Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP1: I'VE MICROWAVED MY KEYS!!

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

We're back for the start of a new series, hoping everyone has survived the summer holiday's and is ready for more misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Follow us on instagram: @parentinghell  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's

growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. What does possible sound like for your business? It's more cash on hand to grow with up to 55 interest-free days. Redefine possible with Business Platinum.

That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit mx.ca slash Business Platinum. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with. Great, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Josh Widdicombe?

Oh, Josh Widdicombe. Well done, baby. There we go. That was very efficient, very cute. Hi, Josh and Rob. I was a little late to the podcast, for fuck's sake. No, no, these are the people we go. That was very efficient, very cute. Hi, Josh and Rob. I was a little late to the podcast, for fuck's sake. No, no, these are the people we want. Yeah, exactly.

Well, you're welcome, latecomers. Yeah, come on in. There's room at the table. Think of all the fun you've got. And you know, for the people that've been here from the beginning, you can be knowing and quite smug with it. I do feel like there's a new generation of like Instagram, on Instagram,

sort of people I follow because we're a bit older now Josh, I'm 38, you're what 47? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but like, you know, you have friends that are like a little bit younger, especially within comedy, there's that generation below the start of having kids. Like, Sean Welby, for example, is a bit younger than us, I think, and she's just had a kid and she's on Capitol. So a lot of those fakes- I see myself as the same age as Sean Welby, for example, is a bit younger than us, I think. And she's just had a kid and she's on Capitol. So a lot of those things. I see myself as the same age as Sean Welby, Rob. I think she's a bit younger.

Now I'm Googling Sean Welby's age. Also, I hope it's going well with the baby, Sean. We'll have to get her on. Oh, she's my age, not your age. She's 37. Right. Yeah. But also, I do think I was quite, I was quite, for my generation. Yeah, I was 29. So I have a kid, which is fairly young because everyone's now be at mid thirties or late thirties

because of the way, how expensive it is to live and buy a house. A lot of people can't have a kid, but I'm quite enjoying seeing people like in this summer, take their child on a city break and just admit how hard it is and stuff like that. So new parents, new listeners. We're always welcome. You're always welcome to listen to us. admit how hard it is and stuff like that. So new parents, new listeners. We're always welcome. You're always welcome to listen to us. There's room at the inn. Who was that Josh? Oh sorry. I was a little late. Sorry. I interrupted you Josh. But have been blasting through all the episodes. So I'm sure I'm going to be in the 0.001% club of Spotify raps this year.

Oh yes. Or Spotify raps going to be fucking disastrous yes. My Spotify rap's gonna be fucking disastrous. Why? What you been doing? Just tailoring the car the whole way. Oh, when do you go? Is it this week? As we're recording? Well, it was as we were recording, I'll have been, but it's on Tuesday, yes. Oh, yes.

What day is it? I'm a bit lost at sea with the days and the summer holidays, Josh. So I'll take you through my days this week, Rob, if you're interested. Have we finished what she said? Here is my 28 month old, Grey. Grey, that's a great name. Attending the intro.

She didn't quite nail Josh's name on her first try, but hopefully Rob will be happy with that pronunciation of his. Keep being sexy and relatable S in Surrey. Grey, how's they spelling Grey? G-R-E-Y. Okay. I've never heard that before. Grey with a A is more of a surname, isn't it?

Yeah. But I mean grey with an E is more of a colour, I'd say. Yeah. At first port of call. A gender neutral name, that's the re-spelling of G-R-A-Y, translate to grey-coloured or grey-haired. It can have an elegant, edgy feel. What is this bollocks?

AI. This's AI overview. This is the start of it, Josh, AI. AI overview of the name grey. It's trying to work out why people call their kid grey and it's bollocks. It translates to grey-coloured or grey-haired. It can have an elegant and edgy feel in Scotland usage. It may have Gaelic origins and come from the word

raibhack, which means brindled grey. I think AIs absolutely taking the piss there with that. I hate AI Rob. I hate it. And I know it will take over. I know I said this about the iPod. Yeah, I'm not going to be stung again. I'm always a late adopter, but AI is simply not good enough yet. No, you shouldn't have gone to market. No, Josh, AI is gonna be great.

I'm an early adopter. I mean- You're always an early adopter. Do you know what I don't like though? Bad AI. Well, that's all the AI I get. That's what we've got at the moment. Josh, do you remember mini disc players?

Fucking market. It's like if you'd put the iPod on the market when it could do four songs. Wait until it's a proper product. Right. Josh, I just think you're upset with bad AI, but with our 56k modem, we wouldn't have wifi. You get me? So we just need to give AI a little bit of a break. Okay. It's only just started this job.

Someone's invested in AI. How do you invest in AI? Rob's put 100 quid in AI and he's thinking he's gonna kick back and enjoy the money later, later day. But I want a one man PR machine to save AI is blushing. I bet the MD AI phoned you before this and said, company you can give a shout out to AI in your podcast could you get a lot of press.

Could you use it when they'd say a name or something? Just give us some good press for the love of God, Rob. Saying the boss at AI is like saying, oh, the boss at the World Wide Web. Tim Berners-Lee. Tim Berners-Lee came out, didn't he, for London 2012 Olympics. Remember him coming out? Yeah, oh yeah.

The inventor of the internet. Good old Tim Berners-Lee. Well done on ruining everything, Tim. No, it's The inventor of the internet. Good old Tim Berners-Lee. Well done on ruining everything, Tim. No, sorry. What was you saying? I can't remember what I was talking about. Gray, the name Gray, and in your week, you got a busy week. Oh, so yeah, I've got a tailor on Tuesday after filming. I'm going straight from doing a disabled golf VT for the last leg. So I'm going to Paris for

the Paralympics. My tailor day Rob, I've got to do Chris Chris Evans and then go and play the Paralympics. So I've got Chris Evans and then I go to a disabled golf BT and then I do Taylor Swift. Right. Couple of questions. I don't think you need to do PR for the Paralympics. I don't send Claire Boulding out to talk about the Olympics. Well, or the Paralympics, which she hosts that as well. I would say... Oh, she don't stop. Cross Paralympics. This is a machine. Arguably, Rob. I'm doing it right here. And I don't have to leave my house. I'm doing some PR for the Paralympics. Bang. I've just said it. I don't think it needs it. I think we all know it's happening, don't we? We all know it's happening,

Rob. I'd say we've all made our minds up on it either way, whether we like it or not. How does a disabled golf VT work? What's the disability for golf? It's me and Alex Brooker. Yeah. Against Josh Pugh, who's partially sighted, he plays for the England men's partially sighted football team. So you thought, right, we've got this disabled guy that's excelling in one sport, let's put him to the test in another. And let's get a blind guy to fire golf balls at me. And so...

You're gonna be stood in the way. No, no, no, so... You're gonna be stood in the way? No. No, no, no. It's gonna be... But it's not funny the VT is, Rob. If it's getting unfunny, I'll have to stand in the way, won't I? If they haven't got you driving a little ball collector on a driving range while Alex and Josh try and hit you, whoever's producing this item should be sacked, I would want you

helmeted up in a little little golf buggy with a cage on it whilst they hit golf balls at you. That's what I want to see for the Paralympics. Do not worry Rob, every eventuality has been covered. When they asked what I'd want to wear I said one thing Ronnie Corbett. That's what I'm wearing. It's closing with a baggy on you though, ain't it? Oh here we go, this is good stuff. Is it good stuff if we say it's good stuff? Oh, here we go. This is good stuff. Is it good stuff if we say it's good stuff? Oh, I don't know. I don't hear anyone saying it's bad stuff. Any of you with Michael?

Good or bad stuff? It's stuff. It's stuff. Oh, crucially, it's stuff. It's stuff, it is stuff. Right, let's talk about parenting. Talk to me about parenting. Let's talk about parenting.

Well, I had a bad night's sleep last night. Oh, I don't know. But my youngest keeps coming in and I... My son got in the bed at 1am. That's what mine does all the time. And then she gets in, we take her back. But I find it really hard to get to sleep. So I swear, as I've just gone,

and you know you've just gone and you're not aware of yourself anymore, you're asleep, she comes in and wakes me up. And then it takes me like another hour to get myself calmed down. We're basically the same person. And then she comes in and wakes me up again. So I'm a little bit off kilter this morning, which didn't have great sleep, but I don't know what to do. She just keeps coming in. It's so difficult because my son came in at, well, I don't really know what time. I've said one, but I've got no idea because I didn't check my clock.

And then he's basically spread-eagled on my pillow. So I genuinely- It gets on the pillow. So we were away this week and he was on a futon on our floor. Yeah. And so you can observe him at night. Do you know what I mean?

Like normally you don't- Yeah. He does a full 360 throughout the night. Just like he's just, there's no thought of what the bed's position is. He's just lying wherever he's lying and just moving around like a kind of. Like Homer Simpson when he does his walking around in a circle on the floor. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's just mad. But he got in.

So I had to go top and tail last night because he was taking too much room at the top and you're like, what is this? What? Who am I? I'm 41. Well, Lu had to get in with her in the end because she kept coming in and we weren't sleeping. So she just went and got in bed. In a single bed. They've got doubles. That is really useful for you.

The idea of getting that to absolutely eradicate any floor space to play was that at some point we're going to have to get into the bed in the middle of the night. So yeah, she's got like a double. So that's all right because the single, like when she was just the bunk beds and I used to sleep on the floor, is she upset? Just can't go back to sleep. Can't go back to sleep. And then gets upset. I think our brains were in and she's a bit like worried about things, but it's difficult because we've been, they went to their nun and granddad's for a couple of nights,

then it all changes and stuff. So we try and say oh you try and take her back into bed but then when she said and the granddad's we just we just say if she wants to get in the bed we just like let her like yeah don't expect you to do any parenting no no I had a nice week last week because we Lou went away for a couple of days the first time we've been away together we've had the kids for three nights I know I it on Instagram and I was like, Rob and Lou don't do that really. And I was like, I was looking at the pictures

on the kind of on the private Instagram and I was thinking, yeah, I can't see any fucking kids there. This is unbelievable. Rob and Lou have taken a page out of mine and Rose's book. We do, I'm away a lot through work anyway, but. What I mean is you often do it separately, but the Rob and Lou together trying to rebuild their relationship, trying to find the spark, find the spark, anything.

Come on. So that was the first, the longest we've been away from the kids together ever, which was three nights before we did two nights. Amazing. When we went to the Super Bowl, which was all the mad last minute in and out job. And you couldn't really... I don't want to hear about your private life Rob, but... But that was a bit of a once in a lifetime opportunity.

But this was, we went to Seville with a couple of mates for three nights. And do you know what the best part of it was Josh? And I will get back to the stressful parenting stuff before, because I've got something to tell you. No, but this is all part of parenting because it's, it's what Gary Neville would call a small retirement. I retired for three nights from parenting, from life, from work. I tell you, I was still funny, do you know what I mean? But I wasn't paid to be funny. I was still like zing, zing, zing.

You'll be working till death. But Seville, mate, is so amazing. We love Seville. I don't want to big up too much. A lot of people. Have you been before? Never been. Never been Seville. Always loved Spain. Do you prefer it to AI? Seville? Yeah. Do you think it's better than AI? Yeah, I think Seville is better than AI. I care now. Do you know what, the best part was so hot, it's too hot, don't go in August, it's too hot to go in August really. But it was the

only time we could get kids. Anyway, so in Seville, it's great. We were like, I will book that August to be fine, but I didn't realize how hot Seville is. You know how hot Seville is, Josh? Well then they grow oranges, Rob, so it is hot. Its average temperature in summer is like 38, 40. Fuck that. The week before it was going, it was like 42 degrees, right? So we're panicking. I told a couple of friends I'm going to Seville, this mate of mine went, oh, the cauldron?

I'm like, oh, fuck this. This is our only little break and we're going to be stuck in an air-cond hotel room for the whole time. So we're a little bit like, oh, God, and we're going to be stuck in an air-conditioned hotel room for the whole time. Yeah, all right. So a little bit like, oh God, and we looked at the temperature like thing on the news. And then I'm telling myself, yeah, 38's fine. It's not fine, is it? 38's unbearable. In a city as well, so it's going to be close. It's going to be close. But it's called the cauldron. It's like because of where it's built, there's no windows. I was like, oh my God. And then just before we left, it looked like it was going to be about 42 degrees.

I was like, this is awful. And then we get there, right, and we land and it's hot, right? It is hot. And we're like, this is hot. It's always hot when you land. Do you know what I mean? Oh, but it was hot and then hot. It was really hot. And then we get in the cab and we're like, all four of us are slightly like, have we completely come at the wrong time here? Yeah. Is this a terrible decision? We get in the cab and they don't speak much English in the field. It's quite, they're probably like trying to speak Spanish, which is quite, I quite enjoy that. You know, we're getting it.

And this guy goes a Ingles Espanol and I was like, Oh, Ingles. And he speaks spoke as local local local and saying, I know local is crazy. Then he got Google translate. So he's driving down the motorway, not just two hands on Google translate, not on the wheel. Spanish cab drivers don't give a fuck on the motorway. Anyway, speaks it like loads of Spanish into his phone, comes back out and he passes it to my mate. He's in the front. He reads it. You tourists are crazy. This is like a conversation between me and my cleaner.

Yeah, and then we give him the phone back. He seems to speak for an hour. And then two lines come out. Seville now is an unbearable city. Oh my God. Okay. And then as we're driving along, where's he looking around? It does look, you know, when it looks hot, not even feels out the window of an air conditioning gap. No one about. Another one comes. Are you replying or is he just monologuing at you about how mad you are? Oh, we're just sort of like, oh yeah, okay mate, thanks. Also, so we're here now, what do you want us to do?

Go home, we've got to make the best of it. Then he sent another one and he said, look at the streets, go city, you shouldn't have come. What? That's like the start of a horror movie. Also, you're waiting at the airport for tourists, you need us here. Not picking anyone else up, everyone's left

because a lot of the locals leave, so stuff is shut. So anyway, we need to see it. Not picking anyone else up. Everyone's left because people a lot of the locals leave. So stuff is shut. So anyway, we got there and it ended up being about 35. And actually, because it's been hot forever. It's been built to be called the way to build the buildings as a shade, they put stuff up. It was nice temperature hotel had a little pool on the top. So about four or five o'clock, you couldn't really be outside. But we went back for a little siesta and then had late

nights and had a great time. And they do tiny little beers of freezing cold Josh. Yeah. And the best part was, the children would have hated it. Yeah, there was no pool, there was no real parks. But adults, you know, kids, we saw a couple of families with kids walking around, their eyes, they look broken in 40 degrees where we were flying. We had a great time. Mr. Girls obviously but it was brilliant. But yeah, it is too hot in the summer. Can I ask a couple of questions? Go on. Obviously, I've seen some

info on this holiday. Yeah, sure. Have you got a problem? What's that? With your addiction to buying football shirts? Yeah. Because there was a thing that loop up that yeah, you're going to the pub. And you went to three separate shops to buy football shirts on the way to the park. Okay, we're basically walking back for a restaurant to go into this bar. Okay. Yeah, I take us on a loop around to see the other side of the cathedral. Yeah, It's in direct sunlight. Bad decision, but we hadn't seen that part of the cathedral to get on a main strip that

takes you back up to where we were going on that road. Yes. You love cathedrals. There were three football shops. Yeah. Okay. But that was because it was like the main drag and they were just on that road that's all passed. So I popped into the Seville shop. Did you know they were there before you? Yes. I wasn't expecting that answer. Did I slightly change the route to go past them?

Yes. Was it my holiday, Josh, as well? Yes. Had I been in five other shops looking at fucking fans and maracas and flamenco dresses for the girls? Yes, I had, Josh. Yeah, yeah. Were the football shirt shops air-conditioned?

Yes, Josh, they were. Did I buy a football shirt? Yes. Was I annoyed I didn't find the one with no sponsor? Yes, Josh, they were. Did I buy a football shirt? Yes. Was I annoyed? I didn't find the one with no sponsor? Yes. But I got it. Did I go and watch the football with my mate on the final night and leave our wives at a bar? Yes, I did, Josh. Did I leave 20 minutes early to get a cab so we can get back to have a final night together? Yes,

because I'm a fucking legend that can balance it all. Yes. I wonder how the Daily Mail is going to write the story up. The Daily Mail abandoned wife. Rob abandoned his wife in the cauldron. The cauldron of Seville just with red wine and a chair outside. Kids abandoned at home, wife abandoned in the cauldron as Rob watches football match he doesn't even care about the end of. Yeah, I know, I left early. Also, it was 40 degrees. The only tickets left for these sort of like touristy sort of VIP ones where you got something to eat and drink and a souvenir. Right?

Yeah. They brought me a knock dog. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten because the food's amazing. Do you know what the little merchandise you got free of the ticket scarf? Never been given a scarf in 42 degrees. Just so what is this? Give me a fan. Give me an actual fan. Like was it a proper league game if they started? Yeah, first start of the season versus Girona. Loved it. Fucking, I loved it. Yeah, so we had a great time. I needed it though because the week before,

I'm going to tell you what happened and you are going to fucking love this. So the week before we go, right, so we did gladiators, but gladiators, I was supposed to have two days off that week, but then gladiators came in. So we did gladiators, which I'll speak about on another podcast. We're gonna do a gladiator special. We'll do a gladiator special. Probably one coming up now. And also, because we've spoken about it already, so the next episode will be a gladiator special. And also we'll do a real special when it goes out as well. Oh yeah, gladiiators they're loving this. They're doing the PR for gladiators. We're gonna ask for extra money. I don't fucking worry about that.

So I basically was super stressed and anxious before I went to Seville. I basically over committed to work like in the past when we spoken about you know we over commit but I had two days off in the middle of that week was supposed to be my days off to get life admin done and do stuff. Yeah but gladiators come in and yeah. So basically Monday, I think I spoke to you before about it. I was doing a podcast with you because it was summer holidays. The girls are at home. Lou was at meetings. I did nine till 12 at home doing the podcast and I got the girls up to London, met Lou, dropped them off at Lou. I had to do some voiceover recordings all

afternoon and some meetings. Did that ended up coming out about seven, eight at night. Okay. Next day, picked up at 5 a.m. to go to Gladiators. In Sheffield. To Sheffield. Do the practice day all day, which I'll speak about in the other episode, but I had a couple of panic attacks,

emotionally draining, lost my head, scared of the heights. Very, very difficult. That is an episode I can't wait for, Rob. That is an episode I can't wait for. So I'm already emotionally broken at this point. Then I do actual Gladiators, which again physically and emotionally physically emotion. I woke up the next day lopsided It was fucking awful. All right. Yeah, anyway, I get home at 1 a.m Because we finished gladiators drive home from Sheffield getting at 1 a.m. Next day. I'm up

I'm doing voiceover all day for steps go dating and then I go to do a gig in Bedford, get the train to Bedford, do a gig, get picked up after the gig, come home at one 2am. Next day, wake up, go straight celebs go day in, do all day there. And then I get taken to deal. Ask about the gig as well. Because I have this thing you're doing warmups for a tour. Yes. I find that when I'm doing warmups for the tour, I need a bit of space around it to make it worth doing the warmup. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just survived it.

Dill was basically like leading a sound planning meeting. The people in Dill, I honestly think half the audience didn't even know what stand-up comedy was. I'd introduce a subject, right? No offence to the people of Dill. There's some lovely people there, but it was very hot. It was like 28 degrees. We're in this theatre. I'm in a cauldron. I'm in a cauldron.

I'm getting ready for Seville. I'm in there and I'd say something like, I've got a joke about pajamas of Christmas and I'm introducing the idea of pajamas of Christmas. And when I say pajamas of Christmas, I tell 80% of the audience just turn to whoever they were and discussed it. Yeah, yeah, it's not ideal. As if they were just like watching Gogglebox. Right. And I'm like, okay, well, I don't want to ruin your night. But that stand up comedy won't work.

It's not a conversation as such. If you want to have a chat, fair enough, but I'd suggest don't go and watch standup because it does disrupt the flow a bit if every subject has a discussion about before you crack on. And I weren't in a good mental space. So when you're planning your next tour, Rob, I suppose the question is deal or no deal?

What do you mean deal or no deal? Are you going to go to deal? Just a bit of fun. Oh, deal. What do you mean deal or no deal? Are you gonna go to deal? Just a bit of fun. Oh, deal. I thought you meant do the celeb special now I'm on the celeb circuit. The celeb special. I would give deal another go,

but I don't think I was in, I don't think they were, I think it was too hot. They didn't know what was going on really. And I was, I'd say borderline medically exhausted, physically and emotionally. Mental challenges and trauma, I had to deal with that, gladiators, including heights.

And then on top of that, all of my body ached to the point where I couldn't stand up. And you'd been talking about celebrities dating all day. Yeah. And I'd been doing five to seven hours of celebs go dating voiceover. And Gemma, I love Helen Flanagan, but sometimes after an hour of watching her go on a date, I then I come, I come over from deal and the next day, we've got a lovely family day out at Ascot with the kids for racing. Now, I didn't realize this Ascot was great. Our friends booked the tickets,

but it's called like the Shergard Dubai Cup. And it's basically 18 year olds getting absolutely smashed off their tits. There's a concert after. So it's sort of not really a family day. We took a picnic and stuff, but it was quite hard work for me. Why were you going to ask Scott on that day? That had been booked in for ages before I realized I was doing all this other stuff.

Oh no, I mean like... Our friends live near there and it's a fun day out the racing and they do do a family day but we couldn't make that day so we went, oh let's do this one. But we didn't realize how boozy it was. I had a lovely day at the races when I was a kid. Like I remember going a couple of times and it was fucking great fun. Well no, it was great fun. Like I remember going a couple of times and go, and it was fucking great fun. Well, it was great fun. You have a race course.

I after getting in at 2am from Deal and then getting up at 9am to drive to Ascot races, you know what it's like when I'm tired. I do struggle with like the photos and stuff. So I'm sat down and then I'm having to stand up every like two minutes. Yeah. So we did that. That was great fun. It was tiring. And then you're on edge by this point on edge. And then we try and go.

There's a concert with the Sugar Babes on Scouting for Girls. And I'm trying to get the girls. Luckily, Denise ran out and was DJing. I know her. So she got me side of stage. So I'm side of stage now with the kids. That is the most Rob Beckett turn in the story of all time.

All right. Anyway, but this Ascot thing, there was a fight in the crowd for Scouting for Girls. And then a pint cup got thrown and landed on my daughter's head. Oh my god, a plastic. A plastic one smacked on the head. But I heard it before I saw it. I heard it. Right now.

So to deal with cry. Yeah, really quite had to fit in that. I should have laughed. I shouldn't have laughed. Sorry. I take it. She's fine. She had a bomb. It didn't cut her head or anything. So now to try and deal with the fact that I'm getting overwhelmed and not dealing with all the people recognizing me. It's Thursday or Friday by the Saturday. Saturday. So is this the same day as the races?

Yeah, after the races then there's a concert. We're two bands that presumably your daughters have never heard of. No idea. Your daughter's not 35 so she's not in the same age. She's not 35, not yet anyway, not completely, she's 32. So I've got a bit pissed to try and sort of my old technique, you know, this my old calming down technique get absolutely shit face so you can't feel anymore. A couple of decades of my life on it, Rob. Yeah. So Lou's not drunk that much. So she's keeping an eye on the kids. She's dodging pinecups getting thrown. So anyway, we're back to head and then I get interviewed by Ascot Racecourse. You can go on Ascot Racecourse and interview me about scones. What? Sorry? I don't know. I'm absolutely battered. In the background, you can see me drunk on the Instagram of Ascot Racecourse.

I'm getting interviewed with Denise Renau and the guy from Scouting for Girls. Also, who was the fighter at the races watching Scouting for Girls? Well, I don't know. It's difficult because oh my God, you're the number one thing. I'm the number one thing? What do you mean? And the caption is, I didn't realize it was weird until I said it. What? You'll have last post. So basically you watch me trying to not look drunk being spoken to and then in the background of the other people talking you can see me I've told you the pineapple coconut long bananas song

Oh my god Rob there's two of you. Oh. Why is there two of me? I basically open my mouth and crush up a scone into a ball. Mate, I'm battered in that video. I'm scone for you. No, I was going for it. Scone. I say scone. Scone. I say scone. I don't even say scone. I just had it.

So they're just asking people why they say jam or cream. Oh, jam. Oh, fucking jam or cream. You can see me in the background as well playing with like throwing sweets around. Oh yeah. Rob, you're playing with three kids and you're holding a pint of lager. Three days of yoga my man. Like a nail showed into a ball.

Yeah. Throwing in and then launch the jam. Oh this is bad. I can stress that Lou and the other parents were a bit more sober, but I was quite drunk. Here's another one. I have sandwich filling of all time. What's sandwich filling of all time?

For me it would have to be. What, we're doing sandwich filling now? Crab-alation chicken. Oh don't, please all time. What's your worst sandwich filling of all time Rob? I couldn't tell you, I don't even know what I said. We've got to find out. Oh no. Salmon in a sandwich while I have not on a bagel, we're not on a sandwich. How does that work? That was absolutely peak Rob Beckett trying to deal with stress in a bad way, right? So anyway, luckily that's been filmed and we'll stay on the internet forever. We do have a good time, but this mainly because I've got a bit drunk. Then we drive back to Ascot the next day. The kids are tired and exhausted and stressed and cried.

And then I'm hungover. Then on the Monday, I've got to... Drive back from Ascot the next day, the kids are tired and exhausted and stressing and cried and then I'm hung over. Then on the Monday, I've got to drive back from Ascot the next day. Sorry. Yeah, we tell me stay over drive back from Ascot the next day, bit hung over and it's I'm in a bad run of form there. Then on the Monday, I have a morning of meetings with accountants and finances stuff, which is always really stressing me because I don't understand it coming up now or something. Well, no, it's just- I had a meeting on the exact same day with my accountant.

Yeah, I don't know why. It was probably because we both had a day- a morning off because we did do the podcast that day. And then afternoon, I had to go and do voiceover again. And then I had to do another meet- more meetings and more recordings. You're not a meetings guy. No, I hate it. Script meetings and all that.

Anyway, another non-stop pack day. Get home about eight o'clock. The next day we're going to Seville. I'm up at six to drop the kids off at Nan and Granddad's. So that they can be there. And then I have to come back because we're getting picked up at 8.45. Now this is where my weak peaks in stress are not thinking correctly. Okay, Josh?

Yeah. There's no easy way of saying this, but basically I get the kids all packed up and off. Yeah. Sort all the house out, tied up, done the dish, we've got it all sorted. Now we've got cars on the drive and the car keys and you know, people can get near your house and they can copy your fob. Oh no. And you can buy boxes that you put your car keys in and it blocks it. Yeah. Also what can do that is a microwave. You put it in the microwave and shut the door, it blocks it out because of the metal in there. Okay.

You don't keep your keys in a microwave, do you? Not anymore. No, because what I did was my microwave, if you've used it, and there's still, say, a minute left on there, whatever you put in there next, starts to cook. Oh my God. Josh, I'm going to tell you what I did. You live in the middle of nowhere. No one's gonna clone your fob. They need are in the first place to get there. I'm not thinking straight. Josh, I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed. I've taken on too

much. And you know what I did? I microwaved every single key I own. Every single key and fob. I microwaved. I was making a drink and I thought I can smell fire, but a different fire. And I looked in the microwave and there was a rainbow color of smoke. Of course. From different electrics. So sorry, could I just... Wait there, wait there, wait there. I'm gonna show you what happened. I'm gonna bring them in. What?

Right, here we are. Any questions before I show you what I did? Yeah, a few. Do you normally put them in the microwave? Yep, not anymore though. I'm gonna get one of those boxes. So normally, your keys are just kept in the microwave at all times. No, no, only if we're going away for a couple of weeks or so.

Oh, right. Sorry. Every day. If we're going away, I just I don't know why I need to get one of those boxes. But I always forget. Basically, I might have all the keys. The actual metal on them didn't melt because they weren't in long enough. No, but it's going to fire off because you're not allowed to put anything metal in the microwave. So the BMW car key dead. Yeah, two sets of gate keys. We've got some gates that you press it so we can't get in and out the

gates. Two of those gone. Two keys to the garage. So sorry, why are they all together? I found all the keys in the house and just put them in. Because I thought it'd be safe. Both under car keys. There you go. They're gone. It's good that you got them all in the same place though. That's quite unlike you to be able to find all that stuff and get it together. So that's quite an achievement.

Yeah, it was a really good achievement actually. And in the worst part of it all, Lou said, to this point I've burned it all, and I'm wandering around the house, hopefully pressing buttons on all these fobs, okay? And the idiot tax I've done, I've done about three years worth, because he's kept the BMW key was 220 quid. Don't know about Honda yet. I'm still waiting on the garage ones and the other fob ones. And both spare and main key as well for the... So does that mean

you can't use your car now? Oh no, because you can use the manual key. No, no, I can't use any of the cars. Luckily, thankfully, pick up Steve Will and and Mike at Stephen James Bromley BMW. They really good actually, because I've been shafted by car companies before they're good, Stephen James, they basically organized a replacement key straight away. And then when we were away, my father-in-law went and got it from them. Oh, that's good and brought it to me. And then you can pair it because I had actually the BMW app allowed me

to open my car I don't know how that works but I can open my car so that's good I should put my phone in my car next time someone's on in case someone clones out. Did you hear it happening? How did you know it was happening? Because I could smell I smelt it. Oh my god. So if I had Covid I would have burnt the house down. Yeah yeah. So if I had COVID, I want to burn the house down. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I've got no key. So but we've got one car at the moment. And the rest we're having to sort of manually open everything. Now, this is not where the story ends, Josh. So that this is happening at 8.40am and the taxi's coming at 8.45. Can I just ask, how did you break it to Lou? Because it's quite a difficult thing

to say, I've microwaved all the keys. I've done something really stupid, Lou. And then she thinks you've had an affair. And then actually the keys is a relief. To be fair, I think having an affair would have been quite a cheaper and less stressful moment for her. Because this is what happened next, right? Hey, so it's 8.40 AM.

I'm about to leave the house and I realize I've got no keys. Yeah. So the keys work, but all the fobs are dead, right? Yeah. And like, we need them to let people in and out and get out of the house and I realize I've got no keys. Yeah, so the keys work, but all the fobs are dead, right? Yeah. And like we need them to let people in and out and get out of the garage and stuff like that. So it's a real fucking ball. Like, so Lou goes, Oh, so basically with these new keys, you can like this little button, where you slide the fob off and they've got a metal one. Yeah. So Lou went, Oh, there's a metal one on the Honda. Why don't we, let's see if that works.

Really? We don't need to, because we don't need the car. We're about to leave in five minutes. I went, okay, that's a good idea. Anyway, so I find the slot where you have to put the metal key in and open the door. Yeah. Alarm goes off. What? The alarm goes off. On the car?

On the little Honda one. Why? So I've put the metal key in to open it thinking, well, I've got the key. Yeah. Obviously I haven't got the fob. So the alarm's going off because I've not opened it with a fob and the fob's not in the car because the fobs are dead. Oh my gosh. So now the alarms going off Josh. Oh my gosh. And the taxis outside. Oh God. Right. And you're

going to the cauldron. I'm going to the cauldron. I've had three hours sleep a night for the last week. Oh my gosh. Completely shitfaced on Saturday, still a bit hung over. Been absolutely smashed to pieces by legends. My've been at my body's an absolute gladiator. Honestly, I'm still limping. So then now I've got the bonnet up and the car. Now I'm trying to disconnect the battery because I can't leave a car alarm going. I wouldn't even know where to start with that.

And surely that wouldn't stop the alarm. Otherwise, every thief would do it. Well, yeah, that's what I found out once I disconnected the battery and it carried on beeping. Yeah, of course it did, Rob. I think you're supposed to just leave it alone and then it goes off. Yeah, I was just stopping like an hour. So anyway, I disconnected the battery and because it was in the garage, it was actually, you couldn't really hear it outside. So I just went, yeah, they're just gonna have to suffer it until whatever's powering that battery runs out.

No one's stealing the car. I mean, my house could be more secure. Yeah. There was no way to open a gate, a door, a car. No cars moving. So my old MacGurl was achieved. How did you get past the gate? Have you ever tried to lift a suitcase over a gate with your wife? No, I haven't. I can honestly say I haven't. The flag in hell, Judge.

I was so angry. I was so angry with myself and beating myself up. I was like, you know what, though, this is an absolute sign from the universe. Fucking slow down, son. Yeah. Stop it. Stop trying to do stuff. Stop trying to sort stuff. I'm going to say you didn't need to watch scouting for girls.

It's difficult because not everyone else has had my week and the girls were loving it. Lou was enjoying it. So he's like, I don't want to be the angry dad that goes, right, let's all go home because I'm tired. You know what I mean? I can't just go, oh, I'm not going because I'm tired now. And then the kids are like, oh, we want to see our friends and we're desperate to watch scouting for girls. And I did have a good time. I just weren't thinking straight. I wasn't actually stopping to think. I was just go, go, go. Yeah. So I took it as a sign to slow down from the universe. But, um, and I was so angry and so stressed by it.

And on the CCTV, you can see me boot a dog toy in the garden as I'm out of the car. And then this is the only time I've ever done it. But I just said to Lou, Lou, hit me. I know I'll laugh about this someday, but at the moment, please, can we not tell anyone? Oh, like, because it was going to be'll laugh about this someday. But at the moment, please, can we not tell anyone? Oh, like, because it was going to be our friends at the airport was getting in the taxi. I was like, can we just not tell anyone? And Lou was a Lou found it hilarious from the start. She was like, Yeah, okay, no worries. When we got to the cauldron, I was like, like, I still don't want to tell them

just then I told him. But I imagine in some people would have just kept that to the grave. Yeah, so embarrassed. But I So embarrassed by that is funny. And it's the scientists. So did you tell the people who you're buying the keys off? I didn't tell the car people. I'm sure they'll find out. Did you say just it stopped working? Oh, yeah. The key, sort of the key sort of not working. And you knew key. Yeah. And like, does the blade still work?

And I'm like, fuck the blade still work? And I'm like, fuck's the blade? I was like, and then that's like the middle. But yeah, that's that's fine. Because that was fine. It was just like, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I didn't tell them, we've still got to sort the Honda out. That's still sat in the garage of a battery disconnected, but I can't look at it yet. It brings back too much pain. And then I big up Kenny, Kenny, love play for disconnecting the battery, big up Kenny at Residential Creations, my builder who laughed his ass off,

but he's sorting out the garage keys and speaking to the guy about the other ones. So all in all a successful week. Honestly, Seville was amazing. We really needed that. So I was very lucky to have the break and very lucky to have help from the grandparents to be able to go to Seville.

So yeah, I feel a lot better now and a lot more chill, but it was like, that is a classic sign. I do that all the time when I'm overwhelmed with stress, where I just have to stop, but it's hard to get that balance. It's difficult with your job, is it freelance thing? Yeah, if stuff comes in, it's hard to say no. You can't say, could you move Gladiators

to a time when I'm less busy, please? Yeah, you can't go, hey, scout for girls sugar babes, any chance you could pop this on Sunday so I could have a little chill day on Saturday? Yeah, exactly. Because I'm going to be busy all week and then I'll be having a salmon bagel on Saturday. Interesting thing about a salmon and you like this. I don't like salmon sandwiches, but I do like salmon bagels.

It's weird, isn't it? That is weird, don't you think? I'd say your mind is so tired by that point. I, uh, also as well, they'd let us to the backstage bit and then they bought us a couple of beers. So I was like, I couldn't say no to doing the interview. Yeah, of course. But then also, then my daughter like... So when you've got gear that you need to run out

that's gonna be part of the tour. That is not gear. That is not gear. That is not part of the tour. I just was the first time I ever thought about sandwiches. Look at how you've burned it on the Ascot Racecourse Instagram. I've still got burns on my fingers. Because when I grabbed the keys, the keys were hot, weren't they? Yeah. I'd say go and see Rob on tour.

Because if he's doing a show where he's not even having to use the salmon bagel stuff, the stuff must be really top quality. Oh, God, I was so tired of Dill. How was Denise Van Elton? She was brilliant. Gets the crowd going. She does DJ set? She was brilliant. She gets the crowd going. She does DJ set. She's great.

I love Denise. She's so funny. Yeah. Scalf Girls, great. Sugar Babes, great. Original line up. Chavons back. Is it Chavons?

Yeah. Great band. Great band. They were good actually. Kids loved it, so that was good. But yeah, it was like insane, insane week. And I just, my head completely went, which is too much. But how many football shirts did you buy in conclusion?

Just one. Just one? I wanted the long sleeve, no sponsor, but I couldn't find it. Oh dear. But I got one, I went to the football, so that was good, and then we're back now, back in action, back with the kids. And how are you feeling about, as we record, we're about, what are we, still two weeks out from the end of the summer holidays here, Rob?

Yeah, it's hard to balance everything. It's what I'm trying to go to the gym and stuff like that which I can't really at the moment so I'm just sort of trying to keep an eye on my weight with my diet. I've been eight beers at Ascot then a KFC after won't help that. The thing is I'd say the salmon's good but I don't know if the bagel's good if you're keeping your eye on your diet Rob. Leave me and my new material about food like that just because you're the observational guy yeah you'd be all over that salmon stuff if you weren't a veggie. The problem is it doesn't chime with me. This is the funniest thing. So the kids are basically at this stage of some holidays where

they're just desperate to get one over on each other. Yeah. So they're eating their plain pasta, one's like, she's using her fingers. I'm glad you say that because I thought in the last week that our kids started to hate each other. They're not starting to. I've always, for the last three years, been quite smug, privately, about how my kids get on quite well.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like they just play. It's quite a three-year age gap. And they're a girl and a boy and they've got quite different stuff. And I'm like, actually, she's a really good old. It's gone in the last week. Do you think it's summer holidays?

Do you think I've still got hope? Yeah, I think it's just too much because what you forget is they have to everything together. They sit in the back of the car together. They like, you know, if you sometimes they have a bath together, that's our bath together. The other night said, this is funny. Lou was a bit poor. He's Lou was a bit stressed.

She was going out to this wedding, so it's always stressful if you've got like, it was black ties, so you've got to wear like fancy clothes at your local station and then go into the central, do you know what I mean? It's always like awkward, isn't it? Leaving your ass, anyway, so she was going there, I had to work, so she was going to this wedding alone,

which is not ideal, poor old Lou's done that a lot, because of the way we work weekends. She was in the shower and she was like, can you check the, it's cold, why is it cold? And she was like, all the cold... no, we don't normally run out of hot water. We've got quite a big like tank thing and we don't all shower at once. Do you know what I mean? The kids are lonely little. Anyway, all the hot water had gone and I went into my daughter's got a bath in her room and I went in there and the bath was absolutely to the brim where she's obviously forgotten. And she went, I'm just gonna let a little bit of water out because a bit too hot. She basically just left the horn. So it was just an entire tub of all of our hot

water for the whole house basically just in this tub. Right. It's like, literally like, I nearly overflowing. The way she went, bit hot, gonna take some out and lose in the shower, freezing. So I went in there and explained to her and then Lou got the old god and I come out and then my youngest daughter was like, can I have a bath? I went, oh, we can't have a bath. There's no hot water, right. And she was such a privileged large one. What's that mean? I was like, what's that mean? You run out of water sometimes. I always run out of hot water growing up. That's what happens. What's that mean?

I went, well, the hot water has been used and it will take a little while for it to boil back up again. Yeah. And she went, Oh, why does that happen? Well, your older sister run a slightly bigger bath than she needed with not enough water in. She went, oh, she always does that. I was like, you didn't even know what running out of hot water was a minute ago. Now you're telling her she doesn't always do that. She's literally never done it before in a lot. So it's like those little things that just

sort of, one will be singing and the other one will go, tell her to stop singing, I don't want her to sing. And she goes, and everyone's like, no, but I like singing. And I'm like, I know for a fact, she's only singing to annoy her. But then you can't really tell a kid off to not sing. But when you know that 20% of it

is just to annoy the other one, and you'll be like, oh, that's not bad. You've got my toy. That's fine. And they're like, it's his toy they don't even give a shit about. But it's like- I'm so glad, you've got my toy. That's my, and they're like, it's this toy they don't even give a shit about. But it's like- I'm so glad that you've said that

because in the last week, I have been thinking, this is it, my kids are never gonna get on again. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You're like, it's all gone wrong. They've reached three and six, and that's when it all goes in different directions. It is so intense.

It's like being in the fucking Big Brother house together. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And there's no like school or outside influence or other kids. So yeah, and then I feel like the older one gets a little bit too big for their boots sometimes, and they sort of boss around the younger one because they're the older one, but they're not, they need older kids around them as well. So. Yeah. And also with a three year old, we're at a stage which is, he's really good, but when he goes, you can't reason. Yeah. You see, he can't reason.

And so we were in the car, let's go now a long drive and they got magazines and he'd got some thing that, and he was like, I want to stamp to stamp this, he's got like, I don't know, a passport or whatever you got on the front of the magazine, you know, I hate magazines and he was like, I don't know, a passport or whatever you got on the front of the magazine, you know, I hate magazines. And he was like, I want to stamp it. And you're like, well, there's no stamp. You didn't get a stamp on the front of the magazine. And then he goes, I want to stamp it.

And you're like in your head, you're like, well, we're fucked because this is only going into a freak out. And I can't even be a pathetic parent that goes and finds and buys a stamp because that's not even this is an option to keep in and be crap. It's like 20 minutes is now fucked and there's nothing you can't even have a piss you can't even have a piss at the moment because it's never mind a stamp. So this is just what's going on now. Yeah. And there's nothing I can say in the world to change this.

You might as well cut the brakes on this car. That's what the situation is. I am out of control of this situation. How did it end? Well, it just freaked out. And then you have to kind of work it through. But the more you say, try and explain, it just stokes the fire.

You can't reason with a three-year-old when they're gone. And that's fine, because I remember it from last time when you get through it. But there is just a sinking feeling when you're like, I can't reason with you that you need to hold my hand across the road. I'm just going to have to fall.

It just is. It just is. I'm just going to have to drag you. I can't explain that you'll die if you're hit by a car. And if I say that, you won't even care anyway, because you don't understand the concept of death. My youngest, she still sometimes has those tensions, but she was so tired after this Ascot trip, right?

So they didn't want to leave because they were their best mates and they're like hanging out. We stayed over at our friend's house and it's the next morning. I was like hungover and was all tired. We went to bed about midnight. The kids went to bed late. We went to go for some breakfast, but then we walked there, but it was really hot.

And then they were arguing a little bit about, I want the scooter, I want the bike. We got to this breakfast place. It took fucking ages for the food. And when it come, it weren't right. It was like, oh, can we just have avocado on toast for the kids? But just want avocado and nothing in just like smashed up avocado and no salt, pepper, lemon.

The kids would just eat it plain. I was like, yeah, all right. Then it comes down. It's for the fucking lemon and pepper. And then I was like, oh, we said we didn't want that. No, you it plain. I was like, yeah, all right. Then it comes down. It's full of fucking lemon and pepper. And then I was like, oh, we said we didn't want that. She went, no, you didn't. I was like, what? She went, oh, I didn't get that. I was like, well, no, I said just completely plain, nothing in it. I went, yeah, but this is how it comes. It comes with that. This is it plain.

I went, all right, well, you need to tell me that when I order it then. So I said, just smash it. I've got nothing in it. But if it comes with lemon and sort of you need to go, wow, one comes with salt, pepper. I know you're making it in the morning. So don't go off. So you put lemon in it because you don't want to make it fresh. That's fine. But then she to go, wow, one comes with salt and pepper. I know you're making it in the morning so you don't go off so you put lemon in it because you don't want to make it fresh. That's fine. But then she's like, yes, I didn't get that.

I'm like, I want my child to eat this. I've not set up a little game to catch you out. Anyway, so it's ages for the food and then we go back and it's stressful and we get in the car and she don't want to leave. Then she's crying and she's on one side of the car and they want to wave to the friends and go, if I leave, I'll be on the wrong side of the car. It won't be able to see her as close to the window. I'm like, give a fuck. And then we're driving. She's screaming,

I don't want to go back to Bromley. I'm like, neither do I really. But it's just where we live. It's just how it works out. Oh, that makes me feel much better. Do you know what I, and I think it's our fault, is we do too much of them. Our kids need more of nothing and being bored and just potter in the house and play in the garden.

Obviously some stuff to do with them, but we slightly overbook ourselves. I mean, we've spoke about this a lot, where we'll go, well, let's do that, let's do that, let's have this. I'm like, well, no, the kids just need to do nothing for a day and be bored. There's enough going on in the house.

We've got telly, it's hot. I can set up the paddling pool for them. They can create a game in the garden. And they sometimes, if they get bored enough, they will create stuff to do. But I think modern parent is, we don't want to be like old school boomers where you're just left at the wreck ground

on your bike for eight hours. No, but there's a lot to be said for just like yesterday. Oh, yesterday, Rob, we got back at midnight driving back from Cornwall because we've been away from the week. And I like to drive at night because there's less traffic. Yep. And the kids are more sedate. It's better. So what time do you leave normally? About five or six. Oh yeah. And then the traffic's dying. But you know what Rob? They're good in a car because they can watch their iPads. Better than the train, I suppose.

But it's actually some nice time for me and Rose together. We actually get a lot of chat going. You should do some Just Eat deliveries together. Couples do that now, young couples just hanging out. We'd love that. We should catch up through. Oh, let's have a nice chat. Staring ahead six hours, we can slag off our friends, go through them one by one.

Lovely. In our views, absolutely ideal. We love that. The beer loo love that. Just judging everyone. Yes, please. But it always ends up because we are actually quite nice people. But you know what?

Each to their own. If they like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then go, but we don't do it. And we judge them for it. I wouldn't parent like that. I wouldn't want to do that. Would you? I think they do too much for their kids. I don't think the kids like scaring for girls. But you know, they're good people. They're good people. He had too much booked in that week. So his baby is a bit of an under. I don't think he needs to be taking as much work on. He's got

a good career. Does he need to do gladiators? No, he didn't. I didn't. I didn't. Let's get out of this role play. No, I didn't actually. But it would be a good challenge for me to deal with Barstralba emotionally and physically. And it was, but it absolutely wiped any sense of energy I ever had for four days. So I did the six hour drive. I was fucked because it's fine when you're doing it. I thought you said you like it. Oh but after yeah one year. The next morning I'm like buzzy do you know what I mean you're weird. Yeah. Because you've been just like concentrating and then you go to bed and then you wake up and you're like fuck it out. Do you get a little

bit of extra special treatment from Rose when you've driven? Well I just take you through yesterday morning. I'll be the judge if you get extra special treatment. We were going to a wedding. Yeah, she should make me a cup of tea in the morning. Yeah, she's. Oh, that's tough. Yeah. Does she sleep on that long drive by the way? No, no, no. Oh, that's good. She is an excellent and let's be clear. We both know it, Rob. The driving is the easiest seat. Is it? Yeah.

Could you just deal with the snacks for the kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to need to get my phone and you're going to need to link their iPad to the hotspot on my phone. Yeah, what you're going to need. Could you just Google that for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to take them to the toilet and I'll wait here because there's no parking? Yeah, exactly.

Can you quickly grab a stamp? Yeah, no, you look after them in the car. I'll put the petrol in and then I'll just wander in and I'll just enjoy... I'll browse through the shop. You get them some food in the services and I'll check the car oil. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, let's be honest.

It's the easiest. Let's go 1970s here, babe. You take the kids, I'll take the wheels. Off you go, little slap on the ass. Exactly. It's... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Off you go, babe. Milk two sugars, babe. Yeah, yeah, it does about, I'll shout to this fella. Yeah, it's not too bad to the gallon or the liter, the old miles per. Good little road, good out on the road, actually.

Good with the lanes. Big enough for the family, but not too wide for the lanes down in the Cornwall. Sorry. Anyway, go on, Josh. You got it in you. You got it in you. So I wake up, Rosa to go, we were going to a wedding. Yeah, I don't want to be the hackest comic in the world, Rob. Yeah, there's a lot of prep when Rose goes to a wedding. Well, I was being speaking about this and toys a lot of prep when Lou goes on holiday to the point where I don't recognize her when she's

there. Yeah, yeah, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, tinted, threaded, Yeah, yeah, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, tinted, threaded, faked sad, Botox. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No Botox. So Rose had to go hairdressers 10am. Yeah. Then I get a text from Rose saying that the dress she's ordered hadn't arrived, which was true. So she's just going to pop into Regent Street by the way. That was the day of the wedding. Just pop into Regent Street. Yeah, that'd be great. Because you're not even that close to Regent Street, really, are you? It's not like you're right on top of it. Stratford would probably be easier.

Yeah, yeah. And then the dress arrived 10 minutes later. Oh, great. I texted her, I said, the dress has arrived. She said, I don't think it's the right size. So I'm going to read it straight. Just pop in. So you're looking after the kids at this point? Yeah. And I'm complaining to myself a lot.

I didn't take it in good spirits. I'd say, because obviously Rose does need a dress for the wedding. And obviously I can just put on a suit. It hasn't arrived. And also Rose hasn't got any dresses, has she? Well, also I can do some childcare. I can do some childcare.

She hasn't got any dresses at home, has she? Like she could wear? No, no, no, no, no. I am, I'd say, being unreasonable, but all in my own head. Right. You're just a bit annoyed that like you're looking after because you like quite like to get ready. Yeah. But let's be honest, it takes me 10 minutes to get ready. But in my head, I'm like, what I really want to do is be lying

under a duvet. That's what I want to be doing. Yeah, because you've done long drive because you're the driver don't you yeah loading up the car anyway she got back it was all fine I mean the story is she went to Regent Street Rob what time did you have to leave for the wedding two oh it's tight though she's getting her hair done at 10 well she was back for half 12 oh that's not bad yeah so she wasn't getting her hair cut just sort of getting it prepped. Yeah, blow-dried. Yeah. Yeah I wish I could get my hair blow-dried. Yours would be massive. You look like a fucking... No, not for the actual blow-dry Right, should we do a small business shout out? Yeah. There we go. I'm gonna go with the top one Rob. Go for it I normally just scan down but to loose neck stiff neck and sexy Michael

Oh, please can I get a small business business shower for my grandfather-in-law's business? He's 91 and still active in the workshop. Sounds like he's a shagger 91 I'm still active in the workshop boy. Don't you about that me your dad love it He invented a stand to hold his wife's embroidery and once her embroidery saw it, they asked if he could make one for them. 38 years later, with amazing reviews, and with my brother and sister-in-law at the helm, they sell these stands in a multitude of awesome colors and can ship worldwide.

They help people with stiff necks to stitch in comfort. They are called Lowry Workstands. Lowry is L-O-W-E-R-Y, WorkStans. The website is workstands.com. And then on the socials at workstands. I bloomin' love your podcast and your honesty. Keep up the amazing work. Thanks, Claire from Manchester.

Oh, he's active in the world, shall we? I bet he just comes in, leans over their shoulder and go, you've done that wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Classy. Yeah, yeah. That's a good doughnut. That's nice. Right, I've got one here.

AI, is that what your small business? AI, artificial intelligence. I wish I might have had fucking AI. And went, these are keys, you silly. That's a kind of AI I want. You can bleed that. Can't you, Michael? And that one.

Hi guys, I'd love to do a small bit shout out to Laura at Eating with the Kids. She has produced recipes for busy parents to make nutritious family meals with speed and ease, created by her and her dietitian approved. The recipes are quick, easy and delicious and by far a saviour. She saved me this morning at 5pm with my nearly two year old who'd been awake a while and we did a bake for breakfast together ready for Father's Day. Her Instagram is eating with the kids, her website is eatingwiththekids.com. Stay sexy and relatable. Thank you for being honest,

keeping it real and saving me on my car nap trips. Rachel from Essex. There we go. Eatingwiththekids.com. Well, there we go. I imagine it's recipes and stuff. Right, Josh, I'll see you next time mate. See you next time. Bye. The Always Be Comedy podcast is where we talk comedy with the likes of Stephen Merchant, Stuart Lee, Rose Matafayo, Josh Widicombe and many, many more. We now have a spin-off podcast, Always Be Comedies, Comedy Heroes. We take take a deep dive and some of the all-time greats. These include Rick Maile, Jasper Cara, Eddie Murphy, Malcolm and Wives, Victoria

Wood and many, many more. That's the Always Be Comedy podcast, our every Tuesday. And now, Always Be Comedy's comedy heroes, our every Friday. Hello, I'm Marcus Brigstock. And I'm Rachel Paris. This is How Was It For You? a review-based podcast. We're going to be asking each other, how was it for you? It was pretty good, Rachel. About all sorts of different things. Things we've eaten, things we've seen, places we've been, things we've smelled, people we've met sometimes. Those will be, we'll have to talk

about them without giving away who they were. And that will be the challenge you as a listener can enjoy. Exactly. You can get all of the episodes in the places where podcasts are.