Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP12: A.I. Josh Widdicombe Bot

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx @zest_for_softball If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to Sam, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Widicombe. Josh Widicombe. Josh Widicombe. Conor, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Widicombe. Josh Widicombe. Good boy. Sounds like they're drunk. I thought initially that the second boy was called Conker. So you've got your finger in a cellotape there, you've just popped out. Yeah, I'm just fiddling. What have you been wrapping up? No, nothing.

It's just there. Can you hear a dog squeaking a squeaky toy in the background? I can't hear a dog squeaking a squeaky toy. I'm just so worried if it's picked up a mind that people will be livid with it. Well, that's all right. Should I take the squeaky toy off the dog? Well, I can't hear it, but I think it's playing so much on your mind that maybe it's for your own mental health. No, I can work through this, do you know what I mean? It's like when Michael Jordan had to play with the flu.

Right, yeah. Very similar. Who was that, Josh? Good morning, slags. Here is our four-year-old Sam and two-year-old Connell having a crack at saying our names for the intro. Sam was born right at the start of lockdown, and we've been listening to your podcast since. Thanks for getting us through these long lockdown walks

and making us laugh since. Sending this to you on a rainy day, both boys have been sick on the floor. Fuck you, man. Oh, no. Keep the sexy, unrelatable dream going. Frank and Kiera. Now the dog's barking. Fuck. It's all right, Rob. No one cares. No, I might just put it in the garden. Sorry, George. Got to stop calling my dog it.

It sounded like you were about to say I might have to put it down. So to be honest, I'm gonna go and let the dog out and take the squeaky toy. I'll be back in a second, Josh, because this is untangable. Okay. I haven't heard it squeak once. I'm gonna go and let the dog out and take the squeaky toy off. I'll be back in a second, Josh, because this is untamable. Okay. I haven't heard it squeak once. I'm back. Fuck. I've given both a chew and put one in the back room. Lou's not very well this morning, so she hasn't taken a walk yet. Normally takes him for a walk, so they get a bit aggy.

She's very tired. She's been doing a lot of solo parenting while I've been working. She's so tired, she just shut her own hand in the door. As a cry for help? Dunno, might have been. But I don't think it was. I think she literally just shut the door, holding the door, not the handle. You don't really appreciate the need for a handle until that happens and you go, I can see why you made them. How many times do you think someone's hand got caught in the door? Who invented the handle Rob? Who invented the handle?

What came first? The handle or the door? That's a good invention, the hinge. This is how tired I am. I almost thought, shall I check the Wikipedia for handle and then I thought fuck it. Josh, we're five minutes in. I'm not rolling that out. Get it up.

Who invented the handle? I was already doing it. I'm not doing it, you get it? Get it up. Who invented the handle? We should confess we're both very tired. Josh, we've been working on finished this email. Oh, oh, now I'd say for years, that's the first time you've snapped back. I'm just Michael, you've edited this that was snappy. That was a little crocodile snap. That was wasn't that snappy. I was was a little bit. Yeah, a little bit snap crackle. I'm

You could accuse me of that and I'll agree with you Now he's agreeing but in a snappy way. He's even angrily agreeing. Can you guess where we're from? No, Ireland They've put in brackets obviously obviously. More specifically, we live in Mullinger. Mullinger, Mullinger, James Mullinger. Do you remember James Mullinger? That is an open mic comedian that went to Canada and become like a megastar in Canada. Yeah, Mullinger. Yep. In the Midlands and Daddy is from Monaghan. Daddy, daddy.

Who's daddy? Your daddy? Near the border from Northern Ireland. Daddy's like you can't really say daddy anymore I've been a bit innuendo II. I think it's horrible. Isn't it? It's a bit daddy. Well, no child could say it Yeah, of course, but like an adult. I don't think you can Kick and say daddy, but you go all that. Where's the dad? If you're on a playground and the kids hurt themselves, you go, where's daddy? Yeah Where's the dad? Or the mom? Guardian? Yeah, where's your parent or parent or stroke guardian?

Yeah, parent and stroke guardian. Yeah. So let's just look into the history of the handle. Quickly, let's get that, let's get that solved. A handle is part of attachment to an object. Yeah. Oh, come on Wikipedia. I mean, if you know what we need to information, do they? Pull handles, twist handle. There's nothing about the history of the handle. Is that what it was? Pull handle.

Yeah. There's a composer called Handle, isn't there? But fuck me. No, let's not go down that rabbit hole. We're still trying to work out who invented it. Let's look at music. I can't stand it, Rob. Josh, I don't feel like you like a lot of things at the moment.

We've both had the same schedule. Why are you more tied than me? Oh, I know you've had a worse schedule than me. I know, but what happened last night to you? You're impeccable. To give a bit of context to the listener, we've been doing a Smart TV of Alison Hammond, a new panel show.

There's some more recordings of it actually in the middle of week of October, if you want to come and watch it. Yeah, yeah. I can't remember. It's not on the BBC, it's on Sky, but it's at the BBC, which one of those endlessly confusing things about the way TV is made. Yeah, another problem. He's got another problem with something

else. No, I'm just shrapping today. Jesus. It's absolutely having a go at everyone this guy. Yeah, so if you search Smart TV, Rob Beckett Smart TV, free tickets, there'll be a link. SRO audiences, I think it is probably. No idea. There's some way doing free tickets. It's at Shepherd's Bush. Anyway, we did it on Monday, then Tuesday, we both had busy days. And then Wednesday, we had a really busy day yesterday, we

do two double records, both records about three hours each. I did about a three hour rehearsal and they're quite intense. We didn't finish to 11, half 11 last night. I didn't get home to about half 12. One went to sleep about two. I was up at six thirty with the kids, sorting them out for school. Now we're here, 9am Wikipedia in handles. That's where we're at. And Josh feels like it's had a worse night than me. No, no, I didn't have a worse night. I reckon I was asleep by half one. Half one. I think it's harder for you on that show though. I'm just reading and asking questions.

It's harder for you. You've got to kind of keep it going. It's hard just remembering everyone's names when you've got two shows with loads of guests. If you get someone's name wrong, it's really awkward for the next two hours, you know, trying to have a bit of a laugh about what comes next in an Emmerdale's episode.

So we've both we're both a bit shell shocked because of the exhaustion yesterday because a double record doesn't sound like a lot, but you're basically doing three, sorry, two kind of three hour records back to back. Yeah, with audiences and you're trying to be funny the whole time and it's pathetic and exhausting being that way. What about this idea? What about that?

What about this? I'm doing a silly voice. Oh, everyone laughs. I can pay my bills. Kill me. Yeah. So that was basically a lot of that, which was fun. Great show.

Do come and see it. No, all jokes aside, which was fun, great show. Did you come and see it? Do come and see it. No, all jokes aside, it was fun and I love doing it. But it's a bit like, I think doing a TV show is a bit like, you know, when you go to a wedding and you've got to get all dressed up and it's a fun day, but it's a long day. So the next day you're a bit like, oh, my social battery is low. That's the thing, isn't it? And I power through like on just adrenaline and caffeine. And then you think the main thing is being good on the record.

Yeah. And then afterwards, and people who work in the evenings or nightshifts, I don't know if you've ever done nightshifts. It's very similar where you finish and you've got a combination of tired but totally unable to sleep because you've kind of wired yourself to this position to keep going. Yeah, loads of adrenaline and then you get home. I had a nightmare though. I left Shepherd's Bush at half 11, 12, whatever. Didn't get back to one and then I forgot to take a key. Oh no.

And then I messaged Lou one tick, she hadn't read it. She's not gonna have read that. She's not gonna have read that. And I kept ringing her in the car and then it rang through, luckily 10 minutes before I was home and she just went, hello. Like full three's.

Not big to middle, Drew. Hello, hello. And I was like, oh, Lou, I'm so sorry, please can you a key out. Where are you? And I was like 10 minutes away. But then I got in and this happens a lot because I get in late. We lose Sparko and she knows I'm coming in and I and I never know what to do. I never know if I'm just a sleeping bed next to her and not saying, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, in we go. No, you're a dutty. Come on, Ross. Come on now. Naked is home. No, because I think if I just slip into the bed, and then I've not said hello, she rolls

over and says, fuck it all. But then I don't want to go, I'm in, and then wake her up. But then you don't want to whisper like, I'm home. Like, how do you, what do you do in rows? I go in, I wouldn't turn the light on. No, I never turn the light on. No, I calm down. I go in with a trumpet. No, I was just trying to kind of create a picture of it or

phone torch, phone torch classic. Yeah. And then she'd stir enough if I was getting in, she's not, whereas last night I was out cold so much after I'd gone to sleep. Yeah. That I then turned over and my son was in the bed and I had no idea he was in the bed. So he'd obviously got in through the night. And I just turned over and he was there and he might have been, I don't know if he'd been there hours or whatever.

Yeah. So I can do that thing where someone's there having not been there, but Rose tends to take it in. Wake up. Yeah. Yeah. Take it in. Strange.

Take in the info. Take in the info. Take in the old info. So how's parenting been this week for you, Josh? Well, we went to a, my son's now joined the birthday scene. He had a lovely time. We went to a splash pool at a leisure center. And then they've got like a room upstairs. They do it, I've done it before with my daughter. It's like our in the pool thing. Oh, that's what you have to get in as a parent though, isn't it? What's interesting Rob is-

I'm not a fan of those ones. Is B is going, so we're all just going to be topless and kind of- Yeah, I think wait for those parties when the kids can swim and you can sit on the edge. But I just think when you're a bit hungover or you're a bit tired on a Saturday morning as a party, what you want to do is just throw the kids into the middle of a hall and sit around the edge looking at your phone. Don't start getting your tits out and wading through knee-high water with a kid that's just face planting every two seconds.

So it was actually, that was my worry going in. But you love showing off your new bod. First things first Rob. Yes. Why is that funny? You've got a real ability to use like an old phrase. An old person's phrase. You love setting up a story of like a Nan's or Grandad's phrase. Let me show you this for free.

First things first Rob. First things first. Isn't that a McIntyre routine? When would you ever do first things last? Text him and say I've got an idea for a routine for you, but you might already do it. What else? Let's get, I like this. Let's do first things later. What else is getting on your tits? I feel like you need a little rant.

No, I'm'm just on migration. Yeah, I'm fully in favor. Both ways. If you want to move, move for the love of God. It's our planet, man. Borders smolders. Borders, man. Let's all just have a bloody spliff. I realized that these are just lines constructed by men in suits. Yeah, but get out of my garden because that's my bit. I've got a fence. So, first things first. I just don't think in 2024, you can expect people to have a pound for the locker.

I just 100% agree that this is Josh Whitacombe live. Is this a taste of the tour? It could be, Rob. Did you know what? It wasn't until you reacted like that. And now it is. Every time I go, the worst one, there's one of 20 P's. It's not cheap. Like, get my 20 p back. I've told you the one I had was the fucking I'm sure I've said this before, the trolley at the airport. I'm not stealing the fucking trolley from the airport. I know. Just let me know. There's no I'm going on holiday. There's nothing I can do with this except leave it here. I can't even take a bottle of water in. I'm not getting this in the plane. Exactly. So I haven't got a pound because I haven't had a pound coin in two years. Yeah. Having children is the only reason I've had to start getting pounds again for things like this or charity things or machines, amusement parks.

The only time I have cash is to pay people that I presume are avoiding tax. Yes. That is the only time I have cash. I won't say what their jobs are. No, yeah. Okay. Yeah. But takeaways, barbershops. Yeah. But would you have taken all your stuff in and put it at the side of the splash pool or would you have put it in the not so much? What kind of splash pool are we talking? And now don't take this the wrong way.

What kind of leisure center in Hackney we're dealing with here because there's a place in Hackney called the Murder Mile. It's a nice area of Hackney. It's a nice area of Hackney. It's just off Shoreditch Park. Right, okay. You're not too worried about your stuff getting nicked. Well I am because-

And you're in Point Elton that I wouldn't leave my bag on the side that I used to go to. Well the first locker I opened was just full of stuff. Yeah. So someone so people do it. But also that means that thieves know people do it. I would put clothes and towel and all that stuff in a locker not locked. And then I take maybe a small bag with my phone keys wallet and just put that on the side under a towel near to the splash. That's much shrewder. What did you do?

Just walked in with armfuls of bags. Absolute adjustment and companic mode. Do you know what you've got with your mates? You can tell when they're a bit overwhelmed and stressed. Romesh's biggest giveaway, if we're over traveling a lot, right? If he's chill, right, and he's not been working that much, he'll just turn up a normal bag. If he's a bit stressed, he will turn up with this giant bag he's got from when he's doing misadventures. And in it will be

every type of clothes you could ever imagine. And I have 15 pairs of trainers all screwed up. Whenever I see that bag, I'm like, it's been a busy week. And he's got it all in. So you've got armfuls of clothes walking for a swimming pool. Put that on the side. We had a lovely time. It was very nice. How do you feel about getting naked in front of the school parents? I still don't feel totally comfortable with that. And what you wearing? What's completely nude? What's your

trunk situation? I suppose it's board shorts. It's a yeah. With pockets and long ones. Well, no, no, no, not over the knee. On the knee. No, like that. I suppose not dissimilar to these Adidas ones I'm wearing. Let's have a look. Like that kind of length.

Well, are they now don't take this wrong way. Are they designed to go to the knee? Or is that a Joshua Lakin problem? No, they are designed to go to the knee or is that a Joshua Winnickham problem? No, they are designed to go. Like just above the knee. I'm a mid-thigh guy. You're a mid-thigh guy. I don't like covering, I don't like going to the knee and beyond. I like sort of mid-thigh shorts. Yeah, they're just swimming shorts is how I'd describe them. No, I think you've got them boarded.

Yeah, but I'd say swimming shorts. They're on the knee, they're on the knee. They're on the knee. They're coming. I'd say my swimming shorts are more for holiday. They're made for walking along the beach on holiday more than they are for athletic swimming. Yes, I think so. But they are they are to the knee. They're very much like country like down surfer boy down and I suppose so I suppose so. Yeah. Yeah, I surf a bit. Whatever. Yeah. Have you surfed? I've had a go in my time. I got injured actually. Really? The neck?

No, I really hurt my little finger. Are you... Right. Now, are you a Joshombe impersonator? Because you're too tired to do this record. Where you shut some ideas into AI chat GPT. Right. Josh Whiddicombe surfing injury. Little finger board trot. I don't have a pound for the locker. Whiddicombe bot here. First things first. After double record, you're so you're so in character. Do you know what I mean? The persona is so strong with this one. Not as strong as Giles Brandreth. What a beast

he is. What a legend. So funny. One of the funniest men I've ever met Giles Brandreth. Genuinely. We've got him on here in a few weeks. So where were we? Little finger surfing. Oh, I like to, oh yeah, yeah, I just, I came off the board obviously as you do. Yeah.

And put my hand out to stop it and it just took it all on the little finger and bent it right back. Right. The sea, the power of the sea. The power of the sea. The power of the sea. Against my little finger. Mother nature battling forcefully with my little finger. She won. Yeah, she won.

She's a cool mistress. Big old girl, mother nature. Yeah. Don't fuck with her. Don't fuck with her. Anyway, it was a nice birthday party, very pleasant. I talked to a guy who's very pleasant. What? I'm wearing the absolutely ripped ads Yeah, the problem is you can't help you know, like the cliche would be well, I'm gonna look, you know, here I am I'm gonna look at all the mums all you're doing. The reality is you're just looking at the other dad

Well, the cliche would be like that you're a pervy bloke, right? Yeah. The truth is, Rob, that you're ranking yourself in a league table of all the men's bodies. I agree with that. I think if I'm at a swimming pool, I'm looking at the men more than the women, and I'm heterosexual, and it's not a sexual way. It's why doesn't my body look like that? How can that happen? What is wrong with this bit around the side? Yeah, I've never I've never you know Some men have these little V's to their dick the little dick V's and it's 80% that and 20% at least I'm better than him It's horrible, isn't it?

So you look at all the men any fit ones, any ripped ones? Of course there are. And you're just like... Must be genetics. I think that a lot. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. But then I go, yeah, it might be genetics, but also Rob, you had two Scotch eggs last Friday. One day. They sell them in packs of two. They know what they're doing to us fat bastards. So it's a good day. Good party. Yeah, it was really nice. Talk to a bloke about doping in sport. Enjoyed that.

Would you ever on holiday when one of them really skin tight t shirts and stop you getting burnt? No, the little water t shirt things. Would you? I'd have you down for that. No, I wouldn't buy it. I don't like I think tight clothes. I think tight clothing is I think the worst fashion crime of a middle aged man. Yeah. Is one of those middle aged men who's got fit or ripped and wears a little t-shirt to show you. Oh, those t-shirts are so tight around there.

They look like you can't, how are you even getting that on or off? No, it's horrible. I'd hate it. It's like a second skin. I think that's mental. Yeah. People have those tight ones, they're little. Also, I don't get it. I want to get rid of my tits. I don't want big rock hard massive ones all tight of our nipples out. Yeah, I don't get that. There, I know I... Is there someone crying at your out. Yeah, I don't get that. Did someone cry in your house?

Yeah, my son. Oh, is he all right? It doesn't sound like it. No. But I often think if I was to go down in this situation, that shows a kind of lack of confidence in writing. Do you know what I mean? I just don't know what that's achieving. I go down if

it sounds like a fall or something like that. Go down. Sorry. Oh, my God, Rob, my son fell down the stairs, actually. Oh, sorry. No, he was fine. Yeah, this was last weekend. So I was in front of him going down the stairs. Right, to block his fall potentially. Yeah, because that's what I naturally would do is go walk in front of me. He's old enough where he'll go down up and down

the stairs anyway on his own. But if you're with him, you should be in front of behind going up. Yeah, but I wasn't like looking at him like, and then he just I heard him fall. And you can see my phone case if that's him vertical on the stairs. Yeah. And then he like he went went like that. Oh, and he landed he did basically a full 180. But he didn't his head is all about the head really at the end of the day. Yeah, well,

I see this is all right. Yeah, it was fine. Yeah, God, it was terrifying. My, my eldest is eight or nearly nine in a couple of months. It's getting quite emotional. I think it's a hormone thing. And this morning, there was a half drunk pint of squash in a plastic cup on the coffee table. And she said, why is that? There's something wrong with it. And Lou was like, Oh no, I just wasn't, didn't finish it. I'm not that thirsty. And she went, right. And then she sort of started pushing. I was watching her. She said, said pushing the cup

with a foot back further into the coffee table because it was on the edge. I was like, okay, bit unconventional. And then she sort of pushed it all the way to the middle. And I was like, okay, well, she's moved and we were just watching. And then she's trying to push it to the side. And then just basically just like kicked it over. Watching someone is so emotional. What are you doing? I think she didn't really think that I just push it to the middle so it wouldn't get knocked.

So we sort of let her do that. And then we're just all sat there watching. Then she just knocks it over. And then like half a pint of squash just goes everywhere. All over the coffee table, all over the floor. And we was like, what are you doing? Then she just burst into tears. And there was a lot of trouble just gonna get some tissue with me like that. And then she started crying. And then she went and sat and I did the Russell Cain thing where she ran off crying.

I think obviously she's been embarrassed. And then I just said, like, do you want a hug? Just gave a big hug. I went, look, you're not in trouble. But you shouted. We didn't shout. We were just like surprised. A bit like, what? Oh! Like we were a bit shocked. We weren't shouting at you angrily.

We were like, what are you doing? Because, you know, but it's hard to say to an eight-year-old, because what you did was mental. What you did was so fucking weird. He just slowly knocks over half a pint of juice. And then she got all upset. But I think it's an age thing when they get a bit, like, it's all it's emotional and overwhelming. And I think you don't want to go, well, you're getting upset.

But you should be getting, you know, just sort of have to go. You know what? I've started reading the Russell Kane book, not Russell Kane's book. I'm sorry. But we recommend the book. The book, he let another shout out to his kids book, which sounds great. Buy that. Yeah. And also thank you to Rich Laiwadi for giving us his kids book when we saw him. And we're going to try and get him on to promote that. If you see Rich Dayawadi out and about, tell him to come on the podcast. He said yes. So let's see. We're banking them. We're banking them. We've got some good ones. Anyway, You really know what Russell recommended. It's a positive discipline, but it's very, it's great because it's, do you know what thing I took away from it? It's just

like, God, that makes total sense. It was about, if someone has a go at you, as an adult. What kind of thing? Like, oh, fuck off, Josh, you dickhead. You're boring me. You close this shit. I hate your hair. And you're just a fucking wasteman. Stuff like just let me finish this fucking email. That kind of thing. Like me at the start, right? You've got less snappy though.

I think you've calmed down a bit. I've woken up properly. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Can you have a coffee one day when you're tired just to see how it manifests? No, because the countdown's so bad. Yeah, but we'll record that as well. Oh no, because I'll be here at 4pm and I'll think... What's the come down like? You're sort of really tired and snappy?

Yeah, I can't imagine what that's like. The come down is like really sad and depressed. Right, okay. Why am I living my life like this? Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this to myself? Oh yeah, wait a minute, I had a latte at 10 AM. That's what's happened.

Well, listen to your off menu. Um, you're obsessed with lattes, weren't you? At uni. Yeah. I used to have about six a day. Yeah. It's very funny. Your, your episode. I do feel it was a, you basically just chose bread. You took your, your start or your dream. Start with your dream restaurant was toast. Love toast. Yeah, I know. I know you picked it. And then your main, your dream star in your dream restaurant was toast. Love toast. Yeah, I know. And then your main, your dream main was a pizza. Yeah, I love pizza. Do you love bread?

Yeah, I love bread. I just think it's incredible. Incredible. Oh Larry, he's back on full. Do you know what, I've still got something left in the tank. Get on the old panel show's energy in him. Fucking Selma recommissioned mock, I'm ready. Get the cameras in, this cubs got shows energy in him. Fucking Selma recommission mock I'm ready. Get the cameras in this comes got another show in it. Where's Dara? Get you on board. And go on Josh. Sorry. What was he saying? Coffee, tea. So the book reading the positive.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. If I was to have a go at you. Yeah, go on. I would you give me some. Like so well, it's the same. Do you know they say with a footballer arm around your shoulder, there's the arm around your shoulder and there's the hairdryer. If I had a go at you, your instant reaction would be to bristle up to kind of resent me to not to even if you go along with it to think well next time I'm not going to get caught or next time I'm going to show them or next to you know, yeah All those things. Mm-hmm. And you think you don't think about a child like that's what a child Do you know what I mean? What if they have a shit and don't flush it then you go? What's what's going on here? Then you go? I'm your dad and I love that shit. Is that what you're supposed to do? No, no, it's a middle way base. It's always a way so you're not to ever go? I don't know, I'm only 70 pages in.

I've not got all the odds. Fair enough, fair enough. We'll wait till next week when you've read a bit more. Yeah. I loved it. I love the way you started that. To be honest, I'm really enjoying it. I'm gonna go back to it. But I've started reading. I've started reading a biography of the former Man U goalie Les Sealy. So I'm just gonna finish that. And then I'll get back to it. Kids party when you're chatting someone about Les Sealy. back to it. Kids party when you're chatting to someone about Les Seely.

So we'll have kids late from Manchester. Let's see, Lee. Well, a lot of reading that book, you are like, Oh, this is a lot of the things that I naturally do as a kind of sane modern parents. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, of course. I feel like now I've become like all for parenting Jedi in a sense of, I don't know what to do. But I know when a problem is going to occur. Yes, I don't really know the answer. So like before, when you first have kids, it's all a shock and surprise. But now I can almost see, I can see the

argument, but like five minutes before it happens. So for example, took the girls to the cafe the other day for some breakfast. There was one book in the back of the car, they took it in because they were going to share it and read it happens. So for example, took the girls to the cafe the other day for some breakfast, there was one book in the back of the car, they took it in because they were going to share it and read it together. Yeah, now books and you know, you know books, they're not it's not a two person joint venture, is it? There's a pacing issue. Absolutely. There's a pacing

issue. There's a holding issue. 100% There's a view issue. There's a view issue, turn the page issue, holding the book issue and the speed of reading issue. Yeah, so they said they're there and then one wants to turn the page one doesn't want to but you know, I'm just looking at it. I'm like, I'm now just staring waiting for a fight. It's a bit of bouncer. Two stac dos come in and you're like, I know how this ends. But then you just can't just take the book off and before it starts.

No, this is the thing also with obviously parenting advice is when you read it, it feels so simple. But it's you know, that Mike Tyson quote of everyone's got a plan until they're punched in the face. Is that what it is? Yeah, something like that. It is a bit like that. Everyone's got a parenting plan until your child screaming in your face. And you're in the middle of a star and you're in the middle of a has to. And you think, fuck. Now, what were the four points I had to remember from age 74?

But I'm going to cry. I went on for that. Sex sex sex. We've got that zoom meetings been changed. I don't text sex sex. What are we going after this on Friday? We need to rebook that. Bam, bam, bam. Bam, bam, bam.

We just wanna scream fuck off, fuck off, fuck off. All right, it's odd. I was in a Sydenham, Sainsbury's last week, eating porridge alone, because I was waiting to go to a photo shoot around the corner and I was there early. The photo shoot was in Catford and I had done a school run, so I had an hour to kill because I was waiting to go to a photo shoot around the corner early. The photo shoot was in Catford and I had done a school run so I had an hour to kill and I was hungry so I went into Tamesbury's.

What was your photo shoot in Catford Rob? It was for the Observer magazine and I said I'll do it but if you can do it near my house. Nice yeah. All TV and all media stuff is North London so I'm trying to bring it to South London. You're trying to move it to South London. Yeah. So they did an interview with me and then he did photos for the interview. It was coming out in a few weeks. Anyway, so I was waiting to go to do that. And then there was a lady there had like a really young baby and like a toddler and they're both really lovely, well behaved kids, but it was

hard work. She had the baby strapped to her, getting it off to feed and stuff. Then little kid in, you know, they were in St. Look, no one wants to be to recidivism at 8 15am today. No, no, no. I mean, then I bought some porridge because I'm trying to be healthy. Right. And that's the shit I've given you for gobbling out. And they were like, there's no milk though. It's only water. What's so what are you in the cafe bit? Yeah, the cat is like a cafe bit where there's like, you know, them weird ones where it's like a, there's a burger place, a wing place and all that. And then they do this weird Ed's Diner breakfast.

And I was like, yeah, yeah. Basically do a thing now in Sangebury's big ones where it's like, they have a food court where it's like, Oh my God, basically it looks like just a Sangebury's calf, but they've obviously got franchises of these different places. So I'll go in there, but all the breakfasts was like massive fry ups. I'm trying to be healthy. So I went, I'll just have some porridge. It's only water is our we got no milk. And I'm like, we're in the biggest Sainsbury's in the UK. I'm sure you could go and get a four pint. And just say to the Sainsbury's, we need this for the shop. Yeah, can we buy it or whatever I

started with water and I'm certainly be part of anyway, it's only come past and I feel a bit bad because obviously on this Oats and water like you're in fucking Shawshank. I know. But I've realized if you want to lose a bit of weight or get fitter, you just have to accept that food is shit for a bit. You just, if you want to lose weight, you can't have anything nice. Essentially. I mean, it can be, you know, all that shit when they go, just be, you know, get some ingredients. It's bollocks. The nice stuff's mayonnaise, like salt and cheese.

It's not like, oh, I've got fresh coriander. Fuck off, mate. That's all right if you've got loads of guacamole and cheese all over your taco. Fucking coriander on grilled chicken. On a bed of rice. Anyway, I was in there and there was a lady, the lady was in there and then she walked past and gave me a no. And it was a really sweet note that said, Oh, thank you so much for the parenting. I love the podcast.

It really helps dealing with the loneliness of eternity leave. It was really nice. No, and stuff like that. So thank you to that lady. And she was like, I didn't want to disturb you. Cause I know sometimes I moan on this podcast about like, cause you look like you're loving your porridge. Oh yeah. You look like you're so into that porridge. Two files. I needed someone. I needed a shoulder to cry on at that point. But um, but it was nice. It was really nice for us to do that though.

Cause I feel like I feel a bit bad sometimes when I say on the podcast, when I'm out with the girls, especially at the girls, it's like getting interrupted for photos and stuff. If I'm on my own, I don't mind doing photos, but when I'm with the girls, it's hard work cause they don't see me as much as I'd like, obviously, because work and I spend time with them not be sort of interrupted. But I did. It's weird, though, because what you get is then really nice, respectful people that don't say hello, who would be the kind of people that

would be a nice chat. And you just get the horrible in your face, assholes that don't give a fuck. And even if they you have said that they don't care. And you end up chatting to them. So anyway, it was really nice to answer that note. But I don't know if we need a don't chat a bit, even if they you have said that they don't care and you end up chatting to them so anyway it was really nice question that no but i don't know if we need a um don't chat a bit because they do a thing where they go they say if they get seen in out and about the listeners say crunch crunch to them oh in passing there's like a nice hello so i don't know if we need a version of that for the way oh yeah send them in send them in any ideas for ways to say hello but we can all have a moment and say hello to

each other without my kids whinging at me. What are we having to do photos dad? They're getting a bit sassy the girls as well with it. Are they? Well, cause she's eight now and they're like, if we're in the middle of something, and especially if it's like, we're like about to eat, someone will go, excuse me, can I have a photo? And I'll go, okay.

Yeah. And I think I started going, really? Now? While we're eating? And I'm like, oh God. Oh, I had a little trip with my daughter to watch the Masked Singer. Oh, how was that? So obviously I've signed an NDA.

So you can't tell us who it is. I can't tell you a lot about the experience. Yeah. I mean, let's put this into context. Everyone had signed an NDA for Alex Brooker last year. Pointless. How about the fucking editor sign an NDA and cover his voice up? Was it fun though?

Because Joel invited you down. Yeah, it was great. They got to meet Joel. That was incredible. That the photo with Joel. They met Jonathan Ross. He did them a magic trick. They loved it. Yeah. He does this great thing Rob. Where? Because he's there for two weeks, obviously filming. He's got all he gets loads of his stuff brought down. Yeah, he made a little flat, didn't he? Yeah. Yeah. So he had his magic trick. He did that. It was a great fun day out. Fully

recommended. Um, I started the anecdote and realized I can't really say anything about it. But is it fun to watch? Or is it a bit? Yeah, it's fun to watch. The kids get bored or they like it. No, they were fine. Because they're so excited to be there. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, see the costumes and stuff. Yeah. And also crucially, four and a half hours, it was four and a half hours quicker than gladiators. That's a nine hour job, isn't it?

Yeah. So, you know, relatives. Nice. I see we had a couple of nice little trips out with the kids. You've not been working as much, have you? Now you're back from Paris. No, yeah, God, that feels like a lifetime ago. Can I tell you something that I think is pathetic, that's sort of off parenting hell, but I've noticed this. People that go for a walk, and I'm like, I'm not talking up a mountain just like

through like, a park in zone five of London in Bromley with walking sticks, like not a disabled person walking sticks, I'm talking just somebody 50 with those sticks that go into the ground like you're climbing up Everest. I mean, look, if you need walking sticks because you're not able to walk, absolutely, this is not like those people. But if you're just going for a walk and you've got... Fuck, that's pathetic, isn't it?

It's a walk. But then most of it's pavement and there's a straight... They've got the walking sticks on it and It won't go in. It's concrete. So where is this? Like Beckham or wherever you are? Yeah probably. I've seen them walk and they're on like pavement. And it's only a little bit of woods. A flat bit of woods. Stupid isn't it? What are those walking? Do they walk? So I've seen something like that. They're clicking a lot.

If you need a walk, like if you don't need a walking stick, but you're doing like a long distance hike, do they make much difference? I think upper mountain they do obviously, because if it is slippy or steep, it helps you get a bit of purchase and go, I haven't got a problem for walking sticks up a mountain. But walking through a flat woods that I used to walk home from school in and a pair of Reebok classics. And I got walking sticks, I'm like, Grow up, which is pathetic.

Yep. I buy that. I'd say the opposite, the worst people to get to loop back onto swimming are the topless runners that we get in Victoria Park. topless runners. I get you get hot and sweaty, just stick a vest on mate. I just don't think you need to do it. This isn't me saying, all cover up because children might see it. I'm saying you

look like a wanker. Yeah, I think so. Even if you're really ripped. Yeah, especially if you're really ripped. I think I'd respect someone who isn't ripped doing it more. If they're really ripped, I do think... What about him? The only time I've done something similar is walking in Spain when it's been really hot and I've gone for a walk, but a long walk, sort of like a fast walk,

down along the front, when it's sunny, top off, shorts, trainers, socks. Are you on the beach? Well, I'm on the beach, you know like the bit of pavement next to the beach? I think the line is the sand, I think the rules apply differently. Really, the top on once I get on the beach, you know, like the bit of pavement next to the beach. I think the line is the sand. I think the rules apply differently. Really?

The top on one second off the sand? I don't know why. I don't know why, but it feels like the moment your feet touch concrete. But I wouldn't do it in Spain, like through like a park or the streets, like a town. No, you wouldn't just walk through the centre of Madrid. Topless. But along the sea, I think along the sea is fine. If you can still see the sea, your top's allowed to come off.

Now what about bottoms off? Yeah, I think you need to be in the sea for that one. Because I'm sort of getting, I'm almost sort of going up, getting tan, a tanning session in as well. Yeah, do you tan? I tan pretty well actually. Do you? Yeah, I go quite brown. My brothers go really dark, and they've got dark hair, but I'm blonde, blue-eyed, but I've got my skin goes really

brown. If I got like lose, Irish Welsh sort of pale Celtic skin and goes just red and then white again. And then I just go brown. But I do think there's some, there's something in my family on my mom's side. Like, I think it might be Romany, like Traveler, where it's sort of like, they do get that tan, but with the blue eyes, that sort of color. Yeah. So I think that's on my mom's side. I think I've got that where the others have got more of my dad's dark. But yeah, we grow quite brown, the Beckett's weirdly. There's been a lot of talk about your hair since the clip of you.

Yeah, that was well that the the hair in that clip actually got a lot of love because it looks like a massive lion's mane. But I don't ever have it like that really. That was because I put a bit of mousse on it and wore a hat, but didn't it didn't put any wax or hairspray on it to keep it together. So it's sort of boofed out like Madge Bishop. Yeah So, so what's the end game? What's the end game here? Ponytail. No, I think I'm not, I think I'm probably at about the length I'll go. It's sort of not long hair, but it's longer hair. Yeah. You know what I mean? And there's like, I've got a little couple of curls at the back.

I can push it back. I need it a little bit longer so that the parting sits naturally on the side with the weight of it but um yeah I just gotta go and keep it about the same length but take the weight out of it. I don't want to be at needing an alice band level I'm quite happy just to wear a cap when I do any sport. No what about when you do football? I wear a backwards cap. You wear a backwards cap? You wear a backwards cap do you? Yeah because forwards cap I can't really see what I'm doing playing football. Of course, and you can't hand the ball. And when I go running on a treadmill, backwards cap. Oh, wow. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about this.

I've been wearing it in the car and been getting road rage. Oh, yeah, yeah, we discussed that. People, especially in the UK, hate, and I mean hate people in a backwards cap. It's an incredibly difficult look to pull off and I'm not doing it. It's bringing hate. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. especially in the UK, hate, and I mean hate people in a backwards cap. It's an incredibly difficult look to pull off and I'm not doing it. It's bringing hate. Well, yeah, it's because you're not a jock. Yet. Few more pump sessions. I think I'll get away with it. Don't want to go about your private life Rob. No chance. I'm getting at 2am, Lou's put a key out and I'm going,

all right, to fancy it. There's no pump sessions going on there. Absolutely not. So yeah, that's where I'm at with my hair. Should we do a couple of correspondences? Yeah, and this one we've done at home and we're going to try and do a few more in the studio. We're in the studio next week. That's exciting, isn't it? Well, yeah, if there's anything you want to see of ours that we can bring into the studio that we've spoken about. Here we go. If you want to see my feet, OnlyFans, Bobby Beckles, 01, sign up. If someone said they wanted you to send them a picture

of your feet, you know, walking through baked beans while you sound like you're getting a sexual kick off it. Okay, let me practice. Yeah. Oh Lou. What's your fee for that? Would you do it? Would you do it for a good fee? Do you know what I'll do? I'll take offers and I'll negotiate from the offer. Okay. I don't know what I'll do. I don't think that'd be a very big fee, to be honest. I think if it was like Rob Beckett's fee going through baked beans, I'll put a bit of a premium on it. If it was just sexy feeding baked beans. I probably do that quite cheap for a bit of a laugh to see what I could get going.

Yeah, send it an offer. Send it an offer. And I'll do it for charity. Let's face it. There's feet perverts out there. How about we use this sick perversion for good? Yeah, maybe it's not sick perversion. Maybe we're the sick ones. Well, for not liking feet. I don't dislike feet, but I don't want them anywhere near my boners. I don't. I describe myself as indifferent to feet. Some people love feet, don't they? I don't know. I don't know them and I don't want to know them. Hello, Rob and Josh. I've just listened to your episode about dinner ladies. I have no memory of that.

Do you? Nope. It reminded me of my dinner lady revenge story. When I was in primary school, my dinner lady forced me to eat my turkey or I wasn't allowed to play outside. After, oh my God, after many attempts of telling her I'm a vegetarian, in brackets she didn't believe me, I was forced to down dry turkey.

Oh, that's horrible. What eight-year-old wouldn't want to go out and play with her friends? This particular diner lady was known to go around when we would have jacket potatoes for lunch and finish everyone's jacket potato skins if they'd been left. Absolute beast. Couple of months later, I plucked up the courage to spit in my jacket potato skin. The satisfaction I had. This diner lady's like a fucking Labrador, just wandering around eating the kids' food. So he's gobbled in my jacket potato skin. The satisfaction I had. He's getting a ladies like fucking Labrador just wandering around eating the kids food.

So he's gobbled in the jacket potato. Like also how many like that's gonna be like 20 jacket potato skins. The satisfaction I felt watching a gobble down my spit soaked jacket potato felt amazing. Moral of the story don't eat kids leftovers I guess. Love the podcast never stop love Harriet from Shrewsbury. Harriet from Shrewsbury gobbling in potato skins. So yeah, but forcing kids to eat I'm not sure about that if they're not hungry that you know just say no pudding. I've got a boomer parenting story here. Yeah hit me. Hi Rob and Josh I have a friend's barbecue when I was about nine years old with my family in the times of teletext. My dad sent me into the house as his job Josh's wheelhouse here. My dad sent me into the

house of a scrap of paper to check the lottery numbers. Next thing I'm screaming we've won we've won. My mom walked in to find out what was going on and read the numbers to check. She then proceeded to start screaming and calling friends and family inside to look at the numbers too. Little did we know, my father was sitting in the back of the garden, slightly pissed. He'd already checked and copied the numbers down

before handing me the piece of paper. He realized the little joke of Gonsi Fowl when I came running out of the house at 80 Jane, Daddy, I can have a pony now. Oh no, oh no. I vividly remember the incredible high and sudden crushing low 25 years on and sure, it's why I have trust issues.

I'm also sure this added to the divorce that followed a few years later. Oh, sorry to hear about that. Can I, I think it'll be good straw poll. Did you have a pony as a child and are you a prick or are you normal? Cause I feel like having a pony as a child sort of like the you know the 101 to be in a sport brat but I imagine there's lots of people out there that had ponies that are nice actual people. So let us know if you had a pony as a child and if you're a prick or not a prick. Well the interesting thing about that Rob is because I think I know why you're asking

because you moved to the country. No absolutely not. You've got two daughters, you've got fields. Absolutely not. This is only going one way. I've got one paddock with some fucking meds. A paddock's a paddock and you can rent a paddock very easily. This is only going one way. But the... Your daughter's going, daddy, dad, we want a pony. I can't be the parent of a child with a pony.

Well, I'll give it three years. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not doing that. So you're going to say, she says, this is what I want for my happiness, and you're going to say, I'm sorry, but I've got a hang up about that, so I'm going to put your pony second to my own class issues that I can't really navigate. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What I'll say to her is, this isn't your happiness. This is what you think will bring you happiness. It won't bring you happiness. And the ironic thing is, you don't need to look for happiness. You just need to look for contentment. But you won't understand that yet. And a pony won't help. So why don't you be a good little girl and shut the fuck up and do your homework? Yeah. Think that's a good way to parent? Well, that's a good way to end a podcast, to be honest. Should we do small business? Let's do small business. Hi Rob, Josh, Michael and Rose. I especially loved your episode. Oh yeah, Rose's episode recently.

Excellent, loads of great feedback. We'll be getting Lou on as well, don't you worry. Everyone gets a writer reply here. People sort of said though that she ended up apologizing for most of the things she brought up, Josh. I know, I felt bad. Richard Osman described me as a gas lighter. And the problem with him is when has he ever got it right? Exactly.

He never gets the right tone of the country, does he, and what's going on? Please can you give a small business shout out to West Country Fabrication LTD. Oh yes, please. Our family business providing structural steel and architectural metal work from our workshop in Saltash Cornwall to the south of England. We make and fit steel from a single beam for a house extension to a 60 foot steel frame building, as well as metal staircases and bespoke balconies.

Oh no wonder she loves the roses episode, she wants to get in on the interior design stuff. Josh, down, down, up, up, here we go. Oh yeah. Good luck to her. Our e-commerce website enables instant quote and purchase of steel for delivery to Devon and Cornwall or for bespoke fabrication requirements. Give us a call or email. We make steel work sexy. So follow us on Instagram or Facebook at West Country Fabrication LTd or go to West Country Fabrication Ltd. code at UK. Thank you for the shout out and the belly laugh stay sexy and relatable Samantha age 38, the wife of Jack 38 a mum to Seren 10 and maybe in seven

G'day, Rob and Mr. stiff neck. I'm writing to you on behalf of my two teen daughters Izzy and Gracie 13 and it's Mr. Stiffneck. I'm writing to you on behalf of my two teen daughters, Izzy and Gracie, 13 and 14 years old. The girls are mad daft softball players and have been selected to represent Western Australia in interstate softball competitions. Congratulations. Both girls have ambitions to represent GB

in brackets, all Australia. Last year, they set up a small business at Zest underscore full underscore softball selling dehydrated citrus fruits to cover the costs of their travel. The girls source the fruits locally dehydrate and package them themselves. Good on them. Oh wow. To give you an idea, last year as a family we spent over $7,000 on just travel for the girls, nevermind bats, uniforms, etc. In the States, that's a five hour flight, isn't it? Yeah, we'd love a shout out to any followers here in Australia to support the girls. As parents, Craig and I are so

proud of their hard work. And we don't want them to just always have their hands out and want them to work for their ambitions, both at softball school and elsewhere. Many thanks. AELSA. I don't know if it's the same AELSA that was in home and away when I was a kid. But there we go. Yes, zest z est underscore for for for underscore softball. Yeah, you can see it gave him a follow. They've only got 120 followers. Why don't everyone listening to this? Go and follow them and blow up their page because we could do that. That would be nice thing to do. Yeah, there you go. Right. zest for

softball. Thanks, Josh. I'll see you next week. I think we've done well there considering our snappy you at the beginning I think you really you really calm down. Yeah, we got through it considering how tired I am. Yeah I feel like I feel myself going again. Let's go