Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP25: Time To Ban Homework

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Interior Chinatown is an all new series based on the bestselling novel by Charles Yu about a struggling Asian actor

who gets a bigger part than he expected when he witnesses a crime in Chinatown. Streaming November 19th only on Disney Plus. Are you locally recording, Josh? Of course I'm fucking not. Of course, sound quality's great as well, perfect. Well, I haven't got my mic in position. Well, I'd put my mic in position for a podcast, wouldn't you?

Ha! Fuck my life. Well, I'd put my mic in position for a podcast, wouldn't you? Fuck my life. If you're wondering why I haven't opened the lighting so bad, the blinds broken so I couldn't open it. Right, okay. It's quite blue that room you're in, isn't it? Not as blue as my language this morning. Oh, for fuck's sake.

How's Strictly training going? Or is that a bad time to ask? He's an oasis in a field of stress. Because you were on the school run, you was dropping the kids off in the car and then you got caught in traffic. I was so angry in the car. I can't do this, Rob.

I mean, you have to do it. We've got to do the podcast, mate. Are you retired? Is this your resignation? From life? No, no, no, no, no, no, from the pod. I might just go and live in a fucking cave. It's so difficult. I have no kitchen, so the cave wouldn't help.

Right, yeah. This is the worst period of the seven years of parenting. Really? It's so difficult. What's going on? It's fine last week. You were in the office. I know I was in the office. Surrounded by gold disks. You were getting drinks brought to you.

You were living the life. It's so much more difficult than I thought it would be having your kitchen done. Now looking back, not moving as close to your old house as possible, was that an error? Well, this morning I had a five minute drive to school and then I got to the end of the new road that we're on and it was a diversion and it took 25 minutes each way. Oh, that's longer than mine and I live in a countryside. I know Rob. I could have walked.

I could have walked. I drove to save some time. Honestly, in London though, if you get caught in a certain diversion, it is over. Right off. And then on the way back, my sat nav directed me that's just the short way. And I thought, oh, it's probably just a diversion going one way. And then I drive the short way, obviously get caught. Yeah, you can't go down that road again. So I have to loop all the way back round. Yeah, straight into the same fucking diversion. The other

way. It's been so difficult. So the weekend Rob. Yeah. Let me take you through my weekend. Last like on Friday. Yeah, so Friday morning I had to go and get my veruca lasered. How was that? Did they cut it out and burn it? Or was it a laser? Well, let me just tell you why. I've been putting it off a bit. But it was causing problems when I was practicing my dancing in the kitchen in just my socks. Right. You didn't practice alone in the kitchen? What kitchen? Airbnb kitchen? You're not around the building. The Airbnb kitchen.

Step back, lads. I've got a dance I can't say to do in front of you. And I can't tell you why. Yeah, I can't possibly tell you what dance is. The ruin, the surprise. Yeah. I'll tell you what, Rob, until you're on one of these big shows, you don't realize how everything is a fucking news story. It's mental. What's the news story then at the moment? Your veruca? That I'm doing Strictly? Yeah. No, but what I mean is generally like everything that someone says about Strictly is, it's mad. You didn't know that it was sort of a big deal that covers the news constantly. How is your friendship with Sean Walsh? Did you ever chat to him?

Not in the last 24 hours, we haven't touched base. I am very close to Sean and I love Sean and 11 days on the front page. It's fucking mental. Anyway, awful. Let's not go back on that. So Friday, went to get my veruca done turned out good news. Go on. It was a corn. Oh, it was a corn. What's the difference between a veruca and a corn? That was my question. Corn is I just saw Rob's face light up as he goes to Google.

I've got an AI overview. Tell me if this is the same as what the professional said. A foot corn is a small thickened area skin that can develop on top of side or sole of the foot. Corns are often caused by ill-fitting shoes, but other factors can also contribute. Yeah. So it was basically like if you had a small rock of skin. Is that because you wear Converse all the time and you're slapping your big old hobbit feet about? You need some hokers, mate. You need a bit of bounce as you walk. Here he is. You're getting older now. You need to get that action.

Here he is. Captain comfortable. Fucking hell. Sorry, I know the price you pay for fashion wearing Converse. I'm not wearing Converse, I'm wearing Nikes. Oh, sorry, Marty McFly. I didn't realize you're an absolute swag merchant in omits. Dripping insults this guy. Although I should say, well, I'm going to get some free adidas because Karen's boyfriend

is one of the main guys at adidas. So who's Karen? I'm a dance partner. So who's Karen? My dance partner. He's one of the main guys. He is a big fan of the podcast. Is he? Yeah, he is.

So hello to him. Get me some Adidas as well then. No, it's not comfortable enough for you. It's not comfortable enough for you. That noise we made, that was literally like a buzzer on a quiz show. Fuck it all, my life. I hate myself. I'm wearing a limited edition Columbia shirt.

Get that for me. I can't buy it anyway. I'll pay in cash for it. I'm sure he could get it for free. No, no, I want to pay. Okay. Corn. So it was a corn because of your ad shoes. Then he found a veruca on my other foot that I didn't know I had.

Oh God, you're a grubby little boy, aren't you? No, I just- My mum always said you look a bit dirty. I'm not even going into that. Come on, go into it. You want to talk about sexing up my mum? No, I don't actually. She's just had a knee replacement actually,

and she's in hospital, you sick man. I'll give her a bloody knee replacement. A knee replacement after I she's in hospital. I'll give her a bloody knee replacement. A knee replacement? I can't feel it. Send her back in boys, she's on her knees. She's on her fourth now. So, then did last leg. Did it hurt getting them out? Did they cut them out? Oh my god, it laser?

Yeah. He said I was very brave. I think you're a fisher for the bravery. Yeah. Well, he said most people shout but I just remained basically psychopathically silent. Not his words, but my words. In a way that's more worrying than acknowledging the pain of it. Someone could laser some skin off your foot and you don't flinch, you must go, what's happening inside here?

Yeah. It's not as painful as not having a kitchen. I'll tell you that for free, mate. So last leg till late. Get some views about Trump off your chest. Bloody hell, that guy. Don't get me started on him. And then straight home.

And then next morning, obviously, we're in the B&B, but we have to leave. So we have to get our pack. Oh, so you haven't moved into the Airbnb? We were in our last Airbnb. We only had it for four days. All right, so where are you now? In a different one, because that one didn't last.

It was only four days. So you just booked it for a little bit, thinking, I'll just move, just like, let's just get out of here to book this Right, so then now you're in another b&b air b&b. Yeah. Yeah, how long for when this goes out? God knows where i'll be fucking living. We're probably hopefully back at home with the kitchen and the kitchen should be done then No, okay. So why are you going back? We'll at least have some kind of wall at the back of our house It won't be fucking freezing. Yeah, but you'll still have people coming in and out through the front and back all day, building a kitchen.

So where are you going to do this podcast? Oh, do you think I've given that a second thought? I would suggest that you maybe should. I'd argue it's quite an important part of your week. Yeah, it is, but I tell you what I'm doing, Rob. In town. Right, okay, fair enough. Yeah, we're doing it face to face next Monday Right. Okay. Good. That's perfect

The reason I haven't given it a second thought Rob is I'm existing on an hour to hour basis at the moment Right, that's fine But as a colleague and as a friend I thought if I just acknowledge it now so that they're next week we can plan ahead Yes. Yeah, good. Just seeing as my agent's birthday on Tuesday fuck Tuesday. Fuck, I need to sort of present. Right. Don't worry about that now. Let's just focus on the now. Day to day. Now you're just talking about leaving your last Airbnb, moving to your new Airbnb. How much luggage have you got? It's not a lot of luggage because we can nip home.

Right. Okay, you're closer now. It's a 15 minute walk. Oh, okay. That's not too bad yet. Yeah. So like, why not feed the cat and the hamster and stuff like that. The hamster. Yeah, of course. How's the hamster and the fish and the fish? How is the hamster all good? He's good, actually. Yeah. He's a good laugh. I like him. Cool. Big furry bum. So then we, I don't know what happened, but I fell asleep on the sofa at one point and then I had to

go to Cardiff for a corporate. On Saturday night? Yeah. Okay. What for? Energy suppliers. Did you get any? Fuckin' hell. Got any going have you, for a human?

Straight back in the car, get home at 2am. Yeah. And then Rose had to go and see her dad on Sunday. So I took the kids to a birthday party. Lovely. Little chilled day for you. Yeah. And then I had McIntyre's big show in the evening.

Oh my God. What's said to all? No, no, I was, because when they do the midnight game show, you then have to go in and react to it in the room. React to it. Yeah. Bloody, that's a busy weekend. Yeah.

Tell me about it, Rob. Last leg car defund McIntyre. I know. The weird thing about McIntyre is the call time is quite late. So the car was at 7.30, which you'd think is good, but you've tapped out by then. Yeah. You know that time when you're like, oh, this is an early call time. Actually, it's quite helpful because you're not like... No, you're living off adrenaline. You can't rest.

Yeah. You didn't even relax when you had your corn burn off. Exactly, mate. Also, the day on Sunday was just like, we've only really got our bedroom and the sitting room. That's all we've got. So you were back at your old house for the weekend before you went to a new Airbnb because there was no builders there at the weekend. But was there no back on the house though? So the doors are nailed shut. Fucking hell.

Still cold. Still cold. So then yesterday morning, I had to go do the strictly VT. Oh The funny VT. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah where you're lurking around. Yeah, and then I had four hours dance And then I'd gone to it takes two to announce that I was on strictly That is a lot of stuff to do there in it and then car home Yeah from there and then we had to pack up to go to the new B&B. Did you go to the B&B this morning? No, last night. Got there about half nine.

Was Rose already in the Airbnb? No, she was at home because our son also is ill. He's got a temperature. Oh, God. When did they go to bed, the kids, at the Airbnb? Yeah, about half night. As soon as we got here, basically. Yeah, about half-nights. So then I get my daughter to bed and then they've got some Enid Blyton book that they're reading at school. It's called like the Magic Chair or something, the Wishing Chair it's called. And it was the Wishing Chair collection.

She's obviously done a series of these books. And my daughter was like, oh, we're reading the first one at school. Can we read the second one? So I start reading the second one, Rob. So you're reading it to her in bed. Reading it to her, but she's reading it over my shoulder. Now I'm going to have to be careful how I'd say this. So I'm just reading it. And on the first page, it gets to the name of an elf or a genie or something.

Yeah. And that is an offensive word. Oh no. Okay. So our old genie is blind. Is she still with us?. Oh no. Okay, so our old genie, Blythe, is she still with us? No, no, no. It's from years ago. She was born in East Ullage, 1897, died in Hampstead, fucking South London turncoat, went north. She died in 68, so I imagine it's quite a fruity.

Yeah. Do you want to spell the word? Is that allowed? You'll know what the word is when I tell you that I, you know, when you're reading out loud and you're not taking it in. So I didn't like stop. I just thought it must be the name that was just coincidentally. Okay. Well I need to know what the word was. Well, I can tell you. I said it and then my daughter said, oh, that's weird. When we read this at school, that character is called Pinky.

Oh, fucking hell. Enid. Enid, Enid, Enid. What were you thinking? I blame it on the move to North London. Oh, come on, Rob. We've all been to South London. Come on. That's a mad name for an elf.

It is insane. It's a racial slur. What's the book called? The Wishing Chair. And I was like, oh, sorry, I must have misread it. But now you're teaching her not to read properly. And she looked over my shoulder. She said, no, no, no, look, you were right.

And she pointed to the word. The teacher has obviously been changing the name. Yeah, of course. Good on the teacher. It's a pinky. I didn't clock it and just said it. 1937. Right, yeah. So I was panicking at this point.

Yeah. Would you have been panicking? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I wouldn't have said that word out loud. I was so tired, Rob, and I was just reading out loud and I thought it must be just the context that means this isn't offensive. So I said, the one you've got at school must be the newer version, right? So we'll go with that. And she said, No, no, this book looks newer than the one we've got a school. That's the problem at this age. They're too intelligent and they're too...

Yeah. So this morning, I was like, I'm going to have to talk to her about this. Yes, because she needs to understand... Because she can't go into school and go, I just wrote this at home and actually, has it been changed? Yeah, so it says here, their first venture, the rescue pixie called the bad word renamed to Binky. Oh, Binky. They call that character Binky now in the revised editions of the book. Oh, right.

And it's also called that pixie is called Jigs in the TV series, which implies that she was called jugs. Can't get enough. So this morning in the car, I thought I've got to talk to her about this. Yes. I said I've looked into it. Yeah, I've looked into it. Now that makes you look mental that you don't know. But you've got to research it. I researched it. Yeah. And the reason it was changed is that is a, it's an offensive word for a Chinese person. And we don't say that word anymore. Yeah. And she said, yeah, okay. And then she said, what does it mean? And I said, it was just a word that wasn't a very nice word. To describe a certain group of people. To describe a certain group of people.

It's unacceptable now and it makes them unhappy and sad. It's mean. Yeah. Yeah. She got it, but she wanted to know why it was offensive. Yeah. I mean, I think it's a bit difficult. Because you're just kind of repeating it and going, because it was like a nasty way to describe them.

I think sometimes though, it's offensive because a word like that will be used for people from a certain area and it would group people together based on looks and ignorance. It dehumanizes them and all these kinds of things, but that's quite difficult. The semantics of that is difficult with a seven year old. So anyway, I think I'm going to just drop a short email to the teacher to flag it and say, why are you rewriting history? If you respect Enid, respect her words. Why are you basically burning books? Why are you throwing away statues of slave owners?

This is our history. But it really makes everyone sad when they read it and creates more divide in the classroom. I don't care. Art is art. Now I'm just going to flag. I said to her, we don't say that word. She was clear on that. But the truth is out there of what the original word was. And I'm worried she's going to tell her friends. I think it's good to drop that in an email. Hi mate, just a quick one. If you think mate's an offensive word, wait for this one.

Oh God, yeah. I feel so much better and I feel like I shouldn't have been as angry when I came back into the house with Rose about the fact that the internet didn't work because the Airbnb owner had changed their internet I came back into the house with Rose about the fact that the internet didn't work because the Airbnb owner had changed their internet, but hadn't changed it in the house pack. I hadn't changed the password.

They've obviously got a new provider, but they haven't changed the... I'll be honest with you, I think you've been very busy. You've announced you're doing Strictly, which is what you've had this lovely little oasis of escape, are you a little secret? are you and Karen have a little dance? No, no, no, no, no. How about Adidas? And then all of a sudden, the whole world knows you're doing it, it becomes real, your whole contact list messages you laughing and going,

oh, can't wait to see it. And then you start dubbed out in yourself, question it, then you answer, he goes, oh, hang on, I should be worrying about this because lots of people are talking about it now and people are messaging me about it. And then I'll stress you out subconsciously. Oh my god, Rob, it was a weird night. Who presents that show now? Fleur East or Jeanette Mamarara. So I get there, Rob. It was Fleur because I was put in

Jeanette's dressing room. I tried to have a shower. It was running cold. What in Jeanette's? Are you pervert? You've borrowed someone's dressing room. You've immediately got naked and started washing. I know I haven't though because it's too cold. Why are you so sweaty anyway? Because I've just been doing four hours of dancing. He's dancing. I haven't mentioned it. Fucking hell, mate. Yeah, we get it. You're doing strictly fucking shut up. Oh, yeah, you're dancing. So you got your dick ass. I'm nude in Jeanette's dressing room. I'm nude in Jeanette's dressing room. Shower doesn't work. Shower's too cold. So I have to get dressed again.

Didn't have a shower. Go on, stinking. So that's worse. You just got naked for a bit and then... Yeah, I just got naked in her dressing room and got dressed again. I didn't have a shower. Go on stinking. That's worse. You just got naked for a bit and then I just got naked in a dressing room and got dressed again. I chocolate fingers. And that's not come on. You've already threatened to give my mom a new knee replacement through vigorous sex. Let's calm down strictly. Dancer has sex with Beckett's mom before getting naked Josh when it comes starts a fail with super I was just so scared about revealing it's the most scared I've been on a TV show

In years. Yeah, that's cuz it's real and you're at your comfort zone Yeah, it felt real and it's such a big show that you have to sort of like respect it. Well, I was like, I was just kept saying I was terrified. I didn't say that. I said I'm terrified and I'm going to ruin Christmas and it's going to be awful, which might have been a weird way to do my interview. Yeah, I thought you were really pumped for that new show. I just thought I'd play the emotion, Rob.

Well, you can't lie. That's how you feel, isn't it? Yeah. And it's coming out in other ways. Yeah, so there we go. Anything else you want to share? Because I've had a mental couple of days. Great.

Go on. Oh. You're happy about that, are you? Why, just a bit of blessed relief. Before I tell you about the stress for a couple of days, is tell me what you think about this. I think we should start a movement to ban homework. Are you my daughter?

Listen to my argument about it, Okay. My children come home with homework, right? They're not loads, but they and they're still young. I get it when you're like doing your GCSEs and stuff. I think at primary school, it's completely I didn't have it at primary school. I think it's a complete waste of time at primary school. Because the children are learning in this class, they're in there a lot, right? And then they send them home with like a sheet that

most of the time they either can do and it's really easy, but they can't be bothered. And then it's just a war of attrition convincing them to do it. Or it's sort of really difficult to the point where they go, well, how do I do it? And I literally cannot explain to it. And it seems madness. Well, it's because also you're not good at maths, right? I am good at maths, but it's changed. It's not even like Rob Beckett going, it's difficult for me. It's difficult even if you're really good at maths. I actually feel like I'm actively confusing my child and making it harder and telling them things aren't correct. And I sort of feel like in this modern world of having a work-life balance,

which I think most adults struggle with and the fact now we're culturally... I think I've got it pretty good actually, Rob. which I think most adults struggle with and the fact now we're culturally... I think I've got it pretty good actually, Rob. No, but culturally we're told now within an office, it's not actually big and clever to be there till nine at night. And in certain cultures in Denmark, if you're there past five o'clock finish time, they're like, what's wrong? Not, wow, aren't they a hard worker?

Aren't they grafting? So why are we now trying to create a adult work culture that's beneficial to the country and to people's homes life with a good balance where you go to work, you get your work done, then you go home and turn your work emails off. You don't do any work because at home that's where you relax and you have family time. Why are children still being forced to take their work home with them? It's a terrible example to set.

This is an incredibly good argument, Rob. The school should end and that's when they, you know, have family time, they learn to socialise, they relax, they do sport. There's enough fucking learning all day at school. What is this pointless bit of paper they send home that's either you argue with your child about it. I feel like a nag. I feel like a nag as well. You're nagging them and then they're nagging with you and then they are tired. It's long days for these kids, especially in primary school.

I get it, you know, and it should maybe be more optional stuff in secondary school. I just think it's a fucking terrible lesson to teach your children that you finish your day, which is long, they get dropped off at eight, get picked up three or four, then they've got to do more. I just think it's terrible. And family time's quite a premium. Why fucking poison it? Trying to do fractions when the adults don't even know what the fuck to do. Thank you. And that's

not me just going, oh, I can't be bothered to do, oh, my kids, I'm trying to get out of it. I don't think it's beneficial. You've made a very compelling argument, Rob. Thank you. Very compelling argument. Let's take it to parliament. I look forward to being booked on the Jeremy Vines show on Channel 5 within the next week. Yeah. You make a very

good, I haven't really thought about it. I've just, I've just told the line. And it because teachers tell us and we're all scared of teachers because it's built into us as a child. I'm scared of everyone, Rob. I'm scared of everyone, as you know. But the work life balance thing, I'm very bad for that. Yeah, but we're forcing kids to do it. I was, do you know what? That was like Churchill. I loved it. I watched Churchill on the fly home, didn't I?

I'm getting really good at speeches. Shots in more speech. Very good. The key to a speech is you've got to care, haven't you? Yes. That's what Saw from makes a good speech. Anyway, so Lou's not very well at the moment. We went A&E yesterday.

She's better now. She's good. She's got the right medicine. But basically, so Sunday, I was busy getting ready for my tour. I was away for a couple of nights, Friday, Saturday, and my sleep and Lou's sleep last week has been terrible because we come back from America. And then I kept on gigging late and filming late. So I wasn't getting on English time.

I was basically filming till late and then not going to sleep till two or three in the morning, but still getting up at like six with the kids. So we were both knackered. Anyway, come home Sunday, had a nice day off Sunday. Lou was sort of fine in the morning, but said, Oh, my glands are coming up for a bit rough. Then she went to bed for a couple of hours in the afternoon while I looked after the kids and stuff. And then woke up, she had a sound bath booked. If you've ever had a sound bath booked. I've always wanted to have a sound bath. It's like a bath, isn't it? Yeah, so it's at the same place. She does a pilates. She does

reformer pilates. She lays down and they have this big noise makes this massive noise, but it's all dark. It's all warm. It's incredible. Yes, Lou went a few weeks ago and literally came back like a transformed woman. I was so chilled, so relaxed. So she's not normally chilled? No. I see what you're trying to do. You back me in a corner, but you

can't back me in a corner that I'm already staring at. Yes, she is a little bit, I'd say, tightly wound at times. Okay, we both are. It's busy being a bit. I saw a really funny thing. We're really chilled in this house, Rob. I saw a really funny thing on TikTok the other day, saying when you become an adult, life is just literally one thing after another. I can confirm it is one thing after another. Oh my God, the amount of times, oh God, my kids just repeat phrases back to me

that I say to them like I've got a thousand things to do and stuff. And I just feel like such a fucking... Because I was a bit stressed last week. So she was having a couple of glasses of wine in the evening. I think because she wasn't well, she was trying to just like chill. And one of the dogs got old of their teddies and chewed it a bit and got it dirty. So we were going to wash it and sew it back up. And my daughter was like, when are you going to do that? When are you going to do that? I just want my teddy back for bedtime, but it's still dirty and it's got a hole in it. I went, look, I'm sorry, dad's I've been away for like two nights working and I've literally not been here to wash it. Your mom has been really busy as well and she's not had a chance to do it. And she went, yeah, but when I went to bed the last two

nights, she just sat watching housewives drinking red wine. And I was like, okay, don't know what to say to that. Bang to write. But I say stuff like, I just want an evening. And then I think, why am I so obsessed with this? Why am I saying this to my child? I'm saying to my child, I got in from work at 2 a.m. They don't give a fuck. That doesn't mean anything to them. Why am I saying it?

Yeah, but also you say, I just want an evening. What are they going to say? Okay, dad, fine then. I won't like be ill or I won't need a square. You know, it's a lot of their needs. Aren't them asking for it? It's just the situation. I know. I know. But Lou said something quite a good way to look at it because I was like, basically, I'll tell you go through the Lou story in a minute, but like Lou's been really, really unwell. He's got A&E and has got quite serious at one point, but she's on the right medicine now. And then like my mom's in hospital getting a knee replacement, you're threatening to fuck her. And then my mate in Australia,

sorry, you've offered. Promise. Promise. And to do it well. Yeah. And then my friend in Australia, Ross, bless him, he's had this like brain surgery thing, he's gonna be okay, but that's been really stressful. So he's been in hospital doing that get well soon, Ross, I hope you're feeling well, and stuff. So he was in like, ICU and then so all these and I was like, oh my and then Lou was at the hospital, I was like, oh my god, it like my mom and mate in Australia, I was like, I was like everyone around me is like ill like that. And Lou was like, oh, getting fixed. Yeah. And I was like, it's just a quick shift,

because when you are overwhelmed with stuff, that might for. Yeah. And I was like, it's just a quick shift because when you are overwhelming stuff, that might, for me, my anxiety will always go, oh, here we go. He's weak. Let's fucking do this. Let's bring up all the stuff from your past. Let's get all these insecurities out. He's tired. He's weak.

Let's attack. So what you're saying is I need to go, my kitchen is getting fixed. You can have a lovely, amazing kitchen and you're in a wonderful position to have a new kitchen and also be able to afford an Airbnb near your house and still do all these things. Totally, totally Rob. You're in such a privileged position. Also we're in a privileged position where I could take Lou to A&E to get some free healthcare where if he was in America, you know, got those. So there he is, getting him on the last leg. Lou went to the sound bath, right? And then came back. She's in a

privileged position. She's having a soundbath. Right. So, yeah, so she can have a soundbath. She wasn't in a good way. She was a little cold and shivery. She was a bit emotional as well. And sound baths are known to sometimes unleash emotional trauma. Yeah. And you thought here we go. She's dumping me. They come to voice FM. Anyway, so it always starts to the fucking soundbath. It always starts to the soundbath. But no, so she was a little bit like shaking, a little bit like, weren't herself, she weren't like the person that come back from the first one. Anyway,

she went, I'm really cold. I'm going to get in the bath. I'm really cold. Right. Anyway, so she gets in the bath. She has a bath way too hot anyway, like insanely hot a bath. And then I'm downstairs on my phone, then I get, please come up and help. But that's spelt weird, like not how she would normally write. I was like, weird. And then it had been like two minutes or whatever. And did you think, here we go. The kids are in bed.

No. One thing's going to lead to another. No, I thought that a kid had been sick and she was like helping the kid be sick. And I need to come up to sort of like get the bedding off. Right. You know, I got up there, kids are both sound asleep, go in the bathroom. And it was literally on the floor. This is all, you know, this isn't funny. This baby she's on the floor, right? She's bright. She's hyperventilating, having a panic attack. Her legs, feet and arms and

her hands are paralyzed in a sort of rigid position. Like almost like the hands are into like a claw that will not move. So she couldn't get out the bath. So that she's had a panic attack. She had to drag herself out the bath because she's got pins and needles. She's paralyzed in her hands and arms. Her mouth is paralyzed a bit. So she can't talk properly. She's talking about that. It's shocking to see. Has anything like this happened before? Never. So I'm now Googling stroke symptoms because she can't, her face is sort of frozen and she's got pinned the needles and her arms not working and her face does look a bit droopy and she can't, her face is sort of frozen and she's got pinned the needles and her arms not working and her face does look a bit droopy and she can't, she's slurring a word. So I'm Googling that, but it's weird because it's both sides and actually

it's sort of easing off. So then I get her into the bed and then she's now she's having a full blown actual panic attack because she was so scary for her. So it's hard to calm her down and stuff. We run 111 and they took all the details. She calmed down a little bit and she was in the bed and then she got a feeling back. But because it was both arms and her face came back and it was fine, but I was Googling it because you think it's going to be a stroke. So basically we rang 111 and then they went, okay, we'll take all your details. We'll call

you back in an hour. So I didn't sleep all night So I'm waiting for the phone call they rang back and were you just thinking we shouldn't go to A&E because it's I can't really Because the kids but also her condition has got better and in the course of the phone call They said we don't think it's a stroke the but we'll get a proper clinician to ring you Within an hour and they'll tell you what to do. What time is this? 10pm on a Sunday night. I'm half asleep, half awake, waiting for this fucking phone call. Is Lou asleep? Sort of drifting in and out of consciousness. I wouldn't say she

properly slept all night. They ring me back at 7.30am, fucking nine and a half hours later, and I missed the call and they go, yeah, if she's still feeling rough, take her A&E, but I'll try you again. Never try me again. Joke. I looked it up and actually, because she has a slightly low blood pressure at the point, if you have a really, really hot bath and your blood pressure is too low, it can cause this thing and it's a proper hyperventilating can cause this paralysis because something's to do with the carbon monoxide in your air. You can't get enough air in, but as you calm down, you get your feeling back in your hands.

That's what happened to my friend on the stag do. Do you remember this? You can't get enough air in, but as you calm down, you get your feeling back in your hands and stuff. That's what happened to my friend on the stag do. Do you remember this? Yeah. So what caused it? So he'd had a massive night out because we were in Bruges and he was really, really hung over. And then he had a bath and had a panic attack after the bath.

And then he phoned 999. Yeah. So that a panic attack after the bath because, and then he phoned 999. Yes, that will happen. But then the panic attack will make that worse because you're so worried. Anyway, so I got into bed and calmed it down slightly and then I was helping her breathe and she was getting really upset and then another panic attack and getting all stressed. Anyway, calmed down a bit and then she laid in bed and then the next morning I took the kids to school, but I didn't really sleep properly. But I took the kids to school and come back and then we couldn't get we just can't get a doctor's appointment in the moment is absolutely mental. If I try and get a doctor appointment, you cut one you can't get through to

you can't do it. And or you get one in like a week's time. You have to ring up and then they go we'll ring you back then they ring you back and they go a doctor ring you a few hours time. Yeah, there is a service that like we're very lucky we can afford is 80 quid but you can literally see a GP immediately down the road. So we've been we did that. We drove over there because Lou was a mess. It was either that or an A&E but actually if we go there first, we'll be able to be seen quicker. So we went there. She said you've got a severe tonsillitis infection, a bacterial one. And but Lou's heart rate she was still, I think, still like having panic attacks, but the heart rate was so

high. I was worried. She was like, I'm worried because the heart rate so high and worried that the infection severe and bacterial tonsillitis can go to sepsis quite quickly. And there's quite a lot of stuff. So she said, you need to go to A&E immediately, but go to Lewisham A&E because they've got a specialist in ear, nose and throat. So then I've just gone out in like normal clothes.

I've driven her to Lewisham and they were at Lewisham. Comfortable trainers. Comfortable trainers. Well, yeah, I was just in my scruffy school drop clothes. You know, I said, drove her to Lewisham A&E and we're there because they needed to do blood tests on her and to see if it escalated or deescalated. But we bought her the, I bought the antibiotics on the way

so that she could start taking them. So it was already working. Cause the doctor said, look, you can go home and wait 24 hours, but it may get worse. So you might as well wait at A&E for a few hours to see. But they did the blood test and the inflammation was high and she was really dehydrated because she couldn't eat or drink anything. So anyway, they gave her loads of fluid and sent her home and she's on these antibiotics. So then, but then dad had to come to get her from the hospital. I had to sort out some childcare, big up Lisa, who managed to get the kids from school and then come home.

So where were you? Were you gigging or something? Yeah. So I had to come and do a voiceover and then I had to go do a voiceover in town. And then I had to stay in town to do a gig. Then today I've got up, done the school run, lose at home, lose dad's going to come round to walk the dogs. We've got Lisa to pick up the girls again because I'm out again because I'm doing this. Then I've got to go to a gig in Cheshire. And then tomorrow I've got radio too, a bit of filming in town and do my voiceover as a parrot because I'm a parrot in a film. And then I've got a gig. Will Barron Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and do my voiceover as a parrot, because I'm a parrot in a film. And then I've got a gig.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Could we just hold on the parrot in the film situation? I'm playing an Italian parrot. An Italian parrot? I've told you this before, haven't I? I don't think so. I don't know if he's still Italian, the parrot, because I'm doing it with this voice.

Right, yeah. Anyway, so we've got a really busy week and a bit stressful, but the bottom line is, Lou's much better now and well not much better. She just feels rough. But honestly, Josh, she looked like when I was driving her to Lewis and I was like, she has to go in. This person cannot get better at home. You know what I mean? Yeah. When we were sat there, they managed to get some fluids into her. She started the antibiotics. She was on, had a temperature of 41 degrees, but that was coming down with paracetamol eventually.

So anyway, lose at home, lose feeling better, but my week's absolutely fucking spangled and I'm all over the gaff. And to top it all off, international week, no Premier League, international football this week. Well that's given you some more time to yourself, right? No, it hasn't. It's given me more time to fucking think and not just enjoy Tottenham losing again. No, it hasn't. It's given me more time to fucking think and not just enjoy Tottenham losing again. The icing on the cherry on the cake. To be fair to the kids though. The icing on the cherry on the cake. To be fair to the kids.

I want this old cake, that. Yesterday they got up and they were like, I don't want to go to school, stuff like that. And then Lou tried to get up to help and they saw how ill Lou was. And this is when you know, you've got good kids that were like, mom, do you need help? Can we do that? And literally everything me or Lou said, cause I said, I basically had to have a team meeting with him. I didn't want to try that.

And I just said, girls, look, I know you don't want to go to school, but mommy's really, really not well. Dad's got to get to work after we drop you off. So we just need to get stuff done on time because if I send you up to brush your teeth and you don't do it, it's just, we just need to be really on it this morning.

And I really appreciate it. And bless them, like we actually got to school early in the end, because they just did everything. So would you recommend, if they're not going to school, just acting like one of the parents is quite ill? Yes, yeah, yeah. But I think it was actual worry when they saw it. Lou, like, looks so...

Actually, the long term, it's not that helpful to be able to book about two or three times a week when they're... I tell you what though, actually, in lighting, it was quite a lovely little school journey. Yeah. Somehow, this morning, my children have got into Crazy Frog. Oh, what? Is it 2005? Do you want a pint of nostalgia because you're getting it?

Yeah, yeah, too bloody right. How did they get into Crazy Frog? Well, a couple of girls from school apparently because I said, how do you know about Crazy Frog? Right? And they were like, oh, a girl from school likes the song. Could we play it? So I played the Crazy Frog song, you know, and all that. And do you know what? The first time, I quite liked it. Well, that's how I felt 20 years ago, mate. Yeah, nostalgia. It was a ringtone. Is that what it was? That's how I felt 20 years ago, mate. Yeah, nostalgia. And then ringtone, is that what it was? It was a ringtone.

Yeah, basically, I looked it up, there's a Swedish guy that could make that noise. I thought it was a funny noise. And in the end, they put it to a computer graphic and was sold as a ringtone. It become an advert. It blew up. Anyway, so I love it. And then they clicked on it because they can. The one was sitting in the front, so they can click on like the Apple CarPlay thing.

I went, oh, look, there's an album, I listened, there's a Crazy Frog album. Because in those days Rob that was the way to make money. Hey we listened to an album of Crazy Frog songs over and over again. Your Spotify wrapped is going to be a fucking nightmare. The way the song went too bad and also the rest of it isn't too bad because it's like um too bad because it's like um yeah this guy right yeah so he does xlf it does that and he does a bit of pump up the jam oh he does i like to move it as well yes actually quite a good fun well that's just i like to move it yeah That's just how I like to move it. Yeah, but in a minute you'll hit a bit of Frog.

Right, yeah, yeah. He doesn't want other champions. Does he? He fucking does. Well, he's got three albums of Frog. Think of that dog with a champion ass. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee funny. The one that killed me off. And when I was this, this was brought out in 2005, right? So some sound engineers in solo have probably absolutely off their face, drinking Sambuca building this album. Because it's basically covers, it's basically instrumental of Pump Up The Jam.

And then you just sprinkle a bit of frog over it. And then the final track of the album, this killed me off towards the end of the school world journey, is Crazy Sounds Acapella. It's just the frog doing noises and they absolutely loved it. And it was, let me play it to you. This killed, this morning. Oh, fuck that. Fuck that. Do you know what? It actually felt like, as I was listening to it, how long was that? Three minutes. Fuck that. It actually felt like what was going on in my head. That's why you need football.

Exactly! That's what happens during International Week in Rob Beckett's head. Get there, do that, be a parrot, Do a gig. Go there. Recall this. Recall that. See you later. Go to Cheshire. Go to Newbury. Go to Peterborough. worse because those voices could be lift your heels. Don't run and run on the balls of your feet. shoulders back chin down.

Look at your pants. Chin down. Yeah. Fuck it out. It'll be fine. It's just life isn't it? We'll be all good. It's just life. Fucking hell. It will be fine. It's just life, isn't it? We'll be all good. It's just life. It could be a lot worse. You can't wish your life away, can you?

Because if anything, as you found out this week, it's fragile. Yeah. You know, one day, Rob, I'll be sitting there thinking, you didn't know how good you had it when you were in that diversion. You didn't know that that was actually the best period of your life. Exactly. Rob, when I was in the car this morning, I tried to do a formal apology to Rose for how angry I was.

Oh, you was angry at Rose? No, just at the world when I got back in. What did you say when you got in? When I was sat in the car. I never do this. I'm not a road rage guy. No, just when you get home, classy. I was just, no, I was just in the car and I just was shouting as loud as I could, fuck! Fuck! Just sat in traffic, just so angry that I was just in this car and there's no way out

when you're in traffic. No. I genuinely thought- Just leave the car. What would happen if I just turned the car off and walked away like Michael Douglas in falling down just do it and blame that on the cloners you know the number plate cloners blame it on them they left their car in the middle of a fucking traffic what are you doing today have you got any time I'm doing this and then I've got a uh meeting about

the last leg new year's special nice and then I've got to go back to our house because we didn't have time to properly bring stuff last night because it was late. And I've got to feed the hamster. I've got to quickly... I've left all the plates unwashed, so I've got to go up to the bath and wash the plates. But Rob, be thankful. You... That first rule... Maybe the first way to view this, Rob, is I'm going to have clean plates. Those plates are going gonna be clean. You know what, I currently say fucking bin them, get some new ones in your kitchen. You

should have got paper plates when your kitchen's getting done. That's the first rule. Well, Rob, we didn't. What we've got instead is the two drawers from our discontinued dishwasher. Discontinued? Well, you know, junked dishwasher that we fill up and then we carry the drawers from the dishwasher upstairs and wash them in the bath. That is such a sad image. Yeah. And I can't tell you how dusty these stairs are. They're getting dirtier on the way up.

It's just dust and cold and everything. Terrible time to get it done as well this summer year. Yeah, well, it's life. Will it be ready for Christmas? There's a possibility it won't be ready for Christmas. No, there is not that possibility, no. Well, Christmas is six weeks away, isn't it? Yeah, it's gonna be done in five that that when you say done, it won't be done. Let me introduce to you my little friend and yours snagging. Oh, I hate the snag list. I fucking hate the snaggerooley because what it is is you get there, you'll be in there a week before Christmas in your nice new kitchen, and then you'll go to

turn the plug on and then it won't turn on. And I go, Oh, yeah, that's on this yeah that's on the list. I hate the snag list. I hate the snag list. Life is just a fucking snag list mate. My whole life is a snag list. Absolute snag a doodle.

Right, okay let's do small business shout out. Can I just say? No. Okay. Yes of course. It's on the topic of small business shout out. The person we gave a shout out to last week, so it's only just gone out this morning. And this is 1030. Yeah, she texted me to say thanks for the shout out. I've already had an inquiry from Bristol. Isn't that nice? The art listeners are great. So let's keep going with this small business shout out. small business shout out. Yes, let's do this.

Okay. Hi, Rob and Josh. Thank you for getting me through my journey to work. Your podcast makes my journey much more enjoyable. Please can I get a small business shout out for my cousin Nick? He has an amazing small business, which I'm very proud of, and what he's achieved starting this business up last year. SmartSweep is a Norwich-based chimney sweep.

Ah, yes, please. Providing a professional chimney sweeping service across Norfolk. SmartSweep is approved by Hetas and certified by the Guild of Master Chimney Sweeps to ensure all customers receive an excellent service to the highest industry standard. SmartSweep services include sweeping, servicing and maintenance of multi-fuel stoves, wood burners and open fires, chimney camera inspections, chemical tar and creosote treatment, bird nest removal. Sweeping certificates, if you're looking for a chimney sweep who's professional, reliable and provides

a first-class service, choose Smart Sweep. Facebook, facebook.com forward slash smart sweep knowledge. Instagram, smart.sweep, there knowledge, Instagram smart dot sweep. There you go. There we go. Love the niche ones. North of chimneys. Please let us know if you get it sorted by smart sweep.

If you get a good chimney sweep, Rob. Yeah. That's good. They come back once a year, they sweep your chimney. It's a great reliable job. I imagine it's quite seasonal. I haven't got a chimney. If you have got a chimney,

recommend you do get it swept because otherwise, you're looking at fires in your chimney. Yeah, you got a mucky pipe in the middle of you. Oh, okay. Oh, Rob, can I just say I've calmed down now and I should apologize to Rose because What did you say to her? No, no, but I've just realized that I blabbered on about how

difficult my week has been and it's been much worse for her because she's been, yesterday when our son was ill, she was basically in our house in the drafty awful house looking after our real son while I was complaining that I was having to do strictly and it takes two. So, formal apology. Formal apology, fair enough. But you did have to go to Cardiff. Yeah, but when I went to Cardiff, she had to put the kids to bed in a house that

is a living hell. And you just had to sleep in a car. I just had to sleep in a car and do 20 minutes work. Fair enough. Yeah. Do you know what, Rob? Yeah. Let's end on that. My small business is- Life.

Mums that are stuck at home while the dads complain that they're at work like I have been doing. There you go. That's my apology. That's my apology. That's your apology. Cause at least you get a break, don't you? Or dads that are at home while their moms are at work. Yeah. Not their moms. It depends on the work, doesn't it? Yeah. Cause it is difficult learning to dance. That is a hard job. Well, you can't call strictly work. That's fun. Yeah, it is. I'd say cut 20 minutes in Cardiff for energy suppliers.

That was work. However, that was canceled out while getting to sleep in the car. But then again, when you're on the M4 at midnight. Oh man, I got back at two Rob. At least it'd be warmer than your house. Anyway, I'm just gonna leave this with you before we finish. Your kitchen won't be finished completely for house. Anyway, I'm just gonna leave this review before we finish. Your kitchen won't be finished completely for Christmas.

See you next week, Josh. For fuck's sake.