Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP31: Rob Gets A Tour Toaster

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

**TRIGGER WARNING** There is discussion of both Santa Claus and Elves Behaving Badly in this episode that is not suitable for younger ears!! More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to Ivan, can you say Josh Widicombe? Josh Widicombe. And can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Diane, Ivan. Diane. Oh, it's got me excited for Gavin and Stacey. This is our second-born son, Efan, who is 31 months. We are first language-wealth speakers from Carmarthenshire. That's where Ellis James is from. Yeah. I

went through IVF to get EFAN and we have just found out that we're expecting our third. Naturally, naturally scared and excited. I raff the press. Love, love, love the part. I raff slow, not stopping it. I see that on the motorway. Looking forward to seeing Rob in Swansea soon when you're in Swansea, Rob, Before Christmas? No, next year. Actually, they're on Lou's birthday.

Are you? Lucky Lou. From Rhian. You won't see me in Swansea, Rhian. Any issues with me? Well, she might have sent that because we get through these slowly, so I'm sure she sent that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or she just marked it up for a laugh. Bloody hell, Michael, this is from August. Fucking hell. She might have a third on the way. Josh, I'll be with Michael chatting before you come on. About football, which is good little chat. Just obsessed with Arsenal's corners and how unstoppable they are. But also I was about to say to you before you come on, I don't know what Josh to expect because Josh you've had a really busy week with a big event. Most of your Strictly work's

done now, so how are you feeling? I am feeling, I'm feeling like magic Christmas is on Rob. Yeah. Every morning I'm listening to Christmas music about 15 hours a day now. Lovely and you've just got last leg now have have you? Till Christmas? I've got last leg. I've got this. It's not really worked this, so is it? I am feeling Christmassy, Rob. I am feeling incredibly Christmassy. I'm ready for it.

We're not living in our house at the moment, but let's overlook that. Yeah, where are you at the moment? We're in an Airbnb, Rob. Next Monday, we're doing the podcast in town together, aren't we? Yeah. And I've got Josh Kitchen finished stage one, next Monday. Correct.

Yeah, so is that on track? Well, it's difficult to put a number on things isn't it Rob? What is time? Yeah, what is it? Is it time to go back into your own house? Is it linear? And you can see through form, as long as you've got a roof and walls around you, what is it? Is it time to go back into your own house? Is it linear? And you can see through form, as long as you've got a roof and walls around you, what is home? Home is where the heart is. Home is where my children are.

Exactly. Maybe two extra days in a hotel is where I want to spend. Because actually we're going back in on the Wednesday. Are you going back to your house next Wednesday? Maybe. Yeah, hopefully. That's the plan. Okay. So you're near, yeah, okay. No, no, no, no, no. This Airbnb finishes on Monday, Rob. So we're gonna have to find another place for two days. Okay. So that's not bad though. A little two day delay, especially when you don't believe in time. Exactly. Exactly, Rob. Yeah. And then, yeah, perfect. Okay. Well, I'll stop asking about it

because Lou said, please stop asking Josh about his kitchen. It's stressing her out. Yeah. And people have come up to me on the tube, Rob, to ask how my kitchen's going, and if I'm okay. I do have some people ask me, is Joshua right? Because you get, like, sometimes you get very stressed by stuff that would be... No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. In some occasions, you feel like just a day. Because obviously sometimes they have things that are very true. Sometimes you just describe a day. Yeah.

And then I'm listening, go back, it just sounds like a day. No, it's not just a day, Rob. It makes you feel where I've got decorators coming in in an hour. So that they've got where we had a leak and they had to cut a hole in the ceiling, they're gonna repair the whole. Yeah. Do you reckon it'll be done by Christmas? I mean, if it's not done by four o'clock, I'd have a round. Rob, could I just do a shout out to a fan? All right, go on then. Fucking Taylor Swift. You'll love this. Yeah. So Chris Eubank appeared in the Cornish village. Junior or senior? Senior. Appeared in the Cornish village where my uncle runs a fruit and veg shop. Yeah. Oh my, no sorry, my uncle used to be, now his daughter runs it. Yeah.

Right. And he came into the fruit and veg shop, because he's buying a place near there. And he's taken my uncle's number to go beekeeping with him. He just wants the outfit. He'll be wearing that on a Piers Morgan interview soon. He'll be battling into talks. Very difficult work to put the mic. But yeah, so there you go. That's an aside. That's exciting news. Anyway, so what was he talking about? What's going on? People coming up to what? I was going to say a fan came up to me. So I saw Emma Bunton. What? I saw Emma Bunton at TV thing. Emma Bunton came up and said, thank you for mentioning my brand. Kit and Kin, you are right, is my brand. Yeah. I don't know if you remember that and then she said my mom says gobble gobble. You can't have baby spices. Not mama spice. Very weird moment in my life whenever Bunton says my mom says to you gobble

gobble. That is very what was you doing? What was you with Emma Bunton at the TV studio? I can't tell you. But anyway. So Rob, Rob, I haven't been doing much parenting this week. No. How's your parenting been? Parenting this week, again, not loads because I was in, I was up north. I did the Dlammer leg of the tour. The tour's going good. People have been leaving me stuff in the dressing room of the tour, but I'm not very good at

paying attention to what's there. So someone gave me two plants, indoor plants. So if you did send me some pop plants, I do have them, but I don't know who they're from or what they are. So eat me, email in. And also I can do a small business, shout out, someone's given me a book. Um, but I find it quite stressful doing a tour show. So like when there's like stuff in my dressing room, I don't really notice it.

I'm quite concentrating on doing the tour. Um, no, so it's been busy. It's been a hard because I'm trying to do parenting and we've got such a busy Chris, cause it's the girls birthdays. I know every year we've got two Sundays in a row of birthdays. Oh, my word. What are you doing for them? Well, we've got one that which is a swimming pool party, which is quite good. Um, the only thing is like, are you going to go top, top soft back it? No, no need to.

There's enough lifeguards. It's not one of your, um, cut price East London ones where you've got to get your tits out and jump in a pool with a load of kids. But, um, it's, uh, so where are you going to be? On the edge of the pool. Oh, nice. Nice. So yeah, we're sitting on the edge. But it's there old enough now to drop them off and go. So it'll be me and Lou edge of the pool, maybe a couple of others and then people can come and drop them lovely and pick them up later. But there's a, I don't think you feel

like it's gonna be awkward that there's inflatables that you have to prove that you can swim 25 meters unaided in order to do the big inflatable. What to start? Everyone's got to do a swimming test. Well, almost to see if you can get, I don't know how they're going to do it. Hopefully it'll be a bit more like- Oh my God, that's so weird. That's a brutal start to a birthday.

Well, I feel like, yeah, but I want to talk to them because I feel like what they should do is go, right, here's all the stuff you can get on it. If you want to go on a big slide, you need to prove that you can swim 25 meters, and then maybe let them crack on and if they walk up to the slide, then the lifeguard will go right quick show me you can do 25 meters and then once you've done that, come back and get on. So it's a bit more private. You can't have all the kids lined up. Survival of the fittest. And then you're left in the pool while all your mates go on the slide.

Well, imagine if all of them could do it apart from my daughter. Oh my God. You need to get a training Rob. You need to get down there and just practice a few wits with her. Oh, and I just whip the top off and go, mate, I'll stand at the bottom of the slide. Let's let them go. Awful to know that I wouldn't be able to do the big slide. Can you not do 25 meters unaided?

I think it'd be a challenge. I think that's about, I think it would be toss of a coin. And is that because you was allergic to chlorine, you didn't go swimming much? Yeah, so most of my swimming now is taught by Rose once a year when we're on holiday for an hour. But does the chlorine affect you now? No, my skin's got hardier, but both my kids are quite ex-Marie. So like, I've got like, obviously I've got ex-Marie skin in the old family.

Yeah, so it's quite funny you wouldn't be able to do this big slide at my nine-year-old's birthday party. So we're doing that and then getting some dominoes. It's a shame because she's invited me and it's quite weird, isn't it, that it's me and all her friends from school. Yeah, well actually I think we should invite you and I want to... How about you come and then you fail the challenge so that if anyone else can't do it they don't feel as bad. And then I'll go all right champ me and you we don't need that big slide do we? Well I definitely should hang out with them.

Should we go and use a vending machine? Should we go and help with the pizzas? Should we go and help with the pizzas? No stop those tears. Stop those tears. So yeah, we've got that for that one and then some pizza after and then my other daughter, she doesn't like big, she's not a big fan of big parties or lots of people. She finds it a bit overwhelming. So she wants to go to the cinema and she's invited a couple of friends, so a smaller group, and then go to Pizza Express.

And is it true that they've got to work out whether they can walk all the way to the back of the cinema before they're allowed to watch the film? Yeah, if they can't work the recliner on the cinema chair, they have to sit in the hallway. That's a becket party because I feel like effort should be rewarded. Yeah. I'm sure I've told this on here. Have I ever told you about the first time I went to the cinema? Oh, you didn't have the seat flat down.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. Sorry. Has your daughter been to the cinema yet? Yeah, we've been to the cinema quite a few times. Oh, I thought you said she hadn't been. No, no, she doesn't like it. She doesn't. She doesn't. This is a problem. I'd like people to email in and tell me what. Oh, I thought of another email in, by the way, just a really short one. Okay. because I was talking to the booker at Strictly, we were talking about other comedians and whether we think we did they do it or not. Oh, yeah. And you came up and I

said, not in a million years when you do this because it's like he doesn't like learning stuff. He likes to just do it. Yeah. And then he likes to just fucking wing it. And these best 20 fucking wings it. It is not what this is. Which is why I've stayed away from dancing. Yeah. And secondly, imagine Rob being forced to learn stuff and then he finishes and four middle class people criticizing.

Yeah, I can't deal with that. Has he just punched Anton? Oh, I would really come across badly. But I find it very hard to learn like that. And I think I'd get stressed. And it's also too formulaic and too much. I'd get bored. I can't do it for that many weeks.

But she said, well, that's the thing about you and Rob. You're strictly, he's I'm a celebrity. Oh, mate, am I? I'd be in there. I'd love to do the jungle. And I thought, send in your combinations of the opposites that me and Rob are. Yeah.

No, I, sis, strictly, you know, I'm a celebrity. Have you been watching I'm a celeb? No, Rob. He's so good. He's so good. My gals are into it now. Talk to me about it, because I don't watch it. So not out of pre pre I just don't

I haven't watched television for about three weeks. So the girl though is it's no it's just a good one. And I feel like they've ruined it slightly with this immunity task they're doing for a ticket to the cyclone feels a bit like they're just trying to make Colleen Rooney get to the final. That's what it feels like. That's what it feels like. It feels like maybe Colleen's not getting the votes. They've got to get their fucking money's worth. I've got to get a fucking one point five million. That's what it feels like. Because like collect tokens and whoever gets the most tokens gets the immunity and gets to the final.

So they're all getting these tokens in a challenge. And then they like normally an exciting thing to watch on TV is you see the scores going up, don't you? So you go, oh, you don't see the scores going up and then we'll count them later. I was like, I bet you fucking will. I bet you fucking will. Ten bonus tokens if you're married to a footballer. Exactly. So, but the girls are well into it. I'm following strictly through, because Magic Breakfast has got one of McFly on it.

It's got Harry Judd. Oh, he loves cricket. Does he? So what's he on? He's the co host of Magic Breakfast. Your Magic Breakfast I'm absolute. I'm that's an absolute perfect one. I'm Six Music. You're absolute is a perfect example of that. You think you're Six Music. You are magic. That's the difference. Thanks, Rob. I'm magic. Thank you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So is Danny gonna win because Harry Judd's really hopeful that Danny's gonna win Danny well McFly always win stuff because McFly fans will vote. Ah, Danny will probably win I think I think about G. Cabara might be second. Could you be genuinely honest with me? When am I not? That's why we've got a good friendship, could you stop being so nice and just be honest for once? Yeah,

definitely. Okay, so next year is announced that I'm going into the jungle. Could you describe how my time in the jungle will play out and what it'll be like and where I'll finish? How I'll do? Okay, um, I think you'll you'll be up for it. Oh, Lou's got it in. Hello, Lou. Hello, Lou. Lou keeps going, she'll be good in the jungle, but she wouldn't be able to eat the actual dinner they get

when they get stars for camp, because it'd be kangaroo. You would smash the trials. You'd smash the trials? Not the eating ones. I think... Will I be voted to do trials? Absolutely. But I don't think straight away, I think you'll you'll you'll be a bit of a quite a slow burner and everyone will really like you. But I think what will happen is you'll do a trial.

I think your reactions will be fucking mental. Because the way you your hands, I think you'll gag you a bit but you you're sick easily. Aren't you? Yeah. What do they do about vegetarians? They just they get your veggie options. But it's still in a way worse because it's like vegetarians. They get your veggie options, but it's still in a way worse because it's like rotten like sort of egg or cheese that's really gone mad. But yeah, so I think your reaction to a trial be so funny. You're quite jumpy, aren't you? Yeah. And you vomit quite easy. I tell you what I could do quite easily. So what I can do. I mean, if the tube vibrates too much, you sort of rich. No, no, no. What I can do. So the food ones, I'd be fucked. Yeah. If it's something where you just have to go into a kind of meditative state and they pour stuff on you, I can deal with that because I can.

If I'm not active down, if I have to act, I'm good at shutting down. But what about snake on you? That'd be fine. But if it was I have to put my hand in and get the start, then it's a bit more difficult. So I think you're what would happen is you'd be like a bit of a slow burner and then you'd do it. But as soon as you did a trial, it would be so funny. You'd be voted in a lot because what you've got is determination, which is brilliant, which is why you're so successful. You will get stuff done, but you will have an awful time doing it. But you won't give up.

I have that with comedy, so imagine it with a trial. Fucking hell! Shut that up. Oh, shit! And, oh, fucking stars! I could go back in there! That kind of stuff is absolutely great. But my kids are into it. They're watching it now.

So it's kind of funny because they're eating like goats' penis. And there's six and eight. So, well, there's seven and eight. When they go, you're gonna eat goats' penis, they go, a goat's penis. And they do, when the show starts, they do all the... Like, all the people on it will turn and cross their arms, or they'll do a dance, or they'll do a thumbs up,

they do a pose, all the celebrities. So they do, they copy that when the, when the show's starting. So they're loving it. And it feels like they get to watch a bit grown up, but it's not too like, rude or prude. So this is the thing, it's these family shows. Cause also, you know, people are a bit sniffy, aren't they? Particularly people, let's say it, Rob, who work in television. About what kind of shows? It's sniffy about family entertainment. Some shows? It's sniffy about family entertainment. Some people are a bit sniffy about family entertainment.

But when you've got a family, it's amazing to find the bridging thing between you and your kids on TV. It's like when you find that you're both enjoying it and you're not just sat there, like going, oh, fucking hell, I wish something else was on. It's fucking great. It's like when your kids and you are listening to music in the car and you both like the song that is amazing. Well, me and Lou are so happy that they like our music and we haven't like

forced them into that. What's that? When I basically, they go into a jungle and they've got to stay there and they've got to like do challenges to get food and stuff like that. And they're all different celebrities and they're, I've stayed, love it. Sat down with like milk and biscuits and I can watch and then watching it a bit before school and a bit after school. So I really love it. But that the other dream of mine is to be sat watching the football. Right? Yeah. And then my daughter just walks to one of my daughters and goes, I just can't defend those corners. Can they?

This technique has got in it. It feels like they leave the keeper alone and rush him last minute. He panics and then someone knocks it in. They need to do a Monday Night Football special about it. What are they saying on the overlap? And I just turn and go, come and sit with Dad. Oh mate, let me send you a video of what the car looked like. Because I've been away

and Lou just does not clean the car. It's one of those weird things where she doesn't even drive to a car cleaning. I'm not saying she's got to get out of a bucket and clean it. The car was so dirty that the valet man, we got a mobile valet man to come around and it took him four hours and he left the car on because he didn't know how to sort of turn the thing off and it ran out of battery because it took so long to clean it. It was disgusting. Fucking hell, what was wrong? What inside and out? Look at that video of how dirty this car is. What the fuck is on it? Absolute disgrace. The filth on this. Oh my gosh. The number plate. Just wipe off the number plate so it's not illegal. Fucking hell, it looks like you've stolen a car.

Where are you going? That's just Lou living a life. There you go. Fucking hell, that makes me feel better. That is mental. I know, it's disgusting. We'll cut out the number plate bit, but we'll put that on our Instagram. Rob, tell me about toasters.

Tell me about bloody toasters. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm going to put that on my Instagram. I'm mental. I know it's disgusting. We'll cut out the number plate bit, but we'll put that on our Instagram. Rob, tell me about toasters. Tell me about bloody toasters.

So I don't know if this is a stroke of genius or the saddest thing I've ever done. I'm going to go with the second. I've got a tour toaster. You've got a tour toaster. You have a fucking go at me for my tour duvet and you've got a tour toaster. You have a fucking go at me for my tour duvet and you've got a tour toaster. The duvet is too big. You fucking kidding me? You're making your mate carry around a toaster. I'm not making my mate first. He's not my mate, he's my tour manager.

There's a difference. Who carries it into the theatre? I pack it in my bag. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. How does the toaster? Actually, I carry the bag from the car to the hotel room. Okay. My mate and store manager doing two jobs there. Nick, he doesn't carry. He's only paid for one of them. Yeah, exactly. I pack it in my bag and it's a tiny, it's a small, it's the smallest toaster I can find.

He's got a small toaster. I found it because I went, I was trying to find the reviews where they said it's too small to take a normal slice because I don't, I eat sourdough, but I can make that smaller. Of course you do, you've changed. This is my weight loss. Anyone that wants to lose weight, yeah? An absolutely great way to do it is for lunch, well, for breakfast, have four scrambled eggs with nothing on it, just plain. For lunch, have a whole pot of cottage cheese on two little bits of sourdough, salt, pepper, balsamic vinegar,

will fill you up, loads of protein. The fat-free one, bosh. You've got to lunch and breakfast over and out on about 500 calories. What are you saying? What am I saying? Get a little toaster. I packed it in my bag and then what I do is I take when I get to where I'm going, I go to shop and get a little bit of sourdough. One of those little loafs that used to make me sad because

I thought they looked like they were for widows. And then I get my little widow loaf and then I take it back to my room and I've been making toast in my hotel room. Yeah, I have it in my hotel room. Fucking hell. Now, do you know what's exciting? The fire alarm going off. Yeah, that's a worry. Luckily, in Manchester, I had a room that had doors open onto a little balcony area, so I just had them open when I was freezing cold to get a bit of wind through.

In the Lowry? No, I didn't say that. I said a different one. Radisson in Aldion, which is a lovely hotel, but it's too busy for me. I won't say there again. So I'm right in the centre of town. It's like being in like McAloof. It's so, it's fun.

If you're like on a date night or a hendo or a stag do and you want to be busy and in the middle of it, but no, not for me. It was a bit too busy. The Lowry is my favourite tour hotel because there's often footballers there. And it excites me. Well, Frank Skinner was there. And I went for lunch with Frank Skinner. That was quite fun.

Oh, that's nice. I told him my technique for writing jokes and preparing for a tour. And he said, he doesn't do that. He's never heard of anyone that does that. That panicked me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha time. I didn't even know you had a technique. The technique is no technique. The technique is no technique. Yeah, the technique is a go out talk to a laugh stop for a bit while they laugh and then go again.

bullet points that seem to get a laugh and then go again. Anyway, so yeah, I've got a little tortoise stuff and that's in my bag and I whip that out and take it to the theater as well. that's in my bag and I whip that out and cook myself lunch. Do you take it to the theatre as well? Um, depends. If I'm checking out the hotel, we'll be with me, but normally I'll have something else before the gig, like, cause we're in a town. Have you got a bread knife? No, I've got, now this is, I've got a little thing I bought off the internet.

Oh my God. A little case and in it is a spoon, fork and knife that is almost like a camping flats down flats. I put that in the bag as well. But are you, is your bread sliced? Yeah, yeah, it's sliced sourdough. All right. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I was just imagining.

Crumbs everywhere, mate. I'm getting charged for the run. But I'm just, it's so hard to eat well on tour. And I know if I can do that, then a little toaster, a little toaster, boiling an egg in the hotel kettle. I'll be like, George, I'll get George egg on. He's got kids and he does all that. But yeah, no, I don't want to go that far, but I could do, actually, I could do boiled eggs in the kettle, can I?

You could do boiled eggs in the kettle. Does that work? I feel mean to the other people. Should I get a little egg kettle? Does that work? I mean to the other people? Should I get a little head care? I think it was I won't say but I'm sure they said it on something takes a kettle to hotels because she doesn't trust that someone hasn't like had a piss in it or you know, I don't think that's a bad idea because the amount of hotel rooms you are in over a period of a two year tour, why not have a kettle in your bag that you know someone's definitely not pissed in? Yeah, yeah. I just, I like the excitement. I like the excitement of thinking someone's pissed in it.

Rob, can we have a vote on our Instagram please, Michael. What is madder, the tour duvet or the tour toaster? Okay, that's fine. Because I think the duvet is more acceptable and I got a lot of flak for the tour duvet. I think the duvet is acceptable if you take ownership of the duvet is more acceptable and I got a lot of flack for the tour duvet I think the through very acceptable if you take ownership of the duvet You don't just dump it on your tour manager for the next year and a half Where's the tour? Where's the tour do that the moment is that we've got it. You've got it in your house But I'm not on tour remember. I think that's I don't tour duvet is fine as long as you're in charge of it Yeah, but Rob what if I'm getting the train to, and then Ali's driving me back? I can't take the train. That's fine. Because I leave, but I leave my stuff in the car

for the tour manager to take up and I'll meet him up there if I'm coming from town. Yeah, fine. So tour toaster is already packed in the back. And would you you would never consider say you're on the train at lunchtime, you think I could just take my little toaster onto the train and plug it in and make myself a little... Now you've said it, there's plugs everywhere these days. There's plugs everywhere, Rob, so you could have toast.

Because also as well, it's hard to burn sourdough. I like it really crispy. But if I was on the train, I'd go, you know what, Rob, for the sake of potentially setting the fire off off the train, just have it not as crispy as normal. Yeah, exactly. And I've been, you know what as well causes smoke, all the crumbs, I shake it out after every use. And what about the toaster? Oh, it'll be fun.

You can all enjoy that. Gobble, gobble shout out to Pauline Bunton laughing at home at that kind of humour. That one's for you, Pauline. Toasty spice. Right, are you doing the elf? Elf behaving badly Rob, I'm the face of it, I'm the mayor of Elftoria. So have you got, have you got, have you got your, of course you have. I'm the mayor of Elftoria. Those badly behaved elves are an absolute nightmare for me. So Josh, what my daughter wants to do, we haven't done the elf thing this year.

Yeah. I could get you some, Rob, I'll source you some badly behaved elves. So we were like, Oh, we just weren't doing it. Didn't mention it. But then all the kids at school have got elves and they started asking their mums, can our elf go to their house for a few days because they haven't got an elf from we should share the elf because they feel so bad for my daughter. So she's just asking all these questions. So now we're back to all the one and she's written a letter to Santa asking if she's

got if he's got any unemployed elves. Oh my god. So now we've got we've got an elf coming. But I don't know, we maybe should have done this earlier. But if anyone's got any suggestions, because I run out of ideas. Any elf suggestions of places or things to do, let them know and we can read them out next time. And then because for the next episode will probably be mid December, maybe late December. Worst places you've put your you badly behaved stuff that's really worked well and stuff that hasn't and then we can share that because I need to inspo but yeah so we're currently trying to source an elf but on that actually on that christmas thing i'm about to talk about father christmas okay so if say

pauline you're looking after your grandchildren and they still believe for instance, my daughter is on cusp of not believing. Yeah, we've got a similar situation with my eldest. I think she doesn't want to. She doesn't believe but she doesn't want to not believe. Yes, and also doesn't want to call it out in case nothing turns up. Yes. Like she's got it wrong. You know, a bit like people that aren't religious but pretend they are just in case there is heaven. Oh, yeah. My daughter started talking to me about religion last night, actually. She said, she asked about Christmas and Jesus. Yeah. And she said,

do you think he existed? Do you think Jesus was real? And I said, which is genuine, my genuine view, Jesus was real. And I said, which is my genuine view, I think he did exist, but it's not for me to say whether he's the son of God or not. Who is it for? Who is it to say? Who is it for? Who is it to say? I suppose him. Yeah. She was saying, I just think he's just some weird bloke. She kept calling him a weird

bloke. Well, he's a bit of a weird bloke, isn't he? He's just a weird bloke that would go around saying he was the son of God. You've got to let him make their own mind up with religion. You've got to let them make their own minds, and I said, you know, I'm not getting involved. Anyway, she said a lot, she doesn't quite believe. She's now saying she doesn't believe in Father Christmas, but she does believe in Mrs. Claus. Right, okay, what's that mean? She's just a feminist.

I genuinely don't know. She said she's going to write a letter to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't believe in Father Christmas. I think best left just yeah, okay. If that's what you think. Yeah, I offer nothing when she does these talks. Is that the best thing to do? I think so. I think just because they talk shit all day anyway. If it weren't that, it'd be something else. Oh, he can fucking talk. But yeah, it's difficult. But I think like you said that before, you know,

that listener that said, you got you if you don't believe the magic, you can be the magic. Yeah. Are you gonna do that? Are you gonna do it next year? You're at it's over, right? Oh, don't I don't want to talk about It's making me sad. This is what this is where people panic and have another baby. And I'm not gonna let my dick do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think you should actually. What's that?

I think it's about time. No, you have another kid. No, no, I'm fine. Yeah, it's not enough space for the kids you've got in your house. No, exactly. If you could give me a three year old, that fine. But like that first three years is brutal. Yeah, no, no, I'm happy now. I'm quite looking forward to because we're looking at holidays now for next year that a bit more like adventure. Oh, yeah. What you do?

Lou wants to go to desperate. Lou's desperate to see Killer Whales. So she'd quite like to go to Canada, go to Vancouver, Vancouver Island in August. It's quite nice there, like in the summer holidays. So that's a potential option. And also for my 40th, I's quite nice there, like in the summer holidays. So that's a potential option. And also for my 40th, I'd quite like to go on a safari. Oh, lovely. Stuff that wouldn't be... South Africa.

Yeah, or Kenya, maybe. Or Kenya. But... Do you know, Ron, there's a hotel that I saw on television once in Kenya, I think. Is it the giraffe? Yeah. Giraffe manor. Oh, man, you've got to go to giraffe hotel.

It's like an old manor and the giraffes put their head through the window and eat, don't they? Yeah, breakfast. The giraffes come in, their heads come in the window and eat. Oh, so you're trying to knock back a bit of avocado and toast and there's a big giraffe. Yeah, fucking hell mate. I'm a toaster.

I brought this all the way here. Come on. Giraffe tour's paid for this fucking brekkie. You've got to celebrate the end of the giraffe tour by going to the giraffe hotel and having a photo with the giraffe. Maybe we'll do that. But now the kids are old enough. You could take your tour manager, Nick, as a gift. Well, no, I will get my tour manager a thank you gift. I'm not taking him to Nairobi. It's so weird.

I finished that bit of work. I wouldn't want him to go to Nairobi. Just him and his wife and kids feeding the giraffe. Nick thinking, oh, thank God, two years of traveling with Rob Beckett. I need a brand. You bring out two tickets to Nairobi together. For fuck's sake.

He's queuing at immigration with a toaster under his arm. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Now we are embracing the next stage of being a parent, which is children going into teenage years where there's other things going on. And it's not all about, you know, now, cause now like I'm knackered at the moment cause I've had a really busy period getting the tour up and running, which is always really difficult. And then going into Christmas stuff like that.

So we're not now as tired as when they're proper little. So we can go on these slightly more adventure holidays. So that's a plan for holidays. Should I tell you how tired I was last night, Rob? Go on. I fell asleep next to my daughter at 9 p.m. Woke up at 3 a.m. in my clothes, in the same bed as my daughter,

and I just carried on sleeping. I haven't been out in my, I slept in my clothes last night, the whole night. And then... Do you know what? I liked it. I know I quite liked it. Do you know if I fall asleep on the sofa?

I woke up and I didn't have to get dressed. Do you know what I hate is when you know you fall asleep on the sofa and you like literally can't keep your eyes open, like you're watching the telly, and you're like almost like deliriously tired, and then you're like, go to bed, and you get yourself up into bed and like

drag yourself upstairs, you're like in the bed, you're wide awake again. It's awful. Why doesn't Elon Musk try and work out what that is, where I'm going to Mars? Stuff that can help us. Do you know what I saw on Instagram, Rob? Got this thing where you pay 300 quid, and it gives you a full body check. Oh, yeah, I saw that.

Yeah, Claudia Winkleman put it on there. She done it? She done it. I saw, she put it on her stories. I was like, what that? And then I went down a Google wormhole. All right. Is she all right?

Did she have to lift her fringe for it? With a scan? Just pop your fringe up, Claude. Ha ha ha ha. Can't penetrate that. Ha ha ha ha. You seem to have no head according to the scan. You can't penetrate that. You seem to have no head according to the scan. Oh dear.

Right. Anything else or should we do some small business? Let's do some small bloody business. Right. This is what got left for me at the gig. It's a book called One Branch at a Time. Hey, Rob, I'm a huge fan of the podcast, you and Josh have got me through some tough days

with all the laughs, thank you. This is my sister's book, she's very proud of it, thought your girls would love it. If you get a chance, maybe you could give her a small business shout out, please. My sister's a fan too, but couldn't get tickets for tonight so I brought her a book here for you from her. Hope you do well, enjoy the book, best of luck with the tour.

Where was this from? Much love, Sally, 43 and a half. I think I think might be Chatham. Can't remember. Oh, lovely. You bounce from gig to gig. It's hard to remember. Oh, look, there's sloth book. Here it is. It's called One Branch at a Time written by Eliza Allen, illustrated by Esther Miklos. There we go. When dark clouds, here we go, when dark clouds of sadness. I don't think you can read out the whole thing. No, it's the blurb at the back. Oh my god.

Well I'm gonna read the whole book. Fuck, and I was like this is good. Maybe we should do bedtime stories as mini episodes like they do on CBeebies. Here we go, One Branch at a Time by Rob Beckett. There we go. Right, deep in a magical forest, hidden in the shadows is a sad and lowly animal weeping beneath the leaves of an ancient tree lives Sloth. Anyway, the blurb is- But enough about Josh. Right. When dark- Oh, that's nice. When dark clouds of sadness cast shadows all around, it is

a friend like Monkey that can lead us towards happiness. It's a bit like me and you actually. Join Sloth or Monkey on a brave adventure in the magical rainforest, taking one day and one branch at a time towards true friendship and finding happiness. Let their bond be the guideline that helps you overcome sadness and find hope. Do you know what? Can I be honest? When I try and read my kids book, I fucking hate it. Lou has to do it. I find it so hard. My brain's all over the place, but the kids love it. So Lou takes a hit on that. Thank you, Lou, for being able to read books to the kids. I quite like it. I go for it a bit. Hi lads, looking for a small business

shout out to our gifting partner paperful.com. What's a gifting? Oh no, sorry, gifting business. Sorry. I was like, why did I say partner? Oh, me and my partner. Fucking hell. As I say, I'm really good at reading to the kids. Yeah, I bet they love it. Get all the words mixed up. Once a time upon a fairy tale. Happily after ever. Me and my partner work together to make gifts for anniversaries, birthdays and weddings, as well as offering bespoke framed photo prints and greeting cards.

If you leave gift buying to the last minute, hello. We ship everything within one working day from here in Telford. Don't worry if you procrastinate gift, they've said. I know you exclusively shout out Bromley businesses usually, so I'm trying my luck here from Telford. They do send in a lot of chances, isn't it? Also, for parenting hell listeners, we're giving 10% off your first order with any of the below codes at paperful p-a-p-e-r-f-u-l dot com. And the codes are Josh's best or Rob's best. I don't have children yet, but maybe one day.

So for me, stay sexy and unrelatable. Thanks Craig. Lovely. Thanks, Craig. Thank you, Craig. I'll see you next week. I'll see you next week, Josh. No, I won't. I'll see you on Friday. Ross. I'll see you next week, Josh. Oh, no, I won't. No, I'll see you on Friday.

Friday! We're in person again, aren't we, next week? Yes! We're back. Right, see you later. Bye! Bye! or killing Ophelia. And I'm Paul McCaffrey from What's Upset You Now, and we'd like to tell you all about our brand new podcast, TLABRAX. Every week we have a guest from the world of entertainment

and design their perfect night out. Where are you going? What year is it? What you wearing? What you listening to, and most importantly, Can we come? Where would you go, Paul? Do you know what?

I'd go anywhere in 1995. I don't care where it is. I think 1995 was the peak of all human existence. The clothes, the music, everything. What would you listen to? Well, I'll be honest, if I'm in a good mood, it's an Oasis playlist. If I'm in a bad mood, it's an Oasis playlist. Absolutely. Come and join us wherever you get your podcasts for the best night out of your life.

Hi, Sean. Hi, Jack. for the best night out of your life. Yeah, well look, Sara's here now to record it, so why don't you take over? Hi! Hi! Hi, Sara. Hi! Right, are we ready? What have we got for the Oh My Dog advert? Sean, I think you were gonna... I'm... Hello, I'm Sean Walsh and I'm with Jack Jadie and we have dogs. Not together, we have individually.

Jack has a dog Dolly and I have a dog Mildred. I see. Oh, my dog, the cult podcast with Jack Dee and Sean Walsh. Listen, because they both have dogs. That's what I was going to say. Were you? I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Doherty. And we'd like to invite you to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question, quite literally, what did you do yesterday?

That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really downplaying it. Like what did you do yesterday? Like I'm just I'm just a guy just asking a question, but do you think I should go bigger?

What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm gonna try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it? That is that's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.