Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - When all else fails...

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

More adventures in parenting and beyond with Rob and Josh... This ep it's a bit of inbox correspondence from the listeners and some of the best bits from our guests this series while we take a short break. Back very soon with series 13!!! 1. Ray Bradbury 2. Jessica Hynes 3. Jaime Laing 4. Michelle Wolf Listen and / or watch the full episodes on Spotify. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is presented by Monzo. Josh, I love the summer holiday, aside from being asked for an ice cream every 32 seconds. Well, Rob, that is why it's an ideal time to get them a free Monzo Kids account, help build confidence and independence with their money. You can instantly send money or set up regular pocket money, and parents still have full visibility and control from their own Monzo app. Unlike the requests for ice creams from the kids. Monzo's award-winning kids account, search Monzo.

For children aged 6 to 15, parent or guardian account, account needed first UK residents only T's and C's apply Hello you're listening to Parenting Hell with Yes can you say Josh Whitticum And Rob Beckett Violet can you say Josh Whitticom Josh Wittickeem

And Rob Beckett Rob Beckett We're done! There we go Good day Rob and Josh and Michael This is our 31 month old Harris not Harrison or Harry and five-year-old Violet

giving your names a red hot go. Lovely. Thank you for keeping me in my seat on the roller coaster ride that is parenting. Stay forever sexy and relatable. Great email.

Really well written. Love from down under. Ami. Amy? Amy? Amy. Amy. 416 months.

Hawkesbury Valley, Australia. Hawksby Valley, Australia. On his auto queue has good day Why wouldn't he? I suppose that's what he says At the start of last leg Yeah But it always find that

That's how it's written good day Well it's always weird isn't it On the amount of things on an auto queue That you would say anyway, obviously Gidea Well no you may not say good day Hello We'd say hello

We'd say hello with you're hello Welcome to the show You're right Yeah I'm fine Right Do you want the longest shortest time between wake up

and leaving the house. Yes. Here we go. In last week's episode, you asked for the longest time between wake up and leaving the house. My five-year-old son has never slept past 5.30

and is currently on a run of 4.30 a.m. wake-ups. Our school drop-off window Yeah. Our school drop-off window is 845 to 855 and we are a five-minute walk away. Oh, no, that is bad. That is bad. This means at a moment. has four hours to fill every morning.

Fucking Nora, alive. Help. Help. Fucking hell. That's insane. That's a whole day every morning of like entertaining a five-year-old. Oh my word. Four hours.

That's awful. Four hours. So what's yours? Mine is an hour. Bang on, really. Ours is about an hour, hour and 15. Yeah. Up half six, six, four.

45 and then leave about some, you know, some, what depends if they've got different clubs. Yeah, it depends on what time we leave. It depends on what time the clubs are. But it's about an hour, hour and 15. Yeah. Yeah. That's great.

If you can beat that. And also, we are looking for shortest as well. We do like shortest. But, Rob. Yeah, the shortest is hardcore. Should we do the compilation or do you want a bit longer, Michael? That was quick.

No, he wants the compilation. He wants the compilation. He wants the compilation. He wants the compilation. Let's give it to the company. Let's get it. Enjoy it. Here it is.

We'll be back soon. My wee boy is frighteningly clever. Like he's got a, we think we're teachers and we think he's got a photographic memory. So he is really confident and... So what does that mean? So he's got a photographic memory.

From the age of four, if you show him any country just a shape, he'll name it. Whoa. So like, I've ever... And there part of you go, what the fuck is going on here? Kind of yeah.

Yeah. He remembers everything. I don't think I could do any except for it. So he was slagging me off the other day because I didn't know how to spell Kurdistan. We do Worldo. So it's like... Wordo?

No, worldo. So it's a country shape every day. Right. So you get six guesses to go. Yeah. So like it comes up. So the first one we ever did, I put it on a story online because it came up and he was like Gabon.

I was like, he's four, right? I go, how do you know that? He was like, oh, because that's the gap for Equatorial Guinea. And I was like, what the fuck? You used to eat coal out the firemen. what is happening. Yeah, so he remembers things all the time.

So tell me what's going on there then. So I think he watches a lot of YouTube. I love that question. Yeah, such a loaded question. No, but like, I just like, what does that mean? So he, like, he was reading a poem for school because it's coming up, when we recorded this, it's coming up for Wednesday.

And if he reads it a couple of times, he just remembers it. He's got it. He's got it. Yeah, yeah. And, like, he now, he's getting really into football now, so he's memorizing old footballers. He, um, So we do world The weirdest one we did, right?

And has he got other things that he's really good at? Or is it literally like he's just got this one thing? It's stuff he's seen. He can read really well. It's stuff he's seen. And like we were, so it was been 1st of April last year. So my brother lives in America. He was back with his wife and their son.

And we were doing world old. Alex likes to show off. He's like, look what I can do. Because he realised. I remember. He's got your DNA. Yeah, yeah. He's a show.

We're in a pub. And the guy next to his, um, our local pub. the guy was like, oh, I'm really good to jog for you as well, because we were playing like a card jogging game. And Alex went, okay. And the guy went, oh, we'll have a flag competition. And the first flag came up.

And my wee boy went, Eswatine. And then the guy was like, yeah, we'll leave it there. That's what I was done. But yeah, so it's the first of April. He was like, World will come up. And he's like, that's weird. That's the Roman Empire. And I was like, no, no, it's countries.

Yeah. And he was like, no, that's the Roman Empire. And then we clicked it in. And it was like, April Phil's you got us. That was the Roman Empire. And all of us in the room were like, this somehow. That is incredible, yeah.

He's taking figure. And so what do his teachers say about stuff like that? Like, does it make it so easy for them? He's pretty quick at, like, reading and math and stuff like that just now, yeah. Well, you're good at school? That was all right. Your family, they either missing something or they've got something extra. Every story you tell, someone's got a different life.

Maybe, you know, it's like, what's that? Smallville, whatever's got like a superpower, we don't know it yet. And I was just kind of it. Again, you don't realize how weird your friends. family are until you speak it out loud. And so is he, does that help him with sign language then? A little bit. A sign language is kind of similar with anything that the less you do it, the harder it gets.

So if he doesn't see my mum and dad for a bit, because, you know, what kids like, he's got football, he's got all that kind of stuff. So swimming, so he needs to kind of go see them and do it. And he would always come back, like, when he was younger from mum and dads with maybe three or four signs from that day and he would remember them all. It must be frustrating for them if he can't remember certain words to sign at them. and he knows the shape of the Roman Empire. Are you putting your art into this?

Yeah. He's not picked his battles there, has he? But yeah, he's here. Very much like the Roman Empire. There we go. We don't really know what that meant, no. It didn't be it. It didn't be.

Yeah, rhythmically, we like. Well, I think it's a different world now. I do that. I thought you were about to explain it. No, no, no. I'd do it that way on podcast, but on the week, I would have gone, a bit like the Roman Empire.

Yeah. And then stare in silence and wait for applause. And would it come? What's that? Would the applause come? Yeah, one time you pass and you put up the seed. Nice, nice. Yeah, but I'm like heavily, so I gag a lot and then the rest of the time.

So like, because I've listened to other episodes of podcasts, people talk about their family life. I coach my son's football team. Oh, I do you. It will, like, occasionally, so it's like 10 or 11 of us and I'm away. So, like, it's on tonight. So I'm not there. Right. I'm not there on, because it's not on because it's still winter.

You've got an assistant manager? No, one of the other coaches. A kind of Michael. I'm not the top one. I'm there for like ORA. Putting the comments out. I'm there to get him

big the kids up. One of the coaches his dad was a very famous manager so he's good for that. Who's the manager? I don't think of it what way to say. I would say

hand on heart it's the worst hour and a half of my week every week. Oh really? Yeah. 29 kids. Just running around.

What's your son's level of ability within the squad? That's difficult to feel that dad. I'd say there's 29 players. It's too big a squad. Pep Guadiola talks about stuff. stuff like that. Yeah, we just put a bid in for Mark Gway.

So hopefully we're going to go. He's, um, I'd say he's between 10 and 20 in him. Yeah. So he's not, he's not the best. He's not the way. He's okay. Yeah, yeah. Love's a celebration.

Love it. Remember all the other players now? Does that when he scored. Remember, he's actually, he's pretty good at that. And then. Knows all the kits. I was in Rome. 90 corner flags.

At the weekend and he was like, you need to get me a debala, Roma top. And he was like, if you can't get that, you can get totty. I was like, okay, fucking hell. Well, as soon as I get home, I'll go on a Chinese website and you'll have it in a week to 10 days. I did buy my fake one because of rob my shop was 95 euros,

so that's not happening. You have an eight-power one that gives you a bit of a rash. And is it, are the parents as awful as you imagine? Sometimes, yeah, there was one of the first few games I was at with Alex, and one of the dads for the other teams was shouting behind the goal, just shouting constantly. And it was relatively constructive to his kid, but also his kid is five.

Like, chill the fuck out. And then in my head, I was like, this guy's a dick, this guy's a dick. And then the minute of full time finished he came up and went, I've seen you on tour, I'm a really big fan. I was like, this guy's class, man. So quick how I changed. Can I ask? You've got two daughters who aren't like, one of your daughters is into football?

Yeah, so she's 10 and she plays at school and for the school and she's... Do you go? I've been a couple of times, yeah. It's very hard not to... Because I can't imagine you keeping your counsel on a touchline. Oh, really? No, do you know what? I have to work really hard because...

I've been on a panel show with him. Yeah, no, but I've... I'm only of encouraging, but even that's too much. Do you take Fleers? So I'm like, well done, well done, but... So you never say push up? No, but I might go... I want to go, there's a bit of space.

If I see space, I'll never be critical and stuff, but it's quite toxic to shout their space. Just let her get on with it. But I find it really difficult. I do find it. I don't know if you get this when you're at the sport, where people will say stuff to try and make you laugh because I know you're a comedian.

So it'll be like, if a kid scuffs it and it goes wide and they're 10, I'm like, well done, don't worry about it. But then I'm like, oh yeah, that was close. And I'm not, no, you're mugging off a kid here. A comedian laugh. And I don't, I give them nothing. Like a fucking statue. And if they are, oh, I've said before,

I was like, I don't feel you should say that. And it gets really, oh, I'm happy to. sit in the awkwardness. Yeah. The phrase your mugging off a kid just wins every time. Like, you can't meet up. Yeah, you're mucking off. Yeah, anyway.

So have you had to confront anyone? Yeah, two times. One was like just a football argument and one another team was shouting, we've got a very good player who'd tackled someone quite firmly and they were shouting do them. Do him, no. And I was like, fuck it now. I used five or six.

I was like, what the fuck are you doing? So yeah, that was. How did you deal with? I'm waiting and argued with him. You went around him and said you can't say it. Yeah, yeah. And it was parents at the side arguing. with them and then

they were, I was standing in an ice cream van queue after the game and they were raging behind us and it's really hard, like that awkward this afterwards and also I wonder like you can't have a row with someone I would have flike 99 on your notes so yeah if you would stab some with an ice cream

which would you choose? Maybe the bottom end a carnetto straight at the freezer? Absolutely spot on I don't think I've ever felt more Glasgow in my life. That came from somewhere else. Yeah.

What about getting a Calipo out and using that to slash someone? Like a javelin. I think you could batter someone to death of a frozen Calipo. And then eat the evidence. But you'd have to... Yeah, but you'd have to do the wrapper.

He's got the point of it. No, that's what he does. Do you know what I eat the rapper? No, no. It's like the Apple Corps. No, I think, like the big Vasco, mate. A Calipo's going to grow out you. I tell you the thing about a calipo.

I don't like the skin. Josh licks he outside until it disappears and then he gets to the fruit. It's worth it. Once he gets to the fruit. Treat yourself. It's good. Do you,

how much do you put winning as a thing? None. None. A lot of time when we leave, I don't know the scores. I'll know how many Alex has scored probably. If he scores one or two because he'll talk about it the whole way home.

He was like, do you see my goal? But no, I could not, I will rotate fairly. Like, they're five, I used to run. So young as well. I used to run an amateur team for years playing football and I've played football in my life. And some people take it seriously.

That's never been, because we're not. That's what ruins I love playing football. You pay to plea. That's what I always think. Some people just and that's what's put me off

Sunday League and when I got about 17, 18 it's just like, geez, like just booting. You're trying to have a fire and just frustrate. I played in this Marks and Spencer's father side tournament

we played other Marks and Spencer's team. There was a geezer playing and he was playing football off his face, drinking a rum and Coke, but it was too hard for anyone to say anything. And he worked for him with this?

Yeah. probably the warehouse. Tell us about your tour. Can I ask about Scotland quickly? Yeah, yeah. I've said the other week, I think that Scottish bakeries, this is a warry. Scottish bakeries are ten times better than English bakery. Yeah.

And I don't know why, but I think it is. Macquarie pies? What he said? Yeah. Yeah. And then what did you say? Macaroni pies, what was the other one? That's scotch.

I think Scotch pie. Scotch pie. It's such a good meat for a pie. And what was that the donut thing? A yum yum. It was like a fudge donut. Oh yeah, fudge donut. Yeah, so there was St Andrews.

And then what did you say 10 minutes later? I don't know why I'm not really fit and healthy. I don't know why I'm not losing weight. I'm going on rocks. I didn't eat a scotch pie with beans and mash on top. And then at a fudge donut. That sounds class, though. Yeah, of course.

He's happy. Actually, that scotch pie mince meat is a bit like pie mash mince meat, where it's just loads of sort of mince rather. Yeah, yeah. I don't like... That's we get a football. That's the go-to one. So I don't like in a pastry of a pie or anything,

the big chunks of the meat. So like a steak pay kind of. I think the big chunk, sometimes the meat's a bit dodged, where if it's minch, you know what you're getting. And it's smooth, it's hot, it's tasted. This podcast is so versatile. Like it really is. I love it for the men's meat of a pain.

Or we just don't have enough to talk about. Do you know why? So I have a lesson to episodes. How do you manage to do it, by the way? I love that you call it versatile. You've made our biggest weakness of strength. Well, I just, I think this couch is incredibly neurospicy. We don't know what it is, but we don't want a diagnosis,

because it will be too lovely. Don't lose the magic. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Tesco Club Card. Big news for thrill seekers, and I consider you one of them, Rob. Thank you. Yes, you can get a two-person day ticket to a Merlin theme park for 56 pounds when you book using Club Card vouchers. So, Josh, what we're saying? What's your favourite type of ride?

You've heard a lot from me and Lou and my kids about ride. I don't get it from you. I feel like you're a ride curious. You know what I like, Rob? I like a big drop. I like a big drop. I hate the drop. I hate it and I love it.

Do you know what I mean? It makes my stomach go. That's the fun of it, Rob. No, go. No, I can't do the drop. And I sit down and I clasped myself in and I'm scared and I hate it and I don't want to go on it. And as soon as I've gone on it, I never want to go on it again. But for that moment when I'm falling, I think this is the best thing that's ever happened.

Either that, Rob, or a pirate ship. I do love a pirate ship. What, the swinging one? Yeah. No. Oh, God, you love drops. You love that little feeling in your belly, don't you? Oh, I love the little tickle in my belly.

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Because it's rare that we have someone on who I remember just being incredible. incredible like when I was into comedy before I did comedy. Oh. So you being Cheryl in the Royal Family, which was the first time I really came across you, I think. Would that be? Well, I think that was kind of almost simultaneous to space. I think it was almost the same year, in fact. Was it?

What a year. What a year. And those two things were so... I had my first child as well. Oh, no way. And that's why he brought it up because he's so good at linking stuff back to parenting house. So you had your first child as everything just broke in one kind of... Yes, that's correct.

Wow. And what was that like? I think you can imagine what that was like. Would you like the coffee table near you to put your tea down? Oh, that's very kind. I don't mind holding it. No, because I put it in front of you and then Josh came in and moved it back. He did, didn't he?

No, no, that's okay? Yes. They can share it, you guys. Yeah, I'll just keep mine on the floor. Yeah. I'm not sure. I think they were both kind of filmed at the same time, but they're not sure which one came out first.

And were pregnant in either of them? No. No. So how old would you have been at that point? I was just 25. Just 25? Yeah. And so your whole life just changes in one kind of year.

Yeah. I mean, I did, I think I was already, you know, I mean, I did kind of pack, I'd already packed in quite a lot anyway. Yeah. You know. 25's quite young, though. It was sort of like in the world of acting TV to have a child and also two massive shows at that point that really launched. you into sort of popular culture. So was it, like, how did that year feel at the time?

Well, it felt like I was just packing a lot in. Yeah, packing a lot in. But, you know. So when you come to the second series of Space, are you doing that one with a small, you're writing it and recording it? We wrote nearby, which was lovely. Simon came over and we had a little office. It was nearby, so I could come back and forth while I was writing.

Is that the perfect, as an actor-rises, that the perfect job, the writing job with a newborn baby? Because being on set and early starts, is you a bit more logistics all over the place. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't necessarily say that, but it's definitely, of the process, during the process, it's definitely, you know, easier, I would say. Because it's less intense and obviously there's less early morning. Yeah. So how many kids have you got, what are their ages now? They're three, they're all grown up. So they're not really kids anymore.

They're all adults. So what I did that mean I'm not technically No, you're still a parent Yeah That's that yeah that's how much Do you want to go? When do I, can I reinvent myself now As a non-parent?

You can reinvent yourself as a non-parent? I've really done it. I've done a great job So if you're in time to just hang up my You know lectures If they were here now How would you introduce them then if you don't want to be the parent If you're not a parent anymore

They are my mates They're my children I'm adorable children Yeah And are they all moved out? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, the thing is I think, you know, like we were all together a lot, but yeah, they have. Yeah, yeah.

Do you feel nostalgic when you think back to those times, those early times? Well, I do say, I mean, your kids, the ages that your kids are, yours are 10 and 8, aren't they? What's a 10 and 8? 10 and 8, yeah. It must be really annoying when people say, which I'm sure they do, oh my God, just enjoy it. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. And you're thinking, what are you talking about?

Like how are you, which is you want to make. Exactly. Surely that's why you're doing this podcast. But it's actually, it's so, you know, yes, enjoy it. And, you know, if there's one thing I would say is do go back to the place that they, that is the most simplest, nicest place to go on holiday. Yes. You don't need anything fancy.

Literally just a different place. That's easy. And you know what everything is. They eat the pasta in that restaurant. Yes. No, there's no steps to the beach. He's got it. Thank you.

Rob's got it. There's only one thing I'd do well on that's holidays. Do you, Rob, oh, I can, oh, I love to hearing about family holidays. Yeah, I do. We go hard on holidays and experiences over things more so, I'd say us. That is so good. And do you tend to go back? The main experience is repeatedly going on rides in Florida, but it's still an experience.

Is that where you go back? Do you regularly go back to the same place? We regularly go back there to do the ride, the kids love all. the rides like Universal and Disney. We know them all. And then we go to, there's a few different results that we go to where we've been to before that are really good. So we're very comfortable going back then. The kids love it and we love it. And we know

that if we go there, we're going to relax straight away. Yeah. When I was a kid, we used to go to the same place every year. Nice. Where was that? Pembrokeshire in West Wales. And Pembrokesh is lovely. Yeah. But I think I, because we went every year, I think I've actually got more fond, nostalgic memories of that place because it felt like we're going, than if we'd dotted around and you go, oh yeah, we went on that holiday.

We're going to the same place actually makes it almost more vivid in a way. Absolutely. And because you kind of, they almost merge. And when everyone's talking about it, everyone's like, was that the time that? Oh, no, no. Yeah, what year was that? And was I, was I eight or was I five or, you know, and I do think going back and going back to the same place is such a good shout. Yeah.

I do. That's the only thing. That's the only, I would never ever give parents. advice to anyone ever but like that is something that I do tentatively suggest

and they go yeah we've got that worked out well we always used to go to this place at one point you don't need to be specific

no I'll give you the address this is where we will be no it's just this gorgeous we used to rent these gorgeous little holiday cottage just down in Cornwall

that's it and it lovely fields little creek and it was the most beautiful place run by people who was so friendly

and welcoming and lovely and you know and that Yeah, we went there to the point where at one point, one of the kids was like, do we own this? It was like, no, we do not. If only, because it was just this beautiful, really simple place. And you get there and you can just run out the car, run out in the fields.

And then everyone disappears and comes back with loads of stories. Oh, God, so that's happened. And then they're down there, and they're in the river. And I don't know if we could get it back again. But I feel, anyway, I've got to go back again. But I need to crisps. I need to mar. I need something to drink.

And that's like the best. The best. The best. So I wish we'd done that more, the most simple, simple things. Have you gone back since they've grown up? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we've gone.

Oh, that's nice. The saddest. Anyway, we'll be there. Just as you know our dates. Obviously, we'll be at the same place. So just let us know if you need picking up for the station. Oh, do you get you from Newcastle and bring you down. Exactly.

But yeah. If you're your uni friends want to come. Yes, exactly. But that was, but that was kind of magical as well, because we kind of know the people who actually do own the places. Yeah.

And that's sweet. So build a relationship with their own. Are they, um, are they near sort of having families alone? Are they very much sort of mid-20s sort of living their life? Yeah. But that,

I mean, that for me, I mean, that's like, yeah, then they could potentially be near having families if they want it. But that's, I think they're the years where they go missing the most for parents.

Yeah. Because when they do have kids, that's when they gravitate back to sort of home, normality, advice or childcare. But that 20s is a bit of their, they're off. Yeah. Do you, did you both gravitate back to, like? So I've just moved back to Devon. Back into your parents' house.

I just moved back to my parents. My wife's just divorced. How's that going? How's that going? She's, okay, right. Good. No, we, we, we, you need the help, Josh. You need a help. He's not wanting to be a parent thing to come full circle.

No, so I moved away when I was 18, I grew up in Devon, went to Manchester and then came to London for like 20 years. But then we were just finding where we lived in London too much for the kids. So we moved back to Devon, but not exactly where I grew up. It's not like the, and so they're going to the same school. Back in to the same? No. No, yeah. But yeah, I never, ever, ever thought that would happen.

Did you ever, ever, ever think that you were going to have children? No. There you go. Did you? Yeah, I always wanted to. a family and kids. Yeah. Did you?

I did. I do love babies. I've always loved babies. You know, and obviously that's, that's a big help. I mean, it's not, it's not a total game game. I mean, you know, it's not a total prerequisite, but it does help. Yeah, it does. To the point there, that I would often, like, make friends with babies, like other people's babies.

Oh, would you? In a queue. Oh, in a queue, in crying on an aeroplane. Oh, really? You offer to hold? Oh, I would always offer to hold. Really? Wow.

I would hover around, you know, if they're there by the loose, just rocking the baby. I'd just kind of go. What's your success rate on the yes from that offer to hold, or is it? Well, in some cases, maybe perhaps I should have waited for a yes because... You've plucked like the Pope. I'm just joking, of course, I've waited for a yes. But, yeah, no, I mean, surprisingly, but then it becomes almost a case of them not wanting to be rude. Because of the pleading, look in my eyes.

They think, she really, really wants to hold this baby. Maybe I should just let her hold it. But my children will now say, if they see a baby, they're like, Mum, just leave a baby. Leave the baby. Don't touch the baby. Just don't approach the baby. Don't look at the baby.

You know, and I'm like, come on. So would you take your seat, not if the seatbelt Simon's on, but if you were seated on a plane. Seated on a plane. I gravitate towards the crying baby sound yet. Wow. Yeah, I do. You ask me to move closer.

I just hover around. I just have a feeling of like maybe they need, especially on a long haul. And do they ever go, are you, but you're... Never, no, no, never, never. Of course they don't. No, and also, you're on a long haul flight of people from everywhere, you know.

Yeah, yeah, of course they do try to... Or maybe they're secretly going, oh, I think I'm... Yeah, maybe they're inside. Cheryl from the Royal Family. Also, as well, you don't want to ask that if the baby's asleep at that point. Yeah. Instead of having a conversation with a person holding the baby. You'd never wrestle a sleeping baby away.

I do, contented mother, no. I do try and like, if someone's got a baby that's kicking off, I don't really offer, but I do sort of like, sort of smile at them. Yes. You know, or like you're doing well, you know, that kind of thing. It's so hard. I do. I do. I do as well.

So brutal. Oh, it is brutal. How are you? Fucking how I'm so tired. Are you? Yeah. Well, save it. Let's just let Michael close the door.

How are you? It's a fucking mental. It's fucking mental. How old your kid? How long have you done this for? Do you look good? Feel shite. Do you want to drink or anything?

Have you got a drink? I'll have like a cognate. That's what you start drinking like when you know. Just a little red wine. Oh my God. How old's your child? How old's my child? My child is 12 weeks.

Oh, fucking hell, mate. Guys, it's like the most intense thing I've ever experienced. Like, it's so, the way, like, how long have you guys done this for? How old your kids? 10 years, so... 8 years. It gets easier. And anyone that tells you it doesn't get easier is insane

because I would not trade the position you're in for the position I'm in. It gets easier, but your body and mind become a wreck. So it's easier, but... I'm going to say wrecked. No, no, no. It's easier, but you're just by 10 years, you feel like, you know... It's mad. It's mad.

Like, someone's... I don't know who said this. Someone showed me with some guy calling it a Ponzi scheme where they're literally like, come on come do it and then you're like gacha what is it it's like what is the challenge what's the main challenge at the moment for you that you're finding difficult um so ziggie my nice nice great good name yeah

Ziggy um he's what is he a cavapoo yeah he's a cavapoo so many dogs called ziggi it's really wild um it's just it's just we're in the stage now where he i think he's got a little bit of regression is it called so he's not sleeping as well yeah they get into a routine and that changes as they develop that it's crazy and it's like it's it's also if I had realized when I was a kid like how much power I would have been like a complete dictator I would like yeah yeah it's just crazy and that he's not

really sleeping that much and you're up this is our routine we have a little bit of routine yeah I'm gonna give it to you um feed at 7 p.m. yeah then he goes to bed yeah feed at 630 then he goes to bed at 7 yeah yeah yeah Then he's up at 11 p.m. for another feed. Yeah. Yeah. Are you staying up for those four hours? Yeah, sometimes I do.

Which is such a... And is he breastfed or bottle feed? Bresne Cairns. Cairns. Until recently, now he fees just on candycats. That might be what's doing the sleep. Warm and seven hours. Yeah.

Speeding and that. That's good for kids, isn't it? And so now he's breastfed. Now he's bottle fed. And then we do another one at 11. Yeah. Sometimes I... stay up for it, which is a really rogue decision.

Yeah. Because it's like nine o'clock, and I'm like, am I really going to sleep for these next two hours? So I don't. Then he goes to sleep again. Then he wakes up at like two or three. Yeah. Then it's another feed.

Yep. And are you waking up then? Yeah, yeah. Out of a... Both together for every feed. Mm. Good man. It says I wouldn't, but I feel guilty.

I feel bad if I do. Yeah, yeah. But that's how they, in the olden days, that wasn't happening. But you're a good modern man, Jamie. Do you not tempted to split it and go, well, I'll do a level. and two and then Sophie does the next one after two rather you both doing it together

the next month after two is seven yes and then she gets a full night sleep but then I'm up at seven anyway yeah no but I'm saying rather you both being there doing one job yeah I get yeah I don't know but sometimes there's moral support Rob yeah I know that but you sounds like no offense he looks absolutely fucking just devastated a man it looks like just come back from the fucking front line oh my god and then I saw Rob I saw your Instagram posts, this is just before I think I had kids, or just after I had kids, which was that it was something about, you know, being 10 years or whatever it is, and it was the best thing you've ever done, but the hardest thing you've ever done. Yeah. And I was like,

it can't be that hard. It's so much harder than my job. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's so much harder. It's so much harder. It's actually mental. Particularly, let's be clear, our jobs. Yeah, our job. Some people's jobs are a lot more difficult than I. Are you currently filming your show? You've got a reality show about having a baby, three parts and Disney Plus.

Is that being filmed at the moment? That is great. See, that's why he's good at his job. That is easy. He finds that easier than parenting. It was also seamless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't even, it was like, it's a seamless.

It's just a guy having a chat with another guy, getting a few key details. It does get annoying actually in day-to-day life. Rob will do that all the time. You'll go, how's your tour, calling a promulay night. and then he'll do the full. The full on.

How's it going to them? W.J.W.J.W.J.com. scound the QR go for tickets. Are you filming that now or has that been filmed or are you going to film it soon? What's happening? Thanks for asking, Rob. Apart from the promo reasons, obviously you've got the extra stress

of most people having a baby. Do you have to wake up the camera crew at two? Guys, they came. He wants to be in every scene. That's why they do the feed. Fuck off, Sophie. Jamie's a... Look at me trying to get,

breastfeed him on my tit. I can do this. So, yeah, so we... So we shot a Disney Plus docu-series, reality series, which is a three-part series, which was following, like, Sof and I, before she was pregnant.

Yeah. Then, so we were shooting it before. During getting pregnant. And then not... Well, actually, that's on a very different website. That's a 20-second cut scene. Not even that.

So, It was before conception and then when we were filming it, so Sophie then fell pregnant. So they were like, oh my God, well, we should follow. And so it was kind of great for them. So then we followed all the pregnancy and then a little bit after the pregnancy as well. And how was the pregnancy?

Man, I, like, women, like, I'm not just saying, women are amazing. Like, I've watched Manisfit. I know. I've seen the Louis Thruydot. I've seen the Louis Thruidot. Do you know the first British astronaut in space was actually a woman? Yeah, Helen Sharman.

Thank you. Wow. Do you want to hear another interesting fact about her? Yeah. Because I was on a show with Helen Sharman, so I Wikipediaed her. She invented the cornetto. Really? And that's going to appeal to you, because that's right in your biz.

Cornettos don't have any milk in it. Okay, I didn't know that. I was going to brought that up with her. Did you know that the person who invented the tampon was a man? Oh, all right Kind of Maybe Louis Theron needs to a documentary on you Jamie Okay, anyway

So we were So we were shooting this So we shot the show And then we fell pregnant And then we were shooting it during Sophie being pregnant And then we shot a bit afterwards And I said

The pregnancy bed is kind of wild Yeah The personality can change Due to the hormones and stuff as well Which can make the relationship A bit more testing Or easier I didn't say it was better or worse

Yeah Sometimes you do a test and it's an easy test. Sometimes you do a test and you sort of do that test and go, is this person I'm married? Now what?

There was moments. It's just different types of tests. There was, there was moments, there were like some moments where it was, firstly, I just want to say, like, if Sophie will be listening, so I love you so much,

and she was incredible, and she was amazing. Let that out, Michael. Don't end that, but out, please. But there were some moments which were, like, quite hectic, and I think because, because her body was changing,

and she, She also got something called pelvic synthesis, which is where her hip bone became really sore. She also, because she's quite slender, she was heavy on the front. So she went quite big and to the point where... Heavy on the front. Yeah, that's how she was. We describe it. Okay, fair enough. It's very heavy on the front.

To the point, to the point that when the mornings, she couldn't get herself out of bed. So I had to... We thought at one point I was going to have to drill a piece of rope into the ceiling. to pull herself out. And there was a lot of that. But then the real tough moments became quite testing because there were moments like she would, I would do something wrong to piss her off.

And her reaction was like zero to 100 where she would say things suddenly like, I hate your parents. And I'd be like, whoa, where's that gone from? But it was, yeah, it was wild and amazing. And the guys followed the whole process of it, which was really hard for Sov. Because you're pregnant.

Because you're signing up to a bit of a fluffy, should we have kids, we might want kids? And all of a sudden it's real, and it's your first time expecting a baby and just got cameras there. And it's really scary. Did they film the birth? Well, they weren't in for the birth, but...

Go pro on, on your forehead. But... Like the train spot? But... This is Francis Bordra. Great idea. We got a Francis coming. We got a France.

Boudoir, what's it? Bourgeois. We've got Francis Bruchoir. The train is leaving the Tamil. Come on, Safe. We've got, we harned Francis Bruchoir as a cameo. Content, content. Also, you co-lab with him.

That's huge. Yeah, yeah, you've got viral. Yeah, yeah, it's huge. It's huge. It was a great decision. But we were in the, so we were in the hospital. And the whole, we were trying to do it all natural and everything like that. And then, so they had to say it was emergency C-section.

Yeah. Which is really quite scary. Yeah. Like, oh my God, because you already... Tickland Francis is doing it. In fact, Francis, I wasn't over on. Don't give him the knife. And all his reactions.

Anyway, that was quite scary. Yeah, it's awful because that's what happened to us. It's so scary. And it's suddenly you're in an operation and it's terrifying. But the whole thing is really scary. Yeah. Like, because you, it's the only sort of situation where you feel completely out of control. Because you don't know, and I know a little bit about most things.

Like, a little bit, right? When it comes to giving birth, and I know nothing. So you're standing in the room, and what happened with Ziggy was there were complications, and they said, look, Sof, I know you want to do it natural, but I think you're going to have to change it up, but you're going to have to do an emergency C-section. And she was so brave. I mean, it was like the most insane thing I've ever seen, like, so brave.

I was in bits and I was trying to keep like telling it I was like wipe my eyes it's like Noah's Ark I was like oh my god this is like actually embarrassing and then by the time they said we have to do emergency C section to the point where you're in your scrubs

in there it's like five minutes yeah yeah it's so quick so quick they really take the word emergency seriously don't there and then our amazing two your iPods out yeah this is the fast service from Zone 6 to London and then our amazing

So quick. Who's the doctor? It's a bullet train. What's his The doctor who does it all? Surgeon? No, it's called the... Oh right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whenever the doctor who did it was amazing. He came in listening to music to calm himself down. I was like to calm himself down. Yeah, he was listening to music but he was incredible. Like a footballer game off the coach at a away game.

Like what you were doing Jamie Lunges, baby? I'll give me the fucking headfons here. So we had that in. So then we were there and no one was filming it because we didn't want cameras in. But one of the midwives, who was this amazing lady incredible, she picked,

up my phone and started recording the whole thing. Oh wow. So it was like Martin Scorstasy had like drag it. It was insane. It was filming another thing. So what angle is she getting there? She's right in there. It's also landscape. Oh, that's not good for Insta.

No, but Philips, TV. It was insane. But guys, it's insane. So what was captured was like this pure It was C.K. Barry, wasn't it? The midwife. It was just, whole set up. But she was filming it so the reaction was like it's so insane and real. Yeah. Because we didn't realise we were being filmed.

Because it's just someone you trust a midwife with your phone. But we didn't know she was filming it. Oh really? So everything was so real and when Ziggy came out and everything's okay and that whole bit when you're just waiting for the cry. And how graphic was the filming? You don't see anything but you see Ziggy being taken up through the tummy and... Oh my God. Yeah, it was a lot. And then you hit a cry and that was...

Which end were you? I went down. bottom end to have a look and it was quite a lot because the Cesarian also they really open up your tummy. Yeah. But we feel that and then that's also now in the show. Wow. So you're all sleeping in the same bird.

Are you getting much sleep? Not really. At the moment it was going well with my three year old when she was an infant she nursed all the time like she even when I was sleeping she like I was just a pacifier. Right. So this

baby is like he's such a boy like he like he eats and then he like rolls over and farts and falls asleep he's an old man already and that was lovely because I was like great he's asleep and I'm not attached to him

and now that he's getting a bit he's a bit older he I feel like he needs to he wants to eat more at night so he kind of he wakes up a little bit more than he was he was before how did you breastfeed the the youngest or sorry the oldest

Two years in a couple months. Yes, that's a long time. And then going into another, it's like a lot of your body being used by someone else. I've been pregnant or breastfeeding. Before we get to the belly button. Yeah, exactly. I've been pregnant or breastfeeding since 2022.

Wow. Because by the time I stopped breastfeeding my three-year-old, I was already pregnant. And when, was that your two-year-old just didn't want it anymore? Or did you have to sort of, because she was using breastfeeding as a pacified, Did you have to break that? Was it difficult?

By the time we stopped, it was, she wasn't doing as much anymore. She was kind of weaning herself. Yeah. And then the worst part, it was flights. Because it was always something that kind of like on takeoff and landing

or any time you got classy. Yeah, it would just like make her pass out. And then when I get to two though, because they're like bowling around like a little person. They'll just literally garb to grab your top and not whip a boobie. You don't stop. Well, she had, oh, this was worse.

I forgot about this. she did a thing before the belly button she used to do a thing just with my nipple she would use it as like a I swear it was like she was tuning a radiance it was like and semi-skimmed not quite the flavor I like

you do strawberry and that was that was awful I really hated that it's so hard if they're doing something that they enjoy and you want to go like I mean obviously as a man they've never experienced it But you don't want to be like, get the front of me. But that's how you feel.

But you want to have a connection. Yeah, you have to be nice about it. Like you can't, because you don't want to, you also don't want to shame them, you know, and make them feel. So don't listen to this. I guess. Never listen to this episode. Yeah.

And it, you know, you don't want to yell at them. You don't because they don't understand that it's. Weird. Torture. But yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of your body. It's a lot of your body being, like, I, I woke myself up, because I was, I was dreaming that I was, like, there was birds on me.

Yeah, okay. And I woke up going, stop. And I was hitting my body. And it was just because my daughter was trying to belly button. Oh, really? And I was like, oh, my God. I'm having, like, stress dreams. Well, it must be so overwhelming.

having your body being used and touched all the time by it's difficult to because it's not like you go well there's lots of books about how you end breastfeeding but there's not many books about how you end having your belly button touched right it's not a weaning situation you know like you can't be like here have some milk in a glass in a cup instead of my belly button the addiction is to the action rather than the it's just a yeah oh oh i don't think we have to throw addicts around oh i think i think you've got a problem here i think i think the betty ford clinic might be. I think she needs to go cold turkey on belly buttons completely. You know, I've thought about wearing like a one-piece bedding suit. Yeah, yeah, like a kind of 80s aerobics. Yeah, just something she can't. Like in the summer it was great because I was wearing a swimsuit a lot.

Oh, yeah. So she couldn't get to my belly button as much. Yeah. Oh, my God. What a sentence. We're parenting, most people like routines key and king. you're constantly moving around. And I'd say, if your husband's flying around working a lot,

and you're with the nannies, so do you just sort of roll with it and see what happens? Do you have a routine with the kids, or is it each day's a different day when you're touring? We have a semblance of a routine. You know, like it's, I try to keep it as routine as possible with it being also as flexible as I needed to be. So, like, you know, mornings, I would say are like our kind

always are quiet, like, this is my time with the kids, and, like, we get up, we have breakfast, we, you know, I try to get them outside for a little bit. And then, you know, I try to, meal times, I try to keep as normal as possible. But it's really hard to be strict about anything, you know, like, it's just, oh, we're traveling today or so you can't nap or we got to eat whenever we can at the airport and

do you get them with the nannies in and do they speak English as well then they say you get you like you never once spoken to them I know pass their boarding classes to them I shouldn't they're all right yeah yeah I just nodded a lot in the interview no they're great

like a little gang now that it's almost like a band touring like with the you and the kids you get all get on and the stuff because it's quite intense relationship. We have a great time. I mean, they're, you know, especially because, you know, here in London, we all stay together. So, yeah, I mean, I think, I hope they like me. And when you're doing tour shows, are they coming to the, how, so say you're in, let's, let's go through your tour dates. Say you're in.

Because, you know, now you can come in, if they need to breastfeed or whatever, but like, well, if you're doing a gig and a show really you can't well will can you or do you interrupt the show for that I haven't so I will once I start touring the new one will be over six months so he'll be able to have kind of like some water and food and stuff so it won't be as super necessary to keep him as close by yeah never had to interrupt a gig for it no they have been in the green room before but so say June the 11th when you're in Swindon. Yes. The Wyvern.

The Wyvern. Old faithful. Doing the tour. Best job in the world. Tell us about the show. Best job in the world is a show about how maybe motherhood is not the best job in the world. Oh, there we go. But also just about society and, you know, I think my, a little bit of the thesis statement I have is the society's not made for women.

And we've kind of contoured ourselves to fit in. But also, I don't think society's made for men either. either and you guys are having a hard time so do you know what that genuinely that we've in premises on stand-up shows very rarely interest me yeah I buy into that yeah normally you're just on other people too on our comments you what I didn't think I like you no I just said I didn't think I like stand-up premises yeah but you've broken the malt oh thank you thank so you're doing that at the Swindon Wiver yeah junior 11th taught me through the kids on that day So this is how we've planned this section of the tour

And for everyone who's mentioned, why am I not going further north? Because this first whole section Well, let me go. Swindon, Northampton, Chelmsford, Epsom, Paul. You really are keeping it south. Milton Keynes, Watford, Coventry, quite northerly. Farnham, London, back to your old stomping ground. London again.

Brighton, Newbury, Bath. Norwich, Norwich, Norwich, Bristol, Cheltenham. Yeah, that is incredibly south. Yeah, so this whole first leg of the tour is just everything I can get from London to the show and back in one night. Oh, here we go. So I am... The radius tour. Yes.

Everything within a two to three hour travel time. And that way I can leave the baby and the one nanny will come with me just for feeding purposes. The toddler and the other nanny will see. stay back at the flat. Can I ask a question? Do the nannies, are they on a man-to-man marking constantly? Yes. Or do they switch? No, right now they're a man-to-man. They're man-to-man. So one's toddler, one's baby, and they never switch. Yeah, they don't switch. And they realize recently that, like, the top, like, the babies also have an affinity for the nannies. And we've realized recently that their, their signs are the same. My nanny,

and my toddler are both Capricorns. Oh, there we go. And my the new baby and my other nanny are both, can't remember the sign because I don't really buy into that too much. When is it?

October, early October, Pisces, sedentaries. Libra? I don't know. Tourists. Just chipping one of them. So you'll go in a car with your A tour manager driving

you? Yes. Nanny, infant, me. Yeah. We go to the gig. feed the baby before I go on stage. Do you need a lot of... Because I... I don't necessarily need to be on my own,

but I need to almost be doing mindless stuff, like looking at my phone or looking at my phone, really. He needs to sit on his own in a room looking at his phone before he goes on. No, but do you know what I mean? In that hour before, it's not like I'm prepping for the show or anything. Yeah, no, I would love that. A little bit of space. I would absolutely love that time.

I imagine you've never gone, finally, I can breastfeed just before it go on. Yes. I think that someday in the future, I will have it again. But I love those moments. I love the, because I do, the mindless kind of, I've always thought there's a hard thing to explain about stand-up where it doesn't look like you're doing anything.

and you aren't doing anything, but you are doing something. Yes. You're getting your mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ready. I almost power down in that hour before. Yeah. I think people imagine you pacing, listening to...

No, so I find I have to get as quiet and empty-headed as possible so that then I can go out and... But that's because your stuff is quite empty-headed too. You have to get any... Information out of here. Yeah. about that so we're going to engage with the comedy.