Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - 1 on 1 with Dov Davidoff

Episode Date: June 13, 2013

Robert sits down for a 1 on 1 with Dov Davidoff. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid.

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Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlos sin pagar nunca. tienen todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. All right, that chugging sound is the AC in the background that I will shut off when we do this show tonight. Tonight is a special Thursday edition. The extra-sode, that's what I call them, extra-sodes of the YKW dude podcast for you motherfuckers who don't like the Monday one, where we have maybe four to five to eight people on. And sometimes gets a little crazy. They talk of reach.

I do. I'm going to do that. I've had the last straw. I don't, you know, I can't stand talking. I just get to angry. Does it? Doesn't really get that aggravating. I know what's aggravating.

I hear you. But you don't have to send me in. Dude, I'm out like you're fucking retiring. Like you're giving, like you're him. I love you, love you man but I just can't do a fucking you know what if you love me suck it up stop it stop fucking I get it it's annoying I try to stop it I got a bunch of young comics in here that are gonna to make you fucking laugh and sometimes they step over each other they have a good one and they can't stop but anyhow that's what I'm doing these Thursday ones for you for the people that just can't take it man. For you see it's just one-on-one. Me and my very special guest, the evening, Dove Davidov, very funny man, very smart man, very interesting man,

very good looking man. He's got all the qualities of a big fucking star. I actually, we started at the seller kind of together. Me, Steve Byrne, God-free Dove, all of us kind of came up at the seller together. So he moved to LA. He's been very successful out there. And you know, here we are. He's in New York playing Gotham this week,

and I'm very excited to have him on the show. I'm very excited. So it should be interesting. So I'll shut the AC off so you don't hear that fucking train chugging in the background. You know, we're gonna try to get a new one for that window. It's so big. I fucking, I don't want to carry it up here. Last time I carried an AC out of a window, I cut my arm open and almost murdered myself. So, I will shut that off and we'll get started. He's coming up in around, I don't know, 10 minutes.

We'll get started. He's coming up and around 10 minutes 10 miniatzos So sit back in your truck in your cube on your train in your car on Your bus on your boat Relax and let us do the talking for the next hour Me dov David off on the you know what, dude podcast. Thank you so much for all your donations. Thanks for subscribing and reviewing on iTunes and if you haven't done it, listen to the show right now. Do it. Do it tonight. Leave a review. Subscribe. Let people know. review subscribe let people know share this with the world join the riot motherfuckers and make sure you check out all the other shows we have 12 of the funny shows we are the most unique original network out there I'll stand by

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You help the network. You guys are great. Thanks for listening to this bullshit. I have to say it. I have to. I have to. And, uh, and that's it. Enjoy the show. A one-on-one for you, mother fuckers. for you dudes. And don't forget, man, I'm gonna be in Montreal. Montreal, comics at the end of the month at Foxwoods. Hurrah. It's actually today. I'll be it not today. Hmm, what is this?

I don't know what it is. But anyways, I'm gonna be at Montreal Comedy Festival. Please go to jesfordlife.com, type my name in a search. I don't know what it is, but anyways, I'm going to be at Montreal comedy festival. Please go to jesfordlife.com, type my name in a search, and I'm doing my two one-hour shows. So come to those, spread the word, take a ride. If you live up in Buffalo, cruise over, man. Come see my show.

It's going to be awesome. I'm doing the, you know what, dude, podcast up there. I already booked a peak, Correlli calling Quinn. We got a few other people that are gonna be on the show and I also have my Gala show and I have another show coming out that I'm not gonna tell you about yet but it's a surprise so please go to justfulast.com do a search on my name and buy tickets to my shows Be great. You guys are awesome. Thanks a lot. I'm done. I'm done. That's six minute intro I know it was a lot, but love David. I should be showing up. I'm just stalling right now

He should be showing up any minute. So let's let's get this fucking going shall we? All right, here we are Very special episode. You know what did? Um, one on one Thursday episode. These are the extra episodes that I do. Yeah, well, you know, it was, um, we have Monday episodes where it come out, but I have like five to eight people on. Sometimes it gets a little too fucking nuts. Yeah. Yeah. It seems a little way. Can you follow everybody when you're listening? Well, I, you know, it's me telling people to shut the fuck up a lot.

Okay, that's enjoyable. That's got to tell me value. I enjoy that. I enjoy listening to you, though. I'm not going to shut up. But, and then I started doing these because it's a little toned down, a little less, well, it's different, right?

I mean, you can really talk to somebody and have that space and you don't have somebody chiming in and it becomes less of a bit festival and you can actually talk to somebody. Yeah, sometimes it gets a little bitty, which look, I love. Which can be good too. It can be hilarious, but you know,

there's always that, you know, I started off to this on my iPhone. Right. You know, the iPhone. Yeah, you should take my iPhone out and, like, sit down at a coffee shop or wherever the fuck I was. And then you'd upload that you just upload that Great. That was two years ago. So now fucking here you go. No, I love it, man, but

We got a friend of mine you guys know of course you know and if you don't know I think you're an asshole. No You're a bad person. Dov Davidoff. Where are you from, dude? Jersey originally. Me and you, God-free, Steve Byrne. That was kind of us who started at the seller. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think I came a little bit after you guys. Me and Steve came after you guys. Yeah, like I came in. It's the weird thing is I came in with this, you know, I came Patrice, Billy, Dane, you know, those are the guys I came up with from Boston. Then we all came kind of here. I was the last one to make it here from Boston.

But then when I came here, you know, everybody was here, you know, in New York. And then we kind of bonded with Norton and Boston and Robinson and then you found the most fucked up people You could find just terrible, but here's the thing is though, and then I might kind of clap. I mean those are my guys, but then It was kind of me you god-free Steve The ones that kind of Corielli and night in night out night and night out every fucking day of the week

but you didn't have like uh... you came in with a fuck did you come from well i mean i was i was hitting clubs in the city you know it i just on when i by the time i broke in and then it was every seven days a week after that you know for the following seven years before i took off to a to l.a. but i had been you know i've been trying to break in for a few years, right?

I mean, at the Boston and then uptown and going straight to the city. Where were you? I started New York. I grew up in a junkyard in Jersey. A junkyard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you explain like a, in my head I see a junkyard, I see a big metal gate, I see a dog barking.

It's all true. I see all kinds of shit. A lot. Yeah, it's a dirt lot with about seven acres of bull shit on it with crush cars My father was this on educated Jewish business guy from the Bronx and my mother was a hippie intellectual Wasp was wrapped up on a commune and then that's where I lived until I moved to the city when I was about 16 17 17 And but was it weird did you like it? Did you hate it? Oh both man? I felt I felt I had a pussy No, man, not when I was a I felt I felt I had a awful lot of fun. Did you get pussy?

No, man, not when I was a kid. Well, I had a horrendous experience in when I was a kid. And by the time I was in high school, I had to kind of gain a degree of popularity by way of just sort of people were fearful to get involved with me, because I was a little nutty, and I was sort of bad, you know. So it eliminated the idea of feeling like I was a little nutty and I was a sort of bad, you know. So it

eliminated the idea of feeling like I was in danger, but then I was just in danger for myself. So you gain popularity by being almost like fucking crazy little bit. Yeah, because I mean, it was, yeah, I mean, I was really on the outside as a kid, school bus used to pick me up in front of the junkyard. My mother was real freak and she was on this, you know, comedy and I couldn't explain that to the people I was around. It was horrible. How old were you at this point? It's really awful. This was from the time I was born.

I remember thinking about the way I was. You were born. You were born in a junkyard. Yeah, that's where I grew up. Yeah, yeah, from the time I was born. It's crazy. Yeah, it was a little wacky. How the fuck out of all the cock suckers with lives

that they made shows out of You know fucking my dad was a ski instructor all the horses. They've done how come they haven't done your show I think I think it's possible but it probably have to be done some sort of cable thing You know a guy like what's it like I'm forgetting his name, but you had the really dysfunctional family on Fox He was the first one to have that sort of you know, you got um You know I'm talking about Northern California guy, you know Titus oh, yeah, yeah, I never bought it. I never bought it because his hair was see up. Yeah, go ahead Is it too hot hot? All right, it's cuz you're from LA

You like that dry heat Okay, turn on it makes a fucking train sound during the show. Nice how quiet it is right now. Now go ahead. No, you find over there. Um, it's fine. They can deal with the guys. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Good. Um, but it was awful man. It was awful. And then I never trusted that Titus thing, though, because he looked his hair. He didn't like you.

If you tell me you had a fucked up life, I'm buying it. I'm buying it I'm seeing you on stage one arm has tattoos one doesn't you know what I mean? You have a fucking all black on your head shaved. It doesn't need to be you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, your eyes are going fucking up and down. I'm darn around. Yeah, this guy look like Max you probably a lot like that right Until you really started to get next to yourself on it. You know what I realized? 42. I just had my my son last week. I was abused, man. Yeah. Yeah. I was just a fucking abuse. I was tortured. Yeah. No, I wasn't raped or you know, I'm talking physically. Yeah. Physically too. I was beat up. I'm looking at my son now. And I'm raped or you know, I'm talking. Physically too, I was beat up. I'm looking at my son now. And I always look at like kids in the first grade,

second grade, and I remember getting punched. Yeah, you know what I'm like, I couldn't imagine hitting as an adult male, hitting a kid like that, and knocking him downstairs and screaming at him. I've done enough work on yourself to not be able to imagine that. But yeah, yeah, I couldn't imagine.

So many, you run into people and it's like and unfortunately the kinds of things that often you know the components that that result in a relatively funny perspective or personality are often very negative on you know there's no comedy it's all tragedy it's all tragedy and yeah but there's the people that learn how to write a joke and you can you know who they are yeah you can write a joke you know they are but then there's the people that learn how to write a joke and you can you know who they are Yeah, you can do jokes, you know, they are but then there's the guys that are trying to fucking reconcile their existence You know you're trying to make it okay Yeah, you can't but this is as close as you get yeah, yeah, yeah, and see you just you do you do it as you do it

I mean what else are you gonna do? Yeah, you're gonna fall, what you're gonna do is you're gonna fucking blow your brains out. Yeah, sure, right. Yeah, you know, all become that guy. Just smoke and crack to forget about it. And then, and then, you know, and then you end up killing yourself. Do you have a smoke crack? Nah, nah, nah.

I'm really lucky in that I've never had like, I'm sort of, I don't know, I guess I could be a little bit compulsive in certain areas, but not really addicted. What was the worst drug you've ever done? Worst drug, I mean, war, you know, I don't know. I mean, the powder cocaine doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore, but, but uh, cocaine's come. You fucking have fucking energy drinks.

Truck stops at a fucking worst, worst in cocaine. I know, I know, there's five out of energy drinks, like five hours. You just do some blow, you'll be up for a half hour and then you're even fucking stuck to relax after that. Um, the uh, uh, no, no, I, I know heroin, no, just do some blow you'll be up for a half hour. I don't even look into Dr. Relax after that. Um, yeah. No, no, I know heroin. No, no, no, no, you're drinking. You like the drink, but, but I was never a big drink. I could never drink that much.

And, um, but, um, yeah, but I certainly know what it's like to have some, some, emptiness that you can't really get, you can't really feel, you know? And so it's been challenging. I've been writing about, you know, trying to run back to the hotel room after, after a gig, you know, I mean, it's midnight, you know, peak energy levels, nobody can do, but a fucking library, you know,

you gotta figure out a way to ride that wave, you know, without hurting yourself. Well, here's the thing, I remember one night, I'm in LA, I'm at my favorite hotel on the Sunset Strip. And this little boutique place right across from the store. And it's three in the morning and I see this big, big, fucking blonde, fucking fat chicken address. Sure, yeah.

And then I see you next door. Oh yeah, yeah. And I see you. What was your prostitute? I don't know, dude. I just see you see me and then you tried to Helacab it's LA too It's like what was going on and then I remember you told me that I wonder what was going on

You go like this. This is what you did you come up to me You tried to fucking get you tried to get a cab, but I I was like dumb I go I got dumb come here and you go you you kind of shook your head like cocks I you got me all, then you walk up Hey, you gotta do what you gonna do Bob, you know It's three in the morning. I do You gotta do it I mean, and then you got a cab and you fucking left you gotta do I I this I think part of it

I wouldn't be I wouldn't be embarrassed doing front of you. I think part of it was I didn't want it I think she was maybe one of you know those those chicks that you meet late at night a crazy enough to go back to your place Right away and fuck you Never talk again, but usually the kind of people you don't want to have in a group full of other people Yeah, you know, it's a kind of girls like oh great. Probably stops and I say hi She's not gonna shut up and then I've got another half hour to kill before before the safe Self-hatred festival begins back in my place It's a mess. I I'd say I want I used to go to these parties

I play it. It's a mess. I tell you, I used to go to these parties, comic, whatever it was, and I always find that weird girl in the corner on her phone. Just not the hot ones, I'd leave away. I'd fuck it. I don't want nothing to do with you. Well, it's about session quality. I mean, if you're looking to make it happen that night, if you're a real professional and

you're looking to make something happen that night, you're not going to hop about, you know, trying to make conversation with the girl exchange numbers and then maybe catch a movie seven days from that point on, you got to solve the pain immediately. I want to get the chick that has one eye bigger than the other in the corner that's going to be fucking. Yeah, she's got it. Usually they have crazy bodies underneath a lot of eye contact in the first place. Yeah, you usually get those brudges back in the room and all yeah, I do gymnastics since I was 10 for fucking is tighter

than the nickel. You know, yeah. So. Group is awfully as you did and then actually want to show your moves. You know, I remember. Sets of entitlement. You before I bought my place in the city, you had your place. Oh, yeah. And you you were one of those guys. You and Fitz Greg Fates Simmons. Well, one of the guys, two of the guys that actually made me go, I need to get, this is a goal, man, I need to have a pad.

I need to own property in Manhattan. And I need to, because I remember he had one, and I was like, oh my God, that's so, what a great unattainable goal. I mean, attainable goal. Yeah, sure, yeah. And then I remember, your pad was just fucking ridiculous. Yeah, and it was in that neighborhood, where everybody's ridiculous. Yeah, it was in that neighborhood, you know, where everybody's milling around.

It was like being in a... These village, and you had this crazy pad with this insane deck, and that we, you'd bring people up there, and there was... Yeah, it was a scene. All of a sudden you'd see a chick, and then the chick would be gone. Yeah. And you'd be gone. Yeah.

And then some other chick would be gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then people were in and out. Yeah, it was, it was, uh, it was, it was, it people were in and out. Yeah, it was, it was, it was, uh, it was, it was swing or it was swing or light, you know, yeah. It was swing or read. Yeah, not, there was, yeah, everybody didn't just get naked. No, it wasn't just, but, but you could open a door

and be like, oh shit. That was a jumping off point for getting naked at one point in the evening, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A bunch of swingers come back that I have one time and they all started, you know, doing their thing and I was having a, well, I don't know, but it was interesting You had to leave David Lee Roth living above you too. Yeah, remember that. Yeah, that was that is

His I never remember the girl the swing. I don't know if I tell you that she came out I was having a threesome and bedroom at that time So but I just came out to get some water and and then she walked up and she goes all thanks for having us over Would you like a blowjob and uh... as i can't finally somebody knows how to treat a host ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Really? Wait a minute. I was in a prison with strangers. I was in a prison with my girlfriend and another girl. So if I snuck off to get water and she found me getting ahead from yet, you know, it would be a mess. I don't get that.

I don't get the rules. That's why I never got that. I'd rather cheat. I'd rather just cheat. No, I know. I know, yeah. No, I certainly enjoy, you know, a clandestine heat, you know, but it's, I tried to, you know, we admit in a three-seminal. Yeah, but here's the thing, dude, you know, we had met in a three-seminal.

Yeah, but here's the thing, dude, you, you, this would flip me out about you and I could never do that. I never, first of all, I never had this self-esteem to do that. You're talking about your real ladies, man. I mean, I'll tell you what it was. I would like, I would like to, I watch girls, I would let chick blow my friends, but it was all, it was all psycho crazy shit from growing up that women will fuck you over.

So it was almost like me saying, proving to myself that I want you to suck my friends dick. No, I don't want, I want you to do that. And then they do it, you like that? I do like it, yeah, you're fucking pig. I know you're a fucking pig. So you're a fucking pig. How that early abuse rewires your experience of things

in such a way that you continue to play it out. Right. That's the nature of dysfunction, right? That's why most people don't break out of the cycle. It's just something, I mean, still I find it fucking smoke and hot. There's something hot about your chick fucking, oh yeah, people are into whatever. It just depends on the degree to which you're into. If you can't get off, if your girl isn't fucking somebody else in the other room, then that's

it becomes a issue. Yeah, that's the problem with me is that I never wanted to go. I never thought I could. If I saw my chick, yeah, fucking you, and I'm banging your chick, but you're, you're, I would have been like, oh man, this fucking and and if I saw her give you an eye or a look that she's never given me, it's too weird. Look, if I heard her go, oh god. Yeah, she hit a pitch, she hit a note that you had in her, you're like, wait a sec. And then two weeks later, I'm like, I can't get your voices high. Is he? Did you a little mother? I'd be mad. Yeah, I'd be mad. If I see her, like if I see you see you like as you penetrate and then class pans Right, right. I do some fucking vampire shit that up high and then I tried to do it

And she kind of pulled away. I don't like that. Oh, I'd fucking murder her. Yeah, no that makes sense Which is part of the I mean, I'm like that too, which is why I was never a real Swing is it a is it a disconnect or a confidence to be able to let you girl, you never let you girl fuck around with another guy? No. Oh no. See, I know guys have done that. Oh no, lots of guys did him.

My brother been to swing clubs. I mean, he wants to, they tapped his, him and his buddy tapped his girl. And then her husband came up and she said, thank you very much. You know, last month for her birthday, she, I think she, she banged, she had sex with nine guys eight guys something like that. Well happy birthday. Happy birthday. Yeah yeah yeah no no it's a hell of a

guy you couldn't just take her out for a quiet meal and some candlelight. I'll tell you the the hottest thing that's ever had I was at a club and I had a line of selling CDs or posters some shit after the show, doing merch, which I hate doing. I feel like I'm gonna lick their sales, but just go buy it. You gotta pick it up, you gotta compute it, right? So this girl comes hot blonde, not milfy,

but in between young and old, probably 33. Yeah, like a ripe, that's when it's ripe. She comes up whispers in my ear I think that I think you're so funny. I'd love to suck your compliments and I was like Holy shit. I'm literally signing a autograph for some fucking fact Yeah, of course. Yeah, and she goes my husband's here. Yeah, and I was like oh fuck she goes Is there any way go to the green room if you're cool them watching and I my dick went DING!

Oh yeah, yeah, see I think a real swinger could have been turned on by that I'm just like I'm built like you in that way. I would not have done it. I did it. Oh, no my dick my dick shot through Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm not like that but I'm good But I went back into the room right the green room Her husband was in the corner like I made him go in the corner I go I'm not sucking dick. I don't want to hold your neck. I want to hold the hands.

I want you to do it. I'm not grabbing you. I'm not fucking holding your nuts. No, this ain't about me and you. She came in the most fucking exotic blowjob. I'm gonna go, took her tits out. I combed and he watched and I was like, fucking wow.

It's amazing, right? What a nice couple too. They've come back years after and say, hey, Bobby, great show, and then they leave because they want to, because now I'm bald and fat and married. And that's when couples that are, you know, they just, they have a different conception of, you know, sexuality or whatever it is that they enjoy.

If they're the kinds of people, if they're not killing themselves in other ways and that's how they get off once in a while, I don't, I don't have any judgment for it, man. I don't relate to it, but I don't, you know what I mean? But there's no, there's not really, that this chick was hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not sure to it, but I don't do. You know what? There's no there's not really that this chick was hot. Yeah, yeah, sure. But I've never seen good looking ones. I've been to swing her parties.

No, you just haven't been to the right party then. They're out there. I've seen them. Now what do a lot of me? If you go to let trapeze, if you go to the place, what is it called? Let trapeze. If you go, if you go to a lot of the places that are like just those the establishments that are there all the time, right? So I'm not even the certain nightclubs, right? There are certain floating demographics that go to places and that's the place you wanna get into if you're looking for that. Hey, you're looking for chunky Spanish girls.

Yeah, if you're looking for a good buffet and extra towels, you're not gonna find what you would be looking for. Right. But there's on-prem premise and off-premise. Oh, well, I mean look here, here we are now, years later. Yeah. I just had a kid. I'm in love with this kid.

I'm in love with my wife. Great. I envy that scenario. Where are you at now, dude? Oh, God, psychologically and emotionally. Well, with chicks, do you have a girl? You know, I kind of kind of, man, but but I we just kind of broke off and we're still talking We're trying to make you seem like every time I see you dude you're either you're breaking up with the chick or you just met a chick

Yeah, you know, that's been a re yeah, I mean But you're such a fucking dude. You're a great look. You're one of the best looking dudes. I know you're funny I know the um well, you know, but you're a great look you one of the best looking dudes I know you're funny I know the um well you know but your interesting you're smarter so I'm not going the way this is not about the sort of inability to sort of get somebody to talk to you at a bar or as much as it is the the ability to sustain a relationship which means which which means being able to exhibit vulnerability and and and not allow the walls of your own psychology to prevent intimacy. I know all this, shit.

I know, dude, but what is it? I want to look at dude, I know all this shit. But what do you want, dude? What do you want? Really? Are you happy? I'm not really happy with mine, no. Are you happy with it?

But happiness has always been a struggle for me. I don't intellectually connect or viscerally connect with the idea of having a child as much as I think about it intellectually going, I think that it would be sort of unfortunate if you were to live this life without ever having experienced that. I feel like that would be unfortunate. So if I can find somebody that I think I have a shot at a sustainable scenario while working on myself then I would do it. Do you believe in marriage? Yeah. You do. Yeah. I do. I believe, I mean not in a definitive sense, you know, like it's the right thing for everybody, but I

believe in it if the if the objective is to have a kid, you know, I mean like anything else, if you're going to make a choice, other doors closed and and and that's part of becoming an adult Right, I mean dealing with it with the with the door the closes going. Yeah, so I'm not gonna hang out the phone and morning I'm fucking cloud looking bang some chicken. You still do that of course Shit, dude, that's funny Yeah, but but I but I don't think you just died. That's all right. I don't enjoy it like I used to.

It's weird, right? Like it's it's it's like drinking. You know, it's like once you know, they say in AA, once you know about it, it ruins your drinking. It ruins the fun. Yeah, because you know what you just did with some shit that you know, it's behind it. You know, it's there. Yeah. You know, it it's empty and now that you you're aware of the fact that you've had failed relationships And you're doing it to fill some psychological hole that you need to examine otherwise. It's like it's just a reminder You know when I wake up I got a phone call from this girl I mean this is a while ago, but you know it was just one of those things with with the idea of that lifestyle crystallized

I got a I got oh no, I got a Facebook message the next day. I hooked up with this girl on Saturday night. I left Seattle some day. And I got a Facebook message from this girl that says, did you find a pair of black tights in your luggage? She had to call a girlfriend, wrap a towel around herself in order to get out of the hotel because early in the morning I thought I was being gentleman like and I packed her tights away and my luggage not realizing

that they were pants. They just looked like a t-shirt when they lined on the floor. So I packed my shit and ran out, I took our pants. That's fucking brilliant. You know, and I forgot and I didn't know her name. You know, when I'm thinking back, I don't know her name, I took her pants. It's just sad. Did you keep my throw them out? ¿Tienes que estar en la mano? Yo no he visto la chica. I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more

I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more I'm going to be a little bit more And you're out and where, where's your house? Venice Beach. Oh, you bought Venice. I think it was Silver Lake. I was. I was.

I ended up selling that place, and I moved to someplace where I could walk to a store. You know, right? Venice is crazy, right? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, it's depending on where you're at, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's as, you know, you, there are things within walking distance, unlike a lot of LA. So, I wanted to be someplace like that, you know, and weather's a little cooler.

It is. I used to call it around. I found a place in, shit, I remember in Venice, it was right on the beach, third floor. The deck was the size of a one bedroom. One bedroom. It was right around there. We ever went to that house, like up there and those towards there.

I, yeah, over right near him, this place was. A little bottle. I went and it was 1250 a month for this one bedroom right on the fucking ocean. You woke up every day, your bedroom was looking over the ocean. And 1250 a month, which was only $200,000 more than I was paying. And I had to race down to get this place. And yeah, I didn't get it. They fucked me out of it.

And I was so mad. I wanted to live on the beach so bad. Because it was New Yorkie. Oh yeah, yeah. Relative to the rest of our lives. There's a little fucking danger. Yeah, yeah, there was an edge, but it still kind of hit. And you go down to Abbot Kenny and there's boutiques.

But it's not too vanilla. Yeah, that's a cool. Yeah, no, no, if it Kenny and this boutiques, but it's not too vanilla. Yeah, it's a cool Yeah, no, no, it's if you got a livin' LA. That's the place to live with the only that's talked about is that all the clubs were Fucking kids got a job a half hour again any half hour, you know in traffic all that shit and doing auditions So that's during the day if you got to go to Burbank leave three fucking hours to get back and forth. Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare I'm telling you go back and leave three fucking hours to get back and forth. Yeah. You mess. It's a fucking nightmare. I'm telling you, it's a mess, man. But I don't miss that shit. And I, you know what, I, you know what I missed?

I missed, I know that the weather sucks here. I know the snow in the rain and the fucking heat. I think the rest of the life compensates for it, man. You know what, you know what, I can't stand the pace. And LA, I can't stand leaving five feet of space online at Starbucks with some goofball taking his time to order and doesn't approach the register, even though I'm waiting behind him, because he's looking at the determine

what kind of frappuccino he wants. It drives me out of my mind. My old car, I burnt out the horn. I burnt it out, horn died. I laid on the horn so much he died. And then people can't, it's like, they relate, it's a different culture. They relate to the, I beep a horn.

It's a personal offense to whoever's in front of me. It's not meant to be that. If I'm fall asleep in a red light, beat me, right, you know, get the fuck out of the way. It's not trying to offend your mother. Get out of the way. Yeah. Get off your phone and go. Just go, man.

That's all. And I really missed that. I miss being able to speak how I speak. I miss being able to sort of volume wise. I can wave my hands here. Nobody thinks I'm trying. I'm about to flip out. It wise. I can wave my hands here. Nobody thinks I'm trying. I'm about to flip out It's just I'm just talking yeah, I'm out there. There's this hey bro. What's hey, man? Yeah, hey bro? Are you okay? Yeah?

Fucking okay. I'm not okay now that you're asking me if I'm okay You're fucking goofball take your sandals off put on a pair of hard shoes become a man and what about the stage time? I mean, there's a there's enough stage time out there. At this point. Yeah. I mean, I have good relationships with all the clubs. So you can get on. Yeah. But do you wanna? Like, there's something about here.

It depends on how, no. There's something about here that I know that I can jump on a train or get in a car and be at a club in five minutes and get on stage and then go somewhere else. And in LA, it was like, I have to, okay. I also like walking the street at night with a notebook just to, were riding the train

I don't want to get back in my car, man It feels like it's like LA you're at your home. It's around, you know the sunset and it's cool You're out all day doing shit and whatever working out of going to run you know doing some stew I don't want to go because I don't want to sit I know who's gonna I'm probably get bumped by fucking out of Sandler I don't want to go because I don't want to sit I know who's gonna probably get bumped by fucking Adam Sandler Something but it's like I'm in depending on how much you're on the road, you know I don't that'll that'll that'll lessen your incentive the head entirely with to go to a club You know, yeah, I've been on the road a lot man. Yeah, you come home on fucking Monday You got to go out on Wednesday. It's like why I'm out

I'm done, but in New York there's something about fucking I'll just get on the seller well part of the reason I ended But a club in LA is because I'm lonely Wow, I'm lonely, you know, so I just what do you live with? Just me you live alone on the beach. Hey, you know the dog I can't hurt a dog alive on the road 30 weeks a year Jesus dude. Yeah, but it's um, you know listen I mean, you know it could be a lot worse it's just uh it's just I'm looking to move back but there's an opportunity cost for me at this point. Why? There are things out there I've had going for a while off and on you know. Who's your management?

Prince of Potta, oh uh Prince Potta, young guy named Joel, say who's that now? No Prince of Potta, they're in a lot of people what was that now? Prince of Potta, they had a lot of people. Right, a big management company out there. I left three yards a few years ago. Really? Yeah, well, you know what, it was great that I love that, I found, here I found, you know, a Possil. Yeah, pictures, films, TV, whatever the fuck,

productions. They started a management group, and I love those guys over there, Liri, and, you know, but the, the, the, TV, whatever the fuck productions. They started a management group, and I love those guys over there, Liri, but the Celetti and Bardot, but Jim Cervico, has always been a fan of, he's such a fucking great producer, director, writer, those guys, and when they started, I was like, oh God, thank God, thank God the management out here,

and then they opened up an office in LA. So they're out there too, but they produce shit. They have a production company behind them. Yeah, you just need to be, you know, just about being in the mix and being around. I love that shit though. It's like it's not you're a manager. He called me up, let's shoot this thing. It's great.

Just shoot it for Facebook. Yeah, the problem is, I've developed relationships like that in LA. And if I'm not there, it's like, you know, they can't fly out to, you know, sit you before it, they're at every time, you know, sure, once in a while. But it's like, and so you're just trying to do the math. You want to find out, you know, how aggravated it is. So many shows here, though. Yeah.

So many fucking shows for this 25 shows filming in New York now. I know. I mean, I mean, in my, in my eyes, I know. I mean, in my eyes, I thought you'd be in a fucking, on a show, a New York cop show, or a detective type thing on a network. I know, it was incredible, that felt uncomfortable. I mean, I was, I ended up a planet detective on NBC.

That's how it went. What was that show? Yeah, with her. With her. And it was a series, and then we got pulled off the air, and then I had another part the next year, and you know the game, you know, I've done a bunch of it. It's just it's just whether or not the series pops or something goes or you get on at the right time. It'll fuck now. But I you should definitely be in a

fucking series. You should definitely be on the show. Yeah I mean I just I just you know I just did another pilot. It was my own pilot you know for fuck for Fox. What was it called? It was called Peace of Mind. Was it about you? Yeah. Yeah, it was about my mother. Oh, so you shot a show like the... I shot a show, but we're not, it's not going, you know, and so...

Which is the name of the game, right? I mean, you can't, you know, that's what it is, but it's, but, but, but, wrote it and he peed it and shot it and so on. That's what Louis told me, like, because I shot shot a pilot last year that was so psyched about it. It was like the dream, you know, undercover, warrant police in New York and the Bronx. I literally could take a cab to work. Totally.

And I was on a show, the 2-2 before that, which I literally walked home from fucking Chelsea Pierce. I'd go in, I'd jump into a uniform, go in on my dress and shoot some scenes. I was with some great actors. I've always, I mean, just fucking admired. Damn, man, so funny. It's fun when it works.

You know the guy from three o'clock high, three o'clock high, the bullet money, he's gonna get his ass kicked by the bully. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy was on it. If you get his name, Casey, I think. It's nice when you get to a job The fits and you get the work there fucking it's like all of sudden you're there and you're getting the money and you're working

And you like oh thank and then really something happened. It's so we got to adjust I mean I think all of all the one city, you know, when something works. It's essentially a mistake Meaning it's an exception to the rule if it works you just can't say you can't expect it to expect it not to work doesn't mean don't show up into your job it just means it means don't think it's going because even if it goes it's not going that long they just don't mathematically yeah every now and then there's the one the hundred episodes yeah but that's not that's well we actually told me he goes he actually explained it to me because when that's showed and get picked up the the Bronx warrants I was so bummed out of

the fuck and he was like look I had a pilot that I wrote that they bought that didn't get made then I had a pilot that I wrote with somebody they made it and then I had a show that they picked up and it went one season they canceled it then had another show that they picked up and they and now that's Louis. It's they took him four years four years to get his show It's a long fucking time four years But it's not in this fucking business. It's not yeah, it's not you know, and what about you stand up, dude? What do you do you an hour at CD-Out? Yeah, I have an hour special. You comedy's special, then, at NSED,

and I'm doing another hour. With comedy central? Soon. Oh, no, man. We did the last one independent, and they in license the comedy central. And we did relatively well. But it's a- Who was it with?

We're doing another one. I didn't have to sell it a long order. And they had the guy that runs the show, his David Kelly's partner. He had a uh... production company and so that's who how we finance it and then ran it through those guys and then licensed it so we own it that's so fucking weird man that's such a weird connection

yet that's weird yeah david kelly's on the other side so many it yeah some some many things are like that though you know yeah you know it's just a random i I mean, this guy, this guy, you said, how do this guy, the only thing you can draw on the works, you just keep doing the work. You're good at that though, you're good at connections, you're good at, nah, not that good at that.

Nah, dude, you're better than me at Schmousen. Yeah, but that doesn't make me good, it just makes me better than you. Yeah, you know, you know, you know, a snail, you know, like an LA snail guy, but you can, you can, you can, you can talk to him, yeah. Yeah, you can, you know, you know, the snail, you know, like an L.A. snail guy, but you can, you can, you can, you can talk to him. Yeah, you can, you have, I mean, you can, you can, you can shoot. I also talked to him because I'm not a fan in the sense. I could be a fan of somebody's work, but for me, people on television, I didn't grow up with television. So for me, when people are talking about, you know, celebrity, but I've never had that energy because it's, I don't, it's not in me.

What do you mean you didn to grow up with television? I need to grow up with a lot of television. You know, a lot of guys grew up watching whatever the tonight show they wanted to get to comedy. They saw the sky. They saw that guy. I've never had that. So you're on a junkyard? Yeah, my mother was a hippie.

You know, we had a little shitty television with four channels on. I don't have any connection with the exception of Miami Vice. I remember wanting to be a commas hot cop. I remember wanting to be a Vice cop. That was the only thing I ever wanted to be. But the, in terms of, you know, like these guys who grow up with, you know, so, you know, so into like a movie presence,

a celebrity presence in their life. I don't have that. It's, it's funny that, it's funny that I'm, I'm going through this right now because I grew up in front of a TV. I have a TV. I can't watch dinner without TV. I can't sit down without fucking turn that thing on

I'm sitting with my kid my my fucking weak old kid and I'm looking into his little slate blue eyes and Is and I'm I'm like I had a shot the TV. I'm like what am I doing? Yeah, you see the where the reflection of reservoir dogs bouncing off your kid's eyes Yeah, I'm like look look at this fucking motherfucker. I'm never gonna get this is a very short window. Short window. And do I, do I don't, I don't want him.

Sure. It's like I almost want to unplug these fucking things. Totally. Get a theater and just watch movies. Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, for, for a year and a half, I shut my TV off entirely and I just had DVDs on it. When was that, you know? I was was that? A couple of years ago.

That was a choice. Yeah, it was a choice. Why did you make that choice? Because I found myself drawn to it in a way that I wasn't in control of. And I was alone. And I had emotional issues. And so I would go home and just put it on just to not be with myself. And so I thought, I thought,

if I had to put something in there, it would mean that I would have to make an effort to choose something and put it in. I'd have to actually want to watch something, you know? And as opposed to just putting it on as a default. I'll tell you what I do. I go to bed, I have this little, see this little, this little mount, it's a flex mount.

I have, it's for an iPad mini, and I go home at night, and on my bed I have my iPad mini, I slip it in here, and I Netflix, and I watch these TV programs. Well, Netflix is better than watching regular TV, right? It's not now, because they have, you can watch a whole season in a night. Yeah, all of them, fuck that. Yeah.

And I'm sitting there with my wife and my kid is in bed. I got my two dogs. I'm a father now. I have a family, like a legitimate Kelly family. Yeah, the real deal, yeah. And I created a life and I'm watching a show called Yoreka that got canceled. I know.

About a fucking sheriff and a weird town. What am I doing? We've all been there, I know. Everybody's wired in, man. I mean, it's, and I don't know what kind of, you know, sort of macro effect it's gonna have on people's lives, but it's probably not good. I mean, you're not relating to the people,

you know, in a close, intimate way, if you're staring at a fucking screen. This is what I've been trying to do. And I don't know if this, you might tell me to go fuck off with this. I try to wake up now and put it right on CNN or New York one news. I try to put the TV on news.

During the day, I only watch news. That's it. Okay. I have a TV in my bathroom, brother. When I take a shower, I have a bench with five shower heads and a television. Well, there's.

So I can watch television while I take a shower. I'll show you how. 60 seconds. Your shower's last 60 seconds? Maybe two minutes. What are you in the military? Nah, I get it in and out. It's just like joking off.

I don't look jewelry in that stuff. I don't enjoy it. I've got an objective. I go. That's it. In and out. Yeah, I don't know, man. You know, listen a it's certainly the lesser of a number of evils man You're doing really well relative to the psychological background that you have had to endure

You know, it's like you beat the odds already so you know if the guilty pleasure is having to fucking tube on a lot You know, I don't know if I want my kid to be that though I think I want my kid to want the want the kid to be that I don't want my kid to fucking play Xbox. I don't want my kid to watch TV I think I want my kid to paint You want a limited my my ex girlfriend went to the Waldorf school and they didn't watch any TV And they they played only with wooden blocks. There was no plastic wacky toys with things So to people like that grow up with more reasonable sort of perspective on even a tame iniman in all, you know, when you see some girl that blew a wrapper because they saw

them on television. It wasn't somebody they'd grew up into the Waldorf school. It was somebody that, you know, grew up with fucking MTV. Yeah, that's where I run around, it's Adam from Topic. You know what I mean? Because there's nothing about that. Is that why I blew a wrapper? Probably, probably.

Yeah. Yeah, no, it's, you know, it's a bullshit culture in a lot of ways. So you got to try and pick and choose the places. It's only, I mean, I can only imagine the phone my kids is going to have. Yeah, I know. I mean, think about the phone I have. I shot, it's going to be a phone slash teleportation device.

I shot like a mini half hour television show on my iPhone. I edited it on the phone, and then I had it up on the internet and a thousand people viewed it within a fucking day. I mean, what the fuck is that? Well, the fucking landscape is changing, man. I just don't know. I don't think we're moving in a positive direction. I know guys who are getting famous of a six-second video is unwind. Yeah, that won't last, but yeah, I won't last, but it's actually happening. Well, lots of things. I, you know, there was a point of which Christians were being thrown to the lion. I mean, a lot of wacky shit happens.

It's only about being able to control what we can control and then comment on the rest of it, you know. It's like, yeah, it's crazy. What are you doing? You are crazy. Half to half wasp genetically. How old are you? 39.

You're 39. Yeah, that's good. At least you, at least that was a test. At least LA didn't get to you Fuck out of here. I know guys. I know guys who fucking literally have lied to me about their watch God, I don't tell people you have lost psychologically at that point you've lost the game you fucking goofball Really you're lying about your age Just suck a dick and get it over with you fucking goofball

Just suck a dick and get it over with you fucking goofball There's anything wrong with Blona guys. It's a perfectly honest work of that's what you're into I'm just saying the guy we're talking about denying it. You've never fucking sucked a dick. No No, no, not my thing, you know, but again, I don't have a lot of you pause Well, no, no, I was just thinking about I didn't want to come off as though if somebody had I have any judgment for them I don't they're right. I don't need that You know, you know, you know, it's so funny when I grew up, I grew up with these guys from Boston, Boston, Irish, Catholic, Italian, working class guys who if we did that, you were a peri. You're a f**k of faggot. Yeah, that's exactly what I grew up with. I'm so happy that my son's not going to grow up in that. No. Because I live in a gay building.

my son's not gonna grow up in that. Cause I live in a gay building. My whole building is gay people and artists and writers and all that shit. And I mean, I'm moving. You wanna buy my place? Funky one bedroom, five shower heads, bench, brand new kitchen, up and downstairs. Yeah, where is it, Midtown?

Midtown, house kitchen, nice building, like a tree line street though Not a not one of those high rises funky building maybe put it on the market next week. I'm out dude You're out. I'm out maybe yeah, I need you need space you want space for the kids a different kind of operation You're running out dude. I just bought a hunting knife a custom built knife excellent I was gonna ask you if you did that I'm I'm I'm into last year me and my wife actually was in last year or the year before. Last summer because she wasn't pregnant

yet. I knocked her up and was it August or something? Whatever the fuck was it? We went, my uncles have this house up in the hamshop and the mountains and we went up there and we fucking God, I mean we went hiking. I remember we just I actually when I was at the night when I was right when I was a juvenile Delinquent sure believe it or not they used to take us Juvis when you there was bad Juvis Halls There was good Juvis Halls and when you were in the good ones They take you on field trips. It was called normalization. They tried to normalize you.

The place you were in was a house, instead of a building. They want, in a neighborhood. So they would take you to the mountains up in the hampshooter, it was like an hour and a half away. And they'd go up on, and we just come down a mountain. And I remember, one time we came down, it was a 4,000 foot mountain,

and we went the wrong way down the backside, and we found this lake 2,000 feet down, and we stole a canoe. There you go. And I'll let you win, and we'll tap. I'll teach them. I know. I should have you locked down a Florence Max with a gotty

and the rest of them. It's 24 hour lockdown. I remember we found this girl counselor crying on a rock have way down the road. Yeah, and we were like picking up dirt and leaves like Indians going this way. We didn't fight. It was what this Puerto Rican get. Yeah, of course. Yeah. And yeah, that's what I would have done. Last year I found the trail and I went up it and I took my fly fraud.

That's cool. And I went up to the tree and I found that lake. I hadn't been there since I was in Juve Hall. And dude, it was, everything came back to me. And it was this crazy hike and it was really tough. It's kind of straight the fuck up. We get up there and it's this beautiful lake, 2,000 feet up, this mountain on the backside. And we walked around it and I was like I haven't been this is I remember being right here yeah I remember coming down

memory is is interesting like that I still don't go back to the junkyard for those reasons really floods in is it still there yeah the junkyard is my house was paved over and turned into a strip all parking lot no shit yeah so it's even that much more depressing it's um Jesus. Yeah, yeah, but it's yeah, yeah, yeah, emotional memory strange like that man. It comes a little hit you Yeah, well, it's it's uh Late now I find later in life. It's like, you know, the woods and shit like that I hated when I was a kid and then hate it, but I was just I reconnected to it at all I visited your semifinal for the first time last month. Really? Yeah, drove through.

It was amazing. And you didn't? It was amazing. I really, really incredible up there. I mean, I don't know. I'm still not connected to a degree that I pitch a tent and really deal with it, but I appreciate it from a distance. I want to live in the... I want trees, man. I went and looked at houses up in between the bridges.

Very life-affirming. It's like you're sitting there. I checked out this, I like the Brady Bunch houses, the contemporaries, the 1950s and 60s, you know, angles and windows and stuff. Yeah, weird, that weird fucking... So, like a lot of houses like that and so really. Yeah, like the 20 years of fucking weirdness that they are. I love those houses.

Yeah, it's right after World War II and then before like the 80s came in and all that prefab shit. Yeah Exactly and I'm in this backyard this guy planted all these bamboo trees He's got this cool little path That's good. What do you go man? And I'm like, oh this is it man. Imagine coming to fuck home After a spot and pulling in your driveway Yeah, and not having to spend 20 minutes looking for a fucking...

Well, I mean, I do. You do, you do now. But in New York, I'm just done. No, I know, of course, man. You've been living here forever. And you're on the other end, you wanna come back and get on the streets again. Yeah, I have to, I have to.

Well, also my mother lives here, and my brother lives here, you know, what's like. Well, your brother's an interesting guy too. He's a counselor. He's a psychologist, you know what's like well your brother's an interesting guy too he's a counselor a psychologist yeah Getsu yeah yeah he's a comedian to present you to tournaments and he you learn to speak Nepalese went and walked around with monks you know also little light swinging you know you got a light swinging it's fucked up you gotta you gotta do your create you get this and and people see you too and they see your comedy and you're out of your fucking mind on stage So you get this and people see you too and they see your comedy and you're out of your fucking mind on stage.

No, you're out of your fucking mind. I'm telling you. I think I'm calming down. You're crazy on stage, right? And then, but you're highly intelligent. I don't know about that. No, just a couple of girls that might argue that. But yeah, I'm not saying that you're intelligent and relationship wise.

I'm talking about you know, I mean, you, I mean you're you're you're walking with a fucking you know some crazy book with a fucking you know Asian face on it Yes, I remember we even when I was from high school You know I'm right after my father died and I'm living in some shitty flat Brooklyn awful, you know It's depressed out of my mind. I remember being openly reading this philosophy books, you know that that That would help me sort of escape, you know, and so you just get just becomes part of whatever. book, you know, that would help me sort of escape, you know. And so you just get, it just becomes part of whatever. So I, you know, it's not, it's a place I enjoy going. I like thinking about shit. Maybe sometimes it's removing me from where I'm at emotionally. Maybe it's counterproductive in a number of ways.

I never got you in LA. I remember, I got me there either. I've never moved there because I wanted to. I remember I would see you in LA and I'd be like, be like it does I get it but I don't get it when I'm out there walking around and work boots and Venice It doesn't make sense to me dude. I remember I seen you out in front of the cellar where you fucking cup of black coffee Yeah, that's what I call for you right there. And you you fucking tight cookie shirt Yeah, man. This is it's home. It's always been home, you know, and and and I and again, it was just work, man, this is it's home and it's always been home, you know, and and and I and again It was just work, man, you know, you fucking if you're if you if you if you have an opportunity in a coal mine And you need to work you go with this coal, you know shooting a show and it made sense to go out there and everybody's like Yeah, you got to stay and then you know, what do I know nice day?

Did the same thing to me, dude? I know I I did the same thing to me. You gotta stay. I booked a show. I'm out. When I want to go back, everybody goes, no, you gotta stick it out. It's gotta be a few years. You can't just come here for a year. You gotta come here for five years.

It's like, you know, it's bullshit. Everything's bullshit. You know, it is, but it is in, it's like. It is bullshit. It's bullshit. I look at. Well, it's bullshit that you have to. You don't have to.

I know so many guys that are here that are actually doing work. And when they want you, you go there. I know. And when you put, there's guys that are here that are actually doing work and when they want you they you go there I know you know and when you put there's guys that are New York that are fucking East Coast Yeah, and there's guys that can do both and then those guys that are LA you know dain LA No, that about it. Dains and LA guy he came to New York was here and it was cool But when he went to LA he hit a fucking stride. And, you know, Colin fucking New York, Louis, New York, Norton, New York. I know.

There's guys that went out there that are just, you know. I know, no, it doesn't fit. It's your definitely, your New York. It's never fit for me, man. So move the fuck back. Yeah, I'm working on it. Get the fuck back, buy my place. Let's go.

I'll take a look. Come over, take a look. Have a couple coffee and meet the kid. I was thinking about living at like that, but I was thinking about it. I wasn't sure where I wanted to live. Though my neighborhood, you know what they call my neighborhood? No, healthy. The new Chelsea.

Dude, it's fucking crazy. I'm staying on 50th Street right now. It's great. I walk down the night to Avenue going south. It's wonderful, man. You should come over and meet the kid while you're in town. All right. They're in the day.

See the place. Even the building, even the neighborhood, just to know it. I would actually like to check it out. You should. All right, I have time on, I think on Friday, or Saturday. I'm around. I'm playing the seller a weekend.

But so you're back in New York, you're doing the Gotham comedy club. And now what's next, dude? What are you doing next? What is your goal? Do you write your own stuff? Of course. Yeah, all right, but you saw your scripts that you write you sit down and write two TV shows I did I did one with Neil Brenner for showtime and when that contract for a year and then that was from the ground up

All the way through through shooting and then so was this thing. I like Neil Brennan. I kind of I kind of clash with that guy I want to first met him. We've had all kinds of sort of interpersonal shit But you know, I mean he's he's a good friend, but he but yeah, sure. I mean listen every every I You know, it's hard to for me to come like that you can sit in a room with for eight hours to clip and call Colin Quinn choke somebody man Quinn. I can the only one, but you're absolutely right about that. I love Colin Yeah, I love Colin. I mean, you know, I don't know him in that context So now you so you wrote your script with him and who's the other guy? I'm like, no, no, but right now what we're doing is I was working on a story when I was still here. It was called 4 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 My buddy who was now René's partner was my partner.

And then he just took it over and wrote the rest of the screenplay. And so we're partners and I have a good sized part, but they can't leverage me into the movies. Because you can't, you won't be financing the leverage. You know, it's so precarious. Even it's so funny what the act, the realities of this business are, there aren't but seven people in gonna move you made.

And only in specific genres usually. So, you know, you have to really strip down the budget, you know, I mean, if you can get a few million bucks, you know, even with big name. It's really, I don't understand enough about that business to go into it. I just know it's really hard.'t understand enough about that business to go into it I just know it's well people are this guys that get TV shows because they have you know over a million Twitter followers That comes into play

Sure, they'll have a guy don't work, but I know what you mean. Yeah, no the between this guy I'm not giving people a development deal because they did well at Montreal for seven minutes and they have a nice smile I mean that that business went out the window to yeah won't't work. It won't hold, but they're reaching for anything, right? I mean, you know, a hit show now is one fifth of the number of eyeballs it used to be. And you can't sustain, you know, people's page, you can't sustain how much it costs. There was seven channels back then.

Precisely. So now that there's 500 or 200 or whatever there are. And say 100 of them have good Programming precisely so the competition is such that you can't you can no longer afford to fund a two million dollar An episode shows. There's just aren't the number of eyeballs to watch it. I can't I cannot not stop watching duck hunters Duck hunters are good. Yeah. Hey, hi. Hi. You know my two favorite shows are 48 hours first 48 okay, and and pawn stars Hi, hi, you know my two favorite shows of 48 hours first 48 okay, and and porn stars Porn stars great, but this is what I don't like about porn stars ready. I I love those guys Yeah great, but then when they negotiate I'm like you're a cock sucker

He just said it's fucking 10 grand and you're you're trying to give him two grand I know what that's like for just being in the used car In the junkyard if I pay you anywhere near what the car is worth I'll never be able to sell and cover my overhead So if it's worth 10 grand in theory at an auction you got a way to you six months to get there You got to give 20% of your purse you got to pay a bunch of taxes. It's not all fucking rosy Yeah, but all right. I'm coming from the other Makes me angry no, but it's not that way because 10,000 is ideal circumstance if you go to Sotheby's you sign up

You pay your fees. It's all messed to get that 10 grand. And then you're walking away with seven. If I give you five today and K. Yeah, this country's got a fucking walk. He's got a samurai sword. You're fucking three G's. Wow, okay, yeah, but you know, you also lose money. Not to mention you've got repairs.

You've got a staff that's 50 grand a month. You've got overhead, you've got insurance. You've got any number. But the poor ladies walking in there, fucking roots are coming in because she doesn't have enough cash. I know. I know.

But what's the, what's the, okay, so the answer is to give her full price and then you go out of business now. Everybody's hungry. How's this? You don't give her full price but pay her what you're supposed to. You're supposed to pay her five out of ten. And they just did an episode where we were walking to an antique shop. It finds a samurai hat.

Yeah. For 300 bucks. It's worth 2500 bucks. Okay. But every now and then. Okay. Oh, you mean he wants to tell them. Well, he's on his guy. Yeah, no, one of the very few honest pawns though. pawn people, you know, you can't get in there too. There's a line. I know. I know. I know. I want to go there like there's a line. There's ropes. You know, I know the public is for them. So next time you want to go, I'll give you her.

I just call it. She's awesome. But yeah, I love that show. I love travel channel. I like what they mean. Well, he's gone. I know. I know CNN. And I thought he was going to do a greater show. It's the same show.

He's doing the same show, but with less edge. Yeah. I know. It's less edge. I know, I know. He's not drinking his mom. So that was the fun thing about watching. The last season.

The last season. What was the one? The last last the new show that he did on travel channel last year oh oh oh oh that one yeah layover yeah that wasn't a real show but I'll tell you why it was a great show he was fucking shit faced right yeah 10 minutes into the show he's just shit face that yeah I enjoy that yeah but um yeah I miss him yeah that was fun I love that I love these this is that this is where like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. This is where you go crazy, though, is that there's so many stupid shows.

I saw the show in Netflix. What's the homeland, the redhead, the star homeland? I stopped watching it when it got too wacky. I don't watch it at all. I watched it for the first five hours. I saw it on Netflix. I see this sitcom called Life Starring the lead in the same guy about a guy who got a cop Who got convicted of murder when did 10 years?

If they found out it wasn't him DNA They let him out gave him an undisclosed settlement of millions now. He's a detective But he's learned so much about life in jail. He's a badass. He became a super cop in jail for 10 years He's been on both sides of the fence right, so all that knowledge and then go out and catch the bad guys with a nude figure Right, right and then I I'm watch the whole two seasons. It was off of two seasons And I wrapped up fucking gone. I'm in bed with a little, I have a plasma in front

of my five inches in front of my size. And that's all okay. Well, I mean, my thing is, man, when I get, when I'm in those spaces and I feel like, I've really been trying to figure out how to just sit with myself and I realize I gotta get back in the therapy because I always knew I could use more of it, but I never realized I needed it to the degree

and I feel like I have these empty things, man. Like feelings of either worthlessness or whatever the feelings are. They come from these strange places that end up driving me in counterproductive ways and I gotta get to the bottom of it. Well, you know what's weird about that is that, you know, I quit smoking two years ago in August

and I said to myself, I'm done. This is it, I quit smoking two years ago, you know, in August. And I said to myself, I'm done. This is it. I'm going to sacrifice. I need to quit smoking because I want to have a kid and I'm not having a kid. So me and my wife both quit. I made her quit too. It was bad for her. Most of the smokers into a fucking tent. Oh, yeah. Brutal man. Okay. So now we quit, but then I put on fucking 60 pounds. And now that I have this kid, I gotta take it off. And it's been the hardest thing in the world the last year trying to take this weight off. Well, that's all connected to that stuff underneath.

What did you learn in breaking away from the past like you did in the first place, you know? What do you mean? A-A, all that stuff, you know? I mean, I don't know. I don't know if it's that part of getting to the bottom of what made people want to do whatever in the first place, right? It became my life

A.A. was my life of five years. That's how I quit drugs and alcohol, right? And then quitting don't you apply a similar similar set of sort of I haven't I haven't because I don't think I You know, I always say when you're done you're done When you're done doing something you're done Doesn't matter it doesn't matter who right but when I used to go to a dance once in a while Which Rob Shapiro Ron St. Mark's place to to try and meet girls because they were all hopped up on coffee and had you know Whatever their bottoms where we're a lot worse than fucking me that night You know so they really had things in perspective you could me you could make a move over there and

They would you could feel me that. So they really had things in perspective. You could make a move over there. And they would, you could feel, you could feel the compulsive sort of nature in the air, right? So everybody's just kicking back soda and drinking coffee and all that. I'm just saying that those personalities don't just disappear just because they stop. You know whatever it's the food addiction is basically you know my anxiety comes out well through food now because I don't have sex I have no more prostitution I got no more you know random head you're not drinking yeah and um you know I got it but I I know it's like how the fuck do I get a whole this because I can't not I

Can not fuck I can not fuck and live I can not smoke and live I can not drink alcohol do drugs and live I cannot not eat and live So I have to eat certain things I can not exactly but that's I know that's the rub. Yeah, it's the rub It's it's you know, it's the rub. It's, you know, I didn't have carbs or sugar for three months. And then I, you know, some experience of that. It was terrible for three weeks. But it didn't, oh, for three weeks, and then after that, after that, I didn't crave it, but it was the wrong thing to do.

What do you mean? Because it is, it's not, it's not the carbs, it's not the sugar. Those are bad for you. I don't want to have splendor. Right. Because it's terrible chemicals. Yeah.

I don't want to have a bread. And you get a bag of a box, all artificial food. It's terrible. So I'm, you know, but I'm an addict. Right. I'm not eating carbs because I'm eating carbs until I fucking the pain right right is all right Yeah, it's like I can wake up and have a scone. I could have a piece of wheat toast

I can have some it's all about the degree to which you take it. Yeah, like today. I go to we go to We go to juniors which I love time square if you're ever in time square You want to go to a fucking good restaurant? If you're ever in Times Square, you want to go to a fucking good restaurant. It's just a great fucking diner. Yeah, just old school, good, yeah. Brilliant food. So are we there in my wife? You know, this is what we're trying to do now is split food or have halves.

So I get the soup in the salad. Sure. And she gets a salad in the sandwich. I get a soup in the sandwich. She gets a salad in the sandwich. I get, I get a soup and a sandwich. She gets a salad and a sandwich. Half a sandwich. Okay, great. But then I get to order

a potato pancakes, sour cream. And she's pregnant. She has the kid. She's easy to break. Oh, fucking big girl. I'm in second time. Oh, this chick is easy right now. They're using buddies.

Yeah, man. It's fucking, dude, can I just say something? It's like, I feel bad because I'm fucking killing her too. Because I'll be like, oh, we should just get a pizza. It's easy. I love an ablin, right? Yeah, we're on the show. Sure, yeah.

It's fun. You know, I envy you because you don't, you might wanna examine that one. No, dude, I know you got issues. I know you get problems. I don't, and I know you're fucked like me You're fucked like the rest of us, but the one thing that you've never been fucked with was food I don't even think I've seen you eat

Yeah, but you don't have a food addiction Yeah, maybe yeah, maybe not addiction. I mean my my demons just sort of tend to play out in in other ways You know, yeah, it's's, I just wish this food. I've had it my whole life to it. I remember the first fat I had and sixth grade. I remember I just got fat and then I lost it. And I remember I remember the good feeling. I remember the good feeling when I lost it,

all the accolades I got. I wonder if that's some weird, you mean the accolade having lost it being connected to something else that makes you want to eat the pain of Especially now being in the business and having some type of fame The pain of people calling you fat on the internet or it just hurts. Why I don't know it hurt because I don't want to be called fat Would you? When someone calls you a fat fuck? fat would you uh... when someone calls your fat fuck

uh... it's just it's just describing what kind of fuck you are you can be a skinny fuck to no no no it's not did not come in it's not about the fuck part of the right now that's not the fuck part i don't mind the fuck part i don't mean the clock soccer part it's you fat fucks and all the me you just want to feel you know i i i. I mean you just want to go to the place where you are healthy. No, yeah look Dude I get a lot of emails from guys a lot of people listen to my show that oh, you know Have food addictions and a lot of guys. I you know and the help is there or the thing is there. I know what it is

But it's it's it's this one has been a tough one of course it is I've lost weight a lot of times and I just, I'm so sick of it. You've given up so many of the other things that you could have turned to. So of course, it's going to be exaggerated the anxiety, the struggle. Yeah, this is the last one. I mean, this is the last, I mean, I've conquered a lot of shit.

And here I am, I search for a father figure my whole life. And now I'm the dad. And now here I am. And I went down to pick up my kid and I almost passed out. I'm done. Right on me. Yeah, and that's certainly incentive and a reason to do it. That's a fucking my knee hurts.

I mean, I'm 42. It's like, what the fuck, man? And I could cry sometimes. Seriously, man, I get emotional. Thinking about all the opportunities that I might have missed because of my addiction, my physicality. You know this, you know this, no dude, I know for a fact. I, well you're good looking guys,

and maybe you could have played that sort of angle, you know, the whole idea. Yeah, if I was, if I look, but a lot of guys could have missed the same opportunities, had they not been heavy, you know. Yeah, no, but that's the thing is I'm not a factor That wasn't you. Yeah, I am if I was if I was a fat guy if I was you know that guy Brad could pick it 80 pounds it hurt his career, you know if if if

If already laying is thin is a Thin is a big call an ambulance You know, it's all relative right well. Well, yeah, it's never ends though. We're always doing this. What is that void, right? I mean, how do we get inside of that darkness in such a way that we can acknowledge? It never goes away, but do we acknowledge it?

No way that you can live with it. And it doesn't feed these self-destructive kind of scenarios or parts of our personality. How do you get there? Yeah, it's almost like I feel like if psychology I accepted it like this is who I am and I'm okay with that that maybe you would I'd go away. You know what I mean maybe it would just maybe I just wouldn't do it anymore. Right right right like accept like no but I'm at the place where you're like yeah I got a hole there's some hole inside and I

accept it. I just don't know how to, I don't know how not to let it affect me to the degree that I'm hanging out later than I should be or doing whatever. It's like, you know, it's not an addiction, but if you're hanging out late at night after a show because you can't just go back to your room. Your energy levels are such that I can't go back

and stare at the wall. And TV is not going to get me back in that room. Right. So you take a couple of drinks, you know, with some girl and then, uh, and, and, you've been alone for three days, you know, and she's got a little bit of blow before you know, you're up, say the next day you have a radio, no sleep, you feel like shit tonight. I mean, it's never been a problem for me in that thing, spiral out of control. I understand it's not an addiction quote unquote, but you want to live it in an optimal way And you just feel like these dark parts of yourself. Are there any guys who who who's around this Tom pop an example of something

Who was able to just go home or is he hiding something? Yeah, dude? I'm still waiting to catch him making out with a dude in a vestibule You know what I mean? I'm still waiting to like go to a peep show and fucking the window goes up and it's him He's definitely pulled off the family man guy in a way He's seemingly more effective than other people that have been able to do. He is a family man, though I mean that's the way. Yeah, that's the way he's built, you know, and I mean I met his bless Yeah, he's he's that way. I mean look Norton us calling us Keith us. I mean pretty much everybody we know Right, but I'm I can't that's the problem. I can't think of any examples of people been able to really

Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld's maybe an example that yeah. Yeah, I don't know anybody else. Yeah, I think I've got the problem is I mean you're whipping through a hundred names and if all you can come up with is two and they're maybe You know, it's like it doesn't look good Yeah, dude, I don't know. I mean, I don't think that I don't know if we could do what we do. The comedy is is, you know, I mean, I know that about it. I'm just wondering if you could limit the she the thing, you know, it's literally philosophizing. We've limited it. We've limited it. First we have limited it. We've do it. Yeah. been a limited it, right? We've limited it, dude. Seriously.

That's about fine tuning. If this was the 80s, meaning you'd be dead. Ooh, we'd be dead. We'd be dead. Oh yeah. We'd be dead. Oh yeah. We'd both have AIDS.

Yeah. We'd have AIDS and track marks and fucking, yeah. We'd be in methadone clinics. Ooh, be a wrap. We're lucky that somehow, we're lucky that Reagan and stop drugs and they made a- We're lucky that Len Buyers died. Yeah. We're lucky that Reagan and stop drugs and they made a healthy we're lucky lend bias died we're lucky that crack wasn't in exactly once once I mean because we're lucky that crack kicked in when it did because that's when the law's got

harsh and it was like wait a second that shit is unhealthy before that it was just a party snap and you're about to walk it around and everybody's high you go back in the room at the comedy store the whole thing's black Black and mirrors It was built for it. Yeah, like Yeah, how many blow-jove are you got in the seller? The seller yeah, no not many really how many two I've done the table on a little bit of a little head in the closet

The closet I've gotten but nothing I got I got head from two girls White girls both who had drag locks. Oh, man. Same night. Same night. What is it hold on not at the same time? Same. No, not at the same time They were two different girls two different Together and they went red locks two different girls white dreadlocks, okay? Different people different people different didn't know each other That's incredible suck my dick. I don't think that's happened anybody else ever white dreadlocks okay different people different people different didn't know each other that's incredible suck my dick that's i don't think that happened anybody else that's it same night that was bob marley and that one of them was black and in that

closet so weird and so the odds are crazy that i almost told the second girl do you know ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ah, I just tell you something real quick way second my day. Believe it or not, you're not gonna believe it. Cause I gotta share it with somebody. You're not the first red lot chick to suck my dick in the hallway. Tonight, yeah, with white skin no less. No, it's incredible. Yeah, I think it's incredible. That is incredible.

I mean, if you had to pick a number, what would your number be? I think my number would be sexual experiences, not fucking sexual experiences. I would have to say 500. Oh, more than that. Whoa. And not in a good way. I 500 oh more than that whoa Not in a good way I mean more than that in a non-helply way. I don't think it's I mean look You know you don't have aids in herpes Are you don't have aids father? Don't really you father dot you telling me that an hour and 12 minutes in

Wait a minute dude stop slow the fuck down dude Wait a minute dude stop slow the fuck down dude Wait a minute dude listen to me brother seriously It your father go ahead AIDS and your mother's HIV positive from your dad no from somebody else It's highly unusual. I know wow, and how did your dad get AIDS? It's like the reverse the lottery. Well, he was he was with guys He was with guys no shit Yeah, but like he was a guy in a junkyard, you know that was also to find out that with him It was like you know it was not

You we didn't live in the fucking village, you know that was not acceptable We're in Jersey and the junkyard so like what North North Spring sting grew in that factory town and then south of New Brunswick like towards James Burr like towards English town Yeah, but but but I was you know my best friend was a Puerto Rican kid from Harlem And I spent a lot of time here with his family because I was you know my father they moved that I was you know from the time I was 15. I was in my where did your mother goland Park outside, across the bridge from New Brunswick. If you get off the train in New Brunswick, it's about six...

So your mother... Did you leave when he had AIDS? Or did you leave when he found out that he was with dudes? I didn't find out. No, no, he moved out when I was 12. But I didn't find out until I was like... Right before he died, he told me he goes... But I couldn't tell anybody, you know?

So I wasn't telling anybody, so... Right. So he said, said look I'm dying of HIV Yeah, yeah, yeah, when I was 21 he died and you were like and you were like how did you get it? Well, he did he come out with it. How did he who told you he was with dudes? Oh my mother and then and Most of my a lot my mother and then I kind of knew at some point as I got older really yeah And did that I mean when he was dying of HR I mean was that how when did he die what years? Oh like 94 was probably dead by Jesus, so that was like when AIDS was yeah still hot and hit

It's hot. Yeah, you know he would I remember Yeah, yeah, age was hot back there Age on the top fucking 10 Age was hot back there. Age was on the top fucking tent. It was top of the chart. He was talking to me. He was a pop. He was like, God, it was cancer and AIDS. We're fighting it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like Michael Jackson in the who. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that you picked two different styles of music.

I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel it. That's fine. That's fine. I'm going to run the room. I'm going to be doing it. There's two different diseases. So total different. Yeah. Um, who's the, I would think that the who would be a cancer and Michael J. Ed's right. I agree.

He absolutely. Yeah, he definitely is. So, I mean, you found out he had AIDS. And when AIDS was AIDS. Yeah, man, it was crazy. He wouldn't let me drink from his cup because he didn't know. Nobody knew. Fuck. You know, so it got real weird

Yeah, it's not like that. Did he know how he got it? Well You don't have to be a detective that spent 10 years in prison to figure that out. All right. Let me ask you a question, sir Too many idea were you playing the guitar? What's the one that also was HIV positive? I share an instrument for the guy I do name her but I fuck this guy in the ass without a 17 times In a junkyard in dirt

Hoptup on coke at a bathhouse I'm glad dude. I'd say this dog's glad I didn't grow up in the fucking 80s when they had all that creepy shit going on in New York Like the vault and these in the me packed Could you imagine being on the edge of gay Nice wet cobblestone street Yeah, I would have said you could take it all around you. Listen nice wet cobblestone street I Mean if you don't like vegetables you grow next to cornfield at some point you're gonna nibble It's gonna happen you're gonna try any record. It's such a fault you're growing a cornfield

So So your father passes away and did you when did you mom get it? I mean how did that? With some guy I guess he was yeah, I didn't know that I mean I know your mom I met your mom a few times What is this is this is this recent? 5 6 7 8 yes, but she's doing well, you know, because AIDS now I mean yeah, I mean they cure AIDS I mean that's what they said I think you're a day to didn't cure HIV. And so you still have to get monitored and you've got to have your blood test all the time. And then she and you know, single, it's like, you know, it's still not fun to hear. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying AIDS is fun to have. I was just finding the idea of having corded.

It's like, there is it to a degree. Dude, let's go get AIDS. Somebody, for example, it ain't what it used to be. Find me out. Find me up to none. Dude, I got an AIDS house. So your mom's okay though. Yeah, she's okay.

She's good, man. Yeah, and I mean, it's not, I mean, they get it to where the medication and it doesn't affect. Yeah, I'm in a full life. Yeah, and then your mom's a pretty woman. All right. I mean, she's young. I'm not Jesus Christ.

I didn't mean, dude, I mean, really's young. I'm not Jesus Christ. I didn't mean to do that. I mean, yeah, that's how she got it, man. I don't want to. You're fine. I don't know. It's a crazy game, man. Wow, it's just a weird, the odds are that. It's almost as great as the odds of me getting blown

by two fucking white dreadlocks. I think those are the same odds. No, I know, it's like I grew up in Kenya, but I didn't, you know, it's like, yeah, just the odds are very thin, you know. Yeah, and is the guy that she got them from? Does he get, he's dead. Yeah.

Jesus, how did he die of AIDS? I think so. Oh my God, dude. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy, man. What a fucking crazy life you got, man. I mean, not in a bad way dude

But the the the the the color of your life the the you know the pieces, you know the best bet together as best you can You should be more fucked up than you are Give me time I'm working on I'm gonna check with dreadlocks give me a little bit of I mean you took you took I'm working on it. I'm not a chick with dreadlocks. Give me a little bit of time. I mean, you took, you took, there's something to be said about your mom or your brother and who you are.

And maybe even your father, that you, I mean, you turned out the way you did. You and your brother too. Because you look, you could have been a lot worse. Look, what I had, you know, you know, look, we all have our own fucking things and we all survive a different way. But it's not that it could have been worse.

It's that the effects that it had on you and what you did with it and where you went, yeah, you got your problems and you got your own shit to deal with. But, you know, they threw you in the fucking dryer and you came out kind of cool, you know what I mean? You're a little wet though. Yeah, you fucked up, absolutely.

Yeah, no, drive for the most part. Yeah, no, I know you mean, yeah. And, you know,? Yeah, you fucked up absolutely. Yeah, no, drive it the most part. Yeah, no, I know what you mean. Yeah. And you know, and to, you know, because you're like me too. I mean, I love comedy, but I love acting too. I love to, I love to, you know, and you're a great actor. You know, you just get to experience different, I mean, I don't know.

That's where you fucking acting comes from. You know, you experience it. That's where your good acting comes from. Well, it's also, you know, there isn't an emotional relationship instead of you can have emotional relationship with the material and feeling the feelings when you're saying the words, but it's there's not a back and forth, you know, it's just a different kind of thing. Yeah, but that's, you know, I mean, you know, I like, I love doing, these are why I love doing these shows like this too, is that you get into, you know, you hear some shit.

I love, I like hearing stuff like that, and knowing that you're all right, and your moms are right, and you know, you guys are still, you're doing all what, you're doing great, and you're still, that shit devastates some people. Some people fall apart and take years to get their shit back together. Sure, yeah, yeah, you know?

Yeah, yeah, no, I could see, you know, you dive into a bottle or whatever, you know, I'm Sure, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I could see, you know, you dive into a bottle or whatever. You know, I'm in, listen, this is a big part. There's a thing with a lot of millions of millions of people in the country. It's like, you fucking get hit with something. And then if you don't see your way through it, you know, without, you know, if you combine that with addicted

personality and some others, you know, you could have a tough time. Yeah, it's a fucking, I'm telling you, man, I'm looking at my kid now and I'm looking at my Jesus man All I want to give you is self-esteem Totally I want you to just feel good about yourself I don't I don't I don't care who you become personally gay straight tough whatever the fuck you do I don't care. I just want you to have good self-esteem that about I want you to care about yourself

If you want if you're filling holes regardless of what you become God you're a mess, man. It's always ends badly if you're doing that dude. I fucking generation to it's like You know I was we're breastfeeding now You know and it's like now everybody's back into breastfeeding You know you should breast it's better for the kid and it is it's better for it's the way it sounds natural Nobody had a bottle eight under that there. ago. Yeah, for most of human existence, 98% 99% of it. Yeah, people shout baby out, baby's out in dirt. Yeah, they shout about in dirt.

You shout out many out of shakin' you man. You're in a fucking elephant tongue. And then you put them on your fucking dragging tit. Yeah, you put them on one of those. The nipple that has fucking just dried up from being in the sun. Because nobody had bras back there You know and then I

You nibble away and you get a nourishment. Yeah, you put her on that fucking Brazil. Not you call a nipple Right, yeah, and then Like the old subways they hung those leather straps And then you know, but now but our generation didn't know, I was talking to my mom and all these women are like, they didn't press feed. It was gross. It was gross to, you know, women, American women.

It was disgusting. You put them on a bottle and that's it. And get away from that natural organic thing. You see what's happened, even with our diet here, you know. It's a first world country that could afford to educate people on what they with the but there's no money to be made in just don't be broccoli you know yeah you got to continue to yeah I mean that that just shit I remember they made the light bulb and they

the guy the the engineers that made one of the first light bulbs it's a it lasted for years and they went back they go no go design it that it dies I'm gonna make money if it works for 10 years. It's fine. Yeah. It's fine. Yeah. It's fine.

It's fine. Yeah. It's fine. Yeah. There's no money in just going, hey, here's how you don't get sick. You know what I mean? You know, there's no money in that. Yeah.

There's no money in preventative medicine, which is why everybody waits until it's too late. And then they have to cut it out or get a surgery for a hundred grand. I look at my kid crying and I try to tell my wife. It's not personal. I see these Be who come on. It's okay. Hey, you know what? He's crying because he doesn't speak fucking English. Yeah, he doesn't have to go Hey, I just shit myself. I pissed him my and it's shaping on the interlegged. Can you please change? It doesn't have to do that. He knows how to go and then you burp him. No, you feed him no Motherfuck's elimination two things ain't my assholes burning. Yeah, here we go So it's you know, and I look at this guy and the fuck I know I'm gonna fuck up I know I'm gonna fuck up. I know I'm gonna fail

But if you if you raise him and you love him right then when you fuck up, it's repairable I'm gonna love this kid into gainus. I am gonna, let me tell you man. I am gonna love this motherfucker. So, I, you know, I'm looking at him now, like dude, the one thing you're gonna know about your dad is that he loved you. Right.

He fucking loved you. In a, I don't give, in a female way. I'm not loving him guy way Kid come here. No, I love love, you know, you do the best. I was brought up with that shit come here You know, you know, I love you fucking stupid. That's worked so well for the generations of alcoholics and violent You know offenders that it's produced. Yeah, that's worked real well That's not happening. You know if I am my kids gonna fucking is gonna be gay If I don't even if I have anything to say about it. My kid. That's the worst thing if I just my kids gonna fucking is gonna be good if I don't if I have anything to say about my kid

That's the worst thing if I just see him sucking your dick someday But we can do Bob Hey, I know I didn't know he's a cute kid. He's got a beautiful head of hair. They dreadlocks Yeah, I always know like your lips You're father lips but before him is father probably beautiful lips I listen man. We're gonna wrap this up. You're gonna go but first of all thanks for coming by Yeah, of course. I'd love you to come on if you move back first. Why I want you back I want to move back get the fuck back here. I'm trying to move back come look at my house Friday

Look in the neighborhood at least I want to look about a great people build dogs has a place that two blocks two houses down All right nice talking has a place that two blocks two two houses down. All right nice talking to you. No really I want to look. But I want you to if you guys please check out what's your your Twitter and all the stuff. You went to website. The DOV. Oh DOVlive.com and then you know Twitter is just my name at Dub David off and then yeah come check me out man. All right yeah I got them all. Yeah if it's up tomorrow I'm a Gotham. I'd say not gonna be up tomorrow Okay, but you know what I will do. I want to make sure if you tweet maybe I'm gonna

I'm gonna to someplace to draw. It is it is dude You don't got them to great club because a lot of people show up anyways Okay, because they have a such a great reputation They have a great mailing list that a lot of people show up. So, absolutely, I'm gonna tell people, I'm gonna tweet it out right the fuck now. Great, thanks. I wanna follow you on Twitter. It's, what is it again?

Just at dub, David off. At dub, David off. Yeah, D-O-V-D-A-V-I-D-O-F. D-O-V-D-A-V-I-D-O-F. D-A-V-I-D-O-F. I-D-O-F-F. I-D-O-F. Yeah, I got it right now. I'm gonna tweet it out right the fuck now.

You guys followed Doug David off. He's one of the most interesting guys out there. He's hilarious. He's a great actor. Fucking, and a great looking guy, ladies, if ladies used to like me. If I know I fucking disappointed you, Please move over to the new and improved But yeah, thanks for coming on dude now when you move back or when you're back in the city just come on dude

I want you on the regular show and money with everybody else. I appreciate I brother. I'll talk to you later. Bye All right, so that's that's the one-on-one with Dave it off I love doing these shows. I hope you guys like them too. Please, if you do email me at ykwd at ridecast.com, make sure you follow Dove on Twitter at Dove David off. He's one of the funniest guys out there right now. So make sure you go to his shows and support him and make sure you tell him you heard him

on the YKW dude podcast when you do so appreciate it again we'll see you next Monday and thanks for listening Stink, stink, stink You know what I'm dead I'm stuck in the water, I'm stuck in the water You know what I'm dead I'm stuck in the water, I'm stuck in the water You know what I'm dead Really dead, really, really, really Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás!

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