many people went out on the terrace and had the game up on their phones. We were all a couple of minutes ahead. When Gordon scored, everyone celebrated as quietly as they could out, respect for the lobby fans. But guess who didn't get the memo? When Argentina has scored, I had enough of this knobbed.

So I walked to the back of the terrace. Talk about it about something else. And approached him and his family. Now, for context, I'm a 5-5-5 girl against 6'4 foot. six Yorkshire man. Yeah. What I wanted to say was shut the fuck up, you fucking prick. You're ruining it for everyone.

But I was a waitress, so my social skills have developed to deal with knobbeds. Me, hi, sorry. I understand you're really passionate about the game, but you're ruining it for everyone down there and inside. I know it's hard, but would you mind trying to keep it down a little? It's where I fly. Sorry, we have it on our iPad, so we're ahead. Yes, I understand that.

But we do as well on being respectful to people around us. wife i've told him to be quiet but he's a massive football fan i cut her off here do you not think everyone is also a massive football fan i've asked him so he'll try said the wife i walked away here the man didn't once look at me his wife was the spokesperson for a group suddenly enough i didn't hear a peep after that was i right to try and pull him up on it stay sex and relatable katie um i think someone needed to say something. There is a problem with this day and age when things aren't at the same time. So when I was watching the final, I was watching it through IPlayer or ITVX or whatever

channel I was watching it on. I was watching it because our sky isn't linked up at the moment because of building. Obviously. Cool. You're laying on the floor when I was going on TV. Yeah. and then when Spain scored in the final was such a shit final

we're talking about football again aren't we? Yeah, sorry. I got a text 30 seconds before saying thank God. Oh, right. So I was behind, but I only realized when people were texting. Yes. And that in itself,

it kind of kills the excitement, but it's quite thrilling to watch it play out like that. Well, that was what we had that when we were coming back from Vegas and we was watching the Mexico game, I was watching it before checking, so I couldn't check in yet. And I'd at my iPad, there was someone ahead with faster connection and they cheered and then we were waiting and it was a bit of a buzz actually. And then funny, when we were watching the game and then a lady come out of the lift, sort of dark air, a Mexican, like Latino looking lady. And she looked over just, she went smiled and she went, sorry about that.

And we went, what? And then we looked down, Mexico scored. Oh, no. She found out about it before she got in the lift. It's come down in the lift, walked out of the lift. And she went, sorry about that. And as she said that, bang, I was like, oh, fuck. I actually got a photo with her on the plane because she was on, I'm trying to find it.

But, yeah, I don't, but I think she was right. I think it was right to say something. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Right. One more email. Let's do a customer service revenge. Rob, and then you do your one, and then we'll do a small business shout-out.

Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Just wanted to share my customer service revenge story. It was around 2008. I was 18 years old working for an energy call center. The pay was good, but most customers were rude and awful. We used to hate Martin Lewis, as whenever he was on this morning discussing the latest energy news, the phones would go mad. Anyway, after two years, I handed my notice, and it was my very last working day.

one particular customer called and was being so rude to me, her name was something like Miss Sifter, and at the end of the call, I changed it on the system to Mrs. Shitter. This was back in the day when you'd get a paper bill, so I take great pleasure in knowing the next 30 days her bill would be landing on her dormant with Mrs. Shitter on the envelope. I did feel bad for whatever colleague would end up taking the next call from her, though, but it made me feel a lot better.

all on the podcast and p.S. I reckon most listeners would agree we don't care when you veer away from talking about parenting. If anything, it's your best work. F the Reddit haters, Kim from Gosport. Oh, thank you, Kim from Gosport. Talking of small towns. Yeah. Weird local town traditions. Hello, sexy men. In Whitby, we celebrate the Whitby Regatta. What started as a rowing race has become full of lots of weird traditions. When the town can afford it, we even get a visit from the Red Arrows. Oh, nice. I wonder how much that is to get the red arrows

for a fly past. Can't be much, can it? A lot of planes, a lot of people. A lot of planes, a lot of people. Sounds like they're desperate for a little day out anyway. How often the red arrows working? They do like the Queen.

Yeah, they're around a lot. They're like the Harlem Grobetrotters. Do they change? But you never like see them do an event like, you know, an England game or something. Like you very rarely see the red arrows. 11 grand plus insurance A red hour flypast does not have a standard fixed price tag

but area for charging guidelines history at least a full display package around 11 grand and 2.5 grand for insurance while transit route flypast are often free if conditions are met. Oh so if they're already going to somewhere you can ask to reroute round. Oh, here we go. There we go. There we go. So you just need 11 grand for that.

Yeah. A large pole. A large pole. This is witty. Weird traditions. A large pole is covered in Vaseline and oil and placed over the harbour with a small flag at the end.

On the opposite side of the harbour are cocktail bars where people gather to watch the famous greasy pole. People, mainly men, take it in turns to try and retrieve the flag from the end of the pole.

Great, great, great, great, with the majority of people landing in the harbour, if you manage to get the flag at the end, you win a crate of beer. Back in the day, they would cover the pole in boat oil. Abigail Featherstone.

That sounds like, I like that as a tradition. Yeah, I'd love to watch that. I'd love to watch that. I'd love to watch that. I'm sure it's on YouTube. I'd love to a live stream of it. Yeah. I think that's about us, Rob.

Small business? Small biz. Small biz. Small biz. Hi, you peris lag. I want to shout out my wife's business potty about pets. Beth started a small business while making prosthetic limb covers. What the fuck?

And after a year, she managed to turn a hobby into a full-time job. She makes bespoke pottery that captures the lightness of your pet. from vases mugs to cake toppers. She has battled so hard to make this work and would love a shower. Her Instagram is potty. Dot about. Dotts.

And her website is potty about, potty about pets. Dot code at UK. So she can make, I'm going to have a look at this because it's hard to get you ready around. Oh, they're great. Yeah. I like them.

There you go. Oh, you'd love this, Joshua, your cats. You've got to get one. Okay, great. Potty about pets? They look really cool. I like the mugs. On Instagram.

I'm on the website. Oh, they can make your cats into a Christmas decoration. Look at that. Oh, yes. She's got lovely nails as well. Lovely nails in all the photos. Oh, well, there we go. Good on you.

Good luck with that. Thank you, Owen, for sending that in about Best Business. Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, I've started listening to the pod just after the arrival of my little one, and I wish I'd found it sooner to prepare me for the realities of parenting. He is 18 months old now, and I've just caught up with the back catalogue, aiming to be up to date by the the time I see Josh on tour in Norwich. That was a while ago. I'm hoping for some small business shout-out

for my cousin Beninie's small business, Benissimo Pizza. They are a small family-run business selling gourmet stone-baked Italian pizzas from a converted horse box. Lovely. They are honestly delicious with a gorgeous sourdough crust.

You could hire them for events in Norfolk, Suffolk, Cambridge and surrounding areas. Think parties, weddings, festivals, pub quizzes, whatever you need. Super proud of my cousin for setting this up needs recently quit his previous job to focus full time on the venture. Find them on Instagram or Facebook.

Just search Benissimo Pizza. B-N-I-S-S-I-M-O. Tanto-A-More and Stay Sexy and Relatable Louise, 374 months. I love it. I love pizza. I'm going to have pizza tomorrow. I'm so hungry that talking about pizza there. And we've got... Audra pizza?

I've got recorded my answer, but my fucking yogurt is my tripod. Like, you're so close to that, yogurt. See you next time. Bye.