Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP20: Where is the time going?

Episode Date: November 1, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.

Good job. Can you say Josh Weddekum? Imogen. Good job. Can you say Josh Weddicombe? Imagine. Josh? Josh. Weddicombe?

Josh. Yeah, just Josh. Josh Weddicombe. Oh, that's very cute. What is it with these kids and your surname, mate? Well, it's a difficult surname. It always has been. And I can't see that changing. Will he come? Did you get a lot of that at school?

I think we've said this before. Will he come? Yeah, I'm sure we have. No, but you know. You never got called Will he come at school? You've got the mind of a top level comic, Rob. Biting satire. Exactly. Hit me on Just a Minute or The Now Show. Or Jack and Ori.

What's Jack and Ori? News Jack. News Jacker. I don't think The Now Show's still going. I never did The Now Show. I didn't really get, there was a sort of a polite distance between me and Radio 4 comedy.

Radio 4 haven't really, I've done Just a minute once. I don't think I'm a good fit for them. And that, and that, and that Rob, was my career on Radio 4. And I'd say you're a, you're a better fit for Radio 4 to be. Yeah, but they were never really sniffing around me

in the way that, you know. It's a weird thing, isn't it? Because the idea of Radio 4 comedy is to be funny, but they really go about it in a strange way. I don't... In the same way you're not for them, I can't imagine anyone it's less for than you. Yeah, yeah, maybe, yeah. I just sort of like... Yeah, so I think, you know, that's the thing.

I think a lot of the stuff for the BBC, I used to think it was an age thing, but it's more class. What's weird about comedy, yeah, yeah, because you're old now. Yeah, because I thought, oh, maybe I don't get Radio 4 or Radio, BBC stuff because I'm younger. Well, that's the interesting thing about BBC stuff is It's not on the telly. Telly was all right. It's literally the only place on the radio. You're right.

Sorry, I'm having a nightmare. I've got two, you know, I'm trying to be a gamer, but I don't have any time to game. I've got a two monitor set up here. And at one point, I was just sliding stuff across like a hacker, you know, I'm trying to be a gamer, but I don't have any time to game. I've got a two monitor setup here. And at one point I was just sliding stuff across like a hacker, you know, like a sort of disaster film, but I think I've got it right. I've got my sound recorded on that one. I've got Joshi widders there. I just wanted to screen just to be you, but it's really boring for everyone involved.

Here we go. Um, right. Sorry. Carry on Josh radio radio on BBC. Well, no, what's quite odd is just like, radio comedy literally only exists on one radio channel in the whole country. So it's not, so if you don't do Radio 4,

it's not like you go, it's like if the only channel that did comedy was BBC Two. Yeah, because they're the only ones to do sitcom, radio sitcoms, no, it's not like XFM goes. Yeah, it'd're the only ones to do sitcom, radio sitcoms. It's not like XFM guys. Yeah, it'd be mental if you were listening to radio, you know, Virgin Radio, and suddenly they did a sitcom. I feel like as well radio sitcoms, you just rely on sort of like, oh, you can't really see what's going on here, kind of thing.

Yeah, I'm not a big radio sitcom. I actually, I've never, I've never listened to one. I've just, I've just, I say this. What's that noise Josh? Oh God. I can hear it soaring. Scaffolding. You've got scaffolding for the kitchen?

Not yet, I will in an hour. So I thought the scaffolding was happening near your house. You've scheduled scaffolding to be erected on your house by the window that you're recording a podcast from. Well, no, not by my window. It's two doors, it's two floors below. Yeah, I know, but that's still the side of the house you're recording a podcast from? Well, no, not by my window. It's two doors, two floors below. Yeah, I know, but that's still the side of the house you're on. Well, bear in mind, Rob.

Go on, I will. Yeah, I've been recording, we've been recording a TV show for three days, and this is the only morning you could do because you were going away for two weeks. So I'm not... You know what? Let's bear in mind that and I'll shut up. Yeah, so, I can do any day in the next two weeks if you want to move this. No, no, no. Let's stick with the scaffold then actually. Yeah. Let's crack on. How you been? All right. Let's not get bogged down by these silly details. Schedule it when you want, mate. Don't

worry. Don't you worry. Fair enough. I'll take my medicine. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm fucking fucked. This morning I got up. What time? 7.30. Right. So obviously I got in. So we finished filming Smart TV last night. Rob Beckett's Smart TV. Get this right. On Sky Max in the new year. You can watch the old episodes on Ketchup guys. You can. Yeah. How does that work? You just type it into your sky or your now TV. Watch them now. We finished right, which was a lot of fun. Been great series. We have great guests haven't we? Great series. Been lovely. Richard Ayoade, Richard Osmond, David Mitchell. We had Charlotte Richie on last night.

Chris McCausland, Carol Vorderman. It's been absolutely bang after bang. And we had Kerry Godlaman. We had Richard Madeley last night. Oh, lovely, wasn't it? And Jason Watkins, he's like a real proper actor, isn't he? I know. Danny Dyer we've had. Danny Dyer, yeah. I've heard Sam Hammond on every week.

So that was nice, but I got, I went for a sparkling water for half an hour. That's the sort of the drilling. I just don't know what I can do about it. It's not like I've shared the scaffolding. I got six weeks of work. So they were like, we're putting up scaffolding tomorrow. So you can't. Yeah. Do you think you might we might you might have to record from somewhere else while your house is being built? Well, we're two weeks of it. I'm you're away. So I'm just saying

that you have just said, yeah, that breaks the back of that. Okay, yeah, actually quite handy that I'm not recording for two weeks. So then it's only four weeks and we'll see what happens. I think we're recording in town anyway. Yeah, yeah, I think that might be a good idea. Would they start knocking walls down? Yeah, I hadn't even thought about that. To be honest, Rob, to be...

Gary! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lucas Aid. Yeah, original. Daily Star for Greg Pasties. Cheers mate. Adrian, so is Adrian using the scaffold or is it other guys coming in for this? Different jobs. Oh, so it's a bit of a turf war for Adrian because he's really got his feet under the table at your place. No, he'll always be the favourite. Right, okay. What if these new guys are really fun? Like not saying Adrian's not, but what if like a couple of Plymouth fans, they love Blur, they're playing Blur, Plymouth top vintage.

I don't think that there's many Plymouth fans from Eastern Europe. I had to go, I'll tell you about my morning, get up at 7.30, go downstairs, let the scaffolders in. They get us builders and stuff. Why'd they go up in? They've got surely scaffolders outside. It's the back. Oh, right. Fair enough. So they're bringing the scaffolding through the house. No side access. Come on, mate. We've got all that.

Well, we've got extra house instead of side access. Oh, you've done extension, lost the side access. Lost the side extension. Actually, we haven't. It's terraced. It's terraced. It's terraced. It's making stuff up now. So you let the scaffolders in. Well, our house is covered in that stuff.

You know that thing, which obviously I'm super aware of in the last year now, is that kind of black plastic, it's almost like black plastic cardboard that they, and that they tape onto every surface when they're working, like the floors and the walls. So our house is just black with cardboardy stuff now. And it's six weeks. Yeah, and then they let the scaffolders in.

Had to move the car. Had to go and get some eggs. Forgot my card. So I had to say, I'll come back with my card in a bit. Went back with the eggs. Realized I didn't have any milk for the pancakes. I just go and get the milk. Came back.

Scaffolders said, we've got to put a couple of legs of scaffold into the next door garden. Can you knock on their door and ask them? Oh no, that's a horrible knock, isn't it? It's a horrible knock. At like 7am, can scaffolders come through your house? They've not put the special cardboard box there. No, no, no, it's all right.

They'll do it. They can do it from our side of the fence. Yeah, yeah. Right, okay. Were they receptive to the scaffold legs? I was like, can we leave it? I can't see any lights on in their house. Can we leave it as late as possible to make this knock? Yeah.

So I made the pancakes. Obviously, the kids are getting ready for school. Yeah, then I do have to go and do the knock. That's fine. Have to move the car for the scaffold as I said that. Basically, London, mate, and then I had to listed five problems I'll never ever have. Well, I've listed two things you can't do. Go and buy eggs and milk.

I could I could fucking milk a cow if I wanted. You think I can't? You think I won't climb over a couple of films and pump out a bit of milk itch if I need it for a cup of tea? Don't drink tea, black coffee, don't need milk. Eggs I do need. Pancakes, pancakes. But you know what, I'm going to get some chickens now to spite you. Get down the coop, take a couple of chickens, take a couple of eggs out.

Lou, I'm popping to the coop. Do you know what chickens would be one I'd be more up for? I'm up for chickens when I've got more time on my hands, but the moment is, I'm too, if I had to go and check on the coop this morning, I genuinely would just, I think I'll just curl up in the coop and see what someone found me. So we've got hamster now, Rob. How's that, what's the name? Has he got a name? Chip. Chip, lovely. We went to the pet shop on Sunday.

Yeah. Now, I could talk you through all of the instructions they gave me, but what will happen is then I'll get 600 DMs of slightly differing instructions on how you should look after a hamster. Do you know what I mean? Passive aggressive hamster facts. Well, actually, Josh, did you know that that tubing is not ideal because hamsters do sometimes chew on a corner? It's it's and it's also like, oh, you know, no, actually, you don't need to change the water every day. That's a way you could change it every, you know.

Yeah. Can I ask you a question? How deep is your bed in? With the hamster? Well, currently, we're getting a deeper we're getting a different cat. We're in a holding cage at the moment yeah temporary cage because I happen to us because the better ones you need takes time to deliver yeah exactly because the pet shops only sell shit ones yeah but the pet shop can I just give a

shout out to the pet shop for being so helpful because you just turned up and she talked me through all of the different things and what we need I didn't know how to acclimatize a hamster, all that kind of stuff. How do you acclimatize a hamster? Got one of my daughter's socks, put that in the cage. Great tip. Yeah, he gets used to her smell. So then when she plays with him, he's already like, she's

a source of safety and... That's a great idea. Yeah, isn't that a really good idea? Like when you, if a baby duck sees you before it's mum, you're its mum. Yeah, and I forgot that there was a few years, wasn't there, where you had that baby duck because you were walking through the park. I remember the film Fly Away Home, where she builds a glider to teach them to fly. No, I've not seen that.

It's a great film. That's a really good film. That's a good premise. That's a good premise. It's a good premise. Great premise. We're going, I'll talk about it later, but we're going through old films. We watched Beethoven with the kids at the weekend. Oh yeah, good. It's such a good film.

Absolute classic. Shout out to the Hackney, it's just called the Pet Shop Hackney. Shout out to the Pet Shop Hackney. Big up the Pet Shop Hackney. Yeah, got a long haired hamster. Long haired Syrian, Russian. Yeah, Syrian. Yeah, we have got one. My one had massive nuts. I think there's something wrong with it. They were like, they kept growing. Did they? And he used to just

drag them around. I was used to escape at night and then wander around and go back in. Wow. How did he escape? He could just push the little, he could, you know, it's like a little, we have that cage, it sort of clips in, he could just force that open over time. Oh my word. He'd just pop it open, and then we'd wake up in the morning, we'd see like a trail of all his sawdust stuff,

and then he'd go back in after a little work about. Oh, good on him. It's quite good actually. Yeah. So we're doing that. He's coming out for the first time tonight to be handled, that she said give it a few days before handling in the bath in the bath see these are all the tips that I got that you like I didn't know this. Give us some of the tips then come on.

In the bath? No water. Just to be clear, no water. So with my daughter in the bath. What are you wearing in the bath? Just covered up? It's a Victorian bathing suit. You know those stripy Victorian bathing suits. That's what I wear in the bath? Just covered up? I'm wearing a Victorian bathing suit. You know, those stripy Victorian bathing suits. That's what I wear in the bath for the girls. Yeah, exactly. You've got to have some decorum. You've got to have some respect. Do that every other day for a month or so. And then she can get him out with like maybe some Tupperware or something so that he doesn't piss on her bed.

Nice. Once we've got this sand, because he's long haired, bathing sand that you put in a bowl once a week and it'll roll around in it and it helps with the dirt in his hair. That's good because you do have to brush them long-haired ones on the trimmer a bit. That's the problem with them. Yeah so that's good and the sock tip and in summer freeze a bottle of water and put that in there to give him some cool nice yeah what about um remove all his teeth so he doesn't nip you i like the nipping okay dear parenting how i found it sickening i did not appreciate rob's tip about removing a hamster's teeth. That all I'm saying is, if the pet shop sold toothless hamsters, you'd sell a lot.

Um, she told me what you can eat, what you can't eat, all that kind of stuff. It's fun giving them like a long bit of carrot to pop, carrot's a bit sugary for them though, did she tell you that? She said no citrus. Yeah. Um, she said vegetables. Um, like she didn't say no carrot. No carrot, okay fair enough. She didn't say no carrot. She didn't say no carrot. No carrot. Okay, fair enough.

She didn't say no carrot. She didn't say no carrot. Don't overdo it on the carrot, they she said to me. No, okay. Alright. So there we go. So we've got the hamster. But my life is just such a mess that the hamster is still on the floor of my daughter's room. Because we're going to move the fish into this room.

Oh god, Josh. She's got so many pets. I know. But like, so I've had... You tell Rose to shut the fuck up as well, by the way. You're trying to work here. Rose! Just doing the podcast. Oh, sorry. It's all right. Okay.

Oh, Rose took that well, we would go and he needs to know what side of fucking bread spread, don't say you're keeping down Rose, we can't quite hear the scaffold going up. I'll tell the hamster still on the floor. What? Yeah, you're getting a new I've got like, I've done the hamster still on the floor. What? Yeah. And you're getting a new, I've got like, I've done the water three days ago for the fish tanks. You have to condition it or whatever. And it's still in three different separate fucking kitchen saucepans. Right. Okay. And

your, your office looks stressful at the moment. There time I speak to you, there's a more fulfilling thing. Yeah, it's so stressful Rob. We're just having, so we had to clean. So I've got this afternoon off, yeah, before I've got a new parents evening and then I'm taking my daughter to Dua Lipa tonight. Well, that's fun. That's a lovely little trip out.

Thank you to Flo for talking those. But yeah, so we're doing that. But this afternoon, I'm doing boxes. We've boxes. We've got a box up the whole of the kitchen. Oh, can't you just get a removal? I'd say because we need to know what is staying out. It's not a case of boxing. You need some because you're not going straight. It's not. It's a lot. It's not a can we put everything in boxes? I've never done this, what you're doing before. When we did, we've only ever done up a,

we'd done up a kitchen once in our first flight that was so tiny, it literally took like a week and we timed it up so when we was on holiday and then we moved to a family home when we had kids. And then that was the whole thing actually renovated. We'd bought a door upper and then we moved to lose moms for six months, mom and dad for six months. So I've never done it where you do one room and you move out and you have to live out of a fake kitchen in the front

room and it always looks when you visit someone's house, oh this is fun look there's a kettle by the telly and then you just look at the eyes of the people. Yeah, fucking hell. Anyway, you're boxing up the kitchen, box up the kitchen then I'm going parents evening, then I'm going to the gig, then take the cat to the vets for her. And have a flush. Kidney flush, she has to do it every quarter. It comes around so quickly. I swear you did it recently. Rob, time flies when you're flushing. Jesus Christ, and it feels like we've only just flushed her.

I know it feels like we've only just flushed her. I know it feels like we've only just flushed her. This carousel of life of us talking. Genuinely, I'm flabbergasted by that. Is it Beryl? Yep. Beryl had a kidney's flushed almost like a week ago. Honestly, if you said under a quid on when Beryl got a kidney's flushed, I would have gone this month. Well, there'll be someone at home who will do the research. Let us know. I

could probably check. I could search Beryl in my calendar. Yeah, it was the 30th of July. Jesus, where is the time going, Josh? Where is the time going? So she's getting flushed. She's getting flushed. And then I've got to do some filming. What are you filming? I'm doing Goggle Box for Stand Up To Cancer. Oh, who'd you do it with? I'm doing it with Stephen Merchant.

Oh, that's amazing. That's great. He's so funny. Yeah, also, crucially, I think sitting down is a much better look for me and Stephen Merchant. I think laying down together. You go feet to feet. I think you should both be sat on a sofa

with a footstool in front of you, legs stretched out. Yeah, okay, yeah. That's for better, if you're going for straight comic effect or pop your legs out of shot, focus on the talk. Focus on the bloody chat. Focus on the chat. Yeah, I'm doing that.

I'll be fine. And then pick up from school, And then that's half term. Lovely. Well, what about the birth? We didn't go through the birth because you had quite a stressful birthday. You didn't have crafts. So you was having to go and get crafts. Oh, yes. I went to hobby craft at 9am. Greenwich. Greenwich. What's the Blackwall tunnel? We got there, Rob, in 18 minutes.

Do you know what I'm saying, mate? We're closer than we really are. You've got to come round more. It's so close. Blackwall Tunnel is all or nothing. It's unbelievable or the worst thing that's ever happened. When it's clear, it's the closest thing to teleportation you can find. Yeah.

I know this is London-centric, but I cannot express to you how problematic Blackwall Tunnel is to people outside of London. You can it can take it can add an hour to your journey. But also it can sometimes put minuses in your journey, Josh. Yeah, somehow. It's incredible. That's why when I come up to meet you and Michael sometimes and I go, Oh, let's do on a Sunday night because there's no traffic so quick. Yeah. So we went to Hobbycraft. Yeah. Come't use a kitchen if you want. Somehow spent 180 quid. Because you're like, we've got to buy enough craft for the party. Well, when I told because Lou's

a Hobbycraft aficionado, when I said, Oh, Josh has had a bit of a nightmare, the stuff won't be delivered in time. So he's got to go and get that from there. So I showed him them and then I showed like three of those things that were like 20, that won't be enough. Not for that many. Yeah, no, I think it's fine. And you were right. We bought them individually. We bought like, you know, individual matchsticks, lolly sticks, you know, all that job done back in 18 minutes came back. Obviously, the stuff back in 18 minutes, obviously, the stuff arrived.

The party went well. The party went very well. So you had a craft, you had a disco. How's the disco? Fine, Taylor Swift, didn't it? Lou had a question, so I was telling him about it. Sounds like a lovely party, however, it feels like, she said to me,

I would, it feels like I would have like an entertainer leading all those activities. And do you know what I said to her? What? Josh will do that, he loves it. Yeah, well, I'd say you're both wrong. I would have had someone lead to those activities, but my daughter specifically said

she didn't want a grownup telling them what to do. She wanted free crafting and free disco. So she was gonna just tell everyone, we're doing this now, and then we're doing that. Well, no, she wanted everyone to be able to do their own craft, rather than sit there and be told, you're now gonna make a mouse. Right, okay, and then we're doing that. Well, no, she wanted everyone to be able to do their own craft rather than sit there and be told you're now going to make a mouse. Right. Okay. And then the disco, she sort of like, you know, it's disco time.

Disco didn't really happen. We just had Taylor Swift on the whole time. Oh, fair enough. So it was just crafting for a couple of hours. Nice. Well, they ran around because it was a Hackney City farm, which has got a lovely room for, and they were very helpful. It's got a lovely, it's just got a function room, do you know what I mean? You know, like a, um, and so they went and saw the animals and they run around and the boys, man, some of the boys, it's a different world of him boys, Rob.

Well, it's something I've, I'm not going to experience. So you're, you've got half and half. How was your son doing the same things or is he still too young for that? No, he's not, he's not as rough and tumble as some boys are playing football, balloon football, and they are properly just charging into each other and stuff. Yeah, because what would you like as a kid to do Josh? Because I was half, I was a halfway house. Yeah, because I'd say you are totally like in a room. I know we sort of. I'm not Richard Aowardy, but I'm not you. Do you know what I mean?

Like in a room though, I feel like I could... If I invited you and Richard Ayoade on a stag do, or some mates that are a bit more rough and ready, you would totally hold your own and have a laugh with them. And if they gave you shit, you'd give them shit back and sort of dominate them. I've been to Millwall. I've been to Millwall.

But you'd hold your own and give shit back in quite a semi-alph away, to be fair, because you've learned that through stand up stuff. Yeah, so like, so I feel I put you in your sort of a strange way on paper, you think you'd be quite but you're not you're pretty. I liked football, but I didn't like it if it got rough. I didn't I've never been in a fight. No. So all in all good birthday good hamster. It was all it's all passed off successfully

perfect lovely and a nice chill Sunday I've got no idea what we didn't it was Sunday hamster day oh no we went to yeah yeah Sunday was ice skating for her best friend's birthday like it's a busy schedule you've got the moment her best friends got the same birthday as her so we have to talk to the parents to stagger the birthdays. Oh, yep. Well, yeah, we have to, because ours is in December, it's a nightmare leading up to Christmas. We have to do that because then we have to give everyone in advance and then we have

to say to our kids, then they both want the same party. You're like, well, you can't invite, sometimes they've got friendship groups overlap. Like, okay, we're going to, you know, we're going to go to Ninja Warrior to Sunday's Running. Who's up for that? You know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I'm looking forward to? Have you got to this stage yet? I hear there's a stage at about nine or 10, where they just want a few close friends to go to the cinema. Yes, we are venturing into that territory. Are you? And I fucking love it. That's brilliant. Well, it's good because actually some kids, I think as well, it's too much pressure having 20 kids, 25, 30 kids from your class and just want a few. But there's this weird thing at the start of school where you have to invite

everyone and in our school, there's two classes in the year. So there's like 55 kids or something in total. And then at the beginning, there were some people inviting both sides. I'm like, this is insane. One is trying to find a space of 55 children. And then when they're four, they don't want to be dropped. Some are a bit nervous. So then you've essentially got, you know, another 55 people, potentially another 110 people if both parents come. And then if they've got siblings, it's a fucking under 50 person. Where's it? Wedding? Yeah, yeah. So I was quite strict with that. But now they're a bit more like, right, you can have 10 mates or something or five mates.

And this is who you're picking. So that's what we're doing now. And it's it's I think they're much better parties. Yeah, it's because her year is not that big. So she like. But it's hard if you're like cousins, one of the girls cousins is in like a village school where there's like eight of them. Yeah. Well, then it's eight all the way' cousins is in, like, a village school where there's, like, eight of them. Yeah.

Well, then it's eight all the way, mate. No, just this seven. So, I think it's different if you've got a smaller class, but when there's loads of them, you can't have them all. It's ridiculous. We went to a birthday party the weekend, my niece's birthday party, and I had a slight row on arrival. Oh, no, that's not like you.

Well, no, I was so tired. Like I say, we've been so busy and overwhelmed the last few weeks because we're trying to do too much and trying to get stuff done so we can have some family time over half term. And we were told to get there like 15 minutes before and then I was running late because I come off the motorway and my sat nav just went completely blank. And basically, I literally had no idea. I was like, well, if my phone doesn't work. Why did it do that? No idea. Just, I think signal just went completely,

I swear phone signal is getting worse in the UK. It's much worse than abroad. So I'm a bit late, but the party starts at 11. So I arrive at like 11, 10.59. So I'm a little bit late, but I literally had no idea where I was going. And then I walk in, so I walk in, and there's sort of reception,

but there's someone talking reception. So I just go around and I can see the party. They're about to go in. No one's harnessed up. They're about to go in for their safety talk. And then I sort of come in, I've rushed in and basically I got up on time. I tried to live on time, but both children needed a 15 minute shit one after the other. And that's going to screw everyone's diary. Also Rob, just to say, you can't be the first person who's ever been late with children to a clip and climb. Do you know what I mean? This must happen all the time.

Right, exactly, but I wasn't even late because they were all queued up and gathering them to be from the party table to the room for the briefing, so they've not missed anything. So I kept going, I went, oh, I'm really sorry I'm late, I'm so sorry everyone. There you go girls.

And then the lady was like, have you got your wristbands? I was like, pardon? But you got your wristbands? I went, oh, I don't know what, and then she went, oh, and rolled her eyes. Like quite like, in front of all the parents. Then I was basically a bit on the edge. I went, we don't have to eye roll.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, do I? And then in front of all the other parents, kids, and I was like, Oh, no, anyway, they got the wristbands and then they went on and then I sort of apologized to the lady. She sort of apologized to me. It was fine in the end, but it's not what you need. Is it? No, but it's nice that you made peace.

Yeah. I was, I was sorry about that. I was just didn't know what I was doing. She's like, yeah, sorry. No, I was only cause she. I just didn't know what I was doing. She's like, yeah, sorry. No, I was only because it's just really awkward Saturday morning. Just two people, just two people at a clip and climb. But you know, it's not bad place. But it's not where you want to be on a Saturday morning. Really, is it?

Probably neither of you want to be there. She's there. She doesn't want to do the weekend shift with parties. It's the shift. It's the shift, just shift, isn't it? She'd rather do a Wednesday afternoon or something like that. And I'm there and I love the kids and I love Denise and nephew and love birthday. I love their, but I'd rather just be in bed and not having to drive to places.

Of course. And then my daughter, so my daughter was doing this thing at the moment where she keeps blowing out other people's birthday candles. Yeah, that's not on. Not on, absolutely. No, does she take the wish? No, but she blows. So one was like, two of them were like a best friend from school and a best friend, one

of her best friends out of school, family friends. So it was sort of a laugh because they laughed along and then we were like, oh, and they can do it for your party next time. And it was sort of okay, but sort of not. Yeah. Okay. And then we sort of apologized to the parents. And then I said to my daughter, right, you know, at the time,

you mustn't do that, that's not okay. She was like, oh, okay, and got all defensive. And then we were driving to this part, I went, look, I don't wanna make a thing out of this, but you can't blow out the cab. This is not your birthday. This is someone else. And then I went, so no blowing out the candles today, okay?

Cause it was a bit of a joke, but it's not okay. And she went, okay, I'll try. Now that doesn't sound like the person that's sort of like, I'll try isn't really enough. I don't think just don't. All you got to do is is position her away during the as soon as happy birthday starts. Yeah, but I shouldn't have to zone or mark my child from a cake. I don't need an arsenal set piece specialist. If you could see her creeping up on the cake, you've got to dive in with a rugby tackle

there Rob. So what happened was... Or across her breath, like a kind of bodyguard taking a hit. Muzzler, stick a face mask on her. So anyway, the cake come out and I'm just eyeballing her and sort of giving her eyes a bit like Gary Lineker to Robson for Gascoigne eyes. Yeah, yeah. You know, and then luckily she's sort of too many people away to probably really do it. I'm sort of giving her the eyes like that.

I'm just saying, don't you fucking do not fly out these cameras. And then she didn't do it. Like when a runner is stuck in the pack towards the end of a race and they can't kind of. Yeah, exactly. She can't really get there.'t really get to the front. So I'm just sort of giving her the eyes like that. And then she didn't then she didn't do it. And then I'm in the back of the video, like thumbs up in my daughter saying,

well done. It's not well done, is it? It's like, that's the right thing to do. It's not like that shouldn't have got a well done. Because then I should have got, no one goes, well done. All the other children for not blowing them out. It's like, well done for not standing up and getting your dick out and pissing on the cake, everyone.

But I suppose in a way she's a hero because she's got the, she's the one who's got the desire to do it and she's not doing it. Well, she's, well, yeah, but she's facing her own demons and she dealt with them. Exactly, so it's like, you know, it's, she's overcome something there. It's not her fault that she's got an innate need to put out fire. Yeah, so that was good.

And then we went back to my brother's house for a we played some party games, Pass the Parcel, but they couldn't find the telly for somebody. They normally play the music for the telly speaker, the telly weren't working. So we was trying to play Pass the Parcel on an Alexa. Have you ever done that? No, but you presumably have to say, Alexa, stop. Yeah, no, exactly. So it was absolutely cut. But then so it was carnage because you have to tell Alexa to stop.

But then obviously the kids can hear and there's a delay. And then so poor Lou somehow was in charge of it. So she was just like leaning next to her, like just whispering, like with cupping around going, Alexa stop. But then I'm trying to give her a thumbs up. I'm trying to give her an early enough thumbs up to stop the Alexa. Are you trying to position the parcel on a particular person? I'm trying to position, but Lou, where the Alexa is, can't see the circle. Oh, yeah, right. It was absolute chaos. It was mental. It was funny though. I fucking hate pass the parcel. I find it stressful.

I think, I think pass the parcel is stressful. You find it stressful. I think Pass the Parcel is stressful. You're trying to create some kind of, like, everyone getting something out of a really random situation. You're trying to trick the kids into thinking that it's randomly landed on all of them. Yeah, exactly. Because if you do let it go random, it's too much stress. Everyone gets upset. But then you can just give everyone, you might as well just go around, look, we're not playing

Pass the Parcel, here's some sweets pass, but here's some sweets everyone. Yeah, some sweets and the birthday boy gets a bigger one in the middle. Yeah. Fucking hell, there we go. Enjoy yourself. Now let's, this is the one song. Right, Beethoven, we watched Beethoven Sunday.

We had a proper lazy day. We did nothing. I'm so tired. I'm just gonna light an incense stick, Rob, if that's all right. Absolutely. What's prompted that to happen this moment? I just saw it and I thought, oh, God, I really fancy that.

Yeah, what flavour you got? It's next to my, it's like classic Joss stick kind of classic, you know, I don't know what flavour. Smelly hippie charity shops smell they bring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, gobble gobble is problematic, isn't it? I've not been gobble gobbled in the street yet. No, but on Instagram, it seems to have taken hold, which is not ideal.

I don't know what we can do about that. I sent some Instagram abuse to Alistair Campbell, Rob. We've discussed this. I enjoyed that. That was great fun. That was out of character, wasn't it? That was out of character, but I think quite right, because basically Alistair Campbell and Roy Stewart, their podcast did the O2.

They were on a tour. And Alistair Campbell, the king of spin, posted up saying, amazing feeling to sell out the O2. And now for someone that criticizes Donald Trump for lying about how many people attend Donald Trump's rallies, there was a little curtain on the top level of the O2 which people put up when they haven't sold it out. Now Alastair, it's an amazing feat to sell out what I'd say 80% of the O2 is. However, if we want full transparency and trust from the new wave of politics of a new Labour government that you backed, we need to be honest with the public. Yes, we don't want alternate facts as Donald Trump calls them.

We want proper facts. Sure, some of the top tier was open. A lot of the boxes were shut, but there was certain parts of the top tier shut. We just want the truth, Alastair, and we're happy. We're happy to publish our O2 sales numbers. You publish your O2 sales numbers. We're okay with that. Are you okay with that Alistair? Because

we're all about transparency and truth here. Exactly. Exactly. That's what you said. What did you say on the comment? I loved your comment. I said, congratulations on selling out. We had the top level open, but each to their own. Also, you know what, anyone else, we wouldn't have done it because it's Alistair Carrabill

and he's so competitive. Yeah, because he's constantly claiming he's got the number one, which he has, but he's constantly bragging about being number one in the charts. Which is fine, because he is. So you don't need to lie when you haven't sold out the 02. It's fine. Exactly. I might be wrong. There is a chance I'm mistaken and I'm mistaken. And he sold 5,000 tickets to a black curtain. There's a possibility. Although all the fans of the podcast were all black and covered

their faces and sat there. It looked like a curtain. That is a possibility. That is a possibility. We're not rolling that out. Anyway, we saw a Lazy Day Sunday, watch Beethoven, Josh, and it's such a good film. So what's the plot of Beethoven? They buy a dog that's a bit big? No, a dog sneaks into the house that escapes from like a bad sort of puppy a pound pound where a guy's been trying to kill him or doing experiments on him. So he escapes and then finds his way into the house and goes into the cutest youngest kid's bed. And they're all like pal and goes, Oh, my God, dad, you got us a puppy. He was like, No, I haven't, no, I haven't.

And then the mum goes, Oh yeah, we have blah, blah, blah. Also the mad thing is when I used to watch those films as a kid, I always used to sort of fancy, there was always like the sort of, I was like eight and there was always like the teenager in it who was like the cool, the tea, you always just fancy it. Now watching it, I just fancy the mums. Yeah, of course.

Now I'm like the mummy is hot. When I was watching as a kid. I didn't even notice the mom. I'm glad you made that move Rob. Because if you think that's a different one. But I was like the mommy is hot. She's unbelievable. And she's probably about nine years younger of me. But she when you're a kid, she's like six, she's 60. Anyway, so the dog sneaks in. And then the dog gets up becomes problematic. And then basically what happens is they take the dog to the vet, the vet recognizes this was the dog that he wanted to do experiments on, and then lies and said the dog's dangerous. And then he stages a fake attack that Bay Omens attacked him. So they have to give the dog up, which is very sad. I explained to my kids, don't worry, the dogs are all fine in the end. And then they go back to rescue their dog from the guy and realize

the guy was lying because he hasn't actually got a cut on his arm. He was lying about it. And then they rescue the dog. And then there's one bit where Beethoven jumps on a massive tray of needles that fly into the chest of the bad man. But yeah, it's a brilliant film. It's really good. And it's quick, to like 80 minutes. So that's a good fun film to watch. My kids are eight and six and they loved it. I'm just searching for the age of Bonnie Hunt, who played Alice Newton. So when Beethoven was released, so it was probably the year before, she was 30 when they filmed that.

Oh, my God. She's so fit. I'm too old for that, I'm 38. 38, 30 is fine. If I remarried and I married someone 30, I think people would go, mm, okay Rob, bit of a gap. That can't be her. Michael, you all know this,

was Bonnie Hunt the mum in Beethoven? She was, yes. So she was born in 1961, and then Charles Grodin, who played the dad, was born in 1935. He was 26 years older than her. Jesus. That is old school Hollywood. How the hell is that? That can't be right. Is that right, Michael?

How could Michael fucking reduce it? Let no Charles Grodin age off by heart. But do you know, was he the dad? Yeah, yeah, he was definitely the dad. In that film, they made her look a bit older with what she was wearing and her hair. But also he needed to look that his character was like completely disheveled and stressed by life. Yeah, yeah. He was a super stressed man. So he needed a serene looking mom and a stressed looking dad.

Yeah. Well that is classic Hollywood cast in the 90s. Stanley Toot she was in it. Yes, he was. He was one of the bad guys. And then was it Oliver Stowe? David Duchovny's in it? Yes, he was. He was one of the bad guys. And then, is it Oliver Stowe? Or was it Oliver Stone? David Duchovny's in it. Yeah, and who's the other bad guy in it with Tucci? Oliver Platt?

Oliver Platt, that's the guy, yeah. It was a great film. And then we watched Beethoven Two straight after. Oh, Beethoven Second. Beethoven Second, yeah, where he has puppies. That's great. Right, Josh, I'll see you next time, mate. See you next time. Bye.

I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Doherty. And we'd like to invite you to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question, quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure, where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday?

I'm really downplaying it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like I'm just, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time, I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? That's too much, isn't it? That's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.

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Listen, because they both have dogs. That's what I was going to say. Were you? Thank you so much for the amazing comments about Series 1 of Fist of First's healthy funny mind food that's also delicious. I listen to 20 podcasts a week and this has already nestled in my top 3. Well it's a must listen for anyone who's seeking a deeper understanding of comedy. I can't wait for more Fist of First!

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