Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - 1 Potato, 2 Potato, 3 Potato…Whore

Episode Date: November 26, 2012

Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J Gomez return to talk about breakups and jizz…but not in that order. RiotCast.com @BigJayOakerson @LuisJGomez Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Ma mal, a Madrid.

en todos tus dispositivos. ¡Pluso TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca! stage, November 23rd and 24th at Catcher Rising Star in Providence, Rhode Island. You can also check him out December 7th at the Stanhope House and Stanhope, New Jersey, and December 8th at Uncle Vinnie's Comedy Club in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Is a great show you'll laugh your ass off, get tickets and information at RobertKellyLive.com. Check him out, dude! Hey, gang! This is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton.

This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Cricer. Staying cookin' you are listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude! Ify bippy bbya ify bippy boo, dippy dippy dhya, yabba dabba do.

Dude! This is Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude! B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B. I'm fucking fucking fucking fine. You know what I mean? For this fucking son of a bitch. Alright, we're in, man. Fuck it. I'm in. I'm in.

I like it. I wanted a little higher up though. I don't care about this shit. I... From this microphone up. I'm telling Phil Five o'clock Phil how to do his job Higher motherfucker. I want it from here like here Like I don't want I don't care about this. I care about this. Anyways, welcome. Um, we're back. We're doing A post-apocalyptic show

Jesus she got real in the city man a post-apocalyptic show. Jesus, she got real in the city, man. A post-apocalyptic, you know what, dude? Dude, help me, dude, the water, dude. Dude, the water's up to my ankles, dude. The subway, dude. You were in here. The door's open. The fuck, the fucking my electricity

My house is in the river dad my boat is in my house Could not get special guest tonight Of course we have Kelly aka fat fucking Aussie I am fucking bloody ass Blubba blah and no I will not not have Kelly on the show There are a couple people Tell me their names when the kids go to school. Here's a deal Kelly People don't want me on my show. Okay. there's people that don't want me on the show.

A lot of people. Okay, I get emails. Yeah, I do. I get them. I don't read them, so I read half of them. As soon as I know, this is my deal. As soon as I know you're an asshole, I stop. So you don't get the satisfaction of me.

People don't want you on your show. Yeah, people. Well, that's the, that's where we are, is this society. That's where society is, man. You know, that's where it is, man. We, I mean, that's where we are, is this society. That's where society is, man. You know, that's where it is, man. We, I mean, we can reach out and touch people you couldn't do before, man. Now, you just, you know, man, you, you plug some, we're plugged in. We're on the, we're not off the grid, man.

We're on the grid, man. The only way to get out there is if you get a ship, go out in the ocean, and fucking do this shit, you know, with just, you know, outward signal, man. You're just trying to keep it real, man. Just trying to keep it real, okay? Okay, I'm a back. Yeah, I'm not waiting for people to show up for the show, either, I'm just starting the show.

I have shit to do. I have a life to live. I have things I wanna do, like sit on my couch with my new big fat fucking pillow. My $60 fucking pillow, I got from bed bath and fucking beyond motherfucker with a blanket case. It's like a blanket, like an old school, no, like one of those grandma blankets.

Like a hospital blanket, it's like cold all the time, type of blanket material, pillow case, another $60 for that. I spent fucking $120 on a pillow in a pillow case. You heard me, motherfucker. I can't help. Yeah, that is right. Whatever the fuck that means.

You live like a king. I live, no, I live, I look like a fat king. I don't, that make you laugh, Phil. Go fuck yourself. Five o'clock feels here taking photos and video. He does one better than the other, but we're not gonna tell him what. but I'm sure he can figure it out Still try to find that page we

Yeah, we I got this pillow. It's a fucking amazing. I got a cuz you know why I got a pillow why because last night and I'm I'm in bed my you know my wife's been a little sick She had a cough. And it's really bad. And so she had pillows, believe it or not, become shitty after a while. Really? Yeah, they become thin and shitty.

And they don't, you know what I mean? So we have one, you know my bed, you slept in my bed. Yeah. Not with me. Thank God. It's a really good bed. It's a great bed. I call it Drusilla. Just. Not with me. No. Thank God. It's a really good bed. It's a great bed.

I call it Drew Silla. Just. Drew Silla. Yeah, that's the name of the fucking bed. Oh, just so. Yeah, they name mattresses. This is our new Drew Silla. That's from Buffy.

I don't know, but when he told me Drew Silla, you hooked. And then, no, I was hooked when it was a five inch pillow top made a Terry cloth. Oh, underneath, yeah. Your bed was too comfortable to the point where I was hooked when it was a five inch pillow top made a terry cloth Underneath your bed was too comfortable to the point where I was like I can't I can't get used to this Yeah, this is not a good thing for me. Yeah, cuz then you'll fucking hate your life. Yeah, you fall too Too far when you go back to your shitty twin mattress I had been back to my house in Queens in two weeks I walked through the door and my heart just like fucking dropped to the floor. Yeah, your roommate was like, hello, you back?

Yeah, no, my roommate's like they're going, hey, he just wants to talk to me. I'm like, shut up, I don't want to talk to anyone. You got to go to that shitty white tub that you have. Yeah. Yeah, with no drain stopper. Yeah, I have to pull my hair out of the drain because if I don't, it'll fucking plug up.

No, there's no water pressure in my house at all. Yeah, you got hair and gizz and you're fucking drained, like a twat spider. house at all. Yeah, you get hair and jizz and you're fucking drained, I got twat spider. Fucking hell. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, my fucking shower is amazing. Now my kitchen is amazing. My got a great apartment.

I got a great New York City apartment. So anyway, as you know, I got this pillow. It's fucking great. So my wife had all the pillows last night and the dog was on a pillow. So I went up to the couch and there was no pillows. I slept on the fucking couch upstairs. So I went and I went and bought a fucking I said I went twice I did you don't have to rewind it you don't have to go back did that as I

just say I went and I went twice yes I did. You just show fucking stupid what's he doing? That's I just did that for people who are gonna do it. That's the that's the guy who doesn't want me on my show. Yeah that's what he sounds like. Robert Kelly is a stupid on Robert Kelly's show. I guarantee the guy that doesn't want me on my show is highly intelligent.

I guarantee he has a great job. And maybe a college and going somewhere. I guarantee his IQ is like 140. My IQ is 140. I swear I take a cat online. Can I tell you the first thing I have? Hang on, let me finish this thought. But hold that thought.

That's why I'm the boss of the show. We're gonna keep on track. So I bought this fucking pillow today, $120 I was I spent, and it is amazing. I'm done. Go ahead, what are you gonna say? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, God. I'm nervous. Robert Kelly, drop in truth bombs about pillows. I know, I, because you because you did Rich Foss, I just saw the funny thing that happened to Rich Foss last night. What's that last night? Yeah, I was at a club and there was an open mic there and there was like a young kid hosting at the door

and Rich walked in with Bonnie and as they're walking in, he just like didn't even click. He just goes, hi, he hit the open mic and without even stopping, skipping a beat, Rich Foss goes, fuck off. Really? Oh, sitting behind him and I think the guys like, Oh, well, that was uncoolful. I'm like, that's rich.

Fosk is like, I don't know who that is. I'm like, he's kind of like a veteran comic. I mean, if you're going to be hosting, being out of, you know, like, you're going to be part of someone who seats at a show, you should put another comic. So we're coming through the door. I told those. I told you show. I told, as I was a stand, yeah, I told them at the stand, I go, I'm coming down. I go off the person at the door. I told those. I told you a show. As I was at the stand. Yeah. I told them at the stand.

I go, I'm coming down. I go off the person at the door. Doesn't know who I am. If they go, are you here for the shit? I'm leaving. Yeah. I'm leaving. I said that because I've done these fucking shows.

You when you go down to these, you know, no money, blah, blah, blah, I'm showing up, right? I'll just stay at the seller motherfucker. I love the seller. You're doing them in favor. I'm at the seller. I'm the seller. I if I love going on the crowds are great There's always a show. It's always sold out. I'll just stay here. I'll come down. I'll hang out Okay, but if I'm not showing up to have myself a seam fucking smash because some fucking 19 year old That's getting paid 16 cents an hour, okay, and free fucking

Fucking crab cake fucking sliders working on it. Yeah, and off a tip out You don't need to add to what I did. It was just funny. Okay, you understand. I'm trying to teach you how to be funny Let me go, okay, and then you come up with your own thing you actually made my joke less funny Fucking cake sliders was a button. You gotta learn buttons, Kelly. I just wanted to give some people that white circles inside info. Buttons. Learn buttons.

I put a button on that and then we move on. Okay, I was like, fuck that. So what they did is they made sure they girl at the front. I'm sure they went, look, fat ball guy, any fat ball guy, walk you there doing. Yeah, exactly. As soon as he walks in

call him mr. Kelly so there were hello mr. Kelly we were I was like how you motherfucker here's the thing people always take it too far yeah I mean people can never yeah I you know it sucks man and this has nothing to do with the comedy club you know God bless the stand in the fellas it's a bit of venom in that. Well, you know what? I kind of got a little mad. Yeah, because I saw them that they did a show

where they picked somebody from the audience to do five minutes. A random person from the audience to do five minutes. That made my stomach turn. Yeah, because it's cringe human guys. You guys are the ones who fucking know comedy you you every spec for comedy You know you know what the fuck comedy is You know you know who the comics are you you you have such a fucking, you know and now It takes away like like set up New York's been doing a bit of that lately like if you do a good tweet

Like you have to tweet to them on a Wednesday and if you do a good tweet They let you do the check tweet, like you have to tweet to them on a Wednesday and if you do a good tweet, they let you do the check spot. And I'm just like, first of all, the check spot is not like a normal spot. Like you have to like, that's like a... It doesn't stop, right there. You don't need a check spot. There shouldn't be a check spot at any fucking comedy club

in anywhere. The only reason why there's a check spot is because they wanna make sure that they get all the drinks in as possible. And fucking, and they don't wanna do at the end. spot is because they want to make sure that they get all the drinks in as possible and fucking and and and they don't want to do at the end. They don't want to deal with they want to get another crew right in there. They want people out as fast as they can and the next group in.

Okay, it's to benefit the waiters and waitresses. Okay, and the fucking manager, it has nothing to do with the comic or comedy. Okay, they'd rather sacrifice the comedy show okay then to then to say fuck the check like the comedy selling no check spot you get a stamped here it is everybody ready drum roll Kelly hit the fucking final what you do to balls for you to make the average guy blow a load to balls. Were you due to make the average guy blow a load? Don't step on the Joe Kell. That was a huge. You got to shut the, use your headphones. You got to go with the Joe. All right. So there you go. That would have been a perfect thing. Right, Phil, am I

out of my mind? Phil, you can talk on your microphone. There's nobody FYI. If somebody's sitting here, is it just Kelly and Bob? Is that it? Bob Kelly, get it? Bob Kelly? Bob, Bob, Bob. Brrrr. Kelly.

No, it's not. We have Big J. Olkerson coming who had a very fucked up experience during Hurricane Sandy we want to talk about. And we have Louis J. Herglomans, as we call him, fucking sweaty ass. I'm gonna roll a blade. Okay, baby. Yeah.

Anyways, here's what you do, clubs, ready? All over the country. Please, if you're a club owner, here's what you do. I'm gonna solve it right now. The cheque spot, ready? Okay, here it is. You make people come in a certain way and leave a certain way, okay?

They can't leave anyway they want. They leave a certain way. But when they leave, they can only get out if they're whole parties with them and with a stamp receipt. You cannot leave unless your receipt has a stamp and you can pick whatever stamp you want. You can make a smiley face.

You can make it the club's logo, you can make it just an arrow going through a heart, whatever you want. If that check has that receipt, has a stamp on it, that means that the party paid their tab and they're good to go. If it doesn't, you get to send them back. I know it's going to be, people are going to go fuck you, people are going to go what the fuck and it's going to be, but you know what, the show's better for the comic. It takes, you'll have maybe five more minutes of bullshit, maybe.

What do you think about though that it's a way of nurturing new talent? What? It's check spots. Check spots are nurturing new talent? Okay fine, that's fine, but Someone in the audience just doing What you got here's the thing you got picking a random person in the audience to do five minutes of standup is saying that Standups is fucking whatever it does. It's shit. Anybody can do it here. You get up and try it That's fucking insulting to me because I would have been hanging out of that club for an hour and a half Begin for five minutes and I like you know what would rather just give it to someone who just did two drink minimum, and I like a half.

Well, I agree with him. If it's an option between you and just a random person in the crowd, I do agree with this format. I've got some good fucking dick jokes. I'm not done laughing. I'm sick on your laugh with the dick joke. Stop it. Use your headphones.

I'm gonna turn your headphones up. Turn your headphones up. I just did. Turn them up more. I want them so loud that when I talk it hurts your ears You have that one there's a button there's a button there you go see the button boom. I'm growing dad Camille You mean you grow

He tattletail That's a great uncle Paul. I know that's fantastic. It is fucking good I went over her under panties. I call them all these allegations. I love fucking Uncle Paul Anyways, so there you go. That's what you do clubs. You just have a stamp receipt and then people and fucking that's it. There's no more bullshit There's no more bullshit. I'm taking this off I want to I want to start cleaning these. I'm just gonna annoy somebody right there We're gonna hear your p's pop and fuck them. I have popping peas. Oh I can hear this alive. I just like

Do you have any more of these? I think so. All right grab one hang on one sec. Bonapose for one sec But you'll never know that we paused. Yeah. So, all right, yeah, I mean, look, there's what you do. I mean, I get it. I get everybody's panicking, and they need to make money, they need to pay rent. I get it, and say a new club like that.

They're trying to get, muster up business, and they're trying to find something to get people to come, because you need people to come every night. And, you know, the seller's been doing it for 30 years and you know, I get it I get it, but it's just it kind of was like oh fuck me man Imagine being on a show. I mean there is people like you out there. There's a plenty of comics you know I don't know and then again

I don't know how to make a fucking business work. So you do what you got to do you know the, the stand, those guys, good guys, care about comedy. I don't care who he, there's, I don't know, there's any been owners of a club that have cared about comedy more than these fucking assholes. Yeah. But I just that bummed me out when I saw that. Was that on a weeknight? I don't know. That scares me though. People when people care about comedy, it scares me. Because it's harder to, because you have too much of a heart in it and it's harder to keep things going. Like when you get the ruthless people that just have to money, they're the ones like, you get a broad, you get down a Broadway comedy club shows only, tickets only sold by barkers. Like given all the barkers that stage time and you might have one or two good people on a show It's a two-hour show they're making so much money, but there's a quality that's just not there

Because I don't give a shit. Well look man. Look it's it's look I get it in a certain clubs I'm gonna look Caroline's is a certain club gothams a Certain club comedy so they're all clubs. They have personalities in the comics. Oh Yeah, that you know that go to those clubs to fit those personalities I get and every club has its meaning every club helps certain groups of guys become better and better So there there there is a need for every club that exists. There's a need for it There is a comic a group of guys that Prosper from that.

So look, I love comedy clubs, even if I don't play them or they don't like me or they won't let me play, I don't give a fuck. But I was kind of bummed with that shit because that club is like a, you know, they have a comics table, they're really trying to be something. And that kind of was like, I don't do that shit.

They don't minimize what we do to where just some asshole can fucking get up and do it. Because then the people that went to that show are gonna be like, ugh, look at this sucked, that guy sucked. You want to end the show on the best guy. You want the show to end on the best motherfucker. You want the best guy, or at least the guy who can kill it to end that show.

So people go, wow, that was fucking great. I just want you know, I was actually the guy who went up and did five. That's really great. So you did good. That's kind of messed up. Did you really? Well, first of all, your bangs are adorable.

I love he has a little wool hat, and he made it so his bangs come out. Hey, look like a high bow. Look at you. Kelly's back on the fucking market. I missed out on getting my stairs done, because this fucking toilet can't stick with somebody for fucking two weeks.

And I didn't tell anyone that I had a boyfriend because I didn't even ruin it because he put the muckers on it when you tell everyone. It just falls to shit. We talked about it on the show. Yeah, but that was the first time I spoke about it and then like four days later we broke up. But you know, the two months before then,

I didn't say anything. Yeah, well, he was a great guy, good looking guy. And he was a, he was a carpenter. And I need carpenter done and I need carpenter to be done. I need my stairs fixed. I need somebody who can fit, and I'm not just some guy who can make a bench. I don't need a guy who knows how to put a,

almost like a floor. I need to cover my spiral staircase halfway and put a bench in a window seat so I can have an office area in my apartment. He could totally do that for you. He made stands the other week. I'm sure he'll be pitching. I don't need stairs. He's having the fixing. I need to cover my stairs. No, he'll do it. He loves you. He probably still do it. Why did you have to dump him?

Can I tell you one of those? Let me ask you a question. Did you mess around with him? No. You didn't get anything. Did you do it on your own. Yeah, did you mess around with them? No, you didn't get anything Did I cheat on him is that he's saying no, did you not mess around did you mess around with him? What did you fuck them? Fucked him. Oh, he's such a whore bag He sent me up I'm just saying you don't have to be a slut about it. I'm asking you if you're fucking For months you're gonna want to fucking suck this dick of fucked in Jesus Christ Yeah, cause I did

Are you good dick sucker? Talk like guy to guy got a guy got a guy you a good dick sucker I'll let me tell you what let me tell you what type of dick sucker I'd be okay with those luscious lips I would I would suck the best cock. Yeah, cuz you know how you're like you're a dick sucked That's why guys know because all fucking I have nice lips and I I've watched so many girls suck I disagree what because you have bad Tell him you're telling me I won't You might you might throw up if someone farts and smells bad you can't hold down vomit

You can't put a dick in your mouth because your reflexes are gonna First of all you're out of your mind two different things I throw up. It's like crazy blood and shit coming out of assholes a Nice fucking fat beautiful cock in my mouth. I'll be able to lower that tongue down like I'm drinking fucking with 100 proof Whiskey and and and fucking one sip of bottle. I don't know man Because when guys put their hands on the back of your head and just force it right through Did they do that? Yeah, they feel the tip right the back and you go? Yeah, that's great. I love that

This is what I love is when that you do that to a girl and that makes you spew cup a little flim Mm-hmm and a dick is all wet and it like it's just sopping wet with and then they take it out and they spit on your dick out of anger I get pissed when guys do that because it's like I'm already here You think I'm not gonna suck it properly if I'm already here You don't need a force down. Well, that's properly sucking it. Well, you know, I mean to some guys I also know how to do it properly. Do you spit on it? Yeah, you're like angry like angry or like sexy look It's it's a it's a theater What are you gonna spit little bit of this little bit of come back at all, you know, okay. How do you swallow? Yeah.

But I don't know if you do that. Dude, I don't know if you remember from a few weeks ago, we spoke about the fact that I have never had come in my mouth before. Before this guy. Yeah. And you did it. I did it with him. You swallowed his car. All right, let's start. Let's start. Let's start. Big J. Big J was actually on when we talked about it and he was like, well, you're just gonna save it for the right guy. You should be doing it with the wrong guy. First of all, I wanna talk to you about this.

Yes. What is it? I found out that women get sick with nausea when they're pregnant. They get nauseous because of the DNA. A foreign DNA is in their body. I got you pregnant and you would get nauseous because my DNA was in your body, and your body was trying to fight that,

and I was trying to fight the foreign objects in the body, so you get sick from that. And the way to counteract that is by drinking my gizz, putting more of my DNA in you, and swallowing my gizz and having more gizz in you so that will help you You're saying that Gizz you're saying that gizz q is morning sickness. Yes, that's exactly what I'm really did someone tell you that and then turn that back to you And kind of giggle in their hand. I'm saying I'm saying that right now. I'm saying that. What I'm saying that if you have no morning sickness

Swallow your husband's g. That doctor, Dr. Kelly everybody. Dr. Kelly's here. As prescribed. And I'm from Australia. Yeah. You know what I prescribe. I have. All right, here we go.

So you're alone. You're sucking his dick. Are you fucking? Are you just sucking his dick right now? And then you're gonna, of course you're not gonna fuck him because you're already, you're already, you're, you are, because he's gonna come in your mouth. So you're not fucking. You're just, this is about him right now. And then you're gonna, of course, you're not gonna fuck him because you're already, you're already, you're, you are, you cause he's gonna come in your mouth. So you're not fucking, you're just, this is about him right now. Yeah. So you're

second is like, where is this taking place? His place, you are placed. His place, his place, couch, in the bedroom, where? Wow. Most of the time is on the bed. Sometimes we're standing. So you're in the bedroom. We're in the bedroom. He has room, age, no roommates. Girl roommate. Girl roommate. Hotter, hotter. Nah, she's not hot.

Yeah, no hotter that it's a girl. That there's a vagina somewhere else in the room. Hang on, let me get those tips. Yeah, it's like a buzzer, man. Okay, so yeah, we have, just thought you guys know. There's probably people tuned out. We're 22 minutes in, they probably already shut out. It's just these two assholes, we're out.

Goodbye. And if you did, you fucked up. Cause we got big J coming in, big J. Ocusen and Lewis J Gomez are coming in to talk about the hurricane. So. So do you have their drinks ready? Did you get J's drink?

Well, we are being joined. We're talking right now about Kelly's swallowing load for the first time. Oh, I see the first. Lewis, Jay, go, buddy. Hi, buddy. How are you, man? And Big Jay are coming in.

We've already started the podcast with 22 minutes in. Why are you starting the podcast? It's just a new thing I'm doing. I'm not waiting for people. And then you guys come in. It's like a special. It's like, oh, you're here. It's great.

Hi, buddy. Oh, all right. Hi, Lewis. I don't like it. I've been here in a a special it's like oh you're here it's great hi buddy oh hi hi Lewis there's no problem dude it's good grab your drinks out of there we have you want coffee we didn't get starburst because I just started the show but we have we have coffee if you want coffee we got beers we do have beers oh well good for that so we're we're starting the show now these guys just showed up a lot to talk about man We got this is post-apocalyptic dude my house is in the fucking river dude Dude my babies dead dude Dude my fucking window got flooded dude

We're talking first off just let you guys know we're talking Kelly swallowed her first load. Really? Yeah, you were here the last time when she never swallowed giz. Tell you no one knew human being now. I think I didn't even know who's giz. Kelly. And you of course you do. You swallowed Sonny's giz. Look at you. You know, you know, you didn't know that that's not a fucking Puerto Rican tranny. That is Lewis J Go man, you know, you know, son, he has a guy who got me a gift from my baby shower and showed up What's that? What's a baby shower? Yeah, yeah, you know you're fucking over the big show. What was that? Fuck you. First of all, I wasn't invited you really you want to party you

I never got to invite I haven't actually a text message proving that I invited you when was it last Saturday yeah, I was stuck in fucking Chicago dude filming some shit. I film I'm a filmer you could have you should have told me you you weren't gonna come Dude I wasn't a thing as well as reverse or as VP here's the deal I wasn't in town. I apologize But I am getting you something through your stupid thing that you said registry reverse RSVP. Here's the deal. I wasn't in town, I apologize, but I am getting you something through your stupid thing that you said.

Registry. Yeah, so don't worry, you're getting the gift. I'd actually rather your presence. The main thing that you want, first of all, nobody's going to you fucking stupid one bedroom apartment, nobody fits. First of all, I wasn't at my one bedroom apartment. Kelly, would you tell him I don't, my baby shower?

What's his Kelly was there? And I barely would like her. Dude, it was the guy I shit I was saying before. I can't believe that he was. He said, hey, baby, why would it not be the guy's baby shower? Kelly was there and I barely would like her dude it was the gayest shit I've seen before I can't believe it baby why would it not be the gayest baby shower everything was beautiful and blue and it was like little toys everywhere and the little dummy it was great hey what shut up it was awesome it's a big brown faggot yeah big JTR big J and his seal team six cars You look like yes, the air effect I

Was desert command doing today We are arguing on the way here because he parked three blocks away so it gets a mocha cigarette and I got mad at him because He didn't just fucking drive me off here to get here on time for you guys stories so full lies I didn't park anywhere. We were in a cab. I got out of the cab at the first red light So I got for that smoke a cigarette on the way over here. That's alright. I respect that. I respect. I'm a problem. I'm an ex. But first of all, here's a deal. I'm like you. I would have done the same thing. I have to agree. I don't like being late for things. It's a weird thing. When I got sober, my sponsor was like, when you're late, that means you don't respect yourself with the people. So I got in my head. So I'm never late for anything. And when I am late,

when somebody else makes me late, it fucking annoys me, because they're making me do with Baylor. He's right, let me finish. They're making me do, you're making me do what you want me to do. That fucking gets onto my skin, but here's a deal. I've been a smoker too, where it's like, look, I know I'm gonna be a friend I wanna have.

I'm gonna fucking walk in, I'm gonna get a smoke. We can be a few minutes late. Jay's a meal more laid back guy, which I've learned later in life. I'm a little a Jay now and I'm still a little a you. Big Jay's gonna pound some of my story right now. God, I wanted no one to lose to tell it and then just fucking,

I stupid bullshit apart. Go ahead, I was scared. All right, no, no, all right. So he parked over the area. We smoked weed and that's the point that you're gonna make is that we smoked weed. And then we got here in a cab and then fucking, you told the cab to stop three blocks away

for you to get out and smoke a cigarette. And then we walked here and I got annoyed about it. But here's the thing, I don't wanna fight with Jay about it. I just got annoyed about it and I mentioned it and then Big Jay asked the last word in. I'm annoyed with Lewis, almost 23 of every 24 hours I spend with him. He's doing something significantly worse than we've described.

I've done. First of all, to even mention it is so fucking retarded because he calls me when I'm coming from the fucking Bronx, this place from my home, like rushing around like I'm in the act today, you get a rental car. Right. And gasoline. Right. He goes, can you pick me up on my way down? I go, sure. I go, I'll meet you all over.

Can I just stop for one second? Sure. How far do you live away? Are you at your house? Yeah, my apartment. So it's a few blocks over that way. 21st and the east side. It's around a 20 minute walk.

30 minute. 20 minute. 30. 30. I'll cut it in half. I'll meet you halfway, 25. I'm fine. 25 minutes and it's probably a five minute cab ride. Seven, seven, seven, eight minute cab ride.

Okay, go ahead. Five. Five minute cab ride. I live there, I think. So you're coming from the Bronx. From the Bronx. You rented a car, had to go get gas and it's crazy. Apocalypse, though, fucking line.

That's right. So now he calls you for a ride. He's right down the street from the club. Where we're with the studio. I accidentally also, I got three hours of sleep last night because I was filming something. Louis, because you filmed. I filmed.

You're a filmer. I filmed it. I'm a filmer too. I'm going to call you guys filmists. We're filmists. So it was a guy who films you'll get this. I get, I'm a filmer. I woke up early.

I had to get my back. I had to go right in. I a filmer. I woke up early. I had to go right. I had to go rent the car. Yeah, get the car gas. That's ours. Right. I go home. I try to exercise. I jump in the shower.

Let's stop right now. I do with you. Stop. I do with you. I want you to take that back. I'll take it back. I will. Okay, take that back.

I did exercise. I'll take it back. Really funny. Okay, take that back. I did exercise, but I'll take it back. Okay, I got really funny. What, how did you, walking up the stairs? No. Twice is not exercise. No, no. Jim said while we're displaced every day,

60 pushups, 60 squats, 60 situps. I did that. 60 squats? Yeah. Okay, now when you squat down, are they chicken McNuggets and then sauce? So it's a McNugget bite. Is it a McNugget?

Then back down, sauce dip and then back up, bite. I'll take your attack. Okay. However, Lewis will tell you from now, I got a deep squat, buddy. No, it's cool. Actually, not for nothing. If there's one thing Jay can do, it's squat.

I bet he can. I'm a full of fat. I bet he can. I'm a member in oddly flexible. I bet you can. Dude, it's like his asshole touches the floor. He comes right back up. It's beautiful.

I'll bang one out. You guys will be bang one out. I love the shoe one right now. I love the shoe he comes right back up It's beautiful bang. We're not you guys will be bang. We're not back. I love the show I love the show right now move that chair. I'm in jeans Kelly move that chair Russian jean right there right here one two. I love it Deep fucking squad deep squad Squad Wow, you do babies don't squat that deep. That's fucking great guys don't squat that day So film is to film us to go back and say I worked at a lot. Yes, okay film is to film us jump in here just for the audience to know. When you wash in the shower, do you squat and scrub your own asshole? I don't, but I go.

You could do that. I could do it if I want to. Paisers. I just bend over a little bit. I flew for the crack. I soap up the finger. I'm gonna jump in here. I'm gonna jump in here.

I'm gonna jump in here. I'm gonna jump in here. I'm gonna jump in here. I don't, but I go you could do that. I could do it if I want to. My pain goes dangerous. I just bend over a little bit. Yeah. I a loop for the crack. Yeah. I soap up the fingers really good. Oh, yeah, we talked about it. Okay. Good. Knuckles tape. Yeah, but that's a quick shower. Okay. Quick shower. Uh, hung out with Isabella for a couple of minutes. That's your daughter. Yes. Left early because I was told New Jersey term by a shutdown. So there might be traffic going across like the Deegan and everything so I jumped in there was luckily no traffic Right, I came down the FDR Lewis calls me says can you pick me up on your way?

Sure absolutely meet me over on a third and 20th right Okay, I get the third and 20th Lewis isn't even there yet. Can we stop one second? You guys smell weed? Probably I smell weed. Yeah, they probably just smoke some on the way here. Did you guys smoke weed? Yeah, okay? I can smell I'm pregnant by the way My shower is a very very sensitive you're invited And I'll come I get Lewis He gets there late and I'll come. I get Lewis, he gets there late.

Yeah. He comes out again. I have a whole lot of time. Jay, he cannot be a dick. When you say late, it's literally 30 seconds after. No, not 30 seconds. For two minutes, easy. A dude, easy.

Dude, I'm not lying. I didn't say. Wait, before you guys start to physically fight, can you get me a water? Because I'm a little thing hydrated. Okay, thanks. Just ricochet it off my skull and the bobby's in. Because I know if you guys fight out, it's gonna be awkward.

Me asking while you're fine. Can you get me a water? I got. No physical. Lou's that one. Lou's that one piece of that squat. That's all the squat. How?

Yeah, he does. I know, Lou. I can bring this one. Lou's that one. My ball, my ball's be hanging so low. Oh, Jesus. Let's go ahead and hit foot and then floor and then foot again Balance my balls if you kick me the balls during a squat so I grass. So here's the deal. I get lowest weight from 30th

Yeah, or 20th and a Come then bet we kill about two minutes doing that. I drive around now. I'm staying in the city tonight Cuz I have to do something in the morning, so film are you filming? No radio radio radio radio? We'll run a fest love run a fest. Love them. Love them the morning. So film, are you filming? No radio. Radio, you're a radio. I love running fast. Love running fast. Love them. Love them the best.

I, uh, I'm a radioist. So where I'm staying, where I'm staying at, I circle the block just real quick to say if there's a parking spot where I don't have to like move the car at seven in the morning, I'll just jump in it and we'll jump in a cab. Are you staying with a friend? Yeah. We jumped in a, uh, we found a spot spot we found a spot on Lewis's suggestion

Smoke in the car, okay, not true. You said I wish we could smoke before we go up to Bob I said I want to smoke a ball before I go to Bob and I said hold on instead of doing it outside at the seller Which would have got us here faster would have got us here better good point. I said we should so yeah, he has a point He has a point You just admitted that he has a point literally and I also made it on the way up now. Can we well where we fought in the stairwell? This really fight effort Okay, can we admit this though? We're before we got up here. Yes, okay Because I was annoyed the whole walk as we're walking three blocks the cold as I've annoyed okay I admitted I hope you're cold the noise

I admitted that I'm partially wrong because I said I a smoke in the car right can we admit this though you're both fucking stoned so nobody who knows who's right who knows is wrong i'm right i uh but but to luis he's not gonna know because he's fucking based has never known he's been wrong about anything ever in history dude don't you fucking do you bring on this nothing not in my house coming up with his to his in your house this is my out of your house if you say can. Can I see if you wouldn't have a collection of ukulele's I'm gonna throw hot coffee in your face If you say dude threatening one more time don't ever use the dude word on this show in a threatening way Dude dude dude you dude you do you do your line dude? Me and Jay look crossed the line

So we smoke weed and the thing we got out we found a cab immediately But where we had parked we had to do a stupacabado a stupid motion to go around okay the island on bowry Right and we got here and I jumped at the first red light No, it's just tells the cab stop and I was like oh False the light just turn red so I said to my go we'll get out here. Don't you say false to me aggressively? That's my words. It wasn't made it was a it was a Tharitative. It wasn't aggressive. I do agree. It was a thought because you use that hand the finger with a mitten on it. Yeah, I'm that could never be that could never be Weird is just like that just turn for now it's aggressive now it's aggressive, but this is a

Tharitative It's a fingerless button if you keep you of thumb and your middle finger connected, authoritative. Right? If you tilt that down and then the thumb crosses over that middle finger, that's aggressive. But this, I'd wait,

but I give you a sense of description. Boom. Bang, what is it? He's trying to get you on his team. I'm always on, I'm both of you teams. I got, I got the red, I got, I got,

I'm a team player. There you go. I got the red light, both dude podcast got out the red light player. There you go I got out the red light. Yes, but cigarette we got here. You're here. We got his face we can get here I live on 21st Street dude. I'd have been here I lived in 21st You didn't make him go out of his way to pick you up Make him go out of his way to pick you up. Oh man. Make him go out of his way. I even was coming from down town. He asked me if I would.

I'd have been here on time. You ask a guy like Jay. Here's a deal. I know Jay. I've known Jay from the beginning. Yeah. You ask him. I like Jay.

You guys. Well, if Jay's not gonna be on time, he's always gonna be a couple minutes late. That's Jay. Jay's not a, but he's not. I started in the black comedy clothes. He never really had to be their own time. Yeah, he, look, he's never been on time. He's always a guy. And I remember one time when he was on time, he stayed at my house.

It was like this shock. And he was so proud of himself. He's like, I'm here on time, dude, but I was late. So that actually probably fucked it up even more for him. I got such things. I used to stress out about being list so much. I just now I just go, what can you do, man? I do my best. You smoke a bowl and you walk through it. In my best, but what the fuck? Take your mask.

Were you talking about with Kelly before we got here? Oh, Kelly just shuts down completely as people and people are wondering. Well, here's a deal, guys. Just FYI, FYI for your information. Yeah. If that's what that means. Yeah. So, gosh. I used that means to you. Oh gosh.

I used to do this by myself this show. I know you did. I knew that. Wasn't as good. No, but I. Did you really just you talking about yourself? It was my iPhone. In my iPhone.

That's like the self-right? Well, I started this show back in the day with Colin Quinn. We used to just record our conversations at night. We would talk every night, or at least every other night. We'd talk for like an hour on the phone. It'd be bitching and moaning and laughing and joking about everybody and everything. I just started recording those and putting them on the internet. From the actual phone call.

From the phone call. It was just like a three-way phone call with a recorder. Actually, we had 20,000 listeners back then. This was before anybody had a podcast. Before I don't even think they name podcast existed. I don't think. But then we stopped blah blah. I kept it going. But then a couple of years ago I started doing it again on my iPhone. I had a developer developed this thing where I would email an audio file, MP3 if it was MP3, it would take it, suck it up and put it on iTunes automatically. It was just this easy way to do a podcast.

But it's actually changed now. I give it a whole different process to get on iTunes. This is a real show, to do it. That was just a me talking into my iPhone in a car to keep myself up, or so I didn't kill myself in Edmigdon. You know what I mean? Because I was there for fucking, you know, from Wednesday to Monday gigs. Oh my god. I know that particular gig.

Well, I mean, here it is, you're alone a lot. I don't drink, I don't fuck around, I don't do drugs, I don't party. If I did all that shit, I could probably find some assos that hang out with and go and have a blast. Or I could, you know, hire some horrors, a blah, blah, blah, blah. But now it's me and the hotel room by myself. You know, my wife, you know, isn't into me anymore. Video games, buddy. Well. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Every time I don't do it, I regret not bringing it here's a thing. I hear you But what I started to do was I brought this thing with me and I would record the shows and I would make these shows and it turned into this now

I bring my computer and I try to write right right not jokes. I know I can't write I can't stand right jokes I brought Lewis to Montreal with me a couple weeks ago. Yeah, this jerk off because again, same situation. Like, we smoke weed, but like, no one's out there really getting hammered. We're not getting pussy. We're not so it's like, literally, we go back to the

hotel room and Louis goes, I'm so cold and tired. And he gets in bed and he goes, I'm not going to sleep. I'm just going to stay here and 15 minutes later, he's asleep and I wish I brought my fucking Xbox that weekend so much well Turns me into an asshole because because most people when they go out They like to go out and fucking go to a bar drink. That's how much you like to do Don't turn me into the asshole. I can't help it if I fall asleep and I can't stay awake watching television late at night It's not that late at night. Well, I mean, as it holds our own with two beds in it.

Yes. Yeah, dude, let me tell you something. I get, I understand what you're doing, but here's, you should've got it in his own room. Sit. That'll come out of my pocket. Oh shit. I'm back.

I know that gigs of paying gig, isn't it? Why is he pulling a slape and a effect, you like, you can still do your own thing. If he's pulling his foot. I can't know my point was Soley being that I should I want to I should probably I want to make enough money doing shows Enough money where I can bring a guy like Lewis or Kelly and somebody I like Kelly well with Kelly not just Kelly by herself Did we talk about that on the show? Hang on, listen.

Say I want to talk about guys. First of all, yeah, I don't bring another topic up, asshole. My friend's reaction to Kelly, I don't know. We'll figure, hold on to that. What I'm saying is, I'm glad you're bringing this up. We're going to get back, for all the people listening, we're getting to back to Kelly, swallowing jizz for the first time in a minute. But you bring up a very, this is going to be a two-parter.

This is going to be, we're going to do a two-parter. It's going to be this week and next week. Because the next part of the show is all about the hurricane. I need to talk about this. It's going to be all about that. I'll be next week. This week is, we're talking about Kelly Swallowing, just for the first

time. We're going to talk about being lonely on the road and whatever the fuck happened to Lewis. Lewis, if you take your phone out again, I will smash it. It just died. I don't care. just I wish it was I wish you could say that a your girlfriend could say that about you. Oh or your baby. It's just I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I know. But he's gay. He's gay. I'm kidding dude. I'm sorry. I feel so bad. We love you. Your baby's not gonna die. Yes, it's not gonna die in the belly

And we'll die in the projects that you have to bring them up in Kind of baking you look at them bit bitten down. Probably look skinny. Listen, here's a new skinny as well Thanks I was on the road and you you don't know this shit because you have been on the road But you'll know it and you'll know it too when you you know, well Lewis will know it No, you'll know it too when you, you know, well, Lewis will know it. You'll know it, but here's the deal. You go on the road and you're out there and when you give up all your shit, when you give up all your, your addictions, there's nothing to do.

There's nothing to fucking do. You know, I was on the road for a month. I just got back. I came home from one day. I was in I was in fucking Hard for Connecticut funny ball love the club, but you hear I'm it's great that you brought Lewis Yeah, because I want to stop bringing people to because it gets so lonely and plus you never know what middle you're gonna get You get some guy going up there doing some hacky shit and you gotta go up after the crowd doesn't know We've talked about this before and you know, it's like, oh God,

fucking, I had one guy at the end of the show, he said hit it, and he played the music, and he did a different, and I actually told him at the end of the week, he was, well, he asked me, and he was a nice guy, and he's a funny guy. He didn't even need to do this hacky shit at the end. And I said, stop doing that shit, dude.

You wanna fucking move to New York? I go, there's no club. Where's the throne? No club in New York, there's no club in New York that's ever gonna put a CD in and shit, dude. You want to fucking move to New York? I go, there's no club. Where's the throne? No club in the Hartford. There's no club in New York that's ever going to put a CD in and go, and when you go hit the music, that's never going to happen. What's the, what's the, I think I just, I have a feeling by what you're describing that I work with this guy in an actual bar and yard comedy club in upstate New York. No, a lot of people do that. There's a lot of black dudes. Yeah.

Oh, no, it wasn't black dude dude. I said dude, stop doing that. And he actually, to his credit dude, the last show he didn't do it. And he just, he killed it with jokes. And I, I told him not to do it. You told him not to do it. He asked me. I didn't say it. He asked me advice.

I'm not going to just give people advice. He asked me. And I said, stop doing that shit, dude. I go, look, we all have hacky shit in our act that we do. But that's fucking terrible. You never, you never, you're never going to, gonna you're never gonna move to New York with that shit And then he didn't do it and I was like and he did great He closed on a joke which is really cool to close on a joke when you're a comic right and

Wait, wait, wait, wait closing on a joke. We're gonna explain what jokes are Fass me guys. It's not just fucking I'm from Australia the name Anyways Okay, it's not just I can't see faster me guys. It's not just fucking I'm from Australia the name Anyways Yeah, you're on the I'm in but I'm in the hotel room every day and then I had to go to Chicago couldn't film us and I got stuck out there I'm filming bro right to bitch. I got I'm a filmist And I got stuck out there and then I had to go right to Fort Lauderdale because of the hurricane and I'm out there from Wednesday to you know sunny

Your storm chaser Twister Coughkins and put a little spirals and put it on I had a beat on Sandy I had to get to latitude 46 degrees I had to go chase and you were northeaster. No, I went down the to do a comedy show of course everyone just let you go and saying northeaster. It's more east. Sorry. Everyone just let you go. Apparently, not everybody. You can tell the age of comedy, like, who's like

been doing it like the least time I've been willing this to go. No, Bobby, you fucking just fucked up. I actually didn't know that we got pronunciation. Kelly's just still in Kelly's still in shock that she's on the show. No. I never heard it. I only heard that word north, what's it called north? Oh, unless she's fake, no or Easter.

I've never heard that word before. I've asked people, now I've never heard your voice so clear, Kelly. Is your, that's a reaction of a girl that's fucking a thing. No, I don't want to, I don't want to. That's a reaction of a girl that's taking a picture. I don't I don't want to go that's a reaction of a girl It's taking I would like acting she put on a whole show just now. I would never ever I've actually I would never want

I would this is gods on a truth never ever would I ever lie and get naked with Kelly First of all, I'm not I don't think I would it would just me physically naked right now would probably make it Okay, Kelly that just me physically naked right now would probably make it okay Kelly That and her physically naked for me too. I just I don't think that I could get it No, no, no, I was just let her suck my dick in the dark Well, now you know she takes it down the hatch. Yes, but anyways Back to the reality of it of this this topic that I wanted to bring up is that you actually brought up is that I'm in full on a day. I this place, it's all drunk people,

it's all craziness, it's literally spring break every fucking night down there at the club. And I'm fucking, every day, you wake up, you do press, you come back to the room, you're alone, you all the way up to the show, then you go up, you don't know what fucking asshole you're working with, what hackshit they're doing, but they think they're a fucking superstar.

They're kind of, I'm real excited to work with you dude. I love you man, I love you work. But they're going up and doing their horse shit. You know what I mean? So what the fuck? But you go up and you kill every night. I'm just, I know that I can kill. You get anxiety though, because you're all alone.

And then you go back to the room after and you eat some fucked up food. I're trying not to fucking eat like a fucking. You try not to eat like a fucking. What do you do? It's fucked up. I mean, I worked out. I went to the gym three days out of fucking four, but it still doesn't help. You're fucking alone.

And the only way to make this fucking, if my wife came with me, I always have fun. I always have a blast because we do shit. I like hanging with Or if you bring a friend to middle for you like when I met with me Kelly and Dan Did the did levity live? It was a blast because we were we drove out together. We hung out together It was I mean Kelly fucking aggravated me of course because I know how to fucking whack a mouth beat merch Faith she just stood there in like a Cindy Brady baton Rouge. There's a million people coming up and she's like, ah, you can fucking sell anything?

No, she picked it up the next night. She was like, we sold a lot of shit actually. But what do you look at me like that, Lewis? You know what, I'm gonna tell you about living life. I wanted to bring something up with that. Yeah, we need to go somewhere. I want to bring something up. I mean, you know what the fuck do we do Jay? It's a it is depressing and it really is like

But I'm like no bullshit like Xbox if you be if you're in there I don't know if you got to find like something like watch you like fucking Tell me what people say that people be like dude learn the guitar or something. We're just like I'm not that kind of motivated though either. It's like I don't want to like So we're just like I'm not that kind of motivated though either. It's like I don't want to like Oh, I was gonna sit on the side by the You see you in a fucking watching a television most of time and eating shitty and I know But there are some assholes that have that fucking gene in them

Sit there and buy a baby guitar and in six months they'll be playing guitar with fucking John mayor Yeah, and I fucking hate those I hate those fucking people I never get along with that I never get along with those dudes. I hate, yes. You hate talent and, yes, I hate people that can create that with talent. Yeah, I hate truly talented people. Yes. Yes. And thank God, thank God I like not talented people. That's actually the point. You should thank God that people leave me a gay boat like semi fuck, semi-talented. That's why I hate natural, natural, natural talent. Pointing at me with your family hate

that's what I'm doing if you do it like this it's simply authoritative yeah i hate one like kids on those fucking shows like a american got talent are just out there like naturally at seven can just be great and

have thousands of people it's why it's why all guitar comedy sucks cock is because people that try to do two talents blow it both. Well, dude, here's the thing. Comics can't be singers, singers can't be comics. We all know they all want to be each other. It's the opposite, but I don't know what to do.

I just want to make enough money. I want to be famous enough to do shows when I want to at places that I want to. First of all, because some of the places that I do now, I won't do. I won't just put it that way. I'm not gonna say where I went. But how often do you wonder though? What's that, what's your drive to go do? I would like to do a headline show.

I can show some on. A couple shows a month, Friday and Saturday. I could do three shows a month, Friday and Saturday. But I can't. Three gigs, so three week. I can't do this coming in on a Wednesday and doing Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I can't do this coming in on a Wednesday and doing Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I can't do Sunday anymore.

I need to be home on Sunday. I can't be flying. It's like Sunday, you nuts, and they just want you there because. You're gonna make a few more bucks. Fuck that dude. Well, at my ticket sales level, it's like they're literally making like a few more,

but I draw a small crowd. Okay, here's a deal though. That's when your fans are coming. Thursday and Friday is when your fans are coming. A lot of these clubs give away tickets on Friday and Saturday because they don't care. I had people, a guy wrote, dude, I was going to buy tickets and they gave me tickets.

It's like, they don't even let you give you a chance to sell tickets. They just fuck it. We don't care. Either you're famous and you sell out or you're not, or you're kind of, we're going to just, we're going to pack that fucking room when we can't. Which look, I get it. The rent's high.

You got to pay bills. Okay, fine. And it's up to me to become, to become, to progress in the business business to where I sell more tickets. That's my thing to do. So I have to become a famous enough to where I sell a certain amount of tickets and I can say this, how much I want and these are the shows I'm doing.

That's it. And if you don't want that, I'm out. I'll go find somebody else to do it. And I'd love to be able to bring a guy like Lewis, throw him some cash. I'd give you your own hotel room, of course. But that's the reason why it's like, if you made more money,

or you sold more tickets, you would have his own room. Sure, yeah, that is a thing. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I want my own room. I love it a room. No, I do.

I should dig your fucking home, though. No, but I actually don't mind that. And every gig for the most part that I've brought somebody on, I bring people along a lot. I do. Well, no, we have other rooms. We don't even somebody on. I bring people along a lot. I do. Well, no, we have other rooms. We don't even use it. It's a room.

We've had rooms that are connected. We don't use it. One room is for jackets, like at the party. And then we fucking split it up. I like my own room. I don't mind, I don't mind rooming with a buddy. I don't want to see your face all day. I want to shut the door and go all right, dude

I'll see you later. I'm gonna go talk to my wife because I'm gonna fucking dealt me You ruined the together very briefly and like that that one Trip we did that one gig we would like to three different gigs. I think we stayed no tell rooms together The raping of big J That's also when you and Derosa was sharing a room and I jerked off on my face cloth And I put it on your fucking door knob and knocked on the door the rose of gravity any Joe Derosa Es una cosa que cuando Duroce era un escenario y me llego en mi infección, y me pudo dar un poco de ador a mi pierdo y me pudo dar un poco de ador a mi pierdo. Duroce, duroce, duroce, duroce, duroce, duroce. ¿Qué es esto? ¿Por qué es esto?

Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com Anyways, ¡Es un juego!

¡Es un juego! Yo no puedo, yo creo que yo creo que yo estoy raro, yo creo que es raro, porque raro es fácil para ver, pero es aún difícil de hacer. Yo no puedo dar a donde me pongo a los jugos en el rote. are easy to write, but it's still hard to do. I can't sit down and write fucking jokes on the road. I remember I text Billy at the club, did you ever hate the middle earth, the fucking club, the fucking town. He came back, I've hated the wood that the comedy club was made. That actually made me feel good, that Burr was like, dude, he said, this is what he said, you gotta find a place to go.

You have to find like a game or a museum somewhere to go while you're there to look forward to. So you go there during the day and do this shit and then that, that's your thing to, which I get. I'm not a self-adventure though, Billy is more of that. I am, are you? Yeah, I like to go to a museum.

I went to like in Chicago when I was a filmist when I was filming. What are you filming, can you say? It was a USA pilot. I guess dying role. Guests are in. USA Network, nicest people in the world. Fox, the fucking crazy. Redefining the word star.

Unbelievable. USA's. Fabulous. USA's NBC. USA. The pilot was shot by Fox. Fox, yeah. And USA Network. USA Network, people are great.

Awesome people. And one of my favorite networks, legitimately. I love all the fucking shows on there. Burned notice and suits, great shows. But I was there and I went to a museum. I went to the Museum of Science, which is always crazy to go to. Yeah. Museum of Science is crazy to go to.

I went on this whole submarine. It's like a giant version of the nature store in the mall. All right. Yeah. I'm no, not at all. Yeah, no, it's the science museum, the nature. You know, like the fucking science and nature. I'm not a, uh, you go play with a little fucking like the pin face thing and the fucking. I'm not a self-adventure. I get all I, uh, I just high, I'm I'm just hibernating. I really do. I, you know, Patrice used to do I just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just there's still like yeah chance for like you know house keeping and I go get Starbucks and like I come back in the room. I get a day going in some capacity. Yeah, I there's got to be I don't know man. You can But I ended up being like movie a lot of movie watching I do you got a bunch of TV shows?

I do that shit too, but it's like after a while you're lighting sideways on the bed You're like oh my god this you This you know your legs numb. You got a bed sore Depressed and your wife calls you hey, what's going on? I'll fuck off Well talk to your happy in my house in my bed with my dogs fucking ass hole face Because you have every channel that I want I got fucking I got one HBO with no movies because it's a mediocre hotel You know what I mean? And it's just a fucking nightmare. It's a funny like the grass is always greener me and Kelly are like Well, who on channel the road? Let me tell you something when I first I remember Matt Frost Can tell you all you want to do to Matt Frost tell you when I when I first got my hold when they I couldn't believe

They flew me there. I couldn't I was like think it's free like they're flying me for free And I got to the hotel. I don't have to pay for this I remember my first hotel. I'm jumping up on the bed. I got a free fucking room. It's free I was like, oh my god, and then I did the show and I was I was just excited I would stay the extra night the Saturday to fly home Sunday because it was cheaper and I was excited It was like a mini vacay. I was like, oh my God, I get a hotel room again. You've lost all that? You've lost all that?

You know, I do want to be like, I do still have that. No, I don't. I want to be home. I like my house. I like my fucking wife. I like New York. I like being home. I back then, I lived on 97th in a Lex in a shitty apartment

with a South African dude, and I had cockroaches. I didn't like to go home. I didn't like to go home I didn't want to be home So being in a hotel was like luxuries luxurious to me like a holiday and express was awesome So now I love my house. I like being home. I love being with my chick. I you know, I'm 42 I love I love being home. I like doing like I do still like really look forward to doing comedy the same way Look, I love I love being home, but I like doing, like, I do. Still like really look forward to doing comedy the same way. Look, I love doing comedy. I'm not, by the way, implying you don't,

I'm just saying, like, I still have like, like, I'm doing a cruise in a few weeks. I was like, no, but it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, corn, God's magazine. So it's like, the same thing, it's like, you know. Will you tell Celia, I said hi? I will, buddy.

He's one of my favorite people. Do you know? Oh, you know, right, well, right what? Yeah, fucking awesome. You know like he dudes in a Sully a bit. Well he's from bean town. I know. He's been in my, I used to open with God smack when I come out at the Wilbur.

Yeah. He was there one night and that was just cool. Yeah. I came out to. Tiny dude, right? Real tiny. But he's a fucking cool dude and he's, you know, he's great rock star. He knows all the cool places in the North end to eat.

You know what I mean? He hangs out with my friend Steve and Leo Malice. Yeah, forget their Boston band. Yeah, great So yeah, tell me tonight. I will do that. Um great band too. Fantastic. Oh one amazing live band that dude plays the drums as Good as his drummer. Yeah, the Sully. Yeah, if you ever watch that video. Yeah, it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen I've seen him do it live a number of times at drum battle. Yeah. It's pretty insane. So, yeah, I think, man, I think-

But I bet you can still excited so much that they invite me to do stuff like that. And like, I- Yeah, like, amazing. You look, dude, you might be this someday when you get your hotel rooms and you'll be like excited, but it does-

it does go away after a while because you learn to- you spend years creating a life that you like, and you progress, and you get better, you get more money, you get more things, and all of a sudden, you like, and you progress, and you get better, you get more money, you get more things, and all of a sudden you have a wife and a house

and a kitchen and things that are yours, and you wanna be there, you wanna be your daughter, you know, blah, blah, blah, that when you're away. I mean, I like being away, but it's great that you brought Lewis. I just would love to get to the point where I could actually, first of all, give young comics under me or friends of mine money.

I wanna give them money, but I also wanna have a good time. I want to give them money, but I also want to have a good time. I want to give them an opportunity, but I want to have fun. I want to go on the road and I know what you do. I know what you do, and you know the way the show is, and I like, we could just go have a good time. I can't wait to fucking do that. I can't wait. I really. I think it's a better show, too, when the people on the show like each other absolutely

Yeah, because you can fuck with each other and you go down with the ship. Yeah Oh, I used to go with you. I still go sometimes with a tell on the road I guess it's fun. It's good like you know I've done nine hour drives or you have done seven hour rides with a tell before it's like it's a fun You know, he bullshit. There's nothing nothing bad. It's real buddies who know each other. Fun. Yeah, nothing better. Nothing better.

Anyways, what were you gonna say about Kelly? Oh, like me. Leverty live. What happened? So, I was mad at Dan about this. Yeah, but Dan and doing anything wrong. Yeah, he did. No, he, some,

Kelly, it's true. He's fucking idiot. Bitch. Okay. Okay. Anyway, Kelly, you're old today. I don't know why. Really? Wow. Wow, I don't know why Wow Wow I don't know why you caught calling the kettle fat

I should have got up thrown some of your fucking head. I want to know you phone away. Oh Die now. We know he's also lying. He's also lying You said His word was show good died and I'll throw you fucking podcast off the actually said it just died Bobby you wouldn't do that I would fucking do you would never do that I would I have the fucking authority Do we know you do we know I'm I won't change something if you don't want to but I'm curious to know since I just met him why Kelly got a throat greased up by this dude I'm sorry time and then who's brought it? Oh, whose breath stinks. I don't think I'm

In far I think my breasts are fuck you Kelly. Anyway, go ahead Well, I that is we're gonna close this part of the show on Kelly's all right fucking gizmo Okay, and what it smelled like I got it all the way I got her all I know where she was We know I set it up. She gets it. Did you get to the brand? I'm curious. No, I didn't get there yet. I didn't get there yet.

But let's finish. Let's speed it up. All right. I look at the shop shut your face. My buddy named Chucky texted me. He was like, oh, I saw Bobby Kelly. I put a rig in with a buddy named Chucky. No, white guy named Chucky.

I know. I said a buddy. No, but really? You're talking about me being put a rig in. I'm waiting. No. And I but really? You're talking about me being put away. That way you can, though. And all I want is just fucking go. So he's like, oh yeah, your Bobby was really funny. So was that guy, Dan, he was like,

but that Australian chick that opens, stunk. Right. No, I wasn't gonna tell you that. Good to say that Lewis never actually said that to me. Whatever. I just fucking said. I'm a paraphrase. To you, yeah, paraphrase. Whatever. What did I say to you? He never said you. What did I say to just paraphrase to you. Yeah, he paraphrase

What I just said to you. What is it? What is it? What are you? What are you said to me? Let me finish it. I'll fucking tell the story You said to me on my friend came and watched you know you guys at levity I was like I'm out of with Tommy is yeah It had a great time and I said you so what are they fit work because I knew that they went there cuz I saw a whole bunch of people talking to soda And I do that so how many people talking to Robert and they didn't come talk to me so I know shut up She's like if you want to live you want to live let me finish a fucking story I don't know if you're like all right I don't want to shut you man. Let me finish. You're gonna talk a little talk

She has a lot of talk. My hand is going to pop on now. Yardy, yard of eyes. Anyway, I saw a group talk to Barbie, talk to Dan, they didn't talk to me, and I knew it was Louis's friends. I just fucking knew it. So that's why Kelly put two into a whole one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, see it levy live and I said oh, I know like they didn't come and talk to me They have a good time and he was like what did that fucking idiot Dan so to say to you What did Dan say to you? And I'm like Dan and say anything he calls Dan

Give him shit and I can hit down and like going dude. I'm sending him to her So I knew that they fucking hated me. All right, pause. I knew you You know, I'm gonna you done. You just said I'm gonna you can't thank you. I was you just said. Are you done? Yeah, what was her story? I have no idea I know what she said. What was it? Here's the point We're telling you fucking mouth This was the problem where you get high before the fucking show That's not true. You don't know when to shut your face Lewis

You get headphones on turn them up so when you she don't know when to shut your face, Lewis. You get headphones on. Turn them up. So when you hear somebody talking, you know to shut your raspy voice. Don't do this, not in front of Phil. What I'm saying, what I'm saying, she said this. She basically said, she knew those assholes with your friends because they went to me and Dan.

She knew those people didn't like her. And let me tell you something. If there's anything that burns a young comic when you're in the business, when somebody doesn't like you, a thousand people could praise your name. One guy walks out and goes, you fucking blow. That will ruin everything. You won't remember one good thing that was said to you, you're gonna remember that one motherfucker who thought you sucked. And so I understand that she remembered those people,

she knew what type of guy they were. And when you brought it up, I agreed that she probably knew that those fucking guys are bringing out the points. Let me finish. All right, good. So, my friend tells me that. Try to finish it without saying fucking. So then, S friend tells me that I'd finish it without saying fucking so then

Soda taxi me was a we were just My friends at the show Yeah, he's like only think I was like I thought you they thought you were good with it. They're kind of like Kelly stunk Yeah, I wasn't gonna tell Kelly that Okay, I'm gonna talk Kelly that's mean So then Kelly comes up to me like one day at an hour. over sick. Oh, so I heard you had friends at the show. Yeah, we had friends So I'm like, oh, that's where she said that. Yeah, so they didn't like me very much. I'm like fucking Dan really he said something Right, and she's like, oh no, you didn't say anything and now she's been lying ever since she's lying through her fucking

I'm on my mother's life. 10 Dan's a fucking classic. Your mother is a whore. Oh God. That's true, Kelly. So you fought a boyfriend on the internet. So I'm good. Look, I could find that it's the truth that she is definitely the truth because I know that she's watching people. Believe me, dude, the first that she was doing merch, she was just waiting for accolades. She didn't sell one t-shirt because she, just looking at people frozen. Longingly. Yeah, so listen, dude. I probably, who gives a fuck?

Look, your friends, did your friends like Dan? Yeah. Did your friends like me? Love you. Fuck it, that's all the matter. Did you guys like my Jorks? I just think, that's just the noun that you had. Now, let's get to Kelly's jizzball.

Did you guys like me Jorks? I think they're hilariousx I think they're hilarious I'm sorry, it's alright What if you're funny? My friend Chicky is a fucking red narik Okay, okay listen, enough We're fucking done with this What was that?

What was that? What was that? What was that? Jack off water What was that? My you like my jukes? That's my impression of Kelly I'm out of the impression

Can you do it again? Did you guys enjoy me jerk? My jokes. Guys have the dangerous jokes. You're enjoying me, George. Where's she from? Fuck it. That's pretty jackson for him, God.

I'm so glad you're all film-ists. That's really to it. Hey, hey, hey. First of all, you're taking out an anger on me, the year before to lose. Yeah, I don't get mad at film-ists. I think you're a sweetheart. Yeah, we both like, I stuck it.

The first of all, I was on your side. And don't fuck with film-ists ever. You're a sweetheart. Yeah, we both like I stuck it. The first of all, I was on your side. And don't fuck with Filmas ever. James Filmas. James Filmas. That scarf he got from me in a three year filmist. You come with this once, once a career TVest. You end that scarf. That's the director.

You got you fuck with YouTubeist. I do. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a TV-ish motherfucker. What have you done on TV? MTV's guy co-hosts. That don't fuck you. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know it'ser. What have you done on TV MTV's guy? Coates don't fuck you know

class, but they didn't know it's only one credit when you say the no MTV's guy code Would you go I was on NBC's law in order? No, it's give the fucking the fucking I was on VH18 Top 20 hits of the I come as a powerful Was a VH12 MTV 2 Real TV it's two I didn't credit you

Put the show where they get a bunch of fucking assholes dude fucking dudes Did you hold on, did you see? I don't know, I was saying. Big J being written up about and me being written up about. And we're going to that later. We're going to that later, I already told you that you fucking drug addict. I will go back, here's, I'm setting up the scenario.

So just listen, Kelly had a boyfriend. We talked about it last time on the show. Everyone he met him. He was a carpenter. Really nice guy. Really great guy. He said wonderful things to me. I was gonna fucking do my stairs was gonna fix my my spiral staircase

What he was gonna put my my My window seat in and make my office the finally and you know probably upgrade my apartment to you know Maybe another $20,000 in what he was gonna do for hopefully a couple thousand dollars Which is what a chit-gust. That's what I would pay him if he's listening. That's all, 1500 would be good. Okay, you said was, right?

Well, she dumped him because she has fucking issues. Oh, no! Hey, we're gonna get into that. But here's a deal. So, I found out that when she was before, when the podcast, she's never tasted gizz. She's never sucked a guy. Hold on, never tasted it to the point where she's never swallowed it It's never gone if I've always pulled out and let him come some right of course

She's tasted it without her knowing the worst by the way first of all Larry bird always dribbles for before shoots So some gizz did get in her mouth. She is tasted gizz, but it's the pre gizz. It's the clear gizz It's the Spidey man gizz less salty sweeter. Yeah the pre gizz. It's the clear gizz. It's the Spidey man gizz. Less salty, sweeter. Yeah, it's sweeter. It's the sweet. It's the gizz that you wouldn't even be gay if you tasted it yourself.

It's the honey that comes out of the tree. I'll meet you know, a step. I don't know if it's a sweet. So here, so, but she's never swallowed a load. Or sped a load. Yeah, so I was saving it. We're at his house for Sony. We're at his house. Did you run you? No, no, no. We're at my bedroom. My wife is cooking Mexican corn.

My wife's holding a boom mic. I've got the real to real go. And now we're going to play for you. I'm so sad. So she's at his house. I figured this out. They're in the bedroom. I figured that out.

We got to that point. And I want to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm

to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm just sad. So she's at his house. I figured this out. She, they're in the bedroom. I figured that out. We got to that point. And I want you to explain now. So you're fooling around. Now, do you know you're just gonna suck his cock tonight?

And that's it. Or you're gonna, did you in your brain maybe we're gonna fuck? Or you're like, I just wanna get him off. This is about him, because I don't wanna get laid right now. No, we, he was was like what the sex with He was really good. I can't even say the words. He was really good at that stuff. So we would do everything So you you're gonna get his dick sucked?

Hey, we know like I think all men of pros at that right? I would know we start with second and dick and I would fuck and then we might fuck again before we go to bed Wait, would you suck his dick after I didn't I never told you guys how old you are today. How old is he? 56 years old. No, what would you suck as a FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Quick before getting into the story. Jesus Christ 22. I feel dirty. You guys want to help out the podcast? Make sure you go to Robert Kelly. I was at riotcast.com. So I said Robert Kelly. Go to my page and buy whatever you are going to buy.

I would suggest buying Cheetah Man's Guy to Infidelity. Or go off of the baby registry. Show your face, Lewis. Please don't make this about you for once in your life Who are my registry shut up? He doesn't shut up. We's high. That's not true. Shut the fuck up Go to Amazon dot com page hit Amazon buy anything off of there anything if you need hurricane relief stuff Go there and buy stuff. Go there and buy. That was fucking, that was big corporation right there. You guys need a generator? Go there.

Because, hey, I know you probably need a generator or a crunch, but if you can first log on to my podcast, I can then go to Amazon. Look at you might need a new iPad. Take the longest route to get there possible. There's a yeah, I'm kidding. Go to Amazon.com, you can help the podcast and go to GameFlight.com. GameFlight.com slash YKWD. You get two weeks free. Make sure you guys do that. And all of you can donate and all that shit. Look, we're going to actually donate $100 from the show from the donations, which isn't really a lot. People kind of stop donating, which is all right.

I mean, I think they're going to Amazon and buy and stuff and support us that way, which is, I like that also, but we're gonna take $100 out of the show and donate it to Red Cross from you guys. So that's from you guys. We have a little bit of cash in there. I gotta pay Kelly some money out of there. And then for some shitchee bot. She gave me head. So we're going to get her

swallows. We're going to give her a 1350 out of the, but make sure you go to the website and and support the show through those things. And spread the word, mother fuckers. Keep telling your friends. Tell people about the app and check check out we have 12 of the best shows. I'm serious, man, two of my favorite shows, real favorite shows is number one, the comedy's not alive, is a fucking great show. They're getting really good guests lately. They have a new booker, they're booking guests,

another, my second favorite show, Dr. Steve, we're messing. Love that show. It's not good. It's a great fucking great show, but also, no joke, Lewis's fucking dumb show. Damn it, what's it going by, Lee? Damn it, I fucking love it.

It really is funny, it's good, it's informative. You guys been having great guests on, you had Dan Fry on. I don't believe that got Dan Fry. I really know, it's a dumb fry. It's informative. You guys been having great guests on you had Dan fry on I believe I got damn I really know it's a Dom fry. I'm sorry. I said damn racist. It was awesome. Yeah, he's a fucking algae But here's a deal it really great show Bailey J show The Davey Max Sports Show is hilarious. Is that great? I love pepper hit or a Chris Stanley fucking great dude? I love Pepper Hig or Chris Stanley. Fucking great dude. I mean our network has some great fucking shows. Talented people, too. Really, and it's free.

So go to the get the app. The Android apps coming soon, iPad app is out and iPhone app is out. Go to go get it, Ryecast app is out, get it. It's incredible and it's free for you guys. We want you guys to enjoy it and make sure you buy the book cheat at amazon.com,

off our link, or go to the store and buy it. It's in all the stores at the airports and the bonds and nobles. Go buy two, buy three copies. You get on Kindle, whatever. Seriously, it's a great gift for Christmas for a guy friend. It's a hilarious book. Hilarious, hilarious.

It's just jokes, ladies, just jokes. I asked Burr in Australia, I said to him, I was like, how's the book thing going? Yeah. He was, I mean, it's a book, you know, so I tried to sell a butter churn. Yeah, Bill's been real, really intricate to selling this book. Fucking Burr. Anyway, so that's it. We put the heads anywhere in the middle. So people don't have to deal with the beginnings. So go ahead, Kelly. So you're on the thing, you're about to suck load for the first time.

Go. Well, I want to tell you why. When one of the reasons why I'm not together anymore. Yeah, I actually want you to take this over because you're a little more sexy than me. Sure, sure. Let's do it. What do you want to know, mate? You want to know how to...

We'll get to the break apart. What is your voice turning to that? What about a now-might? Are you naked? Are you I? Are you naked? You guys are gonna make me churn in like, are you naked when it's happening? I don't want any of you guys something in your pants right now.

Kelly, you can't stand on something. It's not gonna happen. Kelly, listen, I can't jerk off through jeans. You're a girl, okay? So stop fighting what you are. Just answer the questions for the sake of the show. And for the sake of comedy, Okay, this is about comedy. This is not about you. You selfish fucking human being. All right, this is for the truck driver who's in this truck right

now and is lonely because he's gonna drive fucking the next 16 hours. This about the guy in the cube. Let's go to take a train. This is about the fucking girl that's in a cube right now and doesn't have anything to listen to. She needs to laugh. she needs to laugh She needs to have fun. She needs to be interested. She needs to listen. Okay, so stop making it about you and you stupid morals and answer Jesus questions. Where are you naked? I? Think so. No, yes or no. I maybe we would have had me underwear on now I had me underwears on. Yeah.

Me underwears. The only last 60 thing we were shows. I had on me underpants. There's nothing. It blooms. My unmention of booze. There's nothing worse than the Australian accent. And just to let you know, yes, SNL.

Somebody in SNL listens to ONA and stole another bit idea. Just to let you know yes SNL somebody else out listens to oh and a and stole another Bit idea Just let you know oh my god these cuckstacks get your back like they shine accent about how it's really really terrible Yeah, but I I didn't know about it. I was doing a sharia and I just had people like take me I don't want to look at I don't gonna go down from the fucking other direction I just brought it up as a funny thing to say and you get a fucking bring it up as news answer J's questions You may have been in your underpants. Yeah. Perhaps. What kind of underpants do you wear? You underpants. For the looms. Do you have a pee flap in the front? I wear a cowboy pajamas.

What kind of panties do you wear? They're like bones. That's an Australian. I wear a strain underwear. What was that mean? They're made of fur. They're just the best underwear that I'm wearing. Are they like mean? They're made of fur. They're just the best underwear that I can get wedges. Are they like, uggs for your pussy? Pull them up. No, they're just good. I don't wear jeans because they like, they give me wedges. I feel uncomfortable.

Okay, so you're wearing underwear, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. Is this just a blowjob or is this, you fucked already? I'd know, I think, no, this is pre-fuck. You wouldn't have sucked them off after you fucked. Oh yeah, I did that all the time. You do? Oh yeah. You don't mind the taste of your own vaginaucked. Oh yeah, I do that all the time. You do.

You don't mind the taste of your own vagina on a man's penis. You don't mind the taste of him. It's more like, I don't like the taste of condom. So you don't mind the taste of pussy and blood. Right. Blood. Yeah, you heard him.

He's bleeding. Shhh, just go in there. Ha ha ha ha ha. He said keep it sexy, the trucker. You want Bobby to yell again? Okay. Hey, you want bad cop to come back? Or you want to talk to me a little bit?

Okay, okay, what do you want to do those panties? Well, I'm guessing maybe like a mohawk bus Shit these are sexy underwear she wears by the way guys look Where she wears by the way guys look Hello, they're low hipsters Like far a faucet Look at Jay You come in more with your back alley rape voice to me. Oh, yeah, well, I'll do it. My brother, what the pregnant girl? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what's that? Thank you so much. Yeah, I appreciate it. You would fuck me. No problem. If you didn't have a pregnant girlfriend. Yeah. Kelly.

Never mind that it'd be against my will, but that's fine. Let's go. Yeah. You fat rape hands would be on her. Dumb throat trying to stop that shitty accent. That's how I'm gonna do it. You fat rapes, it'd be on your face. Dumb throat trying to stop that shitty accent. Stop moaning and you're foreign noises. Are you raping me?

Lewis? I have a sport? I mean, it's this. I have a sport at the stand. You guys should do me raping Kelly. Oh, okay, the Lewis. Hello, Lewis. I'm gonna ask you a opinion on something. Lewis. Let me go. I'm not jerking

Okay Go you don't talk about the bush. Yeah, baby. That's cool. This is all about the mouth right now Give a book on your mouth That I mentioned Australians have do you have any I get rid of it all. Do you attack the piece? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Speaking about this, I hit a pause for a second. Please, yeah. You shave all your peeps. Yes, rid of it all.

It's gone. Yeah, I'll let it go. So it's gone, it's just a little stubble, a couple zits, and then the pussy. Yeah. Okay, go. I'm batelling, I get a little ingrown. Yeah, you do.

It looks like a basketball plays neck I want to fuck Kelly she's got the delay for pussy. Okay. I'm moving. She's got Rick Fox. She got Rick Fox neck pussy There's the only way that was worthy, but it's still funny You know people get out of old acne pimples on their face and they had acne when they're young and they go scars in their face Still funny. Go ahead, she- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Tasty cage pussy She's got walking through the pussy she has to make her pussy's pussy here sideways to cover her hair We Billy idols mouth All right, so yeah, you get a shaved city. Oh, why would on a side note grow some beef pack no one wants to see that bullshit That's don't listen to Jay. Just the Lewis don't listen to me don't listen to me. Both guys want a nice freshly clean shaving plus No, I'm just gonna be hold on. Yes, ball or a little bit of hair right?

Nobody wants nobody wants I like a little bit of hair But but but but Jay likes a fucking Bush I like hair you like a bush. You want to see my bush? Yes, I haven't shaved my bush in fucking months. I want to see it. My bush looks like my mother's bush. You know what you suck shaving your bush? Oh wow, like your mother's bush. That's a crazy bush.

You know those fucking, those sparse hairs over on the side with the leg creases? I've always had those. That's when your gun starts to spread. As I'm losing weight, it looks like I have more bush than I normally do. But I know, it's just the hairs are coming back together. I don't get to, I don't have to mask scare the men anymore.

I am a big gay. I am a big gay. And Dave Smith did an all-dude, all-newed podcast where we stripped down in front of each other. Listen, I can't have you bring up that right now. Why? Because that's a whole, do the stand, that's a whole not that I want. I was gonna up that right now. Why? Because that's a whole Do you understand that's a whole I was gonna talk about his gun. It was awesome. Listen,

Spkelly, will you please make a note of this fucking homo's last day? I think you already spoke about it last time, didn't I? I don't think so. Thanks. Now we never talked about that. Jay, go back. Sorry. So this is we're going purely blowjob here. There was no sex involved in this. Well, afterwards, there was sex. I blow it up again. But he's 22. He was ready to go again right away. Well, I always blow guy before I fuck him. But usually,

but usually they'll start fucking before you, they come. Jay pause. You blow me, Kelly. I'm done. You, you ain't getting my dick up. 22. Okay. To show back to Kelly. I'm done. You're you're getting my dick up 22. Okay Two share back you get Unpossed fair enough. All right, so He's already ready to go. It's always even after he comes. It's still hard. You pull out his sizeable. Yeah, good size How big his size is but how big quick real quick Do the do the baseball back game where you he pulls it up Uh, let me know. Let me show so we can't say big big show me a little bit more bigger than two-fist put together a little bit. Oh, he's got a three Yeah, she's got big she's got three

I got a I got a one potato You win one potato wins I got a one potato to P hole I got a one potato to pee hole So yeah, I might so So he pulls it out with his where you pulled it out. I know only pull it out circumcised you pull it out Yeah, he's a fucking man. He grabs the back of your hair with his Jesus like carpenter hands. Yeah full of call calluses right yeah and shoves you onto a size and as he puts his hands through

your hair some of your hair falls out because you have so much anxiety so clumps of hair are in his fucking finger you're you're dealing with a bout of alopecia ariata am I gonna get on tonight at the stand I have to wait tables tomorrow. I'm just sweating in your armpits. You sweat pouring down your armpits pretty now. So your hair is falling off like it was glued on. You got under-tit sweat pouring down to your belly button. You accept them into your mouth.

Then, is your bum all over, is your mom already hard? Half hard? A little bit, like half hard where it's a little floppy a little bit. I probably would have been doing some over the pan section beforehand. I would have been doing it. Not probably. You were there. There's no problem.

Pretty sure I had my hand over there. How fucked up were you on pills? Was it the pill day? No. You walked them into a semi. You take pills, Kelly? No. Okay him into a semi you take pills Kelly? No, okay good So you take out his hardcock yeah and start sucking it. Yeah, how long before you realize this is gonna this is about to go down

I'm maybe about not long five minutes. I'd like to ask you question real quick So you're you are you are you doing a spit in a twist both hands twisting? What's both hands doing? Quick, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, Okay, sometimes I would do two hands and kind of do You don't you don't work your hand at mouth the same time Kelly might be Up right now I told you I don't I I'm gonna talk about it if no one in this room has a little I have a sweatpants I have sweatpants on with no Here I'll know underwear. I'll check Lewis for I feel I'm here my dick is actually inside my body nothing

I got nothing my dick is actually inside my body nothing Jalen is J is literally Grabbing those his cock and I got I know you guys left the country because it's legal to get married up in Montreal Tell you fucking home. What your friends being for somebody did Sonny know that you had never swallowed combo Yeah, we talked about it. Did he know that you were going to swallow his calm then Yeah, I think we like we spoke about it. So you actually a conversation. This is first degree comes Well, no, we started like doing blah blah blah blah and he was like It's like I'll let you know and I was like no, no, no, don't he's like you sure? I'm like yeah Yeah, so you said I want to be surprised shot to the back

But he was gonna let me know like he was still gonna tell that's fine. So you said I want to be surprised, shot to the back of the road. No, but he was gonna let me know. Like, he was still gonna tell me when he was about to do what I was ready for it. Blow it, blow it in me mouth. It's like it's fucking face, whatever, but I just, he just, yeah. So can I ask you a question?

So he's sucking his cock and it's hard, it's wet, you jerk and you play with the balls and now it's gonna come. Yeah. And did you feel it on your bottom lip when your mouth was on his cock? Did you feel it? The vein pulsing out, pulsing through that vein and coming into your mouth? You did.

So now that you know it's coming. That's not how it's a cock works. It's the vein that it pulses through. Now you can feel it in the vein and then you can white like two seconds and it just... Okay so it goes in your mouth. What, what, what is it like? Lewis we already know you know the answer. Is it a, is it a, you have a, is it, yeah.

Look at the little slice I had. Yeah he has a hat. Is it a big, is it a big batch? Yeah he had big loads. Do you remember that time when you were out 24 hours, you can get your way home and you finally made your way home? First of all, first of all, she said loads load so this was more than once you were into it You swalled so you you had any mouth did you immediately swallowed like

Savory me at least swallowed it because I did more to taste it Like taste it and now the first time I did it and then taste you bad It was like it was like a it was just like swallowing a big snobble You know when you can you know when you have this big that sounds awful I'll drop right now. That was awful visual. That's like swallowing someone doesn't snap off from the dick and balls. I thought it was gonna be like I had to like I thought it was gonna be after me from swallows. I thought he was trying to snutter into my mouth through their

dick. I thought it was going to taste like absolute shit but it just tastes like another person fired snuff into their dick into my mouth. their dick. I thought it was going to taste like absolute shit, but it just tastes like another person fired, it's not from their dick in my mouth. I'm not as lucky. You know what, Eves? Little gamey, but you choke it down. It's like deer meat. It wasn't as choppy as like spit is.

It was softer and sweeter. And it just, and it went down one swallow. No, that's what it wasn't. It just went down with one swallow. And it didn't taste like, it just tasted like kind of half sweat. It was nothing. Half sweat, half sweat one swallow. And it didn't taste like, it just tasted like kind of half sweat, it was nothing. Half sweat, half sweat.

Like, it just didn't taste like anything. Not even salty, the next load I had tasted different. What did taste like? What the next one tasted? Pineapple. I didn't even. We're having a taste test. Great.

We're having a load taste test. I didn't like it, the next one I didn't like. Why? It just tasted weird. Like what? Like a baby? I don't know. Like a thousand year old egg?

What a thing. He bought me electronic cigarettes and he tried some of them and I recognize it was the smoke. I reckon the smoke make your gizz. Yeah, that's what, to me it tastes like, like I had like a smoky-ish, it just tasted off. Like salmon, like smoked salmon or delicious. No, like smoked astray.

Where it tastes like, wow. Because when it tasted different and the first thing I thought of, I was like, I'll see. He tastes like yeah Wow, it tastes it tastes a different and the first sort of I was like he's broke cigarettes No, he doesn't that's why he doesn't and when and didn't it always tastes the same you do you know cigarettes Yeah, it's your hand on his dick. That's not dummy No, that means he's fucking I'm gonna have to go with her on this one because she did swallow the load I'm gonna have to trust your taste buds No, you know what can you get some of his load. I'm gonna have to trust your taste buds. No, you know what, can you get some of his load and I'm gonna fucking taste it and prove you wrong?

Tell him that, that was what it was. Cause soon I'm gonna like wine taste it though. I'm gonna gargle it and spit it back out. I'm not gay. Put your nose in the glass, baby. I'm gonna have some gay. See how it runs down the glass? Yeah, I like the tennings on this come.

I'm just the body. Oh. Oh. What, what, Lewis, you're meant for that. Yeah, cause he's saying we do talking about come. That's the instantially does when you talk about you what's the bad even a just a stuff Okay, anyway, that's it so hold on you you swallowed us come you enjoyed it one day No, there was a few times I did it in separate occasions. Oh, this is you're just a come like like a come on. I mean, I related you to someone that I care about

and this is how we keep it going. But now it's over. Yeah. He dumped you. Yeah, while it was you. Well, he kind of did something, he did something that made me go. He dumped one of your mouth and then dumped you as a person.

Well, something happened where I was like, I don't think it was gonna work. And then we, a few days later, we spoke. What do you do? So, he just liked the fact that I smoke cigarettes. So, it was like three days after we started going out, he bought electronic cigarettes on the internet and he gave them to me. He's like, can you try?

He threw them in your face. He's like, can you try? Can you try? Yeah, but because you smell like shit in your teeth stink. And now, do I hate your accent? I hate your mouth. Big shoulders, your hair is falling out. And he puts his smells like an ash drain.

He got my dick on my three potato dick deserves better than this I don't build stairs Take it easy take it easy. Hi, go ahead. He was really um he really wanted Grandma take this cocktail My white bloody asshole. It's like so many look at chick going in a day with me and her enemy and apple in a scale on the first day listen fat So I do something Spark is different that's like because he has to deal with things. Hey, Tubbs that sure is too Fakera take this deal a meal program and fucking do something before I start fucking you gonna blow me again

But without teeth this time fucking don'ts. Yeah, I know what I'm doing mother fuck. I hate the way You ever doubt I believe you know what the fuck I'm doing. We're speaking rhetorically Okay, I'm gonna get my authority finger straight up Kelly don't judge people my knuckle gloves. Have you met a sweeter human being to me? I hate the way my dick smells after you suck it the way my dick smells after you suck it. Have these electronic stuff right? I want to put my dick smell like an ass right now. Every time I go to think I'm pissed,

I throw up because you own mouth. What is my dick smell like a loinshuck? You're new port, you're new port spits running down my tank. You're a fucking Indian cigarette you cheap plot. Keep sticking up my cock. You're gonna get my dick cancer, you fucking stink. That's something what it was. Anyway. I'm sorry, short of dick hands. You're gonna get my dick cancer you fucking stink. That's something what it was anyway

Bought me them. So I'm like all right, so I'm trying to quit smoking blah blah blah blah blah And we're joking around one day and all you fatties all you I'm still Everybody I'm still fat Yeah, but you know like it he So we had that conversation where I and I was yeah when I quit smoking you ate a little bit and I said to you my said listen Said and make sure you don't give fat Yeah, hey listen, I don't want my dick to stink, but I don't want to fuck back. Yes. Sorry Yeah, here's an apple too. I want to lose get the loose get number one of the family. Get the story out. So here's an apple too. I want to get loose get the loose get number one of the family to you.

Fucking story out. I got you fucking smelly fatso fucking put it in the I said I got it. I'm going to quit smoking. I'm going to put on a bit of weight. And he's like really? I'm like yeah. I love this guy.

I love this guy. I said, you have to be I carry that. And he's like I'm not going to be I carry that if you put on weight. And I'm like so what if I get pregnant or something. He's like yeah, I'm like, I said, yes, it'd be okay with that. And he's like, I'm not gonna be okay with that if you put on weight. And I'm like, so what if I get pregnant or something? He's like, yeah, I'm not gonna. Why would you bring that up? No, but I'm like, you know, we'll talk about it. So, Kelly's version of this story,

it's me, this guy being an asshole, so I didn't want to put on weight. But in his version, this bitch is asking me to get a pregnant, she wants to get married. She's gonna get fat. She's gonna get fat. She's gonna go out and go downstairs and build a new brace for the floor.

Yeah, because a fat friend wants me to do stairs for jeez. She didn't get it any younger. His tubs is buckling our per go. Everyone, I never mind her fucking accent I got over. Everyone of you guys has a white issue. And her hair fell out last time. And I had a guy tell me that he would not be with me if I put on a little bit of white.

I would expect you guys to stick out for me a little bit more. Yeah, but we'd also make fun of you that Yeah, of course, that's not a We put the camera down sit on the podcast you're done. I like hold a mic down you cocksucker Phil I like that guy very much right madam But that's not the dude for you and you're doing sing five o'clock As far as a guy who's dating you then fuck him here's a deal I don't you know

I applaud his on but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but though, the minor thing is is that like I've been working, I'm 30. I've been working. You used your Obama thumb, please. I used stupid thumb. He's getting your point across. I'd like to use my hands to express the way I talk. Go ahead, you hunch back. Alright. I fold your arms. You have the posture of a fucking 900-year-old woman.

Yeah. Give up on the arms, okay. But the thing is, I've been working out since I was 15. My weight is always always gonna be an issue regardless of smoking or smoking babies. So I'm gonna say to me, hey, I don't like get butted. You said it though, you said it. I know.

I'm gonna defend him for this white because I'm a fatty. And I know what you're saying, you're absolutely right. You asshole, you said, I'm gonna quit smoking, I'm gonna game weight. No, you're not. You're not gonna game weight. You quit smoking, okay, you might game weight, you're not. You're not gonna game weight. You quit smoking. Okay, you might game weight

You might not. Okay, you don't know the last few times I quit smoking I put on weight. I'm zero okay Okay, well, but you don't know Kelly. Here's a deal. You're you're giving him an ultimatum You're giving him look if I quit smoking. I'm gonna put on weight either you're gonna get a non smoking person or a fat chick or Healthy chick that smokes cigarettes. That's not the way you mean you present that's the way's the way he's saying it. You put it, you put it to him like, I'm gonna be a fat chick. Are you gonna deal with that? It's like, you know what? Look it, you don't need to say,

you need to say, you need to be healthy, period. Just get fat if that's what happens. He doesn't need to know, you might, you might not. He's not gonna say to you, yeah, I still love you. Kelly's gonna wake up, this is like an empty pill. He was the note next to her head. He was just honest with you, Kelly. You shouldn't have said, I'm love you Kelly's gonna wake up. It's like an empty pill with a note He was just honest with you Kelly. You shouldn't have said I'm gonna get fat That was a girl thing to do kids got said it really is a girl thing to do a girl a girl goes like this ready Well, I won't quit I'll quit smoking but I'm gonna get fat

What do you think about that? Do you still do you still like me? No, I don't I don't want you how's this? I don't want you to fat either. I want you to quit smoking because it's terrible. And I want you to stay healthy pretty because that's what I like. Can you try to do that? And you would have been like, look, I'm gonna fucking do it for me. And I'm gonna try to stay not fat,

but I'm gonna need you help. We can't be, you know, you know. That's what I was saying. I was like, what is that mean? That's a different thing than what you said. You said, I'm gonna be, you that you get fat, or you get smoker. Said who broke up with who then?

Well, it's kind of like he instigated it and I just got annoyed and went all right I'm walk the way and he walked away. So that's it That's I break up with things you walk away from it That's it is it is it is it discussed? Mm-hmm that you're broken up Well, I'm just annoyed because the like the things that he had decided me about it He was just was just wrong. He's just an idiot. What what do you say? Like you think I'm planning. Well, he started complaining. He brought up comedy and stuff. Oh, what do you say? Boy, put up that and I just was like

You just not funny me and my friends I More like you bring it up the whole what does that you do a lot of comedy and blah blah blah Can I have been a catalyst to this breakup by accident? I did speak to you before I even met him. I didn't speak, but you defended the situation by saying that he's not giving you advice on your jokes. He was just saying, like, oh, you forgot to do this thing.

You do. He was awesome. He was actually really good at talking to you. But you say, but he was actually sort of critiquing the comedy. No, it wasn't that. He's just said, he come up with these bullshit like, you know, you do a lot of comedy and he goes, and I critiquing the comedy. No, it wasn't that he's just said he come up with his bullshit like You know you do a lot of comedy and he goes and I'm hanging out and stuff and you know I'm not really doing stuff for me and I'm like I want you to come along to my corpening

Yeah, what about you never have anything? I'm the one I was like I got really like I get I get a bit bitchy And I'm the one with the life like you're the one following me around You're talking about a guy a 22 guy who has a job, he's a cop, and it's a real job. He's making money. And then he meets this girl. It's pretty cool. You got a fucking weird accent.

You suck a good dick. You fuck them. You're older. You're taking a job. Yeah, but then hang it out with these guys. Right, okay, but that is cool, but that wears off too. And you know what? You got to keep a little fucking distance, man. Right, okay, but that is cool, but that wears off too. And you know what, you know,

you gotta keep a little fucking distance, man. You gotta keep a little distance. It's a little different for men and women. You can't mix worlds. I dated younger women who were into the idea of just being like with an older dude who's a comic who's out at night. It's a little different.

A man still wants to be a fucking man. They don't want a fucking be a woman. They don't want to be the chick on your side. And a man doesn't want to dig the smelly there, especially from a fat chick. He's making up my dick pork chops. Smells like garbage. So we're gonna take it. We're gonna actually, we're gonna end the show in a second. We're actually, the show we're gonna do, the next show is right after this. We're gonna do about Jay and what happened to you.

We want to get into that. You have to leave. Do you have to go? No, not yet. Okay, good. Can you stay for a little bit? Yeah. Alright, so we're gonna take a break.

We're gonna take a break, but we're gonna end the show, actually, this is the end of the show. Are you, it's been an hour and a half, we're good. Are you gonna get back together? No. For sure? You done? What about my fucking stairs, man? Can you please? Will you please now? We take one more load down the throat to get

Bobby a stairs and a fair price. Can you do me a favor? Can you please suck his dick one more time? Well, so you can get a good deal. Yes. Look, it's a good deal for you too because sometimes you house set and you can have a little spot to do your work. You probably take it on the face, and it'll still be cool. Nah, take it. Do whatever you're gonna do. Yeah, but I want him to fuck me afterwards, and some guys don't want to fuck you after you make a comeback. Well, don't make a jump.

Yeah, your breath stinks, and you're a little fatter than you were. Could you figure your own answer? Hi, mom. You could, but blood will spread out like a Halloween mask. Listen, Kelly, I'm kidding. What you need to do with guys, you can't suck a guy's dick and then fuck. You can't, you have to fuck him, okay?

Get your pussy wet, right? Or make a meat, you pussy out and then suck his dick. You can't bring a guy to orgasm through a blow job and then expect to get laid. Most guys are one and done. Very rarely do't bring a guy to orgasm through a blowjob and then expect to get laid. Most guys are one and done. Very rarely do you find a guy who's gonna go at it right after a 10-minute playoffs. No, but that's what I normally do, that's why.

Because with this guy, I did the come thing because, you know, who's young and blah, blah, but normally I blow him until it's like, I, yeah, let's fuck. And then you put a rubber on, hopefully. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, you forgot to fucking lie about that. Then you put a rubber on hopefully. Oh, yeah, okay, well you forgot to fucking lie about that Then you put a rubber on your fucking fucking infected vage

No, and then you right and then you fuck and then he comes like in the rubber inside you or what? Yeah, most of the time rubber inside me sometimes you would pull out take the rubber off come with stomach I like that I a theater. That's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that So you're done with him. Yeah. So you're gonna actually be house sitting for me in a couple weeks. For actually 10 days. You're not gonna have any dick. How much are you paying him? Or how much are you paying him? No, I'm staying in the city. You at your house, sitters, pork at your place?

No, I don't. But I told Dan not to, but he's still fucked to check in my shower. Time out. For no pay, they can't, they can't, they can fuck, but not in my bed. All right, no fucking, that's fair, but I got a I got to listen. Yeah, you can fucking the couch, but don't get jizz on my couch. It's a brand new fucking couch. Okay.

From Raymond and Flanagan's. Uh, Ray Moore. Ray Moore. I actually got it from Raymond. Yeah. I have to buy a lot of furniture soon. So I know all the furniture. And we're going to be talking about that on the next podcast.

Actually, it's actually the podcast before this. So if you're here, it's already done. It was last week's show. I hope you enjoyed it. We're going to Jay, Big J, you guys heard it, it's lost everything, right? Still a structure of that. And the house didn't belong to me,

but almost stuff. Well they'll know about it. This is, my stuff is fucking. Yeah, fucked. Did I hope big J. Dye's before the next part? Yes, he just said that. Hey, guys, but everything's going to seem to be okay now. Well, Kelly, I hope you get a new boyfriend before your house sits

so you can get some dick. Yeah, that'd be fun. Outcome, banging Kelly. Huh? What? You're giving up about a potato in a half on dick size, but. Yeah, good, good, good, good. All right.

I had the jackpot. All right, Kelly. Yeah, man. If you were trying to, you know, I know you're trying new things now. What's up, Kelly? Are we doing, is it, is this one coming out this week or next Monday? Where are you going to be? This is, this is coming out two weeks from now.

Where are you going to be? Well, well, um, somewhere, somewhere. Just somewhere just you know what listen to his podcast man listen to a hammer fisting on a rye cast get the app get the get the app for your ipad we had Brian the professional predator Rogers on two weeks ago fucking hilarious it's really edgy it's I cringe at this fucking show sometimes it's so fucking edgy it's Jesus Christ at this fucking show sometimes. It's so fucking edgy It's Jesus Christ, but it is what it is. That's what the show is racist and it's a very honest He's very honest

I like to be real real as dude Check it out It drives me nuts to be so proud of Lewis for a thing I remember saying I watched Lewis do that on an iPhone too on a buddy's iPhone Not even an iPhone dude was On a buddy's iPhone. Not even an iPhone dude was on like a fucking black barrier. So and then to be what is now amazing. It's fantastic.

And he's got on his page on right. Catching go and if you want to support his show, you go to Amazon and and Gamefly and do the same thing that we do for our show, you can do a his show. So please feel free. Well, let me plug one of the other sponsors. Please, these guys, please. Ronanethletetics.com.

If you're in the New York City area, if you want to get a free MMA lesson, a free class, and then if you join the gym, you get a fucking free month. If you join, if you use Hamer, tell them a mention, Hamer, Fisting, when you guys do it. Wow, they're Ronanethletics.com.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they'll get this up to this. I mean, I'm kidding. They let us film some shit there. That's great. We were film no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no me Lewis here and our friend Dave Smith Dave Smith and where is that next pocket it's on cave comedy radio and I great and Paul what are you getting? Phil is coming Paul I mean Phil you know why what I call what I call you because he hates you did you say Paul? I love to help you with the reason I'm using it I don't know why I called you

that I'm sorry Phil It's pretty bad with me You really got it right Look right at his face though I wanted to help you so bad with the reason Oh Bobby clear it's because I don't know why you should Bobby you are a friend and we need to respond I was actually, yeah I was like what's wrong with you Paul When you're on fucking shoot his fucking podcast now

Yeah, I'm done Please Phil, no Five o'clock fill come on You know I know you don't a lot of it. I'm sorry. I'm gonna fill provincio.com put up all the photos all you guys every week and All in the city other photos, oh man. You got a bunch of photos. A lot of photos beautiful photos. You guys need headshots You want anything done anything you got you wedding bomb it's for special occasions done anything you got you wedding bomb it's for special occasions uh... we have no juice ever asked to get a vet to get a rest of what's the uh... we are to see their been asked to take pictures of our film i know

kelly's taint there you go yeah you can picture of your taint yet creative control really yet because it looks like she spread her bottle for you and it looks like the ring around ring around Jupiter. You saw it. Yes. I want to see it.

Um, unedited. It really good. I want to see it. It looks like a cat vagina. Oh, it has like, you see your curtains there? I'll tweet it. Kelly, what do you got? I've got underbelly with the first Saturday every month at the Creek in the cave,

which is where cave radio is a conglomerate with. So you guys went with cave radio? You're on the network. Cave comedy. We'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back.

I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back.

I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right guys I will personally burn out again. I love it man. Okay. Whoa. I'm kidding. I'm going to go to right cast.com check out all the other podcasts. You guys. Thanks for listening to the show. Hope you liked it. Sorry. We were off last week. The hurricane. I was stuck out of town. We could have put one together,

but we didn't. So yeah, we had nothing so do debugging storm chasing that stuff. I was filming All right, we'll see you guys later I'm stuck in the fog, I need to fall on the floor You know what I'm dead in Bring this box, I need it, I need it You know what I'm dead in Really, really, really, really You know what I'm dead in Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop.