Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - We're all going on a summer holiday...

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

While we're on a short break for the summer holiday here's a hand crafted selection of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a guaranteed banger... See you next week for series 11!! TRACK LISTING: 1. Kerry Godliman (Series 1 Episode 5) 2. Jason Manford (Series 1 Episode 6) 3. Alison Hammond (Series 1 Episode 12) 4. Lorraine Kelly (Series 1 Episode 17) 5. Judi Love (Series 1 Episode 25) 6. Robbie + Ayda Williams (S1 EP 66) 7. Michael Sheen (Series 2 EP5) If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: ⁠[e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFriills.ca. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. Ah!

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Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to now that's What I Call Parenting Hell, Volume 5. So have you had any big bust ups then with your teenager? Yeah, we've had loads of rounds, yeah. Anything in particular that's a bit of a sticking point that's not getting resolved, that keeps cropping up?

Me breathing, me waking her up in the morning. So what's your schedule? I get her up, now we're back at school. In the Easter holidays she was sleeping until gone 11, 12 most days. I've been getting her up now by nine, like with some attempt to have some structure. Yeah. And she'll get up and sort of get on with it. But yeah, she'll do the morning, both of them do the morning, they do their work in the morning. And then to be honest, it's

pretty much done by lunchtime, whether they're doing smart or not, I don't really know. This is the thing we're finding is a lot of parents who are homeschooling are saying they're just knocking it out in the morning. Do you think schools are a bit long? A lot of what goes on in school isn't the academic learning anyway, it's all the other stuff around it.

And that's what I'm feeling sad that they're missing out on really. The academics, I just think that's just data, isn't it? I mean, they'll retain that often. Otherwise, if teaching was just about learning information, there wouldn't be schools. They'd all be doing open university, wouldn't they, from age four?

But they need to go to school, they need to see their mates, they need to sort of have their little feuds even. It's all part of their development. But she said to me the other day, Mom, why are you so aggressive? I'm like, that's my brand, that's my brand. development but she said to me the other day mom why are you so aggressive i'm like that's my brand that's my brand that's who i am that's my usb yeah elsy couldn't be less interested in um you know my comedy and stuff like that i did we we got asked to do these little clips like for your lockdown

we made a little clip so we sort of did some comedy sketches and stuff and she was involved she was a bit more interested in that but I was like trying to sort of explain how to do it she was like what do you know I've got quite a funny story about that about parenting it's bit name-droppy if you suffer that. Yeah, that's all right. Basically, when Liam Romish was doing the Shania Twain episode for our series about country music, we went and met Shania Twain, and after her show,

we was in the dressing room, like drinks there of her and all her family and friends, and her son was there, he was like 17, and they live in Switzerland, and he wants to go to LA to be a music producer, right? And Shania Twain, we're in this weird conversation with Shania Twain, one of the greatest selling female artists of all time and the greatest selling artist of all time, is saying to him, look, go to London,

move to London and learn your trade there, and then when you get a bit older, then go to LA. You don't want to go to LA before you've become like formed as a person, right? And he went, oh, shut up, mum, what do you know about the music industry? You don't know anything about production. And I just stood there, and I was like, we're in the O2 arena

that she's just sold out after moving from a small town to Nashville to become this big star. It doesn't matter who you are, kids will never, never listen to their parents. Carrie, do you think your children are like proud of what you do? They don't think they like me much. No, I don't know. Yeah, I think so. I don't know about my daughter. I don't think it's so hard to sort of navigate her 13 year old personality and hormones. It's so complex in there, to be honest.

I don't know really. I think my son is, I think my son's proud, but as I say, he's still little and sweet and sort of malleable, you know. The teen thing has been massive and really sudden. Like she was still, before she got a phone and started at secondary school and stuff like that, I still felt relatively in control of her her life but as soon as that began I felt like there was this huge shift and it's normal

and natural and talked about it with parents that have got kids older and they all say it's all like even you know Shania Twain it's like it's all normal but it's really hard as a parent to let them go and let them move on. There's all these milestones. When they start school, you have to let go. I'd love to let go at this moment, Kerry. I'd absolutely love to let go. I think this must be a really tough age to be in the lockdown with your little girl. She's turned a half.

Josh, I found out today your daughter goes down for a 90-minute nap and I think you're moaning too much about this lockdown. No, I'm really. I'm throwing it out there. Yeah, but I use that 90-minute nap to do this. Why? I like to work around the diaries of our guests and let them choose the time. Oh, shut up.

If my kid was at a 90-minute nap, I would be starting this as soon as they woke up. That's how I'd roll it. And that is why I am a good husband. Obviously you've got like a house full Jason, but if for like in a bit of magic that like your wife and all your children just got disappeared for 24 hours and it was still locked down, you had the entire house to yourself

and the day to yourself, what would you do? What would that day look like? I think it would... Half the day would be... I'd try and sort out my ultimate team on FIFA. LAUGHTER You know, I've still got a right back at 76. LAUGHTER So I'd probably sort that out, I'd definitely do that. Um, and, but I mean,

trying to crack it, I mean, trying to sort this house out, we've done nothing but clean spring, clean the house and it, but it's like, you know, it's like shoveling snow while it's snowing when you've got kids around you, it's just relentless. And so I think what would be nice would be just to get to a point where everywhere was lovely and tidy and done and then I could bring them all back and go right. At least I know now that the basics are done so I could just keep going. A fresh start with the house. Oh what a tree. The crumb situation. We were Hoover and there'll be just crumbs and to the point now where the local birds are flying into the back door because they know there's gonna to be food on the floor.

We've become like Jaffa the Square mid-90s, this feeding ground. Yeah, so I'd probably, I'd do a bit of FIFA, sort the house out and I started one of those, the career mode the other day and my wife was asleep next to us and I thought I'd just get a start on this and she woke up at one point and obviously you start with like a youth player. My wife woke up, she said, what are you doing? And I said, I'm just playing FIFA. She said, why aren't you playing?

I said, I'm waiting to get on. She said, you what? I said, I'm just waiting to get on. I'm new to the team, so I don't get, I get like last 10 minutes for a few weeks or I make a name for myself. She said, you've got half an hour to play football. And you spend most of it sat on the bench watching the computer play football.

It's a tough game, isn't it? Tough game, aren't it? Oh, I've played a lot of them. Let me ask you guys a question. Yeah. All right. In your house, is there like a chores league table with your wives? Now, on a Sunday or I'm trying to get it moved to Saturday, it is cleaning day.

So we do all the cleaning in one day. Oh, wow. Yeah. So it's like one of us will take my daughter and then the other one will clean. And to be honest, last week, I was just desperate to do the cleaning because you're just in your own world. Yeah, you put the radio on, you can podcast. Yeah, great. I know. Well, I discovered iron I was just desperate to do the cleaning because you're just in your own world. Yeah.

You put the radio on, you can podcast. Yeah, right. I know. Well, I, I discovered ironing the other week. Do you remember ironing? Oh yeah. And I, and I got a flashback to my dad doing it. So my, so my, my wife does it.

She's in, we've got a little utility room out the back and she does that. She does what she needs to do. I got this pile of ironing. Lads, let me tell you. It is, it's the secret. It is the, this is the dream. Ironing board in the living room, telly on. Oh, oh yeah. Nobody, nobody bothers you because nobody wants to do the job. Yeah. Nobody checks on you. Yeah. Nobody comes in to check. And also, oh, that's a seven year old going to moan about a crease in his pants.

Oh, that's a seven-year-old going to moan about a crease in his pants. There's no comeback. And also, if you're holding a red iron and something's happening, you go, oh, can you grab the kids? I've got this. It's like having a hot cup of tea with a baby in it. Oh, do you mind? I've just got this. One second. I got a flashback of my dad. My dad used to do the ironing on a Saturday afternoon in front of Grandstand. And I now suddenly went, oh my God, he was ahead of the curve, that man watching final score doing the ironing, nobody bothered him. Well, it's that thing, isn't it? What used to be a job when you've got kids suddenly becomes

your escape. Oh, oh my god. Recycling with a podcast in. Oh my god. Is that pornographic? I put the bins out yesterday, it was like two weeks in iron apple. pornographic. I put the bins out yesterday. It was like two weeks in iron apple. Have you got any like, if you had one tip that you've kind of learned that's actually helped you parenting in lockdown, is there anything that you've kind of gone, oh, that would really help other people parent in lockdown? It's hard, isn't it? I think because, you know, again, when we talk about pre-lockdown or early lockdown, Jason, you know, I was thinking about learning Portuguese and sign language and maybe the ukulele. And now I'm just trying to get through it roughly within the same boxing

weight category as I started. Yeah. No, God, I would hate to patronize anybody by giving them tips on how to parent crikey. What you end up doing is playing this weird game of, I call it top tired or not tired with your wife, which is essentially unless you are the most tired, you're not tired at all. That's how it works in relationships. So you're constantly on this, you're just dropping things into conversation.

You know, I did I did the washing the other day and, you know, my wife said, Oh, nice of you doing that. I said, Yeah, I thought I'd get it done. And she she meant to say as a compliment what she said was, Oh, that's really good that you're doing that because it's knackering. I've done it for the last five weeks. And then she left. And so what she left me with was I've not been doing, even though I am doing the washing right now in the present, I've not been doing it for the last five weeks, you know, so there's those little, those little like digs.

I had a moment, let me tell you this, I had a moment. At least you didn't take it with you, Jason, and then, uh, hold it with you until you asked about it on a podcast. Well, let me tell you this, when we first started the lockdown, I said to the kids, right, we've done it. I've done a schedule. I think that's my tip actually, is schedule, schedule and routine. That is the only thing that's going to get you through this whole process. So, you know, I've been getting the kids up as if we were going to school. We start at half nine, so it's not too bad, but you know, still make sure we're up and dressed and washed.

We start at half nine, so it's not too bad, but still make sure we're up and dressed and washed on a school day at the regular school time. And we have a break time at the same time and we have lunch time. I get the kids to make their own lunch. That's been a revelation. And then in the afternoon, we do some chores around the house together.

So I get the kids, all right, I go, you two are in charge of the dishwasher. You guys are gonna do Hoover upstairs. And it's been quite good in that respect. But what I did on the first day was, my two are in charge of the dishwasher. You guys are gonna do Hoover upstairs. And it's been, you know, it's been quite good in that respect. But what I did on the first day was, my wife was in the kitchen. I was just saying to the kids,

right, this is the schedule. We're gonna do Joe Wicks. We'll do this, do this. I said, in the afternoon, we're gonna do some chores around the house. I'm gonna teach you some domestic stuff. So we'll do that. We'll do the washing.

And I just heard like a scoff. You know that noise you, that only your wife can make that just goes right into your heart from another room. She sort of went, ha! And I said, what are you laughing at? She said, oh, you're going to teach them washing here, you're going to teach yourself first here. And I said, hang on, this is in front of the kids.

I went, oh, wait a minute. I said, I've been using that washing, I've been using a washing machine all my life, man and boy. I know my way around a washing machine. I might not use it at the moment, but I know my way around a washing machine. I was livid, secretly, I was livid. And she said, go on then, show us the washing machine. I said, don't patronize me. I know how to use a washing machine.

And I marched into that utility room. I said, right guys, you pull the drawer out and you put your washing powder in and it was the drawer for the dryer. I wasn't even looking at the right machine. I just stood there with the wrong drawer. Alison Havard, welcome to the show. We finally got you on with me and Josh.

Hello. The tech situation got a bit hairy. Well, we should tell the listeners that basically we've had half an hour of tech troubles and about 28 minutes into that, I'd given up hope that it was going ahead. So I've not got my game head on. You was literally out there.

I know, I was done. I was cooked, mate. I never, on that last attempt, I thought this would never work. And then you plunged something in, Alison, and you went, yeah, that was perfect. I was like, what's happened in the last 28 minutes? I literally, I was like a technical genius. I went to important output, I was all over it.

Alison, could you give the listeners a quick rundown on your setup at the moment, your kids and where you're living and what's happening? So I'm living just outside of Birmingham. It's quite rural, I've only just moved in January and I've moved to a house which is nearer to my son's school, just to make things a little bit easier for him because we lived

about eight miles from the school before. So we were doing the school run and it was was I had to take him to school every single day and it was like oh I can't take this anymore. How long was the drive? I did it for about four years but it's only seven miles but imagine that at rush hour it takes about an hour. No way. It takes about an hour through rush hour honestly. Two hours of your day. Yeah it's well I never used to pick him up. He used to always get the bus home, but I used to always take him to school every single morning.

But I did it for four years and I thought, that's enough now. And this is his final year and I've actually moved. I've got round to moving. You moved and it's his final year. He'd done that for four years and then he moved. I know, what was the point? I know, what was the actual point?

But honestly, I can't tell you how much it was actually doing my head in. That commute every morning. Just imagine I had to get out of bed. It's terrible. I had to get ready, get dressed. You weren't allowed to drive him to school anyway because of lockdown.

So that was pointless. You've done it for about four weeks. You spent five years at this school, doing an hour of that. Thanks for that Rob. Thanks. Yeah, yeah, I've got into debt. I've got a bigger mortgage. Yeah, thanks for that Rob.

Thanks for making me feel so much better. Thanks. And my workers, my workers gone. Got no money, great, thanks. You're working from home Alastair, we've seen you and actually your son, he's about, how old's Aidan? 15, is he 14, 15? He's 15 now and he's homeschooling.

15, he's your cameraman? He's my cameraman but I do have to pay him. He's been your cameraman? I have to pay him, babes, it's not just like- Do you? Yeah, yeah, we negotiate, I think five pounds enough, I think for a 15 year old, you know, five pounds a shot. For a child. Yeah, get up out of bed.

He has to get dressed. For child labor. He has to get dressed to come and film with me, obviously. If we're filming in the garden, he has to get ready, he has to have shoes on, have a shower, because it's like work. But we negotiated 12 pounds 75, and that's what we're gonna go with. Every time he films for me, it's 12 pounds 75. I'm actually

filming tomorrow on the show and they want me to do a picnic and they were asking if Adam wants to join me and I just said no I just knew he wouldn't want to he's happy behind the camera not in front. Yeah but this morning I've got a lot of money. Well they're're not giving it to me, babes. They're not giving it to me. LAUGHING Imagine if he was on a bigger fee than you. LAUGHING Does he get excited by the fact you're on TV, Alison? He really doesn't, babes. Josh, he doesn't care.

I think he's proud, because I've seen him. I did Rocky Horror Show last year, and I was the narrator. And I saw him in the audience. And you know, you can just tell someone's really proud of you. I see like glints of, oh, that's my mom. I think he's really impressed with like how I do things. He says, I love your Instagram, mom.

You really might make people interested. It's really, you like make something out of nothing. He likes the fact that I can make something out of nothing. Yeah, but also from a teenage boy, you don't get much out of him and never mind any sort of love or admiration at that age, do you? So anything's a plus or something.

Yeah. And then do you find that? It's hard to get stuff out of him. To be honest with you, he has his moments. He's still like, there's glimpses. I still see him as like a little baby and I still see him like, he does still wanna be my best friend.

Do you know what I mean? Like I go cycling with him and he always says yes. I go, friend. Do you know what I mean? Like I go cycling with him and he always says yes. I go, do you want to go for a bike ride? And some people would find that, I think some kids would find that really like, who wants to go around with their mom on a bike? But he loves it. He loves going around. They don't go very far because they get really tired. We normally just go around the block and then I'm like, I'm tired now. I'm going back. But he always comes with me. Just enjoys like my company. I'm thinking of getting an electric bike now because honestly, I'm just

knackered the whole time, just go around the block. I want to go further. I want to go into the countryside. So I'm thinking of getting one of those electric bikes, the hybrid or something like that, just move to the country by a house nearer there. That's what you normally do when you've got a long journey to deal with. Yeah. But what about your school base? He's got a year left at the school.

You say a year. He's not going back, mate. Read the news. How's homeschooling gone? Are you a good teacher? I'm a fantastic teacher. I'm amazing. He doesn't listen to me, but I am amazing. I think I'm a brilliant teacher. I think I'm a really good motivator. I can motivate. He just doesn't listen to me. So what, how does it work out? Take us through the school day. So in the morning, he does have a sleep in, I'm not going to lie, but I've just had an

email to say he's got a lesson at 11.25. So I would wake him up an hour before and I'd say go and get a shower. Yeah, it tell me no, he's not having a shower today. I go, okay And then the computer goes on and I just listen to the teacher Teaching my son and then afterwards she goes go off and do this assignment and I have to just make sure he doesn't Once he's done it he can go and do whatever he wants, which is normally a game console Okay, it's the one where he kills lots of people in the street and attacks people. It's obviously escapism. Do you miss it though? Do you miss him being little? I do actually, yeah. Of course I do. I loved when he didn't answer back and he just sat there looking at me, doughy eyed, it was lovely. I miss everything about those times, feeding times. I used to love

doing food and mixing different things, broccoli with a bit of meat, put a bit of seasoning in, I'd be like, I wonder if he likes it, I wonder if he likes it. He used to love my food and then he'd go to our place and he'd be like, no, I'm not feeling that, it's not seasoned. I always seasoned my baby food. My baby food was on point. I should have sold that baby food. It was amazing. I should have, I should have sold it. What's your tip? What would you season?

Salt, pepper. No, I put a bit of all purpose seasoning in it. All purpose seasoning. I used to have like mashed potato, sweet potato, a bit of chicken, broccoli, little bit of all purpose seasoning and he used to absolutely love it. All purpose, but what other purpose is there for seasoning?

It's all-purpose. What else you do with it? Bald spot on someone's head. All-purpose. I've run out of toilet paper. Don't worry. Here you go. All-purpose.

Use that. Once this goes out, the rush on all-purpose seasoning at Tesco is going to go absolutely mad. Anything just becomes amazing. A steak, rush on all-purpose seasoning at Tesco is going to go absolutely mad. Anything just becomes amazing. A steak, bit of all-purpose. Chicken, bit of all-purpose. Minced meat, bit of all-purpose. It comes out as if you're a chef, honestly. I'm not even joking. There's absolutely no reason why anyone should be cooking any bland food around here now. Do you know I'm a bit of a chef now guys? Well, I know you've got an ingredient. I'm aware of that, yeah.

You've got one ingredient. Alison, can you help us? As your boy's older now, we're struggling to get our daughter's potty trained. How did it go for you? Do you know what? I don't know how I did it, but I'll be honest with you. He just started going to the toilet.

It was the weirdest thing ever. He used to wake up in the middle of the night and just go to the toilet for one day, he just literally went from wearing nappies. I put him into, you know, the pull ups. So he could start feeling the wetness and stuff like that. He was like, I don't like this. Literally started going to the toilet. I was like, Oh my God, I am super mom.

I am super mom. I don't mean to make you feel bad or anything like that. It just happened. I was like, oh my God. But have you ever seen an adult who doesn't go to the toilet? So the thing is, I don't think you should worry because eventually they will go to the toilet. I'm not worried, Alison.

I'm not worried because I know that will happen, but I wanna know how long I've gotta pick up human shit for. But don't you find it weird that your child's human shit is okay? All you gotta do, Rob, it's very simple. Just add a bit of all-purpose seasoning, it's totally fine.

So Lorraine, what's your set up parenting wise? Well, we've just got the one and she is a grown woman and far more sensible than I will ever be. And she just celebrated her 26th birthday and she was over in Singapore and working in Singapore, been there for the last three and a half years and I've really missed her. And then she's back here, which is lovely. And like, of course, we're driving her crazy. But that's kind of our job. Have you defaulted to like when she was a teenager again, have you defaulted to those roles? Not really. It's quite different. I think she is kind of more like the parent. The kinfar is telling us to tidy up. It's really quite weird. It's mum you have to tidy up.

You know and she's like, she goes out and does the shopping and we have to see what we want. It's really quite nice. I'm quite enjoying it. But we do drive her nuts but that's fine. But you know what, she was quite good. The teenage years weren't too bad. I mean there was a lot of eye rolling and a few doors slammed but it was actually okay. But the thing with us was I was away for quite a lot because I worked down in London and we were all together until she was about 12 and then went back to Scotland for her to go to secondary school in Scotland and my husband really wanted to go home as well so I did the commute. Not every morning surely. Not every morning, not every couple of days. It was crazy. It was crazy but it was doable then because Dundee has got an airport, tiny, tiny little airport, which is so easy, you know, to get there and it's just a doddle to check in and everything. It was a joy. It was like getting the bus.

And we went from London City. But Steve was the parent that would say, eat your broccoli, brush your teeth, do your homework. And I would be the parent that was like, hey, look, I've got heat magazine and then free lipstick. And you know, I was like, I was like a good cop, bad cop a little bit. So it was a wee bit, a wee bit kind of strange, but it was, it's all the, all the time. I mean, I just feel as if it's been two minutes ago that she was a wee tiny baby and it's just gone by so fast. I know everybody says that to you,

but until you're living it, you just, I think it was literally two minutes ago that she was a wee toddler and interested in everything. I love the toddler stage when they're interested in everything and it takes you about half an hour just to walk down the street because puddles are really interesting. And the questions and the why, why, why,

I just, I loved all that. The curiosity of kids, I think is the best thing. How was it, how was it as a teenager when, you know, when you've been so famous and on the telly every day and everyone knowing your household name knowing that you know her mum was Lorraine Kelly, how was that as a teenager? Was she proud of you? Was she a bit embarrassed? I would say on the whole probably more embarrassed than anything else. I mean of course she was really funny when I remember when she was tiny and she said to me and it was before

people would come up for selfies and she she did say to me, she says, mom, why do you scribble your name on bits of paper for people? It's weird. And she would get kind of quite bemused. So she's never really known anything else. And the thing is, when I'm at home, I'm just her mom. She was never really that impressed,

which I think is quite healthy. Although when she was five and she met Westlife, she quite liked that. Do you think, like most people, obviously the thing that they have is they're like, oh my God, the early mornings, but you were getting up at five anyway. So you were probably getting up first anyway.

It wasn't a problem for you. No, it wasn't. That was one of the joys of working at the early, that you add up. And when she was teeny, teeny tiny, a couple of times I was able to take her into work. And that was because you can just pick them up and carry them. So that was okay. And when she was teeny teeny tiny, a couple of times I was able to take her into work and that was because you can just pick them up and carry them.

So that was okay. And obviously I wouldn't leave her on her own. One of the team would take a wee watchful eye on her. But I didn't do that very often. But at least occasionally I could do that. They were really good. So you were sat there doing an interview knowing that there's some runner who's looking after your baby in the green room.

She was sleeping. But like I say, that probably over the years only happened a handful of times. there doing an interview knowing that there's some runner who's looking after your baby in the kind of green room. She'd be sleeping. She was sleeping. But like I say, that probably over the years only happened a handful of times. It was, it was only if there was a, you know, an emergency or something. And of course, when, when I needed them, my mum would come down. I mean, my, when she was born, you know, my mum was like, right, it was 11 o'clock at night, and I phoned my mum and she, of course, she's in Glasgow and she's

like, how do I get to you? Obviously I'd say the country's got a kind of view of Lorraine Kelly, your very kind of clear character. Would you say as a mum, I can't imagine you disciplining a child. Can you, can you tell someone off Lorraine? Can you get angry? No, I can't. Oh yes, I can. I mean, it takes a lot.

I am like being typical Hulk, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. We saw the Esther McVeigh clip. I've seen that. I don't do it very often. I really don't. But like, that's who my pals know. Do you know what I mean? That's who that's when I'm sitting having a few, a few drinks. Then that's who they know. And then they say, tell me about this one. What do you think? I go, well, wait till you hear this. I have to keep her caged. But yeah, I find it really difficult giving her into trouble. But thankfully, she hasn't really given us much trouble.

The thing I am though, the thing I would always say is I'm not her best friend. I'm her mum. You know how you hear your parents sometimes say, oh, we're really, really good pals. And some people go out with their kids. Not that, I mean, we would go out for something to eat with her or something, but, and I would like to think that she tells me everything. Of course she doesn't.

Why would she? I'm her mom. You don't want to hear everything. Yeah. And that's why you've got your pals to tell all these things. So I think it's a bit of a strange idea to think that you can be your children's game.

And I don't think it's a good thing. So if she says, mom, I need to tell you and you go, I don't want to know. So do you try and talk to them about like, did you find that you totally comfortable talking to your 15 year old daughter about, you know, boyfriends and what she's up to and all that kind of thing? Yes, my mom, I grew up andfriends and what she's up to and all that kind of thing. Yes. My mom, I grew up and my mom, she would be like, no boyfriends.

They're just going to want dig your heart. Now, if I break that down in like translate that in English, it means they're just going to want to have sex, but her word was dig you out. That was, that was her. Dig you out. Like a fucking highway maintenance worker. Jesus Christ. You're treating it like it's tar macking.

Fucking hell. From your mum. And depending on what kind of person you are, you might actually find that line quite intriguing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna treat you like HS2, baby. I'm going to open the thing and dig you out.

My dick's going to be like a shovel, yeah? Oh, shovel dick's turned up. Oh, again. You know what I mean? He's not saying that, shovel dick. He might not have a job, but he's got a shovel dick. You know what I mean? He doesn't say that shovel, Dick. He might not have a job, but he's got a shovel, Dick. You know what I mean? So...

Could I just ask, was it just your mum's phrase or is everyone saying, Dick, dig you out? I don't think... I think there's a few people that might use the term, and it's a very vulgar term, but I think it's in the term of, like, there's more context to it, you know? There's more layers to it. It's more about not just the physical, but it's the emotional and mental analogy behind it

in the sense of having no respect for you. And just, you know. Digging someone out, the term I was like, taking the mickey out of them or being horrible. If someone's digging you out, you go, oh, they're digging me out for my outfit and stuff. Not that term. So I think maybe just like the message was maybe,

just disrespect, was it disrespect you? Yeah, I think that, yeah, just like disrespect, you know, have sex with you and leave you and haven't got no, you know, feelings for you. You've got to be careful. So I've kind of taken a different tone, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Was that a conscious decision then that you thought,

well, I didn't really get what I needed. I had questions about dating or growing up and stuff like that, but I didn't really get the chance to speak to my mum about it. Was it a conscious decision to realign your approach for your daughter? Yeah, I think so, because I think like my mum was great. And, you know, my friends used to talk with my mum,

we used to laugh and she'd just say, because she was older, say the most hilarious things. But I still think like in this day and age, I think I've got to come with a little bit of a different angle. I find these kids have got so much other kind of areas where they can hide information. So I feel like I have to kind of, you know what I mean?

There's so much different apps, there's so much different people out there. Their reach of speaking to people is just so wide. So I thought, you know what, let me just try and, I worked to both of their different personalities. My daughter's more the one that will cringe and not wanna hear it. And my son, he's open, he knows everything, he's there.

Oh, but he wants to ask questions and he wants the answers. My son's the kind of kid where he knows the answers already, especially if it's quite an uncomfortable question, but he will still ask you just to see you embarrassed. Oh, really? Oh, what kind of things does he ask? He'll just be like, oh, you know, so, labour is really hard. I heard there was a thing called tearing.

What is that, mum? My god, bloody hell. Why don't you heard that three years ago? Yeah. Well, this is what I'm saying. He would ask, I don't know if he's asked that specific question, but that in a kind of, he will ask that real deep, where you're like, what the hell?

Are you... Do you ever double down and try and embarrass him back? No, this kid- Have you ever tried that as an option? No, this kid's different, man. He's got, I swear, Dan, he's a different, this different's a different breed. Ha ha ha!

Hiya, lads. Hi, Donny. Hi, my love, I like the French headboard you've got right behind you. Yeah, we're renting. I'm renting a house at the moment to do all the promo in. Don't worry, babe. I've got all the four kids covered over here. I got it. Oh, fuck off. We've been doing that for the last two weeks.

Because I've been alone with the four kids for three weeks. No, I get it. I totally get it. I just- I don't think you do. You've got a front-end board and you're getting up at 12.30. I don't think you do. Babe, I got up this morning to do breakfast shows on the radio. It's all right. You can capture all of this domestic for your podcast.

Yeah, I mean, this is great for the podcast. We should really explain what's going on here. We should. Do you want to explain the situation, Rob? Yeah, I'll say- For Rob? Yeah, we have got a well it's our first like married couple on the show together and it feels like we've intercepted your own sort of zoom catch up. Yeah, we should say you're a part. Yeah, you're in separate locations. The I does comedy trope for the last three weeks, while I've actually been doing stuff like work, is that you're ooh, traiting across being a pop star, and like, I'm looking after the four children. And that's been the, it's actually a bit of it's comedic,

but a lot of it's not. And the result is, I just go, I'm putting food on the table. First of all, majority of it's not. And the result is I just go. I'm I'm putting food on the table. First of all, majority of his committee, there's a grain of it like, yeah, I am looking after the kids. But let's be honest, every time I called you, you are playing in your golf simulator at the manor. You have rented a manor with a golf sim. You're putting in six hours of golf work a day.

So I apologize if I haven't taken seriously the hard earnest work that you were doing right now. But there is no golf simulator where I am. I have my simulator is screaming children. That's my simulator. Has this been the most disjointed start to a podcast yet? No, but I think it's a fair representation. I think it's a fair representation of sort of what's going on

because you're both in separate places. I just got all the kids. So how many children have you got? 800. I don't even remember their names. It's funny, we have four kids, but in quarantine, I don't know if you've experienced this, but I feel like the amount of kids that we have like quadruple because I never realized how many kids we had till we were at home with them all day long and schooling them. It was all of a sudden like, what is that?

Is it the matrix? When what's his name multiplies over and over like the second one. Got it. Yeah, yeah. They all became multiple beings because like each screen was four screens, you know, like trying to get a five year old

and a six year old to zoom at the same time for other, it was quite challenging. Plus like you're feeding the baby, the other one's shitting somewhere. I mean, it was a lot, it was a lot. By the other one, she meant me. That was Rob, but I do tell him for the most part to clean up his own mess.

And how old are your kids? Eight, six, two and nine, ten months. Wow. That is full on. And where are you at the moment then, Robbie? You're in separate locations. Ida's in Switzerland. Where are you?

I'm in Oxfordshire. Oh, nice. I've come over to do a promo for my album, Christmas Present. And if I didn't do that, none of these children would eat. Go on. Oh, I'm glad that we're helping you out with the food, Rob. Have we noted that Robin's doing this interview from bed and he's just woken up and it's like 1pm.m.? I'd like to put some framework around this.

Yes, I can confirm that he's still lying in bed topless. I assumed he was in LA and you'd got up really early for this, but no, it is midday, it's Oxfordshire. So how does this, I wouldn't be able to get away with this. So how are you managing to do this, Robbie, and not getting in trouble with either? I got up really early this morning.

I did lots of radio shows, breakfast shows, to launch my single. And then because that was so tiring, I just had a power nap. And now I get up and I do this, and then I've got other things to do until nine o'clock this evening. So I'm sticking up your American ass.

I will I will I will shove that mild accomplishment up my ass, but I would like to take it to the crowd. What time, Robbie Williams, would you say and be honest, be truly, truly honest, because we are all a witness. What time would you say that you normally get up in the morning? I'd say I've been really good just recently. that you normally get up in the morning? I'd say I've been really good just recently, but since you've known me, which is 15 years, 12 o'clock in the afternoon. Midday! There you go.

Are you a student? Listen, I suffer with a undiagnosed disorder called Rob-a-bism, Rob-ism, and listen, I'm getting there. I'm getting there slowly but surely, but I've had- One minute at a time. So when you seem really good recently, what's really good? Half past nine. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Sorry, I'm sorry. You're not agreeing with that either, no? No, I'm not. At what point have you gotten up at half past nine? I've got, I've got a fake golf thing, babe. You make your golf appointments for noon. You don't get up to the golf course at night. You do not get up at nine.

For the last two and a half weeks, I've been getting up at nine o'clock to do some serious promo and then golf in the golf simulator. Yes. I think people will feel I mean I'll take it. I'll take it to the group. But it is it does sound trying to be a pop star, doesn't it? It sounds difficult.

It's difficult for me and Rob, obviously, because we've got fake jobs as well. Yeah. You guys get up with your fake jobs and your fake jobs. I got up at 630 this morning. Wow. I get up about your fake jobs and your fake jobs? I got up at 6.30 this morning. Wow. Yeah. I get up about seven every day with the kids. You see them in the morning.

You see them in the morning. Yes. I walk mine to school. That's kind of you. Yeah. I pick mine up. I can't do the pick up, so I do the morning. That's what I do.

I can't do the morning, so I do the pick up. There we go, Rob. We should have a child together. We would be a perfect couple. What time do your kids normally wake up then, Ida? They wake up at about 7.30. Oh, that's not too bad. They're good sleepers. They're very good sleepers.

They get up from the dad. I've got a question about this power nap you've had, Robbie, where if I have a power nap that've had, Robbie, where I would, if I have a power nap that's normally, you know, fully clothed on the sofa, you are basically naked at the moment. I've never stripped to nothing to have a power nap before. That's just kind of bad, innit? I did all of the interviews this morning for the radio people.

Some of them were actual Zoom in the studio. I did all of them like this because I'm an eccentric pop star. You did not do the radio like that. Did you bed? Did you really do a topless in bed? Yeah. Wow. Strong show. You married an eccentric pop star. You know about me. Do you think that if you just keep repeating eccentric pop star that will just bypass it and go, oh, it's just an eccentric pop star, you know about me. Do you think that if you just keep repeating eccentric pop star, that will just bypass it and we'll just go,

oh, it's just an eccentric pop star. OK, let me ask you this, Ada Williams, am I an eccentric pop star? You are an eccentric pop star. OK, thank you. But how long could that last? Will you be like an old people's home and you're 90 and you just shit yourself and they go, oh, he's shitting himself.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not old, I'm just an eccentric monster. Bip, bip. I found, I don't know about you, Josh, when you go away on tour, I'm a really hands-on dad, and when I'm at home, it's completely 50-50, but then when you go away for a couple of weeks and then you come home, you've sort of forgotten

how to do it, it's sort of like, you know, it can just go so quick, and then you feel a bit like alien, and then you've got to relearn all the little routines and stuff and then sometimes it's easier just to go, oh, I've got another bit of work and sort of escape off again and then you sort of, and it's weird because you sort of aren't confident enough to establish yourself as a dad,

but then you sort of take that way up. It's very difficult to come back and forth like after two years. Well, I've really noticed it now, much more so in a way this time, because when I have had to go to work, I mean, and even though we're like, Anna and Lyra have come, we've all come together to New York

when I filmed before Christmas. So we would all be living together in the apartment there, but I would go off to work in the studio for the day and then come back and maybe, you know, come back after Lyra's gone to bed, so I wouldn't see her until the next morning maybe. And I'd notice a difference, like she wouldn't, she wouldn't maybe acknowledge me

first thing in the morning, it would be different. And that's just from being away for a bit of the day, let alone like away for two weeks, like I used to do with, you know, with Lily. I really noticed it, yeah. I noticed that a lot actually, when you go, you're like, come on, mate, I've just been to work. Give me a break.

Come on, don't give a shit. Yeah. That food you're eating is because of me going away and working. So let's have a little bit more. Yeah. We, huh? There's a lot of that going on. I know, like, well, I'm not eating it anyway.

She didn't eat it at the afternoon. And she just lets it dribble down her mouth. That's what Lyra's doing at the moment. She's got the point. I think we're getting the point where we're realizing we can't give her, like, the sort of pureed food anymore. Oh, my height in that stage. I find it so difficult with getting on to food.

Because she's, yeah, she's eating. We're putting it in her mouth, and then she's just looking at us in the eye and just letting it dribble down her face. And she knows what she's doing. Now, I don't know if you remember this period, but she's at that period where if you tell her off, she just thinks it's funny.

And on the one hand, that's kind of a bit annoying because you wanna go, no, don't put your fingers in that socket, don't pick that knife up. You want to instill in other. But on the other hand, I'm sort of living in terror a little bit at that moment where she realizes she is being told off.

You know that? Because at the moment she just doesn't have that. Even if we get scared about something and raise our voices or are a bit sharp with her, she just thinks it's funny. Yeah, that is horrible when they get out, if you do go, no, like that, and then they cry because you actually make them jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you panic, so then they get scared and then it's a horrible feeling. Yeah, oh, it's like the first time you see if they cut themselves. I remember that with Lily as well. First, she bumped her lip on something, Lily, when she was very little, and her lip was bleeding. I just remember that with Lily as well. First, she bumped her lip on something, Lily, when she was very little, and her lip was bleeding.

I just remember that feeling of seeing your child's blood. Oh, it's like, oh, it chilled me. And the same with Lyra when she bumped her head one time as well. Oh, it was a horrible feeling, that, seeing them like that. It's grim. I think that one where you say that situation

where they think they're being told off and it's funny, have you got like that situation where like they think they're being told often it's funny Have you got into this situation where they'll do something and you'll laugh and then you've created a running joke That's every time you laugh is reinforcing bad behavior So I've got in this running joke now where so so she'll say it's cuddle time and then she'll cuddle her mom Yeah, and then I'll go I said, oh, is it my cuddle time? And she said no, we both laughed and now I haven't had'll cuddle her mum and then I'll go, I said, oh, is it my cuddle time? And she said, no, and we both laughed. And now, I haven't had a cuddle in four days. Because she thinks it's funny.

She thinks it's funny. She loves it. She loves to go, it's not your cuddle time. All right, mate, and jokes are a joke in this situation. Come on. That's it for this special Best Of episode. We'll be back next week. I don't care what you're called. I'm not getting tricked into working here. People at festivals in those stupid jester hats. But do you know what a snake's penis looks like? Two pounds 69 for a bottle of water.

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That sounded quite professional, didn't it?