Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP28: Kerry Godliman

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the comedian and actress - Kerry Godliman. You can buy tickets for Kerry's brilliant new tour 'Bandwith' HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Follow us on instagram: @parentinghell  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Welcome to the Orwell Business. Billy Bob Thornton, Demi Moore, and Jon Hamm star in a new Paramount Plus original series.

The world has already convinced itself that you are evil and I am evil for providing them the one thing they interact with every day. You all right? Here we go. From Taylor Sheridan, executive producer of Yellowstone. Get everybody back. Go! Go! You just put a giant bull's eye on this place.

We rolled the dice one last time. Landman, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount+. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Oscar, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Widdecombe. Josh Widdecombe. Well done.

There we go, smashed it. Best woodicam I've heard in ages. It is, yeah. This is my second attempt at sending this. Forgot to attach the first time. Can I blame Baby Brain? This is three-year-old Oscar attempting and nailing, with question mark, I'd say nailing,

the podcast intro. Oscar was born 18th of May, 2021. So we find the content about Josh's son very relatable. It's a week after my son, Rob. I don't think you can call it baby brain when your child's four. No. Thank you for providing entertainment and hilarious stories. Thank you. To get us through the long night to nap walks drives. We have recently found ourselves back in the trenches with another baby born at the beginning of September. Baby brain is back in.

Baby brain's back in the mix. Looking forward to a nice enjoyable holiday in the four plus years time, unless we decide on a third after a poorly judged decision to get into camping early this year. Fuck that. Thanks for the last Cheyenne, Tom, Oscar three, Otis 11 weeks from? She's from Oxford. Do you want a clue? Yeah. Someone you know very well lives there and is by far

the most famous person who lives there. Crawley. Correct. There you go. But Josh, tell me about your week. What have I been up to? What have I been up to? Busy with the kids. It feels like quite a full on time of year. There's lots of like school assemblies, choir, like Christmas shit going on, Christmas do's. And then it's my kids birthdays in December, two of them. So that's always full on. Oh, fucking hell.

How's the decks? Decks are up. Yeah. Are you still enjoying decks? Decks are up. Yeah, but are you still enjoying them? Love them. Great. Why wouldn't you enjoy them? I just wondered whether you desensitized them yet

or whether you still feel Christmassy when you see them. That I still feel Christmassy. Are you still excited to wait to see if Father Christmas comes six weeks after meeting him? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's nice isn't it? Yeah. Might as well have done it in summer.

You ain't so busy. Um, so we was going to school the other day, right? My two children between them had eight bags to take in. Fucking Laura. Honestly, I could barely carry them. Swim me through the bags. Right. They're normal school bags. Yeah. Two bags. Yeah. One of them had a guitar for guitar lesson. Yep. Two bags. Yep. One of them had a guitar for guitar lesson.

Yep. One of them had a swimming costume. Could that go in the normal school bag? Not really, because it's got a towel and you have to have an extra bag because it gets wet. A towel is fucking big, isn't it? Yeah. Then she had uniform to change into because she was already dressed as a Tudor. uniform to change into because she was already dressed as a Tudor. For a Tudor assembly. What does a Tudor wear?

Mate, I went to the Tudor assembly. Fucking Amazon done well out of that day. Every kid in the same green Tudor dress that you'd literally type Tudor dress in. Deliver to me now. Eight green Tudors. So a Tudor dress. And then my other daughter had her school bag, which I've already counted, her wellies for forest school, a Nativity costume in a bag.

Can't believe the fucking wellies there. Come on. And she also had swimming as well. Oh my God. I was thinking this, Josh. We went and watched an assembly. Yeah, it was a Tudor assembly. It was brilliant. Loved it. Really liked it. But I've got two children and I love seeing them all do their plays. And then the second time, because there's the younger one, they normally do similar things.

So that's still quite fun. Just seeing your daughter do it. But you go, oh yeah, this is the one I saw my older daughter do. Oh, that's cool. Right. I'm done now. Right. These people got four kids.

How the fuck do you find any interest by the fourth kid? At that point, you'd have seen that Tudor assembly about 10 years ago. You've still got to sit there. It can't be fair on the youngest kid, can it? You must be bored. You can't possibly be as excited or buzzed as you was first time around. No, I agree. What do they do? I don't know. Let's just start. I bet attendance gets a bit more patchy. It's difficult Rob. Even kid number two, stuff like, I realised by this time with my daughter,

we were organising play dates, we were doing all that. We're like, oh, you'll see your friends at nursery, won't you? You'll be fine. Bad. It's bad. Yeah, no, I think it's fine. But the kids don't care. What you've got to remember, Rob, is by the time you've got four kids, they're all kind of managing each other by that point. You're in that situation. Do you think you're the youngest of your four siblings felt? I can't really remember to be honest. You don't really notice, do you? I know. I hit myself in the school run the other day. I said to Rose, oh, fuck my anecdote off. Like, I left the house, 20 minute drive,

and I needed a shit immediately, and I'm in trouble here. At one point, I was going to pull over on a country lane and shit in a bush, but I'd have to do that in front of my children. Yeah, you can't do that. In the end, I dropped off at school, and I thought. Would you be shouting, don't look at me? Don't look at me. And I thought, I can't go in the school and have a shit because I'd have to leave the car light with acids on.

And it's a bigger car now, so it would take up too much space. And then in the end, I went to McDonald's. And you know what? McDonald's gets a lot of grief, but the amount of times McDonald's has saved me from shit in my pants. I'd say I can count it on one hand. Yeah, but that's still enough. It's enough. I'd say if it's done it once, that's it. You owe that person for life. Could count it on one hand twice. Anyway, one other thing I wanted to tell my um, my kids are doing impressions of people they know in the bath.

Oh, yeah. So they were like, your kids are in the bath, are they doing impressions of these people being in the bath? No, no, no, just impressions in general. So they're doing me go, whoa, uh, cause I take the mic out of the bathroom being in the bath? No, no, no, just impressions in general. So they're doing me go, whoa, because I take the mic out. And then going to what's mommy sound like? She went, girls, hurry up. And just did shouting in the morning. And then we said to other people to like, what does your amps is lose dad? What does your amps say? And he goes, I'll take it to the park in five minutes, girls. Because obviously,

they always ask them to go to the park. It was in five minutes, in five minutes. And then my little seven-year-old, the youngest, she's still got a little bit of a cute voice, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not baby, but younger. So she was like, what does granddad say, my dad? She went, you fucking idiot. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Lovely. And then I went, oh, and then what does nanny say? And she went, not in front of the children, Dave. He shouted at another car that cut him up on the road. Amazing. Amazing. Oh, you fucking idiot. Oh, God. That cracked me up. This, Rob, yeah, is Kerry Godleman. Ah, lovely. Kerry Godleman, welcome to the show. Thank you. Your return, very excited about your return. We were just chatting before we started about your really funny new tour video that you released.

And now we've got into a deep dive on our touring policy where you've never had a tour manager before. Never had that before. And Josh has dropped the information that he has a duvet in the back of the car. Oh, I thought it was extravagant to have a pillow and you've just taken it up a gear. Well, I've actually got a cushion. Oh, a cushion. Okay. I'm going to move on to pillow.

Pillow, fair enough. But duvet. I've got a pillow and a duvet. What do you do? When do you stop talking, go night night then and tuck in? About one minute into the... So Rob taught me this, Kerry, is this bad? So Rob was like, you can just get in the back. They don't wanna talk to you. So prior to that, you were doing the whole chatting

up the front. Yeah, I was like, well, I've got to keep him company the whole bloody way. Right. Yeah, that's no, no. A tour manager's job is to manage the tour and get you as ready as possible for the gig. So having to sit next to the same person

you see every day for a year and just fill the void is gonna drain your energy. I sit in the back and then that way he's got the tour manager got a little world, they can put their stuff in there and then I'm in the back, I've got my space, I chat a bit, but then I will just put headphones on and go and have a kick now. Do rapport, you tick off rapport.

I do report and if it's a late drive, about sometimes I will like, if I can feel the car sway in a bit, I'm like, what about Jaxon, before he nods off? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What an empathetic instinct you have, Rob. Yeah, I'm a good guy. So now I'm in the back.

It involves my survival. Pillow, headphones, duvet. Wow, I'm not there yet, I'm not there. You need to coach me through. Because I thought it might look a bit of a twat if I even put one of those long-haul pillows around my neck. Oh, get a long-haul pillow.

I used to drive to Cardiff, set a venue up for two hours, do the show and drive back, and then wonder why in the morning I wanted to kill myself. It's too much. No one else does that. No one else drives for three hours, spends two hours talking to people, doing admin and sort of stuff and then performs a show for two hours alone and then drives home. It's insane.

Coming around to the realization that I don't have to entertain the driver on the way to entertain a room of people. On the way back on more chatty and stuff, but I think it's a fair thing to do. Josh, one question about your duvets, though. Where do you store your duvet? Because the car is changing, or is it Ali's own car? No, Ali's got his own car. So he has to have your duvet in it for the next two years? Well, no, because I had to take it out,

because I was using an Airbnb. Oh, it's getting tragic. Because I was sleeping on the sofa. Yeah, you see, now it's less appealing, because we're talking about duvet admin. And you might find yourself holding a duvet by the side of the road and there's nothing. He's got duvet admin. You need your own car if you have the duvet. Because Ali's like, I've got a fucking store just where there comes duvet at my house. And who's washing it mate? Who's washing it?

I'm not washing the fucking duvet. The duvet is going to get dirty as well. I'm clean as a whistle. So the duvet will stay in the car. He's got a... But it's his car. He uses it for other things. No, but it's his car that he's bought this car. I know that, Josh, but you're not his only client. So he's going to be doing other jobs than the fucking duvet in the boot. Do you know what? Swade are more than welcome to use my duvet.

If they want to use my duvet... No one wants to use your duvet, mate. No one wants to use your duvet. Richard. No one wants to use your duvet. Richard's brother who plays bass in Swade might be under my duvet as we speak. You need to be in charge of the duvet at the end of a run. So you bring the duvet into the car on a Thursday, you're with him till Friday, Saturday, Sunday,

then you take- He's not fucking working on the two days. I'll feel be fucking knackered. Why do I feel like me and Rob are your mum and dad and you're leaving home for university? I don't think there's any problem with my behavior here, parents. I don't think he can leave a duvet

in someone else's car indefinitely. Think, Josh, think. Yeah. What do you think Ali's saying about you when he gets home and he's trying to do a big shop and his wife's going, well, we're gonna have to put the fucking duvet somewhere because you're getting a bottle of water because Josh needs water

and now the fucking boots full. It's not in the boot, is it? He's got one of those cars that's got the three seats facing each other. You know, the six seats facing each other. The people carrier. The people carrier. Yeah, yeah, that's what it's called. It's a shorter, quicker way of saying it. Right, not now. You could have just let me go, but you've added time by saying people carrier. So you've got six seats for you and a duvet in the boot. The duvet can go in the six seats. You can see he's realizing. No, I think that is more unacceptable.

I think that's more unacceptable than sitting in the back. I would feel compelled if it isn't my car to remove the duvet. My cushion stays because it's my car. I'm with Rob. Right, Kerry. Yeah, hi, Josh. Welcome to the show. Thank you. It's tense, isn't it? I feel quite triggered up. Right, Kerry. Yeah, hi Josh. Welcome to the show. Thank you.

It's tense, isn't it? I feel quite triggered up. Sorry, Ken. I think me and you quite like a fun Barney and we bring it out on each other. We quite like a little round. We were revealing a lot about our upbringing. He's taking the fucking piss out of that, Ali. Look at that doobie.

Very comfortable with arguing slash bants. Where's the line? Where's the line? Where's the line? Are you an only child, Kerry, or have you got a sibling? No, I've got a younger brother. You've met my brother, Augustin. Oh, you have?

And do you get on? Yeah, we do get on. Yeah. We have got a six-year age gap, so when we were growing up, we weren't close, but we've got closer as we've got older. That's the thing. Do you think your children, question to everyone everyone do you ever think about what your children's relationship will be like as adults? I get the feeling that your kids will be very close Rob. What's their age gap?

Only two years two girls two years so they were like in lockdown a lot together. How old are your kids? Can we got a point ago? My daughter's 17 she's the oldest and your daughter, your kids? Kerry, you got a boy and a girl, haven't you? My daughter's 17, she's the oldest, and then my son's 14. Yeah, how are they getting on? They're getting on all right. They're quite different. Like the older girl can, because I was the older girl, so I see it. And it's like, you don't give a fuck about your younger brother. You really, you really, there's no kind of natural instinct towards kindness.

So the amount of times I've had to say, just be kind, just be kind to your brother in that slightly aggressive way, which doesn't land brilliantly. She's a bit kind of dead-eyed. She always been like that or is that? No, she was cute when they were little. When she was three and he was a tiny baby, we've got lovely little videos,

which I show her every day of like, look, you loved him, he was your cute baby brother. I know you wanted a kitten and you got a brother, but... But that kitten will be dead. Exactly. He's outlived that kitten, mate. No, kittens go for fucking ages. Cats take the piss. Yeah, we've got a well old one that's right on the edge. I sometimes look at an old cat, like my auntie had a cat.

It was like 28 or something. And I look at it, how the fuck are you still going, mate? They can. They can live on and on. Is it bloat cats that live long or girl cats? The fuck knows. I can never tell the difference. One or the other. One or the other couldn't really live. I always just think cats are girls and dogs are boys. Yeah, I've got that feeling. Oh shit. No, that's not the case.

That's how it works, is it? No. They kind of, they can sometimes get on, my two. Yeah. When they do get on, you're so happy. Yeah. As a parent, whenever your kids do get on, you're so happy. As a parent, whenever your kids are getting on, you feel like you wanna video it and post it, you wanna tell everyone in the WhatsApp group,

my kids are talking, they're getting on. But the arguing is awful. It just breaks your heart when your kids argue. What do they argue about as teenagers then? Well, they just don't really have, they have some interests in common, but their personalities are quite different. So my daughter will be quite teasy.

She'd just be like, you're a bit of a nerd. She thinks she's super cool. Right. And he's a bit of a square. So she can be a bit. And is she right? Is she right on either of those, Kerry? Well, as we were just saying, I love a nerd because nerds have got skills.

Yeah. As you just said, cause you saw my tour promotion video online. Yeah, it's brilliant. My son made it. Yeah, I mean, because I didn't want to offend you, Kerry, but it was definitely a shift in editing. And I'd say the sort of rhythm of it, it felt like there was an influence there.

You knew someone else had got involved. There was a teenager involved in that production in a great way. Because you were so funny, but the way they packaged it, it was so suitable for... Someone with skills did that. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. And he's really good at things like that.

So I don't think of it as nerdy, but he has got, he's more interested in doing things like that than going out and sort of sitting in a park, getting pissed. He's 14. And that must be a relief. Yeah, I am relieved actually. I live in London. I'm like, please don't go to the park and get pissed. I don't know what I'm basing this. Well, I am relieved actually. I live in London, I'm like, please don't go to the park and get a picture.

I don't know what I'm basing this, well, I am basing this on your per, I imagine you were quite a tear away. But I was, yeah. But it was, it was a different time. What I mean is, are you relieved that you're not, cause like, I wasn't a tear away, but Rose was. What, yeah?

Ah, right. Girls, yeah, maybe girls are a bit wilder. Girls are a bit wilder. Let's go back to that confession. Joshua wasn't a tear away. No. You think you know someone. I mean.

Didn't you have a wild phase when you were older? Yeah, when I went to uni and then my 20s and most of my 30s. But but my mum and dad weren't very strict when I was growing up. So that wildness and being a takeaway was only relative to the boundaries, isn't it? So my parents were pretty kind of loose with it. I wasn't Yeah, I suppose what I mean by Rose being told is she should be going out and going to raves and stuff. And that terrifies me to

think of my daughter. Like, are you at that stage where your daughter's going to raves? But I am actually the one saying, why don't you get a bit of fake ID and go out? Oh, really? She's at that year where some of her mates are 18 and they're all coming out.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's still 17. I'm like, get a fake ID, mate. New Year's is coming up. But I think she's a bit nervous about the humiliation of getting turned away on a door by a bouncer. It used to be so terrifying, didn't it? Yeah, so she's on that right on the cusp

of becoming a raver. Yeah, and how are you feeling about that? Nervous, I am a bit nervous about it. But I think she's quite sensible. I think she is, but I mean, what do I know? But apparently we don't really know what goes on with them, do we? Which is kind of all right by me.

Did she ever go into the park phase? Well, funny enough, her going to the park phase was locked down. So she was 13, 14 for that lockdown time. Right, yeah. So I think she did miss out quite a lot. And then, so when we first did this podcast, was in lockdown and you got the benefit

of my daughter being 13 in the back of her. Yeah. So that was her at that time. And she was a bit wild. She pierced her own septum in lockdown. Wow. Yeah. The bit between your nose. Yeah. She did it herself. The Westbrook. What with? Fucking knows mate. I mean, I don't know what's going on in that bedroom. She made it on her own in the bedroom. She did it on her own in the bedroom with a YouTube video. And I have seen stuff from other people and they're like, she could have

gone through some nerves that paralyzed her face really apparently she's very blasé about it now is it still pissed no apparently it's closed up but she was like it was all fine it was easy that's how wild she was wow that is quite intense yeah she was full on but she was like going through that all that shit that we're talking about in the lockdown. She was locked in. She'd have been up to a lot worse. Exactly.

She could have been sort of running a small business in a bush in a park doing the set films. But so she calmer now at 17. She's way calmer. And I've spoken to other people that say, yeah, teenage girls can get real around sort of 13, 14, 15. Oh my God. And it's really sorry lads, it can get real around sort of 13, 14, 15. And it's really, sorry lads, it can get choppy. And then it does calm down.

I do feel like it calms down. My favourite thing is that tracking app. Do you do that? Yeah, yeah. I know that some people don't approve, but it just means that I'm not nagging them or freaking out. I can just see where they are. So where are they now?

Now they're at school. Right. How often do you check? I do use it. Like if I'm out, I do use it where they are. So where are they now? Now they're at school. Right. How often do you check? I do use it. Like if I'm out, I do use it quite a lot. I did use it and I thought, fucking hell, Frank's in Manchester. And then I realized his phone was in my bag. I was in Manchester.

I can be a bit clawing with it. And someone said to me, you should get rid of it when they turn 18. And I'm like, I don't think that's going to happen. Could you say you can have it on me? Because really, who cares? They don't give a fuck about me, Josh. Exactly. So it's a good deal.

There's no investment for them. Sort of phase it up, maybe. First you're a uni, keep it on, and then phase it out once they're settled in. Yeah. Because you can't have it on forever. Exactly. Because now she's getting to a point where she'll come in after I've gone to bed. And I find that quite panicky because I struggle to get to sleep. Oh, I couldn't sleep.

How can you sleep in that situation? I struggle to get to sleep, but I have got to let it go. Because I'm very fortunate to have friends with older kids that have taught me through some of these anxieties. And they're like, you do have to find a way to unplug because in the, my friend told me this awful story that her daughter, who's now in her mid-twenties, but when she was at uni, she sent a message quite late at night saying, come now, I need you.

Oh my God. And then her phone went dead. Oh no, no, no. I know, it's horrific. So my friend was freaking out, went through the night, calling her dad, trying to get people that lived because her daughter was at uni at Durham, trying to get like people that she sort of half knew. Well, yes, so this is the thing. She'd done very well in her A-levels.

Don't fuck it up now. So she was like- Charge your phone. Calling the police, everything, calling the police a lot. Anyway, long story short, someone did manage to knock on her door on the morning, and Ruby her name is,

she came to the door with a bit of toast stuck to her head with a hangover and went, what? And went your mum your mum said that you needed help she went i just sent it to a friend like that was banned so i was like it was an accident the whole thing was a misunderstanding oh god like that it was an example of how you do have to unplug from the phone you just gotta find an age where you go i'm not getting involved and going to bed now night night you're on your own so what time do you go to bed? Well, if I've not got a gig, I'd happily tuck in by half nine, 10, mate.

Yeah, me too. I'm the same until now, I'm a celebrity's on though, I'm fucking exhausted. When they do a little cheeky hour on a 40 minute one, I'm like, fucking leave it out, and then, come on, mate, I've got school running in the morning. Exactly, this time of year, I'm hibernating. I'd live in a box of hay.

My morale is so low when it's cold like this. I struggle. I make it nice by making it cozy and not worrying about going out. I'm not interested. When people call it party season, I'm like, are you joking? It's a fucking funny season. God, we're a bunch of old pricks. That's all right though, isn't it? It's great. I like it.

You text me in three months when you've got a duvet in your car, mate. Yeah, exactly. Cause I've got that tour coming up in the spring. I'm like, I'll gear it up then. No, I'd say we're not boring and old. Our job is just to give out so much energy and we're chatting and we're so engaged that when we're not doing that,

we need to regenerate energy. If I wasn't on tour or doing my job, I'd be in the pub every night. That was my problem. You're so wise, Rob. You're a wise soul. I know. You're very good at that sort of stuff, like looking after yourself. Well, yeah, I tried, but I find the weather hard work. I need a bit of sun on me. I need vitamin D.

Well, there is a bit of sun. Storm Burt was awful, wasn't it? That's so fucking windy. You went to Swindon on a Sunday night in that. Fuck off. And then four people turned up in the front row. I went, why aren't they here? And their mates were like, oh, they live 20 minutes away. I went, I've come from fucking Brobly. I hung them on the phone on stage. And there's a woman called Trudy. I went, Trudy, where the fuck are you?

She went, oh, it was too rainy. I was like, well, we've made it. Go fuck yourself. And hung up. And it was quite fun. But then I was like I've actually been really rude to that woman yeah sure love that though I find I say go fuck yourself quite a lot thinking I'm being funny and people are like all right yeah I know go fuck yourself oh I'm meant to be nice saying it to your kids isn't ideal is it. Do you argue with your kids in that way, Carrie?

No, actually, no. I'm trying to be as honest as I can. Yeah, we'll try and let you answer that one again. I don't think we do argue loads, but that's the sort of thing you need to ask them. I have a bit of a bit of argy-bargy now and then with my daughter, very rarely if ever around with my son. He's pretty easy going. Quite chilled.

Yeah. You're similar to your daughter then, do you think? I think we are quite similar, yeah. And is she going to uni? Is that the plan or what? She's actually, this is how similar we are, she's actually gonna try to go to drama school. Yeah, she wants to be an actor, you said before, yeah. Does wanna be an actor, yeah.

And how do you feel about that? It's so weird, honestly. Like she went to look at my old drama school a couple of weeks ago. Did she? Yeah, and I thought she wouldn't like it. Just, it's down near you, it's down in Kent. And old drama school a couple of weeks ago. Did she? Yeah, and I thought she wouldn't like it. Just it's down near you. It's down in Kent.

And do they have a list of alumni with you on the wall, Carrie? Very much not, Josh. And I'm really cross about it. I'm like, did you mention mommy? No. Only the biggest sitcom of all time on worldwide. Don't worry about it. She doesn't use my name and she never mentions me ever, ever.

She's like, I'm not a nepo baby. She's going alone. How do you feel about her acting? Mixed, mixed. Because it's a tough world to get into, isn't it? Yeah, it is. And if it wasn't for Stand Up, I don't think I'd... Stand Up was the thing that made it all kind of click together

because prior to that, it was like, I was doing bits of acting, but it wasn't an easy life. It's fucking mad, isn't it? Like the percentage of people that aren't employed in acting. Exactly. And then I discovered the world of stand up and then it's like, oh, and that all went all right. But I don't know, she's like, she did do a film.

She has been in a film, so she's had a little taste of it. But I'm like, wow, your first job was a lovely film with like Reese Ifans and stuff. And then my first job was one line on the knock. So I'm like, you're getting the full sense of what this industry. Yeah, but now you're comparing. How's the jealousy going for you, Carrie?

I can feel it. Oh, look at you with your film. You're comparing already. Yeah, when are you gonna do your sausage advert, babe? Is your bog roll advert then? You want your kids to do better than you, don't you? We survive so they can thrive. I really want her to do well.

I want her to have a good time. And Ben's really good about stuff like that, because I am a bit nervous about it. And he says, yeah, but isn't it lovely as well? And isn't it good that she's into it? I mean, again, people with older kids say, if they're into anything, it's a bonus. Yeah, yeah.

You can't fake enthusiasm, can you? Yes, exactly. Do you give her tips? When she does a self-tape, sometimes she lets me, you know, you've got to be invited. I don't want to give her uninvited tips. Are you filming her self-tapes? I'm helping her with her self-tapes. For people at home, what's a self-tape?

It's an audition. You make your own tapes now. I think it got bigger after COVID, didn't it? Because in pre-COVID, you'd go in. It's quite soul destroyed, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And so are you reading from the other side, Carrie? Sometimes I am, yeah.

You read the other lines, and you're thinking, maybe I'll get picked up for this line. I just surreptitiously at the end, like, I'm available. I'm available. I'm still available. I am excited for her as well, because it's a lovely time of life. Whatever she decides to do, she's at the beginning of that adult, you know. It's the best bit, in a way.

You want them to try as many things as possible. Because, you know, I know you did a stand up as well as the acting, but it's like you need the different revenue streams, I think, which I don't want to sound too business wankery, but because I do lots of different things, nothing becomes too important. Yes, I agree. I've always been like that. Yeah, me too.

And that way you can float into an audition and go, if I get it, great. If I don't, I've still got my stand up or my podcast or radio or all these other things. Absolutely. As soon as I left college, I was on all of that. Like there's a lot of other ways for actors to earn a living that isn't all just TV and theater.

Being a waiter. No, there's lots of work for actors in different things. Training work and role play stuff, educational stuff. There's lots of things for actors to do. So if you sit by the phone. Did you ever go around schools and do little plays? Were you one of those? Did you?

Yeah, I did like anti-bullying programs. Kids, don't be a wanker. Like lots of that kind of theatre. Oh yeah, so it was good stuff then. You wrote your own lines. I was paraphrasing for Combi Effect, Josh. They were very carefully written educational programmes. But I'd done loads of that.

Forum theatre in schools and I'd done medical role play where you have to be someone with deep vein thrombosis all day for doctors. Oh wow. There's loads of things you can do that mean you don't have to be a waiter. Well, as well as touring schools, you're also touring the country. Oh, right, that was really good.

Beautiful. I tell you what, the amount of tour shows you're doing, some of the audience are going to get deep vein thrombosis. Oh, here we go. It's absolutely on fire, eh? Oh, mate, you're all over it. You're on a hat trick here, Rob. You're smashing this. So you're doing March, April, May next year, and you're gonna be playing Paul Newcastle with the old Paul Newcastle double.

Oh, fucking hell. But if you look at the dates, there's three days between them. Yeah, it's just a fucking drive. So Paul Newcastle, Brighton, Plymouth, Bristol, Glee, Cardiff, Nottingham Playhouse, Norwich, Chester, Salford, Northampton, Canterbury, Oxford, Watford, Glasgow, Coventry, Leeds and Hackney Empire, amazing.

So Hackney Empire goes on, a few of those go on sale Friday the 29th of November. Be amazing, what's it called, the tour? Bandwidth, because I've run out. Bandwidth, you've run out of bandwidth, Kerry. Yeah, I can't remember anything. Is the tour ready yet or are you still previewing it? Yeah, I am still previewing it.

I got a few more left in January. I did one last night. I think I'm there. I'm nearly there. I've got like a few more bits to work out, but I did my first one with no notes last night. Oh, well done. It's a funny transition, isn't it? When you're like, I'm not going on stage with notes. And then I kept forgetting loads of bits

and having to go back for it. I was like, oh, I've got to go back for that because otherwise this bit doesn't work. So there was lots of that. You could really smell the wood burning, but they, you know. This really helped me. Tell me if you know this or to be shut up. This really helped me with when I was trying to write a show

and try and learn anything new basically is the different stage of competence. Well, if you try a new thing. Oh, I love that, yeah. Well, yeah, so it's a good example. If you're learning to drive, when you first start trying to drive, you have unconscious incompetence

where you're shit at something, but you're oblivious. You're like, oh, I'm driving a car. Yeah. And then after a few lessons, you understand how it works. You are consciously incompetent, or you know your shit and you don't know what to do about it. And then you become conscious competence

is where you are aware of what you need to do, but it's exhausting. A bit like your stage at the moment, Kerry. Where you know what comes in the show, you have to think about every second of it and it's exhausting. But then the ideal thing is when the tour's up and running, you're on unconscious competence,

where you can do the show without thinking the same way as when someone drives now, you've got the radio on, you're telling the kids to shut up, you can just do it. And then that's the exciting point, because then you can improvise around the show. But once I realized I was going through those stages, it took the pressure off because rather than me getting annoyed

that it wasn't perfect, you know. The only annoying thing about that because that you're right, I am in that middle stage, but I had a very rowdy front row. And exactly that, I couldn't like operate that kind of crowd work head. And get back in the show. Because I was like, oh mate, can you just shut the fuck up

because I'm really trying to remember. No, the next bit. Rob, now you've reached the level you actually and I think this is quite rude. You have the radio on during your show, don't you? I'm doing it on Bluetooth driving the car. You take a doobie on don't you, Josh? I do, yeah. You just chuck up and go, go, you know how this works.

Let's enjoy ourselves. I'm having a lovely evening. Turn the lights down, it's a bit hot on me. I've got a duvet here. I hate the lights. The lights are so bright in my eyes. And I know they're needed. I fucking hate it. I know. You just said earlier that having teenagers is good and not that stressful. But what's impacting your bandwidth?

Is it kids or is it the rest of life? I think it's like, well, Perry Menopause, all the usual stuff. It's kind of midlife stuff. So what's Perry Menopause? It's her husband. That's his name. We've been talking about that. Go on, Pell.

It's the bit before the Menopause. So people have heard of the Menopause. Menopause has got better PR than Perry Menopause. I don't know why it's called that. But it's the bit before the menopause. So people have heard of the menopause. Menopause has got better PR than perimenopause. I don't know why it's called that, but it's the bit before. So it's just a bit fucked. You're just a bit like the wheels start slowly falling off and you're not sure why until you get a bit of hormone replacement therapy. And then you're like, oh, that's what it was. So how would the wheels fall off? How would perimenopause? Brain fog. I mean, I can run you through the 40 plus sort of symptoms, but there are a lot. Is that okay? Tell me if this is being

rude or too invasive, but I literally don't know. No, it's fine. It can be anything from anxiety. I mean, this is now not a comedy podcast. This is an education. That ship sailed months ago, don't worry about it. A lot of women, you get gaslit by the whole medical profession, because they're like, oh, you seem to be, in olden times, you'd be dead. So they didn't really work out that women live to this age and have these symptoms of this thing. And what happens is your estrogen absolutely nose-dives. And the outcome of that is that you can emotionally get quite, so all the jokes are, you know, like over the years

about women of a certain age being battle axis. It's because they're very, very, very, very, very, very, is that you can emotionally get quite... So all the jokes are, you know, like over the years about women of a certain age being battle axis. It's because they're very, very hormonal, like all their hormones are depended on. Oh, right, so we were right. You were right, but you weren't very... You just did an understatement joke.

The mother-in-laws has actually significantly proven that they're a nightmare. I am here to say the mother-in-laws are justifiably fucking accurate. There's a reason for it, they don't just hate you. There are justifiably fucking. There's a reason for it. They don't just hate reason for it. There's a reason for it. So estrogen drops, your estrogen drops and actually often it does coincide with when your kids are at their own hormonal spike. So for a lot of women, it's like you've got a daughter and they're pubescent.

It genuinely is crazy. So they're all over the place and you're all over the place. And then you you know, if your mum's still around, they're going through some shit. You're like, oh my God. Oh, this is nightmare. So it's about a lot of that. So not having the bandwidth to manage all that stuff and just looking at that.

But it is funny. I am making it sound like it's just a diatribe. Biologically, women, I have got it harder, haven't I? Yeah, I think so. I think some of that stuff. There's a lot going on in there. Men are great. I'm not here to... Don't think that my tour show is an hour. At last, finally!

But, you know... If you look at it as like cars, men are like the sort of fucking six-seater, big old lump people carrier that's quite simple and straightforward, yeah? Whereas women, it's more like a sports-car Ferrari, where it can... You've got to be really on top of the maintenance of it to get the best out of it. Well, I don't know about cars, but I'm sure that metaphor is fantastic, but I don't.

I've just ended my career. I think that's good, Rob. I think that's a positive towards women. I think it's a very high performance car, but it needs more maintenance because there's more that can go wrong with it due to the complexity of the engine. Can't put a duvet in it. Can't put a duvet in it.

But the maintenance is important. It's like, oh, actually, if I get all these things in place, then everything's OK. The show's a bit about that. It's just about managing all that stuff and trying to be, you know, live well. Because aging is a privilege, really. But it's like it does come with a lot of shit. How old are you, Kerry, can I ask? I'm 51, I just turned 51.

Whoa, you look incredible, Kerry, for 51. All right, mate, put it away. I'm just saying. I'm over the moon with that response. I thought you were 47. I was 45, 46, I thought. No. That's when I was like, Minniput, I was like,

is she making this up for an angle here? Because she's too young for that. Perimenopause does come in the 40s. So look out, when your wives start getting... How long is the perimenopause? It can start in your early to mid 40s. Yeah, but when can it end? That's a really good question.

Well, I've just looked at the symptoms and I can reveal Lou's been in it for three years. Well, do you know what? There is a whole conversation about that, that women are just putting up with quite extreme emotional symptoms and no one's diagnosing them. No one's going to knock on the door and go, babe, I reckon you might be periapaposal. You have to go to the doctor, get your elbows out and fight for some HRT. Why don't we just, as a little test Rob, why don't you text Lou and I'll text Rose and say, just looked at the symptoms, I think you might be paramedic on a pause. Good luck with that.

Absolutely not. I think I can cash in on that. Are they in their 40s? Lou's 38. Rose is 41. But I was looking at some of the symptoms and I think a lot of that you could just blame on being tired and having kids. Yeah, 100%. When it's like headaches, mood changes, like sleep, trouble with sleep.

That's when it's challenging because you're right. You don't know what's what. You don't know. I mean, I've got a bit that it's hard, isn't it? When you talk about stuff that your show's about because you're like, I'll go into a bit. But I'm hard, I should have written another bit by then. No, it's true. But there are like bits where you go, these are justified fury or, you know, because the world is a bit challenging. But there are like bits where you go, these are justified fury, or, you know, because the world is a bit challenging. So you're like, are my responses right and normal? Or are they bound up in a hormone depletion? So is that kind of like trying to work it all out?

Can you do a hormone test? They're not reliable, because obviously your hormones are changing, you know, constantly. So it's bound up with your cycle. That's what happens sometimes people go for a test and they're like, oh, the doctor said I don't need it because I had it. And it's like, but you'd have to be doing a test literally every day and get an average. Yeah, exactly. It doesn't really work when you text Lou say that you've diagnosed her

and there's no text. I'm going to text them and say, Josh records your perimenopausal. No, don't do that. You were the first person to say it. The evidence exists. I said it as a joke. I think Lucy's tired because she's got kids. Yeah, exactly. You are tired when you've got young kids.

And now I'm being dissuasive about it. Fuck. I'm just texting Rose to say Kerry Godleman thinks you're perimenopausal. I've described you and she said... Please don't do that, Josh. Please don't do that. I'm not going to. Kerry, let's put you in the situation of mother-in-law. Have your children had partners and how are you with that? There's an air where I think you'd be very fun, but also I think you'd be quite an intimidating first meet. Oh, don't say that. I like to think that I'm very

inclusive and warm. Yeah, yeah, you are, but I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of you. No, but you are. But you could like, if we were in a restaurant and the service was really bad and the food was cold and someone was rude, and I imagine you'd deal with that. I would, but not in a shitty way. No, I didn't suggest it would be a shitty way. No, I'd be very assertive. Do your kids hate it if you do say anything in a row? Like, my can't bear it.

If I do say, oh, I'm sorry, this is, they call it embarrassing and complaining. I'm like, well, no. So where are you drawing the line on this complaining? Well, I would never be rude to waiting staff. I wouldn't dream of being rude to waiting staff, especially because my daughter is a waitress. So she's very like, please, kids hate it if I push back at all when we're out.

I struggle with it. I can't stand it. Lou won't do it. It has to be me, but I don't do it as much as I used to. That's because you're on the telly. You don't want to. Yeah, it's not worth the grief. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to be judged. I don't understand it. Lou won't do it. It has to be me, but I don't do it as much as I used to. That's because you're on the telly. You don't want to. Yeah, it's not worth the grief. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't want to be judged. I don't do it. You're on the telly. Yeah, I don't really do it. I don't eat out, Rob. I can't be farted. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere.

What do you do as a fact? Do you do stuff as a family with the kids? Well, we talked about holidays, didn't we, the other day when I saw you? Oh, yes. Yes. So we go on really lovely holidays. Like we went to Ireland last half term with some friends. I like doing stuff like that.

I love going away. Because then they're not distracted by their social lives. Do you think your daughter's gonna get to the age where she's like, I don't wanna go on a holiday with my parents. I'm going to Ireland. Yeah, she's there now. Is she? Yeah, she's made it clear next summer she's out.

And I'm like... Would you just take your son? That's a weird holiday for him, isn't it? Yeah, that would be a weird holiday for him. No, but are you thinking of like holidays go well, why don't we book a holiday that might not be our favorite thing to do? Yeah. For example, and I don't know if he likes football, if he really likes football, maybe go to Barcelona where we can have a bit of beach and sun and then watch the football or something.

Well, that's why, because I said to him, we went to Japan last summer, so it was a really special trip. That's amazing for them. And that was kind of for him because he's been obsessed with Japan for years. And again, back in the lockdown, I sort of, back when I thought we all were pretty much the end of the world, I said,

when this is over, I'll take you to Japan. Well, we survived, didn't we? So I had to take it. I honored that commitment. And we all went to Japan last summer. So why is he obsessed with Japan? That's an interesting thing to be in. He's always been, he's been really into like all that manga stuff and a lot of...

Japan's good. You know, our generation was obsessed with America and New York from films. The young generations look at America as a bit of a sad, weird place that Donald Trump's in time. Whereas for us, it was like, oh, my God, look at this amazing place. And then you make them watch old movies and they're like, hmm, it's got loads of sex pests in it. Why are we watching this?

Which is fair for a lot of those films, they haven't aged well. They've just gone over to other sort of cultural stuff. So what's your daughter like? Would she want to go to Japan again? She loved it actually, she's a foodie. A lot of young people really into food, they follow all food influencers and stuff like that, don't they? So she was quite all over the food thing. Yeah, that trip was like kind of, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, but it was for them.

So it's what you're saying. You do things that they wanna do. It feels like you're saying you didn't enjoy it. I did enjoy it, but I would have happily just gone and sat on the beach and there was no sitting around. Are they gonna come and see your show? They've seen bits of it.

I used to really hate the kids coming to watch my standup, but I've kind of changed. Do you let your kids watch? They're too small, so they're not. Oh, yeah. Mine have come. But they get bored, so they watch like first five, 10 minutes. They like coming out for the sound check and seeing the stage and shouting in the mic.

They come to the Southend one just to see me at work, and they saw me go out, and we did 10 minutes, and then Lou took them home. But I just think they wanted to see it, and what I'm up to. It wasn't actually watching the show, it was more just like, oh, we're at work, dad. Are you nervous when they're there?

Like... I can't even give a shit, really. I just think it's nice that they get to see it. I mean, obviously, some of the stuff, as I'm doing it, I'm like, oh, it's a bit spicy for them. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, they're going to hear it at some point. But I'm not like, oh, it's got to go well

because I don't want them to see. Yeah. Also, they're not aware of what going well is as well. Do you know what I mean? It's part of it. Also, they need to see that sometimes it doesn't go well and I'm not bothered about it and then that's fine. See, you're so wise. You're such a wise man.

Well, the thing that's really helped me with the kids is when they say they're worried about something at school or whatever, I don't just go, don't worry, that doesn't matter. I'll go, oh, when I'm at work, because I remember once I was saying, oh, sometimes at work, people say things to me that aren't very kind and they're horrible and I feel a bit sad at the end of the day, but then, and they're like, really? Because they do, as much as we like, we feel like we're two messes, just surviving parenting, kids do look up at parents and just assume that you've got it sorted. Yeah. Right. So if you can show a bit of vulnerability, they're like, oh, it's okay to feel vulnerable. And also resilience, just to teach resilience and overcoming sort of difficult situations.

Yeah, exactly. And the other people going through it, because they think they're going through it on their own. And also resilience, just to teach resilience and overcoming sort of difficult situations. Yeah, exactly. And the other people going through it because they think they're going through it on their own. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. I just, my only worry now, I talk about them quite a lot on stage. I've always, I have always kind of used parenting as quite a big part of my stand up. Yeah. And I know some people feel strongly that that's, I don't know. What do you think? I'm always a little bit worried.

No, I think it's fine. Have you spoken to them about it? Well, occasionally, I had this one routine years ago when Frank put his finger up the teaching assistant's ass. And it was a chronic routine and I really enjoyed doing it. I did it on live at the Apollo and I clipped it up and blah, blah, blah. And obviously he aged out of it.

It was when he was in reception. So by the time he's in like year seven, he's like, I really don't like that bit you did about putting my finger, you know, and you go, oh yeah, mate, I suppose. Cause I suppose the thing is at some point their mates might look you up and then see you talking about them

and you don't wanna create a situation that's difficult for them. But at the same time, I have always talked about- At the same time he put his finger up her ass. Yeah, also, because you wanna go to fucking Japan or not? Do you wanna go to Japan? Because we're gonna do your finger ass one again, all right? Yeah, pretty much, I have said that.

I'm like, do you like holidays? Because keep doing stupid shit because I can get material out of it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's a kind of, you know, arrangement that we've kind of subtly worked out. But I do worry that, the worst thing ever is that they get shit off other people at school for it. That would be my only worry.

But then they're old enough now to be like, it's just a joke. It's like not really up to them. I'm explaining to people that kind of line between truth and exaggeration and cartooning things up for stand up. I had this whole bit about walking the dog and da da da da. And then this woman I know over the road, I bumped into her in the street. She went, oh, I saw that bit you did about dog walking. You don't ever walk your dog. I'm like, all right, babe.

You don't need that amount of truth in. Oh, sorry. Sorry it wasn't as accurate. I know. Why don't you ever walk your dog, Kerry? I do it once or twice a week, but no, I do it once or twice a month. Sorry, forgive me. Ben does it most days.

Yeah, not your scene. Oh, no, I don't want fucking feedback off my neighbor. Well, it sounds like you don't walk your dog enough, if you ask me. I don't walk the dog enough. Was she walking the dog at the time when she saw you? Yeah. Well, what's that on the end of the lead,

you fucking moron? You know what, I'm only 38, but as I'm getting older, I'll just get into a point of just like, why don't you fuck off? You were like that in your 20s, Rob. I'm not sure what you're going to be like in your 50s. I got so quiet my tongue because I needed money and opportunities.

You're mellow out. You're mellowing out by 50. I don't know. You will. You just unplug from a load of shit that you don't care about anymore. You're like, I'm not getting involved in that. What's been your favorite age and your worst age? Now, I'm really enjoying this age. I genuinely am.

I'm enjoying just not caring about things that I used to think were so important. Like that's the interesting thing about having teenagers is they tie themselves in knots about things. You know, if they fancy someone, you're like, ask them out. And they're like, are you mad? I'm like, oh, fuck it. Ask them out. Because you just suddenly realize that that's what I mean about the privilege of aging is you just suddenly go, oh, loads of the things you think matter don't matter. They just don't matter. But they don't know that they've got to live their own lives. Is there someone you wish you'd asked out? I was quite bolshy with boys. I did ask boys out. I'm like, look, I gave you a dead arm. The writing was on the wall. That's flirty, isn't it? Yeah, I was you a dead arm. The writing was on the wall.

That's flirting, isn't it? Yeah, I was quite pushy with boys. I wasn't shy. That's why I'm quite, I'm always encouraging the kids, especially because she has chosen to go into quite a competitive job. I'm like, you're going to have to get bolshy, mate. You just got to get bolshy. You can't passively wait for someone to knock on the door and go, would you like a career or whatever? Is she going to move out when she goes to drama school? I don't know. If she gets into somewhere in London, then probably not once you get a seat for those rents. So is she in year 13 of sixth form? Yeah. So it's next September. So she's just done her mocks. She's right in the thick of it all. Yeah. So if she gets in and she gets to go, then it will be September.

Or a gap year, that's the other thing. And how will you feel about her moving out? I'll be really upset. I mean, I'm really dreading empty nest and all that. Because that's the thing, that comes at a time where if you are perimenopausal, it's a terrible combination of the huge life upheaval, hormones, so it's like a massive combo.

You can become very nostalgic. You just sort of, you know how your phone sends you those little weeknoges? Oh, hormones, it's a massive combo. You can become very nostalgic, you just sort of, you know how your phone sends you those little mortuages, like a memorial? Yeah, like they're all dead, like everyone you know is dead. You're like, you're dead, you're like everyone's dead. It's like I'm sitting around the table with them but I'm now like crying. It's like the Bafta thing, you know the end of Bafta, it's always the- The obituaries. Yeah. Yeah, you can get really caught up in that nostalgia of like when they were little, because it's so all consuming as you know, when they're little. And then suddenly they're kind of out a lot. And then suddenly they're leaving home, aren't they?

And I suppose you've just got to get your own shit going on. I always say to Ben, I'm going up Machu Picchu. That's the immediate plan. I'm going. It's all right. Kerry Godlam in five years time, you've done your tour, maybe another tour, right? Both your kids are at uni or living away. Left home, yeah.

They've gone, right? And they're happy. They've got jobs in London or another tour, right? Both your kids are at uni or living away. They've gone, right? And they're happy, they've got jobs in London or another town, but they're in another flat. You are 56, okay? Yeah, yeah. So you look 51. Exactly, I look 49, let's say 49. Actually, you know what?

You look 48 because now they've gone, you get a bit more sleep. If anything, you look 43. I'm not bedroom in button, I'm going backwards. The dog's dead as well, so you don't have to do a walk once every half an hour. We've had the dog chat, like, will we get another one? No way, mate. That's a dog. No, that's gone, so fuck that off.

Yeah, fuck the dog off. So... What are you doing, Carrie? This is what it is. I'm going to go travelling. Because I used to go travelling before I had kids. You didn't even enjoy Japan. Yeah, but it was too rushed, so I do trips like that, but not rush it. And Ben, is he working still?

What could Ben take? Ben said, like, can I come? Whenever you talk about the traveling, it seems to be very much a singular adventure. Carrie's gonna be traveling around the hostels, aggressively asking men out. Yeah, hanging out with like- Aggressively asking men out.

Yeah, what do you want for dinner? I'm giving dead arms. Match your pitchu. Match your pitchu. I'm going to do South America. I don't know. I do fancy- With Ben or alone? I might let Ben come. He's fun to hang out with. Have you got plans, Rob? Yeah, what's your midlife plans? My midlife crisis.

Who said crisis, mate? Not me. No, absolutely fine. I mean, if you did go travelling alone and aggressively asked men to dinner, I would say that's a crisis. If you just go match your picture with your husband. I was exaggerating for comedic. Sorry, right, two things I'm going to do. I'm going to travel the world and watch football in different places. So I'm going to go to Argentina and watch Boca Juniors River Plate. Oh, that sounds great.

I'm happy to do that with Lou or a mate, whatever. But I also want to do a degree in psychology. There you go. Then you'll be even more wise. or a mate, whatever. But I also want to do a degree in psychology. Oh. And do that. There you go. Then you'll be even more wise. Or try to understand my own brain more. But yeah, I want to do that when the kids are, that'll be when they're like adult adults,

where I've got the time. That's a lovely plan. That is a lovely plan. Carrie, are you going to, I don't think we've actually asked this before, but are you going to keep their bedrooms as they are? Or have you got plans for their rooms? Or are you planning the old, let's downsize the old house? Oh, this is great.

Love this chat. I love this. This is really fun. The next chapter, because we all sort of worry about it, but let's make it positive. I don't know. Maybe I could invite like a poet and a juggler and a circus performer to come and live here and it'll be like oh what like yeah open it up to like yeah yeah leader files will your kids want their rooms kept in the same kind of i suppose when they're in that transition so they're what if they're at uni or something like that then they're coming back aren't they yeah i would say if it's been a family home,

if you can keep it financially as a family home, especially because you're still like in London, Wayne, it's a nice house and it's not a massive house. I don't like that. No, it's not mega big. Yeah, well, you could stay in it as a couple. But what about this? Get a little place down by the sea.

Here we go. Yes. And keep what you've got and a little place down the sea. Because I think when a family home is sold, the family loses a little bit of heart. Yeah, I agree. I don't want to do that. And every morning, Kerry, you can walk past

your daughter's empty bedroom, still done the same, and a little bit of your heart. Why are you making it sad? We're having a great time. Why are you... Yeah, we're having a nice time. Just exploring the idea. Getting a lodger.

What about getting a lodger? Why do you want a lodger? Why would you want a lodger? Why would you want a lodger? So that the room isn't empty. No, we don't have a man, there's some bloke in it. Some bloke wanking away in your daughter's bedroom. Okay, okay.

Lodgers wank, Gary. Well, he is the lodger, this wanking man. Lodgers wank, lodgers wank. I'm sure lodgers wank, I don't mind if he or she wanks the wank in a room we paid for. But you're focusing on the wanking. You're focusing on the wanking. What about, like, we all kind of get on and...

Oh, this is an idea. Someone said to me recently that their kid might come to uni in London and would I rent a room out or they can have the room. Oh, that's quite nice. So that'd be like a friend's child that might do London study. An 18-year-old in their wanking. Yeah, I might do London studies. An 18 year old in there wanking. Yeah. I mean, I would get really bogged down with a wanking.

Why are you so focused on the wanking? You're fixated. I'd go as far as to say fixated. I'd agree. On wanking. I just thought I'd grow out of it, but I just haven't. When my kid moves out, I don't want an old bloke in their bedroom to just make it less quiet in the three quid a week.

Look, if it's an empty room, you said he's sad. Now if he's occupied, they're wanking in there and it's sad. Yeah, I take the sad room. I like a bit of sadness. You take the sad empty room. How many bedrooms have you got? Four, four bedrooms. One of them is a box room. So they could like I could have a wanker in there. Right. Yeah, stick the wanker in there.

Ha ha ha. Elbows rubbing on the wall. Don't go in there, that's the wanking room. I think we need to move on to the wanking. I apologize, I really brought up the wanking. No, I think keep the rooms as they are from when they come back, and then you've got the spare box room

if people come and stay or whatever. So I think keep the rooms. Keep the rooms. But keep it like as a sort of relic to them? Or do you like? Go through it every six months and go, I'm doing a charity shop, Brian, do you still want this? Yeah.

Slowly dwindling away some of the old stuff. Make it a bit more neutral, get some of the posters down. I think that's their job though, because they'll come back, your daughter will go to uni. What was it like when you left home? Did you have to do that for your own room? I seem to remember going back and suddenly your bedroom feels a bit like a child's bedroom. Dead.

When you first go back, do you know what I mean? I shared a bedroom with my brother. So I left at 18, went to uni, and then went straight into renting a flat on my own after uni. So you never went back? I went back for about six months, between six months and a year to save money and try and be a comedian.

And then I rented another room in a place in Lewisham. So I was basically out from 18. I shared a room with my brother. So you don't wanna be sharing a room at 21. Okay, fair enough. I left home at sort of 19 and then I did leave home proper. And then I went traveling. And then when I came back,

so I was in my sort of mid twenties then, I did move back in home. I moved back home. And that was really weird. That was a really... You don't have to leave that room for another 10 years for your son. What, is he 15? Yeah. If he goes to union and comes back,

that one's going to buy an house straight away. And if you're in London, they'll be able to get to work or whatever. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to think about it. New theorems as they are, but spend the extra money on travel. What about I'm going traveling and then I rent out the rooms to people, if I specify they're not allowed to... So someone's wanking in your living room. Oh, they're shaking in the kitchen now, Kerri.

I'll have a masturbation prenup. I'll have an NDA, a masturbating NDA, where I'm like, you can't... Oh, no, you'll be a matching peach who bends on his hand and knees, cleaning up jizz from lodgers. I'll put cameras, I'll put cameras in the corners. I'll be like, you're wanking. I can see it. I know what you're doing. Get out. Disgust me. You wash that duvet. I'll put it back in my touring car. Ali's car. Put it back in Ali's car. And he's taking his kids to Wattons house for the weekend. Don't worry about that. Just put the bags on top of that fucking duvet.

We're all worried about that duvet. Can I take my teddy? No, Josh's duvet is in there. I think if I was a kid going to Alton Towers and I got in my dad's car, and there was a duvet, I'd be delighted. Yeah, but you'd be like, what, whose duvet is this, daddy?

I don't know about the strange man's duvet. An old clown that goes up and down the country. Old sad clown. Why does it smell of tears? He had a tough one in Carlisle. Yep. Five hands are leaking out of his eyes he was. I'm glad we sorted out this next chapter of my life

because I was worried about it, but I feel all right about it now. Yeah, that would be great. We've got loads of traveling, we'll do things. Also fun little weekend trips, come visit them at uni. Exactly, exactly. That's the only thing is that they don't really want to hang out with you as they get older. I will warn you about that.

I tell you what, when they're at uni and they're tight for money and you take them to the nice restaurant, they'll be all over you like a rash. Yeah, that's true. And the holidays. That's the other thing as well. People say they don't want to go on holiday with you, but if you go, I've booked it. I've booked a lovely week in Greece. They're like, all right, see you there.

And once they've done shitty little eight into firties in Cos with their mates they don't really like, but they realize they don't like them yet. Speaking from experience, Rob. Yep. I've got all this to look forward to. Do you still both live in London? Neither of you have left London.

Rob doesn't live in London. Well, I'm Kent, but I technically had to this in the forward. Do you still both live in London? Neither of you have left London. Rob doesn't live in London. Well, I'm Kent, but I technically had to vote for the mayor. Oh, here we go. On something six. Right, Kerry. We'll end with, I can see Kent from a front door. I'm technically still in London. He's gonna say the word dears in a second.

Okay. There's deer. Deers and root masters. You've got both, haven't you? You've got red buses and deer. We have got red buses, yeah. I know the red buses go down there, babe. I know, yeah. What do you think of this? Someone comes and shoots a deer because there's too many deer and there's like a deer hunting season. He gave me some meat and I ate it.

Oh. Oh, that Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan. He's delicious. Oh, a gambler James A. Custey took to the broadcast. I'll save that for the next menu. It's delicious. Oh, a gambler, James A. Castee, took me to the broadcast. I'll save that for next menu. Wild fellow.

Wild deer. I haven't changed, but wild deer from my garden. It sounds wild. You're eating roadkill. Well, it's got a big rifle, but I didn't know. I see him walk past a gun the other day. I thought I'd moved out of South London because of this. I've got a piece of a fucking rifle.

It is a very cuspy area down there, isn't it? You are. Yeah, it's very cuspy, but technically, still in London. I had to vote for the mayor. And there's you, Les. Oh, yeah, that's technically London. That is London.

But look, what do you want me to do? The map's the map. Yeah, it sounds like there's a bit of baggage with you and Josh about this. No, no, no, I'm talking about- You're very urban, aren't you, Josh? You're proper, like, urban. He's zombie-knifed up to the eyes. We can't move for it. To give you an idea, if you wonder why I'm looking down, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no to be in Kent, but if I say Kent, people say he's still in London. If I say I'm in London, people say I'm in Kent. I don't care. Oh, it's cuspy.

Cuspy. It's a sprawling borough. Kerry, well, he's finished on the same question. You've answered this before, but I don't know if you did answer this one actually about Ben. Best thing about him as a parent, worst thing about him as a parent, if you listened, you'd go fair enough, good point. Best thing about him as a parent, he is a much better parent than me. He's really patient. He's just much more available. Like when the kids were little. Emotionally? Or physically? Just, he's just here. He's just more about, I was at work quite a lot. I'm often working elsewhere and he's much more

present. And he's just far more. Acting jobs. Yeah, exactly. Like this year I was just away doing a lot of acting. So he was just- What's his profession by trade? He's an actor as well, but he does other, all kinds of other things. Some of what I i talked about earlier with double actor and an actor daughter yeah drama in the house must be high level you get it out of your system at work don't you so when you're not doing it at work you're a bit calm i always do a type five before christmas dinner yeah they love it and worst thing about do you know what i really struggled to when they were little he used to take a book. He's quite bookish. And I'd be like, why are you bringing a book to soft play?

That's such a bad thing to do, like taking a book to a park. I'm like, I'm crawling around in that piss smelling ballpark thing. And he's like, just sat reading. That is crazy making. And also, dads don't, can I just say this as well about dads? They never join in on the WhatsApp groups. It's always the moms. Yeah, fuck that.

I once tweeted a comment a few years ago, like, oh, dads are a bit quiet on the WhatsApp groups, aren't they? The shit I got, it was like I rattled an incel cage. Oh, really? And they all crawled out, like, oh, we're not wanting them there. Well, all right, lads, put it down.

You can really antagonize the dads for not joining in on the WhatsApp. But it's like, don't leave it to the moms. Yeah, look, to be fair, I've tapped out of the WhatsApp groups. Lou does that. Dads always tap out of the WhatsApp groups. I love a WhatsApp group.

If Lou wanted to tap out of the WhatsApp groups, I'd happily take over getting the information, but I'd have to get the information in a different way. I couldn't be on the WhatsApp groups. Yeah, you'd end up saying, go fuck yourself on the WhatsApp groups. Yes, probably. But I'd have to set up a new system because that is where most information the WhatsApp. Yeah, you'd end up saying, go fuck yourself on the WhatsApp. Yes, probably. But I'd have to set up a new system

because that is where most information is shared. Basically, you just need to befriend the most organized other parent and get them to text you directly. Good plan, mate. That's what I try, I do. Good system. Yeah.

By the way, I want to bring up that you said I'd struggle to think of something for Ben, but you didn't even finish saying struggle before you hear what he said. Yeah, but the thing I came up with is- The fucking book is on WhatsApp, so I'm really going to struggle to think of one. The thing that I came up with was more about when they were younger.

So I was trying to think of something current. Yeah, now he's... Absolutely ledge. Yeah, he's a ledge. I think we'd get on with Ben. Kerry, thank you so much. Good luck with your tour. Bandwidth starts...

Where can people buy tickets? Google it up, mate. I've got a website... Not by go-go, that's a rip-off. All on my website and all the links are up there. There you go. What is your website? Kerrygodleman.com?

How does it work? You just put it in. Kerrygodleman.com, that's a big picture. Really gets you that, though. That's right in the face. As soon as you opened that, you just went back, didn't you? Whoa, that's a face. Oh, that's too much, Kerry.

I'm on a Zoom with her. I don't need this. So 5th of March, it starts 2025. Yes, March, April, and May next year. Love it. Good luck, Kel. Thank you. Thanks for coming on.

Kerry Godleman. Lovely Kerry Godleman. She's great. Love Kerry. So funny. Great person, great comic, great actor, great mom. Oh, a quadruple threat. So chilled as well.

So many comedians in that case. She's so nice and giving and friendly and kind. Go and see her on tour. Go and see Bandwith. Josh, I'll see you on Tuesday. Yeah, bye.