Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP24: The Theme Parks Special

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Josh moves into (and gets locked out of) an Air BnB while the builders are in his house. And Rob runs us through his half-term trip to the Orlando theme parks... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. Hello, I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. The faster money and data move, the further your business can go to a seamless digital future for Canadians.

Let's go faster forward together. In Life, Interact. As a FIS member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at Fizz.ca. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Mimi, can you say Rob Beckett?

Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whiddicombe? Josh Whiddicombe. Well done, darling. Whiddicam. There we go. Lovely stuff. I was just a bit distracted, Rob,

because I'm doing some reading. Oh, my books. Rob Beckett is the... Just six copies of A Class Act by Rob Beckett. They signed? No. Do you think you'd sign them for me? I could sign them for you.

You're going to keep... They're all for you? Yeah, they're all for me. They're all for me. And they're still in the offices of our agent. Sorry about that. Yeah, on the shelves. Sorry about the echo-y nature.

This is my little girl, Mimi, who's two and a half attempting both your names. Me and my friends have loved listening to your podcasts over the last few years. Makes my long train journeys much more bearable. Thanks for the laugh. Stay sexually relatable. Maria and Mimi from West Malling.

Lovely. I hate to be serious for a second, Rob. Come on. But can I thank everyone who... How do I say this? Someone came up to me the other day and she said that they'd lost their baby and the podcast was the first thing that got her laughing again. Can I just thank everyone that says nice things to us when they come up to us?

Because often people just come up and say, what's the word, Rob? I haven't engobbled gobbled that much. I've had people go to me, what word am I supposed to say? Yeah, yeah. But thank you for listening. And it made me remember what a wonderful community our listeners are. Yeah, we do appreciate it. Very proud of the fact that we're not listened to by complete dicks. I've had that before when someone says that they've

been through some traumatic times with their kids and say, listen to the podcast. And it's so, I get so quite emotional. Yeah, it really, that's, you heard how unarticulate I suddenly became trying to say it. No, but it's like they say that to you, it takes you off guard a little bit because I'm used to, oh, I'm Beckett or we, KFC or fuck it. Where's fucking remish and all that. But then someone will come and go, Oh, hello, I just want to say, and they're really self-exposed. And they talk about this, I know, awful traumatic time they had. And then they'll say that with the listeners, the podcast, I made

them laugh, but I'm so ready for a bit of a, could it be an awkward, like having a big and then that someone like pulls their heart out, then I started to get like a bit teary eyed. I'm like, yeah, of course you're going to have a photo. And I'm trying to like move it on before I birth because you can't, you know, burst into tears and it's there. The ones that have been through the difficult time, but it's quite overwhelming sometimes.

Yeah. So thank you to everyone. However, to counteract that though, I did for the first time say no to some selfies when I was in America, Josh. Come on. Cause my rule is when I'm on my own, always yes, you're whatever you want, absolutely fine. But when we're walking around theme parks

and it's so busy, the kids are tired, the kids are stressed and you're trying to get everywhere at a hundred miles an hour. It's sort of like as I'm walking somewhere, about to get on a ride and the kids are like, let's go on that. Like when they go for a photo, I'm just like, sorry, I'm with the kids because I don't want to keep stopping them. And especially at theme parks, there's people everywhere. And there's just like nonstop and loads of English tourists.

It's like, I don't want to disappoint one person, but I'd rather disappoint one person once that day than my child 20 times and keep going, wait. And you will disappoint your child 20 times. I know why. It's bad. So I still don't know how I feel about it. But it's like, we'll have fun with them. And, you know, I've worked really hard now, we're on holiday. If I keep stopping to chat to other

people, I think if your kids are there, I think it's fine. Yeah, I think like, don't beat yourself up. If I'm waiting for my losing the toilet with the two kids or whatever, and then I'm waiting outside or wherever, or the kids are just on the bench on their phone. And we're waiting for something that's fun. But like when we're in motion to somewhere, I can't hold up the whole group.

Well, tell me about America, Rob. Because you went over to do the Madison Square Garden Trump rally you were supporting him weren't you? That's right. Let me tell you about my Airbnb. Tell us about your Airbnb sit and we'll go through because I was thinking, Josh, do you think it's worth I'll give you a quick rundown of funny stuff that happened in Florida. Yeah, that Drekker it's worth me I'll give you a quick rundown of funny stuff that happened in Florida. Yeah. Do you reckon it's worth me and Lou doing like a chat together, you can join if you want,

or where we literally run for everything we did for people that are really interested in that as a holiday to go in more depth. Do you think that's a good way of doing it? Because I don't want to bore the regular listener. I'm happy to interview you both for it, Rob. Okay, that'll be quite fun. Yeah.

We could do the Rob and Lou Orlando kiss of me kiss of you. Yeah, you could have question one, how many times did you kiss Rob and kiss of me? And then you could end with a kiss. Yeah, you know what, because I think for this podcast, going to Orlando really, and doing the theme universal and Disney is like, even if you don't like that kind of thing, it's not your thing. Most parents want to try and do it for the kids once. It's on a bucket list, isn't it? So I feel like if we go for it, I think it'll be helpful to the listeners for us to go for it. Robin Lu's Guide to Florida.

Yeah, exactly. Because we've absolutely hammered it now. You can talk about making a cup of tea and popping down to Cornwall. Yeah, exactly, Rob. But I will go through what we did, but maybe we'll do another deep dive. If you've got any questions about a family holiday to Florida, send them in to the normal place. It's in the episode description, and then we'll get a load of questions. You can ask some questions,

and we'll do that as a full separate episode. But I'll tell you a few bits of Bob's. Well, we have been toying with, but we're not sure. We're doing some episodes that have been more helpful than just, you know, the usual, aren't we, Rob? But we'll come to that. Well, we do the funny one with celebs. We do our weekly catch ups. We thought when we've gone onto a topic that we can't properly explore,

maybe we do an episode a week where it's like, say it is about like, I don't know, kids sleep or something. We could get on somebody who's actually a sleep expert. We could ask them questions, which may be helpful as an extra episode. If you think that's a good idea, let us know. Or some topics that are people you'd like us to interview. Yeah, or anything that you want a bit more of a deep dive on that we can do a whole special for. Let us know what you want and if we get enough requests, we'll do them.

Because sometimes we'll talk to someone like, I don't know, an example of someone who's got a kid that's got maybe special educational needs or something. But we do feel then, oh, we'll do a bit of that but then we'll go back to talking about the vasectomy or something. But we do feel then, I will do a bit of that, but then we'll go back to talking about the vasectomy or something. But it's like, it'd be good to be able to do episodes. People often- Like with surrogacy or IVF where we've got like, you know, Gino Di Campo on, and I don't think he did have to do IVF, but if he did have to do it, you want to have Gino Di Campo being Gino Di Campo, but then you want a separate episode where you can really talk about that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? So if there's anything you want us to go on a deeper dive on, let us know. And any questions for me and Lou for Florida, we'll do that as a special.

You are the experts that will be wrong. We've done it every single way. What? There's no kissing and kissing me. Too busy doing all sorts. I'll tell you this, we slept in separate beds for two weeks because of the way the kids were arguing. Yeah. Well, my Airbnb, we're currently in separate beds. Also, it's a bit like strictly going to the parks after 20,000 steps pounding through you. There's no time for any funny business when you're in Florida. After 20,000 steps a day, you can't even get your leg up.

So Rob. Yeah, Airbnb, where are you at Airbnb? What's going on? So we decided to, after my brief morning in a hotel, we decided to do a few days in an Airbnb just to catch our breath, because there's literally no running water at the moment and they're putting steel girders in.

I think it's madness to stay in a house that's having that much renovation with two kids and trying to run a job. And also, when I saw your Instagram video of the building work, I was like, I know what you're like. So I messaged, I was like, please don't tell me you're going to try and record the podcast. Go to the office, please. And I said, no, I'll just record it from the world's most echoey room.

The sound don't sound sweeter off the back of gold discs does it? Luckily that's never going to be a problem I have. I do podcast download discs, we'll have one of them. A green disc from Spotify. They should start doing that. Yeah, come on Spotify, Chuck has a green disc. I don't know if you put that out, the Rosewood would allow that with your colour scheme. So we got, there's a few issues with the Airbnb. It's very nice and clean. Is it really near your house? It's about 10 minutes from our house, which is nice.

We looked at one Airbnb, Rob, that is on the same road as us. Oh, lovely. That would be perfect. You can see in one of the pictures our door through the window. Lovely. I just thought it doesn't feel special enough. I want to feel like- Oh, fuck off.

It's not that special. It's about getting your pants. I wanted to feel like I could go to a different shop. Right, okay. I regret it, Rob. You regret it? Of course you do. Who wants to live?

It's still East London, the 10 minutes away. You might as well be as close as possible. Yeah, they've only got three forks. See, if you were 10 minutes away, you could go and grab a fork. Have they got three forks? Three forks, Rob. I hate not being in my house. I hate it. Yeah, patchy internet.

Patchy? Like a helicopter? A patchy internet. Patchy internet. This is something that didn't need changing, Rob. They haven't got a key. It's got an app that opens the door. Oh, I don't need that. I don't need that.

Just a code, punch a code in the head on it. So I went out. Do you think keys need to stop though? What? I feel like a code that then unlocks, do you know what I mean? That it seems mad having a key. Yeah. Key seems too old now in this modern world.

Do you think? If you've got driverless cars, but you've still got a little bit of metal, do you have to put in a door to get into your house? Let me just find you this video that I'd forgotten that I was... We should all go, Fob. Well, Rob, I tell you what we shouldn't go to, App, because... Now, App's fine. ...Rose has got the app and I hadn't. I phoned her up and she was too far away from the house

for the app to work or the app stopped working so I was locked out, Rob, for two hours. We've got a ring doorbell, but I can't log into it because I for some reason I'm like it's still attached to my old house but I can't look at my old house because they've changed it obviously to their one yeah so I can't actually access anything but it won't allow me to tag on to a new house so I haven't got it but actually it's quite nice I don't care who's at the door I don't want to know. Do you want a video from our ring doorbell? Yeah. Here's a video.

This is me getting home the other day. What's quite good on our ring doorbell? Sometimes we see deer walking past. Well, this is very different, Rob. This is me with lots of heavy shopping the other day. Oh yes, please. Have you got a ring doorbell at your house then? Or is this at the B&B?

Oh, I'm carrying a box actually, sorry. It's an episode of Peep Show. Oh, so you have to put your nose into it to open it up. It's much easier Rob. I just ring doorbell. So how do you do it now? Well, if I'm carrying and it works, but then I was like, there'll be a video of that now. I was pre-spot and now I'm worried that's what's caused the spot. I mean, it's a horrible steal. Yeah. I'm going to edit that and put it on a gif

right now. Oh, thanks mate. You'll love it. I can do that while we're talking. That's how good I am. So I got locked out of my Airbnb Rob. Right. Okay. There's only three forks. There's no dishwasher tablets. The internet's a bit patchy.

Sorry, I'm just laughing at your nose again. Absolutely wild, mate. And who are you talking to at the end? Maybe is it Rose that's opened the door? I don't know. Save as a new video, edit, turn it into a GIF in a minute. This is great. Don't like the sound of that.

I'll send it back to you now and I think we can turn it into a GIF on WhatsApp. I do, FaceTime me by accident the other day. Mel B. Did she? Yeah. Did you pick up? Absolutely. And what happened? She was like, Oh, wrong Rob. I was like, not for me. I'm, I'm Rob. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, to have a little chat Mel B is quite random. I'll sort that out in a minute and turn it into a GIF. Okay. I'll look forward to that. Cause then it'll just constantly keep going round and round. Oh, that's fun to know. I'll forward that to Michael and you can turn that into a GIF and then we'll put it on Instagram. Okay. That's good to know. I'll forward that to Michael and you can turn that into a gif and then we'll put it on Instagram. Okay, that's good to know. Sorry.

So living in the Airbnb, I'm in with my daughter who claimed she wasn't enjoying it because I get too sweaty at night. Why are you so sweaty at night? Because Rob. You're under the duvet with your little nose out. No, I don't get that sweaty at night. It's because I'm stressed because I'll be honest, last night... You shouldn't be sweating in your sleep if you're not ill.

I was practicing this **** at 11pm in a panic. In bed? No, right Josh, I think you need to get a hand on this strictly thing. So you need to make sure you don't get too worried about doing... No, no, I'm not. I'm just a sweaty person. I'm just a sweaty person. Why are you practicing at 11 at night? It's difficult for me to practice because my varuca has really brought my varuca up. I've been doing so many spins on my feet. So I'm going to have my

veruca removed from my private doctor. Tomorrow morning I've got to book in with a veruca specialist. A veruca specialist? Who's going to laser my veruca at 1030am tomorrow morning. Oh, that's gonna be painful though, isn't it? I don't know. I've never had a veruca laser before. Well, laser basically they just burn it off. Yeah, I know.

So I had a weird lump thing on my finger. I can't remember what it's called now. They basically, what it will do is it will inject it with anti, what's it called? Anti-can't-feel-it anesthetic. Anesthetic. And then it'll, or she will get a scalpel cut it out. No, they don't do cutting these people.

They just do laser or ice. I don't know. Freeze it off. They just said when I said I need a verruca cut out, she said, oh, we don't do that anymore. We do laser. The cauterize in it. I don't know. Rob, I've given you all the information I've got.

They cut it out. Then he got like a red dot bit of metal and just stuck it into my finger and it smelled of burning. Oh god. I went there thinking oh they'll just do something but he literally cut open my finger, stuck a metal in it and you know to burn the wound to seal the wound and then sent me home and I was like shaking driving the car home with like one hand. Oh my god. But you'll be all right it's not like you've got to use your feet the next couple of things. Oh my gosh. But you'll be all right. It's not like you've got to use your feet the next couple of weeks. I tell you what, I'm not getting much bloody sympathy from Adam and Alex on the last leg about this for a week. Oh God. This morning, my daughter shouted at me because some of the maths homework, one of the sums didn't make sense. And I was saying, I can't help you on this

because I think the question is wrong. I think this is a misprint. I can't make the sum with these three numbers. It doesn't work. Right, so what year is she in? Two. Right, year four, I'm out of the game already. I literally cannot help.

She goes, what's this? I go, I don't know what the question is or the answer. I don't know what a number family is. And I'm sorry. Can I say something? I don't know my times tables. Yeah, I don't know them. The homework situations absolute joke, to be honest. Oh, this is embarrassing. I'll tell you. So we went to this teppanyaki restaurant, right? At Disney Epcot. We had a long old day was it's teppanyaki where they cook on the stove.

Right? Yeah, I was a bit merry, bit drunk. And I was trying to make the it was at Teppanyaki where they cook on the stove, right? I was a bit merry, a bit drunk and I was trying to make the girls laugh. So I was doing the old chopsticks in the mouth walrus routine. And as I was doing it like that, Lou was whacking me on the arm. I'm like, all right, chill out. I'm just trying to make the kids laugh. But I was doing that as the chef was like doing these mad skills with his knife in his frying thing and doing a picture of Mickey with onions and carrots like that. And I look like the most desperate, needy attention seeker of like, I've gone to a teppanyaki restaurant and whilst the chef performer is doing his thing, I've got

the old war of chopsticks in. The saddest man that's ever lived. I just have a thing that was quite funny. We went to Wilde, Florida, right? It's this alligator park. When we were going out there, the Kissimmee Tourist Board got in touch and said, when you're out there, we'll arrange some trips for you. I said, all right, okay, Ferris, I want to be up front. They paid for us to go on a airboat thing,

which was really good. That was really good fun, because I've never been on one of those airboat things. Very much Kissimmee. I'd be scared. I'd be scared of the alligators. Why are they? Because I was thinking a lot about it when Lana Del Rey married an alligator guide a couple of months ago. I was thinking, I think I'd be too scared to go into the Everglades on a floaty. How does it work?

Well, it's a big sort of propeller on the back in a cage and just fly along. It's almost it feels like you're in a light aircraft, and you're flying literally on the top of the field on a British field because you're on the reeds and sometimes you can't see water is just read. So it's really good fun. The alligator is just sits if you leave them alone, they leave you alone basically, and they're not going to get on the boat. They're more scared of you than you are them. Yeah. And also, alligators aren't even that big.

Crocodiles, saltwater crocodiles. The big man. Saltwater crocodiles is your issue. Alligators, they're not that big to be fair. You could beat up an alligator. On land, I reckon I could kick it off me. If the alligator got in the boat, do you think you could see him off? I think I could kick it in the head till it left.

So an American alligator is three to four meters long. That's fucking that is actually quite long. And yeah, but it's mostly It's mostly tail in it or this half tail, let's face it bigger than barren Trump bigger But saltwater crocodiles trying to get near kind of thing. Actually, I've had a look, they are pretty big these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you get a big one. I reckon though, if one was trying to get in the boat, I could kick its face and it would leave. Right, okay, yeah.

That's what I'd do with it. I'd just be scared of breaking down. Yeah, I didn't think about that to be honest, but the best part was we arrived at the place, but we didn't have a hire car, so we got an Uber to a drive-through safari. I've never been kicked out of an Uber quicker. So it was like, you know,

probably won't do the drive-through safari as it goes. So I would say if you did visit Wilde, Florida, you might want to take a hire car. We did half our airboat then came home. Good though. It was quite good actually, because it's only 40 minutes. Did you see any alligators? Yeah, I saw a couple of alligators.

I saw loads of these weird birds. I saw an American bald eagle. Oh yeah. That's pretty cool. But it was good though, because it's like 40 minutes from like the main bit of Orlando and it's like just at the start of the Everglades. So you can be on an airboat, feel like you're in the middle of nowhere and it felt proper. You could eat alligator at the canteen at lunch as well. If you wanted to taste like just sort of fishy chicken. Imagine if you dropped a chunk of chicken in a fish soup.

Yeah, I don't really know what I mean. So not, not what I didn't bring me home, but it's quite, it feels like you're in proper countryside Florida, but you're still close to all the parks. I would recommend that to be fair. So he did that. That was quite good fun. I'll tell you what I did that I didn't like Josh. Tower of terror. The tower of terror. They're making me go up fair. So we did that. That was quite good fun. I tell you what I did that I didn't like Josh, Tower of Terror.

The Tower of Terror. They're making me go up in level on rides, but the Tower of Terror. Yeah, yeah. I've seen some photos from Lou and you do look terrified. Oh my God. There's a great photo. I'm going to put an Instagram up. It'll be up by the time this goes out. I'll send them to you. I go on this ride and I'm so terrified. I'm clinging on and Lou's next to me. So it looks like I'm clinging on like I'm in a wheelchair. And then we realized that I actually look like, you know, Eamon Holmes and his new girlfriend. And then I was, I'm going to put all these up in a video.

But that's how it turns on. You just go up and drop and I don't like the drops. Honestly, mate, I was, it was the closest I've ever gone to going, stop the ride, stop the ride. I did it. And then at the end I was like, cause Lou said she knows all the rides inside out. And I was like, Oh, you're right. Rob was like, is it finished? Is it finished?

Is it finished? Is it finished? I think what another drop, but that one was fucking horrific. Oh, good tip. Panda Express when you're at Universal Studios, there's like Universal City Walk, which is like where all the shops and restaurants are outside the park. If you go to the Panda Express, it's on the top floor. They do a little tub of plain steamed rice. Oh, here we go. It's it's about $4, it's massive, and it's plain.

Because everything's got sugar and salt on it. Yeah. If your kids want plain stuff. But the stuff were quite loud. They said, like, Americans are so loud. I was all confused. Because all I wanted was two pots of steamed rice, but they didn't understand that a man would just order that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, entree! And I'm not going to. I don't really know what entree means. Pfft. Did they say, Andre? He I'm not going, I don't really know what Andre means. No, they say Andre. He was the guy that he was. That's what they call the main meal.

Mainz. Andre. And I was like, I'll just rice. But what about the Andre? I'm like, I don't know what Andre is. But Panda Express, I'd recommend if you want plain rice. And so Rob, can I ask some questions? Yeah, ask some questions. How tiring was your holiday?

Hmm, a couple of arguments. Oh, go on, go on. Lou would go in the parks every day. I like to have a little break day on day off. So if you were to write a league table of enthusiasm for the Disney parks, or whatever parks there are, Lou's Man City.

Is Universal and Disney the same thing? Sorry for my ignorance. No, so basically Universal is Universal Studios and they've got a park called Universal Studios and then Islands of Adventure. They're in the same place and opposite is a big complex with restaurants and shops and then there's loads of hotels around it.

You drive 20 minutes south and you get to like Disney World. And then there is like Hollywood Studios Park, Epcot Park, Magic Kingdom Park and Animal Kingdom Park. And there's loads of hotels all around that. They're like their own cities almost. Oh my God. And I would recommend going to like a hotel for a few days, then getting a villa. We got a villa. Is it stressful? I'd say so. Do you ever used to play championship manager, football manager? Yeah.

Yeah. You know, you can play and then you know, the team plays just have morale. Yeah. Yeah. So I'd say it's a battle of morale the whole holiday, where it's like if things go well for you, you're getting on the rides and the kids aren't arguing, you can get high morale, but it's like, Oh, it starts to rain or the kids lost their shoe or the Teddy's gone under

the whip, morale starts, once you lose the morale, you lose the dressing room. Yeah. It's a very much peaks and troughs of morale. And it got to the point where I had too much and Lou just sat me down in the corner of a park and I had three pints of Stella. You had too much morale? No, no morale. Oh, right. After Tara Tara, I had no morale. So I just had three pints of Stella. But you've got to take ID with you. Could you talk to me about the arguments, please? As a kind of taster for when we get Lou on for the Florida special. Let's see what we'll be discussing at length for Lou. So let's get your version of it. So we had three days in Disney towards the end, two days on, a day off and then the

final day. Right? You know, when you talk about days on and day off, it does sound like you're working on a rig rather than on holiday. HE LAUGHS It is fun, though. I love it, but it's exhausting, so you need time to recover. It's a bit like Glastonbury. Yeah. Like, where it's amazing, but it is quite a lot to take in,

and you do need to have a drink at midday to get through the afternoon. Yeah, yeah. So, we had two days at a park, then a day off and then another day at the park. But Lou had booked tickets to this Halloween party on the one of the evenings, which was a bit too late for the kids. And we'd done it the year before. And I said, I'm happy to stay at the villa with the kids and you can just go with, because we was with another family. Oh, right. And both of you can just go with, cause we was with another family. All right. And both- I thought you were just sending Lou to the-

No, no, no. Both the wives really loved Disney. Like really loved Disney. I liked Disney. They really loved Disney. They wanted to go to the, I mean, why don't you just go and we'll stay, I'll stay in the villa with the kids.

Cause I was like, I don't want to go in the villa. And then the other family, I don't know, weird, don't we like to go? And I can't really just stay in the house on my own with our two kids and stuff like that. But really looking back, it was too much. And then Lou wanted to go in early to get this special Mickey Mouse sipping cup that's Hocus Pocus. But you had to get in early to cue for it. Is that for Lou or for the kids? For Lou. Right. Okay. Can I ask a question? Did Lou go as a child, hence she's reliving those amazing things,

or did she not go as a child and hence she's finally getting to go? She never went as a child, so now it's a psychotic obsession. I didn't get as many football shirts as I wanted as a kid, now it's a psychotic obsession. And I didn't have sex when I was growing up. And now. Anyway, so that was quite stressful because we was going in for a fancy dress and then I would dress up as Bowser in a felt costume.

I didn't really think it was true and it was 30 degrees. And then I had to get the girls ready for their, for their fancy dress, cause Lou went early and then I didn't know what to do. So they sat down the girls and gave me, they're like, I want this, I want that. And I early and then I didn't know what to do. So they sat down the girls and gave me they're like, I want this I want that and I was like, I don't know how to do that. And I did them the shit is my cup we've ever seen. And then I didn't even know you're supposed to add water to face paint.

Because Lou's gone early to get a free cup. No shit to pay for the cup. It's a mini Winnie. Hocus pocus zipper. But like they're exclusive to that $25 base sells like $200 online. She's not going to sell it. She's not going to sell it. No, she's kept it. She's got it in the house.

So let's not pretend that this is a profitable decision. No, no, it's not at all. But I'm just saying it's as much as it sounds mental. It's better than investing in property. It's better than Bitcoin. Are you okay? And then invested in property. Better Bitcoin. Are you okay? I am actually.

I had a brilliant time, but it was quite, you've got to plan it well, essentially. Are you going again? No plans yet. To be fair, so we will go, not we're going to give. Is it Lu's favourite place on earth? Yes, she would go every year. That's her dream holiday. She would cancel everything else we do all year just so we can do that. If it come down to like budget constraints of we can do one holiday this year, we go on holiday a lot. That's what we like, I like to do. That's what I like to spend my money on. But say, for example, if I like, I wasn't

selling too many tour tickets and income was going down a bit and we had to go, she would not go out to festivals or music. She would just save and do that kind of thing. But it's another park opening. So she's going to want to go back called Epic Universe, which is like a universal one that's three times the size of Univer. And it's got a Super Mario World and all this. So that's open.

I reckon we'll go back in the next couple of years. Could I ask another question? Go on. Is it the Disney and the branding and the Disney-ness or is she a roller coaster lover? All of that. She loves the nostalgia of all the films. Would she go to Chessington? She will, but that is better in the States. No, but sorry, what I mean is would she go to things just for the roller coasters or does it need to be? She would go just for the roller coasters. She's, I don't think she's into the Chessington theming.

I don't even know what the Chessington theme is. The theme is Chessington. The theme tends to be closed for repair. That's the theme where I've been there. The thing is, we don't have to be as good as Disney. We just need to be better than Thorpe Park and Alton Towers. We just need to be near London.

That's the theme. Oops. Right, let me go through a couple of things that I noticed on holiday. Cow pole packets need to be not wider than children's mouths. What do you mean cow pole packets? You know the little sachets of cow pole? No, I've never had them. We do the bottle.

Right, but when you're traveling, the little sachets are good because you can put them in your bag. But they're wider than the kid's mouth, so it always comes out the side. So why don't they do longer, narrower ones and just go straight in? Yeah, they should be like a kind of Mr. Frosty, like, you know those five P Mr. Frost lollies? Yeah, like a smaller one of them. It's, so that's my request to Calpol. Rob's gonna get sent a load of free Calpol in the new packet in the next six months.

Oh yeah, that's a key thing. When you go, it won't matter a few bit. If you want an alcoholic drink, you have to have ID with you. Even if you're 45, you will not get a drink. It's mental in America. And you can only buy two drinks per person, one ID. You can't get around it.

Oh yeah, here we go. This is the excuse. So sorry OAP is being ID'd. They're so strict with it honestly. Actually more strict in Universal than in Disney weirdly, don't know why. Also another case is so it's so hard to talk about it's all because it's like one over such like a couple of weeks we went on our final night there went to this place this fish restaurant right and I ordered snow crab I've never had snow crab before and it's like one over such like a couple of weeks, we went on our final night, they went to this place, this fish restaurant, right. And I ordered snow crab. I've never had snow crab before. And it's a very American, like the way like they just bought up these like massive long legs of crap. But when we went there, I was wearing this like thicker t shirts. It was last day of the holiday. So I was

wearing the stuff that was too warm, really. You shouldn't have brought. Yeah, I got rained on. It wasn't dry. And I was in the restaurant and there's all aircon because it rains a lot when you're there because it's like weird tropical weather. So I bought Josh in two weeks, I bought 12 football shirts. What? Are you and Lou, are you like two children that have had the big thing happen to you and you've been put in grown-ups bodies? Genuinely, that's while me and Lou live our life.

Actual proper stuff about about getting a boiler. Lou can plan a two week itinerary in Orlando, doing absolutely everything. We have not got our boiler service for three years. That needs to happen, because you should service your boiler. No, basically, when I was out there, they've got loads of Mexican and South American teams

that you can't really get in the UK, and I got overexcited. So, I was in this crab restaurant. At this point, I'd put my hair in a ponytail for a photo and a laugh, but I forgot to take it out the ponytail. And then I put on a Flamengo Brazilian football shirt and sat on a paddle steamer in the middle of Disney Springs, eating snow crab. Oh my God.

I saw myself in the reflection with a bib on eating crab over a bowl of water in a net with my hair in a ponytail and a football shirt on. And I was like, have I become that weird bloke that goes to a restaurant to eat crab in a football shirt? I don't think that is a weird bloke until you became it. Well, I don't think that existed. No, no, exactly. I don't think Disney has ever seen a South East Londoner in a Brazilian football shirt with a ponytail eating crab.

Londoner in a Brazilian football shirt with a ponytail eating crab. And so what was it like re-acclimatizing to being a grown adult in the UK? It's horrible. What I love about it though is like if you plan it properly, you can have a proper, it's really good weather in like October, half term and over Christmas. It's always nice weather and you wouldn't want to go in August, it's too hot. But it's, um, if you plan it properly, you can do like two days in a park, you can have a 14 day holiday. You can do four days in the park and the rest of the time you can be sat around a pool at a villa. Yeah. But how many days did you do in the park?

Quite a few, but that wasn't my decision. Do you think there's going to come a point when your kids are like teenagers, where you three are going to be sat around the pool while Lou nips into the park? Yeah, there was one point where we went on the cat in the hat ride, which I'll be honest with you, I wasn't desperate to go on. It's aimed at toddlers, right? You know, you go around, cat, they're all jumping out at you. But our girls were tall enough to go on their own swing. Can we go on? Yeah, you can go on together because they're tall enough now too.

And then they got one and me and Lou were out thinking just sat on the ride together. And we were like, we don't need to be on this. They could do it on their own. We could wait at the exit, but we're on it. I think I'm a big fan of anyone that's like incredibly passionate about one thing. I think that is so fucking brilliant that like lose thing is something that makes you so unhappy. I'm just saying. The rides kill me.

And because I can do the rides now, it's still quite emotionally traumatic for me to do these rides. I have to put a lot of effort into calming down, but because I've done them now, no one appreciates that anymore. So they all just rush off and I'm walking behind them. Like I've just, because going on a big ride for me is like, you know, when you witness something, say you're a, you were at this robbery in the street and the

police come and someone's, uh, themselves in an ambulance, you have that adrenaline. I'm just like wandering around them like that feeling like that all day. And they're having the time of their life. And I'm like, recovering. And so what are you doing in the evenings? Sleeping immediately, passing out. Drunk loads, I've drunk loads of alcohol. Do you know what I really enjoyed though, because I've got some good shade I'm

going to give to one a dad I saw on the flight home, right? So yeah, hit me. So we've been like, splitting the kids because the villas are amazing, but they're really big. Yeah, so talk to me about sleeping apart. So basically, that the villas are amazing, but they're really big. Yeah. So talk to me about sleeping apart. So basically, like the villas are massive and they're a bit like different. So the kids argue if they sleep in the same like double bed. So they were in like a bedroom each and then we had a bedroom and then the other family has a bedroom. So like these houses are massive, Josh. We always

stay at the reunion resort. It's a really good resort. We were there, but it's really big. So they was getting scared on their own and they kept on coming in the night. So me and Lou just went, right, you take one, I take one. Let's just do this for a week. So we get some sleep because we were getting back about nine o'clock at night anyway, 10 o'clock at night. All he was doing was sleeping, waking up and going again. So I was doing that. It's quite fun because you just laid in the kids asking questions. And I'm sort of trying to make the most of it because they

will grab and not do this. But yeah, some of the shit so it's laying there. Because what one that when our friends went a day before us, so we come home and we all jumped in the pool and the girls and can we jump in without clothes on? And me and Lou were in like swimming costumes. Yeah, you can if you want to be like skinny dipping late at night in the pool and stuff like that. And they were saying, Mom, why don't you go in naked? And she went, well, no, because I've got you know, my boobs will be out and stuff like that. And it's people can see from the golf courses and all that kind of stuff. And she went, well, no, because I've got, you know, my boobs will be out and stuff like that. And people can see from

the golf courses and all that kind of stuff. And she went, when do I get boobs? And it was like, oh, when you go through puberty. So anyway, I'm lying in bed with my eldest daughter. She just goes, she asked me these three questions. We're lying in bed. She goes, what's puberty? Right. So I was like, okay, puberty is when as your body grows up and gets older and develops, you'll get hair in places and your body will change and lots of different things happen to you. But it's really normal. You'll become an absolute nightmare.

Yeah. You'll become an absolute prick, but I'll deal with it for a few years and then you'll calm down. No, I just said your body changes. She went, yeah, but I don't want to have boobs. Is it going to hurt when I grow boobs? Is it going to be, what's going to... I went, she wasn't actually that worried. Sometimes they pretend to be worried so that they can talk for longer. I was like, well, it won't hurt. It's like, I mean, does it hurt when you grow new teeth? She was like, well, not really. No. And then, so I'd answered that questions. And then she went, Oh, I feel left out in the family. I feel left out. I was like, okay, why is that? He went, well, you've all got glasses and I haven't. I went, well, you know, but then we've all got blonde hair and mommy's got brown hair. So she doesn't feel left

out. And I went also, and I said, also, because they call themselves team vagina. Right. Lou and the girls, if they're doing something as a three, they're team vagina. Right. And I said to my, and you three, you're team vagina, you've all got vaginas. And then my daughter went, don't bring gender into this dad. All right, I won't. And then that was the second question.

And then she went, what's a carpenter? Where are you getting these questions? And it was really sweet. So I really enjoyed that. Where do you reckon that's come from, though? The pubie thing was when she asked you. No, no, no, no, the carpenter thing. Don't know.

What's a carpenter? Would it have been a Disney or a, no, no, no, the carpenter thing. Don't know. What's a carpenter? Would it have been a Disney or a Universal thing? They don't have the carpenter ride. You're a bit of sandpaper on a bit of wood. Anyway, so on the flight back, we booked our seats a bit last minute. So we had two, two seats. Yeah, so it's fine though,

because Lou took one, I took one. And then the kids on the road. Behind Lou was a lady that was sat with two or three children. We couldn't quite work it out, but I love a little bit of a people one. I took one. And then the kids on the road behind Lou was a lady that was sat with two or three children. We couldn't quite work it out, but I love a little bit of a people one. Yeah. She was sat with like two or three people. And then there was another man that looked a lot like the children, like a few rows ahead on his own. Oh, right. And then he was just basically just asleep for the entire plane. And I was like, well, he can't be involved because he basically went to sleep with the whole flight, just sat there watching films or asleep. And then the mom was up and down in the toilet, doing all stuff I did like, well, he can't be involved because he basically wanted to see the whole flight, just sat there watching films or asleep.

And then the mum was up and down in the toilet, doing all stuff, I did like that. And then at the end of the flight, he just got up and he was, they were like, dad, dad, and I was like, and he was like, our age. I'm like, who are these people? Unbelievable. But like 40 that still think it's 1973. It's mad.

Like that old school just like, I let the wife do it. And I think, I think there's a thing where like blokes that do that feel like they're winning, in a way, because they're like, my assumption would be he maybe he's the breadwinner and his job is going to work. And maybe he's going to work straight after the flight. I don't know. And that his wife is the homemaker. Even if you're going to work straight after the flight, do you know what I mean? Well, exactly. But then I thought, actually though, like you're not really winning there because you are missing out because these kids, they weren't even that young. It wasn't like a baby.

They're like fun and older. Like, and then when I was with my daughter, she was like going, I can't sleep. And was having a light laugh with her not being able to sleep. And also her tooth came out in the plane, Josh. Oh my word. The pressure popped it out. She pulled it out. But then obviously the tooth fairy, because she popped it under a pillow.

Oh, the tooth fairy came on the plate. So a bit of a tooth fairy alert here, but never has a man been so happy to see a fiver in his wallet. English sterling. Apart from a drug addict, obviously. Yeah, of course. But she was sitting next to me, like I was looking after her because Lou was at the back and she was like squishing her,

Tedding in, she was trying to go see him, she was holding my hand and she kept on coming up with weird questions and stuff like that. And I was like,ishing her, Tedding in. She was trying to go see him. She was holding my hand and she kept on coming up with weird questions and stuff like that. And I was like, that's the part I enjoy. Like obviously a newborn baby that's running around. That's why I always say, have a holiday when they're a bit older. But this is the age where it's fun to have your kids with you. Not like I need to sit away from them and go asleep.

And I feel like these people that feel like, oh yeah, quality, I've got loads of sleep and she looked after, I'm like, you're missing out because this is actually the fun bit, the way you actually connect with your kid. Why have you got kids? Yeah. Why have you got kids? Just because you feel you have to? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. It might have been a

different set up. I don't know what their story was or whatever. No, he's a c***. But I feel like though, he's missing out on those kind of dads are and if mums are like that, but it's normally the dads that like it. They're missing out because it's like, the effort you put in now of them when you talk about that stuff on a plane and all that, that's when they're grown up and they go off. You've got a connection with them. Yeah. Or otherwise, what do you talk to them about? It's like putting the effort in now. It's always like in boxing terms, when you're trying to win a fight, it's something that Teddy

Atlas, when you do body shots, he says he's putting water in the basement. Every body shot knacks him out and hits the stamina. So that, you know, those kinds of things where you are like, it is a bit harder when you go and do stuff for the kids and stuff like that, where you go out and you're alone. You are as much as it can be stressful at times, and we always egg it up for this a little bit. You are making amazing memories and having loads of fun things.

And like, you know, and the Florida holiday, we'll do that episode where me and Lou talk about the best things to do, but the reality is it was long and hard, but it's so much fun. You know, the school runs harder, you know what I mean? Yeah. And that kind of stuff. But yeah, these dads that don't get involved, just don't get it. Just don't get what's the point. And moms. And some moms, but it's normally blokes in it, let's face it. Yeah. Also, can we address temperatures on planes? Two are too cold and it changes within a second. What's going on? And do they cut the... Is it a real thing that there's less oxygen so you go to sleep? I've got no idea about that. I think it's the white noise that gets you to sleep.

The hum of the... Oh, I love that sound. Exactly, a bit of brown noise. Oh, I'm just so short. When we come back, we went to a fireworks party. Oh, yeah. Right? Neighbours had a fireworks party. Really lovely neighbours. And I tell you what, those sparklers for fireworks, the stress to fun ratio, I don't think it's worth it. fireworks by really lovely neighbours. And I tell you what, those sparklers for fireworks,

the stress to fun ratio, I don't think it's worth it. They're not even enjoying it. Yeah, because when I was a kid, there was so many, I don't know whether they still exist really, but there was so many warnings as well. So I was fucking terrified of them. But it is mental. It's like a metal stick that's burning hot with it. And they're doing that and then another kid gets one and gets near your kid and you're like, oh, and the kids are like, oh yeah, that's that then. And then another kid gets one and gets near your kid and you're like, oh, and the kids are like, oh yeah, that's that then. And then they wander around with it going, what do I do?

And there's normally someone's getting, there's always a loose neck parent that's giving it to like a year, one year old. It's about to eat it. Oh God, I can't look at it. Oh, anyway, so we were all a bit jet lagged, a bit tired. We got to this thing and I had some chewing gum in and then someone gave me a lovely cup of mulled wine and a paper cup and I had this chewing gum. Cause it was at someone's like house. I didn't know where to put the chewing gum. I couldn't find a bin. I didn't want to wine in a paper cup and I just chewing gum because it's someone's like how

so didn't know where to put the chewing gum. I couldn't find a bin. I didn't want to put it on the floor. I didn't want to hold it. So I just put it to the bottom of my cup. I thought put it on top of that drink the drink and throw it away. It's a disposable cup. Disposable paper cup. Right. However, it's red hot mulled wine. Yeah. So the the thing falls off.

No, no. It sticks and melts to the point where I put the mulled wine down to help my daughter get a hot dog and a bun. And as I pick it up, and I don't know loads of people at this do, so I feel a bit self-conscious because you don't know everyone. And as I pick it up and walk across the whole back garden, I've left like a three foot bit of chewing gum

that's now stuck on their table and on the bottom of my cup, like a stretch arms, because it's all gone gooey and hot, but it's melted. And they're like, Rob, there's something there. And then I like chewing gum and everyone's like, what? Oh, God. And then I had to go, Oh, I had chewing gum. And then I stuck it to the bottom of my cup. I went, don't worry, I'll sort it out. But as I'm picking it up, more is getting hot. It's all over my hands. And I had to, in the end, I had to wrap it around my hands in the cup. And I'm sitting there with chewing gum wrapped around all my fingers and the cup. And they're like, you okay there? I'm like, yeah, fine. Fine, actually, it's fine. And then also, you know,

you just want to stop looking and let me stand on my chewing gum cup. It's horrible. You could have blamed someone else, couldn't you? You could have said, I don't know what's happened. I put my cup down. Someone's put some bloody chewing gum on the table. I just put my cup down. Do you know what? If I weren't jetlagged, I reckon I would have come up with that. Who here? Who here? Put some chewing gum on the table. Well, I think it's weird. There must have been chewing gum on the table. Now, just in that three seconds, it's managed to melt it onto my cup. Someone needs to hang their head in shame there. You've ruined the party.

Stick them on the bonfire. Yeah, too bloody right. Disgusting. The fireworks. So the fireworks at night are amazing at these parks, yeah. Everywhere has fireworks, basically. Good that you got to go amazing at these parks. Yeah, everywhere as fireworks basically. Good that you got to go to a firebark party when you got back. Yeah, I've only seen them every night for two weeks. But like Epcot is huge, right? And there's this massive like lake in

the middle. So what's Epcot? It's one with a golf ball. The big golf ball one. Right. You've never seen it? You never? No. I reckon you'd pass out if you went to Disney for more than two days.

Two days? Two mornings. Anyway, but it's just a giant lake. And obviously with fireworks that go up in the air. But the desperation for people to get close to a barrier for fireworks. I'm like, they're going in the fucking sky. And then other people turn up and then they're all annoyed that people are near them. I'm like, mate, you're at Disney at a fireworks party. There's only one thing in this world that's inevitable. Other people. You just accept that they're here.

They're everywhere. Everywhere you look, there's someone. Just accept that they're going to be here looking. What? Sorry. I'm just looking at Epcot. What the fuck is that? Well, I don't really know to be honest, but I've got some really good rides.

Right. And so did you watch it from your house? Or did you go out every night to watch it? No, so we didn't go and watch every night. But we've stayed if we was in the parks late, we'd stay to watch it because they're about 930. Yeah, the parks are incredible. We got like Epcot's mental the rides amazing. You go to Universal, they've got a full light London that's Harry Potter.

Rob, you live in London. Yeah, I know that bit's a bit anticlimactic for us. But you know what, the Americans love it. Is there people that live around London? I know that bit's a bit anticlimactic for us, but you know what, the Americans love it. Is there people that live around there? I love that way your question, you know what I said, like, because we're going to be in, we're going to do a more in depth episode, right? And we've asked for listeners questions, so sending your questions, and then we'll go through my new

shy detail of planning it for a family, which we don't want to do a normal episode on here. But your questions are so absurd that it's like an alien's arrived and got no idea. That's how I feel. So there are people that live near it, but a lot there's a lot of holiday homes and lots of hotels, but people do because people work there as well. So they live quite near it. But a lot of people live in Kissimmee and Orlando and the parks are in between basically. And so next question.

Yeah. Did one park start and that was successful so they just kept building parks around it, a bit like a kind of like the Curry Mile in Manchester. So Disney started in LA and then Disney World built like a big one in Florida. Couldn't be further away. And then they added on more parks and then Universal went there after LA as well. I think Florida's got a good climate for it. Plus the land was cheap and it's, I think it's actually tax probably.

I can't remember why they all went there, but there's a reason why. All the golfers live in Florida. There's some kind of weird tax liabilities. Loads of golf, if you like golf. I don't know why it's all there, but yeah, it's really good. So if you've got questions, send them in and me, Lou and Josh will go through it in detail. But I don't know how much help I'm going to be, but. Well, you can read the listeners questions to us.

I can read the listeners questions. I, it's good to have an idiot. We went to a medieval reenactment. What is wrong with you? I call it medieval times where people joust on horseback. It was so insane. Do they properly joust? Yeah.

With a big stick? And then they have a sword fight and you cheer along and then you have to eat your dinner with your hands. That was quite funny actually. We want to watch Orlando Magic play basketball as well. That was brilliant. That's a great thing you can do there. See I like three or four days in the park then I would do more Americana stuff or maybe

even- You're not talking to me Rob. If you want to tell that to Lou, tell it to Lou, Rob. I keep saying, Josh, I just, listen to me. How many days out of the 14 were in the park? Any park, I mean. Six in the parks, one day in a water park. So sort of seven days.

Yeah. Yeah, it's quite a lot of days, isn't it? Considering two of those 14 are flight days. Yeah, so that quite a lot of days, isn't it? Considering two of those 14 of flight days. Yeah, so that's down to 12 already. Yeah. And then one of those days we had to move from the hotel to the villa. Yeah.

It's down to 11. So it's seven out of 11. It feels like it was in the park more than that actually. Right. Small business? Yes. Hello you sexy and relatable beast podcast kings and hilarious duo, a small business shout out for you. I am Emma, and I am the CEO of House of Hildy, a new innovative business supply

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Listeners can get 15% off their first order using the discount code parentinghell. Thank you Emma and Hildy the dog. To be fair though, they are good at smelling dogs. Yep, they love a smell. So if you've got a funky candle, they won't like it. Let's not forget what Alison Hammond said to Chris McCauzen in a recording break of Rob Beckett Smart TV. What did she say, Josh?

Are you really into smells? No, he's really into cha-cha. Please, could you read this out for a small business shout out? It would be so helpful. Westgate Arc Cat Shelter. We've got cats and dogs, the big rivals. If we're going to help one, we've got to help the other. It's a social enterprise in Newcastle based on rehoming cats.

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Always a pleasure. Always been a joy. And get your questions in for a Florida family holiday special ep and any other subjects that you want us to do a deep dive on or with a guest. It might be quite good to do a, like, for example, Josh, stuff about that dyslexia. We could do a longer one on that.

That's a bit more serious, we'll still make it fun, but a little bit more informative, because I'd find it interesting for me and then tips for people with it or people with kids with it might be really handy and stuff like that. So any ideas for guests and any questions from us off send them in. Thank you very much. We'll see you on Tuesday. Bye. We'll see you on Tuesday. Bye.

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