Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP17: I Hate Halloween

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx Small Business Shout-out: Sabretooth Cafe - follow them on Instagram HERE Help them out by leaving a google review (or to make a booking) HERE If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Amelia, can you say Rob Beckett? Yeah. Say it. Rob Beckett say Rob Beckett? Yeah.

Say it. Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Whiddicombe? Yeah. Say it then. Whiddicombe.

Whiddicombe. Good job. That's a classic. That's straight into the whole of time. That is, that is great. Yeah, that is great. That's a classic. That's straight into the hall of fame. Yeah, that is great. What I laughed about it was it took a young child to realize that just asking someone if you can say their name doesn't mean you should say it out loud. It's insane. Because if you said to me, like, can you say tomorrow? I wouldn't go tomorrow to prove it. You'd be like, like yeah I can. Next question. Also by that if I said that our podcast has run out of steam.

It would be a weird start to the show. Yeah weird start. Oh no what's happening now? Who's sawing what? I don't know. You don't live on a building site mate. I know what I do actually I'll talk to you about that in a sec. Right so what is that you or is a neighbor? It's the neighbor. They're always fucking doing something. Yeah, I reckon there must be a workman who lives somewhere and does something in his garden, because he's always the same sound.

Like he's he works from home. Yeah. He's always sanding something at 9am. He can't still be put in that kitchen in can he? Maybe he runs a little side hustle where people send him bits of wood for him to slam. Through the post. Yeah. This is my daughter Amelia having a go at the intro,

sounding very confident she can say the names. She'll be turning three on Christmas Eve. So remember, no sex in March. Do you know what? Not a bad birthday because I know everyone's getting ready for Christmas, but you can go out and do something in the day. Yeah yeah yeah certainly better than the after. It's better than an actual Christmas day yeah. Yeah. I don't like Halloween or Halloween decorations. Don't bother with it,

I find it boring. It's found in American, bleh, who cares. Also I don't really wander around begging for sweets from strangers. Also I don't have to speak to neighbors. Surely your kids are into it? No, not under my watch. So your kids aren't going trick or treating? Probably not. Rob, you're stealing from their lives from other great experiences. We never did it growing up.

I did. I find it a bit poncy. Bit poncy. Come from the streets. Also, I grew up in southeast London. It was like a threat, trick or treat. It wasn't like this light hearted, what kind of weirdo you're knocking on the door of.

We didn't really like our neighbours, it was all like rough people and then you'd be like, can I have a trick or treat? No, we've done little parties with them before. They've done trick or treating before where they've been invited to a party at someone's else house and they know the neighbours and they've set it all up. But I don't really like doing trick or treating, not country lanes either, Lanes either, it's terrifying, walking through the dark down those lanes. We do Christmas decorations up in the house from November 1st. Right, you're a psychopath. Love it.

Firstly. Firstly. But I want to bring that forward. I haven't finished, Josh. That's what we've been doing. I want to do a new thing, first frost. Rob, what happened to you on Halloween that's made you so weird about it?

No, it's not Halloween. I love Christmas. Have you been touched up by a skeleton? This isn't about Halloween. This is about my love for Christmas. Rob, what are you running from? I'm not running from anything. I'm running towards Christmas. Do you worry? Because my worry with going to Lourie. I don't worry, mate. Have you met me? I know, I know. Do you worry? Because my worry with going to Loryl is... I don't worry about it. Have you met me? I don't worry about anything.

I know that. Except about Trick or Treat, which is seemingly quite triggering in some way. Don't worry about it. I don't like it. And I want to do my Christmas decorations from the first frost. Sue me. If I weren't so busy, I'll be up in the loft after this. But do you not worry in the same way that when I put on Magic Radio Christmas, the first week it comes on, which is what? Mid to end November. Yeah, I haven't got a problem with that. If anything, bring it forward.

But by December the 15th, I'm done with the songs. So if your Christmas decorations are up from October the 12th. A, if there's a murder in the area, you're probably a suspect because you're. Oh, what's going on there Josh? Adrian, our new podcast member, one of the team here. Yeah, one of the team. It's a three man show. Adrian?

Yeah. Are you alright not to drill? Okay. Cheers. Alright. Thank you. Bye. No, not really, for what for this fucking light putting up mate. I'm not gonna borrow it out.

I'll just use my finger now, shall I, till you finish doing one of your cracking anecdotes. You're trying to work, I'm trying to fucking work mate, trying to build a cupboard. Sorry, go on. Borrowed about Christmas, as you said. The songs. If you go too early with the decorations, you'll be blind to them by Christmas. You know how when you've got a piece of art on your wall, you don't even see it anymore after a month.

So, look, what you're getting confused here between decorations, okay, is decorations in stages, okay, and festive fun. I will not be partaking in any festive fun until December. Is that sex? Yes, but with a big white beard on Lou. Festive fun. You're getting decorations confused with festive fun. Now festive fun is music. It's going to the pantomime. It's going to see Santa. That kind of stuff. That will not be happening.

So what you're saying Rob, is from mid October. Not yet, from the start of November so far. Okay, start of November, the house will be done up Christmasy, but no one's allowed to mention it. It's just happening, but we can't, we just act normal, but we can all see the Christmas, we're tinseling Christmas trees. Yeah, but no one mentions it. But no one mentions it, which is totally normal. Stop having festive fun.

Don't even mention Home Alone's a good film. Yeah, exactly. Don't write your Christmas list. Yeah, none of that. That's not happening. And when you say blind, Firework Night annoys me, because that sort of gets in the way of my festive fun. Well, not my festive fun, sorry, my decorations.

So it's tripping the tongue. But once the decks are up, then we'll add decks as we go to stop the blindness. Right. Okay. So there'll be a new light up thing for the garden. Like a drug addict just keeps taking more and more and more. Exactly. The only problem with the first frost as a policy is if we have a particularly cold August

Eve. Right? Yeah. We wake up in the morning. If there's technically frost in August as a freak storm, would you like that committed? No, that would be too long. Are we what a decade away from a new story about you being one of those people that celebrates Christmas every day? I just love it. Why not have them up all the time? Yeah, why don't I have Christmas dinner every lunchtime, whatever. I said to Lou this morning, first frost Christmas decks,

what do you think? And she said too soon. And you know what, I think she's right. But I was just excited this morning to see it being cold. But first of November is when we go. But that's the plan. But sometimes it does end up being whatever that weekend is. So if it's Monday morning, so first of November, they'd probably go up to the end of that week. So it's the first weekend in November. Fair enough. Okay. Well, I look forward to it. And we don't have a real tree. Yeah. Fake ones. So yeah, because when we've gone November with our real tree, it's one droopy bastard by Christmas Day. Big

old droopy boy. Anyway, sorry for that side. No, sorry. Why don't we start talking about that? Halloween? I can't remember. Yes, Halloween, not a fan. Not a fan. No, no, no, that's very clear. And we'll get to the bottom of that one day. I just don't, I don't like being scared. No, fair enough. Yeah, just not a big fan of Halloween.

I find people that ghosts and spooks, it's like, ooh, fuck off, grow up. No, no, no, just to be clear, I'm not a huge fan. I can take it or leave it. Oh, you'll wrap yourself in toilet roll, bowling around Victor. No, I'm no, just to be clear, I'm not a huge fan. I can take it or leave it. You're wrapping yourself in toilet roll bowling around Victor. No, I'm not that guy. I'm not that guy. But there are people that are doing that. I'm not a huge fan, but my kids are.

Fair enough. And you're a good guy. And I'm a good guy. I'll take that on the chin. Rob, you know the thing about emailing the school? Well, you say, hello, mate, what's going on? Yeah. You're too matey, yeah. Well, am I too matey or am I just a friendly guy? No, I think you're too matey.

When you email the school, because your wife's brought this up, Rose, and I think it's strange when you go, hi, mate, when you're talking in a professional capacity about your child. Yeah, okay, I emailed the vet yesterday. Yeah. They emailed me to confirm the time of our cat, Beryl,

to go in for- Get flushed. To get flushed. She gets a, was it a kidney's flushed every few months? Yeah, yeah. And I was, I replied. How do I remember that? I replied and I put in a little joke. Okay.

And I- Can't help yourself, can you? I just thought, I thought maybe I put in a little joke. Okay. Can't help yourself, can you? I just thought, I thought maybe I shouldn't do this and I thought, why not? Bring some light and love into someone's day. I've sent it to you. Let me know whether you think that I've yet to receive a reply. This is obviously quite a routine checkup.

So it's not like the cat's really unwell. This is a bit like, hey, she's fine. She just needs a quick flush in. Hi, I won't say the lady's really unwell. This is a bit like, Hey, when she she's fine, she's a quick flush in high. I won't say the lady's name. I love that barrel sub flush reference number. Yeah, that's the Oh, this is terrible. There's two things wrong with this. Firstly, your photo of Josh Riddickham that gets sent out to people is and Riddickham. Yeah, I don't know how to change that. So now whenever you email anyone about anything Maybe it could be a more doesn't come up on the email does it? Yeah. No. Yeah. What? Yeah That's your you put that as your little profile picture. Yeah, I just thought it was for when people phone me No, no, what that when you message me always get that or email me. Oh, no. Oh, no, you don't know that

No, I didn't know. You know, everyone you've ever emailed on this address has seen a picture of John Whittaker. I don't want to, it looks like you in an agent app. So I think they may be. I'll change that. I'll change that. Anyway, perfect. You've written P E R F E C T and then in brackets, P U R F E C T as in per effects, as in capturing fun. See you then. Cheers, Josh. Yeah. Did she reply? No. I don't think you've just got to commit. Do you, what do you think?

Do you think at what chase it up and say, did you like my joke? I think if I didn't know you, I think that is a weird person. That is a weird person that's too into their cats and you're not me. You're quite a chilled cat owner. That that strikes me as a cat person. I thought she'd laugh and reply and I've just got nothing in response. Yeah, no, I don't think I wouldn't laugh. I don't think she's also she's called Tabitha. I was considering a tabby cat joke. But then I'm glad I pulled out

too personal to go in going in at her then that feels like it's pointed at harassment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So perfect. Perfect. See you then. I just think when I read that I go Oh, okay. They're a cat person. They probably let the cat sit on their bare chest and lick their mouth. That's why I instantly think if she was up for it, because you let her drink out your water. I don't let her you're you a dirty cat person. I'm not a dirty cat person. You sure? She's not that into me. So

it's difficult for me to try and be a dirty cat person. But if she was into you'd be all over it. Well, what do you mean by dirty cat person? Give me some yes, no, it's not tell you whether you're a cat person because you write do puns about your cat, you let your cat drink out of your water and you make tea with your fingers. No, that third one is nothing to do with cats. That's dirty. Well, that's a dirty cat person, but that's fine if you are but that's what I get from

that message. Look, I don't I don't know why Halloween sent you off in the wrong room. It hasn't sent me off. I just don't, I'm not, I've got pets. I like having pets. I'm not a big fan of people where they're having a pet's their personality. Will you kiss your pet on the lips? Absolutely not. No, no, neither do I. It's a bit weird. I don't even like the dog on the sofa next to me to be honest. Do you not? What about the cat on the bed?

There was no, no cat in bed allowed. The problem with the dog on your lap on the I don't mind the dog sitting next to me or sitting on my lap, but because the whip it's they do a weird thing. They just stand on you. Yeah, it's not comfortable. So I'm like, girl, if you want to sit, you can sit but what about the cat kind of needs you don't like that either. Really? No, no, not big fan of that. Yeah, no, I don't like that either really? No, no, not a big fan of that. Um, yeah, no, I, I, I don't mind if people do, everyone's different. I just, when having an animal is your personality.

Well, I don't think it is my personality. No, it isn't. But it's starting to be coming. I'm just trying to bring a bit of a laugh into people's lives. No, no, I think that's what I'm saying. I don't think it is. So that's why that shocked me, because I know you're not that person. But when I see a message like that, that's what I think you, if I didn't know you. I just think if there is a pun there, it's a shame not to do it. Is it though from an actual comedian?

Well, that's the equivalent of, you know, if you're Lewis Hamilton, you're trying to park a car in a St. Louis car park, you do a wheel spin and just slam it into the space. It's a bit like, yeah, mate, we know you can do it, but we're just trying to go to the shops. We know you're funny, but we're just trying to get barrels, kidneys flushed here. So do you want to wind your neck in and save it for the stage?

I don't know if it would work in the tour context. I can give it a try, but it's not my usual fate. Walk a round of applause, then continue. Yeah. Well, no, that's a bit of fun, but I would do you know that you must know the vet then that's why you're doing it. I've never met that person. No, but that's really bold. You do do you really do shot me sometimes with the things that I would have you down as never doing that. Yeah, me too. It's almost like a man. I thought, well, you can't back out now.

Right. Yeah. But, but, but I said, as a comedian, everyone knows the perfect, everyone, not even a comedian, anyone knows the perfect. It's all right. I wouldn't go to the dentist. Oh, what time do you want appointment? Have you got two 30? I laugh. It always gets me. What you wanted there, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, but then let me look at it from the other side. I suppose devil advocate here, because I feel like I may have gotten in a bit heavy on you there. You're just a great fun guy having a bit of fun. And maybe if that vet was fun guy having a bit

of fun, they might go perfect and they'll be like, they do a little pun back. Yeah, exactly. I mean, whatever, like, so you go perfect. Yeah. See you Thursday. Was it on Thursday? I don't know. They can take, do you want us to move into Thursday for pun reasons?

But then the problem is, if actually Thursday, FURS day is better for you. And then you, then all a sudden, now the appointment is changed for pun reasons. It's actually on Friday. Yeah, it's on Friday. Right. Okay. Yeah. They'd be a lot of effort. They'd have to move around. I think she could have gone perfect.

Friday will be great because Thursday is super busy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that I haven't paused for a moment. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that I haven't paused for a lovely Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm calling back appointments the best I can. If she done that, I'd have thought she's in the wrong job. She should be right for her. Yeah. But yeah, so maybe, maybe I'm being too hard on that is just a bit of fun. But that strikes me as what a, you know, a weird cat person.

Yeah. It's funny, you know, if you want to be a cat person, go for it, it's just not my cup of tea. No, I'm not really that kind of person. You know, people that sign birthday cards from the pets as well as the humans in a house? Yeah, yeah. That's too much.

I get it when you first get a thing and you do it, and you might do it once when they're a puppy or a kitten, but What about the Instagram account Rob? Yeah like again if you've just got a puppy or a kitten it's a bit of fun at the start but then I don't judge you immediately so if you've committed to that for... I get Whippet Dog accounts messaging me as a dog and saying my hooman wants to go to see you on tour like three O's and I'm just like block a report. I'm not communicating with a dog. No. But I'm busy enough. Yeah wait for the tour if they want to come and see me buy a ticket. Um, how you been Josh? It's my daughter's birthday party tomorrow.

Oh, very nice. What you doing? I've had a bit of a shocker. So no, so she's made requests which are eminently easy, which is ideal because you know, like, kids, they don't really understand what level of difficulty something would be. So they might ask for the impossible. She just wanted it to be summer holiday themed. So everyone's got to dress for some holidays. Right.

Okay. Good job. It's been the first frost. Yeah, exactly. Obviously you'll come as Father Christmas. Absolutely. And then she wants craft table. Where are you doing it?

There's we're doing it at Hackney City Farm. There's a nice kind of room that people rent. Perfect. And then you can also... Perfect. Everyone's on board with this now. Oh, but you know, it works for Hackney City Farm as well. Well, they don't have cats, but you know. Well, it doesn't work, does it? No, it doesn't. Does a goat purr? Who's been invited? Who's been invited? That kind of stuff. Yeah. So it's just a room. So I'm a room. Loader, crafty, crafty. Food with pizzas delivered. And then she wants a disco. Oh lovely. Yeah, obviously, last night, so we've ordered all the decorations earlier in the week, last night Rose was on the,

has got the Ocado for the food. Perfect. Yeah, that's booked in. Why don't you just order pizzas? If you order pizzas. Oh no we are, but then for the other food. Oh yeah, I was going to say, because if you order pizzas online and quite a lot, you can get a good discount. Yeah, yeah, no, we're going to just get pizzas delivered. It's what we do.

We've got all that kind of stuff. DJ? What? DJ? Well, they haven't got Wi-Fi, so I'm going to have to make a playlist. Oh, so you're not getting a DJ, a disco? No, we've bought Disco Lights. Oh, fair enough. And you're a DJ, and essentially you offer playlists.

Yeah, she just wants the songs she likes essentially. What you don't want is someone coming in with their own views on what songs should be played. I know exactly the songs she wants. If you've got a disco they want disco lights basically and then you can play. Yeah yeah yeah. And so and then we just play Taylor Swift and stuff. That's nice. Yeah. Perfect little pie. I like that. But the crafts haven't arrived in time. Oh, so what crafts have you ordered? Like sets? I just bought loads of, you know, I went on, I went on Amazon, bought all the different things,

you know, the baubles, the, you know, the pom-poms. So when is it tomorrow? Yeah. They deliver tomorrow, they deliver tomorrow. It turns out. Can you not go to that my hobby store? Where we saw hobby craft hobby store. I'm going to have to go to a shop. Yeah. And do a job lot job, shop in the morning and then I'm going to stay job lot.

And then also I'm going to be lumbered with a hundred quid's worth of crafts. I don't know. They do these. Oh, they also, the kids could take them on. They do like really we've had them from the kids before, like a big pot. Where's this? Well I've got these from Costco but they also do it at the hobby craft or whatever it's called, we go there for it and stuff. They do like big pots, you can get like five big pots in it. Yeah that's all I need, that's all I need. Hobby craft. Craft jar, yeah I don't know if they do it anymore. But yeah, hobby craft, yeah, that's like-

No, the nearest one is in Greenwich. Oh God, you're having a nightmare here. I think I'm just gonna have to go to the Westfield. I don't know if they'll have a lot of craft stuff at there. Doesn't the works do it? Mm, they're more books. Oh Jesus, what? I think if you're doing it for like the afternoon

for your two kids, you'd be able to do it, but- It's 1.30. Yeah, you might be able to do it. But it's 130. Yeah, you might have to go somewhere in the morning. That won't take long. Go early. You'll zip through the black wall tunnel. It could take you 20 minutes. That's very true, actually, Rob. That's very true. Maybe I'll do that. And what is Hobbycraft? Is that just all that kind of stuff?

Yeah, it'll be on a big industrial estate and it is literally a warehouse full of Hobbycrafts. Get a right old fucking advert here, but they are good to be fair Hobby craft yet. There's an industrial state. There'll be loads of parking and You can just go in and have everything you need Oh, it's been a mad week Rob took me through it. I've just had too much on and I've been ill Yeah, you've been not well. I've been ill and unable to stop. You know when you've got lots of stuff in the diary and you just can't not do it. So like Wednesday when I was ill woke up, I had to record a podcast 10 till 11 30, the Smart TV podcast that Alison Hammond's hosting.

I was a guest on that and And then I had to write until 1.30 and then we had to do our weird intro call, which was one of the most biggest disasters of all time. We did it. We both weren't very well and tired and didn't have a weird bit of podcast recorded. That was bad. That was a low light. And then I had lunch. That took me to 2.10. And then I went to sleep for 45 minutes, got up, did the school run, came back, had to go and film a bit of tour promo

where I go to classic football shirts and buy some football shirts, and then I had to come home, and then I had to get in the car and drive to Bromley to do a charity gig. I was the gig in Bromley. It was not actually, I bottled out of driving in the end, I got the Uber.

Because, oh God, it wasled out of driving in the end. I got the Uber because, oh God, it was just a bit of time to myself. Yeah, I know. It's hard to drive that stressful all the way through London and then get on and do a gig. You need some time to get, if you've been busy all day, you need time to get your head together. I had a corporate last night, got home,

just couldn't sleep. It was like the old days. It was just like, and you know when you're just turning over everything in your head that makes you angry. So I was a bit like, I feel like since I've gone back to school with the kids, it's like, everything with work goes busy because people are all back in the office.

So all the emails start coming in, we've got to do this, we've got to do that. You know, and everyone's trying to get everything done before like the half term comes again. It just seems manically busy. And it was for me, it was creeping up with get stress where I'd so many, I didn't have any big thing I was worried about, but I had loads of stuff. So I'm trying to get my tour ready for November, trying to, um, I'm doing this,

you know, doing the panel show. It's quite a big, quite a lot of work doing a panel show. And then we've got the podcast and we're doing other stuff and all this is building up and I've got loads of family stuff going on of big events coming up weddings and all that you know, it's well my god, so your brains 100 miles an hour and I'm so stressed and I'm supposed to like my therapist fat back ages and ages because I've been sort of fine. And I was like, I just feel like it's creeping up a little bit but not one big event or anything I'm actually that anxious about. But

I get caught up in the stress of it or anyway, it's I was so busy. I had to gap and do like three hours of meetings and a podcast and you know, stuff that isn't like, like not a moment for yourself to think or to start. Totally, you're just like old me, you're just like squash ball going from back, bang, bouncing ball kind of thing. So like yesterday I did some like exercise

and I did three hours of meetings and I had to go straight, then the dog went missing. The dog jumped two fences and chased a herd of deer down what I'd called a fucking ravine. And I was chasing him in a pair of slip on crocs. And then the dog got down this slope and then he couldn't get back up because he hurt his leg. But in between that, I had 20 minutes to get showered to go because I had to get my hair cut. And then I had to go and get the kids from school. Then I had to go to parents evening because I had to get my hair cut and then I had to go and get the kitchen school. Then I had to go to parents evening because I had to get my hair cut because

I'm doing the TV, the TV show next week. And then I had an hour in the middle. That was the only hour in two weeks. I could speak to a therapist. So I'm pulled up in a car park on my phone, talking to my therapist. That was coming through the car for a bit. So everyone in the car park could hear me talking to him until I realized and disconnected the phone anyway. So I was just chatting to him about it. And then we did this meditation thing and I meditate on my own. But when I do it with someone else, I can do it a lot better and deeper.

Is that anything? Someone's having a personal trainer at the gym. You get better results because there's someone that's educated in it and intelligent with it and knows how to do it. And it was so funny. I was like, I didn't realize how stressed I was and how busy my brain was going. I still feel it like now that I get because when I'm busy, I get all amped up. And then he did just breathing and when it stopped at the end of it, I felt like I was like, sedated. I could do with that. And I was on drugs. And I was like, actually, I've just I've just gone down to

normal speed. It felt like because I feel like when I'm busy, and I'm 100 miles an hour, and I'm no busier than most parents, you know, running around doing stuff, but it most, that's why most parents are stressed. It's like a hundred miles an hour. And then I sort of calmed down to sort of normal pace. And it feels like I didn't, you don't realize it, but it's like, I feel like sometimes when you're busy, your life can be like, you know, on the sky remote where you press times two to fast forward, times six,

times eight times 12 times 32, But you don't realize you're slowly going from zero to times two to time before you know it you're on times 32. And by doing this meditation sort of like, it cut, he calmed me down. I sat there and I was so relaxed. There was actually nothing in my head, but no thought. Literally no, no, right, get that, do you know, like it's a constant, you can to do this, no thought whatsoever. And I sat there and it was like, Oh, what, what, what are you feeling? I was like, I feel like I've managed to get back

to normal speed on my Skyrim mode. And this is nothing in my head. And he was like, well, that's because you're just, you're conscious, you're aware, you're in the present moment. You're not worried about what's just happened or planning for the next step. You are currently sat in a car talking to me because in this moment in time that is all you have to do. Yes, you have got a haircut, you have got parents evening, but that's not now. Now it's just chatting and I was sat there and there was nothing in my head, but apart from a burning desire to say a joke to break the silent tension. What about a cat? I'm perfect. No, it wasn't that. What I was, because I said to him, was all I want to say a joke to break the silent tension? What about a cat and perfect? No, it wasn't that.

What I was, because I said to him, was like, all I want to say now is, oh, I feel amazing. It's the best, best money I've ever spent on a man giving me a service in a car park. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said to him, like, why am I doing that? And he was like, well, it's because you're- You're mentally ill.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He said, which is, yeah, well, that's a given, but what type, he basically was saying, well, the one that is, you're quite a generous person in a social setting where if there's an awkward tension, for whatever reason, whether in your childhood or growing up or whatever it is,

you feel the need to break the tension, because you feel uncomfortable in it. I am and Rose would attest to this. So I'm not someone who, and my mother-in-law makes this very clear to me again and again. It's at the start of every therapy session. Yeah, no, no. So she'll go, she'll often say to me, people often ask me, is Josh funny all the time? And I just say, no, he's not. She'll say that quite a lot. I get on very well with that. But she's right, because obviously that is tiring

and annoying. Yes. But I would very much struggle getting through a deep and meaningful conversation without feeling the need to make a few jokes to try and keep the ball in the air, so to speak. Well, no, because we're all distracted from the actual emotion we're feeling.

Yeah. And cover it up and march on. Because if I allow that silence in that car, the truth would have been, I'm absolutely exhausted and I've got no will or energy to be funny anymore. But don't let that sleep out because you've got to go work in a bit. Do a little joke about a car park. Do you know what I mean?

So it is. And like, what I used to do is go, well, once I get through all this, I've got a bit of time off over half term, I can relax then. But actually the truth is carving out little moments because you may not have. Because last night, Rob, I was lying there at half 12 thinking, when am I going to have time for a shower tomorrow? Because I'm going to get up with the kids and I'm not going to get to sleep now. So I'm going to be really tired. Yeah. And so I got to get up and then I've got the podcast at nine. So I'm not going to get to do it before then.

And the podcast is till 12 and I need to be in the car at 12.15 for a six hour shoot that I'm doing this one till seven. And I've got to have a shower before that because I can't turn up without a shower. What am I going to do? And then I just, and then I was like, and then Saturday, I had the crafts not going to arrive. So I've got to get up early again on the Saturday and I'm not going to sleep tomorrow night because I've got to get up early on the Saturday. And then I'll- And then you are in about a black wall tunnel. Yeah, yeah, the black wall tunnel.

Then and then the craft will arrive and I've got 100 quid's worth of craft in my fucking house that I don't want. Yeah. And then I'm gonna I've got the birthday and then you got me really fun and happy and yeah, I can't be tired because it'll ruin it for everyone as if anyone gives a fuck. And then Sunday is my daughter's friends ice skating party and then we're going to buy her a hamster in it for everyone as if anyone gives a fuck. And then Sunday is my daughter's friend's ice skating party and then we're going to buy her a hamster after and I've, they've

only got one long haired hamster at the pet shop that I called what if they've sold out and then Monday's a double recorder smart TV, a double recorder and you're exhausted. And you're just going what is going on in my mind? Also I've got a last leg meeting at 10am on the Fridayth of Monday. Maybe I should cancel it. No, I can't cancel that because I have to do it another time. And then Tuesday is my daughter's birthday. Then Wednesday, I haven't bought her all the presents she needed and then it's Smart TV again on the Wednesday. And then Thursday, I'm fucking doing the parenting hell at 9am again. And I don't think that's living in the moment.

And that went through your head at midnight last night. Again, again, again. Everyone knows what the answer is of like, do some breathing or chill out or take a moment, but it's so hard to carve that out. But yeah, that's what I've been trying to do. It's just if there is a moment just breathe and try and get your head out your phone It's just brutal. Yeah, your phones bad last night. I got home yesterday after parents evening parents evening when it was all good. It was all fine Did you is that a situation where you do a joke? No, I don't do jokes at all I basically I felt it very hard to go to parents evening because I've got such trauma from school Did you used to go or did your parents used to go without parents evening? I think I went when you're in secondary school, but not it wasn't the parents evening

It was more because I always was a nice kid and try it like but like it was I hated it because I couldn't do Any of it because that I wasn't mylexia wasn't being hated for so it's everything was constantly confusing and impossible to get my head around and I was always sort of middle to bottom of the class at everything so it was nothing was like confidence building because I was always like yeah as long as I wasn't completely shit I was just slightly shit everything yeah and then I didn't really understand what was going on and then teachers would go you're not trying hard enough or send me out for being bad on purpose. And I wasn't, I just didn't. Teaching fucking men's first day.

There wasn't an effort as such, because it was just a different time. They didn't know. So I've got, but then I get there. And I'm like, I feel so out of my depth. And like, they say things like, oh, yeah, your daughter's like, for example, they were saying, she's really good at maths, at the problem solving, but not the arithmetic, which is, and they were saying that she's strange, actually, because normally it's the other way around. And I'm like, right, and I have to go,

what's arithmetic? Right? Yeah, I literally don't know. I sort of know something to do in maths, but I couldn't tell you exactly what it was difficult to put two and two together, don't you? Exactly. Arithmetic. Well, if I knew any maths, I'd do some more puns, but I don't. Yeah. And do you feel that do you chip in that because what tends to happen? I just have to shut down. Yes, I that is that is the option. But I became from a very young age comfortable on the surface, but probably not deep down in asking embarrassing questions, because I didn't know. So I would always ask and in a conversation of words come up, I didn't understand, I would say, what does that because I just didn't get it. So I'd say, what's arithmetic, he sort of explained that that is like, adding, subtracting, multiplying those core things, sums, and then problemums. All it's sums, mate.

Problem solving is more like, rather than it being four times eight equals, problem solving is if Sarah has eight apples and she needs to share them between three people, how many apples does she share? So it is a sum, but it's in the real world and stuff like that. Scenarios. Scenario, rather. Yeah. Anyway, so I just have to ask that and I feel so

fucking thick. But I'm not because I just like and shit like anyway, so I find that quite difficult. But then on the other hand, it like my daughter painted me out to be this sort of like maths, like lunatic pushy parent where she couldn't sleep one night when I'm scared of going to school tomorrow, we're doing maths and I've got to do times tables and I don't know the times tables. I was like, well, that's the point of going to school. You'll find out. But also you do know times tables. I was like, what's two times one?

She was like, what? She was like, well, it's two, isn't it? Because it's two ones. I was like, yeah, see, you know it. You know, you know some already like that. And she was sort of laughing. And then she went to school. She was like, the teacher was like, yeah, she said that you you tested on our times tables at bedtime. I know, I know. She tells them everything. She was like, and then she does tell us everything as well. And I was like, all right, okay. She told us about time you microwave the keys. I was like, yep, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did microwaves keys. It was sort of an accident. I was trying to, I didn't have a problem. I was trying to explain myself. And then she was like, yeah, and also time that you left the front door open overnight. I was like, yes, that did happen as well. And I was like, oh my God, I'm fucking nutcase. Yeah, but yeah, the parents-

At least she's interested in you. Yes, that's nice, isn't it? But yeah, so the parents even went well, to be fair, but I find that quite hard work and quite stressful to be honest, but you know, stuff like that. It sort of feels like it next week actually. I've realized I'm booked it in. That's another thing. I'll get that slipped in your sketch, mate. Yeah. Cause obviously neither of the dates worked cause I was working. Um, so we've got to find a kind of special date. Yeah. Oh God, life. No, it'd be, it'd be all right. It's fine. It's fine. Now, it's good

because it's like you can go, oh, this is a bit nostalgic. This is what I lived like for, for years. Yeah, well, exactly. Yeah, exactly. So it's, but in the nature of our job, it's because we are, we are having a little break over half term to spend time with the kids. We're filming, we're not filming, recording as many shows. So that's why we are doing a bit more before half term. But then that increases our workload because we can't do a handover to two other comedians to do the podcast for a week or so. No, exactly. So it's a bit of a balancing act. But it's, I've got some good news. The electrician came around. Oh, yeah. How did that go? You know, I had a nightmare with the bulbs and I couldn't get the right bulbs. None of the bulbs worked. Yeah. That's your problem with the dimmer switch. Oh, so it wasn't me or the bulbs, I couldn't get the right bulbs, none of the bulbs worked. Yeah, that's your problem with the dimmer switch.

Oh, so it wasn't me, or the bulbs, which is exciting, because I was getting quite down about that. And do you want to know what it was? If you've got problems with dimmers, if the bulbs aren't working right, even when you've changed the bulbs, some dimmer switches come with a thing where if you press the button on the switch to turn it on and off quite quickly, it can go into programming mode, which then you can accidentally program it to be on a really low dim instead of full whack.

Oh my God. What the guy did is take out those ones and put in a more basic version, which was basically on off up down on the demo because what we were doing, I hope we think it may have been a 40 demo switch, but also I could have been programming it to be really low light. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I thought it's been shining candlelight for the last two months, essentially. Oh, do you want an update on in terms of shooting on nappy? We've seen on a nappy.

So nappy has nappy, potty training. Yeah, He's jumped the potty, so he just does the toilet. Okay, that's good. That's wheeze, but he's still getting constipation from it. Cause he's afraid of doing a shit. And he's got it on, does he just wait till night time to do it and do it in his nappy? Or has he not got on it? Well sometimes, but sometimes he tries

and then he basically gets stage fright on the toilet. Oh. But it's interesting that both of our kids, neither of them have been the shit on the floor type. They've both been the keep the shit to themselves. Do you know what I mean? That's been a genetic thing, because I imagine you're a keep the shit to yourself kind of guy.

I don't know. When you was doing potty training, you're quite polite. I don't think you would shit on the floor. Yeah. Well, I think on paper, I'm a floor shit. I'd say about myself, I'm not a shit on the floor. Yeah. About myself, I'm not shit on the floor. Whereas I'd label myself as a floor shitter. Well, we could play a lovely game, Rob. I'll tell you some mutual

acquaintances. On the floor where they keep their shit to themselves when they have to two or three great little game. Let's get a little game show. Yeah. Romesh. Romesh keeps his shit to himself. Yeah. Okay, good. Definitely. Okay, Romesh. Romesh keeps his shit to himself. Yeah, yeah. Okay, good. Definitely. He tried it.

Richard Osman? I think he keeps his shit to himself as well, actually. Yeah, so do I. Yeah, very controlled, isn't he? Very controlled. He knows what he wants to go out there. Absolutely, yeah. Maybe this could be the new loose neck stiff neck floor shitter or shitter to himself.

Seems similar kind of vibe, doesn't it? Alison Hammond? Ah, she's a floor shitter. All over to himself. Seems a similar kind of vibe, doesn't it? Alison Hammond? Ah, she's a floor shitter. All over the fucking walls, mate. On the fucking walls? Joe Swash, ceiling shitter. Ceiling shitter. Scofield?

It'll share it about. It'll do the shit, but then blame someone else. Who's done a shit out of my ass and put it on the floor? Unbelievable. Holly! That's a great game that. Yeah, sending your celebs somewhere that you think they're shit on the floor and all, or whether they kept the shit to themselves. Sending your celebs will let you know what they're up to. Yeah. Okay. It's good to have a feature.

And then next Saturday night take away, it's just finished unfortunately, otherwise we could have sold it to them. I've got visions of being on the wheel next year and you know, someone walks in, patting the Guinness goes, did you call me a floor shitter? I'm like, yeah, Pat.

But I just, just because I think you're quite a relaxed guy, you're not too worried about other people. It's not about, I don't say you actually do shit on the floor. It's basically is the new loose neck stiff neck really in there. Yeah, but let's bring that up again. Let's just repackage it feels like a new ground. Let's give you at least the illusion the podcast evolving.

Don't let them see behind the curtain too much Josh. I'm sorry. Sorry. It's full of shit too much Josh. Sorry, sorry. It's full of shit in my house. Look at our show. Also, I'll say before you come on, my backdrop here is if it was a sitcom and it was a stressed ad, this would be too much. It's so on the nose. I've got a bike, I've got returns to go back, I've got a smiggle bag, I've got a car seat,

I've got shit everywhere. Oh, I went to Big Yellow Storage yesterday. Oh, you've got returns to go back. I've got a smiggle bag. I've got a car seat. I've got shit everywhere. Oh, I went to Big Yellow Storage yesterday. Oh, you've got a storage plate. Are you going to get rid of that once the cupboards are in? So a lot of it, we're going to get rid. We had to just get a load of stuff out of the house. I mean, it's quite expensive storage.

That's not a slight on Big Yellow Storage, because obviously- No, it's expensive. We had it for a bit when we were moving house and then we got rid of it. It was just, it's quite a fun experience. That's how busy and shit your life is at the moment and you're buzzing for a trip to Yellow Storage. Two blokes carrying all the heavy stuff out of my house. Did you watch them? No, I was trying to help but they'd kind of... Bigger, just bigger.

They, well to be fair to them, I was more problem than I was causing. Do you know what I mean? That kind of situation. I hate that when you have to do it. You're sort of like trying to open it. You don't even know how to open the padlock properly. All right, one second, lads, sorry. Rose, how many does this? We've got to sell all the stuff in the storage unit on most of it.

So, you know, there'll be a fire sale on Rose's Instagram or my Instagram at some point. Right, you're gonna start selling some of the stuff. Yeah, because you can't just pay to have a table sitting in darkness for years on end in the hope that one day you'll need a kitchen table again. Yeah, because you're changing the setup in the kitchen, aren't you? You're not gonna use that because it doesn't fit anymore.

No, sometimes you have to go, it's cheaper to sell it and then buy another one if we need one. Especially if you're having to store it for six or eight months or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So there we go. Just stick that used to do list, mate. Stressful, yeah. The thought of going down to a storage unit,

getting everything out to photograph it and putting it back in. Not a fun day. Not a fun day. Want to look forward to before Christmas. Should we do small business? Oh yes, do a quick bit of small biz. Please can I give a small business shout out to Sabertooth coffee shop in Hoxton. They're a proper local small business who sorts and support other local small businesses with a lot of their suppliers and they freshly make their delicious chai each morning. What's chai? You know, they're sure from East London, aren't you? Yeah, I don't really drink chai. It's a tea. People absolutely love it. It's very, it's incredibly nice and sweet. Okay, well they're

pumping out their own here. But consequently, it's a bit rich for me, but people fucking love it. Don't start having a go at Sabre Tooth's chai. No, I'm saying their chai is good, but I'm just saying it's not my, you know. Couple of two. It's not my couple of two, exactly. Perfect. Okay, super friendly service, cozy atmosphere, and on Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

they turn into a pop-up restaurant in the evenings, which serves authentic Indian and Asian-inspired cuisine. You can find them on Instagram, all hail Sabertooth, S-A-B-R-E-T-O-O-T-H for Sabertooth. Not only do they make the best coffee in the area by long distance, that caffeine is what fuels the Perrin Hill production train most mornings. And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

Oh, hello, bit of insider training. Give them a follow. Thank you, producer Michael. Unbelievable. Here we go. Leave them a Google review and if you're local or happen to be in the area popping to have a coffee, you might even bump into me.

Oh, Michael's trying, Michael, you're trying to hit up the listeners. Don't say gobble gobble though, please. Thanks for the producer, Michael. Yeah, we need a new word for that. Producer Michael, how do you know these guys, Michael? They're just your local coffee shop. It's just local coffee shop around the corner,

but it's very good. And they got they got burgled recently and give a shout out on the podcast. What did you take? Oh, that's nice of you mate. I tell you what though, you need to declare any free chai teammate like Keir Starmer. Yeah. Hello, Rob and Josh. Hope you both won surviving the summer holidays. Bloody hell, we take a while don't we? Could you give

my friend's business a shout out, please? Jeanette is currently undertaking a nursing associate qualification after being a support worker in Sheffield's pediatric critical care unit for 12 years. Jeanette has been making therapy toys for children with a variety of conditions. Tracheostomy, ventilated children,

children with PEG feeding tubes, children who have had cardiac surgery children, children with PEG feeding tubes, children who have had cardiac surgery and children with stomas. She started with dinos, oh dinos, tracheosaurus and stomasaurus, et cetera. Oh dinos. But also there's monkeys and penguins available, a variety of eye catching colours. What an amazingly great business. These have been fabulous for children to have a toy like them and

other hospitals and purchase them for their patients. Please visit Etsy. So Etsy.com slash UK slash shop slash papaya flamingo. It's papaya flamingo Instagram at papaya flamingo underscore gifts for the number kids gifts for kids but for is the number. She for kids but for is the number she's been doing this now here keep his hips she's been doing this alongside her training and the reviews she's had from parents as well as children have been amazing absolutely brilliant Papua flamingo and Papua flamingo underscore gifts the

number four kids lovely right Josh I'll see you next time. I'll see you then. Bye bye. Hi, Sean. Hi, Jack. So you mentioned you were going to come up with an advert for our podcast. What for Oh My Dog? Yeah, Oh My Dog.

Have you written something? No, I haven't. Well, neither have I, but I wasn't meant to. Yeah, well no, look, Sarah's here now to record it, so why don't you take over? Hi. Hi. Hi, Sarah. Hi. Right, are we ready? What have we got for the Oh My Dog advert?

Sean, I think you were gonna... Hello, I'm Sean Walsh and I'm with Jack D and we have dogs. Not together, we have individually. Jack has a dog Dolly and I have a dog Mildred. I see. Oh my dog, the cult podcast with Jack D and Sean Walsh. Listen because they both have dogs. That's what I was going to say. Where are you?