Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - 4th Elephant in the Room
Episode Date: June 16, 2014Robert is joined by Michael Che, Paul Virzi, Oni Perez, Ramon Rivies, Harry Terjanian and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
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Pulsan el banner para saber más. riotcast.com I love doing it in my cast. Alright. All these the only ones I like this music.
We're back.
You know what dude?
Podcast live from the right cast studios above the comedy seller
We have a full fucking house
Tonight while that was really silent
Really felt a fuck off, huh?
Yeah, usually let it I'll tell you why here's a deal because when I usually do the show like dance out or
Lewis or Joe and they usually is they'll talk right over me
Well as I'm doing that as soon as they the music ends they just start going in and start hammering each other You guys are actually polite people and just let me yammer. I don't want that
Where's everybody else don't do that? Where are they? Yeah?
They're trying to get fired. No, they know they don't make it fired from a free podcast
No, they just I did it at night and they couldn't make I
I mix it up. You know, I love those guys, but everyone I like you guys too
You know, I mean I never had you on the show. No, that's my first time right so Chris wants to go around the room and introduce people
All right, we got Paul Verzi. What's up?
Coming in here, then Harry, I can't say a lot.
Trajanian.
Trajanian?
Yeah, it's not your fault.
Yeah, I just called you Harry T. I don't know.
That is fair enough.
And then, Fresho, if it's special, Michael Che.
Capricorn.
Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
The first person to be funny on this show yet,
goes to Michael Che. Ding, one point. fucking verzy. Hey, how you doing?
You fucking cock second your last name Mike actually gets the point of the show Capricorn. Thank you Michael
Good only it's on you all follow that. I'm fresh off of watching Michael Chey's special. Oh my god
You suck. Oh you ask kissing oh
fucking I'm fresh off of staying home and watching is amazing that was suck my
fucking half-hour dick that was the self-deprecation I'm trying to establish that
first and then you go into material by yourself right then go ahead and then
we got Ramon from Cleveland Ramon I don't know your last name that's good that's a
good fucking good for you I'm glad't know your last name. That's good. That's a good fucking good for you
I'm glad you got his last name because there's two people here. You don't know their last name
Well, I knew I didn't I can't pronounce your last name. You knew what you just gave up. I just talked
I didn't like something
Well, that's not knowing you the guy. This is the fucking problem with you scuffle. You booked the fucking show. Yeah, okay?
You book the fucking show and you don't even get his fucking last name. I
Mean Ramon who the you know, they what if there what if they want to Google this kid and know who he is
Yeah, you're in Gene shorts. Yeah, you know what forget it. I made him myself. They are homemade
I use kitchen. So did you make him with your teeth?
It almost should only be Ramon with them shorts.
He was like meat scissors.
Oh my, it's just a strand on island shorts.
They're like the ultimate warrior from Sanon.
It's like that over time.
It's really hard.
It's Ramon with a hyphen.
He cut a little hollow for his pocket so he knows he's poor.
It was like a prison boyfriend made that for you.
I can't told you.
You wear your shorts like.
Yeah, Ray Ray, look what I made you.
So we got from on say your last name for Revis.
Revis.
That's not even difficult.
No, I know it's not even that fun.
What the fuck?
Why people always struggle with it though?
They say rivers or veros.
No, I'm not, I'm not, no, I don't know what the fuck that means. So it's just what's just. Revis, I got it's not even that fun. Why people always struggle with it though? They say rivers or veros. No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, no, I don't know what the fuck that means.
Let's just, what is it?
Revis, I got it.
Yeah, I'm not a Nassau.
Okay.
You know, I worked with you in Cleveland at Hilarities,
which is one of my favorite clubs on the fucking planet.
Yeah, it's great.
Cleveland.
Cleveland Hilarities.
It's always those strange cities that have like a gym where you like,
oh man, this is the fucking best place.
And well, he's the Nass place. Well, here is awesome.
Well, I worked the improv for a long time and I thought that was the only game in town,
but all of a sudden, it was a burr, somebody told me about hilarities.
I was like, what?
And I go in there, it's like the best food, the best, the best fucking club.
You could shoot a special in this club.
It's got a balcony, this beautiful balcony, not that I filled it when I was there.
Nobody used the balcony well.
It's got the best fucking scallops on planet earth.
Yeah, it's unfuckin' believable.
And the guy around, it's old school.
Yeah, it's great.
Yeah, he's got a fucking...
It's a Brooklyn.
Skellebs and Cleveland, that was that work out.
Oh my god, dude.
Big club.
It's like a 400-C club.
Wow.
It's amazing.
And it's the great crowd and great people work there too
They treat you real great. So he worked with me there and he got this fucking dumb
You know when someone does a song in their act. Yeah, he got this song stuck him head to this day
I went up singing it. I sang it in stew Leonard's shopping the other day
Joanne's fabric. Sorry. I do that to everyone remembers. What is it again? Joanne you said either right? Joanne's's Fabric how's it go you do it? He wants you to do the bit is what he's trying
No, please do your clothes. No, no, no, no
First of all don't do the bit. It's not that good. Okay, but the song is catchy
Just go
And fabrics and then it's whatever the bit is what it was me did. Yeah, it's yeah
Wasn't this somehow after that? Yeah, there's but the it's all the bit of what he did. Yeah, it's yeah, but wasn't it somehow after that?
Yeah, there's but the it's all bits after I do just do one all right one two three go
This is audition for last camera standing go
Which one do you want I'm a I'm gonna be Rosanne these Damon Wains and
We're gonna have the Russell Peters.
Virzie's Russell Peters.
Actually, Virzie, me and you are gonna be Rosanne together.
You're old Rosanne, I'm new Rosanne.
Wait, why do you get to be thin Rosanne?
Because you're fat of the me.
Because you're fat of the me.
That's right.
Huh?
No, it's not.
He's a fucking measurement.
He's not lying.
I'm looking right at him.
Also, that's relative to scales. Yeah, this is who we're right.
And then Roseanne isn't exactly like a, that's like the swinging his dick when he comes
out. Yeah, exactly. It's not better. Yeah. Less fat Roseanne. I didn't, I didn't think
of that, but thank you for bringing that up.
I'm not saying Roseanne. I don't really. But thank you for bringing that up
I do feel better now asshole now it hurts me now. I'm hurt Is that what you're candle to make every shy brighter?
First of every attacked me on the fucking fuck you, Verzy
What the fuck you don't know him you my friend you turned on me
Rose and craze what the fuck is that fucking Paul Verzysey, what the fuckin' you got the, you got the, tell me this.
I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.
No fucking, tell me this.
So anyways, how's it go?
Okay, go on.
Go and fabric.
If you wanna airbrush a t-shirt
when your little cousin dies.
That's for black people.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I got that.
Yeah, I got it. If it was 1987, I got it. Yeah was 1987 I got it. Yeah, the fun airbrushes
Nobody airbrushes poor people airbrush. Do they still amrush and Cleveland
First of all, believe they make every shirt there
That's how they make the cleaving calves sure
I'd say I used to airbrush. I told this before right I
Used it. I went to art school for you know, whatever the art school you like
What they call us a master two two semesters. I
Got a what the fuck is it when they give you this thing dismissed?
When they give you the school for nothing. When they give you the scholarship.
I got a scholarship.
When they give you the school for nothing.
Wow.
Is that, that's not the thing.
I'm going to school for nothing.
They gave me that thing.
They gave me that thing they give when you don't got a peg.
Smart kid, you should go to school for nothing.
Luckily, you didn't say that.
That's a good thing you didn't say that in front
of the guidance counselor or whatever there, because then you wouldn't have gotten in.
You really, are you a joke killer? What's wrong?
What the fuck was that, bro?
Sorry, I was the recover for you yelling at everybody before the show started trying to get the cameras working.
Well, no, this is the problem with that.
Again, fucking Christopheau.
We literally, we get the mic Adrian, Adrian, the new first fucking thing. You want all right, and he want to bring real shit in you want to do that shit
The first of all I ignored the fucking
Circus senses before the show, but he wants to bring real you want to make it real we'll make it real okay?
You want fucking real?
Fucking cock fucking good looking haired mother fucker
Adrian the fuck nice the look at scopos fucking shit his pants
Now you want to throw scope onto the bus there you go his fucking scope onto the bus now
You want to see the fucking real okay here you go you fucking one timer?
Fat Rose and listen
Oh wow fat Roseanne listen to me
We just had a talk Scobo nod your hair if I'm wrong at all at any point just let me know if I'm right right around
But you Adrian the new intern the good guy right here really good guy running the cameras for the first time doing a fucking great job
By the way, I don't like his free hat. That's the hat that give you when you go to mass
This quick and why life that I don't like it says and why take the hat that give you when you go to Massas Square Garden and why life shit that one says and why take the hat off a dream okay I don't want your
bother in my guess now he doesn't want you kidding I'm kidding you know what
his he was under why what's under his head I've never seen it I had pretty bad
summer in this weekend that Maryland do take your hat off take it off oh oh look
at the camera I was wearing the hat off and look in the camera
Middle of his forehead that is look at no look right here look right here. I was wearing that take your head
Okay, that in Maryland
See I never had that problem
I'll never replace your skill, boss.
I'll never have to.
You know what?
I've- Listen to me.
I thought you were fucking, I'm never, listen to me.
You're never gonna sit in that chair again, you dumb dumb.
I'm not trusting anybody who wears a hat backwards
in the sun all day long.
Dude, you look like a fucking alien.
I know, I've kept it on all week.
Yeah, it's terrible. You hot as you head hot. Yeah, I look like a fucking alien. I know. I've kept it on all week. That's terrible.
You hot as you head hot.
Yeah, I'm sweating.
It looks really bad. Can I touch it?
If you want it.
Let me touch it.
Oh, wow.
It doesn't hurt that bad.
It's really hot, dude.
His head is so fucking hot right now.
Anyway, is this fucking cock sucker?
They're all sitting here.
We're here at eight.
What time do we get here at Versi?
7'30?
7'o clock. Seven o'clock with Scopo. He's up here at
seven. The show is at 10. At around 8 30, 8 o'clock, 8 something, 8 30. We'll say 8 30. I say,
hey, look at it. I want to make sure everything, you know, everything's ready to go at 10
o'clock. Water's on the thing. The cameras are all set up. The last few weeks, everything
has been fucked up. I've been showing up and they're doing all this shit
last minute.
So I'm ready to go, let's go and we gotta
fix the camera's not set up.
There's no waters on the, there's nothing.
There's three fucking people here that like,
you know, do shit for the show, intern for the show,
and he produces the show, all these people, not done.
So tonight I said, hey, I wanna make sure everything,
okay, yeah, yeah. And dealing with scopos, like dealing with the mafia because you tell them I said, hey, I want to make sure everything. Okay, yeah, yeah. And dealing with scoops, I was like dealing with the mafia because you tell
them, I want, yeah, I got it. I got it. All right, scoops, don't get mad at me. I just
want you to do what you, you know, fucking what's supposed to do. It's done. Don't fucking
worry about it. I don't say that bad. I know. I'm exaggerating to make fucking only laugh.
Apparently just staring at you. Waiting for the story to get good so it's not gonna this clock suck. I show up every camera's not done
all they're all there's nothing on the tables and
and no snacks
What
I told remote no no food up here and he wanted to know you can bring up food
You know why we can't bring up food up here because after the show they're all supposed to clean up right her him and Kelly
Yeah, right and they left the pizza pizza floor. I wasn't I don't give I don't give a shit you're you're responsible
You're doing a show for an hour. You're fucking gotta eat wait wait a second
Ten minutes that was lugo man Anything you could eat is right downstairs.
Hang on for a second.
Look at, I hear you, I hear you, I fucking hear you.
But Ramona's a foodie.
Ramona loves food.
Anyway, so there you go.
The problem is listen to me, you fuck.
You're the producer of the, what the sh-
The beige fill-up show.
The beige fill-up show with Dante Nero.
You give him that much, you give him shit like you give him me?
No, because he'll take his fucking bone out of his earring and stick it through. No, one I get it, I get everything settled. He doesn't him that much you give him shit like you give him me no cuz he'll take his fucking bone out of his earring and stick it
Yeah, no one I get it. I get everything settled. He doesn't work out
But I know the guy I know the fucking guy. Yeah, I want one of him. I went to Dante show this motherfucker
It's in his house in Brooklyn's right?
He put the studio gloves and
This cock suck has got sound effects and fucking music
Not they just says let's go and then he does a speech about women and hose and bitches and a lot of them
About an hour. Yeah, like an hour. Yo, yo, yo, you're word up bring it to you. You know bring it on home
Bottom bitch keep him down gonna keep him up helping through it sounds about right right?
Yeah, I'm on that right dad on paraphrasing. So, he runs everything smooth as fuck.
I'm looking at him like, what the fuck, why don't I, I have him.
I have this bubbled butt ass hall.
Yeah.
Who fucks up every week?
Is he the nephew of somebody important or something?
No, I just found love with Scopo because he's this fucking idiot from Queens
and he's got an attitude and I like to kid a lot.
So he's your spider, essentially.
He's my spider.
I hope I want to help him winds up the same way.
I hope he pisses off, Virzies.
I get me a fucking drink.
The fuck, I gotta go to fucking, dude,
I gotta go to fucking North Salem.
It's an hour and ten minutes away.
Wait, why won't you go fuck yourself, Bobby?
Oh!
Oh!
What the fuck?
What is the world coming to?
Oh! I thought you said I'm on okay. Oh What is the world coming to
I thought you said I'm okay
Fucking motherfucker scope. Oh why do you suck? What happened? I don't try to suck. I just do why
Last week with the fucking mic stands. I sent him to be an age stand up for yourself a little bit man
You gotta do I don't suck. I'm good. He's's not listen Michael He's not listen. I sent him to I said I
Said accepting that I sent him to be an age to get new mic stands. I was like you do this
Yeah, I'll do it. No problem. I go listen
Just take the mic stand from here go there and just go to the lighting department
That's where they are and just say I want to replicate this. That's it. You don't have to tell him just say this
I want to replicate he goes to be it. You don't have to tell him, just say this. I want to replicate.
He goes to be an H.
Touch the first curly hair he sees, right?
And they tell him we don't, we don't make those no more.
We don't, we don't, and he calls me up.
He gets the wrong mic stands.
He gets with the fucking idiot town in, in, in sound, right?
And then he, and he brings the wrong one back.
I go, he goes, Bobby, they don't, I go, these are the wrong ones.
What the fuck? He goes, they don't make him anymore. I go, you're telling me they don't, they don't, he said they don't I go these are the wrong ones what the fuck he goes they don't make him anymore I go you're telling me they don't they don't
he said they don't make him Bobby like it's a fact yeah I'm like go fuck your
mother they make them they make them I'll fucking go and get them myself I go
did you go to the lighting department nothing I go Chris did you go to the
lighting department no he fucking didn't didn't and when I figured that
someone who works there,
no, that you probably went in there,
I was like, I need this exact same thing.
They go, okay, that's the problem when you figure.
You didn't trust the guy instead of,
instead of you, I told you what to do.
Yeah, I said go to lighting and there's not a guy you send.
Like, I'm looking at him.
I don't know.
I don't know about technology.
I'm like, you know, like, I'm like, what are you?
What are you?
I'm done. I don't know. First person in April. I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, what are you? What are you?
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I father would yell at my brother while I got straight A's at the
same time.
That was amazing.
I was the dumb kid.
I got honor roll and you get in trouble for yelling at the art teacher and calling him
a fag true story that happened.
Like that whole thing.
It's weird.
It's very uncomfortable now.
That story was uncomfortable.
No, it was a funny thing. That's why I have you here, Chilly.
Michael, that's why you're here.
Please feel free to spice up anytime.
Jesus, the anti-d railer.
Yeah, I got fucking a hipster from Cleveland.
I'm not gonna find out what I did wrong
to get on this, what did I do?
On this particular day, I really put you on the B team.
You got demoted, like you got a hamstring
injury and you're coming back. Dude, just a couple swings and we're gonna put
you back up to the majors on fucking next Tuesday.
Oh my genius.
In his defense, they're perfectly done. I mean, this is dead even. You never usually
hit those right. No, man, it took me. Yeah, it's been taking you know long ago This is the most unfunny YKWD I've ever had in my life. This is literally
Michael Che is given up
Michael Che is fucking sad. I got fucking Cleveland in the house. I got Alaska
I got fucking Westchester
Pretty much Connecticut, but I fucking deny that though. It's fucking 20 minutes away
Pretty much Connecticut, but I fucking deny that dude. It's fucking 20 minutes away
Dude, I live 25 minutes 27, you know bad traffic. It's a two hours, but listen
Dude, I love Westchester and then I got fucking the the fucking every single person in the cast of the wanderers
Jesus that for wow that was
It's the worst it looks like an open mouth kiss. It really does. It looks like some fucking huge lips. Phil Hanley, I mean, not Phil Hanley.
Oh, it's not Phil Hanley.
Oh, I'm sorry, it's not Phil Hanley.
No.
Photo Phil's here.
Why'd Phil Hanley not here?
Because he's not.
He was gonna be here, but he can't be here.
But we got Photo Phil, who you guys know
from the beginning of the show,
who used to take all the photos.
And it became fucking famous. And now he does everybody's headshot and he comes in
he's throwing us a bone tonight right? What's the website buddy?
Phil Provincio.com, amazing headshots and he did my birthday party. I'd
had a birthday party at a matchless and it was back. Oh shit fucking took pictures
Can you just go on my phone and just type in Michael Chey birthday?
See I just want to get my I didn't get the did I get the I must have fucking put that
What
In the same line up there, but there was a comedy show it was a yeah
Show me the time of the lineup
It was a yeah Yeah, there's insane. Oh show me the time of the lineup. It was no body Kelly Neil Brennan
Yeah, you guys better pals forever Mike Biblia Mike Biblia. I know Ricky was on it. The Les Ricky
Right, and that's all I remember Lesley Jones. Yeah, and
Dan Soder. Oh, okay Nikki Glazer Nikki. Oh, that's good. Yeah. How was the party that would have been a fucking the party was insane
Really? That's good. Yeah, how was the party that would have been a fucking the party was insane really?
Thank you for the invite. Oh, and I'm and I'm Jeff Ross game. Oh shit Yeah, you can't have a comedy party without that fucking
Mochie brought his burger to jacket. It was great. He rolled in with a rent the car Corvette
Fucking showbiz fucking rock that guy. What the fuck? At what was my where's my invite?
You're an old man. You know
What what looks like I'm back in your
I'm the same age as fucking as wrong young
Are they fucking yeah just Ross?
You're going to the list
Think of who you think is my age. Yeah, but it takes care of Yes, he really does he takes care of himself from the neck up
You guys take a big cheer 58
Yeah, you guys both took a different route the 40. I don't know what
Wrong exit or something I don't know what that
Jay listen to me. You went straight to 40
Who said that?
I'm not fucking, don't look at me.
Listen, I want to know, you think I was too old to come to your fucking birthday party?
No, can I be honest with you?
No, I would love for you to be.
Because that's the, we're all being honest because of this fucking asshole.
This might not be funny or anything, but like this is...
Don't worry about it on this show.
I got the fucking, uh, should rules on the couch.
We're building up to it. I booked the show and then like I weigh
over book that is book people that you know whatever and then yeah but like for someone
like you I wouldn't just invite because I would just assume that you know Bobby Kelly
I would I would love to tell you things. Yeah but here's the thing I learned but I would
but I would it's I'm getting used to knowing that Bobby Kelly is a guy that would hang
out with me. Here's a deal. If that that makes sense okay it does make sense here i had my
sons first birthday party which you weren't invited to and and you know what
and i'm a little hurt by that well okay here's the deal
uh... that make that makes it's your black with that make you feel better about
that would make me feel a little better that's not the only reason that is not
the only reason
that was a black either i don't mind being hated hated like was Jacob calls of something that I can't control
I don't like it because you're black that makes me feel better. I don't like it because you're a bad person
We're really going deep in this. I just meant it as a one-liner. Now we're gonna go into racial
Discussion. Well, you can't do you the one who fucking wanted deep at the beginning
Yeah, you went there at the beginning you fucking nowhere. I'll just
Okay, here's a deal
I I did have the party and I learned this is what I learned when you throw a party
Especially in the comedy community
You need to invite everybody. Yeah, who you think would go knowing that they won't go
Knowing that most of them will say no knowing that most of them day-of-a-fuckin just say I do it. I'm sorry
I can't make it you have to invite them because if you don't they get mad
It's a domino effect. Yeah, but you don't get mad. Well, they do. I look at I tell you no no
I don't get mad the person who throws the part just get mad the people that don't get invited
It's a it's the invite. That's what I'm saying like yeah, are you upset?
No, I'm not really but if you did send me the thing it would have made me happy. Would you've gone? Yeah, you would have came
Yep, that's a now I feel because I know I would have I would have loved you to be well like Patrice used to throw his barbeque every year
Okay, and he stopped inviting
Collins
Stopped inviting certain people. Mm-hmm. Just didn't call them. Just had the party.
And then I remember Quinn found out
that they had the barbecue
and he called them up.
What the fuck, dude?
I put you on tough crowd all the time.
I fucking put you on shows.
And you don't even invite me to your fight.
He goes, yeah, but you don't come.
He goes, it doesn't matter.
He goes, would you have come?
No, I couldn't have made it.
But you still fucking invite me.
You don't make me feel I'm on the outs. Like invite him him and her not to say that this happens with me
But it makes you what you say makes sense, but like I you but it's it's a it's a thing for me like I don't I don't know that I can invite
Bobby Kelly are you can absolutely absolutely? I'm definitely gonna say no most of the time
Yeah, you would yeah absolutely, but I might come. You're a family man. It's also like a family man.
Shut the fuck up.
Stop taking my dick away.
It's my dick.
I'm sorry.
I know I might, I can't go to my kid's sleeping.
It's not yours anymore.
What?
Dude, what do you think I can't leave them at night?
I'm here right now.
The kid's sleeping.
I don't have to watch him sleep.
That's what I'm saying, like, see, like, to you, this is the time a party would start.
What is it, Tena Clark?
There's nothing's happening now. We go to like five six
What do you mean five?
Yeah, like this is 10 this is why would you do that first?
I was gonna disagree and then when you were like five I'm like yeah, I wife will freak out
Something big no Mike people we have to stick them in
You know five six and I'm like I would have to sneak in
And she would go why the fuck are you doing this?
You're a response my wife would smell my fingers when I came in the door
Who will you think of fucking Bobby? I got to tell you man. I do get pissed off if I invite
I put that mic up again if I invite somebody to my party here that difference and they say
He's just learning how to do radio in the road
But listen talking to the mic.
That's the head filter.
If I invite somebody to my party,
they're like, yeah, I think I'm gonna come.
Yeah.
And then they don't come.
You get mad.
I don't like hate them.
I don't like, but I get pissed off.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Just tell me not coming.
It's a weird, listen man.
It is a weird thing on both ends of throwing a party.
Because when you invite people,
Patrice was like, God hurt the first time
that he invited Colin and he didn't come. It's like,'s like oh fuck you why do I have my self-esteem?
Why do I gonna put myself a steam on the line to invite you to a party that
you're just gonna say no to and I'm gonna feel like oh shit but the other
person's like well that's part of being a friend you have to still invite me
like that party I just threw my wife she didn't invite you know my all of my
family like my I have five two aunts and five uncles.
Yeah, but that could be like a reason.
Well, yeah, but they live in Boston, of course,
but here's the deal.
You have to invite them.
Assume that they won't come, but they might.
And if you invite this aunt and this uncle,
and you don't invite the other ones,
now they think there's a problem.
Now there's a problem.
Same thing with friends.
No one had a birthday party, a barbecue.
On a...
And then you get to buy today.
Exactly, see?
And you, right?
I said it in front of...
What do you think about that, Chey?
I feel a little bit...
Yeah, I feel a little bit up here.
I feel okay.
Well, I said it in front of Jim Norton and Amy.
I said it in front of, actually, Amy.
And she was like, what the fuck do you mean?
You didn't invite me?
And then Norton came up and she... I didn't get it, but you get invited you mean? You didn't invite me and then Norton came up and she,
I didn't get it, were you getting invited?
No, I didn't get invited.
So now it started to fucking domino.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Where everybody was like, you go to the party
and they were all kinda like, fuck you, let's go.
Invite me and then I, no one got mad at me
because his wife just wanted a small thing
because we lived down the street from each other.
Now I had to invite Gary Gowman, Colin Quinn,
Keith Robinson, Amy, not you, you're not
there yet.
I'm not listening.
Exactly.
Listen, it's okay, I know what you're saying.
But you know, showed up, Amy and Norton showed up.
And you know why they showed up because they weren't invited.
They just just, just, just fuck you.
We're here to eat all your food.
It was a spike.
It was a spike, yeah. It was great. But it was terrible about saying I'm going and then not go. I fucking I do that all if there's free food
I'm there that's my decision. Yeah, we know
Fucking five seconds away from being homeless. Yeah, you have to yeah literally
I've never seen a skinny person wear a t-shirt with the city that they live in on like written on it
It's just call me skinny. No
that they live in on like written on it. It's that's just call me skinny.
No.
No.
No.
That's not.
He was no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
That joke was tricky, but it wasn't.
No.
It wasn't that.
It's right in the beginning.
It was right.
Yeah.
I've never seen.
Okay.
Yeah.
Never.
It's all fat.
Till this moment.
Okay. Never. Night's day. Ah. Okay. I'm the newest member of the daily show. I am the newest member of the
daily show. And I saw, I don't know. And the newest least educated. I know nothing. I
honestly, I sit in the room and like because it's's so weird coming from SNL, it's like all Harvard dudes.
But their Harvard dudes talking about
like dick jokes and fart jokes.
We're talking about silly shit.
We're talking about Kanye West's sketches and shit.
But over at the Daily Show,
they're talking about rape cases and-
Jesus.
And they're like, yeah, we gotta find something for that.
I'm like, no, no no you're not allowed to do it
I did this is shit we'd not allowed to talk about but like that show they fucking they make jokes about all of that
I don't know anything about the news I'm just it's like a tennis match
We're just watching people go back and forth, but should I have no idea what they talking about I but are you gonna
I'm gonna watch and every meeting he was in just like fucking out of the loop They constantly have to remind me where countries are
Do they go to you. Hey see average
See average that's what I would like you know good. This makes me feel to hear that somebody this dumb on the daily show
I think it's like seeing a bald good actor. I'm like I have shots. I have a shot
Let's start to let some of us in nothing. know nothing. But are you going to change that?
Are you starting to watch this?
You're going to read no.
It's too late almost.
I feel like to start getting smart.
Like I'm not a writer on the show.
I'm a correspondent.
So I write for me.
But I mean, for the most part, I just
got to know why the bit's funny as opposed to why the whole show's funny.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
But if something happens in the new,
if something big happens in the news that day,
you have to write that day, right?
You have to go and put something in.
They're writing it for him.
Yeah, sometimes they write it,
but I write with the writers.
Oh, God.
Let me make it just to make it.
Yeah, like I have to, like, John is great at,
like he's a, you know, he's a stand up.
So like, he speaks both those those do you mean John Stewart John Stewart?
He's amazing like he knows exactly how to you know
He knows like how comedians think right so like we'll be like saying it out loud to each other
Whatever like it is hate this way say that whatever. It's like we'll figure out how to talk all that what is he have for lunch?
I don't know man
Really? That's an odd question. That's a fight. Well, you really want to know what John Stuart has for lunch. I
didn't know I was dumbing it down even further. Well congratulations mission accomplished
Yeah, we got there. You got that we're bottoming out
But here's the thing your first segment, I saw you, was that the one,
what was the first segment you did?
The first segment I had to talk about, yeah, I had to talk about like Egypt, really,
the series. That was great. And Syria. I liked your first
guys, I liked the angle that they brought you in on which was yeah, I wasn't What do you what what is that what is that? I mean, you know, they they being humble right now
Oh, I just I just read it and I know it really doesn't know where it is and write that one
Do you want me to sick about you just change this up?
This one makes me sick about you Michael Che is that the the the
Just read it you're on fucking TV. You're the next big thing, right?
I don't know. I don't think he's lying though. I don't think he's being humble. I think he's admitting that he doesn't know what he read.
I know that's worse. Do you understand that? Yeah. There's a guy on TV that's probably just fucking hugely successful.
You got these fucking slumps on the couch that was literally watch every news channel of-four just to come up with something yeah and this
make a little shorts
and this car second i know they just read what they wrote
i'm there
now well you know that's what you're like a you're like a really hot girl who
doesn't have to work for anything
i don't know about that
and feel like you don't realize her that
does that make sense i think he's no realizer that. Does that make sense?
I think he's a really hot girl that got a good education with her dad's money, but didn't learn
anything in actuality. Yeah. No, I think I think she I think my
goes fan. I think he's a really high show. Where did I become a bimbo? Like I got a job
and people are just fucking shit.
I worked it, and I worked the clubs.
I still do my right jokes and shit.
And just don't know this stuff.
Only here could having a new TV gig,
but you end up being an asshole.
I think he's like a really hot girl that's retarded.
You fucking...
I think he's a lucky fuck, he's what I think.
He's got struck by lightning,
and he's fucking got a superpower. I don't know the fuck. No, I don't. He's got struck by lightning and he's like, I'm got a superpower.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
You got struck by lightning?
No, never.
But I don't know.
Look at some vogue for it.
It's a different world.
Like comedy's like a language and you stand up.
Everything is just like you're trying to figure out
like where you fit in.
So that show, it's a well-awilded machine.
And they're like,
we want you to, and I'm like, you don't need me at all. You're like, you guys are fucking,
I don't know what the fuck.
It didn't a lot of people go up for that gig, right? That, that, that, that position was open.
I honestly don't know about that. I have no, I have no, yeah, that's what.
No, that's about people really want that gig. Well, no, I, it's a great, it's a,
I know there was a lot of comics. Yeah, what they, so did that. So did it. And, no, I know there was a lot of comics show what they So did that so to did it and and begatze did it
It's a great game. It's a it's a really cool. It's a great environment
But like for me, it's overwhelming because these guys are brilliant fucking the comedy writers and they're like brilliant people
Right, and I'm just sitting in there and I'm like I got jokes about
Come like I don't fucking know right and
is it is it worldly come is it yeah it's well traveled come well it's very
thoughtful come yeah it was a bit sophisticated well yeah well you're saying
what you're saying is that SNL is a little more free it was and that's a little
more precise they're dealing with they're dealing with world issues to make
that funny at SNL when we would go to our morning meetings
Anything that I thought was funny. I could write like it could be about and it could be something topical. It could be something
You know pop culture anything any fucking and this is not anything
Anything right here is like what's in the news? Right. And how do we make this money today? And that should change is every.
Changes every day. Yeah. Change every day.
Change every day.
Now, now let me ask you a question.
Is this a lateral move or is this a upward move
in your career?
Was this like the pay and everything?
Is this a better move for you?
Or is it just the same thing just over here?
I feel like, well, the pay is better.
Really?
That's great.
And also the road is like...
He's on camera now, instead of being a road.
Yeah, he's on camera, so like on the road.
Are you a assistant?
I'm fucking... I hear him.
He's right here.
You fuck.
I'm sorry.
I want to do something.
I didn't realize we're going to interview Michael Chase for the hour.
Yeah, well, maybe if you were more interesting, I would interview you, okay?
Fucking shithead. Go ahead. Now. Yeah, the money is better
Peace everything you say. Yeah, you know the roads better
Conversation going it's fucking going he's taking 20 fucking minutes to let you know that it's a good thing
He got the daily show and we got no he's when he fight oh he's slow
You're sitting why are you resting your arm?
That's my eight
Get your arm off my new might stand place to put your fucking
There is it's on your lap in the resting position already
Yeah, that breaks he's got a sense scope
We catch a handoff They don't make those easy cock.
Yeah, I want the last three.
I have it, they do.
He's still resting as I'm just on his other,
on his other side.
Look, he's a gibberish.
Where'd you put your hand?
I have a fucking beer in my mouth.
It's right out.
I can hold it.
Hold these two dictionaries.
Just be just, let him hear.
You got a beer in your left.
I'm holding the beer and I'm still not resting.
Now, let's listen to you fucking talk about it.
You don't know what you're doing at the daily show.
Let's get back to that. All right. Oh my god, I have Jesus Christ. I'm gonna fucking man. I'm still not resting. You fucking fuck about you don't know what you're doing at the daily show Let's get back to that all right. Well my god Jesus Christ gonna fucking attack my hands
You're attacking me you're attacking him
I'm
And then he said on this on the show what the fuck was that comment about the show you said some thing about on the show
You get attacked as opposed to Dante Nero show nobody
Just trying to fucking women in the ass
You could if you want fuck fucking women in the ass
You could if you want to fuck women in the ass listen Michael. I'm interested in what the fuck's going on I was perfectly happy with your cadence, okay? I thought it was great
We don't know it doesn't have to always you know, I mean feel hang on one second you guys in the couch feel free to add
Anything to the show I was about to ask like have you noticed a difference between like the wiring of comedy writers and comedy performers like what
Do you work for NPR I do actually
What the fuck
This is the weirdest old things boring
We're talking to Michael cha on your drive time commute. Well, I
Answer your questions. Yes, please answer it. I forgot it. I forgot it too
Honestly, I don't know I forget where you asked. Sorry, I chimed in listen. We are too. Check your face
fucking
Fucking contias
Hey Phil, when I'm not not everything over listen. No, I contias.
Hey Phil, wanna knock everything over?
Listen, now I'm kidding, it's fine.
So, so you're getting, now you are,
you did go from being a writer,
now you're on camera.
Now you're a single guy too, right?
Yeah.
Is it getting crazy?
I mean, you do have a girlfriend?
No.
Okay, so it's getting crazy. No, it's not getting, I mean it's, have a girlfriend no okay so it's getting crazy no it's
not getting I mean it's it's what it's been well so it's been crazy it's been fun what the fuck to me would
you I went to Brazil and fuck tookers there you go from there it's not that fun are you banging
bronze a lot of bronze yeah I do okay what was the last time you got some head the last time I got some head yeah
Let's go around the room first. You want us last time you got head
I don't know okay. What was the last time you get ahead about two months ago two months. Yeah head
All right, we're like look at man. Don't defend it. It's fine. Wait. Would white need on like head? No, I do like head But that's just you fucked what you didn't get head while you when you fuck that's happened
But not that it's been two months. Yeah, why the why I don't know just didn't that I don't I don't ask for it
You never I don't go haste. Well, I don't know. I feel like it's a you don't ask for it. You don't say for it
How much is it how much is it to fuck them like full around the world?
Because I'll give you some cash. We'll get you laid. I
listen. I didn't say it. One last time you got laid months. I
think I had four days ago. Four days ago. You had four days
ago. Morning. Last night. From the world. Really? My lady. Oh
yeah, you got a lady. You got head last night. Yeah. Yeah.
Was it good? It was excellent. It's always excellent.
Really? I'm surprised that I had taken it really hot by the light. I had the excellent. Really? I'm surprised that I had this thing. I had the same
Watch really hot. Yeah way too hot for him. Oh Jesus Christ. What the fuck man? We discussed this already on the road
We talked about we have and I agree with him
That every day we have some self-esteem around Michael J. Please self-esteem. This is reality. I mean
This is what is a steam issue? We've got
Every valiantly I have a realistic You know image of myself, right? Yeah, okay This is reality. I mean, this is- What is it? The steam issue. Revalently?
Revalently?
I have a realistic, you know, image of myself.
Right, yeah.
Okay, what is the image?
It's the part.
It's the part.
I'm going to say, relaxing dad.
Yeah, I'm going to say exactly what I am.
I'm a dad.
You're a dad.
The body of a dad.
I mean, we do share. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, a month ago. Did you break up with your girl? Yeah. Oh shit. You didn't tell me that. You're shutting all over? That's fucking him. Yeah, it had a couple of rough weeks and then
Bobby just fucking yells at me and then I don't bring it up. No wonder he didn't have time.
He never has a hundred Facebook for three hours. Look, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I didn't bring it up.
I didn't tell you. I didn't fucking. I don't give a fuck. I know. I didn't say anything. Yeah,
you break. You saw your broke up with your girl. Yeah, you break you so you broke up with your girl
Yeah, no, you're gonna break up with it. You talked about it's not it's not gonna be the you used to say
Yeah, she's cool. She's not the one but she's cool. So you know that you she wasn't the one
Yeah, I know so you done she was the one and she wasn't gonna be the one after you said that shit
But like you can't get away with that can you no he didn't say a tour
He said it to me in a car driving alone. I just decided on the podcast for her
Let's probably gonna hear now. She's not gonna hear that I was kidding. Are you didn't really say that she cares now?
Huh, no she's fucking she cares. Oh, I'm still fucking dealing with it a lot. Yeah, why because you broke up with her?
Yeah, she's oh, so you broke up with her power
Yeah, I was all the you know it's fuck you then why do you feel bad? Yeah, they still feel bad
You still have a heart like she fucking is crying. Crying to me.
I don't you don't feel fucking bad for me.
I'm crying every week when everything's fucked up here.
I mean, you yell at me.
Yeah, that's tears from a guy.
That's the way a guy expresses his emotions.
Yeah, you know what pain you know what fucking anger is?
It's hurt feelings turned inside out.
My feelings are hurt.
You want to get to it?
You hurt my feelings.
Well, you hurt my feelings when you yell at me.
You hurt, yeah, but I wouldn't yell at you,
which is hurt feelings.
If you didn't fucking hurt my feelings first.
That is a doctor.
How did I hurt you?
Yeah, because you say I got it and then you don't got it.
That's just me fucking up, though.
No, you fuck up constantly.
You do the same fucking, listen,
fucking up once is fucking up every time
when I just told you an hour ago and then not doing it is not fucking that's hurting my feelings
Well, I did do it. It just didn't do it properly
Does that make sense to anybody?
Michael Michael now that you're a political fucking activist
I'm a left wing
Republican fill fill just fucking turn the lights down with his ass
Sorry, don't worry. What'd you break up with your chick?
It just it was time like I just didn't have the same feelings for her. She did for me. She younger than you. She's older older than you
Yeah, how much older she was 30. I'm 27. Oh
Same ballpark. Yeah, yeah, it's not Mrs. Rob and then she's texting me right now. Oh, fuck. Oh, there you go. She's listening. This is she's a hundred percent listening right now
Well, you tell her I'm kidding. You know that yeah, huh? Yeah
She's talking about the show. He's never been in a car with Bobby Kelly. That was that was a lie
Oh, I was kidding. She can't take the show for real. I was joking
Oh, you can't listen.
That was joking the whole time.
Michael Chase, first of all, at the fucking Chris Ollie.
First of all, for reality, Bustany Balls is one thing,
joking around about it, but you fucking always talked
about her, how awesome she was, how fucking great she was,
and you never brought her up in a bad light.
Ever.
Ever.
And you never brought her around here because you used to say
I don't want her fucking involve with this because I care about her
Yeah, which I thought was great. That's why don't bring my wife to the shit show
And she's following you to work still
Oh, well, that's kind of well listen man. Here's a deal. It's got a beautiful man
No, that she still loves you. You still love her and you know that shit happens
You know, I broke up with my wife three times now. She's my wife and I have a kid that shit happens all the time
Yeah, this thing can really go sell for you
This shit can get worse both of you walk away. I didn't know if I thought she was listening
I wouldn't joke around at all. I didn't know that. I'm sorry. You don't think anyone's listen. No, there's around fucking
50,000 people listening I just one of them I just did
I didn't think we'll make a fun of Chris that be like when I call my wife the C word and she's listen
I know she's not listening
Did you say the C word? Yeah, because she might be listening now fucking paranoid
Fuckin Chris's here. I'm here enough. I
Get a text you call me a cut you fucking cock sucka. I got a quiet. My wife toss like Verzy you fucking cock sucka Fuckin' grises, you're always fair enough, fair enough. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha fucking famous person go fuck yourself Jay and I have birthday parties with fucking comics that don't even like you I love you I love you they might be big here does not give a
fuck about you okay I give a shit about you Jeff Ross Jeff Ross doesn't even know who
you are okay you're just a black popular kid to him, okay? Fucking love you Michael Che. I had you on my show with just you and your girl remember that I've been
Scopo has to leave fucking deal that shit later
You have to she has to know we're kidding she
Look it she if she's listening to have to, she has to know we were kidding. She had food.
Look it, she has, if she's listening to the show ever,
she knows I'm fucking Joe, we're all joking.
That's, you love you girl, I love my girl,
we all love our girls on this show.
Sometimes shit happens, dude, you broke up right now.
I'm telling you, you never know, dude, I met my girl.
We were at, way to tables together. We were now for a little bit, and. I met my girl. We were at a table together.
We were now for a little bit,
and then I dumped my wife.
The woman I love, I had a child with,
I dumped her for this other girl, this younger chick.
And I remember, Dom was crying, she was all fucked up,
and I was like, look, it's just not gonna work,
and blah, blah, blah.
I was like, this sucks,
but then the other chick was really smoking hot.
So, I went, did that make her feel better?
I told her, she knows that now,
but I told her that one, it was time for her to talk,
because she got mad at that, though.
But I told her,
I can't imagine.
She, yeah.
But this girl, this young hot chick,
used to fuck this guy, I had him.
I had no emotion.
He had a Corvette dealership, right?
She used to fuck him, and she's totally shook,
because she was an 11, right? But then, you you know hot chicks get sick of fucking the cool guy so they
always go for like you know the fucking that must be my girlfriend the fucking
shithead dude just just to spice it up I was that fucking interim yeah let me go
with this let me see what this is like let me let me try fucking kind of in
shape you were her face
She never felt better about herself in that entire time. I was I was a fucking face man
I was a fucking three-week phase this bitch she would she would only listen She would only fucking have sex with me in her parents house while they were home
I'd have to go to her house, watch a shitty movie
or a TV show with their parents,
and then they'd go upstairs and she'd take her paintings
to the side and then fuck me.
And I was so scared because I was older than her
and I didn't want her to come down
and see me fucking his fucking 19 year old
smoking hot daughter.
And then I remember she dumped me,
you know why she dumped me?
I got the flu and I needed like crackers
and soup because I lived alone and she just threw aside the whole relationship she did she came over
and saw me sick on a fucking poppasson from bear one and she fucking dumped me so it order not to go
to the right it's like you know what it's just better to cut the whole fucking off she cut me off I
called Don up fucking two weeks later I think think I called that afternoon to bring on set
Even she bought you over some I think I called dawn that day and she came over and fucking game
I don't know is that long ago that you the you knew your wife. I've known my wife for a long fucking time
What would that be like? Oh, it's got to be
18 years
Shade man something like that we met waiting tables
We didn't stand up yet. We just started just started doing stand-up 18 years Something like that we met waiting tables
We're doing stand up yet? We just started
Just started doing stand up. It was fucking crazy.
Back in Boston? Back in being town.
I was waiting tables.
Gary Gullman was waiting tables with me.
I got him a job
Watching Gary way tables with people.
Fucking the funniest thing ever.
He was so nervous. He would shake.
And it's such a big, lanky guy. He had to bend, he had to bend over half to get to the
customer because he was so big and he was so adorable but he'd just be shaking trying
to write Nyonky down on the phone.
Nyonky. But it's, I mean we get mad because they wouldn't say right. You know, he's such a fucking word smith. It's not good no key
It's meawkey
You get angry at the people
It's not a pan keta. It's panchetta. It's Italian bacon. Say it right
Yeah, it worked with you guys no competition between you and Gary at that moment before her
What do you mean? Didn't she work with you guys? Yeah, but you think Gary tried to bang my wife? No, I'm just saying she gets there you both are there nobody knows yet. Oh was it already established when he came? My wife is not Gary's type. You know what I mean? My wife is kind of Boston kind of city
She lived in Everett. She was more me than you know Gary, you know what I'm saying? Gary kind of went for that you know
College-y girl, you know my wife went to college, but she wasn't that fucking- She was community college?
Um, I don't know, it was a regular college.
She fucking voices magical.
I didn't know where you came from.
She seemed too, too, too, very good.
What the fuck was that?
Is that a famous?
I have questions.
How long have you known your wife?
It's a major.
That's what that was, I think, real high and real high.
She fuck Gary Golem and we want her to know.
No, she didn't fuck Gary Golem.
I met a chick though once, a long time ago, before my wife,
that smoking hot, I met her at a club in this fucking shit redneck bar in Manchester,
in Hampshire.
It was me and this other comic.
It was like eight people there in a bar, and we did this stupid show, but this broad was
there.
It was just this beautiful girl in a sundress.
She looked like an Indian son.
The sundress.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
She was like, you ever see a Smokin' Hot, like a real Indian girl like American Indian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
She was so fucking hot big titties big titties
Beautiful skin just gorgeous and we sat on the front stoop and talked till three in the morning
And then we made the fuck out and then she sucked my dick in my car,
and her parents were in the fucking bar.
And it was one of the sexiest things ever.
Did you always fuck near parents?
Yeah, it was my thing.
Yeah, that's my thing.
How far are your parents from here?
All right, let's fuck.
Yeah, me and Danting, I have a new show,
Fucking Parents, Around Parents.
Yo, yo, check it out.
Make sure you fuck around parents.
Keep it real. D fuck around parents keep it real
okay you can be real I'm not a zero that's you close your eyes you swear was the real people
don't take who's going out with uh don't take what's going out with this girl her mother had
diabetes so she was in a wheelchair I fuck to I think a fucker in the theater. From down to near, I work for Verizon.
I'm a healer rep.
But yo, keep it real.
Hose up, pimps down, bitches up, down, drink some gau- yo, sucka- sucka tit.
But she had no leg.
The mom had no leg, so when the girl wanted to fuck, she would take away the wheelchair
so that the mom couldn't get out of bed so the kid would fuck.
That's similar to when I fuck back in Cleveland, I let my roommate's dog outside so that the mom couldn't get out of bed so the kid would fuck up. What?
That's similar to when I fuck back in Cleveland,
I let my roommates dog outside so that it just doesn't come in between me.
Oh, you're face?
Do you talk to a girl?
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I, sure. And I last got a blowjob on Friday and fill it.
You got a blowjob on Friday?
You dying to tell me that day.
I was stopped.
He got all heartbroken, right before me.
Well, is she okay to cheat?
No, I'm going to hear so much shit.
Why?
Well, you broke up with her, though.
What did you say?
Because we've been talking.
She's been, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's
just, it's, it's, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just
, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's
just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's
just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's
just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's He's still fans. I really think he wants to tell us the blowjob story and we totally glossed over it. He really got my good show.
He went right back to it.
No, he's the only one that gave the city a location.
I got a blowjob and filled with Delphi of Wednesday night.
I don't remember like it was yesterday.
It's outside.
It was outside.
Joe and Fabrik.
Got my good show. Only one that told that story. I just, he like, it's my first show. and fabrig oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a Ramon's a hipster from Cleveland. I don't know. He's answering with the same tone that Che was talking about the daily show with the same level of
No uncertainty. Yeah, I was walking back to my friends. I was looking for food and then these
Check things like I was like a homeless person
I was looking
I was looking for a cheeseburger somebody stuck my day
I was looking for a cheeseburger and somebody stuck my bag. Yeah, I was looking on my phone for like y'all putt was still open and these chicks who saw me at the show grabbed me to have a drink with them.
They grabbed you. They grabbed me took me in the bar.
Right.
And then like one of them was this tiny little two of them were making eyes at me.
One of them was like a petite Latina.
Right. So I'm like, all right. So she buys me a shot.
Right. And I'm like, I don't drink. I appreciate it.
And she's like, why don't you drink? I'm like, almost done driving accident.
And she's like, can I hug you?
I'm like, yeah, you can hug me.
And then when I put all the bracelets before,
yeah.
I support moms against drunk driving.
I support AA, NA, and I was just,
I just, almost dying in car accidents.
Yeah. The fuck accident. Yeah.
The fucker.
The random just pick one.
Yeah.
Fucking support that.
When I pulled away from hugging her, she fucking took that.
I'm gonna have to get to the story.
I don't know.
The one that I was fucking story.
I had finished when I pulled away from hugging her.
She looked like she was gonna cry.
Right.
And I was like, oh no.
And she's like, I have a drinking problem.
And I'm like, OK, no.
Wait a minute.
You got hit up for chicken. No, no, no. I have a drinking problem. I'm like, okay, no. Wait a minute, you got hit up for jiggles.
No, no, no.
I have a drinking problem.
I set guys dicks all the time.
I'm crying right now.
I switched from her to the other one
because she was crying.
So the other judges move.
Fuck you bitch.
I don't got time for this.
Listen, I don't get hit up.
Bro, didn't have to be included in the story.
You still wanted to mention her?
Yeah.
I got to work.
I found the one that was a wreck.
I just wanted to be a fucking absolute yolo. And found the one that was a wreck. Absolutely.
Yolo and then step to the next one.
That's good. I'm glad that one girl opened up to you.
Yeah. I was drinking problems. You could have literally helped and changed
life. She was. I don't. I can't be anyone's. Do you understand though that somebody
reaching out going, I'm crying because I have a drinking problem
and you have found a way to solve your drinking problem.
You don't drink anymore.
Can you help me?
It's basically what you saying.
You wait, hang on one second.
I'm gonna go get a head from your fat friend.
You sure them.
She was bigger, but she was.
You did it, you did it.
You did it, of course.
You did it.
You were very good.
No she did not be fat.
Right.
Two fucking tens that were walking out grabbing you. No, no, no. They, no, she'd not be fat. Yeah, two fucking tens that were walking out grabbing you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, if two ten don't blow random guys going to the bar yeah you you're definitely uh... a fad
of what a phase of his
i'm fine with being a phase that's my own yeah what are you Spanish i'm half
port reagan half-max half-max you smith Ramon
well i don't know what spanichifu is from spain or if you was port reagan spain
well you did he looks more you look more mexican than you do thank you port
reagan
no i'm seriously you it
that's not bad. You look more like a taller than most of both of how tall you six
three six three Jesus Christ you're really tall. That's like the biggest Mexican
ever to it might be on record is that in Mexican wrestling he's there
Andre the giant six three. What does it what ask him most? You're not human be you're not human. You're not a Cuban. Are you really Cuban?
Come on. Oh, but supuesto. What is that?
I don't show off. I'm like say he said it who said it. I'm not gonna fucking repeat it now that it's done
I didn't hear you. I'm sorry. What is it? I'm not falling for that a lot of the
it now that's done i didn't hear you sorry what is it like falling for that a lot of the
it's that he put a hex on you
why
because i spoke in the
humorous
oh with the thing i didn't get what you're saying did you get a piece on
this is not a fun safe environment you created here you first of all you
created it
the one who fucking jumped out of the box and
Challenged me on my own show Yeah, you did who did he challenge me Michael?
You fucking show he I'm interviewing my friend my younger friend
Before the history of Michael Che this was before that Jesus Christ
He's got it
You have animosity towards Michael.
What the fuck's wrong with you?
What do you do?
What do you do?
I don't have any of it.
Why do you not want to hear his story?
Why is it a boring thing?
It wasn't a boring.
I was adding to it.
I was asking questions and you challenges.
I worked hard for my life.
You worked hard.
You didn't work that hard.
It's the most successful person.
How you really did?
You didn't even know news and you're on a news show. I don't read papers
Yeah, okay good feel but you're on a fucking show about the news. Okay, yeah, you're size the point
We hate Harry now. Okay
Wait another 10 seconds we'll go back to Jean shorts. It'll be fine now
We're going back to fucking scope as soon as this chick lays off on them. How you doing over there letting it breathe?
What's happened to phones is one for one spine? spine the moment the one with the gold am x is mine yeah this is Bobby's old
case actually is it I got a new one for you Chris I'm not trying to be
disrespectful and or or to me this already started off bad yeah no no I'm not
I'm not I'm not sure if you broke up with her yeah like what like what do you
give like I know you you know but you why do you take and shit you broke up with her, like what do you give like I know you you know, but why do you take and shit?
You broke up with her cuz I mean I still care for her like it
I'm like fucking not a sociopath and don't care about her at all. Is it not?
Is it that you don't want to fuck up that late night? Maybe I can get?
No, no, no, no, no, that's over. I fucked that up. Yeah, that's that's
You still like that's the care about it. I will water my life as a friend. She's a really she's a cool chick
She's a good chick. You have wait a minute. Wait a minute. What'd you say? You can't do that? I said you can't you can't why I don't think it'll
Now it's not gonna work. Yeah, but because of me
No, I mean directly because she won't take that serious. She knows we're kidding
I'm taking a new interview with you over the other one. Why would she take that seriously?
She knows we, I'm joking.
Why would you ever say that?
Why would I ever say that on a live show if it was true?
I don't know, but she'll think she's taking this seriously.
Yeah, but I would never throw you under the bus, like you're my, you're my friend.
Why would I have a, I mean jokingly yes, but I would never do that fucking really.
You know what I mean?
That's like saying, you know, Michael Chey has a girlfriend.
Oh, I do, you, you, you fucked that other chick the other night.
I would never do that.
I'd be joking if I said that.
She can't take you seriously.
I hope not.
She can.
She'll respond to the, what you just said.
Oh, she's listening still?
Oh yeah.
I'm not gonna say what I do.
It was about to just say.
No, it's like a court reporter
writing all the shit down.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
How would she say?
She said, come fuck yourself.
No. Probably. No, she said that oh, wow, that's really long. Oh, God.
She never says that. I don't. She probably doesn't want you to listen. I don't know what
this fucking means. She probably doesn't. She's probably writing frantically while
driving this motherfucker with one phone. You cock suckin' mother fat fat fucked
a shudder and you you motherfucker the way you,
you're probably fuckin' out of it, yeah.
But you can't, you can't fucking be mad at you over this.
Right?
You're really more concerned that she's mad at you.
You don't give a shit about Chris.
She has no effect in my life whatsoever.
Why would I care if she's mad at me?
He's a person.
But yeah, but I don't, you felt genuinely bad.
I feel, I would never, because I don't like
to truly hurt somebody's feelings.
Exactly.
And I would never do that.
No, he's an asshole.
Listen, this is what fucking kills me.
This is what kills me about when you ask somebody to do something as part of the show and
they don't do it over and over.
What do you do?
You're an asshole for saying.
But what would I do though?
What would I do?
What do I say to somebody?
I just don't know why you would trust them
You look at some point you looked at him and said you're hired so like what was it about him or you're like here?
His hair your journalism. No one fucking takes care of their hair and other things
You're a journalist of no one fucking takes care of their hair and other things
Nothing else You'll never see the whitewood great hair with everything else
Together right? That's why you take care of your hair right are you texting you okay?
Yeah, it's also what is that okay? He's he's fucking good. You know what he's doing right now
He was just on the phone. Are you texting goes? No, I'm just writing show titles down. That's right as we go
That's why he's wearing a fucking hat. Yeah, we don't we don't do his hair
That's the guy's forehead really that with that hat thing really I was loving this kid until
He did that fucking redneck stupid shit. That is the that's dumb people shit dumb people dumb people
That's dumb people shit dumb people dumb people fucking get some burns, okay?
Smart people go I'm gonna put some block on and not stay out in the sun you my friend that's some dumb shit You know you at least save it by the fact that you were drunk or were you sober doing this? Oh, no, I was drunk
How drunk were you very I was at a grad party man. Well the hat was turned around
Nobody does that You want a're in the next level drinking.
You want to drink like over the top rocky.
I'm just fucking trying to shut the crap.
Like that's getting drinking.
Do you want to hug from Ramon?
He's been sober.
Apparently that helps.
Yeah.
You might break into tears out of him.
Yeah, he'll leave you and try to get head from fucking Michael.
But it's okay.
Nicely done.
So you got head from this girl.
How did it happen?
Six.
Huh? Give us a rain. So you got you got head from this girl how did happen?
Give us a give us a rain We're talking one
Yeah 90
Three if she was somebody in the room who would she be if she were someone in this room?
Yeah, she would probably be versus really that's not bad you fucked a four
Probably be versus really it's not that you fucked a four
I didn't fuck her she didn't want to fuck she blew me a whole bunch. Oh bunch what the fuck is that you get blown One you put me here on Instagram. Oh, yeah, there's a picture
So you that listen to you texted me over no, no, no did the other girl. She dead. Did she drive home drunk and get a correction
I don't know. Did the other girl, she dead?
Did she drive home drunk and get her car accident?
We went to some other friends to smoke weed
and then I was like, well, I'm gonna go back
towards where I'm staying
and I split a cab with the one-chake and then.
You went to back to Laquenta Inn?
No.
Okay, what is the amittal, are you crazy?
I'm just gonna think, uh.
Where were you staying?
What hotel, that took your dog?
What company? I was just crashing at a friend who lives in Philly.
Okay. So the one...
Let me see.
The one to the little...
Let me see.
Let me just see.
Oh, so this is real.
The little one on the right is the one who's crying and the one all the way to the right.
The blonde one is the one.
Is she crying in the picture?
She's just selfie with her.
So the blonde white chick sucked you deck.
Yeah.
And the red had it little one.
The one right next to her between us is the one who cried.
So the one, the one right next to you.
So the, she cried.
What about the, what about the two short fat ones?
She said, those were just the extra ones.
Extra fat chicks.
Those were the ones who we smoked at their house.
Oh, so the two extra.
They were waiting in the car.
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a potential blowjob. Extra fat jigs we smoked at their house. Oh, so the two are waiting
Potential blowjob now the big tall the big tall guy white guy with the star warship when did he suck you never?
Influently big girl always no, I love I love head from big girls
They're enthusiastic because they don't have to take this shirt off
Hey really is true big girls
Over here and then the red one between me and hers the one who cried all right. Yeah, she's the one who passed
She's no one who took her own life because she reached out for help and got rejected again. I'm gonna go hold it too.
You can't start crying.
I don't know if fucking.
You can't start crying.
I don't know if fucking.
You can't start crying.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking.
I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know if fucking. I don't know it? Yeah, don't ever work for a suicide hotline. I know yeah, I'd be right. This is Ramon. I know go ahead and cut your
Man you bring in a ballad of interesting points
You do make a good. I made you do a lot of research. It seems you thought about it all
Shit me. All right, listen, we're gonna take a piss break. I got a fucking do a read
We're gonna come back for a little bit after that. We're gonna. Let's go. Okay shit together
He's sweating look at his for a first of all I'm trapped by these two guys and then I got trapped
You're free to go I'm trapped and then I got that shit deal with so as both of us lean as far away from you as possible
Oh, man, we'll be back. We're gonna be back and
This is I feel terrible for you.
Why? I've been like I was kidding. You don't fuck Jesus Christ. I was only kidding. We'll be back in
a couple minutes. You guys watching live, stay right there. You guys are listening. It will be
less than I. It will be fucking seconds. So, look at Chase, give me the finger.
Ugh, I just threw up in my own mouth.
Ugh, okay, bye.
Okay, check it out, you guys.
I don't know if you guys have a terrible relationship
with your sock drawer, boring colors,
missing socks and worn out pairs,
which I go through all the time.
I travel all the time.
I forget socks in hotel rooms.
I go to grab a pair, it sucks because one's,
you know, an ankle sock, one's a knee sock.
I got different colors.
And I like socks, actually.
I think socks, I got into socks this year.
It's kind of my thing now.
And...
It's been a hell of a year for you.
Well, I really do like socks.
I used to have a friend of mine was in the mafia
and his whole thing was he put a...
What's his name?
I'm not gonna touch him.
Alright, I'm joking.
But he was one of the...
He wasn't in the mob, he knew people in the mob list.
What did that say?
Any time I went to his house, he'd fucking pull my shoes off
and pull my socks off
and make me wear new socks.
Because I always used to wear like, you know, a pair of white socks that I had for fucking five years and they
were gray.
Yeah and then I'm set a bomb and I'll get a smell my feet for five minutes.
And well start let's check this out.
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Wow. Wow. poor quality blacks and grace
Yeah, we are stocks after guys guys guys guys let me finish the fact that thing
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Are these like diabetes socks?
No, they're great quality socks.
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My favorites are, I like the camo and I like the polka dots.
I love polka doted socks.
I do, I like polka doted socks.
Yeah, do, because when people see your socks at the airport and you have cool polka doted socks. I do, I like polka doted socks. Yeah, do, because when people see your socks at the airport
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Oh, yeah, it's disgusting.
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Chopo what's the uh, game fly? Slash dude. Slash dude. And what do we get with that?
15 day free trial. 15 day free trial. The Netflix of video gaming.
They got a crazy amount of new games coming out too.
With all the new systems. The Xbox one, which is fucking insane.
You got a system? I don't. I don't have it. Let me hear you guys.
Um, I don't have it. I have. Yeah.
I'm afraid to get one. I'm afraid to get one I'm afraid that like I'm gonna turn to a vegetable
Yeah, time suck. Yeah, it's not the scarier shit. Yeah, I'm doing the same
Especially with something like game fly. You just get all the games you want
Well, I'm a bitch. I'll be gonna just have this conversation after I do my promo for game fly
No, I'm saying a product that good
I'm afraid to get it because I don't want to become a vegetable.
Listen, if you're black, these blacks, if you like video games, this is the game for you,
right here. I was hoping somebody would jump in and laugh. Can you undo the bomb
bandana and make sure he doesn't eat it
Jesus Christ put that
Make me come here make me oh
Not even fucking get you
Get the fuck out of here Get it. Come on. Get the fuck out
Get the fuck out
Put the fucking bandander on that fuck fuck. Come on.
Put it on.
Come on.
I don't like your fucking, don't alpha male me cause
Get the bandander, put it on your thing.
Oh, good.
Oh, I'm the thing in shine buckets.
Fucking asshole.
Fucking alpha male me on my fucking shot.
I'm not gonna alpha.
Yeah, you are.
You said fucking make me.
I want you to put it on me.
The words make me.
Cause I'm trying to be funny.
That's not funny fuck face. Okay. That's not funny that hurt
Your feelings no, I'm gonna hurt it all you say make me I'll fucking make you I'll fucking make it around
There you go. There's playing around back. How's that sound fucking make me fucking me. I'll fucking make you
Fucking asshole this reminds me a lot of my parents divorced
This reminds me a lot of my parents divorced
When they got so scared on that one by the way why you said a 15 days you get
Fucking cock soccer. Well, you were talking about London before we left
Yeah, and I actually I don't know how we I think I went on a tangent about some getting laid and then we got scope Scope on trouble. I wasn't talking about London
It's not a you brought it up before not a lot in there
But it yeah, I just I just didn't like the way they treated me and the shows were great
I will say that like the shows were great the crowds were great. It's you the great crowds
Right, but they don't it's you know, I forget like as I'm telling us I forget that you're from Boston
But it's like Boston you have a Boston has great crowds. That's what I said
It's a great. They just if you stay people they don't like a they they treat black people Americans Americans
So like in it like how would they have to hotel? They like they were shitty to you at the hotel
There's shitty I wasn't in a hotel. They I was in an apartment
They had because I was there for like like 10 days and they have like in some fucking apartment
right by the theater.
When you say the people,
you mean the audience that you were coming to?
No, I mean like when you're hanging out.
Yeah, I live in treat you like,
I live in Europe for four months.
They hated America.
Who'd you live in?
Who'd you live with?
I started a broad in Rome.
You did?
Yeah.
But you can't fucking put waters out on the table
before you studied abroad?
At a Jesuit school has to do it.
You see his hair, he's obviously studied abroad.
You can pass that band out.
Thank you.
Finally.
So wear it or get the fuck out of you.
That's fine.
Oh shit.
There you go.
Oh shit.
Yeah, but your shows were good, though, right?
The shows, like I said, the comedy fan.
Where did you do shows?
So, theater.
So, you did a theater in London.
It wasn't, it's, my theater, it's like theater in the title.
It wasn't like a fucking thousand-seater, it was like 150 people.
This is the old English theaters, man.
You know, they were just so-
No, there's like, there's like, it's a big theater, but there's like a lot of things.
I just wanna, you know, have no idea what I'm, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, called me on it. Was it really, are you being humbling? Are you selling out theaters in London?
I know.
I'm not being humble.
It was, it was, it was.
How many people?
Like 150.
That's not bad.
This is a small club.
Yeah, it's like a small club.
Right.
But it's called a theater, but it's like a small club.
But they have like a lot of room.
They have, they have a big theater too.
Right.
But they also have like a lot of room.
How the fuck did you get over there?
Who, what they at?
Well, because I did a festival last year.
I did the Edinburgh festival.
Oh yeah, yeah.
And I did, you,
You did that, but that festival,
you have to have be sponsored by people, right?
Yeah, I was sponsored by a club out there.
And, yeah.
For Edinburgh?
So, you're sponsored by somebody
where you just hustling out there, right?
But I heard, but you honest published
when out there and came back,
because nobody sponsored them.
Yeah.
So, that would not go there alone. If you're not sponsored, you got a hustle to get people
in there on your own.
Yeah, fuck that.
Yeah, it's handing out flyers and stuff.
It's a lot of my life.
But we went out there expecting to lose a little bit
just to survive it.
Because it's really hard, especially when you go out there.
And American comedy over there isn't get us here, obviously.
They don't do the kind of stuff we do.
How do you mean?
What do you mean?
Well like, like, we gotta like warm them up.
Like our pace is to be fast, fast, fast,
so that we earn the right to tell a story.
Right.
And an hour.
For them, they're starting out with stories.
So when we come out with telling joke, joke, joke, joke, joke,
they're like, what the, why is this guy Russian?
What the fuck?
So like to us, we think we're bombing and we're not, they're just listening. Y como se ve con el tema de la choc, choc, choc, choc, choc, choc, ¿Qué es el tema de la choc? ¿Qué es el tema de la choc?
Como nosotros,
pensamos que no estamos bombando y no estamos,
no están escuchando. ¡Blu-fa TV! ¡Venga verlo, sin pagar nunca! 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno...
Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidio, sólo pidiendo el line.
¿Saparao?
3 por uno, 3 por uno...
¡Ah, no, no, no!
¡Dominos!
¡Pizza!
¿Cus' he won this story? There's por uno. I don't know. Don't be nose. Pizza. You know, no, no, no.
It's like a weird, yeah.
So like our comedy pace, like a lot of the reviews were like, it's great, but it's not
a, he's funny, but it's not a proper show.
I did read because they wanted to be about one subject that are they want to, they want
a story on a one man show.
They want a one man show.
They were our reviews.
Like he's up there doing jokes.
That was one of the reviews that you were doing jokes.
Yeah, like to them, they're not used to that.
To them, they're like, they want you to cry.
A theme or a purpose.
They want you to have like a Broadway play.
Yeah, they want, you know, John McWesammo or whatever.
Which isn't bad, it's just different for like what a-
And how long were you over there for?
And Edinburgh?
Yeah.
I was there for like a month.
That's fine.
I did an hour every day and then like other shows to promote it like it's brutal
it's but but I everybody's told me it's not what does it do it does nothing you
know it can be big it can get it come back to it can be what you can get a lot of
stuff European like tours and shit from it I've heard people get big things
from it people who win like awards end up getting a lot of meetings here it's a
weird sort of craps you
Yeah, but isn't it for people over there? You gotta think about it. Yeah, but yeah, it's Edden bros
So it's the whole world going there. It's like the World Cup
So the jitt title the carrier round and have a resume, right? So like everybody in the world is at this festival watching new community
So if you kill it there the whole world is you're on the whole world's radar
of bookers.
I'll start bringing you some South Africa, bring it on.
Australia everywhere. So it is worth it.
It's a crap.
It's either you get a lot or you just come home broke from it.
But it's also a marathon. It's like not you don't just go there.
There's people that go there like six, seven years in a row
and then they start winning awards and shit
and then they become international superstars.
Yeah, what are reviews?
They review your standup show like it's a play.
Yeah, but what's an award?
They don't do that.
They have to have an open,
something you get someone when they've done something
that's an achievement.
I know. they've done something that's an achievement. a lot of what awards like what they have like but he what the fuck they have it's like the
Tony's they have like they have like just in the Edinburgh festival though not in Europe so when
you're in London you weren't up for an award no no no no for the festival they have like Edinburgh
awards like that show okay so he but new show so you're in London though are these are these
people laughing as much as they're laughing but like you have to make them you have to
like work them to be that kind of because you go on ice cold it's like you
go on no no no post no I fucking like that by the way it
what I mean no announcement you just walk out I just walk out well I have them
announced me but I have to tell them to announce me I love coming out yeah have
you ever done a show where you just walk out and and and you're in?
But have you done that have you done that time now see like you do that with like your Bobby Kelly like if
You done that in a place where then like
90% of the audience didn't know who you were. Yeah fucking Cleveland
Fucking every why you get in that fans of yours like like oh they can't wait to see you get on
stage right yeah but like when when they don't know who you are they just like what's also like
you how they out cold and then do an hour that how do they go to your show like how do they hear
about you buzz from Adam Bragg we sold a lot like we so you killed the first thing you killed the first
night and then everyone starts talking about you it's yeah they because I have reviewers the first night and then everyone starts talking about you? It's... Yeah, because I have reviewers the first night.
What the fuck happened to Janice?
Where is he?
He was on an island there.
They don't know what Puerto Ricans are over there.
He's not Puerto Ricans, he's Greek.
I meant the Mauricio character.
He didn't do Mauricio over there?
He may have re-greated though.
He would have fucked so the million seconds. That shit is huge.
I'm a suck to have a great character that's huge,
but you don't wanna do it because you're funny too.
Like, you know what I mean?
You have to pick.
Well, he usually, he's smart.
He makes it so he opens for himself.
Like, he'll middle as himself to do a set.
Yeah, he does all three characters.
Yeah, he does the, and then he closes.
Pano's, Marisa and he closes it himself. I've heard I heard that a does he follow Maricia. Yeah, does it work? I
Saw a Gotham and he killed a Gotham. Yeah, when I saw him he didn't even follow his own character
He opened for his own character when I the first time I saw him do it that much
Middleing yeah, like having that character is like having a great dick joke that you know is hack
But you know it kills so you like on stage and you're doing you know is hack, but you know it kills.
So you're like, on stage, and you're doing good,
I'll be saying, I'm fucking whipping this out.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I heard that, um,
Philip Wilson said that he was like,
he would never, he would never do anything after Geraldine
because you can't follow Geraldine.
Ramona is literally disconnected from this whole show.
He was just on his fucking phone.
What were you doing?
And he was texting that chick.
Sorry.
What were you doing? I was he was texting that chick. Sorry.
What were you doing?
I was just looking at things.
What?
I heard that.
I heard that.
I was trying to find topics.
I mean, investigating.
You coming up with what?
What were you doing?
I was just checking my messages.
Why?
I don't know.
You can't wait fucking an hour to fucking you.
This is the problem with the fucking world.
This is it right here.
Well, he got blown by a six.
He wants to see if she's going back
this is the fucking problem no what what i was going to say was what will go
back to what uh...
uh... micha said i mean first of all let's all just acknowledge
that the whole
fucking rhythm of the show has been thrown off
because this dick
tried to alfamil and i snapped back at him. Can we just admit that?
But I was being honest with you.
I don't care.
I know you.
You don't.
Yeah.
I was playing around.
Well, it didn't sound like you were playing around.
I like that.
I thought it was pretty good.
It didn't sound like you didn't.
You threw the fucking ring and said, fuck you, make me.
So why would I purposely try to get in here?
I don't know.
That's what I would fucking wonder.
I don't know.
I didn't even know what it was.
I don't know.
I didn't know that was the was. I don't know I know that was a thing. I well, but wait, I know fairness though like
Few things
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If I'm coming across
Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Say what you're gonna say?
Am I in my addon? No, you're not. You're absolutely fucking right. I mean, do you understand what you saying?
Okay, what is he saying?
There was a tone from Harry that Mary from the fucking beginning
He's screwed as
The galaxy from the beginning I
Know Harry who what's up Harry? I wouldn't say he was being challenging
I just think his tone was but I thought it was just like trying a little fucking things you was saying here in there
We're fucking little you know out of the box a little bit I'm yourself a little bit
A little bit I apologize, but I wasn't mine. I'm sure a little bit playing around well playing around is one thing
But you this your first time here and being a cunt is another you know what I mean?
I mean look we all bus balls we joke around but you know
There's a couple things you will you lead what I'm more the other couple things so I know I'm curious
I love that looking at nothing just
Get a rusty door knob
He's like the little child in the family. I don't mind look it. I don't mind having this conversation it this shit's interesting to me And I don't want to be a phony and sit here and try to talk about fucking his shitty London gig
What yeah for the next 20 minutes?
I don't like that you set me up for it after right after which I'll tell me about London like I was interested into it
But then every the whole room fell the fuck off it would have been a great time, but every like it was a little monro
Esk what What's that?
That argument right there. What does that mean? Remember the treatment you and Monroe?
It was a little different though because Monroe
You had an argument. I love Monroe. I love Monroe too to death. I love that kid so much. I'm very happy
But that's where stuff like that comes from when you love someone in your life. No, no
That's out you're out of pocket. No, no, no
Well Ramon what happened Ramon is I said so Monroe. Whatever's name is No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You know when you say something to somebody that like they got said to by like some fucking principal. I know you
Monroe, you know, you don't know me motherfucker. You know, and then I was like he fucking you tapped into his rescue
I tapped into it was some fuck shit, but here's the thing
Monroe is fucking a feet tall
Yeah, he dresses like Ramon. He looks like Ramon, but he's a lot bigger than this motherfucker, right?
So he's like, you saying it in a plantation hat?
Yeah.
He had just watched 12 years away.
I know you boy.
I know you boy.
So he, he fucking, you know what I mean?
We were having the, it was a great show.
It was so fun.
And then he said something. I was like, I know you, and I were having the, it was a great show. It was so fun. And then he said something.
I was like, I know you, and I meant that like,
I was relating to him.
Like man, I know you, because you know me,
and we go, he was like, you don't know me, motherfucker.
And I was like, I fuck with the fuck.
And then it went off.
That was a little different.
This, you were coming from some fucking,
I'm not gonna be bitch.
This is the problem with this.
I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna give you, and I could be wrong, but I'm gonna say what I think it is
This podcast, okay
Even people who listen to it we
Comics we get attacked we attack each other we make fun of each other
We joke around with each other all the fucking time, but it always comes from a
each other. We joke around with each other all the fucking time. But it always comes from a good place, a joking place. And that is from being able to take it. You know what I mean?
The person getting it. You know, you fucking call me a phase. I'm gonna laugh because it's
funny. You know, I call it, uh, Versa 4. He's gonna laugh because it's funny, but he's
gonna bug him for the next three weeks and I'm gonna
get a phone call fucking three dude am I really a fool I mean I maybe a five definitely five
I'm not a four I mean I talked to my wife about it and she said I'm a six and a half which I
was not the fuck is that either but you know what the fuck you know you're
impression of Bernie's peshi right yeah I know especially he peshy It's hilarious But I think what it is you came in here on the defense
Like ready to be attacked and you were I don't know you said you said something about this you said this show
I don't know what it was I don't know what happens on this show which thing was that I don't know
I don't know what to say. Yeah, I think that you meant it like you said this is not a safe and fine
I think that you meant it like you said this is not a safe
But I don't know but that was an legit that there was a couple things where it was like what the fuck and then when you did that shit with the Bantana look man
I've been in the game for a while when someone fucking crunches their ira brows at me and says
Fucking make me I can I don't know. I don't know am I out of I mean did you get a vibe?
I mean it got weird am I out of, I mean, did you get a vibe?
I mean, it got weird, it got weird.
I mean, fuck you, fuck you, throw the thing, make me.
You know what I mean?
And then I said, put the thing on you, make me.
You know, it was like, fuck you, where do I go from there?
Where do I go?
I understand.
I know, okay, you do, this is my show.
You do it this way, but you come on for the first time.
Let me just, whatever you wanna do, we'll do it your way.
But the, you be skinny, Roseanne, go ahead.
Do you want me to give him the bandanna back?
No, you keep that, please.
Hold on, actually, cover your phone with it.
Ah!
That's fucking asshole.
You earned a fuck out of that.
Yeah, you fuck, yeah.
Every, you know how hard it is to get the band-in from Harry?
I would bet it.
And you got it.
She's whistling.
Whistling.
It was like unanimous.
It was like you absolutely got it.
For very long.
God damn it.
I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, that's okay.
See, that's what you should, that's the attitude you should have.
I don't know what it means.
I don't go fuck.
It means you, you are the last one to stink.
All right.
But Bobby, that was not my intention. I thought you were playing around. So I was just yelling to play around as well. That's why well
I there was like I think chase said it to be honest. It was kind of a lead up to it
I don't know if I was out of my mind wasn't my intention. I
Paul now it was it was a little you're a little stink. You know you're a little come on
You didn't like you didn't like a lot of
Give me a little shit about the lean and use kind of you didn't like that you like the daily show shit
You what no way?
We're carry whoa, what we're doing one thing at a time the leaning thing is try to psychoanalyze this criticism
You know I don't know if you're being legitimate or joking. I'm absolutely being legitimate
We're fucking this shows at a screeching hall
I'm absolutely being lived in a minute. We're fucking, this shows at a screeching hall.
We're airing out grievances.
I'll be honest.
No, you know, you were, you come on.
Was I being an asshole for putting my own on the table?
No, I'm not.
You wasn't being an asshole, but like when I said it,
you could tell you didn't really like it.
And then you were like kind of throwing a little jabs
during the show, you know.
At what?
At jabs or what?
You about the daily show? You know what jabs are what you about the
daily change you know what bug is a little bit that you pretend that you don't
know no what the jabs were I can tell you're a smart guy and I know you're not like
completely oblivious to no I could see how some you could be upset by it to
know nobody's upset that's the thing that's why you're like you're making it
it's like a thing you're doing like yeah, oh, I can see why you would be part like no, it's not we're we're not upset about it
We're just telling you we see it and you're acting like I don't know
I'm gonna come on a little bit. I understand I'm okay
He would just that was it my intention. I came to have fun. Yeah, we I do too. I do too
We I think we all do that's not. That's not even that's an obvious statement
But the thing is look, I think the thing is bro is that when you know
We're comedians. We're all hypersensitive to tone and fucking reality. You know what I'm saying? So
if you know
I'm letting you know none of it actually none of it bothered none of nothing that happened here until like the just the weird awkwardness after the thing when I
Realized it was serious. Yeah none of it bothered me at all none of it for real
Not about me. I'm joking like what do you want me to do with my arms?
Is that's humor's like what the fuck do you want me to do with my arms at all none of it?
I'm not a father for real none of it. Well honesty, you don't believe me, but I'm letting you know none of it bothered me I feel like some of it bothered me, Jay, for real. None of it. Well, honestly, you don't believe me, but I'm letting you know none of it bothered me.
I feel like some of it bothered you.
Like who?
Ha ha ha.
I happen to, I'm not saying this
because we had a little thing here.
I agree with Jay that was a little vibe thing going on
where I felt like you were, I don't know,
you were, you were, you were,
like you were with an attitude of a girl.
Yeah, like no, like you have like a fuck you,
you guys aren't beating me attitude.
That's what I'm just trying to keep up.
I'm just trying to keep up.
That's the thing that I'm telling you.
But you don't have to keep up on this show.
That's the thing that I was trying to say before.
This show is, you can not, look at Ramona's doing fine.
He's not fucking just smashing everybody.
He's doing what he does.
Scopo does what he, we all kind of do our own thing.
And then it melds into this one conversation and it just
Kind of tornadoes from there. That's what this you don't have to keep up. You don't have to you don't have to
You don't have to yeah, you know what I mean? It's in though keeping up
I felt like you kind of came in with I'm not gonna I'm not gonna let them get me on this show because I've listen to the shit
You know what I mean? So it's like
when I was like, you know, put that you bombed, here's the bomb bandana. I'm gonna put that on my
fucking thing. And I was like, put it on your fucking, you know, fucking make me, make me. And look,
and then it, you know, saying make me three times, like it's basically fucking self. I don't think
I said it three times. Yeah, well rewind history will tell. But here's the point is the point I think Jay is correct and I think that you kind of came in here with like a
Which you don't which I get I understand because this show
Look this fucking how many fucking girl comics won't come on the show because they're afraid that
They're gonna be attacked. I mean of course, you know
I wouldn't put Lewis on a show if we brought a you fucking
They're gonna be attacked. I mean, of course, I wouldn't put Lewis on a shelf.
We brought a, you fucking cocksucking content.
And they fucking say you're an asshole, rapist.
It's Jay.
It's Jay Gomez.
So I'm kidding about that too.
Lewis is probably gonna text me now.
What a fucking shit show this is.
But it's, I get it, I understand the,
but it's really not that. Everybody who comes on the show, I want to have a fucking great time.
A fantastic fucking time.
But I think people come on sometimes and I think you did with a little like,
I'm not gonna let you guys, I'm not gonna let Bobby specifically or anybody get to me.
You're not gonna get me.
I think.
I tell you, no, I understand. I can tell you one or
present that was not my intention when I came in here. I might have done a bunch of things that came across that way right that's I can only take
Responsibility on mine for that, but that wasn't my intention. Where is he? What do you think?
You know, I
I know
No, you know, what do you think Switzerland?
I live in fucking North,, dude. That's fucking no, 25 minutes away if there's no traffic
All right, and I have three hours fucking hard to in character. If there's any traffic, it's three and a half hours, but listen
You know, I have a back out you play fucking a full game of woofable
Okay, you could your bases and everything none of that fucking one strike you're out you fucking
Three strikes a game full barbecue. I don't hate on the yard. I got 80 yards this way
80 yards that way all right you're fucking no you know, you know, you know what bother me what bothers me about this episode
What the fuck
We're good for like an hour ten
What bothers me about this episode is that like you know, I'm on a diet and I've been tanning
And this motherfucker called me a four
Well, that's before a person now
You know and if it was a six, but no, I think I in all seriousness
I think Harry came in here and I think when he said you know everybody is under like you know everybody, you know, everybody's, you know, under attack or everybody.
What was it?
I don't know the, I don't remember which one it was.
It's not a safe environment.
That's the, when you said you said, this is not a safe environment.
I just think you might have came in with your guard up like, if somebody goes at me, I
got to be on my toes and maybe you jumped it a little bit.
Sorry, maybe that's what I, okay.
I might have, you know, all right.
And then what do you think?
What's your name again?
Psst. Psst. Uh, what is it? Okay, I might have you know all right, and then what do you think what's your name again?
What is it?
Running wolf what is it? Oh, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey
What's your name? I like running wolf actually
Actually, can we have it not running wolf?
Slow pace wolf. Yeah, let's just call it moose heavy breathing wolf. Let's go. God. What do you got on?
I felt that the only i felt is that like it when you
were hit he didn't roll with it and try to like make it funny back he just it
just went from a defensive point you know so like when Michael said it's about
the thing yeah instead of rolling with it and making a joke back he just got
like why the fuck can i that well know the yeah i was trying to joke like
on what the fuck do you want me to do it my hands But I get why that's I don't think it wasn't hilarious. Yeah, I what do you think Ramon?
I didn't hold intervention. Yeah, Ramon
This is gonna say it to me. This is like a Harry intervention. I like it. What do you think about?
I've already acknowledged yeah, I've already acknowledged a mistake in the problem. We're still going around
I can't to the tone. I got letters.
I think he might just have a shit tone.
Maybe I have a shit tone.
That's why I say everything with the same tone all the time.
It's called serial killer.
It's called serial killer.
I didn't realize we were supposed to pay that much attention to his tone.
So I didn't realize it was being a dick.
Right. All right, that's just fucking weirded everyone.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It's all good. Do you want to talk about, do you want to talk about video games?
No. He can be tech talk guy. I just.
I don't know much wrong with that. Yeah.
I want to lie. All right. Well, you did that at the little end.
That's yeah. I think. I look. I think I think I think traffic coming home
Really take traffic, but the time he gave the report you'd be in it
I think the term pike and past exit
I think the term pike can pass exit. I don't want to.
A lot of rubber necking.
You know what?
You're going to stay away from the BQ Rees.
But I think, first of all, I don't care.
I'm going to get shit for this.
You're going to get shit.
Absolutely.
I'm going to get shit.
You know what, fucking you're a fucking dick, Bob.
You're going to get shit. You can't fuck it. It's poxaka. Chase is going gonna get shit. You know what fucking you're a fucking dick, Bob. You're gonna get shit
You can't fucking just pops out gonna chase gonna get shit
Oh shit that was healthy
Men apps are fucking loolie
Listen you fucking everybody has these things. I think I reacted here's my problem
I've been trying to meditate lately
Can I have my, I can have my app please. Listen, you know what I'm saying?
We've been having trouble with getting in position.
If it wasn't for the meditation.
Let's talk about it.
Oh.
Meditation.
Meditation.
Get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out.
The fuck out.
I've been meditating.
If it wasn't for the fuck out,
close your eyes and count to 10.
Do it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna meditated. It wasn't fuck out closure eyes and count to ten do it
This is the yoga Bobby the fucking meditation get the fuck out you
I'm having fun listen
That's my it's his his... What is that?
Is it your mantra?
No, I don't have a mantra.
I can't...
I can't...
We're gonna begin with the body.
Shit!
Let's establish a basic...
I'm going to...
I'm going to...
I've been trying for a while.
I've been trying for a while.
Let's go.
Stretch out on your back. This is remote. I've been trying first walk
That's him I get two minutes into his class and once you guys
You guys want to get some fo
Here's the thing
I've been trying to work on my number one, my tone.
My tone, because you, my wife will go,
hey, can you and I'll go what?
And she's like, ugh, because I say what?
I just, it's the same thing.
It's shit, you got the same thing.
That's why when you're shitty tone,
I call you on it all the time.
I'm like, I don't realize that.
Yeah, you call him up and,
hey, what's up, scobo, what's up?
Nothing, could you be happy to talk to me ever?
I am happy, what the fuck?
I don't know, you don't sound fucking pleasant at all.
I have a tone issue, which I've tried to work on,
but also I have a, you know, I have a fucking anger issue.
I think we all know.
I got that though.
Yeah.
Right, do you have an anger issue?
No, no, no, we all experience.
We all experience.
Okay.
I'm not going to hang her issue. No, no, no, we all experienced.
Okay.
Okay.
But I am, you know, I envy guys like Michael too.
And I think in Ramon,
because I don't know about you, only,
but I know that you and you guys are very mellow people.
Well, what about me?
I'm mellow.
Dude, you got no fight with, listen.
You're not mellow.
Mellow guys, What about me?
Exactly Listen easy going guy
To get driving breathing people women we were having breakfast we were having breakfast in Montreal and the lady kept fucking coming
I'm saying we're trying to We're trying to
Already?
She's fucking the fucking pancakes
The fucking goddamn Canadian
You never had a breakfast argument
No, you remember the expectations at Montreal
So we were there eating and me and him having a nice conversation
And I'm sitting there and me and Bob
You're having a nice conversation and bring the fruit
And she wanted to leave
She wanted to go
So she kept coming up
She's gonna help you anything else kept and I felt rushed I felt rushed and so you ruined the whole breakfast
Yeah, but and the whole rest of the day that fucking lady what the fuck we and and now you're still pissed about it
You're still mad at that fucking twat
I'm having none of that story is going. No, but I'm easy going.
And then you made everybody around the room say what they didn't like about that lady
and how they felt about it when you happened, right?
You're not listening, Verzy. You are not an easy going guy.
I think they're an easy way.
You're a nice guy. I think, I think Ramon and Shay are exceedingly like over the top
kind of laid back. But I think in a grand scheme of things, I think I'm an easy going laid
back guy until certain things upset me.
And comparison to Bobby?
Well, no.
Okay.
I think I'm the same way though.
I think I'm laid back and then someone will spark me
and then I'll just fucking flip.
I think you're both fucking stupid redarded.
You're not.
You're not.
What the something is a fucking pedestrian walking
in front of your car as the light turns yellow.
I mean, Well, they shouldn't be doing that.
Yeah, but you don't go all fucking kill you fucking.
Dude, you are not laid back at all.
You have passion.
You're a passionate guy.
Right, right, right.
You have a lot of passion.
You like me, okay?
You get mad.
You have, you, you, you, you, you want things right in the world.
You want people to act.
That's the way you act, right. And when they don't, you, that you you want things right in the world right a lot people to act
You'd act right and when they don't you that makes you fucking it crazy, but I'm sure those two too No Michael you like you like to get it out like you just have to get it out
You just have to get it out that's that's a hundred percent right like if I fight with my wife like
Because certain people like when they fight like I can't stand fighting and my wife goes
I just need to go and she could walk away. Yeah, I need to get it some people some people need to go and process it and for me that's doesn't work
I need to sit down. Yeah, see I need to say let's let's get it out now because if we get it out now
Then we could just go on and things aren't gonna be awkward
I'm that guy because maybe this we're doing the show and I can see and everybody's face was just thinking about what just happened
And I'm trying to bring up fucking London and then we're talking about Edinburgh and I can see in everybody's face was just thinking about what just happened and
I'm trying to bring up fucking London and then we're talking about Edinburgh and even Michael was like,
look it ain't happening.
So, nothing interesting.
Yeah, so, but I think-
Yeah, it's like the fourth elephant in the room.
What?
That's too-
You were late on it, but I was for a good reason.
I thought that-
First of all, I had to do the math
because I'm looking around who the elephants are.
I don't know if he was counting me twice.
So I, Versus, like, I'm not in that.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny.
I'm not that funny. I'm not that funny. I'm not that funny. I'm not that funny. I'm not that funny. you know, look, I've been trying to meditate, but to be more like, you know, like Ramon,
I remember when we hung out together,
you're the last guy I'd fucking hang out with,
but I had a, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, Let me look that. Stop looking at me. I fuck take that. We're in a room in a city.
That's not, listen, that's not what I'm...
You're looking at me.
You didn't think we'd hang out.
Talking to you.
I didn't think we'd, you know, but when we hung out,
you're a real laid-back guy.
I like people like you.
I envy people like you that can let stuff go over,
roll off your shoulder, that don't take everything
to heart, that don't wear your heart on your sleeve.
You know, I mean, it's just the upbringing of me
that, you know, if someone sells make me,
all right, I'll fucking make you.
You know what I mean?
I have the same thing.
You know, that's what it is.
And if you're doing it, I can kind of tell joking,
and I know that you're saying you're joking,
and I believe you, I do believe you.
But I, you know, in my,
when you, when I was going,
it's like, you know,
there's no choice for me.
I can, but Michael Chey would have been like,
I'm a motherfucker,
and then maybe secretly hated you
and never had you back on.
I would rather go fucking, go fuck yourself, leave,
and have you go, oh shit,
I was just kidding, and then deal with it, and then you can come back on whenever you want you know what I mean
Like so it's not there's nothing they get it out. Yeah, well you don't have to worry
You don't have to go home tonight and think what is probably thinking of me. Yeah, I believe you were just passive aggressively called passive aggressive
I think I would I mean I think you said your passive. You'd rather hold on to something than deal with it, right?
I would, I would hold on to it.
Sometimes, no, but there's, it's weird.
Like there's certain things that will make me, like I've snapped.
Like I'll snap, but it takes a lot.
Right.
It doesn't even take a lot.
It takes, it's the certain thing that I'll snap.
But for the most part, I'm like,'ll, okay, I see what's going on.
When was the last time you snap?
It's just like the last time I snap,
actually was to a comic and I don't wanna say his name
because he's a young comic and I don't wanna,
it might be the, do we know him?
Maybe.
No, it wasn't the best.
But it was the young comic but like we were at a diner
and he said something rude.
Like what? So someone else's, well he said something rude like what someone else is well
He we were it was like five of us right and I wasn't invited of course. No, he wasn't invited
I'm too old, but you this time you was like consciously uninvited. Okay, right?
We're eating or whatever and and one guy was a guy was with his girl like a friend of ours was with his girlfriend
And he made a comment to his girlfriend,
like almost like he knew her, like he knew her newer.
You know what I mean?
And I was like, you don't, don't do that shit.
We fucking press a girl, man.
You don't say that to somebody else's girlfriend.
But like I snapped on them almost like he said it to my girlfriend
because I couldn't believe how out of pocket he was.
For saying some shit like that.
But to me, it's like, are you crazy?
You don't disrespect, like from what, from what we are from it's all about
Toning respect hang on one second aversy out of pocket means like I don't line
Okay, and bottom bitch is a good thing
Okay, so to me so so like I snap and I felt bad about it because I was like oh wait
He probably wasn't expecting that energy. Right.
Took him back.
So I try to be quiet because then you don't want to look like the guy that's just yelling.
Well, well, here's a thing.
What are you looking at me for, mom?
Just fucking cock sucker.
Well, he was yelling too.
Was that the only one fucking yelling?
You're yelling now.
Literally the only guy yelling.
Well, I really like my wife is passive aggressive.
You know what I mean?
She'll let just an I envy it.
I fucking envy it.
You know, because my whole life,
if I didn't fucking get in your face about it,
I'm fucked. I lose.
You know what I mean?
Because I was, you know, my mean? I'm sure people make sure to say that.
Because I was, you know, my stepfather would
fucking abuse me physically and if I didn't
fucking attack back, I'd be fucked.
If I was in Juve Hall, if I didn't attack back,
I'd be fucked.
If I were you step that one hour physically.
He, I was in fucking first to fifth sixth grade.
So I didn't fight, the sixth grade,
I chased him
with a hatchet you know what it means? Just read that book.
Hatch? Does that book called hatchet? There's a book called the hatchet. No, it was a sixth grade.
Yeah, it was being abused. I wasn't taking time out to read novels.
Stupid hipster. Won't you explain that punchline to us about this child to be
Why don't you try that bandana around your thigh like you're dying to
That was a
What did you read the book
Very poke about you read the book? Did you read that book? No man.
You know, I think that this is my part of most fun I've ever had here.
I mean, some people will be like, oh, what the fuck?
Well, the chat rooms and buzz by the way.
What are they saying? Let me see it.
Oh shit. Open it up. Yeah
See what threw me off I did I passed that to him
I passed it to be on my phone because he was on his phone. Well, he's actually working the show
Yeah, I know look I don't like people on the phone. You can check it No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I felt bad, but I understand I understand what it was, is because of that whole fucking thing kind of disconnected everybody. And now
we're all fake having a conversation. Even Michael Chey, it's about him. And he's like,
yeah, man, move this shit on. But even the way, even the way you were saying to him, look,
this is what I felt the two is a very cool monotone way. Even your vibe when you tell somebody
they're out of pocket again, out of line.
It's, it was, you know, like I wish I really want to,
not just for me, I don't want my son
to be more like my wife.
Not passive aggressive asshole, you know,
the whole shit in, but I want her to be, I want him to be,
I want him to let shit roll off his shoulder.
But I didn't take that as passive aggressive.
I think passive aggressive is more like,
I'm going to, it's almost like sarcasm.
Yeah, he's direct.
You have a younger, he's not the younger siblings.
See Bobby, you have that thing too,
it's like you can't beat, you don't get one on,
you can't get one over on me.
Don't think you're gonna get one over on me. Yeah, yeah, I got that too. Don't you fucking
out doing me. Yeah, which is the attitude Harry had when he came out. See I had that same
person. I'll be in my face. Pointed me out to the cops. Like he did it. What? I'm trying
to go off you. Off me. Yeah, off me. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just go off me while I'm
reading this. So I don't look like an asshole reading
I don't you read this I can't fucking read this. It's too small for me. You want me read to well no, no because it will take three days
And the voice will put it just go back. I mean here's the thing I think the one I did read okay. We got it. Yeah cathartic is he used a word cathartic cathartic cathartic
They're being cathartic. Yeah. yeah, yeah, I was not an asshole
Okay, oh, okay, we get it. He's a douche. Let's move on. Yeah, how about you move on from this podcast you fucking cock
Who's that if that's like 50,000?
I
Would love it if they all left I had two people listening scope was girl
And my girl and and take a look.
We both fucking is plotting.
Yeah, we're just plotting.
Now, well, how do we move on, you fuck?
But we were talking about the characters.
Yeah, we did move on.
We did.
Yeah, we moved on, and we fucking,
we're still making this funny, you motherfucker.
You can't listen in, you fucking can't fuck you.
We moved on, we took a real life fucking argument
that fucking happened between two people
and we fucking moved on and we went in and out and made it funny.
We made people laugh.
You fucking cock sucka with no podcast.
Ah, ah!
Go listen to a fucking other podcast.
He might have a podcast.
I'm just gonna go by the percentages. Hang on, I literally am. I need a med- I need a dog. the podcast he might have a podcast
by the percentages hang on legitimately I need a medit
I need a gong I need a gong somebody
to give me a gong
oh
bomb thank you
I apologize
your comments are your comments and those are valid because there's no
reason there's more easy going Paul versus just like that
one second no but like no that's like there's always over here because there's
always there's always somebody ah there's always somebody ah ah ah ah ah ah
I just undid my belt from my stomach always just thought it was pressed on
like oh god oh I think I almost killed myself with a buckle
Go ahead. Oh, there's always somebody here. I got I want to read some to you. Oh, shit
I want to read some to you know because there's always somebody I just had a good I just had a good podcast
You can check it out verzy effect, but check it out. I had a good one was that listen listen
You're through what are you a block master? No, no because I had a lot of good comments on my last episode
And somebody says something father me somebody said something that bother me
What's the our guy'll sock situation on your podcast this guy said to me?
I have a sock thing if you want to go to look so listen. No, so listen
I got it. I just want to let you know seriously before you plug that if you go to nice laundry dot com slash dude
No, I'm not you can okay, no, I'm not plug anything
But I just had I just had a podcast and I got a lot of good reviews
From it the one person that bothered me is someone said at Paul Versey quit being a dick
Overweight people are not fat pieces of shit fuck you and your shitty podcast now
I didn't say fat people with pieces of shit, okay?
They miss they they're insecure about their fucking weight and they had to be the one dick to do it
And that's why I don't read the shit here's the thing that bothers me the most it's your fucking podcast if you say fat people are
Who cares yours fucking right, but I would never do a podcast and go overweight people are fat pieces of shit
We did that 15 times here. I would never do that
But somebody just had to be like oh fuck that. I'm overweight
I have an issue with it and be the one person to say that's I just don't
Yeah, but I'm kidding about about this guy who these people in the chat room. I'm overweight. I have an issue with it and be the one person to say that's I just don't Yeah, but I'm kidding about about this guy who these people in the chat room. I'm joking. I mean there
They're they're just saying look we but do you get bothered by it ever? No not by the chat room people because the chat room people of fans
I get it when somebody I get bothered look these people of fans
They're just fucking in a chat room. What else are they gonna write? They're gonna write you know they're listening
I'm kidding with them, you know, I'm joking.
But with people who, I get bothered with people
who follow me, who hate me from the beginning.
Like they don't like me.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they fucking find me to follow me.
They don't like that, no.
But they're sitting there, they're waiting for me
to say something
The specific or misspell something there's specific to say you fucking fucking cock suck and fuck But they're losers at life. Yeah, but here's a weird thing too. I mean look there was a guy on
One already and Tracy first of all I want to I want to let my prayers go out to these already
And already forqua and Tracy Morgan
you know and I know there's somebody else
I don't know who he is.
Harris is doing good.
He's doing all right.
Harris is doing good.
The assistant, Tracy's assistant
and God bless the comic that's got Jimmy Mac.
Jimmy Mac, who's been in the business for fucking decades.
And was you know, betraysian in Arty
and his assistant are still out there.
So I really, my heart goes out to them.
My prayers are with them.
I don't know what's going on with them.
Please don't ask me.
It's, you know, I'll know when they, the families want us to know
what's happening.
Right.
We will know.
So don't make assumptions.
Don't try to find
they'll let us know yeah what's happening but you know I somebody wrote to me
I wish instead of Tracy Arty and Harris I wish it was Colin Voss and Robert Kelly
in that car which I can see where they're coming from. I'm trying to be funny.
What?
What?
Oh, and A fans just gonna be dirt bad.
Yeah, but here's the thing.
It's not a dirt bad.
I get, here's the thing.
I block this guy, okay.
But here's the thing.
It's not, I don't care that you want me dead.
I don't give a fuck about that, okay?
It's that you're making a joke about my friend's tragedy. Yeah. Don't use my
friends. Just say you want me dead. Don't use my friend's tragedy in a punchline right now.
Because, and then some other guy got on who I blocked, too. You know, you guys can make
fun of people all the time, but when it comes to you yeah yep that's it yeah but if
you got blocked for making fun of somebody you wouldn't be surprised well they
are they're shocked they're stupid well they think that you know you're a pussy
you know they may if that is the point that you don't like that it's fine but a
lot of these dudes listen to he just regurgitated the same joke that Amy
Schumer did to uh... uh... what's the to Steve oh to Steve oh about when bam
died no right right right right right right now they
all look the same to me but
yeah but here's a thing she got a lot of shit for that
she got a lot of shit for that but i don't i don't think that's funny i
didn't think that i don't have to do is that there's a thing though i never thought i
didn't think that joke was funny right i don't think comparing somebody
you know i wish it was this guy to that guy i don't know that's over the top bull
i don't think That's not funny.
I don't think it's funny.
Because when I've had friends die and it stinks and I've had a lot of them die in the
last couple years and it sucks and I don't want to have another one die.
You know, plus I've said a lot of mean shit about Arty hosting here.
And I don't want to hang over you.
I don't want that.
Just to hang over me.
I wanted him to come back and go look, I'm sorry about all the shit shit I said you're a good host. Just don't bring me up so crazy
You know what I mean? But you know, I love already when it comes down to it. I really care about the guy very few people that you like see
That I see like in carman like like fucking happy to see like just like super
Genuinely genuinely like even if you're not friends with them or all the time
or you don't hang out them all time when you see them it's like I got I went I was at my son's
t-ball game the morning of the accident I didn't know the verzy effect the verzy effect
the okay and I looked at the phone and I didn't know Harris you know Harrison you're close you know
Tracy I know Tracy Tracy was really nice to me the other night and we talked and it was cool
and I know already but Harris and I have done shows together
I know Harris yeah, and I was at my son's game
And I looked and I said you know hope Harris stands alright and that kind of that's that was like that really shook me because
You know we've done TV together shows together
He's got a little boy and I didn't know what was going on and when I found out that Harris was okay
That was that was I was like, you know, it's like I get look
I'm not gonna sit here and go, you know, the rules of comedy are
But I can also I can definitely say go fuck yourself. Yeah when I think that you fucking said some shit
I don't I don't know a lot of these guys try to mimic that vein that I get it
Yeah, I get it. It comes a good one of the guys wasn't following me and it's like you don't get the
You don't get the fuck with me, you know what I mean?
But it's like I you know I was trying I'm trying to I
Said this one stays you other night too. It's like I feel like when you're in sixth grade to
Into high school is when you get picked on you get made fun of you get trashed
You know and then you you know you move on you go to college
And you then you get a job and you get a wife and then you have a family in a house and you're a man
And you don't get fucked with anymore
But now with Twitter you have to live junior high for the rest of your fucking life
You know what I mean? I'm a man. I have a son. I have a wife. I have a backyard of a
Taking shit. Yeah, I have a lawnmower and I'm still
taking shit from fucking lawnmower man that you got it's very manly to have a
lawnmower I have a leaf blower too when I got I got enough a guy who dates a
she-mail but listen where do you go leaf blower was just for leaves where do you guys stand now? Yeah, which thing do you know that was his Craigslist name?
leafflower
I love that I love that Ramon are you are you where are you? Are you hungry? Is your blood sugar low? What? No?
My weeds wearing off but that's okay. Where do you guys stand? I'm just not looking at anything like doing what you do and not looking at reviews
Not looking at Twitter. you just do it,
and then that's it, you know.
But then you miss the people that really want you
to touch them.
You miss the guy that goes,
do it, I saw you last night.
Thank you so much.
Hey, thank you, dude.
You know, you missed that guy,
because then you don't respond to him and you're fucked.
Or you go respond to him,
but then just scroll through the bad ones
and just not even address it.
Look, I think, I don't know, dude.
I don't know where to fucking take this.
I don't know. I don't think Twitter was made for my generation.
I think Twitter was made for the next generation.
I think Facebook is made for my kid.
You know what I mean? A my kid's kid.
You're a guy when somebody says fuck you,
that meant something like face to face.
Well, when somebody says make me, I'm like fucking I'll make you.
But if you want to bring it back.
But now, no, but I'm saying it's a different type of
thing where they literally do let that roll off their back as them it's like oh it's just the
internet I'm used to that it's like it's something new to you yeah like now you you know you this
fucking generation of people that's never been punched in the mouth before yeah yeah yeah
that's right man someone said that to me like you close up person I've punched her in the face you
can't do that in Twitter right well I wouldn't be I punch her in the face, you can't do that on Twitter.
Right.
Well, I-
You wouldn't mean to talk to you about that.
You can't just punch people in the face.
It's not inside about that.
Yeah.
Um, I think, look, I understand what you're saying.
It's an O and A thing, but it's still, it's like, dude,
what the fuck?
So you want me to die, you want my friend to die,
you want Vos to die, and my friends might die you want Vos to die and we're my friends might die
So how the fuck I got it I die and my friends at that almost dead so okay
But it's just like we want like if celebrity dies and like on Twitter
It's just a bunch of just punchline jokes
You know like
Shitting on them like cuz you didn't like, you're just shitting on them, like,
cause you didn't like a movie they were in.
But here's a question, here's a question,
has this always been there lurking to come out?
Yes.
I think so.
The early days of YouTube, man, oh, not even now.
You'll see some things.
But that's where I first started to see
people going bananas.
This is really why we don't like nerds.
Like hang on one second Ramon relax. We like
save some. We like you. Why nerds get terrorized is because they're these kind of people.
Yeah, and I also think this is why we're on stage. And now they just get to be it. This
is we're on stage and the masses are in the crowd because the masses are a lot of them
they're dumb or they try to be funny. You know when you're done doing a show and you're
a merch table and they go, I want to tell you something unhappy with my with my aunt and
they just fucking keep going they don't get it and and these people they see a death or somebody
almost dying and they want to say something horrible like that that's fucking brutal man it is and it's
just like they don't get it there's a lot of comics that do that and they've set up this world
of cats that can do it you know yeah know or at least try to come off with it
You know a lot of like like again the O and A guys they're just trying to replicate what they saw you guys do
Right, but they don't know how to do it right. I think I think a lot of actors now modern day actors are getting a lot of shit
Reviews from people on Twitter because back 20 years ago, no one, you couldn't
see it face to face.
Well, you hit a movie.
Yeah, it's like a, it's like a, it's a world of familiarity.
Like we're, they're so familiar with, like with celebrity or they're so familiar with
people like, you know, comedians or whatever, that they don't realize that we're not familiar
with you.
Like, is it because you know everything there is to know about me?
I don't know who you are
And that's the point we were talking about about LeBron James
It's like look everyone's like why is this guy so criticized because you got Twitter you got the NBA network
We know everything there is no
Everything sure they know what he likes to eat so back in the day back in the day of Larry bird got hurt and got cramps
You never knew what Larry bird did after the game. Now everyone knows what LeBron's
doing ten minutes out of the end. Not even guys at that level and not really at best.
You might get you don't want to talk about it. That's fine. But when you were a writer
on SNL and you wrote some sketches, people shit on you for the sketches you wrote. When
the hell did you ever hear of people shitting the run? Yeah, in the 80s and early 90s.
I don't know who the writer is.
It's a joke.
No, they like my sketches, man.
But you were going off on some dude.
I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no.
You really get people shitting.
Nobody for writing this?
They don't know who writes right or whatever.
But I like it.
Like I go on Twitter and I like to talk shit.
Because to me, it's like the lunchroom.
It's like, oh, somebody's talking about some shit. I me it's like the lunchroom. It's like, oh somebody's talking about some,
I'll fucking go right back at you.
It's fun to me and then I'll log off
and then I'll go take a walk or whatever
and I'll live my life and I'll come back to Twitter.
So it's not a big deal to me.
I don't give a fuck.
So I look for it.
I saw you got one guy good
because one guy said something like that show
was so bad, this and that.
And then you said something like,
you know, you called the Hating and then he tried to explain himself,
no, I'm just saying, you're like, no, you're being a fucking,
you know, you're hating, you just went right out of it.
But to me, it's like, a lot of people have never heard that
before.
Like a lot of people have never heard, hey, no,
you're being an asshole right now.
Like you, you never heard it.
Like what, what do you mean I'm being an asshole?
You just can't take it.
No, I can take a joke. No, what are you not joking? What do you want me to say? No, I'm not upset
I'm just telling you you're being an asshole
You've never heard enough to feel like this today
You should and that's that's what I like to do because it's funny. I think we're all sensitive
I think I think comedians care too much. I think the fucking big it look at what we do
You can't you can't analyze something to the amount that we do.
The precise fucking...
Our job is to analyze things.
To rip everything, you have to be sensitive.
You have to know to be able to do that.
To be sensitive.
To be sensitive.
To be sensitive.
To be sensitive.
You have to know exactly where you are and what's going on.
Of course we're all sensitive.
But they think that because we talk about
these fucked up things or edgy things
or we take the taboo and talk about it.
And now that you can just walk up and say whatever the fuck
you wanna say, like we're not human somehow.
Like we, and this guy that was funny,
I wasn't really as mad as this guy,
as it was the guy after who was saying,
it's fine for him to say whatever he wants.
You get to say whatever you want,
but then when somebody fucks you,
it's like no, that's not the point.
It's not about me dying.
It's about my friends are still,
you're making a joke, you're using them.
Talk about me dying.
Yeah.
Don't talk, say you want me dead.
That's funny, okay, I'll deal with that.
But don't talk about, don't use my friends tragedy
as a fucking way for you to get some laughs.
I'll keep that in mind next time.
Because you were the guy?
All right, I got that joke.
Oh my God.
I don't know how to bring this fucking chat up.
Here you go.
I think I scared all the people off with my tone.
That means like, not people with chat.
When people come at you, what was the last thing?
Good point, Billy.
That is always annoying when it happens.
I don't know what the fuck that meant.
What are the same room talking to each other?
Yeah, they're talking to each other actually.
Yeah, what Billy?
What happened, Billy?
Someone in the panel named Billy.
I used to think talk shit amongst your friends,
but now these outlets to put there's nothing now.
There's outlets to put it out there
Yeah, a lot of people talking actually to each other
Or in the chat room. Yeah, so they're friends
Apparently tonight what my chat room became Twitter. Yeah, I'll fuck eventually happens if they start talking about other shit
Well, I think this is an interesting show to be honest with you guys. I like I
I like shit like this what it happens because you can be phony,
you can move the fuck on, but I don't, what's going on?
What is that noise?
I think that's the back feed from that.
Oh, I think it can be phony or whatever,
but I don't think anybody in this room,
except for one person, is phony.
There's Ramon, were you here?
Yeah.
I'm very, very present.
What are you gonna do after this Ramon?
I'm gonna smoke a joint and then watch the show downstairs.
You wanna get more mellow?
Yeah.
He's the most mellow.
I've read this guy doing Cleveland.
He knows all the cool spots. and these, to be honest,
the guys like him and his friends in Cleveland
are literally bringing comedy back.
Cleveland was fucking dropping the fuck off.
When I went there six years ago, it was scary.
And these guys in Cleveland open up all these clubs
all over the place, alternative, whatever the fuck
you call them. And there are, there's a lot, I mean, you took me around all these joints. over the place, alternative, whatever the fuck you call them.
And there are, there's a lot,
I mean, you took me around all these joints.
It's a good scene out there.
It's a fucking great, Cleveland has a great scene,
a food scene, it's got a great art scene
and a comedy scene.
Thank you.
Because all you fucking mellows.
It's all the shirt companies.
It's a weed-smoking fucking mellow Mexicans like you
and all your friends are actually keeping it alive.
So that's great. I think it's awesome. Thank you. I really do. smoking fucking mellow Mexicans like you and all your friends are actually keeping it alive so
That's great. I think it's awesome. Thank you. I really do
All right, we're gonna end this fucking show any any other news in the chat rooms someone did to call you up, Bobby
What they say Bobby really is super sensitive for someone that talks so much shit
Yeah, I am I agree
Wait, we're nailed it. Yeah, I think so yeah,, I'm super sensitive. But I can do that, I think.
I don't understand, is there a rule?
So if you talk shit, you can't be sensitive.
I don't understand that.
I think the shit talkers are sensitive.
Well, I think, look, I get a lot of shit.
So if you, this is the problem with it.
Of course, if proportionally you added the shit that I take,
even in this show itself, how many times I got made fun of,
and I thought was hilarious,
and then to the one thing where I was like, go fuck yourself,
it's kind of off.
You know what I mean?
I get made fun of, I take my shots just like anybody else,
but every once in a while, everybody has their fucking thing.
You know what I mean?
Which is fine.
Hahaha.
When's the next meditation session?
What the fuck?
When's the next meditation session?
Shut the fuck up.
I gotta deal with this cock sucker at the end of the table, laughing in the middle of my fucking speech.
Poor's hard out and then.
What are you laughing at?
You cock fuck.
I just bothered you a lot. It's great.
Hahaha.
Really bugged him. Hahaha. I've heard my feelings, Michael. It bothered you a lot. It's great
That hurt my feelings Michael Michael look at me that hurt
Sorry, you really like when you fuck with people don't it fucking funny That's one of my favorite things is doing fuck with people. Yeah, I
Would love to be more like Michael in Ramon. I really would Shit man, it's cool here. I like me man
Like me
Like me my customer is like me. I'm a solid six. You like because I'm the genuine artist
All right, listen, let's go around the room. Oh, what do you got?
Like the plug
What do you mean? I know what are you? Are you do you got? Uh, like the plug. Or is it what do you mean?
I do.
I don't know what are you.
How do you show business?
I am in the little intro business.
What, yeah, what do you have to, like, what do you get?
June 21st, we made, me and my buddy Jim Toos made
a documentary about Cleveland's comedy scene.
Really?
So we're screening it at a videology in Brooklyn.
Did I inspire that documentary?
It was made before you came but yes, you did
You inspired a couple of edits. Two is great, man. I love. Yeah, Jim's awesome I think he's opening for you in San Francisco. Is he really? Yeah, I love you. He's great
Awesome. Did I meet him?
He said you were mean to him so probably I was what I do to him
He said he was downstairs eating with Ryan Hamilton. You're like why are you eating with a civilian?
Ryan Hamilton. Yeah, like, why are you eating with a civilian?
Ryan Hamilton.
Yeah.
Where?
Downstairs.
At where?
Here.
In the rush drive.
I love how you say civilian with like nine syllables.
Yeah.
I mean, I like to enunciate.
That was mean.
I don't know.
Fuck him, sensitive cunt.
If you don't get the iron in that, you're a fucking asshole, by the way. Dude, see, that's what we're talking about, right there. He says he's fucking a Clint, but then it goes. Was Verzy saying that?
No, that's Verzy's in the chat room.
I'm like, I don't fucking do that, dude.
I'm a fucking...
I'm a sick, I'm a nice guy, like myself.
The Verzy effect.
What do you got?
June 25th, Obedy at Liberty Live, opening opening for Lewis J Gomez and then July 2nd, comics at Foxwoods with Lewis.
Lewis J Gomez.
J Gomez.
We'll put a reason.
Yeah, what the fuck is that name?
Do you love working with him?
He's fun to work.
Yeah, he's fun, right?
Yeah, he's good to work with.
He, you know, gets super high, but it's fun.
Does he get really high?
After.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I thought I didn't want to check to know that is that out the window
She don't listen she doesn't do anymore because he almost I like that she's still with him
She doesn't give a shit, but your axe is still listening
Probably yeah, are you still getting shit from your axe? No, she sent me I just haven't responded
I don't want to start it right now if we're talking so I'm gonna deal with that later all right. Sorry about that
No problem Because I don't want to start it right now. We're talking so I'm gonna deal with that later. All right, sorry about that.
Man, no problem.
This was the most fucked up show we've ever done.
This is the best.
This is the most fun I've had.
Yeah, this is great.
I take rollercoaster of emotions.
This fucking great.
What do you got?
Just only for us comedy.com.
When is this baby seal hunt on?
So winter is coming.
Okay, so. That's only Perez, that's all you got? I'm gonna be on that show with Scopo and Lewis Maybe Seal Hunt on. Winter is coming. Okay.
That's only Perez, that's all you got?
I'm gonna be on that show with Scopo and Lewis
and I'm opening up for Ted, Alessandro,
a brokerage July 11th and 12th.
That's great.
Ted's a funny guy.
He's the best at it.
All right, well, that's, well, I don't know for a kid.
He's my second favorite.
Who's your first?
Bobby Kelly.
What about Lewis Gomez?
That guy's thinks. Okay. It's Lewis Jay Gomez. Jay. What do you got?
I mean you got what do you got shows? I'm in San Francisco with Jim to's apparently when I don't know when that is make sure you don't fucking say mean shit to them
No, yeah, would not you know what I'm gonna get all fucking angry at you
It was a mad. He was just like oh tell him I'm okay. Tell him a nice guy and then I'm gonna come
I'm joking right now. I like the guy. I met him
I'm not worse. Yeah, you're making it worse. Okay, so you go and see what even stand for him? I don't know
June something this when you know July this when you know you have money if F you money in the bag
What do you want? Oh, man?
I honestly don't know one that week is it's it's I think it's my first road week, so I think it's like
I think it's in July I think it's like July 10th or something. I don't know
But you know Michael chaid that comp you good. I'm there this week. Yeah, yeah punchline. Yes, isn't that the great room
Great, great. That's one of my favorite rooms. I'll tell you my favorite rooms. You ready? Yeah comedy works Denver. Oh
Punch line San Francisco hilarities Cleveland I hilarities Cleveland draft house in Ellington was a great
one you're right I would add that but the chairs fuck me up because it they
look like they're receiving kind of not just they have those office chairs yeah so
it looks like you're doing a show it just they have a stay of those office chairs. Yeah, so it looks like you're doing a show at Staples
Yeah, but the the crowd is great crowd you great. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, I would say those those four this is gonna be one more though
I forget this one more that I love what of course of course a comedy seller
But you know like a packed carolines is fucking great. I like Xanies downtown Chicago. It's nice when it's like super packed
No, no, you know what?
You know what? And I said that not even like fucking realizing that
Phil's it would no seriously like Carolyn's when it's packed. It's it's fucking what?
Sold that show
One or all
Three you sold it out for three shows three shows were sold out
three shows are so yeah I know he's the fucking honest thing in the world but no but but but
but when carolines is packed like even like when like featuring is starting like it
I that's probably the most fun I've ever had I love carolines but sometimes you get
little rowdy because they they'll you, I remember, last time I worked there, I almost got to fight
with fucking 14 Armenians that they sat in front.
And I was like, Jesus Christ, I got a fucking,
I was like, shut the fuck up and they were like, no.
I was like, is there anybody here?
And then they went, no.
Say, Mickey.
They were like, no, we're not gonna fuck with that.
I was like, all right, fuck it, there you go.
Let's do it.
But the club is probably, when you're pumping in that club,
it's probably the best club in the city.
One of them is the seller in that club.
But when you have that place, show the fuck up.
Yeah, you don't consider it the same because the seller is
like a showcase kind of club, and that's more of a,
have you guys not performed that LOL so where you where you at the
uh... what's going on uh... you just go to my website i hate comedy dot com
and check out uh... i hate comedy dot com that's the website yeah because my
name is is too hard for people to remember how do i know that why do i know
that
i plugged it the last time you were on our podcast i know that i know from
before to was weird so I hate comedy dot com yeah that's all my
steps up there and you can listen to when I'm not getting kicked out of other
podcasts you can listen to my podcast the beige fill-up show yeah you don't
fuck with Dante like you fuck with me but Dante doesn't shut you
yes but yeah you should listen to Bobby's episode it was really good as one of
my favorites actually I thank god Che actually backed me up like because I was like
does anybody else here this and I thought you were all just gonna leave me hanging
because your people pleases but she was like yeah nice right I was like oh god
and he said it in such a better way than me I just farted
Versi what do you have this weekend I will be uh... all-in tour co-headlining uh... the suspect are you this doesn't come out of the
this is a commoto monday
oh shit uh... are then you could just check uh...
wait is it live
it's live now yet okay so yes uh... stress factor new brunswick uh... this
Thursday saturday
sixty thousand people will download on monday
what i think it's four people'll also be at left, Boston, July 17th to the 19th.
And for the shows in between, check out PaulVersi.com.
Check out my podcast, The Versi Effect, and my Twitter feed at PaulVersi, V-I-R-Z-I.
At Blazer Rumor.
Sorry.
How's that tour going? What's that? I'm not sure if you're going to have a VIRZ, VIRZ-I. At Blazer Rumor.
Sorry.
How's that tour going?
What's that?
It's going great.
You want to get it?
Yeah.
Me and Longhound from the same town.
I know.
I want to thank you guys.
I'm taping my special on Tuesday at the village
underground.
Tickets sold out in a day and a half.
That's awesome.
That's awesome. Yeah, it was great, but I filmed this little mini documentary.
There's three minute little about the seller and the village underground.
And, you know, why I wanted to film it there. I had no
on it and to sell tickets, but it sold out before we could edit it.
So now I just have this fucking awesome little thing.
Well, geez. But in everything I'm like, so go to
my tickets. Yeah. Yeah.
Add another show, son. make that money, you know
We're getting to you. I don't worry about it fill. I called you Paul fill. Yeah, so yeah, Phil actually you go before me go ahead Phil
I was gonna let you go last but
Well, it might be better like you plugged it right I mean was a photographer look at man if you guys I'll be honest with you I'll be
honest with you guys need headshots for anything dot com yeah it's he's
fucking great he's done he's done this show a bunch of times he's done a lot of
my live events and he's also done my head shots the one that you're using
right now in the comedy cell, he's an amazing photographer.
Go to give me a website.
Phil Provencio.com.
But if I could though, I actually have some in the plug.
I'm going to be in LA next week and a good friend of the podcast, Nate Bargazzi and Bill
Burr.
He's doing a gig at Largo.
There's a great theater in LA and I think it's Bill Burr presents and so he's bringing
Bargazzi along, which is great because he just moved out there.
It's great.
So if you're in that area, go see the show,
it's on the 16th on a Monday.
And are they flying you out to take photos?
I'm gonna be out there just for a vacation,
but he's gonna get me in some take photos.
That's awesome, dude.
It's fucking great, dude.
And where were those photos me on your website?
Yeah, website, fillpreventcio.com
and my blog, Rebel Rebel.
So. Rebel Rebel rebel what the fuck is
that you can you can see pictures of the Michael J birthday party on the
party the one he didn't get to go to me so it's almost like you think you
could see the photo shop your self-indicator I'll photoshop a photo of you in the
party I mean I'm saying look I know one of best friends but I thought we're
friendly enough next party you're definitely yeah you know one of my best friends, but I thought we were friendly enough.
Next party you're definitely...
Yeah you like one of my favorite new guys came up, you know what I mean?
I appreciate that if I thought you would come I would definitely invite a dude.
Well I mean let's not throw that on there, let's just you know I might not come.
But let me have you know let me have the option.
He wants the option wants the power
I don't want a power don't make it about power
The courtesy you want the courtesy where you going verzy? What are you doing now starting sweat?
Go ahead you put it back on
put it back on. You have to put it back on.
Fucking listen to him.
I don't know if we got more fucking major movies.
It's over there.
This Tuesday, you guys will want to take it to your fucking awesome.
I can't wait to film the special.
I can't wait that I hope it's going to be awesome.
CERPORCO, Jim CERPORCO's producing it, who needs to produce a bunch of shit, a bunch
of unbelievable shows.
He's produced Liri's last Special, which was fucking beautiful.
Rescue me. There's five shows on TV right now. He's
Marin, all this stuff. And then Bob Katz actually
directing. And he directed Morgan Murphy's and Patent
All's Walls. And he just directed a fucking great
movie called Willow Creek about Bigfoot, which was
fucking really good.
So I'm very excited about this.
And I'm doing it at the Village Underground
where I wanted to do it four years ago.
And nobody would let me do it.
You got to do it in a theater.
It's got to look fucking big.
It's got to look blah, blah, blah, blah.
Finally, we were supposed to do it a year ago.
We found a small, and they backed out.
Now it's being done.
It's going to be, I'm excited.
I think it's 150 people a show.
That's it.
In the village underground, it's going to be fucking crazy.
You do it two shows?
Two shows, two shows.
So, thank you for buying tickets.
Sold out.
But we might be releasing a couple, after they get video village in and all the production.
And we might release a few tickets here and there so keep your eyes out on Twitter and
Facebook.
What's up?
What else?
The 20th, 21st, 22nd, you'll be at the Underground Comedy Club in Toronto.
Oh, yes.
The June 26th to the July 1st, your Marriott Stellar's Casino and Aruba.
Yeah, I'm not going to a fucking Aruba.
That's awesome.
Yep. And then with Ray Ellen, I'm not going to a fucking Aruba. That's awesome. Yeah, yep.
And then with Ray Ellen, I'm going with Dan Natteman.
I gotta do half hour clean.
I don't know what the fuck.
Hey, how great is this weather, huh?
Well, he told me, he goes, you gotta,
I go, I do it, I gotta fucking hack.
What was I gonna do that?
I'm sitting there, I'm gonna try and...
He's gotta be clean.
They don't want that dirty stuff.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to fucking,
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna figure something out.
I might just do Natteman's act, which is edge. Yeah, they got rides. Yeah, pedophiles with Michael Jackson at rides.
Most pedophiles have candy. Motherfucker. It's my favorite joke of his. They got rides.
That's unfair. Michael Jackson at rides. Pedophiles and candy. You pull up an event. Hey, you want to get in you got any rods? I'm not gonna suck it dick for a now a later
What else then July first through August 3rd you're gonna be at the comedy works in Denver. Oh, I'm fucking excited
You know first through August 3rd
31 like 30 first like Jesus
You just scared the shit out of me. Oh my phone I got 31 I'm going backwards in my career. I gotta do a whole week like it's Vegas. You have 16 shows at Denver
Denver is actually awesome and I'm going fly fishing when I'm there
Oh, you gonna get some legal pot when you're there. No, I don't smoke pot. I've been sober for 30 years
I'm sorry. Didn't you hear me when I said I was abused? I don't smoke pot. I've been sober for 30 years. Oh, sorry.
Didn't you hear me when I said I was abused?
It was on his phone.
Yeah, he was on his phone.
All right, guys, this has been a great show.
Thank you so much for coming up here.
You guys listen and you're amazing.
You guys in the chat room, you guys are fucking great.
And make sure you support all the other shows
on riotcast.com.
We got new shows coming out.
We just had Band Geek come on,
and another show coming out very soon,
which we're very excited to announce.
So I wanna thank my Adrian for being such a good guy
and leaving it on a three camera shoot.
He stinks at this.
The whole time, I was just on three.
He didn't switch it once.
He just stared at a three shot.
I think he's sunburned.
You guys are the best.
Thanks a lot.
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