Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - ⚽ The Worlds Slowest Penalty Kick⚽

Episode Date: October 19, 2026

Manchester United hit the 'reset' button with a draw away at Leeds. But is the axe inevitable for Carrick and who is the favourite for the job? Is the entire season a waste of time if Sham City don't get punished soon? And who are your favourite niche foreign players from yesteryear? Enjoy! If you want to get in touch with the show you can; Email us: [e-mail] And follow us on Instagram and Tiktok: @footballinghell FPL team -⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ join the Footballing / Parenting Hell mini league ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LEAGUE CODE: 1a5fc7 Leave us a 5* review and subscribe to the podcast please. You know the score by now. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Footballing Hell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Monday (don't worry - it's business as usual on Tuesday and Friday with the usual Parenting Hell episodes) A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Unlock unlimited free grocery delivery with PC Express Pass. Shop online and get the same low No Frills prices delivered. Get your first year of PC Express Pass for just $2.50 a month. Learn more at no frills.ca. Hold music. Not what you want to hear when a pipe dispersed in your basement is flooding. That's why Intact Insurance answers 2 million claim calls per year within 20 seconds. So instead of hearing this lovely track, you'll hear this in seconds.

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The new 2027 Subaru Cross-Trek hybrid. Consumer Reports top-rated subcompact SUV. Stop by your local Subaru dealership or visit Subaru.ca to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. Hello, this is football in hell with me, Rob Beckett and Josh Whittaker. No football this week, Josh. You know when you don't even remember what you've talked about before? And I just got a text last night saying,

Frank's ass literally relegated, Conte near the top. Pardon? Is this what you said on strictly? No, this is just from a friend. And I was like, what the hell is this? And then I was like, oh yeah, we were talking about the ranking of the Tottenham manager's arces. Oh, yes, yes. You know, we forget what we've talked about.

Yeah, well, like, you know, it's weird considering how long we pour over the scripts that it just goes from our mind at the end of a record. Do you know what shirt you're wearing, Rob? I've got a London City Line S's number 10 Van der Donk shirt on. Oh, God, it fits then, your daughter's shirt? No, no, I bought one. Oh. So we've all got matching shirts now.

And my daughter got her signed by Daniel Van der Donk. So now in a predicament where she's got a signed shirt because basically the players go to the edge of the pitch to sign. Sharpie, so you've got a Sharpie, yeah. So you can wash it? Can you wash a Sharpie? It's a risk. It's a risk.

It's a level of adrenaline I don't need on a Monday morning kneeling by the washing machine picking up her shirt to see if it's still on there. Yeah, you don't need that. You don't need that dry clean only. I think she might ask for the away shirt for Christmas because then she can wear it. that one to games.

Have you become a big London City Lioness's fan? What I'm loving most is, it's literally a 15 minute drive, or like 20 minute bus, and I love going to something as a family that we're all invested in about the same level. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So, like, if it's like I go to England

or Arsenal teams I've followed for longer, when they're not bothered. And also it's like, you know, that's why people support the local team. It's more fun and more relaxed. So I love that we all go together. We really care. Welcome.

And it's good fun. So, yeah, I'm loving going as a, would I go on my own on a Saturday without the kids? Probably not. But I love going as a four of us. Yeah. And Lou's mom and dad came as well, which is nice. Yeah, no, I love it. It's really nice little family day.

You don't strike me as football fans, Lou's mom and dad. No, Lou's dad. Lose dad loves football. He's a Portsmouth fan, but not really. He was like, he moved around a lot. His dad was in the Navy, so he moved around a lot. But obviously, they ended up in Portsmouth. Yeah.

That's where the ship's all going. He could have been a Plymouth fan, Rob. You know, Plymouth and Portswell have the Dock Derby? The Dock Derby? Yeah. Well, we're both Navy Docks. So there's a kind of rivalry between Plymouth and Portsmouth. Well, I think we've spoken before about Southampton and Portsmouth.

They're called the scummers and the skates. Yeah. But Plymouth and Portsmouth have a long-running rivalry. And I feel like there isn't in Plymouth have invented that. because you need one. Because exit is quite far away, in it? No, well, it is. It's 50 miles on the local dog, but yeah.

He's meant, yeah. So you're trying to invent another one with like, oh, we've got boats. I mean, it's a bit pathetic. It is lame. It is lame. But, look, I don't want to start beef this early. No, it's fine. 8am on a Monday morning at the start of half term where, let's face it,

we're all over the place. I can hear it or a child show in your house. Yeah, I know. What can you do? The problem is we can't blame that on parenting now because this is football. I know. In the past, that's part of the... That's a child.

He's shouting man on. Absolutely. If he is shouting man on and you're in the house of your wife and two children, I'd go and check. Ah, so this is my problem with women's football. My terminology, if someone that you shout man on, there's no man. Right, right, right, of course. Woman on. Now, woman on feels a bit performative.

player on feels clunky. Woman on, everyone. That's right. I'm a male here. Woman on. I'm pretty progressive. Yeah. That's a good point.

That's a good point. Player on's too much. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't shout man on when I go to the football anyway. Because I think you're over, you're overplaying the influence I think you have on the pitch. I would agree.

However, in the women's game. I've never at Argyle seeing people go man on and the player, thank God and pass it on. I know, but honestly, because it's a small ground and sometimes the crowd's quiet, you can have an impact. Right, yeah, yeah. Which is terrible for someone like me that's got an attention problem and a loud voice. What do you think of, and it happens a lot at Argyll, if a player gets a sniff of any space 25 to 30 yards out, everyone shouts shoot. Yeah, that's fun though, isn't it?

That's more like... Do you think that entices them to do it? Would it make you think, go on them? I'm always thinking about shooting. I was working this out the other day. When I play Fatherside, I don't really like people that keep the score. You've said this. You don't like it, yeah.

No, I get it if you're in a league and a power league thing, and obviously you have to, you know, that's part of it, is you're a competitive league. And if you want to do that kind of, that's great. and Sunday league and you're in league. Is it? But, but, yeah, oh yeah, because that's part of it. What are you trying to prove?

No, but, yeah, but that is a separate conversation. Oh, I'm player of the season. Oh, you didn't make it. Admit it. Yeah, yeah, that, you could argue. However, when it is 10 blokes that just know each other because the kids go to the same school and they just want to run around on a Sunday night

or a Tuesday afternoon, it does, like, who cares? sometimes I'll go past someone and score a goal or they'll go past me and score a goal. Naturally, naturally. The geyser's knees strapped up, everyone's hobbling, people are about to pass out. You're not achieving much.

You're not achieving much. You're like 7-4, let's keep going. I just find it embarrassing. Well, this is a problem we've got, Rob. I don't know if you're, if you've noticed that we were, we were the victim of a online pile on. Were we? but not really

some people are quite angry we are getting piled on from every direction at the moment I don't know what's happened to our careers but we are right and the fuck it's like honestly it's like I've climbed out of a trench

and just walked towards the Germans bare-handed this is why you didn't notice it Rob it is absolute open season on people that did the London Open mic circuit in around 2009 at the moment yeah there's a weird thing

where if you think if you were doing jonglers in 2009 five minute spots all of a sudden you're Harry and Megan I wouldn't want to be Joel Domit and then he's going to be next in line So Piler what we got piled on people said

People said we didn't like football Because we said it didn't matter Oh one of my favourite I saw that one of the favourite comments was I hate these people Like I'll tell you the two people he said Who pretend

who hate football But then pretend to like it Because it's in fashion There's a lot to deal with it Football's not in fashion I say football's been popular forever the two names Chris Moore's Chris Evans. I mean, how old's this man commenting?

I mean, a mad, mad example. He's still got beef with Chris Mawls where Chris Mawls once said he was a Leeds fan on the Radio One Breakfast show 25 years ago. Oh, my word. I do like football. I love going to football. I've just got into it.

Admittedly, one Google, he could have seen it, did a 90s football podcast, which would be a wild way to, Try and rewrite your history about liking football back in the day. I did the magic sponge about football 15 years ago. Right. It's been quite a boring weekend, but I think there's a few things we need to discuss. No, no, no, no, let's let before another pylon starts,

it is quite a good weekend if you are really into results, but from a soap opera point of view, the main problem is Tottenham haven't played. And Tottenham Hot-Spottenham Hot-Spot. Tottenham at the moment around. Rob, when you pretend to be a football fan, you've got to learn the name of Tottenham-Waltzburg. By the way, I didn't realise I didn't know footballers' names properly until I've said them out loud to other people

because they've only been in my head. Apparently I call Florian Words have been called Fabio Words. So I'm getting everyone. I used to get them in Liverpool midfield, Gravenbatch, Gravenbach, Gravenbach. Gravenbach? Gravenbach. My gravel patch.

My gravel patch. I have seen as well, Michael, you know, we hold you high steam on this show as a sort of football guy. and I don't like to get bogged down in the comments but in a pile on you need to be across these sort of things and a couple of people are questioning your views that you just read them off Twitter. I know, I quite enjoyed that.

What you realise is how tribal contemporary football is and people just don't like you criticising their team. I know, it's mad. They take it really personally. That's so weird. It's so weird. Imagine if when Robert said Plymouth haven't got any near rivals,

I got really angry. It's done with Derby. Just because it's not, you know, there's too many clubs in London because London's have a crowd and it's a shit out. You're that kind of stuff. Right, here we go.

Carlisle and Barrow will play each other in the Cumbrian Derby in the National League, right? This was, when was this? This was five months old. That is the biggest gap between two grounds, 78 miles by car. Blorry me. But there's nothing else around there, is it?

It's like, No. Have you been to Barrow? Carlisle are asleep and jar it, Rob. then I'm going to tell you now they're not Shrewsbury-Herford 78 miles

Palace Brighton 46 miles Oh Palace Brighton's 46 miles Plymouth Exeter 46 okay Well that's not bad Ipswich Norwich is 45

I thought that was closer Yeah Oh they'll be closer Flat as fuck up there though man Yeah No it's not bad The A38 The 838 Derby

The Devon Expressway Derby What's the A303 Is that not you That's London to That's the main road. That's London to Devon. That would be kind of exter versus

Brentford. Would be the A303 Derby. Do we go through the results? Manu? Do you want to talk about Manu? Yeah, let's talk about Lissandro Martinus because that's the most exciting bit of the week, wasn't it? Yes.

You didn't watch it live, did you? Did you watch it live, Michael? No, I was out. I was out a bit this weekend. It was. I went to something you'd like. Yeah. Do you know Mr. Cuts?

He's a Hairdresser. Oh, right. Music producer, producer with like storms in. He's done loads of big acts. But he's got his own Instagram page where it's like new music's cool,

but have you heard old music? Yeah. And he plays loads of songs you wouldn't have heard of. Anyway, I went to, Josh, I went to a club night. What? Sorry, what's this got to do with football? The reason why I didn't watch the football because I was at this event.

Oh, okay. It started at five, finished at night. Oh my word What I dream The other day If Robin Josh Ever got ADHD Medication

The podcast would be shit You were at Mr Cuts' His old music event Yeah And it was all Really good music Yes

Well no I missed the Leads game Oh you missed the Leeds game Oh well the Leeds game Doesn't matter The Leeds game Who cares The Leeds game Which Michael Michael

Carrick described As I think Was it a turning point Michael What the Leeds game was a turning point. Is that what he said? It seemed really lame. Let me find it because I just thought, oh, come on.

He's clutched at straws, how Carrick, he don't want to be there. Do you know what he feels like? Do you know what Carrick feels like on Manchester United? It's not a turning point. It's a fresh start. The 1-1-draw-away to Leeds was a fresh start. Right. Can I, my opinion on this is,

Michael Carrick is like the sort of all right, but nothing special kid at school, right? Just floating along. Everyone quite likes him, but he's not like the cool kid. He's not a nerd. Yeah. All of a sudden, the fittest girl in the year

says, do you want to be my boyfriend? Yeah. Obviously, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course I would, yeah. And then she just keeps sucking everyone off at every party and he won't dump her. And then she comes back,

goes, oh no, Michael, Michael is my boyfriend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they just keep it. It's a fresh start, actually, because it's half term and there's no parties, so it's a fresh start. I'll just go if I. It's not worth the asset.

So they've won, drawn, lost, drawn, drawn, drawn, fresh start. Oh my God. Three draws in a row, fresh start. Well, no, because they also lost Athleteco Madrid in the week. Yep, again, yep, yep, that's the problem, isn't it? Your defence is, like, I cannot believe. Diego Dallow feels like a player when you had, like,

Jonathan Spector at right back, you know, the little American geeseer. I can't believe Dallow's still there. He's played 250 games. Two hundred and fifty games? That's more than Roy Keen, isn't it? I don't think Carrick's the problem at Man United Atoll. I think he's done a brilliant job, but now he's getting his legs cut out from beneath him

because I don't know what's going on with the recruitment. I don't think he's done a brilliant job. No, I do. I think, look, he took over after, when it was all going wrong. He's done a solid job. He's done a really good job last year, but then, that's why they're moaning. They're not having a go at Carrick, because how can you change,

how is Aaron McGuire still the first choice centre back? And then Martinez is five foot seven. Martinez is five foot seven. that's mental. I'm five for eight. I don't think I could beat anyone for a header. If you were up front for Leeds and they whip the ball into the box, you would have a good chance about jumping marstoness.

Do you know what? After what is Strictly? Do you know how I've sent her back? Johannes. Imagine the leap on him and the header. Well, Lucas Radabe was great. So Johannes Redderbe might be. Yes.

I love Lucas Rat. Leeds, I loved him. Yeah, he's great. I don't know why I loved him so much, though. Because it was quite early in the 5. foreign football era, so he still felt quite exotic, I think. I think as well, he was very, like, strong, solid and dependable, like a really lovely uncle, where I think a lot of the foreign players were a bit like, they were normally

strikers or wingers when they first come in. That's a good question, though. Foreign players from rival teams that you love, like, that maybe you shouldn't, you know, Tony Yubal right. Georgie King Cladzee. Yeah, King Cladzee, loved him, loved him. And I don't quite understand what happened. Did he just fluke a few goals?

Why did he not become... Now, this is where you'll get a Man City fan coming in going mental at you now. He did not fluke a couple of goals, actually. He scored. You're like, all right, mate, I don't know. I just start saying what I remember. What I mean is, why did he not go on to be a superstar?

Do you know what I mean? A bit like Tony Hubera. Was he just a really hot patch? Well, he played for Georgia, so he's not going to get any euros or World Cup attention like Colopobolsky did. I don't think I'm sticking my neck out here that Man City at the time weren't one of the biggest clubs in the world He never then went on to play for a huge

But he went to Derby He only played for Iax He moved to Iax after Man City Did he? He only played 12 times He only played 12 times He only moved to Iyx I'm all over this, that's it

Yeah, come on what do you want? Palo One job, what do you want about him? That's a hundred and thirty-eight less times than Diego Dalla was played for Manchester United But that was the era of when you was allowed to have a player that could just express themselves and it wasn't all this stupid zone all bollocks. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. I'll tell you what, if you Google Georgie King Cladsey, he's in a Derby shirt, he looks like he's four years old or on his dad's top. It's absolutely insane he was a professional footballer. Oh, those are the days. Marion Paz. That's how he was lethal for a season. Unlock unlimited free grocery delivery

with PC Express Pass. Shop online and get the same low, No frills prices delivered. Get your first year of PC Express Pass for just $2.50 a month. Learn more at no frills.ca. Uh, hold music. Not what you want to hear when a pipe dispersed in your basement is flooding. That's why Intact Insurance answers 2 million claim calls per year within 20 seconds.

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More camp time. More go time. The new 2027 Subaru Cross Trek hybrid. Consumer Reports top-rated subcompact SUV. Stop by your local Subaru dealership or visit Subaru.ca to learn more. Consumer Reports that's not indoors products or services. Right. Well, let's talk about this Martin's thing.

Let's talk about Jason Wilcox. I enjoyed the cameraman panning. from, oh woman, panning from Lissandro Martinez to Jason Wilcox. And I'd say Jason Wilcox looks like a very different person now. Oh, Jason Wilcox is having a time. I think what must be horrible is going to a match and knowing the camera is on you at all times. You know what I mean? So, 271 games for Blackburn Rovers.

So I'm just doing all my stats. It's embarrassing for Jason Wilcox, isn't it? Because there's the other guy, the one who's more important, Omar Beretta or whatever called. No idea. Hello. Where's this come from? Well, he's the one above it.

Omar Barega? Omar Barida. Who's Omar Barida? So he's the chief exec or whatever he is. How do you know about this? Because I'm interested in football. David Gill. Is that one?

Yeah, it was. I'm just thinking of names in my head from the past. Peter Kenyon. Yeah, all these lot. Ken Bates. Ken Bates. David Dean, obviously, brought in us in England and Change Football.

So Omar was the equivalent at Man City, got brought across, and he's the guy that brought Jason Wilcox in, right? Yep. And then Jason Wilcox came in, not as high up as he should be, under Dan Ashworth, who was the guy who'd transformed someone else. Newcastle, was it? Can't have been Newcastle because they haven't been transformed. Yeah, it was Newcastle.

It was Newcastle. That's not a good thing on your stuff. CV and then he got sacked after about three months because he didn't want Ruben Amoram and then Jason Wilcox got moved up but I don't get why Jason Wilcox is getting the flack and the guy above him is it purely because he's Jason Wilcox it's funny that he's Jason Wilcox he's funny that it's just a really really like shuffly winger and in my head like he's running to meetings like he's on the touchline it's hard it's hard in that job though because

Martinez can just have a really good game of football to go, look, yeah, I'm needed at this club, but I'm proving my worth. There's nothing Wilcox can do really to show that he's doing it good. It's not like he can like do a highlight package. Because I say you haven't got enough players, but surely he'd have bought more if he could afford more. Who did you buy in the summer, Michael?

Three midfielders and a reserve goalie. Yeah. Tielermans, Santos, Bileber, and a goalkeeper his name, I can't remember. Do you not think it's mental, right? To say publicly, you know, we haven't bought enough. For all this stuff to come out, the squad is going, we're not, we've not bought enough good players here.

You're like, you're the players. You're the players that are saying your shit. Imagine if you came out and said, just to be clear, I thought the cast of celebrity traitors was weak. Well, no, let's be honest, that's different. But in a comedy panel show, let's be honest, how often behind the scenes have we said to each other, we've got that person on today, this is going to be fucking hard work.

Yeah, of course. That must be the same going, fucking have we got so-and-so at centre back today. This is going to be a difficult day, lads. Yeah, of course. We're going to have to focus because he's shit. If you did Catsters Countdown. We know he shit. Yeah.

If you did Catsda's Countdown, and it was a bad record, and you went afterwards to, the Manchester Evening News and said the thing is we've got to replace Joe Wilkinson he's an absolute liability no that well yeah

a tape not obviously not Joe but yeah that's why the reason I've chosen Joe is because he's great so it's obvious I'm not Jason Wilcox is the producer of the show and Lissandra Martinez is So you come out and you go the producer keeps putting shit comedians on with me yeah I've got I can't express myself

I can't have a one to There's no chemistry there because the producer keeps booking the shit of it. We didn't invest properly in dictionary corner over the summer. It would be insane to do that. You'd come into work the next day. It's right, guys. I'm up right from home today, actually.

There's a bit of a toxic culture in the office. Then it comes out that everyone else agrees with it. That was the general story. If you've been promised something now and not got it, you know what I mean? but I think he's gone, look, I'll be the mouthpiece because I'm my contracts up, I'll fuck off to Athletic Camadrid with Romero and then you can deal with it. Stick Dallow in at centreback.

I loved also. It's like, I can't say any more. And then he said more. Yeah, and he still played. That's the worst bit because they can't have fault to lose it. I would say got on the bench, Fabio and Rafael, they still there. They were good. I absolutely love it.

I wanted a defeat, though. I feel like one-month-drawing leads and not bad result. No, it's great. It drags it on, Rob. It drags it on. It's not great from like

the big ones tonight really, Tottenham Coventry because if Tottenham win it's terrible for sort of banter club morale. You know what we need a stronger for a good Premier League season you need a good title race

and a really good banter club and Tottenham can delivering. This is the worst title race in the history of the title race because it's now coming down to one thing and one thing only. Yeah, the charges. Canran City keep appealing far enough

that it rolls under next season so they win the league this season. I am finding this banana thing a bit embarrassing now because the fans did it. Well, the fans did it and I quite liked it because I'm like, yeah, look, they're going, look, we were here before the club. Yeah, we are the fan base.

Then the club bought loads of bananas and put them on the seats for the home game. So it's like they're jumping on the bandwagon No, that's all right. Because the club is sponsored by bananas. They're getting 200 million from bananas directly. Name a banana brand. Who's in charge of bananas?

There must be so many people eat bananas, but I don't know the brand of bananas, do you? I don't know any. I was so desperately trying to think of a company and I had to say bananas. Is that orange? No, that's oranges, isn't it? Yeah, because that's not branded enough, is it? There you go.

All you're going to do. Go on it. name on a bit of banana skin. Fair trade. You don't get, you don't get, you just get on-brand, Sainsbury's, Waitrose, Tesco's, home brand. There's no one that's going, let's make raspberries our own. Let's become the Raspberry people.

Let's become the raspberry guy. Banana brand. I'll just type banana brands in. Del Monte is the obvious one. Oh, Del Monte. Yes. How that's it, fifths, fifth. I remember I used bananas.

Fife. Fife's. Fife. F F. Yes, fives. Yeah. That sounds like a player, Chelsea by and then loan out immediately. Oh, they've got fiefs from Willem Toir.

Oh, yeah. And then Phil Foden had the banana. I feel a bit like, I get you been fine. We had a banana in the interview, and I'm like, you have been proven guilty. Yes. I know you are appealing, but you are guilty of you are guilty. Is that appealing, pardon? No.

Oh, banana appealing. Oh, God. They should be doing more of that, should they? If you're a commentate, you're not doing appealing. Yeah, they are appealing. Am I right? Yeah, they're currently appealing, but the bananas remain peeled on. Or something like, that's bad, you know?

I'm sure Fletch could have. I saw Fletch at the boxing again. God, you and Fletch, why don't you just fucking marry each other? What's going on? Oh, well, this is talk about sort of football. I'll get on talking. Went to the boxing. Right, so get there.

And the boxing was great, but I don't want to say I'm right. rounds. Like, no, no, but the best part of wars, is no way of me saying this about looking, I don't know, against the boxing, Noel Gallagher's there. It gives me a nod and a wink. Here we go.

And I'm just like, this. Here we go. How is this my life? Oh, no. And then next thing you know, you're talking to Fletch. Why am I on nodding terms of Noel Gallagher? Next thing you know, you're talking to Fletch. You're like this can't get any better.

Well, Fletch is it. And Miles Kane. Fletch is a good laugh. And Miles Cain's lovely. I know, I'm just winding you up. So there's. you're constantly bumping into Fletch. Yeah, he's fun.

He loves as well the fact that he loves that joke you said about how do you know it was Fletch? Because you don't know what he looks like. Did he have the big coat on? And he loved that. He loves that. Every time I meet him, he tells me that. Twice out. Times a week.

I can tell. I basically retired footballer, Josh. I've told you this. That's my dream. Anyway, so Noel Gallagher's there. Miles Cain's there. Matt Smith's down. I know Matt Smith quite well now.

Paddy Constantine. All these people. We're on, we're ringside, loot, all these people, and that's quite fun people to hang out with. Guess who I'll get sat next to? Fletch. Simon Jordan.

Oh, no. Did Simon Jordan acknowledge you? Do you know who? He didn't want to. Yeah. But I saw this thing online. It's something that I've always naturally done, but apparently it's the right thing to do.

If you sit down at an event somewhere, or like if it's a work event, or somewhere where you might, you should sort of know, them or it's more of an open chatty place. So like people do it when they're at like catwalk mod, you know, on the front row of that. Yeah, yeah. Sit down.

This is the equivalent of Anna Wintour being sat next door. Yeah. And it's like, look, we all operate in the same sort of weld slightly. So I just go, hi, I'm Rob to who we're from next to. And that. He said, hello, didn't say his name. I was like, okay. Oh, God.

Anyway, but it was, do you know what? I was like, I have, I, you know what? He didn't say his name. No. No. I'm Rob. He just went high. Anyway.

Are you, what is going on? Hi, I'm Rob. Good, good. Glad to know. Yeah. I'll add that to my

roller decks of names. Is he going, I don't need to name myself. He knows I'm Simon Jordan or is he going, I'm not interested in... Actually, I just, I thought he was...

When I first got, I was like, oh, it's Simon Jordan. And on the radio, he was so... Someone. Were you literally on your own? I was with my... I was with my mate, Danny.

And was Simon Jordan with anyone? Yeah, he was with his friend, I think. Jim White? No, Jim White weren't there? No. It was, a Cundee sat next to him and an ang mask. No, so, but be fair, so I was a bit like, oh, I find him a little bit abrasive on the radio. Yeah.

But I quite like him as a broadcaster. Right, yeah. And then I was like, I'll just say hello. He didn't really want to engage with me. But then... No shit. Then we started chatting. He was like, you're into your boxing.

I was like, I'm into my boxing. I was like him into my boxing. I was chatting about boxing. because he really likes his boxing, and I know my staff. So he was talking about boxing. And then he was talking about Daniel. I was talking about Daniel Dubois. And I said he's a bit like Lenny from Mice and Men.

Oh, here we go. And then he really lit up there. Because basically, Simon Jordan is sort of like the, in the footballing world, they're sort of like intellectual, like in his very era diet and his vocabaries, you know. Well, he is compared to some of the other people that are contributors on the show.

Right, yeah. You do what I mean? So he quite liked that reference. And then we were chatting at it. But he was, he's just very... When you said that reference, did he turn to you and go, okay, the time has come.

I'm Simon. He sort of said, yeah, and it was like, I'd open the door. I will now allow you to have my name. My name is Simon Jordan, and we are now friends. And we sat in the drawing room

and discussed pugilism. Did you describe it as the sweet science? He said get behind the jab 29 times during the two round fight? No, But actually, in defence of Simon Jordan, I judged him before I met him. Once I chatted to him, he's quite a nice bloke. He's just incredibly intense.

And I thought the intensity was a bit of a act for the radio. Yeah. But he's not. He's just very intense, very passionate and very, like, opinionating. And that's just naturally who he is. And he was actually quite, it was weird. He was actually more endearing. No.

He was a lot more endearing because I'd sat down and thought, oh, not him. That's how I started. I started the whole interaction going, fuck sake, not him. Yeah. And also, I felt like, I'm so close to having a good time here. It's like, Miles Kane, Noel Gallagher, you know, my mate Fletch. Everyone was, where were Kane Gallagher and Fletch?

Can you see him? So, Kane and Fletch were sort of literally the other side of Simon Joulden, and then Old Gallag was in the row in front. And it behind me was, Surge from Consabian as well was further down on my row. I say they've put people in the right rows there. Yeah. I'd say. I started with a sort of negative approach,

even though I was quite like friendly with Simon. But do you know what? I think he might be slightly misunderstood. He's an all right blow. He's quite a nice blow. He's a fan of quite endearing as opposed to abrasive. He was, he sort of... I mean, you're only there for two rounds.

Maybe if he'd made 12. No, no, we were there for a fight before. I was watching that. But yeah, actually, I'd say, don't judge a book by his cover, Simon Jordan. It was actually quite good company. But yeah, I'd say considering I went,

it was such a, so disappointed with where I was at, not in closeness, but I was like, oh God, is Jordan going to be mad? Are you going to start a book club podcast with Sarah Jordan? Yeah, well, just to talk about all the, you know, Ulysses, does crime and punishment. And it will start with you going, hello, welcome to book club with I'm Rob, and he'll go, hello.

And he won't give his net. No, no, never give his name. Anyway, so that was my... That's where I was Saturday night. Should we do some emails, Rob? Because we never do get round to the emails. Oh, gosh, I sent you the video of Lloyd Griffith from football.

We've got to discuss this. Oh, yeah, yeah. So Lloyd Griffith, comedian, friend, sometimes lover. He is... It's genuinely the best video. No, he was at Brentford, uh, Liverpool. Oh, and he heads the ball back. It's incredible.

If you go to Lloyd Griffith's Instagram, Lloyd G.R. F-F-I-T-H. He's basically sat in a row with his girlfriend and her two friends. Sort of very pretty young women. And the ball flies over. Lloyd sees the ball coming, puts his sunglasses in his pocket, sorts his jacket out,

and then does a massive edda, and there does the ball straight back onto the pitch. And then the three ladies that are with all start giggling and laughing. Honestly, it's one of the best, I would be, I would fucking love to have that video. Yeah.

And do you know what, that man, he's put, he's had an air transplant. It's not held him back. He's putting his hair line on the line. It's great. I've sent you the world as slow as penalty, Rob. Oh, yes, please. Go on. Yeah.

If you watch, I'm coming down. He's had 6.3 million views that video. I know. It's wild, isn't it? So good. Right. Oh, he's sneaky. He is sneaky.

He looks like he's doing a kid's stocking at Christmas. It's absolutely. That is insane. That can't be allowed. And he missed. That's how long it took. That's how long it took. It's a massive stadium. Not one fucker there. No.

In the Caribbean Cup. I don't think this stuttering penalty run-up should be allowed. That's what I'm going to say. I think you should allow people the time and space to express themselves. And if they do have a stutter, you should have patience. Okay. Just because it's not a verbal one, it's a physical one. I think you've done enough time in the last leg.

understand with a stutter, people need time and space and patience, okay? If that's how they want to express themselves, that's how they express. As someone that had speech therapy as a kid, yeah? I think you need to have a look at the road. Do you know what? Somebody will need to have penalty therapy. I think they need to have penalty therapy. Bob, you haven't asked me about my football shirt.

Oh, yes. What is your football shirt? It's Quambran Celtic FC. What's Quombat? Cumbraun Celtic. So, Combran a Celtic FC. a Welsh team. They're the second biggest team in Cumbran.

Of course they are. Quick question. What the fuck and where the fuck is C-O-M-Bron? It's in Wales. Yeah, but where in Quam-Bron? It must be in the centre of Wales, is it? Quon-Brand sounds like an old English word for a vagina. Do you want me to spell it for you, Rob?

It'll blow your mind. C-W-M-B-R-A-N. Quam-B-B-R-A-N. Quambran, there we go. I found it. Quambran. Yeah. So Cornbran.

Yeah. Is your camera keep bouncing, Josh? Your camera keeps bouncing. That's because I was typing, I think. I feel like I'm nodding at you, but through your camera. All right. So, oh, near Newport. Yeah.

And it's sponsored by the band Mogwai because they did a link up with a series of bands. The Superfury Animals have done one as well. No, I like it. It's cool, isn't it? Really cool. Yeah. Big fan of that. Yeah.

So there you go. I actually bought it off their website. The Quam Brand Celtic. I saw it. Oh, right. Well, you weren't going to go to the club shop, will you? No, no. Of course, no.

But what I mean is I didn't buy it on a whim. I was like, I've got to get a hunger on it. You're going to get newsletters from Quambran Celtic. I probably am. I should start as a point. See all four. Is there four different shirts? Yeah, because it became a pink shack.

Oh, super furry animal one's good. of panic shack and loose articles I agree on the lead singer Fontaine's DC wore this shirt when they headlined Redding and I thought I'm going to get one of them because I'm still a pathetic teenager so that's the shirt

I'm wearing this week unlock unlimited free grocery delivery with PC Express Pass shop online and get the same low no frills prices delivered get your first year of PC Express Pass for just $2 and 50 cents a month learn more at nofrills.com.

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you'll hear this in seconds. Hello, Intact Insurance. The new Subaru Cross Trek Hybrid is the most fuel-efficient cross-trek yet. That means less time filling your tank and more time filling your day. More court time. More ride time.

More lake time. More camp time. More. Go time. The new 2027 Subaru Cross Trek Hybrid. Consumer Reports, top-rated subcompact SUV. Stop by your local Subaru dealership or visit Subaru.ca to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. Should I get a super furry animal once while with Gaz on the back and 10?

It was gas, in it? Yeah, go on. That's fun in it. Gaz and the number 10? Do you mean Griff? Yeah, isn't it a gas from the super furry animal? No, that's super grouse. Oh, I nearly had an absolute stinker there, didn't I?

Oh, could you imagine all the guys down at Cumbwan? I turn up when we fucking gas top. I think you should do it. I can't have gruff on the back, can I? Well, it's a band. So you've got gruff wreaths. I mean, that's a fucking joke. That's like an AI made up Welsh name.

That is the Welshest gruff reese. Do you know who bigger person to phone now? It's a gruff or griff? Did you see, Rob? Yeah. They did a league table of the teams that had been financially affected by Manchester City. Yeah. And the fourth biggest hit was Swansea City.

Why? I don't know. Did they get relegated in the season? They spent a lot then or something. Yeah, I don't know. But also Swansea are in the championship hunt. Should we end with a quick call to Ellis James to ask him his views on Manchester City? Yes.

And ask him, what name should I get on the back of that shirt? Reese is the lead singer. I should get a Reese 10, shouldn't I? Or Bunford? Should I go for Bunford? Who's Bunford? Reese Diffons, was he in it? Yeah, he was for a bit, yeah, really early on.

Ah. He might be doing the school run which started early, haven't we? No, it's half-term. Oh, yeah. Can't believe I've got a gas on my shirt. I wish you had. Fucking idiot. He's not answering.

No one answers this. like, Hi, now this is for and please leave them. Oh, for God's sake. Should we do one email to end, Rob?

Yeah, let's do an email. All right. Hi, lads, all the sport talk of Spurs Stadium being too nice

and how they've been actively trying to make away changing room was worse. I thought you'd enjoy this fact about St. Mary's. I used to play for Southampton and one pre-season

as part of the classic headshot, etc. Photo shoot, we had to use the away changing room at St. Mary's. I played in the women's team and the men had the home dressing room.

Oh, that's a shame, isn't it? I went to the toilet and noticed a mirror attached to the foot of the door as it closed, angled right up towards me. So I was basically watching myself weave from a non-flattering angle. Naturally, I asked why everyone on earth would want mirrors inside the toilets in such a place and where the answers were, it was supposed to make a guy's dick look smaller and therefore make him less confident and less ready for the match.

I mean, considering the level of confidence I've got compared to size of my cock, I do not think that's impact you. Because I should not be doing the job I'm doing with the length I've got, if that's the case. Not sure it worked as Southampton got relegated that year, but I like the idea regardless and thought you'd find it funny to. Maybe one for spurs to try. Keep up the top-notch football and all assist from Beth. Wow.

That seems mad. Pep Guardiola, going to watch Man City, VPSG, is mental. Man. It's too soon. Have a day off, mate. Fuck it. Imagine that. Well, imagine.

You go, right. Here we go. You leave last leg, right? Let's put it this way. I look around the corner. Front row of Strictly, Claudia and Tess. It's fancied a night out on a Saturday.

That last day, do? Yeah, love the show. Let's see how you do. Like, the pressure. It's mental. Moresca's smashed it, though, haven't he? Don't know how he's doing it?

We know. Well, because it's like, that I'll go on about that. and city stuff. But like Arsenal now, like a championship winning team that I remember from 20 years ago that won the league, they'd win most games, but then when they go to Notting and Forrest away,

it's a really hard-fought game. And then if you're a championship team, you nick a winner because you've got a good team, good squad and belief. Whereas I sort of forgot that's what a championship winning team is like and Liverpool like that, because for years, Man's City dominated of a team that basically just beat everyone three-nil. Yeah.

Because they're just got so many good players. Do you know what? I initially found it fun. Now I just want it resolved so we can move on. Now the Premier League is kind of pointless. Until they go, here's what's going on. Because it's just like, well, there's no point looking at the table. What am I looking at?

When you see the Man City result, you're like, this doesn't matter. This simply doesn't matter. So Arsenal were two points ahead of Brighton. Arsenal Brighton champion title running? That guy who left Brighton for a man, you must be fucking kicking himself. Can you imagine? What a fucking point. Unlock unlimited free grocery delivery with PC Express Pass.

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Bruno Fernandez, what a fucking waste of time. What's Bruno Fernandez won in his career? He's played for a Portugal team that have got Ronaldo ruling it. Did he win the Euros? I don't know if he did, did he? Maybe. He's won the Europa League.

He's won the Europa League. And the FA Cup. And the FA Cup. What a fucking waste of time. No, he's won the FA Cup and Carabot Cup. I don't think he's won the Euro. the Europa League. What a waste of fucking time.

He won the Portuguese League twice with sporting Lisbon. What a poor guy. Poor bloke. Well, he's not his bad. Poor bloke. I'm annoying. What's he actually done apart from his face? I know. He's just a quite He's just a good to God mediate twice. He's won one FAA

Cup, one EFL. One nation's too late, though. He's missed his chance for a big move, I think. Who do you want as the next manager, Michael? Antonio Conte. Conte, would be great. Would he? He was at Spurs.

He was at Spurs. He's the only manager to win the Syria hour with three different clubs. Like he's a winner. What are you going to do, fucking put Man United in Syria? Do you know what I mean? But I'm talking about, look, you can't undermine a man CV in credentials. Because he went to Tottenham. It does, no, it does tarnish you.

But Spurs has ruined every single manager in the same way that Manchester United is doing. I'm going to run you through the odd. Michael. I'm going to run you through the odds. The favourite at 9 to 4. I mean, it's awful, isn't it? Michael Carrick's still got a job and they're taking bets on who's going to take the job. Josh, I don't want to break it to you, but don't type in strictly odds. And there's definitely a market.

Oh, there will be. Eddie Howe, 9 to 4. No, I don't think he's jail with Emma, Eddie Howe. Eddie Howell be a good manager, I think. But I don't know if it's too big. I think Eddie Howl be a great manager. He wouldn't, Rob, Eddie Howell. He failed.

He failed at Newcastle and he had hundreds of millions to spend. He didn't have the hundreds of million, did he? He didn't. He spent a lot. No, they spent a lot of money that first year and a half with him. Did they? Here's a sentence. Imagine this sentence that someone's going to say in five years.

Do you know who turned around my new, Eddie Howell? It's just not going to happen. It's just simply not going to happen. Overall, net spend's not that. Oh my God, I can't believe I've just said net spend. Oh, my word. Right, let's end this. We can't talk about next thing.

Let me just run you through the other ones, Michael. Fabian Herzlowe. No, thank you. Antonio County. The problem I've got with those, Brighton are such a well-run club that everyone overperforms there. So look at Potter.

Those people cannot handle a job that isn't Brighton. That club is so well-run. It doesn't matter. Who's the manager? Julian Nagelsman. I mean, these are just a list of people that would fail I think Southgate

Kieran McKenna Kieran McKenna I think Southkis a great option Kieran McKenna got Ipswich promoted Come on Thomas Tushall Who the fucks Kira McKenna

Thomas Tushall Garas Southgate The next one I'm presuming it can't be Can it Rob It can't be your mate Darren Fletcher I presume it's the man new one

It's got to be a different Fletcher I'd love it if it was Fletcher And then suddenly Rob's best friends With the man new manager and we've got a Gary Neville situation on our hands. I'd love to come as an assistant coach. Rob can't slag off Darren Fletcher as my new manager because he keeps seeing him at the boxing.

When we're doing this podcast, Rob's got to keep saying. It's a difficult job. I think Fletcher's made some major changes that need time to, you know, you know, to settle in. Wilcox's actually a good guy. Metka Wilcox at the boxing sat next to him between him and Jordan. Good lad.

I said hello. I said, hello. And then we watched the fight. Oh, you can get 25 to 1 on Oli Guinness Oscar. Oh, yes, get him back. Please. Right, Josh, I'll see you next time. See you next time.

Bye.