Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP16: Daisy May Cooper

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant actress and writer - Daisy May Cooper. Hexy Bitch by Daisy May Cooper is out 24th Oct - RRP £22 (Radar) Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Follow us on instagram: @parentinghell  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell With. Maeve, can you say Rob? Rob.

Beckett. Beckett. Can you say Josh? Josh. Widicombe. I'm not going to say that. You can't say that? No. You try?

Can you say that? Widicombe. That. Can I try to say that? Sure. Widicombe. Yeah. Good job.

Yay! That was a real... Peak sibling. Yeah. Oh, I know. Something my sibling can't do. Let me step up to the plate. Here we go.

Good morning, you sexy and relatable pair. Here's an intro from my then two-year-old Maeve and a know-it-all four-year-old Ada who had to help with Willicom. I've been listening since the start and you've gotten me through many commutes, dog walks and long runs. Thanks a lot, Grace in Bourne, Lincolnshire." I got on the tube on Tuesday and I stood in front of a guy who was sat down. And as I stood, like he just tapped me straight away and he showed me his phone and he was

listening to the podcast. Oh no. And I thought, that must be so fucking weird for him. What are the chances to be sat there listening to the podcast and one of the two people you're listening to comes and stands directly in front of you? I had that once while I was listening to a comedian's comedian podcast and it was an Ed Byrne episode and Ed Byrne was at the services I stopped out on the way back from a gig. It was so odd. I was like, what are you doing here? You're in my speakers. Why are you here now in Costa at 2am? Josh, how are you? Can I say something as a friend? Yeah. And as a colleague? As a peer? I feel like this house renovation is going to be a bit of a mental

challenge for you. I think you might feel a bit overwhelmed with people being in your space. You can't do what you want to do. The people's not the people's not as much of a problem as the mess. Yes.. Yes. I quite, I don't mind people coming in and out. That's fine. Right. So let me take you through the house. Okay. The kitchens are right off. Yep. Yeah. So this is the next entry. And you're just making it bigger? No, it's not bigger. It's being redone. We're putting in an island. Right. So the table is going. No extension as such, just you redo the kitchen. It's being, oh, we're getting. Why do you need a scaffold?

Because we're getting it knocked down so that it can have glass going out into the garden. You know, like glass doors going out into the garden. So then the sitting room is gonna have to contain our kitchen stuff. So we're gonna have to cook in the sitting room. So that's gonna be tough. Have you planned any meals for that?

Can you do your porridge in there? I don't have porridge. Um... Mm. Likely tale. You're not talking to the police, mate. I think we'll have an air fryer. There's some porridge oats found at the sea.

You haven't got your air fryer yet, either. No, no. Why? I don't think you're prepared for this, Josh. We're buying a new little fridge because we can't move our big fridge, but we're getting rid of the big fridge. But it's too big to move into the sitting room. So we've got to buy a temporary small fridge

before you buy a new fridge before we buy a new fridge. So if anyone wants if anyone wants to buy a small fridge in six weeks, I've got one for sale. But currently I don't even own it. But he will own it and then he will be selling it. But I will own it. And it'll be second hand but barely. I'm looking forward to your AirFly experience. Yeah. And then the hallway is obviously covered in those things that builders put on the walls

and floor when they're going in and out. Newspapers and fag wrappers. Yeah. And then my son's room is full of shit because we've moved all of the toys upstairs, obviously, because there was stuff in the storage in the kitchen, which we've got rid of. Yep. Our bedroom, not too bad. Where are the kids sleeping at the moment? My son sleeps in his room. Good work.

But he comes through at any time between 2.30am and 7am. And then stays in bed with you for the night? Yeah, yeah. I say average, average half four. Lovely little time. I take that. Just close enough to maybe keep you up for the whole morning. Well, I'm all right with it. Rose woke up this morning and came about to sleep. I like 4.30am because you get a bit of that

nice time with your sons in your bed, but actually it doesn't disrupt your sleep. And then my door and then my office. You can see how fucked my office is. Yep. Henry the Hoover, big bag of tools. Yeah. And then my daughter's room. That lamp's massive as well you've got there. Is that going to go there or is that space?

No, nothing's going anywhere. How's the storage unit? Have you taken photos of that table yet? No, that's on the list. And then my daughter's rooms got hamster on the floor currently stuff everywhere, clothes that need to go in the wardrobes and stuff. Because she's got new wardrobe. How's the fish tank?

It's still in her room hasn't moved into my room yet. That's gonna live in your room then the fish tank. Yeah. Why? Because she hasn't really got room room yet. That's got me done today. Is it gonna live in your room then, the fish tank? Yeah, yeah. Why? Because she hasn't really got room for the hamster and the fish, and my office is next to her. Was there an argument that she should've just got a hamster in the first place rather than fish first,

because you don't care about the fish anymore? Yeah, but that was a year ago. Right, for, is that a year? Yeah, that was her previous birthday. Well, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bloody hell. And then the spare room at the top, which is where Rose's mom stays, is a fucking dumping ground.

And you should see the basement. Basically, the whole house needs emptying of stuff, because by getting rid of the kitchen, it's just kind of, you know, like pushing stuff up onto a beach. Do you know what I mean? And then like the tide goes out and it's all. You're eroding your own life. Yeah, so the next six weeks,

I basically giving all of my spare time over to doing stuff in the house. Okay, little jobs, or jobs off. Well, just clearing and clearing and stuff. Cause we've made a promise that once it's done, we're doing it as if we've got to rent it out or so, like we can't not finish it. Yeah, you'll get there Josh, I trust you, I believe in you.

Now Josh, today we've got Daisy May Cooper on. Great episode. Great episode, great woman, great comic, great writer, great actor. And she's also got a book out about sort of the paranormal and the afterlife. So I thought it'd be a good time to tell you, my daughters saw a dead deer on the road. Oh no. Been hit by a car. And there was two cars there and a dead deer on the floor and they were sorting out what to do with it. Because you get that a lot around it. I've told you a story about the one where one got hit and was really badly hurt, this is a different one. And then they

rung the like 101 emergency, saying there's a deer that's still half alive, but basically dying in the middle of a dark country lane. It's quite dangerous because a car could hit it and spin off or whatever. So they sent the police, but they sent the firearms unit because that's the best way to humanely help the deer. Anyway, so as they turn up, the sirens and the noise of the police made the deer scared and then got up.

Even though it was injured, it got up and then run for a bush. So then the police followed it. Oh my fucking god. And went through the bush into a field and there were 50 deer. Oh my god. So then they had no idea which one it was. Oh my god. So they left it in the end because obviously it was well enough to run off.

Anyway, so they saw a deer because there's so many deer and it's fairly close to a lot of people, a lot of cars. So deer was dead on the road. And then they were like, Oh, no, the little bit, the girl saw the dead deer. So I was asking questions and said, what happened? Like, oh, so the dead, the deer's died. And they were like, then, but they I was, oh, how were they? But I was like, they were fine. I was a bit sad, but I find they're more interested about what happens to dead bodies. Because I thought what do you do? And then it was like, well, normally they get buried or you can be cremated, which means burn. And then you go into like an urn and your ashes. And then some people keep that in someone's house or you can bury the ashes or you can spread the ashes

somewhere that you love and somewhere that's special to you. And then my youngest said that she wants to be created and she wants to have a guess. Disney World. Yes, she wants to be created and she wants her friend to spread her ashes while she rides the Tron ride. I don't think the mouse would allow it. I just went yeah okay we'll sort that out. Here's Daisy May Cooper. Daisy May Cooper welcome back to Pairs and Pails. Hello my friends. Daisy, we are so happy to have you back. Yeah.

One of the most popular episodes we've ever done. People still talk to you about a flag in a shit. Oh yeah. When you told us that story. It's gotten worse, I tell you, it's gotten worse. So Daisy, since we last spoke, you've got three children now, you've got a newborn. Yes.

Four months? Four months, yeah. Four months old, so you've got four months old and how old are the other two? Oh, Christ. Six and four. Wow. Okay, so busy. How's it going?

Well, my partner actually, he's got two from his previous relationship. So together we've got five. Right. Wow. Yes. I think when we spoke to you last, you had two children and now you've got a new relationship. So you've got your step children or his children. However, I don't know what the terminology is and are now a newborn that's four

months old. So you are, when it comes to parenting, I'd say that is a full house. Oh, completely. And we made the big mistake of saying, do you know what, there was a caravan for like three grand and we thought, oh, we'll take them on our fucking caravan holiday. And it was an absolute disaster

because we didn't put the legs down on it. And there was only one iPad and there was a certain place in the back of the caravan that you could get 4G. So all five of them piled down, well four of them piled down to the end. So was it your caravan? Yeah, I bought a caravan for like, it's like from 2002. And I've just, I've been watching, you know, those YouTube videos of like families that go out and, you know, the whole rural thing. And I thought, oh, this would be great.

And to be honest, it was all about buying the bits, you know, like the Stacey Cronen bits. But like the plates and the cutlery and the, oh, it was a fucking, it was an absolute fucking nightmare. I think it's, I think we only went on one trip and the caravan is still sat on the fucking gravel and it's not moved. Horrendous.

Horrendous. They hated it. They hated it. Would you sell the caravan now if any of our listeners are looking to buy a caravan? Oh, please do, but I think I've left some milk in there that I didn't... Oh my god, so was that before the baby? That was before the baby, yeah. And it was just... the problem was that we took them away.

And all they want to do is watch fucking YouTube.'s it like they can get whatever they want they've all got specific things like my son's really into like things being run over by cars you get what I mean like a coke catcher. Alright yeah yeah yeah like exploding things. I think YouTube kids is actually quite badly designed because what they do is they rather than keeping the kids away from the sort of horrible algorithm stuff where they basically go into your mind and go, this will keep you watching,

you'll get addicted to this. It's sort of that, but they do that, but a child, it's almost like, and what I feel like is happening is there's a mad YouTube genius with young children that then goes, right child, do this content because those are people who like it. It'll be like a cute little eight year old girl going, so today we're gonna talk about what happens when you die.

And I was like, what the fuck are you watching? My daughter was like, I was like, what? She's like, I think you go to heaven. I think, and it's all like stuff that like quite adult themes because it's a child doing it, it slips through the net of child kids, YouTube kids, whoever it is. It's insane.

I left my son, well, I was trying to cook a roast, left my son watching YouTube. trying to cook a roast, left my son watching YouTube and when I came back the algorithm had taken him to a video where it was like a monk talking about how celibacy had made it more spiritual. Wow! Watching it internally. Wow. Watching it internally. It's also, it just gets them used to the infinite algorithm. At least with like TV or a film, there's an actual stop. It's just endless, it teaches them that endless scroll is the way to live.

I would rather them get really into like online gaming. Like, I don't know if your kids, so my daughter plays Roblox, but she uses our iPad and she FaceTimes her friend from school or another mate. And then she has the friend on FaceTime essentially and then has her Roblox up and they go, all right, go to this bit of Roblox. So that is that even though it's a-

Roblox is just like a blocky little world. It's like a world building kind of thing. Yeah, so you can go to different places. People go on it and build worlds for you to wander and explore. So they'll be like, oh, let's go to Paris. There's a little fake Paris. And they wander around. And then they get in a car and they drive around.

So they're on a screen as such. But they are playing a game. It's not much different than playing with Barbies or Lego, because it's just in a digital world. And they're chatting and being social. So that I don't mind as much, but on their own just with YouTube kids, it's horrible. It's like, you know.

All of my son got really into, you know, cocoa melon. And there's no fucking, there's not like an Aesop's fable in there. There's no learning. It's just one of the kids is just a bit of a and it's going to eat your piece and he's just going, no, I'm not going to do it. And I just, there's like, there's no teaching in this. No, no, I can't fucking stand it. And like you said, the fucking families, because my, my daughter idolizes them. I think it's

Vlad and Nikki as well. She's really into and they live in like these pristine fucking mansions with like marble countertops and the parents get involved and it's all about oh god they look like mental these kids and they're just and i'm like you know these kids are themselves. They've got 124 million subscribers. The amount of content they put out, they must be filming stuff every day. And it's hard to grasp that. Setups, you know, it's like, oh, somebody gets, you know, opens a block box with slime and then this.

Do you get it? It's all mad. I don't understand it, but my daughter is absolutely so envious of these kids. And I'm like, they're gonna be releasing their memoirs, you know, in the future and Netflix special on. They're making the most money per video of any YouTubers in 2019. They're making 312,000 pounds of video.

Yeah, because children watch it12,000 pounds of video. Yeah, because children watch it in an unhinged way. They'll watch it again and again, won't they, Kit? And it's all like, and it's all toys, so just toys advertised. I do think it's a sticky world that where you're like, look, me and Josh talk about our kids every week, so we're not like, we don't throw stones,

glass house throwing stones, but it's like, they're actually getting in front of camera and then be and that you just filming them doing stuff does I think you much sometimes in it? Oh my god, but it's that I can't I tell you what else as well It's that that I don't the same sound effects are fucking used for everything in these types of videos, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's like, know, that easy and all that kind of stuff. I fucking, where is that? And oh no, and it's like, it's just the same thing. Yeah.

So what are their rules with iPads then? Are they, how long have they allowed it? Are they allowed the kids YouTube or? I'm awful, I'm awful. I do try and get them to sort of go, right, fucking sit down here, we're all gonna play buckaroo. And then they're losing track and I'm losing just about two seconds.

And then I go, oh, fuck it. The problem is, it's like, is it worth the fight? And sometimes I just give in and I shouldn't give in but I just go for it, just have it. I mean, like, there's, I mean, obviously we'll take it away from them for bedtime and for bath time but that's a whole fucking, I'm getting bullied by my kids. Yeah. Really badly. That's alright, that's what being a parent is, is getting bullied by your kids.

But they gaslight you. Otherwise I'm doing it wrong. They do gaslight your kids. They do. What do they do? Give me some examples. Oh, fucking like, they do this fake crying thing. Oh, yeah. They're just fucking stamping their feet. Yeah.

Fake crying. There's an awful thing, like with bath times, I would go out of the room to get a fucking flannel or whatever. And then I come in and they're gone and they're both naked and they're both wet. They're fucking running in different directions like the, you know, the flying monkeys out of wizard's vault. They're like those horrible kind of demonic naked imps. And it is trying to get them back into the bath, trying to wash their hair, I'm getting whipped with fucking towels.

Like the condition is all emptied out in there. It's fucking chaos. It's absolute chaos. The foot stamping, my daughter started to stamp her foot. I don't know where she's, I've not stamped my foot ever. Where is she seeing this? Where is she getting foot stamping from?

It's such an old school way of being angry with someone. Imagine doing that to that old. It's really cartoony, isn't it? Imagine that, Josh, just stamp my foot. Ha ha ha ha ha. No one stamps their feet. It's like, rrrrrrr. Ha ha ha ha.

My daughter's very different to me in respect of like, I wouldn't have hung around with her at school. Like she's not my sort of type of friend. Really? I'm very like my son and my son can be, you know, when he plays with stuff, he uses his imagination and he's sort of, he's willing to collaborate during role plays where my daughter

absolutely fucking won't. And it's her being the teacher, me having to sit down basically for about two hours and just get bollocks for two hours, loads of written work. And it is so fucking boring. It's killing me. And there's nothing I can do to sort of make it fun. I just got to sit and do fucking sums.

Really, so what about weekend? Does she go to any clubs and stuff like that do you do clubs with her? I tried to get her into stagecoach because she might be like me she just wasn't interested she just wants to play fucking schools where she's fucking horrible like tyrannical teacher. Just bullies the fuck out of me and my son. But sometimes my son is like the supply teacher who comes in and asks for help. He's called Mr. Gruffalo. He'll ask for help because he's like,

oh, you know, my classroom there are all fried tomatoes at each other. So then she'll go and help his classroom. His classroom is basically like some Spider-Man action figures with a couple of, you know, teddy bears. Her class has to be real fucking people, which is just me. And I have to sit and do it.

Cause I think- So she makes you do actual schoolwork? Yeah. Oh fuck yeah. I'll have to teach them about like, the problem is like lots of people say, you know, your kids, you know, the very boring thing about kids is that they get excited telling you stuff that you already know. But I actually, there's a lot I don't fucking know.

Like, she fucking bums maths, she bums stuff about space. I didn't know fucking Pluto wasn't a fucking planet since when did that change? It was's about a decade ago wasn't it? I remember that happening. What was it before Pluto? It was a planet and now it's not. Now because it's not a planet. It's like a what is it a gas? It can't be just a gas. What the fuck am I talking about? So Pluto's not a planet? No I think it's just a dog. You can tell me he's not a dog in a minute as well. What's Pluto? Pluto? What is it? I don't know. What's the thing?

Why is it brought up? Why is it brought up Pluto TV? What even is Pluto TV? It's a dwarf planet. Another thing that she does, which is really horrible, she has this like shopping, you know, this shopping kind of roleplay set with a scanner on it, right? And she'll come up to me during intervals of the lesson and scan me to see if I'm thinking bad thoughts about. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like in a kind of apocalyptic future. Like a psychologist from the future that just goes over your bum and go okay yeah you've got issues from your school days

and a row with your dad quite a young age and yeah you hate buttons because someone threw a button at your eye when you were six. This is what you need for that. Do all those things apply to you Rob? No it's very difficult now because I try to think of ones a Wonder Woman applied to any of us, if I'm feeling pointed. Fucking hell. Did you think, the thing is that I would love your advice on it, because if this was a fucking relationship, you'd say this was, you know, coercive control.

Yeah, but then my advice would be leave her, but I don't think my advice here... He fucking follows you around. He follows me around with a fucking clipboard and the fucking scanner. my advice would be leave her, but I don't think my advice. He follows me around with a fucking clipboard and the fucking scanner. She loves rules, regulations, which obviously everything I'm fucking not. Anything with rules in it. I mean, I have to do stuff with silent reading, where I have to read like George's Marvelous Medicine in fucking silence while she fucking has a timer. She puts

the Alexa on. Yeah. And I've got to sit and read it while she watches me. Are you reading it at that point or are you like... Well I have to because she fucking questions me on it. But I suppose it's like being away, you feel so when you're working, you feel so much like in guilt. And how long are you reading it for? 10 minutes, as long as the Alexa will be on and she'll just sit there. 10 minutes? And what's she doing for the 10 minutes? Just watching?

She'll be right, she'll be marking my previous work. Just like scanning me to tears if I'm reading it. What's her teacher like? Is this what her teacher's like? No, I don't think so. I've said to her on a couple of occasions, as so is my mum who gets roped into it as well. Like, is there any way this, your teacher that you play in this thing can be nice and she's like absolutely not no. It's like very sweet. So she plays a nasty teacher? Yeah like a Mrs. Trunchbull type. So sit down and read your book like that so it's not like a...

A bit like a weird kind of dominatrix role play. She loves all these rules so how when you're out and about if you're being because I've worked with you before Daisy and I'd like to say I don't think you're a massive fan of rules and regs. We did that thing recently where the Amazon Prime thing where we weren't allowed to laugh, which you were hilarious on and nearly killed me. It was such a funny date. But obviously, you were, you had, you like a vape now and again, I think that's fair to say, and you weren't allowed to vape on screen. So you were sort of secretly having a little go on the vape, and they were saying,

because it's that big bit of a big brother house, I was like, Daisy, can you stop vaping like that? And then at one point, you were secretly vaping, and then you nearly laughed, because you're not allowed to laugh, and you turned around, and they were like, can you stop vaping? And you shut the fridge and turned around,

and you went, I'm not vaping! And as you did that, this vape steam came out of your nose like a dragon. I like that. Nearly killed. I wasn't allowed to laugh. I'm not like that. God. So when you're out and about. It's like she is, I suppose, she's my biggest lesson.

She is my absolute lesson. I'm meant to learn something here. I've learned. What do you think? I don't know. How old is she exactly? She's six, but she's going on sort of 45. Like, do you think it's, can a six year old already, can it be like, I want to be the opposite? You know how kids, when they're older,

are like, I want to be the opposite of my parents. Do you think it already is that? Yes, I think it's definitely that. Definitely that. And I think, I don't know whether it's a thing, whether they have to, like, she's so good at school and I wonder whether it's like a, where they just have to,

because they feel like they've been controlled all day, they've got control of someone else. I don't quite know what it is. Does she do it with her dad as well? Does she make her dad sit down and do it as well? Or is it you and her? Yeah, yeah, I get phone calls from him and I, you know, it's like we're going through like a some sort of survival program because we're the only, you know, he gets it and he's just like, but I think he's firmer than I am. I like to be, I'm so desperate to be liked by my kids, which is the wrong thing to do, that I will sit there

and fucking take it. Yeah, it's just, it's gotten completely out of hand. I'm thinking, I just worry that she's gonna grow up to, you know, wanna start some sort of dictatorship or cult. Yeah. You can't do anything about that, though, can you? Too late. I don't know. I I would I was so desperate for her to be interested in Sylvania families and she had been over. I thought every I must have spent a grand on like Christmas,

just getting a whole thing off of what we can fucking set the fucking town up. Yeah. And she was vaguely interested in it for a little while. What's she like at school? Is she like that at school? Does she sort of listen or does she wanna be in charge at school? Oh, she wants to be in charge of school.

I think there's loads of fucking shitloads of falling out. So for like rubbers and people borrowing rubbers is like the big fucking thing. Oh, right, equipment and stuff like that. But like my daughter's, oh she just turned seven, and there is a lot of inner friendship group. You can see that there's a lot of wrestling for control of the group, do you know what I mean? It's constant falling out, like there's a kind of, there's a few of them, so it's not like, so there's always like always

ebbing and flowing and you know what I mean and I wonder whether that's just an age thing or just a feeling of establishing what you can and can't control and how you relate to other people and stuff. Why is that with girls though? Because it's exactly the same at night time. I don't know but it really feels like yeah it really feels like it's all the boys don't seem to give a shit about that kind of thing but like my wife was saying that's what her child like what she was like at that age and it seems to happen a lot is that the same with your daughter's Rob or? Yeah 100% yeah and I think as well

Lou as well I don't think Lou had, Lou finds it quite stressful as well because it reminds her of her school where it was a lot of arguments a little bit, he says, she says kind of stuff. So she's a bit more aware of it where like, she's like, well, I just want them to have like strong friendship groups at school. And I've not even thought about it.

I'll just be like, well, they'll just have mates that they get on with and people they probably don't get on with and it will work itself out because that was my experience of school. But I think it is totally different for girls at school than boys. But I don't know why, and it'll work itself out because that was my experience of school but I think it is totally different for girls at school than boys but I don't know why I've got no idea but I haven't got a boy to compare it to. My daughter was obsessed with friends from not the tick on the thing the

concept she was obsessed with friendship from a like three or four whereas my son who's now three he's mates, but he doesn't care. It doesn't seem to be a thing that drives him in the same way it drove and drives my daughter. Oh, but girls are f***ed up. I don't know why. And it was like this for me back at school. I mean, she's out of my daughter, she brings, but is reminding me very much. My best friend I had at primary school who was just who just learned to manipulate like at such a young age. And you're like, and one minute I'd be a friend.

And then the next minute she she would fucking ditch me because like my egg sandwich smelled farty or whatever. And she fucking talked to me for a week. And so it's bringing up a lot of that. But I just, I don't know how it's such a universal thing and how there's always like Regina George, mean girls, in every single, even in fucking primary school. How is this a thing? It's mad, isn't it? And it does happen. in every single, even in fucking primary school. How is this a thing?

It's mad, isn't it? And it does happen. And it's normally, as I'd say, one or what, you know, normally it's only one kid really that is the main source of it. And then that has a knock-on effect to the rest of the class. But it's weird how they put on that role.

It's almost like, is it a psychological experiment where even if that child was taken out, another one would appear as like the queen, the king is dead, long live the king and another one out of that group comes out. Do you know what I mean? It's not even that, it's just someone has to be that one and for circumstances out of their control, they become it. Rob, you have to have a leader. Humans need to follow some kind of authority. They need to be sat down and forced to read a book with a timer and questions at the end. They need to be sat down and forced to read a book with a timer and questions at the end.

Were you guys ever bullied by like a best friend at primary school or? I've got a terrible feeling that I went to a tiny primary school so there's only four kids in my year. So it wasn't it wasn't difficult for me to rise to the top. Let's put it that way. But I've got a feeling I, with my best mate, there was two boys, two girls, so my best mate was the other boy. And I've got a feeling I was the one that was bossing him around and being, no, I've got a feeling. I was.

Let's not try and soften it. I think I was that kid, but it wasn't... I don't think I'd have been that kid in a bigger school because as soon as I got to secondary school, I just disappeared. I had Big Fish Small Pond Syndrome. Do you know what I mean? Oh, God! That must have been horrendous. Well, I don't know.

It just... I just kind kind of existed in secondary school. I didn't kind of... You kept your head down. Just kept my head down. I was like the pointless answer. Do you know what I mean? No one would remember me. It wasn't good or bad or bullied or bullied.

I wasn't good or bad, I wasn't bullied. I wasn't like, I didn't have the wrong shoes, but I didn't have the right shoes. I didn't have, you know, all that kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think for me, the primary school was sort of fine. It felt like it was quite chilled. But in secondary school, there was more kids. So I wouldn't say I was bullied.

I was bullied at points, but I wouldn't say I was. Because when people are properly bullied, it is like I never was fearful to go into school and I wasn't being chased or beaten up. But I went to quite a rough school. So the kids were getting bullied at my school, like getting beaten up. So if someone was calling you fat or being mean, you felt like you couldn't really moan about it

or complain because other bigger stuff was going on. Do you know what I mean? So I definitely had little moments of people trying to bully me and I had to have a couple of fights in the first couple of years to sort of, but with boys, it's sort of like, if someone gives it to you, you have to give them a smack back.

And then you basically find your, it's like you find at my school, it felt like I wasn't like a tough, hard kid at all, but I wasn't really weak either, but if someone was trying to like start me, I'd have to hold my own in order to like, so they wouldn't take the piss going forward. Do you know what I mean? But yeah, there was moments where I'd get bullied or it wasn't the best friend having to go at me though, where I think that's a different type of, there's a lot more coercive control, which is a bit more under the radar where it's like,

like you'd see, it was more often than not, I never really had like one best best friend. I had lots of different friends, which I think is a better way of going about it, where the people that I always saw together as a pair, there was always one that was more in control of that relationship and that would be like, oh,'t talk to them today or don't wear that tomorrow. And the other one would be like, oh okay, you know what I mean? So it's like...

The flying monkeys that will just do whatever they want. Yes, essentially there was always that and that was always, I found, from a far more prevalent in when there was like double acts of friendships. Did you have, because I don't, you know, you'd be in a group and then somehow you'd get kind of locked out of the group because you'd have done something or whatever and that thought I can still fit, not a specific day or something, but I can still feel that feeling in my stomach of what it's like to go into school thinking, oh God, who do I talk to? Because suddenly I'm not in part of the group anymore.

In the group, yeah. And at that time you don't think, don't worry, in 72 hours it'll be someone else. At that time you think, I'm never gonna have a friend ever again, what do I do for lunchtime or whatever? And I can still feel that. And that's not, I think that was happening to every single kid

Just bits and bobs and stuff but that feeling and I've you know You see it in my daughter's life because it's happening. You can just see it happening because that's how kids behave and that horrible Feeling of looking across the playground and stealing a glance It's just you know, I knits. Oh it's horrible. It's just, you know, I can remember it like it's yesterday. That's just brought back a memory. I remember when I was a bit of a fat nerdy teenager and I had a new coat and it was quite a nice coat. It was like a Calvin Klein coat. It was got cream as well so I was like, it was quite a bold coat to have but it was like a cream

coat at school, right? And I loved it, it it was really nice and then like one of the cooler kids at school was like the ones all the girls fancy and he was a bit of a singer and an actor he had the same coat as me right and then I was a bit like oh hello look at that but then he he got shit for having the same coat as me because that devalued his coat and I was like oh what so he's and then he had to be up with me because he was getting shit because he had the same coat as me. And I was like, oh, for fuck's sake, this is horrible. Oh my God. I literally, yeah. Anyway.

But do you know what? It is, when you say that, Josh, about being ostracized, it would just be somebody. And it's like the very early, it was like being canceled at school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because nobody fucking, you'd be in the fucking Phillip Schofield for a week.

Nobody would sit to you, sit next to you at lunch. It was, do you remember just hating fucking break time? Yeah. Yeah. Oh God, you didn't want a break time, at least in a lesson. They have to, they're required to sit next to me. Do you know what I mean? Oh, God, you didn't want a break time, at least in a lesson. They have to then they're required to sit next to me. Do you know what I mean? Oh, horrible.

Oh, I'm going to have to hang out with the kids, you know, that got the knits and smell like their bags. And then the worst bit is I'll be allowed back into the group. And I'm saying this, by the way, as someone who wasn't like a victim star, I just think it was just generally I'm not. Everyone at school gets bullied slightly to appointments, some it's way worse. And then you'd get allowed back into the,

well not the call group, but like the medium group that I was a part of. And suddenly I'd be looking across at the kids I'd been using as my kind of friends for a week. And I'd feel like I'd betrayed them because I just used them as someone to talk to for the week what and that until I was allowed back into the call group do you know what I mean? And you're like yeah I won't be needing you guys anymore and you feel... Oh god! It was brutal at school. I was a sucker there. Whenever I saw a

kid on their own I'd go and talk to them but then I'd be their best mate so I'd be like wandering around you know what it's like and then it's like yeah I know you know we don't have to sit with me every day mate I'm just trying to be polite to everyone. Oh God that's so lovely though. You don't need to shave mate not yet you're cutting your face just don't you know like saying trying to just like coach them through school going you know just maybe don't do that or do you know that your tie's really long? And everyone talks about it. Just have it a bit shorter. Let me do it for you.

Oh, no. Oh, God. You guys have the, like, the flying thing. If you had your collar out, that was really bad. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you said, oh, yeah, you're flying. So it was with your collar tucked in. Or if you had one out, it would be your...

Yeah, or peanut in. Or you weren't allowed to, you weren't allowed, at my in or you weren't allowed to you weren't at my school you weren't allowed you weren't allowed to wear a backpack with both straps on. Oh we were we were one strap for the first two years and then one day it was two straps and if you didn't know like the whole of the rules had done it. Yeah two strap anchors. Yeah. 180 degrees.

And then one strap over the cross. Yeah. Oh is it so hard school. I don't... Were white socks really frowned upon? Yeah. We didn't have a... The socks weren't a big deal.

I got bullied for wearing high-tech socks in P.E. Do you know? Oh, did you? That was awful. I was like, oh my God. The one that was a real loser one at my school was, there was a period... So you're allowed, obviously, you had a white shirt shirt if you had a hard collar rather than a soft collar you were considered a complete nerd really and that came in like just came in and

suddenly you're like having to go to your parents I need a total overhaul of my shirts because these hard collar shirts are of no use to me anymore yeah and you guys just can't possibly wear that in today. Yeah I'm sorry but as of as of 12 hours ago all of these shirts are dead. It does make me feel like when your kid comes home with a strange request just go yeah right. Yeah yeah. Because if there are a soft collar shirt to put on why not just let them have it. Yeah.

If it's going to keep their head down. I don't want them character building by sending them in in the wrong collar because they're going to be dreading school. So can I ask then, who the fuck decides the rules? I don't know. Like what school and what's not in. It's weird though because it's not fully dictated by the rest of culture, it's almost like a microcosm of that school.

But I don't know if that's changed now with social media coming through and everyone's a bit more on the same page. But there was definitely things in my school that were a big thing that didn't exist in any other school. Because on TV, like say we got most of our stuff when we were growing up from television, a bit from maybe magazines, a bit from the radio, but like in television. No one on television was wearing a hard or a soft collar no one gave a fuck like that wasn't a thing no that backpacks

weren't a thing on TV so it must come totally from the because take that one wearing one strap on their backpack it's not like it came from somewhere like it hasn't come from a greater culture it It's just within the school, isn't it? Oh Yeah Hey, but I Was the girls that I think it was definitely harder. I don't think it's fucking changed at all I think it's hard for girl great and we were all fucking slags. I mean we dress like Well, I had you couldn't see our skirts.

We had these great big fucking platform shoes. Like I think four out of the six of us were called Jodie. And we were just constantly in the fucking headmaster's office because it was one of us, somebody was getting ostracized. Their mum had phoned up. So in your group, it was six of you, it was very toxic.

It was like a toxic day. I remember one of the Jodies came up to me and she said, oh, she came up to me, Jody Smith came up to me and she said, do you think Jody Gibson's a bit of a bitch? And I said, I think she's all right. She goes, yeah, but she is a little bit of a bitch, isn't she? And I didn't think she was a bitch, but I just said, Oh, yeah, I suppose sometimes. And she fucking went straight to Jodie Gibson

and said, Daisy said that you're a fucking bitch. Oh, my God. And she said, did you say this, Daisy? And I went, well, yeah. And I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it, but it was at a time when Big Brother was all about, you know, I say to your face what I think about you. And all that stuff.

And I was having to tell this girl, which is a bitch, and I genuinely didn't think she was a bitch at all. Oh, God. It's horrible. I should say that you've written a book, Hexibitch. Hexibitch.

Hexibitch. And, you know, I'll be honest we've spoken to some people where we think oh god we're going to talk about quite a boring stuff in their books but this is exciting because I am interested in the unexplained. Oh are you? Yeah well I I'm not as interested as you I'm written a book on it but I am always excited to discuss it. It's something that does fascinate me. So tell us about your book. Tell us about your book.

It tells from my life, the afterlife and beyond. Ghosts and shit. Ghosts and fucking shit. Well, I'm gonna start off by saying, you know, after, you know, many years, I've had in the last few years since Michael Slugs died, who played Slugs in this country, I've had a few things happen and it fucking exists.

I can't think there. I've seen it with my own eyes. And it's kind of unpicking that and going, well, what the fuck is this then? And if this exists, what else fucking exists? And... Can you tell us some things that have happened to you? Well, what the biggest thing for me,

and it's always such like a taboo subject, and I think people are worried because I don't want to come across like I'm fucking David Icke and I've, you know, covered the Rectilians and what have you and get canceled. But when Michael, who played Slugs in the show, was in palliative care, he was so frightened of dying. And so, but yeah, then he phoned me up and he said,

I'm not frightened anymore. I've had this, I had this kind of like angelic, like ethereal being that was at the end of my bed who told me that in seven days at midnight, I would have a new body. And it, and I admit, because he was in such agony all the time, and it got to the point near the end, like his body was just retaining fluid. So he like his joints, like he couldn't walk. He was in so much pain. So he's like, I'm either going to get better, or I'm gonna, you know, this is going to be the end. And I'm going to be free of this pain. And he ended up dying in seven days, like at his time of death was like 1159 PM. And I just remember thinking that is extraordinary. Like it's either that, I remember like my grandfather

was a GP and he was like, whatever you do, like somebody's terminally ill, never give them a time to die because they will fucking die on that day. So it's either that, his body, he believed in so much from what he's witnessed that his mind was in control of when he passed away, or it's that he fucking saw something. And then recently, it's weird, when I've been doing, writing this book, and I was talking to my brother about it

and I was like, of all the fucking people who should come back and let me, like who would have come back and let me know that they were all right? It would have been him. And that was making me lose faith because I thought that I've not had anything from him and he fucking would have come back in some way.

And then we were it was it. So sorry, going back. He when he was dying, I said, is there any regrets that you have? And he said, with no irony, I just really gutted I'm going to miss out on the Phoenix Festival this year, which is like this tiny, music festival that's in our town that he fucking loved because it was free and it was sort of within walking distance of his house. And there was a Guns N' Roses fucking tribute band that year. And he was so excited to see it. Like his world was so small. And anyway, after saying that what I did to my brother, we're doing this book. My partner

and I were in bed, the house is completely empty. And we had this fucking banging, this rhythmical kind of banging, intelligent banging on our bedroom door. Yeah, oh, God. We checked all the CCTVs, it was totally there. And it turns out it was on the day of the Phoenix Festival, of when the Phoenix Festival was being held. And I just... And your partner heard it too, as well. So it's not just you.

My partner heard it too, it was like, oh, God. And were you scared or were you reassured? I wasn't. I was just so fucking confused. I thought cats can't fucking not like that. But it was when I found that out and I've even said out loud, fuck it, you're going to have to do something even more like you can't... even that to me is too vague. Like I need to you need to write your name on a fuck on my mirror and my lipstick or something. I'm going to need more. But I just that for me was like, yeah, I just I can't. I haven't heard that. And I've had other things that have happened. Does that reassure you?

Because that would terrify me if that kind of thing happened. But do you feel like, were you like relieved when that happened? Do you know, I don't know. I just, I think, I think like the biggest thing was obviously trying to fucking debunk it. It was like the first thing. Yeah. And I don't ever want to be these people, one of these people.

And I'm so aware of not being one of these people that is like You know so desperate for Validation that there's an afterlife that I'll you know grab anything it's like my to pay a lot of money when her sister her sister tragically died in the car accident and Spent so much money on these terrible fucking psychics in the sort of back, you know, back rooms of pubs and and I saw her heart get broken and broken again. I never wanted to be one of them.

Because when you're desperate for it and you search for it, there will be people exploiting that won't there? Exactly. But this this felt very different. And since that's happened, I've woken up to the bed covers. It was something was lifting the bed covers, tugging it. And I was completely awake. I was aware. It went on. I wasn't frightened.

I was just kind of... It happened for about 30 seconds and then it stopped. And it's like... There is so much fucking... I think we're so naive if we think that this is it. And I know, I've seen things with my own eyes. So in the book, obviously, you've got these kind of stories, but you also investigate it as well, is that right?

You've got stuff off the dark web some equipment oh yeah fucking equipment i mean the equipment's so fucking terrible though because it's all fucking faulty and it's like it's so expensive i mean i paid fucking 200 quid for this thing it's like a ghost detector which has got a really long aerial and it sort of goes beep if there's a ghost goes fucking near it. It's like it will fucking just do it at random. I mean, this is the problem with ghost equipment is you can't. What a sentence. Yeah. Doing that program with you, Robert, we recently did a Amazon show where I spoke to Bob Mortimer about his near-death experience. Yeah, that was amazing.

Yeah, because it makes sense now why you were so interested in that with this book, because yeah, what is it he told you? He said that he felt, he saw something when he was having that trouble. And it's like He went through a white. He saw a white tunnel and you know, it's so I mean it's so Fucking framed and it's so a such Well known story about white tunnel and seeing the light that it's even in fucking like popular culture

You get it in looney tunes cartoons where a character is flying and then there's the light. My friend had that happen to him he got he was I can't remember where he was abroad somewhere it was before I knew him but um he got cut with like a glass that smashed and he was just pissing blood out of him his arms or whatever it was and he was in a taxi to the hospital going in and out of and they basically as good as died and then came back that kind of thing and he said he was he felt himself going towards a light and he said it was the most kind of he just felt totally fine with it and it was really and ever since he's felt really like okay about death it has it's reassured him in a way. Well that Bob was that

bit Bob was like that wasn't it? Yeah. And he said well I'm worried that it's like a chemical that's released in your brain that kind of like a morphine that helps you deal with dying and and it's like right okay but but what about people who have been born blind and had near-death experiences where they've left their body and they're able to say who was in the room, what they were wearing, and these are people that have been born without that. Oh really? Yeah, it's extraordinary. And I think, I don't know, I think these last few years,

it's kind of lifted this veil for me. And I'm like, fucking hell, this stuff does exist. I don't know, Rob, if I was talking, because I worked with Tom Davis recently, and he said that him and Romesh had to do film in this sort of hotel. And they both had a ghostly experience. It was like, fuck, I've always been so cynical of this shit. But this app. Yeah, I think so. Was it when they were filming King Gary up north in a sort of old stately home?

Yeah. That was it. Oh my God. Oh God. I know. Because we get a lot of emails of kids that come and say to their parents and stuff like, oh, when I was born, when I was alive before, I would ride this horse into the,

and give details that like a four year old wouldn't know. Like I would wear this red uniform, ride into Paris on the tube. And it would be like something from history. Absolutely. I mean, we're so naive to think that there's not, and we were so fucking arrogant to think. I always think that. When I would describe myself, like, when people ask what I'd like,

is that how the fuck do I, with religion or paranormal stuff, I'm like, well, how the fuck would I know what the mean, you know, how, arrogant is the right word to go, I am certain that there is nothing. It's such an incredibly cocky way to approach things, I think. In the same way that they'd say that it's cocky to go, you know, I know it's this, this, this and this and if you do this thing, you know, then you'll be forever damned or whatever.

Like all sides, if you're taking up a really extreme view, I don't know how you'll be forever damned or whatever like all sides if you're taking up a really extreme view. I Don't know how you can do that because for me, I can't I can't make a fucking decision on anything Whether there's an afterlife. I feel like the whole heaven and hell thing. I think that I'm not a religious or Christian I don't think there's a there's a heaven but I do think if you go to somewhere else you I don't think there's a heaven, but I do think if you go to somewhere else, you will live with the consequences of how you lived your life. And you may not physically be somewhere, but you'll be in your own head. And if you know you've been bad, and then you're in a position where you're not alive anymore and you can't change it, that is a living hell.

Yes. Because you've lost that ability to change. Daisy, this has been absolutely amazing, Daisy. We love having you on. Oh, my pleasure. Please come back on again. Oh, Doug guys. Thank you so much. What's the book called, Daisy? Hexy Bitch, Tales From My Life, The Afterlife and Beyond. Cheers, Daisy. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Doug. Good luck with it. Thank you. Take care. Love Daisy May Cooper so much. Yeah, she's brilliant. She's so funny. That doing that show, that Amazon show,

you weren't allowed to laugh was so mentally difficult. Look, Daisy May Cooper was one of those people, she could never do anything other than comedy or, she couldn't, imagine her being a mortgage advisor. I know. Well, full disclosure, I'd go to a different mortgage advisor. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I know. Well, full disclosure, I'd go to a different mortgage advisor. We've all got our strengths.

We've all got our strengths, Rob. And as much as I like her, I would be politely leaving her offices the moment I arrive. You seem like a good laugh, but I don't want to hear your interest rates, okay? Right. See you next time, Josh. Goodbye. Bye. seeking a deeper understanding of comedy. I can't wait for more Fist of Firsts! Well, the wait is over Malawi Jones, Was Oz and Rufus Roofing. In Series 2, I'm picking the brains of more A-list comedians. Subscribe now, don't miss an episode. Fist of Firsts with me, Tim Reid.